The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Tampa Trash

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

Jacob reads an accusatory letter that forces Bobby to defend his friend all over again.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly Monster cock did you ever see the video of Huey singing with the the Michael Jackson thing we out the world? Yeah, yeah, you told me about actually I didn't see you got to pull it up Michael Jackson hating how untalented Huey Lewis's he can't hit a fucking note and you should see Michael Jackson's Like he's like what he has balls his past singing like that for his passion passive aggressive looks. Yeah, I mean

Fucking they're the best. I mean he literally jumps at one point. He's like yeah, that's stupid raspy He we Lewis what he can't hit it. Yeah, dude. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he Go back go back go back go back go back. Click the one in the middle the MJ right there. Okay, so it's just a short Yeah, and he's trying to teach him how to do it no volume See they get they pumping them up now watch Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, looking in the background through his glasses like this I'm not getting it. Fuckers ruining my song. It's so funny. Best part of that song is Cindy Lauper comes up right after that. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, what you're reading. You think?

Yeah. You really love it. Do it right there. Do it her recording though. Go up. I think she kind of ruins it. I think she ruins it too though. I'm with you.

Thanks for giving me a heat on that one. I know it's like. I know. Jacob, Thanks for giving me a heat on that one. I know it's like Jacob why are you hovering over us like impending day? Wow it's starting already Here take a lolly pop. Lolly you could say it to the world. Lolly pop. Oh My god, he called you a big shot Wow, I know I know I just want to hear are we here are they fighting? I can't work the board are you going over to fight Jacob? Are you gonna happening in here? I think Jacob Lou just smoke

Not smoke suck on this suck on this leopop put that in your mouth put this in your mouth suck on this suck on it take it take it put your mouth Jacob back off. Did you hear my throat, my stomach, my baby stomach? I thought it was the worst. I wish you're not burping farts. You're, do we talk about that? Okay, yeah, your shit mouth, your ass mouth, is one of the worst things I've ever smelled.

And it smelled like pure Diarrhea shit. It was bad. Yeah, it's rotten eggs. Yeah, it was bad. It's sulfur. It's sulfur. Are you off it? Are you still doing it? You're off? Yeah, I mean tonight would be our dose we would take it. We're not taking it all right Good for you, man. You two balloon up. You become fucking Ralphie Mayfat By the way, it always happens last night at Skanks couldn't have been told more. He goes, whoa, man, you're not dropping weight. You look good. You're like, god damn it.

Just stick with it. Go down a dose. I'm getting a... Go down a dose. Well, I asked the doctor about that he hasn't written back yet. Wow, that's a good doctor. It's a good down, like backwards. But Christine felt like a nightmare at every level of it. Can I, can I, as a, as a doctor, a fat doctor?

I consider myself, I have a doctor. He's a Canadian named the fat doctor. Really? Who's that? You want to start in the black circuit. He was a guy from DC who would come up. So funny. It's always a black dude who has a nickname. Why do black comics always have to have nicknames? The fat doctor's nickname is a fat guy, clearly, and he would go.

He was very nice, fat doctor, but he would, his stage stick was at the end of his jokes he would say his punchline and go I'm gonna steal that. Oh is he on deaf comedy jam I didn't know he did that probably. I'm gonna do that on the show every time I make a good joke or someone makes me like you like you like fat guys You got a... Sure. You like fat guys? Oh. Yeah, baby, you looking good. Well, I mean, you know, and they all went in like that. And he's the fat that actually, there's two different types of fat guys.

Yeah. There's the guys who wear their pants under the belly. This guy. And then there's the fat guy who pulls that belt over the belly. I think that's a real choice. Uh, you make as a fat guy, you're gonna be. Yeah. The over the belly blows my mind. Over the belly confidence is fucking mind numbing.

Well, it also, what tends to happen with that is short fats tend to do the thing in the middle because having your pants look super short and baggy because they're so low. Well, they don't make a size either. For under belly. You'd have to have custom pants. They don't make that type of human being.

They're meant to go right under your belly button. Yeah, the maximum. And we don't do that. But when I do see a fat guy, I understand they tend to be doing it usually because they're short. Yeah. And it's gonna make their pants look better, even though it makes their middle look nightmare.

I'm under, I've always been under the belly fat guy. Mike Calta. Over, you know, my calter. Remember my calter? Sure. Whip. Um. Battery.

Mike, Mike, bitch better have my money Calta. Somebody took Metallica song and put her singing battery over battery. Oh really? Yeah. Battery. Battery. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. it step closer. That way. He is not on the air, but good news. Yesterday it was announced that there were no charges. The DA found nothing. It was self-defense because she went after him and physically touched him. I was worried about him taking the phone being a thing. No, because he had no intent of keeping it or stealing it. He was giving it back to her.

I was just getting out of here. He was, he was going, if he was going to stealing it. He was giving it back to her. Just get out of here. He wasn't, he was gonna, if he was gonna keep it. He was coming through it. Huh? No, he was coming through it. Hey Jacob, do me a favor. Go jump off the roof from his side. Yeah.

I mean, Lou. I wasn't. I mean, we did get one email that got me here. Long time listener of the bonfire, who was upset because she felt we were all taking his side. Yeah, that's what we do. We just had our friends. You weren't taking a...

Well, here's the thing. I know she's got... Sure, she's got... Yeah, she was there as a plant. He was incredibly handled it very well. Well, he should have held it together better because it just looks bad for him. Well, 100%.

I'm gonna let me say this. You should never ever, ever, ever let somebody get you there. Get you to that roundup and you should never, ever. Just what he should have done is, all right, get her out of here. 100%. And what happened after that, but here's,

I always go back to the beginning. If you never went up to him and pulled your hijinks, nobody would be in this position. Her, the security, him. I get it. What, who's ultimate fault is it? Those are the people I don't like. I don't like people who go out of their way to trigger people

to get them in trouble. No, she was like, Trill, she wanted to go troll her. You can't justify that. You can't justify somebody who went out methodically had intent to troll somebody. Get them to say something. Fucked up. Thank you. I needed the music for this. And then the re what you wanted to to happen happened that's exactly what you wanted to happen happen She pushed somebody's insecurities emotional buttons to get them to do something and then became a victim and that's fucking outrageous I'm not disagreeing what but she's she's awful, but he yeah

Where the message that what the email said I can read it. It't really like honestly. I thought you said you pussy pictures or something No, yeah, why don't you turn around so much you're like you hit me you said it hit me in the heart You point to your heart because she said we're all being massage and this dick taking his side And I know I was really I don't think any 7,000 jokes about him being a woman beater We made exactly the whole time. We actually went at him so much that Bobby, I think, was genuinely nervous. Like Bobby is an answer to him at some point.

And he said luckily that Mike thought it was funny and like left. But I was like, when I listened to another podcast, I told you that steel toe morning show I think it was. Yeah. Like they just had his back like earnestly. They didn't make a lot of jokes.

Well, me, we just made jokes about the old stuff. Can I just say something to the fans who this fan, who this fan, this fan in particular, look, we're here to be funny. We talked about it in a funny way. Me and Jay talked about it before and we, I knew what Jay was gonna do. I know Jay's gonna be funny.

I'm gonna talk about, he's a friend of mine. But I, you know, the of you want to get serious about it Yeah, you should never ever put yourself in that situation and you should have as a Perfect human being you should say you take her out of here, please, right? But when everybody has insecurities everybody loses it everybody does the wrong thing and all you did was push Him off her if he, if he was your size, nobody had a problem with it. But because he's the size of a baby elephant, and he, and it looks fucking his stupid stat now and fucking guinea face looks, it looks like a mob, it looks like alcapone fat brother. Yeah, it would be better if he didn't look like a guy who just

cracks women in the He wrote You want to go on slept in bats tonight? Yeah, no Starting to come back on his help is fucking a woman abuser face It's like I've given that because like what you said Jay always marks me for having a face of misery. Yeah. That's my resting misery. That's your fuck, if that's your face. If I saw your face in my crowd, I would be like, I would be like, boo.

And Calthus got resting domestic abuse face. Yeah, Calthus has, I hit women on the red face. That's what we do. It doesn't mean it's the person he is. I know. It's just the face he was given. Yeah. I don't disagree with the lady that we, he shouldn't have, I told him when this happened, dude, you should never put yourself in the position of people.

Look it. People try to get me somebody from fan from this show said, tomb on inch about something like they don't like me on the show, whatever. And I hope your son gets hit by a fucking bus. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay dude. I wrote back, of course I wrote back J, question mark. He showed me that it is pretty well. Question mark, I mean, I'll leave.

No, but Bobby, I don't know if you're going with that, but Bobby even said to me, you know, it's one of them people where you get to get that thing where you're like, you almost want to write like, why don't you come say that when I'm in your city? Like to my, but it's just such a play. This guy's doing nothing, but trying to get that interaction going.

Yeah, he's trying to get that in, but in reality, it's like, dude, I know you'll love the show with Dan. Sorry. Not even that. It's like trying to make it, he doesn't like the show. Now, they just listen. He loves the know like the show, now they just listen. He loves the show now. Yeah, she wrote me back.

We're going off for lunch. We're going to ramen. You want to come? No. We're going to turn around. No. No. But that thing with Mike though, it's not defending.

It's the trolls. If she came in and just had an interaction with him, like a right, but she went in to do that. She went in to do that. That was, she was trying to assassinate somebody. She was trying to take somebody's life away from them because of some order she got from some other fucking bully that, I'm sorry, your life isn't going as good now.

You know what I mean? So that's crazy people shit. That's serial killer people shit. To her to go in there and try to do that to another person and be malicious like that is fucking mentally ill. And I don't know what you expect from it. So she's a girl so she can just go and take people's livelihoods away. Take people's fucking.

So you know what I mean? It's crazy to me. So, you know what I mean? Like, it's crazy to me. That's stupid. Did Mike should Mike have reacted differently? Will he in the future? Fuck yeah. You don't, you don't ever lay a hand on a woman ever. It less is dawn and she didn't have fucking the dishes done. Right? She had all day to do them. I mean, what the thing? It's a tiny house. How many dishes do we have? There's three dishes tops. There's three dishes, three spoons, three forks. She's all, we don't have a dishwasher.

We don't have a dishwasher. There's no dishes. Yeah, yeah. We do have a dishwasher. It's named dawn right after the soap. It should be used. No, you know, it's funny. It's also there's such a world if he can go back even.

I said, especially with like Bob of the Love Spongebob, particularly like he's, I mean, he was in such a world if he can go back even. I said, especially with like Bubba the Love Spongebunge, particularly like he's, I mean, he was in such a public thing where the beauty of a Bubba Love Spongebunge girlfriend is that even now it seems with this problems that they're having Bubba and Kalta. Kalta, I think you're allowed to fuck his wife if you go to his house. I think you could fuck Bubba the Love Spongebunge's wife

if you go to his house. Well, can I tell Bob of the Love Sponge's wife if you go to his house. Well, can I tell you, I was in Tampa after all that shit happened. And I did a show at the, whatever theater is there. The Hogan thing. After the Hogan thing with Bob of the Love Sponge and I did a show. For anyone listening who's,

would somehow be unaware, Bob of the Love Sponge and his wife, I guess, have some sort of, whether it's an open or swingers relationship, and Hulk Hogan's his idol slash best friend And when Hulk Hogan was going through divorce Bubba the love sponge. Yeah said uh hey go bang my porn star wife upstairs There's super hot whatever model wife. Yeah, and Hogan bang there and Bubba love sponge filmed it somebody in his camp Fuck them over and released it it came out and blah blah blah. Right. There you go. All that shit happened.

Great contact, by the way. Jim, are you listening? That was great context. That was great context. Fucking dude, I'm getting you a star. Is there a star like some stickers we can get? We need stickers for the studio. I'll get some.

Thank you, Christine. Thank you. When I think, give yourself one for saying, well, you'll get some. And we should keep our topic sheets all week and see who gets the most stars stars the end of the week perfect and then we don't have to do chores bang when I think about how Perfectly Tampa that was to send your trash girlfriend to a gun show Everything to start all the way down to push it a woman Tampa garbage and he threw a Cuban sandwich in his face like everything Tampa possible. Throw an alligator at a face and then a loose rooster

attacker. Yeah and then she pulled her tits out and goes suck these. Get these titties. At the Tampa trash awards that's got to be the winner. Well, well I think he's the mic cult of punch out they should go at it but But he I was at the bar at the cigar bar down in St. Pete. There's an awesome little cigar bar And I'm sitting in this chicks there smoking hot milk and she just takes her tits out Just takes her her boobies right out and they were a fucking and it was her this is right after that It was oh the girl the One of the header, Heather Clem, the ex-wife for I don't know if they were mad at her. Yeah, she

just pulled her tits out at the big big titties. She got in trouble because you're not so you can't just put your tits out at a cigar bar. I mean, we want you to, but you're not supposed to. So one was like, I look at you the titties that fuck tall coag and she was like, bang But so I know that that girl I appreciate the van that We're not we're not saying who being massage in this thing at all. I love women Let me tell you something I would never in a million years ever ever hit a woman again Let's take a picture of me. Let's take a picture of Bobby. You will be a vecker again

Maybe she didn't hear the backstory because I thought she even said that she thought that the woman was a fan of her. No, here's what she doesn't know. But here's his context of the video. You only see the video because the video was edited by Bubba's camp. Right. That's the whole back story. The context of the thing.

It wasn't edited by Bubba's camp though because it was a video he took you said no it was a video no i a little a little little context here where we can call to have you listen up calta had his camera going at the same time this woman had her camera going knowing that this might go wrong he had to send in all the footage to the d a the d a had to present that to the other part of the woman the woman took that video. She had the video. They took it, edited it, put in the slow motion, put in the captions, made it look.

Like, Calta was a fucking angry buffalo. Slow motion rules. Slow motion. They, they, they, they didn't get the beginning of it when no one knows that that's... didn't get the beginning of it when no one knows that that's jure high school here farm daddy right haha

daddy right you're right well that was his that's published girlfriend that's his girlfriend she was sent there to do that to get him riled up and fuck she had a list of questions each one would get him more and more, we're supposed to get him more and more. The first question he calmly answered and he was right. And she went, Oh, okay, I didn't know that.

No one saw that part of the video. And she just went to the next question. And then she just started degrading him, saying name, making him feel like a piece of shit. And he was like, I'm a, that's why he took a camera. If you look, I'm a loser. Look at all these people here to see me. And I'm the loser.

She started to name calling. She went down to the trigger him. So, you know, that, what he did though, he shouldn't have done. He should never do. He should never be in that position. Let me say why Bubba sucks shit. Also, Bubba, I have no like dog in the fight here really at all.

Other than I know Mike and like Mike. I don't know Bubbaba the love sponge at all But what would love sponge for if this was like enough to make this big deal like look what my Calta will do Yeah, where's Bubba saying like dude you put your fucking hands on my chick like next time I see you I'm gonna slap you and you're fucking fit, you know, I mean He did he went and beat the shit out of my calter. Oh my calter hasn't been on the air because he's been in the hospital Got you. Yeah, he's got he's got a broken arm and a tibia Is that a thing?

Well, yeah, it is. It's a tub of love sponge is a lot tougher than people think. Yeah, he broke Mike's coxics coxics coxics from fucking him no Yeah, I look at all that it that's another thing too. I couldn't imagine sending dawn down somewhere That's right in my dirty words. Could you're putting them sort of in a dangerous situation? If nothing else, like what happens, forget even like the call to stuff that it ends with like, you want your girl to be screaming and yelling

while someone's dragging her out of a place to make a scene. It's like your girl looks like an idiot. I mean, girl looks like an idiot, but your girl could have got hurt. It's so unmanageable. She could have got hurt. The security could have grabbed her and thrown her. Anything could find. It also should have. Call me old done hurt. He could have, the security could have grabbed her and thrown her. Anything could find, it made it so strong.

Call me old, but I don't like doing things that I might get hurt. You know what I mean? I want to walk. I like walking. I don't want to send my wife in dangerous situations with an angry Italian from Staten Island. I guess funny when he got thinner, man. He didn't look like a, he was not a bad looking guy. No, he's a good looking guy.

Boba, he's a good looking guy. I feel like when he loses weight. But his, there she is, Heather Klem. The thing about that was, she, yes, she was hot. Yes, she was definitely like, put porn stars hot. But again, it's almost like, I'm surprised he still tries to engage in wars because Calta is like, he's number one in Tampa, right?

Number one. And Bubba's on internet radio, podcasting, I think it's called internet radio for some reason. On his is not like a podcast, right? Number one. And Bubba's on internet radio. Mm-hmm. Podcasting, I think it's called internet radio for some reason. And his is not like a podcast, right? No, I think he's actually, it's a radio thing. I think a friend of his has a garage and they made a studio into it.

I mean, he's got, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he was very successful, but I'm saying, number one. Driving Uber. They say he's driving Uber now. Allegedly. Okay, I don't know. Let's say that's, you know, that's maybe not. And that, because that would be pretty like, of all jobs you could take, why take one, driving Uber. They say he's driving Uber now. Allegedly. I don't know. That's maybe not,

and that's because that would be pretty like, of all jobs you could take, why take one that people are gonna recognize like that so much. Well, he called in how it's turned and said, I'm driving Uber. He did. Oh, okay.

Along with his podcast slash, whatever the fuck. Yeah, so here's the thing, so yeah, there it is. But above the love sponge thing, like I'm surprised to make like, it's drawing so much attention on the fact It is like his life fall back like he's not even in the hunt for Morning radio like number one in the market anymore. He's Clear, I mean that girl who went to go I bet Cal to what in a forearm shift this fucking hot chick

He's been like what hey, well, you just get the answer to go, no, you're crazy, you don't mean that. No, she's like, you're a piece of shit in pathetic, he goes, nah, come on. I am a stupid pathetic idiot. What am I doing here at this gun show? But he would have felt it. But that's what I'm saying. Bubba's very quick to push out the,

this is what, push out the knowledge of his life being. It's like, yeah, I drive Uber, I don't live in a mansion anymore and my girlfriend's a fucking heavy attractive dial back from my last. I think he lived with his sister a little bit, yeah. But here's the thing about radio, right? If you look at it, any of this stuff, it goes away.

Everything comes to an end. Not the bonfire. Not the bonfire. Crack crack crack crack. I mean, Bob, you mean Bobby got long beards Oh, I can't wait we're gonna be like DJ Lou bring a codec to the hospital We're me and Bobby are both the high-end of old age and I'm gonna go Turn you favorite thing to do favorite thing. That's what I retarded people do when they meet each other for the first time

They boot noses Yeah, I just don't I mean it goes away and look at my culta will do his career and at some point He'll he'll there'll be somebody else coming up on an even that's the radio game, right? I mean have a look at open Anthony with the biggest things in the world, right? And now One's on a beach until the internet came out Ruins everybody there was Foxhole. Everything. Kevin's hearts left out loud. Yeah. That's true. Until we find out Kevin hearts having naked basketball games in his house. That's not that's. Yeah.

Man, if I was kev, if I had kev's dick, I'd host exclusively naked events in my house. I'd held naked trampoline parks. Jumping sessions. Not like that. Not like that.imaginable having a 10 inch dick. I would love to jump on a trampoline naked with a 10 inch dick. Just have it flap my chest. I couldn't imagine. For a paper, for a paper.

I don't think. For a paper. If I like did the thing where I really jerked like with my body and try to get my dick to go up and down, I don't think it makes noise on the things it hits. Maybe my ball bag, it slaps, but it's definitely not coming and hitting my stomach and doing like that. No, no it's not doing that.

And Kev, I saw him laying on his back and his dick was just like a roll of flesh going across his stomach. It was crazy. I love just looking, Damn, that's great. I like to look at everybody's face as you're, but it was looking at you like, huh? If I had a big dick and I flapped it, it might get stuck under my stomach. That would be pretty cool though too. If you can catch a dick, would you catch it?

You're stomach. I mean, like, you know, my belly, you know, you get a little chubby belly. You know, your stomach will tend to lay over itself. Sorry. I didn't know it was talking to fucking ab man. At the lowest level, Jacob, your stomach when you're a fat person, will come underneath underneath in the front. Yeah, you could, you could actually hold paper or envelopes a male under your stomach. Yeah, you don't know what that is. Do you? You're underwear elastic stays up the way it's supposed to. You're doing it. Yeah. Let's see if you can do it.

Jay's holding holding our sheet of paper under his stomach. Yeah. I'm going to hold you get it now. Jacob. I'm going to hold egg bites under mine. Yeah. Ready? This sucks. Someone get a picture of this

You're gonna go here and go. There you go. I'm holding egg bites under my stomach Jacob Jacob do me now Aren't you missing this black loop? Oh my god. This could be you zooming in Black will you gotta get back in the studio so you could take pictures of our belly flaps? Oh my God. And so Jacob, now that you've seen that, you will understand that if we had a big tube of dick

for a penis, when you flick it up, it will be kind of cool like the hold your gut up and then flip it up and then drop your belly over. Yeah, drop it and catch it like a Seagull. Oh, what is that a pelican? They grab a fish. Yeah, that's the dream. That's the dream, dude. You don't have that dream Damn, though. You get that flat. You get that V dick ab spin too much time looking I tell you what if you went through especially my reddit porn stuff There's a there's an argument that I'm a gay man. I mean, there's an argument behind your back

that you're a gay man. There you go. Is there? No, this is not. Are you talking? No. No, just me and Christine. Is there buzz out there?

Just you and Christine. Just late night Christine, because I think he's gay. I've walked in where I call Christine Eve dropping on a phone call mine yesterday, but I will say, oh my god. In fairness to that,

she has come barging into the guest room when I'm smoking a cigarette out the window, and I have had to quickly get off, so I'm like, I don't feel like explaining while I'm looking at monster cocks, like things, because I just like, no way dude,

a guy lives with that thing, huh? It's all envy looking. It's not sexual. I've, I first of all, they're on the TV. They're showing a guy on a trampoline with a monster cock bouncing up and down. And it's as fun as I thought it would be. That's all I'm saying. It's as fun as I imagine that. I made that up in my head. And it is as he is ear to ear smiles.

And you can hear his friend laughing too Fantastic God I want to do that That's what I want if I listen to me my birthday's coming up October 8th Somebody have a way to make my dick bigger and and I have the trampoline. I just need you to videotape it and laugh with me Hey, it looks fun. God I hate watch watching, because on the, on the gay, when you go to a regular porn site, I don't ever see it, it must be there,

but I only see the porn. And on a gay porn site, the stuff on the side, it's always- The type of gay porn site is just porn, but when you go to the gay section is what I'm, yeah, on the gay section, there's just two guys. And it's just so manly. Just, ugh.

Just two guys stuff in whole. Yeah, it's like, can one of you be a woman? Can you both have to be dudes? But I was the guy, in this particular butt fucking we're watching right now, I've never seen the guy's face in the front is the best face I've ever seen for this. Oh, he looks like a rabbit that got caught still. I messed up. You nasty little rabbit. You caught me. You caught me in the garden.

Err, get it in there. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, it was like how to, how do you know if your husband's gay? Oh yeah, I found that.

That's worse than finding out your significant other is cheating, then finding out that she's looking up. What do you do if the person you're with is gay? She was looking that up for me, but it was because Dave Smith just stayed over all the time. Oh really? Like he was just like, he was basically living with us, but he was on like my schedule.

Do you know what I mean? So like, Carla come home from from work or school or whatever. And then me and Dave would leave and go do comedy in the city, and they'd get food and come home and smoke pot and play video games till we fall asleep. And it was more or less, but it was more like the reason which is like me and Carla were like,

whatever it was going on with that. Yeah, you were besties. And me and Dave were just like. Lovers. Lovers. Yeah, you're lovers. You had lovers schedules. But I're lovers you have the lovers schedules but I know

you had the relationship with Dave that Carla wanted with you yes we did everything together yeah, we could talk about everything and anything no judgment zone you come in, you be giggling, she'd walk in and it would just stop oh yeah hey guys, you won't get it

it's a guys thing this is how you have you guys. If every time you have sex with you're on your belly and he has his eyes closed. He is gay. This is the gayest video. We've gone over it. Oh yeah. This is the same. The volleyball, not the not from top gun. The original. The actual video yeah when it's all guys all guys versus girls and all celebrating beating the girls yeah those are the girls I used to love

I'll tell you what I was going to say something about uh 80s girls hot chicks look like does they figured it out those years they really really did man. They was so hot I've always they know it I really regret in life. I Wanted Kenny logins hair, but I had curly hair and I couldn't get that punk spiked You know mullet I wanted that fucking haircut so bad. I call the keeper Sutherland from lost boys Yes, I want I choose to try to I put an iron on my head Like try to straighten my cowlick out and I couldn't do it hated it

Damn, he's chicks got it look at him. You know why they still had that 70s tit. Yeah That 70s banana tit that I love I love the banana tit. Yeah, we're the fronts like mostly nipple I call it's just sister tit Yeah Yeah, we're the fronts like mostly nipple. I call it's just sister tit. Yeah Everybody's sister had that tip Just one of these just goes Curves up at the end and then the front of it is just puffy area. Yeah, man. God those girls are so hot The hair was hot their hips. You know, and I'm a big fan of the the tan line I like a nice hot tan line. Sure. A little V tan

line around the titties. It was the only thing that would let me deal with because I really don't like balloon implant tits. Where you can see it was a small girl who got crazy splits. Cool I'll tell it on. Does she have a crazy split between her titties? No, she's got good titties. Her titties are almost too good because one is, I told you one's bigger than the other. Well, I think one is killing her from the inside. Sure.

Sure, you got to suffer for beauty. Huh. Oh, if I have to. But yeah, those, but those 80s, the 80s tits in the porn magazines would be evened out by a really aggressive tan line. Oh, I love the tan line. Over the pussy area and tits.

The tan line was like, when you got a girl naked, oh, when you even like kind of got in that air, it's like, oh, I'm not supposed to be here. It's like the line in the middle of the road, you're not supposed to go over that side of the road. It's the exact description of my love of pubes on a girl, girl with a bush. It's that exact thing.

It takes me back to my childhood, where if you saw the bush, you weren't seeing the pussy yet necessarily, but you were like, this is more than I'm supposed to see. I am seeing her pussy, I would say. And that's why I hated, and then when the 90s came,

I remember this girl that, I think one of my friends hooked up with, I thought she was so cute. Her name was Dina. We called her the beave, because she had buck teeth, because she had monster tits. And the beave one time came out

and was wearing like jeans that were super low rise. And you were just like, you could see the chicken skin sort of, like above the shave, above her thing. But I was like, it's not that exciting because if there was bush there, if a bush would be hanging out, that would be huge. But the fact that it was just like belly skid at that point didn't look like anything.

I love, you call a chicken skin, I call it the root. You can see the root of the pubes. I love that. Pube root? The little hole with a, man do I love pubes. Christine's got skin complexion where you can see the whisker before it comes to the skin. What?

It's like a hair that's getting ready to come out. Almost. It's like a premature little baby hairs. Just like a little dark, a little swizzle, you know, it's about to be a pub. Yeah. Is that all hair when it's growing back? Well, on your skin tone, yes.

Dawn has a nut. Oh, I don't want to talk has a nut. I don't want to talk about this. I just cut myself. I'm sorry, Don, I love you. I don't want to talk about my wife. Don't. I shut up. Yeah, Dirtball. You're not having fantasies of my wife. Stick to Jay's girl. Okay. You're purg. Keep your brain f**king Christine. Yeah. I don't want to hear you. I don't want to hear your fantasies of you banging Don and Metallica concert in the snake pit. It's me and Max on the other side going, Mom, where's Mom? Where's she get in?

How did she get in there? We can't get in. Available on comicrabbles.com. No God, no Santa, no snake pit, free shirts. Oh God, no Santa. All the money is going to Max in the snake pit Max next time Metallica comes around Oh God my God. I feel like that's gonna be it from a tailica by the way Yeah, they're done. You mean their last tour. Yeah, yeah, they're done

I think they keep they want to keep going. I don't think they should keep going. They can't I don't know This is the first tour where I've really seen several chinks in the armor. Hey, dude, we're relaxed, dude. What? I'm pretty sure he's Mexican. No, dude. No, no, no. It's Asians wearing full chainmail armor.

Oh. Chinks in the armor. Woo! Woo! Boop! It's okay if we do a little goofball boop at the end. Boop! We do a little missing link.

Um, I've never seen, I have never, and I've seen Metallica decent them out now. Boop! Uh, Boop! Where were Jay? I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!

I love you! I think you look beautiful! I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, we, I think we, I think we, I think we, we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we, I like you look beautiful. I think, I poured guy when he booped the girl right away, you're like, this is over. I watched the show. It was days going terrible. But anyways, the metallic, I'll get to it.

I watch the show. But the metallic thing, I think that they, I think they're done, dude. I've never seen the, like the problems they had this time. So every concert I go to, there's could be a flub. When I was a corn on that tour at one point the we know The guitar player we get it the guitar player started a chorus of the guitar while the singer was still doing like the verse Which was weird, you know, you see that happen, but I mean I went to both shows like Lars fucked up a lot fucked up a lot

He feels fucked up a lot. Fucked up a lot. Head field. Head field fucked up. Oh, no, but head field fucked up, but Kirk Hammett fucked up, and he made a thing a bit the first night, which was cool. He's done that before though, I have no problem.

I understand, but I'm just saying. It's almost like he doesn't, he's just, oh, he really attacked Lou when he has a fuck up, but I mean, technically, Mattaclty. But I was seeing it happen, and James Hetfield also like, he's turning things over to the audience a lot more now that he's not gonna be able to hit the Yeah, the thing of or he also just chooses to sing it like a different octave like he's going lower with it on purpose

I went down to Metallica YouTube hole since we didn't get into the snake pit and I didn't get into the snake pit. And, um, and, uh, I mean, watching all the videos of them and the way they're kind of just sucking it up and they're enjoying it. It feels like it'll last run like that too. It feels like, it feels like this is it. This is the biggest show we're going to do.

It's a crazy show. You sent me him smoking cigars with the audience, like when he's walking around the thing like in their cigars. And I'm like, yeah, I feel like this is their like celebration run. Yeah, I felt like that was what they're doing. They don't want, I mean, they're older guys do this. That's why they're spacing them out like this.

They're taking like weeks off in between before they do. And was like, I think they're just taking their hurrah. You know, I sent you that though. I sent you that because that was my fantasy. I brought cigars in my pocket, knowing that James smoked little cigars. That's what his thing, all the videos him smoking cigars in between songs. I had my cigars in my pocket and my fantasy was to be in the snake pit, put my cigar in my mouth and he lights like me and him and maybe I have my kid rock moment with him.

We take my cigar. But. And smokes it or lights mine. That's not really how it worked. The people you were seeing him smoke cigars with were not snake pit people. They were right. It was the people around the gate at the front of the stage.

You know, potato, potato. Nope. Not potato, potato. You wouldn't have had him like your cigar in snake pit. I would have. Nope. I would have. I know you're right, you know why?

Because I wasn't in the fuck snake pit. You're right again. If you were in the snake pit. Boop. Boop. Keep thinking it dude, you got it. Is that loud enough? Give it to me.

Give it. Reach over. Yes. Thank God that I feel better. Promise me anytime you get mad at me, you'll give me a boop. I'll give you one boop and we'll bring it all back. Jacob here.

Jacob? Well, this is getting a, this is, we went to see Lew and I. We went to see Queens of the Stone Age. Oh, with Dan, yeah. Yeah. Stan Katie, Liam got us the tickets. Nice. I'm only bringing this up because somebody went full diva on Liam. Who?

Right over there. Lu. I did? You were diva? We got there. Lu got there before all of us. Got the tickets. And then I got a text saying the seats are our garbage Okay, and then apparently he texted Liam who is at dinner with his wife okay saying hey Hey, does does the management hate us or something? Where would a see him got up from this wife panic. He just told me the story I use it at dinner with his wife. He's I got to handle this. I got up from this wife, Panic, he just told me the story. I use it at dinner with his wife.

He's, I got to handle this. I got to handle this and starts texting in a flurry. How could you have given them shitty seats? By the way, Dan got there, said these are awesome seats. We sat down fantastic seats. Directly opposite of the stage. The furthest point from the band. what do you mean?

it's a small if it's a football stadium we were either why don't we just say it's far so stadium that we were all just at. it's not a far it's not a football stadium. every seat is good but this was all right. well the two furthest points we were at one. quince of stone age was not the other. did you know what?

far back what you mean back wise. You were furthest back possible. That's right. And his dad is Dan really going to complain. Oh, he can't. He's not an employee anymore. He turned his back on this company. Bing. The seats weren't garbage.

Doop. Was he already not smoking? Blue wasn't smoking. Yeah. And I wasn't even drinking at that point. So I was just like Liam. I thought he fucked us Do something resembling anything Wow, I will say look great. I will say look and you hung with the band afterward Yeah, that was pretty cool. How'd that happen? Oh

Well because I'm because I gave Liam shit He's like we'll go back up there to will call and get wristbands so that you can go to the after party. Which is a small consolation because I know Dan's not gonna go to the after party. He's not? Neither's Katie. Why? And there's Jacob. They didn't go?

No, it was just me, my girl, and her cousin who lived a few blocks away, we got her to come to the show. And Josh Hommie was there? Yeah, he's tallest. Why? Didn't they go? I don't know. That's so weird. Why, why, he didn't go?

He had backstage and he didn't go back. He loves them. It was the after party. You know, like the same one we went to, with the Olympic size swimming pool. Sure. Instead, it was a very, very small group. I'd say like 40 people.

Josh Hommie, the whole band. I bought the guitars, the Avoc and Club. It was cool, but you know, I didn't want to bother the band. So by you, by you being a diva, you actually want to getting backstage. He said I was a diva. Yes. No, I'm saying you being a diva, you actually want to get back stage. He said I was a diva. Yes. He said, oh, I'm saying you were a diva.

It was a cash bar. No, it was free. Dan's a grandpa. So you handed him a drink? Well, I was getting three vodka drinks, and I knew he was the guitarist. So I asked him if you wanted one, and he thought it over. And he said, yes.

And Dan's a late 30s grandpa. Oh, I know. He's wearing earplugs, but then took him out so he could really enjoy the show when it was and he said yes. And the hands of late 30's grandpa. Oh, I know, he's wearing earplugs but then took them out so he could really enjoy the show when it was getting good. Nice. I wear earplugs at Metallica. I took them off.

I think that's why you hear the mistakes more. No. You can definitely hear the problems. I didn't, I think that will help in certain situations. You're talking about for sure. You said that to me before. I don't think you're wrong about that. The earplugs does bring the mistakes a little much

because there's not as much feedback. You're hearing, but they made a lot of, I mean, Lars made a ton of mistakes. Yeah, in large when he drums now, he looks like he's going to bite his tongue off. He's going, huh, huh, he looks like that show on Netflix. When they're in the hot tub. Yeah.

He is like a, face like a hot dog. I'm gonna tell you his tongue's hands. Yeah,. Yeah, he's still got to play those trash metal songs from when they were children. Yeah. So he's, I don't think he's going to be able to keep that shit up for much longer at all. Because his face, if you watch his face, any video on YouTube of large drumming on the store, he looks like he's having a fucking stroke. And shy of bringing in another bass player, which because of their history is the only thing you can replace in that band, people really will bail out if it's like James head

field and Kirk, you know, not large, somebody else on just people start to check out. Believe me. And they don't want to go out on top, man. They just sold. They're selling out two stadium nights a weekend. I just think when they do it They're gonna do a farewell tour like why would they not I think that's lame in its own. I don't think they do a fill I feel farewell tour I You girl move a little bit close Yo, too

Gag a goo go wonder great it first of all another hairdo. I wanted couldn't get you wanted to cause your goo I'm happy they didn't work out for you, buddy He had grue remember cause your goo goes hair. Mm-hmm that hairdo is fucking awesome It was a spiky poof on top and then long in the back. Yeah, but it had little highlights too, right? Oh God. What a great song. Time. Time.

This is it. Yeah, you can't sing this song without being gay. No. You have to be gay. For sure. You can't hit one. Like if you're into like a biker band, you wouldn't be able to sing this song on your motorcycle.

Because it was... Listen to the first, the first, here it comes. It's such a long build up too. Oh yeah. It's fucking, come on, get to it. But it is a great chorus. Here. Yeah.

Yeah. No, you're gay, get away from me. It's time, it's time. time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, Red there Black blue, hello beautiful skin makes me feel Christine you make me want to throw up my There was a what a great song. There was a show on VH1. I think it was called Bringing Back the Band or something. Getting the band back together, something like that.

And sometimes they were successful, but one of the bands for one week was Kajagugu. And it didn't work out. No, it didn't work out, but the guy, though, was so funny, because they're all arguing. And he's trying to get the lead singer. Like one of them won't commit, they just, some of them just detest each other. And the guy goes, come on, you guys were Kajagugu. I'll never forget that. That didn't work.

Guys, guys, stop all this infighting. You're Kajagugu. You're Kajagugu. I can't wait until they do it with the bonfire 10 years from now. Dan comes back. You guys have both both. Hey, remember the days? They sound a lot like culture club. No wonder Jay loves them.

Whoa, wow. I didn't go see culture club at Joan's Beach. I should have though. It turns out he looks good. Yeah, and he sounds good too. Does he? out he looks good. Yeah, he sounds good, too Does he boy George looks good? Yeah, I would see culture you would see culture. I would I would I think is it done They're going there out of the area. It was like two nights like Jones Beach and PNC probably yeah, it was around the metallic Aton

Yeah, they're in I go see boy George, but he looks good. He like I mean well not there not there dude. No there I do mean he looks like a gay wizard there Now I think now for a while he's like a fat old man Right. Yeah, and now he's like he's got a look again. I don't mind that. No, right maybe right and his voice is still there So that's great. Yeah, look at him right there and the MPR thing like he looks good again. Mm-hmm He lost a little weight. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah. He's not a good fat dude. Now it didn't. I didn't know. I didn't. I was like, no, it looks good. That's a, I would go see culture club with him looking like that for sure. I think, I think, you know what you've done to me?

I think you've made it so I would go see anything. Sure. I think I would go see any, because I've been afraid of concerts for a long time. I just, you know, once you get like a VIP thing, I want you to get that thing, you never want to go back to, you know, like those seats and, you know, but, and then when you do, like the, just that many people and all that shit really I don't know what it was it just fucked me up and I never went and I the cure Which I didn't want to go to and I will never go to again And I don't suggest anybody have a go to you should I hope the band breaks up. Well, I'll plane crashes So nobody has to go to any more of their shows. They should break up again. They should break up

But stop this that concert Going to it kind of relieved my anxiety of being around that many I guess I developed an anxiety of being around a lot of people. I have a concert thing where I'm like when you go it's the I have the same thing with movies like movie theaters we we went to the movies the other night and just like it was two people set like a chair a chair away from us. It was just a chair between us and then a couple and I was just like right away when they sit on like I'm consumed by they were lovely No one in the theater actually that night everyone that but every but as soon as we sit down And I hear I have to say this to myself when I hear people behind us going like

Oh, this movie looks like good. Do you want to get something like whispering like that? I'm treating it in my head. I'm like, this is the beginning of it. They're gonna talk the whole movie. And then they just don't, and then I'm also like me and Christine whispered to each other eight times before the movie started during the trailers and stuff, like it's fine.

But that comes from trauma. Because we've been in theaters where people are literally just fucking talking, fighting, yapping. Where if you say something, you're going to be stabbed. And if I just shit kicked out of you. That's literally, Chris, you know, tell you, that's my actual thing. I'm like, it's not that I don't want to turn around to whoever it is and be like, dude, you're acting fucking crazy talking that loud right now.

Like, stop, please stop. In my mind, when I go, before I say I say words I go when I turn around Me and this guy are in a thing the rest of the time I'm in his presence You know in a thing we're gonna look and even if he's quiet down and we're side-ying after the movie I'm like I don't want this stress. I get the I get the last row every movie theater at me a max go to a movie I get the last row I buy four seats. That's smart. I buy four seats last row. And if there's a handicap last row, I'll buy those seats like the,

there's always like two together and then two open seats. I cause I don't, I don't want to fucking, I don't want to be around anybody. I don't want to be around. Oh, I, I hate it. I hate it and it gives me so much anxiety. But with concerts like Metallica, I was so nervous about bringing Max

into a massive thing of people. And I'm not anymore. Like I was fucking fine. It was great. It was so much fun. And now it's also good to go. Like I also like doing things like that with a group. It's ever going to kiss in December.

So like they'll be at least six of us now, if not more. That's fun. So that's fun. Yeah, you go and then you kind of like dominate your row and you just kind of just stay like insulated. Yeah, it doesn't like, I don't care where, like I always like you got to be here or up front, like when I went to Bon Jovi and you know,

Gabby got us like those side stage seats. Mm-hmm. I was like, this is good. Of course. Yeah, it's the max shit on my neck. That's the, yeah, that did bring it down a little bit. That brought it down a little bit. But Christine seen it at a I do better at sporting events than concerts and maybe more or or movies because like everyone's allowed to be loud and whatever.

But I get anxiety when we went to see Fleetwood Mac how much I ruined a girl's day who was necked as me and Christine were excited to be sat in our seats when I these are amazing seats. who was next because me and Christine were excited. We sat in our seats, like these are amazing seats. It's all five original members, Fleetwood Mac, five or six, five. All five members of Fleetwood Mac original playing. Lindsey, it was like going to church for me.

Wow, crazy. They did one tour where they all got back. Then we saw them a couple years later without Lindsey. And the guy from Crowderder House was in there. I love Lindsey man. I love it. It was it was he had a sing that song to the girl who fucked his girlfriend. That's right.

Yeah, that that was about. No, I'm not saying that. No, um, about. Silver Springs. Silver Springs is Stevie next singing to him. No, he was singing a song to about Stevie next breaking up with him. What's that song? I can't think of it because I'm not good with songs.

I'm all apparently you know the big go your own way. Yeah, yeah, that go your own way. Thank you, Jay. You're fucking savant. Well, that's that's their most popular. Yeah, but you're great. Yeah, that's about her. He wrote that about her, he sang it. And she was banging the dude in the band. Right? They always had a big fleet, what at that point?

Yeah. But crazy. We saw them, they were so good. And we had two empty seats next. We were in the end. And there was two empty seats next to us. And I'm like, this is perfect. And about two or three songs in the Fleetwood Mac, a guy, a little guy.

What a song. A little guy showed up with his girlfriend who is like this taller, like hippie-ish chick, like very lanky. And it was me, Kristina, and these two empty seats, of course, that's their seats, whatever. They, They go and they said, this girl right away starts, I mean, she starts, I mean, dancing and like really obnoxiously like swinging arms in front of Christine's face almost. And now I get consumed with that. I can't enjoy because I'm like, Christine's blocked. I just suck shit. Let me fix this so I go, I hate the confrontation. I couldn't have been more I

Was like miss I was like hey, can you would it be alright? Could you just like switch seats with like your boyfriend or something? That's okay cuz like you just like I thought dance and I know you just concert dance I was like, but you're just like blocking her view a ton and she remember this Christine She goes oh geez like okay, and she just sat down the rest of the show Shut her down like it was like oh you've ruined my night and it's like you're such a cunt I asked you to stop swinging your arms if a dance you dumb bitch and it was so infuriating that I was trying The anger I was almost trying to get her boyfriend the way like like right

I was like oh he should say hit you say something fuck face like a punch you. It was so angry. Your anger is still there as you're as angry as you were that night right now. I love that type of anger because it's because it's because you like a cold just burning into therapy conversation for sure because my thing is I'm already in the confrontation before I say the first words but I'm already in the confrontation before I say the first words, but I'm hoping yeah I my first words are like please God don't make this a big ordeal and I'm gonna be as Kid gloves as possible that and then what I hate is when I go hey, please

Excuse me, but would be okay, and they're like oh fucking fine. I'm like you cock sucker I tried everything to be a Friendly person with you it's worst. All you want back is oh Absolutely, I'm so sorry. I just love you meet you. What's cool? Switch you want somebody to be a normal person But she is a fucking child and then she sat down and ruined the concert she wanted to ruin it's like The the person in the show the heckler when you tell him to shut the fuck up and then they just don't leave They stare at you what I'm not talking. Yeah, I to shut the fuck up and then they just don't leave, they stare at you.

What, I'm not talking. Yeah, I'm not talking. Yeah, exactly. And then everyone's about to give you the finger. Ugh, fuck her. It was so fun. She called my cult of... Because I did.

That's what I hated. I hate that I give the... Battery! I hate when I come so... When I fire thebergs dude are old manager we're not your old manager. No, my I was the first one to fire them. No, yeah. I don't know why that means something to me because everybody claims like I fired him

I fired him and they give Billy Burr the credit for being the catalyst that fired because they had that story of a of Evan Steinberg holding a Conan O'Brien against the wall. Yeah. In Aspen to ask him why Bill Burr can't panel. Yeah. He says, Hey, why are you keeping Bill Burr from panelling on your show Conan? And then when it came back and Bill called them on it, I love this. Such a great Evan Steinberg. He goes, no, he's like, Conan gets me. Yeah. That was his response to it.

He was like, Bill was like, dude, did you just fucking threaten Conan? Paul Conan is blind against the wall and tell him he's got a panel. You he goes,

he gets it. You guys, dude, I gotta go. That's it, dude. I can't have you in my managers anymore. I know Bobby fired you first, but I'm gonna take the credit.

That was a huge, uh... I told them, I told them, I go, get me, Jimmy Kimmel, you have a month. So I want, give me Kimmel, get a month. You have a month. A month to the day, I call Jason up, I go meet me at Starbucks. He made me, I go, you're fired.

Really? I went, goodbye, and I got up and walked out. A month, I mean, I had it on my calendar. A month of the day, I say, me, man, starvation. He made, hey, what's up, man? You're fired. And then Dane actually made one phone call to Jimmy Kimmel. I was on two weeks later.

Fucking assholes. Yeah, they were a lot. Shut up, Dan Cook. Sufi. Sufi, I gave them, uh, yeah, the Steinbergs. Everybody went with them at one point. They had a crazy roster, but they were in so far over their heads with everything. But I remember the best was I was with Ken Trouge as a manager. And he goes, uh, and Patrice was like, man, fuck, they's like, come over to the Steinbergs. Man, Stein man, stun-hamburgs got everything going on,

and they got the best line, and you got me and Matt Skur essentially to go over there, and I wasn't with them for three weeks. And Patrice fired them, and I called Patrice, I was like, Patrice, he was like, well, you can fire him too if you want. I was like, you told me to leave a manager to go to these guys are wear a teddy, he's like,

yeah, they suck though. Yeah. He wasn't even apologetic about it. He's like yeah well you know twist in terms baby. That's what this business is. That's like when Louis, I went over Louis's house and he had, he was, he's two kids and he was like yeah I make them pancakes and the more,

and he showed me and his wife and they had this loft and so home and I was like dude if this piece of shit can get married and have kids, I'm gonna get married and have kids. I was gonna get married and have kids. I was like, I can do this and I want to ask and Donna marry me. And then a week later, he's like, I am getting divorced. I was like, what? I just fucking asked this broad from Boston to marry me.

You can't even ask me if you need me. I'll be whacking off on everyone I meet. How long were you and Don together before you got married? Jesus Christ. I met her waiting tables in Boston. We went out for, we went out and I wasn't really into her. She was cute. Like I kind of discovered her being cute and then I met this really smoking hot 18 year

olds. I mean, ridiculously out of my league and at my cutest, at my hot Bobby sexy Bobby, this, ridiculously out of my league. And at my cutest, at my hot bobby sexy bobby, this girl was out of my league. And we hooked up, I dumped on, I called up a girl, look it's over, I can't. Literally on the couch, I was talking, I was holding hands with her. How real? I was like 22, something like that. So I'd be like 22, 23. And then I remember we got back together. I got sick.

She nursed me back to how this hot chick dumped me because I got sick. And I was like, can you bring me soup? She was like, no, fuck off. You have fucking loser. She's like, ew. She's never called me again. I'm getting my asshole hair laser today. 100%.

She was like, no. I was like, I need soup and premium crack groups. She just sounds smelly. I do, I swear to God, I was so crushed. Because I thought I was the shit. I thought my whole life had changed. Nurse me, dude. Can you nurse me, dude?

She was like, no. And Dawn came over and brought me soup. And she was so great. And then, and then we got into a big fight because I had no money I had like five jobs, but I was just really doing comedy had no money and she wanted to go out to eat and She goes let's go to the cheesecake factory and I got no Exactly

I remember yelling at her like yelling at her not fighting out in front of cheesecake factory at the mall I go it's expensive because of the fucking dumb colorful bowls They're fucking color they got colorful bowls and plates. So that's why you spend the next year eight bucks I go, let's just go down to Mike's roast beef. I go. It's a better fucking meal It's a better meal and it's only five button. I mean she's like, I'll pay for it. She said a crying I was like, oh, I felt so bad you listen don't cry. I'm out. I don't care like I'll pay for it. She said a crying. I was like oh I felt so bad you listen don't cry. I'm out. I don't care if I caught her fucking Jay. She's getting left. I she if she if I came in and she was crying I just missed you and they do the show with you and it brought made me think

I'd be like I'm okay you can fuck him. You can fuck him. Yeah she cries. I'm fucking. I'm fucking I she's get factory. What was your ex boyfriend a king? Correct. Correct. Boy was a drug dealer. That's why I know she likes men. Yeah, you're broke when you're broken young, taking a check out the places you can be we were talking about this this weekend with me and Dave Smith because Dave's like man, remember for my birthday, like one year on my birthday, you and Carla took me out to TGI Fridays, and we were all like, nice. Yeah. Dude, Don used to take me out all the time.

She had a job, she waited tables, and she was an esthetician at Elizabeth Grady, or something, I don't know what that is. And so she had cash, and she lived with her mom, and she would take me out to eat all the time. Anytime we got to eat, it was on her. I'd be like, she'd be like, I want to go to eat. I'm like, I got no money.

I'd deliver flowers. I work with retards and I do have an on the link. And I do stand up comedy for free. I got no money. My whole life is kind. She's like, I got you. You want to go have sex in front of these handicap people? They think I'm pretty cool.

She, yeah, she, she had a lot of money. She had good cash. And then I was like, I'm moving to New York. Because somebody, I think it was Maddie Frost called me up. He saw my acting reel. And he goes, if you move to New York, I'll represent you. I want to represent you. So I moved a month later.

I call Billy Burr, who was on a hitch of go pilot, not a hit. And he had that apartment. I was a piece of pizza. No, something like that. And I was in Boston, pizza. No, there was one. Like what am I thinking of? It was townies.

He was on townies with Molly Ringwell. Yeah. And he had that apartment, that shithole, a 97th in Lex. And I was like, dude, let me rent it. You come back, I'll hit the couch. That way you always have a place. He's like fine, the $325 a month,

cockroaches, everything. He paid $120, $25, and we live there, and then I called Don and I said, I'm leaving. And she cried, and then she called, she would come and visit me in New York a couple of times. And then she called me, she goes, I'm moving to LA. And I was like, oh shit. I go, you know that's the end of us, right?

You're gonna meet somebody. You're gonna meet some active douche. You're gonna fall in love and we're done. And she goes, you never know. She's moving to LA. You never know. She was moving to LA. She moved to LA with two of her friends,

one of her friends from South Boston. I don't know that. She moved to LA with two of her friends, one of her friends from South Boston. You know that. She moved to Santa Monica. Uh, yeah, she waitress, esthetician, you know, she had that thing. And then I booked a pilot called adrenaline run, which was... Sounds like a show you'd watch. It was on you, it was a network. There you go. It was on, yeah. It was on you was a network. It was yeah, it was a hundred percent like it always you trail or Bobby another guy lifting their sunglasses the same time watching a fire

Half or something. Oh boy looks like we got to jump this thing on wave runners. It was a hundred percent. I'm a hundred percent of show I would love to. It took, remember in LA, they would always have highways, the police chases from the helicopter and the... Sure, sure. So they took real footage and built every episode around that. So what would happen was they take real, like, the real news footage and we were the adrenaline runners. So we'd be hanging out and all of a sudden we got one and we'd jump into our car. We got the car.

And we'd be. We got one, guys. Looks like it's time for us to go on in a adrenaline run. They're on highway five. Put on your seatbelt. Headin' up to the 10! Cut in the left leg! Hey everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates. Coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo