The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Comic Avengers

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

Back in Bob's early days, he ran with a group of comedians who protected each other and fought for justice, not unlike The Avengers. He tells of times when he got into senseless fights because he took it too far. | A new gay club is opening down the street from the studio and Jay has to ask the question, "why just gays?" | A woman gets kicked out of the Comedy Cellar and attacks with wild accusations on her way out the door. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Bobby. Yes, sir. I'm back on a pedophile hunt kick. Did you ever get off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got off? Went to straight body cam.

I went to straight body cam for a while. I still dabbling body cam for sure. Body cam all day long. But I... Pred Hunter was out of the mix. They're back big. Are they back big because they came up with new content? They never stopped making content.

So you just fell out of it for a minute. It fell out of my algorithm because I was falling out of it going into body cam. It was a little more exciting the body cam at some point, but they've juiced up the predator catches now. Now the big thing is you've got to catch them in front of their families or it show up to their work at Arby's. And when you go, hey, something's wrong with my burger and you hand him the bag back and he takes the thing out into a picture of his own weiner or something. Oh. You know, he was like, remember you sent that to a 13-year-old girl? Oh, no.

He's like, Steve, I'm going to need a break. I did watch the body cam today. You got to give him credit, though, for thinking on his feet that quick. Hey, man. I would just freak out. I watched a body cam today of a lady, drunk lady being kicked out, white, drunk white lady being kicked out of a hotel, the worst kind. Yeah.

Because there's never, for some reason, just never an acknowledgement of drunkenness. Oh, no. With white chicks. No. They never, maybe that's across the board, but I mean, white chicks, for sure, there's never drunk. It's never the case. Because they're the worst, it's the worst people in the world. Never a second thought to stop and go, like, all right, I'm in a situation that's very escalated that I'm not normally in.

Maybe it's me. I would Maybe like So I do know I have been drinking I came out tonight To drink and get fucked up And now I am

So maybe I'm doing the thing It just never crosses mind I wish they would take the You know The white male Is getting so much shit Because we're the The devil of the planet

Of course I really believe One we can all get behind Is the drunk White woman Is worse Is worse Had

Yeah I think she I think It's one we can all get behind. She's going to have your kid throwing you up for selling lemonade outside. Oh, there was a drunk girl at the cellar last night. Man, not white though. Indian, very surprising. Talked very white.

And they were kicking her out. And she, dude, I've never seen, like, she was trying to get the bouncer to lay hands. Nice. And he was, he was like, can you please just step outside? We can talk about outside? Why am I getting kicked out? out why? And then she went into because I'm a female. Is that why?

And indeed, please. Why are you kicking me out? Why? Because I smell like paprika. Sorry, Lou. You came into it. Paprika, you don't like spice? You don't like spicy. You don't like butter chicken? I just need you to leave.

Why, you don't like? I'm one of those basy, big black bouncers. Man, if you could just do me a solid and get to hell out of here. It was a thin guy. My name's John Coffee, like to drink, but not spelled the same. Let me take that drunk away from you. God. Dude, she accused him of sexual, hating women, abusing women.

Nice. She made it about her being Indian. I mean, it was wild accusations. You can't just call him the N-word, so you got to dance around it like that. Is it the N-word? But this is in front of us While a set is going on This is in the hallway

While somebody was on stage I just saw her accuse him Of all these serious charges And I stayed down Just to be a witness Of course I just stay here Of course

You're the whitest woman there And then But she was with a guy And this Indian guy A little thin Fucking Raj He was stealing all of your credit card numbers

This guy was such a cuck Dude He just kept going Why? Did the bouncer so fucking her? Oh, he was like, no, not that type of cuck. Oh. He just kept going, hey, come on, let's just go.

And she would slap his hand away and go, no, no, I'm not leaving. He goes, can you, you need to leave. No, I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not doing it. No, because you, because you abuse women. That's what, and he was like, man, can you please come out? And then her boyfriend was like, come on, can we just go?

Let's just go outside. Not until he abuses a woman. That's exactly. Exactly what she was doing. Then she went outside, brought it out front. This is why I love, I love waitresses because they're so fucking, they're so beaten down by people. One of the waitresses goes, shut up, just leave, you bitch.

I was like, fuck, you got to love a waitress. I do miss the nightly being in the clubs just for like you do now. I mean, like, I never hear about it anyway, except for a moment like that. But, like, I do miss, like, the weekly, some kind of drama. Yeah. fights. I mean, I remember like the Kurt Metzger fight inside the place and, uh, I mean, just all kinds of Jeff, uh, Jeff Leach. Oh, Jeff Leach. Don't say his name two more times, please.

Sherrod Small, uh, I think beating, uh, Pete Dominic into the stairwell. I've done that. I think I've done that. Do I was doing his stairwell? I threatened his life at Caroline's. Really? Oh, you don't, you don't remember that? I really, so funny. When you, uh, uh, hear stories like this and just in your mind like you're like zero problems with P I've always had got along great with P too I get along great with P too always did We were at the Caroline's Christmas party

I felt a little insecure You know because I was you know got invited but it was before anything I was kind of still opening for people there You know it was kind of like oh my god I can't believe I'm here He came up to me he's drunk out of his fucking skull with dawn by the way I'm with dawn by the way I'm with Dawn. All nervous because when I'm with Don, I'm on, I'm on high alert. I'm protective of Dawn, you know. What, though?

I just, it's the way I am. When Dawn is there, I'm always, you know, I know how comics can get a little fucking say stupid shit. I've been working here, guys, remember, for 10 years. Were. Is that what he told you? No, he walked up to me and went forehead to, like, what's up, Bob? I was like, what's up, Pete?

What's going on? Bob and then I was like what the fuck you're doing dude what are you doing he goes why what's going on Bob and then put his nose to my nose and his Ford him Bob what the fuck and I went okay I'll be right back and I took down I go don let's go I took her upstairs I held the cab took a cab back to my house literally threw her in the house I just got to the house pushed her in the house I go I'll be right back in the house it doesn't matter what I have that you don't have to protect her you're not out once she's back in the house

your protective times I threw in the house I go I'll be right back I took a cab back to Caroline's I went downstairs walked down looked around the whole area you know you walked down

into the basement you could see that whole bar area I looked found Pete I went Pete he goes yeah I go come here let's go and he goes what's up man I go I'm gonna fucking

I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you out of you out front right now he goes what I go I'm going to fuck you up right now I'm going to knock you the fuck out right now Let's go That was years ago man

He goes Why? I go You fucking You cocksucker let's go He goes Bobby I'm I'm so sorry I love you man I didn't mean to do anything

I fucked up I'm sorry I'm a little drunk I was like You don't fucking come up to me And get my fucking head and touch me He goes I apologize I'm so sorry I go Okay

All right cool we're cool And then I left Oh, nah. Yeah. That happened with Todd Lynn one night, too, at the cellar. He was at the back table. I had Todd Lynn at the cellar. That was one of the ones I had.

He did the same thing, too. We went outside. Or I know I was already outside. He had accused me. Lenny Marcus said that, like, he stole one of his jokes. Todd stole one of Lenny's jokes? Lenny was saying that, Todd stole one of his jokes or vice for,

I don't even remember what it was. Whatever it was, they came up and they started arguing about it in front of Esty, which was very weird. And I don't even know if I said any, but maybe I said something funny, but it was not my involvement at all. I think they were going at it.

I think I made a joke to Esty. I was like, I don't like it when daddies are fighting or something like, you know, whatever dumb thing just to like kill the tension. But I'm uninvolved in it completely. And then I was sitting outside at one point in Todd didn't come up to me and he like does like the come of ears like to whisper in my ear.

Yeah. And he goes, keep my name at your mouth. There's going to be a problem. I went, what problem? He's like, again, let's keep in mind. Todd Lynn's got that little fucking chicken wing arm. He's a little fucked up arm. So like, you know, circle left.

You don't get hit with that thing, though. That's solid bone. It's like getting stab with a Wolverine claw. Yeah, dude. You don't watch out for that little fucking T-Rex arm. That's solid, fucking. fucking cartilage. So Todd Lynn,

yeah, and he was like, and then I kind of got big after that because I was just kind of like, what are you talking? And then he made a thing that,

uh, that actually night I don't think we ever got to the bottom of what it was. When he called me the next day to end this, because I was irate by the end. When he called me to end it,

he was like, he goes, wow, he said, in somewhere in his mind that I said something to Esty and Lenny about Todd Stealing.

And I remember saying, I don't listen to any of your guys fucking jokes. I couldn't tell you a joke from Lenny or you. I don't watch comedy like that, dude. What the fuck are you guys doing? No, I'm too busy watching pedophilia. I'm watching pedophiles and baddies.

That's exciting. Don't say I'm watching pedophilia. Sorry. I'm like that little boy to come in my face. It's been a pedophile rock. I want that little boy to come in my face. I want that little boy to come in my face. I sure do

I'm telling you man Once we get jelly roll To get his eyes on that He's gonna buy it from us It's a hit We should have Josh singing on his Instagram This looks like a job for Josh's Instagram Looks like a job for Josh

Skid and skib and do How much money do you make a year Yeah his Instagram this weekend really Agree Yeah Todd Linnam and me You got a... Sorry. What was funny was Artie Fouqua got him between us.

And like, you know, like chest, like chest to chest with Todd, but not like in a threatening way to him, just kind of like, come on, come on, man. Like, don't do this. Yeah. Whatever. And then Todd started telling me how I was lucky that Artie was right there. And then I just went and moved to Ardy with one. I'm like, Artie's 112 pounds soaking wet.

This is years. And, you know, this is 20-some years ago, too. Yeah. There's already like, you know, stringy, lanky, Ardy. That's always terrible. And I just moved him out of the way with one. I go now he's not in between us and then it was him and Harris like Harris is funny because Harris is like as he's backing away with Todd letting Todd's ride Harris is looking at me going like

I'm sorry man I don't know what he just gets how he gets man you know how the thing he is like it's terrible when you say something really cool but you don't think it through you know what I did that with me and Patrice got into a fight one time and I was like I'm gonna fight I'll fucking fuck you up I'm gonna fucking and he went Bobby what do you think I'm gonna do well you're hitting me You think I'm just going to let you hit me? You think I'm going to start hitting you back. I went, I make a valid point.

Yeah, that's a good point. And then we went and got Chinese food. Yeah, enough of this. And then I killed him. Yeah, I lured him in with Chinese food, and then I killed him slowly with MSG and other assorted sugary foods. You played the long game after that. You go, you know what? You're right.

You will hit me back. But you know when you'll never hit me back? As I slowly poison you with your own fucking vice. Yeah, I'm going to slowly kill you with a yoo-hoo and a honeybun. Bobby got him. himself fat again just to fucking kill Patrice. He became his eaten buddy for fucking four years. I almost died killing my friend.

He almost died. It was almost a murder suicide. I'm on Netflix, the worst friend ever. Worst friend ever. God damn it, that is fucking hilarious. Yeah, me and Todd Lynn, we were at the cellar one night and he would just fucking rage bait you. Like, just come up to you. Like, he's going to fuck you up.

and I just got him out front I go let's go and he goes where I go outside we're gonna go take care of this right now and he goes what I go I'm gonna hit you once

I'm gonna one punch you and you're gonna fall and he went Bobby I love you man I'm a I'm a big fan and he started like fuck like really making my self-esteem feel good

he started talking about my comedy and I love what he do that's what he did when he called me the next day the thing he started using words like we have fraternity man yeah yeah The fuck are you talking?

You caused this problem with me, fuckface. And now I'm looking for you. But if I fell for it, I was like, we are. Do we have a hand thing? Do I get a pin? Oh, my God. Not me, dude. I just said, yeah, dude, whatever.

And we fucking went back to being like, you know, high by. I became friends. But it was sad the last time I saw him at Montreal. And I was out in front. This is when I first started podcasting. And I would, I first, I figured out how to podcast, like on the road. everybody podcasted at home I got the Zoom

and figured how to do it live at Just for Laughs and I was in the lobby just trying to grab people for my YKWD at Justful Labs and I heard I was talking to someone I heard Bobby

Bobby is that you it was Todd blind with a cane It was very sad I thought very bad about that And that same Montreal I think it was me and Christine got into a transport

Oh. Was Jim Norton with you? I don't know. I got it. I laughed. I don't know because Jacob had that face. We got in the... That's his face.

But he doesn't like trans jokes. We got in the trans. In the transport with Donnell Rawlings. And I was like, man, it's tough seeing Todd like that because he's such, you know, even he's like a villain, he's actually a big personality. Yeah. That's seen him all broken down like that. And he was like, man, that motherfucker was a piece of shit when he had sight.

He was. He was. But it's just like, yeah, he was. He was just kind of like, I don't think he was a bad guy. Well, maybe he was. He maybe he was a bad guy in some ways. But he would also like, I have weird good moments with Todd. But I say life dealt him the deal anyway because even before he got sick.

Yeah. I mean, that's one of my favorite stories of all time is he got that one or two development deals. Oh, the apartment. We talked about that. Yeah. The apartment, the apartment, the car, cash, fixed up an apartment that wasn't his. And then they just came in and said. He did a coming.

beautiful. $14,000 a month in rent. And he was like, I can't afford that. And he was, get out of here. He did a coming to America. Yeah. He did it come to America. The fucking landlord was sitting in his hot tub.

Oh, you're looking for them African boy? You're looking for that black kid with the one little baby arm that's really strong? You're looking for chicken wing? I call him chicken wang. God damn, dude. Toddlin. I'm going to run down memory lane. I've never had a real fucking, I mean, those are probably my only two.

Pete Dominic But it's it's He was just drunk Dude he was drunk and being I mean remember Voss Broke that kid's ribs At the Caroline's party Was that the same party

I think it might have been the same part So I was gonna ask I was two bald guys You and fucking Yeah Jason Cantor You guys were Fucking

You guys came in there Like Avengers that night dude VODs are here Everybody be cool They're gonna start Fucking cleaning hells Voss kicked the guy's chest in Well you know what it was

Is that we had that Tough crowd shit And the table thing so people had this preconceived like they they were scared of us or thought we were we didn't like them or we would fuck but we didn't fuck with anybody outside of that circle like what we didn't we fucked with people at the table but we gave each other more shit than anybody like we sure you guys fuck with each other but you were a rolling pack of bullies if you walk are you kidding are you kidding about that but you guys almost broke the rose I lived with them I had to build

him up every night. But DeRosa was one of us. You were one of us. You weren't outside the circle. You were in the circle. Sure. Pete Dominic wasn't in the circle. Ever. No. It was never in the But when he was sitting on the outside, but because of that, when he, if you guys are all going at each other or us, a Pete Dominic comes up and then you want to show us how it's done. So then you guys all will, you'd make a Pete Dominic type. I'm trying to, I wish I could remember identical, like exact stories, but you guys would make somebody be like, okay, guys. All right, okay, and then we would just leave. Yeah, that was, that was, and like not leave happy.

No, we did that a lot. But listen, here's a thing. As I'm saying, they were outside the circle. Your rose color glasses on the past here, buddy. But I'm saying. You guys were not good people. We were fucking great people, but we. When I called you, not you, when I called Keith Robinson with my excitement,

I said, I just headlined my first comedy club. There was people there. There was 100 people there. And I just did my first official like road gig. I was the headline. And it was great. It was so exciting. And Bobby grabbed the phone and said, I hope your kid gets sick and hung up the phone.

He called back. I called back. A minute later and said, that was too far, but fuck you. That was my thing. I always went too far. I was too far Kelly. And that was what I was known for. And I took it too far.

In my mind, I was just like, I just got Kelly'd. We all know this now. I have, I have first and sixth year. Even back then. I didn't know. I told you I said to Patrice one day. It's just weird to switching to six gear when someone was just calling to be like,

hey, I'm a young comedian and I'm really excited about this thing I did. And you were like, give me the phone. You learned a valuable lesson that day. I did learn a valuable lesson that day. Nobody wants to hear about your first headline gig. No, nobody gives me a shit. Even Keith.

He didn't want to hear it enough to not give Bobby the phone. Oh, you should have heard him laugh. I could not. Good for you, Dumber. I heard it all the way down in Virginia wherever the fuck I was. Something like that. I guess we were a little mean.

Yeah, no, you guys were probably mean. We were mean to people like... But I'm saying, but I think the point was... We would never mean to him. I think what happened was... Yeah. This is what happened at a situation like a Caroline's here. Is you guys rolling packs and you're mean.

Then you come out and individually you're separated and this is a party. So now you're off... This is the night for the wives, the girlfriends. Yeah. So Voss has, you know, Bonnie. Yeah. You bring Dawn. Everyone's going.

And now these guys... who you've indoctrinated to like as soon as they get in your face they're like blah blah blah they you shit all over them you make them feel bad you make them leave you make them leave places and then they show you whose phone is it you make them leave places then they go to the party and they get a little tipsy and now they're like well these guys are always talking to me and a person like me who's on the lower level

of the circle yeah I'm on the outer outer outerous wrong at that time you're in the ring you're there you're in there you're in minute, but I'm, I can tell them from the thing, it's like, if they, I'm giving them what Keith told me, they're busting their balls because they like you. You love you. Like, they want you to come, like, join the ball bust them. I'm giving that advice. Sure. So then they get blasted. And then they go to this thing and you're with the wives and they're like, hey, what's up? You fucking pussy ass jerk off, whatever. And then Voss is going to spin, kick you in the chest. And you're going to drop your wife off. Very, very, very chivalrous, by the way. And then came back

I literally, I threw on the door like a goodfellas. Dude, I thought you were like Dutch. I thought you were going to fucking turn your ring to the side so you can leave a mark on his fucking forehead. I thought you're going to dutch that motherfucker. It was a great move. But, yeah, and you went back to go, exact revenge. That is not the part.

They were like, oh, I thought these guys were going to just start making fun of me and doing whatever and whatever it was. But instead they wanted to attack me because what they don't realize, and what they probably came to realize themselves eventually, is you guys, just like them, are super, sensitive bitches as we all are. So we are. We love when we get together in a team and we get to dull it out

feels so nice and then you get individual and then a young person says something new and then you go we you're not allowed to say that to me. I want to say you're missing a point. There's the circle right that we all play in. There's rules that we all kind of know

there is there is rules like I did that to you but immediately called you back and said listen I took it too far immediately right? there's rules that we play by once you're in the club you know the wives are around no he's not even

I don't ever I never treated you like I've never said anything to you like that I've never fucked with you like that no no I repeat what's up so for him to come up to me and do that to me and in front of my wife at a party I would know never to say anything to anybody

I wouldn't fuck with anybody I just wouldn't do that with you right yeah So it's like, what are you doing, dude? This is not how we play. I understand the nerve. Listen, I go back to one of my favorite things. Early on, like barely knowing Karen Feehan. And she posted the thing after Ralphie Mae died,

and she was like, who's got Big J next in the Deadpool? I'll take 50 bucks from him. And I called Lewis and I was like, she should be fired from Gas Digital. And then he was like, take a breath for a second. And I was like, yeah, yeah, it was fucking. But I hated that when he died and someone called me the fattest person in comedy,

Now? Yeah. They were like, how does it feel? That is worse when the fatters die, the pinnets. Oh, God, it was Pennett. And I think it was after, I think, Louis died. Louis Anderson. And they were like, how does it feel to be the fattest man in comedy right now?

And I was like, and then that was like, oh, shit, I am. I think that's a fact. That hurt. I was going to make a joke about Louis Anderson. I ascended into the ranks. Louis Anderson was gay, right? came out of the closet eventually oh yeah he was gay he was one of the stories he was getting blackmailed right somebody was gonna expose him for being gay so we just came out

and said it it it was one of those deals like a letterman that's way to do it that is the way to do it and then he died still fat still fat yeah yeah that was the same thing with letterman right it's blackmail he never identified as gay what really he married a woman after it for four months and then his high school sweetheart for four weeks. He did not marry again. Yeah, all right. Sounds like he did. All right. It was targeted by a blackmail or a threat to exposed an alleged sexual

proposition out of Las Vegas casino. He paid the hush money out of concern for his family-friendly television career, but later went to federal authorities leading to the extortions arrest and conviction in 2000. Tom Rhodes alleged that Louis Anderson had made unwanted sexual advances towards him in the 80s. Tom was hot back then, though. I'm not...

Oh, sorry. I was disgusting. I'm sorry. Sometimes I say things that I think. Fuck, I apologize. I apologize. I know. I was just thinking that Tom was very, very cute back to him.

How was Tom dressed? So you're not your victim blaming. He was very, uh, he was, he, he just very eclectic, I would say. Um, uh, could you imagine, though? Could you imagine? No. Am I cock going in that face? Oh, his cock going in your face?

That's not how it would roll. You don't think? It would roll. It would go. It would be plenty of rolls, but that's not how it would roll. It would actually taste like rolls, too. Very doughy. I bet he tastes buttered.

I bet he tastes like he's already buttered. Yeah, very yeasty down there. You put him out in the sun, he's going to get like a crackling on the end. She's going to get what they call that a bark. He's going to have that little flowery between his thighs. God damn it. Louis Anderson. Anyway, I was going to say about him being gay.

Did you guys see as you came across, I think it was coming across 50th or walking over? I don't remember, but there's a new bar going up or something, and they were putting up the sign. It's called Pride. The bar is just called Pride, Bar and Lounge. And there was someone hanging sign that, you know, the big rainbow flag, so clearly a gay bar. It's great. I have no problem with that at all. I'm just curious why anybody,

it's almost like a separatist sort of idea, though, too. Like, why does everybody want to go, why would you want to go to a place where everybody was gay? To suck a dick? Well, that's what I'm saying. Suck and fuck. So I'm saying.

To do a fucking pumping doll. Agreed. No, no, no. Go in that bathroom and suck some dick. Completely agree. I completely agree. Dancing, pool, and dick. No girls allowed.

Yeah. Beat it. Shirts off. There's only one lesbian bar. I completely agree with that idea, without a doubt, that it's like, no, to fuck, but I'm saying, like, why make this... I mean, they're making a really nice place. Because they don't want a bunch of stockbroker dudes to go in there.

They don't want a family to, you know, after a game. No families are going to a bar. Well, like, they don't want, like, a wife and a husband tourist to stroll in there to get a fucking Manhattan. Because it's a gay bar is... I think a gay bar would just be like, why can't we just have a place where we can go and talk and drink and whatever? It's like it's got to be completely for fucking.

No, well, too. Exclusively and 100% for fuck to hook up because what's the point? Like, why then, why not go meet something interesting that's not, not has to be like, we all have to be gay. Because they want to be comfortable. They want to know that it's just, they want to go in and they don't want to have to deal with some fucking tourist rolling his eyes or coming in and leaving. Look it.

And you want to make me comfortable to walk into a bar and everyone looked exactly. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like it's kind of a weird, like, What is this? Well, are you ever new gay bar? Yeah. Mendo Rosa. It was a nightclub.

Gay night at a nightclub. We went because Rocco was bartending. Fucking hilarious. They're fun as shit. How many times do you go on? Once a, I think it's once a month I go. Nice.

It's a mixer. Yeah. I mean, that's why I take the time off in the summer. It's a recipe swap. So I can have Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night to myself. It's a real recipe swap type thing. There's some gay dives in New York, like nowhere bar. Boiler room wasn't like clubby, but it's still gay.

I fully get it. And those places are dingy and it's where you walk in there. And if you go to the bathroom, there's guys sucking each other off. I'm saying, why make such a place? This place is going to be like really nice looking from what, even like the sign and everything on it. It doesn't look like a dive dingy thing.

But why make it just gay then? Well, you want just gays. Okay. But again, it all comes down to like fucking. It's all sexual then. Well, I don't think it's, I think that's a part of it. but it's also you want to go where there's going to be

a bunch of cute dudes? Are there any no gays allowed bar? I know they can't test to see if you're gay to walk into this bar. Oh, they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your senses are tested immediately. They're like, drink this.

They go, look at my dingling. What's it doing for you? I don't believe you. Get out of here. Take a shot of my jizz right now. You're straight, yeah. Put the tip of my penis in your mouth, or you're not gay.

They don't check IDs. They just make you put the tip of his talked about his dick in your mouth. And I almost have more for a conversation point than I really have any feeling either way about it. It just seems like a weird, like, separatist's idea. And there's, like, a lot of them. Well, there's not a lot of them.

Are there any other? There's more regular places than gay clubs. Hulls Kitchen is also, like, a big gay neighborhood. Like, it kind of came up from Chelsea. Helsie? Healthy. That's what we call it, Kelsey. They changed it to Halsie.

Ninth Avenue. It's like, it's not really gay bars. It's just a lot of gays. I, like, I feel, I can't think of a gay bar. bar up here. Like most of the gay bars are downtown. I can't think of a bar in midtown. Are you kidding?

When we'd come up here, when we were driving people from work and stuff, always over there on 10th and stuff, there's a whole bunch of people. 9th,000, there's a lot of gay bars. On 10th is a gay bar. On 47th... How do I know?

By the way, have them. It's the only, like, bar that's, like, designed towards, like, only, like, one thing of people, whether you call that, like, a sexuality, or like that there's no there's no all men's bars is there they are those are like public bars where they're like we'd rather women don't go here at all those dingy new york bars those are usually just dudes drinking fucking playing darts those derosa those derosa bars

like big sorlis yeah those are like fucking that's like a dude bar but it's not but it's not you run the risk of getting the shit kicked out of you if you're a gay guy and going into a regular bar trying to meet a guy you might you might be like dude I'm not a fat you know what I mean if you go to if you know it's a gay bar there's no you're going in there's no risk you're just going in hey why not because there's no risk

of course there is I mean AIDS yes of course yeah there's major major risk no but I mean like those are pretty vol I mean are you watching bad boys at all I mean it's a pretty fucking uh they could get pretty volatile and drunk the baddies guys yeah yeah yeah no I'm not watching that I'm saying but you've saw the parts of it I showed you Like the clips like that's like you know

I mean I would yes I mean any that's bar age gay people but when you're walking you're not running the risk of running into some homophobic fucking long island dude who's gonna be like what are you a fuck in fact or more that guy won't enter like he's not gonna come in you're literally by putting no by people that are closeted going into these places

you're probably instill a good amount of danger yeah but when you see that flag out front that is a force field for those other guys not to go in a bunch of those fucking Right Exactly It's almost the point I'm saying

It's like It's definitely to keep Like some people out It's like the idea is like This is meant for gay people You can come in Because we can't stop you But this is meant for gay people

I don't know if any I don't know if any other businesses But like like really leveled towards it I mean I guess like You know a victorious secret But I mean like it's like Woman's underwear You know what I mean

Cigar Lounge Cigar Lounge is pretty much It's membership The only time I wasn't Not all them Not all them Scarletge is not, there's very few membership ones. Oh, there's no women allowed?

No, women can go. Of course. They just don't go. No, they don't go because of the activity that's going on in there. But the activity going on in a gay bar. Going into a gay bar, though, like, if you're just going, like, this is the closest bar and I'm going to go drink. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying?

You can't? No, no, I know you can't, but they really, but rather you're not there. No, no, I don't think that. Oh, I've heard that from plenty of gay people. Do we know any gay people we can call right now? None that I would have their numbers in my phone. All right, well, let me just scroll through my... Yeah.

I've been to many gay bars. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on one second. Go ahead, what did you say? I've been to many gay bars, and they've always been all-inclusive. I've never felt, I mean, I was uncomfortable. What does that mean? In my own...

Sucking and fucking... Did you get that? Around the world? You got that. I'm not going to make a drop of myself. What? What? Saying I've been to a gay bar

and they're all-inclusive? You better make that fucking drop. No, you're gay. Get away from you. I want you to make a song with it. Yeah, you have me going, I love men. You better make a fucking

I've always liked men I'm just saying You're allowed there But it's up to you Whether you feel uncomfortable And I've always felt uncomfortable No no

I understand I know they're not keeping you out My question is simply I'm not even about the Is it right or wrong In his clothes I'm not even saying about I'm not arguing right or wrong of it

Yeah I'm just saying on the concept Is there any other place That was like This is for one thing You can come But it ain't for you at all Like that much

Based on gender Or sexuality Because back in the day, this was, you would get killed. You get arrested. You'd get fucked up. So they made these clubs, these little secret gay clubs where guys could go and do their little thing and dress up with wigs and all that. Do their little thing at their little house with their little bike? But now it's so accepted.

It's just still, it's still what it was back in the day. You know what I'm saying? What it had to be back in the day before. now so it's just what it was but we they do it this way now because it but you can there's so many it's okay to be gay nobody gives a shit but you don't need it there's no like uh you don't need it you don't need it's the it's the it's the idea of having black prom why you don't need it you don't need to have a black they do that in schools they do like black prom and white but it's you don't need or i think they do prom and then there'll be a black prom and i think there's

no need for that's like what they have a black prom in schools we do a black prom yeah really I've never heard of that. Really? No, I've never heard of a black, they have a regular prom for everybody. It'll be a prom that everybody can go to. And then they have a, what's the difference between a black prom? No whites.

No, I know that part. More fights. No whites, more fights. And only black lights. I've never heard of that. I've never heard of a black prom. Black, have you heard of it? I've never heard of it, but I have seen those black prom videos where everybody comes out like it's a wedding.

Isn't that just a prom and a black neighborhood? That's what I thought. Look, maybe I'm completely wrong. I'm not finding like a... I think that would... No, look up a high school has black prom. Yeah, but I think it's just a black prom. It might have been a story.

It might have been a story at one place. I bet it's just a black prom. I'm just saying either way, but either way, it would not be, if someone did it, it's just not a necessary thing. It's still conceptually, I'm saying, forget if it happened or not, like, you don't need to have a black prom. There may have been a time where it was like, they're not going to let black kids to go to the school.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You have to have a black prom, but it's just not a thing in the back in the 30s. There's not a thing like that anymore. We have to worry about having a black prom. I don't think they have to worry about having just to make it a gay club, but I think it's, they want to let everybody know that this is a,

a lot of gay, gay people come here. This is, we, you can come, but we just want to let you know. Well, the owners are saying we want gay people to come here exclusively. They want gay people to come there, and they're probably gay owners. And first of all, it's called pride. Gay clubs make a lot of money, make a lot of money. You know that for sure. Dude, I've made so much money.

I invested in gay clubs. Oh, oh. I thought you were going to say sucking and fucking bathrooms of gay clubs. I invested in tiny homes and gay clubs and XRP. I invested in tiny holes in tiny bathrooms and tiny gay clubs who put their tiny wieners in so I could suck it with my tiny mouth. Jacob had it all right. It's not Tesla.

It's gay clubs. The club's called Tesla. I get it. So, yeah, I think it's, so when you go there, you're not in shock if you go to the bathroom there's a couple guys making out or guys are, all over each other. You're seeing oh, this is, when I walk it, like when you go to an Irish pub, you're going to walk

in, it's going to be all wood, there's going to be some grumpy bartender, it's going to be, you know, some Shepard's Pie bullshit. You know what to expect. I think if you go to bars or clubs, you'd be hard. I mean, once, I'm not saying doesn't happen at all. People try to sneak off and fuck and do stuff all the time, but I mean, like,

it would not be in the masses. It would be like in a gay place where that's happening. I'm going by what Christine, who's all amp on those places she would go there to totally infiltrate and fucking ruin gay guys nights really oh yeah why and because they don't want them there they don't want them there they don't want girls at the gay club no but they brought me i was with gays do you don't want you like uh what do they call that an f an fag a fag a fagg a fag a flame dame what yeah were you they weren't you like the mama like you know didn't they they didn't like you there

No, I mean, I think that girls being at a gay club does kind of fuck up the sexual vibe, but I would go to like the Ritz and go drag shows and stuff like that. But I heard that, yeah, they don't love women at gay bars. Really? Like at the clubs. They like the smell of it? No, because I'm telling you. It's a very sexual vibe.

It's a very sexual vibe. Yeah. It's like, there's not a, when you go to a bar, a thing you get it's like, I'm going to go have some friends, have some drinks. Maybe we'll talk to girl. Maybe be some girls there. Maybe something organically happened. maybe we're going looking for girls. The gay bar.

We're going to the gay bar. Why? Because there's a chance I'm going to get butt-fucked in a bathroom. Yeah. And I'm looking for the guy that I want a cornhole meat or vice versa.

Right. That's weird. And then a girl shows up and one of the guys at the bar I was like, I'm having so much. Yeah. I smell. Poon alert.

Poon alert. Oh my God. It's wet. Cox down. Cox down. Poon alert. My roommates would like bring home a new guy every weekend.

They were constantly having threesomes with new men. And it really is, it's like all the gay bars, it really is like a very sexual thing because there is one lesbian bar, it's the cubbyhole, and it's a really classic place that's not really like...

Gay guys always have cool names, though, the ramrod, the cubbyhole. Yeah, but doesn't it let you feel like the fear tactic, but like the fear of people who are like, I find it funny, I think it's fucking bizarre that every play, like every gay bar

is like a fuck dungeon. But like, uh, whatever. But I do think it's fucking strange. He's a fuck dungeon. But I do think it's strange. But you can't really argue

when someone's view on like homosexuality is just like it's this thing because like I mean like you should make a note about like a gay owner of a fucking bar that's just a bar or a club which I'm sure exists over and over again. This might be something new though.

This place looks a little fancier. Maybe it is just a bar and there's no there's no fuck dungeon. and maybe they don't allow sucking in the bathroom. Can gay guys not suck and fuck each other publicly for five seconds? Or does it have to happen right there? I mean. I'm asking you about it.

I know. I'm just saying, I mean, it's the convenience of it. If you were gay and, like, me and you were at a bar and I was in the bathroom and you were like, hey, what's up, man? You see the sixers got LeBron? I was like, yeah. I also see that six you're holding on to right now. That's a nice six. her.

One, two, three, four, five, six, sir. Blah, blah, blah, blah. He goes, ten, no, nine, no, eight, no, seven, no six, sir. Everybody. When we watch a fire, the documentary with the girl, the public access girl. Robin Bird. Robin Bird. And she lives on Fire Island.

They were showing clips of Fire Island. I've never been there. And I've actually never seen, like, gay, sloth. bloodiness like that so out in the open where like the guys are in like bikini tops and everybody has purses and everybody like it's and i think it's you know put the flag up because it's like those guys have been so scared and ashamed their whole lives in kate cod in cape cod province town is uh is it's a gay part of cape cod but all the gays go in the summer christina say what you said though to say you said like they've been uh you went to provostown no i've been at fire island twice oh yeah calling

Quinn goes every year for like a month. Of course. With his wife. Oh, yeah, sure. So there's parts of... I know. There's parts of Fire Island, I guess. Because I've always accused him of like, dude, you're going there just to get some.

I think there's like a gay side and a... I think if he doesn't kiss, it's not gay. But you said that they've been like repressed or whatever or like, you know, like made to feel uncomfortable instead of so on. So scared. Sure. but like if the thing is what you were scared i thought the fear was like letting people know who i am let them know that i'm attracted to men i love men that's literally the only thing of gay is that like

i'm not or you know for a for a guy homosexuality is they like a guy well there's a lot more there's aides there's shit on your dick i'm saying the difference the internal difference of their feelings okay is that they like guys completely and like it's fucking um hang on i'm gonna get back to where i was you took me off with that no dude scared to shame scared to shame But like, so what you were scared and ashamed of is like, I'm so ashamed I can't go to school wearing like a dick cage in a fucking horse tail butt plug and fucking pointy Madonna bra. That's like, do you get what I'm saying? Like to live out loud of it. It's like, it's like, well, we're doing this because it's like, well, I've been afraid for so long.

And I've been hiding the fact that I want to suck off five guys in a bathroom. Is there any way you can get me a dick cage? I don't know. I don't know what that was, but I want one. I don't know what the opposite term. would be for overcorrection, but it's almost like, I do feel, I do feel like the repression of, like, self and, you don't know what the opposite of overcorrection is? No, to like to phrase that, like, when somebody overcorrect, because I don't want to say that they're, like, correcting something,

but it's, it's, it's just something where it's like, I do, you know, people kind of come out loudly, and it's not always. No, but why is the fact do you like guys also, like, and look at me in public with pasties on my tits and my fucking weaner in a seethrues. You're attracting men. You're trying to attract men. There's different types of gay bars though. There's those type of with the birdcage, dick birdcages

and all that. And you know where but I think there's other bar like I used to live on 47th Street. That was your gay bar. No. Right so you got back from the gay gym. You need a couple of gay beers if you got your gay asshole torn open. There was a gay bar across the street. But it was more

of just a bar. It was It wasn't like a, they didn't have a fuck dungeon. You know, they would go in, drink. It was a small place. And, uh, that's great. They would just go in and hang out. Oh, I mean, if that exists, it's fantastic. But everything was like the one they had to move where we lived in the East Village.

That was my experience. Yeah, yeah. Because I went into the fuck and I didn't get shit. I went in there just money hanging out of my pocket and I fucking saw a siege in my pants. When I moved to New York City, when I, sorry, I couldn't hear myself. I first moved in with the French roommate. So he said, because I was commuting from New Jersey. So I was coming from like a suburb to Gay Central.

That's where he was, I lived on Gay Street. That was the name of the street. Nice. And the big gay bar. Down in Manhattan, right? It's on. Right next to the Company Cellars. Yeah, it's like right across on the other side of the Sixth Avenue.

It's in Gay Street. Yeah. I lived there. And. Down on. The gay bars, it spilled out into the street. Yeah. The gay really spread out.

On my street, I walked home and a guy just was sucking a guy off on the steps. I miss New York. Massive penis. And I just had to walk because the guy was just, they were both just staring at me. Like what? Yeah, but that used to happen with straight people too. I mean, I used to get blown in Washington Square Park all the time. And stare people?

You wouldn't try to, like, be cool about it or something? No, I'd wait till late. You know what I mean? I'd wait till late. I wouldn't do it like... No, I'm saying you'd be trying to do it, like, away from... I'm not even saying... I'm talking about the bar in general,

like, just going in the bathroom and fucking while other people are fucking and being this weird, like... So the one they moved in the East Village was, like, moved at one point. It was like, you went in there before. You said it was disgusting. No, but that's actually not why they... Lit lounge, where the cock moved to was closed because there was a high schooler, like, fucking her teacher there.

And they were, like, letting an underage... kids and it was a whole thing. So the cock actually like moved into a better space. It wasn't actually anything about the you said it was the basically went in there and everyone just blowing each other. Back in the back in the 70s 80s and up to the 90s um that whole sex gay club sex stuff was big in New York City like the peep shows were around I mean New York City in the 80s 70s 80s into the 90s was a sex city you was almost like Amsterdam it was people were fucking. peep shows, all this stuff.

Gay bars were to get laid and that's all... I think they still are. I think that's a lot. A lot of that has died, bro. You know, a lot of that stuff has died. There's also lots of Molly and dancing. Like, it is a big drug culture. It's a big dance culture.

It was a different... New York. Listen, do your thing. No, now still. Live out loud and go get these fuck dungeons and suck and fuck all in them. I'm just saying it... My original thing was just more like...

I'm trying to think of anything else that that tries to like, you know, bottleneck their clientele to like one thing so much. What is that? Based off of, I said, like, based off of, like, sexuality or something of that nature, race or something like that. It's the only what's the last bastion of that. There's no, I've never gone to, like, a, you know,

I don't ever go to a white barber. They've never been like, no white people in here. Do you know what I'm saying? It's that they wouldn't be like, now I assume in their mind, like, they're probably most comfortable with. black hair do you know what I'm saying so they're not going to turn me

it so it's geared towards black people but like there's not even any minimal advertisement that would be like I'm sure if you went in as a white guy and you were like hey give me a feather cut they'd be like what you have those little weird feather scissors in here no we don't have those I was not prepared

for like I said I was just well I'd seen the movie cruising that was my whole idea and the monster actually was pretty close if you think about it That was the gay bar in that area. I never watched Cruise I'm straight. Oh, it's the best.

For gay guys. You've seen the scene. You've seen his dancing. I saw the scene. The dancing. You got the gist. Did you see the part with the, when they were interrogating them in the station, and they had the big black guy come in in a jock strap?

Bobby watches it once a month. And he just fucking, like, pushed him on the ground. You see that scene? I've seen the whole movie several times. before he goes to the gay club. It didn't even make sense. Just this big black guy came with a jock strap on and just smashes Al Pacino to the ground.

He's like, what the fuck, man? What's going on? It's like, for what? The one guy, I was walking home, and I remember, this was like, I just wasn't prepared. And I saw a person in a dress. And I looked up, and it was just a big,

Spanish dude in a dress and I flinched I wasn't prepared I just never seen anything like it He went relax honey I don't bite Unless you pay me All right yeah I guess I nibble

Have a great time tonight But I literally like a kid like this Because I was so freaked out Well I told you I did Tommy Pope's cooking show And when I came out I was walking through the park there and I ran into the drag parade.

And I was, I, I, I, it was like half the, the park was the parade in the, a bunch of, a fat guy ladies walking, but that was a slow parade. I walked in through the parade and I was like, hey, it took up the whole park. Fat men wearing heels is going to be a slow march. Well, they were 15 minutes late. One of the ladies with the vest, she's like, it's running late, but it's about to start. So if you're going to get through, get through now. Everyone forgot to tuck their cocks.

There was not one. It was just guys like us in dresses. Of course, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then I actually was trying to get through it and I had a duck under like fucking fairy wings every five seconds and bubbles. There was bubbles everywhere.

And then at one point it started moving. So now I'm in it. So I'm moving and I have to get past Avenue A or I'm going to be in the parade for a whole block. So I'm trying to cut across. to get out to Avenue A and I almost didn't make it or I was just going to be in it I was just going to be in the gay parade

for a tree line street and uh yeah but I'm looking around there was not one like hot chick dude That's not what drag is honey Now and then uh yeah the The last drag thing I was Went to was at the club

When I was in Arizona Punch Up Live the night before I came in the night before And that night they had a drag show there Okay Not comedy in the venue. So I went to go watch and there was, I mean, the level of complicated this gets

one of the drag queens was a fat actual woman who's transitioning to become a man so she can be a drag queen full time. It's, I mean, the bat-shut nature of that. She's going to become a man so she could dress up like a woman to be a drag queen. It's fucking crazy. That's that's six degrees of Kevin Bacon nuts.

I think part of being a drag though is that you're not, you kind of, you can tell that they're not a woman, right? I mean, there's, yes, sort of. I think every drag show is, uh, is supposed to be fun and funny. It's definitely meant to be cartoonish. Yeah, it's supposed to be, like, very, you know,

extravagant and the makeup. It's not my thing. It's, I mean, the easiest audience I've ever seen in my life. I mean, the jokes get whipped around these things and everybody starts fucking batting their fingers. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind a drag show.

I've been to a couple of them. Why? I went with Norton took me to one. Why? He wanted salmon. He liked the salmon. Who was that? One of the dancers?

No, that was, he got salmon and rice. He liked the food. And when we used to go to, when I played Knicks in Boston, there was a pretty funny to go to a place where it only has dicks to get fish. They, uh, that was a good one. there was a place called Jacques behind Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston and we used to go over there after shows for the drag show

just because it was funny there was a guy, there was actually a musician who played piano and he was good and then the drags would come out and they were kind of funny they would you know their jokes were stupid and funny it is a little hacky but it is entertaining and I don't mind the drag show

I don't give a shit doesn't I think it's fun fun you know I went to one with In Montreal, the big drag show they have there, like one of the most famous. They have it outside in the big, the square they have, the big stage in the square. They had a big drag show there. I went to that one night, you know, some big, with Dawn. I went with Dawn.

You did a drag show in your house? No. Yeah, remember? No. Remember that? No. I did? Yeah.

What? You were Cupid? Fuck off, dude. Wear a dress. Cupid's a guy. You were wearing a dress? I was around a toga. Yeah.

That's different. I just see you know that Cupid wasn't from old Greek, he wasn't from Mount Olympus. Fairy wings. I really wasn't drag. You were fairy wings in a dress. You were full drag. I was just missing the eyeliner and the wig.

I did full drag. You can set. You did? One time, yeah. You did? We talked about it. I don't know if we ever find. It's brutal.

I have a photo of me. It was something asked me when they were doing the, what was it called the stand, stand up New York studios they had? Yeah. We're doing a commercial for something I forget what And the thing we just...

I mean it was supposed to be like That I look gross obviously I wasn't like supposed to be a hot They wouldn't have gotten me to be that I'm sure you didn't shave your beard The uh no What I'm saying the idea was for me to be it But I mean like I had the whole makeup

Was that your pencil beard When you made your chin with hair Oh yeah definitely yeah My cheeks and chin My cheeks and chin would be done with hair This is where it goes right here I just wanted on record At the Monster

That was the Jack Dude bowl There were no out of shape guys allowed in there. That's the bar you went to? I didn't go in, but I mean, I represent. I mean, I take pride.