The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Fighter & The Smurf

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

A doctor told Bobby that he is actually taller than he thought and he tries to prove it to the group. Jay gets out the measuring tape in studio to settle this debate once and for all. Jacob is the one who must pay a steep penalty if Bobby is as tall as he claims. | New Corey Feldman drops delight the crew. | Boxer and longtime Camper Will Guilmette calls in to promote his fight this weekend. Will is 2-0 as a professional, both wins by knockout. This Saturday June 27th, CES Boxing presents: Will "The Ghost" Gill-Met vs Tyler Riley at The Historic Park Theatre in Cranston Rhode Island! For Tickets go to CESFIGHTS.com or message him on Instagram @willguilmette *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Let's turn on Jacob. You know what? The only thing that unites us ever is turning on Jacob. It's the only thing that makes us really bond together, you little man. That's why I'm here. Christina's run a little bit behind today. 5-8, by the way, 5-8 and a quarter.

You guys fucking lied about my height. No. Buddy, I got measured in the doctor's office today. On your tip-toes? No, with no shoes, no socks. Just boots? No boots. High heels?

Listen, you can chime in as much as you want. Pumps. It's not. I was 5-8 and 1-7th. Whatever that is. Why? There's no way. Whatever.

She said something else, I didn't catch it. I just 5-8. 1-7th isn't anything. 5-8. But that's just 5-8. You said I was 5-7 in this room. I said nothing. You are.

No, not. I'm 5-8. I got measured by a doctor. Not you, not a little... First of all, how could you see the top of the ruler when you were measuring me? Did you measure me? He did measure you anyway. I took talk.

Top of my shoes, all my shoes and my socks off. And they said I was, last time I got measured, I was 5-7-something. He goes, no, you're 5-8 and a little. Lou, would you mind turning up their microphones for this? I can't hear them that far down there. Sound doesn't travel up. What are you guys saying now?

It's irrelevant. Oh, there, now to my cans. Thank you. Now it's in my cans. Whatever, dude. You know what, you're blessed. Who? You're blessed with height.

No, this was a turn on Jacob moment. I'll turn on Jay. Right, right. All right, Jay. I'm trying to make him make peace with this, but he won't. He's trying to hurt you. He carries himself like he's on your, part of your crew. Jay, Jay, how can I make peace with something that's a lie?

How can I make peace with someone? Two Lilliputians lied to me to get me in their little cult. And I believe them, and they lie. Little Pusians means. Little people around Gullivus Travel. Okay, Lilliputians, right? Does they were called? Yeah, they were Lilliputians.

I always just call the reference call over travels. I never knew their name. No, that's great. That's great. Remember last week when Bobby said McCarthyism twice? Did you know what it meant? Yeah, I know. Did. He used it great.

Dude, I've been on point. I've been fucking killing it. You did gutfeld. Dude, I didn't do gutt felt. What the fuck does that? That makes me dumber. You did guttful. You heard somebody else say something about McCarthyism.

No, I know what McCarthyism because I live through it. Yeah, dude, Lilliputians. That's what they were called. The little people that tie... I never read it. just know the pictures of the little people that gulliver care and i've used the reference yeah in the in this scenario you think you're gulliver no i'm not i'm not i'm not gonna say i'm gulliver but i'm not a i'm not a lillipus yeah but i'm his i'm jay's friend that misses him so so we take pictures of you guys all standing on

my arms here's what happens i'm not part of that crew do you guys want to tie me down and hold me so i don't i don't pillage your town buddy i'm first of bobby you're a medium-sized lillipusion Listen, buddy, I'm not a Lilliputian. You're an original. You're an OG fucking... You know what you are? We are. You know what you are?

You're a lollipopkin? We. You should belong in a chocolate factory. We belong in a chocolate factory. I've made peace with this. Can I just ask you question? I'm worried if I stand up, I'm going to kick over your mushroom houses. Jay, yes.

Seriously. They lied to me. They said I was 5-7-something. They're working in cahoots because they both say this. They both say it. And I got measured today by a person. professional on a professional measuring device at a doctor. You think it's better than our on-staff, Ebony and Ivory?

Yes. Little people? Yes. Then having little people measure me? A little tiny Ebene Ivory? Yeah, a little people that can't even see the top where it says seven. They can't even see it. They would have to take a picture and then look at it.

Damn, dude. I went Jacob to Beast, Stevie Wonder, though. I just, it strains credibility, Bobby. You have a lack of credibility because... Yeah, it's a doctor. We'll call him right now. No, no. I don't even know if you went to the doctor.

doctor because you swore up and down you didn't fart a couple of weeks ago you made jay believe it you made me believe it you made us feel guilty and then you did it i don't believe it anymore now that you've proved it in here with a ruler with a tape measure it wasn't a tape measure and nobody was there and also how could they see everybody here how could a how could a four-foot two person see seven feet how can they see that high jay do the math you were seven foot he said i was set i was five seven Oh, yeah. How could he see 5-7? At 4-2, unless he was standing on a chair.

Yeah. You know, like he does when he has to get his soup or his bowls out of his cabinet. How could he see that, Jay? If you came over and looked at it, maybe I'd buy it. I had him, little man, looking up on his tippy toes. Did I come over and look? No, you did. You came over and looked, yes.

Did I confirm? He's lying. Yes. He's lying. I'm a podhead, so you can use me for this. I can use this again. You did not. We did measure him in the fish bowl, right?

Yeah, we did that too. On camera, I believe. No, but here's the problem is that you two were the judges. Nobody of height. Yeah, but they built a little structure to climb. No, they did not build it. If they had a bamboo structure, if they had something that I saw Jacob shimmy up to sit. Buddy, they smurfed together a ladder.

And then they smirfed up it and then they smurfed you. If he tipped over his little smurf pale and stood on it. Buddy, I was met. I admire your confidence. It's not confidence, dude. You carry yourself like you. his confidence. Let me just say something to you. I got measured by a professional today. And believe me, I was in shock because I actually told him. I was like, hey, I'm probably like five, seven something

because I got measured, blah, blah, blah. Somebody measured me. He goes, no, you're five, eight and a little bit, whatever he said. How tall was he? And he was, he was my height, maybe a little taller. So he could only see as tall as you are. So maybe you're taller than him. By your theory, a person can only see as tall as they are. You have to be measured. You can't be measured with a I can measure you because I tower over here. You could measure me with actually on a professional measuring device. A flat thing that goes up the top. They measure me, first of all, on a rug.

I'm going down a little bit. I'm sinking a little bit. And the second of all, they can't see the top of my head. You're right. You did the last time? We should have tied balloons to them. Okay, here's the thing. We should have got them off the air, off the ground a little bit.

Maybe something. Maybe put one on the other one to make a full one. Yeah. Yeah, we could have done that. I would have believed that. thought about doing the trench coat midgetts thing to measure Bobby? No. You wear a lab coat, though, so you guys look like a doctor.

I'm at peace with my horror. Yeah, but he's not. You're saying the doctor's lying to him. No, first of all, if this doctor appointment actually happened, okay, so maybe he's lying like the whole time. I believe he actually stood up a little on his heels like he did in here. You can. By the way, doctors, I know this from weight things my whole life.

They'll let you cheat. Of course. They don't give a fuck. Especially the people who were doing that part, because also the doctor doesn't measure you in the big appointment. Can I say something? The nurse measures you, but the weight thing, I would always sometimes just, they know you're lying yourself. I would like, if I could touch a little something like near me, if a finger would take off 10 pounds. I would accept that.

Jay, can I just say something to you? Yeah. I went in thinking I was what they said I was. Five seven. Five seven. And I'm like, in a little something. I went in and I literally said I think I'm hang on one second

Maybe that's seventh maybe is what you hear seven Don you're on the radio on the bonfire Hi Hi What is that sexy voice? You're the 15th caller Don you won tickets to see cold play Did I want tickets to see cold play Why are you talking sexy? What's going on?

Do you have a radio voice? Because she heard me dude No I was having a nap I was having an after school nap You deserve it girl All right that's weird All right listen Don did I go to the doctors today I bet she looks adorable there

Just having a little afternoon nap Can you please call the doctor's office And find out my height, please? A little trussle of her curly hair Falls in her face We went to the doctor's office the other day You are five Eight and a half

Thank you Bye, love you Bye bye bye Forgot about that too Took Max to the pediatricians the other day He's seven foot one No How many times are getting yourself

high measured well I'm getting myself measured when I was something's gone yeah because I was lied to I know I was lied to also the doctor did the pediatrician tell you he has dick hair can you get him out of here please yeah dude it's crazy take him to a doctor dude lied to by little people I was lied to by little people or your wife has your back hard no went to the doctor today and you went to a pediatrician yesterday I went to I went to max had a good thing he got measured and she was like you want me to measure you I go yeah Why would she do that? Here's the problem I'm having,

if I'm having any problem with this at all, because I want to believe you're 5-8. You know Don would throw me on the bus in two seconds. I do, but here's the thing. She may have also gotten the bad information. The argument here that I'm saying that I am aware from doing it myself for weight is you might have tiptoed a little bit.

And she's, because, by the way, she's saying eight and a half, and you said, like, you said the other number was like, you'd remember it a half. That's a big deal. A whole other half an inch. He said a seventh or something like that.

He said something. I forget what he said. But she's saying half. But he might have been a half. He might have said the exactness. You'd remember the half. Buddy, here's the thing. The half would know everything, dude.

As a guy who is just a little over six inches enough that I can't say, if it was six and a half, I'd start saying seven. I'm going to say this. I'm going to say this. Mm-hmm. The most important part of this whole, whole thing that we deduced. Is that my penis is a little over six? Oh, very little. Oh, very little.

Very little. But that fat was holding a very little inside of me. No, listen to me. Listen to me, kid. Listen to me. And I'm serious. The whole thing is I'm not 5'7. I'm 5'8.

And something. And whatever it is. I'm not, with these little dudes tried to suck me into their little cult and then tell the world that I'm this. And then had me go out there living a lie thinking that I, I should. shrunk a half an inch. Can we solve this once in for all? Can we get a tape measure? I refuse to have them do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Okay, fine, but I want to, I want to be on a flat surface. Let me tell, absolutely, let me tell you, I'm going to bet $1,000 to Jacob Battott that you are 5-8. Do it. Trust me. Look at me. I'm taking my glasses off.

Jacob, I know you don't have a thousand dollars be winging around. I'm not saying that I do. I think I'm going to win. But if you lose this thing, you have to like, something you're uncomfortable with watch me masturbates completion are you in or not I really want that thousand but if you don't win the thousand you could have not a thousand dollars

and have to watch me masturbating and I might take a while buddy I'm telling you right now Jay pays you will get that this thousand dude I made a bet with Jay the thousand was in before Before the Young Blood Court was over, $1,000 bucks in my Vemmo account.

Yeah. Yeah. He did the move. He pays. Jay will pay for the joke. Bobby says he's at 5-8. I'm going to take, he's my partner. He wouldn't lie to me.

I don't even know if I can trust. First of all, I'll finish masturbating. I'll finish at some point. You can measure all you want. He'll cheat like crazy. He'll make sure that he's a little elevated. No, I'll put,

we're going to take his shoes. off and I'm going to put my hands on his shoulders. But I am going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to stand up straight. I am not going to go on my tippy toes, but I'm, I'm going to stand up as straight as possible. And you will measure me. And you have to watch him masturbate. Wait a minute, masturbate, pause, dot, dot, dot, to completion. I don't want to watch.

I don't want to watch me. I think you do. But you'll have to. The first thought that came to your head. Some would say you do want me to watch you. I'll take $1,000. I'll take $500 to that and get somebody else to watch me finish, watching the menstruate to completion.

You could actually take, you could get five people to watch you for $1,000? Easy. $200 a piece, you guys have to watch me answer to rate to completion. And if you talk sexy, I'll finish quick. Jacob, you are incentivized to talk sexy, though, because then I'll finish quick. and you get to roll out. I'll say this also.

If I come within three minutes, I'll give you the thousand also. You just make them into a jerk-off whore. Where do you go to get a tape measure? Did he? Okay. Yeah. Man, you really want you to be five.

They lied to me and had me go out in the world thinking I shrunk, and I almost accepted their stupid life that they leave. It's like that old saying goes, short people, short people. Yeah, fucking whatever. Short people got no. reason to live. Yeah. You don't.

The height every woman dreams of now. Yeah, 5'8. Every time I walk into the studio and see if Jacob's frown, it makes me think that he's thinking, short people have no reason to live. Short people got no reason to live. It really is a thing with women, though. I've heard a lot of women over the years when they say what's important in you, and a lot of them say height.

They like a tall guy. Yeah. Lewis, I don't know why he didn't be. I asked him to tell the story. He's overhearing his wife and her girl cousins came over. And one of her cousins is telling us younger girl where not to go. Like, you don't want to go to this bar because it's the shorty bar. Like, they know what bars to avoid.

That sucks. Yeah, women are very external. They always say, I want somebody who loves me. They don't. I think here's a thing. I think as long as you're bigger than the girl, that's not the issue at all with them, not too much. But I think what it is is when you're short, though,

you've pulled yourself out of, not always, but you've just locked yourself out of, like, so many types of women. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like you're just not like a girl who's like whatever the version of, like, let's say the prettiest version of, Who's the girl who got really big stuff? Ashley Graham.

Gorgeous chick. And her hottest was hot, but a thick girl. Boom. A thick chick, for sure. But that girl, they look ridiculous together. She's, like, substantially larger than Jacob. You know what I mean? So it's like he doesn't, this would look ridiculous.

And so he doesn't even wrap his brain around this chick in any way. You just disregard her completely immediately. I do like, I like a thick chick, man. I like a thick proportion chick. I like short women anyway. I do like that. She's very good. She's well proportioned chubby.

You like short women anyway because. You have to. I have to. The only ones you can protect. Sure, but I'm not unattached. The only people can protect. It would suck. Jacob would with her and she'd have to carry Jacob away from the danger.

But this is not a thing. Like for men, I've never heard a guy say, oh, she's too short if she's hot. Hot is hot. No, but no guy gives a fuck about height. But you're short also and thin. so if a girl is like short and like even a little bit thicker it might look weird that's true yeah because she's like bigger than you that's the that's the curse that's the problem of it well i think you know guys always get the shit for being like where i think god for me personally i like girls

who like me the outside stuff i kind of get over it a lot i've been with all types of women but i think girls have i've been with a big girl not a simoleon but like that Greek, fat. Oh, yeah, that's Samoan. Yeah, pretty much without the tattoos. If you're Greek and fat, that's Samoan. Yeah, without the flat nose and the tattoo and the flat back. It's close.

Yeah. But I like, I think girls are more, they have their little things that they want. You know, girls like tall, in shape, you know, girls, girls like outside better. Money. Fat tics. Power. Lewis, I told them about the short person bar that women avoid. Yes.

You know of it? Black Lou. Yes. We were saying to Jacob, Jacob locks himself at being shorter, but do you feel like, do you feel like you're locked out of the world of dating at her hottest, I'm saying, an Ashley Graham type at her thing? Is it off the, is it like, Jacob disregards it immediately. She's tall and she's bigger than him. So like that's off the table for Jacob. Is it off the table for you?

Hell no. You don't go, I won't take a swipe at this. You don't go, I don't think that tall chick's hot. You still say she's hot. Climbing that tree. and go for it. Black Lou, Black Lou inside is six feet.

Jacob inside is what he is. Two inches shorter than he is now. Yeah. Yeah. Black Lou is... He goes, Jacob inside is 5'1. Black Lou is a big man.

He don't give a fuck. His height doesn't even come into play. Why don't that? But if I'm not into her, I'm not into her. Yeah, but on the most basic level. You insist that I have to be into her for some reason. Not into her. I'm not saying you want to like, you know,

but I'm saying just the fact you can acknowledge she's stunning. Yeah. Gorgeous chick. It would just bother you that when she flew, she'd carry you in like a carrier. She's a big girl. And put you under the seat in front of her. She's certainly a big girl, but I'm saying, but like...

She could put a service vest on you. She could probably get you to fly for free, which would be nice. Yeah, she just have to strap you in on takeoff and landing. Oh, yeah. She could wear you like a tampon and get you in the movies. You know, it's funny. Her face wasn't actually even as pretty as,

I kind of remembered, but like, but I don't think, again, she's a big girl, but like that's not a bad body by any stretch. I like her face. It's a little goofy. No, it's pretty. She got very pretty. I'm just saying, I thought she was pretty.

She got a little overbite, too. What's the other one? She's another big one? Yeah. She's another big one, right? Yeah. Too much. Too much for my little Jacob.

Really? I don't know about her. And she fluctuates. No, I could deal with her. How tall is she? She's tall, I think. I don't know that I haven't had to deal with these problems No

It hasn't come up All these gigantic women coming at you for for cock It's not gonna work That's not gonna work Jacob's so into Japanese women Because you know there's none of them tall than you They're all little tiny things She's 510

Yeah that's tall Too big for you Not too big for me Right there No Too much for you 5 8 Perfect.

No. Yeah. Perfect. Oh, we have a tape measure. No 5-10 woman has... It's here. I've never had to turn down a 5-10 supermodel. No?

No. Well, hang in there. The world's running as it should. What's the tallest chick you've been with? No, shit. Bobby's stalling. It means he's losing $1,000. We'll go right now.

Oh, does I ask you question? I'm sorry. No, I didn't want to change... I'm going to take my glasses off again. I'm 5'8 and something. I bet on you. I know. I just don't want you, I don't want you to doubt me.

Okay. My guess Jacob's question. I like when he's on the ropes like this. Yeah, they're little ropes. Your little ropes. Your little rope. What's up? What was the tallest?

Your question was, my question is what is your height? So you've only dated small girls. What? Yeah. Wow. Why is this a shock? I don't know, dude. You've never even.

Black Lou has questions. I would. It's a shock to him. Her name was Heather from Southbound Brooks. She was six foot three. Wow. That was your biggest? Yes.

Six three. He's a basketball player in his heart. He doesn't care. Black Lou has never seen himself. I hope he's a basketball player. You had to back that bitch down for you, fucker. You got a boxer out. Oh, look, they're doing that move I love.

Jacob, they were doing the move I do now. Did you see them doing the thing that I know how to do now that I've nailed? I've moved on the new Crip walks. There's new Crip Walking. We need a piece of wood or something like, flat to go from the top of my head back to the ruler too like they do in the professional thing i don't want to guess the nation right there you go he's got a clipboard clipboard's fine take the paper off clipboard's not fine you're not i'm wrong about that you need a flat no you need something that's

too thin you need something flusher to make sure it's straight you know what i'm saying if you had a block how like the full block would be against the wall and if a piece of paper goes under the right there the bottle water bottle water bottle is a perfect thing to go like this Yeah, but then it mushes. I don't want to lose any height. Okay. Mm-hmm. We're going to do this.

We're going to do it right. I'll take the clipboard because it's wood. Yeah, but it's hard. But the clipboard, it's just like a matter of you could move it any kind of way. Do we have a leveler? Does we have a level? We don't have a level. Does anybody have a level?

What? I'm putting this under you. Take it me. This fits under your heel, you've cheated. Buddy, I understand. Like you did the last time. I understand, dude, you might be losing. What?

Losing another little lillipution in your cult that you have. I get it. if you're five and a quarter. You're fighting the whole lot of tall. Here's what you're gaining, dude, getting to see how much I spill when I finish. That's fine. That's great.

Look at that, Jacob. You can stand on that. I told you under 5'9, you're not a human being. While you're watching Jay masturbate to completion, you can stand on that little block of paper. Jacob, I will eventually finish. Let's go. I don't want you to freak out, dude.

Eventually I'll finish, whether you're there or not. Coming over to you. You coming over here? I want to stand on something solid, though, because I go down a little bit in the carpet. Uh, you're not going to lose any substantial thing from carpet. Let me see that.

This could be the little bit, though. Nah, you can take that. You can take the, I just want 5'8, guys. Mm. What is that? That's the seventh he's talking about. Jake, you point that microphone towards Bob.

Right, on the floor. Yeah, but this is the floor, because you're sinking the floor. So I'm going to lose it this way. I'm not going to go. You're elevated. I'm sinking in the carpet. Bobby, don't make you forget it.

I'm out. I'm not watching Jake Jericho. It's not a Cheating. Like, it's the fucking worst thing you've done in your life. He's putting in his conditions. Okay, let me ask. I said I want to solve. I'll go in the bathroom where it's solid.

I'm not, I'm not getting measured on a fluffy carpet. This carpet's not a solid carpet. It's a solid carpet. That's, that's, how much is that? Measure that. Take it away. Measure it and take it away. Do the math.

Genius. Okay, give it to me. Yeah. Measure it and take it away. if that's what you want two and a half inches it looks like an eighth there's like one way to do this for sure yeah he's measuring it this is this what little people do little people with little problems they make them into big problems because every bit matters that's why to you not to me it does matter you can take away anything over eight you can have where we got here little problems

it's an eighth so take away an eighth okay if i was naming you for a rock of love if i was doing my own rock of love i would name you little problems I walked into the room in a, you know, good mood for me. And I just got hammered for being short. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything to the world. Do you understand how little people work? They're always the victim.

They're always the victim. I was lied to by a little person sent out in the world to believe a lie that affects everything you do, everything you reach for, anytime you're next to your son, anytime. And then I find out in this, in one week, from two doctor's visits with a professional measure that this little victim over here was lying just to get me in his little mix. In his theory, though, Jacob says that if you're under 5'9, which you, by admission, you're going to be, you're a worthless piece of shit. You said it doesn't matter as a man. Yeah, but that's, I don't think that.

Of course you know, because we're, we're not little people. Not to me. Little people have the different rules than people 5'8 and above have. You understand? Sure. We live in a different, we see things differently. Literally. Five and above.

I'll tell you what. I'm pretty sure I've showed I lived in a completely different climate than Jacob. Here we go. But how is this going to be straight, Jake? Why aren't you against that wall? Blackwood's going to hold it. We need a taller person. Why aren't you against this wall here?

That's true, Jacob. Slide over there. Let me measure on the heel that you're on. Okay. No heels going up. I don't cheat. I don't lie like little people. You did already.

Hold this there, and hold it there. Bobby is. Let's take it right to here. Are the... No, it's not. You see what I mean? It's weird. Five foot's in the middle of it.

Oh, the two through, but I think... They used a fucking cheating device. Fuck, what does tape measure? They used the... Because it's a little person's measuring device that they used to measure little people. That is. They cheated.

It's fixed. The fix is in by the two little guys. Wouldn't it be... to six one sure okay so one two three four five six seven boom oh it's not oh we're talking about that's the eight right there and you take away an eighth okay so that's still five eight five eight on the dot on the dot son excuse me little guy already what's up buddy good to see you i see you all the time Jacob doesn't see you oh you got to watch you three foot fine with a ten foot dip

Pull it out, Jay. Liars. I'm so, you know what? Thank you. Thank you for believing me, Jay. Thank you. Yeah, Jay's fluffing it up right now, getting it ready. Get myself a little hard, Jacob.

You know what the best part about today is? We have a two-show day. We get a little break in between for you to get some lunch. Oh. And for... You want to do it between shows? Man. I'm knocking around thinking about it, dude.

Stuff's happening. Damn. What's up, Jacob watching me masturbate so much. You went to two doctors. Yeah, I went to two doctors. Your son's pediatrician said, you want to get measured for the hell of it? Because that's a thing.

Hey, man, lash out. I would lash out if I was under five something too. I would, yeah, you're a little, dude. You're five eight. Buddy, lash out, kid. Feel it. I understand. I don't,

it's still sad to me that you're five eight. When I was, when I thought I was five, seven, I had hatred in my heart too. I did. But now that I, but I always felt like, I felt something inside me like, Hey, I'm not one of these guys. I don't hate tall people.

You are. Jacob, keep that energy when I bust. Why don't you jerk off on his heated coat? Maybe make it malfunction. Oh, dude, you want to see if it a little thing like a fucking egg white omelet? When I blasts on your heated coat? How hot does that thing get? Ah, that makes me feel so happy.

Five, eight and something. No, not five eight and something. Whatever, Jacob. Five eight. And it's only going to get shorter. Dude, you want to go to a concert? From old age. Bobby.

You want to go to a concert? You want to go to a concert and stand in the back with me? It doesn't matter. We'll be able to see. Yeah, absolutely. Five-eight, I can see. Absolutely, let's go. It doesn't matter.

You got to sit up in first class, though, because your legs are too long to fly. I got to be first class. Yeah, it's too tight. I can't even do Comfort Plus anymore. I was doing Comfort Plus because they told me a 5-7. I got to move back up to first class. I mean, it doesn't feel like I'm 5-7. It feels pretty uncomfortable up here.

Here's what Bob. 5-7 is the cutoff for coach seats. It's a little people. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I feel fantastic. Fucking lily pads. What are they called? Lilipusians.

You lilypud. Liliputian. You're a little lilliputian. Little lupusian sitting on a lily pad. Look, I'm just staring off going, we lost another one. I already told you. You did break his reality. I did.

But he does still think that you're not a human being because you're not five nine. Not full human. But you understand that how people with disabilities work, right? They have to hate, they have to have that hatred just to survive through the day. I understand what he's doing. And you put it down on paper and take it over to kill Tony. Yeah, there you go. Handicat people, blah, blah, blah.

You said you had an audio gift from me today. We got something, I mean, dude, let me say something. Is this live show or is this show? We can do it this show. It could definitely be this show. You know, Corey's back out in making a new album. Oh, I'm aware. And one of your favorite things was the drop that Lou got.

but da-da-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-ppum-pum-pum-pum-you yeah we're doing that four jezebel-swebis-a-b-many-a-ccccccccccccccc-m in minneap so are all the drops we have I go and then he goes bam-am bam bam-pam squeal squealie squealie squealie squealie squealie be baby bam-bam-pam-pam Third one. Fourth one. She was like, we would just look at him and just nod, and then we would just start playing whatever we did. She was like, I don't know, we were just kind of like,

it was great. She's really down for a good Q&A, she's a sweetheart. We should play the whole video for him, play the video and then play the clip. We got a nice little, we got another one for you. A newbie. A newbie, but a incontender for a. better than the old ones.

Okay. Say less, let's see. Oh, Lou, you can just play it, dude. Let him hear it. Corey directing his band. So give it some filler in between. So, boom, boom, boom, boom,

ch. Boom, boom, boom, boop, but da, do, do, boom. My favorite ending. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Da, do, da, do put. Ah. We got one more. This guy's an affectionist. Do we're here? Do I even matter? What is my? Bubbles here.

Bubbles here. We got our friend Will on the phone. Oh, nice. Oh, hell yeah. Will, the ghost, Gilmitt. What's up, buddy? Thanks got me calling today. I appreciate it.

How you doing, pal? You ready for this fight? good. Oh yeah, I can't wait. I just want to fight already. Should we bet money on you? How much money should we bet? A million? Bet it all. Bet the house. Bet the house? All right. I'll bet the house. That's a house. I know this won't make sense to you, but it does have to do with what we were talking about, Will. But if you win this fight, I will relieve Jacob from having to watch me masturbate to completion.

He lost the bet to me today, and the bet was if he lost, he would have to watch me masturbate to completion. It's fucking, I don't know it's weird, he thought it up. I'll take a dive. So, yeah, if you, no. By the way, you do now have a safe, you do now have a safety, though, safety valve to go. Well, I, yeah, I lost, but I took a dive because I wanted to see Jacob watch Jay MasterBolt's completion. Thank you, Will. God damn, dude.

That is the ultimate sacrifice. I appreciate that. Oh, buddy. You're fighting in your hometown, which is very exciting, I assume. Yeah, yeah. First time as a pro, right? Yeah, first time as a pro. I fought as an amateur in Rhode Island a bunch of times,

but it's definitely been exciting because the pro crowd is a lot more bigger, obviously. And you guys are the main card on that. This is it, right? Everybody's coming to see you. You're the main event. And like the money, what do you get? You get in a belt? You're getting money?

What do you get in if you do win? No belt, but, you know, I get a percentage of ticket sales. So it definitely helps be in hometown And all my people came out to like the casinos of Connecticut Which is like a it's only a 45 minute ride But since this is in the hometown This is going to help out a lot Now I have a question

It was it hard to find a place to fight Far enough away from kids Since your opponent is a registered sex offender I'm just going to start rumors about this guy And when you beat him You have to stay in your post fight interview You go That's for all the children you hurt you son of a bitch

And then just leave it in an office I have an idea to be like, what? What the hell is that about? When you win, can you just, when you're giving your speech at the end, just go, right at the end, just go, Michelle Obama is a guy. Oh, I know. Yeah, what the fuck was that? Bobby, that's hacking.

You should say, you should go, guys, no matter what, Michelle Obama is, I think, a woman. I say, I think his thing, we don't know. No one's ever seen her vagina or a penis. I think she's a woman. But what if we're wrong? We're going to have egg on our face. It's better to think about down the road. Better than having her jizz on our face

When I asked Will what his opponent was like Tell me something about him He said he's bigger than me And he's as black as they come Nice As the night itself I know Jay would like that one Yeah

Where's he from? Aim for his stars He's from Mississippi Oh shit Wow no That is as black as nice He's got terrifying I was thinking Boston black

That's real black This is like gold tooth plug Yeah this is old school That's OG black There's a guy that when you hit him He's gonna go All right shouty you gotta go

that all you got how's that all you got shouting me she he's got some my fuck come on me some weird nickname for him he's just made up

oh yeah does he have a nickname uh I don't know I haven't I haven't really looked in too deep about the nickname bar but we'll see

have you studied him are you ready to yeah we found oh yeah I found a clip of him he just he doesn't do a lot combos he more just those power punches

so I just got to work my speed my footwork and I should be able to take him out later rounds after I tie him out to the body. You want to take him deep waters? Yeah, I think so. I'm not going to rush the knockout in the beginning

if it comes, it comes, but I know if I break him down to the body, he'll wear it down. So you're going to hit him in the gut, make him drop his arms and then jab his face and then knock him the fuck out. What round do you think? I hope he doesn't listen to this. Why?

We don't care about him. Well, fuck him. First thing's first, I'm kicking the nuts. I'm going to bite him on the shoulder and I'm going to tell him that I'd sex with his sister. Hey, speaking to having sex with your sister, do you say shit to your opponent? Do you guys talk at all? Do you, like, fuck with them in the ring?

I don't start the talking. Well, if they talk, I'll trip back. I never started really. What's the most fucked up thing somebody said to you in the ring? I called me a bitch. Really? Yeah. Did you knock him out?

That's it, really? No, I won that fight, but I didn't knock him out. Damn, bitch. Bitch. Bitch. I guess he's right. He goes, damn. Bitch.

Dude, professional fighting is so scary to be. I'm so impressed you guys even get in there and do it at all. But it's got to be, I know we talked about when you were in here, like, the walk, the walk to the ring has got to be, like, the moment where you have to, like, it all has to get out and you have to get all your confidence back. I would energy dump. That's why I gain the confidence right there. Yeah. No, I assume it was it. But the Tyson's speech, right?

As soon as you step through the ring, when you step through the rope, you're, you're going. You're like, right, I'm a killer. I'm a killer. What song are you coming out to? This, so last flight, I did Hail Mary. But this fight, I'm doing trouble by Elvis. Ooh. Let me hear a little bit?

Yeah. I got an Elvis themed outfit, so I haven't seen anyone do it before, so it's going to be a first for everyone. I've never seen an Elvis thing. You've got like an Elvis suit you're coming out in? No, I just got the white trunks with, like, the red, blue, and gold gems. Right. And then the white jacket with the same gems on it. I hope the other guy comes out to Walking in the Rain by Orange Juice Jones.

This is why you have time to relax while he takes a nice long stroll to the ring. I like this song because you don't have to get too jacked up. You can walk nice and slow. Yeah, nice and calm. Yeah, it's very calm. You know who likes this song? Andrew Dice Clay. Oh, yeah.

No, he used to sing it. He plays it. So you're coming out second, right? You're coming out second. You're the hometown boy, right? Yeah, he walks first, and then I walk out. Are you going to make him wait? You're going to slow this down and fuck with his head?

As soon as he says my daddy was a Green Night Mountain Jack, that's what I'm going to start to walk. Oh, hell yeah. That's going to be fucking great. How many rounds are you doing? This is still a four-rounder. Four-round. All right.

Well, just know, dude, if you lose, don't call back, okay? That's good for this. Yeah, just know. And Jacob definitely has to watch Jay masturbate to completion. Twice. Double or nothing. Double or nothing, Jacob. Two separate times you'll have to watch me masturbate to complete.

Buddy, double or nothing, you believe him, Will. Come on. I believe in. So double of nothing? Two jerkoffs. Two to completion. Two masturbations. I believe in you will.

I got you, Jacob. All right. You better save him, dude. Oh, my God. The only consolation if our friend Will loses, which I won't even put in my head, is that I will be able to drive my tears knowing that you have to watch me masturbate twice, Jacob. Hey, can ask you a question? No, if he does lose and he has to do it twice,

can Will come in, you know, on one of the sessions? Just to watch it. I don't, Will, you don't have to watch, but you could donkey punch Jacob while it's happening. Just every once in a while just give him a shot in the back of the head. A glove hand, of course. There's a shot to the back of the head, so he's just getting it from all angles.

I want to be like a full sensory overload. Where's your after party going to be when you win? There's a spot down the road called a Thirsty Beaver, so it's only about 10 minutes from over there. Was it a strip club? No, it's just a sports bar. Oh, it's called the thirsty. Beaver doesn't always mean beaver.

Sometimes it just means beaver. To you, boy. Yeah, the squirt and beaver. A squirt and beaver. What's it called the thirsty beaver? Yeah, the thirsty beaver. They should have a strip club there. Yeah, it really should be named a strip club.

It sounds like a woman who wants a load in her cooch. Yeah. Just sucks. That's what I say. I go, oh, Christine Evans. Dude, that girl's got a thirsty beaver, if you know what I mean? She used to. Oh my god

Christine's fucking pussy is parched Her beaver has Has it has so thirsty down there Jay what's that Oh that's Christine's thirsty thirsty beaver I'll have a coffee and a water for my thirsty Beaver

That's a good name for it Well you have a girlfriend, yeah Yeah I got a girlfriend She comes to the fights Yep, she'll be there Do you see her before the fight Or do you shut that down Like a week out

Not a week out I'll see the day before the fight And she'll leave at night And then the whole day of the fight I'm just by myself Yeah, I always hate I was like Connor And he's coming back

Connick McGregor But now he's having his kids around And anytime the guy is having his kids Or his wife at training And he's having fun I'm like you're gonna lose Yeah, it gets too much I know it's stay focused

Yeah Unless you're allowed to hit her Keep her alive Well yeah you know It's so it's training babe You want this money or not You're dating a boxer You know I'm going to hit you at some point

Yeah You're dating a boxer I'm always shadow boxing And you happen to be walking around Acting and saying stupid shit Acting ridiculous Oh there's the thirsty beaver Oh nice flatbread pizzas

Rhode Island I'm gonna tell you right now Rhode Island has the best food It's one of the best cities of all I mean they have The mobsters moved. They were there. They got them out of there. But all the Italians still stay up there in federal.

What's it called? Federal Hill. They got a lot of them out. They got a lot of them out. It's very woke now down the time. How do you get out the Italians? You arrest them on the RICO Act and then they go away and then hipsters buy that property and then they open up fucking bakeries.

Oh, there was massive mafia arrestings up in Rhode Island? Yeah, the mayor was in the mob. Stop it. Dude, it was legal prostitution around 15 years ago in Rhode Island. I remember about Rhode Island ever is that there was a place called cheaters that was allowing underage strippers. It was great. We would drive from Boston to go to cheaters. Rhode Island had the best strip clubs, the best strip clubs around. I know two things. Underage girl stripping and Will the ghost gilmet. It's a toss-up for which I think should be on the license plate,

but oh, do they have pierogies at this place? Oh, the thirsty beaver. The after party is going to be great. I can't watch you get hit well, but I'll be there for the parogis. Parogi is just a dumpling, right? It's just a Polish dumpling, right? Wow. Is that what it is? Wow. What is it?

It's low rent. It's a dumpling, dude. Come on. Is it? Come on. What is it? I hate when you do this. Just tell me what it is.

It's a dumpling. You fuck face. Kind of. You really just. It's more like a ravioli. You know what? You hurt with your smarts and you're not that smart. It's like a Polak Ravioli.

There's another worse than a dumb guy hurting you with smarts. No, I don't be you smarts. I keep saying things to you. I say one word over and over again, and it makes you second guess yourself. You just say something, I go, come on. And you go, what? I go, just come on.

It's a dumpling. It's a traditional Polish dumpling. What's your meal after the fight? Pussy. Besides a thirsty beaver. After the pussy. I said the last time, I think I like the Chinese food was the best after the fight.

Best Chinese food. You know why they put an MSG back in it. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah. Stolen valor. He stole that. I stole that from goose guys. Which place you're going to?

There's a place in West Warwick. The dingy place called House of Wu. What's the best fucking Chinese food there is? The House of Wu. Black guy, no good. Oh, smart move calling it, Wu. Dude, isn't this? It's so different that Rhode Island and Massachusetts have the best Chinese food in the fucking world, right?

Oh, yeah. You ever get Chinese food in, like, New York and Jersey or anywhere else? It's just garbage. Well, I want to see... Yeah, it's almost like Panda Express. Yeah, it's Panda Express. Go to the House of Whose website there because I got to be honest with it. It was operating at 4.3.

I don't know if they have a website. They have a website. 4.3 is pretty good, dude. Go to the Google reviews. I can't my boy out here eating bullshit. Oh, that's good. Go to them one stars. No, no, it's not all five.

They have one one star. Well, let's get to it. I bet it's an asshole. Ordered Porklo Mane and got this, laughing face, drippy emoji. Tiny pieces. of what looked like chicken with stringy white onions and strangely... I'm sorry. And strangely runny but thick sauce with green things.

Crying emoji. I refuse to eat it. Service was three out of five. Atmosphere three out of five. Food one out of five. I mean, she obviously just got the wrong order. Yeah, she's got the wrong order to twat. It's possible.

And you bought her own Stanley Cup to a fun. Anybody brings your own Stanley Cup to a restaurant as an asshole. Okay, well, this next one star I'm going to say, it says the juice isn't worth to squeeze, which... I don't like their little, they can't wait to put that out there. That was a line they couldn't wait to fucking say. So I already write all this off. And the food looks amazing, by the way.

Look at that. Well, it says it was lacking basic ingredients like mushroom, sesame oil, soy, or black fungus. What the fuck is that? Jamie Oliver? Fuck him. It was unbalanced and extremely bland, to the point of no taste, and heavy on vinegar. The boneless spare ribs were borderline dry and also lacked flavor. I got to be honest.

I like a dry spare rib. This is a dude. This is a doucheback. Well, it says local guide, 159 reviews. Yeah, this is his thing. Yeah, that's his thing. Actually, nobody told him it was his thing. He just made it his thing.

Keep going. Another one-star review. Will, I want you to find this guy and punch him in the head. All right, here's a woman named Ashlena Day. So she's Asian, I think. Yeah, they're not going to, this is white people Chinese food. My famary, it was, she was Asian. My family and I have been visiting the house of who, spelled it wrong, racist.

for over 20 years it was an establishment that through the years has maintained its level of notoriety for the delicious favorable food and affordable price the end of an era has arrived

oh whatever damn people are very angry Joyce Haynes a lot of women a lot of women complaining yep usually my husband ordered the beef and broccoli there was almost all broccoli well maybe they saw that it was a fat fuck

and he needed more broccoli than beef that's true do you think it's the kind of place that would say you're a fat fuck and take away some of your beef? Because that seems like a weird, strange restaurant policy. This place looks good to me. And this is where you go. This is the food you're getting after the fight?

Oh, yeah. I always do takeout because Fetel's a young kid, every time we went in there, at least nine or ten times, someone gets arrested for drinking the scorpion bowls there. They got all fucked up. They do something with those scorpion bowls. I do love that all Boston and Rhode Island, Massachusetts, like these Chinese restaurants have these just amazingly,

ornate bowls dragons and and they just pour like buckets of alcohol in it and like eight straws and people just sit there and get fucking hammered. Oh yeah? Just yeah it's just I mean literally just a bowl like a like a like a

like one of those big punch bowls. We used to have those are called shark bowls at sharkies. Sharkies. And you know like you couldn't order like one person couldn't order it. I think you had to go to the bar with at least two people to get the bowl. Oh yeah dude these people get fucked up. I just go to the columns and just watch

people had a family just turned a nice night turn into just some screaming match we were going to have a nice night too god damn well buddy uh we're all rooting for you dude if you guys are in in new england new hampshire wherever make a night of it go down see the fights live i've been to uh fights like this they're awesome they're fun oh yeah you can hear the just the the punches hit the body it's it's it's amazing to see a live fight and will It's the race war on the shore, everybody. Will, the ghost taking out black Tyler Riley. That's right. He's going to beat him back in the having to take care of his own kids.

You heard it here first, everybody, in Cranston, Rhode Island. It's a no-fault state when it comes to child support. Tyler Riley is running for his life in the ring and out. Get your tickets at C-E-S-Fights. C-E-S-Fights.com. Or you can message him directly on Instagram at Will Gilmette. G-U-I-L-M-E-T-T-E. See it all go down.

Do we set America back 15 years? I think we can. Is Michelle Obama, man? I think not. You just sold it out. He just sold every ticket. Absolutely. Both of these guys hate each other.

Tyler Riley, a confirmed Black Panther son. Will the Ghost Skill Met? A confirmed skinhead underneath that luscious head of hair. Hey, just know that if Will does not win this fight, Jacob has to watch Jay masturbate to completion two times, which it's a win-win for everybody. Also, whatever happens in the fight. After the fight, Will is also denouncing the Nazi party also.

But not in that ring. In that ring, it's his only fuel. We're rooting for you, we do. We're really excited. Is there a place, is there a way to, there's no way to watch? There's no, uh, there is a streaming. I got to get the website. I'll have it by Thursday or Friday, and I'll post it on my Instagram.

I'll text Lou, send you guys that way if you want. Yeah, please. I'd love to watch. I'm home this weekend. I appreciate it. All right, buddy. Well, good luck, buddy. Kick ass.

I'm going to be watching on FaceTime with Jacob, and I'm going to start masturbating as soon as it's over. So win. Win with everything you have. I don't want Jacob to see me masturbate. All right, buddy. Take care. We'll see you later.

Will. Thank you. That's Will. The Ghost. Gilmet. He's going to do it. He's going to do it. He's undefeated.

Well, don't know with two knockouts. Don't jinks him. Huh? No jakes him. I guarantee victory. Come on. You can't. If he loses while Jacob's watching me masturbate, I'll suck your dick.

If he loses while the first masturbation of the second one. Both. I want the first. I don't want both. I'm not going to be able to do both. I can do one. I don't get a busy schedule. You're going to.

Can't watch me whack off two times. Once I'm done, I've got to take a nap. We've got a snack. We've run the concerts together. Yeah, but I might have. My feet get tired. That's fair. And I am standing up while you do it.

That is true. Yeah, well, I'll be sucking your dick while Jacob's watching. Now, Jacob, I'm going to tell you, you don't have to watch me sucking Bobby's dick, but it will be in your line of sight probably. So you do have to watch me masturbate. So if you could either relax your eyes and take in the full view and maybe not such specifics, or what's really important is you can just focus and zoom in on me, just pound and cock for you. For you.

Will. Win. Bing! Bobby Kelly's going to be at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, July 3rd to the 5th, and then Portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th, one night, two shows. After that, Saratoga Springs, September 11th, and 12th,

Brooklyn, New York on September 26th, for tickets and all their tour dates. Go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly. Make sure check out his YouTube at Robert Kelly Comedy. And, of course, you see him live at 7 p.m. Every Tuesday night, Fat Black Pussie Get Lounge to Comedy Cellar. Yeah. Another fun one.

That was great. Enjoy. We hope you guys enjoyed the pre-record. Jacob took his beating. He did he watch my weaner. We'll see you guys on Monday. Boop, bo, bo, but, da, do you do, boom.