The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Phantom Poop

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

Down in Austin, Jay samples all of the culinary delights as Luis J Gomez gets heavier. Bob's family is falling apart because of a phantom excretion. Bobby had constipation and he believes that he finally overcame it but has no evidence to prove it. He places blame on his wife and child for possibly stealing the poop. Bob calls his wife Dawn to accuse her and that's when it hits the fan. Enjoy this new episode that has never aired as a podcast! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Yo. Damn, these guys were pissed. These were the Leslie Jones of the 90s. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, dude. Onyx, how do I describe Onyx? It's like if Leslie Jones was four bald black rappers.

You see a trash, Tony? Oh, she was, it wasn't just Tony. It was going to cross the board, I guess, shock comedy that I guess she doesn't understand that she does also. I want to hear your incident first, though. I know we it's so funny you have your pothead by proxy I really am like because you also forgot that subject we could have just we would went the rest of the show and never got to your instant impossible yeah probably not something happened to me great weekend Halloween was great Saturday show

Emmanuel's theater have you played that yet what Emmanuel's theater in a manus Emmaus is that how you say it yeah no you should you love it it's a great great town but the The theater's such a fucking, I was a little nervous because I was outside before the show and a fucking train. He was going to be there on New Year's Eve. Who? Raymond the Amish comic.

Go back to that. Raymond the Amish comic. Oh, really? I opened for him at the Italian Villa East Comedy Club out and thing. He had an audience. Very nice guy. He does dirty comedy and it was the first pair of tits I ever signed to my life was in the audience from that crowd.

I opened for him, yeah. That's funny. Shit gig. I'd check him out. This place is great. people there love all of us which is when you go to a club and they they love us as like a group of comics it's just they they treat i can't they just so not everybody was just accommodating i i don told them like bobby's not going to have c just wants gatorade zero but max is coming so

you can have snacks snacks they had it looked like a fucking deli counter it had cupcakes full size every candy bar they just laid it out for this kid and it's so funny because he didn't eat really any of it he got in the car and he just like an alcoholic had a trash bag he got it all he went and got the trash bag from the trash can and just brought it all home which i respected he goes dad i got snacks for the ride home it's pretty gangster over all it's pretty gangster went to bacon fest before in uh the town there's a town uh like 20 minutes before it they have a bacon festival why because it's bacon there's only one kind what do you mean there's only one kind you can only make a festival on the one thing.

Apparently, like pepper bacon. You've never had bacon canoli? I would never in a million years. Well, I did. I know you did, and I bet it was probably good

in its own way. I understand the concept. I said this at Voodoo Donut this weekend in Austin. I hate it. I get the concept of bacon with chocolate and sweet. I get the salty and sweet.

But not fatty meat and chocolate. That's what it is. It's what the salty is, I can't do. A bacon canoli is good for one bite. And then you have to toss it. And then you realize you're eating baking.

The bacon and fucking cheese and chips and so... The bacon maple ice cream, they had real bacon in it. After a couple bites, it was like little foreskins inside that. Which grossed me out a little bit. Yeah, that's it. Oh, fuck. I'm telling you, the first bite and a half, you're like, this is the best thing you've ever eaten. But I did have the burger there.

It's called the 50-50. They only make it for Bacon Fest. 50% bacon, 50% hamburger was the best burger I've ever had in my life. Was the best burger I've ever had. There's a burger that's here in the city right now in Soho. You should check you out because I had it in Austin.

Owners a fan of our group of people. You know, it's like all the whole world with Tony and all those guys. Yeah, which I love. But he owns sushi by scratch here in New York and Flatiron, which is like a high-end place. and this guy will not have it with us paying. Really? Which was nice.

Because I took everybody for burgers to the thing. But Lewis went there the first night and came back. He was like, you know, that burger was insane. And then I was like, I'm sure it's fine. And then he brought them over to the mothership. And I shared one with him, which was his second and a half burger. I love that Lewis is getting fat again. He's not going to make Skagfest, not fat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a damn chance burger. It was so, and the fries are made in beef tallow. Ooh, dude. And they sell two things. This burger. It's that burger and then like a kid's one maybe. You go to the menu.

It's like four things. Yeah, kids burger, regular fries and then beast mode fries, which are with their, like, it's just shit all over, like relish and shit on the front. It's so. I don't like shit on my fries. I don't really care for you that, but they were surprisingly great. Those fries like bomb.

Dude, the 50-50 burger, I was a little like whatever. It was the juiciest, tastiest burger. It was on an, had fried onions on top, which I'm not really a fan of. Cheese, just fried onion, no cheese. Little sauce, they had a little sauce that was on it. And an onion bun with fried onions that were, like, cooked on the top. Yeah. Incredible.

Nice. incredible incredible but my incident is this and I don't know if you've had this problem I haven't shit in three days what

that's not the incident that's part of the it makes perfect sense soda had that happen when there was some time with soda during the show he was like he had like it was like day six of not shitting it was a thing yeah well I'm on maybe it's that chair

but you're eating bacon canoles buddy I was easy you up i was eating i ate whatever i wanted that day at bacon fast they ate a lot of bacon maybe your body needed it so maybe your body needed it that it's absorbed everything perfectly but i i i didn't you are now 8% bacon canole is my new nickname bacon canola more human than human when you said bacon canoli i thought it was a regular canoli and it had bacon bits in the cream the actual shell is bacon can i be honest with that that actually makes more sense to me though that i would

try that before bits of bacon probably in a canoly. I would try because it's a whole different thing. And then I saw one that was a good idea, baking canolaic. See, again, are you sure you're not talking about, it's called a bacon, but one of the things she just had up there, it was bacon.

That's what I had. Yeah, but the filling was not canola. It wasn't canoli cheese. It was, I ate it. It was hollip, but one of them says it's jalapeno like popper filling. No, no, no, no. It was canoli filling. Fresh fresh canoli filling yuck

fresh canoli filling which was creamy and sweet and a piece of bacon wrapped that was the shell and it was good for a bite and a half and then you're like this is I'm going to die

I'm just going to die and it was after I ate all the burger and the ice cream so that might have had something to do with it it could have in hindsight

so I didn't shit I didn't shit Friday I didn't shit It's Saturday. Okay. Sunday's coming along, still not pooping. A Patriots, too. I don't know.

I didn't, I didn't, because I was sick. Well, Sunday, I was upset. My stomach was upset. I'm like, oh, it's the bacon. But I'm like, oh, I haven't pooed. So Don made me some kid poo drink. Duke tea? She made me Duke smoothie.

She made me a Dukey smoothie. A Duke smoothie? She made me a dokey smoothie, which fucked me up worse for some reason. Couldn't shit still. It just, yeah, that started happening When my stomach was just talking And I was hurting The smoothed was just castor oil and fucking butter

And I started getting really sick and hurting And then I went into the bathroom I'm like, I got to try And I went in, I sat there And nothing was coming out I was trying Nothing came out My stomach was hurting

Were you doing things? Did you start like leaning forward And really trying to mush? I had the squatty potty. Did you do the thing where you pull each ass cheek individually open and let the seat then do the work to make your asshole be really, really far open? Yes, Black Lou, a question?

Do the thing where you sometimes spray the water from the bidet up your ass to loosen it up? I didn't. I haven't done that yet, but I've thought of doing that. It works. I've done all the above. Yeah, you kind of, you ever see when they mine the side of the mountain with the hose?

Yeah. That's what it's doing. It usually gets up in there. I get the cons. I think I'd like to try it. You got to learn to open your asshole, though, like a dolphin. I know. I don't open my asshole, Bobby.

All right, I'm just saying, you've got to have asshole control. You come at me, weird. Right now. You know that I can control my asses. My asshole right now, as we speak, is wide open. And wait, wait, wait, wait, it's closed. Wait, I can't do that. But I can do this.

It's winking right now. Look at it right now. Open. It's open. You're holding it open? It's closed. All, hang on it. It's open.

Hang on It's closed Okay, right? It's open Oh, no There you go Okay Now it's closed

Now I'm doing the thing again Where I can't go Like I bet if you saw my ass right now It'll be going like Blu-Bee-W Like sucking in Yeah Mine is I can do it

But here's the thing I did that I used the bidet The Squatty potty I rub my stomach In Clockwise Counter-clockwise

I did all the shit tricks I've never heard of A Clockwise Or counterclockwise Making a difference Yeah when you rub you kind of rubbing your intestines trying to mush it down it still hasn't happened you haven't so no what happened was so then i'm like it's not happening i'm bummed out i just go

lie in bed on my side because i'm so i'm in pain dawn comes in she goes man i just took the biggest shit no she goes you all right i go i can't shit i can't i need to take a shit i can't and she goes in the bathroom she goes you shit i go i didn't shit, honey. I can't. I have to. She goes, there's shit in the toilet. You shit. And then she flushes it. She goes, you pooed. I go, I didn't shit.

She goes, you did? I didn't shit. I go, Max. Did you shit? He goes, no. She goes, you shit. I go, I know when I shit, honey. We got into this big fight. She's like, there was shit in the toilet. I go, I didn't

shit. I know when shit comes out of my asshole. I did not shit. I have to shit. It sucks to have a person you're supposed to be attracted to. We got in a big fight. She's insisting that I shit and there was poop in the toilet. When I know I was there for 20 minutes trying to push. I know when shit comes out of my ass. Sure.

No shit came out. Nothing relieved the pain. I felt nothing come out. I did all I could do. So she tried the placebo affect you and just let you think you shit. I don't. Like now I'm at the point where I'm like, am I at that stage of life where you can't tell? I don't know if I shit or not.

Like now I'm fucked up. You didn't hear plops or anything? No plops. No feeling, no nothing. So I'm like, I know when I shit, I've shit a lot in my life. And there was nothing. Nothing came out. And she insists.

Call it right now. Insists. I'd like to call her. I like to the bottom of this. Insists that I shit. And I'm at the point. So are you having an awkward thing where you're like, I'm living with a liar who looks at me right in the face

and lies about my own turds? It's like you're either lying to me or you took a shit or somebody shit in the house. I didn't shit. I didn't. I didn't shit. And it was how long was it from you getting up? Five minutes, not even.

Five minutes later after you were in the bathroom. In the bed, lying on my side. Only five minutes. In pain. In pain. what's up give the phone to your mom please I've got to talk to her really important

I don't know what her motivation would be Dawn I'm having a problem You're on a radio show on the bonfire She's on your radio show You're on my radio show With Big J. Ocasin Is this appropriate or inappropriate

I just got to ask you a question I need you to answer me honestly Do I have to turn the volume? Yes, you do. You have to put me on regular. Yes, but he can still hear. Turn the volume down. I know, turn the volume down.

Okay, go ahead. Dawn, I didn't shit. And you're saying that I shit. You did. Dawn, I have to have you be honest with me. Did you shit and not flush? And then I came in and shit? What?

I did not. I mean, I came in and went to, tried a shit. Like, did you leave a shit? You just think you sat over her shit? Did I sit? You were lying in the bed. Yes. It smelled in the bathroom and I was like, puke. And I looked in the toilet and there was poop in there.

Was it from you, though, earlier that day? No, it wasn't from me. But Dawn, I... Maybe Max. So I flushed it. How could you forget you into the bathroom, Bobby? Are you taking her side? No, I'm just asking how it's an impossibility.

It's an impossibility that I, And I, I know I didn't shit. It's not funny. Like I, I, you went to the bathroom. Did you prove this? Did you prove this, did you prove us? Did you go to the bathroom? Did you go, Bobby, and wipe your ass right after to prove it?

I didn't wipe, I didn't wipe my ass, Jay, because there was no shit. Did you bidet? It was toilet paper in there. There was toilet paper in there. You didn't even know, remember you, you wiped her ass. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, knows how to use the toilet and wipes her own butt. That's condescending. She's doing that.

It's very condescending, and that's, I'm trying to get, I'm trying to really deal with this with you. You shit if you didn't remember shitting. How do I forget to, I don't know, but that's concerning. What did the shit? Can I ask you a question and this is serious? I'm not being joking.

Bobby, I cannot hitch my wagon to you on this show for years if you are losing your mind enough to not know when you shit or not. I didn't shit, Jay. I didn't shit. This show's got a 10-year plan. Buddy, what is, what is, what? What did the, was the shit, what did it look like? Was it little?

It looked like, let me guess, brown? It looked like small snakes in the toilet. Oh, Bob, you take little girl shits? Now we know that. Bobby takes girl shits. Small snakes, like what type of, like a garden snake? It's because you're tight ass. It's because that tight asses of the girls always yell out the windows about.

Dawn, I, I swear to God I didn't shit, honey, and it's fucking me up. You did. when I shit I didn't shit I know when I shit you were in the bathroom yes correct bathroom in your bedroom bedroom after you left the bathroom you went to the bedroom yes because I was in pain into the bathroom yes I was in the bed it was shit in the toilet Bobby and I and I flushed it because who leaves shit in the toilet someone who didn't shit I didn't shit maybe I sat over your shit from earlier

Bobby do you not look in the bowl before I've never in my life accidentally sat on someone else's unflushed ball because I was in pain I knew I didn't shit I just got up kind of like this is bumming me out she said it stunk so it's not it's not hers okay I did I went to the bathroom I do not remember shitting I did not feel the shit I don't remember shitting I didn't I didn't I didn't currently have shit butt Do you have like shitty ass right now? You didn't wipe then? You did.

I wiped the water. I bidet and I tap, I just cleaned the water. There was nothing on the water. Maybe you're just so... I mean, nothing on the toilet. So maybe while you were bedaying stuff was coming out. You're little shit snakes. No, because...

Your little shitsnakes out of your little tiny tussie. I would have felt it, number one. You would have felt it. Maybe you had so much water going in your butt that you didn't feel it. I know, no, because I've gotten so uptight that your butt can't make regular people poops. Max said that happens to him sometimes when he uses the bidet. Oh, nice.

Did he shit? I couldn't feel it. It just feels like to open it up. It just opens it up and the poop comes out. Can you ask Max if it was him who shit in the toilet and left it? Max, did you poop in the toilet last night? Remember when I went in and I said, did you? No.

No one's taken to blame, Bob. Somebody broke in and shit in our house. In the five minutes that you left the bathroom. It's the same part that comes in and steals. the remote. Oh, man. She is getting you good on the air. I like this.

All right, listen. Dawn, come be third mic. I'm going to have to be, I'm going to have to talk about this later because I. Why don't you work? There's nothing more to talk about. All right.

You shit. You didn't remember. You didn't feel it. You're going crazy. How do I not? All right. Goodbye. Well, that's good.

Good. You're obviously a lunatic. Damn, Bobby. Maybe you were just so bound up that you shit, but it didn't feel better. Yeah. So you didn't register. Or maybe your but hole so loose, poops just fall out because you do so much gay stuff.

Yeah, but why would it be tight little snakes? It wasn't the satisfying one, I think. Maybe it was like, maybe, you know, someone there was like a bag of baby snakes? Like, it may be like a zillion baby snakes kind of once. No, buddy. I would have, I swear to God to you, Jay, look at me in the eyes. I swear to God of you, I did not shit. I did not feel the shit.

I felt no relief from shit. I didn't feel the shit in my bum. I used the bidet. I did every trick. And then when I... You have a bidet on hard blast, right? Hardest blast. So I'm saying that's probably

Because here's the thing, while you suck in and you push out while you bidet, right? On those pushouts, probably a couple of snakes just flew out, man. Bobby, to quote the great Richard Dreyfus, you took a shit, not the shit. That's the problem.

That was a great quote. Thank you. I just don't. I mean, not feeling at all is pretty weird. It's nuts to me that, and I, it's like, do I? Was there jalapinos or something in any of this food? Maybe if somebody was numbing your ass on the way out.

I don't think so. I had a bacon canoli. I had a 50-50 bacon half meat burger. I had bacon ice cream. Bacon bread. Throw up. It's shit bacon as far as the ice cream. If I'm going to shit, I'm going to feel that.

Oh, the canola you're going to feel. That's probably still whole. Yeah. That's coming out just like that. Oh, God. Yeah. Except those are chocolate chips. Yeah.

I mean, it's just, it's baffling to me. Either I'm, either I shit and I didn't know I shit and I forgot that I shit, which is scary to me. because that means I shit and forgot it. You have dementia. What did you say? You have dementia. I think this is the beginning of the end of your family. It's so unsexy.

I think we're witnessing the very beginning of your family starting to slowly unravel as everyone keeps blaming you. Now, here's the other thing, Bobby. I didn't want to say this when she was on the phone. Okay. Okay, because I'm afraid of her, too. She's from Boston.

She said she could fight. Yes, she can. So I think I'd beat her up. You would. But it would be a fight. Yeah, yeah. Definitely be a fight. Yeah, I don't want to even have to explain a black eye

and a fight that I won as a chick did it. Yeah, and you don't want to be like, what happened to your eye? Oh, Don punched me in the face. Don fucking slugging me. Why don't even a patch of hair missing off your pubes? Oh, Don, rip them out. Just grab the fused. She's dead, but she still has a fist of your pubs.

Dude, grabbing a guy by his fucking top dick fucking pubs and holding him hostage is funny as hell. Like, ha! Ha! Ha! What are you going to say? She's... Maybe she's trying to...

Make me go crazy. Make me go crazy. She might be taking shits and then saying it's you because you want you to lose your fucking mind. She might have not even seen the shit and said you did shit because she... I'll tell you what Don doesn't like.

She hates more than anything. Weakness. In men. She hates it. She hates it. She hates it. She's from the 80s. Her, you know, all of brothers...

That's the one thing that drives up Jacobs. pussy too. Weakness in men. She hates it. When I get sick, she doesn't want to fucking... I remember I yelled at her one night because I was puking really bad. I had the flu. I was dying in the bathroom and she was just in the bed. And I went, Dawn. She's like, what?

I go, are you going to ask if I'm okay or coming? She goes, you good? I went, no. I go, come and rub my back. She goes, why? You're puking. Well, don't you also remember just moments ago when she called you a liar

and then also at the very end of it when you were down and feeling already pretty low about yourself trying to come to grips with the fact that maybe you forgot you shit not five minutes before you finished shitting or five minutes after you finished shitting and then came in there and goes oh it's probably where you lose the remote also you dumb fuck

she really doubled down she'll really put her boot on your neck on the end of that there one man that'd be funny if I did have a remote in my ass and that's why I'm not That's where the remote's at. He goes, hon, two problems solved. Got the remote.

Anyways, I don't know what to do about it. And I'm a little, like, I can't, I fought about it. I don't want to be like, fuck. Old Bobby would have been like, go fuck yourself. I didn't shit. Go, fuck off. You're lying. You still feel like you have to shit really.

But I just, I, well, I. You feel a little relief? A little bit today. I had another shake, one of those awful shakes. Yeah, well, it's because you shit a little yesterday No, I didn't, I didn't Your entire family tells me Yeah, but somebody's lying in my house

Bobby, you understand As your friend, I'm here to take your side I want to be on your side You should be on my side But when your entire family is showing Nonstop evidence that you are slowly But surely losing your mind, Bruce Willis style It's up to me, your friend to keep you in line

Bobby, you shit What about my friend who sticks by me and goes it was one of them who forgot. No, I'll be that guy. It's fucking Max. Your son's a goddamn criminal. You don't think Dawn might have shit

and not flushed? Well, let me tell you this. I mean either. Let me tell you. That's absolutely right. Let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. Yes.

Little snake shits? It's pretty girly. It's not Max. It's not Max. Because Max shits out boots. Yeah, yeah. Remember, yeah. They all have like, they're like Tetris blocks

that's by they never go down, Dude, his shits are fucking... Not one of them are lines. They're all like fucking their isosceles triangle. One of his shits this summer came out of the toilet bowl onto the seat. Nice. That's how big it was.

I like that. It's an ooh, but it's also like, holy, wow, that's fucking badass. Nope, it's exclusively ew. Less protein. It's very impressive. You got to stop giving your son protein shakes. He's 12. I got to stop having him hang out with older men.

Max, make us both a weigh protein. drink. Yep. Well, I don't know, dude. I'm baffled. I'm baffled. Legitimately. Not for the bit, not for anything. I am not doing this to have something. It's, I didn't shit, and she's saying I took a shit and she saw it, but yet no evidence of the shit. Why, when I say I didn't shit, would she flush it? She was already in the action of flush it? Why, if you, I think you're honest. She don't want to smell it anymore. It's disgusting. Yeah, that, that plays in, that, that's, see that that plays into like what jay said which is a good theory if we're going to go with a theory here she's trying to make me go crazy she's trying to get me to think that i'm a

fucking moron i'm losing my mind to weaken me to weaken my arguments to weaken my manhood and take your money and and just be the guy who shits and doesn't know it and i maybe so every argument now did she says you did it i'd be like maybe i did because i don't know when i shit Why would I know where I put my car keys? I think it's a long game. It's like China. It's a long game. And maybe she's playing it to fucking weaken me to make me feel like I'm not what I was.

What are you laughing at, dude? Did you draw a theory? How have you not shit for? I think she's, listen, the next working theory to you forgot that you shit is that Dawn is doing a complete. thought-out, premeditated, systematic plans to take everything from you and crush your emotion. That's correct. That's exactly what I'm saying.

That's exactly what I'm saying. That's what I am with you. Okay, great. Because somebody has to be with it. It was one of those two. Because here's the deal, Jay, if we find out, and I will find out. You should get to the bottom of this. If I get to the bottom of this and I find out that something did happen, one of them did do it.

One of them, it was her, something happened. Wouldn't this be less fun if you're not, if you could get to the bottom of this? you had ring video cameras in the house. This is why it's better, though. I'm Stalin. No, if you had them in the house, there's no fun of this. You just have a culprit right out of the gates. Let's just go to the tape.

Boo. I like solving this. Bobby May, we may watch when we go through this whole roller coaster. At the very end of it, Bobby may have come to the realization. Holy shit. I shit. Or? It's like, Jacob's Ladder.

He's like, I never left NOM. What if Don's fucking some dude? And he's like, I cannot shit. I got little snake shits. And she's like, that's fine. That's all I need. Just go in there. I'll blame him on this idiot.

Yeah. Oh, so you think she's fucking a guy who's got little snake shits? Well, she's known that I had, like, I was it Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I was like, I'm a little backed up. That's why she gave me the poop juice. Yeah. What's the, I get the poop. Why not a laxative at some point?

Because laxative, they're very bad for you. Don't galax. Well, they're very, they're very bad. Senna. Senna's natural. What's Senna. Sennac cut. Senta.

It's center roots. Like what's in. Yeah, I mean, look, what I've been doing, eating protein a lot, protein shakes, just steak. This week, I kind of... Have you thought about putting on your dookie shoes? You want to put on your, your, your, your, your dokey shoes. And dokey with you.

I don't know, bro. It's freaking me out. And it's something that I'm like... I don't understand why... You should freak you out. You're living with enemies. You're living among... You're sleeping next to an enemy.

Yeah. She's got it in for you. And I'll tell you what. She's probably doing some kind of... of weird, like poisoning you with some kind of, like, fucking at night when you fall asleep? What if the, what if the shakes she's been making me, the protein shakes actually have binding something in it? Tail as old as time, dude.

And this shake. They always do the protein shake. That little tumbler thing that you shake up your stuff in, those are made to kill husbands. Yeah. Maybe she's making me bound up, had this plant, okay, here it is. I tell her, I told her, I'm going to stay off the carbs this week, I want to really get into it. that music. I'm into it. I'm like, she's like, okay, great.

Here's my shot. He's going to do a protein shakes around two or three times a day. She does make me and Max a protein shake every morning, but guess what? Max is in a separate cup. Mine's in some other little smaller cup. The one that hides bleach best.

Or maybe constipation cream, if that's a thing. You're having too much liquid dairy. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, please. I'm trying to figure out of I'm sorry. I'm trying to think out of constipation cream is a thing. I just don't want to lose my thought.

Okay. Conspation cream is. Christine, look at, don't look at it. It's not a thing. Concepation is another thing. Jacob's called, so now your thing. I'm sorry. Consumation juice.

Yes. Mine was foolish. I can't be mine. It'd be like anti-dareal. Okay, maybe there's something that's hardening. Anti-diarrue? Oh, she's giving you anti-dioreal. But that doesn't make you never shit.

With the protein, the harding of the stool, she made me a steak. I had steak Big juicy steak Then I went and had bacon fest All Bobby it's too much I mean you did this to yourself Bobby your asshole

Did you say the hardening of the stool Did you call your shit stool? Yeah Yeah This is what you can get Just buy this take three Smooth smooth move I can't

I gotta come into here Bobby just take Go get it I don't want to shit my pants on the way in You're not gonna shit your pants I've almost done it a couple times Why it's sponsored by JV smooth smooth move

it's smooth you got to go in there and take a shit that was a decent that was a really I was gonna do one but it would have sounded racist so I backed out

I have to take a shit just making an African guy black right yeah dude I think maybe she maybe she planned this and then she knew and then I was gonna have a stomach thing she gave me the poop shake

not a poop shake it's actually a more constant that's why I felt I didn't feel relief I felt more pain And then I go in there. And as soon as I go lie in the bed, who comes walking? Why would you, why would you go into the bathroom first instead of coming to the bedroom?

Come to the bedroom, are you all right? She gave a reason. She said she came into the bedroom and smelled. Yeah. The bathroom smelled. I've never seen shit in a toilet and investigated. I've just flushed it immediately. Because you don't have fucking investigation in you.

I flushed it immediately because I know it's Christine's. It's only two people for possibly a bit. Yeah, it's, it's Jay. I never leave my shit in the toilet I never do too I go in I shit I flush I'm good Sometimes when you would overdo it on the wipes

It would come back up Never shit You might get a clog toilet wipes or something Or there might be some wipe But the shit's gone The shit's two flushes before That's true See now see that

Yeah that's you break somebody down with fact I need to break Don down With that type of fact Don's not as damaged as me. You can't do that. You can't do that. You're doing a lot of somersaults to not be wrong, though.

All women are damaged. You're certainly flipping and twirling around to not just go, oh, maybe I shit. Could you find yourself admitting that if you have zero recollection of it? Zero, and that's the fucking problem. You don't think that if I had a little poop come out or felt a little something, I'd be like,

oh, wow, a nugget. Oh, thank God, something's starting to happen. something oh speaking of i forget to tell you we don't have to do it today what there is a new phara abraham shitting video you could find no there's not no she shit again i can't it's gonna make me jealous i know this what made me think of it oh look at that long what if that helps me shit no here's the thing it's not i will tell you a lot like a lot of things the sequel's not as good it's not the carnival game that she did before the original one She knocked down the clown?

The two straight foot of shit is always going to be the keeper here. This is a masturbation video from like a shot from like it's on the floor. And when she starts for the last minute while she's coming, her asshole keeps puckering up. And then she shits a couple little shits on the floor or phone and then picks up the phone. And then what's funny about is she stays in the character of like, you know, trying to make somebody turned on who's, who was buying this from her and she's just like oh my God I just shit on my phone

it's like what that's what's gonna happen now every time I come I'm gonna shit on my phone and then she has to go anyway I go to parent teacher conferences so I'll see you guys see you later horn dogs

I unfortunately had to film I had to I actually filmed a shit video today on the subway oh track oh yeah we get to it tomorrow but live

oh yeah I mean in the broad daylight on the out Well, don't show it. Don't show us because I want to see it fresh tomorrow. That's so funny. Bobby, this guy had no problem shitting. Oh, of course they don't.

He's eating rats. He's eating rats in fucking liquor. Yeah, there's no bacon in that. Nobody ever lied to everyone. Everyone said yes, you shit. Bobby likes to this guy. Bobby would try rat bacon. This is rat bacon.

I'm just saying if, you know, I know everybody listening is going to be like, you shit, fuck him, you shit, she's right. Well, I don't know if they're going to be that. Fuck him. He's shit. Fuck him. But what if I didn't, and what if there's something more nefarious going on? I think I get to the bottom of it.

Yeah. I don't think you should let it go. Until you have a jarring memory of going, oh, my God, something's happening. My brain, I need some fucking, some products from on it, maybe, some alpha brain or mega brain. Some Joe Rogan products? Yeah, yeah. Joe Rogan, if you're listening. And I have, no, you don't need to do that.

I have my own thing. I'm my own boss now. So I go out there and I build my team of Joe Rogan people who have Joe Rogan supplements. and then those people build their teams and on and on and on. Pyramid-esque, if I describe it in a shape? Yeah. So, hey, let me take a sip of my body, bring coffee.

God, put a couple of shills. What were you saying? What's that Jacob of Reebok? Jay, what were you saying about starting your own pyramid scheme? You've got to take a sip of this. Hang on. I feel my tea going up right now. Oh, my God, you're your own boss.

Look at you drink that, your own boss. I'd have to shit right now. really funny if it wasn't multi-level marketing programming is getting us all the seller I have I really am I am my own we really do work for Lewis we're herbalifing I am my own boss of body brain coffee

because I sell you this for selling it and I haven't made a dime yet and I figure that's because we're waiting for the company to get in the red you know what I mean uh all right Jacob what's that you want to stick your finger on my button swirled around so you can loosen up Bobby's dookies

show me how you're going to do it show me how you're going to do it look Bobby look at that that's going to loosen your dokeys I'd love to have that little finger in my butt The scraper Yeah Well get the pills Bobby We'll be back

We'll be back tomorrow Oh Bobby Also I want to show you what I brought today Oh what did you bring Just in case things You know went a little Haywire Gotta make sure I always have

Is it a dildo gun? Nope You got it My little mega babe You're mega babe Oh you're my mega babe I wonder if I put that in my ass It would help me shit

it might yeah all right no we gotta go we gotta go god damn we'll get you guys tomorrow on the bonfire welcome back to the week