The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Big Easy

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Christine visits New Orleans with a female friend and they get a huge surprise in a dark alleyway! The coffee was good in the Big Easy but the sausage was all they could handle. Bobby loves the food there and Jay is turned off by sushi. Kathy Griffin frightens the guys by slowly putting on make up. *To hear the full show and subscribe to SXM go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big J. Ockerson and Robert Kelly Bobby's crying at how good I was singing and dancing this song Stroke it Probably just took a fistful of wasabi almonds didn't know they were wasabi All the dust was at the bottom of the top of the bag and I threw it all in my mouth with like one nut and it was wasabi. Oh God. Freedom Science is up though right? Yeah.

Now I want to try it. Try it. Yeah. Let me get some of that dust. Yeah dude, get some of that wasabi dust. How do you get the dust together like that? Yeah, you pour it down into your hand and then yeah Just take it all like I took a fistful pour it into your hand

No, I poured the dust in my hand and With one nut in it. So I poured like a the dust in my my fist Yeah Yeah, a little more the dust Those fingernails are bothering me. Why they're periwinkle. They're nice. It's not nice. It's nice of you on a Maltese Bad right. Oh bad, but good here. It's gonna turn. It's turn it's gonna turn It's gonna turn good ready. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's like being with a man, I'm gonna wash down some chai

That'll be good. Um, I Played this song cuz Christine had a pretty wild weekend If you could tell the story do you want to tell the story Christine what happened to you and Rebecca this week Can you before we get into this this seems like it might be a little, I just want to say I was away this weekend, you know, having a great time and you were home alone and I was thinking about you. That's why I figured that Christine tell her thing and then we'll say meanwhile back in New York.

Okay, there you go. This is what I was doing. That's why you're, dude, that's why you're a broadcasting professional. Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thanks. That was a subtle one.

I didn't think you were gonna get it, but you did. Thank you. Well, I know now because you stop the presses and give us all like, here comes fingers, so. It's better than devil horns for a road. One lane. One lane. So, Christine, please.

Pretty short, but pretty crazy. So. She's been dying for the spotlight. So me and Rebecca were walking home from dinner. Get to it. And we went to dinner down the French Quarter. Don't really rush, I'm kidding. And we even, because we were walking home

just the two of us, it was late. The hotel's only like- And they kept burning beads at just Rebecca. The hotel's only like six blocks away, but we even took a detour to make sure we were staying in a well populated area. So we're walking down the street and there's this black guy on the curb.

Always. Probably about 10 feet in front of us. And as we're walking towards him, he like crosses to go into this little doorway. And we keep walking. Rebecca actually kind of gets like on the other side of me. So she's closer to it. So she can use her tits to protect you from gunfire?

And as we walk by the doorway, this guy has his pants around his ankles and he's full-blown like feverishly jerking off and like foaming at the mouth at us and we just makes you feel pretty don't And we just kept walking oh you did you didn't jump in the doorway It was something as I told Jay I was like should we call it you're like they just kept walking Both of them sounded like they could draw his wiener from memory when I talked they said they both go He was full up with Christine first of all with the fury full-blown jerking off right there in front It was so crazy and like unbelievable and they both go huge cock. They've got like a huge cock

She's crazy that no matter what, you still recognize that? She did have a lot of description. He's foaming at the mouth. He had one of those lockets where you break the heart, you give the apace to somebody else and you keep this piece and then when you come back together, whatever those are called. He was fully hard. Fully hard?

How does she know that? They stared at this guy's cock. How big? I mean, we looked. It was huge. What color? It was like a big, I mean, it was a black yeah, but black is no one's black So, you know what he's saying?

What kind of brown? Yeah, was it Jason Tatum Brown? Is it purple black? But he was so gross and so creepy and I said man this really shows that like I don't have great street smarts Cuz when a creepy guy jumps into a doorways or walking I'm like we should across the street like we should have gotten away from it we should have turned around we shouldn't have just we shouldn't have just kept walking sure all you learned from this all I learned from this story was you still got it kid I mean we were we were like wow he just

couldn't contain himself it was stroking it does make you feel good right it was so weird because it I go I'd much rather that than him have like jumped out at us with a knife or something. Oh really? You know what I mean? Oh okay. Oh interesting. He's a black rapist.

I'd rather be punched than shot. You know what dude, this might be weird to pass this around the room, but I'd rather be punched than shot. Yeah. I know it's crazy. Well of course, but it was, it did, it definitely. It's a wild take. Yeah, this is better.

Him just jerking off is better than his murdering or raping us. Yes, it was much better than him murdering or raping us. In my world, I would say it's worse if that other stuff happened. I was creeped out. I would think I was more perturbed by it than Rebecca was, but I also, in my 16 years in the city,

I'm like, I haven't encountered a lot of guys jerking off on the train or anything like that like I hear the stories But it's not something that happens all the time your New Orleans hot not Manhattan Yeah, people gonna jerk off to you here Fucking swamp people yeah, you're a fucking you're a 15 down there. Yeah, they just, they're still recovering from that hurricane. You go, you go, wow, I say, I say, look at that woman with all her teeth.

Oh, also, hilariously, the other thing going on in town. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, one got tits, one don't, I like that. Wow, I say, I'll say, I'll say, a little, a little spit down meal. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. That was what, the other thing that we kept walking into, I'll say I'll say a little a little spit down meal The other thing that we kept we kept walking into there was some big Bible camp convention going on at the arena there

So where there's they're just like all these kids and they're different Jesus shirts in different colors roaming around the city So you had the best of both worlds? Yeah Jesus big black dick and Jesus You were anointed by black cock and the passion of Christ I said I never seen so many people in like family reunion shirts that matched. Yeah, they were everywhere Well, they around that guy with a big dick Maybe that's right. Yeah, but your Bible pussy. Oh, sorry had to get away from the reunion. You know family is Here's the pastor Well, once we were walking we we still had like five blocks to go

and I kept looking behind me and then there was a guy walking behind us and I was like, I hope this guy just stays behind us the whole time. But somewhere in the back he was like, I hope he jerks off too. Black Lou, I think you can black this up. Black Family Reunion will take over a motherfucking hotel. Absolutely. I've seen, where was my last gig? Where did I go?

Last time it was a flight, it wasn't too far, Richmond. Richmond Virginia. Yeah. It was the hotel, very slow elevator already. Two of them. One broke. And then black failure union at the hotel. It was pretty brutes.

It was, I think, because it was, sometimes you had to wait three, four elevator, like to go, all the floors. Stop on the floor. How many floors? Six. Yeah. Enough, yeah, it wasn't like a crazy one,

but it still went to slow elevator and it's six, it's stopping on two, four, and five, and then it has to come back down, pick people up on the way down. Three floors you walk, walk down, six, it's to come back down pick people up on the way down three floors you walk walk down six it's like yeah at the 50 like this sucks yeah not worth it no I wouldn't move to a can you still see the penis in your head can you still taste it so we fucked him so we fucked him. So we fucked him. And you see, that's okay, Bobby, because that guy wasn't my friend. I'm gonna see again.

We just want to prove we're not racist. Yeah, you can't go New Orleans. You know what happened with the levees. They break and blah, blah, blah. And George Bush doesn't care about black people. You owe that guy. You owe that guy. Can I say, meanwhile, while you were out there,

you and Rebecca were out there fucking chugging cock all around the fucking French Quarter. We were just getting cocks hard. Yeah. We were just voodoo-dicking. I was home with a dog. So sad. No people, no friends, no pussy.

I was losing at video games constantly. I think I, no I did shows the one night and I was coming back from my shows and I called you. I go, you know who will answer? Bobby, Bobby's a late night dog like me and we could just talk about sitting around doing whatever. I had just, we had just, I just put my phone on the charger with the ringer off

and I was a me and Max were just was just going to bed when you called and I woke up the next day and saw that you called and I was I was like oh shit I missed it and well did you know you were ignoring a desperate man's cries for help I didn't know you were desperate. I thought you were going to be partying all weekend. I'm depressed.

I thought you were going to be, Christine's gone. You're going to be doing stuff. Everybody's going to be over. You're going to have parties, hanging out late, smoking butts. You know? Well, I was going to see. You know? Well... I was gonna see... Me and my friend Bobby wants to shoot the shit.

And you know, just give me some human contact for a few minutes. I would have loved to have done it. Christine, could you play my voicemail I sent to Bobby, please? Oh great. Bobby's off bow hunting for his his family, while Jay's done his spots, he's going home with no dog, no Christine, I'm lonely, I'm gonna make a bad food choice, and I'm not saying it's your fault, it didn't help solve this problem. I love you, bye. What if I slipped my wrist after that I would have

felt terrible what if the McDonald's wasn't enough and the bonfire be over don't you dare dude Paul Verz you'll be right here yeah I'm so sorry. I called you the next day and you're like, did you hear my voicemail? I go, no. You go, it was a sad cry for help. Let's do it. And then I played it and it was so sad. I wish I was there for you again.

I've already made a bad food choice. What did you get? McDonald's. Oh my God. What did you get at McDonald's? Can I guess? Sure, but it's yeah, it's a little Underwhelming so I bunless the burgers. Oh you did yeah

You weren't far out you weren't at the end of the noose still Also, just like yeah, I just like wigged that but no I probably had so what I probably consumed that night Was a bunless McChicken. Nice. A bunless double cheeseburger. Okay, well that's a lot. It's not that big really quite honestly. It's three sandwiches.

No, it's three pieces of meat. Yeah. Technically, I mean. Piece of chicken, two pieces, two little thin burger patties. Still good, way to do it without the buns. The buns are the worst part. Probably less than half french fries. Nice.

And two nuggets. You got a 10 piece? Yeah, but I only ate two. That's not bad, man. Not bad, that is not bad. I stop when I'm full, huh? You didn't eat any bun? No bun.

I don't like that she didn't believe you. Once in a while, I'll do a top piece of bun. Because I said if we're going to eat that shitty, I'm just like, sometimes you're like, you know, I could take down a little of the guilt of this. Yeah, the bun is the worst out of all of it. The sauce and the bun. It's delicious, but... Yeah, it's delicious. What, the sesame seeds?

The sesame. Well, no, not on the ones. Any of the buns are great. Yeah. The sweet. You know, young Dylan told me as a little thing you can do on the road, the best thing about the filet. Low guys for extra money?

Sure. But the filet of fish, we talked about, whether you know you don't like the fish sandwich, I understand. One thing undeniable is that bun. No. The steamed bun. And I heard you can get that for any burger there.

You could ask them for the steamed bun for it. I got so much shit for that dumb fish fillet thing. Well, because you're wrong and you're crazy. You're just being angry. It's... I'm not angry. I'm not angry about it. You grew up in juvie and probably had to eat fish sticks while you were getting beaten by a fucking immigrant guy who had a power trip

Buddy, I don't mind a fish stick. I'm fine with a fish stick You're saying a fish stick is better than a fillet of fish a fish stick. Yes, because it gets crunchier It's crunchier than a fillet of fish. No from McDonald's No, and I grew up by the ocean dude. I grew up with Fish. Yeah, I didn't grow up in dirty Philly You've there was McDonald's where you live Bobby Where do they get this where is McDonald's far because we're getting ours fresh out of the ocean That's not where they're getting theirs. Correct. I don't I just I got so much shit for it

I gotta try it. You've never seen the square cod fish of Boston. Yeah They just cut the head off and then just bread it up. It's gross. You beat the buns Flava fish is delicious sandwich cheese on a fish is nuts I don't give a fuck if there's cheese on it or not if you know the cheese is actually I do like it on the Flava fish, but if I don't need it Christine's big on cheese on chicken, which I don't give a shit about. Cheese on chicken, I'm with you. I'm fine with it, I don't have a problem with it. Cheese on chicken, chicken thigh, boneless chicken thigh, barbecued.

Gross. What? Chicken thigh. Oh, you turnin' me quick, don't you? Wow. She's like, well, let me tell you something, if there's one thing in the world me and Christine come together on,

we're not real big dark meat people. Yeah, we know. Yeah. Yeah, from her last weekend. Well, not my friends. It's the black rapist. She left that poor guy in a hallway. I know, just fucking pounding cock.

Yeah. You and Rebecca really blue balled that lunatic. You guys suck. You're so crazy. He didn't even come. You guys are walking around like you're 21. Why don't you get in there and do some stuff, have fun time? Yeah. What would you guys go back to the room? How much time 21 watch you get in there and do some stuff have fun time

Yeah, would you guys go back to the time left? Do you have in your life? Really? Yeah out there stroke off homeless? Yeah, what'd you do? Would you go back and have tea? strategize Strategize braless Did you guys fool around Did you really I would love to see you two fool around? No. I'd like you to answer quickly. She might just say a little bit. I'm trying to catch. Did you really? No. God damn it. I would love to see you two fool around. Here's the thing. I don't know if either of them would if the other one wanted to, but nobody would know. If one of them brought it up, the other one might be like sure. Neither of them I could see bringing it up. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one.

I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one.

I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one.

I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's the one. I mean, I think that's. I could, no, I could see Christine in her. Cause they're friends, you know, if I'd like, if I had to cum you, Bobby, if I had to cum you. What? I'm sorry, what? If I felt, you know, you're my friend and I care about you and you needed to be cummed.

Cummed, yeah. If I had life or death cummed. Yeah, if I cummed you, like I would do that, but I'm not gonna fucking French kiss you first. If I was in a car and you had it was tilting off a bridge and I had to get Some weight off for me to tilt it back and you had to come and I had to come you There's no reason for us to kiss you understand Now I'm not gonna mean mug your be shitty about it because I want you to finish clearly we trying to save this thing

Yeah, you wouldn't be my wife. No, no, but I'm not gonna you know I'll I'll look I'll say if you want to say some things you like I'll say some things you like. Yeah I know it turns you on now fuck suck It's getting me off right now Gary this might sound weird can Jay suck your dick and then tell me about it later? No, I wanna be there. Oh, can Bobby watch me suck your dick? I'm not into it, but it's for Bobby, you see.

He needs to be cummed. You don't think, you don't think, I pitch at Christine and Rebecca talking late night, giggling, someone has a lamp lamp on they're in the same bed they're doing work work work, and then they'll watch a little video and then a some you know a boob comes out Rebecca's and She's like oh, I'm sorry, and then I said, okay. I love that Can I can I see them and she's like you want to see like it's not a thing It's just like a foot or an elbow. Yeah, go ahead and see them? And she's like you want to see like it's not a thing It's just like a foot or an elbow. Yeah, go ahead and see them and she I just love big

I love and then she's just playing with them and then she's like you like that and then she's like, yeah I don't know. I just like him and then all of a sudden she leans in and I Like yours. I like I like smaller ones This is the most eloquent You've really thought this through. I'm sorry, where am I? You really came in, you were really one man showing that right there.

I'm sorry, where am I back? Officer Mahoney. I mean, I've seen Rebecca's boobs countless times. Have you? But it's not her vibe. Okay, all right, I'm just checking, I thought that would be like a. And then she like brushes your hair behind your ear?

Yeah, like some 80s, like comedy, rom-com movie. I'm telling you, Rebecca and Christine, they're both too fucking boyish. You look like a softball dust-up. That's too sweet. Is one kicking dirt on the other one's shoes? No, no, I think they're like, this is like before they scissor or something.

Right in the middle of it, Rebecca's like, I gotta take a shit. I'll be right back. You want soup? Yeah, she goes, I knew like before they scissor or something. Right in the middle of it, Rebecca's like, I gotta take a shit. I'll be right back. You want soup? Yeah, she goes, I knew I should have shit before we started fucking. Can you give me five seconds? Hey, heat up that jambalaya when I come back out from dumping. I'll eat you cooch with some jambalaya.

Yeah. I say, I say, I say, that's pussy, all right? Hey, did you guys eat somewhere? Pussy? No. That's pussy, all right. Hey, did you guys eat somewhere? Pussy? No. Yeah, we basically had breakfast, every day, and dinner every night.

And everywhere we went was phenomenal. I know how people eat. I know the- Well, we didn't do lunch. We only ate twice a day. Did you eat, like, anyway? We had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But great, great.

Well, they only had breakfast and dinner. So meaning they only ate twice a day versus the three square meals you're required to. This is what storytelling by women is like. You engage this, Bobby. You said, Christine, tell me more about your trip than not crazy details like getting whacked off in front of. Let's not be a massager.

And then she's gonna spend time going, well, we had breakfast and dinner. No one was really into lunch, the midday meal. Boring conversations. I didn't get to try the Cafe du Monde, which is the, like, super popular coffee shop there, but I did buy a tin of it to bring home. It's my favorite coffee.

Hey, everybody, if you're listening to The Bonfire as a podcast, you got to know there's a whole second half of the show that you're not getting to hear. Look, if you love The Bonfire, which we know you do, this is just half of the show. Go subscribe to SiriusXM at Siriusxm.com slash bonfire. Subscribe right now. It's the only coffee we drink.

I have, I brought a tin home, so I'm excited to make it. Only coffee we drink in the Kelly House. That's all we have is the Cafe du Monde. Yeah. Oh, it's the best. When you make it right, and right now, cream, it tastes like chocolate. Yeah.

It's like you're drinking chocolate coffee. I'm excited to try it. It's the best coffee ever. Oh, I love it. I should get you an AeroPress. Do you have a French press? Yes. Use that.

Is that what you called it this week when you guys were making out and touching each other's coochies? French pressing. French pressing. Okay. Bobby, that was a good last minute save there. Woo! Because you saw my face and I was like, is this what girl podcasts are?

Can I say something? Didn't see your face. Felt it. Oh my god. I was staring daggers through you. I'm like, what are we talking about? I don't know. It's the best tip.

I know, like, what did I eat? Do you want Jay to kill me or kill himself? I'm like, fish. It was awesome. What, you going to tell you how delectable the fish was? kill me or kill himself. I'm like fish, it was awesome. What, you gonna tell you how delectable the fish was? Well, when I went to New Orleans, the first time I thought the food sucked, I was really against it.

And then I had Mark Norman on my show, he was like, nah, you gotta do it, you're gay, it's good. And when I went back, I went to a couple different places and it's like insane good. I had some good recs. I have a friend whose daughter is in. You have good what? I had some good recs recommendations.

My friend's daughter goes to Tulane. So before I went, she gave me a list of places to try. So that was nice to actually have a note. But I love that town is, that town was so fun. I had never been there. It's such a legendary town and just like walking down Bourbon Street and Frenchman Street. I was like, there's like brass bands playing in every window. It was so fun. I had never been there. It's such a legendary town and just like walking down Bourbon Street and Frenchman Street, I was like, there's like brass bands playing

in every window. It was really fun. It's a fun place. Historic, right? You all right, Jake? We did a thing when I was out there in the ones, we did a parade with Fully Low. We did a parade down Bourbon Street. Then we watched a tree fell on a guy's head and killed him.

What? Then we went to eat. Oh, I thought we thought he got shot at first. There was like a body there and it was a tree hit him on the head. Really? Yeah. And then-

Did a black band slowly come around the corner? And then we went to go eat really not- Not good. Food that I, well, I'm sure it was good for what it is but I just don't you know Po boy, it's like catfish face Like shit. I don't want to try. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I was grossed out gator toenail, but that's just a garnish. Don't eat that the menus have like rabbit gator

Turtle duckling on one of them. I was like, is this really baby ducks? The menus did freak me out down there. I'd rather try people than gator. Gator is not bad. Well, I mean, but it's all, they fry it and you dip it in some crazy sauce so they make it taste good, but yeah. The jambalaya, awesome. Gumbo, awesome.

There's the thing, when it gets to things, you don't really need the meat of Gator at all It's not necessary. It's a wild Kind of goofy like local thing. It becomes a dinosaur. It's it's I'm saying you're not We don't need that meat that much do you know I'm saying especially because when you're getting the meat like that they either say it tastes like a different meat or Like you're saying it's just a delivery system for whatever the sauce. No, I'm saying the sauces.

So it's like I said, I think Lewis asked me the other day about fish sticks. He's like, do you like fish sticks? To me, and I was like, what's that fish sticks? It's that like, I scoop a huge amount of tartar sauce on. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I think Fennoy used to have a joke about that. He goes, I like salt and butter,

but you can't just take that to the face. You gotta put it on popcorn. You know what I mean? Like, who loves popcorn? Yeah, I don't like lobster. Like, lobster is whatever. You like texture and drawn butter. You want that thick, warm butter.

I want that shit on it, and that little roll that it's on is what I want. I had a lobster roll this weekend, and it's like, you're like, oh, let me get one. And every time I'm disappointed and I'm like, I should have just got like a sub, a meatball sub would have been better than this. Yeah, absolutely. Lobster meat is not good. I'm tired of saying that I think shrimp's good.

I don't give a fuck about shrimp. I gotta fight back on a shrimp cocktail, like a big shrimp cocktail. But again, you're right, it's dipping it in that sauce. Yeah, it's cocktail sauce. How do you love shrimp cocktail? I love cocktail sauce. You love cock. I love cock and tail.

You love cock and tail. And they've made a sauce out of those two things. Cock and tail, woo, my two faves. I do like a seafood tower though. That big, they got the crab legs and the oysters and the... I'll tell you what, I'm out on certain things. Not that I want another oyster in my life, but I like them. I don't not like them anymore, but I feel like I just get it now.

There's a couple of foods I think I may just have gotten and I'm over it oysters very possibly sushi fried oysters, I Don't think I may have had many fried oysters fried oysters in Time at raw oysters. Yeah, I get you. I like it. I like raw clams, too But if I never have any either of them again, I don't give a shit anymore And what was the only one I just said? Sushi, I'm never gonna turn on sushi. I just, I'm never, if somebody were going out

to a nice place that's like a sushi place and whatever you get, ordering sushi to the house, I never like it. It's always a way, it's just. Sushi, you gotta be there. I like two sushi places, high end like Nobu, awesome. Never been there. Go down to the wall street

Go to nobu down there. The restaurant is awesome. The food is insane It's such good food and then I like goofy sushi sushi Which is the conveyor belt sushi? Where you come in and you can play games and you have a screen and you hit a button and it just all of a sudden Just shoots down a conveyor belt and stops right at you. And then they have sushi going around a conveyor belt. And you just grab what you want. I like that fun sushi.

That's a fun time. I'm saying going to it, sushi delivered to your house is worthless. You're not supposed to. Christine suggests it almost every week and I. I realize that he doesn't like it. I get it when he's on the road I like it when you go there you see the guy cut the fish Roll it make it and hand it to you had phenomenal sushi in my life that I've really enjoyed

But never once when we've ordered I'm always hungry never have in my entire life I've never ordered in good sushi now. That's like getting Korean barbecue ordered to your house. Which is offered somehow. It's like, hey, I know part of the thing is that I cook this to the way I want it, but you just throw it on and let me know what you think. What are you doing in that? What are you doing, Christine? What are you doing, scissoring?

No, you always catch me doing my weird shit. I just press my lips together. I looked over at you. You puss your lips together? She was doing this. No, I do this. She was doing scissors like this. Did you puss your lips together? She was doing this. No, I do this. I like. She was doing scissors like this. Did you name that pussing?

Did I say pussing? Yeah, you said pussing. I pussed my lips together. Purse? You mean pursing. Yeah, I thought I said purse. No, you said pussing. Well, I didn't mean to say pussing.

I'm sorry. I didn't call it pussing. I won't look at you anymore. What a pussie. I won't look at Christine anymore. Christine's a real pussie. Yeah, you can't, subs, pizza, hamburgers, not even, french fries can't be delivered

because they never come the way they're supposed to come. You can't, they're always steamed, they steam in the stupid bin, and then by the time you get them, they're wet. I'll tell you where they show up good from sometimes. Mcmotherfuckingdonalds. Yeah, because it's a GMO french fry. It because there's it's been fricasseed with salt salts drawn all the moisture out of it Do you know those french fries those potatoes that they may tell me there's fentanyl in them. I'll still eat them

I'm not kidding the potatoes they use because they don't want a little It's full fentanyl dude. That's how they make heroin and Fentanyl and cocaine. Listen, dude, I swear to God, those potatoes, they don't want any blemishes on them. So they have to use a certain pesticide for these potatoes. Those potatoes have to be put, the farmers can't go near the fields, and they have to be put into a huge room,

like a big storage room for weeks or maybe months for the pesticide is so dangerous to actually wear off till they can handle the potatoes. Right. Because they don't want, they want perfect little French fries. Sure. I mean, I assume to achieve perfection,

you have to crack a couple eggs. You shouldn't eat those stupid ones. My favorite french fry is the one where it looks like a potato and has all the blemishes and fucked up parts. Ew. Oh, I love those. Now, skin on?

Steak fry? Oh, like a wedge. A wedge, yeah, but a french fry. When I was a kid, Cumberland Farms, which is like a Wawa. Such trash. Which is like a Wawa. Had like a little hot food thing behind their cut.

Combies. And it would, they had, you know, it's like three for a dollar. These like steak fries, they call it, and they were breaded the whole way around, and god damn, those were good. They still got them. Do they really? Yeah, these like steak fries they call it and they were breaded the whole way around and god damn those were good They still got them. Do they really? Yeah, combies. We call it combies and bar combies. I think it's from Boston Oh, I'm sure it was there's not a lot of the reason I've never had them again

I haven't been to a Cumberland farm since my dad lived in like this New England fulcrum PA or something. He lives. Yeah But what you before we go to commercial I know we have to take our last commercials soon. We don't have commercials. This is, well we don't have any reads, but we have to get out of here at a certain time. Who put this on the list? Who's the genius? Because this was one of the most terrifying things.

Talk about a glow down of a human being of watching someone fall to pieces like a fucking horror movie. Kathy Griffin? Buddy, the video- I used to think she was flat out really cute. Buddy, she's been, she's been- I'm saying, I thought when she was young,

her half hour HBO special, and I know we've gone back and looked, and it's not that she's hot or anything, I just always thought she was cute, thought she was a very cute chick. She's two human beings. It's, it looks like, she looks like the lady on the cover of the Canadian cigarette packages.

When they show you all the things that want to get happening to you, it's like a zombie girl like that. Like that's what she looks. She looks like all the different stages of cancer. It's like when you first get it. Her forehead, like her hair starts in the middle of the top of her head.

I thought, watching this video, I thought she was gonna go put a wig on. I thought she was gonna go get a wig because her forehead was so far back. Her hair was pulled back like, it was crazy. And then she flopped it down and flopped it up. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

What has she done to herself? I was like, oh, she's really old though, but she's only 63 I Mean that's not old enough that old that's not too old that's not enough for this that looks fake There's a fake her hairline looks fake go to a picture of young Kathy Griffin God, I mean I give her credit for doing this I guess right is that what's no no all right then fuck her She's ugly. I don't think she realizes what she looks like I Don't think she's blown away by this does she acknowledge it at all dude. She was legitimately cute, but not her hair

It can't be Yeah young looking young Kathy Griffin yeah Man could you imagine if you were with it? I mean like fricasseed clown that she's become Christine loved her I mean you have to admit. This is a crazy lady. This looks like what is she saying in this video where she's putting on makeup I didn't listen to one word Honestly, God, it's making its Uncomfortable looking when I when I this, I thought it was somebody,

I thought it was Ron Howard. I thought it was Clint Howard. Yeah. His weird brother. I didn't understand it was a man at first because of the hairline, because I didn't think women got, you know, like my grandfather, a male pattern baldness like that.

If I, I mean, she's years younger than Voss. I'd rather fuck Voss. You know I'm not in the fucking friends guys, I mentioned that earlier, but Voss I would give it to. I'd rather fuck Bonnie. You know what, I'll say it, it might not be popular. Please play this, I have to. I have no idea what you're saying.

I don't know what she said either. She has no eyebrows. She can't move her face either from the, she has some surgery. What is, and she doesn't? She does a makeup tutorial on how she becomes. Does she really? Yeah, so this is the beginning.

This is a big thing with girls. They do makeup tutorials on, hey, you can look like this, but then you can also look like that. She looks crazy. Yeah, she looks really bad. The end is the craziest. I can't wait.

I'm 100% sure she's gonna flop on a wig. No. And then she doesn't't she just lets her hair down and it comes up over her face And that's her hair. So if Augusta wind hits her direct She is gonna look it's gonna blow like David Carradine I was gonna say do you remember when they blew David Spade's like hair off and I was a Tommy boy I mean we're like they blow his hair off my accidents. She like that real by the way he has a he has a good space wig did he get a 100% did he really the whole cast the whole cast of was a stupid grown-ups grown-ups oh yeah for Colin Quinn he's the only one yeah, they all have all everybody on there

Okay, so this is one of those makeup deals, but I'm gonna answer answer questions, huh so much more makeup for your head Is there way to fast forward at all? No. Christine, is that, is this something holding her, is there something holding her hair back? Am I, am I looking at like an optical illusion? It looks like she has something on her hairline, maybe to like protect the hair from the makeup. I can't quite tell.

Look, there's a couple things, first of all. We don't know her whole routine. Maybe she sleeps face down in hot oil. Yeah. Have we considered that? Maybe she's made 80% of wax. Has anybody that she might where you guys start you're casting a spurs You're absolutely right. This is why I love that you before you start casting

aspersions Everybody everybody didn't give it up for that one That's from everybody everybody didn't give it up for that one. It's version is it dispersed no versions No, Louis is what I need right now. I don't look it up now. See who's right. Is it dispersions? No, I as versions what I thought you have as burgers ass burger Now what I do have a ass burger if I lay on my side Come on though. You are right the correct phrase is casting aspersions. Everybody. I didn't mean to cast any aspersions Christine clap why do you not give me any of my kudos in the world? Sorry, dude Where's these women that build you up? I have one but it's not a consistent, but she wants to fool around

Yeah, who's paying that price? She wants to get Randy on Friday. You want to fool around with you? You got to be far newer pussy to say something corny about fucking hey Bob I'll do the can can yeah, you want to go get busy the room? I go this better be the first time. We're ever fucking you say that That's when you'll deal with that you'll go yeah, let's go get busy in the room There's no way to fast-forward he said there's no it's not on YouTube at all Yeah, you should just let it play where we were vamping. Yeah. Yeah, we really don't need to hear.

I looked up the makeup and it's not coming up on YouTube. Okay, let's just keep watching this then. Let's see how long we can make it. We have to end the show. Yeah. It's long. We have like three more minutes. It's long.

Is it three minutes long? I just remember it was eternity. Let me see, hang on, if it's real. To get to the end of this It was eternity God she sure and I almost didn't make it. I almost didn't make it Oh, she sure so much video what she used to look like. I mean she this is me. She I'll tell you what though The makeup and all the stuff she does she really I mean it must be Horrific to wake up next to her in the morning.

I mean her husband must go, ah! Oh shit, sorry. Well if you remember like 10 years ago, she got her body like crazy tight. Yeah. And was doing all this shit, I guess it was in her early 50s or something. Yeah, she had it together for a minute.

And you could see she was getting all the surgeries and stuff, but I mean this is a fucking, like. stopped drinking children's blood when they she held up Trump's head Oh, that's right. Trump took away her children's blood. Yeah, she got out of the Illuminati Hollywood Illuminati she doesn't get any more of those uh, and and Cry The in babies they have the, Adrena Chrome. Adrena Chrome.

You did it. Adrena Chrome. Right at the end. Nice. Adrena Chrome. Oh my God, she's still just on the forehead? Yeah. Oh my God, she's running out of makeup.

She could actually protest on her forehead. With the mouth, like this thing with the mouth. Her neck though, the neck. The neck is what goes first. Give me some volume. I want to hear. She's gonna die in any second. She looks very unwell. She looks like a carrot top. It's not a blank canvas. Love me. Not because I'm beautiful, but because my face is in fact a blank canvas. Yeah You know what happened to her voice is she is she she becoming trans I Don't know She's very like this is creepy. Just keep it playing

Yes, turning it off stop turning it off. Montreal. One of my least favorite cities in Canada. What of interesting news do you have? Well, you're wearing an Edmonton shirt. I mean, she should be arrested for fraud. I don't know. For her comedy, you mean? No, for for presenting yourself as presentable human I gotta see how this goes. I don't see how this is gonna turn out good Wait till you see the finale Looks like you could bite through the bumper of a Cadillac. Yeah, those are all I mean everything about Her is fake at this point. But you know, what are you gonna do?

You gotta keep up appearances, I guess. That's not what this is. Yeah, but here's the thing. She had to learn how to become almost an artist. Okay. I mean, what else do you call it exactly? You really do become a fucking like spray, like a hairbrusher.

She's creating something every day that isn't there. She's a modern day Van Gogh or Picasso or. Oh my, she's like, look at that, somebody put my face on. By the way, it looks like it is still dark where she's at. I mean, look at all. She has to get up at 4 a.m. to do the morning show. Look, I think it's dark outside, am I crazy? Yeah.

Damn. I mean, that's a palette. She has a palette of paint in front of her. She's Bob Rossing it. She mixes cadmium yellow with cobalt blue. And a little periwinkle, ooh. Ooh, does Jay have a little secret? Periwinkle Jay.

Periwinkle Jay's got a secret. I like fish sandwiches. I like steamed buns it's it. I mean it sucks that girls have to go through this just go be you go be ugly Why do you have to go? Why do you have to go out? She would not she absolutely would not have aged and looked anywhere near as like this if she didn't do the work she did I know I do Yeah, keep applying. Well here your surprise when we come back punch up dot live punch up dot live Robert Kelly I catch all that content all that good good content all my my whole year. We're batting dates

We just added a bunch more dates. Please go up there find it where I'm playing and join punch-up when I'm gonna be there it's gonna tell you when I'm next to you when I'm gonna be close to you go to Big Jay Con... oh every Tuesday night I'm gonna be at the Fat Black Pussycat Big Jay, Big Show, Atlantic City July 27th it's him it's Shane Gillis it's Adam Sandler I mean it keeps getting bigger and bigger than Kathy Griffin Kathy Griffin is gonna actually do a makeup tutorial before the show in the lobby I know before we do go I just want to say also Come fill up and let's sell out the stand every Wednesday night

story wars 9 p.m It first show went so fucking good. It was Wednesday night, it went absolutely great. Thank you for any of you who came out to that. We packed it out, sold it out. Some great ones coming up and we're gonna start releasing them soon. Come be a part of it everybody at The Stand, thestandnyc.com for tickets. We'll be right back, maybe. It's the bonfire.