The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Subway Attack

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Bobby gets in a knife fight and is helped by some unlikely strangers!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of The Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, The Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. And now the bonfire with Big J. O'Crosson and Robert Kelly. Not on my clock. Not on my watch, Bobby.

Yeah. Well... Bobby's shaking up and rightfully so. But now, vigilante justice kicks in. We're gonna take this city by night. Yeah, we're taking it back to Batman. I've been to Batman. Well, you can change that B for another word.

I know. I really just, not you know, we both, I definitely just opened it up for people to draw really fat super here. Pictures of us. I think you guys meant fat men. It's a wacky day. We have a guest to do. This is the Lost tapes, obviously. It's our Thursday show.

Terminator timeline a little bit here. It's going to be a little ass backwards today because something crazy happened. We have a guest in a studio. Christine, if you could throw her plugs up on the screen it would be super great or Jay I am a little fucking rattled but I am I'm my my anger is in now it's like stages. Now you gotta do it now is the part where you shadow box and dream of all the things you could have done. Yeah. It's one of my favorite Justin Silver one of my favorite all-time

jokes ever was Justin Silver Tom about getting into a conflict. Then later on going home and imagining what you should have done and then calling all your friends and telling me you did that. He goes, he goes, if I did half the things I've told my friends I do, my name would be Indiana, Bon Jovi, Belbella, which is one of my favorite things. It's a great joke. Thank you.

Christine the plugs, please, I wanna introduce our guest. Christine, what do you have a moment? Bobby had a very traumatic experience today and we really need things to run smooth. This is the anxiety of this is actually adding more stuff. This is stressing him the fuck out. I don't know if you know that, little preamble here. There's a slice in Bobby snack bag today it's crazy and we can't get to the story until we introduce our guest and we just

need her plugs up on the screen. Christine the show is falling the pieces well I don't know time to do it Christine thank you for getting my water she took care of me Christine was being being a caretaker. You got to cut her some slack. How many minutes of slack do I have to gear for? We can just find out what Mary's in here to promote. I can just say it. I mean she's right there.

She's right there. I don't know what I'm supposed to talk. How do we do this? Why don't we do this? Why don't we let Mary plug a little bit? And then when we go to the thing, we'll give her a nice super du and then when we go to the thing, we'll give her a nice super duper plug before we go to break on the thing. Make any sense. I think

she's already had it on the screen and then took it back down. I think she's adjusting it. Mary, what do you have to plug, Mary? I do have a new special out on YouTube called Nothing Matters. No, what do you have? Her name is Mary Santora. We have to get that part. Mary, you'll be happy to know that Robertley live dot com is where you can get all tickets for bobby kelly shows great uh... so you have marie centaur's new specials on youtube it's called nothing matters and uh...

you have to read the rest lose heads in the way uh... the limited the limited edition cd audio copies of the special also on sale now you know social media the Mary's Centoral comedy on TikTok and Instagram that's right Mary now you did a crazy thing you made a CD a comedy CD and decided to film the actual set and put it out as a special yes versus filming a documentary of the making of a CD which is very I didn't want to handle it. It's very off on guard. I was on for guard.

I was ahead of my time. I was ahead of his time. He just thinks a little differently. This is what people are gonna start doing right now. I guarantee the DVD of the making of a CD will be the next thing. This is totally going backwards. DVD of the making of a CD that you release as an A-track.

There's too many specials. People want that that they want the making of the special and then they want to listen to it audio on laser disk on a track on only full-size laser disk no many none of that mini DV pussy shit Mary Santora it's great to have you here first time on the show yeah I'm sorry. We are from Cleveland from the believe land. Yes I'm excited to be here. Thank you guys for having me. It's okay, Bobby. I know. I feel like we should just get let's get to Bobby Yeah, well, I mean more importantly how the Cavaliers do in the playoffs. Yeah, okay Yeah, I see what you're doing more importantly than your friend getting stabbed. Oh Not stabbed. Okay, you can't oversell

Oh, not stabbed. Okay, you can't over sell. Almost. I mean, almost. I mean, you're snacks are a little worse for the wear. I got stabbed. You did that's that's fair. You know what? Yeah. In the history books, that's stabbed for sure. When you tell the story to Max, you sowed yourself up a little bit before you got to work. I can't tell him to max. Yeah, he'll never come to the city. No, Now when he gets older and you can tell him the story, you get to add a lot of like, you had your survival knife so you stitched yourself up like Rambo in the woods.

That's right. You went back there and then later on went back and found this guy, but I'm jumping way ahead. And you know that belt you have, Max? That's from his ears. I made that from his ear skin. And skin dim. I used every part of him.

Yeah, I used the teeth. I made that belt buckle with. Yeah, I used every part of him. Yeah, use the teeth. I mean that belt buckle with you see that you know your favorite teeth belt buckle I made you. That's his teeth. Yeah, you know that wall. The wall this is chingolings on it. That's his tattoo. You know cross the kelly's can tell you a fun fact about your name Bobby. And then I want I'm gonna shut the fuck up and let you tell this whole story before I forget it I went out there in the world watch the 2020 last like you falling asleep on it about a clown killer do you watch this one yet? No, I didn't a lady who really loves clowns gets murdered and shot in the face by a clown We just have a stroke. I know I did not He just said three words in one. I did not. He did it

Well this lady loved clowns until one should on our doorstep and shot her in the face But in this story in She wrote it she Other people tell the story it's documentary. It's 2020 But the clown shot her in the face she and then the guy was talking when they found the store that the guy purchased the clown stuff at he said he had all the stuff that every clown has the the hair the Thing the the nose and the other you went to us for the clown stuff Yeah, yeah, the hair the outfit the cliff and then the the the honking nose and the grease paint for the face

And the company that makes, I guess, the most popular clown paint, Bob Kelly clown paint. Yeah. So, and he makes the very popular makeup for women. Is that true? That's not true. Okay. I'm going to shut up.

I just, you know what it is, Bobby? I'm just redirecting a little bit to get you to get your shoulders to drop a little bit. You had a traumatic day. No bullshit. I had a traumatic day. No bullshit. I had a fantastic day so far. I woke up this morning. I went in, I worked out.

I went to an A meeting. We all know I prayed. Oh, God. I got it. I got it. Thank God. I don't understand. I said that yesterday that I prayed.

And you made it sound like I'm a less children. No. I mean, it's in the orbit of less than children. Exactly the same. Asking for a little piece of mind and touching an A-year-old boy. This is identical. No, the fuck. Whatever you get you through.

Yeah, you don't know who I pray to, though. What if it was Satan? Oh, I don't mind that. He did. He did. Actually, one of the stories I was sent that I could have picked for gut felt today was they opened up a satanic after a official Satan club at a high school after school a single they had to finally do it they had their acknowledge Satan you have to

acknowledge everybody now all right so here's a deal I woke up this one let me get to it because it's dying out of me and we should talk about it was fresh while I'm still this can't be dying out this would if I was you I tell this to everyone who I see for the next eight months I thought you about this I about this I get so little bit crazier every time it's I had a great day I we had a great. I mean We'll cut this morning. Yep. I made some eggs Actually, smacks made me a omelet steak omelet

I went and I worked out went to my meeting I had a meeting before the meeting we had. I had a good meeting. Shut the door baby, don't say a word. Then I went to, I mean how great was that meeting we had today? How far was that? We had a really good ad sale meeting. I mean, dude, Bravo J. Bravo. By the way, everybody.

While we were leaving the meeting, they were giving us a round of applause. Yeah, I don't know What what add sail me who did they never got meetings like that? They are This was a first for them. I mean right. I was great, and you know I promise I I I know you might not admit this, but you know you're probably a little nervous. This is Bobby's first add sail meeting with me Dude, we would like peanut butter and jelly jump right in. I Mean compliment each other like run DMC. I started he finishes it boom. We know exactly where to hit the ball We complement each other's thing back. You did this. I went over here did that then we did something together

We bounce around we start taking a hot shit on some of the people in the zoom I mean we ended that meeting perfectly. Yeah, real dismal. Then Christine went, hey, one more question. I know. We were like, I'll say goodbye. I'm getting that. I was actually a really great question.

We were fucking too busy fucking around. And Christine was like, that's great guys. Hey, can we add some more money in the way? Actually, business. Yeah, we actually failed to ask any of the actual questions we had, which we found out a phone call to each other later. We had several. We asked none of them.

Christie asked, at least one of them, but the Agriolais. It has to be a very important one at the end. Christine came in pretty good with that one at the end. Bobby wanted to know if we were able to bring sponsorship to them and point people in their direction who want to sponsor the show. And I don't know.

The answer's still to that. We're going to find out. But anyways, great meeting. Then I went in, had a nice talk with the wife, had a nice talk. Don's going to go get her new car on Thursday. Shut up. I'm not shutting up.

I'm going to keep talking because that's what the show is. I'm going to give you three guesses. Tesla. No. No, that's crazy. I don't know. We can't do that. I think it's a little more reasonable but nice. So I'm thinking CRV Honda.

We have one. Oh, Audi. That's why I'm thinking it. What was it? Audi? Audi? Audi, you low-ranked. What?

Audi? Audi is like, oh, you TTIE, like a belly button. Nope. And Audi. It's not Audi. It's not Audi. You have an Audi. Remember people not Audi. It's not Audi. You have an Audi. Remember people would say, I've been Audi.

I've been Audi. Audi. That sounds ridiculous. Remember people would say I'm Audi 5000? Now I know that means they're OUT, but that's why they're saying it. Because it's pronounced the same way. Audi.

Listen, I have a key of whatever. No, not that. Ready, one more guess. Okay. No, I get two more guess. She said the Tesla was crazy. Okay, great, good. I wouldn't guess these crazy things. I said CRV two more guesses She has the woods Don't think that okay

This is gonna be a sedan Okay What is a girl from Boston one? There's a anybody wants any money car She's gonna suck dick in the neighborhood To make it start I'm gonna show guys in the neighborhood to make a little extra money No, okay, okay loser. She's a mom. She's a mom, but she's a cool mom cool mom car. She's a cool mom. What do you think? I am. Oh, I thought I was super. We had we had the Honda CIV touring the top of the line CIV.

Okay, all right. I'm going up from that. Okay, it's super. Forster. She's like, she's gonna lesbian yet. Yeah, I was like, Jerry's still out, actually. Okay. I wish he was. Give me one more guess. I'll give you one more. I'll give you one more guess. Can you give me a sadan? It's the same thing as the CRV except.

RAV4. No, she's not a dyke. RAV4 is not for this. That's for a 16 year old hot chick. Dude, RAV4 is a lesbian car 100%. It went from the Subaru for sure. Suzuki truck to the RAV4 ask any lesbian what's about a geo tracker no no well I'm saying where is that falling in the lesbian

right yes geo tracker any of those cars Subaru RAV4 Suzuki truck it's all the same pretty much anything you can munch box in the back seat of 100% you can go and pick up a bunch of puppies. I dropped a few dogs. Yeah. And go take a hike. Listen, one more guess. Think nice, dude. Come on, think nice.

I was just going to say that. I was just going to say that. With that with the black grill in the front. Yep. She's getting the Lexus. She's wanting a Lexus to say, just go get it. Just go get the car her Honest C.I.V. you know you want we own it we're gonna buy you to buy at least my truck

okay we least my Ford Ranger tremor okay but you know it hurt of that it's a sick truck it's awesome it's truck tremor it's like off-roading truck it sounds like one of those like one-off so they do. I was curious about that. This is a... You know what I'm talking about though, they do that. I do, yeah. No, this is a Chevy Dart. They made it for two years. Chevy Trader is right there, but it's blue.

Oh wow. I did the blue, the electric blue. It's a big truck. Electric blue. Yeah, it's mid-size. It looks bigger than it is. The front half looks too big for the back half. It's, that's what they said about Jay.

Yeah, I know, I know. Is that why you bought it? I had nothing. I was gonna say me, but I don't know, there it is, right? No, really, what it is, my back half looks too big for the front half. Yeah, that's my truck right there. That's the exact truck I have.

I mean, if you stood it up on its top, it's kinda shaped like you, J. It's not a bad truck. I love the truck. Muskier legs. It's got beautiful wheels. Good wheels. So anyway, she's getting the car.

Everything was going perfect today. And then I go to the, I drive into the city, I do therapy in the car on zoom into the city. I literally pull up. The therapy go great. Therapy goes so good. He prayed he's doing therapy. He's got his mind right. You take your vitamins. Dude, I took my vitamin. You exercise protein shake. I worked out. You did the whole whole cooking. Regiment. So you go with me. I did the sauna for 30 You're a real American right dude. It was so what I I pull into the parking lot I get out they take my car. There was no waiting. I say let me walk the subway's right here Let me walk up one more block. What every man? I'm gonna walk up to 14th Street

So I walk up to 14th Street and those are the decisions in life That's when you know what I could have went right down at West 4th I would have been here earlier, but I was like I got time. Let me walk up. Let me take a little walk Maybe pull a cigar a little bit. I was gonna walk up and buy index cards. Oh Why are you working on monologues? Yes I'm working as time's table I'm doing time's tables and monologues. That's my new hour I'm doing time tables and monologues. That's my new hour.

Are you working on running jokes? Are you working on like letterman style jokes where you can send the paper off when you're done? Yeah, send it right into the crowd, no, ladies, wait. So I go down the subway. I know where I'm going. I go down the subway. And the subway over at 14, it's like a maze.

You get to go down and then up and then over. And then it's weird. So I go down and I take a left and I look and it looks like it's closed off so I turn around abruptly. I almost hit this guy but I don't and he goes, motherfucker, what the fucking motherfucker, I mean, way and I was like, oh dude, I'm sorry, it's closed. I'm trying to help you. He's like, I'm fucking talk fucking fuck you. You fucking motherfucker fucking bump into me.

You fucking, who the fuck you pussy faggot motherfucker? Oh my god. Literally. He is good to someone filling up the balls to tell you though. I mean, yeah. Well, I'm not happy about this to my friend, but it's true. Someone had to say it

So what's Andy what what what? You're stored around with a with a Louis Vuitton satchel Worst part about it says name brand fan-a-pack. Yeah, we're in a bowie shirt and a Louis Vuitton satchel You are hipster. He's not even just, he's describing me. He's not even mad. He's just looking at you. This isn't coming out of it. He's literally looking at me going, fucking weird, pussy motherfucker. Dude, I know what you went through to get that back.

You take a fucking knife to the heart and hope it doesn't hit anything important before you let that bag take the shot. So I go this way. He goes that way, right? But I think he's going the wrong way. So I'm like, yeah, that's closed. Uh-huh. So I go this way. I'm walking down. I go down the stairs and then I go back over. It wasn't. He went down the stairs. It wasn't close. No. So now I think she were just trying to keep a Hispanic man out of the train systems. He doesn't even know I'm there. He's walking ahead of me, going fucking, he's still screaming, fucking bitch motherfucker.

I'll fuck you up, fucking bitch motherfucker. And I made the mistake, I made a mistake. I was like, dude, what the fuck? I said something, I should have just let him go, but we were going in the same direction. We were gonna be on the same platform. It was gonna go down. I told you to give this inner city,

this inner city tough guy teacher attitude. It doesn't always work, Bobby. Well, let me teach you just keep it a figure too. He goes, he said that and then he turns around and he goes, fuck you, you fucking, he just snaps at me. You fucking motherfucker, I'll fuck you up. I go shut the fuck up. Now I'm like, fuck you.

You're in a thing now. Well now I'm like, fuck you, you fucking piece you shit to fuck up now Now I'll be say was he comes at he's my age. Okay. Uh, he goes my age. Wait. Well, he's just like no sleeves Okay, put that way no sleeves. He's got a he's got a bag too. You don't have to over describe it Just yet because I as you know here. I do have some paper The cops were not called on this situation at all. Well, I'll get to that. Oh, maybe there was. In that train stop, there is a precinct in Union Square. That kind of wasn't all that.

I was on, I was over at the seven in the FNM on 14th. I wasn't at Union Square. If I was, it would have been better. But no, we were in the, we were in the L. We were on the lower level. Nobody's there. I mean, do you in the, we were in the L. We were on the lower level, nobody's there. I mean, do you own the rats? You're on your fucking own at this station, right?

So then he comes at me. So I push him and I'm a lot stronger than him. He knows that his phone falls out of his hand. He goes flying back. He knows he's in trouble. You know what I mean? If we start fighting if we if we just fight I'm gonna fucking murder this guy sure He goes but he he just did this weird thing man. He just went All right, and he picked up his phone and he went all right This what you want all right motherfucker now you die

Anyone and he snapped out a nice blade really and he came at me that's terrifying dude Bushman no not a bushcraft bushcraft it was it was a it was a it was a six-inch chef's knife it was a stabbing knife it was a I'm gonna stab somebody make a bench made did it look like he made it like a shank it was more of a I mean I would definitely go with a giant mouse if I was gonna kill you know stab somebody because those are my favorite So he snaps his knife out and just comes at me and I'm I'm holding my arm up and I have my bag Thank God my fat My fat instincts

Because I held my snacks up. Yeah, I bought a bag of snacks. Very stabable snacks too. What's that? What's that gummy? Those things are thick with health. He stabbed my bag. This is nuts man. What? This is nuts what happened to you. Oh I'm gonna say I got no.

I wasn't nutty. Turkey and the Trisket. I was just saying this is all I thought what happened to you. I thought it wasn't nuts. He'd be dead right now. Who goes straight through it? Sorry about that. Yeah dude, crazy.

He, so then he's coming at me Dude this ain't I'm gonna get stabbed like he's trying to kill me. Are you in like Severe survival panic mode? No, I'm not. I don't know what's going on because he's I go I literally said dude You got a fucking not you're gonna do this with a knife? I go really over fucking words So I'm talking to him. He's like you fucking faggot. I knew you were a faggot pussy I knew ha. I'm gonna fucking stab you now motherfucker That's what you find to say. I knew you were a a faggot pussy It's like I knew if I pulled that a knife you'd be nervous without a knife

I saw that bitch in your heart when I saw you when you bumped into me I knew you were afraid blades if I put yeah you're afraid of a stranger swinging at life for you, is that the kind of pussy you're father raised? I can't even believe it. This is America. Wow, what a daffodil. Get out of here, lady. Fucking pussy.

And I, thank you, thank you, Jacob. I wish you were there. You didn't have it right there. You couldn't use the Jacob. Oh, I would have been, I would have done my crocodile done deed to him, man. But that's not a knife. That's not a knife. This is not a knife.

I have a knife in my bag, but it's not the usual knife. I usually have a way better knife that when you pull it out of your pocket, it actually opens and it's like a claw, which is for fucking people up. I have a whittling knife with me, which would have took too long to get out of my purse. Brilliant.

Brilliant. Hang on one sec. One sec. You want a duel? Hang on, bitch. You got to, Karen, did you watch Suns of Anarchy ever? Because one of my thoughts was cool was, I think we should fucking bring back thigh knives. Me and you should walk around the nice thigh knives. Jacob would do it.

A thigh holster for our knives. Oh, I have a bunch of those. Really? Like holster, or under leg. So when you pull up your dress, you can just get it real quick. Oh, oh, around my thigh. Yeah.

No, I'm sorry. I thought you meant, I was thinking. Yeah, hip, but like it kind of comes down the leg. And my- Oh, then yes, I do have a couple of them. Yeah, buddy. Dude, Jacob's ready to rock. Sure, sheets are wrinkly,

but I bet this guy's house is safe. I have a lot of knives, and then usually I just, I usually carry a special knife for the city that when you pull it out of whatever. That's your sheet wrinkle situation. My sheet, my sheets are wrinkled. Okay. Well, you're not as wrinkled as you are

because we do a fitted sheet. Well, you also have a lady who cares about the way the house looks. We do. She's from the 50s. I call her up. She literally went heavens to Muga Troy So anyway, he's coming at me dude. He's coming I mean this ain't this ain't going away He's coming at me He swings at me a bunch of times and I'm blocking his knife moves within my bag

And I keep going dude You're gonna fucking stab somebody over to fucking words you fucking what's wrong with you? You give me the user words argument Yeah, I give a sesame shirt What are you fucking? Use your words, use your words, words He's like we're having big emotions right now big emotions He's coming at me and then he kicks me

You know he was a stab me, he hits my snag, my snag satchel Okay And my snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, snag, sn He hits my snack, my snack, satchel. And my snack, my snack, snatchel. You're snatchel. Sweck, sweat, sweat, sweat, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, across the tracks over the third real and I literally my phone Your phone went into the track my phone went into the track behind the third rail behind the third rail and he kicked it I went my phone and Then he's like mother fuck. I knew you were a bag and I go. It's my phone Yeah, everybody means it and then I go Why would you kick my phone and he's literally trying to stab me and I'm looking at the tracks Like I keep looking at him like dude you kicked my phone. Yeah, like it's on the tracks. How many other people are down there?

Nobody's there. Oh, it's just you and this is the weirdest part So he's he's coming at me for some reason when you kick my phone on the tracks and I'm look I'm not gonna pay an attention anymore I'm really just looking for my phone and And I'm telling him, I'm going, you do, you kick my phone on the fucking tracks. Like I think I think as a man, he was like, yeah, that was kind of fucked up. I can do.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I was like, I just wanted to knife you up a little bit. I wasn't trying to make you lose all your cup. Oh, the tears and contacts. You had to reset your bank passwords and all kinds of stuff. Yeah, you don't kick somebody's phone, dude. I was just trying to stab you in the for a time He got your face ID in there man

I was trying to cut it up and he can't get into it anyway. I was so I was so fucked up about it And then I'm looking he came at me again and I and I kept going dude my fucking you kick my phone on the fucking tracks And I think that you're not even having to he's not swinging knife anymore He was he was coming at me he was swinging and then he he swung at me a budget times with the knife to stab me and then he uh... missed and i blocked a couple of my snack bag and when you say swing like he's like slashing or stabbing he's stabbing and slashing this or just wild now he's not wild he had some technique i'm

picturing and i hate to say this the knife fight from the end of the beat it video Yeah, 100% Everyone's kind of taking a little snack No, no, no, no, I wish I was here. I could have come in and just done that And then he's Hispanic with his with short sleeves, so he probably would have jumped right in there And then he's Hispanic with his short sleeves, so he probably would have jumped right in there That's Bobby my phone my phone Hey, dude this entrance is closed

Dude you kicked my phone Is it you guys held hands and jumped around a little bit? Yeah, dude my phone My phone Pussy pussy I just held hands and jumped around a little bit. Dude, my phone, my phone, my phone, my phone. Pussy, pussy, pussy. And then he, so he kicks my phone. He stops, he comes at me again, but I keep going my phone. You kick my phone, dude. And I think that fucking made him weird, so he stopped,

and then he came at me again. And then he was like, I knew you were a fucking pussy. Look at you, you pussy. And I was gonna say something like, dude, I did say, I did say you got a knife. I went and dude, you're using a knife over this. You're gonna, I said, you're gonna stab somebody over a fucking argument.

What are you, what the fuck's wrong with you? Like I'm trying to reason, like this is stupid. Like, well, I come from a pretty bad home and my parents never told me I'd be a man. So I think violence is the answer all the time. Then you would bring it up though. So he starts crying out, Bobby's his therapist. You're right.

He calls a lot of time and he's like, I wanted to stab somebody else, but I didn't, I thought you'd talk to you first. This behavior is loco, Mr. Kelly. It's crazy, man. Listen, it was just an argument. No, I know, I take things too far Yeah, but you take things too far. You don't need a knife. Maybe maybe not carry the knife. There's other problems me a Well, I speak. I don't know what that means

I grab my mama my My grandmother's my me a well is dead too. Oh So sorry what the common ground we've just found. Hey, do you like triskits with turkey? It's my favorite. Oh, You know what you slice my snack bag But I maybe you could use that knife to open up these little snack treats here. Oh Oscar Meyer. I did not realize you were such low rent when I got into an argument with you They make thick baloney I have another one.

This is a sausage olives and cheese. Okay. Hey, look, you know, do each his own. I packed the lunch. He's fine. Dude, so he's fine. Bayeah. Bayeah.

In a mismatched tupperware. I just sit down and have a picnic right there. You need tupperware that has been stained by other sauces. Here's the thing. He comes at me. My phone's on the tracks. You can't see it. So I got, now he leaves, but I hear him screaming and yelling.

This is the thing. He's about faces and walks off. This is the weirdest thing. I hear like, I swear to God, almost like birds or twinkly things. It was like, I'm not even kidding you, out of nowhere. There's nobody there except for me and this guy. Out of nowhere, five middle-aged white women in blouses came to me and were like, are you okay?

That's how bad the recruitment for the, for the guardian angels are now. She's all middle-aged white women now. It was, are you okay? We came as soon as we heard. It not stood they came up from both ends and there was surrounded me like do you want us to call the police are you okay did he hurt you and I was like no these trans ladies no what trend it was why are we talking like that I felt like you are you hurt that's how oh that's how women in menopause talk I I don't have a mustache is but not like they're not making a statement.

It just happened that way. Would you like me to help you upstairs at all? Would you did he stab you? Did he stab you? Is there anymore that turkey sausage left? We're down here to complain about things you heard. We hate things. We usually scream at people. Please God tell me that was a minority. Yeah. Dude, they all came up and they were like, do you need help? I was like, no, I'm not calling the cops. They're like, he's still there. I go, yeah, I'm fine.

I just got to get my phone. You're just looking at him, still. Looking at my phone. No, no, I got you. He's still on the platform. He's gone. I'm worried about, like, I got to go here. I can't call you guys to let you know what happened. I don't want to jump on the tracks and get,

here's the thing in my- Hit by a train. Here's the thing, I jump on the tracks. Now I get fucking smeared by a train. And this is the decisions you make in your life during the day. My decision to go to Fort's Teed Street instead of going at West Fourth changed everything. I almost got stabbed because of that stupid decision, right?

Now I make the decision to jump down on the tracks. I'm gonna give fucking smeared by a train and that's just gonna sucks I'm like I'm not going down on the tracks. That's just bad luck shit Yeah, so I gotta go now here's the problem. I gotta go all the way up. I see a guy. He's like yeah, I can't go on the tracks I'm like yeah, but you go to vest he goes these these trains are automatic I go what he goes they're automatic, they don't stop. The trains don't stop. There's nobody in them. There's nobody controlling them anymore.

They're just automatic. AI is here. No, but they'll stop sometimes in the middle of the tunnel. They don't stop. They're automatic. They come in and they stop automatically. So if somebody's on the tracks, you get killed. You can't stop early, sure.

There's no dude going, hey man, there's somebody on the track, you're... There's no one they can call and say. They can't be right. 100% right, he goes, I can't stop early sure there's no dude going hey man the somebody on the track Geert so they can call and say I can't be right 100% right he goes I can't jump on dude They're on the back. He's lying to not jump on for you. Maybe but I don't think so look it up Somebody Somebody Google That's not correct. It's so archaic the MTA guarantee that he's lying to me. He's lying to you. Yeah, I take it every day Do you know that for a factory just saying that I have a friend who works for the MTA? Can you call them right now?

It texts them call and yes, okay I want to know because I'm gonna press charges not against a guy who stabbed me against a guy who lied to me But I'm not getting a phone there's a driver and a conductor a driver in every dream This what he said to me goes there automatic you can't just jump down there, dude You got to go up top talk to the person So I didn't victimize twice today and it was maybe by that guy. Yeah, we might not know that we might not what does it say most trains on the New York subway are manually operated systems. Okay most okay So

With fixed wayside signals and automatic train stops Many of them of the signaling systems were installed between the 30s and 60s. Yeah, that doesn't seem like. No, there's AI wasn't there in 1930s. Well, he's gonna find out. That. We're gonna call some of the way to the end.

That was condescending on a very rough day you've had. I don't like that. Well, I'll take why that, because I'm saying he's lying. And like, Jacob doesn't like weak Bobby. You didn't do that. Well, I'll take why that, because I'm saying he's lying. And like Jacob was lying. Jacob doesn't like weak Bobby. Jacob likes tough guy Bobby. He does. And I walked in, he went kind of tough guy. Like a man.

He didn't look at me in the eye when I walked in. But you didn't win. Here's the thing, I didn't win. But he didn't lose. You didn't lose? I almost did. But you didn't. Almost lost two things.

My phone wallet, three things, am I lost? Snacks. And your snacks. He, so four things, God damn it. So I'm sitting there with my phone. So now that I gotta go upstairs, all the way up across the street, down, talk to the lady,

who I gotta say, the lady in the booth, was awesome, awesome. And she let me use her phone. She's like, I'm not supposed to do this, but here, so I got to call Dawn to make sure, this is how much I love, this how much I love you guys. I just just happened. Dawn, I just, it was attacked with a knife.

I'm fine. Call Christine, let her know I'm gonna be a little late. That's good. That's good. That's my first thing. I'm fine. Tell them I'm gonna be a little late, right? Did she call you Christine?

She did. Thank you. And then I went back over there. I went back over to the train place because they were like, it's gonna take an hour. I gotta get my phone. I gotta get it. So I gotta go back over.

She goes, it's gonna take, usually takes an hour. I'm calling them right now. Go back over, they'll meet you there, okay? So now I go over there to the train place, right? And I'm just, there's a guy there, I go, I can't see the phone, I know it's over there, but I can't see it, so I go, dude, can you call my phone? He calls it, you hear it.

But I'm on the wrong side, I'm way over here, I thought the whole incident happened over here, because my brain's all just convobulated, which is a word for my Spanish foster brother, Camelo Sanchez, when I used to talk to him, he go, Bobby, I'm discombobulated. And I was like, that's not a word, and he goes, it's a word, I go, it's not a word from my Spanish foster brother, Camelo Sanchez, when I used to talk to him, he'd go, bubby him, discombobulated. And I was like, that's not a word. And he goes, it's a word.

I go, it's not a word. Discombobulated is a word, bubby, and discombobulated. And I looked it up, it was a word. He was right. Is a word. You learned English from a guy with that accent? Yes, I did.

Okay. And so now I go back, oh, we hear it, we find the phone and the vicinity. It's right, fucking there. Not on the tracks. It's on the Trace. Oh it is. It's over by the third. The third the third rail. The third rail historically as we've all learned from the movie Beach Street will kill you with electricity. I don't know if it's actually true but it happened to Ramo and Beach Street. It will kill you. It will kill you. Okay. Okay. Yeah. It's the

Electrified Rail. So I'm just staring at it now. I got to wait an hour for this guy. But my phone's right there. I'm like, this sucks. You can see it. It's taunting you. It's fine. Yeah, it is right there you want to do it.

I understand, but you're like, getting back, first of all, you do not want to be the spectacle. I don't want to be the job that jumped out. I'm not. Jumping down is not the spectacle. Getting like a key. The fact that I was trying to get the spectacle. Getting like a kid. Back to trying to get back up.

I got a bad knee on my right knee. If I jumped out of my knee snaps, now I got a crawl under the thing to protect myself. And what if I'm only 5-8? What if I can't jump back up? And I got a... That's what I think the jump up is a lot. But I would today really would have been one hell of a show if you did tell us at one point why you're trying to get you had to lay down flat while the train

Yeah, I'm gonna trade over you like something out of a movie. Do that would have been so cool if you die hard this He's got the ladies and blouses making a human chain to get him back up hold my branch so Pull on free I see Seaton Smith. Oh, yeah pure athleticism dude. I see see and I'm I light up I light up because he looks good Yeah, I mean he looks like he's bouncy Mm-hmm. He's going on tour with the strokes. I think he's so fucking cool. I look at him. I go dude Yeah, he goes yo, I'm like I just got attacked

I I'm not looking at the situation, but like the dichotomy of him being like, hey, buy a senior fear of like, I'm not in a good place I can't I know then you got to be also like, oh, I guess tell me your story right Well, I didn't care about the guy attacking me. I think I was like I just got attacked by a guy with a knife He's like, oh my god. What happened to you? Okay, I'm like fuck all that my phone My phone is in the thing he goes what and I go can you come over and call it? And you know and we walked over for you we walked over the thing I he calls it and it's right there. I go do it. It's right there. He goes. Oh, man

I got I got I don't know fucking I can't You wanted him to get it didn't I really did he's not I want him to offer so bad and he and you know what he did he goes How long is it I go dude the trains not coming You've even look at it. You go I think they canceled I think they canceled this room. Yeah forever It's down after the incident I go wrong about it being closed already So I was making up I don't think trains rolling this track anymore today. Dude, New York can't see all trains forever.

So, trains are coming. I go, the train's not coming. So he goes, fuck it. And he jumps, dude. I don't even try to stop him. He jumps down, walks over, grabs my phone, picks it up, hands it to me. But on the back of my phone is my magnetic wallet. So he's coming

back like nervous he's nervous I go hey dude real quick my wallet oh my god he goes he goes he goes what I go dude my wallet he goes where is it I go it's on the other side of the third rail he goes fuck me man. Also my plastic spooner I can't have my yogurt. When he stabbed my snacks a cracker fell out. So he goes over and he sees it. He goes it's right there. I go yeah. Because I don't want to use a lot of words because he might you know. So he goes to grab it and he doesn't get it because it's the third real and he pulls his hand away and then as you look down You can see a little light He just goes fucking grabs the wallet one two hops up and

Fucking hands, can you tell me the hop up describe the hop up for dude? It was like a buddy rabbit ding ding thing right up. Hand plant and push body up. It was off two feet. It was a two feet up and then and then on the hands and up. You know what I mean? Yes. It was like it was beautiful.

And he popped up handing me the wallet. I mean, it was a little dirty. Could have wiped it off a little bit. I mean, he's. Wow. I mean, a little. I mean, if you're're gonna do the job do it right or don't do it. See it. I mean come on Seat and appreciate you getting it. We're gonna do the job Plus it best you will not be hard for this again probably Is it is the worst part about it? I go dude. I owe you a fucking steak dinner brother

You I'm getting you as he goes great. Let's go man I was like hang on one second. I gotta go to work right now. He went what oh He thought right in there you guys were gonna go have a sec. He was like let's go. I got to order me I was just wandering around trade stations all day So I was like not today man because I gotta go do the bonfire, but I will, we, I hook you up. And he goes, all right, let me walk you to where you're going. I'm like, well, I'm just going to the F and M. He goes up.

You're gonna make Jacob get upset with you again. Now that you need to be walked by the man. He needs an escort. I didn't need the walk, but he was like, let me just make sure. So you safely get there. I just, he just like, dude, let me just go, cause he was like, dude, I wish I was here when it happened. You know what I mean? Look, here's the thing. I wish he wasn't there. I just he just like dude. Let me just go because he was like dude. I wish I was here when it happened

You know what I mean? Look here's the thing. I wish he wasn't there It's like I don't want anybody getting stabbed and I don't want I don't want to fucking Because now I'm thinking about I could have grabbed the knife I could have grabbed his arm and stabbed him This my dream is to grab somebody who stands a knife and stab their shoulder with their own hand with the knife So they got to go oh Yeah, it's a simple that's very simple of course even so golf and stab their shoulder. With their own hand, with the knife, so they gotta go, ugh. Oh yeah, that's very simple, according to Steven Seagal.

I think you just grab their wrist and their elbow. You're using their moment. Yeah, you use their, it's the basic rules of I key to it. Let me tell you something, if I didn't have my Louis Vuitton bag on, my phone on my hand and my snack bag on my hand,

if I was just nothing, it would have been a little better. For me, but I had so much shit in my hands. Never hit my rule. Never fight anybody with your phone in your hand. Or your purse. Your purse. No, my purse was good because it was in the front. So I was actually covered by vitals.

Oh, it's protecting, yeah, okay. Yeah, my Louis Vuitton. And inexplicably not delicious snacks. I'm not even. You did a Jason-born move. Like you just grab a newspaper roll, roll it up, you do it. That's what I thought he was what you had. I thought he was gonna go that way

when he's like, he stabbed my snack bag that he like twisted it and grabbed the knife from him cause he got in on the turkey at the right place or something. And it's exactly crazy that he really did get my snack bag. He sliced. He came very close to slicing me up And I think he might hit my jacket a little bit, but that guy Has stabbed somebody before he's oh you 100% steady-ed technique. He's stabbed somebody 100%

He's willing to swing that up listen catching the bag almost would be a reality check. I have a knife But let's let's say you're stabbing me. This is how long it would would have taken let's just see if I could have done it. Okay come at me say some shit. Alright you mother you mother fucker you're gay because of something you think everything's closed. Yeah well let's see about that. You stupid asshole. You stab. Nice hang on look second. I got your turkey. Hang on my zipper's a little. For arms. For arms. Inner thigh. Well that's a gusher. That's breathing heavy. Hang on. Hang on. that's breathing heavy hang on hang on that's breathing big time has your hand sanitize okay it's in the other side all right you're on a knee

multiple backstab back back back shoulder shoulder now just some stabs for the sake of shit he's just nice marking you up on the face let you know he's been there. That's my pen. You are sliced to shit My notebook got your notebook. Oh, there's blood I got my knife running everywhere hang on now hang on. Oh, no, that's the flat. Oh, okay hang on Okay, here we go. All right. You want a fucking girl Bobby T. Lake. This guy is Fucking go 5,000 fucking go Bobby by the time you got that that dude was

45,000 45k and my knife isn't him his knife was good his knife was a killer his knife was a let's go The blade was sharper shit long and that was made for stabbing people. I saw the video my blade God those old ladies came down and beat it dance My blade was for making a spoon or a cane out of wood. Also, I could use that to maybe butter a hero role. Yes. That was actually for his snacks. This infuriates me, but it goes with what I've said. Some people just need to be euthanized. Like this guy.

How do you know he's Hispanic? If you put him, remember my longtime impression? Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, but that, you know that you're just the wrong Hispanic It was it was lose type of Hispanic Puerto Rican. So that's more Puerto Ricans Puerto Ricans more like Little bananas and she now that's that's Mexican. Oh oh Puerto Rican is we want the fucking go huh huh you piece a

shit you're gay because you don't like me poppy gonna jerk off his whole your poppy you got three skits in your bag I knew you were a fucking bag well that's what he said to me keep calling me bag which I didn't mind because I don't understand why why is the way he's so obsessed with you potentially being gay because I had I don't know because of his bet is but this is because when we were going to fight we were originally going to fight I actually said let's do it I made the decision to fight now I'm gonna fight someone today. I said okay You you yelling at screaming at me you flipping out and then I was like go fuck yourself Mm-hmm. I go I just told my go shut the fuck up because I had enough I was like enough for you screaming. I go, I just told him, I go shut the fuck up. Cause I had enough.

I was like, enough, you screaming at me, screaming that you're acting like an asshole. And I was like, shut the, which I shouldn't have said. You don't say shit on the subway. Unless it's to protect your family or protect your friends. Just keep your mouth shut. It's not worth it. It is not worth getting stabbed over the fuck it.

Well, not like your advanced age. Me, I was gonna take back the experience. I was gonna ask you the last time you were in a fight. Like if you would have fist fought this guy, say there's no knife. When the last time you were in a fight like if you would have fist fought this guy Say there's no knife. When's the last time you were in a fight? I would have fucking I would have the reason why I pulled the knife out It's because you were strong is cuz you when he came at me and he was like I'm fucked I'm fucked yeah, and when he came at me and I and I I just pushed him back and he went back It was gonna be a problem for him

Mm-hmm, and what I should have done is I should have if I'm you're ever gonna hit somebody That's a tell me do it. Yeah, I should have punched him in the face and knocked them out What was holding you back from him? You just were like my bag I didn't want to ruin my my my Louis Vuitton back and I had a bag of snacks and I had my phone in my hand I break my hands. I can't eat my olives because my knuckles don't work now. Yeah, I fucked up Here's the problem is my brain. I was just stupid. I should have went the other way. I should have just let it go. I should... You do not fuck with people in the New York subways, especially on the lower fucking level. If you're in like where the cops are,

I mean, you don't say anything. You can't, you can't, you can't mess with crazy. You know what I mean? Now everybody's like, you're gonna call the cops. I'm like, no, I don't know what he looks. I don't remember what he looks like, I told you on the track though, you should definitely, I mean, if he's going around stabbing people, Bobby. Yeah, but snitches, but snitches get stitches. No, you're right.

That is a thing I should have said. That's a guy that shouldn't be. Well, you can make a formal report, but I fancy myself a little bit of an artist. Yeah, I think I can help out here. If you give me a description of this guy, I'm pretty sure I can. Then thin, very thin. Okay, like skinny, thin, uh, yeah, not skinny,

thin, but thin, a little muscle on up tattoos, no sleeves. Okay, no, very tight close. Okay. But thin little muscle on up tattoos no sleeves Very tight close Yeah, very tight close what kind of shoes open tod didn't see the shoes boots. I would say boots Tattoo you're saying right yeah tattoo skinny tattoo shaved head go T black go T How many eyebrows two eyebrows when I grow. Two eyebrows. Okay. I was just trying to remember. I was trying to remember. I was trying to remember. I know you meant. Uh, bald. No hair. Two eyebrows separated. Go T. Separate eyebrows.

And five tear drop tattoos. In a row or a sporadical? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and murdered somebody in prison that gave you a tear drop tattoo. Now that I think of it, maybe there's two of things. Don't say anything to be on the subway, and if they have a tear drop tattoo, definitely don't say anything to them. Yeah, I was a little... Unless they look like a sound cloud wrapper, because then they got it, I arrived.

You say boots? Boots. At boots. Kind of like out of the jeans. No, on top. On jeans, on top. On top, on top. Jeans on top. So you can only see the point of the boot.

You can see the boot. Yeah. You can see the boot, but it was definitely like a boot. Like a working boot or a cowboy boot. It was a working boot. No, no cowboy boot. It was a working boot. Tight jeans, tight shirt, sleeveless, logo on it, belt. sleeveless like he cut it off and made it himself or he bought a tank top. Custom, custom cut and bald, maybe an earring, and you know, earring. Any jewelry, cross necklace?

I didn't see any jewelry. I did see a shiny knife though. He does have a shiny knife. How big was this knife? This knife was a five inch blade. Fixed blade? No, it was a flip. It was an automatic, not automatic,

but assisted open, real fast. I mean, dude, he went like this. Okay, as soon as he knew that we were gonna fight fight and he wasn't gonna win this. What a jag off. He went okay, all right, and he goes now. It goes what about now? You're gonna die.

Now I'm gonna fucking get you. And I was like dude, you gonna use it literally says that you're gonna use a knife. I almost used the word honor. I was like you have no honor This is your honor this is inconceivable I was so if you had pearls you would have clutched them I was bummed out because I thought Bobby I'm starting to know you said earing correct ear. I think one earring on one ear. Yeah, right?

Left ear, sir. Is that the gay ear? Maybe that's why he was so mad at you because he was I was hot. You were hot He had his gay ear. I don't know. He really hates gay people. This guy. I mean he hates gay people I mean that was the jump immediately. Yeah, once he found out that I might be gay because I hate, I'm scared of knives. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a gay thing. We can be scared of knives.

100%. That's how you know your kids gay. Chase him with a knife if he runs away. Trying to pull him mine out to see, like how fast would I be engaged? I ready, go. Go, Jacob. Oh, you're dead.

Step, step, step. Way faster, dude. And it's small. Dude, this guy. step step way faster and it's small dude this guy Yeah, but I go New York small this guy just cuz I I'm gonna do this ready this how this guy good he went like this boom it was out like that He went okay, all right. You want this foam out like that and then it was coming at me slicing it You when you were when you were crying about your phone, you should've been like grinders on there.

That's, I got a meetup in five minutes. All right, don't worry. I was one of the reasons why I need to find that phone. There are things in there. Well, that's the thing is that I would've been like, my phone's gone forever. I wouldn't have even thought about it. I come home one night and the MTA actually sent the phone back

to my house and my wife's just holding it. Crying? Really? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Right, man. That should be a little bit bigger. Shhh.

Crazy. It should be bigger. Yeah. I think this guy is going to be probably caught tonight if we get this at around 14th Street. This is great. I can't wait. You got this. Put up put copies on it.

Hang them on every telephone. Oh, we go. Let me see. You put your own reward on there, what you think. But I say this is, this is sweet, aren't you? Is that the guy who got you? I can't, I didn't know you. Is that the guy? I can't believe you have this in you. Yeah. I didn't, where did you tell me that you could do this?

You had this skill. This is like a- It's not something I like to brag about. We could do a new TV show. J draws your your assailant. Yeah. Call it the drawer. Bobby is that the gentleman that attacked you? This is the guy who attacked me on at the 7th tray. Please if you if you if you if you if you see this man if you see this man if you see this man I want you to please call the police police 14th Street I'm gonna get this out.

He says wanted gay question mark maybe gay guy. I think he was the friend his friend had a guitar case full of guns. Oh no El Maria. She was with him. guns. Oh no, El Marriott, he was with him? Yeah. Oh no. He did. What a fucking thing.

I took a little liberty with the mustache I think, but I feel like this guy probably had a mustache. He's got tea and you went mustache. And that's okay. Chris James. You've seen him before. Yeah. This is the man.

Yeah, that's actually him. Yeah. He's still out there. Still at large, everybody. If you see this man, tackle him. He's got a knife. Dude, it was crazy. But I can't believe Satan is such a man.

And where did he come from? For him to just show up and be like, yeah, jump into the tracks video. He was, oh, what a surprising chance you ran to the only par-courtist. Do you know? He really is, man. He's popular. I'm not exaggerating. Seaton told me years ago at one point, you know,

what he would be, it would be around the clubs all the time. He was like, yeah, I ran, I'm a little tired, man. He's like, I ran like 20 miles just to see if I could do it. Yeah. What? Are you training for a marathon? He's like, no, I don't want to run a marathon. It's like boring, but like, just did 20 miles to see if I could do it. See how my love goes. I've been history. I've been history. And he's like, no, I don't want to run myathons like boring, but like just a 20 miles to see if I can do it.

Let's go. I'm going to be a story. And he's like real tall too, isn't he? It's just. He doesn't do it. You're just who also. That's why he was like, I wish I was here. I get it.

Yeah, I wish you were there too. I wouldn't have my snack bag shredded. Yeah. Yeah. Now you wouldn't have tainted turkey meat. In the criminal justice system in New York City, the special victims unit did not consider the attempted stabbing of one Robert Kelly, especially heinous. As a result, the taping of the bonfire was cut short because a mother fucker was almost

stabbed. Everybody thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. Go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.

I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.