The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Return of The Young Bull (w/ Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

Shane Gillis joins The Bonfire for a discussion about getting shut out and Jacob shares a salacious stripper story.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@ShaneMGillis https://www.ShaneMGillis.comWatch "Gilly & Keeves" on youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxY70x2COyMICgCfEwgVcJg#CrackleCrackle

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! There he is. There he is. Welcome from the show Gillian Keves and Matt Shane Cigar podcast. The return of the young bowl, aka, naked in the sheets, Shane Dilless.

Yes. What's up, buddy? Chillin. The propel was doing a set at the at the stand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you did a secret pop-up show downstairs in the main room of the stand on Monday night. Last time she's held to that thing, I was there when the show was starting already, like just like Will and Cypher were hosting. And Chris Italian, I don't know if he was setting me up. And if he did, Kudos to him.

It's pretty funny what he was doing because it just ruined my night. He was like, you got to go down and watch Shepel. He goes, go in the green room. Everybody's in the green room. I go, now dude, I don't know him like that. And he's just like, I go, he doesn't know me at all. He's like, now Chris Rocks did it. I go, do this guys.

Don't know me at all. Like my name or anything. And he was like, no, Chris Rockston, I go through this guys, don't know me at all, like my name or anything. And he was like, dude, they fucking know you. And he just starts doing that. He's convincing me almost to a sense where it's like, he's making a scene like, I've seen them acknowledge you, but they definitely haven't. But he's just like, maybe he was setting me up.

And I said, if he did, it was brilliant. But he just kept getting me, I didn't go in the green room, I wouldn't dare. But I went downstairs, and then at one point, while Siphon will, we're on, like the green room cleared out and came over. It's like the side bar area. wouldn't dare, but I went downstairs and then at one point while Siphon will we're on like the green room cleared out and came over it's like the sidebar area. Yeah.

I mean, which is very small. So it got cluttered and just like, she'll walk by, didn't even acknowledge my existence and said hi to Derosa. Derosa, you know, is pretty well, I think, and still almost has like a, oh, hey, kind of almost like the him, it seems like he has to remind himself every time. Yeah. With the Rosa, but it was acknowledgement.

And then Chris Rock went by me. And I mean, we almost kissed. He had to turn sideways to slide by me so close and just didn't acknowledge that I was even a person, let alone another comedian. And then I ran upstairs like a child and left and demanded Christine. I go Christine we're leaving.

I want to go home. I want to go home now. I'm not allowed to sleep over here. I think also she watched me go through that and man get and jumped in for you. The guy from Slitnot and Max Weinberg's son and Chris Rock that night. She watched me get jumped out hard twice. Yeah, I don't know what I don't know what I thought was going to happen. Last night, I don't know why you think you're going to get the

respect of being a person who works the comedy club and they would allow you to roam freely. Yeah, I kind of figured maybe. Yeah, that's what you, that's not a crazy thought. They freaked. So because she's hell's show was like getting ready and they were like trying to do all the covid tests Frantic was just basically not being ran like fiam's up there for like 15 minutes And then she's like am I gonna get a light or whatever and then they put up the first comic and the bartender was slammed Because everyone was like coming in and getting drinks the short staff to also short short staff So I just went downstairs to where the AV room is

and you know the water thing's right there. I just wanted a glass of water. And I went down there and they're like, I was like, what's up? I'm just grabbing a glass of water and like, you gotta be COVID and tested to come down here. And I'm like, yeah, I work here. Dude, thinking you're a dance satter.

I go, coming down, feeling the awkward getting a glass of igua. It It's we're talking twins baseball dance. Sider show times trillions. Coming up second on the on the outside show. We're doing outside thinking you're thinking you're in and finding out you're not in. Is a really funny. I used to work when the seller used to own the cafe was still next door. God, those sets were brutal. Oh, man. Yeah, they were brutal, but on the weekends, but own the cafe was still next door. God those sets were brutal. Oh man.

Yeah, they were brutal, but on the weekends. But on the weekends, sometimes you do a spot at the cafe water open up for the band. Yes, yeah, that's all I thought. And over the years I just done it like a bunch of times and just being affiliated with that club, I knew the door guys, I knew the staff, I knew the girls who worked there.

I knew the whole, like it was just like, they were part of the extended family over there. Sure. And man, they did a special thing like, and I didn't even think to call anybody, they were like, yo, tonight, there's like a secret thing, van Halens reuniting, and they're gonna play at the cafe wall.

It was David Lee Roth reunion. Day. It was, everybody except Michael Anthony reunion And it was Dave it was everybody except except Mike my call Anthony was the Wolfgang So and dude I walked over there like they were like they're starting in five minutes I didn't even treat it like maybe I should get there early and make sure I can get in I was like they're starting in five minutes like a I'll trickle down when I hear the first note of eruption and then I just And I went in there and I, people I thought I knew well on a first name, hand on my chest like a stop,

and you can't go in, absolutely not. Well, can I slide in the back if somebody comes out? No, it's over for you, and they sent me on my way, and they should have. Damn, and they were right too. You're getting bounced, hurts so so much sometimes when you're like, Oh, no, I'm supposed to be here. It happened to me when I drank and I would be at a KFMA event

and I would just start getting like, Well, I got to pass, like, I can even fucking go anywhere. And then they just shut me the fuck down in a certain part of the life. I don't care if you work overnight for the radio station. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, have you ever told me one you'll hook them up and then just absolutely cannot be able to? god kfma day the one with billi idle that i told you about yeah that hour the only time in my life that anyone

at the university of arizona gave a shit that i worked at kfma all of a sudden because like billi idle they were like billi i was going to be like all these people like so do works at kfma and so like all these cool people hit me up and they were like, Billy, I know it's gonna be you out, and then like all these people are like, so do works at KFMA. And so like all these cool people hit me up, and they're like, yo, can you get me in? Billy Idol, take it. That's what I'm saying. So I really feel like the timing on that is odd

for the music show. What? You know what, Billy Idol. That's still 10 years past this thing. But here's the thing, let me explain it more. Please see, you see sometimes in like music where old acts become really popular again for a small amount of time, like they gain like a huge way back. For some reason at that moment in 05, Billy Idol was like the cool nostalgic thing. I'll tell you exactly why. I'll tell you exactly why. I do know why now.

Why? Wedding singer. Wedding singer. Yeah, that's what I was. I think that was before 05, wasn't it? It probably was, but that made him, but that just got him in people's like ear again that he's a guy. Yeah, but it was like he was the headliner and like KFM A day we usually was a wedding singer. Yeah, well we did like big. It wasn't like we did small bands. It was like Foo Fighters Metallica. So it was like a big concert every year in Billy Idol and all these kids. I was my senior year in Arizona and all the cool kids are like, what's up dude? You're KFM and I was like, no problem.

You guys wanna meet Billy? You guys wanna meet with William? It'll be no problem, I'll get you back. Call him Willie Idol. Yeah, Willie Idol will be back there snarling at all of you if you guys want. So the cool kids hit me up for tickets and Matt Spray, Rest in Peace,

my fucking program director was like, no. I was like, oh, oh. It was like camp by me love, dude. You got in there, I was like, yo, so does the coolest, isn't he? He gets his all tickets for Billy Idol, and then you have to go guys. I can't get any tickets. I knew you were a fucking pussy asshole. In the mega worse, I said backstage passes, and that's right.

Oh, swatted, they haven't say it out loud Oh, cuz they're gonna get in front of stage passes dude. I couldn't get anything if I can I'm just now learning I'm just now learning for the most part even on a sold out show at a comedy club like you can you can get a you can get a Hand I'd say under 10 ten and under people you get in, like as long as it's also, if it's a group of 10, you might have trouble with that still. But here's what I found out though, like but I didn't know that though. The way I would tell people,

I mean, you know, my Uber driver, or we'd have my cab driver, the guy who picked me up from the airport, from the car service, the people that I paid full price at lunch to, everybody was getting hooked up completely, and then I would call the place. I mean telling them already they're like People were like we got a babysitter. I'm so excited to bring my wife and you're like dude I'm so excited to meet her and then it's like I still have an a** and like you know

I go in with that fear where I'm like they're like But here I would do that when I was like opening for a tell which is like super scary dangerous Did you ever shame the liver promise tickets to someone you're opening for them? I don't think I don't know if I did that I Think I did once with Bobby and then I had to ask Bobby and Bobby's like dude you gotta ask me Fuck it before the day before the gig I was like yeah, I was only opening for you to. I was like, it's not that big, but I was saying it's not that big.

The headline I never overly gives a shit anyway. Generally they're happy to have some more people there. Yeah, but me and so forth. Or probably even never gets to them. Just to think of you at every stop along the way during the day, like, what do you want? Two, three tickets? There's no where I went, there's no where I went where tickets weren't involved

and being offered to somebody for a star. The Starbucks just happened your credit card on the counter, you know what? You want three tickets to the show tonight? Oh, the worst is when it's a hot babe. And you're like, yeah, what are you in town for? It's like I'm doing a show. Then it's like, do you want, you can come.

And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I bombed in front of a hot girl in one of my courses at Arizona in one of my classes and I saw her walk out of the room And she was like I as she was like this Spanish girl. She's like I didn't know you did comedy I was like yes, she's like that's fun My god, that's so fun. That's so fun that you just took that ass-woping so publicly That's so fun. That's so fun that you just took that ass-woping so publicly. So, oh, dude, that's fucking brutal. Yeah, inviting someone and then eating shit in front of them's pretty bad. Well, that's what I said when I brought the playboy girl with me to,

was it Maryland? Yeah. Because I knew I was going to a black comedy club where nobody would ever, even thought it was a great place. I thought it was a great place to bring her because I was like there'd be no opportunity for this. That's a risky one. Those can go bad. Well, they can't this didn't go bad.

This way just didn't go good in the sense that like we didn't fuck it all that weekend. Me and that girl, but like I wasn't gonna get it wasn't that she was flirting with anybody else or anything. We just weren't like fucking in the hotel room. She didn't seem like she wanted to. And then every day would ask why we didn't the night before. It's very odd. Maybe mind trickery. I don't know. But whatever it was, it was working on making every night awkward and uncomfortable. However, but in bringing her like that move, like bringing somebody with you is that that's a rarely ever worked out good, but I was thinking about having her be there for the sex part of it what I forgot was I might not kill in this fucking

awful comedy room and that may have said something to do with it because she watched me every night just struggling to get through. Also I was like featuring for somebody, the whole thing was like wrong Do you got me normally it's so much better than that? So good by the way at that point it wasn't even you know I mean it was just like I actually thought I would probably like know how to do better in a black room But I was doing mainstream stuff a lot already so it was I was like short circuiting up there You know, I mean I'm like oh man. What's up with what's up with these ladies? I mean bitches

Come on my depression materials not working Why they go so mad every time I do that joke about that joke saying I suck that guy's dick. They don't see me laughing at that They don't like my in-depth look at thunder cats. Why don't they get the references? Yeah, dude, that is, and also acting like it doesn't bother you that you're eating shit because you're still in like charm mode, where you're like, do you have fun at the,

do you have fun at the show? Also, you don't even know what, what were you considered eating shit now at the time? You probably get off and go like, all right, they didn't like it. The first time I ever did comedy, I thought I would describe it as I did so well that it made me want to quit school and start doing comedy, but in hindsight,

there's no way I leveled with that material, I'm sure it just went, in my mind it was like, it could go so bad, that's the nerves. So when you're like, oh, they seem to giggle a few times and not throw things at me. I'm like, I think I'm a genius. See what I did, what I did off the hook and back when it was on the old, you know,

Marco Island. Marco Island. Like a Catholic. Captain Brian. Captain Brian putting you up in his fucking side chick pad. Fucking butt fucker. That apartment or whatever. And I was, I just started

dating someone and she came to, and it was like, I mean, not even a month into the relationship and it was like, Oh, cool. Yeah, let's, it'll be fun. It's like Florida. It's beach. Well, like, it'll be a thing. And the apartment was nice and everything was going good. And then the first show, I was like, Oh, yeah, this is isn't a vacation this is her watching me take 45 minutes of a beating while people eat muscles and oysters and I just peanut butter mouth through my set. Fuck dude. Four puff sets.

I invited a girl to the show I did in Boston and I took an aderol before the show. Judy I remember you calling me after this aderol. And I got a hammered. I got hammered. I got like backed out, but I didn't know because I was on after all. And I got on stage and I was like, because my mind was still short,

like I could still think. And I was like, for some reason I can't talk. I had to headline. She invited her friends too. All her friends watched me on stage. Like, I can't really speak. I don't know what my material is. Oh, no, did you just go up there?

You're like, my mouth doesn't want to talk to my brain. Oh, I'll tell you another. I have another bringing a girl like too far and it going haywire. Yeah. It was a, oh, dude. It was the girl that I got caught cheating with by my ex like the flute player.

Yeah. The flutist. Yeah, the fluidist. Yeah, the fact it was a mess a mess of a human being. Maybe she got a jewelry yard, but she was like a wild chick and she was down in at the same time as me and florida. So she came to the shows and I was like, Oh, yeah, because I don't know if she forget she planned the trip. It was like to see friends or something, but it was like it was while I was like, oh yeah, I don't know if she forgets, she planned the trip. It was like to see friends or something, but it was like, it was while I was down there. So I was like, oh, you can stay with me or whatever. One of the end, dude, she came to the show and got obliterated. No, no, no.

obliterated. And she was a, she was a, did you start heckling you with her flute? No, in between show, she was already fionant and she was being weird. No, but she was more like a start flirting with somebody else. It was a odd thing Adjick, but she was so like in front of you would she be like flirting with like a guy that worked there? It was just like yes. Yeah. Yes. Yes very specifically even shit like that So you're like the one of the bouncers the guy that has to protect you Someone wants to beat you up for a silly. You're like, all right.

And then when I got off stage, the second show, you're just sitting in the green room, she's just feeling his arms. He's so nervous. It's worse. I promise you it's worse. Buddy, I don't even know. I go out to like, right away to start saying hi to people

or something like, right in the lobby. And the manager, somebody goes, hey man, you might want to come check on your friend. Oh, no. What? And I go in the green room. She's laying in the green room with her, her, like her shirt's not up or anything, but her, she has a skirt. Like, she's just the way she's laying, like passing out drunk basically, like half out of

it. And her legs are just open in a dress and her, underwear on her pussy is just out in the green and like the staff just observing her like what the fuck is having so I had to gather her and then I just took her upstairs and like put it a bed basically yeah I just go to see and then I'm laying there in the bed and she's in the bed like I think I'm above the cover she's under the covers and I just start feeling like this weird motion and she was hammered and I go, what are you doing? Are you playing with yourself? She was like, shut up, yeah. And then she would just start doing it. I'm like, I mean, I'm right here, that's kind of weird dream and she's like, she was, I'm not though, she just

kept saying she wasn't and then she would just start start it would just get calm and you start feel the bed like doing the movie Yo, she goes this time I get to sleep. It's I rock myself to sleep. She was gone before I woke up really That girl was a mess dude. That was a messy messy chick Damn dude. The thought of just passing out with your chauch hanging out in the middle of Passing out with your chauch hanging out in the middle of the shoot. Yeah, I was just so fucking crazy Insecure that she was just like I thought she was really hot. She's cute. I don't know if you're were you around the end of all? No, I started hanging out with you right after it blew up. Yeah, yeah, so it was like she was like she was cute chick for sure But like I mean not not side girlfriend material. That's for sure not not side girlfriend material that's for sure damn dude and I mean how it ended you know you saw the signs that it was coming that she was gonna

fucking make it and in a messy way that was all me that was all my fault that messy and was all hundo per se me but it was yeah that was a nightmare what Jacob what you said she was from Juilliard. I once got a lap dance from a girl that was a ballerina at the Met. Yeah. Really? So you a stripper lied to you once?

No, no. No. Yeah, Jacob goes, can you believe this woman? Who is a doctor? Me or minutes ago? No, I can't say so. I'll tell you why I believe you. Jacob, I'll tell you why I believe you're thriving on us.

Yeah, go. Go. All right, I got, this was like four years ago and it wasn't at a strip club that you would normally go to. It was some apartment. It was like a billionaire's party. So now you're lying. It's a city. This didn't come up with, it happened within our show and it never came up. airs now you're like city

this didn't come up with it happened within our show and never came up jakeo goes i was at an eyes wide chat party with a lot of very important people this happened during the bonfire yet the show was a prince andrew was there with a child i did nothing i didn't know where i was going like i went i can't keep all the parties away, but it was, I was just a tag along to this world.

I didn't know existed except in the movies. It was like really for multi-millionaires. Uh-huh. It was like a very rich person's apartment complex. And each floor was a different thing. The top floor, he had like four levels. The top floor was a strip club. The bottom was a gambling place.

Who's this cat? Who's this catspie fella? The floor below that was tailoring. Like you could get a suit made. You could go get tailored, a tailored suit and then have it made while you were in a suit. And then you could go put it on and bust in it during a fucking lap dance. This was an Italian man.

This was an Italian man. This was in the city. No. It was not a WAP. No. This has WAP written all over it, but I was like, I swear to God, I ever make good. I'm gonna have levels of difference. Shit. All levels just post us on the next it's just suits.

There you go, Dan. Dude, dude, we're gonna have to blip that out. Let's see you all this morning. Jacob, Jacob, were you able to ejaculate out of your penis out there? I didn't, I, look, I mean able to ejaculate out of your penis out there? I didn't. I, I mean, I haven't got, I did not. Because like, it was not like a booth. So it was out in the open. It was just the most expensive, like, the couches alone must have cost $30,000. When you walked up there, They were the most beautiful strippers you've ever seen So and they were brought they they were not regular strippers and the one they were tranny strippers the guys

They they were dancing to were very wall street Money I have money to money to burn type of guys and they were not nice to them Oh, real one so the girl that was talking to me, I don't know what this says about my personality, I watched the dance she gave to the Wall Street guy right before me and she was trying to be nice and talk with them while she was really rubbing into them. And you rescued her, you saved her afterwards.

Well, I remember the guy said, Captain Saeveho. Yeah. You want a little less yapping oh really yeah I mean because you're you doing a lot of this and not enough downy that was exactly it then and so I think she

was I don't think you were nice yeah and don't feel bad about that buddy I got a beach at a bachelor party once because I was the one guy not treating the girl like Like shut up show spread your show your fucking asshole your whole Jacob also walked up on the top floor in a I fell off the Titanic and all I got was this t-shirt t-shirt Everyone else is in our mind. She's like, I see it's nice. She goes where it tuxedo top. Yeah, you guys.

I'm just here for the finger foods. She's all I can make you come. They probably thought you were like a tech billionaire. I think you know, who's this autistic guy? Yeah, I do. Maybe I was a tag-a-long. I was with somebody who was friends with him. Yeah, I've never heard about sharks.

Yeah. Who was friends with them? Have you ever heard about sharks? She just taught me, she was gorgeous and cool. Like you could tell she, I think this was really not her regular gig. No, but it is, Jacob. I'm a sucker for believing that. You are, Jacob. I bet you it is. I'm a saying she wasn't like a metropolitan Valorina. I'm people that are fortunate. I think the reason why the Juilliard flu player girl

was such a fucking mess. I mean, she was a mess. No one knows who she is, so I could say. She's one of those fucked several, I believe, at least one, if not more than one of her teachers. In college, the people like Shaperone, these international trips and shit and like- That's gotta be just fun for a lot of people.

When you're one of those Shaperones and you catch word of her, they're like just be careful for her, you know? When you guys are in Paris, just look out. She's the same. Oh, but I'm saying she was dream dude. But the reason they're wild is because most of their life, like exactly, if you look at her

Those pictures of her like wearing the most professional horse riding equipment and like you know As you when she's like eight years old So it's like they just live that life of that that structure and everything that they're like when they're I think when they're Turn when they turn 18. They're like wait, I can get drunk at this place and just suck off whatever I want here. It's like such a making their own decisions damn. I I've never seen on a she wasn't messed up though like I Here you go, Jacob is what Jacob falls in love It's like nighting this lying stripper Can you cue up pretty woman please?

Yeah you cute pretty woman please no she's different yeah she's different I'm just saying here's what happened that night here's the thing somebody kidnapped their father and held the McCone point said that if you don't strip tonight and really look like you like it uh... we're gonna kill your father I saw a release in the next day was last day she ever did it I saw this exact movie on lifetime called trapped model and I think this is exactly it I think she was Jacob did you close

your eyes and go in for the kiss at any point? No, I, I, at the end of the conversation, she was telling me all about herself and, you know, I'm a good listener. Did you give her money? Eventually, she's in the one at the end. Did you give her money? For the dance. Yes. Yeah, I mean, I, you do you know pay or I felt that yeah, there's the there's the rush Why didn't you say why didn't you say I respect you too much with that story that I I'd rather not like I'd rather get you know You outside

She definitely wanted the money, but she wanted to talk to me Jake cuz I gotta tell you I was I was at all about the dance Shane no, I understand I was that all about the Dan sheen no, I understand I went to hooters recently and the waitress really liked me She even sat at the table wash You know what you call you can I don't mean to I don't mean to be too invasive did she touch I'll touch the back your arm dude. I will I obviously can I tell you something and ask Justin Silver and Josh Ademir is a both I think been the loooders with me and Kurt Matzger on the road and I will tell you ask them I tell them not to sit down. I don't want the whole thing. I go just I'm bummed I'm eating the food sucks. It's just convenient.

I'm just stiff armed him Jay right at the table right as they walk up I go listen I'm just gonna order we can just do this. Yeah I'm a pleaseed armed him J right at the table right as they walk up. I go listen I'm just gonna order we can just do this. Yeah, I'm a please don't sit down and call me cutie I'll tip you it's fine What I was I've told you that story now 16. I got fucking horrible diarrhea because I tried to impress a hooter's waitress by being like Give me the 9-1-1 wings and she was like give me everything you got bitch Who's supposed to go to a house party? I was like, guys, I'm gonna roll over. Who is this gas station?

I just shit my brains out. My friends bought me a Pepto Bismol and I had to walk home. Here's a Bismol, get out of here. Yeah, dude. Again, to me, I've said it a thousand times, but Hooters, to me, the reason I don't even want to sit down. I'm telling you, if a girl,

if there's some restaurant chain where when you choose to go there The girls come out but naked and sit spread eagle while they take your order and say I'll go and I'll stare at her pussy Hooters is dumb to me. It's like it's it's max a magazine. It's fucking Sometimes you get the man in my one me my one friend took home some hooters waitresses one night some hooters waitresses one night. What? What? Absolutely. I'm not arguing that.

I'm not arguing that. I'm saying if it's not going to happen like that, for nine out of 10 times, if not way more, 9.9 times out of 10, when you walk into a hooters, that's not going to happen. And you still, I don't know, dealing with the stupid sit down thing. I'm about one for 50 adhooters.

Yeah, but that's still pretty bad. It's more than every one of us. Shane, it's baseball, not basketball. You're looking to the Hall of Fame with two more. You're going to be Teddy Williams. Did you? What's up, Jacob? No, I was just going to add to the one little thing I would say. I had no money. So I was at this millionaire strip club. And it was driving me nuts because I had to spend I Really didn't have them that much money for the stress. Can you tell us how much it costs? That one the dance was like 40 and then I had to tip on and then I had to tip because I felt bad

What did you what was the total you gave her? 60 for for that. Ooh. You tips 50%. Jacob, that's why she told you we were having a four-six story. Yeah, Jacob, that's why she lied about being a world famous ballerina. Yeah, she goes, I'm surprised she got through it without snickering. She goes, I normally wouldn't charge it, but I got to pay my babysitter. I have three kids

I'm trying to get through med school. It's so crazy. My ex is just this violent alcoholic kickboxer Have I It was just nuts that the money meant nothing to them. They were spending His name was man a word and South or if not thousands of dollars And I was like crying internally that I had to spend 60. Yeah, no, she was the only, the only, how dirty did she get in the dance? Cause I will say the only girl that I drove when I used to do that driving job that was actually in med school and putting herself through med school.

And she had a nice apartment was the most dangerous stripper for me to take the bachelor parties because she did nothing. But she didn't do anything. So this is a place where some of the girls will fuck for money. And then you're just, they won't say it over the phone though. So you're taking a grab bag, you know what I mean? So this girl didn't, not only she didn't fuck, which is fine. I didn't, that was always skeezy anyway, but not only she not fuck, she like, the only thing you could do was like, she poured beer down her tit into your mouth But almost no touching beyond that which is fine. I understand all the rules. She had it's just like being the person

The person that forced that yeah Would it be a way you could push her boobs together and then yeah Oh I know you I know your tricks in your games well then here it is I hate to talk science with you right now but it's fluid so it's gonna slide through wherever you're gonna lose too much of it now it's got to go down the front of the tit and you put the nip in your mouth and it bounces off the nip into your good check you little nipple in your mouth that's

pretty cool absolutely but it was like I had to enforce a lot of rules on her when some girls were like just only one finger at a time Like you don't have one finger time inside of me. Hey, if you hear me say al five times that means stop. Yeah, how far What see this place? It wasn't booths. They were like Let it go dude Good god, no, no, I'm saying like how? J asked what I like how far you could take it, but you could grab, but I didn't because there were like people around. Yeah, but you only spent, you only spent 70 fucking bucks.

Yeah, you're not gonna grab a boob. I wanted to. I went to, I actually just went to, I just went to a shop called. Do you have that clean little please? Yeah, I want it. I wanted to. I went to, I actually just went to a strip club. Do you have that clean little please? Yeah, I wanted to. I wanted to. To look out the window, there's nothing more I wanted to. There's nothing worse than going to a strip club

and just because I was, me and my friends were sitting like at the stage. And like when the girl like twerks in front of a guy on the other side of the stage, and all you can see is the guy's horny face. Yeah. Just watching other men get horny. Also, I had only strip clubs, yeah.

Yeah, they're very uncomfortable. Lance, when I went with Lewis, and it was that, it's like I sat there, that was actually my fun of the thing was sitting there. Yeah, it's fun to watch it. And I would just watch other people like when they get serious with black guys and some Hispanic guys can keep it

pretty cool looking even though they're faunting a bit. But the white guys who go there who just don't even comb their hair and just wear hats and shit like just fucking that those guys are the best. I go full 80s metal video where I do a lot of fanning myself and a lot of like I can't take this. I go over the top where I go. You're driving me crazy. That's true. I told you about the smoking section at the one that I went to with Lewis. I

went out to smoke cigarettes and it was also where the strippers went to smoke. So they would keep working. They would keep working the guys outside and I was telling you the guy that was like, she said on his lips, she goes, I could tell you have kids. And he was like, yeah, and he goes, uh, he goes, I have two. And she goes, two girls. And he's like, oh, it's like you read my mind, girl. And when they're still trying to play it cool, and she's, you just know she's working them. It's very fun.

Yeah. I went with, uh, with Beezer. And we're in Harrisburg and this girl got off stage. And he like, he was facing me and the stairs were right behind him to the stage. So she was like walking off and he was like, yeah, she was so hot. She'll be dead in two weeks. He was right behind. I was like, you have these are chill, bro.

Yeah, we did two weeks. Yeah, those fucking, they are. Yeah, those fucking, they are. Yeah, those fucking. I drunkenly went to Tucson's got I got a that was when I went to strip clubs was when I lived in Tucson. I go to TDs. I go to TDs East. There was there was one. He lost his did. Yeah. And so I lost natural milk. Yeah. So I went. I got black out. I got black out and then I went. The did the you know save a stripper thing where I was like you got Yeah, what do you do? Everyone does and she's like I live in Albuquerque and I'm just like working here for the weekend

I'm like you guys can ask you so beautiful and she was like well, let me get your phone number and I was like absolutely do you want I'm gonna get launched tomorrow or something? There's nothing I want more. Yeah, exactly and I was like this is what love is and then I went home and I was like on my couch and around 345 I got 14 phone calls and I picked up one of them and she's like, hey, this is the stripper. I got kicked out of the place I'm staying. Can I sleep with you tonight? And I was like, no. Oh, you should get that.

I know, I should get that. Why do you say yes? I don't know, dude. I was like, I was asleep on my couch and it happened. And I was like, what? And I was like, hello? It's, I was like, no, hey, I like, hello? I was like, I get it. If I'm already laying down, dude, no chance.

Yeah, I was, I was sleeping there. I was part of that in college. Oh, maybe. I was like 20, I think I was like 21 or 22. Yeah, I was just like, that age for sure. But it was the way it was the, it was like, her tone wasn't like, oh yeah, her tone was like, hey, her tone was like hey I'm mad in some shit house I can't sleep there can I come sleep at your house and I was like

she's done something weird yeah hey hey I'm in a lot of trouble hey what are you doing right now you got a gun you got a gun yeah I'm in a jam I'm in a jam. I'm in a jam. I'm in a jam. I'm honored. Listen, I'm gonna get there in a weird way. Just when I knock open shit. Shh, shh, shh. Oh shit, he's outside. I'll say what? That's also... Debra's dead. Debra's fucking dead.

Oh my god. Can I come over there, please? Can I come over there, please? Please, I'm over there. I'm so scared. I had a couple friends who were big on the, once she actually likes me from the stuff she said, not knowing that they're working on the line, saying the same exact thing. Glenn, Glenn had one, I don't know if it was the first time we ever went, but Glenn had it with one of the Asian

sex prostitutes, 15th in Calahill. He definitely gave her one of those, like let me get you out of here Like let's get out of here. Well those girls. No, like those a lot of them are like sex slaves, so they're really yeah Christmas came early I bet I bet because that's the reason they get a lot of trouble if they even like hear the man Yeah, like a sort of fielding the The idea yeah, I got to get you

out of here. You got to come hang with me and she was like, please don't play with me. I got room for you in my place. What? Not today. Don't play with my hot Joe Mamba. Not you. Yeah, dude, that's got to I know. Yeah, it's not your fault. Not you. Yeah dude that's got to I know I mean yeah it's not your fault not you not you. It'll be dead in two weeks. Yeah we're hanging out with Shane Dillis it's the bonfire. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM.