The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - This Is Us with Mike Finoia

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Jay relives the time he auditioned for This Is Us. He didn't get the part because he was too handsome and not fat enough. Jacob wants to have a baby with actress Linda Cardellini. Mike and Jay go through bands from the 80's that they would still like to see today. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Jacob don't I think I don't do a great Oh Damn so good. How do these guys get laid with this music though? Cocaine. Ah. There was one answer So it was like Till Tuesday, Bow Wow Wow, which I love, and Tommy Two Tone, Men Without Hats, they're all on like the same bill. Woo! That's a dream concert. Yeah, Jay would have loved it.

I was watching all the clips, Jay would have loved it. I fell into such a... Was Haircut 101 there? Yeah, I was watching all the clips. Jay would have loved it. I fell into such a... Was Haircut 101 there? Haircut 100, Haircut 100. Possibly. Oh, it's like Level 42. All those bands. Was not was.

Is it coming around? I don't know if it's... I didn't check where it was. Because they do this thing. I used to watch On Demand. I'd be able to find... I don't I look at this stuff anymore, but I should Like big like VH1 big weekend or something big 80s weekend, and they just have that it's like Bonnie Tyler comes out Hits them two songs leaves level 42. That's the same where the the girl goes out How about do you want me that video I watch all the time is that that's it They just come out they set you up to play two to three songs Rick Astley comes out and bangs out the three

Summer yes, that's exactly what this was oh You saw it. It's all over YouTube. Yes, like a it just happened just happened It might still be going on, but if you dude, I would try you can link it if you type in like bow wow But if you dude I would try you can link it if you type in like bow wow wow I Won't travel to go to it, but if it comes around here, and I how far how far is too far? You know would you go to Boston to see it? No I would go to a little into Pennsylvania Maybe would you go to Queens Philly? I could be talking to for that Queens for sure Connecticut Vermont no Vermont

Vermont to watch fucking Rick Astley. I'm ready to watch. Yeah was not was walk the dinosaur Like Mars days coming out and doing oh, yo yo Young love I'm in such an 80s wormhole lately, dude. It's been so. Can you find this concert, Christine? I don't know what concert you're talking about. I came in late. Bow wow wow. I looked at bow wow wow, but it's like, it's own thing.

No, of course. It says Death Rose definitely in the house. Look up 80s music tour. Or type in Men Without Hats 2024. That's the same concert. On YouTube? Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's good.

And they have, they played, Pop Goes the World, and then there are two hits, and then the big one. Wait, nowhere on these videos does it say what the concert is? Just look up Men Without Hats 2024. How many times have they performed in 2024? In fairness to Jacob and Christine, they're not doing tons. Bring it up on the screen and we'll be able to figure out in a second, I'm sure. Is this 80s Canadian music?

Um... The Sound of Music Festival? Bow Wow Wow, June 29th, 2024. Oh, 2023! Well, there's 2024 right there. Oh, yeah, that's right there. Yeah, 2024. It's all in Canada, dude.

That's where the 80s went to live. The Safety Dance and Pop Goes the World, they sang those two songs. Wow. Well, they're, of course. First of all, I've never heard of pop goes the world Oh, I used to love that song. How's that? There it is. That's definitely it the totally tubular festival. Oh That's definitely what sounds like a VH1 by the way, let me hear men without hats and they better sound good Yeah, yeah, they do do it. No, I better be only that

And the guys they all look they all sound good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do. Do-do-do-do-do-do. No, I better be only that. The guys, they all look, they all sound good. Skip ahead. This is not... This is when you just Homer Simpson them, dude. Safety dance! But their whole performance is seven minutes. Which means he's not doing a long enough version. Antarctica. How dare this guy, Christine, get off this video

and type in safety dance, totally tubular festival. I want that t-shirt. I guess they all do like a, about a, it looks here, because I'm looking at Annabella's set, it's like 25 to 30 minutes long each set. Holy shit. Jesus. Too long.

Bow Wow Wow had a bunch of hits. Bow Wow Wow had one hit. I want candy. That is it. Solely. This was on Pier 17 in July. Oh. Shit, that's what would have been it.

Fuck. I just saw the stray cats here last week. Let this play. Fuck, this would have been great. Amazing. I'll tell you what, the guy looks better than I thought he would look. He looks great. He looks like your boy from Spindock. F, E, T, T, T, T, Y. I didn't see a bad performance out of all these why safety dad's he does the move look at the ad safety dancing it's awesome what a cool t-shirt damn you guys just missed it we can leave your friends behind cuz your friends don't dance and if they don't dance

whether no friends of mine I said a place that they will never find and we can act like we come from out of this world leave the real one fall behind and we could dance and sing that was just insane I say francais that's a monda green front sand that's it that's a Montagranes front sing that's it. That's called a Monda green. Yeah, and sing It's old codger looks really good leather pants codger great word. Oh, he's giving me the s oh the crowds moving He's giving that hard s Christine see who else was on totally tubular, please I wonder where the little Irish gnome

Midget guy is from the video No, friend Thomas Dolbyby that's a goodie. Thompson twins. It was modern English. When English is gonna by the way that guy with a complete arm tattoos and funnily a prisoner was not in the original modern English. Now Wang Chung enormous enormous. Damn, dude. Men without hats, bow wow wow, keep going. Tommy Two-Tone, the tubes, the tubes. And the Plimsolls, I don't even know who the fuck that is.

One in a million girl. Yeah, the tubes. You know that the keyboard player from the tubes, Vince Wellnick, went to the Grateful Dead. He was the last keyboard player in the Grateful Dead. Now he's dead. I didn't know that. No one except you and him knew that. Where are they going next? Christine, give me a little Thomas Dolby on Totally Tubular, please, on YouTube.

Oh, look at the t-shirts! Got 1982 on the back. Oh, the screen got real tiny. Yeah, give me a little Thomas Dolby. real tiny. Yeah, give me a little Thomas. Let me see what Dolby did. Uh huh. Safe to dance. They have a, I won't say that they have another hit

that's as big as Safety Dance, but Pop Goes the World was their other single. Never heard of it. Single. I'll accept single. Semi-hit. Nowhere near Safety Dance. Nowhere near.

No, Safety Dance changed the fucking world. In the Batat House, it was a big deal. But they will always be called a one-hit wonder. Yes. For sure. Do you know I heard on the 80s Channel today why it's called the safety dance? No. Because in early concerts,

they would jump up and down on pogo sticks and it was like they were told to stop doing it because it wasn't safe. Yeah. It was an unsafe dance. So they created the safety dance in like as a fu to the anti pogo stick was Thomas Dolby Was Thomas Dolby in New Order? Why they haven't was he playing Blue Monday?

Well, I don't want to hear this. What else Thomas Dolby did? Uh, oh, you know, I'm thinking of and I'm bummed It's not them put up Wang Chung from totally to be I want to see that But I'm thinking of Howard Jones. I like The original ironic song you can see the summit, but you can't reach it You know who I thought that was second was um Cars mean I don't want to see them to live and die in LA no Dance hall days right there. Oh totally to be your feds the bottom one take your baby When Chung looks all right they all are good at least Wang is that where's Chung?

Chung doesn't look he looks a little like a leathered out David Lee Roth I was pretty good. I would have enjoyed this yeah, this would have been sick appears that girl dancing back somebody did all the molly Look at that stupid guitar Did I would have gone and fucking smoked part of this thing all day. Yeah, this would have been incredible Easiest job for security ever Huh Where we really you dumb dummy I was by myself Oh my god, I would have enjoyed this so much without you You don't know all the song

so much without you. You don't know all the salt. Jacob, we would have gotten so late that night. I tell you, I went to see the Stray Cats and I was the youngster in the group. How were they? They're always good.

Yeah. You love them? Yeah. Oh, dude, we could have gotten fucking sucked off in a bathroom. A lot of bowling shirts at Stray Cats. There are

guys in their 60s dressing like, like punks from the, yeah, like bowling shirts at straight cats on their it guys in their sixties dressing like like uh... punks from the you know like bowling shirts and suits and same clothes they were forty years of claims on black shirts you know if you look at the keyboard player by the way he was working it but uh... you know what christian glad you have YouTube up

There's another thing I wanted to show you that I was talking to Mike outside about before the show Lower this they um, that was why I don't think we've ever showed this on the show But it's one of the funniest things Louis J. Gomez ever showed me on Legion of skanks and have we ever showed this on the show, Jacob? It's, have you ever seen Saving Black Children in Reverse? Have I showed that on the show before? It's one, I didn't, I knew, I already got what was gonna be funny about it. What I didn't realize when I watched it

is how funny it is because the intricate system of like, you'll see it, Christine this is somewhat some wizard genius of YouTube a lot of way of showing heroic rescues of black children from fires and terrible situations and then putting them back into the fire from the yeah dude this is the best this is so fucking funny This is the best. This is so fucking funny. So, he's walking backwards. This is horrible.

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. They hand her up a ladder, people working desperately to get this kid back into the fire. Oh my god, dude. Jesus Christ. Oh, look at this. Oh my god. Just working very hard to put black children back in the fires. Jesus. It's such a fucking hilarious thing to put... Look at the flames are going 8,000 miles an hour back into the building.

And there's an old white guy It looks like he's trying to just stop them from I don't like fire. Oh, oh look they just Get in there Fire department. Oh It is so fucking funny. Reverse saving people. Damn. Dude, them pulling, it looks, because they're just trying to make deaths, by the way they're

heroes. Yeah. Pulling these three black children out of this fire, but just the reverse looks like he's yanking them up by his arm to throw them back over the fucking balcony. Jesus Christ. That's the way it is. Come on, stop bitching kid. Put them back in the fire. Get in the way it is. Come on, stop bitching, kid. Put him back in the fire.

Get in the fire. Ooh. Look at that fire. Yeah, they got a million of them. I got into a wormhole of watching people rescue dogs out of like burning shit. Yeah. Maybe think about like,

Life and shit? What I would do, how, when do you draw the line? If Charlie's in a fire, if Dawkins is in a fire, or if you're going home, right, and a flood hits and all the roads to get to your place, like you can't get there, at what point do you like go, I guess I'm never seeing that dog again,

or do you, I'm gonna fucking run in that fire. The flooding would cause me never to see her again? Yeah, well because you can't get through raging water. What kind of epidemic? Probably not raging water, like you know, a big, like a dam burst and you gotta like, in order to get to your place, you have to risk your life to go get that dog.

Are you doing it? How long am I not gonna be able to get to her? I don't know. It's a crazy flood. It's a hurricane a hurricane whatever the house is about to fall down Yeah, I mean I did that with a dog. I didn't even want yeah, but you love so like would you Would you go into a burning building for her um? Would you go yeah? I mean a burning bill if they were like that buildings coming down in the next 30 seconds Like probably would not go back. You know, I mean and just I just cry and look at the building and put my arms out

Try to hold it up try to hold it up from a distance I wouldn't like go to my certain death to save Dawkins, but I would like try to save Dawkins from anything I feel like I could save her for do you know? I mean like sure if the if the doorway was if you're asking what I mean? Like, if the doorway was, if you're asking me more on the most basic level, if the doorway was on fire. Oh, yeah, sure. When I jump through the doorway, it's like, yeah, I would try to jump through the doorway, for sure.

100%, right. I'm just wondering how close to death you'd put yourself for that beautiful dog. I wouldn't like, I wouldn't try to like climb onto a window ledge or anything like that. No. There's like that. No. There's not now, there's no way. No fucking way.

Really? Of a, like a big building? Yeah. There's no way you would do that. For your dog. You'd scale a building for your dog. Oh, not a hot building. I mean like, if I was in the...

I don't know. No. But if my house was on fire, I'd run into it for sure and get her out. Sure. If my car was drowning, right? And my dog was in the car, I would dive in there and try my best to get her out. I'd rather die trying. It's so funny. This is such a major storyline of This Is Us. I don't think anybody here watches that show. No, no. We're all dudes with penises dudes and we like to put our penises in women the whole time you know that what's his

name Milo Vian how do you say his name Villanova of the yeah the epinopolis you know that he's dead squangela when they show how he died it's that he goes back into a burning house to save the family dog But he comes out fine. Everybody's okay, and then later in the hospital. He's just gone from smoke inhalation Really? It's a the dog I Write then you know what now that I hear that thank you. This is when I go to save Dawkins from this fire. We're gonna have bandana over the face

Made him watch that show She didn't make him nobody did anything You stopped watching And you cried? No You said yes not in front of your white wife, too That's not why she got in the black dudes dude said they're having crying next to her he goes I'm gonna go I'm gonna go shovel the driveway. She's like it's May

Did you get to that part of the story not even those? May Did you get to that part of the story not even those No, I didn't even get close to that yet How many seasons is it? I don't know a lot I stopped watching shortly after that Was it a lot of seasons? Damn dude I was so close to being that fucking

Big heavy ladies fucking love interest Look over here Screen test Oh that's right! I forgot about that I went to screen test for it That was season one Right right when it started? Before.

Before it even came out, he screen tested it. It could have been part of the biggest show you could see for years. Yeah, by weight. Six seasons. You would have been hosting the Emmys. He goes, that is absolutely the biggest show on television. Pound for pound.

Pound for pound, the biggest show on television, for sure. It's the most emotionally draining show I've ever watched. We were. I'm for pound pound for pound the biggest show Emotionally draining show I've ever watched we were it's so every every broke my heart It was me Ralphie May Ramsey Moore and a bunch of other morbidly obese guys And me and yeah, and then I didn't get it and they told me the reason was I was too I was too thin and handsome Which felt good? They literally said thin and handsome, which felt good. You're too thin and handsome. They literally said that. And handsome. But it was a nice way to let me down,

the reason they weren't going with me. Sure. For sure, and then I was like, okay, well, if you gotta lose something. And here's how bullshit that was. You don't remember this? I do. I called you right afterwards.

Yeah. My manager called the late, great Dave Kimmelwitz, called me up and he goes, hey, the producer loved you and the show's picked up It's picked up now So they're gonna do like 13 more episodes and he wants you to read for another part cuz he really liked you a lot And I go let me guess so it's jokingly I go I was too thin and handsome for the part So it couldn't be this I go let me guess I'm the guy that she's gonna cheat on her fat

Current boyfriend with and I'm the next fat guy and he goes yes They were lying when I was too thin and handsome I didn't get that part either I guess too thin and handsome again, huh? Until you find another reason for me to kiss this big fat lady Producers and fucking you did my dick. Yeah, that was the acting version of your dick taking down the high jump, the pole vault thing, dude. Yeah. If you're gonna lose, that's how you lose. Yeah. I'm also pretty sure they put the guy in a fat suit.

Yep. They put a guy in a fat suit? Yep. They put the guy in a guy who got the part, put him in a fat suit. He's a great actor, great actor in several things too. He was great in show. I never watched the show, but I just know that actor is very you wouldn't have you wouldn't have enjoyed it

No, you hate acting about say what I well, you know, it's funny Again, this shows you how many years ago it was and like the road I wasn't selling tickets on the road at all and I didn't really have a fan base of any kind at all yet And so isn't it funny in hindsight when they told me The weekly number I'd make for the shooting of the first season, they have to get to that. They have to kind of have contracts drawn up

in case you get the part. When they get to that level, screen test, I guess. And the money, they said it was like, it was gonna be like 25 grand a week or something. And I was like, fucking that's, I go, that's unimaginable money. And then I was too naive. I was like, oh, that's actually not great money that's unimaginable money. Yeah, and then I was too naive I was like, oh, that's actually not great money for acting and stuff

Like you know, I mean like when you hear the thing you're like now for your first show as big as it was Yeah, I'm like who else like we have what's everybody else making you know? Yeah, that's for sure I don't look at anybody else's it was a major part. It was all before the it came out though You could have just been a one-time flop. So that's true That is that they said to that is the deal for a show that has no thing. It probably gets renegotiated right away Yeah, and I bet it's like two hundred fifty thousand a week Doubtful for probably like maybe close like a hundred or something. Whatever it is doesn't matter if it was 25 30 80 whatever It's all ridiculous money. It is. But I hate it so much.

Acting. I just, not acting. I don't hate acting. Just sitting around. I hate making a thing. I don't like the whole process of waiting. I'm not intrigued by it. I don't want to know about why is the lighting happen like this and what's the camera buttons

and that doesn't like, I never get picked up into the world of like, it's so amazing. Do it again. I'm just like, it's just boring until you're doing it. You always hear a lot of people that act bitch about sitting around. They're like, it's all sitting around. That's what I just say. That's why I hate it. It's all sitting around.

You're just sitting in a trailer waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. But some people love that. Some people like having that kind of time. Soder loves it. Soder never, he always goes, no, I like it. I just kind of sit there and he's like, I write. I write jokes. I blah, blah, blah. I kind of kill time. Whatever. I go, I sit there like a caged animal going like, I don't like being told what I have to do when I have to do it. What do you mean I have to sit here for three hours till the next shoot? Why can't I not leave? Eve. Couldn't you just bring a PS5 and just fucking smoke a ton of weed? No! A PS5 where? I'm sitting in a trailer. In the trailer. There's no TV in the trailer. What are you

talking about? There's TV. It's a dressing room. You couldn't have a TV if you go I want a TV or else I'm not. No! I've been in the movie for 35 seconds. You couldn't do it. There's nothing I've been in where they were like, would you like a TV in your room, Mr. Rogerson? They go, shut up. Can I get a Diet Coke? And they go, yeah, wait. Alright. I say, hey, I have similar jewelry to what you have me putting on.

Should I just leave my own stuff on and not take this stuff off? And they go, shut up, you're always talking. No. They go, put the stuff on we got. Wow. I would have thought you had a nice trailer. You get to go sit in there and play games. Buddy, it's nice to have a trailer at all. Right.

In any kind of thing. But I've never had a trailer for anything I've filmed that was, it's either no trailer at all of any kind, or if it's a trailer, trailer's the wrong word. It's like a string of room. It's almost like you could repurpose this to just be shitters for people. Gotcha. Yeah, all right, I get it. Does that make sense?

It's just a box. But if you were doing that show. You're a door on a thing that's got five doors. And your name's on it and you get a little camper. But if you had that show, if you had that gig, and it was like season two, whatever, you go, hey, I'm gonna be sitting around here. There's a lot of Madden that could be played

Absolutely, then you get a TV. I know but then they're going hey instead of playing Madden Could you really get your lines like perfect and I go no, I don't care about this You're like, I just love all this franchise. I love this money. I wouldn't watch this show if I wasn't on it Sounds dumb. Yeah Just some tear fucking porn? Some fucking trauma porn? You love it. I loved it, but I cried every single episode. You're a bitch ass bitch.

I mean, I am a bitch ass bitch. I mean, like, it's just like, it, every mock ass mark. We are straight up bitch ass bitch. We are a trick ass trick. Every little thing. I don't know how they did it. We were straight up bitch ass bitch every time. You're a trick ass trick. Every little thing. I don't know how they did it. It was, I mean, every episode was an emotional rollercoaster.

Did the dog live? I think so. Yeah, he brought the dog out. That's all I care about. He carried the dog out, yeah. I bet the dog's got a fucking PS5 in it too. Yeah. Dog though has to walk around in an oxygen tank though.

Smoking elation. Hey, living the dreams and nightmares sometimes. What are you going to do? Sometimes you've got to burn a couple dogs to make a TV show. Oh my god, dude. I remember us almost kissing in that fucking thing. I remember that. By the way, I'm not making any accusation of this woman being any more attracted to me or that she you know

I mean like she could probably get now for certain she could fuck people way far better looking than me To her but at the time just I guess so I don't know how she felt But I was definitely like stop letting us get so close to this kiss until you're paying me money Like I don't want to French kiss this girl. And I don't, yeah, like I didn't even want to fake the thing. It was so weird. First, I also didn't know it was her. You think your breath smells like pickles.

Well, I thought it was, by the way, I thought I was working with just like an assistant or somebody who was doing like the part, the reading of the girl character. I didn't realize it was the girl who'd become world famous from this show. That's how not entire you are, you think she could be famous?

I go, well there's no way this woman got the part of anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're just standing really stinks. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That is great. But if you were to play you though, if they were like, we're gonna make the J show on FX,

and you just play you. Sure. You'd like that. I and you just play you. Sure. You'd like that. I think you'd enjoy that. Cause then you don't have to be anybody other than you. No, I'd enjoy when it comes out. I'd enjoy the product, hopefully. You'd think you'd enjoy the product.

The process, I'm just not my jam. I don't care, and I'm not gonna personally do it because I'll sacrifice Quality of job to get this to fuck over with which has bit me in the ass for many things before I don't know if I believe that I would I don't think so because I'm like it's good enough. It's good enough. It's good Oh, that's fine. That's fine. Let's just go and then you're like realize later It's like yeah, we should have put a little more fucking didn't you enjoy kind of directing that? Quick that the absolutely but I wanted to leave as soon as we started.

So they were like, should we also get another couple ways? And I'm like, mm-hmm, let's do it. Try saying it this way now. I think it's enough wild lines. I don't know if we're going to use much of this. I'm like, can we just get it done? I completely understand that. The whole like, all right, we did it.

Let's wrap it up. Let's fucking go. I felt like that way in the writers room. I know it's going to take a while because we have to reset the cameras again, and we are out of films, we have to load up another car. But if it's like, for the 45 extra minutes, guys, we're gonna have this thing, and I'm like, that sounds like a nightmare to me. Especially when at the end of like 10 hours, 12 hours already, I'm like, I don't have that kind of stick-to-itiveness for a product.

I guess like, unless I was inspired to write it, but I'm not. What was your scene that you had to do in This Is Us, your audition? Oh shit I do sort of remember it was talking about Weight Watchers. Oh God. Even the dialogue. I have to assume I have to assume you meet her at Weight Watchers and it's them and then the scene ultimately I don't know if it was the both for the both things, but when I went out to the screen test with her By the way, I walked into this thing as unprepared as anything else I ever did not the screen test the audition for it. Yeah as So and I walked out of there being like, another like, okay, I did this thing

so my agency won't drop me. I went and did the audition. Who cares, you know? And said the lines, they were like, say it this way now. And I was like, okay. And you walked out and they're like, thank you. It was so like, it was almost in a cubicle. It wasn't even like in a real audition room.

It was so like, seems small ball and not a big deal at all. Right, right and then uh From that they sent me to screen tests. It was pretty fucking weird. I was like the next step was like screen test and Yeah, and I went out there man and man just sitting that room but that scene was like yeah, it was him I think they were on a day meta weight watchers and they're on a date and it's like like yeah, it was him. I think they were on a date, met at Weight Watchers and they're on a date and it's like, having to do a lot of that where he's like, cause you know, you're beautiful

and she's doing like the, shut up. And I have to be like, and I have to be like, I have to be like, no, no, no, look at me. And then I have to, and I have to take my finger and lift all that head up

and give her like a, no, you're beautiful beautiful and then she has to cry and I was going in for a fucking big old tonguey kiss you know tastes like fucking meat yeah just tears and pickles not just a snotty kiss do it again this is she's I don't know with all the ozampic and all this shit going on in the world she should jump on it cuz the the girl's clearly a very pretty face, like underneath all that. I mean, she's very pretty. Didn't she lose a lot of weight?

I think this may have been your audition scene. Let's see. This is where, this is what Jay would have been? Yes. Oh, really? A nightcap or? Yes, absolutely, absolutely a nightcap. A handy or something.

A handy. Cute. Yeah, that's the thing, he's always trying to be a little funny. We'll back it up a little bit. Wow. Yeah, because it's the pilot episode. Yeah, Christine, I wasn't giving you credit like you figured out

something amazing. Doi. You don't have to take yourself down a peg. She goes, I figured it was the pilot. Did this say nudity? No. I backed it up too much no I could have sworn that that just said well Christine I wanted to give you so much credit I can eat like

a thousand of them Kate laughs I had a really nice time tonight Toby wait what no no what that's it what do you mean I mean you're not gonna invite me in for a nightcap or a handy or something Cute I am thank you. I Did have a really nice time By the way pause it who's Jacob I do remember the thing of that line Wait, what's the line right before it? Does he say I'm just kidding or something? No, she goes, you're cute. He goes, I know I am.

What do you mean? I mean, you're not going to invite me in for a nightcap or a handy or something. Cute. I am. Thank you. That prick right there goes, yeah, I am. Thank you. I really didn't know that time. I remember that. I did have that break right there cuz yeah, I am. Thank you I even made my choice maybe because I did really good Go back to it this is crazy. I've never watched this

Instead they picked real-life Homer Simpson to do it. He's great. He's great. He's excellent Okay, you can come inside gray water a water We have already had our six ounces of wine. I know 150 calories per six ounce. Oh You keep counting calories in them you're gonna really turn me on. Yeah. You want to know how many calories are in a sausage? I guess he demanded that he didn't have to kiss her. The scene ended with you where you were supposed to lean in and kiss her? It may have been a different part of the thing, you know, it was like three little parts he had to do. So that might not have been one, but I remember that like like see that's so funny he goes hey he goes hey he goes i am cute thank you i am seriously though you are beautiful can you see where they kiss they kiss

in there yeah he goes hey uh you know i think I think we got a couple of points left today. How about a little bit of tongue? Yeah, he goes Want tongue sandwich how many points is a big fat load of my comp? You know what I have left on my my points today a pussy sandwich Can I get one of your special pussy sandwiches I don't know. Do you have enough points left? Yeah. All I had was some chicken, which is zero points. I'm on the zero points. I'm on blue.

You know what I can have? He goes, I have a surplus. I saved all week for your fat ass. He goes, you know what I love? Pussy juice cocktail. If you had gotten the part, that's a recurring parties on the show it's a major character that's like the one of the leads boyfriend is he the guy who saves the dog no that's a dad that's rocky son from uh...

it's rocky son from balboa to see how we are a different time periods throughout the show that we love and some of our youth with the parmigiana. Gaguzi Johnson. Milo Venti Parmigiana. Does he diet fat? No, no, no.

Diet fat? You're missing. The show, I've known us from Talking to Christine and the rest of the world. I keep my ears open, Jacob. I don't just watch girls soccer all the time. This was pretty big news. The show lives in flashback.

So the flashback, Milo Ventimomagny is a character who's young. He's a young guy, you know who he is, right? Meatloaf Entomagny. No, did you watch Heroes when that was on? Here, this is him. This is him saving the dog. Okay. Well, why don't you show something that shows who he is. He's a hero.

He's being covered in soot. Wow, that was the most bold man in Jewish. You don't recognize the name? Why don't I show you a picture of him in the shadows covered in ash. Oh there he is, Meatloaf Entomaniac. Yeah, Meatloaf Entomaniac. So he's the big girl, that's her, he plays her father, but it's all through flashback. He died when they were young saving the dog. I think that's the idea She's fat because of her dad issues I don't know any of the other characters

But that's what it so it lives in flashback of like him and his life when they were all kids Right, and then I guess how it affects their lives now that he's dead From saving the dog every time she's missing her her dad. She throws a dog in a fire Yeah, unfortunately Milo Ventimiglia has asshole face. He really does. Oh, he's the best on the show. You just love him. You're like, oh, he's the perfect dad.

Milo Antonambio. Milo Ventimiglia. See, he would climb a hot building for a dog. Yeah, Milo Cascio de Pepe. He literally saves all of his kids and his family and then goes back in for the dog. Skungil! What's the dog's name? Anjanets? Oh so she wasn't always fat. No she got fat. Well. Because the dog lived and the dad died. Yeah. That's right she got all the dad's food.

Now she was eating for her dad also. I'm eating for two. There's a. Mandy Moore's the mom. She was eating for her dad also I'm eating for two is a Mandy Moore's the mom So Mandy Moore's the mom there's three kids. There's a do they age Mandy Moore to play old mom Yeah, you really she wear a terrible casting no, but she terrible. She's great Is it like the Irishman like first generation AI? Mandy Moore should not be playing an older lady No, but there's a or if she should always her names there should be Amanda Moore You can't call yourself Mandy Moore anymore. Yeah, mama Mandy. Hey, you see a grandma was played by Mandy Moore

She should only be playing someone who falls in love in a Hallmark Christmas movie Yeah, they got a resort you get snowed in as best they could they did age are pretty great Yeah, but I'm sure there's an As best they could. They did age her pretty great, I will say. They aged her pretty well. Good work. Yeah, but I'm sure there's an older actress that could have loved that work, too. Oh, hey, they made that other guy look super fat so he could stand next to that girl. That probably didn't hurt her feelings at all.

That guy worked. They put him in a fat suit. They should have put her in a fat suit, too, just to make her feel like, no, we're doing to everybody. No, no, no, freak out. No, everyone. No, no, no, everyone's going to do fat suits. Look under your chair. They're all getting fat suits. You get a fat, everyone's gonna do fat suits. Look under your chair.

You're all getting fat suits. Every, you get a fat suit, any of you get a fat suit. They have a black son? Yeah, so she was pregnant with triplets and one of them dies in the hospital and then there's like a black baby that's born in the hospital but I forget what happens to his parents, he's up for adoption and they just adopt the baby. They go, good news, bad news. They're black people. So I'll just give you their kid There's a different time. No, it was different time. What was it? When this take place Christine the 18 what 18 once

the 2000s 2011 What they did then that's a weird hospital tea pretty fucked up did you find the kissing scene? The kissing, I, hold on, I had it right here. Yo, speaking of under your chair, under your chair, we lost the great Phil Donahue this week. Phil Donahue.

What was the correlation with under the chair? Oprah, under your chair you find this, you find this, there's no Oprah without Phil Donahue. Okay, I like, I like what you did there. Little internal math you did there. Little internal math you did there. I do it a lot. Little internal math goes, speaking of under the chair, under the chair, Phil Donahue.

You're not putting it together. Walk me through this. Yeah. Dude, speaking of space travel, honest to God, he goes, the Flintstones is actually getting rebooted. I like Phil Donahue. Did this guy say he wouldn't do the show if he had to kiss her cuz that's fucked up because I always had to Kiss her just for some dudes watching me because I just can't find the first kiss cuz they keep getting interrupted by the brother

Yeah, the brother keeps interrupting. That was a family up in opulence. No meal. Yuppie goop a goop is his dad From the past. Oh, right Does he always wear the he wears a fat suit the entire run of the show And yes, because also he came into the show kind of fat But they made him fat fatter and then he got in great shape over the course of the show under and so his fat Suits had to keep getting bigger her wardrobe Consistent consistent. I think she had a story I think she was supposed to like lose weight as part of the storyline and just the actress didn't do it

Yeah Guys I'm making a creative choice. I don't think this girl would really lose weight cuz she really loves eating She was like Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman. She's like no, I'm in the character, you know I'm not talking about myself here, but my character I think the character hates exercise and doing anything and Really loves eating on a couch. that's really just got a real mush that's her shape in it already. No my character loves bread parm. I tell you man it's just an awful thing like you know the girl like that like her chair for like in between scenes when everyone else throws a a little robe on and sits in one of those like chairs like it's a definite like

special chair Director's chair type thing you mean that people put a very special director's chair. Yes, you know, I mean aka hammock. Yeah Yeah, it's like the only leather one It's like thick leather director's chair Like fucking wood is like the woods like crazy. It's like cedar like the bench seat of a Lincoln Continental Lincoln Wood is like, the wood's like crazy, it's like cedar. Like the bench seat of a Lincoln Continental. It says she lost a hundred pounds, but that might be after the show.

Oh really? A hund-dow. She found it. Oh, Zempik. I think Zempik came out after the show ended. She lost it, but it turned up actually. It was behind her knees. It was in the trailer playing PS5.

Did she lose a hundred pounds? Good for her. It was behind her knees. It was in the trailer playing PS5. Did she lose 100 pounds? Good for her. Rebel Wilson was a slob, and she is unrecognizable. Unrecognizable now. She lost so much weight. I haven't seen her in a. She looks good. She looks good.

Now, I will say, I didn't. She was still chubbers when I did the scene in the movie that never came. I'm sorry. Movie came out. Scene never came out. When I did the scene with her, I was say, she was still chubbers when I did the scene in the movie that never came, oh, I'm sorry, movie came out, scene never came out. When I did the scene with her, I was saying, I was like, I find something very cute about her, like there's something very starish about her when I was working with her, she's very funny.

What does she look like now? I'll call her out. She looks kinda weird now because it's such a weight loss. But like. Oh. Oh, that's Chrissy Metz? Yeah, she did lose weight, she looks good. Oh, I was Chrissy Metz? Yeah, she did lose weight. She looks good.

Oh, I was wrong. Her face didn't look better. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. She's very pretty. Yeah, she's very pretty. Yeah, she is. She looks over 100, good for her. Hell yeah.

Yeah, good for her. Oh, she's working it down. There's no way, with those Zempik, with those Zempik, if you're famous, there's not a fucking reason in the world this shouldn't be happening. They go, well, it causes other problems inside of you. He goes, well, those, there's already major fucking reason in the world this shouldn't be a you know they go well it causes other problems inside he goes well those there's already major problems happening inside yeah there's so much like weird wax and

shit floating around oh yeah wow geez look at yeah I'm saying it almost made her sink in a little bit which is going Owen Wilson face now she was almost like prettier a little heavier like facially yep yep Not Chrissy Metz, I'm talking about Rebel Wilson. Rebel Wilson. You said there's something cute, kind of starish about Rebel Wilson. When she was like still chubby to a degree, yeah. You know who I saw at a concert, Radio City Music,

Busy Phillips? Oh, she's a twat though, isn't she? I don't know, but she looks like, I see her and I'm like, oh yeah, she looks like a star. And then I was like, oh yeah, she kind of is, I right. Is she though? What's your star from? She did TV? I know she's mama's and the Papa's yeah granddaughter of John and One of the mama's I think right I'm making all that up. Yeah Yeah, she's definitely product of a mama and a papa. I believe no Frank Zappa and she old enough for that

Busy Phillips busy Phillips is it busy I thought Yeah, what you think it was bussy bussy that would that be two s's Maybe she was born a little pussy with a B Yeah, she's cute. She's got our face John what's her? Elizabeth oh she was in Freaks and Geeks. That's right. Yeah, she's on Dawson's Creek, ER. I'll look up who her parents are. Is she in Bridesmaids? Her parents are Barbara Phillips and Joseph Phillips. Who are they? I don't know. Dorks.

I'm telling you, she's a granddaughter of Mamas and the Papas. It's something like Bijou Phillips, right? Yeah. Bijou Phillips is her mom. No? What? That's impossible. No, that's- Bijou Phillips is younger than this girl. Stop guessing, everyone. Look it up. Bijou Phillips was married to John Stossel from TV's 2020.

Nope? Speaking of 2020, we lost the great Phil Donahue. Were you a Phil Donahue fan when you'd stay home from school and have to watch some shitty TV? I know all the reference to Phil Donahue. I've definitely seen the show. I probably would have liked it more than at the time I was paying attention to it.

My mom was watching Oprah. I wasn't around. I always do go back to the Phil Donahue, the Phil Donahue Marilyn Manson clip is one of my favorite things ever because he's just trying that you know be hard-hitting with it Marilyn Manson's just so casually like Sure, man. You know you like do you think you have a responsibility? Marilyn Manson's just too like smart and what he's saying right right over Donahue is like big How do you do this guy?

I used to watch him all the time. Yeah, I think he was one of my aunt's favorite shows Donahue, but he was like the first he brought like there's no Springer without Phil Donahue I think he was the first to kind of get like we give him all the credit in the world. You know, I'll have to over-defend You're gonna make a guy's goes Everything you love wouldn't happen if there wasn't a Donahue. 60 minutes would have been 30 minutes. There wouldn't be rocky road ice cream. Do you know you love rocky road ice cream? There wouldn't exist. You ever had a waffle cone motherfucker? Thank you, thanks to Phil Donahue. He had John Waffle on to talk about it. I liked Phil Donahue. Why does Bussy Phillips get work? B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- B-I you said be you ZZ I oh yeah buzzy that'd be buzzy

B-U-S-Y spells busy it is busy, but it when it's coming off of Elizabeth you think it would be spelled different Well, it wasn't because of that's why I was a bet is because she was busy There's a little bit yeah, I be eyes no be eyes easy I e or bi ZZ why busy busy young be easy yeah, I guess be B-I-Z-I-E or B-I-Z-Z-Y. Busy. Busy. Young B-Z? Yeah, I guess. B-E-Z.

It's coming off of Liz, which is, it's not a Liz. Is it Elizabeth with an S? Yeah, but the busy is not. Is it Elizabeth with an S? No, no, no. Dude, Elizabeth's not. Then I rest my case. The busy has nothing to do with the name Elizabeth.

It's just because of her behavior as a kid. You think that's true? I'm reading it. Why are you yelling at me? Because I've been trying to say that for like 10 minutes. Well you're not one of the hosts. You're the person in the background who waits. Is Elizabeth the female name that has the most annoying fucking nicknames?

Libby bothers me. The name Libby. Why does, how do you get Libby from that? Libby, there's a lot, Libby is a, is a... I've never heard that. You've never heard? I've heard Libby, I didn't think it was short for Elizabeth. It's Elizabeth. No, I know, well listen. Uh, how about, uh, Jack?

Is usually someone named John. That's fucking weird as hell. Very stupid. That one's always fun. Dick. Uh, Dick for Richard doesn't make any sense. That makes no sense. Um... Hank for Henry's weird? I kinda like that.

Oh, you know what's weird? Wanna know what the weirdest is? Stanley? If you're Polish, they call you Stasz. Ew. Yeah. That's weird. Because there's the comic that we... Stasz. Is that what it is? Yeah. And what's his name? Stanley. Yeah. That's real. Oh, because there's the comic that we...

Stash. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. And what's his name? Stanley? Yeah. That sucks. I know. But Stash is pretty fucking cool, right? You have to find a cool nickname when you're... You should be allowed to pick a cool nickname

if your actual name fucking blows. Is a piece of shit name. Yeah. Yeah. Well, who names a child Stanley, for Christ's sake. A real piece of shit. Smelly parents, dude. They smell like cold coffee. I met a younger lady this weekend named Linda, and Zach and me were thinking about that.

I'm like, Linda is a weird, like, it's not short for anything, usually. So it's like, you look at a kid and say, Linda. It's already like, is she wearing tinted glasses already? It has like a bouffant haircut. Hey, this is Linda from accounting everyone, my baby. But what's interesting is Belinda is a younger, if I met a girl named Belinda now, I'd be like, okay.

Your parents are hippies. Could be a sexy name, but because there's only one Belinda, everyone really knows Belinda Carlisle and she was the cute girl on the go-go so the name now has Connotation to it sure you know I mean you're making an association Linda was what's was there a Linda everything about a Linda is a lady dressed like fucking tootsie from Literally like yeah like the home ec teacher

Just like two-tone shaded Glasses her reading glasses wasn't there a high was is Linda Cardellini a thing is she an actress am I making that up? Yeah, she's okay. Yeah, I forgot her I knew her name and couldn't put it together It's great that bloodline starts with her banging in the car. I forgot that She's from grandma's boy and bloodline. What a weird career. Yeah, really. She's almost 50 She's almost 50. I like her Jacob would you be with her? Yes forever and ever 50 forever. Are you fine? She wants but now she also wants you to put a baby inside of her a high-risk baby

Would you do it high risk? I do want a child you do do you find some eggs from somebody? I do want a child, but I don't want one. That's high-risk cuckoo. Yeah What um listen, you know today they roll the Dyson a lot of times. It's fine. It absolutely goes fine What's gonna call it the De Niro writers De Niro said one or Al Pacino? Yeah, but the women they were with were super young. They were at 95. No, no, that's what I'm saying So the point my point being Jacob fine The point being is actually that if you try and the baby comes out with extra or not enough parts That's her fault. Yeah, Linda Cardellini Linda Cardellini. Why you gotta have an old name? Um, this falls back on you

Linda Cardellini, would you uh at what's the ideal? Baby mama age for you. What are you? What are you looking at impregnate? 30s late black lusa 17 is that you didn't argue it. That's crazy What's crazy in here cuz my hear it because my headphones were on. My headphones are on too, I heard it. I heard myself. No. No, what do you think?

What are your... I mean, for healthy, that... No, for your enjoyment, for the baby self? Well, baby health and sort of compatibility, 30s. 30s, you can't talk to a 27 year old No, I could I just don't I don't think it would I'd have much to say 30 Jacob you know to be totally lit what

Yeah, you're closer to me, Christine. No, for sure, but Christine's almost, she's one year out of being too gross for you, because you needed someone in your 30s. So the pumpkin, you turn into a pumpkin at 40 and you're an unpregnatable pumpkin. No, I don't think so. No? Linda Cardellini's pretty sexy for 40. I think things have changed, like women, I mean it's not ideal for a woman. Women are having babies much older. Much older. But you also don't want to drop dead. Also in this article I'm reading here,

it says Linda Cardellini... When they're ten. I agree with you. I'm also reading this article here, it says Linda Cardellini loves cream pies. So I guess just throw caution to the wind, dude. Cream pies? The girl's super into cream pies. Christine, thanks throw caution to the wind dude. Cream pies? The girl's super into cream pies. Christine thanks for Google searching that directly. You're welcome. Does

Linda Carnelini love that? She already has a family? How many kids? She has a daughter. Oh okay she has just one daughter so she has cream pies but only has one. She experienced during pregnancy and delivery it was a very traumatic period for her. Oh Jacob she is ready to go through it again. She's already problematic. Yeah, you're gonna have to call out. You go, nah, I'm sorry. You know what dude? Change of plans, don't have a baby with Linda Cardellini. Okay. As your friends, we wanted to tell you, if Linda Cardellini comes at you, pussy forward.

Jacob just pains me to say it out loud, but I don't think you should have a baby with Linda Cardellini You know how you've been talking I built you up and we were really had you going and riding it out I thought it seemed perfect until you know, I do do that. I'll look at you know famous actresses like Yeah, that's that's that would be age appropriate. I want to have a baby We would I would have a baby with her You know who I would if I wasn't married who I'd want to have a baby with her. I would have a baby with her. You know who I would, if I wasn't married, who I'd want to have a baby with? Anna DeArmas. I think she'd make me a beautiful baby. Everybody would want to have their, yeah. But she's mine. She's mine. Right, but I would also want her to father my child. Well, I would

go, hey, Jacob, see that? She had my baby, not yours. So you think a Bond girl would deliver good-looking kids for you? I think you're right. Jacob, do you know I'm looking at these pictures? Linda Cardellini, and I believe that's her husband. Can you look that up, his name? Linda Cardellini's husband is the guy. No, it's nothing to do with not tall.

Her husband is the guy who said, get my shit pushed in. Training day. And training day. Yeah, she's married to him. I think he was also a wild dude in Breaking Bad. Get my shit pushed in training training day yeah she's married to she's married to him I think he was also a wild dude in Breaking Bad my shit pushed yeah I never had your shit pushed in that's him dude he's pushing in Linda Cartolini shit dude he played cards with Ethan Hawke nacho nacho I can't remember well look I don't well look up on the screen

Madman Steven Roddery Answer engagement was she married before? Yes, she was to that guy just go to Wikipedia Christine Linda Carnalini saw this bend Pushed in the ship pushed in? Your shit pushed in? Simple question. Nah? No. You had my shit pushed in? Oh yeah man, I had my shit pushed in bro, big time! That guy gets to have sex with Linda Cardellini. That's what she was saying when she was giving birth.

I'm getting my shit pushed in. Um, Jason gave birth to the Stephen. Her boyfriend, Steven Rodriguez. Is that not why she in a picture with that guy and all of the. Maybe that's their uncle. Yes. I don't know. Go down. His name, Steven Rodriguez. What's his movies? Well, this is I'm on Linda Cardellini's Wikipedia.

Oh, you still try to figure out if it's gonna work? This guy here was Stephen Cardellini. Linda Cardellini. No, the guy that keeps showing. For 50, I'll tell ya. She's pretty, man. She really is. Yeah, long time partner, Steve Rodriguez.

For 40, she's pretty. And they have Lila Rose. Let's look up Steve Rodriguez's IMDB If we get from done take it off a bussy Phillips Give it a bussy Phillips bussy I Wish you met her and went Oh bussy. It's great to meet you. I absolutely would have done You would have called her bussy bussy. That's what I would have said probably so weird All right, we're gonna take a break. We gotta take a break

Anyway, we're hanging out Mike Noy today everybody Bobby Kelly off with the family for vacay. He's on vacay We're gonna be on vacay next week next week. It's gonna be no live shows. We'll be back with Bobby the week after that Right now we got Mike for noia hanging out with us everybody. Entertainment tonight. Mike has all new dates, merch, content up at PunchUp.live slash Mike Finoia. Join us. Including Skankfest, Providence, Nashville, Indianapolis, Hartford and so much more. Follow Mike on socials at Mike Finoia.

Mike F-I-N-O-I-A. And of course the special, Don't Let Me Down. Streaming right now on YouTubeA And of course a special don't let me down Cough Streaming right now on YouTube And of course you can catch Bobby Kelly Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly For all of his dates every Tuesday night You know you can see him at the Fat Black Pussy Get Lounge at the Comedy Cellar And he's got dates coming up in Phoenix

Cleveland, Skankfest Co-host New York and San Diego And I'm gonna be... I'm just doing it so quick I like doing it Well this weekend Jay you're gonna be at the Funny Bone in Albany. I am. It's 23rd and 24th. Four shows. And then Empire Comedy Club Portland, Maine August 30th and 31st and after that you're gonna be in Dallas, Omaha and Skankfest for tickets and all other tour dates visit bigj comedy.com. We'll be right back everybody it's the Bonfire.