The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Bonfire Live From Skanfest Las Vegas 2024

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

Skankfest is the greatest comedy festival in the world and the Bonfire was back again this year before a frenzied Vegas audience. Joe DeRosa joined Jay and Bobby on stage to bust balls and find out how the crew was handling Sin City this time around. Jacob plays cringey gameshow host and two campers compete to see who knows the Bonfire the best. This crazy live event is not to be missed! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now live from Skankfest Vegas, it's the Bonfire with Big J O pursuing Robert Kelly. How old man is this? Ginger Ale everybody! What's up? Welcome to the Bonfire Skankfest 2024! What's up? That was nice. Faction Talks Series XM103. Yes, what's up fuckers? We know, we haven't seen a lot of each other, dude. What do you mean? Is there something up with your eyes? What?

other dude what do you mean wait is it something up with your eyes what what the fuck's going to do what's up dude listen to me bro yeah I'm not fucking around Lewis got a little powder my eyes earlier the the around you dude around your eyes are blood no bro stop buddy you know my Bro! Stop. Buddy. You know I'm a hypochondriac. I'm not fucking... Listen to me. Around... Dude, look at his eye. If you die, what am I gonna replace you with? Joe DeRosa?

No. Then they'll relax. Joe's nice. You set him up for that failure, then you felt bad. I did, and then I felt bad. I thought they were gonna be like, woo! They were like, like no! Dude look, Black Lou, look at his eyes. Is there blood around his eyes? Dude are you dying? No. Are you fucking ozempic dying right now? No. Does it do this? Yeah. That's one of the side effects. Dracula eyes. No, calm down.

I'm wearing dope ass contacts for my performance tonight at the Comedy Jam, dude. Oh, okay. I told you. It was the season of colored contacts, bro. I'm just glad they're not opal like your fingernails. Yeah, you're weird by the way. No one looks at my face ever.

I must be cock heavy because everyone has said there's red around the tits. Yeah, you're weird by the way, a few bit. No one looks at my face ever. I must be cock heavy because everyone has said there's red around the tip. No one says that my eyes are bright blue usually. No one seems to remember that. I notice because I love you and I look in your eyes when I see you. You're not even looking at my eyes now. You're so freaked out, you hate it.

I'm a little fucking freaked out, dude. You believe in Satan, but it's not. It's just contact lenses, everybody. We have a fucking great show for you guys here we have we we always gotta start with introducing our amazing our amazing fucking crew yes back at skank fest it's black whoo everybody And don't forget the magic man, the genius DJ Lou over on the computer right over there. Give him some love. Dude, if I don't dance I'm gonna die.

Man. Jacob. Jacob. I'm gonna die. ["damn, he's good. He's so good. Goddamn. He's so good. I hope you make it through this weekend. You're probably not going to make it through this weekend, but this was a good fucking hurrah. This was a good swan song, Luke. Where's our Christina? Where's the mama bear? She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere.

She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere.

She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere. She's being yelled at by Lewis somewhere right now. She's somewhere being yelled at by Lewis. That's okay everybody because the heart beats here everyone. You know him and love him.

Make some noise for Jacob Ataat! They make you feel alive every year, dude. You gotta talk. You have a microphone. This show keeps you in Queens for one more year The people spoken they love you Jacob, you know that Have you spent any time this weekend with our own DJ Lou nobody could find them. We have pictures And we have multiple texts about stuff that happened happened. I've gotten, this is the first time I've seen him

since the pre-party. I have gotten pictures, I have gotten texts, and I will say my most asked question at Skankfest 2024. Why those fingernails? No. Oh. Sorry. You can't hurt me here yeah let me take your purse

What is this shit? Ah shit. Multiple pits of three more weeks. I just felt I should have been introduced as one of the crew. You should have been. Everybody, how about it for the one and only Joe DeRosa. Skaggbaz! God damn it. I hate your Austin pants. Thank you.

Oh, do I hate your fucking outfit. Thank you for wearing this shirt in tribute to me. That's very nice of you. I'm actually wearing a shirt that fits my age. Doesn't fit your body, unfortunately. That's true. You know what, that's true. How did you walk into that?

I really can't button this that well. Jay, what the fuck is up with your eyes, dude? They're fucking. Sick ass contacts? Yeah. I was gonna say, you have shitty possession movie eyes. Yes. He's in here with us.

Yeah, I mean, they were 40 bucks. Jay ate the devil. You fuck. Wait, you walked up Joe, I was just saying that my most asked question this weekend from everybody here is, is DJ Lou okay? Which lets me think, where are you ending up Lou? Where does these things end? The first time it was said to me, I had eyes on you right away, they go, is DJ Lou end? The first time it was said to me, I had eyes on you right away. They go, is DJ Lou okay? And as they said that, the doors blasted open

of the Insane Clown Posse performance. And I swear to you, they go, is DJ Lou okay? And when I looked in, I saw him going. And I went, I think that's what you're supposed to do in there. I went, I think that's what you're supposed to do in there. Ha ha ha ha. Okay, can I, Lewis has one text from Lewis Adventures. Sure, I mean step up on the stage you fucking weirdo. That's a weird place to,

Lou, this is your conscience speaking. The text basically reads, I gave DJ Lou as much water as I could possibly give him. I sat him down. I tried to calm him down. He said he wanted to murder everyone he saw. He's your problem now. Someone just sent that message? I actually Thursday night I walked DJ Lou back to your hotel.

But we walked to my hotel first before he said, I don't think I'm staying here. And then I go, give me your key. And it was way the fuck back down here. So you took him over there. Yeah, I was like playing a video game though, cause he was doing this. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no,

don't hit the black guys, don't hit the black guys don't hit the black guys so we made it back and you put him in his room I put him in his room well let me tell you something I fucked him wait we had sex oh he doesn't remember this part but those sweet cheeks were mine well let me tell you I did that to maybe get him sober by the way you may have done that because hours after you put him in his room, we got a text going, is DJ Lou okay? Because he's fucking on one at the bar at the hotel. You fucking left the room?

I told you shut the door and lock it. You're done. He doesn't know, Bobby. It's okay. It's okay if you don't know what you've done. I like DJ Lou drunk DJ I think it's fun. He tells you he loves you a lot then he tells you he hates you Then he says he's gonna murder people and he goes not you. I love you again. I like it He's gonna eat a very similar to dawn. You're very similar to my wife

Lou you have a microphone. How's your Skankfest been? I haven't seen you at all, but everyone's very concerned. Let's go, Lou! Lou! I'm fine. I'm fine, bro. I'm fine. I just had too much tequila the first night.

That's all it was? Just tequila? Yeah, and that's why I wanted to murder people, because somebody got me drunk on fucking tequila. All right. Well, it says that on the bottle, that that might be one of the side effects. Murder. And he drank a lot of beer boots.

Have you gotten laid? No. Have you tried? No. You don't know. No, but you saw that picture of me hugging that girl's ass. What happened? The girl from Fremont Street.

Yeah. I'm gonna go back to see her. Lou, you're supposed to give her a dollar and move Street? Yeah. I'm gonna go back to see her. Yeah! Lou, you're supposed to give her a dollar and move on. Yeah. I gave her $20. Yeah, she's not a hooker, Lou. Oh, she's not?

He gave her $20, give me the long picture. Yeah. Yeah, Lou, you take a picture with her in her Trump sign and you fucking keep it rolling, dude. That's it. He didn't get a hooker, he just kept giving money to a picture bitch on Fremont Street. Lou's gonna fuck the nun with her tits out.

Oh, but you didn't see her, you're gonna see. Yeah. You'll laugh later. Yeah, it's joke grenade. Well, Lou, we're happy you're having fun. Are you gonna continue the party on the night? Yeah, it's about, I'm going hard. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't go hard. I'm not leaving this room. No, let Bobby put you fake to sleep again, little baby boy, and then you can fucking go being an adult. Take back the night, dude. I think you have hooked up, but it's been all gay stuff. You're repressing. No.

Oh, you remember that. OK, convenient. Look who woke up all of a sudden from his stupor. Joe, thank you for being here with us. Joe, speaking of gay stuff, have you done any weird shit since you've been here? No, I've been keeping it pretty light. Have you gone to the strip club yet, Joe? No, tonight I'm going to go to the strip club. Are you going to put socks on before you go? I have socks on. They're little no-shows. Oh Oh you both have the anklets. Yeah, should I be getting those? Yes I have the big oh Jesus

God what a suburban dad. Yeah, that's what I fucking him, but that's not what you want to give off, dude Yeah, you're right. Oh you want to get my socks you cocksucker and put it on the stories Sideways black little kind of socks you wear We're similar you got Bobby with Black blue, what kind of socks you wear? I wear similar. You got black? The Bobby? The Bobby, yeah. Why are you guys accepted this life? Because we're dads, we live a different life. I'm fucking not drinking, I'm not drugging,

I fucking went to an AA meeting this morning. Can I tell you... Does that make your fucking poo? It's pretty funny. Can I tell you how much it bothers me? And I've been saying this to you for two days. Can I tell you how much it bothers me, and I've been saying this to you for two days, can I tell you how much it bothers me? Don't worry, I've said this to you a lot.

Can I tell you how much it bothers me that Bobby still goes to AA meetings 38 years into sobriety? Yeah. Figure it out, Bobby. Yeah. I did figure it out. Basketball players don't go to practice two years into the contract. He's still going to AA meetings. What is left to be said?

Joe, I did figure it out. I didn't want to be alone in a house in middle of Pennsylvania. Okay. Bobby, but when you speak- You. No, I'm not alone. I have my friends. Who? Jim Beam, Jack Daniels. We have a great time in that house All right Bobby is funny though whenever you speak at a meeting it has to be like The Allman Brothers were on their inaugural tour I just got in a brand new 72 Chevy

My best gal Sally and me were taking it down because I was drinking rumple mitts now was this Winter Van Hagar shit. I can, I was drinking rumple mitts. Now was this Van Halen or Van Hagar? Shit, I can't quite remember. I was Van Hagar, clock sucker. You said the funniest thing though, dude. You said you were hosting the AA meeting in your hotel room. You're not supposed to tell people this, he told you this.

No, no, I said to him. You can't tell who's there. Yeah, I go, what are you doing? He goes, I'm hosting an AA meeting in my hotel room. And I go, who's there. Yeah I go, I go, I go what are you doing? He goes I'm hosting an AA meeting in my hotel room and I go who's coming? And he goes it's fucking anonymous dude. Justin Silver's gonna walk in, Justin Silver's gonna go well did it again, woke up with a cock in my mouth. Adopted three more dogs. There's not enough dog adoption to shake this salty taste out of my mouth. Blacked out, woke up with a new terrier.

Justin is doing fine. God damn right he is. What are you doing? He's doing his thing, dude. He's stretching out a little bit. He's just getting up, walking around, you fucking comfortable cocksucker. Oh, did you?

Do you like these pants? Do you really like these Janine Garofalo fucking pants he's wearing? Can I tell you? I got a million and one ways to make fun of him. Son of a bitch, I do like him. I would wear pants that just show my ankles, but not those pants. You wear pants that show your shin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My strong suit, but Joe's got nice little baby ankles and it looks good.

Thank you. Thank you, Daddy. I like your pants, baby. Your shorts are long enough that you could almost just turn them into these pants. I felt backhanded. No. Your shorts are long enough, right? This asshole already wears shorts.

You're an odd guy, because you're the only guy that wears shorts all year round, but will wear a hooded sweatshirt in July. I know. Yeah, you mix it up, dude. It's a commitment to a look. It's a real commitment to a look. I'm excited. Bobby, we were supposed to go to the strip club on Thursday.

Yeah, you... When's the last time you went? Was it with me? Strip club? The three of us went to a strip club upstate New York. Oh, that was a fucking nightmare. You ruined it again with your fucking bitching and moaning. Dude, I didn't wanna...

She didn't dance the whole two songs. It was a song and a half. And you guys said it was two free songs. She stopped during the second song. Who the fuck complained? We were asked to leave what's definitely an illegal strip club. Yes, they locked the door and had a bag of dildos.

And it had a pit that they were sticking shit in each other's pussies. And they go, this whiny motherfucker. They advertised that it was two songs for 20. I'm sorry. She did a song and a half. Hey, sweetie, if you're going to fuck me, you better kiss me first.

Yes. And then I said, I want to see the manager. Who the fuck? It's not a Denny's. Wasn't it though? And if you remember, we were all brought around the bar to be reprimanded by the manager. Who said, buddy, these girls just aren't going to grind all over you. Grind all over your lap. Oh, that hurt you so, he was like, I never said grind.

He goes, I didn't ask that. If they said they're gonna dance for two songs, they just answer, he goes, buddy, they're not just gonna grind. And he's trying to get everyone's attention to laugh at Joe. And it worked so much that the rest of us jumped away from Joe and started turning like, yeah, Joe, they're not gonna grind over.

We're leaving, we're leaving. That made you mad. When we took his side, it really pissed you off. You're leaving out one element of the story, one crucial element of the story. The worst human being to be in this situation with was there. Bill Burr was with us. Joe, Joe, just relax, man.

We had a great fucking time, and you're fucking up with your fucking neurotic bullshit. Did you say grind? You probably said grind. That's the type of dude you are. You like grind, Joe. I should just do my voice, by the way. I don't know why.

And then eventually- I'm trying to create a new voice. Bobby uses laptop, jerked off to a porn video onto a towel. Yeah. Left it on our doorknob. Knocked on the door. Joe answered the door, said, there's no one there, just this towel in my hand. And then Bobby called and I said, hello? And he just started laughing. Because Joe was holding his cum towel. You should have took the song and a half, asshole.

I was like, why does this towel taste so salty? You got people back. Not that I was fat, it was sugary. No, you weren't fat, you were one of your thins then. Was I a thing? Yeah. You were one of your thins. How many thins have you seen?

Two. You've seen two. That hurt. No, no, no no I'm not being shitty But two that I remember that was one of your no three when I met you you were this Size what is this? What does that mean? You know the way you are now this this Would you calm down apply what you learn at these AA meetings? Yeah, but it's hard with your fucking... Bobby, have serenity and strength!

Jay, it's hard with his face. I know. His fucking 20 face. You get that 11 between your eyes. There's no way they tell you at the AA meetings, Bobby, be reactionary to everything. No! When I met you. Stop touching me. Stop touching me.

Oh, he's going to be a biker. I'm not an open mic you're trying to bang. Accept it. Stop. Accept it. I hate it. Accept it. I hate your ET fingers.

Oh my God. You're going to have to listen to a lot of Justin's gay confessions for this one. It does get better. It gets better with every passing year. I do like it. Sobriety. No, you were the way you are now when I first met you. I don't mean that.

It just never gets better. It sounds mean. Yeah. You were the thinness that you are now when I first met you. Okay, that's okay. Then you got fat. Then you thinned out again because you were the first guy I ever knew that did fucking keto.

Oh yeah, I did keto. I had never heard of keto. They didn't even have a name for it yet but Bobby was like, dude there's a diet you just eat meatballs. I did. I ate meatballs for like two months. Oh yeah no it was Atkins yeah then Bobby Cummings goes dude you could just eat a fucking block of cheese like a fucking candy bar no one cares. He would take me to Sbarro. Shove nuts in it. He would take me to Sabaro. Shove nuts in it. He would take me to Sabaro and just get sausage and meatballs.

And he's like, Sabaro's? Were you the person keeping that alive? No. Did you guys always go to eat at an airport together? Me and Joe, we used to eat every day together, like fucking Pope at Greenwich Village. We'd go to like three different places

and get like bread at one place, meats at another, then we go somewhere else and get like olives, we get fucking olives and some shit. Yeah. You were just enabling your friend, Joe, real nice. No, he was thin when we did that. I remember- You didn't say he was thin, you said he was this.

Well, I hate to be a sickler. He was, I remember, dude, this is when this was a big one. We want to do you have to touch me because I love you. He's Italian or silly thing. He's not Italian. He's fucking no one knows. He's adopted from the country of. We went into but that was the second thing was when we were doing the Pope of Greenwich Village. Yes, yes.

And now this is the third thin. Third thin. This is the third thin. Yes. Oh, I was going to say, Joe, do you remember when me, you and Kareem Green shared a hotel room and you came out of the shower naked and bent over and spread your butt cheeks to fart in front of us for a laugh? Yes.

And then accidentally shit a little nugget? Yes. And found out that day black dudes don't like those kind of jokes and then because he couldn't argue constantly about the shit you guys drove home the entire having a fight over it was more about the shit on the floor but it ended up becoming about is sand n-word as bad as the n-word. Yeah but yeah it was like a marriage fight it was about the dishes Kareem was like, this isn't about the dishes, Kareem. Is it?

This is about the shit on the floor. I used to do shit pranks all the time to people in hotel rooms. What is a shit prank? Who the fuck does a shit prank? I'll tell you. Ari Shaffir just shit pranked the entire festival. He just shits. And let me tell you something about Ari Shaffir. He felt like, I gotta make a big name for myself,

because Joe DeRosa was the king of this fucking festival last year. And now I got a bloody shit all over the stage. And you know what I say, Ari? My thing was organic, and you're trying too hard. Well, there's nothing more organic than shit and blood. Yeah. Yeah.

So if we can't make people laugh about it, it's literally too soon. Everyone's still like, oh, I still feel it and smell it. Oh, I was just kidding. I don't think I was the king of the, I was just joking. The- No one's upset. No one's upset with that. They're just reliving the Ari shit thing.

The blood shit- I forgot you blew a guy last year too. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. A woman. Oh, sorry, yes. Did something to me. She's, yeah.

Speak respectfully. Sorry. And then you jacked off a guy lady in the middle. Yeah. I. Jerked off a woman. Right. You jacked off a woman's penis.

To completion. While she blew you with her girl guy mouth. Can I ask you a question? They, them, her, him mouth? Hey, can I ask you a question? Seriously, a year later? Yeah. Did you put it in your mouth?

No. What part of you thinks I wouldn't tell you? The reaction we would all give you if you said it right now? No, I feel like I would get cheers. No, no, they would crowd surf you, but you realize it was just to get you far out of the area. You'd be like one of those when people set up the dominoes, it would just be all the way until you get to that women's restaurant in Fremont.

I would have zero qualms about telling you if I have ever had a cock in my mouth. No, I didn't. You've never had a cock in your mouth? Never. I would have zero qualms about telling you if I have ever had a cock in my mouth. No, I did. You've never had a cock in your mouth? Never. Well, have I got a surprise for you, Jacob. Jacob's saying we gotta wrap it up. I know we have to get to our next one. We gotta get down to fucking Rose Masters.

I gotta go, I love you guys. I love you, buddy. I love you, buddy. I was gonna say one more thing and I can't remember what the fuck it was. Anyway, Ari's bloody shit. Remember it forever. I saw Tony last night, Hedge Club, I go, I go, I don't care for the fact that Ari bloody shit all over the stage. Tony, does that make me a libtard?

Totally, dude. Fuck you, you little Nancy. Guys, I love you. Bonfire, Skankfest. You guys are the fucking greatest. Joe DeRose, everybody. The greatest radio show, the greatest dance. Small little break. We got a great show lined up for you. Love you, buddy. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. It's The Bonfire. And now back to the bonfire live from skankfest Vegas with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Recorded live before a studio audience at skankfest in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada It's the game where two contestants test their knowledge of all things bonfire for a king's ransom of $25.

Drunk or stoned, big dick or short king, flower child or goth queen, it's all up for grabs on the bonfire $25 pyramid. And here's your host for the evening Jake Baton Yeah, yeah, yeah Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it good evening ladies and thems and welcome to the bonfire $25 pyramid and beautiful Skankfest Las Vegas My oh my, look at this crowd, look at this crowd. Wow.

Who knew one day I'd be performing for the street artisans of Les Miserables. But hey, welcome you dregs to the bonfire $25 pyramid. The game where one lucky audience member has the chance to win 25 buckaroos. The game is played like this. We have two audience members that will be competing against each other for the grand prize. Each of them will have a bonfire celebrity host as their partner. Each contestant will be fed clues by their partner and they must answer the question from the clues within the time allotted. All right, look, business out of the way, let's meet tonight's bonfire celebrity hosts. Are you ready? Yeah! Woo!

All right. First up, he hails from Boston, Massachusetts. His comedy has been compared to that of the great Francois Rebellier. But you know him best from Dane Cook's Torgasm, Louis CK's Louie, Dennis Leary's Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, but you can hire him for pennies on the dollar as Cupid on Cameo. He's always breaking the rules. He's Robert Kelly!

Robert good to see you again my friend, good to see you. Have a seat right there pal. Thank you buddy, nice to see you. Nice to see you. Next up, our next Bonfire celebrity host hails from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. But you know him best from the independent film channels, Xerox, season one, episode four of Billions, an original stable member of P. Diddy's Bad Boys of Comedy, y'all. And you almost knew him as Fat Boyfriend on the NBC hit television drama This Is Us.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm round of applause for Big Jay Okerson! Jay, my friend, great to see you, great to see you. Have a seat right there. Fellas, it's been, Bobby, I think it's been a year to the day since I've seen you basically on this very stage. How have you been, my friend? What have you been up to? I've been doing a lot of things.

I was on the bonfire course. We started the rags. That's great. Now, Bobby, since I've seen you, I'm told that you've been, do I have this right, cutting up the turds of your unruly son with a stick so that it will flush down the toilet. What?

I've actually taught him how to do it himself. Still seems like a household problem. Fantastic. All right, well, as Dr. Spock once said, spare the rod, clog the bowl. Bobby, you've lost weight but somehow still seem a little fat. Wow. That doesn't feel good at all.

All right. Jacob gets it all out on the show. He gets it all out. Well, good luck to you, Robert, and your son. I'm sure he's going to turn out just fine. Big Jay, good to see you, my friend. And Jay, like I said, it's been a year, basically, to the day since I've seen you.

And I must say, you've definitely queered your look up a bit with the fingernails. How have you been, my friend? Queered my, I've been doing good. It's, the festival's been amazing so far. Fantastic, Jay. And Jay, since the last time I've seen you, do I have this right? I'm told that you lost your baby girl Isabella to a, is this correct? Oh, wait.

A six foot five, half black, half Latino. Wow. I don't know if I lost. She's gone. You lost her. Where is she? Is she here? Yeah, she's there.

She's in a wheelchair. Don't ask why. Is he? Is he hitting already? He's already giving her the business? What the fuck? It was an ATV accident. That's what we're telling people. He's already given you the business? What the fuck?

It was an ATV accident, that's what we're telling people. That's what they say. Jay, Oprah Winfrey once said, You can have it all, just not all at once. But your baby girl sure did prove her wrong. Alright, well good luck to you, Jay. It definitely seems like your life's been unraveling since I saw you last. Alright, guys I think it's time to meet tonight's Bonfire $25 Pyramid contestants. Are you ready? Are you ready? All right.

First up, she's a systems analyst from Watertown, Massachusetts. She's into cosplay and spending time with her camper boyfriend, Mike, and Kat Winston. Please welcome Shannon Glazer. Welcome to the show. Have a seat. Moo-wee. Look at those. I mean look at you. What the fuck? Oh she came prepared. Gangster. That's what I should have done. My dumb tits for nothing. Our next contestant is a warehouse manager from Plant City, Florida. You know, I've had some adventures in that state, I can tell you, and you wouldn't believe what goes on in the mangroves after dark. Am I right?

He likes going to comedy clubs, reggae concerts, bass fishing, and when he was 13, he was charged with accessory to armed robbery with a pellet gun first degree. He's Joseph Reiman! Joseph, good to see you have a seat next to Jay here. Now Shannon. Yes, Jacob. You say you're into cosplay. What got you into that and what type of costumes have you dressed up as?

I love making things. I like woodworking and metalworking and I also like really nerdy things so I decided to combine the two So I've made Brienne of Tarth. I've done a giant Funko head of myself Let's see I did Viking mod from The big Lebowski and this weekend I'm Cut her off you piece of shit And this weekend I'm... You didn't cut her off, you piece of shit! Of course you didn't, look at her tits.

That's true. Keep going. Oh, and this weekend I'm Skanky Osa, which I might wear again tomorrow for Skank Talent. We'll see. Fuck yeah. You know, Breanne of Tarth, that's from Game of Thrones, isn't it? Yes it is. You know, I loved that show when it was on.

I tell you what, if you dress up as Brienne of Tarth, I'll dress up as Lady Sansa Stark, and maybe you can help rescue me from the evil Sir Ramsay Blue Balls. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If you're lucky. All right. Well, good luck to you, Shannon. Jacob, you're wasting your time with us. Thank you. That headset's ridiculous. Joseph, accessory to armed robbery with a pellet gun, why not a real gun? It is Florida.

I was the accessory. I was just the accessory to the armed robbery. I still got charged with the arm robbery, so Do we fucking lose bad? Yeah, we are I know I'm gonna bomb I didn't want to say And I'll maybe fine you told me to be fine Jacob you are gonna be fine And you also say that you enjoy reggae music and smoking marijuana, is that correct? I think a lot of people do. Woo! You know, I have been known to smoke de ganjaman myself when I was a kid.

Alright. Well, good luck to you both. Let me see here. We got to pick a name for this team, Rheinman and Okerson. That sounds like a Jew law firm to me. How about Team Hebe? Nope. The Two Jays.

Let's make it simple. The Two Jays versus Team Massachusetts. How does that sound to you? It's better than Team Tits. Are you guys confident? Are you feeling good? No. You better be careful, or else Team Massachusetts here is liable to take a Boston pee party

all over your faces. You've heard from our contestants. Now it's time to meet our announcer. He's a producer on the bonfire. Social media is his bag. He loves his Dallas Cowboys. He's terrified, yet turned on by Skankfest Christine. He's Louis Johnson! Hey, hey, great to be back here at Skankfest Las Vegas. Hot crowd tonight, let's get it!

You bet it is, Louis. Louis, who have you got for us? Hills Quality Construction for all your manly needs. Do you need a cabinet fixed? Do you dream of building that addition to your home? Do you wish your wife was hot enough for an OnlyFans page? Call Hills Construction. Don't forget to use the code word SIMP for 10% off.

And now back to the show, Jake. Fantastic, Lewis. And take it from me, folks. Nolan doesn't mind if you get caught accidentally masturbating several times through the bathroom window while he's working outside. All right. What is there left to say but

Vous le voir, c'est vous quoi. Let's play the game. It's round one. Please welcome our ring Card Girl, Lindsay, to the stage. God bless America. God bless indeed. Thank you, Lindsay. I still think Andy would have looked better in that. You know, Andy Fiore was supposed to be

the ring card girl for this show, and all I can say is thank God for COVID. All right. Team J&J, you're up first. Are you guys ready? Joseph? I promise you, he doesn't know how the game is played. I told Jacob earlier I don't know how the game is played.

That's perfect. I'm gonna give you clues and you're gonna try to tell me what they are. I got the gist of it. I'm good. I feel like you don't. Let me know when to go. Alright then. Hold on, what are Bobby and Shannon talking about over here?

Cheating? Like a bunch of fucking... I'm not cheating. Sure they were. The flake gate. I was trying to get her to show me one of her boobs if we win. Oh, my apologies. Team Double J. Yes? You have 60 seconds on the board. The clock starts now.

Building in addition to someone's house.odel remodel no no no stealing a woman from a guy who owns a construction company reconstruction no believing dark blue dungarees looks good on him Looks good on him. Mending a fence, building things, being rugged, killing an iguana, thinking of the ideas for Yellowstone. I don't know. This guy sounds awesome to me. Taking no shit. Taking back the streets of Queens. Not letting the roaches and rats run them out. I have no idea.

This is not good. I'm having a difficult time, Jacob. Restoring a classic car. Restoration. Bowing a bunch of guns. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Joseph, Joseph. Oh. Oh. Stakes. Stakes. Stakes. Stakes.

He doesn't understand the game. Wait, wait, wait. He, what did you say? What was the word you said? He said restore cars, I said restoration. I don't know. He is dumb. You motherfucker, you just set him up to get in his head more. You knew he didn't say cars, I said restoration. I don't know. He is dumb. You motherfucker, you just set him up

to get in his head more. You knew we didn't say anything that made any sense. Hey, the game's a tough game, Jay. You fuck. You fuck. Read the answer please, Jay. What we were looking for was... Things Jacob thinks he can do.

Things Jacob thinks he can do. He gets it now. I got it now. He gets it now, I got it now. He gets it now. He gets it now. I know he does. Team Massachusetts, I believe in you. Team Massachusetts, you're up next. Bobby Kelly, are you ready? I'm ready. Shannon, are you ready? I'm so ready. Alright, you have 60 seconds on the board. The clock starts now. Kevin Hart. Joe Rogan. Things Jay is jealous of. Lauren Michaels.

The Philadelphia Eagles. Things Jay loves. Danny McBride. Things Jay can't get on. Post Malone. Oh, things Shane can get on. That things that are all about Shane, right? No, I'm not.

You're right. Keep going with the 76ers. Oh, things that Shane can get on because he's more famous than Jay? Yeah. She's done it. She's done it. You're moving young. Shannon Glazer.

Team Massachusetts, what a stunning. Look at him. Look at him, look at him. No, but he doesn't know how to play the game. What a stunning first round. My goodness, Joseph, round one isn't over though, my friend. You guys have a chance right now to tie the game. Jay, are you ready? I'm putting 60 seconds on the board and the clock starts. A strap on.

A Ryan Reynolds mask a large cheese pizza from Joe's a MAGA hat things that Bobby Kelly likes oh maybe a, a pink stick for chopping up turds. Keep going. Oh, things that, uh, Bobby Kelly's son likes. Oh, that was fucked up. That's fucked, you're so fucking levin' you piece of shit. He's got this now. Joseph is locked in now. Keep going, Jay.

Uh, uh, uh, fucking what's the name we just had her on fucking what the fuck's the ladies name from the house now too yes yeah he Falco's mask gonna fuck me oh my goodness so so close team double J is falling behind. I'm so sorry. I don't want to be on here, Jacob. You guys are doing great. I don't think I'm doing great either. No, I'm sorry, Joseph. The answer was, things Don wears to turn Bobby on. A Joe's pizza?

That's so hard to get! You are almost there. A full Joe's Pizza? That's so hard to get! You are almost there. A full Joe's Pizza. A lot of people would have difficulty with that one, I can tell you. Team Massachusetts. I should have said a steak and cheese. Team Massachusetts, are you ready? What else do you have in there?

That's just insane. I'm ready. It's not so much how many things you have in there, That's just insane. I'm ready. It's not so much how many things you have in there, it's how much are your tits able to be displaced by things. Tid magic. Nice. Evelyn. Sybil. Lily. Women that Jacob likes. Stephanie.

Cheryl. Oh, ex-girlfriends of Bobby. Jessica. Phoebe. Claire. Tanisha. Holly. Claire. Tanisha. Holly. Christine.

Oh, Jay's ex, all of Jay's girlfriends or Jay's ex-girlfriends? No, I don't know. Lisa. Hope is not lost, Team Double J. Claire. Holly. Holly, you're on the right thing.

Holly. Just keep going. People Jay has had three since week. Think of the names. Holly, Stephanie, Cheryl, Sibyl, Eleveth. People related to Jay. No, you're off the fucking chair. People you fucked. No, I didn't fuck anybody.

No. You can't say that's not a clue. That wasn't a clue. Oh, Shannon, I'm so sorry. You were in the ballpark. You were closer than you think. Oh, white women that Lewis has fucked. The names of white women that Black Lou banged in high school. That was what we were looking for. I'm sorry the list went on and on you think J fucked a holly I lost my

virginity to a holly learn about your friend my eyes are blue you piece of shit sorry loose don't be you know frequent celebrity guests on the show Jack Sue and I used to be nicknamed Godzilla and Ghidorah back in the day because we would crush pussy like it was Tokyo after the show. Oh, or a got to ladies. All right, moving on, that was, Lewis Johnson, give us a score update if you would.

I love a fully realized Jacob It's 1-0. Thank you, Lewis 1-0 After round one and now we begin round two Lewis. What have you got for us? this segment of the 25 dollar bonfire pyramid is brought to you by Right wing Bobby's border militia Do you hate high gas prices inflation? Are you sick of them taking our jobs and your pets ending up on some illegals barbecue? You need right-wing Bobby's borderia, working to keep the undocumented bean eaters out since the start of the election season. Thank you, Lewis. You got it. They're doing the

Lord's work down there. Boys, pack up your turd-cutting sticks and let's move out. All right, it's time for round two! Welcome back to the stage, Lindsay. Woo! God damn, Lindsay. Woo! Look at her. God bless America. Lindsay, we need you more than ever right now.

I can't. Nice. The lovely Lindsay. She sure as hell ain't Andy Fiore. Gentlemen, we begin round two, and this time we start with Team Massachusetts. Robert Kelly, are you ready? I'm ready.

All right. You have 60 seconds on the board, and the clock starts now. The rest of the rugela. Half of anything you're eating. Subs. Something that Jay eats. Anything in your hand. Dog food.

Cat food. Estes ass. Something that Lou will eat. Bill Burr's ass. Something that Lou eats. Jelly Roll's ass. Trini Dick and her ass. Oh, things that you like eating.

No? Shannon, you got this. Think about things that you like eating. No? Shannon, you got this. Think about it, think about it. Go again, come on. Anything Big Jay asks him to eat. Oh, jam, things that jam eats, no? Jam?

Who the fuck is jam? Josh Adam Meyers. Say it, say it. Say it! Homies? Say it, say it. Say it! Say it, you said it! Things that Josh Ademirer sees. Yay!

Unbelievable, unbelievable. This seems like a runaway train right here. Is that two, Jacob? That would be two, yes. Folks, you all know her best as policewoman, but let me tell you something. Angie Dickinson should have been arrested for the criminal things she did to my behind in the backseat of her car.

It's what I like to refer to as a victimless crime. Hahaha! What a dame. Alright, Team Double J, you're up next. Are you ready, J? No. Guy, I give you things and then you gotta tell me what they are. You're gonna get this one. So this is easy. This is a lob. There's a lob. We got this. All right. He can't read. He doesn't know how the game works. He doesn't know the answers on this paper He can't read it

All right, you have 60 seconds on the board Jay and the clock starts now More candles wax More candles. Wax. Justin Silver to start liking girls. Weekends Alone. A boyfriend that takes her places and wants... Vibrators. The Death of Gil. Vibrators. The death of Gil.

Weekends alone. Someone else to shave the parts she can't reach. Crystals. Crystals and herbs and weird shit in our house. What's Christina like? What? What?. Why, because he said Christina? Is that a Christine? So what? My mom does that still. 2-1. The score is 2-1. Hey. What's up, baby?

Hi, sweetie. You're doing great. You're doing great. Team Massachusetts. I'll meet you at Kelly's Roast Beef later. Yeah. Is that what you call your vagina? Yeah, that's about to at Kelly's Roast Beef later. Yeah. Is that what you call your vagina? Yeah, that's about to be Kelly's Roast Beef. When you're done with it. What's up, son?

If you play your cards right. Alright, Team Massachusetts. You have 60 seconds on the board. Begin. Tesla Financial Videos. Writes suicide letters. Uses his mom's dolls to reenact Diddy Parties. Things Jacob Does.

I just was, we were fixing our seats. What happened? I got it. That was fucking good. I'm gonna give that to you, but the answer was things Jacob does for fun. Now, Bobby, you know what? She got that so quickly. I'm always interested in what you would have said if she hadn't gotten it.

What else do you have on that page, my friend? Okay, well, we have laundry, Titanic videos, hide suicide letters from his mom, stands naked on his tippy toes in front of a mirror, and then meal prep for the following week. I've never met him, but I can almost guarantee that's 100% accurate. Well done, Bobby. Congratulations, team Massachusetts.

Lewis Johnson, what's the score, please? The score here is three, one. Yeah. Before we begin though, Jay, Bobby, Shannon, Joseph. It's a bit of a tradition on the show for me to invite the guests afterwards to my green room for a little get to know you cocktail. I have a recipe for a drinky poo given to me

by my good friend Bill Cosby that never fails to help everyone relax and get to know each other just a little bit better. You still like my uncle? Team Double J, you're up next. Are you ready? No. We're in a good rhythm now. Well, you have 60 seconds on the board, my friends, and the clock starts now.

Okay. Nowhere at this festival, passed out at a strip club, a gay couple's apartment late night, Fire Island to prove some point to somebody, wagging his ass anywhere, Pearl Jam at Fenway Park. Oh, that's DJ Lou. What is DJ Lou?

But these are... What? Keep going. We need a... Yeah, we need to say it right now. The parking lot because he left early like a dumbass. What DJ Lou likes? These are all... What DJ Lou likes? No, they're...

Fuck. Pearl Jam with me. What black Lou likes? I don't know. I'm confused. Ooh. An Amsterdam whorehouse. Fuck.

Just taking a picture on Fremont Street with some girlie overpaid for a picture with her tits. Got him. So close. So close. You were almost there. The answer we were looking for were places you might spot DJ Lou. We were looking for a geographical location. So sorry, Joseph. Thank you, Team Massachusetts. Wow.

I mean, the farmer was telling him the answer and he refused to just listen. I appreciate his integrity. He won't be swayed by people screaming the right answer in his ear, left and right and front ways. I appreciate that integrity. Now, I'm not going to be swayed. I don't need to phone a friend.

I'm going for it. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. How are we feeling? Good? You feeling confident? I don't know. How are we feeling? Good? You feeling confident? I don't, I was. I feel vulnerable right now.

I just want you to know, I believe in you. Thanks. You're doing great. Keep it up. Okay. Moving on, Team Massachusetts, are you ready? Yes, I'm so ready. Ready? You have 60 seconds on the clock.

Bobby, I am ready. The clock starts now. Too much video watching. Stop eating and drinking on air. Jim and Sam are awesome. Things that Bobby does. Bobby stop sucking on zins. Are you sure Dan doesn't want to come back? Things that Jacob says. Shane have as many zins as you want. Things that... No context. Your ideas are stupid and won't work on radio.

Things that Jay says. I wish Howard still liked me. You're almost there, Shannon. Things... Wait, what? Things that Bobby wishes... Are you sure Tant doesn't want to come back? Things that Bobby says.

No. Big Jay Okerson. Jacob wishes. How many million series How many million series is paying other shows? Say one more time. How many million series is paying other shows?

Oh. Things that Jay says. No. Oh my goodness. Shannon, Shannon, Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. Oh, that's a, that's a lot of hand contact. Thank you, Jacob. Shannon, let me ask you something. Shannon, if I had said to you, stop chewing on the air. You're driving everyone crazy. Who possibly could have said that?

Uh, things Big Jim said. There it is. Wow. It's okay. It's okay. It's all right. Stop your weed. Fuck you. No, no. I see what you're doing, Jim. It's hers. It's hers.

Stop it. Don't. It's hers. Bobby, this one? I'm trying to make mine like yours. Bobby? no, I see what you do. It's hers. It's hers. Don't hers Bobby this time to make mine like yours adults Bobby this only makes me stronger. It's fine Man, you know My good friend Paul and I like to do poppers over at the Brown Derby and then see where the night took us ladies and gentlemen I made a mistake.

That was the first question of round three, and just because I want to see her again, Lindsay, would you please come out here? Better late than never. That's on me. I'm gonna bring it up to you right now. There she is. It's round three, everybody.

Oh my goodness. Lindsay's gotten more confident each time. It's great. You gotta love it. Lewis Johnson, do we have a score please? Three zero. No, it's three one. Thank you, Lewis What did you say? You can't possibly take early the one point they did get She's fucking getting everybody stoned and the games getting fucked up I'm sorry. Do not put this fall apart. I'm sorry. Are you ready? Easy peasy. All right

You've got this, Joseph. The clock starts now. Rashad. Basketball player? Who is it? Lamarcus. Oh, Montez. DJ. Rufus.

Bunty. Dequerious. Mookie Wilson. Mookie Wilson. Names that DJ Lou. Wait, wait, louder than microphone. Names that DJ Lou's girlfriend's been. Holy shit! He's done it! You know, you know. Louder than microphone names that DJ Lewis girlfriends

Look who's got his confidence. Oh shit Wow He's in it to win it, ladies and gentlemen. Really squeezed that out of his head, didn't you? He definitely saw the paper. Three, two, and only one more to go each in this round. Team Massachusetts, you better pull it together because Team Double J right there is coming on strong. Are you ready?

So ready, Jacob. The clock starts now. Chlamydia. Glamorous nails. Things that Big J has. Yes! Fuck out of here. Chlamydia and nails?

Those two things, that's how you describe it. That's the elevator pitch on me? Shannon Glazer? No, baby, there's so much more than that. Sorry you didn't win your pillow fight, I rooted for you. No, I appreciate it. I just didn't win, so you're dead to me. Bobby, that was pretty quick.

I mean, that was lightning fast. What else did you have on there, my good man? Oh, we had hair highlights. Half black, half Puerto Rican grandson. He does not exist yet. Not yet. And he would be a quarter of those things. Ha ha ha!

All right. Black blue's fucked up. Ha ha ha! All right. Black blue fucked up. Ha ha ha! Yeah. Let me tell you something. Sorry. The score is four to two, but we have a bonus round after this one.

So you guys are not out of the running. Team Double J, get ready because the clock starts now. Yeah! Whoooo! Who is this man? You know I'm champion. Who is this man? We're running away with him. He only has three minutes of speed.

What a come alive. He doesn't suck! You're goddamn right he doesn't. He doesn't suck! He doesn't suck! He doesn't suck! Bobby, that one I hit for sure I don't want to cheat he killed it. Gentlemen the score is four to three however we have a bonus round now a one question runoff worth 1,000 points to whoever gets it. Louis Johnson, what have you got for us?

The bonus round is sponsored by Steven Singer's sterling silver wallet chains to nowhere. When you only want them to think it serves a purpose. Ha ha. Thank you, Louis. It's not smart to wear a wallet in your back pocket. And here she is for the last time, well not for the last time, Lindsay everybody. Give it up for Lindsay!

Lindsay! Can you feel it? Put your hands together. All right. Cut it, DJ Lou. This is a one question runoff. You are going to be fed clues for the same answer from both Bobby and Jay. Both of you call out your answers

and whoever gets it right first wins the game. So we go back and forth? Back and forth. First Jay. So you have to listen to all the feeds. Back and forth. You go for one and then I go one. Just call them out. Back and forth. You go for one, and then I go one. Just call them out.

Okay. Fine. Gentlemen, are we ready? Oh, yeah. I thought I was... So ready. Hands off my partner. You have priest hands. I believe.

Hehehe. Cold and clammy, I know. Massachusetts. But with rabbi intentions. Ladies and gentlemen, my colleague Drew Carrey recently said that he thinks he finally knows what it's like to get fucked in the pussy since he saw a fish playing over there at the sphere. Challenge accepted accepted Drew. All right a little I'd like to loosen up before the the bonus round to get you guys loose and ready. We have 60 seconds on the board gentlemen and the clock starts now. Do I go first? Yep. Not doing all that acting he said he was going to be doing.

What is Burt Crusher doing? Regretting listening to his manager's advice. Things Dan Soder regret is doing after the bonfire. Wow! You know. Bonfire. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! You know!

You know! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Team Massachusetts and our Bonfire $25. Do it at Stankyland, do it at Stankyland. Winner, Shannon Dweiser! Joseph. Okay? Joseph. Okay? Joseph. Joseph.

Joseph. Joseph. My good man. Joseph, you didn't win. However, no contestant on the Bonfire $25 pyramid goes home empty handed. Louis Johnson, what have you got for him? Jake, tonight's winner of Kids and Autograph, Rich Voss 5 CD, personalized to...

Awesome! I bet one would have... personalized to Christine Evans that she regifted to the show. Jake? Oh my goodness! That's the gift that keeps on giving. Joseph are you sure you didn't win the game? I feel like a winner right now. Enjoy it my good man enjoy it. Shannon Glazer you are our $25

contestant winner. It's so exciting. Congratulations, Lindsay, bring out her prize. Here it is. $25.25, ladies and gentlemen. I'm hitting the slots. I'm hitting the slots. Thank you. Everyone, give it up for Joseph. Give it up for Shannon. Let's hear a big round of applause for Robert Kelly.

And let's hear it for Big Jay Okerson. Give it up. I've been your host, Jake Patot. Back to you, fellas. Give it up for Jake Patot. Amazing host, Black Lou! DJ Lou! Jacob! Jacob! Jacob! Jacob!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Stop it, stop it. You are all the best. Thank you so much. We've been Jacob Patot and the Jacob Batot players. Thank you. We'll see you guys next year on the Bonfire Skankfest edition. Crackle, crackle motherfuckers. Crackle, crackle motherfuckers.