The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Face Of Deniers

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Jacob accuses Bobby of lying about his stories.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Oh, we in. We're in. Welcome, everybody. We're so live right now. Welcome, we're live.'re welcome everybody. We're so live right now. Welcome. We live. We live. Why? Yeah, it's live on a Monday. Yeah, what's up? How you oh God? I just hurt my butt your headphone being off that hurt my butt

Yeah, welcome everybody can't be in front of the microphone. They go wonky. I'm sorry. Welcome. Welcome everybody Hey, everyone is it's not working with mine. I guess you're hit for more powerful. Oh fuck my ass Oh, sorry for swearing so much It's okay. Yeah, I know but you know the truckers don't want to hear that thanks Lou. Thanks Lou. It's seven minutes too late That's a song we're supposed to come into the computer system died. Hi. I was trying to get Excited for dancing today because I'm excited for dancing today because getting places to famous dancing from. Do you think I don't know the dance shop for

Shud Shake? Cause I do. I'm not gonna, I want to see that. I'm not gonna prove it, but like I totally know. You don't know it. I do know some of it. Almost all of it completely. Nah. But there's parts where I have to go.

I do like a move, but then I'm gonna say split, pop back up, because that ain't happening for real. That's fair. You know what dance I like though? What I really like? What? Hit it, Lou. Come on, Jay. I thought maybe you forgot. We made a bet, Jay. And you lost that bet. Now you got to dance this off. So the sixers lost the bet get up baby show me that Show me it here we go everybody

Video Yeah, it's on the bonfire Instagram higher F*** the sixes F*** the sixes Come on, come on Everybody, come on, get those sides up Go fuck the sixes F*** the fingers Go fuck the sixes

F*** the sixes Come on, come on Go fuck the sixes Go fuck the sixes Yeah Go back to six One Go back to six Fuck the sixes. We're the sixes. Go fuck the sixes. Yeah.

Drop your hands. Drop your hands. Drop your hands. Drop your hands. Drop your hands. Drop your hands. And your cheese steak suck. Woo.

And we begin the week. It's gonna be a long week. Gotta be a long week cause you gotta do this every day. Every show. You made a deal. I did make a deal. And I lost the Sixers are going to disband.

That is it. That's gonna be a humiliating game seven that was. That was really, you know, I've watched them. I've, it's funny I had a post from a couple of years ago come up on my thing. I may have been from last year, the year before, where it was like a, I posted like a thank you to the Sixers because I'm like, I do love watching it. And they went like so. Also, I think I was hoping they would like see and give a shit. Yeah. Meanwhile, yesterday I took a picture in Santa Christine the other day where it was like Kevin Hart posted like, you know, so

exciting for the Sixers men is going to be a big game seven reposted by the Sixers. I saw that. I saw that. He he it bothers me because he didn't post your special. No, but he congratulated the Sixers. He's better friends with Joel and bead, but I had a this year was not a year to write like thank you for a fun season That was a fold that's they're gonna change a lot to change a lot this off. It was like a 30 30 It was over essentially by 30 points up and then like they closed the gap a little it meant nothing It was like it became like 25 to 30 points to

Halfway through the third to the rest of the game. The fourth quarter started and it was like not mathematically impossible, but it would have been like a holy shit game of like the last several years if they came back. You know what sucks is that you set me. I'm so glad I came up with the new Boston song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because the original Boston theme song is not a goody. It's awful. Yeah, it's like it's well at Boston everything. It was a different time back then. Probably all the singers are white too. I think they were. It's like a it's like a Philharmonic. They're two black players.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, this is it. Oh, God. This is the brooons? This is the Celtics. You should have pictured the brooons on loose thing. No, no, no. Quart. Okay. Oh, you were right. Oh

This definitely is This is a local beach boys cover bands Yeah, they have to This is like the Bay City rollers the next at the best one man. I still sing that All white players and all white staff. We have two black guys and one has freckles. We're the reason for the 3.9. We're almost exclusively white. Celtics, almost exclusively white Celtics almost exclusively white

We're the only team in the NBA that requires affirmative action Our rims are the best because they've never been dunked on He is the sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports

He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports He is a sports Peace and freckles, Changers who are athletics. Our chains are the brightest around. Everybody in the locker room has a pink penis. There are no magnet condoms in the locker rooms.

No magnet condoms in the locker room Everybody spends their money in a reasonable fashion We all bought houses that just make sense for the size of our families And we happen to know all of our children and their moms we do it a little bit different in Boston No blacks allow I changed my mind I like it we have the best Just took a few lyrics, baby. It's all about the lyrics.

Oh, shit. What a terrible. What, I mean, the original lyrics are fucking cheesy. We just fixed all that though. Oh, you did, thank God. It's been a wild, wild weekend. Bobby got exposed for Jesse Smollettting his entire subway story. Turns out Bobby took a helicopter here. He wasn't even underground that story was so fake

Why is everything you were lying? You weren't lying and I'll tell you I'll tell you why people are saying that at all because they didn't see because I again I knew this was gonna happen Not in a bad way, but I felt that you were, it just happened. We were on a microphone less than 40 minutes after it happened to you. We told the story, there's gonna be funny intervening within the story, but I said to you after the shows,

or between shows, because I was in there for the live show. I go, call me when you're going home later, you go, because I feel like you're gonna like, I go, I figured it's gonna hit you at some point, and it did, for sure. Your tone and phone calls you're gonna like, I go, I figured it's gonna hit you at some point. And it did, for sure. Your tone and phone calls after you were like, that's why I know you were faking you, like that was dumb.

That was really fucking dumb. Like I shouldn't, like, why don't I just shut the fuck up and not like, what does guy talk shit as he walks forward? Who cares? 100% myself. 100% my fault and I. 100% your fault, but the engagement. It is because I got away with it.

I walked away and, you know, I could have fucked up Max's life. Sure. I could have fucked his life up by opening. Yeah, you know, stabbed and then he becomes Louis J. Gomez. Yeah. We see how that plays out. No, I actually live. He's gonna be crush and pussy though.

J.G. was gonna be so jealous of Max's pussy count. Yeah. But what if I killed the guy? What if I threw him on the mic? Because what happens is you're like, I should have did this, I should have did that. I might ever think about it like that. If I killed the guy, I would just fire Bahamas side.

They probably made me a hero and give me a key to the city is what I would think. Bobby, I think you have a reputation for telling tall tales, so literally nobody believed the story. All right, now let's back up. I know what happened but I think Jacob is the one spreading this. You're the. Fucking see you mean Jacob a not a nice 1576 to be.

Yeah you're on Facebook. Yeah you're calling me. You're the one starting this first of all Jacob. Yeah. I told one thing on April fools. No, no, I'm not talking about this. Not to us, I'm saying. What is my talk, what is the other talk?

I'm saying you have a reputation in general for telling tall tales on radio as a guest on a radio show. I've never, this is the one thing about me. I've never ever. They're obvious fake stories you're talking about. You're talking about the, what? Yeah, what? But what?

The, wait a minute, stop. What, the what? I don't know, I haven't listened to you. You just do like the 100% Bobby's 100% facts. Oh. I'm saying, but there's an obvious like you do it in a tone of everything's like you're telling of. But here's a thing story.

Anything that has happened to me like that, even stuff in my act, the snow tubing bit, that's real. Like all my stuff in my life, like if I come on and say this, just I've never lied about something that's happened. Well, what's the win in this lie? Like you didn't even get like a real like lick in to speak of. Yeah, I mean, it's not. like you didn't even get like a real like lick in to speak of. Yeah, I mean, it's not like. If you're gonna throw the lie,

you might as well say there, it's like, you know, he ran off because he felt, you know, like we got into it a little bit and like he was like, fuck this. Yeah, if I was gonna make yourself look a little bit cooler. I could have added, if I was gonna lie about it, I could have done something way cooler and then instead of going my phone.

You could have even said, oh, that one would have fallen apart would have funny like then I did jump down Thank God I'm spry I was able to jump down get my phone and jump back up Yeah, I'm I'm seeing what I heard that you getting exposed and that would have been really funny And I'm so much of a pussy that I couldn't even jump down on the tracks and get my own phone Not only did I say You're gonna stab me over words and then, no, because you're black and gay. This is the Jesse Swallow story. You kept saying you're black and gay.

And that's why this is happening to you. I tore my own snack bag over. Look, I believe it. I'm just saying the online Sherlocks were picking a part where the lie was. All right. Well, let's find out. Where is the lie? What would be the lie?

I'm only going by, I think one guy, I have to torture myself once a day and watch the, and look at the YouTube comments because I have to check how badly they're making. Why is Facebook campers group, they'll make you feel better? No, this is work for me. I have to check how they're mangling our show. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. By the way, enjoy it while the enjoy the one on on YouTube while it lasts because it's

coming down. Why? Because this whoever this foreigner is that that bootlegs our show does a shitty if they just left it alone. This is America, dude. I would leave it alone but the guys are actually fans of our show that will post the whole show as is get pulled down by the pirators that just want to make money off of it right so I have to read but basically I read these comments as I'm and what was the thing to the massacre of our show what was the what was the

thing what was the one thing? I think one guy said that this is almost a story you told on ONA years ago. And another one is because you would have gotten the camera footage if it was real. Where? Where? Where do I... That was the lie. That exposed your bullshit story.

But you're acting like you can just go to the Just get camera footage from the fact that you didn't want to get it meant that it didn't happen because I would have had to stay In the subway wait wait they offered it to you no no one ever saying Bobby refused to get the camera footage So it people said that's why I was bullshit. That's bullshit. Listen. Here's the thing I almost got fucking killed Literally this guy was swiping at me with this knife trying to cut me Look, maybe he was he was just trying to cut me maybe he wasn't trying to stab me right because if he really wanted to kill me He could have I was right there. Mm-hmm. He was but your seal training kicked in wasn't my you mean like seal like I was moving like a seal

Ocean seal was him. I mean like seal like I was moving like a seal ocean seal. No, you're steel train. You started serenading him with sweet ballads. He fell to pieces. I could pay you to a kiss from a rose. Put the knife down son. But you never gonna survive. But here's the thing, what happened when it happened, it was, I went to go get my phone. My phone was on the track with my wallet, and I had no way of, I had no way, like if I left my phone there, I had to get my phone, I just had to get that.

This guy's gone, I gotta get my phone. I went, I had to go back up in across the street to find the booth lady, founder of Booth Person. It was a lady. And she was the booth day, the booth day. And she goes, do you want to call the cops? I was like, no, I need to go. I want to go. I don't want to be in the subway anymore. And I need to get my phone. I get it. You're alive and you're also, uh, we're another similar thing in us. Uh, I don't, I mean, by the way, when it's too late, right now, if they were like, they picked them up for that, a similar crime or your crime. And they're like, he's in jail for the rest of his life. He'd be like, good. Fuck him. Like, fuck that guy for it. But my, my thought

on the revenge is not police ever. It's like, I don't want the police going. I want to go find him and take his knife away and stab him in his own fucking check. You know, I mean, like, it's my things like all like my, I want revenge. I don't want to go through some stupid legal system and pointed him in court. But I've been I didn't there's a bunch of reasons why I don't want to do the cops. First of all, I didn't want to be I didn't want to have to sit there with the cops and and fill

out a report and miss the show. I was almost trying to get here. Kelly's don't snitch. And I didn't want to, I just didn't want to get the cops involved because it was over. It was done. And it was my fault. I'm the one who said shut the fuck up. And that brought him.

It was like, okay, now, now I'm in his world. Now, once a guy pulls out a weapon, though, it's his fault. You can legally say that. He can't. Yeah, understand that. But in my brain, the way I think is that if I just went the other way or didn't say anything, none of this would have happened. Yeah, that's probably my work.

It's probably the first. If you would have stayed in Taekwondo. Well, that's the thing. It would totally different too. You could have kicked his phone. Well, even if I even if I grabbed him and took a swipe and grabbed him and threw him on the tracks, which later in my brain You always have the fight later. So I my in my brain. I He I grab him and throw him into the tracks and then he breaks his fucking neck

Really? Well in my brain. What if something happens like what if he breaks his neck or he falls or he gets hurt or he gets What if I throw him into the tracks and the train? But let me just let me just finish this What if I the train runs him over then I'm fucking going to court and I got to prove my you know Then they're gonna watch the footage see me he pushed me say something to him push him first Because I pushed him first because he came at me and I hit him first Technically and then he took out a knife crazy. Yes, And then I throw him on the tracks, he gets killed. And then I got to deal, what if he has like a huge Puerto Rican family that now they're

dad and their brother and everybody's dead? And then they watch the footage. This motherfucker pushed it. It was a no-win situation for me. If I dealt with the cops, I fucked up by laying hands on him first. That was my fault. He came at you, but I understand he didn't want him to go through with it. He took a lot of, he took enough of your time to put it mildly. You really have a

morbid spit on the whole thing though. In my mind, you're completely justified and I like two scenarios. One, I take the knife, his hand, and then do that thing where you turn them, where his arms behind him. Right. And while a train's coming, and I hold the front of his body like against the side of the train as it's going like, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's like banging him over and over again. That's a good one. Or hold the knife hand on the train, and click and get the knife out of his hand. Maybe I like his face getting bounced off of all the windows though. Or the other one that I think is pretty fantastic

as if you get time it, so you trip his ass or you just kick him off the side when the train's coming also. He gets that thing where it gets spun up in the side and then sorry, and then I burped. And then his body is a big one, I love this. The organs are being held in. They have to, yeah, buy the train.

They have to bring his wife and family down to say goodbye. They're just family not say goodbye. And his kids have to say goodbye to him and they have an emotional goodbye. Because he, you don't fuck with the Kelly's. Yeah, and then I'm still sitting there going, my, when you move the train, could anybody jump down, just,

my phone is right near his organs. It's right there. And my wallet's near the sea deliver right I think that is a liver. Can you grab that? No, it's cool. Don't worry about just bring it up Yeah, yeah, it'd be great when they just watch this always organs fall out I love the I love the one that he says that would you say that he said I said the story on ONA You're something you're out of your fucking mind. There's something similar I mostly most of the things were another tall tale of Bobby kill Bobby's old bitter and I fight

This a two knife fights in a subway in one lifetime Bobby never ever ever had a knife. What are you in the Latin King? Never ever I'm in the chingolinks Dude never in my life have I ever been stabbed. I've never never told a story and if I challenge you sir whoever you are to fucking find that audio and present it instead of just yelling out stupid non-facts Present that to me that story is out there you said you've heard it go find it and you tell me and if if if I had Done a story where I got stabbed before that that you're crazy, never in my life.

That's what fucked me up, is because I've never been attacked. I've been attacked physically, I've been beat up before I've been to fights and stuff like that. So when he pulled the knife out, the reason why I ran away is because, like where I was like, fuck this, I never been in that situation.

Of course. So that was, that freaked me out like, oh, this went quick to another level. And I didn't, and I'll admit it. I mean, if we saw the video, I do not want to watch. Because in my brain, I kind of ran away manly. I'm pretty sure if you watch the video, I was running like a little girl,

probably your way, holding a bag up, you know, something like that. I mean, it's probably, I holding a bag up, you know, something like that. I mean, I probably look very silly because he was laughing at me. You ran like a man who has a wife and kid. Right. I wish I was with you because I would have done one of those side kicks where I hold him against the wall with my foot, the side of my foot, and then he just drops the knife probably.

Because he knows what he's dealing with. I wish like in my brain I was like I should have just took a knife, I should have put my arm up and just took a slice and then punched him. You know what I should have done. I did this a million times while we get long. I had to keep letting it go. I had to keep just letting it go. I was like if you're gonna put don't push somebody punch somebody. If you're gonna physical with somebody just crack them.

If I just crack them. If I had just cracked them. But then in my brain, what if I hit them and then he fell and smashed his skull open and he died that, and then this video of me just hitting it got. Lewis Shagilma's, by the way, give me a quote, I think it's his own original thought. If not, then I apologize to whoever it's the quote is, but when he said it, I thought it was great.

If you're gonna fight back a little, fight back a lot. Do you know what I mean? Like, to kind of like have fight back is not really to either go for it or get the fuck out of dogs. Exactly. And I went for it a little. I pushed him. Yeah. And when we both, like, because when we both were going at it, like, we both kind of square it up, and we both kind of like didn't know what we were doing. Because I don't think I've been to fight in years, and he, I don't know if he was in a fight or whatever, but we both kind of like didn't know what we were doing. Because I don't think I've been a fight in years and he, I don't know if he was in a fight or whatever, but we both kind of did this, you know, on bad video type thing. Yeah.

And that's when I pushed him. And then that's when he was like, oh, motherfucker. And his, his phone fell. And then that's when he pulled the knife out. And I, I, like, you're right. If you're gonna do something, just fucking do it. If I was gonna hit him, I should've just hit him, pushing is the worst thing you're right if you're gonna do something just fucking do it if I was gonna hit him I should have just had him pushing is the worst thing you're gonna fight well the good news is I wasn't there with you

Because if I was when he came swinging that knife with his I assume his left hand I would have grabbed his left wrist with my left arm and spun into him and caught him with a back elbow And then his head would have bounced off the train and then his organs would have been held inside his family. If I came, no, I'm not a hero. If there's anybody out there, if there's anybody out there that can get the video, if anybody can get that video, I don't know how to get it at this point. You have to file a report. So I got to go to the police and say last week, I, you know, it doesn't believe you.

It's fine. It's going to be such an ordeal to get something that might not have a video on. You understand how great the video would be if we did have. It's making effort. So there's a way. What was that? Christine, what happens?

Did you pass out almost and then get back up immediately? Did you just shut out at Annville? Christine, did you shit at Anvil? Did you? It was Lou, did you? Did your kegowace just fall out of your pussy? I am. It was Lou and then he immediately put it on Christine. Wow. Wow.

I didn't make a sound. Wow. What was the big thud? I can't hear you. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine.

That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine. That was Christine accusing me of lying. I'm not. I mean, just for the argument, Sikit, that's not like you're taking their side. He goes, they said you already said this. She don't know when that years. I was, it was very. How you were.

You made me the face of all of the, the deniers. You're the first, you're the Facebook face. You're the face of mall because you represent the haters. I'm the YouTube. They voted you. Well, I mean, you know, if you want to, you want, by the way, welcome to the club. You want to go through the shitty things they say about me, Jay, I know, everyone else. I can't, I can't listen any of that. Let me, it's horrible. I said, going to Facebook campers group, you might said they turned on me once

and I was like, just, you guys enjoy the show. Hate and love whatever part you want. God bless them. I think somebody actually said, this is nuts. Neil O'Brien said, I think it was a love was quarrel with the Puerto Rican rattlesnake.

So he's actually choosing me of being in love. I mean, gay sexually, you should be a little bit of a shame. Yes, which is hurtful. So he's actually choosing me of being in love. I'm gonna get you sexual interlaced jibba luas jibba. Yes, which is hurtful. Why? I think that's hurtful. Both good looking guys. Uh, yeah, I think so. You could both do worse than having sex with each other.

Uh, this guy, this guy said, I think, well, you're not gonna be some immediate gay sex pot like DJ Lu over here where the guys are coming out of tune at a time. Yeah, but oh, you're gay, get away from me. I wish. You're gay, get away from me. I believe your story. I believe, I believe also like you just said that it's your reaction might not be as masculine

as like you'd hope or thought maybe it was, even when you say it, which is hilarious. That makes the big self-funnier. One thing you know about me and it's to my detriment, I don't lie. Yeah. I don't lie unless it's April fools. Okay.

That's it. And unless it's a fact. What do you think of? I lie about facts. What do you think of DJ Luzas? I think his ask is one of the greatest man asses I've seen. Really is a good ass. I mean, it's a great ass.

I believe him again. You know what, he doesn't lie. D.J. Lou, great news. He don't lie. I've actually had to avoid looking at it. Yeah, yeah. Me, I drink it in. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

No, I do. Thank you. I feel uncomfortable. I do. I want to make him feel uncomfortable. He goes to HR about it. I want to actually, I want to book a vacation for all of us, pay for it, but have it so that we have to shower outside together

so I can see it. Actually while we're here, we got Black Lou on the horn, right? And so. Lou. Black Lou. Lou. Absolutely, I'm here, what's going on? I got a little gift for us here, and I wish.

I don't know if I have the name of the guy I don't think I do and I suck Sincereest of apologies here, but a guy made us we have to on screw each have our own here I know they're small this small they're small. That's very small, but he made us all our own little I won't even call these cum scrolls, but leather cum targets. And everybody has their own. I see these. I like that it's compact, like a tissue square.

It is, this is like black loose here. It says, Lewis, black, Lou Johnson, call sign trees are black king, the black tiger, and then quote unquote, that watermelon's pretty good. Ha, ha, ha. And it's a, the black tiger, and then quote, unquote, that watermelon's pretty good. And it's a, it's tiger. Can you see that? It's black tiger? I love that. Fantastic. It's really fantastic work.

Then we have DJ Lew Witsky, call sign chantsics. No, you're gay. Get away from me. You agreed with me so that makes you dumb. And it's, uh, look, low. It's a leather pearl jam So you can come in the pearl jam guy The way you always want to do you can come on any better you can find a community better Jacob a top call sign Fitbit. It's sticking Smell my duty smell how powerful it is

It's a long road first first blood with musical notes, and they can't do this. Jacob, they love you so much. You have just some nice cross hairs right there. You make nice scope cross hairs. Oh, like that. That's for your load. Yeah.

Bullseye. Bullseye. Mine's very thin. I think he thought that I have a very thin load. Mine's a little more, I can make minus scroll Big jokerson call sign mom mom Yes, Jacob J. Ockerson genius. That's a known quote mine is just like a basic Target that's a chocolate brown. It's chocolate brown chocolate brown target then we have

Bobby Kelly call sign six fat dude and a hundred percent also a thin one. Bobby you got a black clover design championship Celtics. Not champions not yet. Not at all. And then Christine says Christine where you have his call sign. Ch Chordle. That's super cool. Blow fucking rules. I'm a dancer. What am I supposed to do? Suck your dick for an hour.

Oh, I'm sorry. And hers is a picture of, it's a picture of California that says I'm from here. And it's three different places. That's great. That's fantastic. That's fantastic.

And I love that. I fucking please, this is, I, whoever let us know, like. That's super cool. You like, I have that. And it's the Jander hit up on social media. Let us remind us the name of who gave us that because it was so sweet, but I fucking. Tasty sweet. Oh, so excited.

We were all so excited to see each other. Call signs make me so happy. Fitbit. We got call signs now. Fit, I love it. Six fat, shantix. Six fat shantix. Fitbit and We got call signs now. Fit, I love it. Six fat, shantix. Six fat, shantix. Fitbit and chordle.

I forgot Christine was chordle. Chordle. He's a guy actually making the scroll right now. Yeah. He imported the, it's very fancy leather. He's making it for you. But these are great. These are, these are fans now.

I said, I wouldn't call it, these are target practice. Yeah, these are target practice. This is to, you gotta be, I can also be a travel, travel cum scroll also. I don't know, I don't know. I think this is a travel scrum. These come scrules. You bring that, if you feel like you wanna hit a target

when you're on the road. Yeah, I like it. I like that, Christine's is really thick. Yeah, Christine's got a thickie. Yeah, I mean, she has a heavy flow. I mean, you got thin ones. Yeah, our old man loads ain't really doing too much damage They made ours a little napkins. We can wipe our dicks with

It's great, but yeah, what a cool little thing, huh? Well, how was your weekend overall and I? Taya Austin take us awesome was great the club the mother ship baby mother ship It was great great club. I mean the I was a little a little anti-climactic Because when I was there during Moon Tower and I went up there everybody was there It was packed the green room was I mean I thought I was gonna go up there. I was just gonna be I was on Tony this weekend. They're all a town right doing gigs all out of town

So it was me never thought about that. I've only been there weekdays. It was me Ryan long me and Ryan long great guy like Ryan a lot. He was in the other room He no, he was he meddled he feats feel good. He was in town doing shows And I guess they didn't have a feature so they just asked him to do it doing shows and I guess they didn't have a feature so they just asked him to do it. How are you? And then the other community, I forget his name, Tony, his name's Tony, I forget his name, but it's really funny guy. Funny show. They put it in.

Cousillas? I think so. Tony can see us. Big chubby guy. Glasses. Classic. Tony's great guy. Great guy.

Funny. Everybody was great. The staff is great. Crowds. All sold out shows. That's great, dude. It was great. Everybody was great. Rogan was out of town, but he sent me a really nice text, which was great.

But I was I mean, it was cool. Well, you know, but I thought it was going to be jamming. I thought, you know, it's just going to be up there. People, you know, dropping mushrooms, fucking smoking and it was just you. It was just for me. Yeah. And they didn't let the I don't think they let the other comics in from the other room. Oh, really? In the great. Yeah, like they were, they were kind of coming in going, excuse me, I'm just getting a walk. Like it was real. I get it though. If they have a headline weekend in there, I get you kind of, there's only one green room. But I don't care, dude. Come on in. Of course. Come the fucking. Let's hang out. I'm not, I've never done that. I'd rather have people hanging than not hanging. I'd rather hang shoot the shit. The time goes by quicker. Club was great, crowds were great.

It was awesome, it was a great club. I mean, and we were right at the Thomas again, so I was right at that hotel, so it's like a block away. Yeah. But yeah, it was a little, because we were just there, we had so much fun, you were there,

we wake up every day, Christine was like, I got your coffee. So it was kinda anti-climactic in that way because that was by myself every day. And nobody was hanging, like there was no hang. Did you get any fun food? We just go to the diner again. I just went downstairs at the diner.

I got a baguette. And it really doesn't matter where I go on the coolest things to do right outside of the place. My gut is really just like, I know this thing, I'll just grab this and be in my room. Yeah, I know, I know. I could get barbecue, I'm like, I've this thing. I'll just grab this and be in my room. Yeah, I know. I know. I always get barbecue. I'm like, I've got barbecue. I'm not waiting in line three hours. Yeah, it's fine. Barbecue, I get it. Briscuit.

I know. I'm gonna wait in line. Try to see if somebody recognized me. Try to make faces I made on TV. So Bobby Kelly. Yeah, yeah. Oh, come on in. You know, that never happens. Still the best thing in that.'s the Greg can you remove me? They made the about Bob The Cray the Pogans heroes Bob Crayton made the movie by what his next addiction. Yeah, I don't focus my favorite scene They go and he when he got older. Just wanted to like pick up chicks at a bar He'd be like hey man to the bartender like pop on channel five Any pop on he would just sit there like drinking a thing under it and when the girl would go, excuse me, am I crazy?

But is that, he'd go, oh geez, oh man, that's embarrassing. Come on guy, turn that off. This is, oh, I don't think I weirdo, huh? I'm just playing tourgasm on my phone. Oh no, I was just checking. This is the small stuff I did. This is a while back.

I was trying to find the prayer circle the entire weekend. The what? The tourgasm prayer circle scene. I don't know if there was one. I've never watched it. There might be one. I don't know, but yeah, what we all... Well, you guys have got to be on HBO Max, right?

It's on HBO Max, but I don't think number nine is. It's a series. Number nine is where we flew the planes. It took an episode out. I don't know, you can't find it. We flew jets. That number nine, because you know, there was supposed to be a documentary.

It wasn't supposed to be episodic. It was supposed to be a documentary. And Dan was gonna sell it as, sorry. Sorry, don't worry about it. What happened to fall asleep on the keyboard? It was supposed to be a documentary. And he got that deal. he got a deal with HBO.

And then they were like, oh, we have this documentary. And they were like, oh, he wanted to buy that too. So he's, let's make it episodic after we shot it. So we had to go back and shoot at 9th episode to wrap things up. Okay. And it was, we flow Mustang planes. So they have this thing in San Diego

where you can go up with the... It's a season wrap. Dude, it was crazy. You go up in the in the plane Mustang, you dogfight. So you're with a pilot, you go up in the plane six thousand feet in the air and you have a dogfight like me and Dane with dogfighting. Gary and Jay with dogfighting like six thousand feet in the air and the guy goes all right, take over the controls and you're flying a fucking plane. And I threw up so much in the plane. Yeah, I assume I'd panic on that. It's not pressurized.

No, and when we got back down, I was dehydrated really bad because they threw up so much and it was so hot and they stuck me in a fucking onesie. Did they give you a bag to throw up in? Yeah, they called me Bobby two bags. Cause you had two bags of puke? I had two bags of puke, I filled them both up. By the time I got back down, it was bad. It was like my quake popcorn size bags, right?

Yeah. That's a lot of puke. And we're filming everything. So they got this all on film. And then I'm lying on the bench. I mean, I should have went to the hospital cause I was so dehydrated. And then Dan came over and put his nuts on my forehead. Classic.

Classic. Yeah, classic. Classic DC. So mad. And then the worst part is they flew us. We got to go to a hotel for a couple hours. Then they throw us in a helicopter, fly us to a dog racing track somewhere. In this 3, 3000 fans waiting there. And then

we walk through the fans like in these jumpsuits. And we go up and we think it's a ceremony to thank us all. And Barry Katz goes up and roast us in front of 3000 people, trashes me, Gary and Jay. Nothing. No, he had roast jokes written to fuck with us. And we're sitting there thinking that we're gonna get celebrated or they're gonna give us a gift. This is a big moment. Somebody had somebody written them jokes. Yeah.

Do you know what it was? I have no idea. We got trashed and there were all these people just laughing at us. And then for Dane, he's like, Dane's a great guy. Not one. Good people, though, that didn't cook. Yeah.

I thought Torghazam was so far. I was so. And then you know what they gave us? They gave us, we're thinking we're gonna get like a Vespa or something, you know, something great. Like a cool, they give us die casts, little Torghazam, like metals metals that they put it over our head. Metal?

Yeah, it was a tour gasm metal, like the Olympics. So we had to go up on stage and bury, put them over our head, and we had to stand there with the tour gasm metals. That's what we got. Adam Sandler buzzer, everybody, Maasaradi. Yeah, we got a tour gasm, die cast metal for our necks, and we got roasted. We got a self-esteem fucking smashed. he never gave you like a holy shit gift No

Really no No Like what what what what what what what what were you have given me? I don't know kind of money he was making but I assume if I was 3.5 million for the tour no for the show no for Torgas. I don't know he made a lot of money. Yeah, no I know he made money but I'm sitting depending on the money I mean like here's the thing like I didn't love that he flaunted it on social media, but like you know kev got all of his guys like I mean again

I don't think Dave or dane maybe dane did have kev money at one point. I didn't have a lot of money Yeah, so I'm like you can get your you can get all you for you can spend I don't have a lot of money. Yeah, so I'm like, you can get all, for you can spend $200,000 and buy three or four your friends a really nice car. You know what I mean? A good car. I'm not saying he has to pull out and give,

can't buy everybody a classic, like very interesting like, you know, souped up cars. But if he got you, if he can buy me, he goes, hey man, I got got everybody just real nice Nissan centrist. I would love that. Wouldn't that be awesome? Yeah, I'm saying you just have this like here, mentioned car paid off, just got to pay your insurance.

I would have took a Vespa. I would have took a $6,000 brand new Vespa with $250. I agree. You guys like electric, electric bikes weren't out back then, but you know what I'm saying? The Vespa is a similar thing. I would have took, I mean, yeah, we didn't get any gifts like that. I did get a, they, I got a couple of tourgasm t-shirts.

But yeah, there's, there's the, Kav giving everybody his car, their car. Yeah, no, no, I've never had that. No, no, no, no, I mean, that's amazing, dude. Damn, man. That's awesome. I would love that. I was irresponsible for a slew of clouds.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I hope that that. Of his irresponsible or a slew of clouds. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I hope that that one gets picked. Who got the punch buggy? I'm gonna get picked up by news and it's like, Kev, just give it to him and hug all your friends. You don't have to fucking make everything like, yo, I'd rather do. I know, but it'll make me feel a bit like a fucking

weeness like having like to say these nice things I'd wanna say don't for doing that for me. I'm not saying these guys are but it's like you want to say like it's like it's like an emotional moment you're like, whoa dude this is like what a gift and he's like, mm-hmm, say it to the camera. We have an actual moment at all like I don't know film me after math or something. Let me say let me let me think. But while you're thinking about that, I want to say always about tour guides. I watch it every week. Why I used to get so, like, I think it was so funny and not even trash the show. Right.

It was more just like, like, maybe it is what he does, but I go, that is, I think David tells straight me out too on this because I was like, tour guides him such like a, who tours like that? Like, who does, like touring to me is like, you know, such like, who tours like that? Who does, touring to me is like, I know people who have drug issues where it's like they're fighting that on the road or drinking and trying to get laid and ultimately just being back in a room

and eating Swedish fish while you watch TV in a shitty hotel room and lonely. And I'm like, it's definitely not like, guys wake up. We're riding yaks today down the mountain. Like every day was like a fit, you know what I mean? Like it's, I don't do like on the road. You don't do a lot of thing. If you have a friend with you, the best is like, Hey, let's grab lunch. Then we'll go do our own thing again for a little bit. And then we'll meet up for the show and then hang after the show. Do you

know what I mean? Like the, do I mean? Like the... This was always like everything, but again, I've done those burt tours and when you go on a tour, like there is days, like, hey, we're doing Frisbee golf. We went to Churchill Downs one day. There's always a thing, but it is content though. It's all for content. He, Dan, you gotta give him credit ahead of his time with that stuff because they had us, I mean, and Gary,

I didn't give a shit as much. It wasn't and Gary, I didn't give a shit as much, it wasn't knowing, but I didn't give a shit as much, but Gary was like, what the fuck, man? You know, we have to go play Frisbee golf. Yeah. You know, we had to race, you know, we had to do, we had things to do every day. Yeah.

For content-wise, because they do, they can't just shoot, we can't just sleep until three and go do a show and then make fucking tuna salad at night and fight with Jay about porn, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I was just saying, it's what it really is, but like instead it's gotta be, you know, guys, we're inseminating cows today on a farm. I would love that. I would, that, if they, If they did that type of shit instead of fucking Frisbee golf. You want a fist coming to a cow's pussy? I would love to do that. Dude, you're such a freak. I'm a cowboy. You're such a cowboy freak. Cowboy freak. That would always make me laugh

like the thing I'm like, that's not what touring. But a tell was almost like, what do you give a show about you guys doing blow and being in a strip club till six in the morning? That would've been great. Because we went at the same time when we did tour gassam, they had comedians of comedy tour, which was the alternative version. Zalc, Galfanac, Skroy, Pat Nawswall, David Cross,

and Maria Bamford. No, what was it do, is that? Brian Possein and Maria Bamford, I think we're on that. So they were doing this alternative, you know? You know, yeah. So what was there, like every day, I could just drag activities, like today we're gonna look at a moneg's,

they're, hey, today we're gonna go everybody's notebook and see, has the most stuff in their notebook. Hey guys, today we're gonna go by quirky shoes and pants at a thrift store. Hey, today we're going to go see who doesn't get a haircut. I get a new sweater. I want a dirty up and look like I don't give a fuck. Hey, I'm going to dress like a little boy even though I'm 40. Hey, we gonna go get the best fa in Cleveland. Nerd alert. Nerd alert. Yeah. Nerd alert. It was a it was a it was a direct assault on his thing when it came out. Yeah what was it was there's a much more boring show though. Yeah it was like small little places like

where you know he was doing these big, you know, we're doing three, I mean, our meet and greets at Torgasm were four hours long. He met every single person that wanted to take a photo with him, he stayed. And it was brutal because he was at the end of the line. So they had to stand in front of me, Gary and Jay. And there was a lot of people that would just wanted nothing to do with us. And I remember one night, Gary went, well, he just looked at the person who goes, you can't even say fucking good show. You can't even say, hey, you go good too. We're right fucking here. I was hollow.

I was like, you guys were here. Yeah, I mean they were standing there, not even acknowledging us. And it's like a line around the arena. You think Dane cooks ever? Do you think Dane cooks ever gone on stage one time in his career? Or right before he goes on stage, he doesn't look into a camera and go,

let's go get it. Something like that, some kind of a line. Let's do this. Yeah, they're about to get damed you're ready to get cooked time to make this go down Can you feel it? You feel that energy? You know I follow is Beyonce Chelsea, but what I found out you do is that follow or you're ruined or I think he is new special was filmed like on their They're backyard. Yeah, yeah, it's on Amazon. I gotta see that. Oh, he he filmed it in his yeah, his backyard

You want your trailer for put the trailer for right now his house is nuts. It's called What this was special called I thought it was above all else or something like that it's brand new on prime. It's got to be epic The back yard the name is the name is going to be. Yeah, it is. It's pretty epic. Well, it's a name. What about it all? Yeah, above it all. He's above it all. He means his house. No, that that's his view. It's crazy. His house is nuts. Yeah, it's done in his backyard. Yeah. Plant. I'm just sure you're doing great Yeah, that's a weird thing to me. Why would you have a bunch of people you don't know at your house? Kev's was in his house. What? And he's in his pajamas doing the special you didn't see that

Some people said he goes that was pretty disconnected that special. That's stupid Okay, I'm about four to people my living room by my fire in front of my posters of me my living room, by my fire, in front of my posters of me. Are you real? Yeah. That's crazy. I said it's hell, so we'll chill out after this real quick. That's stupid. Funny.

This is my actual house, and that's what we guys are like. That's it. I mean, that's pretty crazy. I've been dealing with a stalker. She was staring up at my house like she wanted to fight my house. You're going to die now! I plan to murder and how to get away with that murder absolutely in my favor. I'm so happy in my relationship that I'm at the internet's happy for me.

I should check. I'm 49, my girlfriend's 23. She was doing her homework and I said, where have you been all my life? And then I remembered she wasn't alive for the first 26 years of it. Jacob's in. Jacob loves it. Oh, I did my best. This is the me, this is the house. Jacob's in Jacob loves it My best

He's doing best of I don't know I didn't see the special isn. I like Chuck did very well, but that's all I'm going to say. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say. To be going, all right guys, good night. I have to picture what he's out there afterwards of picking up like twizzlers, rappers, all the floor and everything, like, good show. Yeah, candy necklaces.

Good show, the one that show the trailer for the one we're kefs in is a house in his pajamas. I don't get it. I don't get wanting to have like fans in your house. How about this though? How about how great, Daneses cook house not the kicks is but But that house is fucking epic looking I mean the backyard where it was I mean that's a fuck he's got I've been to his house before. It's one of the coolest

LA houses that I've been to yeah, it's probably the coolest. I heard Tim's is pretty wicked. Tim's is awesome I love Tim's is pretty wicked. Tim's is awesome. I love Tim's, but Danes, Tim's is like on a cliff. Like Danes is up on the hill, but they had all the ground up. And it's like a Japanese modern mid century home. It's awesome. It's very Japanese. Very Japanese thing.

That's cool. Very chic. Very samurai. Japanese gardens nice. Very chic. Very samurai. Japanese gardens, nice. Yeah. Does he have a coy pond? Yeah, but he killed all the coy and we ate it. Good.

Yeah, they're all gone. Christine, please. I've got a very direct and honest space. All right, stop. I mean, it's fucking with your Rosebud fireplace. It's a video fireplace. Oh, it's not real? What, he has a video fireplace? It's a video fireplace. Oh, it's not real? He has a video fireplace?

That's not real. That's real, Jay. Prechance video fireplace. 100% that's real. Play it. Very honest. Very honest, man. My wife told me the other day, she said, honey, your sex is no longer what it used to

be. No, it's a fucking face. That's real. That's a gas fireplace. That's a gas fireplace. Okay. What you giving up like that? You just give up? Why? Just gas fireplace, cause it's a point. Whatever it is, that's his living room. Whatever it is, it's stupid. It is done that man there, but man, I gotta be honest. I do like that wall up Jacob. Very nice. Yeah, nice wall. But the fireplace is just too big. Looks like a pizza oven.

Yeah, but it's it's because that wall is one-fiftyth of his living room. Okay. We'll get a smaller fireplace. Yeah, well, we could text him if he ever answers. He did get a smaller fireplace and can you promote J Special? Or quit? I Did follow up with Big Jim because remember the last time he said he would ask his people. I said it anywhere back. Any word back. I didn't even get a reply.

And not even a reply from the manager. Wow. I do like those pajamas though, really hot. I don't think so. I think they're a little nut huggie for what they are. I like them. Like Dick Van Dyke, but updated. I'd wear those.

No underwear underneath. Does he think he's got a hat? He's got a hat. He's got a hat underwear underneath because he has, in fact, he has to wear a, I bet that shirt's long enough to cover his monster dick. Yeah. You can't just show your monster dick like that.

No, not like that. There's no way. Do we have no ad reads today? Not a one. So we did fantastic at the ad sales read and that we've lost all of our reads. So you've crushed it at the ad sales read. It was a great ad sales read.

But this is the calm before the storm. Look at it that way. Right. No ad reads. That is calm. Well, that's very calming. Or we're out of a job. Well, let's look at Kipset House for again a little bit. That's very calming. Or, we're out of a job. Well, let's look at Kim's house for again a little bit.

He's fine. I mean, what is on his floor? The word heart with a heart around it? I'm gonna throw up. I don't bet that's not there all the time. I bet it's always there. It might always be, I don't think it was as a stage in his living room.

I bet it says heart with a 100% that's there. But I do believe he's got pictures of the city where he did every special behind where with the specials like that. Okay, but why does he have bourbon up there? Like he's gonna have a sip. He might. Oh, now he wouldn't have a sip of that

because he also has his own tequila. Tequila brand that he's hawking. Like the rock. Pretty hard. Alright, let's watch this. I don't believe you'd be successful and have good dick. I told you you got to pick one. You want this life?

A good dick. You're not getting both. I'm not going to do both. I'm not giving you both. Pick one. When I had good dick, I was broke. I had nothing. I was out here fucking for transportation when I had good dick, I was broke, I had nothing.

I was out here fucking for transportation when I had good dick. Fucking for tokens. Sick of walking, I need to put out some good dick. Yo, he's killing Black Lou. I mean, Black Lou is dying, right? Black Lou is falling in pieces with the life. Are you shitting me that way? I was just thinking what a terrible joke this is this is fucking awful black Lou is cracking up I think it's funny

Black Lou you gotta be kidding black Lou you joking are you kidding? I mean, it's just you know You wouldn't get it it's black thing. Don't worry about it. It's hilarious though. I'm saying this has been done in comedy. This concept's been covered. Oh, I've never heard of it. It's my first time hearing it. A black guy talking about big black dick? No, about giving that good dick and this and being broke and it's just, it's a, yeah.

And he's in LA. You don't have tokens in LA. legit, I've never seen him that animated. Never seen him laugh that hard before. Yeah. It's been on the show for so many years. It's never left like that. Black lose racist.

I think maybe black lose racist. There's a rumor to start. Yeah, there's a rumor. You're racist. Hey, everybody. Thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomfire for a special offer. radio show.