The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sweet Mary (feat. Kim Congdon)

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Kim Congdon's mom calls in asking Bobby for some sugar. Jay is still trying to decipher Terrence Howard's space math, but moves on to the topic of Kevin Spacey's brother. Kim gets assaulted in virtual reality while her deep-voiced boyfriend looks on. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly And now everybody a word from campaign Jacob Yeah, if you go to the campaign website now, there's a 40% sale off of nine four packs just went live no code Necessary it's cheaper than buying sticks. So there's a lot of brand new flavors. Check them out, they're really good. What are the flavors?

Blood orange, passion fruit. Ooh. The peach, and mixed berry. It's a good, you know what it is? It's a good for the cooler when I do the barbecues, to have those in the cooler for people that don't want to drink beer. It's a real good...

Jacob, can we work on some like taglines for it? Like you know, like, can pain. She won't remember a thing. If you don't feel like being a man, get in the can. Get in the can. When I grew up, I remember Billy Dee with a Colt 45 was my favorite. Absolutely. So we could do these.

It worked every time. I liked it. We could do these. If you're a beta, open up a can. One time when Billy Dee Williams stopped doing Colt 45 commercials is when they had a preacher on the news watch his His colt 45 video commercial and he went like this It works every time shame on you Billy D That was his last colt 35 commercial like Jacobs black dude impression same on you

Campaign put your house in order Nice oh yeah, we need to break this down. This is what got me. This is where I was like this guy might be my guru And I turned it off and I was like wait what happened no he's an idiot Campaign the future is VR. This made me want to do drugs. This made me want that jacket weirdly. You want that jacket? I don't know, no. It wouldn't look good on me, but it looks good on him.

No, you can't wear earth tones. That's not my look. No, earth tones is not your thing. Cherry blossoms aren't you. Cherry blossoms aren't me. Agreed. But dragons. Cherry blossoms aren't you cherry blossoms aren't me agreed but dragons Man imagine being black with green eyes and fucking it up this bad That's like a white homeless person he really is a good-looking fucking dude he's a great-looking dude now

You know why Robert Downey Jr. Didn't call him back for three years because he had to sit on set with him talking about this Shit every takes. Oh my gosh, dude. He didn't want me around because I told him every day, I can make you an Iron Man suit that fits in your wrists. I had patent this.

You are the Iron Man. I have made rockets that will fit into your arms. This suit ain't shit compared to my suit suit the problem is this suit is not prepared to handle the electricity of the outer earth Now when was when was Einstein's birthday But then he started attacking you know the one times one equaling two how did he attack them Oh, he was he was because i asked him i said it i said under what conditions it's it it's illogical where the square root of non of a number added to itself would equal more than

that number squared but that's what happens with the square about two that's what happens with most of the numbers of flight how is it that multiplication if it means to make more and increase in number? How is one times one equaling one part of the multiplication table now? I understand back with them One time right but we call that once But the moment that you had that at the times in there that multiplicative indicator

That means there is more than one. I think we know what that one means. We wouldn't have said it. Yeah, we got that one, Bobby. We wouldn't have said it. Multiplicative? I wouldn't have said it, but we all got it. Multiplicative?

That was a movie, right? Let's all try and say it real fast. Multiplicative? Multiplicative was Michael Keaton. That was Michael Keaton's movie. See, the problem is when you get to the multiplicative indicator. What is it?

The problem. Multiplicative vitality. Bobby, the photosynthesis of the constitution on a monopieth indicator. Monopieth indicator? Monopieth indicator. Hmm. Hmm. It's supposed to be balanced, you know, that equal sign is supposed to show that there's

a balance between these two numbers over here and a balance on this one over here He's right what happened to the other one? I really want to know is there an answer for that because it's a good question Just give it to you. I feel bad for your boyfriend. You have to talk about this all night now Seriously do you understand why one times one does not equal two? Yes, yeah. Pretty clearly, I think I do.

Why? And you multiply it by one other thing. How is that not two things? Yeah, the way you're explaining it. You're not multiplying it by other things. What are you multiplying it by? I don't think that's how it works. This guy sounds like all of Dan's impressions.

You're telling one that it means nothing. It sounds exactly like Dan Soda. I do like the idea that we've been stunted in humanity because we just never got one times one was two, and one times one was zero, and Terrence Howard was the one to figure it out. Now we're gonna propel into the future I love that finally you're getting yes his math is I

understand he what he's doing he's patronizing the exact opposite direction he goes I know that one one time is one but one time is one it's like I know that one, one time is one. But one time is one, and it's like, I know, but you're just, I said it's like a George Carlin joke. Like you're complicating something, he's complicating it, and saying something else is complicated. Like no, I know.

If you have one and add another one to it. But it depends on what you're saying. His hoodie that he's wearing is fucking me up. Are you saying one? If he wore a suit, I would listen a little more, but he's wearing a hoodie he got from the fucking mall. Is he saying one's multiplied by one or one's multiplied by itself?

What? There you go. What? There you go, what? That's the difference in the question. Is it times one or is it times its own? And does its own mean it's one thing or does it mean it's nothing and it's by its own,

by nothing, by one thing? Well well let's go to the tape Christine Terrence it does not it didn't equate so back to Neil deGrasse Tyson and this critique of so he threw shit on on he was like well Tesla's Tesla stuff worked but Tesla was never really respected and out there and he wanted I guess he wanted me to support Just look up look up his One plus one is to you can find another video get off Joe Rogan. I want you to just hear him explain Why yes, I would love for anyone to explain it's It's no good

He just fucking But I mean, I don't know why he wants to be the scientist. He's like, why is nobody listening? Because I had my hood up? Because I look like I sing R&B on the beach? Is it because you remember me from TV's Empire? Although that was always a funny story. I said you look that up, like somebody from the band, was it Jethro Tull somebody from some band Left the country one point he called the other everybody else in the band iron butterfly or something in a god, Davida And he called everybody else in the band one day and goes I just figured out time travel

I'm going to watch and I'll see you guys in a little bit and then he was never heard from ever again Maybe he went to the wrong place. It's very possible Here we go. What's one times one? One times one is one. To multiply means to do what? To make more right? Yes. Increase the number? Yes. Multiply? Yes. how can one times one equally one be part of the multiplication table it tells us how to start the term multiply it doesn't multiply

it's like saying the openers not a comedian on the set and what i did was this was this is also probably one of the the the the asshole's problem with one what's an action times an action you got some reason reason reason reason reason I want you to reason what's an action times an action a reaction man Joe Rogan gave him such a better what he was hoping for reaction that he didn't want another black guy going, what the fuck are you talking about, Terrence Howard? And he's just gonna be like, so, oh.

So the reactors. He goes, so the nebula opens up. The nursery home for the satellites. Into the Birmingham circuit. Well if you take the centrifugal force, the electricity is working. Anally. Oh. Action times an action without a reaction.

Have you? No, because every because equanimity is what? I know what that means. We know equanimity is to? I know what that means. We knew. Equanimity is to fuck, make equal, balance. Yeah. Christine? I don't think that's what it was. It was though.

You wanna get a fucking, you wanna get a lighter peg to your chest? Jesus Christ. Bashing up for once in your goddamn life. What the fuck is wrong with you? She's like, I don't think that was it as well. It was mental calmness. Yes. That's not what you said. That's not as well. It was mental calmness. Yes.

That's not what you said. That's not what you said at all. Evenness. Is that what you said? Balance. Where? Oh. I don't know about that.

Composure, something. Jay is not showing equanimity right now. Good sentence, kid. By threatening Christine with a lighter to the chest. I just have be holding a lighter. I wouldn't throw be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm't hear. What? Go on.

Give me a little more T. Give me a little more TH. Yeah, let's see. I couldn't get her. I don't have any service. ...a reaction to having a reaction. So how can one times one equal one? How can A times B just be A? What?

And not B? What happened to constipation? Terrence, these are late night conversations. These are, no. Yeah, they are. This is the beginning of our understanding. It should fit. What kind of calculator you got? What kind of phone you got?

iPhone? Oh, he's going to make me do the boobless thing? He's going to write hello? He goes, yeah, he goes, Dolly Parton, type this in, Dolly Parton went to a doctor because her boobs were too, too, too big. There was one 16-year-old girl, she loved 69. She got very, and he flipped it upside down, it says loose. Yeah, loose, like a boobless is what we would do.

It was Dolly Parton was a size 52. That was too, too, too big. Or no, she was a size 69, it's too, too, too big. She wanted to be a size 51. So she went to Dr. X and she was in there for eight hours or something, and you flip it over and she came out boobless. Oh, that's a good one.

Dude, I remember I went up to my mom and my stepdad and I didn't know what loose meant. And I thought it meant like you know when people get loose. Emotionally? Yeah and I didn't know what 69 meant either so I came home from middle school and I was like let me show you something I learned on the calculator. Like literally trying to be my parents friend. Hey my teachers taught me this. I was like my friends taught me this. I was like right okay sit down guys. So there's, right, okay, sit down, guys. So there's one 16-year-old girl.

She loved a 69. She hooked up with three guys and she became very, and then when I turned it over and it said loose, I like smiled and I stepped out, I was like, go to your fucking room. I was like, oh. Get the hell out of here. Go to your fucking room.

Dr. Terrence? Terrence? Go to your calculator. All right. Who's a calculator? Yeah, I got you. Phone, where's your phone? What are we doing?

I want both of y'all to do two separate things. I want to do the same thing. Pause it, pause it. Yeah, I want to get my calculator out for this one. I'm doing it. Oh, you do have one on the phone. Bobby had no idea there was a calculator on his phone. That's interesting.

I don't do that. All right, go. Decide. Okay. At least I know where my calculator is on my phone. All right, now I want you to both hit the number two. Did the whole calculator show up? Hit number what? Hit the number two. Number two.

Go to the square root. What? It is the second column from the left third row They don't have that's good. All right, you 1.4 1.4 1.4 2 1 3 5 6. Yeah Got it. Oh, yeah, I want you to do two separate things now Two separate things wait started over now. I have the square root It's the square second one in third column second one in is all I'm doing Second column third one in what do you say to do is this third? Oh second column third one in yes

second column third one down the two Square yeah, yeah, but what are we hitting first one for it should just come up I just hit two and then that one two okay two Wow, this is a really dumb group. 1.41 a bunch, right? Yes. Okay. All right, we're there. Wait, hang on. I rewind it. Let's see. I have it on the- I want you to do two separate things now. Two separate things. I want you to multiply it by two, take times two, equal, don't you do it. Okay. I'll do that. And I want you to hit X to the third. I'll hit x to the third. It's going to be. Times three?

No, x to the third. Oh, okay, I see it, I see it. X to the third. Yeah, I got you. All right, one point one. No, you didn't hit x to the third. Yes, I did. If you hit x to the third. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

You're right, you're right. So go back again. Okay, so now. You keep yours where you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good. Two. Two. Square root. Square root. And hit x to the third. 2.828427. 2.8284271. 2.8284271. to square root square and hit X to the third two point eight two eight four two

seven eight two eight four two seven one two seven four six one value you got yeah I just said that by the way he just said that I'm buying it by two yeah he just cubed it divided by two again both of y'all divided by two one of those things where they're like I bet I can make you say cow the weight so you we just got the same number by doing the same thing yeah but I don't know what is it prove I don't know because I can also find a girl that's loose by doing she's 69 three guys so I don't really know what this proves this proves that we're stupid and we do comedy that's what that proves so angry at that it

both comes up if you do two different things, it comes up the same number. That's what he's saying. Sure, but if you add 10 plus two and, you know, eight plus four is the same thing. Magicians have a trick like that. Magicians have a trick like that where they're like, I'll guess your phone password,

and then they have you put in like your phone number and then subtract your birth date and by the end of it, it's your phone password. I don't know how they do it, but some shit like that. What I'm saying is it might not be true. It might not be true. Did you see where he said he invented VR? Yeah.

He has a patent. Well he's got 97 patents. I got assaulted in VR. One of his patents was he invented VR and that all these people stole it from him and that he, but he invented it in 2010. Oh yeah, before.

But it's not VR, it's something else he did. You got assaulted in VR for real? Yeah. How? I went in and never went back. Why? Who assaulted you? I don't know.

I went to this thing when it first came out. Rec room? Oh, you mean like when you had the goggles on, someone touched you? Via VR. No, no,, someone touched you? Via VR. No, no, no. In VR? In VR. Okay.

Because it was their voice. They have rooms that you can go in, like little rooms and other people in them and their characters. Mm-hmm, but they can like walk up to you. They can walk up to you and talk to you. And they can be really close in your ear, or farther away.

Yeah. And then I heard some guy going, like hey, and I was like, oh, get away. And I made my little character move from him. And then he kept chasing me and he was like, oh, oh. And you could tell he was jerking off on it. He was like, ah, ah, you could hear it. And then people from the other VR,

because there's people from all around the world. So there's like- Watching this guy chase you jerking off. Yeah, there's like, and they're like, it's like a new thing, so everyone's trying to be nice. So they're coming over to my defense. Everyone's like, get off of her, get off, hey, leave her alone. There's like, seek VR, people be like, not nice.

And like, yeah, and they're like, get off of her. And the guys are like, ugh. And then eventually the fucking, they have police in these communities. Yeah, that they hire, you get like points or money or something for being the VRP. And they came over, and then the guy, I swear to God, before the police got there, ran out

and VR jumped off a balcony and deleted his character. And then I just took my headphones off and I was like, I think I'm good, dude. What a wild night. You can go to a movie theater in VR and watch a movie with people that are watching the movie with you. So weird. And whack off in front of them. I watched Caddyshack with a chick one night.

Why? Why? I don't know, it was just a cute chick with a ponytail and she sat next to me and she was like, hi. He was all sweaty, he was cheating on his wife on VR. You could hear her voice? She was at the kitchen table. Did she know you were watching Caddyshack with a woman? Uh, no.

That would piss me off if I pulled out your dumb Oculus goggles and you were fucking wanting Caddyshack with some VR whore. She just came in and sat next to me I just looked over and there was this character next to me with a ponytail and she was like hi I was like, hey, what's up? And she's like nothing. It's a good movie I'm like, yeah, it's a great movie and then we just sat next to each other silently No, we threw popcorn out you can throw a popcorn at each other. No, you were flirting with her He met her pigs. Yeah, we can't give him a chance. You give us any technology, we wind up jerking off with it.

What a virtual piece of shit. You're a virtual cheater. That's why all this shit is fucked up, because anything we get that's amazing, we just find a way to come to it. That's it. I don't want to crowbar this in, but I feel like it's going to get too far away, maybe like to if we could at all find any footage of Randy Spacey Kevin Spacey's brother

Did you know there's a Kevin Spacey doc out now? It's two parts You know what Kevin Spacey was accused of all the shit he did So it's just kind of going through all that rehashing it all and having it come out. It's more like it's a lot of It's mostly guys like your boyfriend that he made passes on. Seriously. And then, no bullshit. And then some of them were like,

all right, well, I do wanna be an actor, so I guess I'll suck his dick. And then they were like, he didn't even make me an actor. No. And like, and so it's a lot of that. It's like a lot of spilled milk shit. It's literally a green beret. Guy, it looks like your boyfriend.

And he got, he was crying in the video It's literally a green beret, guy who looks like your boyfriend. And he was crying in the video because Kevin Spacey promised him to come over and get his script and get him in the business and he liked what he had. Was that you? That was him. What, uh, sorry Chuck. Chuck, Chuck, if a guy made a pass on you, what would you do? If a guy, a famous actor made a...

Kevin Spacey specifically? Yeah. What would you do? If a guy a famous actor made a space yes And he wanted to fuck around with you and got you back to his room and promised that you he'd get Kim in your next In his next movie for me. It's for Where I mean if it's like American Beauty Yeah, you might I might have thought twice about it Otherwise, I think I think all these guys thought twice about it Some of them did it and now it sounds like they're kind of crying that they're like, you know It's like he didn't even produce my movie I thought he would if I sucked his dick dick suck for nothing hurt by the way

Yeah, because here's why by the way, he didn't say he was going to produce the movie. He goes, this is how I get in the mix to get in the produce my movie. So it's a little like Boohoo, this documentary, for a lot of it. However, he's not a good dude. And then he comes from pure shit. His father is a Nazi sympathizer with a Hitler mustache.

That's how he grew up. Kevin's basically been on to act and become a weird uh looks like Predatory gay guy and his brother went on to be and this is true a rod stewart He's a rod stewart impersonator But he lives his life as rod just with like with like lipstick on and dressed in these crazy flamboyant clothes His brother's gone. Not randy spacey. Wow. Christine's raising her hand. This is what I found on him, though. He's a Rod Stewart impersonating limo driver in Boise.

He has Rod's limos in Boise, Idaho, and he dresses as Rod Stewart to drive people around. But I haven't found any videos of him singing Rod Stewart songs. It's not a routine. He just goes I can only garage What an ass What a fucking weirdo I would hire that guy Yeah, why not? He's not even gonna sing for you. He's just like hey, I look like a wacky Rod Stewart character. Enjoy There he is

Boise. This is his. Randy Fowler, Boise's Rod Stewart impersonating limo driving brother of Kevin Spacey. When was that written? 2015 before the heat was coming down. Fowler. Wait a minute. I'm going to read it. Go up. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, aka The Rooster. Shklo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo XM.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing. Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment too. It's not just us. You got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show. You can go to all kinds of other shows. And you know what?

Tell a friend. But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show. Just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. Fowler, 59, started dressing like rocker Rod Stewart when he opened Rod's limos in Boise in 1994. That's not what he says in this documentary. He says he started dressing in costumes when

he was young because his dad would beat the shit out of him. Where is this right here? His first brush with internet fame came a decade later when Fowler gave interviews about his still unpublished tell-all book about his estranged brother. House of Tards. Star of the Netflix series House of Tards and Academy Award winner for American Beauty. Yeah, he doesn't like his brother. That's why he was happy to be in that documentary. Didn't he get raped by his father too?

Didn't his father sexually assault him too? I think they were saying, yeah. He said his father raped him. Yeah, his father raped him but didn't rape Kevin. But I think he's just, I bet he got them both. But he's going like, at one point I just had to move out. So I was like, dad, do not rape Kevin. So he probably didn't.

Like, he really chalked it up that easy. He goes, so I got all of it. I told him, you give it to me. If I was going to rape one of them, it would be Kevin. Of course. You don't rape the older one. The ugly one. Ew.

With his maturing body? Eugh. Boo. What am I looking at here? For years, Randy promised the book would detail sexual abuse by his father and how he and his mother protected Kevin. It's weird to say he promised it. Like, I promise you I'll tell you about my diddle. I promise.

I know you guys have been waiting. You've been very patient waiting to hear about me getting boo-food by my dad. And I promise you, forthcoming, very soon. I promise. If this limo thing doesn't work out, I'm writing this book. He and his mother protected Kevin.

Fowler was featured in articles in The Inquirer, Fox News, as well as Idaho Statesman. He enjoyed a second round of time on the internet spotlight in early September when Galker published an online post titled, Kevin Spacey's brother is a limo driving Rod Stewart impersonator. Life has slowed down for him.

He's on sabbatical from Rod's limos. He just dresses like that now. He's looking for a new partner to provide a limousine. To provide a limousine. I'll be the Rod Stewart You bring the limousine After a farm for partner left. It's hilarious taking the eight-seat white Lincoln used Around it. What a fucking my mom has to know you're around. She is blowing me up. Is she? Yeah, I think she knows No, pick it up. Hold on. Let's see if we can no No signal. Tell her she's on air. I think she has a thing.

Should I tell her or should I just? Yeah, you gotta tell her she's on air. Hello? Hello? Three, two. Oh, geez. Oh! Your mom always got a lot of boyfriends.

Hi, you're on the radio right now. Oh my God, I was gonna say I'm. Don't say anything slutty please. Hi. Hi. It's Bobby. Who's that? Guess who it is. Let me hear your voice. Hey baby how are you? Uh that's Michael. What? Mike Vecchione. She's cheating on me with Mike Becky own Bobby Kelly Hi, she doesn't remember you that's him. That's me Can you what she wants to come to the show? You want to come to the shit yes, you can come I want to come over there Kimberly are you in New York? I'm in New York I'm coming down there. You want to come to my show in Florida. He wants to know if you'll come to it

Where in Florida? in Florida he wants to know if you'll come to it where in Florida in two weeks in two weeks are you gonna go but he says he only wants to go if you'll make out with him I think about it I'm pre-diabetic so I can't have my sugar you can have all my sugar Alright, she's gonna get she's gonna get a little slutty soon. We're gonna Am I gotta go I'm on radio right now bye Yes, let her come. All right. Love you. You can come Yeah, come inside what?

Wait a blue ball I'm coming to... Yeah, come inside what? Well, bye. Let her finish. Let her finish it, cock-a-doodle-doo. Wow, way to blue ball. Yeah. You have a stallion. That was so funny, the smash music. Can I come? Oh, that's Kelly. She knows that your name is two white names.

That's why she said Michael, because she was just like, Michael Andrew. She'll just say two white names together until she gets Bobby Kelly Bobby Kelly. She a lot of times to go Kelly Bobby I like is him Is he? Is him it's only he has some sugar for me That was money she did she need money? Yeah, that was money. She wants- Does she need money? Probably. Yeah, I'll hook her up. Ew.

What, I'm just gonna vent my love? Dude, if you- Now you're making my mom your escort. I want so bad for Kim's mom to be your sugar baby. And you're gonna be her sugar daddy. You'd be her pay pig. Dude, she would, she would dry out your family. Max would be sleeping on a leash in the yard.

She'd take all your fucking money, dude. I'd have to sell my house. Yeah. She would take everything and run. I'll let her take some of it. She looks like she's smoking. How much could it cost in Florida? She's pretty hot.

She's hot. Your mom's smoking. You never seen her mom? I saw pictures. She's still got short hair? Yeah. I love the short hair. Big hoots? Yep.

She still has those. She's got big hoops. Blonde short hair? Blonde short hair big hoots. She's still yeah, she still has a big you blonde short hair blonde short hair Slim waist oh, she's my time waste thick cakes. Yeah, slim way Cracker me go lie right in waste the case the cake Kimmy's fucking mommy Kimmy's mommy's coming down Mommy what's your mom's name? Mary. That wasn't as exciting as you were hoping? Well if it makes you, it's Maricely.

That's what I'm looking for. That's exactly what you wanted. And you knew that. You knew that. Yeah. Damn, I want to go to Boyzado and hire this guy. He's on sabbatical. You want to invest in his company?

I ran into a- Let's buy him a limo. I bet to go to boys. I would hire this guy He's a bad company. I ran into a by him a limo I bet he come here a bono impersonator on Mushrooms with Sarah wine shink one time and she made us go talk to him and take videos with him Oh, what kind of person Bona? In-and-out and we thought it was really him. We're like we have a new podcast. You should come on in Hey Bono, hey Bono do our Bono, do our pod. You should do our pod. What the fuck was you talking to Bono about? I couldn't think of someone I'd want to talk to less. I have no idea what I would say to Bono. I don't know what to ask Bono.

You need to have a Terrence Howard-like confidence talk to a Bono. What could I possibly say to Bono? I'm thinking about splitting the human genome. What do you think? Is that even a thing you can do? Is that something people are trying to do? Want to go Dutch on a genome? Bono, take a calculator.

I want you to do something for me real quick. Dolly Parton was a size six kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid.

I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. I'm a six-year-old kid. What you think? Is that even a thing you can do? Is that what people are trying to do? Wanna go Dutch on a Gino? Bono, Bono, take your calculator. I want you to do something for me real quick. Dolly Parton was a size 69. That's two, two, two big. It's too funny to say it like a real math problem from Terrence Howard. So you got one Dolly Parton, right?

Joe Rogan, can you do me a favor? Because I see your eyes starting to go crossed. Pull out your thing. Dolly Parton is a size 59, 2'2'2' big. She went to talk to X eight hours. She came out, flip it upside down. The boob list. Now that is a joke, not to be confused with my cylindrical Pythagorean theorem.

Pythagorean theorem. Who do you think is the smartest one out of the three of us and the dumbest? cylindrical Pythagorean theorem. Pythagorean theorem. Who do you think's the smartest one out of the three of us and the dumbest? Well, it depends on what it is. Yeah. That's a really good answer. I'm parenting, me and Jay. I don't know.

I might have you both, I don't know. I don't think so. Instinctually, it might be just in here. We actually keep ours. You guys don't know yet, though. I know Isabella be just in here. Yeah, it is true. I mean, we actually keep ours. You guys don't know yet, though. You guys, I know Isabella can drink, and your son has groped Kim already. Yeah, I think your son sexually assaulted me before, so.

I'm doing a good job. I remember, I did jujitsu with his son once. Oh, I know the story. He was like, do you, actually, do you think you can, do you think you can bout me? Again, you did already, you wanted it again. I like what you do the one where you're actually sitting on top of me And he get basketball which is brilliant I felt never felt more akin to him than when I heard that story from Kim. I go. Yeah, that was my move

It's fine. Come on. I'm not even into older chicks You're making it weird max like I'm very proud of him. Oh, I bet you're calling, I bet you're going to come up and he goes, Kim Kong was on the show today. He goes, you're a rassle? My mom always asks about Max. She does. No, she ain't getting there. Fucking.

Why? She thought when she met him. You better see whose home she's going to ruin. She thought he was so cute. And she always talked about it for a long time. He was so cute. We had a good day that day He didn't have a good day. I got a little max picture in my

My house was adorable little guy. We were all Montreal. Yeah, but that frame is cheap and my dad has the better frames You actually buy the cheap one. That's a good impression. That's a good impression. He actually called Matteo gay He knows he's playing he's playing a fort playing Fortnite with Matteo and Yamanica. And me, I was there, yeah. And he said, what did he say to Matteo? Hey, you sound like the guy from Schitt's Creek. Matteo was like, I think he just called me the F word. And then he asked Yamanica why she yells so much.

We all do. He goes, I mean I already know the answer, but I wanna hear you say it. My dad doesn't let me when I'm streaming. That's the one from our house. That's cute. That's a great photo. Little Maxie, little guy.

Yeah, little guy. Aw, look at those days. Chris Damon's still smoking. Dave Kimowitz was alive. Dude, Dave Kimowitz was alive there, holy shit. Dave, look at those days. Christine was still smoking. Dave Kimmelitz was alive. Dude, Dave Kimmelitz was alive there, holy shit. Yeah. Dave's right there, yeah. Look at that.

Josh Eddermeyers was already that gray, huh? Didn't see that coming. My god, Christine looks like she has a bowl cut. My hair is a... Where's Christine? Yeah, right, she's like that guy, Tom Cruise. Dude, Christine, I think you're a very beautiful woman, but from here You look like Elvis there. Yeah, I hated those last away. They're huge I lost my glasses and they were like though just a throw-around pair that weren't mine and I hated them

But I like wore them. It's just not even I don't even think it's the glasses It's just how far away you look how fat I was Ari's got Hanukkah hair. You can't even see your chins Look how fat I was. Ari's got Hanukkah hair. You can't even see your chins. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're a fucking bitch. Ha ha ha ha. You put all of your neck chin away in the picture.

It's a good way to take a picture if you have a lot of chin. Cut off. Yeah, Christine, you look like a guy. Ha ha ha ha. I look like I'm scrunching my nose here. Christine, you look like Tom Gunn, Top Cruise. Ha ha ha ha.

Or a person that does this for the planes. Ha ha ha. He's ready to go, move him out. Randy! Randy! Randy! It's also such a funny name. This is him talking.

Oh please. He's great. Because that's evidently who I suppose he looked like. You know, it wasn't something that- Wait, pause it. I like that. He's doing the- it came to me. I guess I look like Rod Stewart.

I just happen to do my hair exactly like this and dress like a flamboyant weirdo. He just like the kings of comedy He's dressing all of them at once. Yeah, it's either this or touch children You're right. This does keep them away from kids does Tried to do in the 1980s when I went on the road I was playing with a band called libations. It was a really high-end Lounge show imagine him and Terrence Howard in the same interview What a podcast what a podcast I like the rings

I know that's funny Terrence hours like the black hole opens up and swallows in he goes. That's where I got this ring Right, they got different kind of rocks niggas the electricity and what have you dude the vibes are vibing see You we all thought the periodic table was like this comes to find out. It's like this Alright, we all take up. We all take a standardized test to graduate high school. Who's getting the highest score? You. I don't think it's me, actually. I think Jay is secret, he's secret smart too, which makes me sick.

I don't, I truly don't think it's me. I don't know. You're secret smart. I think I would probably get the lowest score, to be honest. I wouldn't bet on myself on it, but I'd be curious to do that. They've done a nice IQ test for the room.

I didn't go to school for a lot of years though. Yeah, well it's weird to already come up making excuses. I talked about this on Jim and Sam this morning, but I took a autism test. And you won? Yeah, it's not good, dude. It ain't looking good. What'd you get, a 92?

Well, the autism. That's an A most places. Yeah, the spectrum started at 23 and 32 severe, and the first time I took the test I got a 26. And I was like, that can't be right. Cause all my friends were like nine, 16, like low. And I was like, they can't be that high. So I took a second test and then I kind of tried to like

sway my answers to be less autistic. Cause I was like, maybe I was overthinking them and maybe I do like crowds. You know what I mean? That's actually autistic thinking. Yeah, and then I got a higher score so yeah I got a 20 solid 29 damn so your borderline so borderline excessive what you think is not autistic is almost scary autistic yeah like control electricity with your

mind almost yeah I can just nodding his head right now. He goes, she's moving pencils in her sleep. Every time she has a sleep like little noise, something moves in the house. I've been saying lately, like now it makes sense that every time I go underwater in a pool, I'm like, I wish I could live here. What can I live here? Please.

Poor Randy, poor Randy Spacey. Well, he's going to be the good brother now. We gotta take a break. What? We gotta take a break. We gotta do a read. We gotta take a break. Kim Condit is, she's here right now, one of the funniest people I know. Kim Condit special, Childless Milf, is streaming now on YouTube. You can also see her on the Magic Prank Show on Netflix and she will

be at the Crystal Ballroom in Massachusetts this Friday May 24th tickets available at the crystal ballroom Boston calm big Jay he's gonna be there my improv June 7th and 8th and then he's gonna be in the fully loaded tour festival touring all over the country Throughout June for tickets and all of the tour dates visit big Jay Combi duck home Robert Kelly's gonna be in Port Charlotte, Florida June 7th and 8th doing Christ knows what with Kim's mom I'm gonna bring in my sugar bag now bring that sugar down there that booger sugar booger sugar is coming down after that He's gonna be in st. Louis Timonium Maryland Portsmouth New Hampshire looking for

MILF's there also yes he's already got one for Portia or Florida but everyone else available still you can see Bobby every Tuesday night at 7 p.m. in the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge the Comedy Cell or except for a few that I need him for for tickets and all the tour dates visit punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and we'll be right back everybody say goodbye with the great Kimmy Congdon. It's the Bonfire.