The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Times Square Dookie w/Mike Finoia

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

Comedy's favorite amigo Mike Finoia performs at Madison Square Garden on Kill Tony. Mike gets one shot, one opportunity to seize everything he ever wanted...one moment..did he capture it? | Jon Bon Jovi loses his voice at the world's most famous arena. | Jay cries while watching the band Train. | Mike and Jay witness a harrowing scene in nyc as a little boy has a public accident in his pants. | Josh Adam Meyers shows up with a special song he created for Mike Finoia! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Crisen and Robert Kelly. Oh, this is Shakedown Street? No, but it's... Well, this is Shakedown Street, yeah. Yes, I'm saying. This is Disco Dead. A lot of Dead men didn't like this. Why?

Disco Dead. People were like, they sold out. The sunny side of the street is... Mike, you should get these for your car. Little... Whambleau. Oh, I have them. That's Grateful Fred.

He sends me those for free. I love them. Shout out Grateful Fred. Go check it out, everybody. Oh, I thought you were talking about... That guy makes like, dude, these are sick. And I told him he's got to start making like tool and... I told the girl lost my virginity to, dude.

Dead tattooed. Had the bears tattooed around her leg, a bunch of them. It's great you lost your virginity to a dead head. Why? I don't know. Guaranteed Bush? Yeah, yeah. Why do you say that?

Guaranteed beaver? You cleaned your wet balls off on a hacky sack after? Yeah, I'd say better I lost my virginia to someone who was molested because it really opened. They're up to ideas. It didn't freak her out when I giggled when she fucking tongueed my bean bag. No matter how bad it was, it was not the worst thing she's ever gone through. No, no, for sure. She's had to listen to an 18-minute fucking vacuum solo.

Fuck yeah, dude. That's nutting. Squam- I have hairy-calf. Squam-square-square-zwang-w-w-w-w-w-wob. I almost called... Oh, I noticed your pipes needed fixing. I almost called Christine when Fish was at the Garden to see if she wanted to come to the show with me.

Because I think she would like it. You know she's trying to be sober, dude. Dude, she can go to the fellowship table. Boring. Just find the yellow balloon. Boring. They're there for support. Fuck that.

She does. You gotta go. You gotta go. Would you do, you can't, you know, it's psychedelics part of your, uh, part of your sobriety. No, because I guess I got to smoke a ton of weed. I can't. Yeah, she'll get high. What am I fucking, some nerd?

Drink water, dude. It's not be the same. It's fucking nerd shit. Why, she doesn't have to drink beers at it. And then she's peeing the whole time going, what I miss, what I miss. You got to get fucking doofy. Doofed, bro. You gotta get duped.

Eat some of that giggle sauce? Oh, look at somebody next to me. Yeah. Fucking. I called you from the show. Yeah. I'm all geeked up on giggle puppies. Yeah.

I ate a handful of space nuggets. Fuck you're a cosmic, yeah. Yeah, space nuggets? That was high as shit. Yeah, you're all fucking goofed out on space tots. I ate my regular mushroom capsules, but then I turned around and Dorp, he went, bloop, put one in my mouth. Like, Dorff just gave me a fucking big, like, three. three-dimensional purple mushroom edible yeah everything got fuzzy you're saying

dorf that the people in listening have any fucking clue why i was like do i say it just say a guy a guy at that point where there's what's what we call people dorffs some dorff sounds like that there's looks there's dorffs and looks yeah but i got all fuzzy and then i drove home like like a video game and i was like i had to talk to someone i used to get irate with Christine when she used to tell stories. That was her big thing. She would tell stories like everybody knows who they are. It was like the guy who worked at that club

who used to call his dad, dad, everybody. Father, oh, I know, that guy. Yeah, yeah, I know. I did a bad thing. But, you know, it's so comfortable here at the bonfire. I just feel like I'm hanging with my boy. Christine, you remember that? She would be like telling other stories people

and she goes, and then, you know, step and em are always going to do this kind of thing i go no one knows you're talking about in the story no i hate that no one knows you're talking about i'm so bad at this i'm so excited my conversation is being criticized by a professional comedian every time now well it's the life you chose christine it's going to be a professional it's so ridiculous to call people familiars when you're talking to strangers about jade you guys heard a party jays like come here for a second i got some notes yeah that story sucks shit why don't you uh be interesting go back on stage yeah that story story was nuts sack.

Oh my God. And now no one knows who the people are. And they spent, then they didn't hear the next few words because they were like, should I know who that is? Like the way she said that. So I think of who they is. And then you come back and by the time you get back and you're like, can you believe that? And then they have to lie to your face and go, that's nuts.

I'm going to see if the beer's here yet. I know. I should have just said some dude put mushrooms in my mouth. But I dorffed the story. Yeah, dude. Sorry. Drop that name, dude. Letting the world know.

You're friends with Dorf? The Guinness guy, you know, Dorf. The Guinness guy. Oh, look who's bragged about knowing Dorf. Hey, if you guys don't know Dorf, then you don't know Dorf. That was in MSG. Yeah. With the Dorffinator?

So you, he was here for the shows. And then he was here for Kiltonny. He stayed the whole time? No, he went back and then came back. He came back for Kilthone. He came here for Fish, Fish, Rush, Fish. Then went home. or wherever, and they came back for coming.

You want to see Rush a couple times, too? He saw Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush. Rush Rush Rush, Rush, Rush. It's a crazy week at the garden. Bon Jovi, Bon Jovi, Fish, Rush, fish, rush, fish, rush. Bon Jovi doesn't fit in there anymore. No.

Bon Jovi's so sad looking. No, I know. It's over. He looks like an old, I can't. I can't. I wasn't going to go. Josh had an extra ticket for Guns and Rose, where I'm going to see Guns and Rose,

and I'm excited to go. Did he show you the ticket? Do you actually have the ticket? No, I don't. because I don't know, some people in this room got Joshed. Yeah, I know. I'm lucky enough situation that I could ditch Josh and get a better situation than he can get tonight if I needed to. Do you have to drive him?

Yeah, yeah. So if his dumb ticket thing happens again, will you just leave him in the parking lot and go home? Oh, we're going separate ways anyway. Oh, okay. Because he's going back to the city. I hope he throws a tantrum like he did at the gate. I know the singer and like stomping his feet, dude. These are supposed to be floor seats.

I think Josh Adam Rose. I hope you get to see that. Dude, I can't with Bon Jovi, man. Turn it up. How's Sam? How's Sam? He's not even in the band anymore. Oh, fucking forget it.

I'm a Sanbora guy. It's just John Bon Jovi Tico Tors and Gabby Brian's mom. Is Gabby open with a tight five of crowdwork? Maybe. Who's that guy? Fucking bitchy tambora. Titchie scambona? Titchie scambona.

Titchie scambora. Oh, my. This is a bummer. Who's this fucking fakey on the fucking Wawa thing? Yeah, who's fucking Grico Sweeto? Whoa. Oh my Christ. Oh my God.

I don't like this. Yeah, shut this off. This is like a bunch of Santa get fucking punched. He's throwing everything he has into it. He has to make duck lip faces. That's this year? Yep. Oh.

Live in New Jersey. Dude, these tickets should be free. It's in boardwalking. at Azbin Park. Honestly. Go do the big E, dude. It's over. Here we go.

Buckle up. Oh my God. Oh. I can't. That would bum me out. That would fucking bum me right the fuck out. Damn, I had a poster

this guy on my wall. That'll ruin a good assing trip. When I was masturbating to his crazy rock and roll stance, I had no idea. You got a nasty reputation. I had no idea he would let me down like this one day.

Dude, I'll tell you. I would never jerk off to you now job on Joe. No. Jerk off on. you. Well, his voice collapsed, and this is what his voice sounds

like now after the operation. Yeah. He's doing extra shit to try to make it. What's wrong with Bobby? Bobby comes in here, I don't know, what was it, a year ago? He goes, John Bon Jovi's back, baby. He got this surgery and his voice is better than 1984, it says. And then you're like,

it seems like the surgery may have mangled him for the rest of his life. Where do you read that? The John Bon Jovi Times? Can you look up if John Bon Jovi has the same vocal issue as the lead singer of weird one, Moody Blues? Because when he sings Knights and White Sat and he does that, he hits the note still. How old is that guy?

His voice seems to involuntarily go, Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That guy's got to be 900. One more time. The lead singers of Moody Blues. And also, John. Yo. John's voice gave out on the.

I feel like that's it, but I thought he was bringing a duster, but I think it's that. That's the poster. That was the poster in your movie. It's got to be that. John stopped playing at MSG. He did like each shows in a row or something. and the guy from train tried to help him and he still had to cancel his last shows

because his voice was done. By Jovey bailed? Yeah. They canceled some of these recent shows? Yeah. Oh, really? I didn't catch that at all. Did he walk off mid-show, right, at one point?

Yeah, he apologized to the crowd. I'll be honest me, you could have had Pat Monaghan just do the rest of the shows. That guy is not only an amazing voice. God damn. This is the most adult contemporary thing I've ever said in my entire life, dude. This is velvet. This is Velvet, right here.

Velvet. Dude, this is crushed velvet mercury seats right here. Let me hear it. Bring it, Poco. The lead singer, train, Pat Monaghan, guys, otherworldly talent. That guy, his own songs are in such a crazy tone that he nails every time. He's getting older. And then they go out for fun and do Led Zeppelin cover songs where he sounds like Robert Plant sounded.

Really? You think Greta Van Fleet would have been more successful financially if they just did a Led Zeppelin? cover instead of doing their stupid crap? I don't know. They'd probably do better if the lead singer didn't look like feet. You really did. You got him's like an Indian foot. It's such a weird. What the fuck is doing? I don't get his thing. I can't stand

them. It's just not a fun looking lead singer to me. He looks uncomfortable. But they're doing Led Zappa. It looks like his mom dressed him to look like a 70s person. Right. It's a Halloween. It doesn't look like he wants to dress like that. No. And then he's like, he's out there like in a fringe half vest. He's like,

is it as like Roger Daltry, Tommy? phase. It's so weird. I'm wearing a baby doll jacket. Oh my God. I used to tie a yarn, a piece of yarn around my tennis racket and jump up and down on my bed and pretend to be Richie Sambora playing guitar to John singing. And I'd point to the poster. He got fired 10 years ago. Just do any, do anything's up on song. Why do you get fired? Why'd Sambora get fired? Did he get fired? I think he's left. No, well, that's what he says, but him and John didn't get a lot. long so he stopped showing up probably something to do with ice

I bet he got Sambora yeah I think he goes let me see your let me see your papers Mr. Samora is it he goes hey Hey I've been my whole life He goes if you're taking Tico Torres You're taking me dude Tico Torres was playing those drums low

He was hiding behind the fucking kid In the basement What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? Perfect Get to where it starts whaling We don't have to listen 75 minute song No kidding

He's got the gay plant open hand move too It's one of the few concerts ever made me cry Train Oh my god Right next to Lou Yeah I was on mushrooms Seeing you cry

Oh that's traumatic But I was a frog Is he Oh yeah It's sad frog There we go Let's hear it Kadoo do it

I could do without the wrist I could do without the fucking wrist Oh listen Listen, the guy's going to be an old little foof, but I mean, it doesn't matter. Whatever. You cried at Train. Yeah. Wow.

A lot? Yeah. Does that make you think that I'm less than a man? Yeah. I wish you got hit by that train. Wow. No, I'm kidding. They did drops to Jupiter, and it was shortly after my grandmother had passed.

And it's a song about his mother passing and getting out to the stars and finding happiness out there by yourself out there. Grandmell is? Yes, he did. Thank you, Mom. Do you remember Bib, boo, bam, honey? Flip, flap. Is this it?

Is this where I was literally crying, Tulu? Is this the concert? Yeah. Oh, I hope you're on the Jumbotron. I was on the Jumbo Tron. Just flubbering. She just flubbered and then white claw joint. It just shows you flubber and then white claw joint.

Blake Lodzoy. You flubbering. Smoking, drinking, smoking, smoking. Poppin snorting. I'm gonna party with you. I do a little dance. I party with you. Oh, he's pointing at me, I think.

He goes, hey, somebody... He's like, hey, look at that fat fucking crying whale. He goes, hey, somebody's changed that baby's diaper up there in the 200s? Look at the whiny boy, everyone. Look at the little cry, whiny boy. You were the first cold play incident? Oh, yeah. So, wow.

What other concert have I cried at? If mom, mom didn't pass, would you have cried during, drops of Jupiter? I think it was because of that. Yeah, I don't think so, yeah. I love my mom. Probably not. But that's a great song.

I would have loved the song still. I don't know if it would have caught me. I think that's why it was hitting you, though. Yeah. Oh, no, and then the other, the gayer one by far is after I broke up with my girlfriend, right after high school that I was with for a while. Cheryl? Yeah, J.

Yeah, J. Yeah. Um. Yeah, Cheryl. Yeah, Cheryl. Right after we broke up, I saw Stained Live and they're, his bit of what? Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God. Well, yeah, what a poon, dude. But that's, you're talking 19 years old. Do you want to know how my high school girlfriend broke up with me? She wrote me the lyrics to, how's it going to be? He left it in my car. Did she go, when you don't know, he's going to do any more? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, is it going to be?

Yep, that's how I got dumped. I want that. If I ever get my own apartment again, I want to get that John Bon Jovi post. You have a house. You have a house. No, that's an apartment poster, dude. You can put it in the downstairs bathroom Dude

When you close the door? Yeah Oh my God, yeah You're taking a shit He's like yeah Just right at the talent Buddy, I'll get that for you You know what?

As long as you mat and frame it It's art Yeah You know what I'm saying It's going up with tape Remember when I did that With the Grateful Dead poster In our apartment

You go you know we can frame it And I'm like My dad didn't let me have it in my room So I'm putting it up in my new room My bon Jovi My bon Jovi one would be tax Yeah That's how I would play thumb tags.

Well then you could put a feather on a roach clip hanging off it that you want at the fair. That doesn't go in a house, Christine. That goes in a fucking apartment. You wouldn't put that in the... What about the garage next to your weight bench? No, dude, that's for show enough. That's where show enough lives. That goes in like a not...

You are something else. That doesn't go in a nice apartment, Jay. Huh? That doesn't go in a nice apartment. No, no. Like a fucking efficiency. So you're like... So what about your retirement?

What if you... No, like... What if Isabella puts you in a home? studio or a one bedroom. It's got to be, it's probably, the apartment I'm picturing it's going to be prominently featured.

It's what will be my Tony Hinchcliff throne. It'll be a picture of John Bon Jovi letting you know it's going to be, he's like, hey, glad you're here. Hey, thanks for stopping by. I'll be here for you. Hey, thanks for something by, my weird studio.

We'll have Christmas lights around it. Year long. Of course. Absolutely. Plugged in right below it. Yeah, dude. I'm going to have Puerto Rican, like, year long celebration decorations up.

Oh, my God. I love it. I would put it up. And I'm going to put a, and I'm going to on my bed, I'm going to have my feet up on the wall and I'm also going to be throwing a tennis ball against the wall a lot. Yeah, that's... While I'm on the phone. This is your retirement plan?

No, no, no, no. This is like a couple weeks from now, possibly. For true? Yeah, it depends how bad I want the poster, I guess. Why did Jane move out of his house? He really wants this poster. Dude, guy can't fucking... It doesn't belong in a house. And he goes where the poster goes.

I want to get you a little locket-sized one, so you can hang from your... rearview mirror. I don't mind that. Look, we can get battery operated lights. Wow, dude, I fucking love Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi. This was my first concert. New Haven Coliseum,

Bon Jovi, Skid Row. Wow. Look at it. That's like a whole J package. Look, it's got fingerless gloves down there. Manora Candles. Yeah, what is this? That's the J. That's the Big J. That's the big Jew. Wow.

Dude, all I remember from this concert is just aquanette, like fizzy hair. Probably smelled like hairspray. Cigarettes, like a motherfucker, New Haven Coliseum. People were just roasting cigarettes, joints. I was, it was 86, so I was 7. A lot of women? High hair. Dude.

And you know what else? Cut jeans? Like the boofed jeans, like the sliced ones? Yeah. Oh, man. I stood on the seat and then I sat on my uncle's shoulders. You don't remember girls yanking and they're fucking. hammies out? I mean, that would be a total thing.

I mean, I was seven. Yeah. No. You would have noticed that? I was gay till I was nine. Oh, that's fine. So you chose to stay cock level. Cock level, dude. I don't know, maybe every girl was pulling their titty's out, dude. I was just fucking glaring a cock. Just eyes on dork, dude. That's back when you pissed in a trough at the fucking bathroom, what a traumatic thing as a kid. Did you pee in a trough when you were a kid? Did you ever go to, like, Yale Bowl had a trough filled with ice? This is how we used to

pee, Christine. have in my life, like at a time, seen one. No, I mean, not more than once or twice. Grown men just dork out, peeing into like a trough, down into a trough of ice. Yeah, but some of my, oh, I've seen a be in the troughs where you go on either side of it. Oh, yeah, totally. And guys are pissing from both sides. I didn't know you guys had piss troughs.

Piss troughs. That's how it used to be, Nassau Coliseum. Piss trot, trying to piss on, pissing that thing on acid at a concert. It's also a gay tar. It should be a gay tar. He goes, you know, stinky little piss trough. You put a piss trough? Oh, that's awesome.

Lay on the ground there. You shitty little fucking piss trough. Dude, that's the opposite of a bear is just a little piss trough. Oh my God, that's great. Which brings us to being a, she's being a little shit little piss trough. Jacob, yes? You were going to say something? I was going to say, I did pee in a piss trough also.

It was in a circle. A circular pistroff. Oh, my. Should have been at Hogwarts. That's a bath house. Hogwarts. That's a fucking bathhouse for sure. Can you get into the middle of the circle?

Or did you just have to go around? It depends. Do you think it's a trough for a pisatorium? It's a pee bagel Relax honey, I don't bite Dude, piss troughs Were the grossest And when you were head level

To everyone's knob Look at that dude passed out in one He's climbing in and he loves it Oh, that little piss trough That little fucking piss trough Look at that little pee trough Hey, you're a little pissy trough Go where you belong

You're a little pissy trough boy That's when you lose that fantasy football league You have to get peed on Pist trough? You gotta be the Pist trough Well speaking of of public Oh my God Of public

Going to the bathroom in public Evacuating If you will On the way here I've seen something I've never seen Streets of New York Well yes

But I feel like you've seen this a lot I didn't react like Yeah you reacted When you were like Oh dude this is just like This is shakedown street right here dude This is after every fish show Every fish show dude

Someone's got to be doing this with their kids Perhaps dude No we walked by And we couldn't tell what's happening My first thing I saw was a dad who seemed my first visual was me looking and seeing was going to be the father of a family, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was like with them, with the wife and the kids, but not like, he was trying to almost be like distance from them a little bit. And it's pretty young kids. And one that I would have guessed to probably eight years old or so.

Yeah, at least. The mom was down behind them and he was in a. He was wearing a little sweatpants shorts. Stupid fat ginger face, kid. Yeah. Yeah, this kid is a fucking idiot. I'll tell you what he did. I don't know.

I was just going to tell you what I saw first. I start tracing down like what's happening here. Why is the mom squatted down behind the sun and his little sweatpants shorts? And it's because fucking just chunky jiff shit running all down his leg and she's like cleaning him off like his legs in the middle of the street. He's just standing there. And I think a sister maybe.

little girl's like standing down coloring just kind of being like I don't want this family the kid dude the kid had far away eyes I mean he was not his face did not read that he was having his legs clean from shit the mother had a fresh pack of baby wipes out right on the street fucking Times Square I'm telling you like it was nutty it was it was a nutty shit there was stuffing his shit all down his legs and dude it was like whole foods Right by Starbucks. Jackass last night.

Dude, right down front of the assay bowl, please. Yeah, yeah. You want a little fucking cacao nibs on your fucking assay bowl? That kid's making them fresh. You're a little chunky jiff on that? I'm so happy. I don't think I'll ever have to like wipe shit off the kid's leg. Oh, dude, the kid was staring into the future going.

Well, it's countdown to divorce. Yeah, I mean. And he had like, Dad's walking for sure. You know like the Whole Foods peanut butter? You make yourself. It was like that. on the inside of his knee and the mother is just

why did I fucking do this? Also it's like what are you doing it like it's also you're doing it wrong It's like you need to get these clothes off of them Where's the water bottle? Like what are you? You're just wiping this kids Like you don't know how to fucking clean up

Your own fucking child He was the kid That's crazy. Do we were watching the dad just like Download Tinder We were watching the dad download Tinder And just go to He was just calling an Uber to LaGuardia

He's like this trip is fucking over We're like super helpful, dude. Like, thanks for doing anything to participate in this situation. Well, I mean... I mean, you could just jump right into the woman's side of this, but I fucking totally get what's happening. He goes, when you have a kid, listen, when you lay a batch in a chick and she farts one out, right?

At least, you hope, at least. This kid's not going to start duke in when he's old enough to walk on his own. And I'm going to wipe his fucking legs. In the middle of August. In the middle of August in Times Square. And they should know, I'll never love them enough to not walk away from that in a moment's notice. That's your jizz, dude.

But that's for better or worse. That's the asterisk right there, and that's the worst. Christine, you make a good point there. That's my jizz, for sure. But listen, every load I've ever shot jerking off is not perfect. I've looked down as several and been like, oh, that would be a doofus right there, man. So it's all inside of you. I don't know which one's a doofus or not that makes it to the egg.

It's also your egg. You know what I mean? Maybe your egg kick. Common denominator. You got duff egg, probably. Your eggs do hot bread. rain in the middle of the summer out of their butt. That kid shit

a fucking stinky dump in the middle of August and Times Square ruined his family's trip. Jay and I decided like how many times in his life is he going to go, why doesn't Dad? Oh yeah. Yeah, he is.

How come Dad left? Oh, right. I shit myself. He goes, Dad hasn't called since my 9th birthday. Actually, when I think about it, he hasn't called since my 8th birthday was last one. He was with me, and then I did shit in Times Square. So I think there's probably our directly correlated. I mean, Bobby has that story where fucking Max shit on his neck at the concert.

You fucking Bon Jovi. Come on. Bon Jovi? Yeah. I mean, he had to judge that show up a little bit. Something had to be exciting at that show, dude. You say J.B.J. is not hitting the high notes, dude. You might just take a fucking hot, you might just take a hot dose on the neck.

Just a hot snake on your neck? Stink snake? Oh, dude. Just growing out of pants. onto your neck. Oh my god. I would throw that kid so far, dude. I was like, well, it's your kid. I don't care. No. No. I don't think I have it in me to...

I don't want my mom to shit on my chest. It's my mom. Seriously, dude. Like, if Lisa... Same argument. That's my mom, though, right? If Lisa ate diarrhea lettuce and was just fucking shitting all over the house, dude, I'd probably be like, can I sleep over for like three to five months? Of course, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be around that.

Yes, yeah, yeah. That's awful. Yeah, let her handle it. Unconditional love is bullshit. Nonsense. It's total nonsense. There's always conditions. Of course.

Shitting your pants. Non-stop shitting could be one of the conditions. Absolutely. If you are an endless faucet of turd and turd juice, I may have to go. I got to go. I may have to go. I'll see when I see you. Yeah.

Call me when you're done. Let me know if it's better because this is the worst. Yeah, right, Ray. Good, bad. But you want to know it's funny? We're at diarying? Wait, so where are we at

with hot girls doing it? Lisa's hot? What do you say? My wife's ugly? No. But if I was shitting nonstop, Christine, she'd be right there for me.

Cleaning my heads. That's how dumb chicks are. That's how dumb you dummies are. I'd be like the eyes smile back. Mom. Sarah Silverman, I'd just leave the kids with the dad and go to drugs. Lisa would knock on the door and I'd open it

and there'd be a power washer in the hallway. Clean yourself, idiot. She has a hazmat suit. You're cleaning her like Rambo. How the cops cleaned Rambo. It's like Karen, I hit a deer. Get the kids out of it. Just hosing off the trunk. Do you, have you ever shit your pants like, um, as like a, when you shouldn't have? Like as a grown up or as a kid?

Well, what I shouldn't am. I'd say anywhere in the pants. That's what I mean. Yeah, but not a child. Like from that dummies. Hey, you know my story. I had one time. in a hotel in the morning in my hotel room, but it happened with Dave Smith. Oh, right, right. We had Denny's night before, and then right before the roast.

I got sick as a fucking dog when I was in Providence doing shows, and I fucking yarfed in my shorts, man. It was so bad. It was such a day-ruining thing. Of course. Be weird if it wasn't. Happened early in the day,

and then I threw up outside after that. It was like crazy. You were sick. I guess, yeah. I was wick. get hung over one time and I farted at a Brueger's bagels and I thought it was just going to be

a fart and like a rock A rock of shit like popped out, hit me on the leg and then fell through my shorts down under the ground. How underwear were you wearing? I'm telling me, I don't all these people, this kid I couldn't tell you why his legs and ass was covered in shit like

what did your underwear do nothing? It's too heavy. It can't contain it. Well that's like that the chick that shit's like the kid goes, I go command though, let the bitches see. I have the kids to see my little dork My little dork bouncing around His little ginger dork bouncing around He's like, I'll show him a little Louisville

Slugger My little pink pud Because I went out of the boys in the yard To see my pink pud That lady had to take out the mommy's little Meatball T-shirt that she bought him Wraped his fucking crack with it Yeah he just to buy him his tummy's wearing

He's wearing leather chaps And a fuck you, you fucking fuck shirt You fucking fuck you're fucking He's wearing a John Lennon and wearing a New York City shirt. She bought a foam Statue of Liberty to get up there and really clean his asshole. It's like, go get me something.

Honey, I don't know. Here's a Statue of Liberty. Sit on it. Lose napkins. There's a slice from Sabaro. Fucking sit on that. Just all New York clean up. Nice thick Sabaro slice.

They wouldn't let me get napkins if I didn't buy a slice. The dad. You got John my Jovey fucking up more? Hold on I think. Here's the thing. They know how to make, uh, they josh up Axel Rose to make him sound pretty good. Front of house, he sounds pretty good. I'm sure monitors.

It's a mess. Is he still look like, uh, he's awful? Mama Fratelli or, uh, Large Marge? Absolutely terrible, yeah. Well, he's not super heavy anymore. Dude, John Bon Jovi's body also looks like shit too. Yeah, he looks like a GI Joe guy. Doesn't he?

He looks compressed and he's wearing reasonable shit. This is a guy who, like, you know. Oh, he's wearing hokas. Yeah, the performance was like, you know, the Bon Jovi performance was like, Like, he'd be wearing cowboy boots with the jeans in them. Walk out on the thing. A thousand scarves. And I know you can't do the exact.

You know what, though? Stephen Tyler did. Right till the end, he still performed in that kind of shit. But he changed his whole thing early on, right? It became like Mom Rock. Who, Bon Jovi? Bon Jovi. Sort of.

But I'm saying the fact that he's out there performing. And his motivation to even be attractive anymore is so low that he's wearing reasonable shoes. Yeah, he's wearing high techs. he's wearing hiking He's got some on clouds They're not even on clouds I mean he's wearing a leather shirt And reasonable shoes

And like you could see the laces tied And we can see the bows on the fucking shoes Yeah he double nodded those For the concert And I feel I feel like he looks so old Pitting tying his shoes too He bends down And he goes

Oh Yeah I'll be there Oh there's the There's the fucking king I mean he really was Something else. Yeah.

Come in full wild time. Oh, that my ears hear, Lou. Oh, yeah. Rock and roll. Him and Sanboro were maybe one of the best-looking one-two combos. Samora?

Him and Richie? No, dude. Come on. Samora wasn't a great-looking guy. What are you talking about? You look like fucking... Young Richie Sanborra looks like old Andy Garcia. So what's wrong with that?

I find that hot. I find that hot. Is it awful when you say a guy's attractive and another guy who disagrees with you? It makes you feel gay? You just need the other guy who doesn't agree with it. He goes, what a great-looking one-two punch. And I go, yeah, John Bon Jovi for sure, but Samora, dude, you're gay. Okay.

I didn't mean it. No, old Sanbora in the posters? Come on. No. Are you kidding me? No, dude, he always had bangs. So what? I don't know.

It was bangs. I was a bang girl. I know, but you were a banger. Bon Jovi had bangs, but he had the fucking poodle flop hair. Poodle flop. You like that. See, look at them. Look at those faraway eyes. I'm going to do poodle flop hair before I do fucking front bangs, dude. I mean, look at him. Come on.

It looks like Joan Jett over there. Yeah, exactly. He's kind of more masculine looking than John Bon Jovi, though. Okay. That's what I want in a man. Maybe I was looking for an uncle or a dad. Oh, shit. Maybe I want to have sex with John Bon Jovi. I think that's it.

I just want to high five Sanborra, dude. That will explain my imminent move to a efficiency apartment. Just for you and the poster. Where I will be masturbating with that poster nonstop. And it would be in New Jersey because it would be wrong if it wasn't. Oh, that's to be in Jersey. You have to be in Jersey. Yeah, yeah.

He goes, I need a parking spot and I need this to be legit. You know what I'm going to get you for Christmas is a gift card to the John Bon Jovi rest stop? Oh, dude, which now has gas. Now featuring gas. Yeah, now featuring gas. Stupidest fucking place without it. What are you talking about, dude? I mean.

He just listen to some Bon Jovi and get some fucking. Sparrow. Sparrow and Bon Jovibe. Yeah, dude, dude, Rich, no. Whatever, man. You know, Richie San Borough wasn't a great looking guy. He's not a beauty queen like Bon Jovi and Yeah, Sebastian Bach, you want to F hard. Oh yeah, all day long. Dude, kill fuck Mary, ready, Sebastian Bach, John Bon Jovi, and who's the other one that you love? They're all young? Who's the other one you love? Christine. Are they all young? I'd kill Christine Get that out of the way

Trying to get late over here Trying to bust the nut Here to Christine Kill fuck Mary Who would be the third Who's your third favorite dude Boy George Boy George

Yeah boy George I bet you'd fuck boy George Because you're a kinky weirdo Is that what you feel? I think I'd fuck boy George Because I didn't know it was a man And when I found out too late I would hope nobody else noticed

and then I would hope nobody else noticed that and I would try to go about my life just being like yeah it happened and then when it came out that it was a guy I could have just been like oh it's interesting I mean I guess I knew that I guess his pussy did look like a dick

yeah yeah yeah okay so he was deep inside of me were you a George Michael guy do you think he's a hunk in a hunk in a John Bon Jovi way no George Michael was a gay man I knew that from the get-go wait for me before you go-go

So? You like game, man. Short shorts and fucking Big Buttafouca shirts. All right. Boy George. John Bon Jovi. Sebastian Bach.

Kill fuck Mary. Boy George. Boy George isn't good to put it in this mix. Well, I don't know who else you're crank into when... Who do I think is a sexy young man? Yeah. From the 80. Had a Nicky 6.

Throwing a little Nicky 6, base player Nicky 6. All right. If I'm going to get down on some guy's bone, it would have been young Mickey 6. Why? Who do you like these... of young Motley crew.

Mick Mars, motherfucker. You're gonna fuck Mick Mars? Yeah, dude. That guy took my break off inside of you from scleriderma. He's a weird alien. Tommy Lee, I would say, if I had to. Young Tommy Lee was gross looking.

Young Nikki Six was a stud. Yeah. Look at that. All right. Kill fuck Mary. What about breathing down your fucking back? Nicky Six, J.B.J. Sebastian Bach. Okay.

I'm fucking Sebastian Bach all day. That was just the looks. Well, if I marry him, I get, no, I'm not. gonna marry. You know what? No, dude. I'm not marrying Sebastian Bach, you're right. I think I know who you should marry but you go. I'm fucking Sebastian Bach. I bet his hair smells like strawberries.

I'm gonna marry hmm, what are the other people? It's Nikki Six and John Bon Jovi. And J.B.J. You marry J.B.J. You marry J.B.J. The guy's been married to his high school sweetheart since he fucking started Bon Jovi. He's been with her since before Bon Jovi. New Jersey.

They definitely have an arrangement, of course. Yeah, Snoop Dog's been with his wife since high school. Right, correct. Exactly. And you've had sex with Snoop Dog. Twice. Just week. Everyone's a second.

Come on. Talk to me about young Sebastian. I bet you John Bon Jovi would be an incredible spouse. He would. No, no, I guess for sure. The guy definitely, he won't run around on me. Look at his fucking lips. Yeah, he was gorgeous.

Yeah, Jay wants to kiss those. Well, that's not a good picture of. I actually don't like when he would go like that and make his faces. I'm more of like you catch him candid. Is this not him making a face? Catch him candid. No. No.

A fruit loop. There was a candid picture up there. This is AI, first of all. Whoa. Right there's can't. No. He looks like John Mayer in that, doesn't he? Does he look like John Mayer in that picture?

Look how beautiful that face is. Yeah, that's something. Oh. Look at that cock sucker. I mean, it does look like a supermodel. He looks like a female supermodel woman. He does. He looks like Christy Brinkley or something.

In the runways? Yeah, young Sebastian Bach was a fucking haughty. How long you think you'd last? In bed? You, with him. How long would I last with him? How fast do I pop? Two pumps.

It depends, dude. Is he hitting that vibrato when I remember you? No. He's not wasted that on you. He's singing 18 in life to you. It is Sebastian Buck now. I know we're being a ride out of here. That mother trucker.

To me on a summer breeze. So you're killing Nikki Six. It's not that hard. You just give him a speedball. I guess I'm killing Nicky Six, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I give him a hot dose. Oh yeah, I laid him out with a fucking hot dose.

Wack him with junk. Before we take our first break, Mikey, I want you to tell us a little bit, you got the opportunity to go up from the Legends bucket on Kill Tony in a Madison Square Garden this weekend. I did. This last weekend. I did. It was neat. You were at the Garden, dude.

I was at the Garden. That was pretty fucking cool. The last time, a member of you and me went. backstage for the Joker's that time. And we hung and we jumped on stage and this was so cool. Because I didn't know I was going up until I got

there. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. And I went through the cool entrance where all the employees and the performers and stuff and I was like nervous and racing there and running and I got up there and Tony saw me

and he's like, you got about a three minute set ready and I was like Sure, absolutely. And he goes, we're changing the order. And they brought out the order and added me in. And Little Mo Mo mozzarella. Little Moots? Little mutts.

And then, uh, how you do? How you done? How you done? How you done? I don't know much about Little Mo's comedy at all, but I do so. I just think of the How You Doing pieces and stuff. But then I saw some, he was on some podcast. Oh, it was Shannon from Gas Digital.

He was on her podcast. and he just go, this conversation with Sobe was like, yeah, because I've been with my wife for a very long time. She's loyal. She's a great lady. She's like talking very normal. It goes, oh, the softer side of little nuts. The barata, the barata of this heart.

God damn. Imagine running your hands down the front of Sebastian box, little bird body. I know. It really does look like a little twid. I know. Look at those nipples. So I went up, it's an interesting thing with the, you know, the show

because the lights are all on because kill Tony's. Like the whole stage is lit up. They got the band, the panel. So it's not like black, dark audience. You know what I'm saying? So you could see everybody, which is a fucking trip, man, for MSG. I'm looking up and I'm like, I was sitting there last week for fish. I'm looking at all the...

Yeah, it's very, very lit. So fucking lit. And the Jumbotron is Jumbo. And your name's real big. And I saw myself on the screen and I couldn't look. I was like, oh, fucking that's crazy. And you're in the home with a fraudulent NBA champion. And I don't care about that.

I don't care about that. I'm in the house that. Like white sports, you've said that before. Exactly. You said that out loud before. Yeah, hockey. Fox hunting. Yeah, Fox hunting.

Golf. Frolfe. But the kid that went up before me. We're in a new level, by the way, with hockey. When I was a kid, I remember, I forget the names, but there was, like, at one point when, like, two black hockey players were in hockey, it was, like, the biggest talk. It was, like, the Tampa Bay Lightning got one or something. Yeah.

It was a talk of everything. We have now gotten, talk about progress. I heard. I don't know how many players. I think there's a bunch. But more than that, I think there's now black coaches, hockey coaches. That's big. Yeah, look at that.

That's bonkers to me. I mean, that was, that thing is so big. That, that jumbotron is massive. Oh, Massachusetts Gregor? Yeah, I'm like used to it. Well, we're talking about me for a minute, remember? Oh. Why don't you go ahead and text a little and all?

And the kid that went before me was a bucket pole. A regular bucket pole. Not so hot. He had a hard time. Well, I mean. It was a first timer. Literally. First time ever doing comedy?

Yeah. You know, you're standing behind the thing. But his, the thing that killed him, I think, was even the interview. Tony's like,

Tony's throwing him a bone. He's like, so what do you like to do for fun? And the kid's like, I don't know. It's his first time ever on stage. Like, dude,

Roman gladiator fucking like thumbs down. Like, like the booze at this thing. at this thing. Fucking intimidating, man. At least this kid, I went up to this. Before you go on.

I went up to this kid's booze. Like, it was heavy duty. Like, these people were... You were number two. No, I mean, no. I was like fifth or sixth or something like that, but little Mo Mutz, this kid, and then me.

So the kid, I had our time. And then I went up after Tony's like, we got a special guest coming from the Legends bucket, this and that, and I'm back there fucking... Fucking... Fucking still eating your mom's figure. Mo Mutz is rubbing my clavicles. He got this kid, hey, where are you from?

Ging, gink, gink. And I'm like going through my head, like, what's that I'm going to do? The times that I was here, seeing fish, throwing up from Molly in the bathroom. But now I went out there and it went well, dude. It went really well. Slaughtered. Yeah, I had a good time. Did you drag your dick across their faces?

At the end, I went sub this dick. Did the end of it? Did you show asshole? Because Ari's not here? I did. I shit the box and gave it to Adam Ray. Someone's got to show asshole to the point where you can see balls. You know, it was nice.

Norton was on the panel and he was like, dude, this crowd's rough. You killed it. Way to go. Like, you're a pro or this and that. And then I walked off stage and felt like I got kicked in the stomach. My like nerves kicked in like never. I don't get that anymore. Yeah, well, it's a intense moment.

I got off and was like, oh. When I was like fucking like. Yeah, well, I did it before I went up, like right when you're getting ready to walk up the stairs. There's definitely like a, you're like, well, it's Madison Square Garden for a. minute 20,000 people it's unreal dude I think I was under the idea that I'd do a minute you know I mean like he told you three minutes I thought I'd do a minute well he said told me two minutes or so I don't remember but whatever it was they told you I think you thought it was gonna be a minute well you know what the thing you know what the thing

was that I was learning backstage because I'm always listening to the fucking the show had a hard out at 10 o'clock and like them if you're if the show ends at 10 o'clock in one second you're paying union overage I mean fucking gigantic fees dude massive so they were like, you know, just keep it. Like, you know, kind of, and he's, they're talking to him. Tony should have done what fucking jelly roll did, dude. Go out to the audience and be like, I ain't ending it. I'm not ending it.

We're going to keep going past curfew. Fuck the people who have to work tomorrow. Suck our dicks, people. We have to security-adending people. Then they serve in papers. Oh, we got to go. Goodbye. Oh, never mind.

Fire marshal's ears. It's unplugging me. There it is. One time I saw Ween and they had a curfew at ten of course. And he goes, we just heard that there's a fucking curfew. Fuck this curfew. We ain't doing it. And a guy ran out and whispered in his ear.

And then he's like, thank you everybody. Good night. And they literally unplug their guitars and ran off stage. That was 11 p.m. hard out at the o at the amphitheaters for corn, Mayhem Fest. Yeah. And it said, Jonathan Davis, the end of every show would say, have a great and amazing night. But he would just go, an amazing night. That's like this big closing thing.

And this place, dude, I mean, I remember. It was interesting being on the crew side of that because I'm in the soundboard and watching their people, the sound guy, and the lights guy be like, come, man, come on, they're watching the seconds and the clock. And he goes,

having a great and amazing. Complete cut off. And then him going from screaming, realize no one's hearing it and he's having to be like, to do the old like, I'm with stupid on the microphone, like this thing, huh?

Man, what do you get to, man? Curfew, man. All right, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, everybody. Wave with both hands. Bye, everyone. So that got me in my head, and I was in my head to like, don't go long, don't go long, because the people before me went long. And I was just like, I tried to bang through it.

And I had a couple more jokes. I wanted to do, but I didn't get to it. But I was thinking, less is more. Go out, do great. Bing, bang, boom, done. And I just went, thank you very much. Skibob, shkabang, shib. But then I couldn't hear a goddamn thing, and they were talking to me.

And Tony could have been like, do your hour. But I go, thank you for the opportunity. And I walked off, dude. I couldn't hear a fucking thing, dude. Have they asked you a question? Yeah. You can't hear them? I couldn't hear like the table, like the table talk.

Oh, dude, over the tits flying out. Dude, the sound of... How am I supposed to hear these guys right next to me when 18,000 people are screaming my name? Dude, the sound of 10,000 bras unclasping at once. Mike Fanoia. Mike Fanoia. It was neat.

It was neat. Very, very fucking cool. And then I got off and one of the security guys goes, way to go. And I was like, thanks, bro. That's fucking awesome. I go, can you show me where Jerry Garcia did heroin back here? It's a great picture, dude. Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh?

You know, I can tell him about what you did before you went out? How I kissed Jerry Garcia's picture? I kissed Jerry Garcia's picture? Did you? Of course I did. And, like, when Sal and them, on Saturday night, we were all hanging out, and Sal was like, I'm going to go on stage. I go, oh, whoa, whoa.

I go, Jerry Garcia. And Sal went and hit his forehead. I wonder how he smelled when he took that picture. Oh, you could see it. It smelled like fucking. Dude. Just, dude. Hot dogs and cigarettes.

I feel like his whole body smells like behind ear. Like bossy ear? Yeah, totally, dude. Wet socks and just fucking... Fucking earbacks. Ugh. Bad breath. Coffee breath.

Yeah, he was a gross man. But you can hear me play his music every Saturday night. Skibbley wonk is scatby scam, but do skibbley wong. You talked to me beforehand, and this is why I love you so much as a friend, because you knew I was going through it. and like going through my head, like, what do I do? What do I do? I told you the jokes I was going to do, and you go, no, no, don't do those. Don't do those.

And then he told me, he's like, just go up, say the buzzwords, say trans, say retard, and you'll be fine. I'm like, sort of. I just sort of what I said. Yeah, I'm like whiplash, but without all the yelling. I'm like, do it this way. Or, you know, do whatever you were going to do. Whatever you were going to do it. I liked that no one was there with me, too.

Like, my wife wasn't there and nobody was there, so I could just throw up in the corner. Focus. I ran off stage and ate two crispy cream glazed donuts. Immediately. Yep. There was a... It was the first thing I saw, and I went, mom, num.

Yeah, dude. Your metabolism was going nuts. Oh, God. You probably lost three pounds on that stage. Pound the minute. Sweat and nuggets. Adam Ray's fucking staring daggers at you. Yeah, dude.

I don't know who he is, Dr. Phil. some cowboy. Is it him? I don't know. Was he in a character? He went back out afterwards and did the character thing. But on the panel, he was normal. Adam Wright. He went back out after. Doesn't it have to be six hours of makeup for everything?

For all those characters, I think. Buddy, I got to tell you, it's a goddamn whirlwind backstage at these, at Kiltona. I mean, there's so many fucking people. He goes for an open mic, it sure is, fucking 18, there's 18 fucking, 18 big rigs coming in.

There was a service dog. There was all types of crazy shit going on back there, dude. Yeah, but that's neat. A funny kid from Connecticut, Andrew Manning, took that picture and sent it to me right after. And it's all I got. That's all you have for it. Well, Troy Conrad took pictures, but I don't have any yet. But still, that's a pretty sick fucking picture.

But it was cool. And I shouted out the scene I was sitting in. He was the person who's got, like, great job, dude. really proud of you, but you're sinking down to a level of... Did you see that? Yeah, read it. The comment? It says, good opportunity. About Mike doing...

It's on my Instagram. Thank you for the opportunity. This guy writes, Guy? I don't know. Good opportunity, but also just a sign that there aren't a lot of great opportunities out there for good comedians

like you. Nothing wrong with sinking to that level, brother. A brother got to work. Shut up. And then, by the way, the next person just goes, dude, just say good job, bro, damn. And then, wait, that person wrote back. That person wrote back, yeah. It starts getting snippy.

They wrote back, or what, what are you going to do? Non-funny comment me to death? Oh, man, there should be one more reply from that person going, like, I'll beat the shit out of you to death where you stand. Parking lot, nine o'clock, you and me. Let's see what this guy looks like. What are you going to do? He has no pictures.

Oh, his profile is private, too. He doesn't even, yeah, you know what? Whatever. And he just shares his playlist. His playlist? Yeah. Let's see what he plays. He's a welder.

I don't want him to fucking solder my asshole shut. I'll stop. I'll mix him out. Yeah, what he listen to? I want to know what his music is. What's his car riding around music? This guy. I never heard of any of these things.

Thinks Mike has sunk down to a level. Yeah, really. Have I, though? I got to do Madison Square guard. I don't know. click any of them, they blow. All the bands that he listens to has never played Madison Square Garden. I mean, I don't know if they've played New York City.

Hey, you know what? Thank you for the opportunity, Tony. Oh, look at who's fucking laying down with dogs. Well, don't be surprised me you get fleas. I think there's not a lot of opportunities for Richard Ranovitch. Ronovich said, who books that? Yeah, it was a cool thing, and thanks for talking me through it, and it was an honor. Yeah, dude.

Absolutely. We gotta take our first break, yeah? Sure. Fast first hours always. Congrats on that, dude. Thank you. I'll just say, congrats. Thank you.

It makes me sad that you have to stoop down. Get in the muck with these fucking Trump-loving pieces of shit. He goes, hope you're your waiters on stage. Oh, I know Trump distanced himself. What's it? Mike, I'm proud of you for killing even if it was at a Hail Hitler rally. Sure. That's where everybody got together to hail Satan and denounce blacks.

Hey, even Schindler needs to giggle. Oh, God, he's coming in, right? We got Joshua, I believe, is coming out? I don't know, is he here? Is Josh here? He's late. Joining the show, everybody. Hey, brother.

It is Josh Ademio. A donkey, scoodle, skuddle, skuddle, skuddle, a donkey. A donkey, a donkey. I've been looking for my gym. Scootily doodoo. We're gonna premiere the song. Buddy shows over. You got here way late.

You can't play it real quick? You joshed yourself. Hard out. I wanted to sound, I almost died on the way here to get here. 6.46. Dude, it's like two minutes long. Huh? Do we have it?

Yeah, I sent it to you. It's on your email. I have it. You got over the diarrhea? We got to play it as we go out. Yeah, yeah, okay. But listen. Yeah, well, listen to it.

Okay, cool. But it might, it might cut out. What I was... Damn it. Fuck, we should... Why were we talking about Metallica? You came in on a conversation. You're right.

I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted this to be perfect. And I masturbate quite a bit when I start making these songs. And if I could be better of time management, I would have been my way here earlier. But I feel... I almost died in the way here.

And what a way to have died having this been the last thing that I do. This is what they found in your person? Yeah, this is it. So here we go. Well, let me say, make sure you check out Mike Finnoia on his...

show the Saturday Night's Shakedown. Grateful Dead Channel 23, Saturday nights at 8 p.m. Eastern. Follow him at Mike Fanoi on all socials. Follow Josh at Josh Adam Myers for his tour dates. Josh Adam Myers.com. Mike, he's also going to be his name is Nashville, August 28th, and 29th. Make sure you check him out there. Mikefanoi.com for all his tickets.

Thank you very much. Fun week. I had a good time, dude. Punch up. I'll be back tomorrow with Christopher Stanley. Yeah. And we'll roll into it. I'm going to talk about the Peter North documentary.

Until tomorrow, everybody. Crackle, crackle. Pageby. There are things I regret in life. Things I can change. I can accept that. There are people that I've heard before. But there's no one that I feel I've heard more.