The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Studs (feat. Kim Congdon)

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

@thebonfiresxm

And now the bonfire with big J. O'Cerson and dance odor Yeah, did you got to go by fine young can was keep about your name? I don't know you this guy tours currently under his name. What's his name, Lou? Christine's getting her cast. Oh, I'll wait You guys all cover it's the bonfire serious XM facts talk 103 I'm Dan Soder that's big Joe Crescent Lew whiskey and studio Jacob a taught out to high holiday Shout out to the tribes the 12 tribes of this high a it's Rowan something Rowan gift That would mean nothing to you no

I would think it was the booker. I would think it was the old booker of ONA. If they were even like, do you want to see the last two songs of Rowan Giff tonight? You'd say no because I don't know who the fuck that is. Meanwhile, you'd be seeing she drives me crazy. And what good thing? You have an gown, you have an lounge. I don't think I know that one. Yeah, you do.

What was the other hit? Red wine? No, that's you before. You before, he did. Oh, my assistant. You really are racist. Um Now they have other hits it was One more that sounds more like this, but there's a good good thing sucks

I always feel like this is the time where you could probably bet money that these guys were in eyeshadow While they sang this. No, they were so plain, they were so plain. They were. So plain. You don't remember what they looked like? Firengan animals? No. Just dudes and jackets and shirts. That song was always on one of those mixed CD previews. Yeah.

That's where I always heard it. I remember the video. The guys disturbing looking. No, he had the horseshoe, George Jefferson hair already. Nice to do cold attack. This is the other Firengan animal. It's not a hip-a This is vicious minds. Yeah It's like bad air and novel

What's their other hit though besides good thing put on good thing in the meantime because Dan's got to hear that Would you definitely know this song? I think this was a black Lou. What you doing in the mean? A black king, the black tiger, Lewis. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Oh, I've seen just retrieved our guest from the lobby You know from broad topics It's Kim Kongen. What's up everybody? What's up world? It's me Kim Kongdon. It's your girl She's coming in we told her to come in with VJ energy

Yo guys got Simon Rex here. We're gonna learn about the new game cook movie. It's Friday Friday Carly black and everything hi Kim hi. How are you? I'm a rickshaw said a movie he's getting like critically acclaimed called like rocket or after he Yeah, that red rocket. Yeah, something about him But did they find that he did like like whack at his own weiner porn? No Simon Rex That's how I got into the role dude. Here's a head. Was it a role like that? He's method is he whacking? He got into the role, dude, he years ahead. Was it a role like that? He's method.

Is he whacking weird? Oh, oh, he found him. Oh, black blue. Kim, it's good to have you in studio officially. It's nice. I'm gonna say it's not. I'm just, so far, not in joy. I'm just gonna be a contrarian.

I know, I'm bombing. No, we, uh, welcome to the bonfire in studio, finally. Yesterday, we were talking about how all little kids lie. Yeah. And you'd make up lies to your friend. Like I told my friends in fourth grade that Steven Seagal and under siege. Yeah.

That that movie was based on my dad because he was a cook in the Navy. Oh, okay. But he wasn't. And then we, what was, we had a cut. Yeah, we all went through the room and kind of talked about our lies. I think I would tell people that my dad fought more people

in front of me than he ever possibly did. I see my dad getting to a couple of dust-ups, like two, but like I would tell people, I think I told at one point he ripped the man's door off with his hands of his car. And went home pretty confident that I was like, everyone's buying that. I was scared of my dad. Did you, what were your lies? Okay.

The one lie that I said is actually pretty sad. My friend Rachel talks about it all the time. She says every day in third grade, I would come home, come to school and say that I was getting a dog on Friday. Oh my God, you were just fucking emotionally edging yourself every fucking day. What would happen on the next Monday?

I would just be like, my mom's gonna take me next Friday. Oh, you know what, she ran late at work. Yeah, it was always like a different thing that weekend. Yeah, shit with haywire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Yeah. My mom had to do a last-minute astronaut mission.

Sorry, digging bigger and awful. My mom's on another secret mission. I can't tell you about it. Yeah, but my friend was like, by the end of the year, I was like, I don't care if you get the dog or not. Like, she was so mature about it. She was like, please. You're still my friend, dog or no dog. Yeah.

You don't need a dog for me to like you. Dude, I remember this girl, Lauren. And she was like, she was like the first girl that in middle school was like, only with date black dudes. And she was like, what's up, y'all? Like, she was like, like, she changed just one year, she showed up at our middle school and was just like, what's up and like cat eye makeup or whatever.

And she would in a homeroom be like, yeah, my dad owns Bally's. Like that's my family's like business is we own Bally's. What's your last name Bally? No. She also lived in the same subdivision that I lived in. He was my dad dad owns Bali's because what's your name? It was Sarah Equinox. Sarah 24. Yeah.

My name's Karen Planet Fitness. Yeah, but it was like a lie where you're like, hey, did you not do any research on how to lie? You have to have it. There has to be some believability. We had a girl that in middle school was lying about being pregnant, but she did it in the beginning of the year. So she had to like, try and upkeep it all year and she kept being like, I'm just growing slower than others.

Like it was always weird. She bring baby clothes. No, that's, that's, that's, she did it in the beginning. She said she's pregnant. Yeah, she lied to you as pregnant. How do you get your parents to buy you baby clothes for a lie?

I don't know. Can I get a work? It's just a I know. Can I get a, can I get a, can I get a baby doll clothes? Can I get this rainbow one? He goes, it's been 10 months. Where's this baby? I lost the baby. It was when, month ago. You weren't showing it all, two months ago.

Yeah, other than when will I start showing? You haven't started your period. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's pretty crazy. I think I'm still pregnant. That's why I thought I was pregnant. Marcus Silva dropped us a nice hammer from yesterday. This one is, this is like a classic child lie in a way that's great.

Cause you're like, man, you really fuck up at this. Yeah, it's a good one. Although, if it was like, I was at a concert, Michael Jackson pointed at me. And two hours later, I was sucking his dick on a rollercoaster. There are those stories Those are those are the stories that those kids thought they were lying. Yeah, I fuck Michael Jackson Yeah, I swear to God. I was going a lot of us. No, dude my parents see helicopter my parents to a mountaintop Yeah, and then he fucked me all day long. We watched home up. We watched home alone too 69 I swear I did smell my mouth. Yeah, he'd smell my mouth. He goes

How did I get rhythm this good? How did I get rhythm this good? Oh, yeah, okay? And they said they're doing like hats. Yeah, I think I can move my to see like this and it's not cuz they got fucked so Walking a split He goes give me that banana When I butt fuck I have to make that noise Marcus Silva said he went to school with a guy who went to an MC hammer concert The next day he said he was leaving school because hammer so boosted the crowd and invited me to go on tour What's that Monday like daddy? You really got to think about the Mondays

After these lies. Yeah, you want to tour with hammery as tour got canceled. It's crazy I feel like I had a lot of truth that sounded like lies in your life. Yeah, like when I was younger I'd be like my cousin's dad might be vanilla ice and everyone's like yeah, right And I was like no my cousin's dad might be vanilla ice. And everyone's like, yeah, right. And I was like, no, my aunt really would do that. Yeah. My aunt will fuck vanilla ice. Still, she's still gonna be with different allies. Yeah. Just for the home repairs.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Rob Van Winkle, dude, he can fucking clean the place. He's a nice guy. Is he? Yeah, he's a nice guy. I went to his concert recently. And yeah, and it was really cool. His assistant, like a a nice guy. I went to his concert recently. And, yeah, and it was really cool.

His assistant, like a fan of comedy. And he's been asking me and Sarah to go to a show for years. And we finally went. It was, I love the 90s party. We were backstage dancing an ice ice baby. And the whole time in the green room, I was like, do not tell him you're an ant fucked him in front of his family. Do not tell him you're an ant fucked him.

He was almost your uncle. Dude. Or his wife. He's a pretty cool guy. Oh, yeah. Do not tell him your amp fuck them. He always almost your uncle His reaction is Oh, yeah, that's crazy his wife is this look at him he goes Yeah, we better back then it's really good like to pick a one hit wonder to be like the fact It's got to be a huge one hit wonder. Yes, like all my dad's a DJ for love bush Be my love. Oh, I told you when I got high Yes. Like all my dads are DJ for La Bouss. F***. Be Ma Lovo.

I told you when I got high, I was at Fringe Festival, I changed Wikipedia to say that my dad performed the saxolo in Baker Street. Nice. That's so specific. And it was really is, but it's what sounds like a truth.

But it was up there for an hour and then they struck it down. Till the actual son of that guy was like, Hey. But I took a screen grab of it to be like, yeah dude, my dad did this on Wikipedia. My dad did the Baker Street lick. I don't even know what Baker Street is.

This one here, you know, when you hear the kick in, you'll know who it is. This is almost like the fight song of alcoholics. You don't know it. Not yet. Okay, okay. I'm like, I've heard this about the spa. Yeah, here it comes.

Oh yeah, here. This is my dad. This is my dad on the saxom. I promise you I've never heard this in my life. Really? Yeah, but I love it. It's a fantastic song. It's incredible.

It's been covered by a few people. Baker's Field, Baker Street. Baker Street. Yeah, it's just a song about Baker's field. God, I love it in word California. It was my favorite comedy James. I did this song and I said the most selfless act in comedy jam history. It's very minimal lyrics and all sacks. So I let Jeremiah walk and really work it. Yeah, I really let him own that stage. Jerry Rafferty. Jay and I would get high and watch Jerry rafferty live

Because he looks mentally retarded So what he's saying he looks he gets down syndrome. Yeah, he just when he sings he's like Put on that video tell me doesn't have down so make your street live Bigger street live. He's headbutting the rest of the band. Yeah, this guy will chew through anything While she's bringing that up, I watched me and Christine actually watched two episodes last night of Darksight of Comedy the last two episodes. They're doing that now. They're doing Darksight of the Ring. They're not that good. Most of them aren't that good. The dice one was kind of whatever. It was cool seeing the footage, but like the story was whatever that we all know, nothing kind of new. But the last two were screech, dust and diamond,

and Geraldo, and those were both pretty interesting. Greg Geraldo, good to know. Yeah, the Geraldo one, pretty wild. Was his wife and kids in it? No, his kids were. And his kids seemed like happy and well-adjusted. You know his son was a waiter. Of course, yeah.

It was just a waiter at the seller this summer. Yeah. Really? His name is Greg. Greg Jr. Yeah, I was talking to him and he's like, yeah, whatever. And I was like, oh my God, you're Greg Droll the son. And he was like, very nice about it.

He's like, yeah, I was like, dude, your dad, fucking rule. Dude, I feel like doing drugs and just walking away from everything. You know I'm talking about kid, right? Yeah. I feel like going to New Brunswick. And getting this like,

it is the saddest death at the stress factor, he's hotel. Yeah. Ooh. Like, he didn't even have to stay at the hotel. You could have just come home. It's like 30 minutes. Oh, no. Drivable gig.

Drivable gig stress factor. That's rough. Yeah. Not the stress factor. Yeah, Vinnie does ghost tours of the hotel. There you go. There he say sometimes at night you can hear Greg's or what? Wait, what's dark side of comedy like 30 for 30, but comedy?

Yeah, it's on vice, which they're also doing another show for you, Dan. Charitours. Yeah, I was going to drop the big news on you. I'm a wrestling fan. That's fine. The Dustin Diamond one was really like, I remember him like being a goof. I remember he was a kid.

He did a porn. He made me feel bad because it really, I just knew him as like it was screech and then you see again a comic trying or an actor trying to do comedy. Well then he what first he tried to box Roor shack. That was like he did celebrity boxing. That's how to say Horshack Horshack. Roor shack. No from a watchman. Watch me. They fought a Horshack. He won. He won Horshack and then started doing standup. And I remember the first time I worked Stanford in Suns.

He came through. Shout out Craig Glazer. Yeah, all right. I got picked up at the airport at night by this kid and I was doing Tuesday through Sunday and he picked me up on Tuesday and we were just driving to hotel and I was like, how do you like, you know, you worked here long and he's like, no, I just started working at Stanford in Suns and I was like, do you like it? He's like, it's awesome.

Screech was here last week. And I remember, I just remember this feeling I had in my chest where I was like, oh no. This is gonna be a tough week. Screech. Yeah, well, he went from acting to comedy, I'm saying though, like he wasn't like doing comedy in that, even like Nick Cannon apparently did stand up

when he was a kid before, and we see all that paned out. But he also played the character longer because he was on the morning Miss Bliss, which was like what we kind of called save by the bell the early years. And he lived in the college years. When they lived in Indiana and then they all moved to the same place in Los Angeles.

The crazy thing that they said was that at the peak he made 10,000 in episode which is fucking garbage Oh my god, seven years I mean that was like that show was syndicated there right it was on five it'd be on five different channels in the 90s I'm pretending I wouldn't take that right now. Yeah, that is bad Terrible that's 12 episodes. No, you would think there are now when he took when he took it right away episode. No, you would take it right away when he took the job right away for the first many years he was making like a thousand dollars in episode or something like that. It was something like really low or 1500 or something. And also he's the dork. Yeah. Like

Mario Lopez and yeah, you get to be the shitty dorky guy for the rest of your life. Who annoys who annoys the black girl because you're in love with her That's why they pay more for herpes commercials. Yeah, the herpes girl. You're gonna wear this the rest of your life Yeah, I wonder now they probably do pay more for you know, it's funny We literally get emotional herpes when you do We're gonna fuck you up. You know what they said that was like it makes total sense But it's a bit of a let down because also the reason People would hate him is because when that celebrity

Fit club happened on VH1 that he was on. Oh, yeah, and he was the piece of shit He was I kind of feel like now he was he was like he was a dick to everybody Yeah, he would also talk dude. It's one of the funniest scenes ever they show it in the documentary when he was talking about Because someone comes up to me man. got all life from right in the gut. You come at me on life in the gut because he's got the moves. He does that like genuinely. There's like a swing and he was a knife. Now he did pull a knife on somebody once.

Did he put a knife in a guy's gut? No, he got poked him in the armpit, but it was more like an accident, but he did pull it out to like fight the guy. It's always surprising to see how a lot of times actors are very close to who they are in shows. Like they're still themselves. They're just that character. Well, the thing about Screech on the celebrity thick club when he was the dick on the show,

he said they thought he accepted it actually thought it was going to be like a chain. People would see him differently so we could act again because he was paid to do that. He said they double your money if you're the villain on a show like that. What a bummer to hear that though. So when you see a reality show and someone's the dick, they've agreed to be the dick because that's gonna be their public image. The run's just high.

Yeah. And they got a call from a producer that went, okay, so here's what we're thinking about doing this season. What if you're the bad guy? But then they make it much worse than they probably pitched to you too. Oh, I'm sure because they made the girl that everyone's jealous of. And then they put you in and they're like, fuck this guy and it's like that girl's dad. Yeah, hard. Put on like a dust and diamond compilation from celebrity thick club. Like

worst moments. They just made him a fucking asshole. They made him a fucking asshole. And then he started doing comedy like after that even and then again I only saw him once but you'd hear the stories and again. I came very pre-judged to be like Fuck this guy and this thing and then his comedy was atrocious He also tried to like do it confidently. Yeah, there was no humility in his comedy. It was very like Like dick swinging. Did he do that? And then he'd argue with people in the audience that would yell shit out and he'd be like, he's like, what's up, fuckhead?

Is that the best you got? Where's Lisa Turtle? I don't know. She's like, uh, whatever. You know, like he just would get in and see what I know. She's like, farting on her. That's me farting on Lisa Turtle.

That's sort of what he's gonna go, she's gonna trunk in my house. And I was like, move on. But like he would, he ain't shit doing comedy. But it's like, when this documentary was over, I was more like, dude, he's like a tragic story, dude. Everything's just, well real quick, when you were talking about doing

the sitcom theme jokes at the top, that's what Bob Sagitt did when he first came back. Oh, yeah. He first started doing stand-up. It was all like, yeah, he's suggesting and I was sucking he just dicks. It was all like, oh right away goes, I didn't like rubber.

Well, like Jimmy Gobbler. Yeah, man. That might be an actual joke no I I think you actually I mean Bob Bob Sagittar very nice guy But when he first came back he was just doing like full house like it's yours now Yeah, I don't know if he got the news you What Bob Sagittar shoot up I wrote a song

I love your Bob I think me and Joshua performing the Bob Saga tributes at comedy jam. It's can't I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure we're doing our I'm so excited for skankfest. Yeah. Do you like Vegas? I love Vegas. I just went I like Crap's now so Crap's are very fun. Yeah, so fun. I'll play crap. Don't play crap. It's not what Kim's not looking to play Crap's either way you hope she wants you to spend all your money and then she wants to wiggle her butt I'm not a table. But can I tell you what happened? It wasn't my fault. I was mining my business at the Blackjack table playing with my own money in some due time. There's before that we were all doing the show in Vegas.

It was like two weeks ago. Yeah. And some dude comes over and he's like, you should come over and play Crops. It's so much better. You're losing all your money I was. And I was like, no, I don't know how to play. And he was like, come on. And he threw money at the seat next to him.

He was like, I'll buy your first few. And I was like, whoop. And I moved over. I was like, hi. So like how? You're in the same little heart. You work in human transportation? He's like, I take people from one place.

So which war did you go to? Yeah. So tell what happened though, because it really like, she couldn't lose. The dude gave me 15 bucks and I was, I mean, the next day when I went to the Crap Table, I was like a legend. They were talking about your roles all night. How about that? Well, the longer you keep a role going,

the more money everyone makes. Dude, the guy gave me 15 bucks and I walked out with like 800. What? Yeah. But when she lost, he would just reimburse it. Yeah, he'd be like, that's for you. Oh yeah, that's not gambling.

Yeah, me just do it every time. He didn't do it every time. He just gave you $100. He didn't do it every time. He didn't do it every time. He just gave you a hand or all. He didn't do it every time. And what he would do is, and not when I lost, he wouldn't reimburse it. He would bet like an extra one. So if he won, I'd get the extra. I'm fucked up.

Dude, when you're a guy, they're like, you have to make the decision of like, do I go back to the ATM? I wanted to start a whole, I wanted to, I wanted to pimp girls out at the casino, like in charge of them, tell them where to go, what to do, train them, and then have them all to me a percentage of what they want. Can you commit to the, can you commit to the like, I'm nervous and don't know for long? Yeah, I can do it for at least two hours.

Well, Kim, until the table gets cold. In Las Vegas. Well, that's basically, you run into, unfortunately, you run into a thing called real pimps in Las Vegas, and they won't like that. You're doing that. Well, Kim's like, I train these girls to be super sweet and he goes, yeah, what have a bitch? Here's the deal. My girl's working this casino, and I'll cut you face.

Kim's got her. She's like, what? It's almost sneakier if the girl's like, seems like she's gambling on her own. It does, yeah, it looks like she's doing it. Yeah, they don't have to fuck them. Yeah. And guys are just like, here you go. Take a chip don't have to fuck them. Yeah, and guys are just like

Here you go take a chip. They feel so good if you win and you're like I won Casino you go text me later. I'll answer or never answer and vanish into Vegas Let's meet at margarita bill no, no, but to be honest I mean I crap is about the energy at the table. It is. It is. If you're having fun I've been explaining to me 11 times I get it that night and then I lose it forever Come play crap. So it's gonna be fun. Okay, I have ten dollars when you come play J. First couples on me I go back to the gang and then they go go, Kim just rolled me for like 800 bucks. Fucking crabs. You're seeing goes, Hey, Jay, our cards getting declined.

All right, well, you got to understand I was cold, but Kim was red. Kim sitting in like a, like a tiger skin row with a sweet. It is nice to be a woman. Guys love to offer it. When you're a single woman, guys love to offer you their money. It's crazy. They're just like here, take money.

They're just like take money, like they think they just want you to like, write back or like see them. It's just like here is $20. They're so nice. All right. The businesses that the internet has opened up has been fantastic.

You know, you have your joke about it, Kim too, but like I know more than one girl who's like, I'm not only fans and you're like Oh like porn stuff and all of that goes no no no guys just like send me their dick picks and like I have to insult them so they can like come to that I guess but like it's not but it's not like it because it's the one girl told us that when she first did it and she was like rate my dick and she was like it was like fine she was like that's good it's like an eight and he's like, what the fuck did I just pay for?

You're supposed to say it's little and stupid. Like, no, no, he wanted it to be insulted. He didn't get that. Yeah. And I'm like, what a weird thing to be in. A little tempo change, giving her direction. It's right. Okay.

I'm thinking if you could go, I love the enthusiasm, but your baby face, I need you heal. I need you to tell me it's a stupid dick. You want to step on it. When I was in college, there was an app where you could rate guys that you fucked Oh, what was that called that came out when I was drinking it stand up New York Are you on there Cheyenne? I work no Chey was on it Cheyenne was just got he was on the daily show when it came out Oh shit and they're like they were like me the mesh and Chey were at stand up New York back

He was still working there and And what was it called? It was called like his act. I almost had rate my professor, but that was a whole different thing. Is that a real thing? Yeah. Wait, really, that you could rate your professor and not take the class. If everybody was like, this person sucks. Oh, I thought you made his looks.

I thought I was all based on looks. I thought I was supposed to go. Yeah, they what would say it would say if they fuck good if they were polite if they paid for dinner if they were cheap It had like all the details because one of them said that Jay was rude I don't like the three reviews that we found that That's how you knew it was a real review. Yeah, no, we were making fun. I remember that. Oh, I forget. What's it called?

Lulu. Oh, I think so. Was it called Lulu? That's such a bad name. Yeah, is a mobile app formally available in the OS that allowed female users to make positive and negative evaluations of male users. It was, damn.

I say bring back Lulu. When was it? What year? 2013. I'm gonna make one called Kimmy Guys shut it down. Yeah, men run the world. They were like enough. We had to put that we're like they're like this in Birth control. Sorry. Make it kill them more. Yeah, all you need to tell me that there's a site where like sex workers that there's a site where like sex workers like rate, let's like backwards, like they rate the guys. And like this guy's foolish shit,

this guy just calls and never actually books. And this, yeah, it's pretty wild. Whoa. That's pretty crazy. I'm really happy I haven't called a sex worker in 20 years. But it's like Yelp, it's only bad reviews because they wanna keep the good ones for themselves. Oh, bro, I think it is just bad,

but it's all complaints about the guys. Pays and coins. I hate it. I always got to go to a fucking point. How many of that meth? Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh. He brings bags with money signs on him filled with quarters. Yeah, that's, oh, this is, did you find the Dustin Diamond highlight tape?

So this is Jerry Reffery. Highlights, but I found different clips. Of them just being a dick. Yeah, celebrity thick club. Oh, yeah, okay. Because he didn't need to get in shape, did he? Um, he was just like not in shape. He wasn't like fat or anything necessarily.

For the entire season, man, VH1 had a look for like seven years so for the last time. Oh, dude. I love their reality stuff for a surreal life Yeah phenomenal that flavor Flav Yep, and then flavor then he did flavor of love and I got into all those and then the girl What was the girl? New York, New York? Remember when she got on stage with Jay-Z and beyond was it beyond say Jay-Z and fucking New York. Remember when she got on stage with Jay-Z and Beyonce? Was it Beyonce? Jay-Z and fucking Brianna. I love New York. They were singing their song their song that's New York at the Grammys and New York from that show came on stage thinking it was about her because she was drunk. It poses with them at the end. It's the most awkward thing. Her name was Tiffany something.

Your walkie. New York. It was so funny. It's like to see that confidence. She looked like she's not when she looked like a lamb chop. Yeah. She was just eyelashes that touched her forehead. It's me. It's so drunk that you're like the song is about me. I mean, she knew the song.

Daniel is done. I can't wait. Well, Tila Tequila was the. that shows my bisexual awakening really I think so do you remember that's one of the most vicious Reality show fight moments have ever seen when the guy head butts Oh, yeah, we watch the mouth and like the blood's black cuz he's bleeding so bad splits his gums and teeth. Oh, yeah, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys pleading so bad splits his gums and teeth. Oh, yeah, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. No, you're thinking of a little mama that went on stage. It was.

It was. She does look like New York, though. Damn. Now I just unracist. It looked like her. How about they thought that one girl was going to be something Oscar De LaHoye is like cousin or whatever or niece was Daisy. Remember Daisy of love.

Oh Daisy of love. She was all, she came off of, she came off of, she came off of Brett Michael show. Rock of love. And then she got her own thing Daisy of love. Yeah, I was, she did a real jacked up one that they, yeah, they made me think of her on SNS. She was all crazy lips.

Yeah, she was naughty looking. Oh God. She looks like one of the white chicks. She was all crazy lips. Yeah, she was not even looking. She looks like one of the white chicks. She looks like white chicks work out. Yeah. That is not. That is not. She does look like if a robot came to life. Where's Daisy Dalo?

She looks like a sex doll. Yeah, for real. It was such a sad non-jump off though. I think what people got on those shows to do for a while. You could jump on a VH one show, run out, bang out a porn. And then for a moment, people were like, Oh, shit, the girl from that show. And then they just did multiple porn. Everyone was just like, Oh, yeah, she just kind of looked like a porn star from the get go. Anyway, it was nothing like it wasn't like you're seeing girl next door.

Like, Oh, shit, Winona riders in a porn. It's like seeing like these girls like, yeah, I assume they all probably did porn or stripped before. Well, you know what happened to Teela Tequila, right? How, where she is now? She's like a Nazi, right? Not now, she's like a... She's like a...

She's like a... She like wears all white, no makeup. She looks like the girl from the ring now. Yeesh. Yeah, she's like a white guy. Yeah, do you, when you throw it into, when you throw it into fifth gear for that long? Yeah.

You're gonna fucking burn out. It was wild. Her pussy was tired. Oh my God, I was like, you did a show on... She was that long. Yeah, you're gonna fucking burn out. It was wild. Her pussy was tired Oh my guys He did it so snoring. Yeah, she even gave her a lighter cartoon snore. She gave her a bonka She gave her a bonka workout too and that one video is just straight big dick ain't all was she used to fuck Sean Mariamon the linebacker for the chargers. Oh, yeah, who was a monster and then he beat her up. Yeah, he beat her up Beat up like this. No, I think I think he threw it through a wall like a terminator. No. Yeah, like he he was massive. That guy was a terrifying linebacker in the NFL. Sean Mariam and Tila Tequila.

Look at that. He threw it through a wall. Some shit like that. Bear up pretty bad cool aid tequila. It not turned she turned her own Nazi I I want to support the third Reich through the wall. I Mean yeah, she started yeah, she went to the gathering of the jungle her trajectory is pretty crazy falsely imprisoning tequila She's so tiny probably put her in a shirt pocket. It's easy. Um, she super easy dude. She, uh, she went together in the jugalos, they threw human feces at her. No. Then she became a Nazi. She was pretty stoked on that for a while.

And then they find Jesus. And then she found Jesus now. I thought the jugalos were nice. They are actually pretty nice. They threw shit at her. Uh, that's how bad she is. Yeah, they really thought she was just, uh, yeah, it was awful. Cause I think Method Man went out right after her and was like, don't be throwing shit at her. That's how bad she is. Yeah, they really thought she was just, yeah, it was awful. Because I think Method Man went out right after her and was like,

don't be throwing shit at us. No way, we would never. They went back being great. You're cool. Falsely in prison, by the way, if you're an NFL linebacker and your four foot 11 girlfriend gets away from you trying to imprison her. Yeah.

That's the topic of every shit talking on the field after that. You go, that's always in prison always an prisoner. I was containing her Side side my lateral movements are on point she's needs to west. I'm in north to south. Just threw me off I wish I knew football terms to join in You'd be right there Yeah, Tilla tequila always the shot of love was like the the one where I was like That's right checked out actually because it was the bisexual thing. My entire family was coming out.

By the end of the season, we were all in love with the girl that looked like Justin Bieber, Danny. Oh, the masculine girl. She was the top, she had to choose between two people. She was like, that show was one of those medications that brings out all the stuff before it clears it up. Your whole family's like, we're all gay. We're all kind of gay.

Well, my mom was like, she's basically a boy. It doesn't count. Team of the Keele was so hot and look at that, dude. She hit the Margaret Show wall. The wall. Ain't that a son of a bitch. Yeah, dude. Eventually, you're just an older Asian lady.

She had to throw the shoot or she was going to blow up. It always really, really, really confuses me when people that aren't white become white supremacists. Right? It makes- We got a good medical program. Yeah. The 401K is pretty incredible. Well, I think a lot of the times the people are like,

not white and then are like at least attractive or have some sort of other privilege. It's where it makes it a little easier. Yeah, it makes sense a hot girl losing her steam would go white supremacists because you're like, I'm losing my grip. You know you at least have all those guys. Yeah, and then you're like, how awesome are white people?

And they're like, yeah, that's like having a catch phrase. Especially like knowing you'll be like an Asian girl. You're like the different girl. There's obviously white chicks that do that, but when you're the Asian, that is really funny. It says there when she doubled down in her alt-right leanings in 2016 when she attended a white nationalist event hosted by not so Nazi sympathizer Richard Spencer. Seaghal she tweeted at a picture of her doing a Nazi salute. Yeah Yeah, you remember that it's wow She would go dressed as Hitler for like costume balls and stuff. She must have been you must have been she must been fucked up

She has fuck no one does these extremes unless there's something that she's not getting the children Does she she has like three children? No way. Oh, here comes next three best comedians possibly If they're funny, we're all fuck. I just heard myself, it's lemon drop. Oh, yeah, she tweeted that out with her dresses sexy Nazi. Yeah, she always had a bit of a five head though. Oh, for sure. She looked like Mars's attack.

Yeah, she has an ant head. It looked like she could pull it off and it'd be one of those brains in a fucking tube. I'll tell you what, took a monster cock up the ass, didn't even change shape of her slimy eyes. No. Not at all. I was just another Tuesday.

Yeah, I think when you get it big enough up the ass, you go, oh. Oh. I was trying to find the final two contestants. Do you remember the names that all of you see? The girl, I think it was Danny. Is that who? Is that who? Who, I think she might have won.

Danny Camel. Goddard, ladies and gentlemen, we got her. We got her. Dig it up. Everyone. If she's dead, it's going to be sad. We got her. If she now, that's like, uh, I got really. You never know.

Uh, what's that fucking UK one? The other love or love island. I got into that and then everyone started killing themselves. Really? Yeah. Like K-pop groups dude No like the host people on the show After the show they all show themselves yeah the British one specifically ladies couldn't take it I got from 60 days in just killed himself I'm surprised the VH one thing doesn't have a satir. There's my boy a

Satter history there's there is yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was it. That was it. Your whole family is crazy for her. Yeah. You were like, and you were like armed bizarrely attracted to this. Yeah. Well, you get to know them throughout the season. You gotta get to know them. It's not about their gender by the end of the season. You're like, I like this person. Yes, we all had a crush on her. My my stepdad, my mom, my sister is me. We were all like, she's the winner. She's. My stepdad, my mom, my sister, is me. We were all like, she's the winner, she's the hottest. If you matter, you'd be like,

you brought my family together. Yeah, they're all homophobic again. It fades off for a while. My guess would be the most difficult. My guess would be the most difficult lesbian to succeed at would be the butch who's into super like feminine girl. She kinda looks good now.

There's a whole, the femmes and the masks love each other. The femmes and the what? Mast, M-A-S-E. That's like a Fitch lesbian, yeah. Mask-E-Win. Yeah, they call him mask. How do they call him? Is there some other word for it?

Wine cook. Wine cook. Terry. Yeah, no, they call it fuck. It's not butch. What is it? Dike. Now it's a great word too.

It's bumming me out that I can't think of it. Oh, stud. Stud. Stud. Yeah, they call them studs. Stud. A stud it makes sense because it's like you feel like they have the belt and they're like overly sexual.

Yeah. But my thing is, you said there's a big cross over to you and there's two things, but I would think a Hot girl who said she's a lesbian is probably thinking she's into like Feminine women like why would go with like a masculine dude or a masculine woman? It's because you know what it is What are you not doing a being with a guy? Men but they still have they still act like women sometimes. Yeah, which is I

Men are so repulsed by the male personality I think I could fall very quickly into a feminine role. So I want a brute guy. Oh, I would love a brute I didn't have a dad so I'd love a brute But I could also see myself be with those sassy little motherfucker. I think I'd be annoyed I'd be a no Guy the fucking gives it no way down you don't treat me right. Yeah, I can't To choice of flamboyant gay Almost exclusively across the board by least my least liked personality when I first meet someone is over the top flamboyant Gay, oh, I don't I don't give a shit about the sexual thing.

I'm thinking when you're like, hello! You're like, please, please stop doing that. Yeah, dude. You would be with like a, you would be with like a Zach Wilde looking dude. No, no, no, no, no. Pretty or than that, but you know, you know, I'd be with, I'd be with a guy,

uh, Jensen Eccles, who is Harry, but shaves his body because he's muscular and it has a face like one of the guys at the when you go to get a haircut Yeah, you know the dude you know dudes with like you would you would you would fuck handsome Pete if handsome Pete was gay Yeah, there's my former roommate, but he's got to be able to protect me to shoot the fight hotty really Yeah, but I need to be straight. I need to be protected though too Too if he's gonna be the guy, then I need to be safe. True, you know what I mean?

So yeah. I went the other way. I don't like, I'm not attracted to mask lesbians at all. Now you, you like, you be like, pretty girls, right? The only thing I like about men is how mean they are. I don't want that in a woman. But you said that that made you,

you liked the masculine. When I was younger, yeah, for sure. But now I'm getting... What about you? Do you like masculine or more feminine girls I would totally say more feminine, but as I've seen like masculine Christine likes to be the guy in all her relationships Yeah, but I am a bisexual slut

Lou that's just tropes. Yeah, I was wondering if you said that and I was stroking out. Yeah, it's like your mouth didn't move. Sometimes the volume is perfect on the microphone that it's the same volume as the drop. That was the Jacob Pasha that I thought he didn't remember him. Uh, DJ Loo, would you be with a big, or are you with Big Chris or a little Bruce? Well, we already know, dude, you like him too at a time.

And you like him fucking fun. You like a handful of man. You're like, you have two grips of dude. You're like a double scoop. Regardless, I don't like sexually aggressive, you know, romance me, whoever you are. Alright, but we're a big burly guy. Would you be with a big burly guy? You're gonna be a smaller than you or bigger than you. I'm not entertaining that, but I am friends with a butch gal and she attracts. pulls the hottest women lipstick lesbian. What are you running from from what I actually asked?

I don't know. I'm just saying. I just like to say lipstick lesbian. Would you rather be with somebody? Would you rather be with somebody like a small like daintier one you could toss around or do you want to get treated like a bitch? Yeah.

Do you want to hold a pocket? Or do you want to fucking? I think he was going equal. Yeah. I don't want like a bitch. Yeah, do you want to, do you want to hold a pocket? Or do you want to fucking? I think he was going equal. Yeah, I don't want to be bitch. You want to just make out like you guys only 69. Oh dude, just having brute masculine, if I just had a masculine boyfriend and I was like, dude, what's going on?

We do that, you remember that gay porn and they start punching each other? They're like, what are you doing? I picked your Lou fucking guy missionary and blacken his weiner and it's got a- Just grab his dick and go, oh, what what are you gonna do now? We got now This seems too real like time to cease all

Kristina you were been with a butch lesbian that no never right black little what would you do? Would you go feminine masculine? Okay, he's on the phone Or he's not sure What's your name? Okay, what? He's on the phone. Or he's not. He's just brilliant. That might have been the most brilliant thing.

There's no caller. That might have been the most brilliant, brilliant bail of everyone. There's no caller. He's playing it up so hard, too. He put the headphones back on. Yeah, it's Denver. Oh, yeah. It just happened to be.

It's not even a real place. Okay, I'm from there. You don't know. They don't know how to use the phone. You couldn't think of it as a fake place. We just said where you were from. The first person he heard. Oh oh you're from Denver, Philadelphia There's nobody on there. There's nothing on there damn dude. He played it all off Denver. We were right

What would you would you want a masculine man or a feminine man? I really I can't entertain it neither. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well not only don't listen to DJ. Not only is DJ Lou entertained that he almost had sex with two men. Every day do you have to tell this story? Every day you gotta tell it. I can't tell the story. I just got hit on by two aggressive young jerk offs. Hit on two young men. Well, they hit they hit on him well aggressive young jerk offs hit on two young He they were hit they hit on him well before he went back to their place. Oh Wow a guy jerked off in front of guy jerked off him from the night cap Kim. Wait, so you're gay

No, just gullible. Wait, he's more of an alcohol all done gullible. So I can really jerk off at you He was in the he was in the at you. He was in the peripheral. No, but it was at him. It was that it was aggressively I knew it was happening and you stayed I left when I saw he didn't leave he told us first he left And then the other day we found out the guy spent some time afterwards while the other ones beating off the other one was next to him Going you never thought about it. No, no, no before he beat off You never thought about it? No, no, no. Before he beat off, you never thought about it is what he said to me. Oh, okay.

They're trying to get you into it and then when you didn't consent, they're like, well, we're just gonna come anyways. They just started fucking around. They've gone around the corner for a second. They shut the door and they went, whatever. We're back to business. They got laid back to the place with prize of alcohol.

Then when they got there, there was no alcohol and the one that started beating off. Lou thought about it for a little while and then he left. Hey, Lou Lil as a woman Tail is oldest time right I've fallen for that one. Oh, you've gone to the layer and had to get out I'm gonna the layer and had to escape Yeah, it's always like in the movies you have to rotten down rocks down a side of a mountain. There's a mo You think take out like take out somebody like me or like soda or somebody that you know

Where it wouldn't be crazy if we were on the road like come smoke weed in the room right? or somebody that you know, where it wouldn't be crazy if we were on the road, like come smoke weed in the room. Do you try not to go back to guys rooms if you know that they at least are semi-interested? Yeah, I only hang out with my close friends. I'm saying, were you younger, did you get caught up in that fucking? I was the younger I was.

Could Louis CK have whacked off in front of you? Yeah, I'm sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to run your mouth though? No, I would have been, no. I always say that. You know, I'd have been really. He used his power. I was No, I would have been, no, I always say that. You know, I'd have been really. He used his power. I was like, I would have used my power

and I would have been touring around the world and being like, what's Belgium like? Yeah, he would have been fucking scared. He would have regretted the day he jerked at me because he would have been paying for it for a year. I would have been like, you owe me so much. That's great. After a year you go, you're off the hook now.

You are absolved. And you better be nice. I don't say anything I won't say anything anymore. You don't say anything. We keep it cool. All I'm saying is that there's a next season of Louis and there's a role for me I'll keep my mashup. Who's the crustiest funniest celebrity who's hit on you the crustiest? Yeah, funniest Like the funniest like situation not like the funniest person. I mean like the crustiest like That's a good question. You know, I mean like John love. It's really tried to work your You know I know I know Oh

I can't say The funniest celebrity I really can't say because he's still around. The funniest celebrity she knows that made me laugh for the hook because it was such a super, again, because the door is being one of my favorite movies of all times. Yeah. When I came in the guest digital one time, she was saying like, I'm on the FaceTime with Val Kilmer. My boy Val Kilmer. Yeah, and then she goes, she goes, oh, hey, Val, he goes, this is Jay's hilarious comedian

and she turns from one of me and she goes, she goes, oh, he goes, hey, Val, he goes, this is Jay's hilarious comedian, and she just turns around to me, he goes, hello. Holy shit, we hooked him up. Oh my God. Oh my God, it's ice there. He was sick, and he was like, yeah, hello. I was like, ah, Jamar's in. How long have you known Val Kilmer for?

Probably like four or five years. That's crazy. Did you know him before he was sick? I knew him when he was like, just getting sick. yeah, yeah, he was much different when I know him He was like yeah, he's talk holiday. Yeah, he's fucking amazing And he's always been super respectful too speaking. I asked him you know a couple of years after knowing him I watched Willow with my grandma every year on Christmas day. Yeah, so I asked him for Christmas If he would sign a willow poster while he was in New York and I met him. He was like, meet me at my hotel. And I was like, aww, there

here goes the end of our friendship. Because I'm your Huckleberry. You mind if I masturbate before I kill your heartwear in a bussel, howl-lou. You started it with the Jim Morrison lines. Come on baby, ride the snake with it. We can whip the horse's eyes. I was like, I don't get it. Do you have any money for crafts? I get one. I love to gamble.

No, but I was like, when he said meet me in the lobby, I was like, fuck dude, but I really wanted this poster sign. So I was like, I'll be in the lobby. And when we're at the lobby, he's like, I'm gonna run up and get the poster and I'll be down. And I was like, thank God. And that you want to join. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, he's the best. He's so cool. Yeah. Can I use your back and butt to lean on to right my name? Let's take our first break. Yeah, this shows flying by. Yeah, it's 46. 46. Yeah, this shows flying by. Yeah, 46.

Good, it's Sam. Kim Kong didn't hang out. It's a bond fire. By the way, Skankfest next week. Yeah. There's tickets are, go through, I don't know. There's like Facebook groups. There's people reselling from market.

Yeah, when the Legion of Skank's Facebook group or the Skankfest networking group, there's people that are trying to, you know, last minute things come up. Hey, we're all going to be there. I'm sneaking people under the ground for a party price. I'm digging them through. I'm just sitting around. I'm just being like, Kim, it was you the whole time. I'm dirt all over me. You were Elkai Ota.

You fucking bitch. She's got a mining helmet on. I'm covered in sweat. You're the mole, Kim, the mole, Konga. We're hanging out with Kimmy Kong, and everybody will be right back. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole.

I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a mole. I'm going to be a on just covered in suit You're a mole Kim the mole Konger We're hanging out with Kimmy Kong and everybody will be right back. It's the bottom five You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Syria 6M!