The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Standing On Business

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

Jay and Christine go to a Toto concert without Bobby and sat down the whole time. Bob would have loved that because he wears Hokas and is interested in bringing a wearable chair to music events. | Jay loves "Baddies Gone Wild" on the Zeus network so much that he acts it out at home. He need to explain the Baddies lingo to Bob so he can understand the show that consists of females fist fighting and arguing. Go to Bigjaycomedy.com and punchup.live/robertkelly for all their tour dates and info. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, yeah. Toto plays a nice jam of a song. The guy really wants to shred. He wants to shred it out on all the tunes. I'm sorry. I missed it. Steve Lukather. I'm bummed me as too. That would have been a fun one. Yeah. We did it right. We had, like, a sweet thing. Yeah, that, we were showing you.

I'd be honest with you, that looks for me to be able to sit down. For that. If we told Pantera like that, that would have sucked. Yeah. That was a perfect show to have that set up for because it's like such a loungy show. Well, I was looking forward to this show. Yeah, I was looking forward to this show to sit down. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And the last couple, last couple of comments we were standing up. Oh, yeah. And I had to sneak my sits away because I didn't want to disappoint Jay. You're not disappointing me by sitting down. I know, but I feel like I am. A little bit. No, dude, I am.

I know I was, dude. If I, if you, I, I, I'm a stander. concerts but you have you have that's your ex-men power i've seen you stand for 13 hours straight and i don't know how you do it and this is when you were heavy yeah rain snow it sun it doesn't make sense to me and i've talked about this with our friends behind your back okay like jay can stand for hours and not even hint at sitting down no but then when i go back to the car my feet or asleep like I'm going to lose them in diabetes or something. It's like it's pins and needles almost underneath my foot.

Not that it's because I just wear fucking shitty shoes. What I have to do is give a fuck about my feet and go to a goddamn doctor. Yeah, like an orthotic. A hoka. No? You get a cool hoka. No, you can just put a thing for your feet in cool shoes. You can, but it's not as cool as hoka's a...

What? Hoka. Bobby, do you think hokas are cool? No, no, no. I absolutely... I feel like an old man piece of shit when I wear them. and it really embarrasses me but

Hoka is one of the most comfortable it's like walking on pillows all day long it's so comfortable but you've worn Hoka's at concerts and it did not work no it did work what didn't work is why I wore my I tried to be last when we went

I wore my brand new Nike's trying to you know fit in with the crew oh it's a hip hop show I went to a hip hop show so I wanted to win my my good hip hoppy a little hip hoppy as much as I can and it hurt when I got in the car that night I took my shoes off and rubbed my feet

like a hooker after a long night's work oh boy I will say after Pantera when I got in the car I was like all right my legs need one that's that was four concerts in a short amount of time I wonder if anybody invented like a standing seat for concerts oh yeah yeah absolutely like where you can just wrap it around your waist

and just shoot it out of your ass no I think it's attached to your pants yeah like this what the fuck why do I not have that And you just drop down And it just creates a seat right where you're at Listen to me I want everybody to understand me right now Listen to me

Don't ask me what I want Listen to me My birthday is October 8th 19 In October 8th One day after Isabella That's great I want I want this I want this

You can't have this Shut your face This is not for you Bobby listen to me You lost a lot of weight to avoid this This is what you're avoiding with the weight She's right Yeah

What are you going to be one of these Is there another version That's not as Oh, no. There's lots of other versions, but they're all going to make you look an asshole. Yeah, there's not a single one. There's got to be one that doesn't make you look like an asshole. We don't want to be seen with you. Go back.

Well, go back. Is there one that I could put in my pants? Like, down the back of my pants. No, not down the back of your pants. I guess if you had really baggy pants. Let's see something. Like if you wore, like, 90s. If you could wear them under some Jankos.

Get some Jankos. I don't know what Janko's are, but I'll get them. Does the pants with the crazy wide? legs. Oh, the parachute? The hammer pants. No. No, no, no, no. Jankos were more like gauphy. No, I never, I was never, ever, I would never ever into goth. Like that?

Yeah, I never, I would never wear those. I wouldn't wear those. If I wore those I want, I'd kill myself. Wow, you love to rave. I would jump off my... But you could probably fit your little seat in them. Could you imagine me in those? What a fucking moron I would look like? Do you want to get a couple of Jankos together? I mean, if you're doing it, I'm doing it. I'm in.

I'll try something once. We had to start having, like, outfits when we go do festival. or something. Each day it's like tomorrow's Janko's, today's country Western. We're doing Emo Goth. Emo Goth today. We'll do it Lewis does. It's Skangfest. Me and you. The bonfire will do what Lewis does. We're going to theme each day ourselves. Is that what he

does? He started in the last couple years. I don't even notice him. We get highlights. When he sent, he sent the picture of himself in the in the overalls, the American flag overalls and me and Rebecca just like died laughing through text.

Damn. fucking twin cannon so so there's no version of that that where it's in like pants that have it in it there's got to be a pants look about look at let's type in the standing seat attached yeah like pants standing seat attached why aren't you doing another one we could see so we can uh i don't like typing in front of you why yick why don't you type in an awful thing and i'll fix it i'll tell you what better thing you type because you he'll correct you and make you feel bad about your typing it's not how that works it does it does it don't know it's not how that works it does it hurts. What she's looking up is probably the wrong thing.

I've been correct on this show and it doesn't feel good when you do it because your eyes are so magical and your eyebrows go up so judgmental and it makes me feel like I'm in sixth grade again and you're Miss Irving. First of all, I don't like how you're having this confession and you wouldn't look me in the face while you were saying it. You could look at me. You only looked away. You were like, you do this every day and I hate it and it bothers me. A wearable chair, Bobby. There is it is. Buddy. That's the whole thing. There it is. Okay, here it is. Now, if, oh, God, Christine, I can wear that under. Oh, my God, how much is this?

Whatever it is, dude, more than worth it. I can hold up to 220 pounds per leg. I'm in. I can wear that to the concert under my pants, under my shirt. Absolutely. It's an exoskeleton. And it'll be like, why do you have spurs with little things in the back of them? Dude, look at what a jerk off you look like.

It would be so great. buddy I will sit down in the middle of it oh Jacob can't see oh you have to see what Bobby's gonna be wearing Jacob wow those are great see this these are great this will be fantastic I please don't be a thousand dollars a thousand dollars and please be real please I don't want this to be some you know fundraiser you know oh look at strap it around there round my thighs I have different different kinds of grips it has does it have concert grips like if I'm on a grassy

knoll versus a parquet floor you're always going to feel those little those little things touching your tussie oh I like that dude 59-89 how much 60 bucks buy them

I want them yeah the chairless wearable invisible chair 59809 invisible chair chair with wearable like 68 bucks and you can adjust the length why would Why do we not have those here?

We're not idiot assholes. Well, to each is all. Yeah, we are. We are idiot ass. Why? I don't know. We've never thought of it. I mean, just whatever festival is next. I'll tell you what, and I hope you're listening to Sirius XM,

this fucking exoskeleton ass chair that connects to my legs is definitely more functional and comfortable than any chair you provided us in 10 years of working at Series XM radio. Any chair. I'd like to suggest that. instead of our chairs everybody guests included has to get exoskeleton wearable chairs yeah that helps them walk into the studio sit down look at what's it called no what is it nomi no me and you can be extra small they see the different size on the side it was extra small

small there you go jacob you can get a pair they have it they have it in boys petites they have extra small yeah look at that dude exoskeleton oh i'm gonna work on a jet engine like that i would think that you can't conceal those but by wearing like really baggy no bobby's going to wear some sweats you wear some sweats i'm out is there now because the engineer uh inventor in me because i did invent the flanker originally and my brain's just going right now what if there was a belt right right i wear a belt and in the belt it comes down to where i can shoot out poles on either side that shoot down that I can lean back on you understand so it's a way and then when I want it like this is always out is there something that can shoot like what's the word I'm looking for

I think I have it yeah I think I have it what and listen to my design yeah okay yeah there will be a one you're thinking too much you're thinking poles your overhead your margins are getting all fucked up then you get one pole and you have it on the end of that poll one or On the one end is a diagonal, like cut, rubber stop, almost like that. For the floor. Right. So it stays there for you.

And the other one is attached, the other end of the pole has a, what do you call that, butt plug, a butt plug in it, and then now you're a human tripod, and you don't even need to worry about two poles shooting out. The one's always running down, connected to your asshole, and it's like a kickstand. But how, okay. He's kicking out.

I'm with you, dude, on this, and I'm loving it. But how am I going to get it in my ass? Right. Does it go in, does it push the jeans and underwear into my bum? How does that happen? You will have a very discreet hole. So it comes with jeans. On the outside.

It comes with certain genes. No, you're going to have to ruin all of your jeans for this. Okay, so. If you want to sit in these jeans, you're going to have to pick a couple pairs of pants you want to be there sitting pants. Right. And then you just drop down and then your body will sit on the, it's not going to mean your

your asshole's only so deep, dude. Well, it's pretty, I mean, it's going to get deeper. So we're going to start off at certain height. You think it coils around a little bit? And then it's going to go in further and further. It'd be funny if I sit on, it just goes up into my heart. It just takes me out. This sounds more of a question for Pedro Pascal.

Did you let Pedro Pascal finger your wife because he's anxious? Have you seen all that? What with William Defoe? I mean, that William DeFoe one is so weird. He just touched her chin, right? It's weird. It's really fucking weird the way he did it. He just turned around.

Pedro Bascow apparently says when he's anxious. He has to touch people. Women? Yeah. He's got to start touching women, but this is wacky. Yeah, so it's at Defoe's star, right? I have no idea. I believe it's his Walk of Fame or Star.

on the Walk of Fame and... I thought it's like a Fantastic Four promo or something. Pascal is... No, it's at his... Yeah, what is it? Yeah, it's at his Walk of Fame. I think he's getting a star. And he's there as a friend,

and then he apparently gets up and grabs his wife's... He just does the chin. He does the chin like grab with the two fingers? Yeah, it's his star. It's something you do before you're going to kiss a chick. Yeah.

Or, before you're about to give her presence as Santa Claus. That's true. right yes Santa Claus has done a lot of chin and he does it twice right or once no no it's just I'm replaying it yeah that's weird right and defautee yeah it's a very pedophile move it really is right his pants it's disgusting though well he's non uh isn't he said he's non binary right he's non-binary but look how can I just say something as soon as he does it to the girl watch his wrist how he transforms he just becomes gayer

after when William DeFo goes yo motherfucker don't touch my wife don't be silly go back Christine go back watch his wrist I'm just fucking around uh what look at hello what time yeah look at look at watch magic go away oh you your wife has a pussy he goes from yo what's up baby to what do you mean no look at my hand will um will um uh it's like yo baby what are you doing later Stop. Stop it. He also touched William Defoe. Are we going to ignore that?

Oh, God. By the way, I don't give a shit about any of this. I don't care at all, but it is very funny that his excuse was, oh, when I get anxious, I got to finger your chick. I'm sorry, I'm really. Bobby, listen, I go, when I come up to where you live, like, you're up there in the mountains a little bit and, like, the heights and the thinness of the air. Like, it would be, you wouldn't have a problem with me just, like, motorboat and Dawn's asshole, would you? No. Just like, it's like it, it's my binky, you know what I mean?

It's my, it's my safe place. Yeah, what if Donald's not home? It's just you and Max, though. Would that be, listen, I'm asking that out of the thing, because I'm non-binary. I want to know this. This isn't a sexual thing at all. Do you mind if I motorboat Max's asshole with my face and just like a real baromsky in there? Yeah, I don't know.

But, no, you don't understand. My nerves are at fucking 11, and I want to be good for you. I need to be 100% for you here. I'm just real quick. Is there any medication that you could take that could help with the nerves? I think there's a whole industry of medications made just for this situation, but I'm a natural, I'm a holistic guy. So it's actually easier for me.

Listen, I could take Lexa Pro, I could take Zoloft. I'd rather just fucking put my fingers inside of your leg. Okay, why don't we try this, why don't you try a cup of body brain coffee? Okay. And see where that helps. If that helps you, maybe that might relax you. Okay, yeah, you know what? I'll get some of that L-theonine in me.

The L-theon. And then I'll put some time. Ken Ali and your lady just to make myself feel a little less stressed out I'd rather you try to have sex with my lady if that helps you then my son okay yeah but if she's gone we can talk let's talk I get nervous I know you get nervous you want to see me what would you rather me do have gay sex with your son or have a public freak out you mean you know what you're making a good point I don't what do you want to see me you know the the newspapers there's cameras everywhere people are going to see me have this public a discomfort I don't want my name

to see that because then they're going to be fucking, you know, they're going to report me. Yeah. And then I was like, well, I want to be fucked up in the association because you had a, Pascal had a freak out of the beach. And then when people are mad at me, I'm going to be like, well, Bobby wouldn't let me put his son's mud on my onion. All right. Well, whatever you, listen, if you have to, you have to. Thank you. But I'd love you to try. I will. Not to. I'll try not to. Okay, great. Like,

don't immediately get nervous. I'm going to try to, listen, I'll do a little meditation before I leave the house. Thank you. But that's, has historically failed me. historically there's not It's not banned out wonderfully for it Is there anything else you could do to my son Besides motorboating his asshole I mean French just soft kisses

Okay I'd rather that Is there maybe Or maybe I can just rub his face At my finger and keep complimenting his body You know what? That's what Dan Adaman did in Aruba Hey you have a really great body He kept doing that man

You have like a crazy body Dude it's gonna go to Dan Anamon When I first brought Max to Aruba He was like, when he got a little, like, I think it was like five or six. He was like, Yassan, he's, he's got a great torso. I was like, what the fuck did you just say? He's like, his torso. He's got a fine torso on this young lad.

I was like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? Your boy's a brick shit house is what I'm trying to say. Your boy's going to grow up and be just the type of guy I like. Do you fight that Aderman? What I've, you know, I'm going to need that. I'm going to need that. That's what I've been. That's my baddies lingo I'm picking up on.

Yo, I'm going to need that. That's why I tell Christine now, whenever she comes out of the bathroom, and I see her, I'm going to go, and I'm going to need that. And I get up, and then we fucking black chick square up like this, and then we go in for some hair pulling fights. That show is so good. Jay went all baddies on me last night. What do you do?

He said I was walking around thinking I was so cute, and he attacks me. He's cute, so I told her I'm going to need that. So you hit her? I stood on business, though. She did. She stood ten toes down. I'm sorry, what the fuck's happened She kept this stack, dude

She kept to the yard Like, what do you not understand About this lingo? Lou, I don't understand I understand all of it, yeah Bobby's over here thinking everything's all Kumbaya and shit Is the problem

I fucking keep it a buck Dude, ten toes down On all business Ten toes Now a buck, what's a buck? Like a dollar? Just got here Is that a dollar?

This guy here I'm sorry I keep it a yard man A yard? A full stack A full stack? Yep, full stack A full stack

Like a thousand bucks I keep it like that with you Oh with me? I'm a stack. I'm a stack. Oh, well, Christina, I'm about to need that. I'm going to need that. You're going to need that?

Well, you're going to have to... We're going to have a big one. You're talking, like, bread, like Tompapa need? Who's Tompapa? Okay. Forget it. I'm sorry. Are you talking, like, kneading bread, or you're going to need it to have?

Yeah. I don't even know if this white boy talking about... Baddy's baddie shot a clock. That's what happened. So, Christine came out of the bathroom, and we started scrapping. I thought I'm going to need that, and we started scrapping. And then Isabella just started saying, Badie's, Betty,

shut a clock and then me and Christine was both stopped to start shaking our asses. Oh, man. He was fucking rolling like this. And she goes, baddy's baddy shotgun. I go, oh. Please tell me I'm imagined

it in the kitchen. No, in our living room. Damn. I thought it was in the kitchen counter. Baddies, baddy's shot a clock. But I'm going to need that. You're going to need that? You're going to need that.

I'm going to get my baddies chain. How much these girls flip out if they don't get given a shitty T-Moo chain that they give away it on the show. They cry. Where is this on again? Zeus Network. You have to order Zoot.

I probably have it on my thing. You probably definitely have it on your thing. Baddies, baddies. Baddies gone wild as this season, which... I've gotten invested. It took me a while to get into these new girls. Yeah. And it was like a new thing because it is more...

I don't know. It's trash. It's better or worse than bad girls love. It's better because it is worse. Yeah. They accomplish nothing. They are the idea of the show is to the very first episode, I didn't even see, apparently the very first episode this year of the Africa show,

Bad He's Africa. There's only two Africans. They just bring a bunch of pieces of shit from America over there to do the thing. But the very first episode, apparently, it goes to a blank scream because one girl got into a fight so bad with one of the security guys, he punched her in the face and busted her lip. She was gone for a few weeks, had to come back. She could go back to her tribe.

She wasn't one of the African ones But one of the African one is the one that sang Which I think is sweeping the nation by now Bad Black Beach Bad Black Beach Everybody here is a bad black beach That goes all out to all the bad black bitches That song's called Bad Black Bitch aren't Baddye's

Baddy's CEO of Baddys? Is she the CEO of Baddys? She is. Who is that? Natalie Nunn. Natalie Nunn? None of what? None of small dicks Yeah None your small dicks None of your small dicks. Oh, there's a girl crying over not getting her chain. Yeah.

Is this Africa? No. You gotta hear when they give the other girl the chain. This has to be Africa, though, right? This is, no. Brazil, this is bad. He's gone wild. Oh, Brazil.

Yeah, that's Nikki Minaj's sister right there. Who's the big fucking, big chick, the old bitch in the back with the orange? There's a lot of, that's Daisy Dukes and Daisy Dukes don't fuck around. She'll fight everybody. I tell you what right now, one of my things is that shaved head black girl. Well, she had to. She's Australian, and she had to shave her head because the big fat one in orange

ripped her fucking hair right out of her head. She did her a favor. She did. Oh, wait. Go back, Christine. Who's that ghost? Wait. This is the girl.

No, no, wait, don't they give it to the other girl and then here. What is this is a baddies? This is baddie's gone wild. Batty's gone wild. Let me get it. And this is Brazil. They're in Brazil.

Okay, and all these women, it's all women. Oh, yeah. Why are they in the house together? Are they winning a, prize yeah i guess apparently there's like a voting thing that goes on like you're voting for who you think is the baddest pitch on whatever criteria you have and at the end of somebody will win 50,000 dollars okay do they have to do like tasks like going to a target and see you can take as much stuff out without getting caught no it's more like they're like hey today we're

going to go do something fun and then in the van right over they beat each other to blood and cuts and like loose tooth so it's tortgas with black chicks yes okay i think this is where she starts. Oh, it is. This girl is explaining why she deserves her chain. And this chick. This is T.T. She looks like she's dying. These girls are not in control of their emotions. I mean, this girl. No disrespect to days. Y'all fuck with you.

We built a real bond in real life. Bobby. And now you'll hear you'll hear real quick? Yeah. This is what I was talking like. I know you were confused back there when I was saying that what you considered to be, and I'll use a quote mumbo jumbo. This.

High jinks. High jinks. Yeah. Just a bunch of Yibbidi app. It's a jack-a-nipes talk. Sure, a lot of blah, blah, blah. But when they put it together so quickly as they do, you'll see it works. Can I just say, I'm new. You knew it.

But you did a great job. Ten toes down. We haven't started saying finna yet. I don't know what the fuck that is. But this voice. I'm fitting to come over there and fucking kiss you on the face. It's just instead of gunner. I was relaxed.

I'm fitting to do that. This voice right here, that specific voice that scratch. She's been screaming her whole life at people is one of the most scary voices. If I hear that voice in public, I literally just walk away. Like if I'm somewhere and I hear this voice, that scratchy kind of been through some shit. We try to get a better view. I'm out. I leave because I know shit's about to go down.

I'd also like to suggest if you want to play a drinking game where you go to the hospital, do it with the word bitch on this show because that's how they go. bitch i don't even know the fuck you're talking about bitch you fucking with the wrong bitch over here bitch bitch and i'm not exaggerating bitch and weird everybody's weird yeah also yo you bobby you you're weird yo you're weird yo why are you fucking all up in my shit you got your own family to worry about you you're weird that's such a nerd bro you weird it's a nerd word yeah bitches are weird weird weird everything all kumbaya shit you weird bruh yeah i'm go to i'm go 10 15 down how many toes down 10 tall i'm going 10 toes down I'm going to get, I need you, I need you something.

Bobby, stand on business. You're keeping a buck with me. I'm going to stand on business. You're weird, man. Yo, you're a weird, bro. You're weird. Yo, you weird, bro. Yo, you're a bitch on bitch on bitch.

Fake. You're a fake shit. You're a big bitch. You're a birthday. You're a big. You're a birthday. I'm looking at two bitches right now. Then fight me outside.

I will fight you. Then fight me outside. Anywhere, anytime. I'm done. I'm done. I can't. You guys need wigs to fight. Oh, they're also, yes.

I'm going by what Natalie's saying and shit. Bitch, what? I got the master bedroom. Nobody kicked me out of shit. What? I should got the first chain in this bitch. Can I ask you a question? There's a lot of teeth sucking.

Sure, sure. They didn't take Toastmasters. Bobby, they are, they're pieces of shit. Every one of them is going back to a trash your life than the next. They are garbage folks. I don't even fucking that. I'll suck my own teeth. They have kids?

Of course they have kids. Almost 100% of them. And most of them just, and they just hang out with their snatches and tits out. They don't give a fuck. Can I just tell you something right now? Yeah. I'm doing fine. Yeah.

I am a great dad. Absolutely. And Donna's a great mom. We're great. Everything's okay. So what? You let your co-your best friend and radio co-host sleep in his bed when he comes over. So what?

But you said you get nervous. Yeah, I get nervous. Okay. So I need that. And I said, what a great guy you are. But you're going to try to do something else. You deserve a chain. Thanks.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. real life fuck is you talking about if nobody understand that I know the people I've been fucking with y'all understand that

fuck as you talking about I deserve the first chain in this bitch I even fought with my shit and still laid in my shit by myself fuck as you talking about I'm going by what you're saying but what what we doing like I feel like I deserve that bitch in real time

I'm initiating real shit what's I'm listening The best part is she's eventually going to go you already know that you're going to go well the next chain goes to not you I mean the girl to the is kind of the Brazil girl with the glasses.

That's Hurricane. She's cute, but she's definitely... No, she's not. She's got a little dude look. She's all dude look. Yeah. There's... The bald-headed girl's actually very pretty.

But you know I like that small little... The girl behind her is very pretty. Jaden is pretty naturally. Nicky Minaj's sister's pretty. Nick Minage sister is pretty, but she's all fucking face tattooed and shit. And then I can tell you a positive thing about the rest. But at the core, It's not the same.

Right. Please. Bitch has got tall-ass wigs. Bitch is going out bad in this bitch. My soul. I don't even... What? I'm not playing.

Oh, I forgot shit. Oh, I forgot to... Also, you got to put shit on your... On your... On your dead father. You got to put stuff on your mama. On your soul? Like shirt?

Like clothes? No, like on it. Like, you got... Like, you know I stand on business. Man, I put that shit on my... mama I put that shit on my dad mama what am I putting on my mom my mom what am I putting you put it like you business I'm standing on business I'm joining businesses with my mom like she's part of my corporation no you're gonna stand

on the business I'm standing toes down I'm ten toes I'm ten toes I have ten toes down and you fit in the you fit in a stand on some business I'm a stand on my business I'm putting it all on my mama and you put it all and that is and that not all that I'm putting it all on my daddy it's on you it's on you it's on your it's on your mama, or it might be on your daddy's grave. Yo, my daddy's still live, motherfucker. I'll put it on your daddy's grave, bitch. Ten toes down.

Don't put nothing on my daddy. This is quick. He's getting anywhere. My daddy's where I'm at. I'm going to get some of that shit, bitch. That's the acting background, dude. I don't need the shit. Fuck it. Oh, shit, I did a kiss.

That's not good, right? I fucked up. The one girl in Africa, she just goes, like what she talks. She goes, fuck you talk about this Minnesota shit. Shit. Fuck? Shit, fuck. Fuck?

Shit, fuck, fuck. She just said. She's curses. They're retarded. Have they ever mixed... So this is basically... Racist? Non-stop. This is the bachelor.

Yes. Bachelorette type of show. No. Okay. No, no. It's not. Have they ever mixed, like, white chicks? There's white chicks. There's one big fat white chick here.

But she doesn't see a lot of white penises. I'm not, yeah. I'm not talking that. I'm talking white chicks. Like sorority girls? No. I'm talking like Lewis's girlfriend. No.

No. So they just get fucking beaten to a bloody pulp. No, no, no. These girls are, they put on cakes and cakes of makeup because when they all get done up, they all, in some of the weird, like, ridiculous points. But when they get done up nicely, for some reason they have to, they all look pretty good. But you see them 90% of the show in various states of that outfit they look great in being ripped off their head. So now they're bald or have goofy cornrows that are all frizzled out and shit. and their tits hanging out, and they're fucking, and they're stupid, weird, like, fat roll that they aren't hiding. So you see them in their worst.

This is funny, though, because you're looking at the set, and the set is fucked up from fights. So there's, like, there's a plant. Oh, yeah, there's these. There's plant stuff on the stage. But what's the say in the background? What does it say? Batty, batty, batty, batty shot a clock.

Ah! Ah! Damn. Bitch, you ain't gonna catch me out like that, motherfucker? You know, me and Bobby stood on business there hard. Yeah, we stood on business, horrid. I stood on all ten toe. I put it on my mom's face.

Put it right on your mom's face. There you know. She got fucked up early. She just has a red eye the whole show. Early in the show, the big fat one, the big fat one in orange on the first episode, just decked her in the eye and her eyes been bloody the entire show. Oh, man, listen, fuck comedy camp. I should have did this.

Yes. Yes. I should have just brought Yamanika This is our odd thruple, dude The odd thruble is going to be this Do you want to hear her Do you want to hear? Yeah

Bitch, I feel like I should have got the chain I'm not even playing I don't get fuck Would it look good or nothing that I came here to do a job And I did just that Fuck is you talking about I'm changing looks

Bitches is not real bad He's bitches breastank Bitches got tall ass wigs Bitches going out bad in this bitch My soul I don't even I'm not playing What I'm not playing what I

My city know what the fuck I'm going on. Minnesota shit. She's talking to you. Like I talked to you earlier. She ain't looking at anybody. She's looking nobody in the eyes. That's why I was talking to you earlier. This is like a, she's having a little psychotic up in her head right now.

She gets worse. I'm going to tell you right now. These bitches are, look at me. Jay, look at me. I ain't looking at you, but you look at me. Motherfucker. Yeah. I'm fucking.

You stay ten toes down. Yeah. You've been straight. You've been real all the whole time. Yeah, man. I've been straight all the whole time. You stay on business. I stand on business.

I like that. My mama's tits. Yo, you don't take no shit? I don't take shit. I suck in my tits. And your wigs is tight. My wigs is tight. Go, bitch.

What we're talking about? What we're talking about? And I ain't lost no fade. No fade. And I stick up for myself every time. Every time if a bitch was on that, I was on that. Fuck. I think she's yelling at producers.

Yeah, I think she is talking to, because she's just yelling at them off camera, it looks like. Oh, she's talking to producers. Fuck. I said a shit. I respect it. I got a lot of people looking at me. Fuck, are you talking about. I got something to prove.

Fuck out of you. Yeah, I like that. I want to get my looking chick. And then she just gives the next chain to that bald lady is the funniest thing. And everyone hates, people kind of hate that ball. So she's like, oh, this is so great. And that girl just goes like, ah, she just loses it. There's nothing sexier than a black girl who's not done up.

Like she just, you know, because they're like in their little shorts and they get the thing around their hair and a little tiny shirt. I kind of like that. Nothing sexier than it? No, 100% a lot of things. Than a grown-in-upon-upon- I'm not saying. For effect. Yeah, for effect, yes.

I actually didn't pick the part. I'm like, there's nothing sexy. I'm like, nothing. There's just wanting a girl with a bonnet with a man face. You're like, nothing. No, I'm literally, okay. Nothing. All right.

I'm saying you for a fact. That chick's a dude. The next chain goes to. The second chain is going to buy. That girl's face She's like What the fuck? Jesus

Oh she gave her a fake eye She's trying Oh man Oh man That's her by the way Done up This is This scares the shit out of me

Oh it's a scary show You have to watch it And then realize You can just If you just talk to talk I think you can walk out Of any of these situations I can walk through

I've got enough Where I could walk through The Batty's house Passing through and I have to ask a question and then get out of their good. Yeah. It's like, what's up, ma, are you all standing on business up in here? All right, all right, all right.

Yo, on my mama, I just need some directions. Do you know if the fucking Waffle House up this way? Yeah, it's up there, motherfucker. Yeah, all right, all right. Yo, keep you doing what you do, yo. You're fond of the motherfucker, I guess, with your wig and shit. Who the fuck are you? I'm the motherfucker that's staying on business.

Ask you that shit. Oh, shit. Mama, I'm just keeping in a buck with you. Look at this ex-chubby motherfucker coming at me like that. fucking y'all were you girl all right motherfucking go ahead there fucking metallic face yeah we're gonna fuck oh i'm gonna fucking suck your dick all the way down to your fucking balls and then spit on your dick i'm gonna spit on your nuts and look you right in the eye and call you a fucking pussy you think about that we got to look up what these chains cost uh huh that's free dude

you get that shit great let me ask you question now do they yeah so these girls look good done up But when they're not done up, whew. Some of them have, like, face scars and shit. Some of them are cute. They just, when they're going back and forth from, like, the confessionals to the show, you almost lose track of who's who, because they do look so different. They change their wigs all the time. I mean, they do their makeup, like drag queens.

It's fucking hilarious. Go on. Yeah, she is cute. There's a third chain, by the way. A third chain. Y'all weird. These girls all lost their voice on the first episode. Huh?

I'm going, motherfucker, all their voices are just gone. The first day, Nikki Minaj's sister and some other fucking fricasseed hair bitch just started smashing clams together in a fucking hot tub. Then the next two days, they fist fought. That's right. It's crazy. It's psychotic. They actually had full-on lesbo sex and then fist fought.

Like you do. As often will happen. Oh, boy. By the way, she doesn't work hard. It's hard, it means every day she wakes up and just attacks somebody. Yeah. Like, physically just attack someone. And they're like, I've been doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

And I'm telling you, it's because these girls are, they just feed them alcohol all day. And the producers encourage them to fist fight each other. The security is there, like, fucking, like, dog fighting. Somebody doesn't die. But you let them go. Yeah. And then when they get, like, wrapped up into a fucking thing or biting and shit, like, dude, Africa one last night, two girls got to a scrap.

And they don't go up, she goes, oh, damn. You bit my nipple, bitch. My titty nipple And then the African bitch And a tiger ran through the fucking And they love it Because she goes She was like you bit my

You bit my titty nipple And then they show on her confessional And she goes Girl bit my titty goes That means I had her freaked out I had her scared Wow That is that is true

She's like that means I had her in the fight She was nervous She didn't know what to do So she bit my titty Proud of themselves Go on Christine So the African girls There's two African girls

And they're from Africa Is there a difference between the African girls and the American black girls? Yes. What is it? Probably money and beauty. Okay. So, okay.

Well, the African girls, the one who goes bad, black bitch, and the other one looks like God, like went to like a, he had like a leftover eyes pile. Like for people that only were born with one eye. And he just gave her two separate ones. He goes, I know these aren't the same size, but I'll do something about it. I swear to got it a little busy right now.

He goes, I'm going to get to you. I swear you, but you need eyes, so I'm just going to get you the eyes. I'm going to get you the eyes, first of all. And then, like, we'll see, maybe they'll even out. Maybe your head will grow lopsided. But, yeah, one eye's little or one eye's big, and no one seems to acknowledge it. I'm sorry. But she's starting to get into fights now, which is nice.

Actually, real quick, one of those is a monkey eye, but... One of them is possibly a monkey eye. It's fine. It's fine. Bahadi's African on this show, right? She's Australian. Oh, she's Australian. Australian? Yeah.

So most of these girls come from America. Yes. And they send them. That's so funny. Yeah, it's Nikki Minaj's a sister right there. It's real American garbage. Yeah, yeah. That girl's the green hair.

You could do this with like white trash girls for sure. Yes. Yeah, like white, that I was saying, like, if you get the white trash girls, not like, not like, you know, Hollywood girls. Yeah, like White Trash Girls. Well, Wovicke was on this show. Well, Vicki was on Badi? She got beat up out of it. She left.

Yeah, she left Bandy's. This whole thing, this initial concept. was kind of done by like that blue face guy or something they kind of did it but this was like Natalie Nunn was a girl she was on Bad Girls Club I think one of the original ones yeah and she broke off and like did all this

yeah if you could do like Puerto Rican version a white trash version the white trash version would fucking be fantastic it'd be fantastic you get you get hot well here's the thing they try to do it the thing is there's so many avenues now you don't have to water anything down anymore so the Bad Girls Club was great

but you did we ended up learning eventually the point you'd have to fast forward because at the 40-something minute of the show, like when you know how the show runs, at 40-something minute, when they came back from commercial, it was just like a minute-long back from commercial. That was like a funny, like, oh, earlier in the day, like, is this my peanut butter? Where my peanut butter out? Girl, you never bought peanut butter. Oh, that's right.

It's like then back to commercials, like nothing at all. So we do to get rid of that. And activities were a waste of time. Yeah. It's just ride two activities, maybe they get into a fight, ride back, and then at nighttime, when they're just drinking and coming back from the clubs, they fucking go at it. This took everything like that out of it.

They are just like, from the morning you wake up, feed them booze, tell them to wear almost no clothes, and fucking set them up to fight each other. I mean, they just come down the stairs, and they go, bitch, I'm going to need that. And then they just go, they just go, like, oh, I don't even know what we're fighting over. He goes, nothing, bitch. They just fight. That reminds me a juvie hall. They don't want that chain.

They want that chain. They want to be baddies. So they think that means you have to... And none of them can fight, which is good. If anything they could fight, somebody would get really right. Because they beat each other to blood and everything. They've been busted open and fucking ice packs on their faces and shit. Like arms and slings.

These girls get hands all fucked up. They get fucked up for real because they just let them go. Why are you explaining fights to me, bitch? You don't think I know how to fucking throw hands, motherfucker? Yo, I'm just keeping in a stack with you. Yeah, keep it in a stack over there, motherfucker. Stack is fine over here. I'm Ryan, I'm having fucking 10 Gs in the fucking flat with my 10 foot.

What do you say that? I'm going to spit it on your mother's grave. How's that something? Oh, my mama. Oh, my mama. Oh, my mama. Bitch. Oh, there's none of the yelling a lot.

Angry. I'm not even drunk. They are. Big Jay's going to be a... Can I make some announcements on some of some new things here? Yeah, sure. It's already in here. You want to do it?

Go ahead. I did it. Well, you want to fucking jump in and do it. Go ahead. Let me do yours first. Make some announcements. Bobby is going to be a comedy to Carlson. Oh, Rochester, his old stomping grounds when he was a bad boy.

Last time I got arrested. When you were a bad boy's club. Yeah, last time I got arrested was up there. You were standing 10 toes down, though. You stood on business. I stood on my business. October 10th and 11th. That's right after his birthday.

That's birthday weekend, everybody. Yeah, that's it. After that, he's going to be in Tampa, Florida, EMAIS, Pennsylvania, and New Orleans for Skang Fest. Four tickets and all of his tour dates. Go to Punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly. Make sure you go to his YouTube page, new stuff going up all the time.

Robert Kelly comedy. for me, I'm in Tacoma this weekend. We've added a show. What? Four shows sold up. You're going to be there forever. I'm there for the rest of my life. So if you keep selling out.

I'll never leave Tacoma. Oh my God. That must feel good. I'm not worried about it because the show we added it is a 4 p.m. I believe on Saturday. Buddy, that is, I'm so, makes me happy, do it, my friends sell out. That's awesome, dude. Congratulations. We'll see.

That's a, dude, fuck off. You, yo, bitch. Fucking own your world, motherfucker. Own your world. on business in Tacoma. Well, stand fucking 10 tall. Ten toes. Oh, my mama.

I'm a dead daddy. Yeah, man. You sold out on the show, motherfucking. How many people go out on the show? Oh, my dad, daddy. And then after Tacoma, I'm going to be,

Dave Temple's going to be out there with me, too. I'm going to be in Los Angeles with Louis J. Gomez. We're doing Story Wars, Monday, August 4th, Tuesday, August 5th. Two shows Monday, one show, Tuesday, and then we're adding a Wednesday stand-up show early Wednesday, I guess it'll be

8 p.m. show, Legion of Skanks presents. Yo, let me some money, man. At the, uh, at the comedy store. Yo, let me some of that fucking story wars money. Yo, you come me with that money, yo? Yo, man, why don't you give me a G? Yo, I'm on my business, though. Buy me that dildo ass chair.

Yeah, but I'm on my business tip right now. You know, give me that asshole chair, man. And then I'll be in Sacramento right after that for the 7th to the 9th, Thursday through Saturday of August, 7th through the 9th. For tickets on all tour dates, big jocomody. Make sure you check out DeRose's new special. It's out right now. Never promise you a Rose Garden.

Never promise. And you know what? Fuck him. Fonar coming in. What a bitch. He's bailing this and skanks tonight. He fucking bad. I can't, dude.

I can't make it. Dude, I got a lot of stuff. Check out his special. It's actually hilarious. Rest in peace. Rob Shapiro. Yeah. Oh.

I thought you meant Joe DeRosa. Rest in peace. And rest in peace, Joe DeRosa. Yeah, that would suck if he died. He's not dying. He's not going anywhere. He's beautiful. We'll catch you guys.

Tomorrow, right here. on Faction Talk, Sirius XM103. Until then, for Big J. O'Gerson and the great Robert Kelly. Fuck off. What the...