The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Nice Guys

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

Jay and Dan discover a new character and decide to respond to criticism with compliments and praise. Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! Just a little bit just a little more a little taste. That's all. Oh, man.

You're doing this. You're doing this. You're doing this. I don't even have a little bit left anyway. I don't even care, by the way. I'm not even freaking out. There's not much. Jay, I didn't start the website getj on floenays.com.

I do floenays also. Then you're just using too much. That's what I do. Regular flones doesn't do with a friend does a different thing. I know I told you I went to my ENT doctor and I was like, I was like, he was like worried about you. We spent my appointment talking about your addiction to afferent and what it's doing to our radio show.

Who's that Ben? Tell Ben not to worry dude. Bench. He's good dude. What do you call him doctor? Whatever? Doctor of Eve is what I call her a beef Ben of Eve That's his full first name. I sent Christine a couple articles one of them is There's a lot of fun stuff here. No, I don't know if I want to do the a campers sending an article about a Philly DA Here, no, I don't know if I want to do the a campers in an article about a Philly DA that Responds because they found a dead lady in his house. That's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Yeah

I think there's also that guy that fell from to his death Uh Hey DJ Lou. Do you think Dan's being really like bossy with like the articles lately? DJ Lou, do you think Dan's being really like bossy with like the articles lately? That's not my place to get in the middle of a big thing. You know what I'm just gonna I'm just gonna I'm just gonna bury that I'm gonna bury that resentment I just have right there. Yeah, bury it way down Certainly is gonna come out passive aggressively. Dan you're saying art. Yeah, article talk. Yeah, so this is the Whole not real quick poor you get to the article. Hey Hey, Christina's this what you have to deal with at home Because I'm starting to get it Like if we broke up like if the show breaks up like you'd be on my side, right?

You would you would know that it wasn't my fault, right? Let's get back today. Let's go back to this article you're totally I'm sorry. Let's get back. Jay, let's go back to this article. You're totally the best move is going to be on Tuesday, whoever makes the play for Black Lou when he comes back. Oh, yeah. She's been kind of crazy, right? I just kind of feel like it's Jay's fault. Anyways, how those cowboys looking. By the way, by the way, I just saw, I just saw online that it was writing up Legion of Skanks, but he just wrote, uh, he described this as, uh, wait, it's good. That's actually, this is like the only funny thing.

It's a whole bunch of stuff, but this is just the one that made me laugh. I think he beats off the pictures of Shane. I'm going to say it. I'm going to be the first to say it. Does he still come to Shane a lot? No. We see you back in his thing here. Once again, there's nothing unfair about using the term Nazi to describe a comedy trio that includes

a violent misogynist known for chanting wipe out or a guy who believes Jews, a guy who believes Jews run society and their N word using friend whose nice guy rep conveniently gives the others cover. And then someone has bloggers, who's the nice guy? Even I was like, oh, it was me dude. You know that I thought that was definitely was me the the N word using nice guy damn dude. That should be a shirt Using nice guys. That's a whole character where that's an L character from the 70s and word using nice nice guy

Yeah, yeah, this would that would have gone over they could have got Chevy Chase to be that character I think he was Did you do that sketch with the prior? Was the end work using nice guy Nice nice while there isn't it and then you drop the end bomb that's what I'm doing This is my point of it's to buffoonish their n-word using nice guy friends like what also massage anistic guy who starts on Firechan guy friend like what also massage anistic guy who starts a white by the guy's that the he left out Puerto Rican yeah just sounds like he's doing an

ironic white power chance it's just like it's like I just slapped a lady now let's chant white power Jacob what were you gonna say I just think he sounds he comes off like a completely unfuckable the women I mean I do I disagree. I think that is such big dick energy. It's such big dick. I'm so I think he usually has to crawl out of a pile of women to usually tweet those things. Oh, he was what I've.

Big Lou made a pussy. Yeah. But anyways, back to this. Really? Oh, yeah, dude. Non-stop fucking. I've heard that's actually his thing. Is this he's a sex addict.

That's why it's start. We should start fucking positive rumors about him. Yeah, I heard yeah, I heard the guys packing a fucking unit and he's really bright. Honestly, I heard the guy can landscape better than those people. He'll edge your lawn and you're just be like, oh my god, who is this guy? Also, this is a lot of hurt birds back. Yeah, hell, see what you will see what you will about this lunatic. I'll say what every year he gives does the March of Dimes and he does an eight's walk. And you got to respect that.

You got to respect that. See what you will about his bullshit writing. Sorry that you don't like the fact that he's a reporter, but also deal with the fact that he gave his kidney to a guadalu, go on a lube. Can't even say God damn it. He's a sort of rumer. He's about all of our enemies. He's a, he's a, he's a par core champion. Yeah. I heard also just goes down and plays par cheesy with all the old people at the home who were forgetting where they're from. America, and I'm prepared to say this not sarcastically America's foremost foremost bird poet. Yeah, and I would and I want to say a fact

That a lot of people don't know he was a first responder in 9-11 A lot of you will know this the reason I don't command him too hard. He saved my mother from a fire. How about that? My mother was in the 1994 Oklahoma City bombing and he saved her life was in the 1994 Oklahoma City bombing and he saved her life. Uh, yeah, he does a human bomb shield and luckily they were able to defuse the bomb, but he jumped on it. He was willing to sacrifice his life. He was in Atlanta, 96. Was it 94?

96? You guys remember that? Remember when there was an explosion in the Olympics? Well, guess who stopped it? Yeah. Why do you think only a few people got hurt? Sorry that Shane didn't get a job. This American hero was walking around saving everybody. Yeah Shane What we doing trying to be funny on a podcast? What are you doing?

What are you doing being funny from your gut? Fuck you. You're supposed to be funny making a point for corporate interest That's what I always say would hire Shane just so they could refire him again That's what I always say would hire Shane just so they could refire him again So that's something that's something to do a smuggable kissable face out to lunch again put it right outside and you come back You come back in again Simon's fucking wreck his shit Rambo to baby this time your double down Double down. I want that scene when they when he has his double down uh... i want that scene when they when he has his uh... colonel uh... curtleneck and scene he goes he's smith is on everyone he's the best

you can write an article about his mother and about her meatloaf wasn't good i know because i trained i can't did we got to get three switcher it's made that they've says jews run society luis says violent misogynist and then quote unquote white power. But just by violent misogynist makes more sense. White power is going to turn to many heads. Am I just saying an N N word using a nice guy? Can I can I I know this is usually what breaks up the show

because I love your ideas, but I just want to say what if we get someone to do a fun 80s sit-com intro as you're the N word using nice guy. It's the N word using nice guy and you come in and it shows and it shows a good black person like kind of make a face like dude and then and then be like Nauras just J. He didn't help me bring my groceries in Just Jay he didn't help me bring my groceries in That's the inward using nice guy. What a well. That's that's one of the best descriptions of me. I've ever heard I Think our I think our lovable superhero should attack this fucking DA that had a body found in his house Which is we're in that one silence a real a real problem. Yeah, go work on a real crime not Jays a niceness mixed in with his

casual racism Stop coming after the hey you black this is new black family. Do you guys need help moving out of my neighborhood? Would you guys would you guys like a little help moving out of my neighbor as soon as possible? Oh my goodness So nice, but also it's so problematic. We'll be right back with Edward using nice guy. These commercials There's gotta be so many of those Oh, man, but at least you're nice. That's hey valet. Do me favor. Don't steal anything from my car Here's a valet do me a favor don't steal anything from my car here's a hundred dollar tip right

i got you is nice yeah he uh... gets christmas gifts for all the security guys it's serious also called in and said the dead guns and that the cops should watch them and leave i go racist my daughter's dating oh why not why not why Yeah BEEP Oh shit What man I'm telling you what I've in my recent Research and and

Things I've been learning about I think it says almost fun to give like positive comments about them because all the bads been said and quite honestly it's like he's sick like I think he's a sick purse like his he's so one track mind did it about going at these things like I don't even Honestly think we should give him this much attention because I think it's just it's like are you talking about it? Do down the street yelling outside of Bodega to the pros America's new favorite character and words saying nice guy that is cool. So he'll probably sue us for the inner intellectual property because I'm gonna go to NBC with it. It's my mind. We're gonna go to NBC. Dude, I'm the show's already wrote. Sorry wrote sorry dude already got it starring Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes isn't it. Yeah, we got a couple of good writers attached. Yeah, it's a vehicle I'm gonna get some real woke writers so that they can make it cool. So it's not terrible Prince of money, you know, then go die on above somewhere hell. Yeah In words words saying nice guy dude um yeah please can we talk about this DA this guy is running for DA in Philly and on his website he's like all of his you know like the things he wants to talk about oh did they pull the website they pulled it yeah day So I have a story. So we had different sections on his website that was like Black Lives Matter, the opioid crisis,

and it's like about on his about me, there was a page called The Girl in My Bath tub. And then it was like on the website, it says like, there shouldn't have to be a section for this on anyone's campaign site. Sorry, this is for Philadelphia DA. There shouldn't have to be a section for anyone on anyone's campaign site like this, but because some people not let this guy, I must address it. Yeah. The evening before, I was actually texting with her, which pings the corroborated as well.

I was with several people who all gave statements or testifies. So apparently this woman was found in his bathtub with so many empty vodka bottles. It looked like there was a party in my house, but inspection of security video people entering and leaving showed only her. Her blood alcohol was 0.45. Whoa. Whoa. She must have been booze since like afternoon. That's the fact you have that drop is fucking perfect blue. Oh my god. Yeah. God, I look funny.

I look funny. He wrote on it. Long story short is that I was not only her boyfriend, but it was my apartment where she expired. Oh, Jesus. Not her only boyfriend. Oh, it was I was not her only boyfriend. It was my apartment where she expired? Oh, Jesus. Not her only boyfriend. Oh, it was I was not her only boyfriend. It was my apartment where she expired. If it was another boyfriend's apartment, you would have never heard of the case.

So this chick liked a party and then she just died at his house. Yeah, to bummer to death. Yeah, got you down to remember. This is the thing. He's's like you don't want to governor the fuck a woman of death DA you don't want a district attorney who's listen, I'm gonna fuck the criminals the way I fuck this lady to She had yeah point four people yelled it out when they go they go what do we do with this criminal? We just call you like put him in the tub He goes you want me to put him in the tub? I'm like, ah! This lady clearly had a very bad problem with drinking.

If you are found, if your blood alcohol level is 0.45, that is. That's a thirdly high, right, Dan? Yeah, that means there's like 45% of her blood was alcohol. Fuck, mainline is at that point. Jesus, even Irish people are like, holy fuck lady. What the fuck are you doing?

Not so much booze, fire yeah. That's fucking so insane. 0.45, I think I had a 0.12, 0.13, when I fucked up my eye on my twenty first birthday really thought it might have been higher than that but I was fucked up and that is I've never been I've never been drawn to a point where I thought I'll make any sense to breathalyze me you don't want to get your back dude you know what if I don't hear back what's his back?

Yeah, boy, they yeah dude finding a lady in your bathtub is top level nightmare situation Where you just come home and you're like putting your toiletries away after being away like? Excuse me. You just like kick a plastic bottle But be funny as he did not realize that she was dead and he goes Oh, I was gone. You want to get into some water sports? There's like a person down with piss in the tub. Hey, you want to get pissed on the tub? And then I was gonna say, huh? And it finishes and realize she's dead. He goes, oh, now. Oh my, I just fucking whisper. Yeah, I just whizzed all over. Hey, you know, dude, I just pissed all over this chick.

You know, I pissed all over. It's like your deepest darkest nightmares. Yeah. My dad had a two door cougar. She can't say anything not funny. Yeah. Uncle Bill's wall was so good in those gillian Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Uncle Bill's wall was yeah, so good in those Gilean Keves sketches. Oh, it's so fucking. Yeah, did Seth Simon's actually bring us Gilean Keves by default? Yes, that's a good way.

Yeah, you're actually right. He had his hand in creating it. So, yeah, thanks. This is a real fucking heel. Yeah. Thank you, Seth. It was a real fucking heel. We're trying to, he'll turn into a baby face. It's good. I may have said this on air before,

but I said before, I said the real person he fucked over ultimately is Saturday life. Like he fucked over Saturday life, he fucked over Lord Michael's. Like you know, Lord Michael's has Seth Simon's picture of the way Rocky had droggos in his mirror in Rocky IV, where he's is like we're gonna come back for season forty seven and i'm gonna destroy my enemies okay he he fucked up time and he fucked up my stuff for me he took my little sweet change for me he fucked up sheaans timeline of making some money but uh that's all he did he just affected it

he just set it back and he still got a bump actually I don't know Shane Seeing how good killing Keaves are if Shane would have got a shot at SNL They would have been they would let him cut off like that though. They wouldn't let him cut loose like that Like I said he gets to do what he wants to do which is awesome now Yeah, the new sketch the tiger woods parody is so fucking funny the pussy press conference very very very Shane's Shane's cry acting is on point. Dude guy can fucking cry. But yeah, I think it just delayed it. Yeah, that's it. I'm saying. But all that's that's only just delayed

the money that Shane's going to make. But I stand by. I go he's like, it's a weird mission every day. You're not doing it. You're just making fodder. Like he's not changing anything in the world. The internet benefits that now. Like people, you see people who like have just learned how to make money off becoming internet villains. Cause they, you know, they do all this fucking dumb shit. And then people are like, I want to see what else they're going to do.

That's dumb. Then they charge people to watch them do dumb shit. But it's just like, it's why we're boring. Because we're just like, hey, let's just be funny on our radio show and podcasts and people are like, you have to be funny. One thing about this job is like, you have to be funny within parameters of certain things to a degree. You know, I mean, like, my parameters and legion of skanks are much Looser than they are here because like I mean do like stuff like legion skanks isn't a show of like nudity and fucking like you know like sDR shows like that sometimes, but it's like it's not really like a

A filthy show like that. It's just ridiculous Yeah, you know, I mean, so it's like you always say it's because Jacob so corporate Jacob Like sorry Got caught the big wigs say guys brass is riding me you guys are really coming out of pocket And word saying nice guy Words saying nice guy He's your neighbor. He's the nicest Andy says the N word uncomfortably He's the Edward using During Pete Holmes

And then it's either created by no created by J. O. Crescent set-time into dance You see that credit you're're like, oh my God. I'm wondering what he's doing. He didn't even want it, but I just wanted to give him a piece. And honestly, it's paying for his bird farm and wherever the hell he lives. He deserves his piece, I guess. He did name me.

The N word using nice guy. That's great. Yeah, very funny. Back to the Maryland Manson thing. Charges up in New Hampshire. I didn't know you're the rest evil, but apparently you can you can What do you think of you just like if his hands turned like phantom hands and stuff? Do the things when he was like how are you going to do that with a snakes? Handsome cups are snakes

with the handcuffs or snakes. How are you going to arrest me? I was like, oh no, Maryland is so spooky. He's summoning his powers of darkness. Ooh. That's what I'm saying. My handcuffs or snakes. Guildford Police Department has an active arrest warrant for Brian Hugh Warner, a.k.a.

Environmental Nanson. For two counts of Class A, Mr. Meanor's simple assault, stemming from a 2019 incident at the Bank of New Hampshire Pavilion, the alleged assaults involved a videographer, Mr. Warner, his agent, and legal counsel have been aware. Oh, so same thing as Josh Hommie.

Oh, wait, no, is this the one where he put his nuts on the guy's head? Has been. Or he kicked them. The alleged assaults are not sexual nature as has been asked by several media outlets to do a number of the other allegations so it's a different thing he's kicked him was it kicked I don't know is it because if so dude you know I got it when was it I was in 20 19 you

probably find a YouTube video of that of Marilyn Manson just kicking a photographer a photog as we look at all of them now well some of us something You're probably find a YouTube video of that. Of Marilyn Manson just kicking a photographer, a photo as we look at all of them now. Well, someone sent me this way, because they thought it was new, I think, but the video of Marilyn Manson kicking John Fival on stage and they fight, there's such dorks. They're both such like musician white guys

and not tough guys at all, that like his kick is ridiculous the way they fight, it's like very like. They're theater kids. they're theater kids it's theater kids yeah yeah yeah it really takes the cool because it's cool is so cool in a different way that you like no don't don't do that man that's not your grace your grace isn't there yeah that's what the I'm trying to do a joke about how I used to be afraid of heavy metal music when I was a kid and then you grow up and you see that they're all just like black fingernail polish wearing art artists dorks. I love Satan.

You know, when I was like six, I was like, they're into the dark arts. And now I'm like, you guys are fucking nerds. We both. We sat. We sat around on stage talking about how you dance with the devil. You fucking by that jack in anywhere. I talk to Satan. Oh, no shirt.

So those shirts are wearing have haines tags on them. Yeah, we'll tell Satan. He's gay. Yeah, you're such a fruit. He's like, I am. So what if I am? And you're like, that's fun. That's fun.

Well, it looks like, yeah, I mean, I bet it will be settled if they're trying to get an arrest warrant. What is it? They're gonna ship them to New Hampshire. Maryland. Sorry. You got to go all the way to New Hampshire. We got to. I'm up here. I'd like to see the Ben and Jerry's factory. That's my Johnny that. That's the way it works. Helping with them. Honestly, I've missed you dusting off the old depth You got that voice. Yeah, we got a finish sixth and jump

We have to put my friend Marilyn Manson probably wouldn't do that But you know who knows what to believe him more did that girl do do in my bed? I don't know I don't know I don't know a lot about satanic assaults, but I do know that man and man's innocent We got to get a we got a Sixth and jump because I still have a water bottle It is it's a perfect Johnny Depp Yeah, well, I hope that goes I hope that N word gets his restitution on Marilyn Manson It's the nice guys as the N word gets his restitution on Marilyn Manson. It's the nice guess is the N word.

Edward, he's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's the N word. No clue if the security guard's black or not. Yeah, it's actually a white guy. Well, if it's a good security guard, it's a black guy. Whoa, or Russian. Yeah, they're good. Did they get a little, they're, they're, they're chippy. The Russian ones, they get a little too wired up. Like black guys have, black guys have a smooth confidence about the situation. That's not, uh, it didn't seem always ready to fight. See, oh, think of big daddy and shack and all those guys, Calvin, those guys, like they're, they're hot when they get hop, but for the most part, especially with

the situation where they're like, I'm going gonna hurt somebody. They're like just move on You know, I mean very calm the white guys historically have said fib a little more like what's up Motherfucker about it. They're like you want to put your problem with me Maybe I tear out your other suck it and fuck you to death and they're like whoa Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Starting off in the black in the black comedy circuit man I got to say like the the bouncers and door guys and the club were always like the nicest guys to me

and I always got along with great, which was fantastic. That pages of how you came up with the character of the N-word saying nice guy. Oh yeah, yeah. To walk us through that process. Yeah, there was three security guards, particularly I remember.

I don't know how many eighths of people that is but uh it's the nice guys It's the you see you're like Larry David and then we're gonna cast Pete Holmes and then he'll be like your Jason Alexander That will bring your character to the stage and then eventually we'll just do a curb Yeah, it's the tattoos. I don't have the long term like ability that a Pete Holmes will have for this role. But I'll tell you, once we do like, you know, eight or nine, once we go fucking Chuck Lore on these bitches, fucking seasons, and I got some weird money. I got like, I'm buying Jacob chicken plants just because he feels like it on a weekend, you know, and

he's a miniature Colorado. And he wants to look, you know, then, then we'll switch it over to more like a curb style where it actually will be you got you. Okay. Yeah. I'm okay with that long term, as long as as long as a plan in place, absolutely wouldn't go down that road without one. You know, I'm G to G. You know, one of my other only impressions I do, Dan. What is what the hell is his name remember a puck and What was the Hispanic guy on the seas Pedro and Pedro that's my other was his Pedro complaining

about puck Putting his finger in his peanut butter. You ready? Yeah But you pull your finger my peanut butter and you know that I have hates That's all good Thank you. Thank you. Buck. I'll give you an encore Buck you pull your finger my peanut butter and you know I have hates That's that's I like that was a little bit more of a flare on that one and I really enjoyed it Yeah, really enjoyed

of a flare on that one and I really enjoyed it. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Quates. Quates. I'm thinking my peanut butter is also the peanut butter. Peanut butter. Listen, Johnny Depp and your your Charles Manson. How much of a sentence? Fictitious. I'm just doing like a cartoony version. I don't even know what he sounds like. Stop it. Stop taking away the credit. This is why you're breaking us up. Kill. Kill. Stop. You're a nice guy.

You're just a nice guy. Remember that. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy using the yen word. He's a nice guy using it. He's using it. Yes, Jacob? No, I was saying about getting back in shape

from my return to new york i am uh... legitimately do like have anxiety come to come back been away so long weird uh... one of the few things i'm looking for to those the key key key key code blanket uh... we've been holding on to how you all that's it the bottom of my goals cage that'll be easy for me to get out of it. If you're not actually to get back, why don't you just like tough? Why don't you tough mudder your entire way back? Oh my god,

Jay, that's what you did. I done. No, no, you haven't done it. You haven't tough water from Florida to New York. Never stop muttering except to sleep and eat. Besides that, you're muttering. I'm talking about miles under barbed wire crawling on your belly. 75 at least walls to climb. You're like a real thing, yeah. Tough mother, you're all way back. I'll tell you what, we can get your sponsors.

I bet we can get sponsorship. We get sponsored. You're a tough mother back to New York. I think that'd be so fun. And then when he dies in Virginia. We have to be weird about it Okay, I'm gonna tell you that I don't have that kind of negativity in regards to this Jacob I think you're capable of anything. I think you run like the wind. I think you could tough mudder your way back from New York Back to New York from whereverville Florida you're at from New York back to New York from whereverville Florida you're at.

I want to see by the way the Florida stuff's going to be fun. We're going to make you do like you're going to like jump on crocodile heads like pitfall to get across lakes and shit. That'd be so. Yeah. Yeah. You do a boy whip will descend you that episode of intervention. You can watch how to bowl whip. Yeah, there's a guy from intervention.

There's a bullet damn nothing come back full circle, Dan, but also. I was telling about an invention. We went off trail when I was talking about the dad Who's the alcoholic? Yeah, I this is a good comeback so we didn't finish it And I thought as soon as Isabella said when we were watching this intervention episode with an alcoholic We were but we were both saying I was like the alcohol ones are never that fun They don't do is crazy shit as a bell is like yeah, I don't like the stuff they do. Like, they don't do as fun crazy stuff as the drug people. And as soon as she said that, this guy had to call his ex-wife and daughter who's like an adult. She's like in early 20s to come pick him up because

he just realized that he shit his pants while he was on the phone. And he's just sitting on the thing, sitting in the end style with shit running down his leg and he's like, he's drinking a beer still, he's going, I'm so embarrassed. And then he's like, but he's fighting in the keep his beer in his hand, then they get him home and they hose him down like fucking, like a fucking, like a rat.

They just hose him down like, and they, and they're laughing at him and he's trying to kind of laugh at it but he's super it's just like so all I was like damn it was like one of the most it was the only one ever that I was nothing like whenever but that was one for sure where I was like yo is this guy possibly gonna come back from like no he came back he looks like a different human being he came back Fucking guns, but he was great. Yeah, he's looks like a different person all around so he quit bootie quit beer And then he was quit it. Yeah, he's back He was still in the rehab whatever but he said he's been sober since 2019, but like yeah, he was

He's a real success story, but I mean he looks like a different to be a little like goofball like wearing like little boy clothes And then it's like it turns out He's actually like a tall guy who dresses like a like an old Navy catalog Like almost dapper sort of you know, I mean like what the fuck? Yeah, that's always weird, you know like when alcoholics get it together and they start like taking care of themselves It's fun to see It's why I was always bummed my dad never fucking kicked it before he died because I would have loved to Seen pull it to gear it pull it together Gary. I think you would have had to get into God my dad would have had to get into God

If you would have found that would have fucking suck to I know I know if you have a lot of people I was gonna say it sucks less than him being gone Well, it's better than him catching hepsy from some bar fluszy and then fucking turning it into cirrhosis Well, yeah listen on your life you're right, but in his life story, that's actually way more fucking right. What? It's the way to say it. Yeah, yeah. Depends who's writing the book, you know what I mean?

If you're writing the book, he's a fucking jag-off for that. But if he's writing the book, you can make that sound and he goes, because I tell you what, somewhere in the city goes, he goes, fucking hip-seagus. Good pussy though. I mean, almost suck my asshole through my dick how hard she was pulling. He goes, I thought though. I mean, almost suck my asshole through my dick. How hard she was pulling.

He goes, I thought she was gonna suck my soul into her youth. But he, yeah, dude, and also that moment, when she's like, Gary, I gotta tell you something. I have hepatitis C and he's rolling off the condom and he goes, hepatitis C later. I don't give a shit. Let's get into it. Let's get mad at him.

What do you mean to do? Turn down good pussy just because there's a bag of shit hanging in their face. God she rules. You'll never turn down good pussy for that. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM.