The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Stretch It Out (feat. Shane Torres)

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Shane Torres returns to watch a video of Drake supposedly fondling himself and it sparks conversation of male inadequacy.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriesxm.com.com for a special offer. And now The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Fun fact, as soon as we went off took a commercial break Bobby said he was just kidding he loves the fish filet sandwich. 100% it was garbage. That was your lie hundred though. That was a hundred. No I'm gonna say this.

100% it sucked. It's insane to say it sucks. It was the worst fish filet sandwich tasted like wet shame. Fine treat I wish I'd gotten in 20 minutes earlier. You like fish filet. I mean it's like, it's barely fish. Thank you. It's kinda like, yeah it's. No one's, Bobby's debating a debate we're not having. Bobby's like, Pollock, who orders pollock.

I didn't say this was a quality, high quality fish. No, but you're saying it's good and delicious. No, it's not delicious. You feel soft that bread was? You're going about this. It's like butting in the fucking pillows I would have beautiful it's bad for you, but it doesn't taste good like and those are two different like my friend So it doesn't taste good taco bell for you. It's not good. Taco bell tastes good. It's horrid like it's barely food

I only food, but it's so good. I would not question Taco Bell, but that fish filet was shit. It's not good. It's not good. That was even a particularly good. The bread was- sometimes the bread comes a little fucked and fucked up or stale or something. But they really nailed it, that you guys- It was a good fish filet sale. It was good, Lou. Tartar sauce was- Tartar sauce all over the place.

You guys are so ghetto. I don't understand you guys. Call me whatever you want. But she would have ate it. Jacob doesn't eat anything. Jacob hates everything and everyone and he enjoyed that sandwich. I took all the shit off. What'd you just say me? I took all the stuff that sandwich Do you all the shit off? What'd you just Amy? I took all the stuff off you took all the shit off I love it. I love it. He gets tough. I love it. He's Jake. Yo, I got with artist. What is this dill?

Yeah, I got rid of the I got rid of the bullshit. Yeah, I took that pussy sauce off Joining us in no line with tequila that pussy sauce off. Joining us in studio. No line with tequila. I took that project cheese and threw it out because I don't roll like that. I don't eat that bullshit. Joining us in the show right now everybody. He's got a new special, the Blue Eyed Mexican streaming right now on YouTube. It is the hilarious Shane Torres in the house. Shane's going to also be at Nashville at Zany's Comedy Club February 8th and then Chicago February 9th and 10th after that Omaha Des Moines Asheville and Greenville get tickets at Shane is a comedian.com all the big markets there Omaha Des Moines Asheville Greenville is that Greenville is at the comedy

zone no it's some like punk club okay, okay. Are you doing single nights? Yeah, on those. Yeah, but I do Omaha and Des Moines or Funny Bones and then Chicago and Zainis or both. I love those. Those are my favorite rock clubs. You spoke at night, all your fans. Yeah, they're the best.

I'm gonna try one. Yeah, rock clubs are the best. It seemed like you would have done a thousand of them. No, it's just like it's the self-promotion of this stuff. They're made for stand-up. I mean I mean low ceilings, sound is great and if they if they set it up right, it's your audience. There's the nice things. Bobby starts all of his sets with one, two, three, four. I travel with a one, two, three, dude. I travel with a three woman band.

They're all singers though? No, it's a drummer. They're all singers though? No, it's a drummer. They're all drummers. It's three drummers. Three drummers. I thought we'd just dance like a lunatic. War paint on his face. Lenny Kravitz is drummer and his two sisters.

Hey, talk about a Grammy's moment. Lenny Kravitz, is that guy's body going to ever become his age? It's crazy. He was wearing a see-through shirt and you're just like, oh, he's got to be in his like, deep 50s now where he's going to look weird. He looks fucking fantastic. He should be wearing a see-through shirt. You know what he doesn't do? He chick-fil-a sandwiches or fish-fil-a, whatever that shit is. Fish-fil-a. He's never eaten fish-fil-a ever.

Probably not. You have beautiful eyes, by the way. I'm just going to say that right now. Speaking of penises that have been, oh yeah. Probably not. You have beautiful eyes, by the way. I'm just gonna say that right now. Speaking of penises that have been... Oh, yeah. That's when his rod came out. Josh and Myers is a whole bit about that, but that was... It was crazy.

Do you remember that, Bobby? He bent down at a concert, and his pants split open. And without his ass or balls touching the ground, his dick in such a flinging motion went Tap the earth and came back up. Yeah, that's oh this I played a hell of a solo I've seen me I've seen the the photo I didn't see the video was a video, but just blasts out Yeah taps the fucking stage. Yeah, on the end of the guitar to do a riff

Guitar yeah sly guitar with this hot. Yeah, it's just like Bonnie right up there. Just go in that's what it Who here that's Jeff Healy Yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, but his face is getting there though. No, no the rest of it. I'll take it I'll take it to I bet is I bet he's got a weird old ass to some degree. But is his body so small that his dick looks bigger? Maybe. You know what I mean? I'll take that.

Because if I was that small. Well, I'm going the other way. My dick would look big. Oh, if I could have. No, it's the most average rod you've ever seen. I wish I could have one genie wish, and I would say make the rest of me tiny and never change my penis

Just build me small around it. I don't want a bigger dick. I want a smaller me How small can you go look see there's this there's this pipe? Let me see. Is this it? I thought it happened in red Is that it blast there that's it blasting his pants have blast more than once. You gotta do the one where his dick pops out. He's wearing red. It almost kind of doesn't even look like him, this picture. Yeah, that looks weird. Oh, he's getting shit done for sure. It's a recurring problem,

because he seems to wear extremely tight pants. I mean, how much can they... Yeah, know your dick, Kravitz. Well, you know why his pants are splitting? Because his ash juice acid is burning the fucking threads from not washing it. And then he's, you know why his pants are splitting? Because his ash juice acid is burning the fucking threads from not washing it. And then he's, you know what I mean? Over time, it splits over.

Cause I had that done with my underwear. Yeah, I read a paper about that by a professor of Brown. Ash juice acid. Yeah, it's 59. He's 59. 59. Wow. 59 and he looks like he could date his daughter.

Like he looks age-appropriate for his daughter. Christine, are you looking for the thing of his dick popping out? I am. She's just looking at his body and his outfit. I see what she's doing. She's not looking for it at all. She's on this page. He's been staring at the same photo for 10 minutes.

There was a bunch of different photos of the same outfit. Yeah, but the thing was none of it is his dick popping out and we and we're about to get into our dick chunk of the show, Christine. We're talking dicks, Christine. It's a big day in the world. I'm on dicks Tuesday. Listen, while you're going through it, let me tell you, affiliate, everyone, if you don't know this in the world,

Drake, one of the most famous people in the world, huge multi-million dollar, multi-million album selling platinum recording artists today a video was released of him slap in his soft weiner around in a bed was he video was this a videotape somebody was secretly taking or is he taking looks like he's doing it if that's how i mean the phone is up for a year yeah so filming in the near he's filming in the mirror.

He's filming in the mirror, yeah. Oh, he's filming. So this is for somebody. Dude, look how pink his dickhead is. I can't see it. I think that's a lighting issue. Look how pink the inside of his thighs are. No, but it's different.

His dickheads. Oh, you know what? That might be a chain coming down. It's very blurry. Oh, OK. It could be, yeah. I think he's holding an old banana. I do not like that he's wearing a turtleneck while he's doing this. There's his hoodie. I think it's very blurry. Oh, okay. It could be, yeah. I think he's holding an old banana.

I do not like that he's wearing a turtleneck while he's doing this. There's his hoodie. I think it's a hoodie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a big piece. But that's... If it was a turtleneck, he could just go up the top when he pops. He should have worn a turtleneck. He could shell it.

But things look bigger in mirrors. Did you know that? I did not know that. Yes. And I'll tell you this. I'm sorry. They look closer. I'm sorry. It's closer. Yeah, closer than they appear. I'll tell you this. On this particular wag, it looks like that thing's going to become a real nice one.

Here, look at his hand, though. Look at his hands look so small next to that thing. Yeah, but he's all base and his hand, if you notice, is a little open. We can go, we can forensic files this, Bobby. There's a, you'll see. And he's off-center to the right. to the right here like he's not you're not going straight down the middle on this He's off center and his hand his hand is also dealing with his ball bag also But did you see what he did though? No smart Because he set dressed this he pulled up the blanket a little corner so you didn't see his dirty

I've had stuff in my ass. asshole so you can hide his gross asshole really yeah really smart you don't want to see Drake starfish we just we don't even want to see ball bag cover that just show me that yeah thin shaft on our testicles really he didn't want to show you the how I got here asshole now no I'm just looking at his wrist and it's like that watches like worth more than my net worth. Totally. Yeah. His, I'm sure everything in here is super expensive. If he comes, it's going to land on my bank account. God damn it.

Christine, play, hit play. Oh, there's a video. Whoa. Flibody, flobby, flibody. What, why is it on a tour bus oh I see what's happening the sunlight is catching his penis on certain flicks yeah it is a tour bus yeah no oh it's a tour bus but I think that's what the yeah I believe it's his private jet okay but that's the damn either way there's a bed you can jerk off

and on that's horizon. Shining off his helmet. That's Horizon. It's the artificial horizon. If he's waving at another private jet with it, like Top Gun? It's an SOS. It's an SOS to the other plane. What if it's just the trailer for the new Maverick movie that's coming out in two years? The enemy. He's the enemy.

He's flapping his wiener. Damn man. That green blanket is placed, that was a little volcano to hide his footballs and ass off. I would love, it's really, I would have never noticed that. Oh yeah, cause I would say it's very, it is very purposeful. I couldn't imagine the feeling of content, happiness and I would say it's very, it is very, um, I purposeful. Couldn't imagine the feeling of content, happiness, and I've made it.

Then flying while flying, being able to pantsless, stretch the leg, beat meat on a plane, laying down. That's success. I mean, that is, that's how I define success for now on from this day forward. If I had that dick. And then have to have people talk about it

with their own god. If I had that dick. And I'd whack it in a car bed. And I'd feel successful. That thing's not even hard. I know he's flipping it around. Sometimes is it like too weighty? You know, like it's too big to like, keep it like.

I'm with you, Shane. I try to think of all the problems a big dick would cause. Well, it could be turbulent up there. You never, you know. When he comes, it's so close to his face. That's disgusting. What if it's a rough flight and he's like, I just gotta get this, I gotta call myself.

I barely make it to my belly button when I come. I'm safe. Oh my God, dude. Oh, this guy's definitely had, by the way, when everyone asks, like, you've never accidentally come on your own face? I just lie now and say I did. Because if you say you don't,

they mean like your dick must not be long enough to hit your face with, I don't know, but whenever I've said, I've never accidentally hit my face. What's that? Shay, wait, is that a thing that people are asking for? Who's asking you that, Jack? You've ever even had a filet of fish.

That's true. Bob's never asked. Jay, who's asking you that? You've never been asked if you had an accident and hit your own face with a thumb? I've definitely been asked that, but I'm asking if it's like a... You made it seem regular, like, the way people join fantasy football. It did make it seem a little more approachable. There's a little too much.

I mean, the tonally is what it's at. Every time somebody asks me, I lie now, because it's so much. That's what it was. I got you. And I'm sure it's come to my own face. See, I haven't. I don't think, and I don't think I wouldn't have that kind of reach or spurt. Well, I think my dick is like spud web. It's not that tall, but it like it's got a lot of vertical.

My shot. It's my shot. Hell yeah. Yeah. I appreciate a distant shot. I do. I can appreciate it while I'm not gay. I can appreciate a man's distant shot.

For sure. It's a good Reddit thread to get hung up on. His dick. It reminds me of like one of those buildings in the Japan when they have the earthquake when they just kind of flop side to side. It's built to go. Yeah it's built it's built to withstand storm pressure. I'll tell you what, when you got in there this is what bumps me out. I told you now that I have taken to wearing Nike pro-com Combat tights under my jeans.

That you're underwear? As underwear. But you mean like the leggings or just like? The full leggings. Okay. Full tights under my ripped jeans now. Keeps you comfortable. It doesn't show my pasty skin under my jean rips.

Which I like, but I will say, every time I put it on, I grab my wiener head and pull it out of my, where it appears to be frightened and hiding inside of my balls and body, and I gotta give it a good stretch before I pull them tights up, because I can't. It'll just push it right in. It's still not gonna be a bulge,

but it's not gonna be uncomfortable because eight times a day when I think about the fact that I'm wearing these tights, all I think about is that picture of the game. Do you remember that game picture came out years ago? Of him in compression pants, and his dick was just like a tube going down his leg. Such a bummer.

I mean, impressive. Not angry at it. You're saying you're not, like, you don't want. You're like, that's why you're supposed to look like that when you wear those tights. Yeah, I don't have a hanger anymore either. I mean if I wear tights, it looks like my mother in a one piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm more worried that my balls will create a camel toe.

I look like China. Man, I could not imagine presenting my penis out of tights. I had to do that yesterday. Really? I went I swear to God I went to the urologist yesterday. I had this like Thing at the beginning of the year was like I'm actually gonna start like getting my health stuff checked out Yeah, and I just had to pull like because I wear I don't wear I wear Adidas ones, but they're just the sure yeah That's what I wear. I just There's something he got. Like I just come in this guy's like 28 and he's a doctor.

And he's like, it's just easier if you just drop everything down right now. And the show. Yeah. Is the worst. I had mine and the The worst. The girl, the girl from the front, the hot Spanish chick

came in with him. And I was just like, what's happening? He goes, all right, take it out. And then he goes, stretch it out. And I went, what? He goes, all right, take it out and then he goes, stretch it out. And I went, what? He goes, I gotta look at it, so you gotta stretch it. And I- Please nurse Jackie.

I heard, no. And I don't know if she had a booger or something. I don't think that was- Any noise. I was pulling my dick and I was like, I don't know what you wanted me to do. Do you think he was out there like, I bet can get this guy to jerk off in front of us? If you said jerk off I would have done that yeah stretch it out. I don't know

With three fingers in the thumb trying to make it bigger. I like him looking at a chart and going, pull it for me. What's that? Stretch it and pull it for me. Class roll is a little high, Mr. Culley. It'll be, it's a forever now memory for me that I'll never, ever forget. And what a mortifying thing it was

when I went to go look into the possibility of gun, I told you this before, Bobby, of gun. I told you this for Bobby of gun like a suction. What is just to get that fat. You're your muffin. You're Bush. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bush fat. Where you push. Bush fat. That is the right term for that's a good one. So I went there.

The last fat when you lose weight when that really goes away. It's the last fat to go. It sucks. It's the it's the hardest and last fat to get off. I think that was what was so impressive about that D'Angelo cover. You know, because he's got the arrows just pointing down. He's got the V-Dic cap.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, your dick can't look small. It's like an appreciation you have for like what you'll never be. Like. He's got it. Yeah, yeah. I feel like your dick can't look small if it's just coming right out of like flat body. No, yeah, there's gonna be, no.

You mean the video, the video of him is what it was. Yeah. How does it feel? Yeah. Drake looks so happy to have it that big penis. Why wouldn't he be? He's on a private jet in a king size bed jerking off. Looks so content.

The brand new hoodie. Yeah, my dick would get three inches bigger just in that scenario. $300,000 watch on him. He has so much money, he can just come on that hoodie and throw it out. Yeah, the emergency window. Just fucking pull the bitch.

Just like he just says things like, that's one night of merch sales, just throws it out. Yeah, as he comes on his shirt and gives it to the girl he was jerking off for. Here you go sweetheart, here princess. Did you find the games picture? Have you ever, have you just squeezed your bush fat and hatred, Jay? The game.

Oh, no. In tights with the dick. We're doing a show, listen to the words. I'm over here talking to you. Yeah. Do you ever see, well we are doing a show. Listen to me. Do you ever just squeeze your bush fat

while you're watching TV hating it? No. Yeah, don't do that. No, no, I can't do the under. I'll do the undercut. You do the undercut? I go get my handle sometimes. And I kind of just like,

I was pinching my bush fat and just hating myself. Yo! What's that? It's like two of them. It's the game's fucking dick and tights. Whoa! That's not what these's like two of them. It's the game's fucking dick and tights. That's not what these things look like on me. I bet he can't do karate kicks though, and I'm like I do though. I bet his dick can. I bet he can swing his dick up to a

board and break it. He's got so many. This seems under the ones that I saw. I saw the, he's wearing black ones. That's a piece, man. Yeah, the guy's got a monster hog on him for sure. I think also like, it's always hanging, it's always hanging right too. So like, he's not, I don't think he's, he's not fluffing it. You know, I think it's like, it's just always in the same spot.

Oh, you think, no, he had to have rubbed that a couple times. I'm telling you, I don't think so. You think that's just pulls pants down and that's where it's at? I do. Look at the rest of them, it's like, it of them. It's all like, it all matches. Nah, he's holding it. No, that one there for sure,

he just, he's pinning down a boner in his underwear. Yeah, it looks like a plantain. Do you? Not even a banana, that's a Spanish banana. I had plantain for a little. You did? Yeah, I went to a Cuban place. Love Cuban food.

It was really good, yeah. I got to fucking stupid flip. That guy loves Cuban food. I got him getting heat flashes from that stupid fish fillet. Christ, what a big old big one. God bless. Big old big one. And Christine, back me up on this.

Women don't like big dicks. You never said that. Christine. They're horrible. Christine, women don't like big dicks. You never said that. Christine. Christine. They're horrible. Christine. Women don't like big dicks, right? They don't. You're right, Bobby. What? Women don't like big dicks. Thanks. They fucking love them. Yeah, I like them. Christine likes to look like... I mean, I thought they come for Christmas every year, if you buy them. Christine likes a dick so big she wants to look like a stress doll.

Christine particularly likes big dicks. I don't love a big dick. Good God. So impressive though. I still say the game's the king of the hip hop cock world. I think, I think, I think what's his name's got a bigger dick. Drake? Drake's got a bigger dick.

I think you're wrong. I mean can we see a size this? Can we, can we use certain things in the room to measure? Dicks take dick is that's crazy. That's crazy dude. I mean that's hitting sun and moon Yeah, but you're getting there under garage a lot. That's a lot. Yeah, okay Like so that yeah, but they might people say that's not a lot then they I have a tiny dick for them But it's one of those ones that might just get hard Like I feel kind of bad

Dude that dick listen to me bro What's his name dick is hanging down and he's got it pinned and he got it going this dick is But that might just get that thing hard do you know what I mean yeah yeah like it's like it stays yeah yeah dude it doesn't cuz the top is wiggling wiggling no I know but still it might just get thicker but no matter what buddy more if my hard dick was the size of his flopping soft dick I'd be more than thrilled yes there's one look at his hand you could take that hand if we could just take it Three hands Jacob. Thank you. This is what I'll say. I'm not counting that. He's down by his balls

He's covered always Drake for sure always has the biggest newest iPhone and it's bigger than that iPhone Yeah, that's an iPhone 15 Pro Max. Yeah, it's a huge screen. That's yeah How deep is the deepest like what's the regular depths of a? Like how much of that is actually gonna be out in the cold? It depends. I think I've never got to the end. How much more twain are you doing? Christine is Shaquille O'Neal's foot. Yeah. You can put it, you can stick his sneaker in Christine's vagina. If you drop a quarter in Christine's pussy, it will eventually hit the top of her head. And you get a wish. Researchers have found vaginal range from approximately

two to five inches. Okay, then I can hit it. Half his dick is out as exposed. No, no, no, right. Now you can get in there and remodel. You can bust out that back wall and open up a bunch of extra space. That's where Al Capone hides his stuff. Five. Behind the pussy wall.

Five to 13 inches. Have you ever had a really big one, Christine? And I don't wanna ask you and make you feel terrible. You don't have to answer it if you don't wanna. Yeah. What, what? I didn't hear you. Have you ever had a really big one? It wasn't one. Yeah, we know it's not it was a mission

small I've crossed all Today I'm in Indonesia Today I'm in Indonesia. So Koreans, black guys. It's a new show on the travel channel, Christine Conkers. Christine the Conker. She goes around and finds the world's biggest dicks and see if she can tackle. There's also rollercoasters. I don't really understand why.

She goes to lunch every day at a local place. Today we're having pig, big dick, and a roller coaster. We're in Bangladesh. Listen, I want to know when you had the big one. Because I don't know how it went. The. What are you talking about? World War I.

No, I'm talking about the hat. You're a veteran. The first time those crowds came over. She has a veteran pussy. We should get her hat with a ship on it. Oh yeah, Christine's got a highly decorated pussy. We bust a lot of good men in her face. I haven't seen you in like a year.

Christine, tell us some more stories. The biggest one you had, do you know what the biggest one you had? I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. And then on the next pump who brought it back to life when he came I went We came I had to blow my nose No, but was it when you when you saw it you were you like holy shit Were you scared? No, not scared because it's like what do you know?

you it It's not gonna like hurt you. I heard that. I have a fish to eat. It might hurt you like, it might hurt you in the sense of like you feel like your stomach hurts a little afterwards. A little.

God, so like when I go to hole all guys, it's like, what? It'll be like I got piped. And I'm like, well, Jacob and Black Lou, we're gonna spank off to Christine again now tonight. I love that it went so far, it hit her stomach, felt weird. You know, my lungs hurt. This is crazy. I had to go see a new dog. I mean, it can go deep. Have you seen those videos?

The guys who fist a girl and then do this to their bellies? Oh, God. I have not seen that. Christine. No, that's why have not seen that. Christine. No, that's why I'm like, I don't understand. I know it doesn't just go. I know that a dick doesn't only go in like five inches. So if that's how big your vagina is, I'm like, is it going past your cervix?

Like I don't really understand the mechanics. We know that it goes in six inches. Yeah. I know. Six inches. I know for sure. The testicle service adores stuff. Yeah. Damn, if these balls were in the way, I really could dig you out, yes. And Jesus. I know for sure. And the testicle service adores stuff. Yeah, damn, if these balls weren't the way,

I really could dig you out, Christine. I've looked, no, no, no. Now that all my fat was just gone, if my balls were gone. No, I think, yeah. Well, that's what I was saying. I went to look into the gun surgery, the liposuction, and I never went back, the guy, the dog, the guy.

Oh, you went in, like you didn't just get on the internet. Consultation. Yeah. Did he draw on your bush fat? No, dude. Like little axis? I think I told you this what he did. It's so hurtful.

He went, he goes, just drop your pants down so I can take a look here. And he tells me, he goes, come over here and look in front of the mirror, which I already didn't want to do. No. Standing? 100% no. No. Standing. 100% no.

Standing, doctor dick and like legs to get, everything that could be going wrong. Or here to just. Doctor dick. Yeah, you know, you're in a room with a doctor. So it's like you're. I thought he was standing next to you like, no, see what you want. He goes, now you're looking for something like this.

So he goes, he goes, and he's sitting in a chair while I'm standing. So he's like, I level with my dick. And he's asked me to look at the mirror and I go, okay, and he goes, so right now, he goes, this is what it looks like now obviously. And he goes, and if we do the surgery, he puts his thumb and two fingers on each hand. So he like starwiped it.

And he went, and he went, and he just on either side of my dick and pushed The fat back and he goes and then it'll look like there and I was like, okay And I pulled my pants up so fast and left I just wanted to not be there like that's I just went to not yeah, you know what I want their solution to be Don't show me to me or what pushing my beef. It's not in my Beef did it look good. No when he pushed it back. I didn't get the surgery so didn't look that good No, I don't know I ran out. I wanted to be out. I always felt violated What's that a fucking haircut you're not leaving some of it. You know, like just get rid of all of it. Get rid of it, yes.

Do you want it to be like this? Or even more? Were you gonna keep your stomach though? So you were like. I would have kept my stomach. You were like, so you were like, oh. I don't care. If I just want to experience life with my dick

shooting out of a flat surface, that's what I look at in porn that I get most envious about. I go, this guy's dick isn't even that big. It's just coming off of nothing. There's nothing overlapping it. That's like, there are some average pieces in porn a lot where you're like, it's not being swallowed by the body. It's not as fat as me. It's gonna be weird though. If you look

at Jay's, he's got a stomach and then oh, he's shredded from his, his gut. It'll be like it'll be like a circus freak I love that to have a fat gut and then those veins that's money that's one ab that's that that that's probably a few bucks in in porn like that like a weird one ab dick well just like like everybody's into weird they just a fat body and pecker legs with a yeah just like dick shooting out of my yeah super flat toned upper dick area. When we all do the thing, you know, you're like,

oh, I got nice shoulders as a heavier dude. You have something, you can be like, this is the nice part of me. So if you're just like, if you were like a fat guy, but that was your like calves, you know, or whatever. Jay's got nice calves. Could you imagine? Have you seen?

I got killer calves. You do have killer calves. I've got pretty good calves too. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,

so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so Oh, I mean, he's got nice calves. He's got great calves. Get closer together, please. Oh, sure. Thank you.

Come on. Wow. I mean, I'm telling you right now, this is like when Carl Weathers and Arnold Swashendig are shaking. They're getting ready. Rest of the floor, I paid. Jacob, I couldn't see.

I saw, I didn't see both calves. I know Jay's calves. Comfortable calves. But his calves Split down the middle. Yeah, she's got a Cabs he's got bulkier cabs. His are slightly more cut yours are all your muscle. I got it. Yeah I got a laborer's legs. He's got more of a model I think all us fact guys have good calves from carrying around our torsos. Yeah

And living in this city. That's, we call that the MTA. It is the shittiest, it's the shittiest feeling. When I explain to people, because they go, your legs, look, we're never really that heavy. And like you've always had like nice calves, my ankles aren't big. And I go, it's 100% because they have been working out every step I've taken since 11 years old.

I discipline you have. I've been lugging 10 babies around every day for 15 years. I have the legs of a mother of 20. You're a doberman. Do you guys have good thighs? No. I mean, they're not bad.

Yeah, they're not as bad as the rest of them. Mine are coming back. I lost, you lost, yeah, I mean, they're not bad. The minor. Yeah. Mine is they're not as bad as the rest of now. I'm not coming back. I lost. You've lost. Yeah, you look good. When I was fat, fat, I lost my my I lost him a little bit. And then when I when I got that surgery, and I started losing weight, my legs, my leg muscle went. So I had these little old lady legs and it really made me sad.

I just had the same size leg from my dick down to my ankle. So you got the surgery done and it was like you found out like I had to go do more work on the house. I had to do legs. I had to go do leg work just to get my legs back. Christine really loves this Dick picture. She's not left the screen the entire show.

She can even look at her calves. She goes, oh they're distracted over there. Those calves. I'm going to take one more drink into this fucking thing thing I found one of those fisting stomach videos but I don't think it's real I don't think we want to see it I'm gonna throw up from that sandwich no this will get rid of your fever you have from the fish please don't let me see okay it's real on it's real yeah for sure I don't want them it looks like somebody's okay wait wait it No, no, that's how they get horses. Oh, I do like that's a Sarian scar. Yeah, he gives a little

That's bullshit. It's real. That's bullshit. She's moving around. She's moving around stomach Because you don't see the hand in there anymore. Oh, there's that was not real They have very real ones if he just pulled out a premature baby You got a premature baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha just two inches and you've already hit the back of the vagina, you'd feel like a king, but that's not possible. Well, they gotta be older than four. I'm not talking about a grown woman, an adult woman. So something's off. The depth of the vagina. The imaginal depth thing.

He died? Oh, shit. The submarine. Sandwich. No, he had a bit of a... No, it's okay, because we're all going to go that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like veterans of foreign wars. Oh, you get me monkey bread. I'm fat again. Let's do this.

Is that what you, like, roll over on? Pastries? That's what he did roll over on. I've done it a... There's been a couple times where I've went back to fat and I remember. Oh, no, I mean, I saw your show. I saw Final Fat. Jimmy- Jimmy Johns, number five. I was really shredded, went to Cleveland, didn't sell tickets, depressed, sad. I went- I saw Jimmy Johns. I went- Take note, Nashville, you could save a man's life this Thursday night.

Number five. I got it number five. I went went there every day twice a day for the rest of the weekend who does like a 4,000 calorie day about it Bobby's had a 4,000 calorie meal before that was the big old me is do you might actually shame you might be a fun person as this too we're going through our like most sad what the fuck am I doing but this is what I'm gonna do, orders at Fast Food. And Bobby's McDonald's order was 4,000 plus calories. Mine's definitely in the 3,000. Look, this is in the special as a bit,

but I did get COVID right when it happened, and I ate a whole pizza and I couldn't taste any of it. Like that's how it's like sad. I'm fucked up. I was just like comfort eating. Yeah, so I ate buffalo wings. So like, I ate a whole pizza and couldn't taste any of it. Like that's how it's like sad. Could you just want it so you're still consuming the food? I was just like comfort eating. Yeah, so I ate buffalo wings. So like, I ate a whole pizza and couldn't taste it. I mean, that's like, I don't want to do the bit obviously,

but that is the fattest thing I've ever done. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, but I can, I'll eat into pain. Like, the way you, like a boxer you admire might. He's really going the distance with that pizza. Dude, I ate one night with a towel over my stomach until I fell asleep with the food still in the bed.

Ooh, that's rough. And I woke up and it was just sauce on a towel. I was, and I felt, I thought I wanted to kill myself. I truly am so much I got learned from you because this is my behavior in a nutshell. If I rolled over onto a sandwich and woke up with sandwich parts on my body, I would definitely, that'd be the day that I might end it in a hotel room. I'm like, what am I doing here?

No one should ever love this. That is like a weird thing when you're like, fucking, I can't believe I've entered women. I can't believe women entered my room. I'm like mad at them while I'm photodouling this. I know. Do they know how judgmental I am of them looking like this? Do you know how many times I had girls come to my room

and I'm like, please leave because I want to eat this food? I've had that. I've had the definite concern of, I hope they're not going to try to stay for long because I still would like to get some food after this I don't want to share I'm just so happy to have any company like I'm fucking I go on a diet if they stay If you never leave me else change everything I Want them out

Watch the office like this Today's the first day the rest of my life because of you. We're gonna wrap this up, dude. You got a special coming out. It's out, it's out. It's already out. It's on my YouTube channel as well. It was produced by Bert and Leanne Cresher.

So it's on Bert's YouTube as well. That's hilarious. It's so good. Thank you. Great, I want you to tell me off here who the guy was a dick to you. Cause I heard you talking about on Bert's podcast. Okay, I'll tell you, but I don heard you're talking about on birds podcast. Okay, I give you have to yeah

Well, I'll tell you but I don't I know who it is Lewitzky Shanes new special the blue-eyed Mexican streaming right now on YouTube everybody and Shane's gonna be a Zany's in Nashville February 8th, that's Thursday night then Chicago February 9th and 10th Friday and Saturday after that Omaha, Nebraska Des Moines, Iowa Asheville February 8th, that's Thursday night, then Chicago February 9th and 10th Friday and Saturday after that Omaha, Nebraska Des Moines, Iowa Asheville and Greenville get your tickets at Shane is a comedian comm Robert Kelly live comm he's gonna be an uncle Vinnie's this week, and I'm gonna be in Columbus this weekend. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire

far.