The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Quarantine Tapes (Parts 1-4)

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

Dan & Jay are recording at Jay's apartment after New York City goes on lock down. Jay explains what counts as having seen bush. Everyone is grateful to be quarantined in the age of the internet.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O. Kerson. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th to 8 pm on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XM app.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Hey everyone, it's Jacob and welcome to the bonfires best of the week. New York City might be in lockdown. Big J and Dan might not be able to make it to the Series XM studios to broadcast, but that didn't stop them from getting the bonfire to the people. And so they began the quarantine tapes. What's weird about Tuesday was I don't think we thought it would be our last live show for that you know what I mean? I was not a Tuesday I was not friends well.

No we did. Tuesday I was in Fresno. Wednesday is when I started to get like me and Finoria going up to work or like nervous and then and then got ourselves like, we're doing the thing that you're doing. Probably worst case scenario for me is I get sick for a little bit. And be back in a week or two weeks whatever. And then Becky Rodriguez walked up and just gloom and doom. She's going to's gonna get she is the perfect like dead paying face and everyone's gonna get it by the end I was like I'm not taking I'm not taking all the medical advice from a purple

person purple bags I purple hair currently I'm also not doing a medical I'm I don't know any that's the scarlet letter of don't tell me medical advice I'm not gonna even if I was at a medical office in a woman with purple hair was like the test results back I go give it to someone with fair hair. I certainly wouldn't pretend it. Poor or black? Black or fair? I will not listen to one of these odd colored hair. I certainly wouldn't pretend to know anything I don't I'm not saying she's pretending I was saying like I'm just saying like I'm actually not reading a ton and just kind of following the

instructions because the more you read, you're just exactly. Like you said before, it'll scar your lungs, you're dead. Oh, it says your mom thinks you're gay. I'm trying to read everything because the thing that is comforting about reading stuff is that there is a lot of conflicting information and I know it's weird that that's comforting but it's like when you hear really bad things you might read something else that conflicts that

Information so we are kind of saying these things like we don't know is Rude Jude the all out The other rude Jews think the real housewives podcast is saying that this thing can't be transferred person to person so yeah They're fine we put out the 40 and that's coming from candy and I can't remember the other ones name mr. Sass Everybody's demeanor on Tuesday We did the pre-tap in the live show and we're all kind of like fine and live in life and Wednesday even on Wednesday last week We were still trying to figure out like we hadn't canceled skankfest yet. We were still trying to figure out like

Okay, what are the laws, what's the permanent events? Let's give it till Friday and then by mid-day Thursday, we were almost like, okay, we got to cancel this and it was like everything spun out from there. And over the weekend, I mean, they are recommending like 50 or more now. And it just seems like really, I'm like, oh, the best thing is just to kind of stay away from each other not let this spread and let it contain so they can spread out who needs to go to the hospitals. And I'm like, it's like maybe the universe knew we all needed a little bit of a break. Like I don't know. It is it is a thing of enjoying the rest. Yeah, for sure. Everyone's going to be Sean Murphy who is featured for M&DC was like, man, those shows when this thing is lifted,

those first couple weeks of shows are going to be insane of people being like, yeah, I mean, and I do feel like we're lucky in New York is that, you know, I know all the small businesses are going, like going through a really hard time right now, having to shut down, I'm sure things will be figured out. Otherwise, like everybody's just going to be out on the street. So it's like there's going to be there's going to have to be something figured out but also the get to the at the bonfire SXM on Twitter and vote on our poll should Dan go get his go back and weaponry. Weaponry just didn't go weapon up. Yeah, do I got to go level up? I feel so thankful to live in New York because I think that these smaller clubs,

a small cabaret, a small music venues venues are gonna pick up again and be lively again before the huge arenas. And so that it is important to just kind of like hang with friends and- But the arenas are gonna fall off. When I walk over to Skanks, I may take my bow staff with me. Just because I walk the streets as a bow staff guy now.

Do it. I really should. Do it. You guys think your pop-up stuff is yet? I gotta do it. You guys are walking over here unarmed Dude, I really should walk over there at my boss. Yes, 100% walk over there with your boss there. Where's our buck knife? Huh, where's our knife? It's here. Okay. Yeah, I got mine. I'll go get my Rambo blade

I'm telling you I'm going off this pole if it goes 50% under I stay unarmed It goes over I'm getting out of this I'm getting back to Queens. I'm getting my stuff. But if they vote, the don't go get them, just know that your chick's place has to have like you can become like the baddest ass dude with kitchen knives. Very happy. I don't fight my nails anymore. I still have to keep my fingers on my mouth because I very instinctually still do that. Yeah, my thumb is a grown adult That's a big problem. I'd step brothers who suck their thumb and team well on the teams really my ex-girlfriend also used to She's a sucker thumb and rub a piece of string. She called her silky Parents like would make fun of it about I go I go, I don't know, talking about

she got to hit it for me, and then when we live together, dude, I mean, the real like, like the finger open and go, you're the hook, the finger open and rubbing a piece of ribbon, I'm like, I think I might be doing a special needs person. That's a person where you witness a trauma that sends you back to that. You know what I mean? That's a person where you witness a trauma that sends you back to that You know what I mean that jump starts like a trauma jump starts you just sucking your thumb being like you guys will be rocking back and forth Going baby go to sleep. Yeah, baby. Be asleep. Don't touch my ears Yeah, there There's a lot you know

Obviously each episode is gonna reflect what the fuck we know a lot, you know, obviously each episode is going to reflect what the fuck we know. Right now we just know that shit is getting real, but there are still people hanging on that are like, whatever, I'm going to fucking never my life. Also know that we're recording for you as much as possible in the time we have that we can do it. So the shows sometimes might not be up to date on the news. Yeah. But I hope we will be able to make you laugh a little bit I mean, that's the intention of this is I think just to be able to do the show number one is cool number two People probably want to hear shit that isn't

Before the coronavirus. I'll tell you it was not affecting the massive amounts of construction that happened out back of our goddamn house every day They are going fine. I wonder if you thought that last night before you got a bed you go hey Bradside is good to sleep in tomorrow. Pretty low noise. I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean girlfriends, I don't have the train by me. So I've been like sleeping like, I remember when I moved to Alaska, my aunt, when I slept at her house the first night, she's like, she put heavy blankets up, so no light came through. And she was like, the silence at first is great.

It's like scary silent. And she's like, and then she's like, then it'll help you sleep. And it was like, because she lived on an acre over on land. So you she's like, and then she's like, then it'll help you sleep. And it was like, because she lived on an acre over on land. So you just go to sleep and you're like, because there's nothing.

It's crazy. And then here, like, and then then then then then then then then then then then then the fire is just killing anything. It will, those are the noises though that you don't wanna hear go away. Cause that means fucking infrastructure is being shut down.

When they have to do that, when they have to do the whole thing of like- Now is the building. Yeah. This is just a building. They could stunt this process for a while. Oh, you think this is fucking- that's hilarious. It's like this is definitely illegal construction. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You have to stop working. They're like, no, we're encouraged to get the coronavirus. I'm being paid by a company to try out the new medicine they're developing. What do you think? I wonder what's going on with that. You don't hear any talk about vaccine.

There will be a movement. Even if they're working on it. There will be a movie 20 years from now, where they're like, as a virus spread, a gay, albino, gay, and doctor. So stop it. Yeah, this is like the Wotemist survives. Hi, it's Jake Beganon in the midst of a global pandemic.

Big Jake explained to Dan, Christine, and guest Ari Shafir, what qualifies as having seen bush and why pubic hair matters. I literally on the way home last night from long on, we were listening to Hurts So Good, John Cougar Melon Camp. And all I go to this scene scene the song always reminds me of When I was a kid how much I enjoyed the scene but also was a little confused that in the movie is when they go to that Honky Tonk bar at a town so they can dance and That song comes on and it focuses on those drum parts those isolated drum parts on the girl Laurie singer

Shaking her ass like wait rap close her ass going back and forth. And it is- Nothing's there. I mean, it's toward George Ash as Paul, like it was on paper. Like, they've written that foot, yeah. And that's the thing that Christine goes, yeah, but flat butts particularly were in in the 80s, 90s.

Do you think those people that were showing them and the big butter? But it's just kind of stayed out trying to keep it. As a kid, I was if there was a girl, I said, Christina also goes, I was like, I was always like buts. And I like that. I grew up in a neighborhood that a lot of black people were at the so like, maybe because I've always like around but I was still felt like I was like, Oh, I'm going to see I looked at it like big titties.

Like, see, I grew up see I looked at like big titties like see I grew up Obviously big tits guy butts to me started blowing up around the turn of the century So I really start but that was also when I was like 14 15 And I was Temperature you didn't want those warm butts around I mean dude, but then I started known it like V. Remember Vita Guerrera Oh, yeah, yeah, like she was like one of the first butts where I was like, I wanna drag off to a butt. I just like boobs only. I love boobs.

Like when? Like when? Like when I was like, I got a little wet so you could sort of see through this way, see through it. Oh, do it. Oh listen, I'm all about nip. Yeah, nip.

That's why I said it's why I like pubes. There's no nip in the butt. You're seeing the dirty part. Even if all you see is nip, you'd be like, oh, I saw her titty. If just the thing popped off of a girl's nipple and the rest of her tit was covered by her tears, you'd be like, I saw her, I saw her, Titty.

I would, I'd be like, I saw her, Niple. If I saw, I saw, I saw, there's Patrice and she fell. Anything outside of Ariola? Only? I didn't see her, Titty. She could put her fingers on her nipples and she could bounce her boobs together, I saw her boobs.

And that's why I hate, not hate, but it's why I don't prefer bald pussies because in just seeing them, if there's some hair, you go, that's, I've seen your pussy. You're saying that's the receipt at your pussy. You're saying you're saying people cares the receipt on seeing the first time. I remember first time a girl did that. A girl goes, I shaved my, we were teenagers and like talking to her.

I was like, something about showing her bush and she goes I don't have one I go shut up. She goes no, I don't have and she pulled her pants down. I mean You know her she pulled her pants down her front and her thumb was what was covering the beginning of her pussy slit and She pulled down for like you know five seconds or whatever and pull it back up and I'd say I didn't see her pussy No, that's true. You didn't but had it but there was a push there, dude I saw her pussy Absolutely, what about a great conversation by the way, I Would say you did see your oh, I don't know

What do you see an asshole to say you saw an ass? What do you mean? No, if you just those girls who were like short jeans You haven't seen their butt. Yes. Oh, you have to see crack. Crack, crack. Yes, pull crack, by the way. Yes, pull crack. Yes, if thong, I haven't seen your butt.

I haven't seen your butt. If just a little smidge of like a short cheeks. A quarter size. You could like, like, lipper goes up, that's your image, like I just saw a, what?

You go, I saw your cheeks. Chicks. So your butt cheeks, but now let's say a girl had the with a, like a loose tank top full side cleavage coming out And it's like what and then she's like rubbing in the middle so now down the middle you can see all but no nip You you can't you'd be like I didn't see your boobs. Yeah, I see her boobs. I mean wait Do it again, okay, remember that girl we saw in these village at time. Yeah, he's shot separately There's a chicken a white tank top. We're just huge, no broth.

Let it go. Right side she is causing a problem for some man. We saw an hour apart. Or a woman who knows. We both said these folks just were walking around all day. I was like, I was there. And she would just let it, like she would let it swim out from the side. Yeah.

And you would just see pretty much the boob though. You would see that. They saw her, and if you saw her, and if you see her. Yeah. But what were you saying? I didn I could know that I guess that girl would be no matter what you saw her. Yeah, listen, it's the way I feel when girls were pasties. You're like I didn't see your boob. I would never waste time at a fuck. Yeah, I'm not seeing that girl's tip. Yeah, there's something weird. You're right, Jay. I'm not seeing a 10. I guess you're right. I guess you're right. Because we don't now go to the nipples. Go to the only nipples

No, I can't hear you're saying already though and Dan too. It's provocative I'm gonna argue now. I'm not saying it's not sexy and whenever you didn't see her boobs No, cuz you see nip you see nip there. Oh, how about this? And let me let me be specific when I say nip When I say this When I say this Wow That's too much Wow, I can't see myself in those. Yeah, but but here's the thing also Specify when I say nip I am including Arriola

Erlip for sure and but the actual nip is that's the 100% you saw tit right right? You can see like a shade of an area. Oh Oh yeah, but if you see but if you see like Deast the mana area. Oh, that's awesome. You saw tit. Look there you go. You see in that girl's tits You don't see any of the bottom of them the middle the middle. Christine that reddish picture No, you're seeing most of the boob. That's her tips. Yeah, but that's a bad example if she had a little bit more covered I think no, but she's covering the bottom of her You're not seeing this girl's tits. Nope. Nope.

You're right. And it's about as much as showing the other one. Yep. You're not seeing her tits. Just thinking, You get a picture of just an only nipple exposed. No, Yeah, nipple through fingers.

Whoa. Put like nipple through fingers. I've never, I've never thought about seeing just like that. I mean, like nothing, not even the, the line's top of it. Just seeing those. If a girl, just picture her reverse face. Picture this. Girl sends you a picture. Uh-huh. Nothing, not even the line's just saying those. If a girl reverse pays for you,

girl sends you a picture holding her tits, fingers all closed, naked, but holding her tits in the front. You'd be like, show me the, now? Yeah. She said you another picture. Toby, your feelings aren't different about this. Another picture, simply opening up, giving like the Vulcan fingers and letting the nips come through. That's about it. It's a much much better

picture. Okay. Did you see boob on that picture? Yes. Yes. Let me think about this. I think you know what? I didn't think I was gonna side with Jay on this. You're seeing the part, man. Yes. And that's just the the bumps. Let me let me switch it. Ari, let me switch the boob. I saw boop. Let me switch it to penis talk. Okay. If I see your trunk, I didn't see your dick. If you see your head, if you see bush of a dick, you have not seen dick. But if you see it, I'm saying if I see your head, no matter what, if I see your head head alone, I see it. If you're alone, I see your dick. I say, I say what

getting a shaft? No, not right. That's no. I'll tell you what, I tell you what, I don't know if I feel agree that but I will say for sure Yeah, if it's a bigger deal if your pants come down and someone sees if you have a dick like this. Yeah, I don't see the top If you get if you're see the fur you're seeing the dick I but if you go down and your shaft like it is like you know halfway down the shaft. Yeah is It is like you know halfway down the shaft. Yeah is Showing less I believe than if as the joke you do the thing where you pull your dick head Just like the top inch of your dick like out of out of your jeans Yes, and show it to somebody. I think you're showing them something more if you show the head

Yeah, so so just said I don't know for sure I'm just saying like a trunk though, but I think if you see trunk I'd say I saw this guy has dick out. I would trunk over a niche of trunk if you see balls You didn't see dick. No balls are different balls completely different balls have a complete different Dirt your third thing, but I'm saying this if you see bush on a guy the full bush. No, you haven't seen dick No, but I say you get past the crease of trunk, you know, where it's like folding over self pointing down. We'll say if you get past the crease, you've seen dick. Yeah.

That's the crease from from where the thought or the the chest goes. You get an inch down the dick on on on from top down. You've seen you see the delineation. You're like, oh, that's shit. Like a Spencer for high Spencer's gifts, posters. If guys just towels like barely barely showing if I were asleep and like some unbrows Right and I rolled over and you saw my dick head coming out. You didn't see what you saw my dick the head Even what if you came over the bottom of your underwear? That's what I'm saying fully bought right? Yeah, are you guys

also that if you see a girl's bush you're seeing her pussy. I don't know. It's gonna send that picture You said this is only The nips thing just converted you guys. This is good. I'm just only no place. Please. I think I'm with Jay on this now I see the light. Yeah, I would have to see this bush though I said before I think you're right, but now I'm less sure now I definitely think like because you think the way Jay explain it when she pushed down her underwear. Yeah Yeah, man, I would have seen that was that what is that spitting thing at the the fairs at the circus? Whatever I keep you grab it wrong grab it right. Yeah, it gives you good to walk if a girl's like

Underwear came up during that or her skirt came up. You saw just hair Let's see what we got I would say like a little landing strip, huh? No, no, that's all bush No, but that's, I want, I want, I want, I only bush everything else covered. Full bush. Should we go full bush? Even touch, guys.

Should we make a bush agreement? No one, you know what, you can't. Bush out. Oh, you can do it at home. I was gonna say, oh man, it's right. Christine's pussy's gonna get gross for eight weeks. Why? You can't afford a fucking razor?

It shouldn't shave. She's a waxer, dude. I gotta buy you a new one. Christine, have you thought about Why? You can't afford a fucking razor? It shouldn't shave. She's a waxer, too. You got a fire out of you. Christine, have you thought about that? You got a waxer, yourself? A waxer, Christine. I just started laser hair removal, too. Oh!

I still see it going for my second session like next week. That's a cause of irons. Or media trying to do laser hair removal. You know what I mean? There's people who had like, Lasik scheduled and stuff, or like physical to do laser you'll do that there's people who had like lacex scheduled and stuff or like physical therapy for everybody I hope you do like bush because we're about to have a world of it yeah we're about to have a lot of

bush here on Wednesday show Dan Soder explained to everyone how he became the dry hump master the girl my senior year that I took to prom we were watching a baseball game And I didn't have anybody to ask and she was like If you take me I'll hook up with you and I was like okay, you want to go to prom? What did she mean hook up? I didn't know Did you ever find out? Nope, she hooked up with my friend. I'm prom night. Yep You went with her. I didn't want to hook up with her the The second we were in the car together, I was like, this sucks. Why?

Not that it sucks. She was cool. Because personnel, you can get over real quick if you're a teenager, getting ready to fuck. I wasn't gonna fuck her. I knew I wasn't gonna fuck her. So when she said hook up, she's meant like, make out. I was hoping to get a handy, maybe a beach. Like, best case scenario. Sure.

I would have played my own, my car is right. I would have caught a beach. You ought to catch a beach that point You're like never never oh Yes, I had how do I watch a virginity 16 remember that Mexico story? Yeah About to grow with her parents next door. Yeah, so I'm trying to remember Yeah, and I had outside of that Gotten I dry fucked a couple women to completion Completion this is my whole stats. I'm giving you all my completion. Yeah, dude, I used to bust nuts in my fucking...

I've never, you've never done, I've never came inside my pants. What? Nope. You used to wear these, never want, never one time in my life, I've never come in. You know, it's crazy,

I still have a couple of them because they turn into my fucking wank boxers. Every time I have a jerk and come into boxers, I held onto the same pair from high school that I had, like, they were like the target three pack, loose fitting. Bring them in. So there was soft, but I'd wear them.

And then the girl would get down to her panties. I'd get down to my underwear and then the hump and then I'd come and then that was it. How would you... When you did the... 15? And you never, Dick never slipped in ever anything No, she had her panties on I know, but I just rub it on top rub remember that's how I used to jerk off before I left catch me fur

To the thought of pulling my pants out of my dick out of my underwear was like For into me right. I'm saying with the girl like that. She ever like pull them down and give you a little shot of the The I went to finger. I went to finger once or twice and got to do that felt a little muffled Girl finish like a she hump to come out of chance And fucking I don't even need dance answer for that no girls ever come to come girls Um girls. Yeah, that's how I when I was and you know what Christine. I actually believe there was a girl that did Dude actually volleyball pants I you I shout out to her she came to the show of comedy works I come try something dry something when I couldn't come from sex is that really true because I was gonna say you can get Jack

Hammer in your fucking snatch hole and sit there and look at a ceiling some women Hard to believe that you can fucking hump to come some women can come like that dude as it's all clip by the way Shout out to the group. I'm not gonna say names, but she came out to my show at comedy works, her and her husband, very lovely man. But immediately when I went to the green room, I told Justin I was like, I drive up to her till I came in my underwear. And he's like, weird.

Weird. And he's like, what? That's crazy. Chris, how long can it take you seven, seven and a half hours? Well, that was like kid stuff. When you're 15 and a half hours. Well that was like kids When you're 15 and you start rubbing your crotch you're like Whoa, I'll tell you I'll tell you Christine's fucking pussy is like my knuckles dude, but now she's like you can just pinch it and twist it It means nothing. That's how I used to masturbate up until I was a

No, no, no, no, was I would like lay on my like thumbs face down and kind of like hump my hands Do a lot of women hump shit and then I found out I was They me feel better when I find out cuz I was coming up I was humping stuff till I came and then I thought it was I was we're that a guy was doing cuz it seems like a I was like Oh guys can just come by Yeah, most guys like give me a hand job. It's like I want a hand job. I can just fucking press against you Those guys were like, give me a hand job. It's like, I want a hand job. I can just fucking press against you and just fucking,

like, I'm like, he's got shit. I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna fuck your, I'm gonna fuck. I might have went for a hump over a HJ because I'd have been insecure about her fucking, my door's not being big enough. I'm telling you. There is one time my life, I'm trying to remember what it was, definitely like a hotel room with like a couple girls

that came hanging after a show. And was the only time in my life, even with women who have been very angry at me that I've hooked up with and, and whatever thing, the only time in my life. Even with women who have been very angry at me that I've hooked up with and whatever thing, the only time that it was like a truth or dare type game. May have been, I'm trying to think of what other comics may have been there. It was so long ago. May have been Doraus and Josh Wade, maybe.

Yeah. But like we had these girls and I was like everyone and there was like one girl that was like dared me like pull my dick out like and I was just one of those like and I was like nah, I knew I was like it was soft first of all. I didn't think it was going to get hard in this scenario with everyone. And I don't even remember if any of the other two guys were around the moment. So that's why I don't know if they can even back, also I might be wrong, I might be wrong with who the guys are, but whatever it was, the girl who was like, you know, the mouth of the group, like the sassy, like, it's like, we're here, you're lucky, kind of feeling, just giving off, got me somehow to like, it was like, well, come on, if we're playing the game, like, positive, if you went us to show our posities and tiths, or you know, it was like, why don't you show something and just came down like the wire. It was like, and I just

remember like just tugging as best I could like pulling it out with like a stretch, which makes it thin. Yeah. And when I pulled out and she gave some reaction. I don't know if it was on the nose, but it was some reaction of like laughably like, whoa, dude, what's going on? And I don't know. That may have been the thing that shut me down like permanently on being insecure on that. But I'm telling you right now, if she would have caught you when you're on a heavy hang after a good piss, like a real heavy hang, and then she's like,

pulling out whatever you do a heavy hangage, she goes, whoa, that might have changed your whole perspective on everything where you'd be like, hey, not that bad, huh? I mean, I've cared about it as well. I still probably think I have a small dick, but I probably wouldn't, I've probably been like, man, that's what it is.

Yeah. I don't have it in as what it is. I hate it. Yeah, get over it. Yeah, huh? Get over it. You're in her 40s, get over your, how many, you know my girls,

I like, I've watched you may come with your dick, like it's crazy. That is pretty crazy. Your boots on the ground. Like you've been there. You've been like holding the girl's head as he's making her come bugger girl. You're like, what needs to happen every girl?

Every girl that I've made come will definitely say the exceptional moment of it was, like pussy eating and stuff like that. I don't think that's true. I've watched you, I think you're wrong. I honestly think you're wrong That's you. I mean you were a hunk That's what you think. This is what this this is what this quarantine is good for us to get through the things We're talking about and I think you're not going towards me showing you my dick Having a girlfriend

It's beautiful Oh my god Having a girlfriend it's beautiful As far as I go when matter what size your dick is it's like I'm a difficult come like I'm like I'm like I'm Worse you're helping your thumb here about his dick, but even like yeah, but this is where I'm saying like you don't know We're Christians coming from she could be like I love your dick. I'm fine trust me You could have a fucking baby arm and you still would make me come the way you, like, yeah, christines got Nova cane pussy. That's hilarious. Hey, campers, this is DJ Lou.

On this week's Lost Hapes, Quarantine Hapes, the gang imagine what it would be like to go through a fucking quarantine in 1997 with no modern conveniences. Stay safe, everybody. Here's the clip. I imagine a quarantine without the internet or cell phones. I was really I was like, oh my God, like we have like entertainment

and our fingertips and we have the internet. Like if this happened, you know, you know, if all your head was your VHS's, oh my God, each other, no, no way, no way that. I mean, you'd be smoking cigarettes, which is super bad ass.

But, I mean, you play, smoking cigarettes, which is super bad ass, but I mean, you play what you play in Super Nintendo If this went, you know what I mean? I've won age of I what do we say it if it's 97 97 high school or out of high school by playing PlayStation one living in my mom's yeah I'm fucking my girlfriend living in my moms. Yeah. I'm fucking my girlfriend.

But you got a quarantine. Now quarantine yourself. Yeah. So you got to go to your girlfriend can't come over? Yeah, she can't. I can't quarantine with me. She was living with me. Oh, okay. She's quarantined with you. Yeah. Dude, I would have been in hell. If I was 14 and I got quarantine with my mom and Joe Drunk you had time so I'm taking deep breaths lick of the mail man

Someone give it to me trying to kiss him on the mouth. He's like kid get away from me Somebody please give it to me. I could suck my face. Yeah, dude think about that Quarantine in 97. I also that I was, you were an only child. I was only a child. I mean, I was, I could entertain myself a little bit. I was only a child. I was only a child to 11. At N64, and I'm not gonna lie at 14. If I were to got quarantine,

they go to bust it out the guys again. Just, I'm not so sure I won't, I'm not sure I wouldn't play with toys right now. I mean, I'll set up, I'll set up my guys set up a good fort going on. I think I can absolutely get myself immersed in actually figures in playing with those GI Joe's again. If you ordered them on Amazon, yeah, if they were new and tight, you know, I mean by the yeah, do.

Yeah, if they would go and tight. Yeah. Absolutely, I could. You could. I'm wondering if I would. I would kick cock storylines in my head again and do like the whole and and have big wrestling things. I couldn't see doing like a sports thing.

I used to play football games that are weirdly enough. These odd things, but like I couldn't do that now because there's just football video. I think, I think if I got a ring and like 10 has bro, WF wrestlers, why a ring? Neither ring for wrestling. Do you don't though? And without, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me say just, man, reach. It's bad like, this is guy law.

Yeah, this is guy law. Without the ring, you're just doing a Cumete. It's just an illegal karate tournament. I listen, I hear what you're saying, but here's where your imagination comes in. You gotta imagine that rings around, I'm dude. That's what I would do. I would go cutting boards.

Cutting boards used to be my number one rings. Cutting boards, cutting boards is a good one. You need anything that's elevated. I'm talking about straight up my carpet. And I'd go and if I whipped somebody in the ropes, like I just had them, sure, backwards forward. There was no actual.

When I had the ring, the stupid, WWE, the big ring for those big f**k. Big rings different. Hasbro, you can go in from the top and do your stuff in the middle. I know, but that sucks. No, it doesn't. It's fun. It's bad. No, I want my elbows on the ground and

I'm like one of those directors where I can say I could treat it anywhere. Hey, it's Big J. Overson and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th day PM Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95 or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at SexM.