The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Tammy The Protector

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

At Jay's stand-up gig in Charlotte, a security person named Tammy was assigned to him and she was a bit overprotective. | Jacob plays a video of a female cop getting manhandled on a traffic stop. Bobby counters with footage of a Muslim man at an airport knocking out lady officers one by one. | Jay watched Nick Offerman's new movie "Sovereign" which is based on a true story, where a man turns to extremism because he thinks the government's power is fake. Jacob loves to watch sovereign citizens filibustering in court with their nonsense. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Bobby doesn't matter if you're still mouthing the other part. Oh Yeah, I Just realized it's hard to mouth it without saying it you're gonna sort of say it No, no one cares about this guy No one ever said could I just interview Vinny from naughty by nature poor Vinny? Tretch happened to be so cool and Vinny was always like your dad's friend Vinny. He's so Ruthless looking still who Oh Tretch. Yeah, he's just ruthless. Oh, yeah, he's just tatted up heavy

Oh teeth with the teeth Christine missed him She'd have melted you should get gold teeth I should get gold she got a couple gold teeth is just see him turn around hard for black Well, that made black Lou feel so black. Yeah, it really did black lose up like a rat He was like, what's up? Tretcher goes. Hey my man, what's the turnaround game a whole thing? Yeah And you smiled like a white lady. I whole thing yeah and you smiled like a white lady I nodded to him letting him know although I am white I am familiar with who you are like this and you hid in the elevator did not hide you hid from him you did and you clutched your purse

you know he's not as big as he was Bobby's in a bad mood I am no I am no I understand it's okay but you have to you have to let it go first mood. I am not. I am not. I understand. It's okay. But you have to let it go. First of all, I am in a fantastic mood. No. Outside you had your balls kicked in a few times out there. I know that must suck.

Listen. When I walked up, can I say what I saw? You can. I walked up and saw Sam Roberts speaking with Bobby, paying his respect to Bobby, as he should. He was standing, I'm sitting. Yeah, he's paying his respects. Of course, yes.

He was paying tribute to you. I was doing this, looking up. You were looking up at him, and he had to come to you. He came to me on the phone, had to wait till I was done with my phone call. There you go. Power move. And then till I was done with my phone call. There you go. Power move. And then when I was done, he grabbed my hand

and I believe he brought it up to do that and I went, nah, not anymore, kid. Oh, yeah, I like that. Not anymore, kid, you're there. You were feeling great, top of the world. Feeling fantastic, we were wrestling, talk. And then I walked up, I sat down, and I don't know

Probably Tretch Tretch was in the building. That might be who people were outside waiting for and A big black dude came up and asked Sam Roberts if he wouldn't mind giving him an autograph. Yeah, so Bobby Starts making a little noise in the background Trying to make sure the guy recognizes Bobby too. No, it wasn't noise, I said, this makes me sick to my stomach. Right. If that's the noise you're talking about, when I said what it was,

this grosses me out that a fucking intern that's saying happy birthday with his shirt tied up like a little girl to me 15 years ago is the king of serious satellite radio right now while my friends are on AM radio and the other guy I knew is doing a podcast on an iPhone fucking nine. Hey, your other friend's sitting right across from you, bud. Well, my friend friend is here now, yes.

So this guy asked Sam for an autograph, Sam signs it. And then the guy says to Bobby, he goes, you recognize Sam, he doesn't recognize says to Bobby, he goes, you recognize Sam, he doesn't recognize me. No, he recognized my drink. Oh. He didn't recognize me, he went, yo man, nice drink. He saw my, he saw my stuff.

He goes, I like that drink and so Bobby goes, you recognize my drink but you don't recognize me. Then the guy goes, no I know who you are man, I just love that drink and then walked away and didn't ask Bobby for an autograph. No, no, no. Didn't know me at all, I believed. Now in defense of Starbucks new summertime tea splashes, these are great drinks.

Passion fruit for sure. I mean it's unbelievable. No one's gonna argue. Yeah, I mean. You gotta sugar up the fuck out of it though. You do. Three splendas. Easy.

Easily. Easily, yeah. So then we go, hey, let's start to pre-record a little bit earlier today. Everyone's got a little pep in their step. That little snafu's over now. Sam's gone. Me and Bobby the big dogs in the house again. Let's go.

Let's go inside. Let's go. And when we start going inside, the autograph people start coming over to me and going, hey, can I take a picture with you, man? And I go, yeah, sure. So the guy takes a picture, and he goes, you're a comedian. And I was like, yeah. And I took a couple pictures, signed some autographs.

Then who comes strolling over? The big black guy to go, hey, man, do you mind if I get a picture too and a couple autographs? And I gave him some autographs all while Bobby was standing waiting for me at the revolving door. It never came around to Bobby at all. And I, you're rightfully in a terrible mood. I ruined both of those photos

because I was in the background and in between going, just given I smell shit but I don't know where it is face. So both of those photos have my twaddy face in it. It was great. I knew Bobby was behind us doing that by the way. There's no way Bobby was gonna just lay back and chill. I am it motivates me to become To get a TV show. I really just want to become successful and then like the fifth year after a couple Emmys

I want I memorized his face. I don't have and I hope he comes up to me and whatever I don't have a TV show Yeah, you're in the couple more years of radio and these people are gonna be out there waiting for you To sign autograph hang on a second you peacock you you you peacock pot fuck. I can't say he works He's peacock better than me. You're already mean you you look like this drink half the time. Oh You look like a summer blast Summer refresher from Starbucks. Yeah, I look like an old cup of coffee. No. You got an aura, dude.

Fucking aura. You have an aura. I had an intern fucking sign an autograph in front of me, and then they complimented my drink. He was. I will say, it felt exponentially better when the big black guy came back over to go, oh shit, and jumped in a picture.

Yeah. Yeah, it felt good for you. Well, there you go. Well, we're going to a concert, well, I guess we'll talk about it in a live show because timelines will be all screwy. All screwy. All fucking screwy, Louie.

I can tell you this story, because it's not timely, but my last weekend when I was in Charlotte, I never told you about my security guard lady, Tammy. Buddy, someone told me you were in Tampa. No. One of the boys said, I think it was James, was like, Jay's here, and then Max was like, you're here.

So I thought you flew into Tampa to be part of the special and hang out. I was so excited, and I was truly bummed out. Oh. I was like, Christine, isHead? She's like, no. Maybe because Christine was coming they thought I was coming with Christine. Yeah, something like that. The wives got crossed so I was bummed out. Yeah. No, I was in Charlotte doing shows. Security guard. Out of control.

Black lady? Black lady. I know her. Of course you do. Yep. out of control. Black lady? Black lady. I know her. Of course you do. Yep. She also knows you.

Probably the way she'll tell people she knows me but doesn't know anything about you at all in what your personality is. She is aggressive beyond belief with fans. Now here's what's going on clearly in this place. It's a black comedy club mostly. It this place. It's a black comedy club mostly. It's black. It's a black comedy club. So they are protective over you the way D.O.

Hewley wants to project that he is being protected. You know what I mean? Black comics more want to have entourage and security going through people and all that kind of shit. Yeah, you have Dylan. I have Dylan. I have mush Exactly, Joe Russell. Yeah, just someone who can handle the but he's also I don't my audience really doesn't require Security for me. Yeah And I don't need to organize meet-and-greets. I'll go outside

smoke after the show if I you know if I have to and like Yeah, you know if I can't I don't really like smoking inside but like I'll go outside and smoke and then anybody who comes up, I'll take pictures, I'll bullshit with you, whatever you want. She kept, they asked you 700 times, where are you going to meet and greet? Are you going to do meet and greet? Are you going to meet people? And I was like, yeah, I don't do anything organized.

I'll go outside though afterwards, out the side there. And she goes, okay, I'll make sure that everybody meets the side there. Yeah, she's okay. I'll make sure they meet you everybody meet you over there by the side I'm like, you don't have to make a team of security and cops meet me on the side. I'll just go out there Okay, and then they keep coming in with stories of someone like There's a blind guy. He's got a gift for you Should I just bring him in the green room and you're like, well just I'm gonna go smoke So like bring him outside, I guess but like this is so, how are you so involved? The blind guy was at my show.

I didn't know he was blind. I thought he was just not interested in me. He sits right up front. He sits right up front, the sweetest guy ever. Sweetest guy, Daniel, I believe his name is. Gave me honey butter. He gave me a Biscoff butter, I believe. I believe, yeah, people gave me Biscoff butter.

You gonna try it? Yeah, we've tried it. That's the stuff that you loved in the fondue. I believe, yeah, people give me Biscoff butter. You gonna try it? Yeah, we've tried it. That's the stuff that you loved in the fondue. I do love it. Yeah. Yeah. I just get weary about taking a jar from a, you know. Well, because of Tammy, I brought home several gifts. Actually, I gotta bring them in.

I just have a couple things for Lou, for the Lou's and Jacob too, that was given to me. But yeah, it was everything, the problem was she was also organizing it. Will you take a picture with these people? Will you meet these people? I'm like, sure, I'll meet whoever. And then it's also, if they leave and didn't take a picture

and they walk over and they go, hey, you know what, dude, I gotta get a picture. She's like, nope, get out. You can't come back. You gotta, and I'm like, it's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. She would walk me, so, one of the funnier things, again, the Tell It's a Black Comedy Club,

so this is so funny. This might be burying the lead with the funniest part of it. But when I was getting ready to go on stage, you're walking to the showroom, and then you have about, you walk by 30, 40 people to get to the backstage walk. In Charlotte, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, on the left side.

You walk to the left, and there's people in booths and people in chairs against the bar area there, I guess, the barrier. And you walk through that, like 40 people. When I was waiting to go on. When I was there, you actually got to sit there. Yeah. I could actually watch the show from that section.

I didn't do good numbers last time I was there two years ago, I did good this time. Numbers were good. I'm good for you. But when I was walking, but when I was getting ready to go up, she goes, she goes, you want a hand towel for your face sweat?

And that went, I started almost giggling, I was like, this is such a hilarious black club, black comics, bring a hand towel on stage for that stage sweat. They sweat. Yeah, so I go, no, no, no, I'm okay, I don't need a hand towel. She goes, I'm gonna get you a hand towel. And then she sends, she sends the white waitress to get me,

who brings a rag that seems not clean anyway already. And she goes, is this good? And I went, for what? And she goes, for the hand. I go, I've never brought a hand towel on stage in my entire life of comedy. I go, I'm okay with it. But then she just gave it to me so I'm holding

it and right before I go on stage, like backstage, I just put it, leave it on like a stool or something there. But as I was walking up, she goes, I'm gonna get you another clean one for next show too. She's not understanding I don't need a hand towel at all. She probably saw your old Def Jam clip when you did your little dance moves. Oh, this big boy is gonna sweat. Oh, he move around. He move around. He move around. He's got the sweat.

He's wearing a lot of clothes and he's doing a lot of hand jive. I told the blind guy he was gonna go home drunk and fucking Marco Polo beat his wife, he's got a girlfriend. She's like, you're being crazy, Daniel. He just takes wild swings at the air. No, him and his buddy, they're such big, big,

like, you know, rednecky dudes. And they him and his buddy, they're such big, big, like, you know, redneck-y dudes, and they're the sweetest. They're the sweetest guys. Yeah, they said that they're regular, they come to everything, they love. Yeah, they're fucking great. But awesome dudes.

Yeah, awesome guys. One guy came in, I'm not gonna talk too much about it, because I don't know how real or dangerous this is, but some guy came in and gave me a bunch of, he said he knew me, the security guard comes in and he goes, this guy knows you, and then she showed me like a military coin, told me your name, and I was like, it's not ringing a bell,

she goes, he says he knows you. He's in uniform too, he comes in, he's not in uniform. Oh, what? He's just dressed. I mean, he's dressed like retired military, I don't know how else to call it huge guy and starts I give you a challenge coin. Mm-hmm Wow amongst other things Do you have your other stuff? Yeah, give it here. No

This is from my rack. Yeah, I don't know if I should talk about it. Yeah Yeah, I don't know dude. Was it like Christine's even saying no, I don't know really Very for how up his ass the security was it's very weird this was crazy and I said before and I said before I said when the guy left I was like I go uh I go that guy should have come in to talk to Bobby that might have interest like like interested Bobby give knives no he didn't know guns all alls. No. All literature. All paperwork and literature.

He gave you like handwritten literature from his manifesto? Listen, I don't know if any of it's real, but one of the things was he also feels we need to have a 35-45 minute meeting so I could become a lobbyist for this cause. That is true, you should. But anyway, I said to the lady, I was like. You could become a lobbyist for this cause. That is true. You should. But anyway, I said to the lady, I was like, you should let that guy in with Bobby Kelly. That would really interest him. And she goes, but before I said that would really interest him, she goes, I know right Bobby would never have played that shit. I'm like, Tammy, I don't know what Bobby is talking about.

We're friends, me and Tammy. Bobby would never play that shit. Dude, I took her off her dim sum on Saturday. Did you? No. Oh, I believe you. Pam. Tammy's great.

She was telling me the story of when she shot down her, the Wi-Fi cables in her neighborhood by accident, shooting her gun off in the air, took out the Wi-Fi cables. Yeah, she's no joke. Stood outside the door the whole time. Yep. Would escort me to places I did not require escorting. Just took the job extremely.

Oh, then when I was walking off the stage, she meets you at the end of the walk and then walks past those 40-some people with you again. And when they would reach out to knuckle pound me, she would like karate chop their hands, their arms down, or slap their phones down on the table and I'm like Tammy Like they hold the crowd back like I'm Keith Richards walking through like relax It's fine if I walk through and shake a few hands and whatever it's fine

on the move god damn Exactly the ostrich is moving Alpha team Delta. Oh, by the way, they're on comms. They're on the whole like we're gonna bring them out back if we have two people meet out the back door and open the back door like yo we are absolutely. Meanwhile there's a 18 and over club that is jumping next door that hires two girls in bikinis with crazy like BBL bodies like goofy bodies disinterested have to stand outside while definitely

15 year olds in droves walk through it and every time they get past security because where the door is where I go outside to Smoke is between security and the front door of the club, right? Right that little back door a little back door Yeah, they have now so I was out there probably went to go smoke cigars. That's our smoking cigars. Yeah So when you stand standing out there, every time they get past security, you see the girls go like, they have a girl, oh god, it works face. And you just see them going,

snatches, everything hanging out. It was crazy, it was a different time. It really is nuts that 18, what was it, 18 and under, right? It's 18 and over. Is it 18 and over? Yeah, it's 18 and over. Definitely look like 18 and under, right? It's 18 and over. Is it 18 and over? Yeah, it's 18 and over. Definitely look like 18 and under.

Oh, a lot of it was 18 and under, for sure. And apparently it's so funny, it looks like it's like a fucking VFW hall attached to the place. I don't know where it goes or how it goes. They showed me, Tami showed me pictures of inside when it's a club. It's one of those like humongous stage, multi-level people

on balconies and stuff, crazy Vegas nightclub. It's thumping. Nightclub in there. Outside, it looks like nothing. Yeah. It looks like absolutely nothing. It looks like the side of a library. Yeah, it looks like an old factory.

I don't know where the fuck it goes. But then every time we were leaving, you have to walk around the corner to get an Uber for some reason. Because they won't, the traffic is so bad because of that club that they won't go over there. So you have to, I had Court, we drove, but it took us like 15 minutes just to get out

of the parking lot at night. So, but even you start walking and you're like, Tammy, we're fine. Tammy, if anything happens, we have to help you. Do you understand that? She's like walking with us, like, I'll protect you from wherever you need protection from. Tammy, you're fine.

Yeah, she would walk us to the car at night. I'm like, honey, there was 30 people there. Ha ha ha ha ha. One of them was blind, I'm all right. I'm okay. Then the blind guy attacks you. Yeah, oh there it is right there. Is that it?

It changes ownership, they said, every couple of years. It probably goes under from underage drinking and then just reopens again. Because it's just Latina, Latina night dancing, but it's just, it's all, it's all kinds of just kids white black every there was no like racial no that means racially diverse I mean it was like all over the place it gets a little crazy I also found on the ground unfired hollow point Luger nine millimeter round how did you know that

it says on the back of the case it It said nine millimeter Luger. But I assume that is a hollow point. Like the point it was dug out. Yeah, that's a dug out, yeah. That's to kill cops, right? Yeah. Well, that's why you have them, Jacob. Among other things. Jacob, that's why you have them.

A doy. It has been used, I guess. You just found a bullet on the ground. It was crazy. That's not a good sign. It's a weird sign, for sure. Means they couldn't get the last one in because they have It was crazy. That's not a good sign. It's a weird sign for sure. Means they couldn't get the last one in because they have thumbs a week.

Probably some 12 year old girl going, I can't get the last one in. It reminds me because I've been talking about guns so much. Me and Christine started watching a movie last night called Sovereign, starring that new movie with Nick Offerman. You know who he is? He's a comedian. He was a comedian and it was always in comedy stuff

but he's like plays a serious character. It's him and his son. He's like, without giving any spoiler, but we actually haven't finished it yet. That guy. Yeah. He's a great actor, but it's about him and his son. He believes he's a sovereign citizen.

He's like fighting for, it's a very dark like dramatic movie, but I believes he's a sovereign citizen. He's like fighting for, it's a very dark, like dramatic movie, but I never overly look into sovereign citizen stuff, other than like, I know their driving thing when you get pulled over. They always say I'm traveling on your roads. I'm traveling, not driving, it's like driving. The terms are amazing that they use.

But the actual underlying belief is, I can buy anything I want from you on credit, and then if I never accept a bill from you, I don't owe you the money. Is that what sovereign citizenship, am I right? Christine, isn't that what he basically kind of does it? Yeah, it seems like he believes. The whole idea is they're coming to foreclose on his house,

and he's like, I've never received anything from you guys. Receiving is an option. You have to receive something. You could have sent something, but I've never received anything from you. So I don't owe you anything. And it's just like, it's so pompous and hilarious. I don't understand why.

Isn't there, isn't there, isn't that like a sovereign city? Didn't they try to create one of those in, was it Seattle? Isn't that what happened during the BML? They tried to create I believe Black Matters lives. They tried to create a sovereign city where they is that Yoda's movement for Black Matters lives. I think Christina Ville in Denmark is that too. I think they have a city concept in Rosetta. There's a Capitol Hill occupied protests, also known as the Capitol Hill autonomous zone,

Chaz or Capitol Hill organized protest. It was a six block area in the Capitol neighborhood that protesters occupied. So it was just, they just said they. Yeah, this doesn't fall into the loons. Well, I think in Denmark, they actually did that and they, they gave them the part of town. So when you go in there, there's the laws, they don't, they don't have to abide by the laws of town. So when you go in there, there's the laws, they don't have to abide by the laws of Denmark. They have their own laws. They can sell drugs.

That's called Christina Landstead. That's like Dave Smithville. I believe. Build your own Rhodesville. I mean, Ari went to it and they were like, you gotta be careful because no one's gonna ... There's no laws or roads or cameras or anything. They have like amazing coffee shops. I bet. You go in there and have this great cup of coffee,

and you can buy drugs. But they don't have electricity or television? There it is right there. Yeah, Freetown. Christiania. Christiania, that's a call, Christiania. And Copenhagen. And... Partially self-governing and autonomous community

often describes a commune or intentional community. It has its own set of rules and customs including a ban on certain activities like running and Taking photos of certain areas while it has its own unique character in some degree of self-governance That's not a fully sovereign city and remains part of Danish state. Okay. Yeah, so it's like sort of so these fucking drug addicts and hippies Just like this is ours. Yeah, fuck you. We own it. It's like midsummer. That's where midsummer happened and hippies just like, this is ours, fuck you, we own it. That's like midsummer, that's where midsummer happened, that movie, just a weird commune. They have all kinds of artists there, and you can buy art, and you can buy drugs,

but it does get kind of dangerous in some. My best friend's mom does like, spiritual psychologist type stuff, but her seminars are in Denmark. I didn't know that Denmark was like, it's probably somewhere around here. It's a remote island. Denmark is a street. Bobby, I noticed you're checking out Christine over there,

and I gotta say, she's gonna be 40. Next time we do a show, Christine's gonna be 40 years old, and she's looking, I don't mind saying, damn good. Is she, is your birthday this weekend? No, it's Monday. It's on Monday. It's Monday after Monday. Oh, okay. I thought it was this Monday too, but it's not.

Oh, it's not this Monday, you're right. We should have celebrated your birthday in Tampa, too Why don't we do that because it's still it's still a couple weeks away. Okay. It's right You should write to you mind it two Mondays from now Christine is looking really good She good what she wants you to know she says why she wore I don't know if you noticed but you can see her entire giant nipples see-through on her shirt and little bra thing We can see her talking What are you talking about? I'm wearing a bra, a shirt, and a shirt over it.

Can I just say something? We see her nipples every day we do the show. Well, no, now you're wearing the flannel now, but on the tank top, it's all full nip. And areola outline. Yeah, that's the way she always dresses like a dance instructor. We see her nips every day, Jay.

I know, but today they're see-through. Ooh. How are they possibly see-through? Don't cover them. I have no idea. Now we're going to want to look. I guess that has something to do with the materials used to make your clothing.

I don't know how see-through works. Just work it, girl. Work it, bitch. Work it. Who cares? I can't see it from here. Stop looking, weirdo. Let me look at your titties, Chris.

I thought Jay was like, why is Jay complimenting me? And I'm like, oh, to give me shit about my nips. I'm not going to give you shit about your nips. I said, obviously, you're looking damn good. Thank you. That was a compliment. It was a Jay compliment. I'm tan.

You're tan, but your skin is beautiful. You lost a lot of weight. A lot of weight? She did. Damn. I did. Bobby thinks she didn't lose a lot of weight. No, she lost a lot lot of weight man. She looks fantastic. I was checking out this weekend No, she's showing she's showing your titties

Mean she's showing nip yeah Relax yeah, I can't I want to see some titties well It's in the Sun yeah, you got to come outside on the break from here you can't see no you got to get in the sunlight I don't want to go on the break today Not a California flower child California You are you working with a drop She's arguing with a drop. You are arguing with a drop, but that is also a...

She gave me the look. She really got mad at Jacob. Hatred in her eyes. Not a flower child, Christine, because you were born in the 80s, not the fucking 60s. They didn't have flower childs in the 80s, 90s. You were just a California girl.

You didn't have a beach body, so you had to find a different identity in California. And you went with that. That's very true. Did you not have a beach body? I've never had a beach body, Bobby. Sorry, I didn't know. I was a 200 pound 11 year old.

There was no beach body. What the fuck? Even when I lost weight, I had still been fat. Are there photos of you 200 pounds? Very few, and then in California. Max is not 200 pounds, a 12. Oh, I was a big old fatty. Really? They'd put me on fedra when I was like 11.

I didn't, I like ate right through it. My whole family worked for Herbalife. She beat a fedra. But you know, discovered speed quite young. That's fucking wild. I tried everything, a fedra, throw it up. Well, you know what, you got in shape. Chewing and spitting out.

Ugh. You chewed food and spit it out? The Dolly Parton diet, found out about it, had to try it. Is that her diet? You chew it, taste it, and spit it out? And that works? No, nothing worked, Bobby. You tried and exercised.

She said she tried it, like, for a meal. Yeah. She didn't hunker down and do it for a couple months ago. This isn't for me. She went, is it what Dolly Parton does? That's not as fun as swallowing it. Remember Joe Piscobo used to smell food? Remember that when he got shredded?

Yeah. Him and his wife, they were both shredded. They would get sundaes and just sniff them. Which is weird. I think he also said he did the same thing that they chew and spit it out to on Howard Stern. He was saying. Yeah, fucking weird. Che that they chew and spit it out to on Howard Stern He was fucking weird chew it up and spit it out That's probably I think I would hate that worse than just eating something different chewing it and spitting it out

rather than chew and spit out like McDonald's I'd rather just eat like fucking Balsamic vinegar and vegetables or something. Yeah, you know what I mean? I'd rather just do that than spit it out. God, that was delicious Big Mac. It was just a pile of fucking shit in front of me. We should try that for lunch today. Just chew and spit it out.

Chew and spit it out. I'll throw up. We're always doing that, just sitting there. Everyone's gotta walk by us with piles of chewed food. I'm like, oh sorry, we all weren't giving God gift bodies. Sorry Jacob will yell at you as you ingest your protein bar. Like a fucking asshole, like a fatso, swallowing your food like a pig.

Oh man. How do we become sovereign citizens? Well you just say it. I think you just say it. You know what they do a great job of in this movie and we do have to finish it, is just every time he speaks, he speaks with such, you know, like,

he knows exactly what he's talking about, and everything sounds pretty incoherent. Like, he'll go through a spiel, and you're like, what the fuck did he just say? Unlimited amounts of video for him to research. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Nick did exactly what I do on my regular weekends. He watches hours of Sovereign Citizen videos

to prepare for the role. You watch that? Oh, I watch them too, yeah. They're great. They're the best videos. The court ones and the pulling over ones are the best. Because they have to know, like they have to know the law like a lawyer, right?

No, they know nothing. They just make it up. Because the law doesn't apply to them. Okay. The cop says, radios in immediately, we got a traveler. Yeah. You call them travelers?

Yeah. Well, that's what they say they are. To let them know. Okay. To let the next cop that's coming, there's a sovereign citizen here. Oh, because yeah, because also they need to speak to your direct sergeant.

They will not deal with you. Oh, that bugs me so bad. They also believe they are, I'm going by this movie's things, that they're peace officers, technically, of their sovereignty. That they are peace, he goes to court for something where the sons stand there and makes like a scene

and when the judge is leaving, he's like, no, I don't accept that ruling. Judge and the judge, he's like, I don't give a shit kind of thing and walks out of the courtroom. And he goes, he abandoned his post. Everybody sees that he has hereby abandoned his post, which is a breach of the US constitutional thing of a judge. So that, and when they walk out,

you can see the sun's frazzled and he's like, he's like, oh man, he's like, dad, what happened back there? He's like, we won. What do you mean? That went swimmingly. And then they just take his house. And he's like we won he's like what do you mean that went fantastic that went swimmingly but you say and then they just take his house like and he's like stand there what do you mean you're taking my house so the post thing is not he's just making that up it's not a thing I mean there's some kind of like it's they're finding like a thing it's always like I reference you

the US versus whatever there's always some thing we're like some dimwit got through you know I mean something happened or or they were able to get out the US versus whatever. There's always some thing where some dimwit got through. Something happened or he was able to get out of something. But his job in the movie is consulting and doing seminars on why you don't have to pay your mortgage. It's like when the guy used a fake credit card to pay my phone bill when I was a teenager. What happened?

At the end there. When I first started doing comedy, there was a criminal who did comedy with us and he said that he could uh Pay off my cell phone bill. It was crazy high one month And uh, I just didn't pay attention enough to the night's weekends thing Oh, yeah back in the day when they would tag you for that shit and he goes I could take care of it for 100 bucks. I gave 100 bucks needed to think and then when it came back I was uh fucked completely Um, I was fucked completely.

I had to pay all of it. Thank God I didn't get in trouble, legal trouble. They just charged me all the money again. But that's almost the point of it, is I ended up just getting charged all the money again. Do you know what I mean? It's like you did the goofy thing and it never stops going. So it's like, they just believe the world's stopping

around them because they're doing their thing. You know what I mean? Bobby, treat yourself. They're the best videos on YouTube. They also have no ID that anyone in the United States would recognize as illegal. They just make up their own ID. But also still want the things.

They want electricity and to watch television, cable, whatever, they have amenities of socialized life. Citizens. Yes, but they just also go, yeah, but I'm not paying for this house. It just seems like a broke move is what it is. Whenever the things are negative towards them, then they don't want it, then they resist.

But they use the country for everything they need. Groceries, yeah, they still have to do all these things. And the whole thing is he keeps talking about, his seminar is about how money is nothing. It's backed by, which is a pretty interesting speech, because I think there's a lot of truth through a lot of that. About money's nothing?

Oh yeah. We're just talking about how they break it up and what the banks do with money. It's kind of an interesting speech in the movie, but at the same time, the humor of what's happening is he's doing these seminars and then his son goes around with a box to collect money from people so they can live,

because they need money. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, when it applies, it's very like, they don't make the guy seem smart. They make him seem like he's problematically fucked up. Right. Do you know what I mean? So these are the guys that get pulled over

and they just, I don't have to do this, I don't have to do that. No insurance, no ID, because they don't want to have to do any of that. Right, okay. They don't want to pay for it. I've seen those. They're also consider themselves representatives

of what their name is. They're representatives of that name, because that name is, what did he keep calling it? They didn't. What did he keep calling his name? Is it, that's like a color something? Of a court, yeah. That's a color something name?

Oh, it's so sick. He's like, I'm administrative. They didn't ask for this birth name. Yeah, he's like, I'm an administrator for Jerry, whatever his name was. So you have to memorize all this horse shit that is not real. Oh yeah.

Although he has his son memorizing, but it's like actual like codes like law codes Can you tell it is really reciting it back? Well, you know, it's like I mean people Chris just use the Bible to Use the law see if YouTube has the the girl with the friend lawyer on that whatever that show was called on We went through it on here years ago like dark shadow lands or something it was on peacock yeah about all like the weird people and that lady who was in the insurrection who was like you know in her court in her court case they were well she before she went to court for what she did in the insurrection she was

talking to this guy who is a window installer, old white guy, but also a lawyer who they will not allow in the courtrooms because he's too good. He's like, they won't let me in that courtroom because I'll whip their ass up in there so quick, they won't see it coming. But he schools her on what to say when she goes there and it's just ass nine.

It's, what is, what's the word he breaks down that doesn't make it, it's just ass nine. What's the word he breaks down that doesn't make it, he's just like, he's like this word means this. For the root, he's just making up a bunch of facts and she goes to court with that and it didn't matter what he said to her. She goes, in her testimony that she says, all we did was ask to speak to Nancy Pelosi, we wanted her to come out and we wanted to meet with her as citizens

We we deserve to meet with her and then they were like, okay Exhibit a the video from the thing and they play it in court and then she goes bring Pelosi out We're gonna hang the bitch You're sitting in court going like oh, I guess it was different than I remember And then she got like the full penalty she could have possibly gotten. And he's like, it's because I wasn't in there with you. The guy's listening, he's like, no, you have to say, you don't answer questions because you don't adhere

to the laws of the United States of America. I just watched a video Sunday where the sovereign citizen is in court. He could get off with a misdemeanor, but he doesn't recognize the United States of America. So now he's going to be charged for a felony offense for not showing up because anyway, he's in court. The judge, the judges have a feast on these people, but they're also aggravated

because they are just completely wasting court time. Well, every time I watch them, and the prosecutor. They're very taxing. That's the word, taxing. As soon as I get pulled over, because I have cops in my family, I'm 10 of two, I'm yes sir, no sir,

and I'm sorry, and whatever it was, I apologize. I never, what? What? Just give me a moment to collect myself and I'll jump back in the conversation. Are you mad that I'm, I'm. No, you said something wacky. What'd I say?

10 of two? 10 of two? 10 and. 10 and two. People say 10 and two. 10 and two, 10 and two. 10 and, you want 10 and two people say ten and two ten or two ten or two Ten and you want ten eight you want the end do you need the end? You need do if you need the end. I'll give you the end. I don't need

If you need the end to for the story, I will give you the end. Wait a second It's the same thing Wait a second. It's the same thing. It is the same thing. 10 of two. 10 of two. Same exact position. It's the same 10 of two or 10 and two, right? 10 of two.

I said 10 and two. 10 of two. You said 10 of two. 10 of two. But it's the same thing. The question is, happy accident that it works out? No, I say 10 of two. So both your hands would be on the 10. I think when in the manual for driving,

it's 10 and two or 10? I think it's 10 and two. 10 and two. That's what I have all this money on. 10 of two. 10 of two. Yeah. But I'll tell you.

10 of two. The fact that it's working out is making me, I'm enjoying it. I now enjoy what you said. It would be 150 on, both hands on 150. It refers to a time. Yeah. 10 and 2 is a phrase for the text of driving.

Right. But it does work. 10 of 2. Yeah, because. It's 10 of 2. 150. No, no. It's not 10 of 2.

But. It's 10 and 2. But it's 10 of 2. But it also happens to be 10 of 2. Wow. Pfft. Oh my God. Christine's nipples are piercing through that shirt right now with excitement.

We can't believe that just happened. But I remember like mob. Every time you see the mob get pulled over by the cops, I like the way they do it. You know, they're, yeah, yes sir. Over-respectful, yeah. They're over-respectful, and they'll throw in a little dig at some point to get smacked in the face or whatever. But they just pull the car over,

they all get out of the car, put your hands on it, they all put their hands on it. It's like, yeah, do your thing, officer. Whatever you gotta do, pal, to get, you know what I mean? But these people that fight cops now, verbally, I hate it. It's taxing. It's not gonna go your way ever, because they are, and I watch so much body cam shit,

hyper emotional guys. Police officers, it's the thing they should be the least, and it's what they absolutely are the most. They are so emotional. They, I even scream at people constantly and lose their cool all the time. And that's why you're voting for Zoltan for mayor of New York City.

Who's that? Is that Adam Sandler's character? He said whatever his name is. Is that a magician? What's his name, Zoltan? Oh no, I'm writing in Corinne Fisher. What? I'm gonna write her in.

Oh, you're right, it is his first name. It's Zoltan, no. Yeah. Isn't that the guitar player for Five Finger Death Punch? No, that's the guy. I think it is. Our next mayor. That's the next mayor.

Zoran. Yeah, Zoran. I think Zoltan is the guitar player for Five Finger Death Punch. I think Zoltan is the actual. That's a comic book character. No, it's the gypsy who gave, made Tom Hanks small. Ooh.

Zoltan, yeah, the machine. Sorry. Yeah, he can make you a kid again. Oh yeah, look, and Zoltan is also the guitar player for Five Finger Death Punch. Is that the guy that didn't get us the, no. No. That can't be his name.

What? Zoltan Bathory. Yeah, I think he's Middle Easter. Look at his hair, why couldn't it be his name? It just sounds so weird. He's wearing a dreadlock ponytail. Mohawk. Oh my God.

Does he say he's a musician and martial artist? Yeah. Ooh. I didn't see that coming. You could say that. Didn't you take karate? He knows the five finger death punch. Yeah, there it is.

I did. Zoran. What is his name? How do you say it? Zoran? Zoran. I don't know. That's his first name or last name?

He thinks that we should get rid of the cops. He actually said- You're rid of them all together. No, not all together. He said the last thing you want, we already got rid of those. It's a 70% minority police force in New York City. Really?

Is that possibly true? 65. Oh my God, even black, that doesn't even make black Lou feel safe. Yeah. He said they come in but what But I think it's 60 or 65 to 70 percent minority police force. What is it? 39% no, that's not true. You don't want you know blacks Asians

Hispanics, how can it be 32%? No, it's got to, no. Whites, non-Hispanic. I don't, there's not. No. Wait a second. That doesn't make sense. So.

Anyways. Altogether. He said. That's weird. That's a weird contradiction. That's a weird, that's weird. He said that the last thing you want when somebody, a heated situation,

is a alpha guy showing up with a gun. Which, to me, that's exactly what you want when it comes down to it. Because if you see dogs, and you see a dog being a dickhead, and then the alpha dog comes up, have you seen that alpha dog thing? The King Charles thing on Facebook.

You ever seen that? There's all these dogs and there's one dog just being a dick to all these other dogs, and then the alpha dog comes up, who's not even that big, and he comes up and literally fucking Great Dane, Doman Pinscher. Just, look at this guy. Yeah, watch, watch him.

Look at him, look at him. That's what you want. Yeah This dog was being a fucking asshole and this guy this alpha dog King Charles comes up and says Settle down and puts his paw on his fucking head and every dog just Damn yeah that dog that King Charles dog is a look at watch this watch Yeah, he look at that. That's like a great Dane and it's just holding this big black demon down. I mean, I think, when you show up and somebody has a, it kinda should settle things down.

You know, what happens if that person is gonna flip out? The guy in the ascot or the sweater around his neck? Hey man, just chill out a little bit. Let me tell you something though. I do love now, as an adult, going back and forth with the cops when I am certainly done nothing wrong and they're being like shitty cops. Yeah, that takes balls.

Well that was really living on a cop block and just being around so much. I used to man. Just smothered in cops at all times. Cops can be, cops can. The things I said to those cops. But if they know you, if they know you it's great. I didn't like that.

I didn't like that. What do you mean? I didn't like that particular, I didn't like that the ones that knew me were fucking overly nice. And like, you know, like real, like friendly. I didn't like, because the opposite of that, the ones who had no idea who I was,

always treated us like shit. Like shit. Right right like real bad Oh really and then I would get into things with the shitty ones and then the other ones would come out and they'd be like You know, they goes Jay give my guys a hard time kind of attitude like a playfully. He's like, you know, it's like Yeah, dude, they're just but I'm like, you know, like yo Get that dumb Puerto Rican cunt under control and he'd be like and he'd be like, come on, man Come on man come on dude you go easy on her and she's like she was like I'm gonna push charges like press charges for what you dumb cunt oh I was furious it's funny because not I mean look have women cops I guess no don't stop that in fact

altogether except it lets his anomalies but but surely the LeBron James of female cops Yeah, you give me the anomaly though the freakish. You know what the girl who just won the fucking title She could be a cop She could absolutely be a cop because that your your most average random thug on the street one-on-one. She will fuck him up, right? That's absolutely true. She and I'm not saying saying in a stand-up square-up punching match. I'm just saying she'll know how to grab him and fuck his shit up. Where you get a little chubby chick

on the street with a gun, she has a chip on her shoulder. Anything that is said to her. And then most of the people that she's gonna try to detain are gonna fuck her up. And you're gonna have to use some type of force. If you see it, mostly the video, there's a video. Oh yeah. What's the video?

It's a stranger just saved the lady. It's the 100,000. The shit you want when the cops pulls over. I didn't see it yet, but it's the thousands, one I've seen, I love them all. I love every one of them. There's one that just happened, I believe in New York, where these two women cops,

one was like a little chubby redhead, and this Muslim guy, they were trying to detain these crazy Muslim dudes, and they were like, fuck that, and he blasted this bitch in the face. He took out all of them. He took out all of them, and she's just crying. She's crying with a bloody nose. It's like, you have a gun, you have a taser,

you have a nightstick. Use something. All those things are too heavy for them. I can't, you can't cry. Of course they can. They're girls. Bite his ankle, do something. They got nothing. I watched a lunatic with his gown off that left the hospital

and I told him when I was on the phone, they sent two girl cops and he stood there and peed on their feet. He didn't give a fuck and they had no idea what to do because if they got aggressive with him without shooting him or tasing him, he could have fucked them up. Much bigger than both of them.

The one I just sent you. This is the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm gonna do that to Dawn next time she pisses me off. I'm just gonna pee on her feet. While she's yelling at you face to face, just be peeing on her feet. Yeah, I said I didn't want chocolate. I'm gonna piss on her feet, I'm just gonna piss. While she's yelling at you face to face, just be peeing on her feet.

I said I didn't want chocolate, I'm gonna piss on her feet right in the ice cream store. What's up, Jake? The one I sent you over the weekend, the female cop just pulls over, the guy must be 60, just medium build. She pulls him over for a traffic violation. Stay in your car, he gets out of the car.

Don't get out of your car, Get back in your car. No. And then he just starts shoving her because he wants nothing to do with her. And then he tackles her and then about five civilians have to get out of their cars and save her. Oh, this is it. She's walking up to the right side of this Chevy Malibu. And he's just an angry guy is having a bad day. 57 to 35. Wow. He just gets out of the car immediately. Oh, no, because I don't have my driver's license.

Oh, your driver license in the backseat? What a loser. Who does that? She's't have my driver's license. Well you driver license in the back seat Who does that? She's calling him because she's terrified. Yeah, she's terrified This guy is not that big he's wearing gloves driving Back up! I'm not sitting motherfucker! We're getting physical. We're getting physical. Put your hands behind your back. I'm not! I will taze you, sir. Oh, this is gonna be so good. Touch the vehicle. Taze him. Put your hands up, just fucking taze him.

If you're gonna do it at this point, he should be tazed now. He already touched you, taze him. Do not get close to him. Oh God. Oh no. I mean, it's over. They are in a...

By the way, this guy's... The only reason this is going even sort of okay for is he's old as shit. That's all I'm saying. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, just a big fat dad comes out with a sleeveless shirt and grabs a guy and takes him to the ground. I like, whenever I see a crime scene,

I like the, great when you see the sergeant shows there, and he'll be like, you know, he's like, Oh, Ohula hand, talk to the victims, so and so go over there. It's like, oh, hula hand talk to the victims so and so go over there It's like Denise go look for shell casings or something Yeah, go put the cones down I wish we could ever find the one it was like a cops episode where a lady approaches a guy on a porch and It's the one where I like started making my jokes about female cops being ridiculous

Right is just because when they it she has to get into the house with this guy. I think he was like hurting a dog or something. He was like beating up a dog. So she went to go check on him. And he tries to run into his house and she goes in after him. And it's just nothing. And then all the cops come and she is in the middle

of the pile just in the way. You know what I mean? Like they're all got him. It's like, they're like, get the fuck out of the way. She's just there. She's just like, just to me, she's part of it. She's like holding a hand on him still. Like, I have a shoulder.

I got a shoulder guide. The guys are in a major scrap with him, and she's like, I'm involved also. Like, you caused all of this. You dingbat. Find the Muslim dude beating the shit out of the two female cops. It's so sad, because then the guy cops come on,

and it's over in five seconds. It's not sad. No one's ever been honest with these ladies and said, what the fuck are you doing? I don't know why people have a problem not recognizing their limits. Like, I couldn't be a cop. I don't have the frame for it.

I'm okay knowing that. You could do a desk job. You could actually do some detective work. No, but I'm not gonna be on the street. I know I shouldn't be in the... Jacob, you can't dunk. You won't be in the NBA. You would never... It's like all these things. You can do fingerprinting and shit.

You could show up and do it 100%. All right, don't cut yourself short, and that wasn't a pun. Listen... Yeah, but I know this. I could fingerprint. You could do administrative work for sure. Yeah, great.

But you don't want to be the person who's holding the fucking... the thing to bust the door down for the bust. No. Jacob, Jacob, me and Jay would come to you and be like, like, we gotta get into this guy's email. And you'd be like, all right, give me a sec. And you'd go to your computer.

Jacob, could you crawl into his email for me? Yeah, yeah, you're like, I'm not supposed to do this, fellas. All right, hey Jacob, we're gonna take you out this weekend for some chicken and dead Ted's place that Dan takes you to. Right. All of a sudden, your little finger stop going. this weekend for some chicken and dead Ted's place that Dan takes you to. Right. All of a sudden your little finger stop going.

I can be the Jewish nerd computer whiz that helps the hero. But that's not what he's talking about. He's talking about fucking the people in the action. Boots on the ground, man. Oh no, you could never be, you could come after. Sure. You could come after and put like the yarn

from where the gun went to like with a bullet can you know hey man this is oh yeah Dexter like a blood spatter guy yes you could be a Dexter why am I okay with not knowing that I have these limitations I don't know I don't know what you mean fine knowing this yeah well but was there something you were pursuing it's if you're pursuing something, maybe, and it gets taken away when you just realize like you have limitations to it.

Well, it's like Trump's assassination. I mean, when you watch that video and you see the girl, chubby girl, Secret Service, who can't even get her gun back in because her fat gut, her side gut can't get in. Her period panties are sticking out of the back. It's like, come on, man. Here's the problem, the problem with this girl.

All that gun, there's guns, uniforms, just like everybody else, sunglasses, a butch, dyke-y haircut. The whole deal, still underneath all that, is panties and a pussy. Which just is not tough in any situation. She's not gonna be alright the whole month. Yeah, and somewhere, if you're in a mixed up thing with them,

she has another hole in her body you can just shove things into and finger if you have to get out of something important. And by the way, I'm not gonna sell myself short, I believe I could take this guy that we just watched. That guy? Yes. Yes, I could take him, I still know I shouldn't be on the street.

You should absolutely, Jacob, you're like a year older or a year younger than that guy. I could take him. I still know I shouldn't be on the street I mean you should absolutely shake if you're like a year older or a year younger than that guy that science teacher who was Still not forced to retire. Yeah, I could take him. Yes, of course you're good. I still know I shouldn't do the job I love that the guy got out with these these work gloves on to his driving with work gloves The guy's mentally ill as soon as he when I said Stay in your car and he didn't, I would shoot him in the chest with my Taser. You should be able to shoot somebody with your Taser at any time.

You can, if a guy gets out of the car and starts coming at her like that, I mean she absolutely should have Tased him. Before she pushed him like that, before you engage in a thing where she, when he stopped coming at her, she like shoved him like almost onto the ground into the car, you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, but here's the thing about respect. If there was a big male cop, he never would have gotten out of the car. Well, here's what happened. He yelled at her and stuck his finger in her face. Now her ego's hurt. Her ego's hurt, so she pushed him. It's right here.

Yeah. It's when he's like, that right there is where he's like, fuck this. Yeah, you don't's right here. Yeah, it's when he's like that right there is where he's like fuck this You don't push a guy. Yeah, there's no pushing in the manual for Restraining a restraining a certain a female officer has nothing to worry about with me because I'm not this problem I will submit to the thing even if she goes I have to arrest you For and I go that's bullshit. Like, you know, it's like, you know where my license isn't suspended

I know for a second. Or if she says it is suspended, and I'm arguing with her like, you're making a mistake. I'm still, when she goes, get out of the car, I don't go, I'm not getting out of the car. I'm just go, I'm gonna have to go through the fucking, yeah, I'm gonna have to go through the motions and just figure this out and fuck this lady, I guess.

But like. I get electricity from Jersey, I'm a sovereign citizen. My pool is my own domain. It is my domain. You have to come get me in my pool one thing You're gun wet. Did you find the one with the Muslim dude? I think it was England. It was England England's the worst UK is the worst because they here's the thing if you take away the cops I say make all the cops Giants just make them fucking killers machines. Yeah machines absolutely and nobody's gonna fuck around Nobody's gonna fuck around people will here's you know, I don't know the answer to this

I said the problem with cops always with the job requires if somebody unloads a clip at you if you're a cop and Misses you every time and then puts the gun down and goes I submit you have to go over and call him mister and Put his hands behind his back, you know what I mean? Like you have to do all those things. Like still, and I couldn't do that. Once he was out of bullets and I realized that I wasn't hit, then I'm like, I'm gonna put every bullet I have in this guy. Why wouldn't you?

Like I, cause I'm just a human reaction. When I went to New Orleans for the first time and I was on that, you know, main drag and how rowdy and how fucked up it was. Bourbon Street. Bourbon Street and then like, oh they're gonna close it down soon. I'm like, how?

How are they fucking shutting this? There's no way. And they have the most alpha cops on horseback in cars and they don't fucking take shit for a half a second. And they shut it down. Same thing with Ebor City. Ebor City, I don't know if you for a half a second. No. And they shut it down. Same thing with Ebor City. Ebor City, I don't know if you've been there.

I've been there, buddy. It's fucking nuts. But I didn't see it policed well either. Oh dude, at a certain time when they shut that down, they just go right down the street with cars and horses and cops with like mesh wife beaters on and their badges on chains. And they're just like shredded.

It looks like a... It looks like a... Is that the gay police force? It looks like a Bruckheimer film, right? And they just come out. We're here, we're queer, we're not taking any shit. Yeah, they don't fuck around, man. And nobody fucks with, nobody on New Orleans,

and on what is it, Bourbon Street? People just left because apparently they've just beaten ass to where the fact that, it's like a comedy club, you tell people to shut up, if you kick them the fuck out, everybody else is gonna know when you come back, oh, you get kicked out. When you beat the shit out of somebody

because they're being an asshole, everybody who comes back the next week goes, oh, dude, don't do that, we gotta go, because they beat the shit out of a guy with a horse last week, you know? So I, trying to take cops away in New York City and add therapists to come down. I hope they do it.

I say do it all. I say do it all. Make shit free, give everybody everything, and take the cops away and let this city burn. I'd love to see it. I'd love to just see some guy in a fucking, like some sports coat try to, some guy in a diaper throwing shit at everybody.

Sir, what happened to you? He just eats his eyes, you know? Fucking yeah. I mean, what's that? Is there any update? This is it right here, watch this. Is there any update? See, Christine, also, if there's any update on that,

I forget where it was, that the worst announcement ever on the news was like, hey everyone, the first ever all-female like shift like of police is happening and maybe it was Michigan or something it was just like you're announcing like so all crime it's like the the purge all crime is legal between the hours of 9 p.m. and 4 a.m. yeah find the stats on robberies and murders that night where is that pur, Purgeville? Oh yeah, it's Purgeville, uh, Purgeville, Oregon. Buddy, do it all. Let, let them all in. Let all female cops in Times Square on fucking New

Year's Eve. Let's just see what happens. Look at this. The Purge. Look at this guy. Oh guys, it's time to purge. These dudes, uh, these Muslims, Manchester, Manchester airport, it was in the airport too. Which when I go to an airport, I'm on, I've been in situations, like fuck, last week going to Tampa, they took my bag, both bags.

I just got that guy, like every other lane, the guy looking at the bags was empty. These other people just letting shit fly through. But my guy, there was 15 bags. This guy was searching everything. Any little thing. I just got the TSA guy that took his job way too serious. God bless these people. But he got my bag twice. And then he went through it. And he goes,

is there, there seems to be a knife in here. I'm like, you know what? We gotta go. I gotta go. We're gonna miss our flight. Max is sitting there. I'm like, buddy, I don't, but in my brain I'm like, shit, maybe Max took my bag and threw a knife in it or something. I'm like, I don't know, I'm helping him go through this, there's another pocket, blah, blah, blah. And then he goes, I have to run it again.

I'm like, go run it again. Whatever you gotta do, buddy. And then he goes, okay, just take it. I'm like, all that for nothing. This maniac saw something. And you had a knife the whole time. I did not have a knife. Yes.

I did not. I've had knives. Inside of you. That's embarrassing when he takes out a full tang, six inch fucking death knife. Well, remember Christine got nailed with two butterfly knives. That was the craziest thing ever. That is embarrassing.

It's almost laughable. You're like, ah, he goes, you want to, what are you gonna do with this? I'm like, oh, you can just take that. I'm sorry. I'm like, am I gonna do that? I'm gonna bury it in my ex and say something crazy. But in airports, I am on my best behavior.

Because I don't wanna not fly. Sure. I don't wanna not get somewhere. I keep it down, but these guys just beat the fuck out of these cops. Also, apparently, there's like, big tension between Muslims and police officers in general right now in England they said when I was looking for this it's a police or Jews no I don't know if that's it

oh it's not oh shit maybe you're right it's all CCTV so yeah my friend I go to buy this thing with nothing other things it's not reading my card so here's the cop the cops are behind them trying to talk to them doing that you know hey I go to buy this thing with a thing, and I think it's not reading my card. So here's the cop. The cops are behind them trying to talk to them, doing that, you know, hey, we're nice. And these guys are just ignoring. Here comes this redhead. This redhead walks up, look, excuse me,

tries to grab this guy. But why are they grabbing him? I don't know what they did, but... Well, it says it. Well, it says, ready? And see you later. Oh, Jesus. It's all girl cops? Wait, the two girl cops just get the shit. But watch this ready and see you later. It's all girl cops. Wait, the two girl cops just get the shit one.

Wow. Goodbye. And two. See you later. Wow. And then the guy cops have to step in. But then this big Muslim grabs the guy cop. Oh man, look at that.

That guy's just beating the shit up. At the bonfire. It's like, why would you? This guy's tasing that guy, he gets the shit out of, then the blonde finally takes her taser out and takes that guy down. But the redhead is finished, she's out of the game. Female cops, they should, listen,

just like Jacob on The Force, Jacob and the girls should be in intelligence. Yes, 100%. Yes. Yeah, I mean. on the force Jacob and the girls should be an intelligence yes yes yeah yeah man you should be offended that you exactly I don't want to be put in their category I know better no stronger than this bitch of course but Jacob you wouldn't join the Academy for this read this girl just like it doesn't matter she's like I'm gonna be great at this she can't even put the cuffs on him of course not those cups are made of hard metal I want to be a world-class pitcher in MLB I'm not gonna

it's not it's not gonna happen did you have any dreams that were attainable at all that's one no but everyone wants the Major League pitcher? Him? Do you have to be tall to be a pitcher? You have to be... I don't recall ever being a tall. You have to have an arm. But that could... You're talking about things you could have trained to do. You know what I mean? You could have trained to become an MLB pitcher. What you probably were never gonna do is dunk a basketball. Do you know what I mean? Sure. I'll give you that too. So and the thing is, and because of your jumping and whiteness probably would have not made the NBA. You know, there was no path to that really for you.

MLB pitcher there is. Cop there is, technically. Him? If Jacob became a trained weapon, absolutely. A trained weapon? Yeah. Like what? Like if he knew multiple kinds of martial arts

and like was super into like gun shit and like was like really like. Gun jitsu? Gun jitsu. Yeah, if he knew multiple kinds of martial arts, and like super into like gun shit, and like was like really like- Gun jitsu? Gun jitsu. Yeah, if he knew gun jitsu maybe. So if you're already a lethal weapon before you join the academy, then yes, okay. And Jacob, with your size,

you could have done gymnastics and karate, which is known as gym kata. He just flips out of the way. See, Jay, you're already talking like, I'm a lethal weapon before I sign up for the academy. Yeah, well you took Jim Cotta. No, I'm saying I learn what I need from the academy. What about your years of Jim Cotta?

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. He does a sum assault in? I took lots of years of Jim Cotta. He sum assaults in, sum assaults out, you can't see him. Where is he?

Jim Cotta. Someone should really put a teacher Jim Cotta class to the pommel horse in the middle of the room and figure it out from there. Ah man. Damn, I love the movie Jim Cotta. Kurt Thomas? Was that the gymnast's name?

I can't remember. Jacob, you'd be the head of all the women though. You would. It's not like. You're like Charlie from Charlie's Angels. Sure. He has an intercom. Charlie.

Yeah, he sits behind an intercom. Hey, my angels. How bundled would you be if you met Charlie and it was Jacob? Angels, good to see you all. I have a mission. He sends a bunch of broads to do his work. Yeah.

I can do that. My bet Charlie said every time they come home alive, it's a goddamn mystery to me Go take down this dangerous drug dealer three unbelievable unbelievable. They're back Unbelievable, they go Charlie mission accomplished. He goes what? Hang on a second. What now? We beat everybody up in high heels Also, we got a letter that says you got life insurance on all three of us what now well girls that's part of the biz it really is fucking we did it we took down that we took down that evil that evil military operation by ourselves god damn it really um Bobby

Kelly's gonna be the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine July 25th and 26th. That's Christine's birthday weekend. Happy birthday. After that he's going to be in Rochester, Tampa, Emmaus, PA for tickets and all tour dates go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. And Big Jay is going to be, he's going to be at the Tacoma Comedy Club in Washington August 1st and the 2nd and the Comedy Store in Los Angeles for Story Wars August 4th and 5th After that he'll be at the punchline Sacramento August 7th through the 9th for tickets and all tour dates

Go to his website big J comedy comm and youtube.com slash at big J Okerson for both his specials and his double album is coming out shortly So make sure you get that too