The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sugar Gliders with Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

The great Luis J. Gomez brings his son James to the studio as he promotes his new coffee and special taping. James and Bobby's son Max are growing up together and their relationship started off with an assault. | A parent pulls out a knife at a P.T.A. meeting and frightens everyone while giving a speech about guns in school. | The guys discover an exotic pet called "sugar gliders" and want to purchase them in hopes that they will turn into Gremlins. | Make your own Freddie Krueger fingers. Luis J. Gomez will be at Side Splitters in Tampa this weekend taping his new special, directed by Robert Kelly. Body Brain is his coffee that promotes testosterone- bodybraincoffee.com. Knives & Spoons by Luis J. Gomez can be pre-ordered now anywhere you get your books! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly How many years Bobby have to the show Before he rise he always goes to the bathroom and comes back It's late after the shows back alright. It's nice James is gone Bobby's gone. Wait a minute. Oh No, and Paco's gone. Oh, no. Oh god Take a fucking gay play happening in the bathroom right now Everyone's all pretending to be overly proud of James going to the bathroom by himself. Yeah

Look at you. You're getting so big, guy. You're getting big. They're all whacked out on fucking steroid coffee. Paco, you took him to the bathroom and just left him with Bobby? He's an adult. Wait, what? Where the fuck?

Paco, he's not going to find his way back. He has no way to communicate with us. No, I told him how. Studio 3 in there. You want me to wait outside? I'll wait outside for him. Yeah, wait for him, obviously. If you don't know, if you never read a serious exam,

it's a maze of hallways that all look the same. It's like Severance on this floor. Yeah, it is in a lot of ways. We're also just whacking numbers so we don't know what the fuck we're doing. Just gotta see where it looks, where it feels right. I'm out of shows right now. Bobby.

I'm out of shows too. Yeah, buddy? You gotta pee faster. I'm out of shows too. Yeah buddy. What? You gotta pee faster. I wound up talking to, I'm sorry, I wound up talking to Christine and then James, he went down the wrong way. I had a... Whoa.

Christine, you're talking in the hallway. We got a show on the air. I didn't know it was gonna take that long. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's both your faults. No, it's all my fault.

I'm gonna take the hit. You know what I am? I'm taking the hit. Okay. I's my fault. It's both your fault. No, it's all my fault. I want to take the hit You know what I am. I'm taking the hit. Okay, I Apologize we're back. It's bonfire facts talk series xm103 Big jokes and Robert Kelly really like scolding people. Well You know what else is scolding body bring coffee you add to scolding hot water Your protein drink Or a cup of cheese that I wanted to show something while you were in here Louis fucking crazy Christine

Can you find this a video? I'll just explain what I saw on something on YouTube, but it was a I guess a PTA meeting or some sort Or just teachers at the school or parents at the school talking to teachers in some room and there was a guy one of the dads it just struck me as it was like me or you at one of these PTA things or something like gruff young and going in and he's like he's he's arguing I think they should have armed guards at the school that kid they should be guards there to make sure the kids are safe and then then, while he's trying to make his point,

he starts like fake, like talking shit to one of the teenage kids, and going like, now what are you gonna do now? What would you do? What would you do now if there's no guards? And then, you know, the crowd just kind of like, what? And he just pulled out a fucking knife on the kid, and goes, how about now?

What are you gonna do now? All to make his point about, like, there should be an armed guard there, it's fucked. Could you imagine finding out that happened like in the school and your kid was in that school? That's crazy. I mean. And finding out that it wasn't your kid, Bobby?

I went to a school with armed guards. We, did you? Yeah. I went to a school that had armed guards for sure. I mean they had cops. They had like a lot of cops. Lawrence High, Lawrence is a terrible part of Massachusetts. And I want to say.

Yeah. That's what it was, it was Neighborhood Wars I was watching. What is Neighborhood Wars? It's a great show on A&E, it just has great videos of neighbors fighting each other. Yeah, so turn this up. In Rocky Point, Long Island, parents and students alike

have gathered to discuss ways to do just that. I'm considerably larger than you, okay? But after one high school senior Parents and students alike have gathered to discuss ways to do just that But after one high school senior finishes telling officials how he's against armed guards in school a man calls him over Can I just ask you a question was it this guy that's talking is the adult. Yeah, and the kid that he's taught that's a boy with the long hair Yeah, I guess so he's talking to another young student about somebody he does the young somebody's parent This is talking to some other student about not not wanting arm guys This kid doesn't want this students like fuck you don't need armed guards armed guards. But this guy's voice, even alone, he's going, let's say I'm going to attack you. I'm much bigger than you, OK?

This guy's a fucking badass. I know what you guys are talking about. This guy rules. Lewis loves him. Yeah, look at him. He's fucking jacked. He's huge. He's definitely got a backwards Rich Voss hat on.

He's definitely, he's fucking stocked up on Tonga Ad Ali. He's got a leather Scali cap on. This guy has lines ma made up the ass. Fuck it dude, this guy's got Ashwagandha coming out his pores. Coming out of his proverbial tits. Back it up. I love this, by the way, his timing.

It's such like a speech, like in a movie, you walk in, you go, 10 minutes. The average body lasts for 10 minutes once the femoral artery is cut, you know, that kind of speech. He's doing one of those. It's the way he gives the speech. You know, he gives a speech like that. Like, it's going to take the cops five, 10 minutes to get here. 10 if there's traffic. You know what makes it even better? There's a nice American flag behind him.

I love it. Yeah. Whistling Here we go. If something happened, if I decided to attack you, it would take the cops three to five minutes to come here. Probably ten if the traffic's bad. And you know how it is at Route 4. Yeah. Dude, if there's... With the wind coming in at 25 knots from the east. Now let's say...

And the speed of bullet travel. I could end your life before you even thought to screen off. Depending on the time of the day, I mean if you're coming from even thought to scream it out. Depending on the time of the day. I mean, if you're coming from maybe 8 to 10 a.m., there's going to be real problems. And you never know with all the protests now, they could block the street. That's 15 minutes. We're talking about 17 minutes minimum. Little fender bender holding up people up there on the BQE.

It's going to be a son of a bitch getting in. If I were you, I'd take the Midtown Tunnelnel swing it down the FDR and go around avoid the traffic and if it's raining forget about it. You're gonna do a few more miles but you're gonna save yourself ten minutes on the back end. Now! Now! Now that's just the cops. Never mind your mom or dad. By the time we get a hold of them you see your dad's what? Your dad's probably home, he's out back dude do it around Those private taking with seven minutes. What's got it? What kind of shoes you have slip on today slip on is he's got new balance The Velcro all right now we're looking at about that's gonna be a good 12 13 minutes before he gets here to your mom carry the one Bing bang boom you're dead. Yeah, don't forget the ambulance Don't even get me started on the ambulance he just pulls a knife out on

this child watch whose two daughters attend the school has a different opinion on the need for armed guards and to prove his point he does something What are you gonna do now? Ha! He pulls out a sword. Can I say something now? What kind of knife is that? It's not, he didn't, if he doesn't unsheath it... Yeah. And I'm gonna sound like a hypocrite. Because the guy at the car dealership didn't technically unsheath his sword when he attacked me with it. And I really had a lot to say about that guy.

Well, you know what I hear his honor. He's actually a samurai. You do not unsheathe your sword. If he doesn't open the knife, is it? It is. It's a very small, it's a weirdly small knife. The rules of a sword are different. If you take the sword out, you have to draw blood with it.

Yeah. You have to murder you. Louis doesn't know Bushido code, and I'm not going to start. But you do. I'm not going to be your ground level Bushido code coach, okay? You follow the way of the samurai and then we'll talk. Have your coffee. Yeah, enjoy your coffee.

I'll be over here obeying the sun. Bushido, how do you know about the Bushido? What? Oh my God. What are you gonna do now? No, that's closed. The man pulls out a switchblade. That's closed. Taking the team of guard. Oh, okay.. The man pulls out a switchblade. That's closed. Taking the team of guard.

Oh, okay. And it's also not a switchblade. Stop it! No, that's actually a knife from Alaskan Inuit people made of whale bone. But just the fact that someone in the back, following a parent just goes, Hey! Stop it!

That's enough! I'm like, what is this point you're making? He goes, I'm bigger than you if I attack you. Someone should already be like, Hey sir, I'm telling you that as a student. Did you hear the beta dad go, stop it. No, no, you're scaring him. But can you rewind it over here, the little guy dad.

What are you going to do now? What if the kid pulled out his own knife and stabbed the shit out of that father? What are you going to do now? Ah, threat. What if he took a samurai sword and cut his head off? And just held it up? out of that father. What are you gonna do now? Threat! What are we doing? A samurai sort of cut his head off. Oh. And just held it up. This is what you do. What are you gonna do now? What am I gonna do? He sliced him and it just half his body

slides off. I've been waiting. He does something very quick. I think you see the dad just smile and then his head falls off his neck. Thank you, Daniel. That was a very nice presentation. I do. We will note down that you do not think we need armed guards. I got it. Switchblade taking the teen off guard. You think? What are you going to do now? Yeah. Shocked by the man's actions. The neighbors are unsure.

Oh wait, most of the parents just sit there and by the man's actions, the neighbors are unsure how the man was. By the way, most of the parents just sit there and eat the shit of a... Way earlier in that weird forehead to forehead confrontation he's having with him, I'd have been like, what is this? I'd have to ask, what's happening? I would have been on the side of him like, he's calling you gay. As soon as the guy went, stop it, he just threw it and hit the guy's forehead. Stop it.

Stop it, punk just threw it and hit the guy's forehead. Stop it! Stop it! God damn it. Shocked by the man's actions, the neighbors are unsure how to handle the situation as the man holds the knife in the air. I just walked into the building with this. It's not a gun, but I can do a lot of damage with it. Who says this? Just so you know, I mean, you catch me on the wrong day.

I'll fucking, I'll fillet you like a fish. 25 or 40, you're coming to the hospital too. And I got herpes. Femoral, femoral, carotid, carotid. Somebody's gonna have herpes too. This is called a butterfly knife. I will open you from tits to navel. Are you familiar with the Columbia necktie?

Where I will take out your throat and pull your tongue through it. Anyway, these are the things I can do with just a stupid little knife. I love that he keeps going, this is not a gun. But I could cut your fucking eyes out with it. Do you understand? But it's not a gun. It is not a gun, however. But I did walk right in with this. I could flay all of you like a flounder.

It's below four inches, so it's illegal. Anyway, have fun, nerds. Anyway, we need guards. Later, nerds. Adoio rules. I'm glad. Let me see what it is. With the students and other parents in attendance.

That's illegal. I need such a mic. By the way, why are you getting so? You can't even see the attendance. That's illegal! I need to put some money in. By the way, you can't even see the guy saying that's illegal, but you can tell by the tone of it almost. Somebody looks like Jacob. But it's this, it's definitely this. That's illegal! Yeah, it's a heckler that's a coward.

Like, the way he just says everything, he goes, hey stop! And then he points to the guy in front of him. Yeah, he goes, he goes. This guy, yeah. This guy's a fucking cuckoo. Yeah. These guys stink.

You know if that was Lewis he'd be like, put the knife down, I'm gonna fucking hit you and you kiddin'. I'm gonna count to five. Backwards. Paco, tell him what I can do. And Paco's gonna show him like a rib bruise. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I don't like you in school. That's insane. What do you think a guy with a gun? No, that's completely illegal. By the way, someone's trying to have his back to go, what do you think a guy's going to do? Is that a real person talking? And it's so funny because they're debating it and then the woman went, this is why we

need security. It proves his point. She goes, what do you think a guy would do? Let me hear that again. Can you remind me? I want to hear this little squeaky voice. That's illegal. You can't hold it. She goes, what do you think a guy would do? Let me hear that again. Can you remind me? I want to hear this little squeaky voice.

That's illegal. You can't pull a switchblade out on a kid in a school. That's insane. What do you think a guy would do? No, that's completely illegal. This is why we need security. Someone doesn't want to have a mix up so bad, they agree that it may have been a good lesson to learn.

She goes, well, look, I can imagine if that was a gun. It's a knife. It's a guy with a knife. She didn, well, look, I can imagine if that was a gun. It was a knife. It's a guy with a knife. She didn't realize that she was even saying it until she said it. She was like, oh, boy. That was the whole point. Wow.

And then she goes, everybody stop. Genius. Oh, my god. We got it. And he goes, thank you. I've been the Dix Hills Playhouse. He doesn't even talk like that. He's really the theater director.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. I just wanted to teach everybody a lesson that we do need security. It's not even a real knife. It's a stage knife.

He stabs himself in the chest with it. Nothing. God damn. This is the situation. The man is escorted out of the building. He throws himself in the chest with it. Nothing. God damn. By whom? He's like, I'm gonna let you let me... I'm gonna let you make me leave, but just so you know what I could do with this knife. He goes, I could have fucking split everyone ear to ear.

And watched you bleed out while I danced. I'm choosing to leave. He goes, give me the knife. danced. I'm choosing to leave. He goes, give me the knife. Nah, I don't want it. How embarrassed do you think his kid was? Oh, that's what I'm saying. That kid's gotta go to school. He goes, hey, did your dad pull a fucking knife

on Jeff yesterday? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Jeff, you're not mad at me, are you? My dad's a whacker, you know? I know, dude, but that was weird. Yeah, he just wanted you guys to know that it could have been a gun,

and also that he could have killed every one of you. So I think that that guy is libertarian? That was Dave? Is that what we're learning right now, what libertarianism is? Dave was the guy in the back, it's illegal! For Dave to pull a fucking gun out of the PTA meaning to prove a point.

This is what will happen if you let one black student into this school now. I think my point is made. What are the chances that your kid dies in a school shooting? I feel like it's a thing that we, I understand it does happen a lot in this country, but I mean- It's like AIDS, it only happens to gays.

Poco liked it. Poco likes everything. He does. But I mean, aren't you more likely to get hit by a car or get into a car accident? No. Or a million other things? I mean, they are. I bet you you're way more likely to die in a car accident than you are to get to die

in a school shooting. How about a mass shooting? Yeah, no. Car accidents happen all the time. We know people that have died in car accidents. Yeah. We don't know anybody that's died in a mass shooting. I do.

No, you don't. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. I don't think you're gonna call me I thought you're gonna be intrigued also Bobby's nephews were the Boston Bombers. Hey What the fuck are you doing? What what are you doing? I think it's time. I'm sorry You can't scare me away people know your past Bobby comes from money his parents are still together Wow Okay, great Luke. You bottomless money Luke. Can you get me that send it to that remember that email I sent you bottomless Bobby comes from bottomless generational

He's been hiding he's been hiding it from us His parents are still together the odds of dying in a car crash or one in 93 over a life that no that's actually not that's impossible It's crazy. That's crazy. That's I don't like if you told me anything was gonna happen one in 93 times I wouldn't even go outside, but she's getting it from Zeus to something the Zeus the seductive eagle Yeah, what the fuck does he know? Oh, you're on reddit about yeah Zeus the seductive evil is not the guy I'm getting my stats from that's cool. What do you want it from Copernicus the seductive Al? What do you want it from Copernicus the seductive Al? I would even try to say

Is it be brain no, it's hot coffee I I thought it was water. What? I need water. I'm dehydrated. Christine's gonna hand you water right now. Oh, I love you so much, Christine. Look at her getting in the game like that. I thought that would be real. It's fantastic. I love your girl.

Dying in a school shooting is very, very low. But the fear surrounding it is understandable. One in five million? Oh, nice. Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, that's good. So we only, one in five million kids gets killed. Fine.

I mean, you're more likely to get hit by lightning, you're more likely to win the lottery. You can't, I mean, would you take that? What if you're a kid? It's just not anything we should be spending many resources on. I think schools should have cops. Do you remember the old David Tell joke about the,

when the girl got her arm bit off by the shark? And he goes, she won an Oprah, and she was like, well, Oprah, these things happen. And he goes, actually, shark girl, they rarely happen. He goes, you have more odds of eating a bagel with Hitler while... He goes, eating a smelt bagel with Hitler on top of your lottery winnings

than you do of having your thing. Hitler while he was eating a smelt bagel with Hitler on top of your lottery winnings. That you do of everything. He's a fucking genius. Fuck. So fucking funny. I think young kids up until high school should have cops at the school just in case something happens.

You know, whatever the fuck happens. So I guess what we're saying is James get a gun and fucking make history dude because the odds are it's not gonna happen to you. Don't do that. I mean, there's more kids that die in bus accidents on their way to school than get shot and... Ooh, kill the first girl you like. You're never gonna get over that pain.

If you can't have her, nobody should be able to. Or just get her pregnant and stay with her forever Or just get her pregnant and stay with her forever. Or get her pregnant and stay with her forever. What? I didn't curse. Hey, James. James, will you let them come up with me and Max for the weekend? Yeah. I know you can't do it.

Yeah, we're hanging out in Tampa this weekend. So that's enough. Are we letting them be alone in the Airbnb when we go up and do shit? Well, I think Thursday night I'm gonna be with them. Friday night, yes. And Saturday night, I... But I think they should come Saturday night. I think they should be part of it.

Aww. You should have James introduce you. No one's doing that. James should not introduce, but should come up at the end. That'd be a good moment to see moment dad. It's literally not a cute I'm not Nate Nate's a cocksucker actually for doing that cuz everyone's kids go Oh, I really Isabella still like you've never had me do anything introduce you I think come on come on not introduced, but at the end he should come up get a moment at the end

He can't watch it He can come up the end will get him I mean you're putting me on the spot cuz because now I say no, it seems like I'm being a dick to my son. Wow, dude, I would have done it for my child for sure. And Bobby definitely would have done it with Max so many times. Oh, 100%. He came up with kill box.

But listen, if you're worried that James is going to steal your shine of your moment, you're right. James, he's right. It's his moment on Saturday. So you could just stay in the background and let him shine. Stay back at the Airbnb by yourself. Stay in the Airbnb by yourself With access to a credit card, what are you guys doing? We're just sitting by the pool. Where's your dad?

He's filming a special years old. That's old enough for them to just hang out by the pool, right? It's all enough to go to a special and see his dad fucking film something epic. It's not a friend It's old enough to figure out that the local newspapers usually have hooker ads in the back and they're cash only. Oh, come on. Listen. What? Did you guys not know that? Is that new information for everybody here? Paco, I know that's not new information. What if we can't get a babysitter? Well, no, they'll probably come Saturday and hang out in the green room, but Friday night maybe.

Friday night, I can go back and hang with them. Because you have shows. I need to see the first show. Yeah. And I got to go there early anyways, but I think that you can... I think James will be a good influence on Max, but Max is a bad influence on James, so that means they both die.

They'll die, but it'll be like wherever they do it, it'll be like two Max and James shaped ashes of James with his hand on Max's shoulder stopping him from pushing something. And then when you guys close the door. Stabbing a fork into an electrical socket. And then when you guys close the door,

the wind makes the ashes just go, and they just crumble away. Like end games? Yes. Do you remember, yes, do you remember the first time that they met? The first time they met? On my lawn, the first time they were hanging out.

It was a meet-cute, right? No, they were sitting on the. They were both feeding ducks ducks and they were like, I don't think you feed these ducks No, they're like we're sitting we're sitting out front of my house and they're both on the lawn in their diapers just hanging out and we're looking at him and then Max just grabs a Toy and smash birthday and just smashes James in the head with it and Lewis goes your kid just assaulted my kid Yeah James in the head with it and Lewis goes you kid just assaulted my kid I think I met every year for like six years He did it and then I started realizing that max likes the attention he gets for assaulting James on his birthday

Nice, so we just stopped going to his birthday parties. Oh, that's one way to handle it Blank he had a nerve they have a two-year-old a nerf gun point blank James was fucking eyeballing them You handed him a gun at two years old and said kill everyone let God fucking sort him out Well, maybe you need a fucking an armed guard at the party. That's true. He grabbed the gun and then he went Just smiled and shot you in the face right in the eyeball. That's true. He grabbed the gun, and then he went... Just smiled and shot you in the face. Right in the eyeball. That's evil behavior. Or powerful.

Do you think that he's... Or powerful. Have you thought that maybe he's possessed? You are religious. He might be strong. But what if he's possessed by an evil spirit? Do you think we can get it out of him? Yeah, we can't with Jesus and Dave.

I've been working with Dave Smith and Jesus. We can make him a libertarian. We can send him to the upper sphere of Rogan. Oh man, that must be so nice up there in that upper part of the sphere. See if I can find that video. That's where they are. They kick down our crumbs to me and Louis.

Me and Louis get their pizza crusts. What did you guys call yourselves last night? You were, what are they little monkeys, what are they? Oh, you fucking, the little flying things you said. Oh, oh, we're sugar gliders. Yeah, we're sugar gliders. We're fun, we're cute. We just come, we play, we act like we're gonna hump

the werewolf and stuff, and Dave's just like. Dave's like a big regal fucking bastard hound. I'm here to talk about serious shit, and wars and whatever's going on. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. No, he did say that he's in a different sphere. Dave, he is for sure in a different sphere.

Look at these little guys. Does it mean you are? You guys are sugar gliders. We're sugar gliders. Now is that because we both have biopsy scars? Look at this guy. Oh my God, I want one. They're so cute.

And they just jump on and they hug you. Can you get one? Are they legal to get? Yeah, you can get them. They just boil themselves regularly. Do they, what? Yeah, they dive into it. They dive into like, if you're like making spaghetti,

you turn around and your sugar glider goes bonk. So don't make spaghetti around your sugar glider. Come on. I'm not giving up spaghetti for a sugar glider. Come on, man. That's gotta be my life, sugar glider or spaghetti? Fuck you. We'll just lock the, my life sugar glider or spaghetti. Fuck you Have a sugar glider room. No spaghetti allowed. I won't make rules like that. That's crazy sounding

No sugar gliders. How much is this? How much is the sugar glider? I think they're cheap I'm buying every if they're cheap everybody's getting a sugar glider. You get a sugar glider. You get a sugar glider James Can you have a sugar glider? You have a sugar glider? So they're gonna have two sugar gliders in the household. Well, there's two households. So they're gonna mate. There's two households. They're gonna mate, now we're gonna have hundreds of sugar gliders.

This is the business. We're gonna be sugar glider poachers. I got an idea. Vending machines with sugar gliders. Sugar gliders in the vending machines. There you go. But like, little like, brand newbies, like in little, what do you call that?

Yeah, you gotta hydrate them. No, what's the thing? Dry them out. You gotta put water on them. Incubators, little incubators. Brand newbies like in little a little what do you call that? Yeah, you gotta hydrate them Baiters little incubators, how much is your sugar glider Christine? Tell me That's a bird. That's a snake while you're at it. I'm the Superman Bobby check on a tiger, please Can't get a tiger what you can't well you could now with your new lawn How terrifying I think Jersey's in the Zuno Tiger rule. I had a Mike Tyson live there. That's true He had white tigers. He's also the champion of the world. No. No, he's not the champion 150 Oh to a thousand is crazy. Well, I would get a thousand dollars sugar. Go ahead. I'd get you guys 150

I would get you're gonna get his fucking you're gonna get his carnival goldfish sugar You can't your sugar guys can't fly They don't lie. Did you sugar they have diabetes Buy two get one free. Oh, I'm in I don't want that Sugar gliders for Jews. I'm telling you I wouldn't like it if I was holding in my hand I would be like no Yeah, look how soft it is But their little hands are little of rat heads. Aw, they're cute.

The little hands are the cutest part. If they get mad at you, they throw their shit at your face. Did you know that? They can't do that. No. They grab their shit and they throw it and then they glide away.

They're not monkeys. Bobby just found out these things existed a moment ago. Oh, look there. There's one wearing one of the pussy hats that was anti-Trump. Okay, I do like a sugar. Now, Bobby, if you're gonna buy a sugar glider so you have political lineups, I appreciate that. I-Trump. Okay, I do like a sugar, now, Bobby, if you're gonna buy a sugar glider

so you have political lineups, I appreciate that. I will take that. I'm gonna get you a nice woke sugar glider. If I can get a woke sugar glider who really disapproves of my humor. I'm gonna get. I need something to even me out, you know what I mean? I'm gonna get him a Republican conservative sugar glider.

I like it. You need your life. Sugar glider's for Trump. Oh yeah. I'm gonna get a sugar glider, when he flies, he does the see-kyle with his hand. A Make America Great Again little sugar glider hat. How cute would that be? That would be pretty cute.

So is it 9.50? Does that say 9.50 in stock for a sugar glider? Clothes. Sugar glider clothes. Oh, shit. It's only $10 per outfit, though. But you could also put sugar glider clothes on your cock just so you know It's true

It's true. I'm just gonna say eyeballing it up I will say that sugar gliders hat would fit on the tip of my penis. I would say my dick is exactly one sugar letter James is not laughing. He's putting his head down No, but thicker James. Yeah, I He's not laughing, he's just putting his head down. No, but thicker, James. Yeah. No, he thought you were saying that. But as soft.

Yeah, but as soft on the outside. And the same type of tripod. I would say that my penis is as adorable as a sugar glider. And also similar colors as a sugar glider, yeah. I also do put doll eyes on the head. Christine's losing herself in these cock-shaped sugar gliders now.

They're not Fendi bags. They just tiny make American great again hats. Ooh, I would get one of those for my penis. How much, where can you, is there anywhere around here we can buy sugar gliders? It looks like in Jersey, but they're straight with a braid. There's a place called New Jersey Exotic Pets, which is pretty close to where I live.

And they have sugar gliders? And I believe they have sugar gliders. We should go and buy like 100 sugar gliders and just let them loose in Jay's backyard. I thought you were gonna say like at the end of Lewis' special, a hundred sugar gliders and just let them loose in Jay's backyard They're gonna say like at the end of Lewis's special just send sugar gliders You're releasing Dovesby release sugar gliders a real problem. It's like gremlins bite on their face. Yeah, they're biting people They're made they're fucking throwing popcorn everywhere Messing up the cameras. They're pulling the film out of the cameras We just went about a bunch of exotic pets and let them lose in Jay's backyard?

Ding, ding, ding. That would be a funny prank to play on somebody. Because he has a sugar glass. Until you find out. Inside of the popcorn machine. Yeah. Until Christine calls me, calls me crying, and goes, I don't know who thought it would be funny,

but I came home and let Dawkins outside, and a fucking monitor lizard ate her. What? A monitor lizard ate her what a monitor lizard yes yeah powerful jaws broker immediately I'm still laughing at sugar gliders acting like grimlins they went evil you could tell because my sugar glider has a mohawk oh yeah There's a monitor lizard Hey, wouldn't that be funny to put a monitor lizard in Jay's backyard? An alligator in a monolith you back. Yeah, we're gonna letter with lipstick on it

Yeah, it's come out wearing like a halter top. Oh, I guess that's the chick They had to make one slutty Christine please go to the gremlins takeover the movie theater scene, please. Oh, that's the best. Do you ever see the Key and Peele Gremlins 2 pitch? No. It might be the funniest Key and Peele sketch. Is it good?

It might be the funniest one. I don't know. You got me with the burned up heckler. Burned up guys, great. First, Key and Peele just rule. Oh, the burned up heckler was hilarious. I thought I could could but I can't Yeah, the gremlins went fucking nuts. Yeah, there's our sugar gliders. It's taking over side splitters

If he came out of the second show is just sugar gliders Yeah, by the way had the gremlins all of a sudden like have personalities and shit Yeah, dude. I mean like a heavy person out there. They're like, oh let's put on sunglasses and watch them Where they also get gremlin-sized clothing Yeah, they also got gremlin-sized clothes. That's a black gremlin. Hey, do you guys happen to have 15 glittery blue jackets for gremlins? I thought of a couple the When you put logistics back into movie how funny things are Jacob you'll love this one The other day I was thinking about do you remember the opening the very opening scene of neighbor on Elm Street? It's Freddie actually craftsman making the glove. It's actually a pretty impressive thing he does.

Like I couldn't build that glove. He just throws a bunch of knives down and takes the things off and he's just making it perfectly. So at one point he wasn't haunting dreams or being evil or saying some quippy puns to a kid. He was molesting children. Right, but in between that, when he burned up. When he was in hell, he was a craftsman.

Yes, and while he was down there in the boiler room. He had an Etsy page. And he fucking... But he made that glove. I wish I could make shit like that, dude. I would... If I could trade my unwillingness to have sex with children for the ability to have the craftsmanship

to be able to make a glove like that, I would do it in a heartbeat. So if you could have the handiness, the handyman ability of a Freddy Krueger, you would accept his very fate? I would accept his desire for children's souls both in life and after death. Well, I think it was just their butt holes when he was here. I don't think, actually to be honest with you, they never really said that in the first one. Well, I think it was just their buttholes when he was here. I don't think, actually, to be honest with you, they never really said that in the first one.

Well, you can't. They said he was just, you know, murdering children, he was a child murderer, but you gotta figure, you're not wasting the meat. Yeah. That's a way to put it. No, it's exactly the way to put it. Yep.

You don't care about the people who found this land. No, I'm caring about James. I'm just caring about James' son behind him, trying to figure this out. But the Blackfoot, the Blackfoot tribe will tell you use all parts of everything you kill. That's true. The knuckle hinge work on this glove alone. It's crazy. Oh yeah that's what I'm saying. He puts the arms like wow look at that. He's pretty impressed. He's impressed with himself. Like it works. I wouldn't know the first step to create a knuckle hinge.

Yeah and what is he, is he like he like a measure twice cut once guy? Or is he like, did he have to play around with it? Or is he like, fuck this, I gotta start over on this fucking knife. Fuck, I put the thumb on the wrong head. Well, welcome to prime time, bitch. Welcome to prime time. I made a left hand on a righty. I don't know, where would I use that?

Oh, this is them recreating it. I don't want to see this guy dweeb Yeah, this is this is who Freddy Krueger is in real life a dork with a sharpie This kid actually killed a molest Molested kids to make this just to get into the headspace Yes, get in that space just to get in the headspace Where the fuck they find tiny gremlin clothes? I almost feel like if you have this blow torch, use that as the weapon instead of the glove.

It's a better weapon. Until you run out of the, you get away from the fucking, you know how long it takes to, your tank runs out? You know how long it takes to burn through a kid's chest to get to his heart? No, you could, that's a fun way,

it's a fun way to murder somebody. It's like 15 minutes. Yeah, but it's always, and the screaming. Ah! But it's always fire. Even the kid gets tired of screaming. He's like, ah!

Picture all of the deaths in Friday the 13th if it happened with fire instead. If Johnny Depp just had to burn forever in his own bed while he was watching Miss Nude America on black and white regular TV. Nightmare on Elm Street was four and a half hours long. Another problem I had with that movie and never never even as a kid I knew that was ridiculous

He was watching an old black and white TV in his bedroom with headphones on when it's right before he gets killed Johnny Depp Why does that bother you? It's not that it's what he says. He's watching He goes I'm watching Miss nude America on TV right now Like the Miss nude America we've never been on a TV that's on black and white TV Just didn't see having a problem in a movie where a guy came back from been on a TV that's on a black and white TV. Just didn't exist. So you're having a problem in a movie where a guy came back from hell with a glove that he made. Yeah. And he comes in your dreams,

but the part that fucked you up that you couldn't suspend reality is the Miss Nude Miss America? Right, because if we break reality in the sense that haunting your dreams is real and someone can come in and out of dreams to kill you at will. In this universe, that adds up.

What's to say that all of a sudden in 1984 on regular television there was a Miss Nude America pad? That's crazy. Especially because both of them. Maybe had HBO. You don't have HBO on a black and white TV. Why not? I did, I did.

It didn't happen. I had it. No you didn't. Yes I did. No you didn't. I had a black and white TV. Why not? I did, I did. It didn't happen. I had it. No you didn't. Yes I did. No you didn't. I had a black and white TV. Yes I did. Did it have cable on it?

No. I had what? I had a black and white TV and I had cable on it. What did you connect it into with? Into the back with the little, what's that little spin thing? Coaxial cable. Whatever dude. Uh-huh.

Yeah. The black and white. Black and white TV. Yeah, it had the two prongs that went down to a little box with the thing that you screw in, yeah. Oh, the prong, yeah, the RF cable. It was like this, then you went in, and then you hooked that, and then you hooked that into the

We need Freddy Krueger to answer this question. That thing. I'll tell ya, bitch. Not that. No, not that. You're talking about a coaxial cable, XY panel. If you splice it. Always use copper wires

because it conducts better and you get a sharper picture. You see it's all about pixelation. 1080p. Yeah the RF modulator, that's what it was. Oh, yeah, you'd have to go and like, there was a slide on that that would be like cable. Cable to like satellite or whatever.

None of the TVs were equipped for it yet. No. So you had to have some rocks. Yeah, it was like a middleman to get the RF cable. Yes, you could. But if you had cable and a black and white TV, you're a dumb shit. Oh, we just had an, it was an extra,

It was an antenna. It was an extra TV there. And when our TV broke, we plugged that one in. We had the regular TV in the living room that was hooked up with cable color. And then we had a little black and white that they gave me. I had a little black and white in my room at one point for sure, but no cable. It was just the, I think at the time,

four or five channels, Fox. It was five. Whatever. 56, 38, I had 56, 38, Fox, whatever it was. Maybe you're giving us your local channels. That's NBC, CBS, ABC. That was a three. Then Fox was UHF.

And there was none of those UHF. And then they added. UPN. UPN. UPN. Well it was whatever became the CW and whatever became the UPN. Right.

WB. And that's where the cartoons were on. Creature Double Feature was on 56 or whatever it was. So late night wrestling. Late night wrestling, yeah. WWE at the time. You got cable pretty young, though. You had cable young.

I didn't have cable young until I was 16, I think. Oh, yeah, I got cable pretty young, but it was like it would go off. It would be on for like two or three months. My mom wouldn't pay the bill, then she would shut off. Then she'd put it back on in the cat's name. Then it would shut off. It was my whole life, dude. TV my cable the phone just regularly just

being off so embarrassing when your friends call you it's like you're just letting everyone know how poor you are we had electric shut off before for a couple days like a day maybe you know cuz you gotta go pay it right away but there was like that's the sign it It's like that Bitch, I know I never had anything shut off, huh? No, of course you didn't you come from bottomless generational wealth Everybody everybody's getting those little monkeys. I know and it's no weight off your shoulders, dude No, it's not it means nothing to you. It's fucking a pittance. What are they calling on sea monkeys? What are they called? Are you paying Bobby to direct this special because you don't have to this guy comes from so much. I pay you to I offered a money and he said no you don't want to be paid Really? Yeah way cuz you've been complaining to me the whole time saying it's pretty fucked up

He's not paying you to you behind his back, but I didn't know he offered to pay man Not on air. Well, I didn't know he offered to pay you and you said no you were just like this guy I think he's gonna get off on the cheap one. How am I gonna bitch about it if he offered? That's like on me at that point. He's paying Christine $15,000. What? $15,000? 15 large and flying around.

How much is he paying Rebecca? Oh more than that. What the fuck? She's doing a little E.E. work too so I think he's giving her 25. I'm doing it for the love of the game son. And then he's giving, I think he's giving Zach 10K to open.

Here's the thing. Yes. My family's actually paying everybody back. Really? Yeah. And then some. That's pretty fucking cool. And they're actually gonna make him,

he's gonna join the Illuminati. He's gonna be more successful than all of us. Really the most exciting thing about this special is that by this week, time this weekend is over, because of the amount that Max and James are gonna be together, James is really gonna learn some good new curse words. No.

And if Max doesn't- James and Max- James doesn't curse. I've never cursed. James and Max are great together. When James comes over and stares over, they hang out, they have a good time. James kicks Max's ass, Max curses him. I mean, he really did fucking arm-bar that kid. Max is also a particularly sweet, good kid when he's at my house.

Yeah. I think when he's out in the rest of the world, I think he's probably a nightmare. But when he's at my house he's- No, he's not a nightmare at all. That's fucking ridiculous, Stephen, to say. Max is a sweet, good kid, you fucking idiot. I'm gonna start trashing your kid to his face right now.

I, uh, they're two very good kids, very good kids. And together, they're probably my favorite. Out of all Max's little groups of people that he hangs out with, I wish James lived closer. Because together, it's my favorite pair of friends. They're lifelong friends. Yeah, but they're good together.

You know what I mean? They have little fights here and there, but they don't. It's such a hilarious kid question. He went, who's your second? Who's your second favorite friend of his? It's a close second. It's Sammy up at the lake.

Isabella. This is the other person, Isabella. Max likes to spend time with Isabella also. They do campouts and shit. It's all above board, though. He's a little old for her. Well, I got to tell you something, Jay. Yeah?

What? He told you? Oh, her. Well, I gotta tell you something, Jay. Yeah? What? He told you? Oh wow, the show flew by. Body, Brain, Coffee everybody. It's available right now. Go pre-order my book right now, Knives and Spoons. I mean this kid, listen, our job is to make him a 25,000 millionaire, 25, what 25 million you mean?

25 million. And he's out of the business. And he gets out of everyone's life He's gone. I mean just disappeared. Okay. All right gone boys, please buy Coffee, yes, you know if my friends about it get the book go see him on the road 25 mil and just so you know, I got one of those thermometers in my house that I fill in red as it gets to our goal like a telethon. Make sure you check out the coffee, the book, knives and spoons available for pre-order right now.

It's moving like hotcakes. And he's gonna be at SideSplitters again everybody. This Thursday and Friday, show's still available. So, get tickets for those and fill those up. Tell everybody, tell everybody and come down. Even if you don't get tickets, come down, hang out. The after party. After party.

Saturday night. Saturday night. Saturday night. Me and Louis are going to be doing Story Wars out in LA. First week of August, Monday and Tuesday. So get your tickets for that. There's some tickets still available there. Louis is going to be in Magoobies in Maryland. For tickets and all of his dates, go to lewisofskanks.com.

And of course, Robert Kelly is going to be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th. And from then on straight As long as the tickets keep selling I only have two shows Friday two shows Saturday That's three shows and up that no two shows Friday two shows Saturday. So four shows four shows So you've already added two shows. I only have two shows. Oh guys. It's already happening You keep buying tickets. He will never leave for short in Maine Please don't buy tickets only for those four shows July 25th and 26 are already happening though

But make the 27th 28th and 29th happen big J is gonna be at the Comedy Zone Charlotte July 11th and 12th after that it's gonna be a Tacoma Los Angeles Sacramento for tickets and all the tour dates visit big Jake comedy comm YouTube comm slash at big jokers and both his specials are up there and his Vinyls are coming out double double album double album is coming out through 800 pound gorilla so that's coming too man so check him out check me out check out the app listen to the show We'll see you guys next week tomorrow. Oh shit. It's not that big. It's Wednesday tomorrow We have a guest tomorrow who's coming to tomorrow should we tell people no no no no we tease

Say the character not the not the person the Punisher the punish is coming on issues come the punish is coming in tomorrow, which We're all excited about yeah, but you were no yeah. Yeah... No. Yeah yeah we'll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you Lewis!