The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Thin Lipped Jack-O-Lantern with Brendan Sagalow

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Comedian Brendan Sagalow performed for a prison and got heckled pretty hard. He recently went to a marathon Green Day show and tells why he loves live cam porn. Jay reveals what it was like meeting his daughter's new boyfriend for the first time at Slipnot. Bobby contends that he knows more about the boyfriend than Jay does. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly This was the song that made max realize he doesn't need parents You make your own way in this world son The bonfire Faction Talk series xm 103 big Jefferson Robert Kelly Great guest in the studio, everybody. Here's new comedy special Thin Lips, available on YouTube right now at youtube.com slash Brendan Sagalow.

And you can hear him on the Sag Daddy, the pod, anywhere you listen to podcasts. It's hilarious, Brendan Sagalow. Hey. Brendan, turn the volume up on your headphones. No, I know. I can't hear you guys in my headphones at all. You can't hear? No.

Really? Why would that be the case? Who even knows if this is even going out? Is this even happening right now? Oh, well now I can a little bit, but not really. It's just bad connections. Hey, I'm from the podcast world, okay? I don't need you guys in my headphones.

No, but then you don't get to hear DJ Lou's masterful work on the ones and twos. Oh, let me see. There you go. I take them off so violently. You know, but then you don't get to hear DJ Lou's masterful work on the ones and twos So violent give these off I gotta hear this There we are, what's up boys? Got you. What's up, man? Thanks for having me slip. That was a whole adventure We just went through it all and I was here to talk about it. It was Max's big old Experience in coming a hardcore metal for sure. Well, we were driving home last night, telling me about the concert,

and Big Jay, his daughter, was there with her boyfriend that he met for the first time last night. Six foot five black guy, that's slipknot. From? From Panama, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, Panama. Born in the Bronx though. Bobby got all the info. from Panama again, can't get a game Born in the Bronx, though. Oh, Bobby got all the info I said nothing to him except hi, and do you want something to drink was he nervous was he like no no no J. Oh you mean J. Yes, you were nervous. Oh my god. Yes. I didn't think I read nervous Really when you you broke eye contact with him when you were shaking hands

You're like Tony soprano when he meets the black boyfriend of Meadow. Yes. And he calls him a... What does he call him? Don't try to set us up. Do you say it? No. What does he call him again?

He's just trying to set us up to get fired. Is the Italian one? Is that what he went with? I want to say it, but I don't remember what it is. It's like a... I don't know why it's bad. Because I don't know Italian, but I remember the word. Does it start with an M?

Eggplant. No, man. Eggplant. It was eggplant. That's a good one. What is it? Moulinan? Moulinan, yeah.

Tatsun. Yeah, moulinan. What did you say? Don't pretend you didn't just say it perfectly. I don't want to say it because I don't even know if it's bad. Tatsun? Yes. I heard that one too.

I don't know what it is. It's from the show. It's from the soprano. That's what Something only calls it Jacob didn't say it. It's from the show the soprano voting Tony soprano according Did he do anything that you were like? I can tell he's kind of nervous to meet me or whatever like was he like him mr. J No, he was like how are you very cool as a cucumber and went right in for full-blown Concert affection with my daughter in front of me No making out no making out or anything. But arm always around.

The waist? No, over the top. He's 6'5". That's not too bad. And then arms like, and then, you know, her head right here with his arms like over. It was. Oh my God.

You could've took that photo and put it at like, in front of a jazz quartet in front of a gazebo Like it like George they were in La La Land I'm over there trying to fucking scream about slipknot And these two are just these two are wearing a ball gown and a tuxedo in their minds like dancing in front of a fake moon People might be shit, but you're not I'm blacker than That guy's not black. I'm blacker than that guy.

He's half. Maybe. He's half black, half Panamanian. Oh man, concerts have been fucking ruined. We went to see Green Day recently and Shane knows Mike Dyrnt, right? Torres. Yeah, Shane Torres knows Mike Dyrnt. He was like, I'll get us in, don't worry.

Maybe we'll go backstage. And for the whole week, I'm like, he's like, I'll get us in, don't worry. Maybe we'll go backstage. And for the whole week, I'm like, it didn't even, we get there and it didn't even occur to me, cause we get there and they're like, yeah, who are you with again? And we have to be like the bassist of the band that's about to play in front of 40,000 people. And they're like, you gotta get his intention, man. Like, you're not here, you're not on the list.

It didn't even occur to me the whole week I was going, I wonder what I'm gonna say to Billy Joe Maybe give him a dab. I don't know. Maybe I could do a collab with You might get me out there to sing good riddance. I can't do it He goes Brandon you didn't bring one of your CDs in the pocket of your vest. Did you goes no Why? Jay treated his daughter's boyfriend the same way. Hey man, you got something in your hair?

How did you relate? Like what were you saying to like, cause this is like a new experience for you, meeting your daughter's boyfriend, like that's an experience for you as well. I said a lot of things like I pointed out to him all the black people I also know. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. You know the RZA, the JZA. I said a lot of things like I pointed out to him all the black people I also know

The RZA the Jizzo ODB inspect the deck Not actually in the band but he was woo adjacent and all of d12, believe it or not. That's so cool, man. Bizarre. Proof. The rest. And the rest. Knaiva. Man, that's so cool. I'm not ready for that. I mean, I don't have a kid or anything. I'm not even ready for that.

She's got time to prepare. I'm holding her as a baby. I go, I can't wait to meet your black boyfriend. Half black. Can't wait to meet your black boyfriend Can't wait to meet your half black boyfriend the other half is Panama He knows I know where it works what he does for work how long is it working there I Mom I know what I know what is my mom like What's his mom like? She's really nice. Is she? Yeah.

Always air for him. Yeah. Good family. Really lovely family. Whoa. Yeah. She's originally from Panama. Moved to the Bronx.

What's his relationship with the Lord? He's... Ha. Right now it's a little rocky, but since he met your daughter, he's very grateful. He's getting his faith back? He's getting his faith back from the Lord.

You didn't notice him putting a little carpet down every five minutes? Oh, my family bring that get your faith back pussy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then Max was talking about girls. Was it like, Isabel was hitting on me? No. I think Jay's daughter was winging it my way, too. I mean, how much is enough, lady? She kept holding my hands up to her hands going, someday. She goes, well, I can't fit him in my butt. So, Max? He was talking about girls because of all your girl talk.

Oh, hell yeah. Or girl talk. I don't know. All of it. Did I watch the Fat Black Lady Pee ones? You were talking about... That got them all worked up. Every butt that walked by,

your dad doesn't like that ass. Yeah, I was learning how gay his dad was. Did you guys give Bobby's kid the birds and the bees that slip not? No. Sort of. The J version. You're like, okay, we got a little time

before they come on. I gotta tell you everything. Well, it's a real dilemma going on in the show, Brendan, where Bobby, anytime there's a girl who's got a shapely you everything. Well, it's a real dilemma going on in the show, Brendan, where Bobby, anytime there's a girl who's got a shapely ass, he goes, it's fat and gross and he hates it. You don't like fat asses?

I don't like, I like big asses. I don't like over... He says Doja Cat's body is unattractive. I just don't like a fat, oversized fat ass. Oh, my God, I would fucking, I would fill up Doja Cat's ass with cum. It's deformed. Yes. I met Doja Cat once would fill up Doja Cat's ass with cum. It's deformed.

Yes. It's deformed. I met Doja Cat once. Me too. Before she was Doja Cat. Oh, I didn't know. I did a show that she was in. Before she had that butt?

I think she's always had the butt. Or I don't know, it does look fake, which is the problem. It's gross. I don't like fake butts or boobs. Me either. Yes. I don't like fake butts.

Yeah. But a big butt. That's a fake butt. That's a fake ass. I don't think it is. Ridiculous. 100% right there, that photo right there is fake. That ass But a big butt. That's a fake butt. That's a fake ass. I don't think it is. Ridiculous. 100% right there, that photo right there is fake. That ass is not God made.

That's made by a Mexican dude in Tijuana. It's a little dumpy for fake, I'd say. I'd still, I'd still hit, you know what I'm saying? Sure. But I don't like fake ass. I think it's a weird look when they have, especially when it's like a fat person, he gets a fake ass.

It's sags and stuff, like it's, I don't like it very much. We were talking on the way home, and he started talking about, he goes, Dad, guy talk? I was like, okay. He's like, guy talk. I'm going to tell you things, but I don't want to get in trouble. I'm like, yeah. He goes, you know the type of girls I like?

And I was like, I know, okay. What type of girls do you like, Max? Fast and loose. He goes, chicks with dicks. Dad? That's with dicks. That's what I said. Dad? I don't want you to just, woo!

Close your eyes, close your eyes, and just hear me out. Chicks with dicks. And then I go, Max, close your eyes and look at this browser history. We're on the same page. Let's dump your mom and go to the tiny house. There's enough room for three dicks in there. He goes, I go, what type of girl? He goes, black.

Sweet. He goes, I go, you like black girls? He's like, I like black girls. I go, you like just black girls? He's like, yeah, I go, that's fine, dude. I go, I've been with black girls. He's an ass man. He goes, you've been with black girls. He's like, yeah, I go that's fine, dude. I go I've been with black girls He's an ass man. He goes you've been with black girls. I was like, yes, I've been with black girls He goes I like black, but I really like

Spanish He goes I really like the type. Oh, yeah, the black wasn't even the pinnacle. He's like, okay now that you've processed that Into Puerto Rican with black Okay, now that you've processed that. He eased me into Puerto Rican with black. But he likes, he doesn't like white girls. There's nothing exciting to look forward to teasing you about or busting your chops that's equivalent to what's going on with me.

From your son being in like, oh, he's got a black, it just happens to have a black girlfriend would mean nothing to anybody. No one talks about it, it's no the hubbub. It's cause everyone's picturing his big, huge big huge fat black dick doing terrible things to my daughter It was like four of his friends before his friends watching because she has to get a Because she didn't want Because my daughter didn't want to roll the dice

Hold this Xbox remote while I stick it in her. We about to run a train on this motherfucker. She calls you Uncle Bob. Let me tell you this. What's gonna be funny is in a few years when Max hooks up with your daughter's husband's sister. Oh yeah, we'll keep it all on the family. Did you know he had a sister?

Does he? Oh my God. Bobby did all the. Did you know he had a sister? Does he? Oh my god. Bobby did all the parenting talk. Does he have a sister? Did you give him any shit? Did you say anything to this kid? Yes, do you want water? No.

Can I get you a Diet Coke? Was this kid in the slip knot? Are you sure you don't want an angry orchard? Was he like in the slip knot, or was he like what the fuck is this? He was in the slip and is not into something. Hey. Settle down, Jay. Settle down, it's jokes. Was he like what the fuck he was into slipping is not into something

Was he into it or was he like this isn't really my type of shit, but I don't know I'm not using this shit, but you know, it's a nice will be in the room Whatever I gotta do this ain't no way to this boozers Skanks I was like they were like have you figured out what you're gonna say the first thing you say don't do I go So far whatever Hurst is what it is young blood What it is young blood shit man, come on now X tension? Your dad's a jive turkey. I see you take a fancy to my daughter fine as her mama yes she is. You start patting your forehead. Real sexy women here tonight. She church going when she need to be. When she get, when she don't Yo, introduce you to my side piece Christine, get the fuck over here Christine, get your ass over here and keep your eyes on the back of my shoes or you'll catch five across your face

Now humiliate me in front of Brendan You better be treating your ladies right You don't treat my daughter like I treat my women Now she a queen, this a bitch. Yeah. Here's the difference. A queen get purchase tickets for, a bitch catch this. Now she's my bottom bitch but that don't make no sense. You should have Dante show up as you. I've been so much greater. Hey, big Jay Oakes. He's got the voice.

Hey, so he was. What you doing with my daughter? He wasn't nervous or anything. He didn't put on a voice for you or nothing. He went like this. I like that. Hello. He went, what's up, bitch?

Put his arm right around his daughter and said I own this now This coming home with me if you want a water he goes she's fine Who you asking questions to my mama don't think your daughter good enough for me What? Want me date, half Hispanic girl. Look at your girl, walking over that bouncer in her head like a crazy woman. That's exciting though.

Yeah. It was great. What do you tell you about how you thought about Christine? Do you say anything about Christine? Max? No, no, no. Max loves Christine. Isabella's boyfriend. No, he was too busy holding your daughter. Yeah. Yeah, when you guys left, I told Christine to try to seduce him and see if he's a good

guy. Christine tried to seduce him away from Isabella and see if he goes for it. Poor Christine's sucking his dick at a slipknot concert. He's not good, Jay. She goes, he finished fast, he didn't feel guilty afterwards. Did he come? Yup. He gave me his number, he threw it.

I mean it was a crazy batch. Boy I forgot how much 24 year olds come. Oh my god, it tastes like rice and peppers. That's a huge moment. How long were they dating for? It was a huge moment. It's a huge moment. Can we? It was a huge moment. How long were they dating for? It was a huge moment. It's a huge moment, you know? Can we?

It was a huge moment. It was great. It was a great. They've been dating for years. Years? Yeah, no. He started dating in high school, but then he moved away, and so they broke up,

and then they've been kind of on and off. He went to jail, huh? No, he went to California. Because his job, he got a job. Well, he was running from, he was a teacher fucking student. He tells you that he was 57 years old? But that was something where I was like, oh, they know each other, like the familiarity. He's an OG fan of mine from Comic View.

But this is the first, it is nice that my daughter's first boyfriend will understand all my credits. He shows up to the Slipknot concert in the Fubu's thing you're wearing. It's like, look familiar. I got it all. He goes, dude. What's up, man? Oh, dude, that'd be great if you knew old school. He starts doing your little gay dance.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That'd be so great if he goes, dude, I know you from old school thing. Lester Barry hosted that season, I believe. It was Atlanta? Correct me if I'm wrong. Ones J was hosting that season I believe it was Atlanta correct me if I'm wrong on as Jay was hosting that season he knows you from black guys reacting to which by the way

always works out pretty good for me I will say that makes me they love you when they send it to me I always get nervous I'm like I was gonna do always they always I mean at worst I get is they're kind of like it's funny but you know it's like they're not mad at it for sure Or they laugh at it's been. Oh, but those are nurse scary videos that yeah, you're like. Oh god Oh god at least give me one Do a podcast with Lewis no I know but but do the one well the one that got me was uh They were sent it to be I said it was like watch this to be mad as these two, and they watched a bit I do about Dave Smith,

which definitely out of context, in and by itself as a joke, theoretically, at least when I started, things may have changed in the black circuit, but I'm sure there's much more acceptance and stuff. No, I mean in the black comedy club circuit, I'm saying, the audiences, there used to be a lot of those jokes wouldn't fly.

So playing a joke that I just Describe a fictitious scenario of me and Dave Smith having aggressive gay sex. Yeah I was like they're gonna check out on this and they just left they were just kind of like boy going for it they're kind of laughing like Added and with it. It makes a little bit, but it's For man, but I was like that joke for sure I thought I'd be like yo, cuz it used to be in a room if you were like I was like that joke for sure thought I'd be like yo man cuz it used to be in a room if you were like If you did a joke in a black room that was one of those like and the guy said if I suck his dick that I Could have this stuff. That's what he offered to me dude

So I'm sucking his dick and that room the room be like no What are you doing? They can't laugh at it when I did that show I did a show at Rikers and Johnny cash And uh, I did a show at Rikers. Johnny Cash? I wish dude! I fucking wish! You hold your guitar like that? Dude, I thought it was going to be like that. When I got booked for it. Did you get in at the cellar?

You got passed. That's how he got in. He tunneled out of Rikers right into the cellar. Yeah, I scribbled Brendan was here in the McDougal room and then hung myself. No, but when I did the show at Rikers, and we finally got, they do shows there, and it was, they. I don't know, it's like, no, no, no, it was like me and a bunch of other comics, and when I did it, the last guy he was doing,

he flew all the way in from like Alabama or something, because his father had gone to, was in Rikers and he wanted closure. He wanted to perform at Rikers and get some sort of closure. I don't know. It was really fucking stupid. But he closed it out and we finally had got them on our side. Like they hated us. And then he goes up and he does 10 minutes on being gay. And they're all like, no, no, no, no, no.

Can't laugh. So I'm here to get closure. Yo, your father was a gay, buzzy motherfucker. It's, dude, they were like, they were so, you just see it on them where they're like, they don't even want to laugh. Even if this stuff is funny, they can't laugh at it. Well, here's the problem. Those are prisoners though.

I know. No, you're wrong. You can't laugh at gay jokes in prison. Yeah, you can't. You'll be raped. You can laugh. A Black Circuit comic could kill Yeah, you'll be raped. You can laugh. A black circuit comic could kill in front of a black audience. That's great.

I love that. That's a good joke. One guy with his legs crossed. This guy's my favorite. This guy's fantastic. A black circuit comic could do black inmates at a jail, like, performing for that. It's going to be hard to get, like, a mixed room

to go for a bunch of white comics in a prison setting like that. It's what it is, because it's just like... Well, I bombed. Well, I was gonna... I ate shit. You're the whitest guy. I know. I was like, you guys ever have a dog that you love so much?

You look like every guard there. I know. He goes... They're all looking at me like, mmm. So got a house plan. I'm trying to keep alive You know that's about going I got in there. Do you know why the cage bird sings my Angela was what? So many cookies you want to throw up any better band than REM. I mean come on guys I mean how crazy are they getting with the burger these days? I mean it's delicious already. You gotta put delicious bacon and not fucking weird meatloaf on it. Are you guys familiar with Uber Eats?

Do they have that in here? Are you guys? Well, I know you guys are all full of protein paste. Whatever the fuck they gotta give you here. Well, when I got in there, I tried to dip my toe into the joking of that they're in jail. That's good. And they were not fucking around with that at all. I was like, do you guys even get movies? I tried to dip my toe into the joking of that they're in jail. That's good. And they were not fucking around with that at all.

I was like, do you guys even get movies? Like I was trying to joke around that they were in jail because I thought somehow that would be like, if I was like, it would take the air out and you know, whatever and it was, and it just- Like yeah, the King's speech was a tour de force. Yeah, it was brutal. I bombed.

But then, you know, it started getting good and then that fucking gay guy went up. Where did you have to go after you bombed? We had to do a meet and greet with them. And they were all like... A meet and greet? Yeah, yeah. They were all like, we're not getting out, man. I'm thinking about doing this myself.

And I was like, all right. It looks like it's easy. It appears anybody can. I hope one of them comes to find you. Yo, you said you'd help me. Extorts me for all my podcast money. Well, it's so funny how great are Gio Perez and Derek Drescher.

You know those two guys at all? Those guys are awesome. They're two former inmates. I like those guys a lot. Yeah. And it's so fun to come to that world, because Patrick from the stand, I guess, worked at the jail they were in. They would say to him, or at least G.O., and he would be like,

when I get out of here, I'm going to start doing comedy. I think Patrick was like, well, if you do it, dude, I have a club. That's how you get booked to The Stand? That's it? You're either an influencer or a fucking convict? You're an influencer. Or you have to have something. I think a lot of these girls sometimes, they get in the comedy clubs,

they've got a club owner, send them a picture of their dick and they were like I'm gonna tell everybody This is what you do to get younger and they'll whatever spot you want so I wish It's all extortions when it doesn't make sense. I assume they have a picture of someone's dick or doing something gay Yeah, their families back. I wish Esti would send me a picture of her fucking Israeli cunt Like you don't want to work there again Funny thing you're making me sweat, but as he's old I'm making you sweat you said you cut you're moving away from me You're like He's old enough though that her nude pictures when she was younger would have to been taken with exploding light bulb photography.

A guy. Alright Estes, spread them! Goes under the thing. Yeah. Everyone that's blind for a second. Oh. Now we just let this dry for the next six hours. And then you hear this.

Some horse walking by. That is my husband. He does not know I have been unfaithful. And believes about the cancellation. You got a new special out right now. Where'd you film the special? New York Comedy Club, and I put a little curtain up and everything, and, you know, yeah,

I worked really hard on it. What is the Thin Lips? What is it? I always liked it. that was from the, so I close on that Riker story. It's not Estes vagina. Oh, it's not thin. Anyway, show me your Jewish cunt. You guys have been fantastic.

DJ! I go, hit me DJ! You gonna get some of that old Jewish ass fucking Estes cunt on my ride. DJ, you'll get some that old Jewish ass fucking sd-cut of my ride DJ slap that shit Cut it off. I'm afraid of this old Israeli bitch. I don't need your spots That's sick No, I yeah, I did cuz I was like saying how I got heckled and they called me thin lips and all that Yeah, I did because I was like saying how I got heckled and they called me thin lips and all that shit

Yeah, the prisoners the the prisoners that's terrifying that means they're like they're sizing up your fucking lip I know they didn't actually do that like the thin lips comes from another time, but they were doing shit like that It just wasn't as funny. I was saying what they were really saying and people were like, oh, they really say funny They were like call me like they were saying like I looked like a fucked up Jack-o-lantern and shit, like they were just like heckling me really badly. But the thin lips comes from when I did a show and I was trying to do this bit. Sorry, fucked up Jack-o-lantern is pretty good. I actually put that in too, so.

But I was doing a show and I was trying to do this bit, this was years ago, I was trying to do this bit about how gay guys must be sick of gay voice. If they hear someone really gay, they must be like, Jesus, laying it on thick, whatever, it was a stupid joke. And then after the show, some gay guy walks up to me and he's like, fuck you, you thin-lipped fat guy. And I didn't even know I had thin lips.

Until that moment? Until that moment, so I was like, ooh. It's like, I know, it is funny when they hit an insecurity that most people would even be like, because the fuck about my lips, when it does hit you go, do I? Dude, I had a guy in San Francisco at the Cubs Theater, and it was like half sold,

so I was already sad. And I was on stage, this guy, he was being a dick, talking to this girl, and I was like, dude, shut up. He goes, why don't you iron your shirt? Dude. That was my shirt. I didn't iron it. It was all wrinkled.

I thought it was good enough, and it wasn't. It bugs me to this day. Yeah, when I was doing Tough Crowd, the one time I did Tough Crowd. You did it once? Yeah, Patrice wasn't on my episode. Keith was on it. But Patrice was there.

And when I walked up on my shirt, he goes, what's wrong with your shirt? It was so wrinkly, and I go, I don't know what. He goes, looks like you brought it here in your pocket. I was like, what? Did I just have to deal with it? Did I just go home with it? I gotta watch that episode now to see how wrinkly your fucking shirt was.

Were you wearing like a button-up? There was a time you used to wear like- Yeah, I think I was trying to button-up. Those like entourage button-ups Me no, you know what I'm talking about No, I just very specifically a button-up seemed like the closest an untucked button-up was a close I was getting to dressed for a thing. I would have worn an untucked button-up That's what I showed up to in bad boys a comedy. They made me wear the jersey the Sean John Jersey

That was forced on me. I was wearing a button down shirt, but it was more like not, almost like woo tangy. You know what I mean? Exactly, like a big oversized button down shirt. So my premium blend is in an oversized button down. My half hour is not, but there's definitely things where you'd see me, my comic views I assume

are something like that. One of my comic views I assume are something like that. One of my comic views I'm wearing unironically the pant leg rolled up of my jeans of one of my pant legs like LL Cool J. And it's not to be like funny. It's like this is my thing. Oh yeah, I saw that. And I think that's very cool actually.

I love the rolled up. No you don't. Yes I do, I love that. No you don't. Why? Listen you thin lipped ass jack-o-lantern. I think your lips are beautiful. Listen, I do Your lips are beautiful, I think you're not thin lip day you fit you know thin lips

Your bottom lip is nice. I like you like that Do I do do it do it for a month I What if you're wearing sweatpants, that's what I would wear up that's what I do with sweatpants still to this day It's very cool pant leg up 100% on all my sweatpants you're talking to a guy who paints his fingernails I'm talking to a guy who paints his fingernails. I am going to the gathering of juggalos. I don't care, pick a color. It's getting silly. I'll be honest with you,

this is not my favorite one I've done. I don't like it, it looks like very Taylor Swift-y. I like it, it's very Tim Burton. You're new with the nail polish thing. I wouldn't expect you to be into the nail polish thing. Why, because you thought Jay was straight? Have I fooled you? I didn't know you liked cock.

No, I just, I thought, I don't know, there's something, you got more of like that old school metal where you're like, painting my nails is gay. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, he does Donnie Darko look. Like what's next, guy liner? Yes.

No, but I mean, waxing my eyebrows Donnie Darko like what's next guy liner. Yes, I mean waxing my eyebrows is probably gay Mm-hmm keep going hearing about Don't go into the nose nails No, beard beard mustache nose ring. Yeah, those rings dope those ring is 1980s gay You took yours out. I took mine out. Yeah, what happened? He's not a jade. Yeah like pussy What a day of reckoning I Just took it out. I was like, I don't know I don't I don't really want it and I was filming the special so I was like

Do I want this nose ring in this special for all of a time? I made my I made Dante She got one I go get it out. She's like I go get it out And I'm not being with somebody who has a nose ring. And I made her remove a mole on her nose. I would love my wife to have a nose ring. I'd like a mole. Just so I could grab it and go with me. Christine's got a nose ring. I do.

I've had it for so long. I can't imagine my face without it. No, you're fine. I don't live with Christine. And her clit hood's so big, she has seven piercings in that. No, she does not. It's crazy, dude. You have piercings on your clitoris?

Oh. The hood, when it pulls over the clit, it's just like safety pins all through. Is that your clitoris? Oh. The hood, when you pull it, when it pulls over the clitoris, it's just like safety pins all through. Is that so your penis fits? Yeah. It's like a hose washer? Self-tightener? I have to put seven clitoris rings so Jay's penis doesn't slip out.

It kept slipping into my ass. I had a tongue ring for a while. I don't mind that. And then I swallowed it. I just kept swallowing it. The ball would come out? Yeah, the ball would loosen. And then I would just swallow it.

You don't even realize until you're like, check this out. And everyone's like. And then you fart when you're taking a shit and it goes, tink. Oh, passed it, passed it. Like a kidney stone? Why did it keep falling out?

Just talking? It just kept getting loose in my mouth. Like the ball kept getting loose, and then I would, it would just, you'd swallow, you don't even feel yourself swallowing it. Until you're like, oh it's gone. It's because a cock knocked it down your throat. Okay. Oh, all right.

At your meet and greet, at your meet and greet in the prison, oh pumpkin body. Pumpkin body. Fucked up Jacqueline. Fucked up Jacqueline is a great, very precise hacker. I get it now. Tongue rings, I will tell you, the masculinity of that is that sounds like a pain that I'm not ready for.

I wanted the nose bad enough and it was like pretty immediate and then no pain and we get to that ears were always fine it's pretty much all I've ever gotten you know the tongue going on girls hot I think that's hot only yeah it's I just honestly I've never felt it to be anything better sexually that they say oh for blowjobs what yeah what's up blowjobs really I just think visually when you see a girl with a tongue ring you like all this chicks it makes you think she's a pig for sure, but the reality Like this chick eats ass all she could do is

Just make us I see a guy with painted fingernails like he sucks a dick That's like getting blown by a tongue ring feels like someone's just dragging like a pen like up down like the base of your dick Yeah, like inside of a blowjob. I ate out my girlfriend I got it and then I was like, well, I want to eat pussy with it and see what happens and it felt so fucking weird It was like would scrape against the labia and all it looks like a weird part of the tongue that that it's in sort of Where you really have to flat tongue it to like get it to you anything Fucking you with this paperclip. You'd have to get it on the end of your tongue

for introducing it, right? Which would fuck your teeth up, for sure. What if you got like a little tongue, a little tongue, tongue ring on the end of your tongue? Oh, like a hoop? Oh, that'd be great. So the tongue's like, brr-brr-brr-brr.

Yeah. Always goes, and put it in your plug. It looks like a hoop? Oh, that'd be great. So it just hangs like this. Always goes, put it in your plug. It looks like a retarded dog. Well, it is like. Bobby, you're going to be in co-host New York this summer, yeah? Yes, I am. I've been going from Maine. It is really gay to get.

I kept doing that thing where I'd be talking, then I'd stick it out of my mouth and scrape it across my teeth teeth and stuff so gay Well, the cock ring is uh, you have a cock ring, right? No, didn't you get one? I don't have a big enough cock to get it. Did I couldn't get a cock ring? I know they smell they smell they Well, that's another thing they definitely sell cock smell small cock cock rings It's now it's not that it's getting it on I'd have to I'd have to help him stretch it out

Oh god, oh my god hold it while he plugs it golfing when I get hard and he kicks me out Did I try a cock ring ever Christine? Yeah, you did in your mouth And it was Stupid yeah, it was stupid. Did I put it behind the balls or in front of the balls? Because that's funny. You don't remember? If I pierced my cock with anything, it was all I remember. No, no, no, no, cock ring, like the thing that goes over.

I say cock ring. I meant- You meant piercing. I meant piercing. You know one time I bought Donnie- Cock ring? No, I bought her a little sex packet, little vibrator thing, and it came with a cock ring

Mm-hmm, and I I was trying to put it on for probably 45 minutes to an hour too long sweating Angry couldn't get my balls couldn't get it around my dick finally She comes to do at some point put a hand against the wall and put your head in your hands like I'm never gonna fucking against the wall and put your head in your hands like I'm never gonna get this fucking thing over. Were you looking at a wall that had a bunch of strings taking pictures and go what the fuck am I missing? What? Talk to me. Don came in and she goes that's part of the packaging asshole. Really? It was like a little black elastic to hold the dildo in the packageo So it had no give and you were trying to stuff your cock into a size 13 official ring Yeah, it was not putting your dick through a class ring, you know sweating my veins were coming out of my forehead

Yeah, what do you try to do? You try to pinch your dick down? Yeah, like get it through I got one nut in then I got the other nut in I couldn't get the dick in may I was terrible I've never seen it like a shoelace like when you know when you're putting the shoelace back into something when I look up when I look up the kind of porn that I love with a Bunch of guys fucking a girl while the husband is away or watching or whatever Some of them do a thing when they put a little cage on the guys wiener what so as wiener can't get hard And I'm like what happens if it does guys wiener what so as wiener can't get hard and I'm like what happens if it does is there video of a wiener getting hard in a dick cage because that sounds

fucking like terrifying even put it on if someone's like I'm just gonna leave it on for 30 seconds and you go it'll be the moment where I'm like don't get hard don't get why is it getting hard oh the thing takes me off where it starts going I feel like it's gonna be like a meat grinder like my dick's gonna go like like come apart and Like play-doh spaghetti my dick now and you like that kind of porn, huh that weird kind of now he doesn't Judge you it's just our porns are so different. What's your porns? I like I like, you know after care and kissing on foreheads Because, I like I know I do like I like the jerk off to a good hospice treatment. Yes Someone who's getting a rag on the toilet on their forehead by someone who cares like a nice candy stripe I jerk off to a guy pretending to not remember his girlfriend's birthday, and then they remember oh

I really like going to like chatterbait and those like live chat rooms and stuff like that. I love that show. Buddy, I have a late night. This isn't for jerking off, but I will tell you, several nights in the last few months. Ew. Is that the cage? Look at that thing.

Wow. Oh my god. Several nights in the last few months. That looks like a slipknot drummer. That looks like seven. It looks like the slipknot drummer. When I was going through, I go back to this website called nudelive.com.

That's where we talked to somebody on live the one time. Remember, Bobby? Yeah, we did it in studio. We went into the chat rooms as the show. And we had the webcast. We were like, we're all waving like, hey! Which is chatter bait, whatever, same kind of thing. We're all the same thing at nighttime.

I will say, it is a bummer. It would be so late when I'm smoking a cigarette. Jay got a really thin black eye hard. Yeah. When he showed us, he went down, but when Jay was on, he started dancing. The guy's dick just popped up. I get that, I could see that. Sometimes in that nude live thing, it's so real.

I guess it's the same, it's chatter bait. I think they're all the same sites. Right, my free cams. Sure. When you look at this one, like you have to pay, I I guess to go watch the privacy But there's a lot of will do stuff just on the basic cameras and what's weird is the reality of a girl who's like Pretty attractive or chubby, but a very cute face and just sitting there and like just holding this dick while they're reading things

And it's just like yeah You want me to put in my mouth for the cuz I could fit it all in my mouth watch And then she'll just do it real quick, and then you're like this is weirdly hot they're just taking it so for like granted that this thing it's like it's what it's like just the two naked people sitting there he's like he's like well why like can you get a whole hand in her pussy and he's like I'm sure my best she's like yeah go ahead it's so she's like full fist in there being like don't forget the tip well do we ever find that couple Christine? I hate it. I hate I can't I need this scenario. I need to build up

I need that I get I need the storyline. I like to get to the I got a storyline I want to fucking jerk off to this person in live. Yeah, that's the storyline there's an older couple me and Christine watched together a day that would made me laugh so hard because They were done fucking for the night for sure So is the aftermath and the girl and she just never shut up and she's like an old chatty Cathy. She's like, what's that? Yeah, no, we have our kids are coming in this week with our grandchildren if you could believe so we're gonna be off for the weekend But we'll be back. Yeah, and then I'll be like and she'll be like what's that? Yeah, look at it. That is that's all mine She's like oh my god. All right, you guys are crazy. Oh tomorrow. I actually have a doctor's appointment

I'm dying bulldog jumps up on the couch She goes and then she goes shit I forgot to let the dogs in then she gets up and the walks her old little ass over and lets the dog when she comes They go she goes. Okay. Goodbye for real this time guys Sometimes when you're hanging out with these people on live you're literally just hanging out with them like they're not fucking or anything I'm just they're naked. I'm naked. We're all just hanging out I'm like watching these people live their life you guys don't have kids No, but you're right you have to be able to invest some time in know it

I can't I can't yeah, you have to invest time you have to have the time I can't be like nude live Bobby the new level say it gives you a it's just like a bunch of them like it's a Screenshot of what's happening now ish. I have minutes to just click it. I have minutes Oh, this isn't for jerking off for me. This is for pure, but it gets me horny sometimes I will say no. Oh, sorry. I bought to watch this old couple suck each other's pussies Brandon sagalos new comedy special Lips, you know what it means. It's on YouTube right now, youtube.com slash Brandon Sagalow. A goofy jack-o-lantern.

Fucked up jack-o-lantern. Or you can hear Brandon on his Sag Daddy to Pod, available wherever you listen to podcasts. He's absolutely hilarious. Look for him in a studio. You're on the road with Soder a bunch now too, right? Yeah, Soder's been bringing me on the road a soda a bunch now to yeah, so don't bring me on the road It's so much fun. That's great. That's awesome punch up that live for all Robert Kelly's tates and tickets He's gonna be at the Comedy Connection this Saturday everybody two shows August 7th night. That's it stand up live Phoenix September 6th and the 7th and hilarities in Cleveland the 20th and 21st of September after that skankfest of course co-hosts

New York, San Diego, and every, sorry, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. The Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar, PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. And Big Jay's gonna be at the Funny Bone in Albany, August 23rd and the 24th, and Empire Comedy Club, Portland, Maine, August 30th and the 31st. He's gonna be in Dallas, Omaha, Skank Fest, tickets and all other tour dates. BigJayComedy.com. Jay, take us out. We'll catch you guys tomorrow, live, 5pm.

My last show. Right here on the button wall. Your last show. Don't scare people like that. I could die. It's your last show. You could die. I could die. It might be Bobby's last show, but it's everybody's last show for a week. I'm gonna run with guest hosts next week. Yeah.