The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Newlywed Game Live from Moontower

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

The Bonfire is live from The Moontower Comedy Festival at the historic Antone's in Austin, Texas! Jacob hosts The Newlywed Game with contestants Captain D & Nicole, Big Jay & Christine and DJ Lou & Michelle. Part 2Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

And now back to the bonfire with Big J. O'Cherson and Dan Soder, live from the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas. Welcome back to the bonfire series, XMFechTalk103, live from Moon Tower in Austin, Texas. We're having a hell of a show! DJ Lou left. Black Lou DJ in now. Hell yeah. Let him hear it, Black Lou.

We should have mentioned, behind the ones in Tuesday, is... Blackloo DJ and now. Hell yeah. Yeah! Not him here at Blackloo. We should have mentioned, behind the ones in Tuesday, is... Blackloo everybody! Hey, St. Florentin, you'll listen to Louis Johnson. What's so mean is, why could he listen to Louis Johnson? The brilliant of Louis Johnson. Blackloo? Blackloo?

Blackloo? Why are you trusting yourself for Blackloo? I don't care. You're listening to the most pumpkin-spaced DJ in the world, DJ Blackloo. Yeah, like take it from us totally hot white girls. You can take it from a white woman. It was white and black. Oh shit!

Yeah! Exo-exo, Blackloo. Damn, Blackloo, that was awesome. Who's that, who's that parasoam? Who was that? Just a hot white lady? That was Autumn Roe. Oh really?

That was Autumn Roe? Oh yeah. You guys remember her? She was the chick from Dr. Phil. She's had a baby. So God bless. You can tell Jay's not here, because I was waiting for him to say something about a plus.

I have a Jay ghost in my mind. Black Lou. Hit it! Welcome to the Bonfire newlywed dating show. You know them well from the airways, but you're well, do their partners know them? Where about to find out using actual questions from the 70s newlywed game? We'll find out which long Burns Primus

on the Bonfire newlywed dating show. Let's introduce our host, who loves nature almost as much as he loves actresses from the CW. Please welcome, Jake Batah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yeah! Hello, you cowboys and cowgirls! Pfff! Ha ha! Welcome to the bonfire newlywed dating game! We called it that because we like the newlywed game, but none of these couples are actually married. Figured I'd over-explain everything for you toothless hillbillies.

Jacob, it's not nice. I'm Jake Batat and I run this shit. What? Whoa! What Jake? Oh, Jacob. That's what the guy at Allen's boot said to me when I said I needed a 5xl cowboy hat from my friend Dan. Fuck you You know how this game

This is a game This is a game where we find out how much these couples know about each other But just like a NASCAR race, we're all hoping for an explosion. You all know how the newlywit game works, but I'll explain it all for you, truckers and teen moms. One half of the couple answers questions while the other half is backstage, then we bring them back and see if their hands is match. Get it? That's low enough for all you high school dropouts. Jesus, Jake. Are you ready?

Are you ready? Are you ready? All right. Let's play! I hated that. That wasn't scripted. Not at all, and I would fucking edit it out. That's playing! I hated that. That wasn't scripted. Not at all, and I would fucking edit it out. Alright, it's time to meet our contestants!

Let's meet the couples. This fun fire host, loves the Sixers, was once a child Tuxedo model, claims to be able to beat up 20 female cops at a time. His girlfriend is a dancer, is great at Shakespeare, and is moved by the lyrics of Sublime. It's the king and queen of the bonfire. Big J. Ocarson and Christine Marie Evans. Howdy cowboy and cowgirl have a seat. Oh man. I'm just a fly at the wall but to this already bugging me. I've really loved it so far. Fabulous.

Alright. This first couple of the bonfire met while he was being kicked out of the village on their ground after a live show. He's from Texas, loves guns and lakes, and thinks this whole crew are crunchy hippies from the North She is the sweetest little lady in the world captain D and Nicole The first couple of the bonfire this is the first couple that met through the bonfire It's true. He's getting he got kicked out of a live show. Grab yourselves a bunch.

That's a fucking cool way to meet. Hell yeah, she likes a bad boy. All right, he's a genius with the drops, sleeps comfortably in denim, and was driven to school as a child with a van full of critters. She hates his twin brother and loves to laugh. She's got the attitude of a full-blooded Latina,

put a surprisingly half-italian mamma mia. The first, the first couple of just outside of Tineck, give it up for DJ Lewitsky and Michelle. Fantastic. All right. Well, we're going to start the game and we're going to ask the ladies to leave. But before that black loo, why don't you tell us what our first sponsor of the day is? Thank you, Jake. This game is sponsored by Big Jim presents New York City's Bunsen Basketball. 10 Buns, 10 boobs, 1 ball, and 0 points. Come see the action this summer. Location and time to be determined. Yeah, to you, Jay.

Thank you, thank you. It's so cool Big Jim bought sponsorship money of this show. It's so great to promote Buns and Basketball in New York City. There'll be some jiggling tushes in the big apple. All right gentlemen, now the ladies are upstairs. In our green room and scouts honor, they cannot hear the questions and answers that are being written down.

Now under your couch, you'll see a card and some markers. I'm gonna ask you to say your answers out loud and then write them down on the card. All right, are you gentlemen ready? Can you write on that much campaign, Jay? Sure. Sure. You can see how we talked into the can.

Oh, dude. Dude, dude. That wasn't good. Shut up, dude. Shut up, dude. That wasn't good. That didn't read well. That up there. Shut up there. That wasn't good. That didn't read well.

That was awesome. That was awesome. I could have been talking to the can. Damn, dude. That was wild. All right, gentlemen. Question number one. How will your girlfriend say you would complete this sentence?

My girlfriend used to have a lot of enthusiasm about blank than she does now. Why don't you go through and ask everybody one by one and say it out loud and then they can write it down. Sorry. Jason? My back seat driving? Not at all. That was good. Jason, how would your girlfriend say you would complete this sentence? My girlfriend used to have a lot more enthusiasm about blank than she does now.

Soft Dicks. Well, we're, all right, soft Dicks, it is, write that down please. Captain D, what about you? What's Captain D? I'll repeat the question. How were your girlfriend say you would complete this sentence? Captain D, what about you? What's... Captain D? I'll repeat the question. How were your girlfriend say you would complete this sentence? My girlfriend used to have a lot more enthusiasm about Blank than she does now. Me.

Me? Me, it is. Write that down. And DJ Lewitsky's same for you. She used to have a lot more enthusiasm about my twin brother. You know, if it's not you, mine's won't be one-off. All right, gentlemen, question number two, moving right along, Jason. Yes.

Lately, in the romance department, what will your wife say that you've been acting more like a second-hand man a minute man or a long shorman? Mmm. Any renders. Have you been acting more like a secondhand man, a minute man, or a long shorman? Long shorman, damn. Long shorman it is.

Please write your answer down. Jake, I got that stroke I bring it Chris I repeat the question to you lately in the romance department what will your wife say you've been acting more like a second-hand man a minute man or a longshoreman Long all day, baby. Can't you never want to fucks up on this stage? I realize we're out to meet skud. Can't you, can't you, can't you,

you have blood on your handkerchief like fucking dog holiday? Really? Well, Jay, I don't have enough for you. It's like you. And finally, DJ Liu, a second-hand man, a minute man, or a long shorman. Just like the boys, Jacob, I've got cock. I'm shorman.

Nice. That's the most DJ-loo answer possible. I don't know what you fancy in your endospeed. But I was giving her a roll of human flesh she ain't forgetting about it. It's a private parts reference, buddy. I got it. I like it. Alright, once you go to stern off upstairs. Oh right. Come now gentlemen, question number three.

Jay. Yeah? What famous person will your girlfriend say has the same body as you do? Fuck. We're gonna need an answer. I'm gonna need an answer. You're gonna take a bear and an eye? No, I don't know.

Okay, we're gonna need an answer. Very pleased. A famous person. A body. All right, please. She doesn't know any foot off Eagles names. We're going to need an answer. Yeah, but she's not going to know that. All right, please.

So the fat Josh from Josh and Josh. I don't know who that is, but right here answer down. Thank you very much. The straight answer is the fat Josh from Josh and Josh. If Christine nails this, that's going to be fucking insane. Alright, Captain D, moving on to you you what famous person will your girlfriend say has the same body as you do? I don't agree but she's gonna say Thor Chris Hemzler from the Marvel Universe the god of Thunder Thunder hmm I like that. Thor, it is. Write that down.

What? What the fuck is wrong? Your wife has some good taste. DJ Liu, what famous person will your girlfriend say has the same body as you do? We have discussed this before, actually. And her first answer was Uncle Fester. From... Was that so funny?

But then I guilted her into changing it, and she said, all right, well, how about James Gandalfini? So much... She negotiated with you? Okay. Wait, you fucking negotiated up to her Tony Soprano? Yeah, I'm a fat ghoul. She's like, what you want is the way you breathe. Although, can you please manage music when she talks?

So DJ Lou is it Uncle Fester or the late great James Gandalfini? Tony soprano. Tony soprano, it is.. Alright, we're gonna ask Big Jim to bring the ladies back downstairs right now, but while we do, Black Lou, how about we hear from one of our sponsors? Thank you Jake. This game is sponsored by Big Jim presents the Ont Thrupple. What happened? What happens when two polar opposites are forced to live together and antagonized by a black weight war?

Fabulous. Alright, ladies, welcome back to the stage. I'm going to ask you the same questions I asked the guys. Christine, the first question is for you, how will your girlfriend say, you would complete this sentence. My girlfriend used to have a lot more enthusiasm about blank than she does now.

Life? That was the saddest answer. Holy shit. And honestly, Jay's answer is pretty sad. But that answer is fucking quirk-reshing. It got me in the gut. Pfft. Jay, what did you have for us? Soft decks. I'm afraid that was our answer.

When did I ever have enthusiasm with soft decks? You see more shitty a pad of these days. Damn dude, life. Life. Damn, what a doubt. Absolutely soul crushing. Life. Damn, what a hell. Absolutely so crushing, Nicole. We ask Chris how were your girlfriend say

you would complete this sentence. My girlfriend used to have a lot more enthusiasm about blank than she does now. What would he have said? Him. No! There it is big gym give him five points five points give him five big gym points very self-deprecating all right Christine you want to talk she's fine Dan by the I'll tell you later. Well, wait, Dan, my dick gets hard.

Plenty, it's fine. This isn't an issue. All right, Michelle. The same question for you, we asked the guys, how will your girlfriend say you would complete this sentence? My girlfriend used to have a lot more enthusiasm about blank than she does now. Cooking for him? Cooking for him and DJ Liu you said, she said cooking for you.

She said in English Liu. I said he said his twin On twin I said. Do you think he's right? I think both answers are acceptable. Sorry that was wrong, but hey ladies, if any of these membo screw up I can take you back to the Tommy and work you over. One at a time though, those rooms are tiny. Damn dude, taking a shot at the Tommy. All right, question number two, ladies.

We ask the guys lately in the romance department, what will your wife say that you've been acting more like a second-hand man, a minute man, or a long Sherman Christine please. A long Sherman. And Jason. Boom. You almost got me on that. I said you really almost got me. Long Sherman for Jane Christine. Give him five points. All right, Michelle.

We ask the guys, late leaner romance department, what will your wife say? You've been acting more like a second-hand man, a minute-man, or a long-shorman. I'm going to say long-shorman. Oh, long-shorman. Can I say something though? She didn't want to say long-shorman. I'm gonna say Longshoreman. Longshoreman! Longshoreman! Can I say something though? She didn't want to say Longshoreman. She said she was going to say it.

I'm going to say Longshoreman! By the way, hot tamale, I wouldn't mind watching her drop a grumpy in my bed. Yeah! I don't know if that's what I'm sorry. Sorry for calling me to grumpy. She dropped a grumpy. I don't know. I don't know a lot about it. But I know a lot about grumpy's now. But I know how to get shit out of a company.

You know how to get turred out of La Mée? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I know how to get shit out of the comfort room. You know how to get turd out of La Mée? All right ladies, last question in the round. Wait, did you get an ask the call? Did you ask the call? Yes, I did. I'm terribly sorry. You can't make a character too, did you see that? Oh shit. He got a ticket, really sorry.

He was a sweet boy. Yeah, I'm sorry, you're on the name. Back to you. Well, guys, Nicole, lately in the romance department, what will your wife say that you've been acting more like? A second-hand man, a minute man, or a long shorman? He loves a nautical pun, so I'm gonna say a long shorman. Woo! Chris, you say it! Long shorman, there it is! He loves a nautical pun, so I'm gonna say a longshoreman. Whooo!

Chris, you say it! Longshoreman, there it is! Now, right. We're still in the lead. Ten points to five points. That's right. And final question of the round. Ladies, we ask the guys, what famous person

will your girlfriend say has the same body as you do We asked the guys what famous person will your girlfriend say as the same body as you do Christine Evans we're gonna go to you first You got this Huh Kevin Owens. Huh? Kevin Owens. Yeah! Shut up, Kevin Owens.

Hello. Fuck you know who Kevin Owens is. Kevin Owens. Kevin Owens. Someone's getting invited over to the wrestling ring. Woo! And Jay, you put... I put a very obviously...

Oh, Jay, for sure! No, not even that! That Josh from Nickelodeon's Josh and Josh! It was there for the taking. All right, moving along to Unicol, what famous person will your girlfriend say has the same body as you do? Chris Hemsworth? And he said, oh, ho, ho, Chris Hemsworth. There it is.

And moving on to you, Michelle. What famous person, will your girlfriend say, has the same body as you do and you said? A late James Gandalfini? Oh, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. They're cheating. Tony Soprano.

Come on. Christine, you got it. Christine, you know I look like that, Josh. And Nickelodeon, you shut the jobs. You know that for so long. Thank you, Shedigon deep cuts. Damn. Well, we have a definitive couple in the lead right now.

That was fantastic. We're going to move on to the next round where we're going to ask the gentleman to leave the stage now. And ladies, it's your turn to get down. We'll do it great. Thank you, Dan. Did I love that Lou had to be called off stage

like when they have a dog up there? Like, whoo, come here. I love that Lou had to be called off stage like when they have a dog up there. Like, look, come here. Yeah, black Lou, please tell us what our final sponsor of the game is. Thank you, Jay. This game is sponsored by Big Jim presents the stage adaptation of Juan Mills. Ho, yo pussy stand. Now in preview.

Now in previews always makes me laugh. The Corn Mills Live on stage, Hogyo Pussy Stank, I would see that in a second. I want to act again. You want to act again? Damn, I wish we had that as a draw. I want to act again. All right ladies, it's your turn.

I see that the guys are in securely in the green room. I want to act again. All right ladies, it's your turn. I see that the guys are securely in the green room moving on. Question number one, ladies, will your husband say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum, a bowling alley or a street corner. Do you hate even though those are all the questions? Will your husband say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum,

a bowling alley or a street corner? Can I get another non-alcoholic beer? Big Jim thanks dude, bringing puns to basketball and stopping me from going back to being an alcoholic. Gotta love big Jim dude. Big Jim takes care of his own. He certainly does it all. Moving on to question number two.

His sass is off the charts. Ladies, will your husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated or renovated? You need to have them answer it before they write it down. We didn't get the first one. You're right. It's all right. I'm not going to stay. Christine, what was your answer?

For the first one when when Your shirt your mouth. This is very hard. I Understand as a viewer that you want a little bit tighter of a production, but from the production standpoint is he's doing this fucking best Thank you very much and I love you. Big Jim certainly let his celebrity go to his head. Thank you, Jim. All right, Christine, question number one again. Will your husband say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum, a bowling alley or a street corner?

Christine? I said museum. Museum. What? You're actually people don't listen to the ball in fire. Is this baby mama technically his wife? All right. Technically. Whoever said that was very funny. All right, museum it is moving on to Unicol, by the way. Your husband will say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum, a bowling alley or a street corner.

If it was the last girlfriend before me, street corner. If it was the ex-wife, bowling alley. We're going to need an answer. Street corner it is, please write it down. There it is. And finally, Michelle. Will you say, with your husband say that it's last girlfriend, was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum, a bowling alley, or a street corner? I said bowling alley. Ali. Holy Ali. Yeah, that's the feeding farm for the witskies. It certainly shouts T-neck to me. I don't think he's been to a museum. Alright, moving on to question number two.

Over here at Dickhead. Thank you Dan. Alright. over your dickhead. Thank you, Dan. All right. What a big question, number two to you, Christine. Will your husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated, or renovated? Authentic questions, by the way, from the newlywed game. Renovated. Renovated.

Renovated. That's going to be a tough one when he comes back out here. Renovated it is. Look over. One almost puts a costume in the soundproof bubble when he comes back out. Will your husbands say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated or renovated? Deflated. Deflated? It is.

Man, in the 70s, they didn't give a fuck about when it's feelings. They made the women put up with it, that I fucking were're gonna say it out loud. And finally, Michelle, will your husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated, or renovated? Inflated. Inflated, it is, please write that down. Moving on to our third question, ladies, for ten points, what will your boyfriend say your last boyfriend can do that your boyfriend now cannot do as well? Man, if there's too much campaign on this stage, that might be the thing that lights the

barrel. Christine. That's why I'm up here. I'm Steve Wulco, dude. I want you to fuck a break up shit through a chair's appendophiles. Christine, what will your boyfriend say? Your last boyfriend can do that your boyfriend now can't do as well. Practice law.

Practice law? Yes. Law. Fascinating. That's so funny. Jay's like, I know I can't lit a game as good as he can. Could I promise? I know my closing arguments are not strong, but my cross-examination's are. That one certainly caught me out of guard. What was that Christine? Jay may be a better argue actually. I don't know. All right Nicole. What will your boyfriend say your last boyfriend can do that your current boyfriend can't do as well?

He's gonna say nothing. Nothing it is. All right. And finally, Michelle, what will your boyfriend say that your last boyfriend can do that your girlfriend can do? Nothing it is alright and Finally Michelle What will your boyfriend say that your last boyfriend can do that your current boyfriend can't do as well play basketball Play basketball Fascinating I Have excited to see you loo nail that Who's gonna be like yeah the last one like the shoe hoops. Fuck that guy.

He's a jailin' up free, fucker! Now ladies, that was the last of our 10 point questions. Now I'm gonna ask you a bonus 25 point question. Damn, that's all of it on the line. It certainly is. Question number four. Ladies, which of the following things will your boyfriend say he hasn't told you in the longest time that you look nice, that you're smart, or that he was wrong?

I'm the most excited to see this answer out of all of them. This is the best one. Christine, which are the following things where your boyfriend says he hasn't told you in the longest time that you look nice, that you're smart, or that he was smart. Yeah, we were, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's solid. I see him getting that one right myself. Yeah, I feel like she could see what we came with that one. Nicole, which of the following things will your boyfriend said he hasn't told you in the longest time that you look nice, that you're smart or that he was wrong that he was wrong that he was wrong.

All right Michelle that he's wrong that he's wrong. Two wrongs in a smart. Well, all right. It's time to get the guys back down here and we're gonna see what they have to say about this Gentlemen here they come back to the stage give them another round of applause. It's big J. Oggerson It's Chris and DJ Lou Welcome back gentlemen. Welcome back. Have a seat. It's funny when the girls were like, when the guys were doing the question, the girls went upstairs, you know, and then the guys just went out back and smoked cigarettes. So what? So what?

Tell them Josh. Josh? Nickelodeon's Josh, and Josh. If that Josh from Nickelodeon is Josh, and Josh. That Josh from Nickelodeon. If you get any fucking text, it's alright. Don't be a fucking dick about it. Yeah.

All right, gentlemen, we asked the ladies the following four questions. The verse three questions are worth ten points. The fourth question is worth 25 points. Here is question number one. Big J, we asked ladies will your husband say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up in a museum, a bowling alley, or a street corner? My current wife? Um. Bully. Bully, Ali. And Christine, you put. Museum.

I'm sorry, Jay. Chris, moving on to you, we asked the the ladies will your husband say that his last girlfriend was the kind of girl you pick up at a museum a bowling alley or a street corner I'm gonna go with street corner and Nicole you said Corner there it is I'm gonna point for Nicole with a bonfire brings people together as a couple. It's a strong bond! It's like better than 30 points of compatibility. Better than match.com's 29 points.

Yeah. Stupid fucking website. Don't maybe write a profile about myself. I try to want something stupid. Did you really? I don't know. I don't know. I like nice weather, I guess.

Not enough morning, I'd put a ding ding ring in my garage. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Do you want to join me on my journey of finding a path in life to a wrestling ring in my garage? Bob Quizhot, what's better? A-W-W-W-W. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. All right, gentlemen, moving What's better? A.W. or W. W. Yeah.

All right, gentlemen, moving on to question number two. Don't wait. Get an ass loop. I'm sorry. Man, you don't respect a little. Lou, we ask the ladies what your husband said. Hi, guys. She liked bowling, so it's not that one.

And she thinks all my exes are ores. So I'm going to go with street hooker Jacob Michelle you put Bowling alley. I'm so sorry. Oh you fucked my wife So sorry and now finally moving on to question number two, gentlemen, we ask the ladies will your husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated, or renovated. Jay, we're husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated, or renovated. Can I walk this out, Rockwell? We're going to need your answer. If it's deflated, she's talking about my body.

It was inflated. She's talking about my dick. No, no, no, it's her body part. Does she want things to be deflated inflated or renovated? Yes, your hope. I'll repeat the question. Will your head inflated? Will your head inflated? Will your head inflated? On me. Yeah, I got you. I'm with you now. All right.

You're taking a Johnny Depp amount of time. I, uh, I would say that, uh, in this particular question, I would say, uh, pass. Um, inflated. Christine, you put... Oh! Renovated, I'm so proud of you. You can't renovate a mustache on a girl. Chris, will your husband say that more of your body parts need to be inflated, deflated, or renovated. Oh, man. It's an authentic question from the 70s.

Just for the sake of the game, we'll go deflated. Got it! Man. 10 points! 10 points! Kill it! Big Jim, how many points do they have? We don't even know each other. We shouldn't find out.

35. They might be all, this is fucking great. There's still time though. Blue, body parts need to be inflated. I'm gonna say Deflated, although there's nothing wrong with it. She doesn't need any changes. Oh, that's a guy who gets hit. Michelle You put Inflated. I'm so sorry. It's inflated. No, you're good. Shit shit. That's...

That's... That's the most real man's I've ever heard of in Louis. No, it's all good. No, you're doing it, you're doing it. You're doing it, you're doing it. No, you're doing it, you're doing it. Oh yeah, alright, you're good. You got a healthy rack.

You're going to... You're going to... No, you're baby bags are good. All right gentlemen, question number three. We ask the ladies, what will your boyfriend say? Your last boyfriend can do that your boyfriend can't do as well. What can't you do as well as the ex boyfriend? Expo, ex boyfriend, the ex-boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend, what ex-boyfriend would be to even, uh, what they could do better.

Oh, play guitar? Oh, and Christine, you put, it's so obvious. She put, practice law. Wait, I think I'm just going to see the question. I have a question. Boyfriend. Huh? What boyfriend played guitar?

Yours? Your boyfriend? Next boyfriend? Yeah. I wasn't know that guy the fucking you've chased around like a fucking dimwit? Well, I was your boyfriend. He was my boyfriend. You fucked up me a piece of shit.

God, call it your fat while you were fucking him. How dare you? I would never. But he played guitar, I heard it like an angel. It's great. I'm sure he did. He sang too. He sang too?

Fuck him. So do I. I see the comedy jam tonight. I'm doing, I'm doing clocks. All right, Chris. I'm doing, I'm doing clocks. Alright Chris, we have some ladies. What will your boyfriend say your last boyfriend can do that your current boyfriend can't do as well? I have no clue I'm gonna say sing, sing and dance. Nicole you put nothing. Oh Fuck me

All right, and finally Michelle Christine how the fuck do you know your ex does law Instagram oh she does oh she keeps tabs. I know she's Oh, she does. Oh, she keeps tabs. I know she does. I'm a tabs her Facebook. We're not friends. Yeah, fuckbodies. Yeah. Yeah, let's just go on. Fucking Stefan. His name's Stefan, everybody.

Doxam. That's an edit. Stefan's beopar. He's right. He's good. He's real good. All right, DJ Liu. We ask the ladies, what will your boyfriend say that your last boyfriend can do that your current boyfriend can't do as well? I think he was jacked, so I'm going to say athletics. Michelle, you put-

Play basketball. That's fair. Give him the point. Do you have any count? I don't think there's no, but I'm a little bit of a basketball player myself. And I'm a dancer. Shut the fuck up! How dare you! You shop-ass gets what you're looking for. I teach you!

Oh, I don't like that attitude. That's going to come a real thing later. Jesse, you know, Jane Kristina at five points, Chris and the police. 35. Jesus, dude. Lu and Michelle at 20. This bonus question is going to be a big one. All right, here it is.

It's for more points, right? 25 points, gentlemen. We ask the ladies, which of the following things will your boyfriend say he hasn't told you in the longest time that you look nice, that you're smart, or that he was wrong. Hurry, please. That she's smart. Christine, you put... Well, there's that question in action.

Yeah. What? What are you saying? It's an intro trampoline, Christine. I don't know if I've ever told her she was smart. I was like, yeah, I would be never. You think I'm smart, right? I told her something, huh?

No. I told you other day, I've never... You think I'm smart, right? I told you something, huh? No. I told you, yeah, they look nice. And you are... Good thing you did, that was worth 25 points, Jane Christine. Congratulations. All right. Back in the game.

Chris, for 25 points, we asked the ladies, which of the following things were your boyfriend say, he hasn't told you in the longest time, that you look nice, that you're smart, or that he was wrong. Definitely that I'm wrong. Nicole, you put, he was wrong! Damn, I might have done it. Not so fast, Dan, Lidiji, Lou.

I told her she looked nice when I saw her today. I told her I was wrong yesterday, so I'm gonna go with smart. Michelle, you're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. Keep it up Captain D and Nicole, win it this. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, and we're gonna go to Black Lou for the winner of tonight's game. He's icing those two. How many points though? We'll fix it in post. Yeah. The winner of tonight's game of the newlywed game is Chris and Nicole. Yeah. Give them a round of applause.

There it is, ladies and gentlemen. First couple. And let's get Chris Rodgers up here with his painting. One of the unbelievable fucking paintings. They got some fell dog. I don't know if you knew his back Corey Feldman, but he grew up dancing with Michael Jackson. Damn. That's so good.

Check it out. Damn, that's so good. Check it out, follow him at Chris Rogers' art on Instagram. One more time for Captain D in the call. DJ Lewin Michelle, and of course the King and Queen, Jay and Christine, I'm the insider. That's Jake Batot, that's Black Lou. We'll see you all down the road. We love you, Bone Tower.

Thank you so much for coming out. We'll see you next year. Tata. Happy Struse. Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you Keep smiling on till when Who cares about the clouds when we're together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather

Happy trails to you Till we meet again When a dick's not getting hard, you can see my fucking annoying. Well, you're supposed to suck your dick for an hour. Get hard, get hard. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, Chip Florentine, you'll listen to Louis Johnson. What's up, Minneswak? You'll listen to Louis Johnson. The brilliance of Louis Johnson. Black Lou?

Black Lou? Black Lou? Black Lou? Oh, are you trusting yourself for the Black Lou? I don't care. You're listening to the most pumpkin spiced DJ in the world, DJ Black Lou. Yeah, like take it from us totally hot white girls. This is like a sick of a white women. He was white and black.

Oh! Shit! Go! Exo-exo, black glue. That watermelon's really good. We got to turn it over to, I mean, the host with the most, really. This is the man. This guy has all the pizzazz.

Hold it down right now. Take him the reins. Jacob a tie to everybody. the reins. Jacob Atatah, everybody, your host. Jacob Atatah. This is highly unusual. Welcome. It's time to play How Well Do You Know Me? MUSIC

Welcome to How Well Do You Know Me. I'm your host with the most. The Don of Don, the Sultan of Twatt. Project, Jacob, project. The lip-ripper. The chiropractor, because I stay blowing out back. Jacob, Donkey Dick Batat. J.C.O.P Let me just say this.

This is a fucking fine right here. I'm ready to give up a point. That was so damn good. This is a new bonfire game show, created to kill time. I liked it better when it was called Benning Ting's Thanksgiving Show. Oh, great. It's a great speech. I liked it better when it was called Bennington's Thanksgiving Show. Oh, great.

It's great. It's the stolen idea. Just another brain buster idea from the two stone hacks I work for. Jacob, where the fuck is this coming from? That piece of paper. I'm just reading my notes. Okay, you Austin come dumpsters and the homos who use them as beer ready to play. Wow, Jacob. You're going to heal on Austin? Again, I'm just reading my notes. You know what they say about Austin.

It's where Dallas goes to get their abortions. Jesus. You crunchy baby killer. You crunchy baby killers ready to start this motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go up on it, you, Jacob. Ha. Yeah. The fucker? The store-bond of you, Chaker. Ha!

Yeah. you