The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Tap Back Rule

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

Jay has started up a weekly basketball game and gives Dan the rundown of the event. The guys reminisce about their abilities from their school day's sports. Jacob, Black Lou and DJ Lou challenge Jay to a game of horse.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson. And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. It's been a long time today. I played a little basketball today and I'm...

We're playing bass! Get it! I'm a little beat up. Yeah, what We're playing basketball! Skit! Oh! I'm a little beat up. Yeah, what were your stats? Were you like Ice Cube and you kept stats for a fucking streak game? Now, Tommy backboards from Guest Digital.

Fucking won today. Oh yeah, do you want a winner? No, no, no, we do 21. Roughhouse, I don't know what I'm going for. Love 20 dollars. Does that's what it's called in Philly? Is Roughhouse? Roughhouse, it's called.

Do you go to the line when you make a basket and then you shoot two miss? Three. You is roughhouse roughhouse. It's good. Do you go to the line when you make a basket and then you shoot to miss Three you can hit up to three Oh, I'm sure the third you check the ball again. Sometimes you play with kids and they'd be like you shoot to miss and then you realize that they were just awesome I lost for one reason Dan put back rule the tap back Tap back send you go zero. Yeah, and I gotta be honest with you my free throws Our butter so the ones that I miss and I gotta be honest with you, my free throws are butter, so the ones that I miss, it's not

they don't go clanking off the rim far away when I miss a free throw, you know, it falls off the rim slightly because I just... Right under the basket, I got a, you know, I got a butter on my shot. I played everyday freshman year, it didn't have a lot of friends, and I'd just go play every day after class.

But then finally I was able to be in a game and I was like, oh, I'm actually capable. I played 21. That's what happened. Some guys came to the baritone gym and they're like, you want to play 21? And I was fucking banging threes. And I was like, all right. That's nice. And my free throws. It felt good when you shot the roof. I remember one time when we were playing in Queens when we just played on Wednesdays. I wasn't as bad as Lewis or Kurt, but I wasn't a guy you had to be the worst yeah But I was a I was a guy that you didn't really have to worry about and I was on Joe list the Nate's team And it was you Dave Smith and someone else You could pull boards though. Yeah, I could pull boards, but I was hitting one specific shot from us and you got frustrated

Oh, yeah, you were like someone fucking garden. He's hitting that shot and I was like yes I suck it basketball and I'm doing okay right now. I definitely had a couple hands on the knees today. It was a thing I'm just like fuck on I get I get pretty worked up. Black Lou you play ball at all? I'm not asking for race reasons I'm asking be- No, I'm not because I could tell you for sure that DJ Lou can't and Jacob doesn't seem like it's a sport He really now I would just before Black Lou answers, I would tell you quite the opposite. I would think Jacob plays a Princeton style ball that no one sees comment where he's just good at the fundamentals, where he does the pass like this or he's like, oh yeah, everything's

a yes exactly. How many dribbles like this, but it's fucking accurate. He does the snap at the end of the game. Yeah, he's just got probably. But Blacklew, sorry, sorry to interrupt. I do play basketball, but once every three or four years. You know what, you were tired Jay? I was tired on my commute yesterday. Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't supposed to be. Blacklew, we should do a bonfire basketball camp where Jay teaches us how to play basketball. Oh, I can teach you how to play to your strengths, too. We need to come here and make basketball, bonfire basketball camp shirts in Christi, we can all come as a crew and Jake and teach us. DJ Lil, you can DJ it because we need that.

And two, I don't know, man, I don't see you in basketball shorts just giving it a whirl. Maybe. If this was a bad news bears situation, right? And we had to play another show it serious. Like if Kovino and Rich were still there, and then they had a bunch of really good basketball players on their staff, and you had to get us in a shape.

This was an 80s movie. I bet Lou would be the guy that he'd be like a booger from Revenge of the Nerds, where he would just have a cigarette and he'd be nailing a three. He would be like, Lou's definitely our booger for sure. You're like, kick it outside, Witsky hit it. And he's just like, ah, you can't run up and

down the court. He's just going to stay in that corner. I'll say my theory is on Witsky. And maybe it's wrong for this reason. The reason I say he doesn't play basketball at all. My guess would be is that he, he's a baseball fan. Yeah. And when you're a baseball fan and don't play baseball,

yeah, it's not because you're good at other sports. It's just, you watch baseball. It's a long, slow sport to drink and smoke too. It is. Fantastic. Even on the level, even on the most basic level of like softball teams, it's all about drinking and smoking while you're playing a game.

And that was the most fun work softball teams. Did you ever get to play on one? No, no, I'd started comedy young. Oh, yeah, I forgot. You started a bit. I got to be on a restaurant softball team. And that was, which restaurant? Those comedies.

You did their softball team? And you and I would get so drunk on Mondays during the day playing softball. Yeah. I played left field and I was fucking nasty. Yeah. I mean, it was restaurant league softball. I suck at regular baseball, but restaurant league softball.

You can't block it. I was batting third. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, softball could probably get a real rip on all the while. Although I gotta tell you, my baseball swear, I went to a bad engage with Bargazzi. Bargazzi's a sneaky athlete.

Don't sleep on the ace. But maybe eight, nine years ago, we went to a thing, maybe even more, actually. Yeah. We went to a thing maybe even more actually yeah We went to a bad engage and I just like One thing about baseball. I've just lost the stroke Like I get it back though the timing of a pitch coming up. I grew up playing baseball for sure, but I Can't get that timing back at all and I We should start a buck. Can we get a softball league going it serious? I'd love it. I

Know you would low drinking smoke dude if we did we did a beer league on like Sundays They do have a softball they have a softball team. Yeah, but I bet it's all corporate nerdy No, I'd say it's probably all the the janitorial staff They're feeling a bunch of fucking Dominicans out there. Yeah get fingers. My favorite thing in the world was dose communos. So it was in the BR guest softball league and BR guest zones like 11 restaurants at the time. And there was one blue water grill and they had this dude who was a porter

just came out this Dominican guy that would just fucking smoke the ball. He would just hit it and be like, all right. I was left field and I would watch him go over me and be like this fucking guy. I gotta go get and I would want to go over me and I'd be like, this fucking guy, I gotta go get it out of another backstop of a different field. I'm all about equipment.

I'm gonna have dope cleats. I'm gonna have batting gloves I don't need. Man, I played crusty. I played in fucking cargo shorts. Oh, I played in a deedis high tops. And I fucking, I hustle, dude. I was charging hustle out there I was gonna ask him all shorts probably it's more of a sweatpants shorts

Yes, but honestly in sweat pants as ideal because you might have to slide. Yeah, which I would go I would dive unnecessarily for balls. That was my fun thing to do when I get drunk Time for the ball. Yeah, and I miss it But then I just try to gun him down at second or third. You're getting drunk playing softball. I would do that. The most fun I had doing it was we made it to the championship game and we had just destroyed every team. It was unfair. We were three restaurants funneling into one. So we kind of had to pick up the litter and you have to have three women on the field. You know, because it's great. But our second basement Kelly

was fucking nasty. Yeah. Like the way she could turn to one time by grabbing it off a hop with her glove and just not even grabbing it with her bare hand. Toss it to the second and then to the shortstop, who I was like, damn well, then we should be able to shower with her. Exactly. Well, she's a married woman, Jay. Jacob back me up. But the bad joke, married woman, she she's an athlete the best one was you think you think George Kiddles and Jimmy G Don't share any of each other because they're seeing other people

Get in there. You're right. It's team sport. Yeah. That's right Melissa getting the shower with me Things get weird it serious and I go Jay's new shower policies really divided the hallways Hey Sharon you want to be on this team take a shower with me. Yeah, things get weird at serious. And I go, Jay's new shower policy's really divided the hallways. Hey Sharon, you want to be on this team? Take a shower with me. I go, Jay. Let's talk about, let's talk about your defense. Wait, who is the lady from the golf channel that we all loved? The Jacob Loft?

Oh, Jacob, who was that girl you loved? Devadoo. Devadoo. What if Dan had to share, Jacob would be like, I'm on this team. I'm on a team, I'll play. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Dips shout. Hey, Debs and their show with all the guys. Ben's gardener like prison. We only four to he's guarding like that. Like the big Samoan guy and that's a roughness. Yeah. OK. Cassie Island.

He holds a towel out just so you look to look at his dick and she's behind the towel. Jacob, are you saying you would do that? Yeah, I mean, that's probably the only sport I really keep up with now is playing co-ed showering. Yeah, playing baseball. The thing I was saying, we were in the championship. We played another team and they were kicking the shit out of us and then everyone showed up with beer and we just started drinking and then we worked them. That's great. Yeah, you guys start start doing Tuesday B ball. All right. All right. I'll come to Jay's Well, you're coming to literally for work black little talking to of course

Well, I could I could play basketball. You don't know you can you can? Yeah, great shot. I have a amazing shot But I'm so out of shape. I mean really talk to Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis,

Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, like these kids the coolans I knew in middle school, Cory and Eric cool and there were twins and they were the best fighters in my grade because they just kicked a shit at each other all the time

and they were just constantly like training but they were also good athletes because they just played sports all the time together. He's got a guy to play against. I'll kill you in horse Jay. Oh, you think that's true? Oh, what's fucking do it DJ you lose you in horse

Jacob wants a slice why Why are you looking at me look why are you squinting your eyes like you can't? I'm looking at both of you like I can't believe we go. I am excited about it. Black. Lou And I call it guys. I'm in I'm so I'm gonna chance I'll play horse. I'll play horse. I don't know how I'll do But let's do it and Christine you're playing as well. This is a fucking show wide horse game now Christine I'm making guys feel really good about yourselves. No, Christine is not for Christine I think she's gonna ask no In fact Christine weeks ago I took her down I go come down and shoot some hoops at me at all

She shot one shot got frazzled and goes I can't not get it I hate it that's me on golf. She shot one shot, got a frazzle, and goes, I'm not good at it, I hate it. She left. That's me on golf. That's me playing golf. Whenever someone's like, Nate, I'll be like, come on, buddy, let's go to the driving range. And even at the driving range, I'm like, I'm fucking suck at this.

This is fucking sucks. I don't want to do this. Yeah, that's what Christine got frustrated and fucking splitting it. But Christine can do, Christine has the opportunity to do the thing like when you let one of the girls you're dating into the NCAA pool, and she has a better bracket than you. It could just be that Christine throws up a shot and gets one and bumps.

Jacob or me. Listen, Lou might be, I'm telling you, there's maybe I'm completely wrong. You might be. Lou's very confident. I'm telling you that I could dribble right around DJ Lou 100% of the time. Yeah, but you dribble around. It's fine. We're talking. We're not yeah, I could smoke during this Oh, can we smoke in your complex now? No Dude if you get smoke I'll still play. Yeah, he likes that outside t-neck ball. I want to see this so bad

Jacob what you're saying is preposterous Jacob just wants a piece of that action, which I respect why I'm a natural athlete You said you said I'm a natural athlete. You said you're a natural athlete. I've always been good at sports. I keep myself in shape. I always put my finger on shape. You're maybe, you are without a question

into the best shape on the show by far. Next to you, probably, Black Lou. Well, Christine, I guess Christine may be next to actually Christine were said a lot. I'm a dancer. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Black Lou, Dan, me DJ Lew would be my guest, but I don't know. I had DJ Lew at dead last in the in shape. And I'm, I don't know, I hit the treadmill. I'm pretty consistently. Okay, but I don't think I'm in shape. You were before me.

Yeah, but I was black-loo. Do you work out regularly? No, not at all. Not at all. But he did. He used to. Well, I'll get it back. Regardless, we're getting away from the point which is the horse game that's going to happen here at this complex.

Me, Lou, and uh... And black-loo and me? We're all going to get in it. And I think you're going to be at a horse though. Listen, my shot might come back to me mid-game. And uh and black Lou and me we're all gonna get in it Listen my shot might come back to me mid game. Yeah, you guys talking about your nasty shots I know my shot sucks. I think DJ Lou might have a shot No, the bank is open Jesus now I already know he sucks the aims for the square That's my least favorite kind of player dude. Oh dude. Oh, that's what did it go for give this ball

You better I'll say this I'll say that's bang shot whiskey. I'll tell you this you don't call backboard If you don't call backboard it doesn't count great just like in pool. I'm in It could be a whole day of fucking of dad games We could play in one room if you guys want to film it I'm not lying to you downstairs in the thing we could shoot hoops Okay, then we could play pool and ping pong and they're all right next to each other. I suck at ping pong But pool I might be able to hang Pool I might be able to do some damage in well hang on the natural athletes talking. What's that? I didn't hear you said

Usain Bolt well, he was interrupt he was interrupting my color of money speech I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on.

I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what's going on. I still play like in Florida we go do like batting practice and have a catch we go to the field. Oh yeah, I forgot your number one. I was too. You're never super into baseball. Yeah, so I go with him and we have a long toss. I can't picture Jacob fucking sending a baseball for some reason.

I can't. I believe you can't. I'm not great now. and send in a baseball for some reason. I can't, he can't. I believe he can. After watching you as throw last night, I can believe that, Jack. I believe he can. It's not great now. I mean, I was much better when I was younger. I could like, I had to decent. He really send it in there.

Yeah. Really hits that glove. I'll be. That's how I knew I sucked at baseball when I couldn't make people's gloves hurt. DJ Lou, if you beat me in any game of basketball, honestly, I'll kiss you on your pink butthole. What about around the world? DJ Liu if you beat me in any game of basketball Honestly, I'll kiss you on your pink butthole what about around the world? I think we can do a horse and a Neuron the world

How do you play around the world? I've been arguing people So you shoot all the way around three pointers around the key three pointers you do or no you start under the basket No, I always did it the way we did it was the key. Yeah, it was all around the key It makes that first one and then uh, but then you take it out to the three pointers. No, we didn't middle the only Here's how I was did I'm tell you then we did middle of the So like the side of the key. Okay, then the elbow. Okay, foul shot. Okay other elbow. Okay Middle and right next to the basket again, but then Once now once you get past a very first shot of that, you could chance it.

You missed the first one, you could chance it. If you miss, you go back to the beginning. Once you get to the, once you get to the side, yeah, on that side, you start going back around. Yeah. And then your chances only send you back to the, yes, to the under the, the key. Yeah, and you start the bottom of the key on the other side.

The other side. Yeah, so how I would, we would do it is we would do three corners would take fucking forever. I would never chance it. We would do. We would usually go out to three pointers. That would take forever. We just go you go back and then into the corner and then top.

Oh, we got the actual rules here. First place. Yeah, it's crazy. You can just go to the internet now and be like, no, these are the rules. Oh, this is a game of horse. Just the internet. Beer pong. Oh, around the world. I don't know.

Around the world. Beer pong people would always be like, what rules do you play? But now you can just go the internet. Um, yeah. There's first player shoots from the first spot. Oh, they don't say where it's being being. I don't need the fucking the King's rules for this King Charles rules. I Don't need I don't need that

I'm excited for a game. I'll tell you this straight up. I'll play a game of three on three against Whoever's not to think and Christine can definitely be on my team. So you and Christine versus one of the versus one of the versus three of you guys. I'm telling you, we'll fucking put it on you. Can we? I gotta be on your team. Can we practice as a show and play another show? Oh, because I think we would be a nasty team. Oh, if Louis can shoot like he say, he can shoot,

no one's gonna rebound over. No one's gonna shoot over you too. Yeah, we haven't you tall. Okay, Lou. We have Jacob. I'm not a good point to play, I really like it. But we can get you in shape, DJ Lou. Because if we got Jacob running point guard,

Black Lou on two, you on three, me on four, Jay on five, but running more of a Yokeh five, if you get where I'm saying. I'm a bit of a point, you want me to be the point center. A Yokeh five. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you want me to come in like that for sure. I'd say what, I dish the ball, I'm not a gun. A little, a little known fact here, Dave Smith,

when he's like, who can fucking ball? Dave can play ball, for sure. It's a bit of a gun though. Dave, my complain about Dave always, bit of a gun though Dave my complain about Dave Always bit of a gun not looking for the past at all not looking for the easy shot underneath He wants it ball gets in his hands bit of a black hole, but Dave can play for sure Us against another show who would it be Kivino and Richard gone running to ethnic people bending tin no way Chris Stanley there's no way he's gonna be a ball Jim and Sam wouldn't do it Jim

It'll do it. Yeah, they'll know they're too little I'm taking a pot Jenny McCarthy shows gone. Oh, they're really yeah They're gone right they're all serious. Yeah, totally done damn dude. We're the last of the Moh. We have an NBA channel. But I yeah, but then we just get Fucked it wrong. I get a gas digital. Oh, dude. I'll do this gas digital, but that's not it. It's not terrible. I do I tell you they have Dylan over there a couple guys gas digital could play a little bit. Um, I can't play basketball. I don't I suck to I just don't have any I've never played it. I can I'm let's take it I suck too. I just don't have any, I've never played it. I can, I'm, let's take you to the diamond. I'm not going to embarrass myself.

Let's take you to the diamond. I think horse is going to be. Because I don't have to move around like I can't dribble well and if somebody's trying to get the ball from me, they're going to, they're going to take it. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. What's up, setting the here. Um, now Dan, your point, take it to the diamond. I hear what you're saying here, but's upsetting the here. Now, Dan, your point, take it to the diamond.

I hear what you're saying here, but here's the problem. You want for the sake of story and show, you're going to want to see my actual heart and frustration in the game. I'll never care about software. It'll just be funny and fun, but only in that day. And that moment of time, we play a basketball game against another podcast or a show or something. I'm telling you, like, if we're down, if

we start getting down, like, a bunch, and I, and I, I'm gonna get chippy, but I also don't feel like Dan's fucking, Dan's letting him pass on his leftover and over. I'm gonna say, Dan, Dan, dude, please, you gotta, like, stop. Yeah, I don't want to send them the other direction. And here's the thing, I don't want to send them the other direction. And here's the thing I don't want to hear that because I suck a basketball So that's not fun for me. I've sucked the basketball But it's not gonna be fun that day. It's war that day No, but it's but when we come back on the show it's so fun talk about it

How ridiculous it was and I got for no reason I'm gonna take that shit personal I'm gonna be upset you're jazza fucking dick. Yeah. I'm gonna be like walking with black lieu to the kitchen. I mean, you know the fucking yellow man. I'll do you and like me, especially because I'll do something like I'll do the thing wrong. I'll grab you by the back of your shirt and move you into the position I'm supposed to be. That would be football for me. If we played football, yeah, I'd be like, I need you to do this for me. You're not wrong because football dude, I am if you were like, you know, we're running, that's why I said, it's why I left football.

If we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do this for me. You're not wrong because football dude, I am, if you were like, you know, we're running, that's why I said, it's why I left football. If we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do fight, if we do do this for me. You're not wrong because football dude, I am, if you were like, you know, we're running, that's it would just drive it home more in a way where I'd be like all right Jay I would do that a bunch. I'd be like all fucking here though. I'll get to this point with you. I go I'll go Dan listen

What do you want me to do? No, I just go Dan listen. I know I'll try to talk back though Like I know you don't play it's like I know you don't play it, but you have but then it don't say like I I know I like the play but even you have to see like what he's doing to you Yes, and I'm telling you right now. They're blocking me. They're screaming I'm trying to explain it. You're a big dude send him the other direction. It's a foul happening Everything's a foul. All right. Let's go zone two three zone fan. Just stand here Please and don't fucking move just keep your I get into a fight with a guy on the other day

And then you fist fight somebody Shut the fuck up. He said somebody from I just have yeah, I just have my forearm in their back and they're digging into me and I'm like what's up mother fucker Did you gonna see that you're gonna see my dude? You're gonna see my low back and butt do you go in into fucking you going in the back of some thighs? You backed me down your chat game. J's got young chat game where he just moves and then he's like, Oh, I do it funky, dude. If you're going wide legs on me, I'll put my leg right between your legs backwards

and just move you with my ass and body. DJ Lou come get some motherfucker. I'm excited to see this. Which. But here's the thing, Jay. Which he's a pure shooter. Yo, whatever we film of us playing this dude, we have to have a spray painted boom box playing in the background and Like just a guy with like a fucking big run the MC glasses and shit who just plays a fucking boom box and holds it while we play

Fuck yeah, dude. I'm gonna show up dressed like Billy Hoyle. Oh really? Yeah, you go on Fucking calf socks. I'm gonna go with calf socks and with all you show up dress like Billy Hoyle. Oh really? Yeah, you go on fucking calf socks I'm gonna go with calf socks and with all you got to dress like we're gonna get you the hat like Wesley I got yeah, well a black blue dress like a Sydney. I got my basketball look Christine will tell you now I'll tell you the basketball look that I want that I can't have cuz I tried it and it really bummed me out hard I bought an iverson sleeve once and it just muffin topped my arm. He said, come come to me out so bad. I was like, my arms are like relatively muscular. You know what I mean? So I go, that'll probably like squeeze down on it and even like show

like the contour of the muscle more. Nope. It just pushed all the skin, dude. It looked like a fucking squid. It was a white sleeve and then I Why don't you get black? It's all they had and I wanted it right there Were you doing the thing where you were upset getting help getting it off? We're like take it off. I just rolled it off But I was so upset and then I even tried to do I try to spank it where like I tuck them up and top into the thing but it just it didn't work man it didn't look good but I wanted that to be my look so bad the fucking sleeve but I go with a forearm okay forearm wristband

or forearm band swept in swept band that goes around. Thicker than a wrist band. Okay. And sleeveless shirt, two sleeveless shirts. And a double sleeveless shirt. Double sleeveless shirts, yeah. Is one tighter to the arm than the other? Yep. All right. Yeah. Two sleeveless shirts and my six are shorts. And I wear my, what do you call them here when your warm up my man goes I wear my man goes what are my butt?

You were like a warm-up sweatshirt down there. I don't you know when I was younger. I could never You know, it's funny. I did used to let go playing ball in Wintertime at a rec center because you'd go to get in the car You'd be wearing your basketball shorts But you'd also be like with a sweatshirt on like a big hoodie Yeah, and then getting there and taking off the you shooting around your hoodie and then taking it off to make you get that feeling Where you're like I'm getting ready to do something. Yeah, that was That was always the the thing about basketball that I wish I would have gotten more was warm-ups warm-ups always seem to be very comfortable

Cool doing the warmups in No, the actual doing the no the witch ripoff. Yeah, yeah, I know I know I don't care what they look so bad on me No, I tried one pair. I was at a finish line in the Tucson mall and I was like oh look at these Celtics Terri way pan you got it and I put them on and I was like I look like a fuck you got to have big long Terri way pan you gotta put them on and I was like I look like a fuck you gotta have big long Thin black legs for that to look good more I've got to see why especially when you just clipped the bottom and the top you know, I'm talking about You just put the bottom of the side of the leg with the basketball shorts on huge huge We should do a when we play this game of horse, we should do a J basketball

makeover. Where are you? I like my look. No, you get to make you get to put I get to put everybody into something I think they look good. Yeah, you can drop a look for everybody on the show. I'm telling you, I've already got Black Lou. It's an underarm or tight t-shirt with an actual like team Jersey like an actual NBA jersey over that That's gonna be a good look for him Jacob. What do you got what you got project going what runaway? I got for Jacob Jacob. I want to hat on a backwards hat. Yes sure Jacob's definitely backwards

I'd like Jacob with one so Jacob. What's your dominant arm? right I want the right sleeve cut off, but the left sleeve still a sleeve, like Fred Row and Sunset Park. Love it. Let me see, DJ Liu. The sniper. There's a tough work at Snijay Liu.

DJ Liu, I think. I think DJ Liu genuinely comes Billy Hoyle. Yeah, I want him like a sleeveless shirt for basketball, but it's like, grateful, dead. Yeah. Almost. But it's got to be a fun band like the Juds. His shorts are like a real shit brand, like a real...

Yeah, champion before it was cool. Champion before it was cool kind of thing, yeah, for sure. And then, but he just got, and then, two different color tube socks layered for some reason. All right. And really dirty, but actual high tops. Yeah, like good re-box. Like actual high tops.

Well, now what we think high tops are. No, the ones that support the ankle. Those just be called mids when I was young. We're talking about high tops that are ugly and clunky. Yeah, they're like wrestling boots. Absolutely. Boxing shoes. You're in a pair of those.

What about me? Dan, here's where I see you Think here suit. I think you're wearing with a No, you're wearing actual teams shorts. All right, so you're wearing nugget shorts. Love it is what I like there You're you're wearing a t-shirt from like a pharmaceutical rep company love a free like you know like could I even like Litro Max or something could I sub in my slime ins shirt from Cleveland you could absolutely have a slime insure Yeah, yeah, you're actually just nailing my regular look some breakfast some breakfast place. No, but I think you I think You're gonna say no to this for for reasons that I know are obvious to you

But I'm telling you wrong about this. It's gonna work on you. My headbambs. Yeah, yeah. All right. Headbambs. It's sent you. You think it's sent, I'm telling you. You got to.

Accentuate my biggest feature. When your hair gets wet. Yeah. It's gonna look good. I might want to go, do you know Bisconti style, maybe a pie on it. I'll go, you're all, you want me straight playing, you're all right.

Yeah, I think so. You're a tennis player, kind of. Yeah, I'll do it. I think so. I think it's gonna work on it. I'll go Euro you want me straight playing Euro? Yeah, I think so. Euro tennis player kind. Yeah, I'll do it. I think so I think it's gonna work for you. I'll do it. And yeah, and I'm trying to think your sneakers here. Bap, bap, bap. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it.

Yeah, I think that kind that the one that spreads, you know, I mean, it'll go from your brow to your hair. You make it as tall as you want. Okay, that's a good one. That's a damn good one. Can I get a Nike go from your brow to your hair. You make it as tall as you want. Okay. That's a good one That's a damn good. I get a Nike one of that. Yes, absolutely. You can pick and it could be loud if you want to be No, I like it, but you know, earth tone your shoes are going to be Mid-Rangers, but they're gonna be a shoe that you got Because it's holding a store about the arch support. Yeah, all that kind of stuff

Yeah, for sure. That's a great Nike Air Force ones. These are all good ideas. Well, it's a really good idea. Let's get all dressed up and play a game of horse and watch DJ Lou break your spirit possibly. Or you win and everyone knows what's going to happen. I'll tell you what, we play this game of horse though.

If I like what I'm seeing out there on the court boys, hey gang, if I like what I'm seeing out there on the court, I want to go at somebody else. Now, to the best of my knowledge, I don't what I'm seeing up there on the court. I want to go at somebody else now to the best of my knowledge I don't think I'm wrong Jim Sam Bennington and us are the only three shows happening anymore that weren't fired off of series XM So I don't know who else to play I'd say we'll play Jenny McCarthy show You do that as they do the Jason L is show. There's got gone a Kavino Ridge We're gonna run for them the my gone who's here

the raw uh... and then the ron report shron and shron and andy yeah the raw report who can be linked them up with who has to pledge loyalty to our show black lu that's not a question yeah i mean if anything wouldn't andy display with us if we took on could be our fifth man. He's a natural athlete and that is a real athlete. He played college Andy played like college lacrosse or some shit and villain over Yeah, damn you think it's one you think Andy's good at basketball

Languies fucking tall. He's an athlete natural. I don't like what you would be unstoppable I don't know man. This be unstoppable. I don't know man This damn dude. That's a lot of size on the bonfire squad The three of you are the unstoppable of three of us. What with DJ Lou? No, I'll matter with Andy like you guys would be so tall no one could shoot over you I'll be I'll be I'll be all D in boards dude. I'd be Ben Wallace. It's fine, dude. I'll leak out You can send it to me. I will tell you right now if I know that I'm just all D and boards dude, that'd be Ben Wallace. It's fine dude, I'll leak out. You can send it to me. I will tell you right now, if I know that I'm just on

boards and defense, I'm a problem for a lot of people. I'll tell you what my sports would I do have, little bit, sports grace. So I'm good on the run out because I don't climb, I don't climb that layup so much because I like, I have more likely to be, I'll soft hand it. Where I don't make it because I went too soft, but I don't have the, I'm running and everything.

Rob Mayew's got a touch that was really funny. He's got the, I'm running and that ball is gonna leave my body the same speed I'm running. You know what I'm saying? Like the ball just becomes an extension of how fast he was going, yeah. So layups go flying sometimes. I go a little too soft sometimes. I'm trying

to look pretty, you know. I kept, by the way, I felt like I was a child again, kept looking told Christine at one point. I would say casually, I don't really care. I'm like, and if you get bored, you know, come on down and like, watch me shoot around with the guys coming out to me. And she's like, I will. And then every time I was like, when I had the ball, we were playing 21, you know, we got to go against two and I'd I'd the bus through with my layups Oh, and am I finesse moves before I did it? I'd look up at I was like Joe What's his name in the program? Yeah, Joe came I was like Joe came the program. I look over up the stairs for Christine I got some to cheat

It's just empty just empty an empty hall. I leave it leave my ticket at every game. That's okay, Christine. That's okay. We got this next time next time. And yeah, not there for any of them. And then when I would miss or something, I'd go, thank God. Or just like, you know, when you looked clunky. Yeah.

Like you're just what it is. What was that? Like, I was happy she wasn't there. What if she came in and like supported too much. It was like out of control fan. What? Absolutely. I'd be I would be so stoked for that if she was talking shit for me. Man you. He's gonna send your ass back to Canada. Oh shit. Oh man you I think I'm gonna set your shoes right there. You need You need your shoes show up with a bullhorn like that fucking game at Rucker Park And she's got a fucking board like you suck asshole

You suck you Canadian pieces shit. She calls time out and comes over and unties rob shoes Pulse the string Tommy backboard Tommy backboards Tommy. I'm a blue fire you you suck. Why did you miss that shot Christine? You need to absolutely do that I'm gonna order you a bowl horn from Amazon Christine. I want you to beef shit We do have a man. Oh, perfect. And we do by the way. I swear to God for song We've been wondering what could we use this thing? I'll tell you what it is. It's gonna go down there and get mayo and Tommy backboards shook Christine get the megaphone real quick and let me hear you talk shit through it. Yeah, dude Yeah, if you could I like to see you that some of the shit talk you would give to my own. Yeah, let's see how you're gonna rattle these boys

Rattle these boys You be good at basketball dude me and you were gonna dominate that whole fucking thing that whole fucking building of no employees Of ghost employees cousin Brucey watch your fucking back dude I'm gonna fucking jam on you dude. I'm going shoulder right in your chest. I'm gonna break your old fucking hip Bruce What if he's like what you don't know as I played under John Wooden? I was you see a lady a piece of shit. I played with Lou Alcinda cousin Brucey doing the dunk where his elbows on the honey dip Cuz in Brucey doing the dunk where his elbows on the honey dip

He goes you want to know what's funny haven't got an opponent this hard since I brought the Beatles on stage Yeah, yeah, that's right. You young pieces of shit. I was out now They get sucked off by Marilyn Monroe put up a triple double Luah Sender all right Christine picture this Someone's someone's cranking the ball. They're talking a bunch of shit while they're dribbling and you're on the side They're talking shit to me. They're going J. Hey, Jay. I can't do a rob Mayer. So let's do a Canadian accent. Hey Jay You're a real loser, huh? You can't even put the ball in the hoop. God Christine. Let him have it Bring it bring What a quit. Bring it to us. All right, Dan, you go in there.

Go in there and tech her up, dude. OK, Dan's in there. He's in the guest room with my girlfriend. He's petting those cameras on or anything, but she's grabbing his bullhorn. He's pulling his bullhorn out to her. What's that? No, no.

By the way, it looks like his dick's being covered by the microphone and Christine's about to suck it. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Christine, do me a favor, turn your head a little bit to the left.

Oh! Oh, you're here. And then bob your head forward. No. No. Oh, you're here. Christine, bob your head forward right now. Bob your head forward, forward. Oh, you're here. Oh, I wish we were filming these. the

the the the the the the But we have a broken megaphone now. Well, I don't know if broken because it needs batteries, but it would be a It'll be a fun tool. It'll be a fun tool. We have it I'm so excited for our team

Yeah, we got a great thing. Well, we have to first we have to challenge each other first Yeah, but you know, you know what can you rethink the idea of Bennington because they're all skinny now and veto plays ball? Yeah, it is true and the shit talking would be amazing does veto play ball? Yeah, I'm gonna put them on his ass We're abandoned every day. You know he plays ball dude. I'm telling you they don't see me coming I will say Sam Roberts has been working out You've been doing a lot of squats on the on film. Yeah, listen, I'll get worried I'll get worried when Sam Roberts wants to fake fight me in a ring my apologies Dan Oh till Sam Roberts right now any time any place, baby

You want to do a lot of that? After the horse game, well, I ain't afraid to put you through a table brother That table's gonna be thin and already sort of broken, but. It's gonna be a very plywood table that's noticeable. But listen here, baby. But it isn't here, baby. Yeah, it would be funnier if Jim and Sam went out and got like four guys from Rucker Park and then Sam.

And then Jim was like, I'm coaching. And then they just showed up and fucking were like alley-ooping over us Like I was afraid Is Chris standing in shape now? Please don't! Yeah, it looks good. He lost at least 50 pounds. Damn! He lost a bunch of weight, but does that mean he doesn't strike me as an athlete? I mean neither, I don't strike anybody as an athlete myself either.

Just nor am I an athlete. I can just play ball. You still free, you still free, you still free, you still free. I'm not. That's not what you say off air. What do I say off air? You say I am the greatest athlete that I've walked this play.

You eat two raw eggs every morning. All you do is drop sets. You just go in and you just go until you can't go. I watch you. You're games are a good one. I can't do it anymore. My hands, it's my hands are numb. I can't do it anymore, yeah. My hands, that's when my hands are numb. I'm desperate to see DJ Lou shoot pay.

I'm very excited for this because I truly believe that there is a, like DJ Lou might just come in, hit, miss the first couple and everyone's like, is this guy not for real? And then just hears that one, and then he's like, let's party. Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom. My, let's party. BIRD-DAN-DAN-D. Worst, you fire one in it, it jams my thumb. And then I'm mad at you for the rest of the day,

cause my thumb hurts. And then I'm riding home in the car like this in the back seat. And you're like, Dan, you all right? I'm like, yeah, I'll be all right. Dude, I won't, dude, I put it where you need it. I'm gonna have to be soft, I get it soft up high. But you gotta, you gotta use that,

you gotta use your size, dude. Now, DJ Liu Lou or a black Lou I should say starts back and somebody down. I'm sending it in crazy low I'm sending it in really low because that guy behind him's not gonna get it then it's all It's just basic shit You see the whole fan did your vision is incredible my court vision's unbelievable. I'm telling you I really all it will take is someone that's pretty okay I've asked them all to destroy our team. I'm not a glory hound guys either way. I'm looking for the I'm thinking past first A hundred I mean I draw a lot of attention

I'm a big fella and then when I draw that extra attention. I know someone else is open. That's what the streets were saying Yeah, they said they said big, great teammate, great teammate. Fantastic teammate. Lift up his other teammates. I am not a gun at all. I'm not a gunner. Well, I look, listen, if I see the game might need, we're down a couple points and we're doing too many jump shots,

I might, for a couple plays, you might see me try to bust in. I'm gonna bust in, I'm gonna bust in, down low, couple plays, and I'm trying to take over with that. But if I do, dad, a couple plays, start drawing the attention again, Dan. It's kick back out to you, and you swing it over to DJ Lou. And then natural athlete Jacob in the corner,

waiting to bury a corner three, the most difficult shot in basketball. When I'm an old dad, you know, when I'm an older dad, and my son, my young son is like, who's the greatest man you've ever seen? Jason Oakerson floating on that basketball court, seeing everything that was happening before it happened. You put the ball in places that you didn't even know.

I went to post the post game interview because I went there and to be there goes, I swear to God, the guy must have fly eyes. I don't How he sees all that quite honestly it felt like I was a part of a flash mob and they had all planned it the way The way Jay moved through them. They look choreographed. I mean everything was on a rope everything everything was perfect right Where it needed to be and soft? Randy Moss was described Chad Pennington's throws at the University of Marshall is rolls of toilet paper and that was Jason I I

By the way, I throw you a bad pass. I make a junk pass. I miss a shot You don't have time to get angry at me. I'm hard on myself, dude Hands are hurt and from punching those walls today. Don't do that Punch those walls on a couple of hands. I don't need you to break in your hand. A couple of mislabs, like gave to the, by the way, the clear glass wall that goes to the hallway. So if people were looking out there, they were like,

yeah, that guy's intense. Oh, whoa, who's that true competitor? That's what I was thinking to myself. When I done it over on the padded wall, when nobody could see. That's what I do to save my hand. Yeah, I do it to the gym so the people in the gym know, it's like, there's chicken going on in here too.

It's performative. Yeah, that's why I always drop my weights right as I lower than we go Just yell at any number 77 oh, I gotta hit those guys You've been listening to serious exams bonfire New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM!