The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Full Frontal Game

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

@thebonfiresxm

Hey, it's Big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. You want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! This is the last show we're doing inside from your guys is from that apartment. Who would have thought when we left serious back in March of 2020 that this would be we would you guys would have a new place before we would be back in studio. Yeah.

Wild. Wild. Wild. Yeah, wild Why are you hitting the walls? now Maybe we should now just a lot of Crud and shit on these dank ass shitty floors. I Have no I think Christine's having much more emotional time with the apartment So I just fuck it. I couldn't give a shit

Yeah, you're so you're going by the way for those of you that live in Liberty, Ohio, go check out Jay at the funny bone tomorrow through Saturday, bigjcony.com for tickets. So you're going to Ohio tomorrow, then going flying back on Sunday to your new place. Yeah, super early and the wrong airport now. Newark's gonna be in my jam now. Wait, so you're flying back into Newark? No, I wish.

Now flying back into a...leguardia. Oh yeah, because you bought the ticket before you had the plates. Yeah, yeah, a lot of my flights are coming back to the wrong airport now. But, you know, is it gonna be man? The craziest thing about moving is- I mean, it's honestly, it's adding fucking 15 minutes on the trip. Sure, but when you, it's gonna happen to you Sunday night, when you go to bed, you know, you're gonna like, first you're gonna come home and be like, oh cool, my new place.

Um, I got it, does this, and Christine's gonna have it all packed. There's gonna be a flip and light switches and shit, but when you fall asleep Sunday night, you're gonna have the inevitable wake up scared moment. Now, we're in hotels too much for that. Dude, I don't care, it's still gonna happen. You're gonna wake up and be like, nah, nah, nah, cause you're gonna be in your bed.

So it's the feeling of your bed and you're gonna wake up. Huh? I'll let you know. That's happened to me in every place I've moved, but granted, you know, I haven't moved in 14 years So but did it happen when you went there? Oh? Hell yeah, I mean dude. I woke up What happened it was when I moved to Queens? I was going from Futon sleeping on a futon in a living room to having

Four walls, but I didn't have any windows no windows. Yeah, and it was in the summer So it was so hot. So when I woke up I was like No windows. Yeah, and it was in the summer so it was so hot. So when I woke up I was like This is hell and I was just on an air mattress That I was like I live here. And yeah, fuck it happened. It scared the shit out of me It happens to me in hotel still sometimes We're all taking a nap in a hotel and I'll wake up and be like oh fuck. Oh, I thought it was at home Like sleeping. That might be a you think I don't know I really when I wake up in a hotel or am I just like it feels like I know I'm supposed to be there am I maybe a

maybe a maybe a a millionth of a second where I go oh yeah dude was waking up not knowing where you are Joe list put it to me in a way when he's shitting that girl shoe years ago yeah and also right-brothered yeah our friend put him on your kill list, make him pay But Joe I talked to Joe and I was like well, what happy? He's like well, I woke up on her couch and I didn't know where I was for two minutes And I was like, ah, yeah, that's happened to me. He's like two minutes Joe long that is to not know where you are and I was crazy long. Yeah, you just He's just in basketball shorts and it's a crushed fucking coffee table in front of him. That had to have been terrifying. Do you sleep heavy?

Uh, I sleep. I go to sleep quickly, but I don't stay asleep. Yeah, I wake up several times a night and um, just like flipper, flop or something. Oh, I'm a flippy, floppy boy, do you? Yeah, I wake up. It's never straight through just like to straight through hours ever but But also I'm just a light sleeper. So it's like alarms do like wake me up like immediately

Yeah, like as soon as it goes off I just pop right up to it me too. I'm really alarms I can wake up to I've woken up to a myrtle crying before and her kennel and Katie's a deep sleeper so she'll sleep through that but I can all hear yeah I'll hear all that shit it amazes me people that can sleep directly through the night in one position that blows my mind. If I see that I just don't trust that person that's insane is that a thing is that why is nothing weighing on your shoulders yeah that you don't you just sleep in one position the whole night? You fuck what have you done? What what you're associate path if you do that if you sleep in one position you're associate path I bet you also sleep with a smile too make it weird

That's fucking more bizarre to sleep with your eyes open is sleeping through the night in one position It's breathing like that. I don't move. Dude, I move probably, I turn over once every 30 minutes to an hour. Yeah, me too. I'm a little bit of the right side, who that feels the best thing ever,

30 minutes later, who the left side feels like the best thing. Yeah, I don't really get a night of sleep. I get a night of like seven laps. Yeah, me too. That's why I nap all the time. And people are like, how do you nap? I'm like, it's basically get a night of sleep. I get a night of like seven naps Yeah, me too. That's why I nap all the time and people like how do you nap? I'm like it's basically just a slice of sleep at night Yeah, usually get seven naps last night. I only got six so I got a cram in one more nap Sorry guys, I get a 15 year in to catch up, but I took a 15 year. I took a 15 year today Man, those are great. I did too 15 is a great. It's a 15 or I put my phone on my shoulder when I sit in alarm

I said alarm that when it goes off it just I pop up and isn't it isn't it crazy that I don't know for you But about minute five is where I really go under and then when that alarm fucking stings me at 15 minutes in Like that too, and here's what I do actually. My first, the first five minutes, what I'm doing is, I'm getting excited that every time I look up, it's only a minute later, and I go, oh, this is actually gonna feel nice. I'm actually gonna be able to conquer a little,

and then you're like, oh shit, I've wasted five of this 15 doing this, and then I conquer out hard, and then you're like, all it feels like as you blinked your eyes, because it's only been 10 minutes. Dude, I always think you're like, oh, I always I used to call those short naps. I think I've said this on the show for touching the bottom of the pool because it feels like you swim down and touch and then you swim back up and you're like, no, I got in out of dip. I could get dip in the pool because's fucking, you sleep for a little bit, but you get you like, you get a hard, fast sleep,

and then you're out. And I'm amazed like we, us, what, what, Yeah, to sleep, if no one bothered you, you'd be there until night. Oh, yeah. But you, but you challenge yourself to fall into it. Do you sleep and then have to jump out of it. And nothing is better.

I would say nothing is better. And I'm talking about drugs, alcohol, sex, nothing is better. Didn't when it's like a rainy, cold day, and you sleep for 30, wake up for two, and go back to sleep for another 45. Just fucking come up where you're all muddy, and you're like, hmm, well, lose, lose agreeing with you.

I don't know. My, I like the waking up and feeling and you have to do something. Oh, I'm saying waking up, but you could you have to do something. You're like, oh, I got to do, cause it's all taking me back to is that feeling, that feeling when you woke up and thought it was a school day.

No, it wasn't. Like that, that going back to sleep is the best going back to sleep ever. Oh, yeah. And that's a good thing to recreate. Sometimes when you get up and you're like, oh, I got to leave. Oh, that's tomorrow I fly out. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm excited to get that feeling back when I go back on the road in May.

It's like, oh, man, just to be able to be like, oh, I got to wake up early to fly. No, I don't. I can sleep in on Thursday. Oh, boy. Yeah. The Saturday, the Saturday morning on the road is the best like time of like your sleep That's the that's the day you get your like I'll wake up when I wake up. Yeah, you're just gonna wake up Whenever someone runs down your hall yelling something. Yeah, yeah Friday's Friday's just wonky because Thursday was wonky Also Friday sometimes there's press

just wonky because Thursday was wonky. Also Friday, sometimes there's press. So you gotta wake up and you press out of it and say this Dan, the thing is you're done shows on Thursday so early that you go to bed probably a little bit earlier or at least arrested just kind of laying around for most of the night. Yeah, and then so Friday you're gonna wake up north earlier than normal anyway because you're just all it's all goofy now, but then you have a very late night on Friday. So, Saturday, you get to sleep that sweet sleep. But then Saturday night, you're not even sleeping barely at all. It's gonna be six naps again. You know, it's crazy as I don't know if it was the COVID or what, but when I was at Guize Guys in Utah, that Saturday morning sleep was like,

possibly one of the greatest road Sleepings I've ever had because I slept in it was snowing Vieter and I got food. I came back and took a nap and then I found out that we got moved to faction and the deal was gonna Go through and I was like what a day? Nothing can go wrong and 48 hours later. I was like go wrong and 48 hours later I was like, I'm going to have COVID. I'm definitely have COVID. I got a bad. I'm dripping all over it. Oh my God.

Yeah, it was, but man, I'm excited to go back to the road. I think sleeping in for everybody, cloudy and cold is the way to go. People that like to nap on a hot day, you're a psycho. Oh, I like to nap on a hot day in a nice air condition room. That's the best. Oh, yeah, but I'm not talking about outside and the hammock would have taught. No, you're a lunatic if you sleep like that. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

If you sleep directly under sun, oh, like it's no way it's comfortable to fall asleep. You're baking. Jacob, are you as a? Jacob, yes, your thoughts, Jacob. Did you in school have anxiety? On Sundays, I would have such bad anxiety because it was

school the next day I still have residuals yeah because I work for the next five days but but I had mass like severe anxiety and Friday was like I was so relieved I had two days in front of me before I had to go back to school. I was I was making a different life decisions Friday afternoon. I don't like my outlook on life was like, dude, I got all the time in the world. I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. And then Sunday night, you're like, I'm going into the military. It's like, no, you're not.

You're going back for 10th grade. You asshole at a public school. I don't know how it lines up on your guy's screens here, but Jacob right above Brendan. Wait, it's blowing me away. How similar they look. Oh, no, see, I got Jacob above Lewitsky. And I'll tell you this, Dan, somebody pointed out something that this may be an old news, old hat thing. But I gotta say it was pointed out by Lewis, I think, on Legion of Skanks today. And he said that you and Nick Novicki have the same exact face.

Yeah, we, I think we've talked about this on, I think we're talking about on the show, I did a face swap with him. And you guys look really similar. Dude, we did a face swap like two years ago on Instagram and we had the same face. It just popped and it just looked like the same face. It was fucking crazy. People have asked me if he's my brother when we're out.

Oh really? Yeah, they've been like, oh yeah, you guys are related. And it's like, yeah. Christine don't bring them up playing an alf you son of a bitch. That's not even him. God. You're so agonious. Why are you so against little people?

You're so against them. Dude, Nick Novicki fucking rules. You know Nick was on tour with Nate doing the drive-in shows. Yeah, Nate Bargazio. And you would appreciate this because you know Nick so well. There's this clip on Instagram. I called Nate the second after I watched this clip because I was like dude I'm in my hotel room dying laughing because Nate to the to the to homeless pimps is recording it and he's like he's like Nick says he watches my sets all the time

but I don't think he does and then he's like all right I'm gonna go up and Nick comes off stage and Nate's like all right I'm going on and Nick goes on and then Nick just goes back to the bus and the next up is him sitting on the couch and he goes we're watching good fellas. He didn't even know that I'm so hard. I was like, that is so Nick Novicki. Fuck, that's Nick perfectly. Yeah, but we have the same face. Oh, Jacob sent a thing also about rewatching Carrie last night.

I thumb through the whole thing, but I will say that you did say it's one of the best bush scenes in cinema history. And I always say, I agree with you always. That's a known fact's one of the best bush scenes in cinema history and i would say i agree with you always that's always that's a that's a known fact one of the best bush scenes specially for the level of fame are you talking carry yeah the bush scene which you get to appear and everyone throws tampons at her the beginning

outrageous that they're that cruel tour was it uh... wait was this now let me ask you a question jade did you remember this bush scene or did jacob's text rattle your memory or do you like if you said what's a good uh... horror movie uh... steven king based that's a uh... carry for sure one amazing bush scene ha Either the ending scary and all that shit. You know what I love about you with losses. You're like a friend that knows

where to get good wings in every city. He's known as good bus shots in every movie. I don't know how do we how do we play a challenge game right now about that? What about bush movie about bush shots? Yeah. Christine, do me a favor. Can you look up famous? Famous what do they call that for giant? Famous famous bush shots and move famous. Yeah, yeah full frontal

Scenes because I'm telling you i can probably if you say the celebrity that i would you do it if you say the celebrity then then i'll tell you the movie yes they show their bush in yes if if if christine can confirm what movie has bush in it and then confirm it with me and then we'll find the actress and you say the movie i'll turn my head when she puts it up on the screen.

Yeah. I would almost tell you. Yes. I've got 27 mainstream movies with as much nudity as actual porn, and this just came out Marie Claire in 2021. Marie Claire? Why are they getting all freaky? Where's the rest of the players getting nuts, dude?

It's not like it's not like. Mom's magazines get into bush Let's see. It's not actually a great list. They go. We got a good recipe for turkey touch, Rizini Put it in my also here's some Slam and clam shots And here's famous Hollywood beef And here's famous Hollywood beef. Right Marie Claire. Look up top.

If you look up top full frontal scenes in mainstream film. Full frontal usually means dick. I'm looking at movies where famous actresses are fully new. Here's how we make full frontal same thing. Here's how we make our white chocolate macadamian cookies. And also here's hot. And here's some hot steaming box. Sorry, I'm going through some stuff. We're reclares getting a little amped up. We got a guy from Club International working here at the magazine

and he started throwing his input. I got it. I got a good list, I think. We can work off of this. J don't want to film full frontal nude scenes. J don't turn it away. Turned away. So you it's like that way. Yeah, I'm telling the way. Yeah, that first one is obvious. And J, it's, it's a layup for you. This is a full test, though. So this is, sorry, hang on, you scroll. So this is how it works.

Do you want to say the name of the person and the movie? Actually, you know what? Christine, send me that link in the chat and then I can open it in my browser and Jay can't see it. Perfect, let's do that. Because the first one, Jay, you can look. Why do I have a terrible profile. No, you have a beautiful profile

But you're like two-faced you're on your evil side right now. I want your good side without the hair dye Is it on the screen? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's I want my nice J back. Here's my nice J. All right, got it. You got it. Okay, you can bring it up. Yeah, I got it right here. External site. Yeah, dude, whatever bro Jacob, you in lieu of take bets on how good I do on this? Yeah. I would bet you. I would. You're going to do exceptionally well. I bet.

I bet we could do well. All right. You know what? Let's let's go. How do we do this? We're. I'm sure you're going to be the master of this. When I say I have everybody write down answers and then go over it

after. True. Everybody gets that's terrible for a audio. Radio. The honor True, I'll ask that. Everybody gets. That's terrible for a audio. Radio honor system. I'll tell you the truth if I got it. Now Jay, how modern can we go with these movies? Buddy, you name the actress.

I'll tell you the movie they show Bush in. Okay, I like this. I like this now. If you can't do it Oh, are we including television? I should yes. I should get an extra point Okay, I should get an extra point by the way if I can if I can even if I can't tell you the person if I can go Oh, but it's this scene. I just don't know the name of the movie or something Wow, okay. Yeah now Christina, Christina, is this just,

is this count breasts to or is this muff? It says full frontal nude scenes. So if that's meaning the same, if that means, you know, that it does. It does. All right, oh man, this is gonna be fucking great.

Give me the good guys. All right, you guys ready to get into this? Yep, we're gonna, this is 25. This is 32 hot hit and fully frontels, number 32. All right, here we go, J. Elisabeth Berkeley. Show girls.

Easy. Next one, Betsy Roo. I don't know. So tell me the, tell me the movie and I'll tell you about the scene. Well, now, now, I don't know if I'll, Jacob, can you name it? No, I can't. Okay. It is my bloody Valentine 3D. No, okay, I would take a guess, but I'll be lying. All right. Well, I get the movie. Get the actress based on the movie more. Yeah, but all right, Jay, are you ready? I'm ready. Rooney, Mara. Runeemara. Uh, girl with dragon tattoo. Nailed it. Nailed it. By the way, Dan, never saw the movie.

I love you so much. I can't believe you got it without seeing it. That's so great that you got it without seeing it. Alright, moving on to number 29. Loving in an elevator. Is your father? We're going with Liv Tyler Full frontal this is what it says dog Should beaver I guess I

Guess I think Trump are they trying to say what's the record capital records, but no Me she has her panties in Armageddon Yeah, I don't remember even showing Crying videos. Oh, it's a fucking it's a it's a period piece. Whatever it is a fucking period piece. No, I've never seen it. It's the leftovers in period piece no I've never seen it it's the leftovers from HBL wrong oh HBL damn it hey idiot yeah all right see you got two wrong so far yeah but then all right here we go a little more mainstream a little more in the wheelhouse Rosario Dawson Zary O'Docen Troy Close putting correct. Oh, not Troy fucking Troy Alexander

I was gonna say blank the great You know they both came out wasn't there one Alexander and one called Troy? Yeah, but she's an Alexander Yeah, but I mean in fairness I Know and it's just her standing there all shiny and shit with their beaver out. All right, ready? Very for that X one. This is, are we giving him Alexander? I actually get one of two, actually get one of two points for that. Wait, are we doing two points? How's the scoring? Yeah, the extra point. If I could tell you the scene, wait, point five. No, the scene No, I think we're given point five I think you get point five You get point five because we're being very nice next up Dakota Johnson oh

The 50 shades movies there you go. We're back on track up next never watch one never watch one of them by the way at number 23 Juno Temple She's done a couple things vinyl. We got two options to pick from Vinyl's not one of them. No Oh fuck Shit Hmm Shit She's she's known for her frontal new appearances. However momentary they might have been she's also widely a recognized character actress No tell me movie I'll tell you the scene killer Joe

I don't know what's the other one horns I don't know what's the other one horns Balls All right, I saw killer Joe coming up next at number 22 RIP she was an angel while she was here on earth Kelly Preston You know it sure mr. Jacob got it. Yeah. Oh my god. Good job, Jacob. I'm memory. Good job, Jacob. All right, another. I'm gonna come through. I'm gonna come through for Jacob once or twice more. I promise. Adrian Corey. My fuck. What's the movie? It's very famous. Yeah. someone call it a classic. You know it.

Oh, I hear the movie. You don't know the movie? Singing in the range. Just singing in the rain. The movie singing in the rain. No, that's a hand. Yeah, they got fucking freaky. I imagine they were the golf club. Fred is there. Did what? you got to see the directors cut Clockwork are in Genesis the rap scene. Yeah So half point half point you get you get a point five for sure Get a full point from that all right. This is easy lay up Heather Graham

Boogie nights and two girls in a guy. Oh, yeah, she went for it afterwards. Keras Von Huten. That's one of those if I know that movie. Jacob, come on. Jacob, you are going to nail this. You guys are going to be Jacob might be mad. It is in a bunch of superhero shows.

What superhero show is she in? She's, what if I tell you it's not a superhero show? No, I know, but it's... No, I don't. I believe it's like the old CW Superman show. She's also super cool. I'm not gonna look it up, but I want to see her. Thank you. The movie. It's actually no movie, Jason. It's a television show called Game of Thrones. Oh, the red lady. Yeah. I have the wrong actress anyway. I honestly, I don't

never know. I'll know two references ever on game. this last name is gonna fucking stick me but let's try it the actresses name is Adele Exa Chopolis Exa Chopolis Exa Chopolis yeah I don't know it was a movie that was already mentioned before Alexander no blue is the warmest color. Yeah, it's far and flick I didn't see. Another layup. Another layup coming down. Jennifer Connolly. Requiem for a dream. There you go. Also would have accepted shelter. Now moving on, Rachel Wives. It's a period piece. No, there's two of you.

Whatever I get, man, it's a period piece. I know she is too, is it something with Keanu Reeves? Maybe she shows it? I don't know. Come on, man. Think about the moth, dude. See the moth. Let's see it. See the beam. Oh, I wanna see the muff dude see the muff see it see the beam oh I want to see the muff Rachel

why shows her muff and I know who she is she shows her muffin what though yeah stealing beauty nothing and also from I want you Number 15 here we go Jacob if you don't get this I'll be disappointed, but we got a classic beauty Helen Miran Calendar girls colligula. No, no She definitely isn't colligula. But you don't see full frontal dog. No? And not calendar girls. Oh wait, hold on. She might have done it in Caligula. Oh, this is just her best nude scene I guess. What was the nude scene from yeah, it's that she's in a lot of nudity savage savage Messiah Yeah, no idea

Okay, what about you're right about the other things. Yeah, you guys were right. What about Maria Schneider? Oh I need a face to it Yeah, give me that give me the face and I'll tell you okay, that's a lot. I think that's completely fair Jacob you don't get this one would severely disappointed kate wins live have at titanic no not beve means are bush might be stealing be wait wait it's the one with the harvick i tell uh...

where he's like deprogramming her ahhhh hold on she She goes to India. Or Foxy. Give me one second. I'll try to remember the movie. That is the movie though. Baaah! I mean, he's like, he's on the ground, nude. Oh, whoa! A noise!

Oh, showeng! What? Where's my floating piece of wood in that sea? Give me a noodle. Let, show, Wang. What? Where's my foot, floatin' piece of wood and that's see? Give me a noodle. Let me swim out. I'm not gonna remember the name of it, but that is the movie. It's Jude or the reader. That's what I would have accepted. I don't know if that's either one of them. Oh my god. This one's so easy. Anyone can get this. Sharon Stone. Come on, basic instinct, that's it.

Yeah. Margot Roby. Wolf of Wall Street. Till the Swinton. It's when you and McGregor, Scottish film, I guess. I know one of those like the can name a dude right then. No, it's not. No, no. Wait. That's the movie.

Female perversions. Are we? Are you keeping score Christine to all this? Yeah, I am. Okay. All right. I'm interested to see other numbers play out. All right. We got three left. But I. Yes. Called female perversions. The other one also. I just want credit. Listen, we're gonna have to have our judges look into it. But number three, Ava Green.

Oh, this is a big one. I never saw the movie, but again, it's the the strangers. It's a fuck me. I know the name of this. I don't want dead air while I try to figure out I'm gonna do this like I know I can do this. I know the name of this movie Some of these are gonna haunt you on your flight to The title of the movie yeah, too Yeah, two

Start with believe starts with this one starts the what is it a dreamers nailed it Dreamers dreamers all right guys number two Monica Balushi I'll take two different movie titles Well, I'm sadly enough the movie are reversible. There it is. All right, moving on to our final one. Oh, man, this is so foreign. Say it. That I don't even know the movies are foreign. I'll take it. If you get this one, I think it's 100% this is like the rock and jock shot for four yeah, it's a half quarter dude if you can get this one you fucking get all right

Marion Collier Collier Marion Collier picture please She's a beautiful actor he's like it used one of my lifelineelines please so see it picture Christine can we bring up a picture Tell this Wynton shows her bush in young Adam There's gonna be the corrections are gonna be great. They're like actually guys. She's shoulder pussy in this I'm just going off this list stop freaking out Okay I'm just going off this list stop freaking out Okay Okay, this girl you know her she was in glorious bastards

Was she yeah, right? She showed her pussy and in glorious bastards. No Hang on, maybe she wasn't maybe I Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hanguck. Yuck, ayy. Yeah. How about you, how do you? Shobba. Ooh. How about you, how about you?

Ooh. Yeah, yeah. Believe Kate Winslet shows her bush and holy smoke. But I need to be checked on that. Fat Jack. I don't know. Christine, how did we do? Depending on how you look at it, it's 18 out of 32, 18 out of 30 or 18 out of 29.

So you hit around 60%. 60%? It's not bad, dude. It's failing, but. I thought 60 was like a D minus. Is really? I thought 60 was failing. I thought 60 to 65 still now I think 59 is failing 65 to 70 was D. I think 60 to 70 was D

60 to 70's D and if you get a fucking 60 you basically pass Interesting numerology I don't think my school was like that trust me. I know I was out of a hundred I was always shooting for the 60s in the 70s, baby So I was absolutely fine. I felt safe in the 70s because if you got below 65 it wasn't that's maybe what it is 65 good call 5.5 6.5

You get five points of D 10 of C 10 of A maybe a little more you get me excited. Here we are. I got more of those. Maybe get the second house. Dan, I want to say before I leave the department, my last broadcast miss apartment, the thing I am going to miss the most in this apartment, legitimately, is that Ba'Wu stew, that flush in the toilet.

If you told me that my turds go straight to hell, I'd believe you. I mean that thing pulls you could throw a small fucking turkey and that thing and it will fucking take the Skin and bones right with it. It's somehow somehow you have a toilet that flushes like you're at 35,000 feet in an airplane. It's an insane pressure and we're probably gonna lose some of that for sure man the first call now I get a bidet but now I can try a bidet I'll get that water but and I have low hopes and it's still I have low hopes for it. I'm completely I used to be like you Jay and thought what I was great because I was a great guy because I used wipes. Yeah, that's for like

Children to me now go get a Toshiba in but day fantastic Really change my change my life is the water pressure enough to knock the dude who's loose Like you you power wash your ass every time You know, I love I love the idea this. Can I ask a very novice question? After I bidet, do you wipe dry? Of course, Dan, it's a ridiculous question. I don't know. You're having dry.

When I say there's nothing left, the water is so strong, it's like, like, you know, the planet of the yapes. Yeah. I do. That's it. That's what you're doing to your asshole. And you just take three little, uh,

uh, three little, uh, toilet paper squares to bought yourself dry and you're good to go. Little babbles, who you in as you have ever been. Jacob, what about, Jacob? What about inside your asshole? It's giving you, depending on how much you turn up the pressure, you're basically giving yourself an animal. So, even if you thought you had got everything out, you didn't.

And then you will. You're gonna get coins, corn kernels, you're gonna get a lot of stuff coming out. You're gonna feel so clean afterward, you're gonna feel confident then. It's possible. It's possible. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome.

It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome.

It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome.

It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, are my power that shoots up your ass? What's the terms are coming out? What are they? Yeah, what are the my turn? How am I turd's not hitting it? If it's going to shoot up my ass, I'm not doing the water again. It's back. It's back. It's underneath the seat lid.

So it's not, you're not going to shit on it, but it's angled so that it goes, that it angles up into your butt. Well, that's my question. What is the alignment process? Yeah, they have a switch That aligns it perfectly so you'll never you'll only have to do that once you kind of move you After the first like once or twice you know where to put your butt So that it's it every time

I'm telling you I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm tossing turn a little bit. I toss and turn on the bowl a little bit. Really? You go rest a little bit? A bit of a restless turner, yeah, a little bit. Well, here's like, I'll numb up a leg.

You know what I mean? Then I gotta let it dangle out. So life comes back to it. But then I put all the pressure on my other one and my elbow and then that one dies. And then if there's not even a World Star Hip-Hop videos, I'll wipe my butt. But then it's like I'm wiping my butt with muppet legs,

which is the worst feeling in the world. I have to prop my body up against the wall and spread my butt cheeks to wipe because my legs are not gonna do any kind of movement on the ground. You're like 30 minutes is just too much. I hate the point of of legs I'm just Was mopping like wiping your ass with mopping legs is

You pulling yourself up off the ground like a biography style is wonderful. What is that girl? Oh, Christine? What was that showing? Let it go and piss. I was trying to show you how a bidet actually works, but like you have I have to squat on the toilet bowl while it shoots up into my asshole like a pussy I would never mind tell Tushy to go fuck itself That's not what that Asian girl was doing in that video Jacob you would take talk to me about that video I just saw that does not look a pleasant experience. I don't want to shit like that. I have a hard time with squatty potty Are you saying she doesn't know how to biday? Dan I might be saying she's not a biday. No, I was asking Jacob. I Don't even this is another reason I'm depressed coming back to New York because I don't I don't want to switch back to those

Wipes just get a supersoaker and then hit yourself in the Butthole with it when you stand up. Oh, you have a Tushie. Where you're at now? My parents house. Yeah. Interesting. Did you get it for them? No, my nephew got it. He's really into a He went to Japan. So he got into to to bidets Well, he put his house and then he put one in my parents house and then we now we have two of them But Jacob, can you get one when you come back to Queens? Like can you have one installed? I because you kind of have to have it

It's you can install it yourself, but the way my bathrooms configured. It's not near the sink. So no I'd have to run a line like on the floor. Oh no. You do? You have to run a line for yourself? You're connecting the the bidet to the sink. Who's saying you can do it yourself? Yeah it's easy. You're my my nephew did all of them. Well you said words like run a line to the sink does not already sound out of my wheelhouse masculinity. I'm sorry for you can say I'm Elliott. I can do it. Just some simple plummets. Oh, you guys never need to get home plummet. Oh, I know I know they make it easy to install This is looking What I think you two would love it I do I was thinking about the both of you and how much I would want you to try this

I think I mentioned it. Why did you say something now? What if if I squatty potty and get hit with the bidet Is it gonna hit like my spinal cord? Because I'm open up. What if it just falls right through Dan's body and shoot it in his mouth like a boy like a cock. Alright, it's like an e-bra here and then I just hit the water button right here. I'm walking through the living room and Katie's like, what are you doing in a full general rookie? I'm gonna follow me into the bathroom. Look at my war, I'm a war fountain.

God. Oh, I'm pulling out. I mean, Jacob, you make an appealing case. I do think about you's appeal. You'll completely switch. Uh, buddy, I'll absolutely give it a try. I think my tool is near my six But don't do this one time and like I don't get it because you you just got to learn how to use it So sometimes like hey really

After one you'll get it you like line your asshole up with the square and it really like pressure washes the inside of your assholes what it is so it's like once you get the hang of it it will actually do what you're trying to accomplish like better and clean or for you so when you're you must be soaked though no because if you your balls take on your balls are just soaked no I mean you got a little padding it depends how much pressure you're using I mean, you got a little padding. It depends how much pressure you're using Do you remember the hose they washed Rambo with Yeah, I'm gonna go they said clean them up Yeah, oh man three weeks in you're gonna be able to bank shot up into your liver

You're gonna be so good at this day Yeah, yeah, I I clean the cube I like here and come off the ball with stuff. Yeah you want to see me yeah little trick I call miss you want to see a little thing called miss pissy pants I go what are you talking about you know I hit some water in my butt for the day push my belly. Hang on up I'm trying to clean up my duties. Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you just right now, so you don't get the skirts. The first time you're not gonna line right, because you're just not gonna be used to it. Once you understand, oh, this is where I got to put my butt, it's gonna become automatic and you're gonna love it. And you'll know your degree of pressure that you want, because it's a tile. I have loved badays since I used to wear a

bathing suit to the park and have the sprinklers. Listen, there is never want if there is ever in my surrounding area bathroom in a hotel, usually where this happens, where the thing comes off and not that it just comes off the shower head

But it's got to be a good pressure one There's not one time where I don't aim that directly up my asshole and spray it in there So I'm not a feeling it's not looking for a day And that's what you're looking for is a big. No, I don't understand how it's gonna just all happen not in a shower That's happening in a shower, you know, I mean Yeah, this is happening over the bowl, but I think it's gonna squirt out. What if it comes between my balls, dick in the seat, and shoots up and gets on my underwares?

It's a possibility, you got it right. Thank you, producer. One producer cares. Wendy Williams producers, you only want to care. Thank you. Thank you. Somebody else be a Paul. Should we take a break?

Again, our things you're worrying about. Let's kind of go away. Should we take a video? Should we stand up comedy? You know what to do when you hit the stage. He becomes organic. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!