The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Steal This House

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Jay and Bobby are both house hunting and Bobby's potential home seems more appealing. Jay considers stealing Bob's house out from under him.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. I think I'll have myself a beer. What were you saying DJ Lou? How could I like this and not what? Sublime. Why like this song? Yeah, he doesn't like anything else bud. I don't care.

It's very similar. I'm being introduced to so many new music. So many music songs? Music songs. This was in the movie Basekeball. Do you ever see that with the South Park guys? Yeah, I once so funny. I should watch that was max. I gotta watch that again. I I watched that once cuz you understand there was a time where I was just into

Poons ad just poon and there was no time to watch things. Yeah, I didn't have that timer I was like, let me go home and hang out and watch movies Yeah, he we got black loose not where it was like, let me go home and hang out and watch movies. Yeah, we got, Black Lou's not in today, so we have a handwritten, I can't even read his writing. His writing is this. It says, conjoined twins, Dory and George die. OJ is dead. OJ dead. And then four empty spaces.

Jacob's in a real panic without Black Lou. Yeah, we all are. He really does. We all are. I know. We're all in a panic. Yeah. Well, Jacob's in a panic for other reasons too. He can only deal with one black person a week. Easy. Easy.

Where is he? Is he under the console? No, he's not. He left the room. He went to go panic somewhere. He's panicking somewhere. I wish I could talk about it. He came to Skanks last night. I won't. I won't. I won't. I mean, do it. I'm saying don't do it, but don't do it. No, I'll freak out.

Don't do it. He did something. He did something. That Jacob did something. He did something last night and not before. It's because you did something. He did something. Damn.

He been doing something. Skanks audience is going to talk about it at some point. Maybe ask him about it when he walks back in. I mean, it couldn't have been more of a sore thumb. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, Damn. He'd been doing that. This gang's audience is gonna talk about it at some point. Maybe ask him about it when he walks back in. I mean, it couldn't have been more of a sore thumb. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Guys, guys, he's here.

Guys, guys, guys, guys. Shh. Hey, Jacob. Hey, Jake. Is it the rundown? What's up, champ? Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing?

Started at the rundown. Yeah, started. Then it went up to the run up and down. Then it went to the run up and down. And the in and out. How you doing? You feeling good? Your energy up.

I'm good. Terminator. Oh. Ow, what was it? You took a metal plate in your head. Was that your sex appeal? Ow. It's you.

It's you. Turn down your headphones. You're in broadcasting, help yourself out. Yeah, you're a broadcaster, I love saying that. Can you make me hotter? There you go. No, dude, it would out. Yeah, you're a broadcaster, I love saying that. Can you make me hotter? There you go. No, dude, it's gonna be impossible to make you hotter. Dude, I didn't mean physically, Jay.

Oh, because that's impossible. I did my band workout today. Damn, I know it's terminating your timelines, but remember I jacked you off yesterday? Yeah, I remember that. That was crazy. How can I forget that, it was awesome. Yo, that was fucking crazy when I jacked you off.

Remember when you get your two fat mittens around my penis? No, no mittens, dude, I jacked you off. Remember when you get your two fat mittens around my penis? No, no mittens. I raw-dogged you. Oh, I'm sorry. Your hands are fucking very soft. You couldn't tell because you had material of your pants between. Yeah, you did grab my dick.

You were showing me you were going commando, and I gave you a little tug. I still thought about that on the way home. I wish I could have got it a little more nicer for you. No. Yeah, it wasn't good. It was fine. It was a little mushroom and I wanted to give you more. I didn't want to give you that.

The first time you grabbed my junk, I wanted it to be better. And I know you're a nice guy, but it just didn't make me feel good. I wish that we could do it over. I wish we could have a do-over. Apologies. At some point.

You need to fluff up right now. I have underwear on today. Yesterday I didn't have underwear on. That was the perfect fluff up You know I said I was gonna we were gonna look at a house in New City and Bobby said don't cuz you're gonna be living With all Hasidic Jews Christine. Can you look up if that's genuinely a problem? I've heard that about nyak. I heard it about West nyak I've heard it now about New City sufferin I mean, there's not that many of go talk to the ramp of Poe Indians up there

See what they have to say. Rampapoe's the other way. No, Rampapoe's up there too. Rampapoe. Is it Rampapoe? Rampapoe? It's Rampapoe. I used to DJ at their radio station. Yeah, really? For the natives? Rampapoe. Yeah. And next, 20 continuous hi-ya-hum-a hits. Which, you know, the Rampapoe are natives.

You're listening to W.E.G.L.E, the eagle, bringing all of your favorite hits of today and tomorrow. Now, now, we have a new one dropping from Chief Wompom. It's called Humma Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha And then in parentheses it says oh my Coming at you from the eagle from his new album dead language You can catch him on the sweat lodge tour this summer Dude I mean Dom we're gonna move up to new we found an insane house in New City eight years ago. We're moving up there and then, there was a whole big thing up there with the, look I have no problem with the Hasidic Jews, I love being H.

You still wanna live with all of them. I don't like living around, I like living around everybody. I don't wanna live around just one group of people. And you'd like specifically to have the Hasidic Jews not near you at all? No, I love Hasidic Jews, but like, certain things on Saturday, you can't-

What do you love most, the smells? The hats, I love the hats. They don't love us. What do you mean they don't? I lived in a Hasidic Jewish community right on the border of it, and they don't like you. They don't like you. They didn't like you.

Yeah, they wanted your hair- You don't have big floppy Jew tits. They wanted your hair for a wig. How can she feed so many children? They liked your roommate's boyfriend. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. They did like my roommate's boyfriend.

Yeah, I have no problem with Hasidic Jews. I love Hasidic Jews. They're great people. I am a fan of the Jew. But. Why are you not doing the wink? No, there's no wink involved. The Jews are awesome.

The women that escaped the community have some really sour stories to tell. Oh, well. No, she was probably treated great. Yeah. Yeah, they were probably respected like all women should be respected. So wait, if we move to that neighborhood, I wonder if it's okay if there's a homeless association if I could treat Christine like that. Like legally, I have to.

You have to make her wear like sir We noticed your bitch was outside showing her knees Apology, sir. I'll do that and I will not paint my shutters Thank you homeowners association. I'm telling you I see you doing some research that it's a problem problematic Jews I'm Bobby says I'm not typing Robert Kelly problematic Jews new city, New York. Yeah, it's on my blog where New York But I'm not sure if that's part of New City, but it's also just kind of in Rockland County across the board.

Rockland County, they're taking over. They're taking over. Should I be concerned? Well, if you move up there, you should. Well, I said I moved to Suffern. Suffern is on the other side, isn't it? Very rich in community, diverse in culture, culture and safe I've noticed the past three years Or the past year there has been a heavy influx of Jewish families

Not sure if they're Hasidic ultra-orthodox or what moving into my neighborhood I smile and wave but it's to no avail They're stone-faced and when my kids say hi to their kids as we walk to the local parts. That's the whole thing though We don't have to keep it like a kick it in the neighborhood. Yeah, they don't want to talk to us. Yeah. And you don't want to talk to them. That's fine. So you guys are fine. Oh, I'd love to ask a lot of questions. Any freaky weirdos? Them the evangelicals. They're going to get mad at Christine's stick little figures in the backyard she makes. Seven of my neighbors. I'm going to put a pancrant on her window. Again, keep in mind, Christine, this is Suffern. This is not New City.

I mean, we'll be there, we'll be able to tell. New City, type in New City. She did? I did, it's not really, it's not really searching a lot. Get rid of New York. Type NY or something. It's like NY or something. It sounds like... Oh my...

Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... Oh my...

Oh my... Oh my... Oh my... The games on turn the game up. How am I? Oh, hey, I'm a. Oh, I'm a. I'm a Jew. I'm a Jew. Wow. Christine Christine get off the balcony.

They hear you. I'm going to put a big Orthodox cross in the window. Nice. Our big Orthodox cross in the window Well here's twenty two point five percent Jewish, but it's thirty six point eight percent Catholic Yeah, everything's fine in New City. Yeah good. I mean twenty two point five percent Jewish and don't come over you racist No, I'm not anti-semite. I'm just saying if it's I don't mind living around everybody. I got a Jewish temple behind my house It's great. I love it. living around everybody. I got a Jewish temple behind my house. It's great. I love it.

I love a diverse neighborhood. I don't like when it's all of one. You know what I mean? I don't even wanna live in like South Boston when it was all mixed. I wouldn't go there. I don't like when it's all one, except for Italians, I love Italians.

I live in an all Italian neighborhood, that's the best. Oh yeah, you're probably the only guy not hitting your wife. You're the hero of the neighborhood.'s the best. Oh, yeah, you're probably the only guy not hitting your wife Well, you're here. You're the here the neighborhood. I hit dawn. Oh, sorry. I forgot your Italian and Irish Come over look at my fridge Yeah, she's like her head movements wild I fuck up the house no, I think I Think new cities. It's good and it's substantially cheaper than the other one I looked at. It's right near me.

Why don't you look on this side? Stay on this side of the river. Go up to Westchester, Bestchester. Stay, I'm telling you, let me find you a house. Me and Don just found a house yesterday. Yeah? She's going to look Friday. Really?

Yeah. If I can keep it on this side of the bridge, I'd like to. Keep it on this side. You don't want to go over the bridge. No, no, I'm talking about it. I want to be on this side of the bridge I'd like to on this side You don't want to go over the bridge. No, no, I'm talking about I want to be on that side of the you want to be On the Jersey side. Yeah, but it's still New York Yeah, dude, you sure I'm telling you but I'm saying I'm not like you don't want to go over bridge to go home It's either way lived in Queens. Yeah yeah I mean I did all these things before it's not that big of a deal yeah but it's time to be a big boy what does have to

do with taking a bridge or tunnel only children take bridges and tunnels hey time to step up to the big leagues dog and start taking no bridges no tunnels you take you take one road to your house and you pull into your parking lot when are you gonna grow up and just do highways and knock this shit off? Stop it. I'm telling you. We're gonna go look at it next Thursday.

Why don't you go. Show it to him, show it to him Christine. Why don't you go up to where I live. Huh? Go up to where I live dude. Get a nice house up where I live. You're gonna be so happy. You know who told me this?

Cause I was looking over there, I was looking over in Nyack, I was looking way up over in South Salem where Giannis and Verzi live, and Noam was like, you don't wanna do it. I was like, why? He goes, I found a house up in South Salem, blah blah blah. I was gonna buy it, it was cheaper, blah blah blah.

One night I drove from the cellar to that spot, and it was just 25 minutes too much. So I went fuck it it, and I bought... He bought the land where he is and built the house from scratch. He's like, it's perfect. You don't want to... That 25 minutes will fucking kill you mentally.

This isn't that far, New City. New City's... Dude, you got to go over the bridge, and then you got to go up. It's probably 35 minutes from me. Further? And if, on bridge traffic, if you're going on traffic? Forget traffic, I know that, that could be a nightmare no matter what,

but I'm saying the regular ride, it was not, it's 40 some minutes. I make it home in 30 minutes to my house. Does it be 10 more minutes? No, you're crazy. I did it, I did the thing, the uh. What thing? The map. The map.

The map from where? My house. How much was it? 40 some minutes. I mean, all right, if you did the map. I didn't know you did research. I thought you were gonna have a conversation. I didn't know you had backup.

Kristin, you looked it up. He had data. I didn't know you were gonna have fucking data. Fucking Tucker Carlson. Look at this joint. Look at this joint, Bobby. Come on, take a peek, see. All right, so it's a, I'm in the beautiful pool.

Love the pool, yes, that looks great. Look at that. Ah, jacuz, you got a jacuz. Look at the little sitting area. Little sitting area, I like that. And a little balcony. She says the umbrella. Oh, by the way, go back, Christine, that other one.

Didn't see that. TV by the hot tub. Oh yeah, outdoor TV, that's nice. Where is it? Oh, right there. Right there, on the way, go back Christine, that other one didn't see that TV by the hot tub. Oh, yeah outdoor TV. That's nice Where's the umbrella you saw? I don't know what you put an umbrella. Oh you put one. Okay, okay There was something in that let me throw up. I Think my lung came out a little bit. I like that. I don't know about that round window, but I like it No, where is yeah? Well, you know what you can you're judging the circle know where it's just decorative when he comes home You could actually be in the circle and be like hey

Rooms fucking dope gas gas living room is really oh, I didn't even see the bar in the living room I like that. Yeah, you can go there not drink you can go over there make him a lime Ricky I know what I do my own. Oh yeah, no, get whacked out on your own. I'm just gonna be in the suburbs as a drunk. Oh great, look, another circle of nowhere. I like that, the couch is the most uncomfortable couch I've ever seen in my life. It's not a good looking couch. No, that is- I mean, that carpet's hideous.

Yeah. It's not bad. I don't know, I hate the carpet, quite honestly. I don't hate the carpet. I like a hardwood floor, but- You don't? No, it's not bad. No. Are these other windows to nowhere? No, those are yeah shelves those are Picture frames there. Oh there. Maybe I think the show. I don't know what they are. That's a nice TV Let's find out what they are TV. So I like that with the same sonos that we have yeah, that's great keep going Christine

No, what's up. Circles of nowhere. I mean, why are there curtains over a picture frame? Huh? There's curtains over a picture frame. Because it's dirty pictures. And when people come over with kids, you... Oh, by the way, it does look like some kind of a naked African thing back there

that maybe they hide it when their black people come over. It's a slave drawing. This is our slave Rodney. Ooh, a little fountain, the stairs. I like the little stairs. I like a little staircase. There's some little stairs. I like the, oh wow, I don't know about that.

That's just a little hallway bathroom. I know, all right. That should take a quick squeegee. That's nice, take a little, why was there a bench in the bathroom? Gonna watch somebody shit? Yeah. There is? Yeah, go back.

In case Christine wants to chaise lounge while I take a dump. No, the other way, the other way. Wait for her turn to go. One more. There's a little, I think it's different floor. So she's right, it's different. No, the other way, the other way. Wait for her turn to go. One more. There's a little, there's not the bathroom. I think it's different floor. She's right, it's different.

Let me see the bathroom, let me see the bathroom. I like that. Okay, sorry. Wow, a glass. Hey guys, I made a mistake. It's okay. I think this is the little half floor that you saw. Half bath, half bath.

So that's the small, I'm saying that's the, and I think that's the only other thing up there. Okay, so you're gonna- Is there a glass countertop in the bathroom? I kinda like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I hate that. I don't like that at all.

We see the plumbing underneath, but... I don't care about that even. ...you gotta keep it clean. I hate that glass thing is always gonna look spotty. Yeah. Don't ever brush your teeth in there or it's it. Yeah. And there's no storage for the windex you have to keep in the bathroom.

Christine, this is just to take a squeegee bathroom. Yeah, you gotta get a vanity, that's all. Throw a vanity in there, it'll take two seconds. I'll do it for you. Is this the mud room, as they is it? Christine, this is just to take a squeege bathroom. Yeah, you gotta get a vanity. That's all. Throw a vanity in there. It'll take two seconds. I'll do it for you. Is this the mud room as they call it? No, that's an upstairs little hallway. You can sit on that bench. Might be a mud room because that is a door to the outside for sure. Put your shoes on right there. That's nice. Maybe take a Funko. All right. I like the kitchen. That's nice. But I will say it doesn't have that now. You don't like it Jacob yellow. It's not my thing

I like the layout. I don't know you can reface it though really like that's not Right off you can Jacob fucking talk you out of the kid. I'm a cowboy That's a beautiful kitchen. That's a cowboy kitchen those chairs are gay. I would make the I Hate those chairs like door knockers on the back. Yeah, I know those are like Madonna chairs. I mean I kind of like the chairs Oh, I know you would Can't even get sauce on those chairs I'm just like Christine come stay at my place on the weekends. I'll get a place in the city first Oh god, don't do that. No, no, please do that. No, don't you Bobby don't discourage her from getting her own

I don't hurt Justin Bob. I'm placed. It's totally fine. Her and Justin can live in together in a one bedroom. I do like that kitchen. I won't ask questions. That fridge is a custom fridge, by the way. Very nice. Is it? Yeah, it's custom. Look at that.

Oh, I like that little sit there. Lovely sit down area. Yeah, a little. I love her backsplashes. The backsplashes are nice. Jacob doesn't like the backsplashes. Can you zoom in? No, I don't dislike that.

It's a lovely backsplash. I actually like those. Yeah, the backsplashes are pretty cool. That's a lot of room in that kitchen, too. There you go. All new appliances, stainless steel appliances. Bosch, I believe it says, appliances. Oh, you're a Bosch. Oh, look at that.

That's a second living room for reading and writing. Oh, that goes out to the pool. There you go. And that's a real fireplace. I think it is. That's a... A wood-burning And that's a real fireplace, right? I think it is. That's a, that's a, A wood burning. That's a wood burning stove,

but they enclosed it so it looks like a fireplace, which is great. I like that a lot. I do too. I really like that gaudy blue velvet and circles. Even the heart circle. Okay, they're not selling us their furniture. Oh, you're not getting the furniture.

You know, we bought our furniture. Oh, that's off the dining room. Mm-hmm. That whole area. Wait, there's a fireplace in the kitchen? Why not? Well, off the kitchen. Yeah, I have a little chair there.

It's nice. I like that. Goes right into the pool. Mm-hmm. Go ahead. It's lovely. Oh, yeah, a little side kitchen bath to take a poop. Mm-hmm, little dookie chute. I like that sink, though. Look at that sink. Wait, what was that?

Sorry, just... That's from the studio. It's a sink. It's an odd-looking sink. It's a weird sink. Yeah, these people are weird. I like that. Yeah. Keep going. Okay, it's a sink, it's an odd looking sink. It's a weird sink. Yeah, these people are weird, I like them. Keep going. Okay, there's the office. Well that'll be the studio for sure.

Yeah, that'll be the studio, I like that. There's a big projector in it. Look at that, that's like a movie room. You can make a movie room studio out of that. That's nice. Oh yeah. I like that. And look at that bedroom.

More circles. I like that bedroom. Very nice bedroom. Keep going a little quicker, Christine. A little balcony off the side. Can you go back? So that's like, okay, so that's the bedroom. So in the bedroom you have like a little seating area.

I like that. Yeah. Oh, what? A little chaise lounge. You're into chaise lounge? I would love to have one. She thinks she is. Meanwhile it's the position she lows getting in every night.

But now she wants a chaise lounge. That goes out to a deck too, which is nice. Yeah, that'll be my bedroom. What do you mean? You're gonna have the same bedroom. We don't want any of the same things in life, Bobby. How many kinky blankets are you gonna have to get? We got more than enough for everybody

to have their own wing. There's never more than enough. Keep going, we'll get to the Christine wing. Ooh, look at that. You know what? There better be a shower in there. If that that is a tub. I'll flip out. Oh Okay, there's a show keep going. I don't like it tub. Well. That's a nice room for the kids. You'll never have Christine That's a nice room for Christine's dolls

Okay, I'm gonna tell you the place like that you can You can use this bathroom. I like that bathroom. There's another room. You can use this room for your little office. As long as it's far enough away from me. No, give her that room. That's her room right there. Yeah, yeah. I want it so small you have to catty corner your bed.

I hate that setup. Keep going. Oh, that's a nice bathroom. You can use that shower when I'm gone. That's a man. Ooh, look, what is this. Ha ha ha ha. That's a man. Ooh, look, what is this room? Is this downstairs? It's another office.

Another office. This is a big house, dude. Yeah, it's like 3,800. Ooh, I like that. Look at the fire pit. You got a fire pit. Wow, look at that outside. That is a beautiful backyard, Jay.

You got a fire pit and a gazebo. It's a beautiful backyard. I like the gazebo. That's a little nice little spot so the bugs don't get you when you're eating outside. Is it worth this much money to not have to see Christine in my own home? Let me see, what's the next one?

Look at the pool, I love the built-in pool, gazebo, backyard, little grass. Bay window. Not a lot of, is there a lot of grass? Is there more? Front's got a ton, in the back it's hard to tell, but there are spike spots. You can put a little putting green right there

so we can putt, because we'll start golfing if you move up near me. Oh, we'll probably start golfing immediately. 100%, yeah. We're those people now. We're those people. You can skip to the end. Little koi pond is the last little cool thing.

I like that. You got a koi pond? Little koi pond. Ooh. Right by the trex deck. I like that. I like that. I like trex. You can meditate right there, Jay.

And it has koi in it. You know koi hibernate in the winter. Just leave them and they freeze. And then they come out of it in the summer, in the spring. Yeah, just leave the koi in there. And the koi freezes? They hibernate. They kind of freeze.

No, they don't freeze. The water, I mean, it's moving water, so it's freezing water, but they're okay, I think. It's cold, but it's not gonna ice up. It's a fact, they freeze. They don't freeze. Look it up. They don't freeze solid and reanimate every summer.

They don't reanimate, but they hibernate. So you're saying every time, it's like they slow down, that's what, do they live for hundreds of years? Thousands, I think those koi probably hunt down. Look it up, thousands of years. Those koi were probably owned by the Ming dynasty. If a koi fish, if a koi is frozen in ice, it will not survive the winter.

See? Winter koi care. If you use winter koi care, you will prevent your koi pond from freezing the koi and thus they will survive the winter. They say they recommend using a koi heater if you're in a cold environment. I told you, you gotta heat them up to keep them alive.

Gotcha. Got me. Another thing you take a bite of, you go look out there, goes, look at that frozen fish all winter long, goes, ooh, it's starting to get warm out. The fish is gonna come back to life. Every fucking summer you got a Han Solo. Who are you? The fish can't see for two days.

The koi goes, who are you? And you go, someone who loves you very much. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ba za wookie koi ba. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. What's the next one? Ba za wookie.

I mean, dude, that house is beautiful. That's a really nice house. Look how substantially less it is than the other one I showed. I would live in that house. How funny would it be if I just went and bought it. Bought it from under me? I can't see it till next Thursday.

You might snag it. Just tell Donnie, go check this house out. You know what, Don? Just for shits and gigs, go fucking pick it up. Go get this out. You show up and I'm moving stuff in. Hey, what's up, Jack? But the monthly payment is thousands less

than the other one. Thousands less and it's probably the same you're paying for rent in the city, correct? No, it's a couple thousand more. Is it? Yeah, I mean, if you look at the estimated monthly right there. Okay, how much is your parking a month though?

Oh yeah. Well, we're gonna have to get parking here though. Why are you gonna get parking? Yeah, but it's, what is it, 28 bucks. Oh, is that what you do it like that? I pay 28 bucks. I would just do a monthly, I think. Yeah, 400 bucks.

Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, you pay a lot of money to park in your building, right? That's about four something a month. Is it like five? Maybe five a month. I mean, but you own it.

You own it. Listen, agreed. You own it, you're a big boy. Say no more. You're a big boy. I completely agree. Let's do it, I just come over to your house. DJ Lou, you can't wait to come over to this place.

That's like the most beautiful place I've ever seen. Fucking drop dick in the pool. Go over there. I'll fucking dare you to drink booze out of the koi pond. Get the koi fish drunk. Now, tax is still big over in Jersey, but not as big as New York, right? That's New York though. Oh, is that, oh yeah, that's right. It but not as big as New York, right? That's New York though

Oh is that oh that oh, yeah, that's right that it goes from you. So is New York. Yeah, there's that line up there I uh, you have me and don't let me see if I have the house that don't sent me Are we going to see it to the guy right back? Yeah 2 p.m. Can you send me the address? You motherfucker. Why don't it? He's gonna do it. Oh, man. That'd be so that'd be a great joke So it would be a great joke if I just got it from underneath you. It would be a fantastic joke. It would be amazing. Just get it he goes. Well you know what I'm sorry to hear about your thing. You want to come check out the new place though? Bring your bathing suit. Just me and Donald Dicuzzi. Donald's looking through the circle window Hey, I just saw what the circle windows are for. Friend pictures inside of them.

No, I really like that house. How far, I want to see, can you send me the address? Cause I want to see how far it away from my house. Yeah. Cause dude, if you live 10 minutes away from me. It's right there, the address. I'm going to be typing it out to you right now. I can't, I can't say it on the,

I can't see from over there. Okay. Good luck moving up. Because I talked to Fennoy about this a bunch, though. Because he just looked at a place. Where's he looking? Made an offer right where he lives, right in the area. Oh, he's standing over there.

Yeah. He looked at a place, made an offer, and then the person was like, uh, the one you're looking at? Yeah. Wait, send it to me. We want to look. No.

I'm not telling you guys nothing. Yeah, send it. No. Send it over. Are you? No, don't. It looks really pretty. I'll send it. I'm not telling you guys nothing. Yeah, send it. No send it over Are you know don't it looks really pretty I'll send it moving up into the wilderness of New York I will send it to you Saturday. We just told the world about this one I don't want you looking at this place. We want to look at it. You just looked at our it has no pool Yeah, I don't like the way you're not blinking staring at me Bobby. Nobody wants your pool is house

Yeah, we can't get a pool I don't like the way you're not blinking staring at me. Bobby, nobody wants your poolless house. We can't get a pool. I told Dom we can't. Because we go up to the country. Of course. And we're never there. So I would use the pool for like a week and a half. Summertime would make no sense.

How much does it cost to put a pool in? Huh? Oh, it's not that crazy. It's not as crazy as you think. You know, this house isn't it? You want more expensive house than this house. You're going to be too far. It turns out we want a bet, you want more expensive house than this house. Okay. You're gonna be too far. It turns out we want a less expensive house.

No, this house is actually way less expensive than that. Did you send Bobby? The address? Yeah, you did? Do you really want me to send you this? Yeah. We're not gonna swipe the house. You have swiped the house grin on right?

You said you're gonna swipe our house. Yeah, but that's different. Oh. That's way different. That is different. Yeah, but that's different. Oh. That's way different. That is different, I guess. Yeah, mine would be a joke, yours would be real. I would sell your house back immediately. I'm gonna flip your house.

I'm gonna flip it. No, Bobby, listen, I got it, but I'm gonna sell it to you. But here's the thing, I did buy a new carpet, so just for one room, an area rug. So I'm gonna raise it up about like five. Everybody, sold the house that I just made I made 200,000 off you Gag me just so I can get my house cheaper There you go. I just sent it to you. Do you have Trillia? Did you look at this? Did you look at the address? I'm I'm I'm you want to see how far I didn't I'm actually doing it right now. No, I didn't get oh here

It is I got it right now. Okay ready? I will do it right now. No, I didn't get oh here it is. I got it right now. Okay ready I will do this right now Jay vamp Okay. Hello my baby. Hello my darling. Hello my ragtime gal Thank you. Thank you. You guys stay you vacationing or is this a honeymoon? I'm just kidding. I know you guys are old anyway She's a lady. Whoa, what I'm Vegas reviewing Jacob was that? It's the bonfire everybody and you're listening to the podcast version, which is free. Have it's free. You get half the show Do you really want half? No, don't you feel like you missed the other parts, right? It's like being half jacked off sign up right now

It's serious xm.com slash Bonfire to subscribe for the full show. Plus you get all the music channels. You get Howard Stern. You get all the other comedy channels, sports. And to get our full show, sign up for a SiriusXM subscription at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire. Support our show. Subscribe. I'm sorry, I'm very excited for you. Dude. It's a big. What a change. What, the hell?

Yeah. Don't get excited about it at all. Why? We're going to look and then it's probably not going to happen. It's 33 minutes away from me, which- It's 30 what? 33 minutes away, which is, that's no traffic over the bridge. So I'd have to go over the, what is it called?

The fucking- The Tarrytown Bridge? No, it's called- That sounds like a name of it. You can tap and see. The tap and see. I love that you called it the Tarrytown Bridge. Is that what it it called? The fucking. The Tarrytown Bridge? No, it's called. That's not the name of it? The Tappan Z. The Tappan Z. I love that you called it the Tarrytown Bridge. Is that what it's called?

The Nyack to Tarrytown Bridge is the Tappan Z? Tappan Z Bridge. Oh, that's where the Tappan Z Bridge is. Yeah, Tappan Z Bridge. It's 33 minutes from my house. So I would just go up the street over the bridge and then probably, but it's literally the speed limit,

you don't really go, it would probably be 20 minutes from my house. Which is not bad. Not at all. It's 10 minutes to the bridge, 10 minutes over the bridge. Christine, put an offer in that. I like this house. No, no, no.

Let's see if there's space for a pool. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, look at that kitchen, it's nice. Come on. So nice and woodsy. Do you have a favorite? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Christine, no, those skylights are to die for.

Should I send this over right now? Don't send that to anybody, you got to. Send it to our guy and just be like, crunch the numbers. Um, just do not. Basketball hoop? Do not send that to anybody. Is there's a basketball hoop? Oh, no.

Oh, look at that kitchen. Stop it. It's a nice kitchen. Oh, it's beautiful. Look at the wood. I'm calling Don right now. Tell him we're taking an island. Keep going, I'm gonna see things. I love about it. Oh

Shut right up lose this house shut up Don't answer the phone damn it. I can get this thing next week. I know you beams are great I know I love the wood beams time such a fan of wood beam guys I knew I knew it Don you open that door and you just let the dog run out. Oh, I'm giving a phone number The way she's called me back right now Don hmm Don you two have to put a bit in on we have to make a move on It don't know these friends anymore. You're on the radio right now, and they've turned against me. No one's turned on you I Nobody Christine J Jacob and I think Lou

Okay Listen to me Call the real estate pay go today Floors, I love the floor. Oh god. They're looking at our house They had their house over a new town and new city over a new city And then you yelled at us because you hate Jews and you were like, you know, he over in New Town. And then sucks. Over in New City, and then you yelled at us because you hate Jews. I don't, I do not hate Jews.

And you were like, too much Jew. I love Jews. I love Jews. And then you're like, look at this place. I love Jews. It is perfect. Don. Christine, look out back where we could put a pool in.

Don, call. Look at the Spanish tiles. I love the tiles. I love the tiles. Oh God, this hippies into it. Listen. The games. They want to buy the house too.

That's all I want. They're gonna buy they're going to buy the house from underneath us. God damn it. We're going to make some. Would be in the same like neighborhood. No, we're going to buy it. But we want this one. Listen, get that house. Put an offer right now.

Christine, call our person, put an offer. Now, right now, don't email it, Christine. How dare you do not show them this out get on that go What are you going to change the date go to go today? Go right now put a bra on get your boobs in More pictures. I want to see all more magical things. I want to get on that I'm having so many visions of what to do with this place. Oh, there's my pool table room. I don't even play pool Stop laughing they're not kidding around Alright go look at it right now. Oh the fixtures. Yeah, the fixtures are to die. Oh, I'm out. Goodbye. Goodbye

It's a double stove Look at those I love those. I love everything about this house. That's a country sink. Christine, look at the back off. Look at how they stop looking at the handles. Look how they match. Oh, that's the hardware. Look how the hardware matches the faucet. What about that yellow kitchen? I hate the yellow kitchen. Yeah, I really... But you don't have a pool. This house is so much better. There's no pool. I think I have a good idea.

What? Why don't... And just hear me out before you start getting crazy. There's not enough room for you guys. There's not enough room. It's only a chase trying to ditch you. Where is the kitchen looking out to? It looks like it's looking out to the front of the street.

I want you to take Christine and move her into this and then feel the lack of appreciation this wretched lady gives For any movement you're wanting to make in life go to the go to you won't like it because the bedrooms are small Yeah, go on keep going Christine. Oh look at that. That's a four-panel wood-burning stove in the middle What great that beautiful day has to be redone It does know it has to be we talk about that's that yeah You guys have the tracks you gotta get the tricks on that tracks deck is pretty nice Yeah, how much do you say this cost a hundred hundred dollars a board dollars? Yeah?

I just did a deck on the tiny house it cost a lot But you know what I'll tell you this hundred dollars a board No, was it a hundred dollars a board you say yeah, I'll tell you this. $100 a board? Yeah, it's expensive. No, was it $100 a board, he said? I thought it was. Was it more? I thought it was less. I thought it maybe was something like weird. It's very expensive.

Very expensive. Yeah, we just bought, we had Trex put, my deck I put on my tiny house is awesome. Yeah. Yeah, it comes down from the upper driveway. We have a staircase that comes down, but instead of the beams, I had the wire put in, so it's very modern looking and then when you come down

To the deck it's right in the tiny house and then the stairs that go down to the fire pit But no railings and then if you draw if you drive your house away, she's a bunch of stairs to nowhere Because well what are those stairs there's usually a tiny house in between those two sets of stairs. We put the deck up so when we move the house, if we do build the house up there, behind my tiny house is a whole area they're gonna build the house.

My question, Bobby, if you get this house, why keep the tiny house? What do you mean? This feels like the same energy. That's like on a lake in New Hampshire. The tiny house is in the White Mountains in New Hampshire. It's a totally different vibe. This is...

Westchester. This is Westchester area. Yeah, dude, this is totally different. I mean, it's not... I want a house with... We didn't want the neighbors right next to us. We wanted a room, we wanted trees and stuff like that. But it's still... It's right near a town. There's, you know, Katonas right there

and Bedford's right there. Keep going across. Look at that. Beautiful. I'm not a freestanding tub guy. I don't like tubs either, I'm not a fan of tubs. No, I love tubs. I don't like tubs.

But I want the big. He likes it to be like, tiles around it. Yeah, I like the big old jacuzzi tub in fact It's easier to get into this one than walking over a big thing I'd like up these are tiny leg problems that I don't have I can step over pretty easily buddy Jacob you want me to get you a couple of stairs The window from the deck goes right into the bathroom. It's Stupid is I would have me you know that window though. I would put black out The window from the deck goes right into the bathroom. It's stupid. That is weird.

I would immediately, you know what I would put on that window though? I would put the- Blackout. No, the fog glass that you can just hit a button and it fogs up. The fogs, yeah. Like that, that's great. Serious XM technology. I love the walk-in shower though.

Every, when I got my first apartment in New York, did you ever see my shower, the first one? I mean, I'm a shower god. I know, Dan christened it for you. All right, relax, I christened it. No, I remember he did though. No, but I did. But with his big, meaty, fat, young wiener,

he did it though. Oh, gosh. He did bang in my shower. I'm so angry. Because I told him not to fuck, because I fucked up. I gave him the wrong, I gave him directions. Too specific. I said, don't fuck in my bed,

and he went, okay, so he fucked in my shower. There you go. Five shower heads, five. Yeah. Three Kohler tiles that were strategically placed. It's like getting bukkakeed while you're fucking. When the guys put the shower tiles in, I stood in front of it and I made sure one hit my penis, my tits, and my face.

Nice. Me. Good for you, it was built just for you. It was built for me. It hit Dan. Yeah, no I was in my shorts. It hit Dan the's built just for you was built for me it hit Dan and yeah no I was in I was in my shorts it hit Dan the neck the belly button in the knee that's yeah I like that good how big that is beautiful I

would change that out there I'd have to put a wand you know me with the wand is there a wand in there I need a wand there's a wand oh yeah it's a sliding door but looks like mmm barn door that There's a wand. Is that like a sliding door, but it looks like barn door technology. You could convert that to a steam shower. That has a front shower head and a overhead shower head. Your brain's not working, you wore out all your energy this week?

Yeah, that's like a nice hotel setup. Jacob can't think right now, why can't you think, Jacob? Shower head. Why are you stumbling on your hotel? That's a nice hotel setup right there. I've think right now. Why can't you think, Jacob? Showerhead. Why are you stumbling on your black? That's a nice hotel set up right there. I've seen it in a lot of hotels. And that wand, Bobby, it looks like it's the one, I like it where it's just the thin.

The straight one. And it shoots out. It's almost like a toothbrush, it looks like, when it comes out. And I like that because I just open my butt cheeks and I cram it right in there. And it just is slicing right there. It's ass crack shaped.

Yeah. That's a good one. You're right. It is a good one. You can smush your ass crack into it. I do. No, I tit-fuck my own butt cheeks with the thing. Yeah, you brush your- Sorry, Josh.

You brush your ass. That's Josh's line. Oh yeah. Like, that sunroof in the, is good. But sunroofs, you might not like them because they, you know, they could leak over time, guys. I agree. Listen, I know you're just trying to deter us

from buying this right up from underneath. Ooh, wow. That's a different one. Damn. Oh, that's a nice shower, too. Two of those. But either shower you use, it looks like you're gonna be able to clean that ass crack.

Wait, that's a shower and a tub. That's a steam shower. But look how deep that is. Oh, it is, it's a tub. It's completely enclosed. Ooh, that is a tub. That's great. I actually haven't really seen that design

before that I can think of. It's completely enclosed for a steam room. I actually haven't really seen that design before that I can think of. It's completely enclosed for a steam room. I don't like this, Christine. I don't like it. Ooh, look at that. That's nice. She has the money to buy anything?

I don't have any money. I actually do have money, but Jay won't let me. Christine doesn't have money to buy anything. And then Christine, also, she just is here to complain about stuff and tell you things that she hates. How long have you guys been together? Forever. 13 years.

13, isn't it, wasn't it common law? No, there's no common law in New York. Are you sure? Mercifully, mercifully, sorry. Why don't you move to New Jersey? But if you move to New Jersey, there's common law. No, it's just another 10 years. No, no.

10 years in common law, it's seven years. Seven years. Yeah. You can't bring common law with you to another state? No, I'd have to sort it out. No, I can't prove we've been together for that long. Also, he's only been divorced for five minutes. It's true.

It's true. All right, go to the next one. Ooh, look at that bedroom. Deck, deck off the bedroom. Is that a deck? That's a huge bedroom. That's a king-size bed and there's so much space. It's not that big.

I mean, you guys need more room than that. For what? For kicks? Yeah, for kicks and gigs. But the size of our... It's a little bigger than our bedroom. We have a big bedroom. Ooh, it has a loft space in the bedroom.

Ooh, I like that. That's fun. What are you getting? For what? For your witchcraft? Yeah. I'm gonna have my seances up there. You're gonna go up there and put your pentagon and wax on the floor? Yep. I call it the Christine quiet room. That's where I put her. Christine to your quiet room. And we wax on the floor. Yeah, it's Christine. I call them. I call the Christine quiet room Yeah, that's where I put her Christine to your quiet. We'll pad the walls And she slowly floats up the stairs

What is that weird thing in the closet skeleton? No, what is that? No, what is it? I don't know Zoom in what is it? I can't zoom in anymore. That's like which shit Bobby You don't want this house. That's a good one. They're man. I think Slenderman lives there That is weird. I think that's the guy who's haunts your dreams that loft is like that room. That's a great Could that be that could be a great office a side note? There is no common-law marriage in New Jersey Right. They don't acknowledge it Dude, I love that. She'll have nothing when I leave her

I want her to be destitute and defeated It should be happy I'll be glowing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No the shine She's gonna need that shine to find a new guy to take her in I Click it what we got next You don't like that round shit though. Not a big fan of, I mean I like it much better than window unit, but I don't like those freestanding ACs. I don't like the heating in that either.

I don't like the- Like those things are weird. Yeah, what is that called, the floor heating? Well that's better. Radiant heat. Radiant heat. No, I don't even mean that, I'm saying the unit up there that's like-

Oh up here. No, those are great. Are they? Dude, I have one of my tiny house It's the best they AC and heat and it heats the thing up in two seconds. It's a room Right, but you know where I'm telling you dude that the Mitsubishi little heaters that go on the top. They're insane It is nice. You can control different temps in different. Yeah, it's great huge money saver You don't want to yeah have to cool the whole house for one room. Yeah, dude, you put them on, you go to bed,

turn on the AC or the heat, you leave for the day, you can shut it off, it's great. At night, you keep the air conditioning on only on the upstairs, downstairs is off. City and vice versa. Door goes to, and that looks like the only window in here. Straight to hell. I don't know if this is the same,

no, that's a different room. That's another bedroom. Yeah, it's just bedrooms. That's probably the only window in here. This is the same That's a different room. That's another bedroom Yeah, just bedrooms. It's probably the loft. That's the law That's a loft over the living room and kitchen area and wire me and you all kicked up in the lungs today I don't know all of our coughs do not sound healthy Cigars and cigarettes you guys Sorry is coming up so that's a sink And that's a bedroom. No. No, that's the basement. That's the playroom. That's like a side room

So you put like a couch in there go to the next picture You'll see it's where your gym is put your gym in there Yeah, you can put the gym in the back room Christine put this on I know people can't see the pictures we're looking at we're just talking about these houses, but I'd say Christine Christine do not tweet this out. Just this one. No do not not the new city one. That would be crazy I will tweet that out in five people will jump all over it you don't even know the address I do I do have the address you have the listing I do have the listing I have the address you don't know and I can find the listing through the address through what through your Hasidic contacts yes dare you that's cool what's

cool it's a really cool you're just saying cool no it's a really cool house I really love this house I hope you guys get it that's beautiful. It really beautiful. I hope you get it We could look with everything. Do you are you worried about getting the thing? I said I people look people to listen to this probably would uh, that's nice with the pool tonight. It's not very nice That beam is gonna be in the way of my six We have lake rights Can you go in the lake? Yeah, you shouldn't though. It's not like leeches? No, they have uh, it's not leeches.

You go swimming in that lake, you're sure? Yes, you have lake rights. You're part of an association. And you pay a little extra a year and you can go into the lake and go swimming. That's why you don't need a pool, you have a fucking lake. I have a lake, two lakes, I'll have two lakes. A lake does not make up for a pool. I love lakes.

A lake is way better. Go live by a lake. Christine, let me tell you something. You guys break up, you can have the tiny house for 10 months out of the year. July and August, you gotta move. I can plan Skankfest from New Hampshire. Do it, you're in. Oh my God, you totally could.

Lake is way better than a pool, I love a lake. And we could teach, like, I don't know, a circus monkey to do what you do here. And then everything will be fine. Oh my god. And then you book Skang Fest from... That's rude. That, really rude.

That was mean. Those two far. Yeah. Those two far. It's gonna be a well-trained monkey. Oh, wait a second. I didn't know he was talking about the smart one. Yeah.

Oh, oh, my bad. Monkeys are highly intelligent. If Christine was a monkey, she'd be on the space program right now, but she's not She's a person. I thought you're talking about circus monkey Talking about that the really smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no Christine. That's that's that's that's barely an insult smarter than me It's mostly a J's mean no He's trying everything seems so great. I'm retaliatory. He's mean Jay is Walking the line of funny.

And sometimes when you walk that line, it's sharp. And you step over a boundary. And sometimes people's feelings get hurt, but that's the- No, no, no, he's full of spite. Ooh. Wow. He's a spiteful, spiteful man. Jay, I'm trying.

And every time I meet somebody, they're like, oh, Jay's just so nice. I am. He's just the nicest guys I've ever met. I'm so nice to good people. To strangers. Yeah, of course. Not strangers, to good people.

Yeah, to acquaintances. People you love, you treat like shit. That's the law. People you don't know, you treat nice. Christine thinks that she's just treated like shit and doesn't dull it out. Ooh, look at that. Not realizing that she is far more the issue.

Well, she is, that's a good view right there. Isn't that a nice house? What, that's a little- I thought that's a little- That's a pool house? That's like a pool house. What? That's a nice- I mean, there's no pool, but like, that's a little guest house? No, that's the house.

Oh, it is the house, it is the house. That's the house. That's the house, I see. No, no. I see. Oh. I mean, can you not? Well, you know what it is? The side of it's blocking the back, so it looks very thin. Yeah, it looks like it was just this with the windows. I like it because it is the side of the weird walking the back so it looks a very thin

Yeah, it looks like it was just this with the windows. I like it because it has the words in the back I'll put a shed out there. I'll make a studio. It's nice. It's way off the street like way off the street I love it. I told this here's the problem with dawn though, and I don't know if you have this problem with Christine Yeah, there's a problem. I have it just get it. Oh no. Here's the thing, pull the trigger, go, if everything works, buy it. Let's just go. Sure. Listen, well we have to do this,

just fucking buy it and that will force you to do all the other shit. And then you'll get there and you're in the house. And then a year from now, you won't even think about all the crazy shit you had to do to get into it. You'll just be there. When we moved to New York, we went from a thousand dollars a month in LA

for a place, we came here, it was like 2100. I go, I wanna live in a doorman building. She goes, we can't afford it. I go, I know we can't afford it, but if we live there, we'll afford it. It's a Bobby theory. We're not, we're not, we're not. You've lived by this for as long as I've known you.

It's because you will bring yourself up to the level you wanna be. Yeah. If you want, I said if we... Sorry audience for the meet and greets and merch, I'm gonna start hawking. Sorry for the key chains. Yeah, anyway guys, grab your Big J fingerless gloves at a severe markup.

I'm just saying, just get it and we'll, like we're packing up all the stuff in the house now. I had to throw away all my fat suits yesterday. So many. You said, yeah. Dude, I had four different versions of my fatness. Beautiful suits, you said, too. Beautiful suits, all gone.

But I'm like, let's just go. If you see the house you like, buy it. I don't really give a fuck. You know what I mean? It's her. That house is nice. The other house she looked at was nice. We looked at three houses. And she was like, I don't know, there was an energy. I'm like, give a fuck. You know what I mean? It's her. That house is nice. The other house she looked at was nice. We looked at three houses.

And she was like, I don't know, there was an energy. I'm like, what the fuck is that? You know, I said to Christine, the one we looked at in Jersey, I said, I liked it a lot. And she said she loved it. I go, if you love it, I like it enough that I'll learn to love it.

I will love it, like, if you care about it. Yeah. That's how mean I am. She's never said anything to like. More likely I go, hey, blah, blah, blah about a house. And she's like, mm. I know, but that's a girl thing, because girls have energies with house and the vibe of the house.

No, no, no. We've lived in shitholes our whole life. We've lived in garbage. You understand? Sure. Now that your wife is like it They want to they want to go from here to here They so if you move into a house it has to be right because they number one two they spend all the time in the house

No, I mean you did the math wrong Most people want to move from here to here. Yeah, Christine's here and some reason misses here Christine's here and some reason misses here. And once her life to me, yeah, I'm going way lower. She's going. So Bobby was doing that. They're here in the middle and want to go up. I'm saying Christine is in the middle and wishes she could be down fucking sleeping on an air mattress in Brooklyn somewhere. She wants to be punk rock.

She's East Village. And anybody that knows New York moving from fucking 5th Street and 2nd Avenue up to, you know, Hell's Kitchen, it's a different vibe. Yeah, but who... No, you shouldn't want to go back to the East Village. I don't want to go back to the East Village. She wants to go to Chelsea.

I've gotten excited about the houses, but I really like just as far as design goes, and I really mean this. I love this house. Like, the white with the dark wood beams is a big deal for me. I love the fixtures. I think it's great. Like this is a really great find.

Listen to me. And we're not taking the fucking house. Back the fuck. All right, how's this? On my life, we're not taking the house. On my life, we're not taking the house. Let me ask you a question. You should take the house.

You and Dawn should take this house. This house is gorgeous. If we don't take this house, if Dawn's like, I didn't like it, or whatever thing mojo, she goes in there and doesn't like it. There was a triple homicide. Do you guys want this house?

If there's space to build a pool, we really, both of us, really, really, really, with a house, want a pool. That's a big deal. Jacob, can I have a tissue? Thanks, sweetie. Is there a tissue? Black Luke, thanks. You better come. No, I'm not gonna. I'm about to cry.

But yeah, I love this house. I think this house is really beautiful. It is a nice house. Down to the Spanish tiles and the, I mean that's something you don't really see out here that much. Yeah, there's a lot of houses up in Westchester that these people built. I think they're, a lot of them are like rock people

or musicians. You can always use a piano or some fucking guitar room and stuff like that. And you know, this is my style of house. I like a little funky, I like windows. And this is further than you're at now? This is probably 25 minutes further than I am now. So you're an hour away now?

It would be an hour away, but I'm so used to where I am now, it wouldn't take much for me to go there. And the only thing that would suck is going to the airport, going to LaGuardia, it's an hour now and the other ones an hour and a half Yeah, which I would have to leave that sort of sucks. I would suck but I don't think I'd mind it I mean just what am I jumping in the limo and getting dropped off limo? Well, you know

Carmel Carmel Well, you know we also like we love the house up in Nyack that we saw. Did you see that listing? Of course. Ever do, we showed that to you. Yeah, it was nice. That was beautiful, but there's something to be said, and the house yesterday where I was like,

I would give up some of this indoor space for a little more outdoor space. Like I would like a big grass area for the dog, and there's something about like having a house where there's almost too much space, like there's rooms you never use. I don't need an extravagant, you know. Well, we have the kid now,

and our house is way too small for us now, because he's all over the place. He's playing Oculus Quest and smashing his frigging, I got punched in the face the other day, him playing his Oculus Quest, trying to just go to the kitchen. You just took it too. Yeah, here you have a game room for him. Well, when we lived in Nome,

when we moved from the city, right, Nome was building his house and he had his father's house, which he lived in, in Ardsley, which is right near us. So we had to sell, rent, buy, because I had to get that money to buy, right? So we were selling a house, I rented his house, and his house was way too big. He had a whole downstairs furnished and all that,

and he had two other bedrooms. We never went in. It was just like, and then he had another room downstairs that we never went into the fucking rooms at all. So it was like, almost like, I think now we would because of Max is older and we'd give him his space. But when we got our house, it was perfect. It was like an awesome New York City apartment.

It was like holy shit big, but the backyard was the key. The backyard, having the backyard space is awesome. Why don't you guys just buy our house? Go ahead, Christine. Why don't you buy my house? Can you put a pool there? You can put a pool in my backyard. Absolutely, Bobby had a pool.

No, no, my neighbor has a, you could put a pool in my backyard 100%. Put a pool in the backyard. You could buy my house. Or you can do a cartwheel over the fence and three feet away get in that guy's pool. We have Louis running around the street naked. I got a huge, big bedroom. I got two other bedrooms. We have the big living the street naked. I got a huge big bedroom.

I got two other bedrooms. We have the big living room, open kitchen, living room, dining room area. And we have the huge backyard. We have the shed, which is a studio you can make into a studio. And you guys would save a million dollars and put it on. So we get your house and you get to go move to this house? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, we would.

I want this house. You stay in your house. We're taking this Who's the other one go to Bobby's house for like oh, I guess we'll go back to our old Bobby's house You call me up. Hey, man, the AC ain't working. Yeah, dude We're gonna punch the side of the thing Yeah, that's the one thing if my house a basement, I'd stay at my house forever. Forever. Oh my god.

Yeah, I love my bungalow 1950s house. I love that style. And I don't, the more space you have, the more shit you have. The amount of stuff we're throwing out, dude, is fucking nuts. There's we she went through the Monday and Tuesday and two days. We went through stuff. There's fucking 16 trash bags full of things we're giving away. Condoms, condoms, old dildos, magnums. Yeah, we got, you know, fake tits.

Just don't have a sex toy collection. Yeah. Yeah. Small draw. Small draw. Small draw. Yeah. We got our glass dildo. Hasn't seen a lighted day. I got a glass dildo because Patrice recommended it? Yep, absolutely. I'll admit that, that's right. A glass dildo.

Yeah, she took it like I was giving her a fucking turkey neck. Thanks. Yeah. What is this for? What if it shatters in your pussy? It doesn't. Yeah, and then I, I don't know.

What kind of pussy do you have? How's it gonna shatter in your pussy? It's not hollow. What's like cracked. You don't realize it's cracked and it's not hollow It's not like yeah, just like what what do you mean? Why how's it gonna shatter? She's cuz you think it's like a wine glass a wine glass in your kid. Nothing's shattering in that pussy This is a lamp Yeah, I really like that house. But it is gonna be a lot of house, man. More house, more problems.

Isn't that what they say? Oh, probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I got Christine a butt plug for Christmas still in the box. I think it got thrown out, actually. Why would you? I thought it was funny. Oh, okay, it was a funny joke. It would have been for use with a younger Christine,

but now it's a gag gift. It's a gag gift with an old Christine? No, yeah, no, old Christine, it would have been a fucking, it would have been used already, it would have been in our third one. But no, no, new Christine, the new adventures of, the old adventures of new Christine. You could put a suction cup on the other side of it

and have it shoot it and hit hit the TV yeah darts with it absolutely good times this one yeah you like the butt plug no no I didn't know you're into that stuff I don't think she is you said young young Christine Oh young Christine would have tried let me ask you something though, Jay. Let's say you get your house. Bobby has like his hobbies. He has his shed. He has a lot of shed hobbies.

Mm-hmm, yeah. He makes stuff. I do. What's big Jay Okerson's shed hobbies? Oh, I mean, playing a video game, watching things that I wanna watch that nobody else would watch. Being in that pool, for sure.

Drum kit's a big one. Drum kit. Yeah, I'll have my drums. That's a big one. Yeah, I see that. Which is very, very big. Oh, yeah. There's plenty of things to do then. You have both. You're going to. You have a drum room?

I have a drum room now. Yeah. Very cool. I have. Yeah. You got rid of the kit, right? I got rid of the Roland. Yeah. I got the I got an acoustic. Oh really? Yeah

We got an acoustic kit. I didn't want him to learn on electric drums. I wanted him to learn how loud that is But yeah drums would be a huge thing for sure I want a movie room. I want a movie room I mean what if I have space to put a little basketball hoop would be great You know out and shoot hoops. We have hoops in the driveway. It's fun. Yeah, get some kind of exercise shit maybe.

I mean, there's all kinds of, when you're outside, you have that kind of space. Like literally just going outside and listening to music and sitting by the fire pit would be awesome. Do you know how shredded I'm gonna get if we get a house with an exercise room? No. I'm gonna, dude, let me tell you right now,

I gotta work out in the living room with bands. Or I gotta go to the shed. If we have an exercise room, I'll just wake up and go to it. I'm gonna put a sauna in it. I'm gonna put like an ice bath outside. I'm gonna get the tonal, that tonal. You ever see the tonal machine?

Yeah. I want that tonal so bad. Where you just look at yourself working out? Well, it's like, you know, you have like a trainer. It trains you. You just pick the workout and it's like, hey, what's going on? Things are gonna be so dusty.

Oh, no. You're gonna buy all fad technology, work that stuff and not do any of it. Dude, Calta has a tonal. I use it every time at his house. Oh, okay, well good. So it's working then. Oh, so this thing is for sure effective.

Okay, I'll be honest with you, tonal, if you ever thought of advertising with us, my apologies for what just happened. Mike Haltz has got a tonal, and you see what this thing is capable of. That's for his wife, he has an untonal. Yeah, I want. He's got a Toblerone.