The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Bonfire Live 3 Year Anniversary at Skankfest NYC 2018 in Brooklyn, New York

Episode Date: August 10, 2018

This week's Best of the Bonfire catches us celebrating a milestone live from Skankfest in Brooklyn. It was a packed crowd as Big Jay and Dan rejoice with Campers over 3 Years of the Bonfire. Then, it's back to business and Jay reveals that he recently had an "accident" in the show and learned that he narrowly avoided a "waffle stomp." 

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocasin. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th to 8pm on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XMF.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. It's the Bond Fire Comedy central radio series XM 95 I'm big J. Olkerson That's handsome son of a bitches dan soda you know him and you love him Like I'm my fucking Shout out to banish for making this shirt Yeah, it's the Lewis J. Gomez high school picture. You want to read you want to read the quote with the Lewis boys?

My erection is not in my pants, but it is in my head That's a real quote from a Lewis lyric. That's for that's the classic Lewis poem banish made me this shirt I was like this I can't wear anything else to skank fest, but this shirt. That's hard to explain to somebody. And by the way, when you walk through Queens, it looks like you just lost a friend. I really, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Like, school, his option was in it. All right, PTT. Yeah. Our big jokers in the sky, bro. That's my ghost. I want to keep picturing what the photographer was saying to me, goes, just like a casual, like, I don't know, man. Just waiting for a bus.

Can you give it a outside heads up, 7-up vibe? Yeah, yeah. Can you give this signal for a steel third? Oh, bass coach Lewis. Fucking great. Dude, this is awesome. You guys are fucking insane. This is unbelievable.

It's unbelievable. Shout out to Lewis Christine and Rebecca for putting together Sky Fast. And then of course there she is. The Armenian genocide herself. What a terrible victim to Kim Sohan if you called her the Armenian genocide. She's like what? The ladybick of radio. Christine right there. Give a wave to everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. The whole crew's here. Our social media supervisor and producer extraordinaire, Black Blue, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You can pick. Here I say the soul of this show, Jacob Atat. Air will. Air will. And a mother fucking spine of this bitch, DJ Dead Rat. DJ Blue. Do that nut shot never is okay. Shagglow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do that nut shot never is okay. Does anybody not know what that sound is? That's a man with his testicles tied up and a woman is just banging on his nuts with a fucking aluminum bat. Oh. Video. So it's not bullshit. He's into it until that last shot.

I think that made him fucking be like, oh, real value-in everything. Yeah. You want to hear the sound of re-evaluation? Oh! Ah! Ah! That's, I think, a wrong turn in life noise. You say you don't want to grow up, but that's...

It is what it is. Like, little behind the scenes, when we meet up on Monday't want to grow up, but that's what it is. Like little behind the scenes when we meet up on Monday is to talk about what maybe we're going to get into this week at all. Is that a little break the wound? Fuckin' fuck. Does somebody put a rotary phone here? Is that, that's, they're like, that phone has a rank in 50 years. This place does look like a haunted bonfire. It's my father from the past. The Brooklyn Bazaar, well that burned down in 1962. No, I walked into the meeting two Mondays ago,

and when we just go through the notes, I take a ridiculous. So at one point, I just looked at everyone and I go, yeah, this new story and this thing here, and then I went, and there's a guy getting whacked with a bat and the nuts if we could do something with that probably. It led me out legendary. And it led us, but me, to one of my favorite 30 minute videos I've ever watched in my life, which is a woman kicking a man in the nuts, but tricking him while doing it. He's into it and if you don't believe he watched the video, but tricking him while doing it. Because he's into it.

And if you don't believe he watched the video, he keeps getting harder as he's kicked in the nuts, but the lady's like tricking him. So she's like throwing fake shots, like, nope, wham! And it's so goddamn funny. Which one point where he's up against the wall and she's like fucking lining her foot up and she goes, you ready? And you just hear that like, CD horny-missing his voice, he's like, yeah.

You see, I fucking read it, and he's like, yeah. It touches the foot, and then she backs up, and she goes, great, that's right, comes around the front and fuck a bunch of them in the dick, and it's the hardest I've ever laughed in five years. It's like the crane kick. Yeah, and he's like, he's watching the wrong foot.

Wah! I don't know why you didn't sneak him, he was into the crank kick. Yeah, he's like, he's watching the wrong foot. Bwaah! I don't know why you didn't sneak him, he was into the idea. It's insane that for three years we've been doing this show, and that's what we do, and they haven't fired us. So shout out to Comedy Central, not paying attention. However, they have won it two, like three times. Yeah, it came close. It's always weird, because I feel like you guys are our friends and we can't tell you we get hit at home.

Like, yes, where are you guys on Monday? I'm like, I got sick. I got sick and I fell down too. No, but they're cool. They made us a dog dildo. That's pretty sick. How about we fucking shut out some of the campers here that we fucking know and love there is hanging right right out front everybody. If Diana know me, of course, Falcone. Falcone, down from New England. I love, I always love seeing a fucking chat out the stew. Will, wait, stew! Stand up and say what's up, Will, stand up, everybody. Yeah!

That's what Louis Beef is father-hit him less. Well, that's more body shots. It's got real dark. This room feels like it should be, though. It feels fucking right, man. It feels like every wedding that took place here definitely ended in divorce. Oh, no, yeah. The skanks and bonfire fans are they're a rare bunch for sure.

Yeah I said it yesterday man I said it on stage but it's true last year the sponsor was dangerous coffee. So when I was walking around fucking jacked up just like, yeah! I'm a fucking Lewis fan! And then Lewis just would be like, climb that building, is that? Yeah, fucking figure it out! You call me a pussy? Yeah. This year it's weed, so everyone's just like, hey, what's up, man?

Yeah. So like Dave's got a lot of interesting ideas. Yeah. So everyone shifted over to the day. And then all he gets is like, oh man, really big fan. So like Dave's got a lot of interesting ideas. Everyone shifted over to the day. Oh man, really big fan. Dan? Yeah. There's been a couple of those.

Are we friends from before comedy? And I don't remember this. But it's awesome. So shout out to these sponsors. We got some giveaways for you guys. A genius pipe. No, not giveaways. They got some giveaways for you guys. A genius pipe. No, no, not giveaways. They got to earn it. You're always better at this than I am. I'm a real slob. I don't know how to.

You're slob. I'm like, you want it? You just have it. Take it. It's yours. It's probably worthless. Anyway, I don't even know why you want. Yes. We have gross. We have A give, but we have two giveaways, but it's two things. How should we do this? How should we give this shit away? Because it's also very much in Lewis fashion right before we went on. He goes, give this away. I'm like, I don't know. He goes, it's really important.

Is that cool? What do you say? I ain't good now. No? No, no. No giveaways. We do this for the love of it. That's like a face to face. Like, will you do my kids cancer benefit? And you're like, well, I fucking guess so now.

Yeah. You can't lay a hand on me and be like, it's my boy. I know. I know. Have you touched them recently? Yeah. Oh. What kind? Dude, you should have said that before you walked in the room, grunt. some recent thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

What kind? Dude, you should've said that before you walked in the room, gruff. Yeah. Ah, ah, what stage? Ah. Oh, help. I'm like, ah, I'm going to still have to get to be that big

of a dick. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, how to book, you know what I mean? I'm throwing a block, which you might say, hey, I guess we just give it away. Who needs CBD the most? Anybody have any ailments? You look like you're not even a legionist, Skanks fan. You're just here as Greenpoint changed into this. He runs the coffee shop that's gonna be in this location. He goes, ah, this was a co-op. That's just a bunch of people who look like they have deep alien theories. Man, if they have a disco ball in a room still, you have garbage clientele. That's for 45-year-old chubby chicks who don't want to be seen really.

That's all light trickery. They need to get rid of that. What if that's what we get in trouble for on this show in three years, like you should have never brought up that disco ball? They are fucking pissed. Any young man hung that disco ball here. What are these two seats for? We expect some big time, shit.

Those for our dads. Is that a subtle fuck you? Do we do that now? Every live show? Two, what? Two seats. For two Gary's. I'm telling you, that's always, that's the, remember the program?

The movie program? Yeah. When he looks over, he got his dad the, remember the program? The movie program? Yeah, when he's able. When he's okay. When he looks over, he got his dad the tickets for the Champions of Game, he looks over and they're empty and he goes, that's all right, dad, we'll get him next time. That's what I say before every set. All right, yeah, me too.

Then I got just kidding. Your mom comes to your comedy though, right? Uh, I don't, she doesn't tell me when she does. What? It's just weird. It's just weird like a food man too much, does? Still in the corner, he's going on. I know, that's suspicious.

The person might be the first. Oh, I am just pass-up-by. I am Chris. I am Chris. Traveling business, man. I want the Orient. They don't call it the Orient. From the Orient. I am't call it the Orient. I am Oriental. Yeah.

Now, yeah, take off the hat. Son of a bitch. Yeah. No, but like, I don't, um, this gets depressed. The first time my mom was supposed to come see me do stand up as in Tucson. And uh, we went out to dinner and her and her boyfriend got hammered. And then she was like, I'm gonna go back to the hotel. And then we'll meet you at the comedy club, but you passed out at the hotel. So it really wasn't a situation like that. Yeah, sad shit.

It's like a teen drama. Yeah. So then the next day, I had a stand turn to opioids. No, but we got into a hangover fight the next day, because I was hungover and I was like you can't see me do comedy It's you was like what and I was like you're not allowed and then You started that story not realizing there was no bright ending to it It was we just brush started the carpet pretended never happened

But it's always looming we're not a heavy breathe nose nose breathing Well, we're no, but finally I was like you can come when I got a comedy central half hour. I was like, you can come to that taping. Cause she wanted to go to like bar shows and like shitty shows I was on. I was like, I don't watch you. You're not gonna watch me bomb. Dude, I'm a dumbass.

I used to bring my mom and stepop used to come into like these all black comedy shows I would do in Philly. And just watch me up there. I'm like, all right, mom, I was going on and you guys can get out of here quick, I promise. That's funny, that's such a difference between how like my mom and I were and how your mom and you were, you're like,

yeah, come see me. My mom's like, what are you doing? I'm like, don't worry about it. It was always like, like football, I would come home and she'd be like, you have a football game today? And I'd be like, just covered in dirt. I'm like, yeah. She's like, yeah, that's when?

I'm like, yeah. I scored four touchdowns. I'm on defense. Yeah. It would be, ah, that's when? I scored four touchdowns. I'm on defense. Yeah, it would be nice to see you saw it. My dad can't, for that guy missing 17 birthdays, he can't miss a show if I'm in his area and he wants to be noticed. He, my dad, I told you that's that water boy. Yeah, my dad is great, but it's in his fuck.

I don't know. Oh my god, fuck it, you have to know it. I'm your family now. Yeah, there's Benoitus here. Benoitus, it's in his fuck. I don't know. Oh my god, fuck any effort. I'm in a family now. Yeah, there's panoias here. Panoias season. I could say he wants to fuck somebody besides my stepmother so bad.

That like. You're not consistent with your dad. So you kind of know you have the wiring, even if it's not the same. I know it doesn't matter where I go. I could tell stories why his hair, my son, my dad was a real deadbeat dad. He'll stand up and be like, yeah.

What's up? We cooled down though! Woo! Left him long enough for the oven. You developed a sense of humor! Yeah, it's weird, I was saying like that water boy shit, but it is true. I recently had someone that was just calling themselves my cousin on Instagram. It happened in my house.

Yeah, I was hanging out with Jay and someone's like, on Instagram, like, hey cousin, come hang out. Like, who? And they're like, I'm your dad's stepbrothers daughter. Like that's a fucking stretch. I didn't see you reaching out to me when I was at bedbath and beyond.

It's funny, I didn't say this when this happened to you because I wanted to let you feel about however you feel about it. But you have a bad bad habit of this. You read things to me like text back and forth. Yeah, I know exactly. But I'm like if you don't read it, like you start off like they're angry even if they're saying positive things. So do you see we just did right there? This person reaches out and they go, I'm your cousin from blah blah blah uncle whatever. And then, hey, that's pretty cool, huh? And it's like, he might have really goes, Hey, I said, I'm your cousin. I would like to meet my cousin. Trust no one. You're not. It's no one doubt everything.

I've said for you, like, this guy writes, I'm a big fan of billions and then I'm like well I fucking do other stuff to dude right and I'm like he's just telling you he loves your work. Nah, fuck that he's pigeonholing me. He doesn't know you're a triple threat dude I'm working on EDM music now. I got some sense lined up dude you definitely have the face to stand still like behind turn tables DJ Lou reminded me this morning that I were the phone that I have not

To hold my story yet of when I shit in the shower Remember I told you I shit the shower I teased it. I think I saw you telling on stage Very possible, but has not become material. Yeah, no, it was that new joke, right? Yeah, it's very possible. I did, yeah, shit in the shower. So weird. I was spreading my butt cheeks for a shower fart.

For someone that is so meticulous with your asshole care, for you to shit in the shower seems out of character. Oh, yeah. I think it's out of character for everybody. Was it food poisoning? It was not food poisoning at all. It was excitability? No, it was just it didn't see it coming.

Took a shit, thought I was done shitting. Got in the shower, thought I had a fart. Now in the shower, what I'll tend to do is take my hands and spread my butt cheeks really far to see if I get either a nasty bite. A lot or no sound Depending on how I you know, it's like when you're holding the end of a balloon You know, I mean you're controlling a lot of air make it make it a whistler maybe can I apologize?

Yeah, I want to apologize to you. Yeah, because when you say this at the beginning I was like All right Jay, I need to do in gaping your asshole when you front the shower and now that you've explained it like that Yeah, I can put this see what you're doing. Oh, yeah. In fact, you probably don't realize you've done it yourself. I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow. You've hand spread your butt cheek. In fact, I don't know if she learned it by watching me, like drugs, but I'm pretty sure

Christine's a real butt cheek spreader now too on her farts. Not in front of me or anything, but I think that's a conferred. You know what opening your butt opening your butt cheeks for a fart is like trying to catch a grape in your mouth like they're on an overnight. Let's see if this goes well. And sometimes it doesn't go well. It'll be super awesome. I'll be picking up a dirty grape. Yeah. But that's not that's not since you that's just like what you do so you don't get fart trapped in you. Fart trapped in you what what kind of Armenian witchcraft do you think what does that mean? She's like everyone knows the spirit of fart must escape your butt any day that you sin

Just always don't pagan things for parts She goes every every rainstorm brings three farts into your body. Why must release? Why do you mean to get a fart out of you? You're fart, do you believe your asshole is so tight that unless you spread it with your hands, farts won't come out? No, I don't mean that. I just mean like if you give yourself a little space away from like your underwear and your clothes and everything,

I feel like it doesn't linger as long and it kind of goes into the air and it doesn't like stay with you. It's ass air and it smells like it's gross. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't wanna round. I don't know who to bring it back of your pants? Yeah. Weird. Weird. I like putting my hand down my pants.

I pull my butt cheeks apart. I swear. That's so crazy. That's awesome. You farted your hand? No, dude, I, the, you basically farted your hand. How else do you do that? That wouldn't physically work on you

when you're farting in your hand. Buttercuping, everybody you meet. You go out there. But I also don't like, I don't do that. Just like you're farting in your hand. Buttercuping, everybody you meet. You go out there. I also don't like, I don't do that just like, you know. Yeah. That's not like, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a,

that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a,

that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, that's he's fucking, why do you think he's nose lollipagee? Fucking Nerf guns it over at him. No, it's not a goddamn, there's another awful thing, but no, I just, yeah, I pulled my butt cheeks apart and... Did you push it? I did, because I thought I was pushing out

fart. Yeah. I was going for a dizzy Gillespie I was going for yeah, I was a fairer line cable guy, you know from this angle you look a lot like dizzy Gillespie Salpeen nuts, salt peanuts So you when you do it must stand up show you you Pull both To let it out like that right right? Yes. That was crazy. The shower in the shower is great. She does the one hand split, right?

Oh, I want hand, I want hand that when I'm lying down the road. It's basically J is a double handed dunk and Christine's palm in the ball. Yeah, just letting it go. I got it. I would be, I'd be a, I'm a, I'm a, a four or five. So I'd probably do a fucking double handed spread. That's the shower is when I'm out of the chef I'm laying in a hotel better

something like that. I'm a one-hander. I just fucking clean the cube. Fucking Ollie, that's shit. The cover of Skater Dye. It kind of silenced is it though but that's something when it's like look me and Jay lived together. I still don't want to fart around like boyfriend. So it's like we're laying Ben and I've like silenced it, but then it's just like rancid and I'm like I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, because I'll tell you right now when you cut him to silence, that's the dog fart. That's the it's a fear. It means you want to punch your back and blame it on a cupping.

We can't think the call, but Will New Jersey just said what I did in the shower is called waffle stomping I know what he means right away because we didn't even get to it Yeah, cuz you go back to opening your but I'm this fire fart just shoots out a nice little Like a like a spider-man web shot. Yeah, like like like that was not one that's meant to yes But not one that's meant to the blog swing from a building blind a bad guy with a gun the one supposed to cover his gun in his hands It's one of those He's sputtering in the bathroom shower. Oh, sorry. I webbed you. Oh man. I got a fart Hold on I need to pick myself up to the top of that building.

My spidey sense is telling me it's time to fart. So when you did it, you weren't looking backwards like a little stinker, were you? But I was so bummed out. I'm not looking back when you shot it out though like no, I'm talking about when you fired you didn't look at the wall like I was Here's what I did it was it was not like a log of shit. Thank God Yeah, I was I tell all was was a race then it was to get ahead of it as it was making its way It's looking to him in the shower. So it's going towards the drain and Say what waffle stomping is I did not want to get involved in that I wouldn't be able to

Chlorox that drain enough. You also your foot. You just have like poop on your foot from Waffle Stompin'? Yeah, listen, I'm sure that would come out. This was not that kind of shit, man. This wasn't that kind of shit. It wouldn't have caused that probably. Didn't have to get Waffle Stomped. However, it would have definitely like,

it would have went down the drain, but it would have been, I don't know. It would have bothered me so much. I know much. It would have been like, I would have wanted to move. Like a luge. Yeah. It would have moved like a luge. That's how I felt. And I was, that's how I was able know, it would have bothered me so much. I would have been like a loop. Like a loopy. Yeah. Who'd have moved like a loop.

That's how I felt. And I was so, I was able to get it, I was able to get ahead of it. And with my big toe, just hook kick out the drain cover. You fucking kick boxer training montage your poop and watched it and saved the day. And all went down. I just was able to kick it back over towards me. Right down the drain, smooth sailing. You avoided a real situation there.

Hey, it's Big J.O. Grison, and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bonfire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th-8pm Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM-95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at 6M. on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at SexM.