The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Turns out, Blink 182 Rules

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

In the midst of a Bro-Rock discussion, the guys recreate a surfer-stepdad’s “emotional” letter to stepson, followed by Lou and Jacob discussing their long dry-spells. Later, Christine admits to loving Blink 182 triggering DJ Lou and Dan Soder to finally come clean and admit that they love them as well to a flabbergasted Big Jay Oakerson. SUBSCRIBE NOW for the best of The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder and listen every Monday thru Thursday at 6pm Eastern/3pm Pacific on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM, channel 95!

Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon and I'm Dan Soder and you're listening to the best of the bonfire Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week You can listen to the bonfire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8 p.m. on Comedy Central Radio Series XM 95 or on demand on the Series XMF Also, you should follow us on all social media at the bonfire SXM We've been doing a brawl out emotional music. All I the song I heard today was semi-charmed life That maybe think we should listen to them, but that's that's their best song. I yeah, that's what it's emotional bro

Rockets for guys that don't know how to feel feel you know Chip told me last night when we were hammered that up you would give me a kidney man That's pretty cool. He's not my bro You're more my fucking bro than any my actual bro. You guys mind killing up some third-eyed blind. I'll come on say something Hold on this is gonna be pretty tough for me. Um, so All right tofer little, you are my son. I know, I've been around, because I'm the manager of a Ron John Surf Shop in LaHoya.

And that is a really hard job, and I have to keep a lot of plates spinning. I thought you were gonna say, this is like the dying letter to your son. You know, you have cancer, goes, so I'm gonna have to go surf the ultimate way You're gonna go see your dying and you're letting your unborn What's your my life letter? You go babe babe can you put the headphones on on your pregnant tummy and then queue up some third. I blind

Hey wave You're not born yet, but this is And then queue up some third-eyed blind Hey, wave You're not born yet, but this is This is your dad Bryce I just got off the phone with the oncologist and well, bro looks like this breaker is about to snap on your old man I pattle out I thought far enough and I thought my board was waxed well enough for me to surf this thing until you were a man. I remember when I met your mother. She took my volleyball beach course, and she was married. Your mom? She was still very much married to face this. I'm scared to have you. But I know that much like, seaweed, your original dado,

washed ashore, and I thought I was gonna be your ocean. But it looks like I've got three months left. So a little dude, get ready for these letters every week. You go, oh, Bounis, guess you're meant, they stopped becoming emotional after like What's up little dude bonus guess you met Kelly Slater Yeah, he's all down at the internet and I was all like dude. You're the greatest surfer and he goes thanks man He goes what's wrong? I go. I'm dying but not right now. I'm truly living anyways

Stage four stage four about to hit hit it Narnar got a real Narnar thing going on in my bones anyways I'm about to go thrash this case I don't know I'm about to go fucking dive off my board and swim into the great evolution me a lot of people say to go away from the light I surf towards sun game steps on game you're a pretty badass little dude. And sorry you had to hear me fucking sport your mom all those nights. You're a pretty dope ass little dude buddy.

Sorry bro, the sound is slapping sound like two pigs bumping tummies. That was just me and your mom showing each other we loved each other. Give more sexual tension than fucking Lula Jacob. No way, I want to fuck Lula and Jacob. Yeah, those are yours. That's all the Latin American virgins. Oh, Jesus. What?

Me and Jacob are on a cold street. That's stepdad, rock, really got you guys in a funk, huh? Speak for yourself. No, no, no, no. You think you can speak for him? No, you can speak for him. I don't even know your language. How long is the dry spell for each of you?

I'm not. I'll tell. I'll tell the detail. Tell. I'm not tell. I'll just say. Long. No, Jacob, come on.

You're an injured man. A year? So what's this Wovicke? Hang on. A year? A year? About six months. A year. Over a year, too. Over a year? Over a year, too. You're over a year? Yeah. Just fucking your own hand. I got some old jizz that needs to find a home. Oh man, that sucks.

Maybe we should. And you just nod into hookers and aw-huh, you won't even just want to get the poison out. I mean, it's a human need. I guess I'm going to have to enhance it in. How do you feel about... I gonna say Jim a throw two words You low how do you feel about morbidly obese Do they have to be morbid? Are you willing to lower your jersey standards for? Feel about the physical unhealthy

Yeah, yeah, could you be comfortable fucking in hospice? Because if you are there I have an idea for you there are a lot of women on their way out that needs some dick Um, I can't go too old, but I can go I don't discriminate otherwise. What if and I'm gonna put this out there as As a show we band to get the Jacob you don't because you're also on the cult streak before of us puts a money together And when we're an Amsterdam, I treat the old whiskey to a professional lady. Yeah, for sure. I'll just pay for it. We don't put that much money together. It's crazy cheap. Maybe I'll pay for a couple rounds. I don't go again. Wear them out. I want them coming back happy. I mean, they treat it like it's like going I mean, I couldn't see it being more than like a hundred some dollars. Oh shit. Like America.

It's like pretty cheap. Oh, dude. Don't worry. I went, I went, I went, I went, I went years and years ago. Well, we're going to turn Lou from a grape into a raisin. Oh, yeah. Just going to do a little window shopping and see if I fall in love. They go, you're cum hardened.

Yeah. It's like Amber. There's a, there's a relic mosquito in it. We can bring back to like this one. And then there. You know what I told you, and this mosquito was the 80s. Welcome to Whitsky Park. Oh.

Whitsky Park. Jacob, you're not down with hookers. No. Not even like one storm though. Do you get up far, no hookers. No. Not even like. Do you get up far enough? Oh, I know. Oh, damn sinking. How about if you were able to pick

out of a pool of porn stars? I don't know a porn star. And no, I don't think I could. No, no. How about if you were presented with a pool of porn stars and you could pick one of them? Maybe then you'd fuck you fuck okay? Yeah If me and Dan star tell a scoop some pay for it. I mean I'll get rid of it right now

I'm gonna get out of the script the porn stars he had come in here. They were very friendly But when the dance was done they walk out of the room like business was concluded Yeah, God it right cuz it was I know it it was. You don't write anything about that. I would never. I respect that. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

Because guess what? I can't handle that. Why? It's A to B, baby. No. You got to play the game, baby. Faces root straight through. Yeah.

A year drought. I'm going to say that is 100% your fault, Jacob. Yeah. He had one. Yeah, there was a lovely lady that came to Austin that said you wanted to meet you. I mean, she wasn't lovely. She flat out hot. Yeah. Yeah, flat out. Flat out. Flat out. I definitely, but I think she was there for you and Christine. I agree. What were you saying me and who? What was the other secret of one?

I didn't know they're supposed to bring anything up, but yeah, I think she was there for the both of you. I mean, be honest. I don't know. I think she was there to see the show quite honestly. And I think she's like a fan of everything, but she wants you to the only to the three of you having a thing. No, the only sexual vibe that she said anything at all

was the illusion that she was like, oh, I fuck, I'd be fun to fuck Jacob that be fun to fuck super cool chick crazy I she came to a show out in San Antonio this week I'm just great super sweet chick I don't she seemed very cool yeah she looked like a young lady long very nice I made a mistake what do I want to do I'll procrust to think she's called Bucks. Yeah. Hot, well-cooked. Rich.

Well-cooked. Cause I like them hot. Rich, rich. Yeah. No, she was super cool. She mentioned it again when she came up. She said she had nothing like, you know, like that we talked about it on the air. So she was like, you know, I never met her with real Jew.

He-haw. But then we talked about it on the air so she was she went you know I never met with real Jew Ha ha ha ha E-Ha She goes like one of them New York City ones Yeah, so that but that that was your fault for sure, but that said also I think just in general though in the world I'm not saying just like the one that was kind of like I eat the first six months of this drought But the second half I I gotta get myself a break because I've been, I've been going through a lot of like the medical stuff for sure. Yeah, you were on your head about the surgery. The surgery was right after the weekend.

Someone that's about to get laser eyes in two days, I understand. She was like, eat my pussy. He's like, I'd love to, but you know what, could you fuck my C6 back into place? Maybe when you're healed up. Well, when you are, dude, you're not ready to fuck yet emotionally Oh dude, I think you could bang it out in a neck brace. Yeah, why not? That's probably a fetish for some but oh, there's got to be one woman out there that's like you know it really gets me Going is dude and a spongy neck Can I say the looks I've been getting in the city? I say you're wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jacob multiplied the typical look I get by a thousand. You got to go on this finish. You got to go on this finish. You got to almost finish websites, dude. You get someone who's in the neck brace and it's like, like,

I'll throw a fuck you in the neck brace if you agree to like, like, feed her dinty more stew or something while you're fucking I'll tell you what's not great blink when eight two. It's a topic. We had in the pocket for a while that Tom DeLonge That he said Tom DeLonge Tom DeLonge Perfected the kind of singing where it's like I'm standing Everyone knows it. I've got no friends now Everyone knows it. I've got no friends now. I'm sad in my room and I hate you Mom and dad just turn to white Lou and I said play aliens existing you mows it with me goes I fucking love them. Who's aliens exists is Christ name of a

blank song. You love them? No, but it's I mean yes, but it's funny to hear you goof on that's all right. Oh you I how you didn't know your what do you love them uh... because i grew up in the nineties cajolica never kill fourteen year old yes i i i got a lure in some how did you know that it was but did you love the album doodran the uh... uh... anima of the state was my shit i guess this is growing up

i say that every time i write a check to my landlord. I go, I go Becky-owned, Q, Q, blink one, eight, two, and he goes, what I go? And I guess this is growing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, Christine, I was playing a handful of their songs today, and I tell you, what's my age again?

I sort of like, sort of like. Everything after that is so awful. And Mark Hathes is the most. Blue, have you got emotional to play when it II as a 40 year old man? Yeah, I'm getting defensive right now. That defensive. Have you got an emotional, I mean like where you're really like.

Yeah, you really did a number on me mom and dad. Yeah. I miss you is, that's the one where I was like, all right. We used to play that on KFM and I'd be like I remember going to a breakup and listening to that and being like Stupid I'm sure I remember listening to this with the lights off in the Kf. May studio at like 1 a.m. Sad looking outside being like hello there Angel from my nightmare Oh, this is after this is after Adam of the state. Yeah, this is after take off your pants and jacket

Yeah, right you blink I remember this. Yeah, I remember when this came out Stolen care hello there Jay doesn't care a mania of the very similar Past of losing our parents and puberty. Yeah, so it's weird like this hoki like teenage music It's from one of the most emotional times of my entire life I know yeah, you're black and white checkered shoes life everyone of that side of the most emotional times of my entire life. Oh, yeah, your black and white checkered shoes life. Everyone in that side of the room is a hand job.

Well, you know what, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is the last day of life show this week, but I judge all three of you that you are a fucking hand job. You know what, Jay? Black Lou has three, blink when eight, two songs in his iPod. That was just the lower the fucking whiteies over to the car. Well, I'm sorry that we don't have an iTunes chalk full of rock rap. Christine, is that your dad died when you were in puberty? That wasn't really true.

14. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Oh, it was chalk full of puberty. Puberty, fucking feelings. When you're becoming a man. Listen, Blink 182, that's how they sneak in. They wait for you to put your guard down, because you're emotional. They just strike with their angelic voices.

I don't think Christine and I are much to be the fun of were victims. You'll never find love. So how are we going to clean up Christine? Because I don't think we have a real intervention here. There's no fucking intervention when you guys just dove in and decide that you like it also. I think Christine's starting to give you your fucking track list. I think Christine's flanked by Luana's protection Personally, by the way, it's carrying on the batat nephews. Yeah, this is all they torture me with when I go to Florida

I don't even fucking Jacob the only two real men in this room and Jacob got I thought I figured by a doctor by a doctor. And you got one by a film wrestler. It's all younger than you. A doctor just put Jacob on like a glove today. And he's and now he's the most manly decision. Jacob played the part of Lamb Chop and then came in. He know what I can tell you to upset me the most about this, Dan. He said, when I said I want to have an intervention for Christine to get her to stop listening to Blink 182, you were like, yeah, I go, and we can make fun of Blink 182. You go totally. And I think the whole time it was just a ruse to have an excuse to spend 45 minutes of the show listening to Blikman 82.

I started watching a bit of the Rachel divide. It's called on Netflix. This is a documentary on Netflix about Rachel Dollazol. If you're forgetting the Rachel Dollazol story, she was the woman who came out. She was ahead of the the NAACP, Spokane, Washington, is everything it was? She, you know, she looks, you wouldn't throw a lot of argument if she said she's black. You're like, why, assume she means half black and you kind of get it. I mean, her hair is always done in a very black way and it turns out she's just lily white is all hell.

Yeah, so she is a white lady pretending to be a black person. We're talking Rachel Dozelle. All lost in. Dozelle. Dozelle, whatever. Maybe I think she made it for like, well that's not even her name anymore Jay. Shaka Khan, Shabazi.

Shabaz Shamos, Shaka Khan, Kale Ma, Shaka Khan, Shazam. Shaka, ah, would they go, Rachel, what do you want your name to be? She was Shaka Khan, Shazam. It's just a black woman on the desk, what do you want your name to be? She was Shaka Kosh shazam. It's just a black one, not a desk like bitch. I almost wouldn't see that in the video which changes their name.

The ladies are like, well, here you go. So your name's Shaka Kosh shazam. A Nigerian ebo. It, ebo, ebo is the slang term for ebonics, you racist. Dude, it's IGBO, I thought the G was silent. It's... It's an e-bo. E-G-bo?

E-G-bo sounds like the most racist word in the world. Boshy eggbo is so mean, dude. Well, once again, I go to see a movie opening night and a bunch of eggbo's ruining it for me. Lemme guess. Chattie eggbo's, right? It's just really crunching into their fucking popcorn. It does sound like a foreign or racist term. Yeah, it was over there with a bunch of

Look I Used to be a lovely night but it's in all the eggbees moved. What is it? And look at the pronunciation and what it is. I know there's someone listening to that. You're in eggbows We're done then if you ask me Straight at that does sound the way you just said that. You're like, yeah, that's like some real OTB talk. Where do the eggboes? The eggboes people are native to the present day, south central, and south eastern Nigeria.

Luke, can you play it? E. Just go to YouTube and type that in. Just type in the eggboes. Why does it lose two ray? His fingers two ray says to let us hear it He just thumbs down in us. I won't do it. I got a little plant. He's goes Eegbo I mean that sounds the most racist

Eegbo's said that again E-boo E-boo fuck a E-boo E-Boo. E-Boo. Fuckin' E-Boo. E-Boo. So she said, a Nigerian man picked her new name. You should go to a E-Boo. Yeah, some E-Boo though. Not just any Nigerian.

Some E-Boo. It's so far you say you're saying nothing bad, but it just does sound bad. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, no. I had to move out, man. The E-Boo started coming, and all my friends started leaving. The eagboo people, where are they from,

are an ethnic group native to the present day South Central and South Eastern Nigeria. Right outside T-neck. Right outside. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a eagboo people really 12,

right outside of T-neck. Do you understand, you know how there's, I know there's like all those weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird conclaves of races, like, there's like a lot of semalians in Minneapolis. I know that there's like a large Somalian population The highest population if there was like eagboos and like Des Moines and like you come from Iowan you go now My brother got beat up by a bunch of eagboos and you whoa dude. I might be okay in Iowa

In San Francisco, we don't talk like that. Whoa dog, keep that shit in Iowa. I guess no, no, no, you gotta understand. There's like, for some reason there's a traveling guy. There's like a large group of, I got it. I got it, dude. You're gonna lose your job. You can talk like that, dude. HR's gonna hear about it.

You lay out one more I word. I gotta tell ya. He is, we're all gonna get fired. Yeah, dude, we can't be talking like that. It's 2018, we'll sense it. So Rachel Dolezell, Dolezell. Dolezell. I don't know, fuck her name, if I'm purpose for knowing.

Let's play her parents. African American friends that we had in our circle. And she was used to relating to people of diversity, but she did not ever portray herself. She didn't draw herself with brown crayons and curly hair when she was five? No, she did not. OK herself. She didn't draw herself with brown crayons and curly hair when she was five. No, she did not. Okay, Larry, so when you watch this,

you know, I guess my biggest question to you both is apparent, Larry. Let me ask you this. What did you guys do wrong? Where did you fuck up? Because clearly you did. No, they did, she does. What she does with her hair is,

she has gross little knobby hair. Wigs, she's like, she's so's in, they show her doing it herself, what she does with her hair isn't she has gross little knobby hair wigs She's like she's so's in they show her doing it herself like sewing in the extensions and shit like it looks like Constantly that's also her job. She's like a black hair stylist She does hair in the dark. She does do it. I don't think it's her job. I mean it's one of her jobs Yeah, well if you know what hires are now Well, she said none of her clients left her. So she's a good hairdresser. No, there you go. I'll tell you what, that honky bitch, no black hair. She goes, I don't know what it is. It must be in the water because that bitch knows my hair.

That goofy white bitch can throw down a micro braid like a mole. That's some where that is good. I feel good. I look good. Bitch, I ain't got a bitch. Mama name you Rachel. I'ma call you Rachel. Yeah. Can you call me in T.J. and Dubu?

Sasquatch. It's for dad. What you think happened here? I mean, why? Why do you think? Why do you think? She's talking black to them. What you think happened here?

What up with that shit? You stopped talking to us like that. Yeah. Bitch run around, talk about she got me by Igbo. I said, what? I said, hell no. Listen, I'm a grown-ass woman. Okay. I come for, I come with it for real.

Coming up next, Neil Cavuto in the business hour. Look, I'm gonna keep 100 bitch been wife since she been born. She know it. We don't know for sure we're baffled in puzzle. But what's your theory? You must have some theory about why she suddenly decided in 2004 that she was going to call herself black. She was too heavy to attract white men. It's a simple late ratio. Well, she's an egg boon now. Who's Shaka Khan? I don't know what that is. My daughter Rachel left years ago. It did. Yeah, turned up big boob. Start running around my jig, boob.

You know, I go. Smoking new ports, hanging out. I don't think that's true at all. I don't think the egg boob people. Fingers stay with Cheeto powder. You go, I mean, that's a lot of people. Hey, it's Big J. Overson, and I hope you enjoyed this week's best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th, 8pm Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on Demand on the Series XMF.

Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bond Fire at SexM. social media at the Barnfire at 6am.