The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Flames Of Justice

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

The music of Stephen Wilson Jr. was so good the other day that Jay was moved to sing in country style about his life in 1994. Bob has yet another dangerous incident on the subway with a vagrant. This prompts Jay to spring into action and assemble The Flames Of Justice! The Flames would be a vigilante group of just Jay and Bob, and will patrol the NYC subways to stop violent attacks. Jacob gets surprised by a rat while he was taking out the garbage and reacts in the most un-cowboy way possible. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly We don't you think about about Larry this man Song is no turn it up Lou Don't say his name. Let's say his name. What's wrong with you, dude? Why would you say his name? Your dad never took the time. Larry went out there with you and showed you how to throw a ball. I just never got to say thanks. And I never got to ask any questions about how to be a dad.

Bobby, can I make you turn us up a little, please? Come on, man. I make you turn us up a little please? Yes. Come on man. I want you to know something. Yeah. This is therapy day dude. Even? I just got out of therapy right now. I want you to know when he passed.

Oh come on. Don't say that. In his heart, he never knew how you felt. Because you didn't tell him. I don't know. He thought, as he laid there, he was like, maybe Bobby didn't appreciate how I stepped in.

But, Lou, please, some volume. Thank you. And, uh... I wish I could have asked him questions on how to be a dad. I know. He would have been like, give me a little reverb for my voice. I'm doing Larry right now. We're not live. I can't Don't give your son his own floor of a house

Buying all these bags seems pretty gay Buying all these bags seems pretty gay. I love a sling bag. Weight loss surgery? What are you, a fanook? He'd be glad about that, that I'm around. Maybe if he did something he'd still be around. Nice pants, Bobby. Do they sell men's clothes where you got those?

Oooh. You talking about that I'm partners with a guy who does his fingernails? Bobby, you rape a man like that in prison. You don't start a business with God he was so good yesterday. He was great. He I mean this well yesterday two days ago two days ago, so if we're Terminator timelines Unbelievable now, let me ask you a question. Yeah When he was coming in he didn't know much about his music. Now, after he got done playing this song. Yeah.

I mean, were you like, fuck, wow. Wow. Yeah, well, yes. I bet he's got a song that can make me cry. The grief is all, there's nothing I have like. Because you're not connected to human beings. I'm connected very much to human beings. If he did a song about dogs or cheesesteaks.

Can I say the problem? Cheesesteaks place to go except my belly it's come to eating my feelings Oh Zempick tears when you spike that needle into your belly. If you did a song about a 30 inch waist you'd be like, that's what I want. I never had it. Food can't go in but still somehow it still comes out. I gotta be shitting organs at this point. There's nothing in me. Yeah, he was great. He was amazing.

That song particularly, here's the problem. Well, it's not a problem at all. If it hits on the nose, but the thing is he's very specific in it. He says father. Yeah. Well, he said all the ghosts in his own town and his grandfather's father.

But it's from the past, people that he's lost. Yeah, people that you lose. Yeah, people you lose, and grief is only love that's got no place to go. But he says, he really points out father, so I can see that being the thing, and because of that, I can't now assign any meaning to it.

There's plenty of songs that have nothing to do with why they make me cry, but in my mind, I'm like, well, I can twist to this. Who died in your life? Most recently, that's like important. My grandmother. What did you call her? My mom.

My mom. Can't you go, my mama, my mama is in the ground. Nope. I was thinking more your grandfather. He died when I was 37 years ago. Do you miss him? Sure. Do you think about him? Yeah. When you think about him, what do you think of Jay? He taught me how to like do the stuff like throw a football, have a catch and stuff like that. He would come to my little league games or my softball games. I was too young for little league yet when he died. Sing it Jay.

I was too young for Little League yet when he died. Sing it Jay. He was a storm door salesman. He went door to door for a company called City of Mirrors. And then before that he owned a key making store in a flea market Yes, he did Listen You could get me it's again the songs too known so it's and there's also have so much funny things I've seen wrapped around it, but I

Think DJ Lewis stay next to me drops of Jupiter train live, shortly after my grandmother passed away, rough. I had it there, yeah, for sure. I think his next song, 1994 song, I thought that was brilliant, the way he opened up with that. Well, he opens and closes with the Nirvana riff. Which is wild. All apologies. Yeah, which I and closes with the Nirvana riff. Which is wild.

All Apologies. Yeah, which I thought was really, like Lou was saying that that's how smart he is. Well me not knowing that, that's what the song was gonna be, when he said something about 1994 and like, something about a first kiss, and then he started playing that riff and I'm like,

is All Apologies about a first kiss? Is he just about to do a cover? Which I was fine with, but I was just like, oh, this is like, and then I was almost, the way Bobby was presented, I was like, does Bobby not know this is a cover of a song that's already happened by Nirvana? But then he went into the actual song.

Yeah, that song is, I thought it was you. I'd like to write more lyrics for that, though. 1994, big year. Oh, that was a big, big year. Yeah. Uh. I must admit, I felt the flame Big Jay got laid by a 22 year old.

It was technically statutory rape. But I begged her and I begged her and she finally gave in. We fucked in a holiday inn. We went to the Philly diner. Ill advisedly ordered spaghetti had a belly full of pasta holding in a fart for my first blow job it was 1994 later went on to found out that girl's uncle was molesting her even as an adult and that's probably why she had sex with me when I was so young hurt people hurt people yeah I faked coming I said I did but I didn't I went in the bathroom and act like I was cleaning up

but I was just staring in the mirror being like you did it man why did I just learn a few chords? I can play outlaw country so good. Yeah you could. Can't sleep middle of the night, Christine just farted again. That's not 1994. No that was last night. That's your that's your that's your song last night. Do last night. Oh last night this was great. Last night I went, I didn't even tell Christina, I had to wake up, my stomach's been fucked. So I went to the bathroom, 6.30 in the morning, and I tried to get bed, and then I was like, laying in the other room, I was like,

maybe I'll just try to crash out here for a little bit, and then I was like, no, I wanna get back in bed bed. And I got back in bed with the dog and Christine, and Christine even did what you might think was the beginning of a sexy move. That was when she kicked out of the covers and her naked butt and her t-shirt was above her naked butt and then I got back in bed and went.

Oh God. I almost went back in the other room again. What kind of underwear, tell me was it? None. Oh she had nothing? Straight to the earth. Oh you dog farted in the bed? No, I fucking farmed a table dude.

Wow, you dog farted? Why don farm to table, dude Wow you dog farted Hold no anger towards her she was asleep in fact And I what was I doing being awake at fucking eight in the morning? But uh but yeah when you poop pooping is it sounded like a middle-aged woman taking a piss Me yeah, you know yeah, it's coming out Yes, oh, and it's hitting any everything, but the water somehow You're gonna piss? Um, me? Yeah, you pee. Oh yeah. It's coming out. Yes. Oh. And it's hitting everything but the water somehow.

Would you? I'll tell you what's a fun thing to watch though, when you really paint the bowl with an explosion, and you do that first flush, and you get to see it all like shoot down the bowl, that's fun. I'm surprised somebody hasn't made art out of that. I know, right?

Somebody has. There's period blood art. There's definitely diarrhea art. Oh, that's it right there. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. When did you get sick? You get sick in Nashville? I have no idea.

When did you start to get sick? My birthday, Saturday. My birthday? Yeah, Saturday. I think it might be just fucking bad, like nervous stomach, because I'm not sick in any other way. Why would you be nervous?

What do you have to be nervous about? 7,000 things. There's a lot on my plate right now. Where, you know. You said that a lot in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have. But this particular month is a lot. Actually, the last few months has been a lot. But it's, so maybe it's that.

Maybe it's just, cause I don't know, I don't feel like sick sick. At all. You think it nerves, gives you diarrhea? Yeah. I don't know about that. Is that a thing? Have you ever heard of a nervous stomach?

I've heard of a nervous stomach, but I haven't heard about nervous, you know, having shits for two days. Oh, four days. Could you, three days? Yeah, that's like cancer, dude. Four days. That's like.

Why would you say that? Because it's funny. I exaggerated the truth for a ha ha. With this guy, now he has cancer. Yeah. I'm fine with that. King of hypochondria. You're getting cups, realize?

If I was a hypochondria, I'd go to the doctor more. I don't go to the doctor at all. But I probably have stomach cancer. You probably have stomach cancer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe, yeah. It's fine. I just want to cut to your stomach.

If you do wind up getting cancer, will you marry Christine before you go? No, I will. Really? No, no, I have to enjoy my last year. Um, no, I would. What about on your deathbed, like you're going today? Yeah.

Then we just, we come in, you get married real quick. Can it have double meaning though? Who does it fuck over? I wanna fuck somebody over. No, I don't think we would fuck anybody over. My ex-wife will be done scope oh I'll tell you be fucking over Gil pretty nice yeah I better get that will made she might like try to slip your will while you're on morphine oh sign here Jay oh that good for her then she pulled it off yes can't come at that So as you sign she's farting your face

See you later, chub chub And then they'll be like oh my god, you couldn't even just do it through pants and she goes he likes it from the tap Yeah, grief is only love. We've got no place to go. See you later. Say hi to mama. Yeah Oh look my grief did have a place to go, see you later. Say hi to my mom. Yeah. Oh look, Mike Reef did have a place to go. Right in your fucking nostrils. Huh? Mm-hmm. I tell you what, yesterday though, I mean, you give me shit so much.

You give me so much shit. No, I don't want to feel like that's how we operate. It's really not. It was a moment. You give me so much shit for my intros. Yeah. And my outro was, I mean, I smooth as fucking ice. Asked him a question to get to his song. And he was like, and he answered the question, I go,

well can you play one of those for us right now? And he went, sure thing. And he went, and you went. So when you were in school. Terrible timing. I mean just a fucking. Felt it while I was doing it, but I was like, I'm a pothead and I'm like, what if I lose this question?

Write it down, get a notepad. I need a notepad. I used to play it during editing. Grief is only love. Wait, wait, wait, I just remembered. Exactly. Are those thrift store clothes or is it put together like a whole, like a figure?

They're crazy expensive somehow. It was so funny because it was like, yeah, sure. And I was like, this is gonna be beautiful. And you went, hey, let me ask you a question. I'd love to play a song for you, Robert. And I was like, in a second though. Conversely, do you think it's gonna get, do you think the winters are getting warmer?

Funny, when you did it, it hit me in the chest, like you punched me. And I was like, huh, what? I hated it myself, a million apologies. Wow, that was funny. It was very funny, too. Oh, yeah, it was very funny. When you found out it was a nerd, it made me laugh.

So you go, fuck, I'm so sorry. He goes, don't call our fucking guest a nerd. And then you went, hang on, Bobby, I apologize to you. He's wearing a Star Trek fucking jacket. A Star Trek shirt. Science division. I knew that, too. That it was the science division?

Yeah. Uh-uh. Wow, you knew it was the science division. I love Star Trek. Damn, why don't division? Yeah. No. Wow. Yes. Wow, you knew it was the science division. I love science. Damn, why don't you go on tour with him? You guys can fucking white stripes

and fucking drums and guitar, dude. I had two nerds. What the? Grief is only love. It was great. And Jake's back there going, ooh. You harmonize, dude.

That's all he does. He doesn't play the drums. Yeah. Ooh. No, no, he plays those. Grief is only love. Ooh. He only plays the rim of the snare. Yeah. No, no, he plays it like, Grief is only love He only plays the rim of the snare.

There he is. There he is. That's that fucking Nightingale. It was great watching the both of you from the control room. We just kind of had your profiles. Yeah. And then when Bobby was being emotional, letting himself be vulnerable Yeah, and then when Bobby was being emotional letting letting him

Letting himself be vulnerable and saying how much is the song meant and how he connected to his His stepfather that was wrong and then Jay went like this. We just saw you side. I Hope the video captures that as soon as you start it, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? I forget, I forget sometimes that I'm around funny. Yeah, dude, call me about that later. You understand, Jay. I'm on emotional moment with you, what are you doing? You're setting yourself up for failure up there. You understand, dude, I'm a stand-up comedian.

Yes. And I'm also a thespian. Oh, that's true. And I'm an influencer. Buddy, I'm a stand-up comedian. Yes. And I'm also a thespian. Oh, that's true. And I'm an influencer. Buddy, I'm a stand-up comedian. I had an emotional wreck. And still, you gotta like, you can't lay that out like that. It hit me, man.

It hit me. Here's what hit me, too. You go, he um, in his speed. He can't do that. That's um. If looks could talk. I know. The eyes he gave you.

Let me tell you something, they can because I felt him. Oh yeah. Let me tell you something. Then I looked over at Christine and Black Lou who started laughing hysterically, biting their, Paco started covering his mouth and his stomach while you were rolling. So I looked at you and then I looked at them and I was like, what is happening here? But then I got lost because I felt the energy in the room. And then I just try to get out of it somehow.

You go. And then it's like your words were towards the pages of my soul. Play it again. It was two. I'm glad I didn't say what I was gonna say. When you were done saying it, I should have been like, Baruch atah, Adonai, Alameda, Maldonado, Amozilek, Amid. Anybody who got that driving in their car,

the scene shift for him crying, the fucking, we have the shift, right? Do we have him start doing the prayer in that scene? When you play that fully Yeah The screams for heaven people have heard in a while Like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHH OHHHHH OHHHHH O OOHHHHH OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO OO Oh Me Okay, who says hello we shall show Romo

We are sir Shalom What did you Be our call Israel The emiru Laying on a Jew They are called Israel The emiru Omain Don't I lost you I lost Larry I don't lose my god You should sorry go Steve Wilson jr. For the first time my life. I'm afraid dude I'm afraid I got you the kid. I want to talk about that that's that guy today who dude I almost got into another

Yes, I'm sorry another Fucking incident. I'm on the same spot same train This guy was fucking same same platform of the other same same platform fourth No, it's's 14th F. Yes, yeah, yeah. Sixth F. Yep. Go down, and I always got my head on a swivel anyways now, especially there, and dude, this guy,

like walking back and forth, mumbling, mumbling, mumbling, mumbling, and I was like, fuck, please don't come up to me, please don't come up to me, please don't come up to me. And he almost like saw me from a distance, was looking for somebody to fuck with. And he came right up to me, mumbling, past me. I just kept my head down, and then he walked by me, mumbling shit at me and then he kind

of just stood there and started just like motherfucking. And what did he look like? He was a... I know he's a white guy but what... He's not a white guy. He was a black dude. No! Black dude, fucking shoelaces undone.

Oh! Crappy shoes. No. Kinda crazy, crazy person. Homeless. I don't know if he was homeless cause he wasn't like smelly, but he was, you know, his shoes. I look at the shoes.

What is raining outside? I was looking at shoes. If your shoes are untied, there's something wrong with you. Sure. If you're a black guy with untied sneakers, something's wrong with you. My sneakers aren't tied.

No, I'm talking like flipping out, like the shoelaces. Gotcha, gotcha. Or the, all frayed at the end. Of course. And he was just like, motherfucker, you wanna fuck it, I should fucking get you right now, bitch. I mean, he's talking to me,

but I just didn't acknowledge him. And I- Damn, what a pussy move. The train came, nah, fuck that, I don't wanna wind up like- Buddy, you're right. You don't need to. You have a family that relies on you, number one.

A son that looks up to you and you have to be around for them. And if that means you gotta act like, I don't know, a terrified pussy on the subways, that's what you gotta do. It's not a matter of how those people think or how the rest of the world thinks about you. It's about how your family feels about you.

I had my American flag hat on. Okay. Okay. And I had a... Time to take back the streets. I just bought Max Jordans, so I had a box with Jordans in them too. For Christmas?

Yeah. Nice. And my Louis Vuitton crossbody. I think that's a fucking Jinx. I think that Louis Vuitton crossbody. It's not a Jinx, it's a beacon. Why are you, you're running around on the subways with like Gucci bags and shit. That's sort of your fault.

That's ridiculous. First of all, it's not, it's Louis Vuitton. It's a little up. Whatever it is. We're going to talk. Let's talk right. I mean, back me up. I wouldn't even take something like that to the airport anymore because they fucked me.

They have a hair port? No, air. Oh, I thought you said hair port. I thought you said you went to a place to get your hair done. I went to the airport. Yeah, dude, look, I get it. I said you went to a place to get your hair done. I went to the airport Yeah, dude. Look I get it, but it's during the day. It's it's you know, one o'clock. There's a million people I mean and it's funny cuz this guy what's the guy who just got off? What's his name?

American hero of something penny Daniel Daniel, what is it? I know that you've been dying to kill a homeless since that guy no, but this guy You know was on the train Daniel penny. He's on the train. He's a Marine this guy's getting on telling I want to fucking kill you. I don't give a shit if I go to jail. I'll go to fuck He's what somebody else he's what is somebody else is what this is walking up to everybody on the train I'll fucking kill women black women Spanish women white anybody on the train. I'll fucking kill, women, black women, Spanish women, white, anybody on the train. And this guy, as a Marine, stepped up, seduced the guy.

Once he started going at white women. No, he went at, he. No, he was going with the blacks and Hispanic women, he was like, sucks to be them, and then he went at a beautiful white woman. That's not true, dude. That's not true. The only thing we get black loot

are going nuts on the subway. This guy. Did you go at a beautiful white woman this guy Grabbed the guy choked him out, you know And he was still alive by the way when the cops came and they just didn't they chose not to give him CPR Because he was a drug addict. They could have gave him CPR But the cops have a choice at that time to do it or not, because they could catch something.

They could get sick from the drug. Sure. So they chose not to give him CPR. They could have gave him CPR and he would have been fine. He would be alive today. Right. Wait, mouth to mouth? Mouth to mouth.

Everyone, you're going to die if I have to do that. It's fine. I only do it ass to mouth. ATM that's called in the biz. I mean, that's a cop's job to give mouth to mouth to you. If I put my face between Christine's butt cheeks last night she would've brought me back to life. But they're the ones who chose not,

he was still alive when the cop showed up and they chose not to give him CPR. That was their choice, whatever that was. He was still alive? No, he wasn't alive. He could've been saved. He's still at a pulse is what I'm saying. Okay. He was still technically alive,, he wasn't alive. He was, he could have been... He's still at a pulse, is what I'm saying. He was still technically alive.

They could have brought him back. They chose not to. And this guy was going to go to jail. And they found him innocent. And now everybody's in a fucking uproar. Why? Cause it's fucking open season on The Homeless? Dude, let's go. Well, it's gonna get worse because... Damn right it is.

I'm gonna start taking... Finally finally a motivation to take jujitsu He goes, do you know if you know jujitsu you can kill the homeless in New York City? Well, it's it's it's like you're in the subway now and these fucking crazy guys are coming up. There's no cops anywhere There's nothing there's no safe. I thought that's what was changing. I thought that that was there's gonna be cops everywhere There's cops at West Forth, that's it. West Forth has cops. Didn't help the, what's her name? They're up at the front, and they're at the,

no, they're not at all night. They're only during rush hour times, and they're there, and they're behind a barrier, and most of them are on their phones. Whatever, I get it. Do you wanna start a? I see guys jumping over in front of the cops, just jumping over, not paying the fee.

Oh, constantly, I heard you. That's just the thing now. I hope most people just jump over it. I'm glad you brought that up. I'm convinced I'm the only one that pays my fare. I watch people, they don't even, it's not even a thought. They just hop right over, and I'm the asshole.

I did it today. When I was getting on the train, the guy just stepped over it. Everyone. And I'm like beep, and I paid my stupid thing, but I don't give a fuck. Who's the nerd? I'm just always so scared to hop the turnstile,

because they would tick at you. First of all, it's like sheep jumping over railings. That's what it looks like. Let's be honest, none of us are getting over the turnstile. I'm gonna flop, you might. No, I could jump over the turnstile, but I can't. No, you wouldn't. No, no, no.

Your wallet chain would get hooked on the turnstile, and you'd flop right on your cheek. No, I can get over the turnstiles for sure, but it wouldn't be, like what I can't. No you wouldn't. Your wallet chain would get hooked on the turnstile and you'd flop right on your cheek. No I can get over the turnstiles for sure but it wouldn't be like what I wouldn't be able to do is the straight like the push-up and get your legs up and over. I have to do like a sideways cart wheeling motion sort of over it but I can't get over it. You can do it. No not everyone does it. No no I thought that I that I could figure out a way to step over it. I'm saying there's ways I can get over it

without making a thing, but if you want me to in one motion, get over it. It's the same, one of my biggest dreams, dude, is I can jump over a chest-high fence one day by just doing the thing and going somehow sideways. Like you bring your legs sideways and back over to the other side. Mine always has to be a weird looping legs fly over.

Yeah, I tried to do that. Max threw his mitt over the fence, and I tried. I was like, I'll get it. And I tried to, I thought I would just jump over the fence. I jumped on it, and my stomach got hooked. And then the fence started bending. And I heard the other parents go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was about to pull down the whole little leech fence

with my fucking fatness. I hear they're actually putting glass Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, was on that train and this guy stepped up, I would be like, thank you. Because there's a bunch of women, these women were terrified, and I see it all the time. Today, nobody around me would have helped me at all if this guy started attacking me. This guy was two feet away from me, calling me a motherfucker, trying to get me to look at him, trying to get me to say something to him

so he could do whatever the fuck He was gonna do look. I got a knife on me. I'm gonna protect myself. That'd be a nightmare Thank God the train came and he walked away And then I had a walk I walked down a little bit But now you're terrified when you get off the train is this guy still here I can't sit down and play my ball game like I usually play I gotta make sure he's's not coming on, and I gotta take the train after the show. You're always looking over your shoulder now. Val is gonna have that mental shit.

I had that for six months after I got attacked down there. I was always looking for that guy. And I know what they say, the true strength is that you get right back on that horse, and Val starts getting the subway again. I will not let fear run my life, but I don't subscribe to that. I say, you just learned.

Stay off this fucking bomb-infested shitpipe that burns to the bottom of the city. It's the fastest. If you're a New Yorker, you have to take the subway. But I wouldn't make it down to the cellar. If I jumped in an Uber, I wouldn't make it down. You'd save so much time using the subway. Absolutely, dude.

But you might die. You know what else is super fast, dude? Unicycles. But I'm not going to just start taking one. They're not that fast. How do you get fly-through traffic on a unicycle? I got to take it. I have to to get to where I'm going. You don't have to.

I do. I do. But I'm not taking it at night anymore. From the cellar to the garage, I ain't taking it. City bike, dude. I love the city bikes. City bike it. I love it.

But then that comic just died. On a city bike? He died on a city bike. No helmet. That's nuts taking... Yeah, he got hit by a car. Couldn't do a city bike. No helmet, hit his head.

Was that Kenny or was it a city bike? Yeah, some comic died... Oh, that was a while ago. No, it was this year. No, it was... This year. Kenny DeForest. Yeah, that's who died.

Was it this year? Yeah, he died on a city bike, got hit by a car. Yeah, it took a while too. He didn't die right away, got hit by a car. Yeah, it took a while, too. Yeah. He didn't die right away, which sucks. That sucks. I'm not wearing a helmet. Never?

Not on a city bike. I wear my helmet when I use my bikes up in New Hampshire. I wear my helmet because nobody can see me. Yeah, at night time. There's no way I'm going to put a fucking helmet on and show off out front with you guys. I got shit for fucking talking about my dead dad in a sweet song. Oh my God, I would love to see you come out of work

and start putting your wallet in your sock so you can go jump on the fucking. Tucking my leg in the sock. Yeah, you gotta tuck your pant leg in your sock so it doesn't get caught in the chain. Hey, nerd. Yeah. Jacob's picking on you on the streets.

I think it's fucking crazy though that people are still, this guy and then he went through the process and they found him not guilty twice. One was a mistrial then he went back in. Oh is that what happened? The first one was? They gave him two shots to get this guy on something and jury of his peers black, white, Spanish, women, men, you know everybody. Straight-Way men. And no and uh. Primarily Straight-Wit Man. And they're still fucking with this guy. I mean, this guy is not a piece of shit.

It does suck that he has to like look over his shoulder the rest of his life, I agree. I mean, like listen, he did something, I don't think he went on the train like, next motherfucker is gonna catch it. Of course not. I think he did. But again, we also don't know the guy.

Like there might be a lot of people who'd be like, this guy, because remember, that's the funny, when the story comes out first, remember American Sniper? The movie American Sniper came out, there's so many, Jesse Ventura is one of them, but he's a loop, but I mean, there's several people, I believe, who have come out and been like,

don't celebrate, this guy's a fucking piece of shit. Like American, you know what I mean, like he was a fucking jerk off. Well, the guy's killing people, but here's the thing. No, but they were like, he was like stoked to do that. They said like he wasn't a guy that was like, I'm gonna go protect my country. He's like, I wanna fucking kill some people.

I mean, he's a sniper. He's shooting people, that's crazy. But the guy that he wound up choking on, he was arrested 40 times. It's not like it was some guy who got on the train and had a bad day. This guy is arrested 40 times and yelling, I will kill you, I don't care if I go to jail.

And then, what is he supposed to do, let people, somebody die? No, you take justice in your own hands. I mean't care if I go to jail and then he was he supposed to just let people somebody die No, you take justice in your own hands. I mean, that's a scary thing to take it. I mean, so it's in blinding violence, dude Day Long, what would you do if somebody was on the train screaming and yelling at who if somebody was like I'm gonna kill you Screaming and yelling at people how far away are they from you on the train? He's around five feet, but he was he was all the way at the end, but he's coming, he's walking towards you, screaming at people, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

I'm gonna stand up and say, does anybody know karate? Does anybody know karate? It's, listen, it depends. I do feel like it's dude's job as in relation to how close it's getting to you. Yeah. If he's going at a, if he's saying some crazy shit to a woman who's three people away from me

and on the other direct side of her, right in the next side of her, is another guy, well it's his job there. So it depends on the guys in between you and the guy. It's the relation to where am I the closest person person am I the closest person that should handle this right? You know I mean or try to I should say look I'm sure I can get the shit kicked out of me by some lunatic if I was in between you and the guy it's my Responsibility your responsibility now this guy. This is the one who say he's gonna kill everybody

He killed the Michael Jackson impersonator This is what they're saying this guy was just a Michael Jackson impersonator you shouldn't have done that Doesn't look mentally over me dude looks pretty badass to me guys fucking nailing it. Oh, he's doing the thing Look no one's denying. He has moves. I mean he does have moves, but but he wasn't wearing that I'm sure if he was wearing that that day He wouldn't he wouldn't joke. Oh my god If he killed him, you can't show the guy on the fucking marching band jacket Yeah, you kill a black drum major There's Michael Jackson

Man so somebody does this and sometimes he says you're gonna kill everybody. I mean you're right though, you don't know, there's no, here's the problem, people didn't, wasn't recording him saying I'll kill you, I'll kill you because they were afraid. You know when people start doing that you don't take your camera out right away because you're afraid that the guy's gonna see you because he was going around the camera, he was going around the everybody in their face screaming I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it, you know it.

I'm bad, I'm really really bad. I had to put him down I'm bad you know it Shaman and the whole world's gonna tell you right back if they ask you once again who's bad When the families afterwards say you know he suffered from mental illness I get who's who doesn't oh I'm gonna learn how to do that move to kill people. I you don't have to tell me that it says you put you people assume that Already yeah It's nuts. I mean somewhere in between his mental illness he finds time to Michael Jackson his hair up

I mean that's mental illness right now. That's not a process. It's a process you have to go through Sorry was That's my favorite when you do little was the foot shuffle happy feet I'm starting to believe by watching YouTube videos you wanna what I do alone Bobby I watch YouTube videos to see if I could eventually learn how to do that foot shuffle. You can do it right now Why can't I get you those shoes. I think they're available. Sorry.

Oh, look how fucking sweet he was. He was running through my head now. If I'm sitting there with my noise-canceling headphones and that music is still blasting through my headphones, I'm very aggravated. Somebody killed this guy. Yeah, murdered this guy. It's one of my archie names. Murder this guy aggressively is what you say.

It's sad. You go, hey, sir, you look like you used to be a Marine. If I give you 20 bucks, will you murder this guy? Yeah, it's sad that the guy was just thinking I'm helping, I'm just restraining this guy until somebody shows the fuck up. And this guy wound up dying, which sucks, because this guy should have been in a mental

institution. He should have been taken care of. And they release all these people now. They don't put them in the institutions. They put them on the streets the next day, and it sucks. You get arrested 40 times because you're mentally ill. You should get help. This guy should have had help somewhere.

Yeah. Listen, I don't think, I'm not saying necessarily that I think the guy who killed him should be in jail necessarily, I don't know, but I really just don't know enough of it, I guess, and what went down, but trying to subdue him, there's probably a little bit of a, that guy probably, Daniel Penny, again, this is all speculation, I don't know.

Daniel Penny could be a fucking loop. He could be a piece of shit It could be like a loop who was like fucking who's like can't wait like he doesn't shit like this all the time I'd like get into trouble He's the one who always got to sort it out and stuff because these are the movies we love to see just some vigilante Yeah, takes care of some guy attacking people on the train. I don't have a problem this way with him being out at all It's like Bobby said though if you see this guy subdued this Crazy guy you're you're happy if you see this guy subdued this

Crazy guy you're you're happy if you're on that everybody car. You're you're so relieved Yeah, everybody on the if I saw if today some guy like him showed up and told that guy to leave me alone I would have been so happy. Yeah, I would really thank you sir. I had nobody Says the system Megan Kelly reacts to Jordan Neely's father, system is rigged. You love her, we're responding to anything. She's so hot. She goes for it too right now. She is, she's saying fuck and she's got a body. Blacks need to be in prison. I'm Megyn Kelly.

She's hot. She's not though. A moment ago outside of the courthouse, here he is. I miss my son. Man, fucking hairline to chin on that girl is a fucking tiring walk. Here's the thing though, to hear a guy go, I miss my son, sucks.

It really sucks that this guy's son is dead. But, your son was arrested 40 times, had mental illness, what the fuck are you doing? Stop dressing like a well-known pedophile on the trains too, this people worked up. I'm just like, dude, what the fuck man, why was your son out? Freaking out on a train

It's just crazy to me damn Do you think when it's down into the hospital he was like Jordan are you okay? Okay? Okay, Jordan? Can I ask you a question you've been hit by cat you've been struck back a full marine why? Why in this why in this interview is there a forest ranger in the background? I don't know exactly. Why is Yogi Bear? Yeah. Why is the forest ranger in the background?

He's like, those are great words from Jordan Neely's father. Now if you get a word from Smokey the Bear, only you can stop forest fires. Has anybody seen my pick and I basket? Yeah, it's Tony Woods. Why is that uniform? I don't know. Maybe that's one of his dance partners That's his court outfit inspector now we have a comic strip inspector here to talk about Yeah, it's kind of sad. Of course. It's like a sad no matter what but also the guy didn't realize how like peckery thin The kid was too like look well

Did you have to do it? Did you have to do he didn't realize how peccary thin the kid was, too. Did you have to do it? Did you have to do choke him out? It didn't look like that. If you see the video of him choking him out, he did not. He looked like a crazy dude. I'm sure if Michael Jackson was screaming at people, it would've been a good thing. I can't put myself in any of this position,

other than I'm saying there are things like, I don't know if someone that small, like my restraint, would think that I'd have to choke them unconscious. I'd be like, I could probably keep them here. You know what I mean? I could probably bottle them up pretty good until help comes. He's probably doing what he's...

Does that make sense? I don't know, more than just like, more than like the straight up putting him down. If you're doing that, I assume your move is like, oh, I'm gonna put him out and then let go. But that's the idea, is he didn't let go, right? When the guy was unconscious, he didn't let go. No, he didn't go unconscious.

He was still breathing when the people, they said it was like a fff. Well, you're not breathing when you're unconscious. I mean, you go unconscious, you're kinda like. Look, watch, he didn't go out. He was still moving around, his stomach was going in and out, he was still going. I think whatever it is, you give this guy off

because he fucking did jiu-jitsu in a backpack pretty good. I always gotta give credit where the credit's due in these stories. Well, there's a other dude there holding his arms down. There's another brother holding his arms down. There's another guy standing over him. And it's like, right now you should let go. He was trying to fight the other.

It's black, it's white. Dada, people, you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's white. To the people, you, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny, it's all white people. Yeah. Hey, juries. I like the mayor was like,

he fine, y'all. Take back the night. We need a bunch of these Batman running around this motherfucking city. It dangerous out there. They saw all the facts and all the evidence and made a decision and I joined D.A. Braggs in stating that I respect the process.

Yeah. You know, Yannis Papas always, I'll never forget, made me laugh so hard in Montreal one year. This was the first year I saw him up there, a while ago now, but it always stuck with me. I was like, man, did you just get here? You're honest. He was like, yeah, I go, it's a great city.

I go, the fucking homeless here are like, it's out of control. Like they're coming, sit next to you when you're at an outside table, sitting there, they'll sit next to you while you're eating and you have to be like, get the fuck outta here. It's crazy. He goes, yeah, yeah, he goes,

that's the thing about New York, you know, like once a year somebody sets one of them on fire. So they always keep that in the back of their mind. Like, maybe I shouldn't push the envelope too hard. It's just true. Once in a while, someone just sets a homeless guy on fire. Just remember, we could turn on you too. You're not the only crazy people here.

Yeah. It's a sad thing that happened, but I'm glad that he didn't get convicted of murder because he wasn't trying to murder somebody. He was trying to restrain somebody and it got fucked up. I'll tell you what, I'm putting down the next Michael Jackson impersonator I see. I'm doing a copycat killing.

That's what they call that. That's what they call that in the true crime world. I'm doing a copycat killer. I'm gonna do all accidental death copycat killings. You don't have to worry about me killing anybody. I just put my head down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And hold onto my Louis Vuitton real tight.

You have a family you have to worry about, so you have to sit there like a, just like a bitch. But it is, I've been on a train in Boston. I was on a train when I used to go to, when I was in college. I took the train. That's when you were the train vigilante. No.

I was like, I own those trains. I was on a train and there was a lady with a fur coat on and this guy was screaming in her face, calling her a cunt, a bitch, you and your fur coat, whatever, and then he was screaming, other people were like, hey, leave her alone. I was like, fuck, and he was just getting violent. And I finally told him to shut the fuck up

and he came at me and I spun kick him in the stomach. I don't know where it came from. I landed a spin kick into his stomach and he went to the floor and I said, I go, none of you fucking people are gonna do anything. It's a woman for God's sakes. Were you staying like this when you said it nobody and then I then I got off the train that was my stop and I got off and I left the guy the guy who was on the

ground I left him on the train with the lady I don't know what happened to her but we're gonna take a break real quick hang in there you never know who's gonna get a pivot next Hang in there. You never know who's gonna get a pivot next It's the bonfire big jokes and me Robert Kelly and the crew serious exam faction talk 103 Should mean you do shall we film me and you do one shift? midnight To five a midnight to 4 a.m. No 5 a.m., midnight to 4 a.m., no, 5 a.m., which is when the bars close, and at 5 a.m. and just wear berets

and just fucking, and we'll mean you will police the subways for one shift? We do it on a Monday. Monday night. When there's no club people out, it's all crazies. It's just lunatics, and we police the trains for one full night. Are we gonna have jackets?

Can we get jackets? Yes. What's our thing? Well, we need the merch before we do the thing. What is it gonna be called though? No. The Guardian Angels. That's done. That's Curtis Sleewell. They're too tainted. We gotta start a new thing. We're better than that. Ours is gonna be, which I like a purple jacket. Purple? Yeah, let's peacock. You wanna peacock a little bit? Yeah, let them know we're here It's like a night patrol something like that Christine was flashing. We call it night patrol. Yeah night patrol MTA night patrol

Are you really trying to do this? What about uh, what about something with the bonfire? I Like that. Yeah, I mean should be part of our logo should be the bonfire so slayings the flame. Yeah. Oh man flames Yeah, oh The flames. The flames, yeah. Oh, man. The flames. Yeah. Oh, we are the, let me see, the flames of safety. The flames of safety. The flames of safety. I like that. I like it.

We all get jackets and we all patrol together. I bet we can get, I bet we can get fucking 50 fans to do this with us and we just sit 50 of us on a train. Nobody else can get on it so that we never have any problems. It's just all of us. But it's, we do all this. Because guys, we have to make it a little more inviting for problems to come towards us.

We make Jacob do the buses. Yeah, Jacob, you work above ground. Me and Bobby will handle the catacombs, dude. You're up here with the people. Yeah, we get DJ Lou and Black Lou to do the path train. Oh, I love it, dude. The flames of justice. And Christine just does Ubers.

She just jumps into Ubers that people have. I'm here for your safety. The flames of justice. Flames of justice. You're warm and safe by the fire. That's right. You're warm and safe with the flames of justice. Yeah, we actually turn our jackets

in as the flame of justice on the back so they feel it. Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't we just get LED lights on as the flame of justice on the back so they feel it. Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah. We should get LED lights on it so we hit a button and it lights up. And we should talk like Batman. We should be like, you're safe now because of the flames of justice. Let crime people that you know know they will burn. Do you think you're going to pull crime off in this city? You know, no. They will burn.

Do you think you're gonna pull crime off in this city? You're gonna burn. The flames of justice, dude. I like it. I don't even like it. I love it. I don't say we get jackets. I say we get hoodies. Yeah.

We get hoodies and we get chain wallets, but it shows what rank we are in the flames of justice. In the different kind of chain wallets. Yeah, it's almost like a belt. Yeah, it's hoodies and we get chain wallets, but it shows what rank we are in the flames of justice And the different kind of chain. Yeah, it's almost like a belt. Yeah, it's a prospect Yeah, we use the chain wallet to tie people up. It's also handcuffs Yeah You have to bring back like the hair of a homeless that you beat up in order to earn your beret You have to be your prospect until then and we keep our nunchucks in our asses. Yes And we carry nunchucks, but they're only in our asses.

And we pull them up, we don't use them, we just put them under the person's nose. So they throw up. Is that what you want? Yeah. Is that what you want? The flames of justice have spoken. And it smells like shit in here. Man, we gotta take back the night, dude.

For Val! We're avenging Val, who's very much alive. Yeah. This city is unsavable, man. It's bad. The DA's a shit DA. What do you mean? Why don't you give us an opportunity first? I'm League of Shadows with this. This city needs to be razed.

Yes! Forget it. We will do it. There's no saving it. You wanna just burn the city down and start over. But that's not what we stand for for we stand for justice now, right? Hey my black friend Maybe everybody on the train car doesn't want to hear your music Even though she loves it

Name every song and every band member. I mean, this is my jam But you seem to be making those old folks uncomfortable. I mean, I love cool the gang If you continue this behavior, the flames of justice will make you burn We'll all burn but after we beat some of that we have a dance we have a move Oh, that's what we should do. Yeah, and then we just fucking do it then we hit them Then we wherever we leave their bodies on the ground. We outline them in You know like the crow we do like like the fucking, Like lighter fluid. With lighter fluid, we make the bonfire logo.

And then before we leave, fucking light it on your thing. And then he goes, Pllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll here. Just a police chief. Right. Sorry. Can you guys talk to my landlord? About what? About the rats. Send him on the subway. That he won't do anything about. We gotta send him on the subway. We run the subway as you see. You're gonna have to talk to Brendan Sagalow, Mike Feeney, and Mike Cannon for the suburbs. They're the boots on the ground. Yeah, they're the boots on the ground in the boroughs. Yeah, me and Bobby are making sure the subways are safe for all Queens Where the flames of justice? Walled up in Queens, they're the borough burns

Yeah, well you have you have a rat problem The garbage area I've had he won't get rid of the massive amounts of garbage that they just leave it there for weeks on end I went to put my garbage out in the bin. You screamed. I opened it up and a rat went, Vee Vee Vee! And it relaunched at me. But how high? And then I went,

I don't wanna, You screamed. I didn't. You screamed. No. Buddy, you screamed. Was it more of a yelp? What did you, you yelped?

You jumped on a chair and take a broom? I'm still reeling about my China joke earlier. Listen to me. Can we move on? No, no, Jacob. I'm still reeling about my China joke earlier. Listen to me. Can we move on? No, no, Jacob. I don't want to. Jacob, Jacob, there's no way. I went like this, whatever.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You yelped. You yelped, which is a man scream. Ooh! I would have too. It was the worst noise I've ever made. I have to hear it, I have to hear it.

I have to hear it. You have to reenact it right now. Oh, you're going out with your trash. You remember. I've made these noises. It was. Was it at night? No, it was day, that's why. I only go there in the day

because I think in the day it's safe. You think rats don't come out in the day? Typically no, they wait for them, they take over the night. Can I say something? They're not bats, that's bats. Right. They do draw more at night though, I'd say a little bit. I've seen a lot of rats during the day. Oh, sure. They're a little more nervy at night. Can I say something? They're not bats. That's bats. Right. They do draw more at night though.

They do. I've seen a lot of rats. They're a little more nervy at night. Okay. Yeah. So you go to put your trash out, you grab the lid. You think you're safe,

because it's not. Oh wait, I missed the rat entrance that they chewed. There's a rat-sized hole in the lid. Yeah. Do you think we summoned them when Generation Kill played the Rat King live here? You think they've been coming, they're looking for them? I'm so ashamed of the in the lid. Yeah, do you think we summon them when generation kill played the rat king live here? You think they've been coming they're looking for him. I'm so ashamed of the noise. I made what is it? Was that it was that audio view?

Did you speak to them in rat? Rat talk for bitch. I made you flinch You got punch buggy the rat went up and went It was this close. Do you see that? Yeah, that fucking, that pussy screams like that all the time. The thing flew like Superman. Is that the guy who watches women's soccer?

Yep. Oh yeah. Maybe it does know that I watch women's soccer. Oh it knows. Oh it knows. You think it picks on anybody? It's twice as bad as you think. I want to know that. I think, I'm going to do my, what I think it was, Oh, it knows. You think it picks on anybody? It's twice as bad as you think. I want to know that. I think I'm gonna do my,

what I think it was, and you do yours. I think you open the lid, you're taking your trash out, you're nervous. You're nervous. I'm in a... Okay, yeah. You look around, there's no rats, you open the lid, you hear... Goes all as well with the world.

You hear the... and you go, Ah! Ah! Ah! Shit! Fuck! And then you get manly. You hear all's well with the world you hear this and you go Shit no fuck and then you get manly I say you go girl and then you become manly you get your composure Like fuck god damn it you punch brick dust off the wall Yeah, and now goddamn landlord Mommy now I'll tell you the truth. That's way worse what you described. I'm going to talk to this Chinese motherfucker. Because there's a twist to the story. Hasidic Jewish prick.

There's a twist to the story. What is it? You had no underwear. It wasn't a rat, it was a dog. No, no, no. It was a fucking rat. One of your slippers fell off. The size of a kitten. It was wearing your old pants. I'm here, the bin's here.

I open the lid and there's no noise. I hear, you know, like when the lid, and there's no noise. I hear, you know like when your brain doesn't have time to comprehend the noise. Yeah, when you did that joke earlier about the china and the holes, the same thing happened. Couldn't process it. My brain didn't stop me from saying it.

No, I couldn't, because my brain shut down. So I hear two seconds of rustling a second, and then, p and then This rat goes Like right in front of my face. I'm sorry. What did it do and then? Stop saying it again. Why I loved it because he has it on tape. He'll know I didn't hear it I was what it do you hear the red? No, that thing the be the beginning it didn't have a it flew like a yeah, how'd it go good? because it literally launched off the

The garbage the trash it was waiting for this moment and ten fucking feet into the into the to the neighbor the other building It's a regulation dunk and what it what and I went and what was the sound and well you want the sound I made I want the sound of the whole sound. I want to I want the lid then the This is radio. I just like the old thing. Okay, you're the sound I made after that? I want the whole sound. I want the shh. I want the lid, then the shh. This is radio, Jacob. And it's like the old thing, OK? Yeah, we're trying to get context. The thunder was going. I hear two seconds of the, I'm telling you, half a second.

The thunder came. I hear, and then, eee. And then it launches across my face. And I go, I don't wanna say. Just do it. Ah! And then Bobby, and then Bobby. The winner for best impression of the year

goes to Jacob Atok for Trash Rat. Bobby, it's not over. This is Bobby's first bonfire. This is Jacob's first bonfire. Trash Rat. And then I do regain my composure like a man This is Jacob's first part. And then I do regain my composure like a man and I'm like, fuck! I do that like my voice deepens.

Things lucky you ran away. And then here's what happens. The other rat comes out of the garbage. It was another rat. It was a second rat. They're like, dear dude, if there's one, there's always another one. You caught them fucking. But I'm already traumatized so I can't think straight.

The second one after I bitched, and then Became a man. Deepened my voice, so that hopefully somebody heard that. Yeah. The other rat came out and went, ah! That's a good one.

That's a good one. Ah. Wow. And then it ruined my whole day. Of course it ruined everybody's day. one. Wow. And then it ruined my whole day. Of course it ruined everybody's day. Yeah. No. Because they thought our little kid was being raped.

Yeah. That's what it sounded like. Oh, great. There's child rape happening right in my building. It sounded like child rape. I got tired. Christine didn't make a sound like that when that rat ran right up her body.

It was two. When did it? It was crazy. When did it rat? In front of our building when we lived in the East Village. It was nuts. A rat just came out of the garbage, like the garbage was like sitting on the street. Yeah.

And we were sitting on the thing smoking and it just ran out. It ran up, Christine was sitting on our steps, like the stoop steps, which is only three. It ran up, it ran up her inner leg, up her like torso, just went like up and came back down and darted back into the street, right? It pretty much just to move it did, it was crazy. It didn't run up my body. 100%.

No it didn't. It was crazy. It didn't Jay. Yeah. Jay. Because I need it not to have happened to her so that- That she took it so well? Yes. have happened to her so that she took it so well yes it hurts me so much that she took it better than that she didn't

scream like it didn't run up to her by the tail bit its fucking head off do like V here's why here's why it hurt me so bad I can't even do you a I was gonna say I smoke I can't get to that. I can't hit that octave. Oh, my voice is already high, so it's no problem. But see, on YouTube, I watched the... Yeah. The second one hurt me worse than the first one. The second noise out of my mouth... Because you thought you collected yourself hard.

Yeah. I thought I had let the most unmanly thing out of me that I could possibly have uttered in my life. And now you have attention. And then I fixed it. I handled the situation. Yeah, with a manly fuck. Yeah.

And then the second one was way worse than the first one. The second one, yeah, because the true you needed to get out. You tried to hide it. You see, Bobby, this is why. I thought you were a cowboy. I am, but in the city. Well, nobody's a rat rancher.

I'm not a rat rancher. Cowboys aren't afraid of rats. Yeah, but on my ranch. I would love, though, if there was footage of you with a horse just wrangling rats into a circle, and then, I'm ridin' them out of town, guys. No, if I was Florida Florida Jacob, that thing would have a bullet through it.

Because you'd have your pellet gun. I'd have a.22 pellet through its brain. Yeah, but without a gun... I would spend hours actually just waiting and picking them off. Without a gun, you're Bette Midler. No, the city is sewage. The city's bad.

I live on the land, on my ranch. It's clean living. Yeah. Yeah, but rats are a city iguanas, dude. Think of them that way. Yeah, but you're not allowed to shoot them here. You have to take it. You can hit them, you can hit them with a bat.

Punch it with my fist. Yeah, you could've punched it. Let's go make fuckin' Negan bats and fuckin' kill them rats. Rip would've punched it right in its face. Grabbed midair. Young Rip, not heavy Rip or young Rip. Yeah, you could have punched me. Let's go make fucking Negan bats and fucking kill them rats. So you know what? Rip would have punched you right in its face. Grabbed you midair. Young Rip, not Heavy Rip or Young Rip. Not Fat Rip.

Fat Rip would have ate it. Yeah, Fat Rip would have eaten right there. That's not wasted. Fat Rip. Fat Rip would have barbecued that. I watched on YouTube, this is what hurts me more than anything, CIA agent Jason Hansen, and he teaches you how to react when you're being, in any situation, if you're being kidnapped by Russians,

he'll actually go through every scenario, how to get out of a trunk, but he tell you if a guy's eyeballing you, how to react, you give him that, you stare him back in the face because the second you look like a bitch yeah you're a target right and that's what these rat friends but the rat bitched me out it's twice twice him and his wife I didn't know his henchmen his little his sidekick was his wife his wife his wife I bet his wife he's, come out, he's a pussy.

It's okay. Neither of them felt any fear of me. Now you're afraid to throw the trash out. I have not thrown my trash out. What are you gonna do with your trash? I emailed for whatever it's worth, I threw it. I don't know what to do with my fucking trash. Jacob, you're gonna get your masculinity back right now

because you're gonna eat this thick man cheese and meat sandwich. Made of rat. You can't have it. It's two weeks before the show I always you know how bad you know how I go into full diet. Okay See, I was giving you full chance to like regain your masculinity. I'm a man I'm in full training mode for the show. Can you tell me what this is again? Jay? This is steak and cheese chop cheese Why do they call it chop cheese because it's cheeseburger Oh, I love cheeseburger But we're taking this again. This is a taste of Pueblo food truck. Oh

Authentic Mexican and Latin foods are we supposed to eat on air well no, but it shows over pretty much We're just gonna take a bite here. We'll take a little bite. We won't give them their shout out What if you spit it right back out and go, this is a fucking sucks. I'll tell you what. Looks good. It looks good. Ready? Okay.

I'm getting flickers of tomato. The fondant's a nice touch. It's got a little spice too, but not too much. Wow, that is good. That. Wow. That is good. That's delicious. That is ridiculously good. That is good. I'd actually argue there's a good chance this is better than a Boston steak and cheese.

You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. May rats attack you tonight. Don't you wish that evil on me, you son of a bitch. I wish that. I hope it crawls right up your chest. I hope it crawls up your shorts. God, you were ready to get a pivot for all of your great behavior today, but that right there hurt me That hurts me that I didn't know I was on a pivot scale you were a bit I don't know you're about to get yourself a pivot. Yeah, I take it back. It's too late. No, I could take it back I want I'm returning my pivot because

Of your behavior today. No the rat behave. I can't even I don't deserve a pivot for the rat story. I understand. It's okay, it's okay. You know what though, Jacob? Again, that self-awareness always gets me, you're getting that pivot back, my friend. Look at that. A million more chance can do that again. Let's hug it out, bitch.

I'm gonna say this. Why? Philly cheesesteak, better than Boston's steak and cheese. This has been a real experience. I'm gonna say that. If there's one thing you guys do right, it's not socializing. No.

It's steak and cheese. Cheese and steak, yeah. Cheese and, cheese steak. I'll say a few. Cheese steak. Thank you. You guys make a fantastic, probably the best cheese steak out there because. You just got yourself a cheesesteak.

Morgan steaks. I don't want that, I wanna fuckin' pivot. Oh. Did that shoot out? I'm sorry. Oh, no, no, no, no, there you go, this is a pivot. All right, what the fuck. But you also got yourself a cheesesteak.

I'll take the cheesesteak. You guys do do a cheesesteak, right? And you know why you do, this is why you're good. It's not all the same thing. Every place does a different version. Little bit. A little bit. They're all the same thing. Every place does a different version. Little bit. A little bit. They're all the same.

Some have the sesame seed bun. But they chops it all up. Can I tell you something about Robert Kelly? What's up, buddy? He's hilarious. I am. And he's gonna be all over the place, everybody. Starting with the Gramercy Theater that already happened.

Oh, shit. It was great. After that, he's gonna be in Beacon, New York this weekend. Special guest showing up this weekend. Ooh, yeah. His guest showing up this weekend. Oh yeah? His name is from an acronym. MC Search. I got it.

MC Search. Kansas City, Batavia, Illinois. You can catch Bobby and MC Search all over the country, really. But every Tuesday night, 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar You can check out his tour dates a bunch of his content get tickets for all those shows at punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and of course check out Bobby's new YouTube channel youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy Robert Kelly comedy. Make sure you go there and sign up subscribe to that We're putting this kill box out. I think next week after Ari's sign up subscribe to that we're putting this kill box out I think next week after Ari's UB Trippin show the Cuban show comes out we're gonna be putting that up there Big J is gonna be at Helium in St. Louis this weekend December

12th through the 13th after that he'll be in the West Palm Beach Providence Boston the Wilbur for tickets and all other tour dates visit bigjcomedy.com or punchup.live slash bigjayokerson. Make sure when you go to Wilbur, bring a steak and cheese. Donnie Wahlberg said he was gonna come to the Wilbur.