The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Benefits of Sharing

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Jay gets road rage on his way to do mushrooms at a Rob Zombie show and Bobby bombs in a comedy troupe at the Boston Garden!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bond Fire you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Five Eagles, five on the road to victory. Everybody. E-A-T-L-E-S-E-Go. Ha ha ha.

Great news world. Me and Bobby don't have to switch lives. Just yet. I find that opening song offensive. No. I do it in two ways. I find it offensive in two ways. Why?

One that is the ego song and Philadelphia has the stupidest theme songs. You're not wrong. They are silly, but they are also very, very catchy. And that said, Boston, I was listening to that stadium yesterday on TV, corn ball shit. First of all, the people that they show love to in that stadium, it's not the Boston bands like, I don't know, Boston or Aero Smith. They play like hangin' tough by the new kids on the block. Great song, great band.

Not a great band. You're crazy. Not a band. Bands play music. They play instruments. I'm a two. They're just singing group. They're a great band. What you crazy band band bands play music planes play instruments. I'm a two They're just singing group. They're a boy band. Okay. First of all great band great band Name five songs hangin tough

I'll give it to you Hangin tough to nope. They never did a part. They did a part to you. You just it's coming up. It's coming up. Just coming out next June Bobby hangin tough to oh Three hanging tough one and two make Megan Megan love to me. Nope My hair is awesome. No, and there's my fucking car Are you doing a bit right now or do you not know five new kids in the black song blocks block black? I know new kids in the black too new kids in the black song block block? I know new kids in the black too. New kids in the black song. Let's do addition. They were the new kids in the black New kids in the black first of all I'm offended because of the stupid song. I'm also offended

That that's the song That you came in on today Why today? Why is that a mind blow? Today I'm a I'm actually ashamed of all of you 9 11 Apparently we did forget yeah, no, I didn't forget it all we do all forgot it's mostly you Jacob. I am ashamed of you No, I was just I was just gonna bring up you know other personal tragedies that happened the Eagles thank God fought for our country and won the game All right, no, they didn't.

They beat the Patriots, which is our country. It's our Americans. No, no, no, no, no. It's a team. It's an ironic name. It's full of immigrants. First of all, our team is the Patriots and it's the flag colors.

I know. Well, you what? What? I guess it's the flag color. It's no silver. It's, well, it's red, white and blue. Okay. Okay, and your, your red, white and blue. Okay. Okay. And your your team is

green and white black and it's an eagle. It's not the eagle American eagle. It's like the one they you see at the zoo. It's the American Philadelphia eagle. It's a bald eagle and he's screeching towards you. There's no eagles in Philadelphia you killed them all It should be the Philly pigeon. There are no eagles in Philadelphia. There's no eagles in Philly There's never been a fucking eagle You guys have fried and put cheese on it and fucking sell it at a mall and Boston and Boston is full of a lot of people Who call themselves patriots and hate black people?

There he is look at the mighty eagle eagle. That's the Philadelphia Eagle. It's the field. No, the field of eagle. Show them when the eagle flies over the stadium. Oh, yeah. When they have the actual Philadelphia eagle come out. And they throw batteries at it. No way, dude.

Everyone watches it majestically. All those factory guys put it down for one second. And they're like, whoa, freedom. Oh, free. Free. Show everybody American freedom. But it's driven in from from from Austin. I believe.

He lives in Potsdam. No, he lives in the heat. He's from, he's actually from Swamps. No, he lives like, he lives off Gerardo Avenue and Maniunk. Oh, my God. Yeah. No, that, that eagle is well loved. Yeah, it's well, it's not your eagle.

It's it's 100% imported from front of the gas. It's imported from an American state. Oh, do you wrong about that? Yeah, you know, listen, unless they were hatched in eggs and boys to men's apartment. It's September 11th. I want to say, uh, God, Prince bought it. God blessed all the firefighters and the men and women in blue. Yeah. And the men and women in blue. Yeah, and the men and women in I guess I said Pete Davidson's dad look what you've created I Want to be your boys penis

Are there women firefighters? Hey, you want to hear a fucking crazy thing that Pete's got a wrestler with every day? His father's alive. He doesn't fuck Kim Kardashian Not crazy Butterfly effect dude Wow never thought of that butterfly effect does it doesn't fuck him Kardashian. No crazy. Butterfly effect, dude. Wow. Never thought of that. Butterfly effect. It doesn't, it doesn't fuck any of them.

None of them. Ariana Grande. None of them. I thought he said you got a wrestle with every day. It was his big hog. This is definitely get a big hog. I was thinking about his list again. I think you're going to say his hog again.

I was saying that I was. I was. I was. Oh, you were. Yeah. Lou, were you thinking about his hog? Hey, on before we go, everyone watch the majestic. Yeah, that's not a flies. Go go fly. Philadelphia, Eagle. Oh, they go nuts. Yeah. You know why? Cause that's real Americans doing real stuff. Not a bunch of

freckled bald motherfuckers fighting each other at a bar. Yeah, look at that eagle flying through the fog. And the yes, what's from the all the polluted air? That's not polluted air. That's sheer that smoke that were like from the fireworks spectacular they put on. Yeah, those people for this one night they all love blacks and minorities. They've forgiven their shit. No one's good for the next

for the next three hours. No one's gonna hit their chick If Eagles could talk if Eagles could talk he'd be like dude time to go to Philly shit Hate those people the eagle. Yeah, he's like I'm gonna start smoking again I go to Philly fuck just you know what just kill us all that's challenger He's a non-releasable male bald eagle he He was born in 1989 and cared for by the non-profit American Eagle Foundation. This majestic bird has become a free-flying educational ambassador for his species. Soaring through hundreds of stadiums, arenas, ballrooms, and classrooms across the US. Yeah, it's not even your eagle. It's a fucking loner.

Nope. He was a loner eagle. He was blown from his nest at five weeks of age and rescued by Donovan McNeb, who proceeded to hand raise him as a result. He became imprinted for life and now resides with Hall of Fame safety, Brian Dawkins. I, I did not feel it off of you. You tell me what it is. I didn't read that. He now lives in a perch above pets to stakes.

I didn't see that. I might have missed that, but I'm like, go back, let me start over again. Christine, we read it. This equals name is cheese steak. And he performs all over Philadelphia at arenas. Cheese steak is a non-releasable meal by the equal born in 1989. Care for a non-profit organization

called Cheese Stakes for the homeless. This majestic bird is becoming a free flying educational ambassador for Philadelphia, soaring through hundreds of stadiums throughout the Greater Delaware Valley, arenas, ballrooms, classrooms, and beef and beers. Beef and beers. He's blown in his nest at five weeks old because he's from the field and he's a player. And then rescued by Donald McNeib who proceeded to handraising and now he lives.

You know what? Hall of Fame, free safety, Brian Dawkins, weapon X, the Wolverine. I stand corrected. I apologize, Jay. That is a Philadelphia Eagle. Yeah, he can do that. Eagle's drinking at a bowling alley right now.

He's right in front of a black kid scooter as he does a wheelie down the street for seven blocks. Absolutely, he's a rough rider. He's a rough rider, he's a fairly long beard. Yeah, oh that eagle, he's in a black motorcycle gang. You know what I mean? Where their motorcycles aren't intimidating, but they are. Didn't Keith had him on the back of his satin jacket, right?

Yeah. A comedy express, wasn't that a little bit of a joke? Oh, a cheese stick, the eagle. Cheese stick, the eagle was a big part of comedy express for sure yeah oh my god she's take the eagle dude all the all the stuff is coming out today too it's it's funny that 9-11 is now turned into how the building it was all bullshit all the all the conspiracy theories are coming out today. Again. About, yeah, about the building, Gavin, and they had one video.

And this is what a loser I am. Because I'm sick. It's a whole demolition. They show one of the things and they had lights going off on each floor as it goes down to it. Looks like little explosions, but the actual video, I was like, don't look at this, because I'm such an idiot.

I'm like, this explosion explosions on each, each level. And then there's another video right after it. And it's the actual footage and there's no light. Somebody put the back of lights in. If anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody, anybody, if anybody, if anybody, if anybody is willing to murder 3,000 New Yorkers to something with oil in another thing. That doesn't seem right. So it's like, I choose never to believe those conspiracy. And also, they're 90% well, 99% bullsh**. I have one thing to say to that, hail Hydra.

Yeah. All hail Hydra. They showed the, the Pentagon video today, the unseen footage that they didn't release. And they released it. They released a video of just some angle and they show a rocket going into the building. But it could be a plane. I mean, you know, by the way, they show you when you watch the real documentaries or what happened. It may have looked like a rocket because the wings had bashed off like, you know, a

quarter a mile before went into the bill it was it was corining towards the building. I think it was a low building the Pentagon. So they had to be like on the ground to hit it. Yeah. So it's like I don't know. I guess like why would you rather believe it like your president or you know government your government did this versus like you know like someone who's trying to hurt people did it yeah and also accepted responsibility completely and also got killed yeah they made t-shirts yeah you know uh so you got t-shirts comic wearables calm went off the chain this week on

all the bonfire t-shirts oh yeah yeah the the call science oh hell yeah yeah we sold some yeah you should have come to Rob Zombie, buddy. It was another you would have loved you would have loved the love, dude. A lot of crackle crackles. Well, you would have got it. No, you get you got it. You in that situation, I would have got some, but you would have got that that's your that's your piece. Are you saying that simply because Josh had a Myers face fell into the floor when three people asked him to take a picture of me and him? What? They'd give Josh the camera and he'd go, alright, come on, come on.

But he would be so angry about it when I was like, don't be, I go, I don't know, like I've taken pictures of Billy who gives a shit. Yeah, well, who cares? I actually love it when people walk up to me and go, hey, what's up? Can you take this? Yeah, sure, like yeah. Yeah, 30 years in the business. Sure, I can do it. It's nine podcasts. Sure. I started everything. Okay, come. You know, I've both got a lot of love.

I've been through a lot of love with Talika. But do one time outside the cellar years ago, someone goes, Hey, goes, could you get a picture? And I was like, sure. And it was, it was a girl. She had her arm around God-free already Oh, and then I like one on the other side of her and then she started handing me your camera She was like oh no, I meant could you take the picture like of us and I was like oh God

Oh, this hurts so much worse. Oh This is so much worse than I thought I should have just grabbed and assumed that. I've done that and I've just taken a selfie of me. You can't hear the phone back. Deal with that. Bionge. Take that you stupid bitch. You stupid ass.

Humb so I didn't go to the concert. Yeah. I stayed home and did manly stuff. That's cool. Cause I'm a man. I did manly stuff. What'd you do? I took my rooms and had a religious experience at Rob Zombie Niles Cooper. Is that what you're supposed to do in your 45? I

Think I think it's you 20s or 30s. We were leaving the concert You know when they were like Jay are you gonna drive or you're not gonna try to drive are you now? I was like no, I go I mean I just had What I can only describe is a Complete turnaround in my brain at a rob, I had a profound experience at a Rob Zombie concert. So no, I probably shouldn't drop. What? I'm still thinking about how profound my experience was at Rob Zombie. I was just on mushrooms. So it was just mine was just doing. Can you explain to me because I don't do drugs, but when I did do them, I didn't, I've never done mushrooms.

The only time I've ever seen mushrooms was when we were at Bonneroo, I think it was in Nashville. It's had a Nashville. And you and Ari said, Hey, dude, we're going to do mushrooms and walk into the crowd of a hundred thousand people. You want to come. And Ari pulled a bag of mushrooms out that was probably the largest ziplock bag I've ever seen from his shorts, from where his balls were. Yeah. And I was like, no, I'm good. I'm good.

I don't want to do that. I threw those up. We lost Ari that trip for like five hours and we just came back across and sitting under a tree. No, he came up to us and we were like, where were you? And he was was like looking at that tree. Like five hours. What the fuck?

So you eat? I don't get like that. What is it though? I don't understand what it is. It's an actual mushroom. Yeah. Is it because the ones he showed me, they look long.

Yep. Yeah, well, it looks like a mushroom, like a cartoon of a mushroom. You know, it's got the cap and the stem. Okay. But they're all dry. They're all dried out. Right? Sorry. Sorry. Take your time. This is the bonfire on FactionTalk103. There you are. Please call in if you want to. You have a phone number 8669691969. God bless America. It is September 11th. We're still here and we love America in this studio. So God bless everybody. I would open with the national anthem, but what are you gonna do? That is the national anthem of what? Fly Eagles fly. Oh, fly Eagles fly. Don't don't don't don't don't. Of course. What a bummer day. Is this is this them?

Yeah, 11. So it's like, yeah, those are mushroomsmer day is this is this them. Yeah, it's 11 So it's like Yeah, those are mushrooms right there Bobby, but those okay, that's not a good example because those are like Fresh off the cow shit Like wet what do you mean after cow shit? They're taking and they live on they grow under cow shit. Okay, what the pause? Mm-hmm. There you go Christine Christine. You eat mushrooms that grow on cow shit? That's what people do, yeah. Can you eat them fresh, like lock them out of a cow shit

and just throw them in your mouth? Yeah, I believe so. People do that. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think Ari's done that before. Of course he has. Where do they grow?

I mean, under cow shit. But just in a field, you just see cow shit, you can. Wherever there's cows. Yeah, yeah, but where do they grow? undercow shit You know undercow shit can they grow under other animal shit like sheep shit? I don't know can like I shit and grow mushrooms I Don't know I don't think so we have to be cultivated in some way or they were growing wild Wild I don't know. I don't think so. We have to be cultivated in some way. Are they growing wild? Wild. They grow wild. You people go through like cow fields

and go look for them under the cow shit. So if there's a cow field, I could go out there and find these mushrooms. Maybe. Uh, it says it can be found in almost any climate. They tend to grow around dead tree stumps or on the king wood. They tend to grow in grassy areas. It receive a lot of sunlight.

Our most commonly found in shrubs. So what happens? What's the cow shit? Yeah. I've always heard the cow shit thing too. I'm looking at it. Until the good ones are on cow shit. Maybe.

It doesn't say that. It does not say that though. It does not say the good ones. But anyway, bring up a picture again because you can see the other thing. You can see why I cannot do it. I can't. I love mushrooms. I love mushrooms. I love a mushroom. I Marinated mushrooms and stuff is one of my favorite things in the world. I like a mushroom in a salad All day long. Oh mushrooms are dry mushrooms. It's actually chicken. Chicken cacciatore is not a chicken cacciatore Hunters still without mushrooms.

But in mushrooms, I love mushrooms. These are poison, they're poisonous. What? So that's what it is. Well, well, well, well, well. Yeah, there you go. It says the Dung Loving Psychoactive Mushrooms. What's the point?

So these are the ones that grow out of cow shit. Okay, so that of cow shit. Okay, so that's cow shit and they grow and you pull them out and then you dry them out. I think they just dry out. Once you pluck them, they just start dying, I think. You know what I mean? So like in a couple days, they're going to look like that shriveled up thing, which bring that picture up again.

The chewing, I can't. I hate them. No, no, no, bring up the dried out pictures you had before to show Bobby there. They turn like weird color and they're just disgusting. I can't get them down. What I took right before Superduber Alice Cooper was I took a I ate a whole chocolate bar of mushrooms. You know what it was? I haven't taken, so they'll grind them up and put it in the chocolate. Oh, so you, so you, so you, you don't take the mushroom straight from the mushroom, you have to take it with something sort of really. I, yeah, I can't do those

like that. Mine's, it just, it looks like a chocolate bar where I guy move, but you taste the but you just to put my acid in the Sunday. Dude, I want my coke. But yeah, someone does my milkshake. The guy's off ozempic for a week. He's already fucking in chocolate bars with mushrooms. Oh, no, it's like this big, but it was, by the way, I didn't want it's every bite more disgusting than the last one. But it's still like the, most of the texture is the chocolate bar.

But you've tasted, you've had it, it's had four little, you still taste a little pieces. There's a hint of it. I've like the mushroom and it's hard getting it down. I got to like drink something right by like a soda right behind it. And, but I ate the whole chocolate bar, which is 3.5 grams.

Now again, I could take mushrooms a bunch. It does nothing to me because I think Alexa Pro. I realized at one point, I was like, Oh, I keep forgetting to fill my pill case. I haven't taken lexapro for three days. So I was like, Oh, what's lexapro? Let me see my SSRI. What the fuck is that selective serotonin reuph inhibitor? What does that do? I don't take anything. Alexa Pro is. I don't think that's it anymore. It's anti-exhidity. Oh, okay.

Probably anti-depression, anti-exhidity, but it's like zole off if you were to things like that. All your friends are on these things. Are they? Should I be on these? I don't know. Do you seem pretty even keeled these days? You may have needed it at a point in your life.

Right. Maybe 10 years ago. I don't see you struggling in any kind of like thing. Oh, I, when I go home, I hit Don at Max. I don't know, is that a thing? Yeah, but no, that's your therapy. Maybe take it. I don't see you struggling in any kind of like when I go home, I hit Don at max. I don't know. Is that a thing? Yeah, but no, that's that's your therapy. Okay. That's not I'm just high on life. I get checked. It's good to see you. But yeah, I take the, uh, it's good to have you in studio. The Lex Pro blocks stuff like that. It blocks it from working. So I've taken mushrooms several times with everybody

and everyone's like, dude, like no way, like it's so bright and I'm just like, what are you guys going through? Like it's never like, I'm, does nothing to me at all. But I was like, I was off the Lexpro for three days. So let me like take these mushrooms and see if they work. And I took like, I ate the whole bar, which is a good amount of mushroom. So take me back though. You're going to the thing you picking up Justin

Sexy silver yeah, and you make a road rage on the way, okay So you're you got to go pick up you had Justin at your house No, we were dropping the dog off by Justin's at the dog sitter. Oh, you're a dog. Okay, I'm picking up Justin Like it was kind of two birds one stone thing and then going to get Josh on the way out of the city. Right. All in root, nothing was out of our way really. It just New York was fucking New York on Saturday. It's bad. They're all back. Who it was nightmarish. Yeah.

Cops in the way of everything, not helping at all. It was miserable. Cops weren't helping. No, the NYPD traffic cop service is a bunch of dickheads and dickholes. They are the dumbest, shittiest, useless people I've ever seen working. Cobbless American, 9-11, we remember. You ran into the building that day though. No, no, no, they didn't run the building,

but they were giving tickets for people who didn't move their cars because they were covering ash. Wait a second, Jay. Wait a second, this is not. Jay, Jay, Jay, this is not tickets for people who didn't move their cars because they were covering ash. Where is that? Jay. Where is that? This is not. Jay. Jay. Jay.

This is not real. Tell me the legend of the traffic cop who ran into those buildings. I feel like we would have heard his name. This guy even had to go in there. He was booting a car. And then he ran over to, he was making sure that the people who were turning left went, but when the, and stopped trying to turn when the signal changed. And then before you know it, he was saving everyone on the 90th floor.

So you're saying there's no traffic cops that ran into the building. Not only they're not heroes, they're embarrassing failures of the department. In New York, I'll tell you that, in New York City for sure. You talking the traffic cops. But they're fucking street TSA. There is dumb as everything. Street TSA. They're the worst. They they suck at their job. So bad. And then Christine told me a story that she complimented one once because she saw one doing it. Doing the thing. You guys stop now, you go, you stop, you go and every and there was not, you know, the traffic, at least like in five

minutes, you'd get through, you know, two light changes you get through the light instead of sitting there for seven at one point and then going for all everybody rushes and then it crams up again. It just shits. There's nothing more exciting in New York City than seeing a traffic cop with a whistle that's into being a track. And he's swinging his arms and he's like, go! And he's, well, right!

Ho! I mean, there are a couple of them that get into it. Where? I mean, where's like the fucking one who's like, break dancing and, I don't know. Yeah, like, what is it? The Pepsi-com-ish? The fucking ghost busters.

Remember ghost busters, those were coming down these guys, they're like, bring it on in, it's like, grooving and dancing. Whistle in the disguise. I love the glasses. There's not that. Yeah, that's it here and bring bring it on into like proven and dancing whistle in like this guy There's no that you know it is it's a confused 50 year old Indian guy who looks like he got his car like at a costume store And it's like no, oh, okay You know wait And then I'm the guy because normally I would just talk shit inside my car to Christina

though, but he just got to the day where I'm like, you fucking suck at your job, dude. You talk to him. You get the fuck out of the way. Like you do something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was I rate. I was out of my tree. So it's insane.

That should be a six minute drive. Like six minutes, Christine. To get over by Justin, it was an over an hour. Was it on top of the road? It was crazy. On top of the old man in the car. Well, it was just hard. I mean, we're both sitting in it.

It was horrible. It was like every turn we made to get out of traffic, we're just in more traffic. We accidentally ended up, we made a turn that was right to Times Square without realizing fully that we were going into Times Square. So once we were going in the time square So once we were going to time squares just a nightmare because it's time square on a Saturday There's people everywhere the cars don't matter the pedestrians are all over the place

When I'm in a car with somebody that's flipping out because of traffic I get calmer Oh, I bet this I was pretty calm. Oh, yeah Something's gone. The other person letting it out that makes me realize. Yeah, so I was gonna say I believe that she was probably calm Because like yeah, I'm doing all the things yeah, I guys some guy some guy walked up to my car and put his hands on the car to like Yellow somebody or your yell to them you know like hey, hey, you know so and so come back And was I mean I was like get the fuck off my car. He's like sorry. Sorry. He said sorry. Yeah, wow I was at Norton once going downtown on fifth day. I've gone to the seller and there was like, sorry, sorry. He said sorry. Yeah. Wow. I was with Norton once going downtown on Fifth Ave, going to the

seller and there was so much traffic. He was smashing his little hand on the horn and his horn broke. That's exactly right. I didn't break. I laid on the horn at one point for four straight minutes, challenging the world to complain about it. And then when I was done, I stopped for a second and then I pushed it again

and it wouldn't work for five minutes. Because I think it like, treat like it's like, well no, I think it's just like a fail safe or something. I think it stops. It's figure something's wrong. The car assumed that you got an accident, you head smashed against the horn.

Yes, that's probably what it says. So it stops having the horn on. Which means I feel like that was the case. It should keep honking until someone comes to get you. I've never seen I was never more happy to see Norton without a horn in rage. He had no way to vent it out. He was going, yes, yes, yes. And his little neck was going inside of his chest. That fucking, and he was just smashing his horn. You're old anger issues. You never had a good road rager?

No, I, I, I, I try not to get out of the car anymore. I have 100% had them, but when somebody else is having them, there's something about it that calms me down because I'm just like, you do it. You tell you, man, because I, I'm what? It's also you sympathize with it too. So it's like, I don't, I've been there too. And And I'm really saying like you're there's some sort of part of you It's laughing because you're like oh he's the one who popped instead of me on this one

Yeah, and you're like and then when you're watching somebody else pop you sit there and kind of go It's like it's really not that big of a deal. I mean like you're way over angry for sure Mm-hmm, and but like but you also you don't say that because you go but sometimes I'm the guy Sometimes I'm the guy. Sometimes I'm the one like overreacting to all this stuff so much. But does it, do you think that your anger and your screaming and yelling at the cops

day before September 11? Traffic cops. Traffic cops who had nothing to do. I think honest to God, I think a lot of the traffic cops were paid off to look the other way on 9-11 and they all accepted. You think they were in on it? I think they were in on the only conspiracy I believe, dude.

The traffic cops helped plot the route. They're the ones that made a way so the people get good camera angles of the planes going into the building. Dude, the one I fucking yelled at yesterday I believe was the one who got those guys free flying lessons. Do you think that it helped it, although? Do you think you're rage? Yes.

Oh yeah, yeah, no, getting it out for sure. And then luckily, like not into a physical confrontation. Right. Like Justin got in the car and I was still going. And like, he was like, at one point I was, when my horn came back, I was laying on it again for about 30 seconds. And then as soon as I stopped I stopped laying on the horn,

it just here, I don't know, 25 feet behind us, and it goes, shut the fuck up! And I mean, I hit the brake so fast there, and Justin's like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, come on. He's like, dude, dude, dude, dude, just go. And he's like, what are you gonna do? Well, I don't know, I never happened, because I stopped the car,

and then they turned into a house, you you know a building right now. I was like I'm not gonna go in a place. Yeah, I can't go in a place I thought he was gonna walk by in the car and I was gonna give him the old like what's he have something to say? I was looking for it, which is bad and stupid. I was doing that in New York It was right on 50th Street where I kind of parked now. I was going across town and Something was happening and I lost my patience. I was like fucking move it And I was wailing on the horn and the guy my window was down and this really big guy went hey Relax

Bip it did not move I mean did not really go where it's not my fault. I mean I'm trying you're right. Maybe I just turned it old Jewish guy No, I mean sometimes I get angry Can I give you a give you a direct quote that Christine got to hear at the same way I said it You want to hear it sure is this something that was said probably when we were like I mean it like You know the final the final four blocks we had to go and now all of a sudden we're held up again and Christine got the here we go. Pick a fucking lane!

No! Yeah, and I also go nothing. You're like, oh I guess we're just going to drive in between two lanes. There's no rules anymore. Oh yes, and then I also did about, I did about 60 miles an hour in the middle lanes on purpose going like man, ladies don't make a difference. I'm gonna zip wherever I want. I go no more turn signals or nothing. I'm just weaving cars. I rate I rate you squeezed every ounce of anger out of every word. Lane lane for sure. It was angry. It was like he was angry and then we had Josh and Justin in the car and I just was like

Jay's gonna drive this fucking car off a bridge. What were they doing? Were they the talking? No, I didn't. No, Justin was my Justin got in the car and like he was like he Understood as I get dude. I know because Justin is always happy to talk about a fucking New York City Sure conversation. Yeah, man. I got very much got right and so I get that yeah when Josh got in the car By the way, but Josh is my boy, as soon as he got in the car, he goes, oh, you're scared, dude, I'm gonna, I was like, no, Josh, no, and he's like, all right, all right.

He's got something about missing filter, the opening band. Oh, yeah, he goes, I guess we're going to miss filter. And I was like, Josh, Josh, he's like, oh, okay, okay. No, it's good to do, ladala, Dada, Duda, today just. And then about like 40 minutes later in the car, I forget like something was just said that was funny enough that I started just like laughing and be like whatever.

You do get out of it quick. Trap, when you, as soon as you're out of that jam, it goes away. It click a bit. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, because we're on the highway. We also then hit highway traffic also a little bit.

But nothing, but nothing. Where was the concert? Jones Beach. Oh, I hate it in a minute. Yeah, because we're on the high what we also then hit highway traffic also a little bit, but nothing but nothing Jones Beach I hate it. I don't know how fucking people live in Long Island and work in the city. I don't know how Well, the trains good train system. I could I could do it I know people that drive into the fucking city. That's what I did. I live But they do it like five days a week. Well, I don't know how I work hours is a fucking nightmare. I did it. I did it every I did it six nights a week.

I work I work when I work a governor's when I get booked the governors I immediately get anxiety from that Friday having to leave it Friday. Fucking one thirty in the afternoon for an eight o'clock show. Yeah, the Friday is a scary parking lot smoking a cigar like I just bought real estate or something. It's fans are walking in like, dude, what's up? How you doing?

Like waitresses of the year because I will not sit in that traffic. I know I'm going to get there. I know, you know, you will eventually get through the traffic, but it is mind bending. And people in Long Island do that fucking thing. When you go, you're on the exit and there's a line to get off on that exit, but everybody in Long Island goes on that side, they go on the other side and they cut in and the people let them cut in. And I want, if I was mayor, if I was governor, if I was president, life sentence. I would, there'd be special cops to sit on exits.

Life sentence, no, you'd be, you get a life sentence or executed on the spot. I just get some of these pussy's who do traffic thing too. I mean, those guys are going to run into a crumbling building that was just hit by planes. Are you a guy that can actually do that? I'm going to ask you question. I just want to know who you are right now. Good. Do you go up a little bit and then get in line and wait your turn like a blue blood in American or do you go on the other lane and cut everybody off? I go up, I'll go on a big long traffic jam. If I'm in the lane, it's still moving,

but I can see it's because we're all merging over that way. I think I do a fair, like I go about, you know, I'll pass like 20 some cars and then try my turn, and then I put my turn signal. Actually, you know what I'll do? I sort of ride along the side of it until it starts getting a little bit of movement, and once there's a little bit of movement, I put my signal on the weave

in there because I'm like, it's gonna fuck and they let you in because they know it's like better to do it now than to get fucked because that keeps happening at the very fun. So you'll wait a little bit. You'll you'll do your time in that lane because that's your exit and that's the fucking time, right? Yes. Yeah. Don. Don. I, I, there's some of she will go all the way to the end and cut the fucking. If I my rate, I will do that. Like again, like last night, anything I could have done that was thoughtless and shitty to other drivers where it could have benefited myself, I would have just done. I would have cut off whoever I did actually.

I cut off several people when I was just like I'm just and it was that kind of like angry People off traffic is another thing, but doing that exit thing and people do I mean It's the reason for the it's the reason for the traffic of course is because there's some guy in the BMW and if you want a BMW You're a piece of shit. That's a fact 99.9% of people on BMWs are fucking dickhead people fact. It's a fact You should never wait in the murder lane for more than one car like look it up supposed to let Zipper the zipper thing anytime you look if you go like that it works, but So we gonna say Jacob everyone's a cram it in saying people are so angry I'm imagine you're I think they do that because they hate lives there. They have to do that every day

Doesn't matter. I'm not giving if they didn't do there. They have to do that every day doesn't matter But I'm not giving if they didn't do it. They wouldn't be traffic. Why you in there, so Jacob? Yeah Why are you there? They're all angry really shit heads. You don't like America Who loves America more than me? Nobody nobody I do though. You don't copy that Well, copy that who more than you guys she's take the eagle I think she's take the copy that who more than you guys she stick the eagle I think she's take the eagle loves America more than you guys. I think I think he's an eagle that can't live on his own

You can't live in society Eagle society black glue though black glue serves in the military what branch was it again? What am I wrong? What? Am I wrong? Yeah, you are. I was just saying. You have stolen valor. I'm sorry. You wearing a camel shirt.

I thought you that was from your reserve days. No, no, no, no. I was back when he got disarbled discharge for killing a kid in Fallujah. He does wear camel for a guy who hasn't served. A lot of camel. He wears a lot of camel. He's trying to mix in with blending with the white family during the holidays. coming up he's got to come up through the hedge so you get into the traffic you lose your fucking brain you disrespect the police men and women of this fine city

traffic police save didn't save lives did not save in fact traffic police yeah have never saved the life in New York City ever I'll bank on this is Narcan because they're staying there while someone OD's while they're failing it making the traffic move you think the traffic police were giving out like dust tickets on September 11th yes absolutely yeah it's like I marked your tire and I notice you haven't moved in two hours you can't refill the meter on my apologies Oh, I'm sorry. There's a fire truck on the top of my Mazda. I apologize

Yeah, he'd give you a ticket standing in your underwater car during hurricane Sandy Stand on the hood of your car because you're gonna get feet wet Because this thing's this is this is work hours the burnt fire truck after had a ticket on the windshield Hey absolutely after running IOU it's Yeah, no, so then we get to the concert yeah parking good Easy, let me tell you I had another parking. Oh, this really inferior. Another one again, I had to be sort of talked off of like a dude. Let's just go in. When we first get to the park and so the parking at Joan's Beach works, I bought the premium

parking. So you could be. Metallica was the best parking. I mean, great. One of the things that stressed me about going to concerts is leaving and getting there too like finding a spot and then after the show, being in a car for fucking two hours in the same place. It's just anti-climactic and it ruins everything. But Metallica was the best thing ever. Well, Jones Beach has the best thing ever. If you pray for the premier parking lot, which everybody freckled it. Which everyone can do. When you leave it, the parking lot,

it's just for that lot. It's a direct route to the, we've done it before, Lou. It's a direct route, it puts you around the Wantau highway. There's no line of traffic. You can leave at the very end of the show with everybody. It doesn't matter. You will be like no traffic to get back to New York until you get like maybe towards the city

Right. That's great, but it's great But when you first get there, there's three 20 something year olds, right? Like young 20-something year olds Staying there and you know, they're basically there to answer your You know VIP parking whatever and by the way most times when you pull up there because I always go in that lot I go I go VIP parking and they just go, yep, just follow straight there.

And because there's a person in the lot, you show it to, your ticket. These kids are just the people to tell you where to go. And I was like, it just called me soft guard. He was like, I was like the VIP parking and he goes, yeah, you got a ticket. And I was like, yeah, and it was just quiet. I go, do you want to see it? And then one of them just goes, be nice, be nice a ticket now. I was like, yeah, you know, and like it was just quiet I go do you want to see it and then one of them just goes be nice be nice to see it

And I already just kind of had it out and he said that and he was like he's like yeah go ahead And it's like I mean like we won't even across that street to the VIP lot where I was like Well, what the fuck are you? What a cunt? It'd be nice like why and then by the way, it's there is no reason for them to see it right? Do you know I'm saying like he's like yeah, yeah, what if I'm lying what they're gonna kick me out from the thing Cunt, it'd be nice. And then by the way, there is no reason for them to see it. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, if I'm lying, what, they're gonna kick me out from the thing.

Like, it's got, it's just, oh, that was infuriating. So then, Sure, he wasn't singing it, like sing songy. Be nice. Nope. No, right? There's, you were there for that.

That was conty. Yeah, with conty. We sure? Yeah, I'm not gonna be talking about that. I'm not talking about that. Sure, he wasn't like a gay young man. They were just like three young guys jerking off They weren't sure wasn't a

Be nice it would be nice. Please let me see your two get it more browey rowey. Oh, okay, dude It was in a fury like bud light old bud light light bros. Okay, old bud light. Got you so old bud What was that was We go on to the concert. We get inside. We're going to I go through the they put me through the ringer of you're selected to go through this other special security things. Fucking take everything off. You know, like, we get our bracelets for the pit. What? We get bracelets to bracelets for the pit. What? We get bracelets to go into the pit.

The what? The general admission pit. There's no snakes involved. That's a whole different experience. Okay. I know, the pit at Jones Beach is why have you stood there a little? It's one of the best fucking things ever.

Is that off to the side? No, it's right in front, but it's right in front but it's right in front it's a foot all you know I think there's like just room for the guys to stand there from the stage before the gate and it's the state like it's as close the space is like to the TVs as the stage like how close we are here pretty amazing we went and got like something to drink or whatever and like set before while we're waiting between bands like set in this kind of outside area. And I was like you know I was like I'm still still like wired up about it all I go I'm taking these mushrooms now. And I just ate them.

And I mean by three songs in the Alice Cooper I was just feeling very so happy and by Rob Zombie, I was just having a, I mean, I was going through life and how it correlates to all these things tonight. And it was just, it was, I had a, man, I had so much fun. And it was like one of the first concerts in forever, I was telling my Fenoi this today. One of the first concerts ever where like, I didn't, I love the guy asked Christine One time if she was having fun

Or enjoying herself or just Josh was like Standing even a little bit away from us and everything and I was just like who gives a fuck dude You also weren't checking. I don't think you were checking the set list I sort of knew it and I also didn't uh I Know all the songs so like it didn't really matter on that one Did you do mushrooms? No, you would just clean She drove home. Oh, you're pretty funny when I got in the car. They were like I got being responsible enough that I'm saying I'm too fucked up to drive home and Christ take the wheel because Justin and Josh I apologize I'm risking our life in limb because I chose to have a religious experience tonight

That now and I'm just yelling at the window like Jesus. This is your test Have I done good in life? Because at one point goes he goes why are you going so fast? I'm like I'm getting up to 55 It's a speed limit. He's like you're not going a million million. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go of laughter before Rob Zombie came on because he's always made this joke and so dead the rights about Rob Zombie goes his impression of him as always is because monsters and titties and monsters which is hilariously what Rob Zombie is but then we also yesterday we were laughing and tagged in that it's also with cars it's always gonna shit like that He's like P.L.S.A.B.S.C.A.B.S.C.A.B.R.E.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.A.R.D.D. I've never thought about this so much. What a simp Rob Zombie is for his wife.

He's the ultimate sim. I'm like, what a good term for that's what he is. Rob Zombie's wife is in everything he does. He makes her the star of every movie, the everything so funny. He's the biggest simp. She's on the videos behind him while he plays music, a bunch of the songs.

He really does a Clint Eastwood with her. I'm like, you know, that blonde blonde chick Clint used to put in every movie. She barely could act. Yeah. She's in everything. Anyway, but loose. Anyway, but loose. Which way but loose.

Which way you can. I think it was was she a misty to it. I don't know, but she was a real plane Jane. Just a plane Jane. Oh, it's so funny. Zombies wife is hot though. Kind of right? It's beautiful Yes, he's beautiful. I mean he's getting older now, but I mean yeah, she's still fucking hot

I mean I can't get right and I They might I mean LA I thought that they may have moved back To these from Massachusetts is he yeah Him and his brother power man 5,000 He's short to right he's not short yeah for sure and I never all that friendly but fuck what does it mean not that friendly he's not

a friendly guy I mean I I went on stage before him every show for one summer I'll make him fast talk to him mentioned Tom pop I know their friends and all the one through the whole thing and he just like I said their friends, and I want to do the whole thing. And he just like, I said, he's never been necessarily mean to me.

Yeah. He hasn't. He's just, he couldn't give a shit. Do you know what I mean? It's not like I'm, I'm not like a fan who keeps bothering him. I mean, I am, I guess. But like, I'm getting off stage from like doing comedy before you go on.

Like, hey man, what's going on? I'm excited to watch you guys. You're like, eh, you go on like, Hey, man, what's going on? I'm excited to watch you guys. You're like, eh, he's just like that kind of like, yeah, I'm not looking for new friends. Got a five. The fact of Tom Papa knows Rob Zombie and their friends infuriates me. One of my favorite. One of my favorite.

It infuriates me. Tom Papa's connection to people in this business. Give me some heat, Lou. Infuriates me. It makes me sick. There's no reason he should be friends with Rob Zombie. Have I told you when they, that's hilarious? Oh, look at that phone and what the, how the,

he put Tom in that newest movie and he did the, the devil's rejects like part three thing. I mean, look, I love Tom Papa, but how the, he knows everybody. He's connected with everybody. No, I know But that this one's the best. I'm telling you when we were and he doesn't share his fame You know, I mean he doesn't share his fame friends. No, he's good. No, no, I'm saying. Yeah, he doesn't you if he's with somebody famous at the seller You don't exist. Well also you want to say hey Tom

Look at me and make prop tell Rob Zombie how much, how cool I am. Fucking dickhead. You should be friends with Rob Zombie. I should be friends with Rob Zombie. Not a guy with these, like male pattern baldness. Tom though, it was one of the, it was one of the funniest, he's so funny, Tom Papa. And he got, when we saw him backstage, we were backstage at office,

fest of the years ago, and like, but we still had lawn seats. You know, I mean, we were lawn seats, but I was able to get back to the stage passes. I just saw it. We saw a golf cart coming towards us to the tour bus. Hey, Jay. How are you? It just was it was just that we were all looking at Rob Zombie driving the cart. So I was like, you know, to Lewis and everybody. I was like, Hey, I'm like, yo, Rob Zombie's like driving up right now. And they stop the golf cart and he gets out and kind of walks into his bus. And then I just watched the other guy that you're just like, you're just missing

it's like a manager or something because it's khaki green polo shirt tucked in the dad shorts and a braided belt and no socks with loafers. And then I just remember going, Tom Papa and he goes, I know, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He has a a fedora and gloves. He's driving gloves. Yeah, he has an mascot. Hey, hi Jay. Is it thirst and howl the third? I can't stand it. He knows everybody. Tuzzy.

He had Matt Damon at the cellar one night. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, dude, I believe he looked through me. I walked over and he was up to him. He just looked through me. Like, turned his head a little hey, what's up, Tom? He just looked through me. Like, turned his head a little bit, saw that it was me, and that I might fuck this up. Granted.

Bobby, not now. I mean, I do fuck up celebrity. I'm not good with celebrities. But I'm terrible. I'm too, dude. I'm so bad. Ray Romano was at the table one night reading a paper. And I kept saying something to him. Like he mentioned something about being a father

and I was a dad my son. I'm a father. And I and he didn't he just put his paper up and I was like calling was sitting there first he left and then I was a dad my son I said it again I said it three times three times didn't acknowledge me. I got up because I always have calling in my head leave. He always says leave. He literally tapped me on the show. There was somebody famous at the table. He'll grab me. Hey, what's that man? You got to get out of here. You can't stay. You got to go. He'll tell me to go. I got up and walked out and Colin was out front waiting for me. He goes, good, good job.

Should be there. I suck with celebrities. I'd say when I brought a, I know brought an episode on the show for Dory Noel was a young, well, he was like in the black circuit comment. You see a Dracula. Is that Dracula? Who is that? He's the black circuit comic I was friends with. Oh, okay.

Back in Philly. And at some point, like when I started coming to New York all the time, that's a great vampire name. Just that's what's great. I mean, Dory, that sounds great. Great name all around. Sounds like a book like chicks would love to read. Great dude too.

And but he, like me and Kurt and Kev started coming up to New York a bunch and not being infill as much. And then a couple of them, which always happens, kind of stuck in that like, what's going on? Like, what's that? You guys are in the white clubs now, you know, that the white clubs and you know sure you know come up dude come up as we're driving up every night doesn't matter if another actually split the gas money better you know and it was the time when sign fob is doing

comedian at the seller the documentary and he was there a lot and I even said and he's a huge sign felt fan fan, Dorian. And we walk over to the cellar at one point, and I go, oh, it's like, lay back here, I go, I'm going to hang on the, I'll introduce you to Steve in a second, but watch, like Seinfeld's in there, he's going down. And he goes, no way, Seinfeld, he's just looking at him, and then he just goes, do you remember this Jacob?

He goes, looking diesel, Jerry. Oh, my God. Looking diesel. Do you remember this Jacob? He goes, looking diesel, Jerry. Oh. Oh my god. Looking diesel. Diesel. He's not looking. He was not looking diesel, by the way. He's been skinny or pudgy, Jew.

Yeah. No in between. He looks regular, unleaded. All the fucking time. Looking diesel to a guy wearing a sweater. What the fuck, a button down, you know what I mean? It looks like Seinfeld coming in just dressed like, God damn it, that was funny.

Looking diesel, Jerry. You remember Jerry's, Go watch the film comedian. He's not looking diesel. And at no point you go, you know, what is it? Is that caratop? Oh, that's fucking Seinfeld. Is he doing T?

Yeah. So, you know, is that carotop? Oh, that's fucking sign-filled. Is he doing tea? Do you remember Jerry's preppy Metz fashion? Oh, the lady, yeah, he had a midlife crisis recently. When he did that battle. Is it a male model? No, he did this thing. We looked at those. We looked at it. Half dad clothes, half Metz fan.

I don't know what else to call it. I mean, what was it called? It's like I don't know what else to call it I mean what was it called to a brand a Breakdown you call it a breakdown that somebody who has too much money and doesn't know what to do anymore. I was for Kiff it's Kid right yeah. Oh my fucking god. I mean they painted over these pictures Also, what the fuck is happening dude the, the sweat shirt, sweat pants, same exact color. He's dressed like nerdy girls in my high school. He looks like Tervolta when he was practicing dance

and staying alive. So funny. Look at that, that's the one that's terrible. The stylist, Jerry. That one, no, the flowery, the flowery, it looks like antique furniture. You're a geeky old Jew. The fuck are you doing? He's wearing a couch from the 17th century.

What? I'm being hastened, Koocher. I hate it. I hate his outfit. And the fact that he's like sitting on a windowsill. I'm looking out, thinking Jew is lost. I should buy that building across the way You've been on that jacket I'm having some Jewish thoughts out the window

I don't know why like electricity on a Friday Look at the pants. What's up with the pants? Oh, my god look at those fucking pants What is that flowers or is that shit to's? What is that on the jacket? Yeah. Are those little doggies? Why is Slyphot just like young Billy Corgan? If that's a little doggies, I'm gonna change my mind on that jacket.

We're doing seven years in Spine Rock. He is rainbow. Oh, he's wearing sweatpants with rainbow. Oh my god, look at those little slip-ons, too. What the fuck happened? I don't know, dude. He's just like, I, he's just like... Oh my god.

He just always strikes me as sort of pompous. Like, he's never just, again, another guy. It's like, oh god. He's not just across the board nice. He's like, even like, I used to really hate... I think it's funny they do hang out, but like, when he would, I think it's the way he talks, but like his Howard Stern interviews, once they were like friendly even,

he's just like, it's like Contrarian. Like Bill does this sometimes they say on his show. You know what I mean? Like a bird, it's like, just Contrarian, like shooting down your thing. I think he does that a lot. Yeah, it's a power move. It's literally a power move.

You say this and they'll just say that just because they're in control of the conversation. Yeah, so Howard Stern would be like, would introduce, he's like, do you get that kind of thing? He's like, you know, age is coming in now. He's like, don't care. You know what I mean? He's like, you don't care this.

I'm worried about getting old. He's like, no, cares. Okay, it's like, it's always so like angry. Kind of the thing too. All right. It's a power move. Like, you know, I feel, it's like I feel this and he's like, now you're wrong.

It's like, I don't know if you're wrong. Spike, it's like being late all the time is a power move. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cause we have to wait for you. I know who it is. Sorry. Yeah, can you go ahead? What's on that?

What's on that sweatsuit? What does that say? Oh, it's like, can you go? What's on that? What's on that sweatsuit? What does that say? Oh, it's like another sweatsuit, Christine, where you stressed like an asshole. Oh my God. Queen. Oh, hey. Now I'm just lounging around

on my Heather Gray sweatsuit. I know. She changed that N for an R. It's a Queen's College sweatsuit. You probably didn't realize but I read a line of old ripped up notes. A Queens College, yeah that's what I want to wear. Queens Community College sweatsuit. These are my own books I read next to this window candle.

Oh my god. And he's leading on a bunch of old books, which is his jokes. Yes. Everyone part my handmaid's tail house. Off-jerry. Yeah. Off-jerry. This is my handcrafted chess table room.

Oh man. It's still. He's by a tight drive. People use tie-priders. go fuck yourself. Oh, I know Relax I like the way it feels Yeah, it's world domination globe. You're gonna use white out your stupid asshole when you make a mistake It's come on liquid paper. I'm glad you said that cuz I was always aggravated that Quentin Tarantino hand writes his scripts on yellow pads Yeah

Come on. I take that over the typewriter. I know, but it's still. At least I'll take this though. Genius. I'm a genius. I got that, but I'm telling you, over typewriter, I full, if you can write it out and then someone could type,

I could do, I'm in a good type or like you, I don't know how to type. I'm a great type. Like, are you? I have 500 words a minute. Are you a great type? No, I am a good type I cannot like I'm I never learned the skill the problem is I don't know

So I'm a I'm fast with as you can be at hunting and pecking I know where the things are I'm fast, but I don't know grandma or how to spell so what I type doesn't make sense Yeah, I'm terrible. Yeah, well, I didn't go to school when I was a kid because I type fast can't read it right You finger to pick two fingers. I mean all of I can't read or write. You finger two fingers? I mean, I hunt and peck is not always two fingers, but like probably yes. So combination of these four or tons. I'm saying you have to look at the keys.

This is me typing. Yeah, ready? This is me typing, ready? What are you proving? I mean, I can type, that's how fast I can type no no I send Jay first of all no I just got a skull fired hey Jim N word N word N word sent don't forget the F word when I was supposed to. F word, S N words send. You've learned the keyboard when you got like a side kick or an iPhone so you know where

it is you just don't actually know like the finger placement for typing. Like you're good with your thumbs. Yeah but I mean like if I was doing my name I could like you know it's like I've been in my name. But but like I can do my name That's me typing Lou look at me look at my fingers watch watch Bobby taking note are you actually big dear big Jim yeah, okay ready? Yeah big Jim dear big Jim on behalf of Christine. I would like to say meet me in the bathroom for a handjob PS Fn S meet me in the bathroom for a hand job, PS, FN, AS, N words. And Bobby, I'm watching your fingers. They're not. I'm 100% typing.

Can you pull it? I have word up right here. Yes. Okay. Type what J.S. Okay. Ready? Here we go. And then we have to bring it. Go. Go. Where is it? Sorry.

Come on. Dear Big Jim. And then we have to bring go where is it? Dear big Jim Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're name of the first few words Jacob Mike his microphone is his thingies dear Are you ready dear big Jim? Jacob and Lou Would like to tell you that you're an F word type F-word puts you want F-word yeah okay yes yeah okay yes Yeah, okay. Ask. Ben word.

The dash please. Oh, sure, I'm not supposed to write that. Just the N word, right? You told them too late. And dash word. I came out quick. That was the fastest word I typed. It's black loop, black loop settle down.

It's the only word that I'm typing. It was so fluid. It's my password. It's the only thing I can write with one hand. I mean, if you're a stenographerographer Bobby, you're not allowed to you have to say what type what said so consider that but I am I said in word I am doing it right but he was pretty fast Yeah, okay, that's me nice Yeah, and I'm gonna send this can I send this real quick to somebody don't say it's a big

Yeah, if you take care of that, it's the bar far You know I bombed at the garden 14 dude dude. I was in a comedy group out on the monkeys. Did you know that? Yeah, of course, okay Thank you. Thank you. Jay. Paul out of any we won the Boston comedy riot, which was the biggest national, it was a national comedy, amateur comedy competition, the biggest at the time. It's huge. And BCN as improv queers though, right? One would say, one would say improv sketch team. Sure. We were definitely a team. Yeah. Um, we were definitely improv queers. Yes. Give me a give me an accent, dude. I don't know that one.

Give me three things that piss you off. Doug. Now we're going to play a little freeze tag for you guys where someone tags in and takes over a scene. Well, we want to win it that year. Of course. But who is it? Betrace was a final, burrow was a finalist, but we want as a group. We were the first. Oh, you were against straight standup. We were against straight, it was a standup competition. We were the first to get horrible show they tried to do with Keenan Thompson, member for a minute on NBC. It was was it called make me laugh? It may have been called that, but

that was so big. It was everything. Well, the guy, the BCN Mark Perento, who was one of the biggest, it was the biggest DJ in Boston at the time when BCN, what's that black cock night? No, BCN was WBCM was the rock station and they were the biggest, biggest thing in Boston. Just really, I'm crazy. It also means black cock night at certain clubs. And he was the biggest DJ at the time. He was like the stern of Boston before Stern. He this BC WBCM was the mother fucker and they ran this competition. So it was huge. He actually liked us. He brought us on the radio station come to find out later

in life. He's a pedophile and he used to to, he used to go pick kids up with Sony playstations in his car. Fucking bag him. But, uh, here at Alan the Monkeys, he thought he was gonna have a finger fuck fest with your little tight assholes. Didn't know you were adult men doing improv. Well, he, he liked Dane. I think he liked Dane. He took a liking to all of us, but he, he, he fancy Dane. Oh, yeah, and you see those pocket cheeks. It's easy picking right there. You tell me it's beautiful. Yeah, I see her I see past those pocket cheeks. Yeah, get over here. You tiny little Edward James almost you ruined all my fun. Yeah, that's how the monkey before day came a tough. Tough.

four days came a tough tough. He brought he brought us in before we won. He brought us into the station to have us on, which is totally unfair. And then we went in and we won the competition and they were so into us. They were like, we want you to play the Boston comedy rock. It was a thing they did, but the year before and all the years it was at the paradise.

I think it was 600 people. We were like, fuck yeah, that's great. This year it was the first day they did it at the garden. Oh, geez. 14,000 people at the old garden. So it was 14,000 people. And it was all these bands, Jeffrey Gaines, who's amazing. The spin doctors, right when little miss, little miss, can't be wrong. It's good to be a dupe. Dude, and now fish was headlining. And they had us go on at the end in between 75 hour show. almost can't be wrong. It's good to be a dupe. Dude, and our fish was headlining. And they had us go on at the end in between. That's 75 hours show. In between spend doctors and fish.

Good, good. We had to go up and do improv sketch. And everybody has to go to the bathroom, because you're about to hear 73 hours of two songs. Yeah. Dude, we all had different colored shirts on. I don't know, somebody came over the idea. We should...

Well, everyone's color was the personality. So, they came up with the idea of what we should do, because we were on the little stage on one side, there was the big stage on the other side. So the spin-dark is just annihilate and close with little mislittle... I mean, the place is going to fucking nuts. Probably close to princes, that's the biggie. Maybe something like that, right? Fucking servant, yes.

No, it's just that's the one for sure. That's the big maybe something like that right fucking so yes Now just that's the one for sure. It was a compliment one two You're amazing to be for you just go ahead now. That was it. You're right. God damn you But little miscampy wrong is a song by some doctors you nailed it So the lights go out and we go on stage and damn was it we should all squat down and face the other way and when they announced us we should jump up and spin So it was like this And we so they went Bobby you should have suck you into his pose comedy Derek We all were like, okay, okay, we were so nervous.

But our dressing room was the girls' bathroom. It was so rock and roll. It's like pork. Yeah, dude, girls were coming in and out. It was back then when rock and roll and girls were coming in and out, all the lower bands were hanging in our dressing room. They had all the drinks and all this. It was a part, it was fucking nuts.

We didn't even think about what we were about to do. And they were like, you guys are up next. You could hear the place is shaking after the spin doctors. And they bring us down the other side. We're all, and I had purple on. I think Dan had teal green. Jay had red, and I think, I think Al had blue or some shit.

And we go out, and the lights go out and we all squat down. And mind you, we just want a amateur comedy competition. Nobody knows who we are. Well, you're dressed like a group that comes to tell kids that learn how to share. We look like... You talk to schools about the benefits of sharing. Hey kids, oh, I like that toy. Can I play with that toy? No. Now, stop kids. Do you think that's the way you behave? Is that how you make friends in life? I didn't think so. Let's try it again. Now, play. Hey, can I see that? Please, I love I love that sure I'd love to share with you Thank you for sharing with me here it is back and now you can share my things my name is really what's it?

Seek it. Did your mom does your dad kick the shit out of you to me too? We should be friends and get together and kill our parents I actually did that I did one of those two did? I did. I had to go to schools and act out drug scenarios and they had these big paper mache heads. We'd have to put on and we'd have to. That wasn't now in the monkeys. No, that was just a gig I got. I got paid 50 bucks a pop. Finoa, I did a bunch of those. Finoa like found like a thing where you can go talk about like anti-bullying. Yeah, we did drugs. We did drugs. We did drugs. I went with a guy named Bob Keane who was a standup

and I would go to schools and put these big paper mache heads on and have to do pantomime and I think so. And then we were talking to the kids and answered questions after. But this, this was bad. I remember when we, when he announced this, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Alan the Muggies and they turned their lights on.

We all jumped and spin and we landed. You could hear, you could hear a feet land on the stage. That's how quiet it was. The clicks. All right. The clicks of rubber souls. I mean, you could hear it. And then we had, but the thing is,

when we did our shows, we always had cordless mics, like Laval Lears. You know, I'm had cordless mics, like, Lavaliers. I'm always in the tech, right? Sure. I hooked up an old leather suitcase, like an Indiana Jones suitcase, with a system of all our mics and a receiver and all that. We just have to plug it in.

We didn't take that. We, so we had handheld mics, which you can't really do the, we didn't know. We were like, we were holding something on hands. But we can't read without both hands. And our first, our first skit was so, I mean, if we did it now, we'd be canceled. We came out and we did,

At the Garden. We did at the Garden where it's, they're off the mic and me and Jay are on the mic. So Dane and Al are off the mic and we come walking out and we're Chinese people Well in the Tudu Tudu Tudu Tudu Tudu Tudu Tudu And we bump into each other and I have peanut butter and he has chocolate And he goes hey and we were melting it and we're like hey you got your chocolate in my peanut butter

Like you got your peanut butter in my chocolate hey and we start to fight and they're doing You got your baby my chocolate hey and we start to fight and they don't Shh and they're doing all the sound effects off stage 14,000 people dude who are fucking high out of their mind must be going what the fuck is What the fuck is happening right now they just got the spin doctors. They're all fish fans Billy bird was in the crowd and watched it happen Holy burr was in the crowd and watched it happen. You were as a fan. This is a decent hula hoop isht would have gotten a better reaction than what you were doing up there.

But you felt the room fall on itself, like you felt these people kind of go what the fuck is happening right now. And then so we finished the whole bit and we didn't get nothing and then we had to go into an improv, which is, you know, we didn't get nothing and then we had to go into an improv Which is you know we have to get stuff from the crowd and It was so it dude. Oh, give me a job. Fuck you. Okay, not that guy This is why I respect Like a comic on your level. Yeah, because if I ever bombed on the level you you bombed that I would just that would be the last time I formed on stage. I should be at home deep. 100%. So I should be a counselor. Right. Yeah.

Made you stronger. Dude, very impressive. I'd tell you that night, we went from we were so, I mean, dude, we were hanging out. I mean, it was the greatest none of my life. And I remember when we bombed, I gave some weird speech. I had taken my shirt. I'm living our dreams up here. You guys need to deal with a little more respected performer. No, no. I used to be the greatest image. At that time, I've seen too many rock concerts where I knew how to kind of control a crowd. And I was like, listen, you guys, we know you love rock and roll. We know you came here to see the bands play Boston.

I know you can't. The spin doctors. But we're here to tell you that red. Fish reading is fundamental. I go, we're I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. Oh, you were actually doing freeze tag at the garden. So Jay was frozen and Dan was frozen staring at me in front of they were just staring Listen waiting for the tag in waiting for me to give the speech And I just remember seeing a beat of sweat come out of Danes hair into his eye like roll over his eye and his lip was quivering And it's a freeze me Somebody threw something. He started throwing shit. And then the guy in the front, I remember this guy going,

dude, keep going, it's awesome. One guy was like, you're doing great, we love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Jamaican Nanny. Jamaican Nanny. I know, we do have to go to shows fucking over.

It's so good to be back. Luckily, for us, we have three more shows this week, everybody. So we're going to go to shows fucking over So gonna be back luckily for us we have three more shows this week everybody So we're gonna get to all of it. We got a lot a lot to talk about hey September 11th seriously God bless America and Traffic cops you guys are doing we got a break now. I know it's break now We'll be right back everybody or probably not it's robberbercallylive.com, bigjcomedy.com. It's a bonfire. It's a bonfire. Hey everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.