The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Stye In the Eye

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Jay has a stye in his eye and the only cure is to off himself with DJ Lou!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocroson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to seriousexem.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocroson and Dan Soder. If anybody has a home remedy for stys, go ahead and tweet at us or Instagram at the bond fire 6M or call in at one we're gonna get 777 comedy 9. Yeah 24th comedy USA USA laugh haha 1 8. 1 8.

1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 1 8. 188, 144, ha ha, 422, 4242. I have to point, my hair is grown so wildly and weird since the fact that I am ready just to, I'm at that point, I'm getting a haircut Monday, but I'm ready to buzz it the fuck off. 866, 969, 1969 is the number. If you know how to solve a style we're looking for home remedies dog

Yeah, there's an internal war going on by the way because it looks like Christine is just kicking the shit out of Jay and he doesn't have the nuts to tell us oh Christine's probably 90% of the reason I have a style if it makes you feel well Don't do you think either she does or she does either she's lumping up or ain't oh, oh if we're gonna so then technically yes Christine has abused me and Everybody everybody everybody everybody When you woke up when you woke up this morning did you touch your eye and we're like no No, I didn't have to I didn't have to touch it was like you felt it open it. I couldn't open it Yeah, oh man at all like what happens

Are you trying to open your eyes like I mean I can open it like wide as I was just like you just feet It's just completely swollen. Yeah, but I do like the scarf and sunglasses combo Feel like you're beating up with a man to have an affair with him Okay, my kids find out they'll be ruined don't't you understand that of course I love it. It's passionate But you're ruined my family. I want to be with you, but society won't allow it Man, I hope that is not ready for a gate for a gay J. O. Creson Can I ask you would Jacksonville this weekend tomorrow through Saturday big J comedy comm Would you would you do sunglasses or ipatch on stage if it stays bad

I don't know ipad I bet I bet I bet it around canceling it over and over but okay but what about an ipatch you don't need to have to put it I'm excited for the weekend actually excited for the gig I just who you're bringing. I feel like shit. Nobody. All right. I was going to be summer rain, but she came a little demanding and I started to feel a little bad. Yeah, we started getting some real time info. Really bumped us out. And also, she also had a list of demands that was insane. I was listening to the kind of only see someone someone who is crazy that you're down in a hole

that you're also like, I'm gonna tell you really what I need. Actually, good honor, you know. Oh, yeah. Look, if it would have made sense to make it happen, I would have made it happen. For sure. To have someone who lose it. To have someone who lose it. But it was the first time performing live ever.

It would have been. Oh, wow. So that needs to be a crackle poloosa. DJ look at black liui so he's in the pocket taking calls, but we're is a call dilemma going on in the world. Uh boss, uh Jim McClure says we got to take more calls. Jacob, uh, sir, Jacob's concern over that was his words were. I hate callers and I hate the way.

Then he goes, you know what turns out? I don't hate hate callers he realized that's not you guys call if he likes you very much he goes I hate the way you guys take calls because you never hang up on them and you let them say they're all they're bullshit and they're uninteresting and stupid and you don't you never just let them that we treat them like humans too much. Like equals and friends and not just pieces of shit to be used. And okay. We're getting in some calls.

Tom in California says a white hanker chief and a russet potato. That just sounds made up. Mike in Chicago says my mom uses the backside of a wedding ring. Mike in Canada said hot compress and hot towel and we did that yesterday. Yeah, that's what I'm doing today too.

What is the, I'll be doing it all night tonight, but I'll be doing hot press all night long. Are you doing this when I have, and famous when I have problems now, when I, when famous when I have problems that are like it's like kind of not small things but like annoying things that you know I try to attack immediately. Yeah. I try to be offensive. Sometimes I make probably make it a little bit worse.

At one point I was putting a cream on my eye that I pretty sure I got for style. Yeah. And then I looked it up because I was like, this is not getting better. And then it was like, it was not for the, in fact, it says, please don't ever use this new your eyelids or eye. Okay. Specifically a style, please don't put it near a style or else your eye will pop out of your head. I swiped. These are all the things I believe will do something. I swip an acne pad across it, which is probably a terrible thing to put by your eye also though that you feel your eye get watery with the acne medicine.

Then, when I feel like, this is my own science. When I feel like the pores are nice and juicy open because of that noxema pad, I throw, what do you call it, neosporon on it, because I I'm like well, that's anti-dan. It's What do you say science? It's an antibiotic. It's an antibiotic So it's gonna get it's gonna get rid of the bot it's it's gonna get rid of the biotic in my eye is what I figure It might not work really well, but Jay still will do it to himself Jay science Christine has some acne face wash in the shower and I Borderline lufid my eyeball with it today Audience Christine has some acne face wash in the shower and I Borderline lufid my eyeball with it today

damn And now I just took it antibiotic What if you what if you get a fake eye like the bad guy in last action hero and you can put it I'll tell you what two more days of this. I'll just say pop the eye out and give me a happy face eye or something Two more days of this I'll just say pop the eye out and give me a happy face. I or something Skanks in a bonfire just switch them out pop them out Oh, man, I could get high and blow smoking to your hole. Yeah, I won't even know Oh, that's cool. I open your up. I'm gonna open your eyelids I like me and damn be old single guys doing that party parlor trick at things

Yeah, you want to see me touch my friends? I. Ooh, I'll pull my you guys want to watch me kill Bill my friend. Yeah. I'm just. Look at that. Yeah. I start right now. And then I'm.

And then I'm. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get a magic eight ball eyes. We get it. But all the things are going to say you should go home with these guys. Yeah. So girls, assistant, assistant,

any, ask my eye, any question you want to ask us. Dude, that would be. We have faith in fortune in the future you go You should go home with these guys I didn't even ask that. It's crazy. It's I know it's magic. It's one of the triangles If you want to find the dark lords, I go for it. You don't have to come to know how do you if you have a fake eye? How do you not have a magic eight ball eye?

If you have a fake eye, how do you not have a magic ape all I? Hang on a Lou a girl. I know Lou So I need to use eyelid wipes. What are those? Why does Christine have them? She has eyelids and she's a girl Answer yourself Evans. Why don't you have a high-line you have eyelid wipes? You piece of shit I would wipe sorry. Yeah, it is a very generic term eyelid wipes Are they What's that yeah, let's talk to her Lulu? Hey Lou Holt's

Fregno Luciferous Ludaub's Little what are eyelid wipes You can get them like it's a pharmacy. They're actually just called eyelid white they It's they come in like a box that become an individual little packets and you just it cleans your eyelid But if you take a hot like if you take a washcloth and get it under as hot water and as hot as you can get I guess and you just hold it on your eye that's the wet heat you know the mean

yeah I'll tell you I've been doing a tea I've been I've been doing a tea bag and another thing that probably is not helping the eye is I go for scolding hot because J.S.S.S. believes J.S.S.Sscience? If I heated up enough Dan, there's gonna be some head that eventually just goes and like this it's gonna go Puh Oh, and it'll just... Yeah, it's gonna go Puh I would, I would tell you I don't follow J.science but I do follow Dan religion

And my question is... Blue all up that up, but Jacob says we have to say fuck you and hang up on our fuck you and hang up on our So You look at you. Thank you. Thanks for that very helpful information. You're a sweetheart from Jacob. We'll be having Jacob I say fuck you look at the other hang up on our hang up on our I say oh Yeah, Jacob. Yeah, be Jacob now Yeah, Jacob. Yeah, be Jacob now Thank you You're super sweet and we love seeing you at it shows a fuck you goodbye get out of here scram

Now I was as I was saying Jay. I don't follow Jay science, but I follow Dan religion and so my question is have you angered the Sun? It's very possible. I've angered the Sun. It hasn't come out by beaks Sun hasn't been out in weeks maybe I did well. Here's one I'm going to need a full grown goat. I'm going to need an oil pan. I'm going to need a blessed machete. And then we can get on your roof and make this sun come out and make that style go away. A blessed machete. Yeah. Yeah. Like an idea of a blessed machete. It's a blackened in a chocolate. It's one of them blessed. This one's cool.

This is what a guy came by. A guy came by. That's the idea of the cool. It's the idea that if you're so tap water on something evil, it's nobody able to appreciate you to say some words over it. The water changes somehow. Now it's acidic.

That's why I've always respected the Jews when I worked at that when I worked at the kosher bagel ring They're like if you would have brought that Burger King in here We would have a rabbi with a flame thrower come down here I'm like dude. I'm about to bring in Wendy's McDonald's and Burger King to see a fucking rabbi down here with a Tank of gas on his back just fucking cook in the place on his back just fucking cook in the place. Muzzle top fucking off. You know what I say come on baby light my fire.

And how have they not done an action here? They did the Hebrew hammer. Remember that where they did done an action here. They did the Hebrew hammer remember that where they did like a parody action movie But they really should do like Just how made Mel Gibson play a rabbi that has to like Shake it don't you love though when they have somebody play a tough Jew. It's great. I mean remember the speech remember the knock-around I like spotting a unicorn in the movies. Yeah, that's why in glorious bastards was great Yeah, yeah, I'm glad it was pretty great too, but you remember this remember the Vin Diesel speech like like 55

55 fights is how many fights you have to be and consider yourself a tough guy Yeah, three thousand six hundred and five fights Shout out Coppamin and Levine. That's one of their joints. Knock around guys. Yeah. Damn, good speech. Dude, Coppom and told me that. Two Jews writing that speech is great.

Yeah, they told me that young Vin Diesel Coppom and Levine told me a story that they were like filming Knock Around guys. And he was just in a parking lot. Like, he was like moving through the parking lot Like, he was like, moving through the parking lot and they were like, what are you doing, Van and he's like, I'm just practicing for when I'm a celebrity to add and get through all the crowds and stuff. Finger like, really?

You fucking dildo. I might saw that on set. I'm like, this guy's a fucking knob, dude. He's trying to do this. My ride on a fame is gonna be fast and furious. Man, that's a good thing. Do you see the rock fucking matumbo, him returning to the franchise?

He swatted that shit down. Who was that? Then he called out Vin Diesel. Cause he was like, yeah, dude, that was a misleading Instagram post. Who was returning? Vin Diesel put up this Instagram post that was like, Dwayne, my brother, the time has come to fulfill your legacy.

As you know, my children in the house call you Uncle Dwayne and it's never been a holiday gone by. It's some shit like that. And then he's like, come back to the fast and furious franchise To complete your destiny and the rock was like, yeah, I told him I wasn't coming back I don't know why he's fucking doing this. This is weird. Oh, he's not coming back to I thought I thought you were saying the rock came in around fast and furious

Seven and was like it's my franchise now and the I thought I thought Vin Diesel was saying Oh god, damn it guys got a voice Get you move and dude maybe this should be our new intro song turn it up. Let it Like Reality it the reality like me trying to get through a song no one ever going like You're just gonna kill you honestly to know everyone and is that Vin Diesel in the rock are the same exact deal though Yes, the issue they are they're just two of the exact same dog in a dog park fucking like noses they They're two

You think one's better than the other No, I'm sorry. You're absolutely correct. I'm looking at this photo that Christine has great Vin Diesel put this is not even close to that tall Yeah, being tall is the wrong. No way. Dude the rock is fucking massive. He played D. No, I don't mean you never see my name I'm not saying they're exactly same like Builder I'm saying they're just like they're personalized with this. Oh, yeah, they are yeah totally They are the best case scenario for rising-growing douchebags. They both said the other ones a devon set That's the exact same complaint about each other dude, but I was a diva. He was a diva each other. Dude, but this was a diva. He was a diva. Dude, and that's also he tries to son him right in the first

sentence because I did forget that Vendistle starts it with my little brother Dwayne. Yeah. Time has come. The world awaits the finale of fast 10. As you know, my children refer to you as Uncle Dwayne in my house. There is not a holiday that goes by that they you don't send well wishes. But the time is what? It's babbling. What do you mean? But now the time has come. You just said a nice thing. But you go but now the time has come for us to fuck. I mean real gay sex. Go away. I want to be on my back as you take me. By the way, I don't know if you do a first person who loves this post

She fucking loves it dude. It's so funny on Instagram when you see who likes the posts I always think it's funny what it's my favorite thing in the war my favorite thing in the I always think it's funny We got any hot chick picture ever any Any girl that posts a hot picture. Great. Ever is like Ralph Sutton first. Oh, great. Do you ever see him comment? Does Ralph ever comment on the photos?

He wouldn't dare. Oh my god. He wouldn't dare. He would be held in the car. Dude, what's really funny is where you'll be like going through the magnifying glass part, just the search part of Instagram. And you're like, who's this big buddy? It and you look and then it's like

Fucking Mark Norman and like thirty two other thousand people like it's always funny who Instagram snitches on They always snitch on one person where they're like well mark like this. So you should like this You're like all right Keep it like me, dude. I like almost nothing Well, you don't have to like it. You can just look at it, you know? Yeah. Enjoy it the way it's supposed to be enjoyed.

You just look whatever you want. You don't have to like it and then be that guy. But you can go down and you can just swing it down like one after the other. If it's just like some, because you know, we, I had to follow in the girls we have on SDR show. Sure. But like every 100% of them, and it's also fine too,

when it's like a pretty comic girl or something. Because like I, for whatever reason, it's a trophy comics, so she's very pretty. I forget her name. It's like trophy wife comic or something. But very, very pretty. But like every time her things come up that I would just like be scrolling pets, it's always funny.

It's like Ralph Sutton like this. Well guess what? Legacy awaits. Yeah, like there's Walker haze. There it is. Very pretty. Liking Randall girls is posts. I only matter once to the bonfire. Now you got to go to where it's like a goes up and down dog huh you mean SDR dog what I say bonfire bonfire oh I'm an SDR show sorry you guys are fighting for my favorites what what you guys are constantly fighting for my heart can you do the thing? Number one Christine what's up down I would say the only show we should be contending with with your hearts is Legion of Skanks. No, no one contends for my heart at all. Is it like, no, dude, I'm fine at going Legion of Skanks, bonfire.

I'm fine with that. I'm fine being the number. I like the pressure to be on you. I don't like this is the most important thing in the world. No, I don't like that pressure. I fold under pressure. No, it's you know, you don't have to do it. You don't do this forever, but just try to thrive. This is why I don't like that pressure. I fold under pressure. No, it's fun. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do this forever, but just try. This is why I thrive on skanks because I just show up and bang it out. Then I leave. How would you feel? Well, how would you feel if you left bonfire eventually? And then I was like, I'll go, all right. So I'm going to move on and we'll just take it and like, you know, a slightly different direction. And then they go, not interested. I'm like, oh, Dan, I'm gonna fire because you quit.

No, I don't think they would find out. Yeah, well Jim will be cool, but Jim be cool about this. Jim don't fuck up this friendship. Jim, I'm gonna take only callers. And just you know, just keep on going. Keep on going. One phone call per show, but it's an hour and a half phone call. It's called only calls and you're like, You know just call, I'm keeping away on one phone call per show, but it's an hour and a half phone call.

Dude, it's called only calls and you're like, you're like, you're like, Frazier Crane, you're just taking calls. Only calls. Hey guys, you bring up the subjects too. Oh, you guys call in and what do you want to chat about? It's Jay, you're on the line. Shoot you shot. Oh, it's so funny. And she might not be a good example, trophy comic.

Because one, you haven't even tried once to go to the way I'm telling you to look at it where you can see the people like it But that's what I don't know what you mean. Do you mean just like this? Yes, but there's the way you could look at the whole Someone's page and like to up and down look who's there Josh out of my ears. Oh, there you go Yeah, Josh is another biggy Josh likes like so he spends most of his day liking stuff. Just liking it. I'm not exactly. Look at that. I'm not exaggerating. Spence most of his day is just like, and he does. He's as he scrolls through like everything or every other thing. Did he say out loud? I like it. He clicks it. No, he just like to just watch him do it. I'm like, who cares? Christine likes a bunch of shit. I think too.

Yeah, I like stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, good job, Shed and Myers, of course. What you really want to see is the comments, because that's very funny. When you just see one of your friends be like, in VWega, baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Talk about it. Talk about loser. You're on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what's up, Hatchimatchi. Hot mama, look fire. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what's up? I'm hot.

You're hot. Hot mama. Look out. Yeah. Oh, ice for you. I don't know why I made it, Lewis. I did. It came out of my face.

It came out of my face, Lewis. But you're right. Sick camel toe. You ever heard STP want to come on the 500? Show me your bibs. Oh, Jacob, a caller that you hate named Boogie. STP want to come on the 500 show me a bibs Oh, Jacob a caller that you hate named boogie Boogie just and boogie hates Jacob. I know that first fact says Twitter and IG poll don't lie

The intro is great with black box. Oh Black box What's that? I'm boogie you want to fuck with a guy named boogie my aunt knew a guy named boogie and he was in prison for murder So you think the odds are boogie's white Jacob think before he answer And in fact, I'm pretty sure my aunt was boogie's white. I'm pretty sure boogie was my aunts My aunt was his prison wife, so you want to get in this? Oh? Oh okay you know boogie could also be white garbage too Dan's right. No he was black. No he was black. My my aunt's friend is black. You're right Dan. Why does he have to be black? Because you made it a race issue because you're out of race. You know what when I circle back around it was me. Okay. I honestly think I like the sunglasses look I really do enjoy it And I think you need mirror sunglasses like a fucking dictator

You know damn when I circle back with it You know what? I think you were completely right. You know what? I just just went back to the beginning of this and followed the path back down and turns out it was me Yeah, thank you be quiet for saying let me go through this hole my head again What's that? Love a place through this. You did that. I said the boogie thing. Comes in.

You know what then? Yeah, you're right. Check out. I was a I was patient zero on that one. It checks the truth that I was the outbreak monkey on that. That's not turned on each other because Jacob hates us. And the way we handle phone calls just because we like to talk to the fans. Just because we like pressing flesh with the the fans and Jacobs really against it.

You know what's funny. We're talking yesterday. I mean you off air won't be able to people like not liking their fans at all. Yeah, yeah. Like you're talking about watching people get famous and resenting their fan base. Which let me tell you this, the bonfire fan base has absolutely stopped me from doing that because if I just had the billions fan base, oh boy, would I be spicy? I would not like my fan base.

Thank God I have the bonfire. It's got to be perspective. It's perspective though, because the thing is interesting. Like I have no real, like rhyme or reason, tanny of it. So there could be a show where I get off stage and I go backstage at the end of the night and just like friends are there or something or somebody I know or just me in the comics or I get into a conversation we're shooting the shit and before you know like place cleared

out it's gone right sure or sometimes I go obviously right out usually that side of smoke cigarette right outside of smoke a cigarette is like in public view Then like I'm out there and like I'll be out there for an hour and 20 minutes probably talking everybody, you know what I mean? Sure, but I'm not going out there. It's like avoid doing that. It's like oh, yeah So circumstances led that here we are we're hanging. I'm gonna give you the recipe Let me say well. I was saying why I bring that up at all. It's just because Some the perspective of some people, if you get caught inside, and like fucking Assault says he's always is always happy to meet and bullshit and smoke with the fans.

And like, he never even came out. It's like, oh yeah, but like, you know, I did eventually and yet last night I did for two hours, I said. So it's just like, I don't know. I bet there's some fans who are like, Jay don't give a fuck about the fans and and I hope a Controlling interest that are like yay fucking comes in hangs. I like to believe I think What I love about bonfire fans is they're good the great comedy fans They like understand comedy and I think

When you leave when you leave especially in these times like COVID when you leave a show like yeah I don't have so much of like I'll be like oh everyone. Shit. And then I have like, I know on the COVID times, probably better not be like me in green anyway, but I don't have anything where it's like, fuck them. I was going to hang out with anybody. I'm like, no, I'll tell you the recipe for me on the road, wait 15 to 20 minutes after the show, and then you'll see me pop out of the back. And I'll be like, hey, you know what I mean? I don't do like a meet and the back. And I'll be like, hey, you know what I mean? I don't do like a meet and greet thing,

but I'll be roaming around about 15 minutes after the show. Here you go, day. I don't know if you see what Black Lou just put into the chat, but Black Lou. Dude, I've been waiting to bring this up. I was waiting for a little to bring this up. I'll tell you what, because you want to send me into a test.

You want me to find out that I definitely have someone. Put up another call, it says, Jay, you may have eyes, uh, lead cancer because I'll tell you, I believe that also. So let's floppy eyelids. Well, let's explain. Let's explain this. Nick and New Jersey says, Jay, you may have floppy eyelids syndrome. I definitely know is regardless. If you have it or not, a very funny name, I was teasing yesterday that you regardless isn't a word I don't know dude up is down left is right. You can see you're right Jake can't see he's got no depth perception. You're gonna tell me regardless and irregardless Trish not now Put it away. Yeah, yeah, it is.

And underdiagnosed frequently bilateral, eyelid malposition commonly involving the upper eyelids, presenting as recurring or chronic ocular surface irritation as a chronic papillary conjunctivitis or up all, bowel, bowel, conjunctivitis. I don't know. Now, let me tell you what I got from that. You're gonna have sad eye.

That's what we call... Well, it's known to be associated with obese obesity man obstructive sleep sleep apnea and Down syndrome damn Damn dude this guy just hit you this guy just hit you with a remote blast he fucking threw one of those he never both playing spider-man he hit you with one of those ones where you put a fucking thing on and hit later Like just Oh

Fucking got you Yeah That's like he goes dude trust me at first. He's gonna think the name is bad But then he's gonna see the association how man really good to stick him really gonna get him with the obis Obcd obstructive sleep apnea and Gotta go to Jacksonville now. I'll see you guys this weekend. That's not what you have. Probably my last weekend on the road. Jay, can I tell you that's not what you have?

Uh, because looking at the physical male, with a constructive something. I didn't know you had undiagnosed Down syndrome. That's pretty serious. Yes. Which means you, which means you are a strong boy. No, yes, for sure. But look at the physical exam. Oh my god Look at the physical examination. It's on the outside of the eye. Yours is on the inside of the eye

I don't know Christine says she doesn't see anything inside of the eye. She wants me to know that I have floppy eyelids syndrome She doesn't want you to think that she wants you to know you have Down syndrome. Oh I also have carotoneous or whatever it's called dude. Can that be that's a good name? Caratoconus. That's your Hawaiian name. Yeah, Characters. Charge. I'll tell you that physical examination that thing under there. Yeah, Christine, that could be it, right? No. What you have just looks like a traditional style sucks, but

you're just a strong, you're just a hot compress. You're just a style guy. Just a style guy. What's the, what does that see what procedures are? What are the procedures? What do you do for it? Yeah, there is no diagnosed diagnostic test for this entity. I don't want to hear any of this.

It's called an entity. It is primarily a clinical diagnosis based on history, clinical features, and systemic association. Tape my eyelids shut while I sleep. Cool. Addressing obesity and sleep apnea issues. Do you have sleep apnea? Probably. I mean, Probably I mean everybody does right

Well, I don't know. I'm not sleeping with a thing on my face. So I'll just die young Go down for management General treatment. That's what I want to see Obstructive sleep apnea is potentially a fatal disorder great obstructive sleep apnea is potentially a fatal disorder great frequent episodes of apnea and a hypo-pone Hypopnea can lead to systematic impulmonary hypertension Yes, for sure and ultimately congestive cardiomy apathy patients need to be managed by sleep specialists to prevent these potentially fatal conditions World enjoy me while you got me No, you're not going anywhere dude don't take me

for granted no Jacob Jacob you suicide watch I'm not suicidal I'm just I'm just laying down into it man stop dude sweet of this. Dude, when Christine makes that call, where she goes, Dan, Jay walked into the sea. I went, no. I'm gonna say to you, God. You can't see it. You can't see it, but I'm getting a little teary eyed. I'm done, dude.

It's current for me. You don't dis me this. No, no, no. Smoke more cigarettes. Yeah. Lou, when I fell in Louise off a fucking clip with me? Sure do, buddy. We'll be in the papers. We'll be a little famous for a little bit. He would so do that with you, Jay.

They'll say, did you want to do a suicide pack, Lou? Dude. Oh, sure. I'll reach up and off a building because I played a lot of Spider-Man and I could really probably get into that. you have too much to live for stop it Be talking about I got Trisha's fun set aside. I can go splat. She gets fucking paid Now dude you have a woman who loves you and needs you. It's true. So do you shop Dan

Shut the fuck up dude. You hang out you hang out with us. I love Christine. I love Christian. I'm good. Take it. Uh, well, she's stealing. Welcome. Welcome to the team. You're going to be our new roommate after J kills himself. And you're wallowing in the night. We will only to tell you to be quiet if my little barks at it. Dan's going to have a late 30 stroke dealing with Christine. I promise you that. Lou, it's me and you, dude. 39, I'm like this, Jay. Just hosting your big Jay benefit to prevent suicide. And I'm in my wheelchair because I'm stroked out. And I'm like, guys, we had a lot of fun on the bonfire. But something that isn't fun is suicide.

Yeah, life with Chris Feed. Really, we'll drive you to certain things. There's a lot of questions she asks that really have no answers. Now for you to have to look at and uh, foe, you know, so how about the Niners? Yeah, you guys go with that. Me and there's going to be by the smoking area we go to. There's's gonna be two big murals of me and Lou with angel wings Oh, dude. I can't wait. I'm gonna get the I'm gonna get the best Latinx. Oh man can somebody make can somebody make a me and Lou with angel wings Like like back to back or something. Yeah, I kind of side to side

That's a great And put what years we put on it, Lou. 2023, 24. How many of you got left in you? I don't know, but I'm going to be air brushing the shirts to sell them at. Dan, I want you to have no airbrush training though. I want you to do what you, your interpretation of us. It will. It will be true art. It will be my heart.

I don't know how to use this goddamn concoction, but all right. I don't even know how this gun works, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be my heart. Okay. I don't know how to use this goddamn concoction, but all right. I don't even know how this gun works, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be light purple and blue all over this shirt. Hopefully we can make it look like Jay. Let's talk, Lou. What do we need to get done before?

Isabel is 19, she's fine. And technically, Lou, you can't call it suicide. You have to call it freeing will I let you roam the earth the solo goodbye My ex is far more comfortable to where I'm gone Christine more comfortable where I'm gone What year do we do it Lou? It's up to you. Who cares about you that we have to wait for What's up to you? Who cares about you that we have to wait for?

That's not me. How am I more comfortable in a world where you're gone? Yeah, you're being, that sounds more like cry baby than actual you need to kill yourself. That means you're like everyone would be happier if I was gone. No, no, no, no, no, I was talking about financially. Oh, oh, oh, in which case, yes, Christine, you would be much more comfortable. The windfall from the life of trans policy would touch you. So yeah, so it's all about Lou. What do we have to do first? Do Jacob singing amazing grace to open your benefit? Yes.

He's gonna put him in the house down. Just with a solo light holding a candle. Yeah. I have to say that. I'm gonna come out and a loud suit and I'm just gonna tent preacher the whole thing If you make some chasing and you want to hear up I'll be in heaven now if God has forgiven him Let me get an amen now I

Don't I don't want me and there's not gonna be bodies found for me and Lou We're going off a cliff or something like we're gonna explode the fog But Lou I don't want I don't want a funeral we should just have the memorial tribute for our mural Oh now our big our big mural on 49th and We'll have a talking we'll have a talking candle that I passed to everyone that's been on Like when I pass it to Shane and he comes up because this is gay JK himself is gay. J And then he killed himself was gay.

He's like just saying the words but crying. J. So gay. So stupid and gay. So I get out of here. I mean, I got to get out of here. Can I suggest an eternal cigarette? No. A never a never put out cigarette.

You know what? I got a guy. I like the way it might be able to juice us up on this. Jacob, I like your thought. You know what? I got a guy I like to wait. I might be able to juice this up on this. Jacob. I like your thought. You know what? I don't think that should be. I think on the mural there should be. There's gonna be an eternal one. That's a lot of money. I'll listen to you. I think we can make it out of the you want a gas line said to this thing at all times. All

times. Yes. So the picture of Lou. By the way, I'm telling you lose mouth. Always have smoke coming out have smoke coming in and I'm telling you and Jay will split will split the line And I'm quitting smoking before I kill myself. Yeah, and I'm telling calling it right now. I'll take care of the billing put that on my name What's that gonna be it probably wouldn't be that what's that? And not stop running gas. It's gonna be three About 3k I'll tell you what it is when they they do a billions reunion or a spin off called trillions, I'm gonna have to fight for a part to afford that gas line. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna have to get back in the game for sure.

That gas line's gonna run you about the rest of your life. Yeah. And then what I got is... We want mourners to light their cigarette off of our cigarette. Oh, that's so genius. Oh, dude, just a me and Lou, like holding up just lighten butts on either side. Back to back and angel wings.

Oh, you know what? It turned a lighter. Here's where I like, yeah, yeah, I think the eternal lighter. I think the murals us, the cigarettes are in the mural. The lighter, it's like two lighters that have like flames coming out of them. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes, Jacob now you're thinking. Now you're thinking. Jacob, I'm just gonna start blindly following you. Fuck the callers, fuck our listeners. And we need eternal lighters going at me and lose angel memorial. Now, Jay, real quick, I'm just spitballing here. Anyway, we can get in a little like a pool and a memorial without you two killing yourself. Anyway, we can do that. No, no, okay. Okay. All right. Just want to put all the options out there. Just lose got some more drops he has to

do. Yeah, I should probably just record my I should probably record now as we get pop it up on YouTube. Can I tell you right now, Lou? I will forward all of your drops to the Library of Congress so that it is forever kept in the halls of history of this great country. Great. Don't only can steal from me. These are my drops. Those are Lou Witsky's drops. We'll get posthumously in posthumously in the radio hall of fame. For sure. And then I will believe that Blackloo, myself, Jacob and Christine, all will participate in the Netflix documentary, uh, ashes of a fire, the true

story of the bonfire. So I'm just going to let you know, we're probably there's probably going to be some stuff you don't guys don't want in there, but we also going to need the eyes on the six episodes So you know it's gonna hurt you know it's gonna hurt a lot then what I still say we should do it We have to do it Lou before Stern's contract is up. Oh, we get so we get this blip he goes Hear these two guys that serious like right down the hall like they killed themselves together on some suicide pack Oh, what show Howard? I don't know these two guys that were here I guess I don't

know like some of the guys that they might have known them. I don't know well you know mental health it's a real thing in this country but anyway we got Andy Cohen on the phone it's it's we're it's we're gonna be a blip but I like these two guys. I don't even say our name. I guess Big Jeff Big Jeff and DJ Larry I think they ended it and Wide ski with ski with I don't know. I don't know the god damn it's written with wittin white ski I don't know I gotta get out of here Power that was good And then it'll be and then I'll move on to how much he hates

The radio show and they'll stop talking about us Look at nothing Why can't I have one person right then my notes right? I Think you do it after you get on Howard you get on Howard you buddy up with him Damn, I don't know my time is limit. Don't know if you know this, but I'm living with FES With floppy eyelids in general. Yeah, yeah Amanda says make sure your life insurance policy doesn't have a suicide contingency. Thank you Amanda. Jacob. Fuck me You want to tell Amanda to fuck off because she's a caller Amanda, thank you for information suck our dick. So fuck you. Bye Amanda. Thank you so much. You're your information does help. Sorry. I have to do what Jacob wants to do

Go die in a fire you dirty bitch. Okay. Hey, man. They want you find something better to do at your time You stupid slut you dumb bitch Jesus Christ. Thank you for the information. I really appreciate your listenership and call honestly Your knowledge of insurance is really helpful in this situation. Sorry Go pay attention to your kids, you dumb asshole. Okay. By the way, look, we lost Christine. By the way, she's texting my business manager right now to find out if I have a suicide cause.

Is that true? Is that true? Is that money get gunked up if he goes off the side of the bed? How much red tape might I have to go through if this guy has a suicide cause? Hypothetically, how many days until I'm in a Porsche if J fucking does this? If J fucking does this?

Can we say he was doing a bit that went haywire? Because they told him about it on the show. It's technically a bit. Technically, it was a joke and then it got real. It got too real. Yeah. Floppy eyelids syndrome, dude. That is by the way, the spot where they're showing that eye is where my this thing is.

No shit. It's where? Yeah. By the way, the spot where they showing that eye is where my this thing is. No shit. It's where? Yeah. Is this my memory song? Yes. Yes. They figured out in the 50s. Come on.

Yeah, dude. Jim McClure sent this in. Oh, dude, that's like our boss is giving us suicide fodder. He's like, dude, our boss is like, I mean, if you're going to do it, this is what you need to do. A flame. There it is. It's been done before. He's like to our boss is like I mean if you're gonna do it. This is what you need to do a flame It's it's been done before he's letting a camel by the greatest cigarette company in the world. Can't damn right God I'll I miss it. I miss you camels. Oh, I miss you. I miss you fucking Bridal lights in a hard pad if you're listening I mean can we just throw that on so like can can this be a monthly payment coming out of serious?

Just the eternal lighter. Jay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you right now you fucking you sack up and pull the and pull the trigger on this You're getting on that big billboard. It might be a gone but not forgotten memorial I mean, inside of serious can news can serious is new logo be the J. Lou silhouette angels I don't think they do logo, but I think they'd give you a rip in the lobby We don't mean anything to this company Yes, can we have a cardboard stand-up when you walk in this series of meat meatloan Angels that's that's a little creepy. I'm gonna tell you right now. It's gonna be a little too off-putting for the people

Now they're looking so cool though. We have our hands and praying thing and we're like looking at you store sideways. I think it's awesome. Lou, how do you want to do it? I'm not holding your hand and jumping off a building. We're going to scream the whole way down. We're going to feel ridiculous. It's got to be quick or something. You know what I mean? It's gonna be quick and cool, yeah. Yeah, let's get like really dizzy and walk in a highway. Oh my god, you guys should play chicken with cars. Or what's the one they did in the program where they lay down in the middle of the street? No, that's too much anticipation. I'm talking about, we need to fucking just take wild turkey

and just roll down a hill that ends in a highway. I love it, I love it. I love what you're doing. I love what your brain works. I love your floppy eye. I love it. Oh, or Lou, we can just take heroin like crazy one night and just like leave. Let's just commit though. It's like until we pass out, let's just keep writing lyrics and see if there's anything there. Well, I'll tell you what, Jay, you leave that notebook around we're gonna cut that album

Yeah, yeah for sure with other people Some of the greatest stars we have today singing these songs. Yeah, dude Well, let's be mysterious so like they'll never find our bodies and then that show if we're really dead so we could be legends guys I don't want you to do that because then you're looking at character witnesses for Christine myself No, we got to kill ourselves. There's too much Carlin is a Bella are gonna get called in and that's is gonna really, you know, it's too messy Will will is gonna be a person of interest. He doesn't know that's why I'm saying Louis got to be like car bomb or something like it because the idea is our bodies have to be so Freak-a-seed That they have to take someone's word that we're dead. Jay you're gonna have to go splat a tat tat.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying exactly. But I think you guys should cannonball off opposite sides of the serious building. No, that's not what we should do. I think if we're gonna do a suicide jump do I say we do it. I have a plane And then would you try to do some point let's try to do some some bodey some Air or gymnastics you know my god catch up to each other and talk before you die And you're flying and Lugo's dying We didn't think about not having our last smoke up here

I won't be able to get it lit and Luke kicks off you to light it under his shirt and nails it under his shirt. You know the old smoker trick. He's going right out of your shirt. So much props for Luke for playing this song. But may I suggest also the thank you for smoking ending where you you put you guys both stick 500 nicker at patches on you. And overdose from nicotine that might be painful though is that a possibility no yeah I mean keeping what's in keeping yeah that was in the movie thank you for smoking he was a tobacco lobbyist and then you got O.D. for nicotine

they put so many Nicarat patches on him that if he smoked again he would die. And he did. No he survived because his body was so acclimated to be smoked. That movie, I got to rewatch that. I enjoyed that movie. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Sirius XM!