The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Testosterone Belly

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

Bob spills Jay's coffee to start the show off on a bad foot. After his gig in Buffalo, Jay hits the club scene with some fans and it doesn't go as he thought it would. Jacob boards airplanes from zone 3 and gets advice on how to deal with it. Bobby's wife laughs at his physical pain. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly But he thought Pretty good. Do pretty good. Do pretty good. Do pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I need you But ever do you You, huh huh, huh huh, ba-doo ba-doo You, huh huh, huh huh, huh huh You, huh huh, huh huh, ba-doo ba-doo I don't know if this song sucks or if it's fucking phenomenal Real quick, let me just take- I got one more sip

God damn it, my straw split. Doesn't matter, it's done. It is done, but wow. Refreshing is the word I'm looking for. Yeah, you got so much caffeine, delicious flavors in your mouth. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Full disclosure, everybody.

Full? I'm getting full? Full disclosure. God damn, full. Outside, Bobby called me the F word, then the R word, then he kicked my coffee over. Full disclosure. That is not full. That is half. No, it was a...

What am I, Tony Hinchcliffe? Ah, go go go go! Go bing! Ah, bing! What's up buddy, how was your weekend? You look a little, little little, you're not. Well the coffee thing. Well did that really bum you out?

No. Can I be honest? Uh huh. Okay, and everybody listening, you can be the judge of this. Now I take, I'll take, I told you 98.5% of the blame on this, but we're out front, there's no more tables, they're doing construction, we usually have little places to sit and this but we're out front. There's no more tables. They're doing construction We usually have little places to sit and smoke

We're standing there like fucking chooches couple chooches couple chooches couple chooches rooms I mean it's getting cold out again. It is it's time for this season you know and you showed up with the coffee which I love and We all have vent a ice something myai. You have a chai. Delicious chai with oat milk. I have the quad espresso with a splash of cream, two Splendids called the Amanda. And Christine has a tea.

Iced tea lemonade. Iced tea lemonade. Green tea lemonade. And I took mine, you took yours, and then you put. I had my thumb up my butt You put your iced tea on the ground so Christine and the water there are actually three drinks there But there's certain times where you have like if you're in the car and you pick up the phone and you with your family And I call you have to say I'm in the car with the family always when you put your drink on the ground

I call you have to say I'm in the car with the family always when you put your drink on the ground You have to go yo yo drinks on the ground be careful. Yeah, nobody did that It's my and you walked away from your drink a little bit. I did it's like you weren't protecting it No, you weren't you know what I mean going over to give my friend weed. I was trying to make sure everybody had a good day Yep, I mean, I'm just saying I will take I was trying to make sure everybody had a good day. Yep. I mean, I'm just saying, I will take 98.5%. I did kick it over, but it was on the ground without knowledge of anything being on the ground.

That was my fault. That half, that one. Actually, is because I had to light a cigarette. Can we blame Philip Morris for this? I say they take, I'm gonna go about, I'm gonna go on an 80% then. I say they take. 20. I say 19. I say 19 and a half you still got to take a half

Yeah, because you did put it down. Okay, you put it down and you didn't give a warning. I'll take 10. Okay 10 to Philip Morris. Yeah, 80 to you. I'll take that. Okay 80% I apologize Actually, we want to blame the Santa Fe natural tobacco company I'd like to blame the Santa Fe natural tobacco company I'd like to blame the Santa Fe natural tobacco company right Phil Mars doesn't make my cigarettes Can you abbreviate that can make that into an acronym? Let me see it again Whoa Sanif a NTC Yes, FNTC

Sfntc that's who's mostly to blame for this. It does sound racist. American Spirits, you delicious pricks. You delicious fucks. So I do apologize, dude, because I know. No, it's fine. Well, look it, bro, you didn't have a sip. I think that would have been worse. If you had a sip.

A delicious sip would have been worse. It would have been worse. I know, but we're gonna pick it up later and it's gonna be all dark. It's gonna be a spicy one that doesn't taste as creamy. I know. It's gonna suck. You have to be there for it. You're being negative now. Not to say, not to... It's gonna be a different shift.

Yeah. You guys not gonna care at all. Bobby really fucked you over. Listen, wow, you really are just an evil witch. Do what Leepa gets her, dude. There is a guy, there are shifts at Starbucks, so that's a true statement. Oh yeah.

Because the guy that's on our shift, when we come in. That guy is. Hey, handshake, pound, sees you waiting, gets it done. Always great. Hey, he's like, how you guys day is going? You guys coming in, you heading for work? He sets it up on a tray. He might be the best Starbucks employee in the world.

He is so good But if you go and extension of his work was me bringing it here for you to karate kick into the drain I first of all I ballerina tapped it. I did not karate kick anything. I as light I didn't feel it. It was the middle of a kata I told you when you were doing a bobby you're edging a little bit too close and you just go Zen, dude You can't even hear me. You're just like, saw. Yeah. I did watch Karate Kid yesterday, the last season.

Dude, I swear to God, I touched it with the tip of my toe. I mean, little, little tap. Yeah. Yeah. It was aimed there. Listen, there's a lot of things going against that happening. Is there anything worse than having a bad Starbucks crew?

When you go in and you know it's gonna be bad? Oh. When they're talking there's like six of them yapping about something and you're just standing there and you have to patiently silent scorn them? No. And then they walk up did you want something? No. I just come in here to stare at you. The worst thing is when you see the outside line is long drive-through and you and you're like, I'll run in, and then you go in and you realize like, that drive-through has got them frazzled in there, and everyone's trying to help out with drive-through,

and no one gives a fuck about your dumb ass milling around the store. They're like, hey, look at our local coffee mugs. Hey, maybe buy a reusable straw. I'm gonna be over here sweat panicking while I make eight fucking soy lattes. It is, it's a, when you walk in, you know it's gonna be a bad experience at Starbucks,

but when you get a good one like that guy, God, man, I look forward. I almost get, Christine, do you want Starbucks? I don't get to see them today. What's your drink today? An iced chai latte. I would say that, with oat milk, I would say that the staff at the Starbucks

57th and 10th is very similar to the look cinemas I Don't know if they're pulling double shifts up the one to the other but they don't give a shitty there either they are really They don't care. I've gone there so many times. I'll be like do you guys have straws and they pull out like They keep the straw thing Back by them like you have to ask them for a straw. Yeah, I'll do that now. Yeah, because you know who steals them They steal people steal the straws. They steal the sugar pack. No, I'm not saying a certain people I'm saying Indian people dawn used to be a fucking Starbucks thief when she was an esthetician She used to steal the coffee stirrers for waxing

She'll go in and grab a fistful. I go. What the fuck are you doing? I'm gonna use on pussy hairs Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna have Britney Spears pussy nice and trim Oh me I'm just gonna trim up someone's pussy with these don't worry and a little stevy in the raw I think the worst person is when you get the woman that just got divorced because her husband cheated on her and she's taking this up for... Still works there? But she just got a job there and she's panicking.

Oh yeah. But she's over polite, but she's still fucking up everything. That's the worst. How about who's good? Is the morbidly obese from the hips down? Yeah big fat titties ugly But did manage to get married and blah blah blah and she is now this is like maybe divorced maybe the guy died and

But whatever it is she's back to work now, but she takes the job Seriously, seriously, not shitty to the customers. Sweet to the customers, but it's not gonna let that place run like some bull shit. The best is when you see that bull dyke. Yeah. That one who, I mean, she read the books, she knows the ins and outs, she has the flair, and when she comes out with whatever goofy hat she has on,

she just runs the ship. Love that, love the lesbian there. The attractive lesbian is one of the worst workers there. Terrible. When you just see that there, they don't give a fuck. They can't believe they're doing this. They don't like getting dirty. Yeah.

Yeah, I've seen it go bad and good. I had a good one in, I was just in Buffalo this weekend. It's a lovely Starbucks staff. It's great, really good one. Slow, but pleasant. Yeah, it still annoys me. A slow Starbucks staff is just, it's like a slow McDonald's. I shouldn't be in there for 10 minutes total

when there was only like two other people in the store and you're ordering drink. That should be a faster process. I never not use the app. The app to me is the greatest thing. It supersedes, when I get on the plane, when I come to LaGuardia, as soon as we land, I order my, I find out what gate we're going to.

I have the Starbucks, I know which one. I order my Starbucks, when I get off the plane, I walk up, it's ready to go. I love the app. It's fantastic. Not using the app is, fuck, you're a maniac. Well, let me tell you, I don't know if you run into this in your beautiful white dwellings in places that you go.

But in the real world, Bobby, where the rest of us live, oftentimes, and this happened at Starbucks this weekend, because the staff is slow or lazy, they start marking a lot of stuff that they don't have it. But then you go in there and they do in fact have it. They're just trying to get you not to order on the thing. And that store, I said they were nice, but they were slow. And if they start opening up to mobile orders, like start accepting a bunch of mobile orders,

they're in the weeds with two customers. I know a place where I lived before, my old place, not my new place, my new place is so nice there are no Starbucks. What? They don't. Just local coffee? Get the fuck out of here. You know when you're in a fucking place and it's so nice, the local coffee is like, we

don't do that. I don't like that. I love, dude. It's gross. It's so good. How close is the Starbucks? Ten minutes. All right. Fifteen, by car. What? Maybe fifteen minutes. I love dude, it's so good Ten minutes 15 in by car. Maybe maybe 15. That's not true. So we're good my town

Give Christine the new address write it down for and let her map a Starbucks from there But I don't 15 minutes. This is all your tree. Whatever stance you got right now going on. It's working Yeah, that's all I'm gonna say Because you you are really just making me want to do whatever you tell me to do Bobby look this up pronto prontice mo you have my address. Don't you know what it takes it to you? Oh wait I do have it. Yeah, you got it. She's got it the new guy. Yeah, it's it's ten minutes It's in whatever town it is, but my town it just they don't allow that stuff They don't allow corporate America to come in there the the bakery they have there the coffee is so fucking delicious bro so good they can't wiggle the wire really tap it tap it wiggle it be a man

Wiggle no wiggle all right now wiggle that we go there wiggle at the base. Hey shake it shake it a little bit Yeah, just shake it a little bit like this do this Do that do this? Right like I would do this Do that no like this look like this on that where the thing is spin around your share twice Do blummy kiss two two kisses? Okay, no, that's not working now work the balls Yeah, use that microphone come sit next to me. Let's go easy on that other one because it's the same problem

Don't touch it. What is happening? What you think? It's crazy. The serious X exam is gonna be down to just two microphones in a room I mean listen to me to this Well, let's place you guys want to play science doctors hold it and let me pour water on you Let's see if anything happens I'm in an authoritative stance Jacob. I want you to pour water all over yourself while you hold the wire I'm more to my powers of suggestion. Just come over here talk. Okay. There you go. You're in I know don't touch it any Something you said before actually hit home. What was that? It made me feel bad about myself not that you meant to

You said that as soon as I land I order my coffee. Yeah, and I realized Only a zone one can do that and I'm zone five. I've been zone five my whole life. You're a zone five guy Yeah, by the time I if I did that if I ordered by the when I landed it'd be hot coffee When I got it in an hour an hour later after de-boarding yeah, I know No, you can still order it on the plane. You just got to see when you're about time it. Yeah, you're about When they're about two-thirds through yeah, you're gonna have the same Bobby doesn't have to time it He just knows land. I'm on the ground. I hear you land to get the fuck off. I'll tell you what I'm shitty I'm starting to get shitty and starting to a little under my breath say something, but it's building

it's building when I'm starting to get shitty and starting to a little under my breath say something, but it's building it's building when I'm like in The first three rows or so of a plane and row four or row two start They bowl through to get out first. You're like, hey fuckface. You're in the second row. Like don't be a dick You can't can't. Dude, I don't allow it. I get up, and I... Well, I'm always window, so if I don't have an aggressive person next to me, and then when the person in the aisle does go out and you watch two more people try to cram behind them,

you're like, dickhead. Yeah. Dickhead. You gotta say something. Oh, I do. I've said something. I have, like, a... I don't know how it works. But yeah, you mumble. Or I've done the, you go. No, you go. You've said, I have like a, I don't know how it works. But yeah, you mumble.

Or I've done the, you go. No, you go. You've done that? Yeah. I say, hey, stop. And they go, what? I go, stop. I go, it's us.

And then you, you don't get to go. I've actually told, I ratted somebody out where they put the bag up in the overhead They walk down just put their bag up and then go back to the middle of the plane No, it ain't happening pull right back out in the middle floor. Yeah straighten shit out six-gear summer, baby Yeah, yeah, you got exact justice in an airport You can but it doesn't you got to be careful because you if you exact too much justice you get fucking kicked off the plane I

Really don't love the... Seriously, I'm going on first on the plane. Well, one of the first. Whether I'm zone one or I'm faking leg injury to make sure we get on... You're kaisersosai again? I'll kaisersosai it. Holy shit. I don't do it that often.

I've only done that once. I've done it several times. I've actually... how long did you last... I did it to get on the plane off the plane and I after I got my luggage I stopped limping now. I limped to my luggage You committed I sometimes I sometimes stop my limp While I'm still not through the doorway yet just to let them, you just got got, and you can't do anything about it. But the people in zone three who start milling around, and blocking kind of the way,

when they know they're just on military, that when they're on the military people, it's fucking crazy. Sit down, stupid. It's kind of sad that me and you could both board when people who need more assistance, and they don't even question us. Nope. It kind of sucks. No, they stupid. It's kind of sad that me and you could both board when people who need more assistance and they don't even question us. Nope.

It kind of sucks. No, they assume. That's what I assume. That's why I don't keep the limp going. I just do the limp because that's to the people that are all around. You show them, it's like, I'm doing this because I have a, clearly I have a problem. Once in a month, by the time I get to the flight crew, I don't care if they see me walking normal.

They're like, hey, they don't know when I'm, why I'm on. They have no idea. Earlier, whatever. I'm all fucked up in the head, apparently. Well, when you do, now, I will learn this, with Delta now, zone one and then four to five, whatever it is, 17, whatever you're in, Jacob.

Q. Five to seven. Five to seven. I've even been a seven. There's seven? You can line up. You didn't know? I didn't know there was a boarding group seven. Jacob's like spirit. There's an actual seven.

I don't know past three. But you can line up in the line in the zone one. So it says this way zone one, to the left is zone three to whatever Jacob's in. You can just stand in that line if you're zone one and be the first fucker on the plane. I don't like it. Why? I don'ter on the plane I don't like it by I don't like the standing and I don't like the thing they did I was in Newark this

weekend that's how they're doing it left and right zone one and two I think and three four and five to the left and I'm like that's I go not only am I not standing in that line when they call for zone, I'm just gonna step in front of all of that and go first. Wow, that's crazy. It's not crazy, it's moronic to stand in a fucking line like that to do this. And also, those people standing in line, they're not all ones.

I'm not gonna get behind a bunch of fucking twos because people are sheep and choose to go wait in a line like assholes. Do you ever have somebody, I had people standing in the line in zone one who had the blue on their boarding pass on the phone, zone three, four, and they're standing there, so then when they call, they fake move up.

And then you're like, are you zone one? And they're like, oh, what is it? And then they pretend like they don't know, and then you get a huff by it. I was being polite, but you're a piece of shit blocking zone one. All right, say you two don't know your zone one. You don't understand why.

Oh Jacob, keep in mind, I spent 20 years all over the other zones in all of them. I've 26 hours in the middle seat. I'll always say, beat that South African in middle seat. Yeah, but Don wants to throw me in zone three all the time. 26 hours in the middle seat. I'll always say beat that South Africa in a middle seat Don wants to throw me in zone three all the time. That's crazy. I mean little fight She's like you should bite her in places people can't see it's five hundred dollars. It's five hundred dollars more How do you know I don't it's five hundred dollars. Why do you think one of her tits is bigger than the other? You took some she will she, she will, she is fighting

to get me into zone three. She hates that I'm zone one. Here's the problem. How dare she? I know. This is why you should always push back on her. I don't even know what. I should push your head against the window?

Yes. I was thinking you should. That is the only way. Sometimes you gotta show a woman by pushing her face against the glass. You gotta mush them against the glass. We'll get to that in a second. That's my favorite thing.

No the problem is, and this is why they make the Delta or any other of these places will make you feel like garbage, that you have to bum rush the lane is because they tell you we have limited space. So if you're not fighting to be the head of the line, you're potentially gonna have to check your bag. And that's what makes everyone nuts. And I've had it done several times. Here's the way to get around that.

You can't stand there and be nice. Here's a trick for you people in the other zones. Because I was there too for years in that dead man's land that you live in. Five through seven. Yeah, five, oh god. I'm not even a three. I don't even know if I did that.

Check your bag. Have your backpack. You can walk on the plane, whatever. Go to your seat. You never think about it. Check. Check. Bags. The bag. Why? Because it's 10. What's the upside

of me waiting for the week? Here's the upside, it's one, as soon as you get to the airport that bags out of your hands your You're loose as a goose. Maybe a book bag or something. I have a duffel bag Keep around my shoulders. It's I make my way through the hallway I'm not dragging this bag with me everywhere I go especially if you're in some sort of a rush or you got to get from here to there or go on a God forbid you got or go on a, God forbid you gotta go on a... Connection.

Not the connection, but the fucking... The tram. The tram that takes you to the other gates and then you gotta be one of the assholes because they won't just let you hold it in front of you. Your bag, they're gonna make you put it sideways on the fucking rack and the goddamn driver's gotta come out and make sure everything's on the rack right before you just,

you just want them to drive, man. Check the bag, dude, check, that is a... So much anxiety. It's not because it used to be in the 90s. Two times it's happened to me in 26 years, two times over. No, no, no, I'm talking about the anxiety of having to, will I be allowed, will I make it to the doorway of the plane and have it take my bag taken

away from me or not? Check it, check it, check it. Yeah, you're right. Check the bag, and here's the thing too, here's a little hack too. Go to the gate, don't worry about it, and then check your bag at the gate for free. You can go, look, this is a trick I do all the time. Check your bag at the gate, they give it to free, you might get it when you get off the plane or you just go and get it at the end, you don't have to worry, you don't

have to deal with it. Check the bag, bro. Just get on whatever the fuck you want. Don't even worry about it. Check it, check it out. You want me to be a zone five with the mentality of a zone one? Be a zone one in your mind. Here's what I actually want. I want you to become a zone one. Be a zone one in your mind. Be a zone one in your mind. Here's what I actually want. I want you to become a zone one because here's what you gotta do.

You're not showing brand loyalty to any of these places. You're jumping on a bunch of Spirit Airlines that they don't care about you, you don't care about them. If you do the Delta flights, you keep doing those flights, you will accrue what they call a status there, or no, what are the medallions? The medallions there. And then you start getting to,

like Fennoy just hit this year, that I think if there's a couple open first class, he'll get bumped up. Soder lives by that. I don't travel enough to even come near that. I would say you travel to Florida like you have a boyfriend you're hiding away from all of us. Yeah. You really do. It's like you have a side family of boys. No, but I mean...

I would say you could have steady work down there and not make it seem like you don't live there. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you have a construction business down there that you oversee every three weeks. Like Christmas and Thanksgiving, they'll jack up the price like it's four times the amount sure I can't do I can't do Delta. I take it now. You don't wait. You know you don't That's what I use my points for for spirit. No, no, no Delta. I use Delta as much as possible Okay, but sometimes they're just ridiculous You know what a frequent flyers in you got to stay on all these one a fun fact that you might not know What's that?

Fun fact. Please? I don't think anybody knows this. I love facts. And I'm gonna tell you this. Flight attendants and pilots. Fuck each other. No, that is.

No they do. Well, I don't know if that's a fact. I was told it's a card hold fact. I'm sure. Hard, cold. Hard, cold. Wow, you really need it. Cold, hard.

You need that coffee. I feel terrible. I'm a bit behind because need that coffee. I feel terrible Beat behind because of that coffee. I apologize No ready. Mm-hmm flight attendants Pilots don't get paid until They get money for you. They're in the air What do you mean other hours? I'll start they don't get when they're welcoming you aboard and doing all the announcements and all that shit,

they do not get paid until they take off. They only get paid for air time. That's crazy. No way. They're trying to fight it now. They should. They're trying to fight it now to make sure that they get, it's just an old rule that they had from back in the day, just kept.

That's why they're kinda miserable a little bit. They're not getting paid for that, and they have to deal with, that's when they deal with most of the bullshit, when people are boarding and de-planning. Well, they said that, the thing is like, do you really wanna put your life in the hands constantly of someone who makes a teacher's salary?

Like, yeesh. That's why I'm gonna start tipping. The who? I'm gonna start tipping the flight attendants. Can they take tips? They're not allowed to. Yeah, you can. They're not allowed to.

I don't think they're allowed to. That is not true. Now, I don't even believe your thing about the air hours because we know a flight attendant, and she said that. She said they're not allowed to. You can tip them Starbucks cards or things like that. You can't give them anything, but you can just do it. I'm not saying they do take tips.

You can tip them, 100% you can tip them. 100%. Most US carriers discourage it, Delta. They have strong anti-tip stance. You can give them. I know, no, I know you can. Yes. But if they take it, they're risking themselves

getting in trouble. I didn't know I was dealing with corporate J. Will you rat me out? Well now I'm starting to think about this air hours thing, Christine, look it up, because Bobby just makes up things now. I'm telling ya, it's 100%. Tipping when you're not supposed to accept,

like we had at my first club, if you tipped a door guy and somebody saw that, like you would get fired for it. Because you weren't supposed to like take, like you're supposed to get the best seat possible no matter what, not for a tip. I was talking to a flight attendant on Saturday night who works for,

shit, what you were, I think it was American Airlines, United. And she was like, yeah, when we get tipped, we love it. We don't get paid, she was telling me the whole thing. We don't get paid until the plane takes off and we don't get paid for any of that bullshit in the beginning. That's why it's kind of annoying to them and people, they have to deal with all that shit. And she's like yeah we get when I get tipped

it's great and my friend in Pat the plumber when he flies 50 bucks 50 bucks gives a flight attendant 50 bucks and they take it. Well this says that your idea was kind of being correct about what not kind of take the word kind of out when the door closes yeah whatever I mean you get paid for taxing well if you're on the tarmac though for an hour that's money that's why they're never upset but they when when they're dealing with all us boarding and all that shit and all that bullshit they're they don't get a dime so more or less everything you said so far has been wrong. No, it's been right.

No, I'm kidding. But, Dea, no, the thing you said was right. It says it encourages you more to give them, if you're gonna tip them, it says give... Starbucks cards. Gift cards, or something, but it says, if you give gift cards, you need to distribute them evenly amongst the crew.

You give a fuck 50 bucks, everybody gets a coffee. Nah, they're gonna have to keep it for themselves. And then, and that's, I hate that. I hate when you give a fuck 50 bucks everybody gets a coffee No, they're gonna have to give it for themselves and then and that's I hate that I hate when you give a person a tip and instead of putting in the things you want them to see that you're giving a Tip and then you're like Everybody else here is gonna think I'm a piece of shit even though I gave you a really good tip No, is the world doesn't know I don't yeah like a comedy clubs I always tip all the waitstaff after the show. You do the whole waitstaff? Yeah. What do you give everybody?

20. The whole staff. Well I give the waitresses and waiters. I'm not tipping the manager but I'll tip. I tip the one that does the green room. I tip all the. I can't get all of them. I don't know what they're doing.

Yeah you can't but you're also making them more money. I don't. But I give. I'm actually helping them out because of the half sold show on Saturday. No, you stop it. No, I will stop it. You stop that.

Here's the thing with this too. No, when you give them, you give them a, flight attendants and pilots, they hang out like fucking ladybugs, dude. They're always together. So if they get a card, they're all getting each other always a group They're never a party. They always take the shuttle to the hotel. They're in the hotel together But I heard they fuck constantly that is a fact

We heard that like it's also like fucking the pilots like a you know like you get some clout for it Yeah, like you're you have to like get to that you fun. You fuck the pilot The pilot of this show The one we knew look at you in that fucking hot produces chair the one we knew the flight attendant said that like and she was young and hot and she was like She doesn't have the tenure to fuck the pilot yet It's like the the older ones that look good Yeah

Are the ones that the pilots are like those are the ones they're fucking the pilots for sure then you got the tenured in Old fat ones that no one's fucking but they're just like too bitchy to quit And then the young ones are making the least amount of the young hot ones Yeah, are no money and the gay and the young gay guys It's a new thing too. They probably fucking suck each other off. I can't believe I go, can I order two drinks now? Because I assume you guys are gonna be fucking and sucking each other in the bathroom shortly.

Last time I came, I think it was back from Florida or maybe coming back from Vegas, there was one of the most beautiful flight attendants. I couldn't take my eyes off of her and Look like no she look like Look like a 25 year old Kerry Washington. Yeah black. Yes, but in the in the Old pink like from what's the fucking Leonardo to Capri catch me if you can stewardess Yeah, they're kind of going back to us. They're going back to those so goddamn hot when I get off the plane

I did something I haven't done you jerked off on your own lap No, I waited you waited for zone 7 and then I got out and you know, you know Marm already the lot one of the last people out so I was exhausted I just wanted to go home, but I had to see her so I pretended to watch the score of a game just to see her win. I don't fuck nobody pass zone three. But I watched like literally like I think 15 guys almost have whiplash. What do you think she was gonna come back and see you pantomime? God damn it! His quarterback stunts. Sorry sweet. Sorry angel. You haven't seen me on the on the stage Bobby You'd know that I sold it perfectly. I do I I looked so into that game. You're sorry. This is a really important game between

Poland and Czech Republic I don't know if I'm jumping ahead in this but that made me think of your weekend Jay What the club? Oh, yeah, what happened? Well Well, I'm old yes, it just like happened you wouldn't be able to tell by the way you're sitting you're sitting I'm sitting you're sitting like a young stripper Jay has his leg up. He has jorts young stripper. Jay has his leg up. He has jorts.

And he's just his leg. I mean, god damn it, dude. I mean, it's hard to do the show today with that power stance you're taking. Did you watch like some TikTok or an Instagram how to control a room? No, Christine's watching Succession. She says that Kier and Kolkin does this a lot.

that Kier and Koken does this a lot. No, so I went to, now, what Buffalo has, first of all, thank you, Buffalo, thank you, Buffalo, helium, great club, great staff, and it was a good time. All the shows were, I loved that club. That's where I ran Dog Belly before I shot it. And like, I was, remember when I walked out there, I was like, damn, wish we could've shot that, like, filmed that, it was so good. Like, it won't be, like, the special tap remember when I walked out there, I was like, damn, I wish we could've shot that, like filmed that, it was so good.

Like it won't be, like the special taping won't be that good. That was like the perfect leaving of it ever, yeah. Great club, so, but what, multiple times this weekend, multiple different crowds, a thing going on in Buffalo is the retired cop who's with somebody? several years or junior, but it's not

Crazy sounding or it's not crazy looking as much as you think because they're not young girls It's just yeah, so it's like 35 and 58. Yeah, you know, it's a lot of that retired cop and they are always with someone who's like Like they're a super, not serious person, but like, you know, they got the town on lock and the girlfriend's always just kind of like, confused to be with them, seems kind of a guy. I imagine like affliction shirts on the men. Yeah, it's not affliction because he went to a club,

but it was like a tight sweater. Yeah. The guys wanted a tight sweater, very like goomba guy, very, very nice guy. Like. Henley, the shirt with the three buttons, jeans are tight. But he's in shape. Little testosterone belly. But he's in shape though. Guys in shape. Girl was cute she was very nice but like they were so yeah she was like 40 and like he was like 58 or somewhere 60 60 first of all great age to get a chick Hot chick just her dreams died somewhere along the way. I know but the whole thing is just a thing

It's definitely like he's divorced for sure from someone who does not look like her And yeah, and the whole thing is just such a hilarious scenario, but they after the show his wife looks like fucking Roseanne now They were very sweet. Oh, yeah for sure, but these two were very sweet and after the show he's doing like a You know, he's like, oh come on. You got to come out and get a drink with us or something You're going you calling it a night. This is Friday. I was like, yeah No, I like flew in today. I'm like gonna go back to hotel. What hotel you staying at, huh? No, and I was like, I said the hotel he goes the clubs across the street, and son of a bitch, it was. So they did the old, like, come on,

he goes, come have a drink with us, and we'll drive you over there. So I went, okay. Why? They're going right there. It's right across the street. You don't get in the car with a fucking weird couple? Oh.

No, no, no. I thought you said it was right across the street. No, no, no. The club from the hotel. The club is across the street from the hotel. The hotel's a drive. Oh, okay. But where they were going, the club they were going to said it was right across the street. No, no, no the club the club is across the street from the hotel The hotel is a drive. Okay, but where they were going the club They were going to the hotel was across the street. I mean literally across the street So it was one of those I was like, yeah, why not? And then also like yeah, I'll go see

What do you where these people want to go exactly and the guy? You know, he knows all the security dudes because he was a cop and then and it's just this and they take us into this club That seems like I'm not if it's exclusive, but it's a club There's people waiting in line to go into this club, but they walk us right through This club we go in the back and I almost like jokingly right away like started like you know like half dancing through And I mean and then right away you go, then you go Halloween weekend. I wasn't thinking about that Yes I mean, and then right away you go and then you go, it's Halloween weekend, I wasn't thinking about that. Is this it? Yes.

What is it, what's the name of it? That's absolutely it, Venue. The Venue. I love club names. It's a club. That's it, that's it for sure. That's hilarious that you were there. You went clubbing.

Yeah, dude, that's where they shot Purple Rain. Jay went clubbing. Venue, this is definitely it. That is a disco. Yeah. So I go, but we go, like they kind of go right to like this like back bar, almost like the service bar and like, you know, order drinks or whatever. And then when I kind of do like boogie out to go to people watch, man, the every girl

more smoking hot, like bodied than the next. I mean, wearing next to to nothing half naked and every time And let me tell you as I walk into this thing feeling one, but just had two good shows, right? Yeah, two good shows at a place This couple stoked they keep introducing me to like the people they know and like it's very like I was like, oh hey neat and in the world, I'm like look, I know I don't think I'm like a good-looking guy or anything like that, but like I Conduct myself in a way that's not like a stuffed shirt, older gentleman in any kind of way. You're cool, dude. You got mojo.

And when I walked through this place, every girl who turned around and saw me, up and downed me with like a, did my fucking father send his friend here to pick me up. It was I mean No one was look and I Are their father's friends trans you have pink finger? He'll polish I've choice and red dying you I would never think you were my father's friend buddy No one looked at me like I was anything other than like who's the old guy and then you're just friends You're right face time with Christine at one one point I'm like look at these girls There was a whole gaggle and I don't know if they what they were dressed supposed to be dressed like but they were all

Wearing like dress shirts and no pants You know the girls girls and they were just running around and it was just is this from the other night or something Yeah, these are like with all the girls in there look like basically. Oh my fucking god. Can I say something about Buffalo? And I'm like, man, they did not, I mean I left, I went outside and smoked a cigarette twice, called Christine both times. And when I went back inside I went, uh, I was like, hey guys, I think I'm gonna take off and go kick out. They were like, oh yeah, they were cool and I left.

But I was just like, damn dude. Buffalo is, the city itself has these smoking hot girls that just want out of that city. Everybody wants out. And they can't. Everyone's upset they're there. You could go there. If I wasn't married to Dawn, I would go to Buffalo and snag one of these smokers.

Because when you, and you're like, you have a job? You can get me out of here? It's almost like a third world country. They want the fuck out of Buffalo. They want out. Out. And they're some of the hottest girls I've ever seen from Buffalo. I mean, smoke shows.

They went out in that sense where they don't even know, it's not because they have a dream of being somewhere else. I just gave fucking Jacob hope. Astoria is attractive to them? Buddy. But do you hear me, that the thing is like, they went out of there so bad, that every time you talk to a girl,

any woman I talked to after the show that was like, oh yeah, just some plow about it till I can get out of here, and you ask that question always, you go, oh, where is it you wanna go? They don't even know. It's not a dream of another place. The dream is simply getting out of there But I will say this and I tell us to everybody who lives in Buffalo

You're better than Syracuse Yes, Syracuse is you're right. I would give it up for that. I mean Syracuse is a Wasteland between Rochester. It's like not Rochester. It's not Buffalo. It's here. She was a world-class shithole dump fuck of a place. It's like Western PA and the Pittsburgh area. Same thing when you're like, oh my God, what lives here, just coal?

This coal lives here. It's fucked and bad. Coal and old timey railroads. The railroads are things that you're like, well these aren't even functioning tracks anymore. Then you hear, holy shit, something's coming through. Dude, Pittsburgh one night, going back to the club, the fucking train came by, an hour and 20 minutes later,

waiting for this fucking coal train delivering goods to California. I'm sitting there, we got out of the car, we were on the hood, we had like a meaningful conversation, me and the opener, we saw fucking stars go by. It was nuts. And that sucked because you were working for the Pony Express back then.

You had to get your mail to the people in the next county. When I worked in the French bistro, they, I was like the special needs kid that they would take to the club. I used to work and they were all, all the staff there were male models or model models, and they would just go to this club afterward, access,

they would go to the, just enter line, pass everybody, and then they would stop me every time, and then everyone would have to say, no, he's with us. Oh, you're the with us, he's the best guy. But then I would go in and every girl there would be disgusted with me. But so I know what you're going through, I would never have gone, but that happened at Skankfest

because there was a club there, and these young hotties were all lined up outside waiting to get in. And I was walking by in my sweatpants, trying to go to the venue to prep and they looked at me like I was the oldest, ugliest garbage person they'd ever seen. Yeah. They gave up on life looking at me. Jesus Christ.

It was so horrible. It makes me sad. I know the feeling. Listen, I'm telling you. It's the look. You'll get it too. Why you make me feel like shit talking to you. You're going to get it, Bobby. You're going to get it. We have to go somewhere together It's the look. You'll get it too. Why you make me feel like shit? You're gonna get it, Bobby. You're gonna get it.

We have to go somewhere together so you get it. You know we should go, I always say this, you would do it, we should hit up Coril, and we have to go to an assholes live forever fucking party, and where it's just like girls just getting naked and fucking champagne bottles up their ass and all that kind of crazy shit. We have to go there and just really rec-

We should wear the meta glasses. Okay. And we should walk around and fucking see how bad that goes for us. Just go back and slo-mo all the disgusted faces. I mean- It's a brilliant idea. There's so many bad- Bobby, I'm telling you, I didn't walk into that place being like,

I'm like, I'm probably gonna get recognized by a few people. I'm gonna look so cool. I come in kind of looking like, you know, I don't give a fuck, I'm like I'm probably gonna get recognized by a few people. I'm gonna look so cool I come in kind of looking like you know I Don't give a fuck. I'm tall. There's just things where I'm like you're peacocking A little bit. I'm just like yeah I'm a guy that you might look at for a second not because he's so good-looking just like there's a tall guy with red streak In his head so and and it wasn't that like you're saying I had Piercings and tattoos they They saw right past that,

and what they saw was crow's feet eyes, and they were like, gah! Who are you? He goes, are you here to take drink orders? And I'm like, and I'm doing little dork dances, like no, what? I went outside and called Christine and cried about it to her.

Same girls, same girls at your show would fucking be up your ass. They, it's just, they just don't understand what you are. If they saw you do comedy and they would be up your ass, you'd go, they'd hang out, they'd be all up your ass, please take me back to New York and get me out of this fucking hell hole. Possibly, yeah.

Because they don't know you, there's a certain type of guy that comes in there, he's got a job, he's got a pension, he's got a, there's a life there. You walk in and it's like, oh, this guy's still fucking gambling. Yeah, this guy's got a problem. This guy's still rolling the dice.

What did all the guys look like, the dildos, what were they all dressed like? I didn't even see. They looked like you if they took Captain America juice. I'll be honest with you. I swear to you, I can't picture besides security guys. I can't picture the face or identity of one guy that was there.

I just know it was crawling with women half naked that did not give a fuck. And then I went outside and talked to Christina when I went inside from one of those trips. Did she give you pep talk? They were like, you just met, yeah. Well, she was laughing at me and then encouraging me to go back in. I said go talk to Christina when I went inside from one of those trips. They were like, you just met, yeah. Well, she was laughing at me and encouraging me to go back in.

You said go talk to her. She was like, go talk to him. What the fuck is up with women? I said get in there and go talk to her. This is why women are fucking 10 times eviler than men. It's cause you guys go on stage and they will suck your dicks. It's not wrong, it's not wrong.

I was gonna say, have your fun, Christine, cause by the way, if I talk to her and she goes, wait a second, are you Big Jay Okerson? And I fuck that that girl. I go Christine. You told me to go talk to her I smashed my head on it. I was leaf blowing this weekend, and I smashed my head on a tree I Haven't seen dawn laughed that hard at anything. I've ever sat on stage in 30 years I mean buckled over. She goes, there's a tree. And I wanted to fucking mush her face into a glass. But you like her pain too.

I like Christine's pain. We all like that about each other. One of my worst angers, humiliations, and furies, I remember all in one shot, was my ex-girlfriend Cheryl when she was living at my mom's house. How's she doing? I don't know, no idea. Okay.

Good improv. But I couldn't even guess. I'm curious, I don't know what she's doing. She's alive, I think. Oh, you're fucking Joe Rogan right now. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I don't talk to her. I don't know.

I wish I could know what she was doing. But anyway, her, what was the point of this, was? One of the worst humiliations. Oh yeah, so we were, already one of my least favorite things, I get talked into the let's take a shower together, and I'm like fuck, okay. We're facing each other in the shower. We haven't even gotten to a point of like we're doing something sexual,

and just my feet go, and both of them slide out, and I drill my fucking head on the faucet, because I come down, and I'm now in the tub, ass, her feet are on my ass cheeks, and my legs are up, like I fell completely down in a tub. This wasn't a big shower, by the way. You're picturing a good shower.

This is a shower where you can't take a bath in it because you could but like you know it's a two-foot side yeah just the most basic of showers yeah and I fucking ate shit in that so and watching her she made a noise because her face turned a color of like plum purple she was trying not to laugh for my sake and she like it so I fell and I was like oh and she was trying not to laugh for my sake and she like it so I fell and I was like oh she was Start living start saying she's sorry and I'm laying on the ground like it's like And I was so mad you don't know what to do it's not her fault at all God, I wish she was wearing meta glasses just to see you a ding ding and balls

Flittle around and like way like way up, like I was down. Like I was down like this, so my things, like her feet were here up my ass, and I was down, and she was laughing, I go, oh you're laughing, my head, I'm about to go to the hospital. I knew I didn't have to go to the hospital. I just wanted something, someone to feel bad. It was so bad.

It's bad, that's terrible. But I was furious about that, but it shows you that like yeah they want your pain they want let me tell you something dawn anytime she hears owl it's never followed by are you alright it's always followed by haha what'd you do what the fuck now I'm the opposite if dawn says ow I'm a I get into wolf mode like I'm what happened you good what's going I get a, I get into wolf mode. Like, what happened? You good? What's going on?

I get protective. I wanna know, you need some, what happened? I'm fine. Are you okay? When Christine hears noise, that could be something. I've been worried where I'm like, oh shit, like something just collapsed in this room or somewhere, something in the shower

that was heavy like fell, like a shampoo bottle thudded on the floor It's never are you okay? She just checks for signs of life because she wants to know if I'm dead She could start the beginning of the rest of her life now. She has to kill. Yeah, she's a kill Gil She's looks for see it. She just looks for sound. She looks for me to be alive. She was Jay Jay, he's like I'll be like yeah, and it's say it. She's like, oh. She does say something. She goes, damn it. Yeah.

And then she has to call Rebecca off. Kill the Gill Plan. Guys, I get nothing if Jay dies. And you everybody know this. He's worth way more to me alive than dead. I get nothing if you die. Except peace of mind. There's no paperwork in place for me to benefit from Jay's death in any way.

We have it. You're getting cups. Relax. F getting cups. Relax, fancy cups. I'm gonna hide the cups before they can take them from me. Nobody can take those cups from you, Christine. Those are your cups. You earned those cups, God damn it.

Those cups are, it's a legal document, by the way, now. It was notarized by Bobby. I don't know why they get so, like, I, she would leave the suitcase in the hallway all the time in our old house, we had like a, it was a small, small hallway. And I broke my baby toe on my right foot three times, like dislocated it. And it was the most, in the middle of the night,

just whack, screaming. And she would just go, what'd you do? And I'm like, I fucking broke my baby toe. And she's like, well, move, you shouldn't leave the suitcase in the hallway. It's not fucking going for fucking lessons Yeah, not time for less. They always want to teach you a fucking lesson in the moment of your pain I am more like dawn in somebody's regards though Because if Christine was riding around the ground because of something she had done I go this is why I say every day why you leave shoes in the middle of the thing. You're going to

walk by them and you're going to trip, you dummy. Yeah, you really, we should have married. And I go, and now here is the life you will lead. And I tell you what, Christine, and she's sitting there rolling around, I go, and I'll tell you this, you're going to leave them there tomorrow again. You don't give a shit. Jay leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor so much more often than I do. Never. Yes, you do. And then he goes, for the dog hair, I need them there so my feet don't get hairy.

How does he talk again? Absolutely. I'm sorry, hang on one second, I'm just trying to vary the two. Can you say that, what is it? I need them there so my feet don't get hairy. Can you say the same sentence? Yeah, no I keep them here so I don't get hair on my feet.

It's not the same but I get what you're saying. It's the same. I love that we turn into fucking idiots. Yeah, what are we trying to do? Hey Christine, I need to talk to you about something serious. What a great impressionist. What the fuck? Is that a broken AC?

What the fuck is that? It AC? What the fuck is that? It's the laugh at the end of every sentence. Even on terrible news. I can't, I can't. It really makes me angry too. Because then when you call up her, I'll be like, I remember I burnt my head, and she's always like, use Lavender, you gotta use the burns,

and it's one of those little witchcraft treatments she's into. Esthetic lavender you got to use the burns as others fucking with these little witchcraft treatment. She's into Esthetician stuff. Yeah, and I go I burn my head on the light bulb I I touched it and it hurts and I was like I had a car but where's the fucking lavender? She's like why because I burned my head you said that you use lavender on the head I just burnt you say what'd you burn it on on a light bulb? Why'd you do that? I what the fuck? Where's the fucking lavender? What the fuck? Where's the fucking lavender? What are you Sherlock Holmes?

Well, why'd you do that? Why'd you do that is the question too far. All the rest I'm with, it's why'd you do that? It goes, because I was seeing if it would work. Yeah, I have a new TikTok account. As bald guys burn their heads on light bulbs. Hilarious. Why did you burn, well, why did you burn your finger?

I wanted to see if it was fireproof. She said, why did you do that? I just, you know, I'm into that shit now. That's how I jerk. That's the only way I come. On my head. Yeah, I need a light branding or else I can't finish. My dad has had a lifetime of this.

And you know what he would say to you? You're the chosen one. Meaning it's the man's burden. Bobby, you're the chosen one. I it's the man's burden. Bobby, you're the chosen one. I like that. Corey Holcomb is right. We have to talk about that when we get back. We gotta take a break.

We gotta take a break. But let me tell you something, brother. We stopped mushing their faces against glass. That's what it is. Christine, you need a proverbial face against a glass mush. You'll see. You'll see when we come back Before we do that. Why don't I tell you that Robert Kelly's got some gigs coming up comics come home At the TD Garden the big house everybody in Boston November 2nd him and a whole bunch of people right? It's always like a

crazy lineup Yeah, Bobby Kelly crowd. I'm we don't care about I love you man. I'm your crowd. Yeah, I'm all your crowds after that Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, honey. Yeah, I'm gonna be out this Sunday this Sunday me and Ari one show five o'clock Miami We're and and we're leaving for Cuba. That's right. It's happening after that Wichita Arkansas Mars Plains, New Jersey What do you call it? What tour did you go with the the missing tooth tour? What am I doing? Oh, you're the fuck your cousin. Yeah The cousin fuckers of America. I told my agent I go I want to play places. I haven't played he's like I didn't want to play places people don't play I want to go places that comics go but

Arkansas is Mars Plains. Go you going back there for pizza again famous point star gauge Arkansas Hope maybe she'll go. Oh, they're great. you're out she's in Arkansas. She lives in Arkansas I bet she looks like trash garbage Christine while we're on crush, baby. You can find where is gauge now? I'm assuming dead from meth you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night 7 p.m. At the fat black pussy cat lounge the comedy seller for tickets and all of us tour dates and a bunch of content Go to punchup.live Robert Kelly big J is gonna be a Bricktown Comedy Club Oklahoma City November 1st and 2nd That's this Friday Saturday Friday this Friday Saturday night, and then after that he's gonna be going to the old dimple lounge Red dog red dog lounge Him and I think it's Justin Justin Silver

So it's gonna be there if you guys want to little nonchalant meet and greet and then Louisville Houston Philly for tickets and all other tour dates big J comedy comm I think Austin might be all sold out That's Austin's because mothership get it. It's Austin. Oh, that's dude. That's Austin. That's Austin. Yes indeed He will be right back everybody. We'll talk to Corey Holcomb. It's gonna be fun Shut a foxhole