The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Subway Hero (feat. Seaton Smith)

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Seaton Smith tells his side of the story of saving Bobby's life!

And now the bonfire with Big J-Ocerson and Robert Kelly. Sound that... It's the bonfire. The action talk is here, you text, I'm one of three. Robert Kelly, Big J-Ocerson. Keep it smooth and silky. That's a little color me bad, I'm gonna set you up. Coming number seven this week. That's right. If you hit me up with the phrase the page you're gonna get free tickets to see back live. I wish. I wish we could

plug that kind of radio into this once in a while. A little classic radio. Trying to get you in a sexy mood, Bobby, so you can go give the biz to your wife. Well, she's not here until Saturday. I'm alone tonight. Hold back. Don't masturbate. Why?

Build up. Yeah. And then maybe when you finish, you can produce a lot. And that'll make her feel very turned on. Pretty soon. Look how much you produced. Instead of just some sad loads sad loads have just been beaten out of you all week now I think she like I think the older get it's the opposite I think you like less we're boring our guests with our stupid not smooth white sex talk we do suck

shit he is sexy I mean you sexy he's hilarious he's your savior let's forget that he is I was a currently on tour with the strokes. That's not just doing one show. It's only one show Yeah, I'm doing one with them there. They have doing a tour. I'm just doing oh I think you're doing like the whole tour them but where you doing the far sales one. Yeah, four shows did it Yeah, it didn't happen yet right didn't happen yet August or August 19th. I'm gonna be trying to channel you when you were open in for bands I was I said it's a it's a fun gig It's not the most comedically rewarding gig in the world, but like, you'll do fine. It's not gonna go shitty and the hang afterwards.

Like not even the hang with the bands. It's more like you can walk wherever you want and go watch the strokes. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. I mean, that kind of accesses it rules. I'm gonna try to use every measure of my ability to use. I'm trying to do costume changes. I'm and see if I can do like five different outfits just coming out different outfits just to be that kind of. How many times you have to be

on stage? I have to. I mean once. Now I won official time one 15-minute slot but I wrote to 15-minute slot. Okay. How did you get this gig? Julian was coming to the shows at the City Winery with Malaining so we know I was open from Malaining City Winery and then we would go out, have drinks, and then, well, I drank he sober, but we hung out one night with me, Chris Rod and Malaney at this bar, and then me and Julian drove me back home and we just vibed and then he invited me to soccer games, and then we just, I thought I was just a friend and then

randomly his agent was like, yo, you want to open up? I was like, for real? That's pretty awesome. Yeah. It is the hilarious seat and Smith, everybody. We can give official intro. Oh, yeah. That's what we thought it up with all credits. You should just know me and my voice. I mean, that's, that's a pretty good hang.

Me and Christine is also, yes, Bobby's also hero. Let's not forget. But, uh, me and Christine, when we lived on Fifth Street in East Village, there used to be a robotics, like Toley Store next to us. And we saw him going by one day pushing a baby carriage and with another little boy, like kind of a hand in hand with. And when he walked by, I'm a, I don't do like a big like problematic thing.

It was actually probably why he came back out, but I was like, Hey man, I was like, I can tell was he was like a big fan, man. And he was like, yeah, cool. And he's kind of like moved, remember this? He just goes into the, into the store real quick. And then he came back out of the store by himself and he was like, thank you, man, because my kids don't really know what I do.

So I kind of like try to keep that. He's like, but thank you, everybody. He was actually very cool. He came back out, he's like, he's like, I'm not ignoring you. He's like, I just don't want my kids to like. Did you know who he was? Yeah, I actually was one of the third white band

I've bought in high school. Nice. Who's the other was? Yeah, I actually was one of the third white band I bought in high school. Nice. Who's the other two? Well, I opened up with Linnick Kravitz and that time in life in 1996, he was very, very white to me. You know, because of Linnick Kravitz. Linnick Kravitz, because he was a Wu-Chang without

it was like hilarious though. I had to hide it from my friends. I couldn't tell him I had Linnick Kravitz out and tried to go down this path. Oh, you're favorite white bands with a stroke, Linnick Kravitz. And the Beatles. Yeah, it's the same color. Yeah, it favorite white bands are the strokes. 20 credits. The Beatles. Yeah, living color. No, but then I think it was that. Then it was literally back. I remember actually I bought

back and I really liked that one album. And then yeah, and then, uh, and the strokes. I was like, oh, this is how it makes sense. I messed with it. Those three albums brought you so much fine white pussy. For sure. It opened up the world. It really does. I can have a conversation. Now, do you have these double-beated necks

in these, are those all the white women you've banged? Yeah. That's the notches. That's the notches. We're not in such chains. Or is more like a potential for next. You got to move to a bracelets after that. And then Lisa, Amber, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, Tina.

The green ones are the Puerto Rican's, the green beads. And then some Thai ones in there. I mean, dude, Thai girls. I mean, you, you, I mean, I just went out to do as a motorcycle helmet. He's wearing a jumpsuit and he has this NASA bag. I mean, you, you really are a catch. Yeah, I'm in a weird place right now.

I don't know what I'm doing right now. I don't know, guys. I don't know. Are you black? Are you a nerd? Are you hippie? Yeah, exactly. I mean, once I started the MMA fight in the 33, I just like, Yeah, I was gonna say you're training out of fight too, so it's like. Yeah, yeah, I got a black belt

that if another MMA tournament in June. Black belt and what? Tag of showman was a karate Jewish karate. I know they were karate school first Jay Jay took it didn't know you joke tiger showin now I couldn't get the tiger showin I took karate at the Jewish community center which is worse than tiger showman let's close sense a mark Sense a mark you had a lot of body hair mark Horowitz Since a mark you had a lot of body hair mark Horowitz

I say mark remember we looked up Tiger showman's daughter is fucking gorgeous, right? We said podcast yesterday together really yeah, cuz they um we just uh did their tiger show my podcast Yeah, Danielle she's really awesome. I still think I could kick the shit out of her though. Oh No, man. She's really good. No, that's the facts. You're probably right. Yeah, but I tell myself in my heart that I would I'm a Open hand slap away from defeating her quickly. Can we try to do that? Skankfest. Did you get to ring this year? Yeah, but they have to sanction all the fight so they can't let me fight a girl with no gloves. They can't let me open hand slap a woman in the cage. I just don't think it's right. Have you fought in competition? You have none nine of them. You've done nine. Have you won? Have you won? Yeah, I won.

You have none nine of them. You've done nine. I've done nine like trimmings. Have you won? Yeah, I won. I won the first MMA fight last year, and then I did it again this year and gave me a second. It was like out of five, but that's 10 second. It was annoying because of the contacts. How was it?

Body neck below. Okay, so that's why I do it. So you kick somebody as hard as you could in the stomach. Kick punch, choke, try to break arms, try to do everything else just try to have you have you heard of yourself have you hurt anybody I mean hurts like a like injured badly no like you know like you know emotional kicks some yeah you definitely breaks my motion show me on the beads the girls you've hurt let me just shake it this is. I broke her heart. This is Kathy. Don't like real names. I believe in you, Seaton, because I know Seaton would tell me things when we were

the clubs together at nights, like that seven-day a week grind, the comedy clubs, Seaton would say things like, hey, I'm a little bit tired tonight. Like, why? He goes, I ran 20 miles today remember that day and I was like What you were like I was like why for like a man. Are you training for a marathon? You went no? I was like why'd you do 20 miles he goes. I just wanted to see if I could Like see if I could just do 20 city started running and you're like I'll see if I could do 20 miles I did that I did that with a point of ice cream. I was like I think I could finish this And that's what I was right. I'm a defeatist.

I go, I can't finish this whole quarter. I used to scream. Look at that. I did it. I exceeded my own belief system. A lot of belief in this room. I feel good. I was just doing it because I couldn't drink there

than that. I need something to do. It was just built. Did you, now, because you do a lot of things, man. I mean, you're, because when I met you, you were just a really nice of things man. I mean you're because when I met you You you were just a really nice funny guy. I met you in 2007 you remember I know I'm sorry 2005 you know the car crash comedy. Do you remember that? Yeah, no you don't okay cool I did the car crash comedy too. It was a second time. I know dude you won

I won I won the first one with with Bill Squire Yeah, I lost that one I lost one you lost that one cuz Bill farted into a mask and that threw up And said because yeah, oh and a day is back when oh and a oh a a Farcast man was a gas mask and and the people farted in it and he bill bill Squire from Cleveland very funny guy His fart when it was deep. Yeah, it was deep Watching you sniff it really like shocked me. I don't know why I had to step away It was just because you look your gas and fake crazy because you had talent I had

And I had to do whatever I had to do to stay on that show. I do I knew my person doesn't get upset with someone goes Keep with it in one of your sticks. I go. I've got my own sticks I don't argue about the word anymore. Oh my sticks. I'm not doing that. I really do be offended about the stick thing Yeah, you know sticks he goes I'm looking for some new sticks, but I have to stick some doing right now Yeah, I remember that and yeah, but you came up you actually opened on the virus tour Yeah, that was and you and you did you killed it. Yeah, that was awesome. That's that nerve wrecking. Oh really though And a virus to really yeah Oh, I know you're doing that. He won did that and he it was so Dude, I we were all petrified that we're gonna bomb because it was always hanging out a lot of you did

Well, not me, but yes a lot of people did and we were nervous for you, but you went on you killed it Yeah, it was awesome. It was my home town. I knew exactly what jokes to say to those people. It was easy. We just did the Mayweather again with Malanian, and had another memory. So I started taking pictures of the same positions. I did like 15 years before, just to hell of it. You're the awkward nature of someone doing go and everything. We did that kid rock show and me and Jordan Jensen were both backstage.

We just went on and we were backstage going like, crowd's like fine, but they're like, they're dumb, dude. Like they're, they just don't get it they're not fully getting it at all and then Bobby was like yeah they said and Bobby just killed me. I said they were stupid Bobby. It doesn't sound good you're like I guess stupid people really enjoy my call. You guys are too heavy. I guess Jays comedy is too heavy for it. Well, they're dumb. I don't know, they seem great for me. But then, yeah, I remember that.

And then you were in the cellar, you're at the cellar all the time. Yeah, man. It was kind of cool to see you go from, you know, doing that competition with that weird shit. Yes. And then I'll hand out y'all, man. It's pretty awesome. But from, you know, doing that competition with that weird shit. Yeah. And I know what y'all, man, it's pretty awesome. But the, the, you know, but then that relationship, I didn't know some day was going to save

my life. Yeah. All the things you, people say, why do you do this? How do you get? Why'd you run 20 miles? I don't know. Why did you take a tiger shulman and become a black ball? Why do you have a, why do you live? Why would you have sex with so many white girls all of those moments funneled down to this one point in time to this one point in time

Where you saved the man's life and by saved life? I mean saved him a trip probably till like the fifth avenue Apple store. No, I mean dude That day you were running late already. There's a lot going on. I was actually on time. I was everything was perfect. I'm saying it because of what happened, yeah. I went down to the subway, a guy, I almost bumped into a guy, flips out on me. I went the other way. We went up in the same place.

I told him to shut the fuck up, he came at me, I push him. Hard, and he takes a knife out and says, I'm going to murder you. Start swiping at me. I start running backwards holding my snack pack in front of him while he's slicing the bag with my phone on my hand. And then at one point, he throws a kick and he kicks my phone out of my hand onto the tracks. Tiger Shulman. It was more Puerto Rican chingolin gang. Sure.

But uh, and I kept, I kept, it saved my life because I kept just saying my phone is on the tracks. And he was like, I'm gonna fucking murder you, man. I was like, yeah, but you kick my phone on the tracks. And he's like, I'm gonna stab you. And I'm like, I'm gonna kick, he's like, I know, okay, you're gonna, you, I kicked your phone you, man. I was like, yeah, but you kick my phone on the tracks. And he's like, I'm gonna stab you. And I'm like, I'm gonna kick, he's like, I know, okay, I kick your phone on the tracks, but I'm gonna kill you. And I'm like, yeah, but my phone, all right, forget it.

I'm leaving. I'm out. I get it, this guy's crazy. And he left and I couldn't get my phone. And the guy in the orange vest was like, you have to go upstairs and over the other thing. So I went to the lady, it takes an hour. I had to go.

It was my first week or so at the bonfire. I didn't want to be late, I didn't want to miss a show. I was nervous, I was like, I didn't want to fuck things up. And I had to wait an hour for the phone guy, or the guy who go on the tracks to come down. That's what I was told. There's one guy that has to be called and he comes down on the track.

So I'm sitting there, I don't even know what my phone is. Is it worth losing a phone to do what we described? Like, it's the getting it. To me, it wouldn't be jump right down there and grab my own phone. My decision would be based off of how many people are here who are gonna watch the hilarious way

that I have to crawl back up. That's a lot of that fucking thing. I said like I'm beaching myself. So I always describe it. And they immediately show up. They immediately start gathering and watching to see what's happened. I mean, there was a crowd. There was no crowd when I jumped off. And I looked up like five, six people suddenly and they're more like starting. It was crazy. Could start a show.

Well, I didn't, this is my fear, right? I made it, I made it out of this stabbing alive. And then I jumped down my knee snaps again. I can't get back up and nobody's helping me. And then the train comes, cuts me in half, holds me together for the two hours dawn needs to get down to the city with Max to say goodbye and then slowly back it up and my guts pour out.

Yeah, that's what that was my fear. So and all of a sudden, my fear was just picking you up off. It hurt in my back trying to get you off. That was my main thing. So you were motivated. I was motivated to, I was like, I can't do that. Well, it's funny because I'm walking back very distraught

and then I bumped into you. And you were like, you were so, amen, what's up? And I said, what's going on? My mind was in a complete opposite place. I literally was thinking about you. I was like, I wonder if somebody said

Robert Kell is really good with lights in the studio and the podcast and I'm Googling lights. I'm just like, and I see it like, yeah, that's one of my mind was at, like I see, hey, Robert, what do you think about lights? That was my first time, and he looked at me like, I just was robbed. I was like, oh, what, what,

what you think about right now? Because you forgot, I forgot about that. He had a... He was like, yo man, what kind of light should I use? And I was so fucked up. You were a ring lighter or a bar light guy. Exactly. But I was so fucked up.

I was like, hey man, I just got attacked by a guy with a knife. In his immediate response, where is he? Let's go get him. Right? Yeah. He said, let's go get him. yeah, yeah, he said let's go get him That was it no no no that's not what I need you for I didn't even say I didn't look I'll be honest can I be honest with you I didn't I didn't want I didn't like my intent I was gonna cry. He's so emotional about this

He's like I didn't you think you know ago He's so emotional about this. He's like, I didn't, you think you know what go? This hurts the start. But my intent was not to get you to jump down, to get my phone, but when I saw you, I was like, I just wanted to tell, I was so glad I saw somebody I knew, but then when I saw how in shape you were,

and how agile you are. I can see any chance you could have Sassin's Creed wall walk to grab my uh. I didn't say it like that. I go, can you please call my phone because I thought I knew where it was, but it was actually on the other opposite side. So we was ringing, but we were in the wrong spot

because all this commotion, I didn't even know where the thing happened. I didn't know, but we heard the phone, we went over to the tracks and we could hear it ringing. And it was definitely on the other side near the third rail. It was over that side because you could. The deadly we think third rail. It's that I think you think.

I think so. So I went, I go it's over there. So that's when I started using in you windows and stuff. I was like, Hey man, it's over there. He's like, shit. You're like, man, if I was like fucking 33 in black, I would just do it myself. Yeah. If I was a black. Seat any thoughts? 41, no, it's a problem. And I had a guy that and also to the train was coming to that's why I was looking. I was looking at craze like you're not asking me this question. That's what's processing.

I said, I've seen the clock sticking out. That thing's going to be here in about 40 seconds. He was like, you can make it. I think you said that. I said, you can make it. I said this. You didn't tell us that, Bobby was gonna start seat and you're fine. If not, I'll tell your story, dude. I said, I said, you won that one thing with Bill Squire

and the fart and the mask. I'll take it your funeral. I said, I said, I don't see any lights. And I looked down each way. I looked down the left side like a train was coming that way. You know, I'm gonna go upstairs, get some signal, and look up the schedule. You stay down there. No, I looked down, I go, I don't see any lights.

And I think we have a couple minutes. I pretty sure, I think I said that. Yeah, and I was like looking, pointing, going, look at those, the train coming. A couple minutes is not a safe assessment to stay on the train. It is not, but I had to looking pointy and going look at those they're trained coming a couple minutes is not a safe Assessment to stay on the train. It is not but I had to get to the show guys That's fair and I said it was I mean, I don't know at all human costs I mean look at how many women he's banged

He's like I feel like he died because of the white women. I feel like that's rough Yeah, that's a lie. There was a lot of mixes in there. I mean, I really didn't even start that into like 31. We, uh, 29. So I looked at him and he went, I remember you, you go, I go, I go, I said, I got a bad knee, dude. And you went, you, you literally, oh, shit. Yeah. And you look down both ways and he hopped down.

Mm-hmm. Boom. Two hops. Boom, boom., boom, boom to the phone, grab the phone, pick it up and start walking back. And that's when I had to say, oh God, this part, I know this part. This is nuts. I said, because I have my wallet is a magnet that goes on the back of my phone. I went, yeah, better to lose them both at once. I said, hey, hey, real quick, did you see a wallet?

I have a wallet. And you went, you went fuck. He was like fuck. And he went back and he saw it, grabbed it, but it was so close to the third rail, he got nervous and dropped it. Yeah, I had to. It wasn't like, let me just explain.

It wasn't just like near the third rail. It was like, it was like, it was waiting to be T-bagged by the third rail. It was like, it was waiting to be squatted on the face. And I had to stop the third rail from doing it. It was like it was waiting to be T-bagged by the third rail. That makes sense. It was going to be squatted on the face. I couldn't see it. And I had to stop the third rail from doing it. It was like on a level. I couldn't see it from the safety where I was.

So I don't. From my safety vantage point, I didn't know what you were going through. Yeah. You go, Satan, it's under. It's under the third rail. He goes, and also there is a light now. So, you know, job job was a tranquil. What? Yeah, there was a phone was there

was the phone next to the third rail? The phone was a little bit before, but the actual wallow was completely under it. Where I like, I could die if I fuck if I sneeze. Oh shit. I was like, but I was already halfway, I was already there. I was like, I'm sorry, it was like, it's panically hurt locker, and you're like, dude, it's only in my second week on the show, I gotta get there if you don't mind. Well, I think I actually said, dude,

that's a platinum MX, I just got it replaced. So if you- These are all pretentious things to be yelling out. No, I didn't yell it. Well, I was just thinking, I need numbers with my specials. So things work tough in the game. If I die, things are gonna pop.

Everything comes to fruition. Yeah, the real end of this story should have been seat and robbed you. You just take your phone and your thing and dip out. No, if that Puerto Riga was a friend of his and they could not beat the shit out of me and stab me. I don't think everyone listening will know that the third rail will electrocute you.

Well, I think, is that the thing? Is that it? That's the live rail. It's live rail? I learned that from the movie Beat Street because that's how Raymo died. But that That's the live rail. I learned that from the movie Beech Street because that's how Raymo died. But that's from the 80s. I don't know if it's still a thing.

Is it a real like a phrase? Don't touch a third rail? Yeah, third rail is electrical. You'll get killed. It says it now. Touching is a current. Oh, you'll die. You'll get killed. Yeah, you know. And just for bonfire context a month and a half ago Robert Kelly got robbed and stabbed the first week of his bonfire Almost killed on the subway lost his phone and was saved by I'm just putting in six months ago

Yeah, it's gone by so fast fast. No, it was a month ahead. Well, how long was it that long? After March, it's definitely mother. How long was it that long? After March, it's definitely after March. That wouldn't even. Yeah, so you jump back up. Here's the ease though. He jumped back. You jump back up like it was nothing. And you know if I went down, you would have had to pull me back up. My back would have been fucked.

Yeah, you would have had to pull me back up and it would have been embarrassing for both of us. Yeah, I've seen you could have thought. So wait a second. I'll just see that. No, no, no. There's a third. There's a third rail on just train trains Outside what's a train trail? Oh really? There's no way that's true. No third rail in the subway the subway for sure This is showing on a train

No, it's overhead. There's no third rail on a train on an amtrak. You can't just have that you can't be have to walk over those Because you'd have to have it enclosed, because people would just die. Yeah, constantly. Animals and everything would just fucking hit it and die. So outside, no, it's on, it's above it. Down underneath the subway, it's the third rail. And that's where my wife is. By the way, it's not a certain death. You also, you could have just been seriously injured seat. Oh, cool. That makes it better, right?

It's a great news. It's not a death sentence anymore. It's a gains. seriously injured seat. Oh, cool. Oh, that's nice. That makes it better, right? Yeah. Great news. It's not a death sentence anymore. It's a Gades. Yeah. You can live with it. And you get to go fund me.

Who would have a hot? You get a pretty sick go fund, man. You would have had a great go fund. I would have been really silly. It would have been like, what'd you do that for? I mean, I just felt like there were a lot of black people. Just wouldn't retest. The strokes would have to get us.

The strokes would have to get us. And they are doing okay. Yeah, that would have been lovely strokes would have and they are doing okay Yeah, they were the song they read a song for you Yeah, goodbye. So you didn't smear Why can't we fix those fucking third rail system to save a white man's wallet Because he has a golden platter max paid the ultimate price is that the song from that? Move about the white guy with the words and died Who that's isn't that price is that the song from that movie about the white guy winning the words and dad

Who that's not that jingle that the song from a I was doing good by Norma Jean My song that Elton John keeps redoing you're right about dead white women That's it. That's never gonna end. That's a good system So I just want to say to you right now Thank you, man because if I if you weren't there that day I was a hundred percent gonna jump down to get my wallet and it would I could have got hurt Yeah, maybe you would have waited for the phone guy. I wouldn't have I I'm too impatient and I was too fucking mad that nobody gave a shit that some guy just tried to stab me like the guy in the vest Who works there I worry about him? I just got stabbed and he goes, yeah, I saw it, that was crazy.

Bobby, you two trust him, go down there, because you'll be like, I mean, what the fuck is that? Bobby, you'll be like, if I, you'll ask him, if I touch this, if I can get like, shoot and there's gonna go, I don't think so, dude. You can go, okay, he knows,

and you'll do it. You two trust him. I would have, I would have went over and I probably would have got, I could have got zapped, I could have hurt my knee, I could have hit by the train. All this shit was running through my head. All right, mr. Glass F empty How about you get zapped? It fires you back on the Which saves you that embarrassment and maybe you have a little bit of powers now

Something friends with you because you are glass half full and maybe you can control the Powers and then I find that guy and I electrocute and then you kill him with your electricity powers like fucking up because you are a glass half full. I mean, you can control the powers. And then I find that guy and I electrocute him. And then you kill him with your electricity powers, like fucking whatever that big trope on little China guy. Ray, that was awesome. Yeah, so I am into the dragon too.

Didn't he fight Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee Roy? No, Bolo Young. Bolo, that's not plastic. I was in that. Now, the three storms were rain, thunder, lightning, right? And they're remaking that movie with the rock, which is, what is it?

Which one is he gonna be, is he gonna be, Kurt Douglas? He's gonna be, yeah. Not Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell. That's gonna be Kurt Russell. They're remaking that movie? They don't have to.

It stands, that'd be fun for a kid to watch today It doesn't need to be updated. Who's gonna be the Asian? Kevin Hart. I'm on a chance. Ronny Chang. Ronny Chang. Ronny Chang. Is there anything else? Go to IMDB. Have they cast this? I do like Ronny Chang's an actor. Ronny Chang is I like him a lot. I like him a lot. You just played like a he role, but like he was like a boss or music a black neare episode or something he did. And he was in the other moves.

The Shang-Shi? Yeah, Shang-Shi. He's good in that too. He's great man. Good guy. Really good guy. Solid guy. The first time I met Ronnie Cheng, he came to just observe Bobby's podcast and I was there.

Where? Right, cast studios. Oh, did he? Why didn't he come on? No one knew he was. He was in town. He was just like, I'm a where Right here studios. Oh, did he mean why didn't he come on? No, he was he was in town. He was just like I'm a comic from so much big fan He just said I think that might have been the same time Christine's tit fell out You're tit fell out of my podcast. It was crazy. It's out Why don't I remember?

Is it on video? I don't think so. She was wearing a, she, it was crazy. I looked, she was wearing a tank top, like a loose deaf leopard tank top. And I looked over at one point and everyone was laughing and Christine was just sitting there watching us like smiling and her, the tank top was just in and her bra, like little bra thing was down and her tip was like, I was like, I was like, ah, ah, what's Christine? I said, Christine, let's tell him. I actually do that for I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said billion dollars for something. He just got a billion dollars for something. He deserves a billion more, because he's a- Really, you love him?

I like him. Actually, remember when he opened up the Super Bowl? It was kind of stupid, but I loved it. He's so, I just called it. I don't just- I came up with pants, those fucking mauve pants that came up over his belly button, which is for only fat people, by the way.

If you're skinny, you don't get that fucking option. Where is? They were pleated in the comments. Hollywood rumor. He's gay. I like him again. Really? Yeah.

Would you do the rock if the rock wanted to do you? I mean, could I say no? You could. I mean, but you have to say it like it. It's a price to pay. It's a price to pay. And it's called the rock. I don't know if Tiger Showman taught you that defense.

Yeah. I don't know if you could defend the rock bottom. The one of the greatest finishing moves in WWE history. If he took his elbow pad off, you finished. Just second that dick. Dude, the rock. Why I always liked him when he was just the rock in nation. We're now he's pretty popular at that point.

We went to a WWE in Philly 2000 maybe. Maybe even early, maybe like 99, but we went. And he comes out at the end of raw taping and came out at the end of it and did like all the lawn, like for not TV anymore, he came out like I remember because I was with maybe Kevin Hart or Kirk as we made the joke really he's doing like seven tight minutes at the end of and murdering and an arena just does line. Corporate champ or people's champ.

People's champs still. Nice people. Sam was fun. What people champ was ironic people champ or like the real people champ. At the point he was like saying that just for a joke. It was early rock. It was early. It was it was it was a nation of domination anymore. The beginning the people didn't like him and they yeah, and he was like he would say and can you smell? And they'd be like what? And he would shut up. The only the rock says it. That was a great time. When he told the crowd to shut up. I mean, that's that was shit.

That was the best rock. Yeah, my favorite someone always reminds me of his best speech ever. Uh, where shit talk ever was when he was coming back to fight Hulk Hogan or Hulk Hogan was going to fight him and he was like, he goes finally, it's happened. He goes the ultimate match in the cage in one corner, a legend whose accomplishments could never be measured and go, he basically goes through all whole Cogans things. He goes, and in the other corner, whole Cogan. My favorite one was the Dudley Brothers. Remember the Dudley Brothers used to stutter?

Yeah. And he goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you a question. It's like, what? Do you like pancakes? And he went, what the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,

it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, Bring up just compilations what they show recently was like John Cena would be canceled today if like his early wrestling things like his like Like all like the hip-hoppy shit. Oh god. No, please record. I stopped before Cena. I didn't want to see what that was I was out why the color left because I was like oh, there's nobody cool and black and John's like wow there's no reason to be here anymore guys Oh, yeah, here we go this version of John Cena get canceled so fast play it Oh yeah here we go this version of Johnson we get canceled so fast play it Let's get a little volume You're doing I hate you for two words and ego immigration out of a way before it even started you against me There's no way to recall

In a masturbation tournament God Then a masturbation tournament Lames intelligence That's impossible is head is hollow Is T-shirt used to say you suck But dad is switch it cuz he swallows They hit them sit up to you not exactly the leanest forget seeing me bro. You can't see your own penis I'm glad I didn't really know wrestling John Cena at all because he is awesome in the peacemaker. He's so good.

It's he's so funny and like seems to get in this clearly a character. Well, no, I mean, he's doing a character there too. It's just like I would be I would have never given him a chance of nothing to do with being upset with the content. I'm saying more just like, oh, this guy sucks. I was going to say so. I would rap. When the rock and John Cena went out with, with, with

WrestleMania and the rock, the rock was talking about a stupid shirt and his stupid slogans and he called them fruity pebbles. He told me out of, but then Cena fucked the rock. Remember what he did to the rock? No. The rock came out with his, with his shit written on his arm, written on his arm.

And Cena in his thing was like, yeah, I may come out or Rock came out with his shit on his arm, written on his arm, and Cena and his thing was like, yeah, I may come out here this and that, you might call me this, but I don't have to write my script on my arm. And you can see it all his fucking shit on his hand. You can see the Rock go, what the fuck do you say? What are you doing?

This is the thing. It was bad, man. I enjoy wrestling beef. It never really gets too ugly. I'm a big MMA fan right now. And there's this one storyline that will start to get kind of scary. I ain't wanting to see it.

Is he Israel, Adesanya? He was gonna fight that Deuce Pleesys, Nick Jude. And, oh, Deuce Pleesys, okay, I'm bad. I'm talking on a shorthand. There was a guy for that thing. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. I forgot about that.

I forgot about that. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. I forgot there was a guy for me that bought bonfire contacts because some people just tuned in absolutely Hi everybody my name is seed and Smith and I'm talking about the UFC MMA MMA it makes martial arts and well recently there was a fighter champion in Israel, Alessagna and he Really wanted to fight this white guy from South Africa. So the fight. Bring up at what's his name? DupliCies I've seen him before Yeah, I'm gonna do police and in order for DupliCes to move up in the rankings of UFC, he started talking trash. And he said, the line, I'm more African than Israel and Alessagne.

And people to know the DCV's got is white. Super. Why do they big J and Jacob put together? But he's South African. South African white. So he's going around. I'm more African than you. We just took up the country 50 years ago.

So that will weird. So is he gets on the, a I'm sorry back to the Oh is he's from Africa his family's from Nigeria Please from Nigeria the other ones from South Africa where they didn't like the ones from Nigeria It's really and but he lives in like New Zealand now so it's all like oh well He ain't really real African which is like a weird thing for a white guy to say and so then after do police He's want to fight is he went into the cage to talk trash which is like a weird thing for a white guy to say. And so then after do policeies want to fight,

is he went into the cage to talk trash, which is famous? Instead, I think he got too drunk and just said, nigga, like, fortify time. It was so weird. What I just said, what I'm nigga, what I'm nigga, what I'm nigga, what I'm nigga, what I'm nigga. Can I just say something real quick? Everybody listening right now,

Satan is black. He's black. Hopefully this only happens on the bomb fire. One time a year, guys. Hopefully. I mean, on air, one time a year. But yeah, that was like, oh my God, I kind of don't want to see that campaign.

That is such a fun. That's gonna be a good, I mean, that fight. When I was in, when I went to South Africa, 2003, maybe it was Todd Lynn. The late Todd Lynn was with me and I remember going and all these, all of these other comics from all over the place were with us and we had a guy who was driving us to our first gig. The driver's name was George, local black guy. I remember local George.

South African driving Driving the transport very nice guy and at one point they were asking Todd why he's being like not friendly and shitty to everyone And he goes why do you just attitude bad? He was like I got a bad attitude because I'm a black man living in America or something like that and then everyone got weird and quiet, real weird and real quiet and I didn't even know why everyone got so quiet and then Todd when he got out of the car I was almost like, so I got Todd's just like, he just plays the villain, like, he'll loosen up and you'll all like him in a while he's like, that's not that it's just that's a pretty weird thing to say in front of George who slavery just ended 11 years ago. It was like, oh, it's a 2003 or so.

You know, so it was like, yes, slavery is like not long ago there. Like, you know, apartheid, but potato patato sort of, you know. Weird. I was at the seller last night talking about Todd with a big Lee and John Laster. And there was an angle with Todd that's not talked about enough. He was angry because he was a black man in America, but it had nothing to do with race. It's because he was born with a little bit of yarn. Yep. And so he just broke the black nibble,

what a bit of yarn. Was he born? No, he wasn't born. He had an accident happening. Like his arm got bust up in an accident and then it went like atrophy. So it was a little baby arm. But man, black people are not nice people. He was so nasty to people though.

Yeah. I mean, but there's such great lines when I'm like, Black people are not nice people. He was so nasty to people though. I mean, but there's such great lines when I'm like, him and Mike Epps. His baby arm was funny. Just when he was on stage, because he couldn't put the mic in it. He has like wrap his hand in it, put it in front of his face.

But what you got Mike Epps was fighting with him one time, like they were arguing about something I think Todd was getting into like the, well why don't you shut up and throw a punch or something he's like shut up if I come over there and dunk that little chicken wing and barbecue sauce and fight it off. Oh god. Wow.

Uh, I dunked that little chicken wing and barbecue. You got a special coming out. Oh I special came out in February but then um where is it? It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube, what's it called? It's called, Seat and Smith Lives Matter and Square Garden. You at Manus and Square Garden?

Yeah, opened up from Malaney, and he let me shoot a special in the front of him. Wow, that's fucking wild. I saw it on the post, you put up about it, man, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, that's awesome, man. And he just gave you everything. He just said, like, I'm not gonna get it in your way.

Wow. But I feel like I got it by, you know the other equipment to make it all make it stuff I'm not in your way just you know support. He really is that's a part of what he didn't he didn't produce it though No, I am producing now. I'm just was like you didn't make it by blow or anything You can do you can do whatever you want just go get no kidding listening. I don't talk about that Now he's doing good. I'm so happy for the guys kicking ass It's to me and I get you have for the guys kicking ass. Yeah, it's such a, it's, it's to me. And again, you have to see him two guys like Greg Geroldo and, uh, and

Malini are two people that I'm trying to even picture them doing drugs at all. Let alone, you know, being so like, like, problematically, I never saw it. I mean, I never saw the cycle leather wristband tattoos. Hey, no, but he was always to get just look like a, like a fashionably, like, hip guy girls, Doug, I never saw like the sweaty, by the way, we did that show Z rock together. And they would, uh, they'd come to me at one point. They were, if I went on another day than him and they were like, we had to send Greg home yesterday, like, he just was like sweating and couldn't like stay awake. And I'm like, really? But then I'd see him on another day we were shooting they were like, we had the same Greg home yesterday, like he just was like sweating and couldn't like stay awake.

And I'm like, really? But then I'd see him on another day where we're shooting together and I'm like, where, why would I never catch it by anything? I was like, so it's just, and Mulaney same thing like, yeah, because like, he was like,

buttoned up guy I've ever seen. Like, where's this party? Mulaney, I never saw, but I've never seen a guy that straight lays to kind of, just a nerdy dude annihilate. I used to have to follow him at the seller and it was a fucking problem. Yeah, I don't think he is. Like he plays more nerdy than he actually is.

I'm not saying he's like a lot. I think you're right. I think he's just like, I think it's his personality is like that, like a suit wearing guy, but like it's not. It's also his voice is very hello. I'm a millennia and I have good jokes and I love pussy cocaine and assholes. Not in that order. Yeah. Well, we'll see you in a special live at Madison Square Garden streaming right now on YouTube for free. Go for it. Go for it. Thank you. Thank you.

Give it a click. Get those fucking numbers up. We'll be back. Go see him live too. Yeah. September 11th is comedy solo. We're gonna get tickets on your website. Yeah. Yeah. Seen Smith.com. And if you guys are in danger, look him up. He's around the city saving lives.

He's always, he can navigate that third rail like no one else I've ever seen. Yeah, you drop a baby down a well, he'll save it. I've done that. I think we're back to say goodbye. If not, you know, bye. See you next week. Enjoy the pre-record. Jersey Shore tomorrow. Maybe, look at the time. It's a bonfire.