The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Young Bull Cometh (feat. Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Long time friend Shane Gillis is back and bigger than ever. They watch body cam footage of cult children rescued from a basement. Shane turns Bobby on to nicotine pouches for the very fist time. Bobby's stomach does not react well. *To hear the full show and subscribe to SXM go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. There by the fire Set up camp for a while We're all welcome there At the bonfire Get some blue drops and get blacked up. Get some swamp wisdom from Jacob. While Christine laughs for our delight. Come join us by the fireside we're all welcome there at the bonfire Big J's the man Bobby's still not dead but that's okay we love him anyway where every fan is a friend pull up a chair We're all welcome there at the bonfire We're all welcome there at the bonfire I'm a cowboy

I'm a cowboy Wow We threw an insult in there to you Bobby. I didn't like that. I don't know what the insult was He said Bobby still he said big J's the man. Thank you. What's his name Mitch Mitch? Thank you He said, Big Jay's the man, thank you. What's his name? Mitch. Mitch, thank you. Good name.

Lovely song, by the way. Lovely song, beautiful. Touch my heart. I know he didn't mean any harm, but he said, Big Jay's the man, Bobby's still not Dan, but we love him anyway. I don't think that's an insult. I don't take that as an insult,

cause I'm not Dan. But they love you anyway. But that's my name. Despite that. I'm not Dan. Okay. And I think we all have respect for Dan. Well, it's in the world of respect not Dan. But they love you anyway. But that's my name. Despite that. I'm not Dan. Okay. And I think we all have respect for Dan. Well, it's in the world of respect for Dan.

I think we all have respect for Dan, but you know what, I'm not Dan. But they love me anyway. So I will take that as a compliment. I actually thought it was a beautiful song. Well, I hate country, but I will say I'm narcissistic enough that I love country about me. And also, I again, I am balls to butthole

on Yellowstone right now. And all I'm bummed about on Zillow now is there's no house I can look at within like a drivable daily distance where I can have ATVs, possibly get into horses. None of these things can happen with a drivable distance to work. Well, I want an ATV. So bad. I want a hat. You want to mend your fence? I want to mend my I want to get a spool of

barbed wire that attract their pulls and makes a fence as you go. And then I just have modern day barn slaves screw it in. And if you get mad at somebody, snap it so it hits their face. You can snap it right on. Snap it, look who's here. And by the way, what a lovely world, Black Lou. These modern day slaves are white. Most of them are white.

Shane Gillis in the motherfucking house Shane Gillis, we're just talking to you a little Yellowstone you have fan No, you never watched it. No, dude. It's like Bobby told me to watch it. He's right. It's fantastic But I will tell you Bobby when you were asking me what's cheesy about it, I'll tell you, it's a modern, and my friend Tom pointed this out, it's a modern day soap opera. The lines in it are so TV novella.

I tried to watch one episode and it was like a tough chick playing poker with guys and was like, get out of here motherfucker. And I was like, all right, I'm not watching this. Yeah, you don't believe in a tough chick. Yeah, it's trash. Fuck a tough chick. Trash.

No, she's great. She also reminds me of my stepmother, Diane. But she- Diane's got nice tits. She's a great character now, but TV Diane does. Yeah, she does have, they do. It's a fantastic show, but there is a lot of people talking in Shakespearean, and these are supposed to be

hillbilly cowboys, and it's like, I'd give you all of my tomorrows if you could give me your heart for one more minute. Yeah, what are you guys doing watching this? First of all, that affected me when you just said that. Yeah, Bobby's soft though, Bobby is. I fucked up. Bobby.

I went to therapy 15 years ago, and I fucked up. Yeah, Bobby got soft though, Bobby is. I fucked up. I went to therapy 15 years ago and I fucked up. Yeah, Bobby got soft as hell. How long have you been going ever since? Yeah, I've been going ever since. You've been going to therapy for 15 years? Yeah, the thing. When are you gonna go it's not taken? He called me a lifer.

I think I go now just to have a friend. Yeah, I understand. Just to have somebody to go to and be like, hey man, how are you? It's good to see you too. Yeah, that's nice. He's also the only person you can say this to, and he knows what you mean. You go, I'm having the urges again.

Oh, all right, it's good you came, it's good you came. 100% you can go to him and tell him everything. Like, you're fucked up shit. I can't tell you everything. I'll tell you what. Alan, the therapist, is going to one day move to an undisclosed location and write a tell-all because everyone goes to the same guy.

Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people are just, Bobby hates Colin Quinn. Yeah, it's just gonna be comics being like, I actually hate all my friends. Yeah. How come I'm not the one? It's gonna be every single one.

I've tried to get info out of him about other comedians. Yeah and I'm sure everyone's done that too. Yeah, does he say something about me? I can't tell you. I knew he was Bobby's guy when I went and I went to him maybe two times in person, two times telemedicine, but in the second time I went to him, maybe it was the first time, he got me something with my dad and I started crying. And he goes, how many times then? Twice.

I went, oh this might have been the first one though. Took me a year and a half to cry. That's good. Well I said, I go, did I cry, did I take longer to cry than Robert Kelly? And he goes, it's not the point. He just keeps it so serious. And you're like, I'm just trying to deflect here.

That's who got me with, whatchamacallit, on what I did, Brian Koppelman's podcast years ago. He got me sad, I cried. They made the whole Legion of Skanks, by the way, you should watch it, making fun of me crying on this podcast. But I started crying made the whole legion of skanks by the way You should watch it making fun of me crying on this podcast But I started crying and the pull out of it a guy who's not like funny in that way Like I couldn't pull so I go I started crying he goes. It's okay. You're emotional and I went I went fag

And he went don't say that word and then I went sissy Don't say that either Okay, it's just the reprimanded me. I'm sorry He goes, don't say that either. Okay. It just reprimanded me. He reprimanded me and I just took it. I'm like, okay, you're right, I shouldn't say that. You never went to therapy ever?

I did a little, yeah. And what happened? They just tried to make me not like my dad. I was it the whole time and I was like, well, I like him. I think your dad's a pretty nice guy. Yeah, I was like, he's the man. Yeah. Yeah, that was it.

They tried to get you not to like him and you were just giving him. And I didn't have any money. I didn't have enough a pretty nice guy. Yeah, I was like, he's the man. Yeah? Yeah, that was it. They tried to get you not to like him, and you were just giving him... And I didn't have any money. I didn't have enough money to do it. You know, I was like, keep doing it. And I don't have health insurance or money. But I mean, with trying to make you hate your dad, were you telling me and my dad of this kind of rough go, or are you saying, like, my dad rules?

And they go, that doesn't rule. My dad rules. He took me to hookers from when I was 11 to 15. I was like, that doesn't rule. No, yeah. It was like, did he hiters from when I was 11 to 15. He's like, that doesn't rule. No, yeah, it was like, you know, did he hit you? And I was like, yeah. He's like, that's not good. It's like, it's fine.

I was a pussy. I was being a pussy. Are you going to hit your kids? I don't know if I have kids, yeah. You're not going to have kids? Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah? You think you'll hit them?

No. No, I don't think so No, well, it depends. No one what what they do It does to be some of you do shoot a school That's a belt that's gonna get to your room right now You're definitely gonna come home to some heat. Yeah, you shoot up a school. You're gonna get hit with a middle name You're definitely gonna come home to some heat. You shoot up a school, you're gonna get hit with a middle name. I got hit, but I never got hit for anything.

Like, I was late one day, because I fell on my bike, and he punched me, my stepdad punched me down a flight of stairs. Okay, yeah, my dad didn't hit me like, for real. But he was your real dad. Stepdads can hit like a... Stepdads not. That's great.

Getting hit by a stepdad is not. Well, because he has the fury of not, this is some dude, he's just hitting a kid. I remember he yelled at me one day, because I think I was in like second grade, and I, you know, you haven't developed your laugh yet? Yeah. You know, like kids have, ha ha, ha ha ha.

They're stealing laughs from like where they see it on TV. And I laughed one day at something he said, and he goes, it's not your fucking laugh, fucking idiot. Stop laughing like that. And I was like, ah. Wow. And it fucked up my laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For years, I was like, I would laugh insecure. I'd be like, eh, eh. No one's ever been able to make Christine insecure about that laugh. Oh, you can't, that's it. Loud and proud. That's her laugh. And then you did a skank saw Monday,

and what you would call it, the laughing guy is there, who I love. He's the Middle Eastern Trumper who brings his weed. He's a sweetheart, but that laugh is brutal. He's not even trying to hide it. But yeah, but he just can't. Yeah. Christine, do you feel for him when he goes?

My laugh's not like that. No, no, no, it's not. I'm just saying, but do you feel a guy, it's like he can't help that the laugh. No My left's not like that. No, no, no. It's not. I'm just saying. But do you feel a guy that he can't help that the laugh? No, it's not like that. No, no, no. Oh. No, no, no.

Christine, your laugh is wretched, for sure. I feel like he could help it a little bit if he tried. What do I do? What do I do? You think he's leaning into it? I think he's leaning into it. I think he likes being the laughing guy. Oh, dude.

He's Shultzing us right now, dude? You throwing us some Zen? Yeah. What do I just put in my mouth? Am I going to? You're going to love it. Did I just lose my sobriety? You're going to feel it.

Yeah? You're going to have to take a dump. Pretty quick. Do you feel it? I don't anymore. I do it too much. They're healthy, though, right? These are good ones.

They can't be healthy. I'm so addicted. But they're not like brown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like gum cancer. Yeah. You just leave it in there. Just leave it in. I just took but they're not like brown. Yeah. Yeah, like like I'm cancer Yeah, you just leave it in there. Just leave it in I just took one out It gives you the goose you get the goose's no, I'm just addicted at this point It's just I have to have one of this because your dad hit you my dad

My dad did dip I saw him do it. I learned from him No, the one time he hit me it was uh It was when South Park the the movie, came out. And there's a part in the movie where they're like, can we have two tickets to Terrence and Philip's Asses of Fire? And the guy working the desk at the box office goes, nah! So I started doing that. I did that. If anybody talked to me, I'd go, nah!

And my dad one day, I was on the computer and the phone was ringing right next to me. I didn't know it was right next to me. And he was like, pick up the phone. And I went, nah. And he ran over and he tried to punch me in the chest, but I ducked. So he hit me directly in the nose and mouth. Just blood everywhere. It felt like shit.

And I was like, what the fuck, dad? He felt terrible. He was like, I'm so sorry. So it's not like he ever really hit me. He actually hit you in the face. He tried to hit me with the belt once, didn't really take. You know, it was weird.

My dad only hit me once, but in fairness, I only saw him about 50 times through my childhood. But- It's a high percentage. Yeah, but he got me once. Fucking hit you every 50 times. But when he got me. That's crazy.

You break it down like that. I don't fucking, I love how smart you are, you can do the math that quick. 1 50th of the time I get drilled. That would have took me three days to figure out that. I didn't do any math. Percentages. Phone head. Percentages, that's math.

2%. But he. That's 2%, yeah. So, but it was, I was definitely being bitchy. I definitely deserved a crack for sure. And you guys got me like upside the head with one of those, but it was because he was trying to get me to go to church. My stepmother loved church every Sunday,

but I just didn't grow up going to church at all. And I really didn't want to, and just arguing about it one morning and yelling, and I think after he hit me and I started crying, I think I started talking about it. And I'm Jewish, also I'm Jewish. They tried to get you to a Catholic church? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been to church, I don't think I've ever been to a synagogue. I've been to church probably 15 times maybe in my life. I used to go to, when I was a lifeguard at the Jewish camp for the summer, they forced you to go to services on Saturday. Or else what? And they just. I used to go to, when I was a lifeguard at the Jewish camp for the summer, they forced you to go to services on Saturday. Or else what?

And they just, you had to go, because you were at a sleepaway camp. So me and two other Catholic kids, they used to sit us in the corner with napkins on our head, because they didn't have enough yarmulkes. Oh nice. We used to sit there like fucking assholes.

Like fucking yentl. What goes on in there? Synagogues? Yeah, is it just like... Pretty much playing in Hollywood and hiding. Digging? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Digging.

There's a lot of rocking. Yeah, tunneling to other Jewish places. Constantly tunneling. Well, I'll tell you what's funny about what I was going to say about my dad was, so that was the only time ever. I do remember several occasions where he took a wooden spoon upstairs to go whip my stepbrothers asses, which I thought was pretty interesting. That's pretty weird. Yeah, spoon.

I always thought it was because it's much easier to take out that fury on someone else's dudes than your son. That feels, I don't know, it's gotta be harder to hit a stranger's kid. No, to a normal person, it's fucked up. I think it's easy. But if you're full of violence, and you're gonna do it anyway, it's like, well, at least I don't have to hear from my kid's biological mom, I just beat these kids up.

It depends, I guess, why you're hitting them. Is it for a lesson, or? It's easy to hit somebody else's kids, because you're not connected. Like to look at your kid and see him like, dad. No, but you have to be a monk. He's gonna be like, sir, Gary, please don't hit me. Does it make sense that I understand though

you could have the passion to hit your child? Yeah, you want him to do better. Yes. Or whatever, you're correcting bad, whatever, yes. When it's someone else's kid, that's what I mean. It seems like it could, how could you have that much passion that's just I want to hit something yeah I mean that's hitting a five-year-old or like yeah you know a ten-year-old for it's crazy yeah it is crazier Bobby this is why you're a

lifer dude did you hear that we brought up your evil stepfather and your stomach made noises That's because that's the zen. That's gonna fuck you up. Yeah, it's kinda fucking my... Are my teeth gonna fall out? From one? I don't know, dude. My gums are real. From one salty zen? I've never done it. My eyes are vibrating right now.

Yeah, that was a decent amount of nicotine, dude. I'm about to die. I mean, I'm starting to feel like I'm gonna throw up a little bit. Your eyes are gl... Please throw up. I gave one to my agent, was hanging out with me, throw up a little bit. Please. Your eyes are gl... Please throw up. I gave one to my agent was hanging out with me and I like just forced him to take one.

He shit for the next half hour. We were at Rogan's Club and we were like in the, you know, at the bar downstairs. We were drinking and he's like, let me try one of those. I was like, all right. He just went and yeah. Was it Justin? It was Ethan and he was in the bathroom for real.

35, 40 minutes. Shitting. Just shitting just shitting Why does it run through you like that? Top tier shit, I wanted to talk about this yesterday, but I think you'll enjoy this too Shane because I brought this to the group Myself the turpin family. We never got to it right on the show Yeah, do you remember the turpin family? So that was where they found the 13 kids They were like chained in the basement and the parents the dad had like a bowl cut And then mom give us a little thing that tasted the turpin family

If you can't Christine remind you don't remember this at all I don't know this story one girl escaped got out and told a neighbor in Cleveland that one no No, no, no, no the other one. That was great. This was a California capturing people is Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you need a certain house for that so that is a scary fucking family Well, they're all like like there's 29 year olds in that group that look like they're 12 years old because they've just been like, they're never outside in the sun.

They got to Disney. They did go to Disney. They do say it. When they get this girl, if you can find the body cam footage, the cop, this is what I loved about this. So, Patti the Batty, go back there. This is what I watched.

I watched the body cam footage of the day they went in there and found them In the chains and shit when the girl comes out cops They got to be such cops all the time It's so like, you know We saw that video the guy is sitting up on fire and Dave Smith made that joke the cops still comes in with his You know the cops only have one speed and it's the same this cop she's like my family is I snuck out my family's chained up like I want you to look into this kind of he's like yeah he

goes what are you on medication or something and she's like what's medication he goes all right yeah you don't know what medic he's like pills and she's like we I think we've taken pills when some people have gotten sick before and they just ask her all the... and she's just like being sweet. And they said, it's funny, that guy, because he looks into it, ends up becoming her hero, but he's a cunty cop the entire time. Oh yeah, dipshit, is it? They're chained up. Would you have a little wacky tobacco tonight?

Wait, so they were chained up their in their higher lives Yeah, often my nights they chain a few of them up. Yeah Because they'll get away They believed I mean they're crazy religious people one of those things they think they're like keeping their kids from the world and protecting them Or whatever the mom hated them, so she was like super mean to them and the dad just kind of was like a dope, you'll see the dad's like a, fucking has a bowl haircut as a bowl, it's wild looking.

Show the couple, show the, the, the. This is the body cam footage, let me find the couple. Oh yeah. Do you wanna hear this? You can play this, yeah. Hi Jordan. Hi, what's going on? I just ran away from home. Okay. And I live in a family

of 15. Okay. My two little sisters right now chained up. They're chained up? Yes. Where are they chained up at? On their bed. Now mother didn't chain them up just to beat me. Okay. They're chained up because they stole mother's food Usually they're stealing food because they're broke. Yeah. Uh-uh. But I'm sorry if I talk too much. Okay. Oh my God.

I've never talked to you like that. He's not being like consoling at all. He's like, yeah. But this is a guy. All right. Can I just say something? This is a guy with kids. You know what I mean?

Like you have kids that say stupid shit all the time. I don't know man. And you come up to someone else's stupid kids. It's a little smoke vs fire. Chained up, yeah okay. Yeah I would. His kids probably said some stupid shit that day. She's asking them to help free her. You know what I mean?

She's not going like, like I run away and I'm gonna take me somewhere else. I'm gonna throw up. Spit it out. No, I don't want to. I'm not, no, no you're not, no. Somebody with a pussy or. This is for men.

Yeah, I'm fucking, I'm a man. I'm not no now you know you know what a pussy you are Yeah, I'm fucking I'm a man Die right now god damn it Look at the do the guys is that his hair is that a wig the career I'll tell you this the mom's too pretty for him And she's gas dumb and dumber He looks like a comic from the 80s. Yeah, he really does. Yeah, it's like a geeky guy or something.

Had like nine evening at the Improbs. Guy rocks. Well, the guy who had to treat children. No. He's an engineer for Northrop. No, he was an engineer also. I respect his hair, though. I don't mind the hair.

He went for it, dude. He's an eccentric. But yeah yeah so they chain the kids up the cop go back to the cop footage because he's never nice this all brings me to a grander point this is Jordan Terp and the girl talking okay how did you do your parents know you left your house no do you take any medication? What's the medication? Medication? Yeah, what's the medication?

Do you take pills? Do you take pills? Oh, I don't think I've ever taken a pill before. Okay. Right, I have. Um, She's like 18 or 19, that girl. But the reason I called and we then managed to to get out here this one of them looks very scenes

I've ever done. I'm terrified Yeah, I called because my two little sisters. They're chained up right now. Mm-hmm. You have pictures of your sisters chained up Yes, but I would yeah, I would assume she was schizophrenic. I would assume she's fucking out of her mind, too It's like little kids usually walk up high. Yeah and she's old and talking like a child. No no but he hasn't you can't tell she's old she looks like a little kid. Okay. So I'm saying like he's just there's no consoling even if she's out of her tree he's nothing consoling she's like yeah let me guess you're all whacked out on some shit. Where are they from? California California Northern California, okay makes sense. Yeah, I Don't have proof of everything but I have to that my sisters are changed up

So see see those are the places that make in on them and see how are they now so filthy we? We don't take baths We don't take baths. She keeps adding bad shit. She keeps trying to enhance like, no, they're chained up. That's not enough. Oh no, they're dirty. They're all clean. No, the room isn't clean.

Yeah. What do I have to say to get you in this fucking house? She's trying to get 19 years of pure daily abuse out in five sentences to a guy who's going like, did it now. Oh, okay. He starts playing the violin next door. Yeah, we're gonna need a backup. We got a fucking liar here. I'm just fucking around with you.

I kinda agree with the cop. And the cop that pulls a gun on the guy on fire, I would've pulled my. He should've shot that guy. Yeah, the guy, how are you gonna, the guy on fire is coming at you. You gotta shoot him for him. What are you gonna do, push him away?

He's not gonna get to you. You're gonna go no? Now, dude, once you're on fire for 30 seconds, you start walking like Frankenstein. People can get away. You're Jason Voorhees. Dude, that video. That guy was still talking.

I can handle a lot of videos. That video. I didn't know it was coming. That just fucked me up. When they started, Lewis was like, he was like, you never seen this shit? I was like, no. Yeah, I can handle a beheading.

That one, Burning Guy is like. Well you have to give him the commitment he had because I would have lit myself on fire and went, free pal, ow, ow, fuck, ow, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked, piss on me, do something. I wouldn't have. He never stopped, dropped, or rolled. He just stood there and said, free Palestine. He wouldn't have. He never stopped, dropped, or rolled.

He just stood there and said, free Palestine. He got it out. He got it out a lot. At some point in his head, it was just in his head, but he went, free Palestine, free Palestine. He goes, man, it's taking a long time to die. Free Palestine, like it definitely went through his head for a second, he goes, something is taking a long time,

I thought it was gonna like, the fumes or something would get me by now. This zips. He handled it though. He was like that fucking monk in Vietnam. That's our Americans. This is pretty impressive. That's the tenacity of our American soldiers, dude. It's the American boot camp system.

I bring this up. He had to think for a second, like, am I an X-Men? Can I fly? I'm not fucking dying? Can I fly? Am I not fucking dying? Am I invincible? Wait a second, I'll save Palestine. What the fuck? That's terrible.

This doesn't even hurt. Hold on a second. Just a few whips. Or you just point at this guy and see him take off. No, don't want to see it either. On World Star it's blurred, but it's just like pixelated fire. I was fine, man. No, the things that bother me about it is the fucking noises he's making, people are making. I couldn't hear very much the noises, but it's tough.

That's a tough one for me. Yeah, someone getting crisped. Yeah, I really get mad that they got mad, the cop pulling his gun. What the fuck? What's he going to do? Yeah, the cop was probably, that was terrifying. He was freaking the fuck out of me. I was like, I'm going to go to the police.

I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the police. I'm going to go to the Yeah, I really get mad that they got mad the cop of pulling his gun What the fuck? What's he gonna do? The cop was probably Terrifying he was freaking the fuck out. Oh, I'm not mad at the car. I just think it's hilarious. It is funny Please change

Different situation, what is this works? What I'm saying just put it out Just walked away he'd be that. Do what I'm saying. What if he just put it out? He's like, pfft. And then she went out and was like, what's up? Just walked away. He'd be, that'd be God. I'm gonna pass out. He is legend. Why? There's just a little bit of his name.

No, not that. Ah. You got it. That's long enough. That's it? Yeah. You did it. Now swallow it.

What? Spall the worm, dude. Well, I bring this whole story up just to say I feel bad for this girl in this weird street interrogation. I feel bad for their circumstances and the way they lived with these awful, awful parents. She is now an influencer, and I immediately, I don't like her again.

I want her to be back chained to a bed. It's like Britney Spears. It's like, nah, maybe those parents knew something. It's not crazy to keep an eye on her, at least. You know what I mean? I like this new Britney Spears better. Dude, this girl. She's out there.

I mean, she's out there and her dances are fucking hot. She's out there. You think they're hot? She's finally just being a pig in her living room. She is being a pig in her living room. She's having fun being a pig in her living room. It's being a pig in her living room. She's having fun being a pig in her living room. It's totally fun. And she's by herself.

Is somebody filming that, or is that just her on a tripod? I have no idea. Oh, it's her on a tripod. Because I always feel bad for the person. Doing like knife flicks and shit? Yeah. The person who has to film it, when you have to go, hey, I want to do my dance today, and some assistant has to go,

OK, and hold the camera. Has anyone memed that into a fucking Benny Hanna's like counter? Which is like. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Oh, God, look at that. Well, you can see her fat nips through the shirt, which I definitely appreciate. No problems with that. Oh, she's showing you crack. Good for Brittany. What a batshit lunatic. I love it. Now she's in an evening gown.

Yeah, she has fuckin' Pete Davidson eyes. They're always dark, Justin Silver. Look at his raccoons. Can you go to a picture, not a picture, go to a YouTube video of Jordan Turpin being interviewed, something where she has the bright blonde hair. She's insufferable. Oh, man.

She talks on the upswing, looks like she came out and immediately just made like one annoying white girlfriend and was like, all right, this is how people act. Yeah, I mean, think about it. She was chained up the whole time First thing she saw was tick-tock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but this is in her rice. This has been in her the whole time Yeah, she's talking on that bed chained up Getting down did you have any of it?

Yeah Did you have any interviews? She did a lot. I am looking for the, here. Yeah. Turpin's siblings rescued from Riverside County's so-called House of Horrors. I love her. She's going hot. She's kind of cute and adorable. She's completely cute and adorable. I love her pigtails.

Nope, I don't know what it is. Great hoodie. I'm not rooting for her anymore. Doing my best. I'm so happy she got her father's hair. No, here's what it is. Here's what I think. If she can come out of this, this unscathed,

being an influencer and living life and giving peace signs at monuments everywhere, being chained to the bed wasn't all that bad, is what I'm saying. Like, you can't argue with the raising if they snap back like this. All of them, all the girls that come out when they get interviewed,

they all have beautiful hair now, They're all they're all lovely doing Well, they cry a little bit in the beginning and then it jumps right into over it, you know, then they're like, you know Yo, create them right now use code turpin It's pretty you know I'm saying I don't know why, she's so undamaged from it now. And I'm like, fuck off. You didn't get that bad then. It was the motivation of saving my siblings and I because I don't know what would happen

if we just stood for even another year, because it was just getting worse. She's got a nice apartment. She sounds great. She sounds fantastic. I got to see you at TikTok or something. Go to her TikToks. That's her Instagram.

I'm going to go to TikTok. Go to TikTok. I'm trying to get on board, Jeff. No, dude, you're going to hate this girl. I'm going to make you guys hate this poor girl. I kind of like it. I'm going to get on board, Jeff. No, dude, you're going to hate this girl. I'm going to make you guys hate this poor girl. I kind of like it. I'm going to follow her. Jordan Turbans had it too good for too long, if you ask me.

How long she been out? Couple of years now. Not crazy long. Two years, maybe three. That's what I'm saying. She snapped back so easy. Damn, 1.4 million followers. Fuck, I got nothing.

Beast. I'm going to chain. I'll tell you what, dude, 1.4 million followers. Fuck, I got nothing. Beast. I'll tell you what, dude, yeah. Let's chain ourselves to something, Bobby. Oh. Oh. So please don't, I can say, till you feel it. She's doing her dances. Jay, you're way out of line on this.

He is, right? Jay, this is fucked up. This is a success story, if you ask me. She's trying, dude. No. This is what every fucking little girl does. Go talk to other fucking cave children and make their lives better.

I hear you on that. Cave children. Go talk to other children who are being kept in. What's wrong with her? There's 15 of them, and she's the only one on TikTok. She's really nice. She's lovely. Awful.

She's an angel, dude. She's fantastic. She's an angel, dude. She's fantastic. She's an angel, dude. She's an angel. She recovered from being chained to a bed. She's doing fantastic. She's got a great apartment. So far everything I've seen is likable.

I think the parents may have gotten a bad rap, is what I'm saying. I hear you on that. The defense should be. They did something right. She's fucking better than all your shitty kids. Killing it, yeah. She's killing, she's better than all of your shitty kids combined Killing it. Yeah. She's killing it.

She's better than all of your shitty kids combined. Even if it's just the one out of 15. No. Nope, I hate her. I love her. Yeah. I like her. J-R-O-P-E-J-R-O-P.

Bobby, that's the zen talking. That is the zen talking. That is the zen in there. You're all zinned up right now. Fuck, I gotta take my hat off, dude. How old is she? Currently right now? Yeah'm talking about how you take my hat off, dude. How old is she? Currently right now? You don't look 12, Bobby.

You're alright. How many milligrams were in there? Is that 3 or 6? 6 milligrams. That's 6 cigarettes. No. Yes, cigarettes, 1 milligram of nicotine. We're having fun. Look at my hand. Well, then I'm on nicotine 12 right now.

Cigarette 12. Just put another one in. Drinking water, I think, just made it worse. No, water will help. It just wet it. It just wet it. It's going to be great. Get some coffee in there.

Get that blood pressure. I'm going to have a heart attack. Yeah. Speaking of heart attack, how about sad Richard Lewis? Is that how he died? RIP, yeah. That's what it said in the article I read. That sucks. How did he die? A heart attack, how about sad Richard Lewis? Is that how he died? RIP, yeah. That's what it said in the article I read. That sucks.

How'd he die? Heart attack? Heart attack. Broken heart. No season 12 of Curb. Damn, what are you doing? I used to watch when I was a kid, that was the time again of like, you'd catch a sitcom that you didn't care about at all.

Bobby. You would catch a sitcom that you didn't care about at all. And you would see that, uh, you'd catch a sitcom that you didn't care about at all, and you would see that you'd watch it because it would just happen to be on. Why do you, is that the addict in you, Bobby, that he just handed you a thing? No, he did it.

No, no, I know. Yeah. You showed him the presentation that it exists. No, he said, let me get one of those. Well. Yeah, you're all right. Oh, man. You're all right. You're the worst.

You're going to be fine. You're the worst for a recovering addict. It's going to be ten minutes. Oh yeah, true. I'm so glad I'm not. I forgot you were a recovering addict. I'm so glad we're not hanging out all the time. See how nice that is?

I'd be fucking drunk. True buzz. Sometimes it's nice to feel a little sick. Bobby, you're green and your pupils are dilated. Oh, my fucking head. You're sweating. I thought you smoked cigated. Oh, my fucking head. You're sweating. I thought you smoked cigars.

I do smoke cigars. That's why I thought I could handle it. I smoke cigars every day. Yeah. And it is like cigars, I get fucked up. You can get fucked up off cigars. I've gotten twisted off cigars. Wow.

Because the nicotine and some of them are worse than others. Some of the Maduros are heavier. So you'll get a nicotine high and it makes you sick. And this is like, this is fast. Yeah, it's right in there. This is fast. Right into the blood. But I like that you don't have to spit.

I don't like, that's the one thing I don't like, spitting. I agree. That's why I switched to this. I used to dip constantly. You still get the cool feeling of having like that thing in your lip. Yeah, it's nice. A little chill. A little oral fixation. Give it a, yeah. You got that wank, Jacob cool feeling of having like that thing in your lip. Yeah, it's nice a little chill fixation

Give a yeah, that's a good Jacob Jacob. I haven't seen you in so long You look so good. Thanks, man. Yeah, his body is tight Hey everybody if you're listening to the bonfire as a podcast you gotta know there's a whole second half of the show that you're Not getting to hear look if you love the bonfire, which we know you do you this is just half of the show go subscribe to serious xm At serious xm.com slash bonfire subscribe right now Dude how are you? How are you feeling this week man? You fucking yeah, pretty good I mean, it's I mean it was pretty wild to see on that show and come out and I Mean I was nervous for you because I'm like, please don't fucking blow

Please don't blow. Yeah. Yes, then we're all gonna have to be like hey, dude. Yeah, good. You did good Yeah, you have to use words like well cuz everyone's going like it's gonna be good because you're fucking great So it's gonna be fantastic and then and fucking great, so it's gonna be fantastic. And then after the untexted things are just kinda like, I really feel terrible now if I say you have to fail. Like when I did The Tonight Show, everyone was like, oh, that's fucking great, you got, I'm gonna fucking die.

I did it, but I did all right. What's happening? And after the show, people were like, dude, that was good. Yeah. And I was like, oh I was like the one thing that sucks is Because of all the articles saying I sucked. Yeah, like people are coming up and like I thought it was good Yeah, probably was good. Probably more people are telling you it's good because anyone saying it was bad Yeah, you do you like do your skits on your show that you do a fucking awesome

saying it was bad. But you do, like dude, your skits on your show that you do are fucking awesome. And you're such a great comic actor. I think you're like one of the best comic actors out there. Thanks. And then you have to do these skits live, and you have to look at the cue card. Yeah, that was the hard part, is reading.

Yeah, you realize you can't fucking read. It's kind of far away, and it's just marker, right? Do they tell you to do a certain thing? Yeah, they try. They're like, all right, here's how this character should be. And then you just get out there and you're like, I just gotta read. I'm just gonna read these fucking words.

Right. Yeah. And they changed the script in between. They changed it up until the last second. Into the last second. So like, I'm literally reading some of those for the first time. For the first time. Yeah. I would have fucking broke.

I would have panicked. Yeah, that bothered me a little. And I can't read, I can't even read shit right here. Reading's fucking difficult. It's tough. The table read was impossible. Did you? Table read, so there's 40 scripts at least, and everybody that wrote them is in the room,

and they're like praying that you do well with it so that there's, sketch gets picked. Yeah. But I'm seeing them for the first fucking time. So I'm just it so that there's sketch kids picked. But I'm seeing them for the first fucking time. So I'm just like, and there's no breaks in between sketches, it just goes straight into the next one after the last page. And there was one I was reading, it was Chase actually, and it was, I was supposed to be like a British chef on like a chef show, cooking show, and like I didn't read it British at all.

Like midway through the table read it was like, you haven't been British at all this whole time, have you? And I was like, no. No, I'm not even British. It's like, all right, I just fucked that for Chay. Do you have a British accent? On the spot, probably not. You can't do one?

No, you go first. Hello. All right, I can beat that. Hello. Just do Australian. Hello. Hello. Who are you?

No. Jay, do British. I don't have to do British. I do a good Jason Ellis. It's an impression of just his own. I bet you do. It's an impression of his only fans. I go, oh, eh.

Eh, there it is. Eh, wait, wait. Eh. All right. All right, slower. Ow. Ow. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

No, no, no, don't. Not anymore. Not anymore. He doesn't have any more. What, he gets, like, pegged or something? No. He thought the guy setting himself on fire was tough to watch.

What's Jason doing? Ah, you don't want to. He's having fun, man. It's a lie. He took it all down. Oh, OK. What's Jason doing? You don't want to. He's having fun, man. But he took it all down. Oh, okay. He's just a guy having fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just partying?

No, I could do British. Not right now, though. You can't do it right now. I can. Let me hear it. I can do them all, baby. You can't do them all. Chinese.

No, I'm kidding. I was going to go for it. I'm back. But when you went in there, were you like, did you have an idea? I'm back. I'm back. But when you went in there, were you like, did you have an idea, like I wanna try to kind of address that and do a skit on that? Yeah, we talked about it. And why didn't you?

Because I was kind of hoping that you'd address that or something. I don't know. There's really no way to do it where, I don't know. It's kind of a setup to fail. where I'm, I don't know. It's kind of a setup to fail. People can only, it's risk versus reward. People can only get angry or get shitty about it.

And then the sketch is me coming in and saying, I'm so sorry. Or I'm coming in going, I don't give a fuck, which neither are very likable. I don't know. How many skits of yours got in? None. You didn't get any?

Nothing. How many did you have? Three, four. Me and McKeever, I brought McKeever. We got in there and immediately folded. We got in there, we gave them three ideas and they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, they suck.

We suck, sorry. You didn't sell them good because you're like. Yeah, we couldn't sell them at all. How'd they pick the order? My favorite one got cut, the emu. Emu, yeah. I love that one. I don't know what the reasoning is behind anything.

It's gotta be guns. But they released it, so that's good. It's all that matters. So when did you film that one then? Thursday night, or no, Friday. That was a rehearsal? Filmed it on Friday, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Are you up all night, every no, Friday. Filming on Friday. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Are you up all night every day? Yeah. But really only on, Friday's a long one. Friday's a long one? Yeah, Friday you gotta go in and film all the pre-taped sketches. And then rehearse all the sketches.

Were you, like at the end of this, and you did it, and you're out, were you happy? Was there a part of you like, dude, I wish I the end of this, and you did it, and you're out, were you happy, was there a part of you, like dude, I wish I was part of this, or are you like, dude, I'm so glad I didn't get this fucking job? Yeah, all right, yeah. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, I got done and I was like, oh yeah, this worked out.

Yeah, because you get to go home and not do this again? Yeah, I was like, damn, you guys gotta be back here on Monday, that's fucking crazy. Start that all over again. That's crazy. Yeah, it is a really fucking hard job. I don't know how they do it It's crazy. I don't think so everybody this whole time has been like you dodged a bullet You wouldn't have fit in there. It's been like I don't know. I think I could have done it I mean one week I was like I'm alright this worked out it worked out

But if you if you were on the show you would have been one of the stars of the show Yeah, but this worked out. Yeah, this worked out. It worked out, but if you were on the show, you would have been one of the stars of the show. Yeah, but this worked out. Yeah, this worked out. Wait a minute, you had to sleep in on fucking Monday. And you still got the experience doing the show. Yeah, the show's fun to do also, which I didn't think it would be. Has anybody ever done what you did, got canceled from?

Are you the only person that's ever done it? Norm got fired. Yeah, he came back. But he was on it for years. Yeah, no one's ever done it. No one's ever got it Norm got fired. Yeah, he came back. But he was on it for years. Yeah, no one's ever done... No one's ever got it, got fired, and then did so good on their own, they were like, come back and do this.

Was this a plan? Was this kind of a thing from the beginning, when you got fired? Like, look, dude, this is the culture we're in. We gotta let you go, but we're still got eyes on you. If I had to guess, it was never said to me. Lorne seemed... He was always in contact with me over the years. We're in, we gotta let you go, but we're still got eyes on you. If I had to guess, it was never said to me. Lorne seemed, he was always in contact with me

over the years. I think he always wanted me on the show and he wanted to, I think he wanted to prove that he was right, that I was funny. Yeah, I would say that. So he was happy that you went out and proved that he was right. Oh yeah, he was happy, yeah.

But then, you know, I have no idea. Maybe he was being nice. Yeah. Maybe he was nice. Jesus Christ, what I'm you know, I have no idea maybe it was being nice. Yeah It must have killed them though because they let you go and then you went out and just did it on your own with your Own on YouTube and yeah came huge and you and your stand-up, dude You're one of the funniest guys out there and it fucking annoys me Because I'm always at my cigar lounge, and they have a TV room, and they're always like, you know that Shane guy?

Even in... I was doing a pitch for a show for me, and the guy brought you up. And he goes, this is this week. We're about to, like, soft pitch. Bobby, I like this idea, but I'd picture you being more of a Shane Gillis type.

No, they started bringing up Shane and how good he did. And they're like, do you know him? I'm like, yeah, I know him. I was like, he's so fucking funny. Yeah, what'd you say? He was so good. I was like. No, I know what you said.

You're like, yeah, he's great, I love him. No, I said, fuck, he's awesome, he's one of the funniest. And then he goes, yeah, dude. I go, hey dude, do me a favor. Next time we're about to start a pitch with me as the guy. Can you not tell me about somebody else? And then he goes he goes like this Well, is there we can superimpose your face on the zoom his face over your face on the zoom I was like probably not probably not doubtful fucking asshole. I'd rather chase that way, but all the cigar guys

They always bring you up. You're always the fucking guy. Cigar guys is my demo. It is, 100%. Cops, firefighters, and plumbers. Cops, for sure cops. Plumbers are yours. Guys, anybody over fucking six feet is your dude. Yeah, for sure.

Guys on testosterone love you, dude. They fuck with me. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they love you. They never. Rogan was big for that. They never bring up, hey, let's watch your shit Yeah, they're always watching your they're always watching Shane Stand-up clips in the fucking lounge. I wish you would slow down because I would hate me

Why if I was every time I look at my phone? It's the same. I don't think I think in the too much I'm over. I'm oh, yeah, I want to know I think slow down I think in the insular world would hate me if you're in the insular world of comedy Yeah, then I see a lot, but I mean like I don I think in the insular world, I would hate me. If you're in the insular world of comedy, yeah, then I see it a lot. But I mean, I don't think in the, no, I don't think you're over, I don't think you're like over saturated. Probably because I search my name and read comments.

If you look at my algorithm, you just think of me. But the thing that you do that's fucking awesome, and I've talked about this, is that you never really taken a side on anything. You're doing comedy the way it is. Guess I have a couple of brewskies. No, I'm not talking about in the car

on the way to the gig. When traffic, you're on one side. But your jokes are always making fun of everybody. I'm trying, yeah. Which is what comedy is supposed to be. Yeah, you guys do it. You guys do the exact same thing. Yeah, but you really, I mean, I'll say this, you're fucking highly intelligent.

No. You're smart, dude. You're a smart kid. Dude, you're fucking brilliant. What'd you do in therapy this week? Christine, why are you being all fucking nice, dude? I'm just saying, do you know this? Cut it out. Shane, you're fantastically brilliant.

Christine, have we vamped long enough for you to have found some video that makes this turpin bitch look like a fucking twat? We're stalling. Turpin, I mean, Jesus Christ. She's great. It's just all her dancing to TikToks. There's no like, I haven't gotten an answer on the age

yet. She's going to kill. 23. Ooh, she's hot. She's going to kill. Jackpot. That darkness is going to come at her at some point. She's not going to kill.

Definitely, dude. She got chained to a bed for 20 years. Yeah. I guess it wasn for 20 years. Yeah Really what was on her sheets fucking meme ideas, I mean fucking She's gonna be on fucking show with you and Ralph someday. Oh, definitely for sure. I'll interview her then She goes I got in the gangbang porn. Well, I really I guess I was in the way when I was younger How was the how was the party after? It was all right.

It went from like, I had like one hour. As soon as the show ended, it was like my family and friends in the dressing room. And then we got to like take pictures and stuff. My niece was there, that was nice. She was like getting pictures with like 21 Savage. Sal was there, my niece loves Sal. She was like, oh my God, Sal Valconos.

I was like, yeah, that's Sal, man. He's the man. But then it went straight into like, oh my god, Sal Valconos. I was like, yeah, that's Sal, man. He's the man. But then it went straight into like, it was like the end of any show where you're just shaking hands and taking pictures for the next fucking four hours. Because they do the party after at some restaurant and it's just everybody from the show

and all the entertainment industries there and you're hanging out and how long? Solid queso fundito with that place. I didn't even get to eat. I just had to shake hands. Queso fundito. And then you sit with Lorne for a while, you talk to him for a while, which is very nice.

And then we went to the stand after and the stand was just packed. That's so funny, you're such a comic. And then I stood in the corner at the stand for like two hours and then looked at my phone. I was like, it's six, I'm going home. You went home? Yeah.

And what'd you do when you went home? Fucking went to sleep. Were you fucking just lying there, like what the fuck just happened? No. That was the night, that was Thursday night, it was that night. Thursday night leading into it,

it was like I did Coke all night. Really? It felt like that. Like I've done, obviously I've done Coke all night before. It felt the exact same. Like I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling and like my heart was pounding and I was like, holy shit, yeah. That's fucking awesome.

Now it's done with a fucking shoulder drop when it's over. Yeah, makes Radio City a little easier, I'll be honest. I really don't give a fuck. Radio, I mean, stand-up's nothing. You just gotta walk out and do your shit, right? Why are you excited about tires though, right? Tires is awesome. Tires is really exciting. We filmed that this year

We filmed it in Philly like Westchester, okay. Yeah, yeah, that was nice But that one's gonna be exciting cuz everybody's gonna get to see Steve Gerben and how funny he is. Yeah, he's incredibly funny Steve Gerben, he's in a couple sketches. He's incredibly funny. Who's Steve Gerben? He's in a couple sketches that you've seen. Gilly Keeves, okay. Yeah, he's got real bad arthritis in his hands. I'm trying to help you remember what he looks like. But you'll see, he's the star of that show.

Yeah? Yeah. I think it's awesome, and was it in Variety or something, but it had like Kyla's name and stuff. Kyla's in it? Yeah. Kyla's, yeah, Kyla's one of the main characters. So this is the Netflix thing? Yeah, we got a TV show. So it's like, it's a sitcom.

Oh, it's a sitcom? Yeah, it's like, yeah. What is it about? Just a workplace at a tire shop. Is this, sorry, I don't know what I'm allowed to say. You didn't see the pilot pilot? The pilot was great. I didn't see the pilot.

I didn't see the pilot. There's a pilot? Wow. I mean, the very first thing is that. Oh, the YouTube video. Yeah, yeah. It's like great. I didn't see the pilot. Wow. I mean the very first thing. Oh the YouTube video Yeah, yeah, it's like damn we put out a pilot. We should have pilot What the fuck happened? Yeah, that's great. You're excited about that. I'm very excited about that I think that'll be that that'll be you know nerve-racking again because everyone it'll be the same thing They're gonna do the same thing every one of these fucking publications is gonna be like this show sucks But you're gonna have to be in casting and all that shit.

You're gonna pick people to be in it? No, we already filmed it, we made it. Oh, it's done? Yeah. Oh shit. It's coming, it already started. It was on a release date. I mean, I.

It's like, so you're gonna do the casting and you're gonna put people in it? I did Louis, I don't know if you saw Louis. You were great in Louis. I was pretty good in Louis. You were great in Louis. I can act. Yeah, we still talk about, was it Bang Bangs?

I would love to fucking be in season two. Yeah? There's a release date already, Bob. I don't fucking know, dude. I didn't know that, I'm sorry. That's fine, no, no, no. I just saw the thing that you got a Netflix deal. I didn't know that was out there already, I'm sorry.

I'm, it's totally fine. I'm excited, I'm excited to see you on fucking TV. It makes me pretty uncomfortable This shows changed Percent well, I'll tell you what don't get Jacob going on that Jacob still reeling from Dan's fart. He's so happy I'll tell you what happens Dan farted in here yesterday. No, I fart in here You know, I you fart I fart but I fart because I had to have a certain diet I you know, do protein and all that that, and I have bad gassers. And he would-

Why should I be okay with that? But I don't fart. I never farted like, fuck you. I let it slip out, and I apologize immediately. Okay, you acknowledge that you did fart before everyone smells it, or do you let everyone in the room go, oh my God? Wait a minute, wait a minute.

And then you go, my bad. I'll say I've done both, because I've, they're not like loudfarts, some of them are little tiny ones where I was like, let me just see, I don't think that affected anybody, and it did, because it was bad. And then there's been times where I've run out of the room in the middle of conversation and just left the studio,

farted in the hallway and came back because I felt so bad. Everyone in shade 45 is like, god damn, what the fuck is that? Yo, you fucked up Gucci Mane's freestyle, dude. in the hallway and came back because I felt so bad. Everyone in shade 45 is like, God damn, what the fuck is that? Yo, you fucked up Gucci Mane's freestyle, dude. Yeah, but Dan came in here yesterday. And he literally turned towards Jacob and let out a fucking

brrrr. A long. He liked it. A long, ripply fart. I'm telling you, he loved it. Didn't say a word. He went like this. He literally grinned like this.

He never unfolded his hands from his chest. And Dan cracked and looked, and he was almost a wink laughing at me and Bobby while he was cracking on Jacob. Jacob has made a real scene about Bobby's farts in here before. And I will say, he just ate Dan's like it was the fruit of life.

Why are you being a lady about it? It's farts, dude. Why are you being a lady about it? It's farts, dude. I'm not being a lady about it. First of all, they're singling me out. You're being a dainty little lady. I didn't like that. Shane, this is like a space center to vacuum sealed studio. It would piss me off.

It would piss me off. And it's not once or twice. It was like, I don't know what the number's been like 30 now. Yeah, but no. No way. No, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'd say six or seven and here's the thing I changed my diet I stopped I started eating rice like a dog because of you so my ass working okay fine great this is good I expect your your attitude towards farts to be towards everybody it was it wasn't yesterday caught me off guard But I expect your attitude towards farts to be towards everybody.

It is. It wasn't yesterday. It caught me off guard. It didn't catch you off guard. So you're being nasty. And he's not a dance, really a guest on the show now. What can I do? I don't know, not smile and breathe in.

It seems like everyone's against you. You tried to catch someone in a jar. You were doing this with a jar, like you're trying to catch fucking lightning bugs. Fireflies. Oh, get under there, Jacob. Oh, he's giving you a little more. That one sounds wet. He really.

I take the brunt of it too. But a silent fart that stinks. Is bad. To do is also as funny as it gets So fucking funny to fart and then look around and watch someone like there's nothing funnier And I do that face great shame the funniest technically is that Jacob falls to pieces I've let them out and just sat here

And saw it affect everybody individually Like I saw the air in the room goes that way that way and then it goes over to learn I hit one I was with O'Connor. This is maybe not that funny you guys but O'Connor was across the room I let out a silent fart. He got hit with it this thing shot across That must have been a back draft. He just farted. I was like, no. He was like, oh my god.

It stinks like shit in here. You said no? Yeah, I did not. You said no. It's very funny to say no. It's just you and another guy in a room, and you fart. You go, no. What is it, a ghost?

Where you just go, I've said the no and acknowledged it. I smell it too. No, I smell that too actually What the fuck is that? Florentine they landed a plane because of his fights. No. Yeah, they get on they were like listen whoever's doing the ocean They just fucking took it down. We're gonna this thing's definitely rotten We're going back and we're landing the plane if you don't stop. That's how bad his gases were You turn around and land the plane.

Yeah. Oof. There's nothing better than farting on a plane. Yeah, I think I've farted on planes before. Oh my God. It's all I do. I fart the entire flight. I love farting,

because you can't really hear it either, because it's that hum from the engine. Yeah, you can get away with it. Everyone's laughing out loud as fuck. Do you know how it rarely, it rarely, and I can't believe it in all these years now of doing comedy and flying so many times, thousands of times, I'd have to guess, there's only been like a beautiful woman or girl sitting next to me three or four times, but it is, it's my nightmare when it happens.

Because I'm like, my plan is to sleep the whole time and in a pretty situation. No. It's not so bad, I hate, but it's funny how rare it is that an attractive woman sitting next to you on a flight. Well, you sit in first class. Yeah. It's usually just old white guys.

Yeah, you're right. It's always old white guys. Yeah, you're right. At my fattest, when I used to fly, I used to, I remember there was a hot chick sitting next to me, like the first time ever, I was so excited, and I saw her disappointed face when I had a scoot by her.

And I woke up and I used to snore on planes, and I didn't know this. What do you mean you used to? I used to snore, I don't snore. Cause I got this thing, this pillow that straps my, it goes around my chin. On planes, you put that on. Bobby, you strap your chin down?

There's a pillow. You look like a lunatic, doesn't matter if you snore. I'd rather snore than be seen like that. That's so scary. This is, I woke up, I woke up facing the girl on the flight in comfort plus, cause I'm not fucking you two. And I was going like this. That's the way I snored.

On a flight, I would go pfft. Dude, who would the pillow up to here would look like? Remember they took the Darth Vader's helmet off? That's the guy that's up here telling everyone you're sorry for what you've done, what you've become. I definitely have sleep apnea. And on planes, it's crazy. I'll pass out and I'll wake myself up like,

ah! The other day we lied. And you gotta lie? Yeah. There's a grimant on the wing. Oh, sorry. I passed out again after we landed. I've done that.

And it's, I woke up snoring with my mouth open, all the lights on in the plane And the so he was like you we got to get off. Yeah, and I was snoring loudly I had that recently you land and you're like, oh I'm up and then it's a slow taxi Yeah, just going right back and then it's a lady go and they always give you like some kind of like Like they feel for you. They goes whoo whoo, you were a tired guy, huh? You're like, you're already making that face, and I'm like, mm, mm, mm, yeah.

Which one's my back? I always embarrassingly laugh. I laugh out of embarrassment. I'll snore myself awake and be like, ha ha, no one's looking at me. It's insane. They can't hear it. Yeah, that's the beauty. When you wake up. They're just looking at you like you're a fucking asshole You're ruining the whole flight. Yeah, I'm usually in a sweatsuit

Just mouth open Four eyes in front of me. Yeah, I have headphones on no one's longer bother me And also I think with the sound of the engine, I mean, are you gonna hear I've heard some dudes snore really? Yeah, it makes me laugh Behind you I've heard some dudes snore. Really? Yeah, it makes me laugh. Just a wolf in? Just a dude behind you. Ah! Yeah, hearing somebody snoring is almost, hearing someone snoring in a hotel room next to you

is almost better than hearing them fucking. Yeah, it is, dude. Snoring's funny. Snoring's funnier than the fucking. Dude, my dad, if I go home, my dad puts on a fucking clinic with that. I've never heard anyone snore. You can hear him downstairs. Oh yeah. Scream snoring.

Yeah, my dad sounds like air raid shit. It's really problematic. Yeah, my snores were bad. He's probably dying. For sure. My snores were bad, but the end part, when my mouth was... Pfft. That's the part.

Tommy Pope does that. He does that? Yeah, it's very fun to watch. Pfft. I'll tell you what, that'll catch me. Fuck that. But you know? Yeah, it's very fun to watch. Pfft, pfft. I'll tell you what, that'll catch me. But you know what, that'll catch me when I fall asleep. It's an old man thing too.

God forbid, this was never my problem when I was younger, but if I go to a movie theater and I am slightly not into the movie, dude, I'm outsy. So fast, and having Isabella or Christine or someone have to tell me I'm just doing like the Like the first start to fall asleep so I'll do some of that to the lips thing we just like By the way, it's also the most childish maybe not but one of the most childish things about me in the world is I still mittens. No The chain that doesn't connect to a wallet. Okay. No, that's not it. They'll blue in your hair. No

It is I still I'd say Only about 15% of the time 20% of the time will I say I'm falling asleep when I'm falling asleep I still lie about that like a child. Are you falling asleep? No, why? You're snoring. He goes, I'm just breathing heavy, I guess.

And I know I was just asleep. I don't know why I'm like, no, I just stay up till latest. I'm gonna beat the sun. That doesn't go away. That's every dad watching sports every night. Every time my dad would be asleep on the recliner, I'd come in and I'd be like, can we please turn off West Coast baseball game? Fucking 1am.

I'm watching. I'm watching. It's on. We're gonna take a break. Alright. We're gonna break. Shane Gillis, Radio City Music Hall, New York. It's this weekend, Friday, March 1st and Saturday. All shows sold out. Yeah, but I don't know. There could be some available now.

They might release some. After that, he's gonna be in Chicago, California, Portland, Boston. For tickets and all other tour dates, go to ShaneGillis.com. Nope, nope, nope. Shane M. Gillis. Shane M. Gillis.

Shane M. Gillis. He told you he can't read. What's the M? Michael, my middle name. Ooh, I like that. Michael. My middle name's Michael. Is it? Yeah. Mine's Patrick. I know, I knew yours. Oh, I like that Michael. My name is Michael is it

Yeah Mine's Patrick. I know I knew yours. No you didn't. Yeah, I did One time on the show we call Patrick Kelly one time on the show We called my father and asked him my middle name and he didn't know it. He said a name, but it was the wrong one That's pretty funny. Yeah