The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - That Was Before The Money

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

The guys ask what would you do with 84 million dollars if you had to die in a year? The crew and Annie Lederman give their answers.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson. And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. I think for me, whether it made like 100 million, didn't he off the McGregor fight? Wild.

So now I'm asking you the question, hypothetically, right? You have that much money and you don't have anyone that needs it, it's just your money. And you find out you're gonna die in a year. How do you blow all that money? How do you boost your millions, isn't that? How much is it? Shit, give me an amount.

84 million. And I have one year. Yeah, okay. It's not it's gonna be in The place I buy to live in yeah, which where would that be? 84 million 84 man, I'm telling you mate. I think still me and Christine grabbed that place. We like a niac That we looked at that that's probably gone something like that nothing crazy we like in NIAC that we looked at that's probably gone something like that nothing crazy two point something or 1.6 mil future the house make it a robot I make the house essentially a robot I buy like an Iron Man suit I buy like two or three cars right away that I just want to like drive around in yeah dude I got four sedus don't even know where the body water is. Try anything I want to do. I'm telling you that rest of that, I would just fucking like

spend on like Isabella's comfort and like and me and Christine just have some weird harem somewhere. I was just like fucking weird pussy that just gets a stuff. Damn, dude you're gonna go Epstein but legal ladies. Oh legal ladies for sure. And we'll have a... Don't't forget you think my assistant's not gonna be there. Yeah big yay Thank you for having me to your island a million people right now on their cars not a million But a lot of you in the car without our so excited. We're doing it I got a lot of feedback on that man. How would people love big J's assistant? We went away for a week after that Was it Raul? What was the name or the Raul? I don't know

way for a week after that. Was it Raul? What was the name? Or the Raul? I don't know. Yeah, I love you so much. Jason, I am sorry. He does things to me. I can never. Yes, big yay. Jason, I'm being right there with your snobble. You say lay on top of you. Please let my flesh press on top of you. Looking at you, you say, I'm one of my favorite things too. Yes, big yay. I have coming. Well, for $84 million, I can't be around. $84 million, I'll tell you right now, just start doing heroin. Why? I got a year, dude.

No, you don't want to do it for a year. A year is enough time to like track out of it and have some bad times on the end there. Sure. I'm with you on heroin. But you'll want to kick out kick out a kick out a kick out three months before. Three months before, before it gets to be chased

You don't want to be chasing the dragon ever. Yeah, you want to be enjoying the ride Yeah, and then I'll fucking and then my last week Yeah, my last week to live dude is when I just write and record One of the greatest power battles all time probably bring it a super group Then I wrote on heroin so I can assume it's gonna be a master guess what your boy dance odor It will be over on Danny Island Having a real kumate with all his favorite former fighter. That's pretty fun to do rampage Jackson versus Roy Jones Oh my god Von der Lesova in a real fight and I'm just there in a silk robe going gentlemen

I wonder why you've called you to this island Pady standing behind you with her hand on my shoulder. I'm staying after all that then I Think you still got 20 mil left That's where I bury it for the greatest treasure hunt of all time Oh, that's not a bad idea right there. Anything fun scavenger Yeah, but then I go into the inner city and I put the clue down Uh-huh, and then then it's you know can they they solve it? No way but I get with the inner city No way you do you don't know some little Chicano kid from East LA is like I found the El Dorado

That's orders your best chance is a fucking black dork. Yeah, or a not afraid to live in that neighbor Hordesian family finds Which by the way, that's just I'm just open it for that Asian family. Besides that that money burns out with the earth dude. The kid's gonna sun goes out so does that money. But I want to pay I want to pay doctors and I would pay like people to come in and help me find where to bury it in the clues like literary professors to to put out the word problems. Yeah, also can I Do I have to die at the end of my dance last year before dying? Can I pay to have myself frozen and stored in case they could possibly prolong what I have sure? Yeah, yeah

Whatever millions that takes to duck that from Yeah, you're setting that up going in I'm setting that up right I'm still doing Walt Disney. Yeah, but I'm still don't forget to follow me out once the Jews are gone. I'm still doing three months of heroin though. I'm still doing three months in heroin. Yeah, you think if you do heroin until the day you get cry out, genetically frozen a lot when you wake up with the itch when you wake up Do you have the itch? Where do you go through a genuine with your body detox itself? I mean, you're frozen, so it's all stopped. This is simple science.

So you think when you wake up from, when they unfreeze you in 30 years, you go, oh yeah, that's nice. You wake up and you go, hey, is Jimmy around? Yeah. Hey, did you guys see my pack of parliaments? Did you guys throw that out? You didn't throw that out, did you?

I saw something. Oh, it's something to celebrate. It's a sulfate in the it's something the cell phone is it what you know where got thrown out hello human it's thirty one fifty six yeah whatever that's cool robot man that's great you want to make you feel nice for thirty bucks oh let me you can put your oil on it come on let me make it come on let me make I'm gonna make you feel it. I'm gonna be proud of you. I'm gonna be proud of you baby. I'm gonna be proud of you. Oh, you can't run off. What's up? What was that?

DJ Lou, how you would spend? Oh, yeah. 480 million in a year. It's 84. 84. We're not shortening our crew. I did the tax. Okay.

Taxes. We're not paying. We're not worried about taxes, taxes. You're not paying. So we're not worried about taxes, dude. Let the government first off. We could have them jammed up in court for a year. Not only that, you're right. The paper trail could go until I pass away.

But more importantly, you think I won't turn my Cumatay into a full-on fucking operation Cobra? I'll go Ruby Ridge on these motherfuckers. No, I like it. I like Dan's Cumatayite idea. Go down being entertained by the thing you love most you could probably like Honestly, go back at time and create like super matches for you You get sking back in your own backyard wrestling. So well, I feel like Kumite would be more fun for my friends You know all those guys you can go extinct Two million dollars right now come live with me

For a year, but every day it's like you just live in a place where I where you get tortured made angry and you come out and then you have to fight Every day, but you have to real fight this time. I don't want a real fight. You want fake fights? No, I'm telling you exactly what I want to be. I want to be the guy up in the throne But it could be taste violent. Oh, it's to the death. Okay. I'm willing to deal with that. Okay. Listen, everyone's going to have to sign a certain moral contract when they come to this island. Oh, you're going to get I get actual paperwork, honestly. Are you doing the freezing thing? I dub. No, no, no, no. You're just going to die. Yeah, I'm a brave dude. I might go when they storm the island at the end. Yeah. You know, because it's technically like what's

the thing you're most afraid of? Dude, you're dying the next anyway You just like hot dude you go death by cop I like that idea right there They're gonna shoot me down those stairs. I fucking like that idea if I'm lucky I'll get Conan did someone will cut off my head and then kick it down the track it out though I'll tell you what if I'm doing death by cop dude I'm giving the speech about how things need to change the world. I'm putting the gun in my mouth a few times Then to my head, then to them. Like I don't know, you know, everything's gonna be like, there was a confused. You know, we don't know these intentions.

I they don't know what I'm doing. I'm walking back and forth to say things gonna change and I'm done. Now that's why I think I think there's more glory in the Kumite and the final round me, you know, versus person who won? No, no, not at all, with my weapon, with my bear claw. Oh shit. I thought the winner of the Cumete should strike you down. No, that's, you're right. We've got to go full enter the dragon.

So I got to walk around, but I'm going gonna have a fucking cool. Oh, yeah claw hand I say it goes over my hand. Yes, it should actually probably even like fire off Yeah, when I close it. Yeah, like you can send it Yeah, and then I can give that creepy speech I go do you really think I was going to let you win Detective and he's like your name's Dan Soder and you were a former comedian and I go that was before the money And before the money I was normal, but now I'm a god And then I come out of the meeting and he kicks me I'm trying to think what's the most eccentric thing? Well, it's your lose He goes I want Eddie. Yeah, I would buy all the smokes

I would buy a house in Hawaii where Eddie lives and just his neighbor and then follow Pearl Jam around until I die. All right, you're gonna creep him out. I'll be up. Everything you just said is a reason that they'll stop you from doing. You just you just named the deterioration of Pearl Jam. Yeah, I'm gonna be I'm gonna go be weird with any better for the rest of my year. Man, you guys too much. Hey, you know our new neighbor was Would it make you that happy? In life to have your last year just list watching the same concert over and over again

The songs are different each show Jay so yes All right, but you know, how are you getting there? Are you gonna? Private jet what are you doing? Well, you know what? Maybe I'll just give all the money for a private concert by them. There you go. Yes. That out of the way you can knock that out for 10 mil. I mean for less. Lou, I am less for sure less than 10. There's a big owner.

He out'll, Dan. Well, so what are you gonna do? You want them to be in the Kumite? I got room. No. A big benefit concert. Okay. That gives all the money to whatever causes there into, which is a lot of causes. All right, dude. So much trying to get laid at Moon Tower. What kind of shit is that you're saying? What? You really? I'm a Bruce Lee villain and you're going to go save all the

old. It gives back your studio last year to give back That's what DJ lose plan is to give back for his last year That's what Eddie would do. I'm set to fuck up. That's such bullshit You know, it's funny. What if we met any better? And he's like if I'm gonna be honest. Oh, do the comatay too Christine would go get plastic surgery to look like Arnie DeFranco and just try to be her lover like like fucking boober and Liberace Look Annie I'm you honey. It's me. Honey. Yeah, 84 million dollars

So that's your thing Lou just falls around But Lou you all right, what do you black Lou? What do you do Make the entire outside of your house fucking purple tiger skin? Would you would you buy a Like at cowboy stadium would you buy one of the boot like the Sweets one of the sweets. I would definitely do that. I think you could buy it. Oh Buy the sweet like to own it. Yeah, Yeah, I wonder how many million that would cost. Yeah, you leave it to your family afterwards. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. But I want a penthouse at 432 park avenue in Manhattan. All right. I want to have that. Those are like 50, 40 to 50 million. Why that address? Yeah, how do you know that address? I just lived there.

I just love the building and I love the view. I'm going to take a look inside the building. Well, the Christine bring it up. Okay 432 park Avenue 50 million dollars right off the jump for one of these apartments That's where you drop it. Oh, it's the winner building. Yeah, it's the winner building. Let me see what we're building I just I called it the weiner building because it looked like the a weiner. Oh, I think that's what we see Christine, isn't it? Like down the street. building because it looked like the weiner. Oh, I think that's what we see Christina isn't it Like down the street what streets it on Except you guys have to have a sassy a sassy white made yeah

Sassy black made isn't woke, dude You get rich you hire a white pitch to clean your shit Be don't burn on the grill Okay, okay, I see where you're looking at will and then I think the last thing before I go I'm gonna start my My chain it's gonna be a franchise of a barber shop slash car wash So if you just chillin on a franchise of a barber shop slash car wash. So if you're just chilling on a day, you can go get your car wash and your hair cut at the same time. And I think that would be really well.

Wow, man. In an unprecedented move, black loose last thing goes straight as black as it could possibly be. Yeah, everything else was penance apartment in a nice city. I'm a last thing he goes, I'm gonna start barbershop something very reasonable and makes sense a Barbershop slash car wash that makes the best motherfucking pork sandwich you ever had Yeah, well then you're gonna generate. Yes. Yeah, I'm not looking for the future at all I'm talking about you got to blow this money. That's a very You're setting up too much light if you're telling me really what do you do? Because now I'm starting to rethinking.

I'm talking about with no repercussions here. We're talking about you have to spend this money. Which by the way, it's not going to live anywhere else. I don't think you understood that, Black Lou. I think DJ Lou did understand it and still chose the follow-around a man all the whole year. You're in the past. I don't think you got you

had to spend it all. Lou Newy did. And he chose to spend it all following around a boy likes. You remember we used to do that with that. You better in the during the songs. He's like Oh McCreedy son of a bitch this guy's I'm all me the whole time again You got the guy bought the Henderson place next to me fucking DJ Lewis Jeremy grown up You're if Jeremy to kill himself in high school Jacob would you would you raise the Titanic and live in it? Oh Boys this is a load this is a big question. I've been, man, if I had a boatload of cash, first of all, I mean, Christine brought up what they're doing with the Titanic.

Now I would love to have bought the salvage rights to it and just to preserve it. How would you preserve it? Would you have a team of sharks surrounding it at all times? No, no, like they paint oil rigs underwater and you could do the same thing with the Titanic. You can have it cleaned of all the rust and and have a preserve coating put on it so that it doesn't deteriorate but they won't do that. But let's not drift into Titanic right now, because I mean, there are things I would like to do. I hand job from Jolly. I'm not going to say want to make omelettes with you.

I put in. We are not far off because I would like to pay people some, some people I respect to do to get taught by them. Like the favorite knife maker I want to pay him to teach me to make the best sword with him. Okay. A couple of guys here want to make a couple of swords with you're dying in a year.

Yeah. Or else I got to go and get it. Yeah, but I get to make a samurai sword with Walther's sorrows. How great is that? That is pretty cool. You don't want to do that. You can't use it. But that's the, you get to have that after.

Okay. Well, Jacob, I could. I can kill somebody with it afterward and I'm not going to go to jail for it because I'm going to die, right? Exactly. Well, it depends when you kill them and if you get caught caught yeah, you better do that murder in the 11th hour Weak or something now Jacob you add that in there You're gonna take all these swords you make and go on a spree where you are just

Slicing through heads like warm butter. Yeah, now I'm with you. I don't want to I just hit to kill Bill music I'll have to I know you don't want to you have to you have to avenge Those things that happened. Yeah, Jacobs like they took your baby from you Jacob's like I bought all these swords. I can't let them go to the grave without tasting blood Yeah, they have to taste blood once you unsheath them everybody will understand that and you should be buried with your blades Yes, absolutely or it's badass. Oh, I would recommend us though I would recommend a Viking funeral of all of your swords around you You in the middle on a bed of hay we hit you with the firey arrow. I really would like that all of us fire off a flaming arrow

I like that Jacob till we meet again in Valhalla I I Shall we die with the gods Shit yeah, dude, so you get a samurai sword a couple nine. I like to learn how to make I want to yeah I would like to do sitting sitting metal with the just another black The riddle of steel sitting metal with the just another black Smith. The rental of steel. And the more thinking about all the kind of stuff I want to do, I think I would start wearing overalls with one strap off again. Cool.

For a year would be a full time thing. No, it does just to I'm not looking for. I'm looking for I'm thinking sleeveless shirts and one strap real baggy overalls probably for that year Is how I'm gonna dress I'm gonna dress like young TLC Guys That'll have a nice what Jason is waterfall stages of TLC. Oh, I so come out just silk jams silk jam jams Soak jam jams Baby

Christine what do you do in cowboy boots? Oh Jacob you're come on you're throwing around minor details just now a loaf of bread. Yeah, but here's I was so smoking again cigarettes. Oh, yeah Maybe Drake well, I am and theyering ending with heroin also like you had that Of course, well, I'm going to be a month. I'm going. You're gonna be my super group, dude. Course you're doing heroin. Yeah, we need you to jam with Jay, but listen, I will send you a recorded message from Dan Islands where I go I go hello Jacob and Jay I hope you're already four million dollars whereas prosperous as mine I like to

think that you've paid for a thing though where it's like you just appear on a string a screen opens up out of nowhere yeah and you're just on it and I go Jason Jacob by now the FBI and Interpol have killed me you're the only ones receiving this message. Dan Island. Dan Island is a treasure secret. There is a secret buried deep somewhere on this island. Now I left it in a pretty bad neighborhood.

Honestly, no one seems to be figuring out my clues. A couple kids kicked it. One of them called it gay. This gay ass thing. So, honestly, the man in a yellow bandana came by and shot it. Honestly, I'm sorry to worry no one will find the treasure. DC is rough. So please go find it. Arouse the $20 million will chance him with a gold tooth peed on its head also the cop that I hired from Chicago to win my kumatay with a bad drinking problem anyways it's not in good shape I thought he was gonna solve

the trailer and you and you don't know good bye gentlemen. Man, this whole time I've just needed to be a soup. Go ahead. I would combine good stuff with the skanky stuff. Like I would like to have an elephant preserved, but have the girlfriend experience on the elephant preserved. Like I'm like pay for a 10, but while we're saving elephants,

does that make sense? What sex island? We might as well combine. Yeah, sex island with elephants. For good purposes. Yes, it is. But what if one of their wet pussy makes the elephant spook? It's just stopping around.

You know what's funny? Me and Jake were different. That was a good one. Jake loves him. Jake? Me and Jake were different. Jake was like, Jake was like, I love some crap. I love my own Jurassic Park so bad. Jake has prepared the higher horse to hang on his adventure,

which I think is really old, creepy, man. I like, my idea, at least was for me and Christina, I'm like, let's woo women with all this money we have. Jake, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not, why?

I'm sorry. I kind of meant, if I say I have 84 million, that you're not, that's just going to happen. Dan Island does not just pay for it. Jacob, Dan Island does not judge bring you women of the night. To watch my glorious gladiator. You keep your horse fight for my money. The Christina are going to woo girls next door who never thought they'd do something like that. Yeah, but then they're gonna give a weird documentary interview in 20 years where she's gonna be like, well I thought we were just going with this rich guy and his wife to have a good time. Oh, Christine's

Gillain Maxwell. Maybe so great for Christina B. Gill 8x well you helped you bitch Dan I hope man. I if I was any funnier if I was any funnier That I wish I was I would would not made any more jokes about that and then just had Dan like find things like when you come over There's a couple weird things yeah like it Like it's just a kid's underwear, like stuffed in the couch. Like why? Like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, what is this? Yeah. Oh, it's about like was here for a while.

You're like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like,

this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this is like, this. Someone who just says balls and goes, Jay, talk to me, man. D'Rosa.

You doing some shit? D'Rosa, what do I do? Jay, are you like, are you kidnapping and having sex with children? Yeah. And is Christine covering it up? Chow. Because it says you were working the San Jose M. Prove, but I checked the website. You didn't work at that.

Why don't you come over for dinner and I do. And let's just discuss this. Don't talk to the press just yet. Jacob's got his ledger. Jake is got everything. We can go through the whole thing. He's got his whole ledger here. Let's take a break so we can come back. Let's go through the minutes. Yeah, we'll do a little go a little something and then we'll have our guests come on after our second break. deal. Can I throw one more in there? Yeah, of course you go.

We're not gonna stop talking about this, Lou. Don't worry. Okay, good. I want to know any letterman. I want to know what any letterman has to do. We still haven't had what Christine would do. Yeah, that's true. Is this fictional 84?

Sorry. But yeah, go ahead, Luke. What's the last thing? I want to spend my last year at all. I want the talk. Oh, you want to have this surgery? Brilliant. You're going to be cutting into your time with recovery just you know. I've been short my whole life. It's worth it. How tall you want to get? I want to be maybe sure. You're not going to enjoy it. Six one. Six one. I can dunk one time.

Jacob, why won't you do it? That's the blackest thing I've ever heard. It says too much for a cup of wine. Won't be able to walk. He assumed, Jacob, don't hit him with logistics. I want to say this fact that a black guy believes if he was just six foot one, he could dunk with ease. Yeah, I'm over here standing at six foot three feeling like Arvita's about us.

That's fucking wild that he said that. He's like, I want to be six foot one. Dude, just dunk once in my life. Jesus, dude, you got springs, dude. Yeah. When our Venus could dunk until his knees went, he could dunk because he was six foot 10. No, don't think I didn't think of it.

Getting the surgery, yeah, but you shot it down. We got to take our breaks so we can get our two breaks in here. Yeah, Jacob, you have rare elephants and hired sluts to worry about. Yeah, dude, you know. I like my Jurassic Park idea. It's like a sluddy Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park with a bunch of pain prostitutes around.

Have some of your Jurassic Park. All right. I'm not paid. We're going to. It's not what that's now. You said, Jacob. Yeah.

You do you. I don't have a need to go to sex island. Yeah. You did say you said these. They'd be well. They'd be welcome. You're cute. Rock and roll desk

Good Jay. It wasn't that rock and roll dude I know it is rock and roll in part also Jacob you're talking your way out of the super group. Yeah, well I'm with you Listen, I have no problem with with guys. I don't I have no problem with creepy and I have no problem with with guys. I don't I have no problem with with guys fucking hookers. I don't I'd be a hypocrite I'm just saying personally before I had a Surrounding of just like hookers waiting the fuck for the money. I would want to be a chick that were like Like into it and doctrine Yeah, that is what I meant. I misspoke. Like I do think the 84. Yes. And that's what they call in the business, Jacob. You're off from back pedal. That's called

back pedal. No, no. Guys, higher than I. It's no. Jacob cuts a sudden. Christine's got a price, dude. You get hired to be one of your fucking uh... jungle safari bitches i have a black child yes easy sure let's take a break will be right back is the bonfire welcome back to the bonfire serious x-faction talk one o three i'm dance odor that's big jayokerson

our guest our old friend our old lovevable friend she's back what you are she's back they're not gonna be performing a Lincoln field financial anymore but she will be a flappers in Burbank July 15th and Wise Guys in Salt Lake City July 16th to the 17th 60th and 17th is Annie Letterman everywhere to me. Hi Annie. Thanks for my clubs. I'm glad you're here. No, that's it. I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to. Did you read four? No, no, no. I demanded it. Kristian, read the thing. I didn't mean to. After that, she'll be at Helium in Buffalo, July 30, 31st, and Caroline's in New York City. Caroline!

How did you manage my Caroline's? Fuck you. August 12 through the 14th, come see Annie Headline Caroline's. For tickets and other tour dates visit Annie Letterman L.E.B.E.R.M.A.N. Dot com Annie Letterman dot com. They're Annie. Thank you. Complete read Thank you so much

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt with my wild sing of Michelle branch. Sorry. Sometimes jesus in a really good place right now And he wants to say yeah, yeah, um Jason's in a really good place right now. And he wants to say from yeah. I have a question about underwear. Yeah, shoot. You got where do you chase like between your balls and your lives? Funny you should say that. Just had us just had a cyst removed yesterday from the very area from that very thing. My boys got a tender undercarriage right now. But it's like in the under. Yeah, we called it yesterday on the show,

we called it the four corners of under you. It's where your ass balls thigh and tank punch. It's the four corners. That's a special place. I can't believe that it removed. Maybe that was like a good thing. Yeah, a blockage, an energy blockage. Yeah.

I have like the opposite of a thigh gap where it's just a complete smush together thighs and they Chafen it's a nightmare and they believe I was wondering if you boys have also had that happen Cornstarch Throw it out. I know I got actually what I was working at a restaurant in New York. You know how they have those The postcard holder things on the wall and the bathroom. Yeah. In New York. Okay. So I got, I finally convinced the Mexicans in the kitchen to give me cornstarch. They did not like give it to me. They finally gave me a little like thing of it. And I hid it in that thinking I could go back. Yeah. Each day and the manager found it and thought it was co can came out screaming at all of us. Oh, it was just your thigh coin starch. Yeah.

It was just my pussy. You know, I do that so my thighs are raw. It was so, like it was a, I had to explain a whole medical thing to him about my vaginal arm. I wouldn't ask you because we've been tossing this around the room today for some reason and no real reason at all. Oh, I know how we got there. We were talking about

If you had a ton of money we had enough but the number makes no I'm not worried about how we got there other than the number seems very random But let's say you have 84 million dollars but one year to live and You have to spend it all the money goes the money's not gonna go anywhere. It's like Brewster's million You have to spend it. I think that was Brewster's million if you spend it. He got it This is you just die the money has to be spent. How do you spend eighty four million dollars in a year? Well first I would go to all the homeless people Shout out. Don't be a little don't be DJ. No listen. I go to all the homeless people and I would I would buy them

Nice or tense Oh, what a fucking that that's a, what a mind move. That's not bad about saying. Yeah, I could stay here, but stay here nicer. Yeah, you should be like, what's the, what's the girl's name on the walking dead? You should be like, Michonne on the walking dead. Just have like a bunch of homeless people on chain leashes in front of you. Like a dog walker.

I live in, I live in near the beach. It feels like that. Wait, did you guys see that there's all the sewage dumped in the Santa Monica Water the beaches are full of shit. Yeah human human shit, right? How did that happen? I have no clue. I would like to investigate though. It seems pretty there's videos I believe on world star hip-hop of people like swimming in like human shit In the ocean this sounds like a high school prank. It sounds like a high school prank.

You're like the seniors from Central, God, everybody. If you don't know, like I don't care if there's a hair in my food unless I notice it. You know, if I'm swimming in shit and enjoying myself, I don't really care. Until you notice that you're swimming in shit and then it changes. No, I'll say I won't. Please, ask me, tell me I'm swimming in shit. It's like let me just swim. You really could you not know if you ate like a

A cookie that was made primarily of human hair and you got it down didn't know and then we're told it was hair You wouldn't like I'd start heaving immediately. It would be upsetting afterwards Yeah, that's what I'm saying your whole history changes if you're in the ocean If you're like that was a good swim and they're like did you have fun in that warm water that was shit and I started I hemorrhage I I shit in the pools again And what you had an in-ground pool above ground pool No, no at the local pool like I was the one that like whether like is that a snickers or a shit? It was my shit really

Can I ask you with just a little logistical question of shooting in the pool? Right. Did you feel like clipping it? It was going to be a messy ending. Did you do you remember the ending of it where you're like, God, cut it. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can I tack on? I want to tack on that question also when it comes out, uh, you have to make a decision to set it free.

You could keep it like, uh, bunched up in your, uh, bottoms there, but you have to actually like decision to set it free. You could keep it like bunched up in your bottoms there But you have to actually like give it to the earth like you have to yeah, you have to let it go and I guess I just didn't know it was gonna float I was for wasn't as recent as you guys were probably assuming but I think you're gonna say 24 It was fun. I was in Montreal. I was 24. But yeah, when you're four years old, I just thought that the shit would sink. You telling me it floated blew my mind.

I didn't think a turd would float. I don't know physics. I don't know that stuff. But I did. I remember because I was constipated when I was a kid. And so I would hold it in, and then it would just have to come out at some point. So it would be hard. It was like a very hard turn that came out.

I don't want to upset Danny because he's worried now that everyone's beliefs are turned upside down on their head. It's some, if healthy turd supposedly should float. Is it like the Salem trials? If you're a single, if you're turd sinks, it's a little bit. Gladfully you're shaking your head. No. I think it's the turds with oil on them. They float to the top. Oil is turds. Don't have oil. They sink.

Oh, so you gotta keep your turds moist, Danny. You put cocoa butter on them, shit? Yeah, I have to help them out, you know? I think it's like a birthing process. Man, shitting though in a pool really clears that thing out fast huh everyone's like yeah it's like a bidet though honestly it is it's like the world it was my first bidet experience I do in real life yeah you gave a natural birth I didn't need I didn't need a wipe I would say my first colonic was at a water park when the water slide was so steep and crazy fat Geogalake.

I remember the place in Ohio that it, I didn't realize it ripped the lining out of my, out of my bathing suit and shoved it all up my ass like a little bit hanging out, just a little pin for the grenade. And it was all up there. And then I did magic trick and bowl. And then I like felt something weird.

And I don't know if I tried to fart, I was a little kid. kid I try to fart or something and then I thought I shit in the pool and then it turns out I just shit out the netting from my underwear We're from my bathing suit The netting was torn from your pants. Yeah, the slideers would give me that it's funny. I'm gonna shove this up your butt It's funny. It's room. There is a genre of pornography It's funny. I'm gonna shove this up your butt. It's funny. It's gonna But there is a genre of pornography That of girls like stuffing their own like panties into their pussy, which I don't fully understand I'm long enough

But I mean it's such a weird no no. I don't mean that I mean like panties are off your body and Just like for no reason is like storing them in your pussy for a second. Yeah pulling them back out It's a weird genre of point, but I don't get it. You could search for it. I can search for it under meat locker Clown like pulling the fabric out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a magic trick Yeah, well, I don't think that it would be fun I'm just as she that would be a great measure if she put in one pair of underwear and then pulled out those and then all of a sudden Those were attached to like seven other pairs of underwear On your like that was not those are boy shorts

Yeah, pussy stuffing is never really understood that. So Annie. With panties, with all things. I want to get back to Annie's 84 million. I would get, well, I guess, you know, it's only a year, but I would get like a nice house on the beach, maybe not the ship beach somewhere else. OK. I'm chasing. I got a lot of vacations, like private jet vacations on the beach, maybe not the ship beach somewhere else.

I got a lot of vacations, like private applications for my family. That's the story. I don't know if it was good funny answer. I would probably just like, can you donate it? You would be fun to kind of. Oh, no, you can't donate it. Annie, I'm buying it.

I was gonna say, the naked that I've donated. Like, can you tell it's real? It's a scary thing. Oh, yeah, exactly. Like donate to the clan in Black Luzba hair. I'm gonna have donated like it took real it's a scare thing oh yeah exactly donate to the clan and black lose behalf yes I was just gonna say like donate yeah like

but make them fight over it like they have to there's some sort of game they have to do this tree is planted in the name of Hitler on behalf of my friend Lewis Johnson who can shoot like who can shoot who shit floats them who can do enough the shits that floats at the top or something?

Oh, to fill you in. I'm buying an island and having a kumate of old fighters fight to the death while I sit in a throne and watch. So I'm spending my 84 million. But wait, they're all so you don't feel guilty. Yeah. And we're all and we're all agreeing. We're probably going to do heroin right down the pike there towards the end towards the end. Last two months, two a month, start booting up. And Jacob, I don't know if you've met Jacob before. Jacob here's going to have a bunch of hookers. He on a weird safari island with him and where they can't say no. It's going to rain.

But no, no, no, he's paying them and they came on their own volition, but I tell you what six months in it, those girls gonna look at each other one day while they're fanning Jacob with giant palm leaves and go, you know, I think we may have been off more than we can chew. This guy's insatiable. There will be several times that Jacob uses the term perimeter with all of that.

You're not breaking the perimeter. Wait, are they, they're not breaks the perimeter. Wait, are they they're like naked running in the snow? I would think more. Jay, Jay, I'm out of me to cut in here, but I think we're going to be going. Yeah, I'm picturing a loincloth look like a real like a tattered fucking Jane. Yeah, I was just I was envisioning pain to come off like Leonardo

de Capriot, you know, like he does all environmental thing, but it works You should ask keep talking Jacob Leonardo DiCaprio when he bangs he wears headphones No really to get in the zone As detached from the human as possible does he listen to podcasts than it's like as detached from the human as possible. Does he listen to podcasts? Yeah, we don't know what he's listening to exactly. This is serious.

And then he'll fucking he was like, oh man, he goes, I think that girl did kill that girl. He's listening to serial. Yeah, he's like, oh, I didn't know that was a life hack. Oh, batteries in the fridge. Good for you Pat Noswaltz wife. Good for you Pat Noswalt wife. Oh, good for you Pat Naswats wife solving that mystery. But it has been solved if she lived.

That's the question. Good call. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!