The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Uber Conspiracies

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

Big Jay Oakerson is back on the road and coming across quite a few Uber drivers who double as conspiracies theorists. Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, it's Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday, you want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special three-month offer. The boom fire. Well, you had another Uber driver that was talking about science, right? Yeah, it was talking about deja vu's from two weeks back to back. Another Uber driver taking me to the airport, random gentleman that just starts laying all the science of what's happening in our world on me. He wanted me to know. He goes, uh, he goes goes that vaccine dude, huh? And I'm like, yeah, I got the first shot

He goes, dude, don't do don't let him do that to you man. Don't do it. I already did it. He's like oh suck it out No, dude, you can't go he goes He looks he looks never he keeps looking to rear view he goes dude. I'll tell you It's whole things bullshit like you know that right you know that I love that you know that right you Let's first so we can get to all the funny of it. Let's just take the danger Anyone that I've said I've taken the vaccine or you know are you gonna get the vaccine who goes? No, I'm not getting it I don't go do you're fuck. I don't give me the whole speech cuz I'm like don't it's fine Don't but to tell somebody else like I know better than you. I'm like, it's fine, don't. But to tell somebody else, like, I know better than you,

I'm driving an Uber at four in the morning. So clearly I know better than you. And the science is in, dude. The vaccine's bullshit. You want to know why I'm driving an Uber at 4am? Because 9 to 5, I'm working in a research lab. I'm one of the top forensic, I'm one of the top viral scientists in Texas. You think, but I got two kids in college. So you know how that is?

I've been studying infectious diseases since you were on comic view, Jason Ogerson. I took this ride for the purpose. You shouldn't take that second vaccine. You know, I take that second vaccine. I hear from the future. I have to think. Oh, thank you, Professor Uber driver. It was just insane. They wanted to talk about such like, partisan shit, like they really want to, it's like, you're driving me for five minutes to the airport.

That gig, the same time I don't get it, it's five minutes from the airport. Five minutes, he couldn't wait not to tell me about just his feelings on this. He's a whole panther. It's's been here for years doesn't mean shit. Who I mean was it a Vaccine in a year all of a sudden there's three different companies that got vaccines. Okay I got a guy I think I've told this before but the worst super driver I've ever had in my life was in Miami when I worked this like that You did the club too. It was like a weekend at a sports bar. It was like a club for like two years and then it disappeared

Oh, oh, uh, let's let me think of it. I want to say it cuz yeah, it was you know what I'm talking about it was in a strip mall Yes, you stayed the hotel in the strip mall basically. Yes, and it had the fucking yeah, it was all Cuban audience It was but my Uber driver on the airport tried telling me that and it had the fucking, yeah, it was all Cuban audience. Yeah, it was. But my Uber driver on the airport tried telling me that he was almost in forest gump because they were filming the bus scene while him and his brother were going to school and they're like, oh, this is weird and you're like, that's not how production works, buddy. They don't actually just get on a kid's school bus,

but he was telling me this in a way where you're like, Hey, do you think I believe you in any of this? But do you think that I'm like, oh, you were almost in forest gump because they're filming it. It's a child's lie. I know, but even if doing it, it's like great Okay, the bus kept going back and forth a lot. We're like, we don't even know what's going on. And it's like, you didn't notice the cameras and the boom mic and the lighting on your bus. I did it come out as much as like, I just, you know, I was almost in forest comp. You made me sit up in front with him, which was weird as fuck. This was like 2014.

Dan, 2014. I was new to Uber. Dan, you didn't. You not he did not make you I know I I Folded I folded it I fucking suck. I Mean that is no you allowed him to tell you to sit in front he believed me you have the bull you And then the worst part was at the end when he just pulled up at the airport He just pulled to the side and went VIP service and I went well not really you're just dropping me off at the curb I didn't even say it to anybody just open the door and slap the seat with his hand Right here bud you think I went all right

Now he'd a system in his car So he's like hey you mind putting your stuff in the back seat Then you could sit up front with me and I was like what's up? And it was four in the morning, so I was like I got some thumpers in the back I got two 12s. I got some JBLs just thumping so you got to sit in the front It looked like a fast and the furious car and then and then he told that story So it's like yeah, dude. I don't know what if you want me to believe you. That how it feels with your guy. We're gonna all right. Oh, no, my guys trying to spread the word of Something for sure and two weeks in a row. Just guys are like yeah, you know, I know probably better than

Most people you seem pretty well traveled, but Here let this guy let the San Antonio Uber driver lay it down for you. Oh, you sweet. He goes, oh, you sweet country mouse from New York City. Yeah. Let me tell you how the world really works. The vaccine nanobots in your blood controlling you. Did you feel different after you got it? Yeah. Again, it's not it's not even like I'd be happy. I'd be in the conversation. It was like, do you ever think or how about the theories of people saying this or the craziness of that or or is it crazy? Because I think it's crazy, but maybe it's not crazy. You know, like there's

crazier things have happened in some of these stories, you know, but when you just go and goes, yeah, here's what it is, dude. Like, it's funny. I started watching the, what you should watch, Dan, it is funny, unless. Like, it's funny. I started watching the, what you should watch, to hand it as funny, unless you already knew about this, because I'm so not political that they need to make a docuse serious to me to find out what QAnon even was. I thought, I don't know if it was pro or negative Trump or anything, but I'm watching the, are you watching it, Tulu?

Yeah, I just watched the first one before we got on. And just like the fact that you get people who forget get to vote, that's important, too, I guess. But I mean, somehow are afforded mortgages and buy homes. And you go to them and you go, you know, underneath the Hillary Clinton skin is a lizard and they eat babies to stay younger looking. And he goes, what? He goes, now I'm just telling you that. Also, he goes, what do you look on your pizza? Because I was going to order a

couple pies but Jay that That's the point where you're just making is when the uber driver comes that you fast like that You're a me like no, but how they get people is they start slow where they're like It's pretty crazy, right? No everything that's going on and you're like it's pretty nuts man You're like Feel like someone else is like that you're feeling like like they're controlling it? And you're like, I do, I do. And then fuck it. Six hours later, they're like, so this network of pedophiles eats children

in order to harness their energy. The South Park QAnon special was awesome. They really just like, they did the same thing with them as they did kind of with Scientology. Yeah, I mean, it's so, and these people that are believe, and by the way, what I think's also great about it is how dumb people are. Again, this is always about protecting the stupidest part of the population,

these things, but the people that you don't know, it looks like it might be the guy who's in the opening of the show, who's just like an Asian kid, where it's like knuckle gloves, like me, it looks like a skater dude almost. It's kind of like a shlubby kind of like skater dude. And it's like, it might be him. Also, could be a 13 year old having fun. It could be any number of things because it's just another posting on a blog.

Everyone just goes, now this one's something. And they just go, it can mean nothing. Just to get me out of time, it's so ridiculous. I wonder if it's in silly, but again, but to watch on this series, Dan, what you will see is to watch adults, they're going like, and you know, in that basement is where they eat live babies and rape and torture children. They do that. You know, the same breath they're saying

that they're like, and I've told you the earth is flat. You can go, and there you go, they'll go, and we voted for Obama. So it's like, they're like, I mean, that's the label they say. Well, but do you remember that, Lou? Yeah, twice. Twice. Twice. Yeah, we voted for Obama twice, but you know, we had to have the great awakening as it's called. And it always sounds like, again, it's self-important to students, like people who want to believe they belong to a society where people are either evil wearing black robes

or they are here to like expose everyone. Also, it's all nerds. So all the shit's always like the red pill. The red pill is like, oh, you sci-fi-choit. I don't even remember which one the red pill is because I'm not a fucking geek I've got my dick wet before you fucking dweebo Red pill calm. What does that even mean? Oh matrix guy watched it once like a fucking normal person Morpheus I didn't build theories around it you fucking. You build theories around a fucking Kiana Reeves movie.

You nutsack. You deserve whatever you get, stupid. Ha ha ha ha is our generation's war of the worlds. Like, when people used to like freak out about Orson Wells's war of the worlds, you're like, those fucking idiots thought that aliens are attacking. I wonder if QAnon is our world. They couldn't.

They couldn't wait. Dude, this one lady goes, I wouldn't be surprised at anything you find out. She used to be a gossip columnist. Now all of a sudden, she's a fucking doctor of science of what's going on in the world and she goes I wouldn't be blown away by anything and she says like the lizard people she goes right back like if the earth was flat the guy even goes you wouldn't be surprised if the

earth was flat and she's like no not at all and it's a key would be for what I've read after what I've learned you would be really surprised what's actually going on what if I told you we're all inside a giant tennis ball But there's a lot of pedophiles tossing kids around back and forth in high-power positions and place the power Absolutely, and I want to sit there and go say oh, I want to read your thing or hear your thing about what these people are doing But then in the same thing goes jump to chapter two when these people peel their own skin off and you will see the reptilian forms. And then you're like, well now, now I bet there's no kids getting raped either. Like you see, you happy? You drove me away from the whole cause. You fuckstick. If you just have one person. I was like people. Go ahead.

I think it's almost like people need to come up with some reason that these people would be monsters. They can't possibly be human. And they've created this whole storyline of the alien conspiracy. The lizard people conspiracy has been around for so long. I can't believe it's trending now in 2021. You know what I mean? That's something that's been passed around for probably generations at this point, the lizard skin people, right? Yeah, I mean, that's something that's been passed around like for probably generations at this point the lizard skin people, right?

Yeah, I mean, that's it. We all heard about that forever and it's like yeah, it was called V. I think I love it. It was a mini series. It was a reboot. I think I think people are very disappointed that the Democratic Party also doesn't give a shit about them And it's like I think that there's also like radical leftists and radical rightists that if they got together They'd be like everybody thinks the systems rigged and they're fighting against something They thought Trump was their savior and he's not and it's like I don't know it could be solved But you know hopefully people will start like just taking care of themselves in their own communities and not expecting so much from the guy Yeah Christine hilarious stuff. Why don't you go drive an Uber? I

Boy the fuck was it? I don't you go drive an Uber? Boy, the fuck was that shit? I was trying to think of a lot of boys. There's a lot of boys. And when the world gets together and a beautiful harmony place and the thing and the lizard thing for generations. I can't believe this is a real thing and you guys are talking about it. I know it's joky, but I mean, like what people

are believing right now is like, I feel so bad for them. Yeah, Christine, you could do the after show podcast. Christine gets serious and real with it y'all, but right now, I mean, Dan, we're having some fun making fun of doofuses. Yeah, I was also trying to say like, the way that they, the, yeah, go ahead, Jacob. Well, I want to say,

you got a long rambling rant going nowhere. You got to lay on his Jacob's corner Take up his corner. Go for it. No, it's a question because I think the last few documentaries HBO, I've seen on HBO have blown. They've managed to ruin some really good topics. Yeah, they have. It's been good because they're just running them into the ground.

It's, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, I don't know if it's good because this one I'm going into I'm telling you I didn't know until last night at midnight if QAnon was like Anti-Trumpy shit or or pro try whatever it was so it was all news to me Do you not remember 2018 when we went to rest when we went to Monday night raw and that guy was sitting behind us That was like talking about being on Reddit or whatever.

Yep, he brought up QAnon. That was 2017. Did he really bring it up? Yeah, he was like, you guys should get into 4chan, and we were like, ah, that's... A few months ago, I sent you a video of the... Yes. Is an interview with that?

Yes, that's what I was gonna say. The White Sinterview with the kind of like, three-foot tall and... And Jacob, that guy's in the documentary. that's what I was going to say. It was a vice interview with a kind of like three foot tall. And Jacob, that guy's in the documentary. That's what I was going to say to cut you off there. But it was about the people who it's going to be, the 4chan, like you said, that guy put up 4chan and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

The guy was 4chan. It's 4chan or 8chan. It seems like from what they're saying, at least someone trying to show you, it's probably the cue person or whatever. So again, it's either like a dopey nerdy Asian kid, like awkward Asian kid or I mean, what looks like a microwave pumpkin with a head in a wheelchair who's just like, it's crazy.

But Jay, what's crazy about that is, and because I was reading articles after Biden's inauguration, it's a lot of moms too. There's like these random moms Facebook and then I was sitting and realized Nancy Pelosi fucks kids and then now I'm here now I'm you know going after her office It's you're right. It's quarantine dude. Everyone's like I have a purpose now Do you know it's a quarantine for me to realize I have to solve all these political problems Do there's a lot of nowhere, though? There's a lot of genital from nowhere, bro. There's a lot of people that started lurping they live.

That's what all they did. They're like, it's fucking alien controlled by cell. I'm all out of bubble gum. They just get walking around. And it's because there's a lot of interesting stories of people that got so into QAnon that it's completely ostracized their families because you all have family members where they just keep talking about stuff and finally like all right but if they were like no I want to bring this up again. Oh I think these pedophiles are feasting on children

you're like all right guy. The gossip column the gossip columnist girl also one of the things she said she'd have no problem believing that aliens are living among us. Like you wouldn't have any problem bullets. Like, I would have a slight problem, but if we're shooting shit dead honest, you could get me there. Dude, God bless you, because almost except for Flat Earth,

which I would never care about anyway, I didn't plan on sailing around the world, so I'm fine. Well, Jay, just piss all over my retirement plans. Oh, dude, we were laughing about that. I was talking to Fenway earlier today. We're like, if the earth was flat, it goes, well, don't sail around that, I guess, Magellan. You know, you have to get an anchor that holds you to the earth.

Because then we have to get the space coast guards out there. I'm like, no, they're idiots sailed off the edge. Come on, man. We're, we're, you're Patrick. I thought you had the late drift. But I mean, she said, wouldn't be surprised there was aliens living among us. Like, you're saying,

lady, you tell me you're so brave. And just like in belief of things like that, that like that wouldn't shock you. It wouldn't blow your fucking mind if aliens were living among us regularly. That wouldn't knock your fucking tits in the dirt. No, whatever. I live it. I invite for it. I fucking live for the chaos.

Yeah, let your mouth you dumb pig. Bring that chick up. I hate her. Also, also juicy scoop Ryan Felipe was spotted at Nobu now with a new Bernette. Also, lizard people made a move on a batch of children in Western Sudan. Dude, this chick definitely, she wears like tight leather jackets with mom shirts still, like she's just a raw shiti. She's got some calmness, they couldn't handle that she was exposed in the real truth. And the danger of this stuff really is like,

that common pizza thing where they're like, they're raping and eating babies in the basement and the guy goes and shoots the place up there's not even a basement in the bill you know it's like a wild bad yeah someone trying to argue with you she looks like one of the one of the one of the ladies in Austin powers that killed with the machine gun tits and box and box and box

she bets on her that's not the girl uh... sorry let's see the girl. Oh, sorry. I didn't see the thing. I don't know. It's a sorry Melissa. Just do the that's so funny though that title the article was she fell into QAnon and then destroyed a target. I want to shit the article that I've written about you. It's like this guy got in the fucking Dungeons and Dragons and then with ape shit and a fucking Ross. By the way, any of these things that want to that show you that like, you know, Republican and and right wing people or like gun tooting like idiots, do they really do always find the best guys that

like holding a gun, you don't even know what the name of it is. It looks so crazy and far and they're going, yeah that I got in case government level. Yeah Yeah, the fortune this guy here is is probably cute. They're saying I don't know maybe she's not in the trail see I think for me the one that really does blow my mind the most is when you just see like kind of normal people then they're like dude I'm super into Q and on and you're like, oh, buddy. Oh, yeah, even if they go, how about this, even if they go, I mean, not all of it, then you should be like, well, then none of it. Like, just say you're not into Q and on that. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, well, I was the great. Them trying to defend it to you is gotta be such a weird position. We're, you know, you're talking about it right now on the show and then someone's gonna be at the show and they're gonna be like, they're gonna be at your live show. They're like, hey, real quick man. They don't like eat the kids.

They just like fuck them and try to. Oh, dude, don't even, don't even save it if you're out there listening. Save it. Come to the show, have a blast and go believe your wacky ship But I'm telling you you're a lunatic. I don't want to hear about I don't want to hear about what what about this What about that they did do something to the water somewhere?

Dude you ever know that if two if eight of your things are correct I still can't have a real conversation if I know you think lizard people eat babies or subscribe to that thing And I'm gonna tell you to write it down and turn it into songs About the lizard then crossing the great play the great awakening. It sounds like fucking epic rush lyrics Happened to the lizard people eating babies Happened to the lizard people eating babies and they drink the blood to stay young and warm We're gonna super into QAnon just learn some basic chords and then go fucking be the new blacks Abath It's all pro rock lyrics. Yeah, you believe V

There's a real yeah, you believe V and by the way V people didn't need babies I don't think i think they're making was eating rodents and shit remember remember i'm sorry you're actually believing this okay this is a movie produced is there they do they believe v isn't it crazy that both of them are based on uh... the whole point including hollywood celebrity i was the girl the matrix

the matrix the matrix sisters also did V for Vendetta, right? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what is your name, politics? Christine, I don't mean to button your producer chair there, but these problems are always solved with IMDB and you don't like that for some reason, but it is where all these things

are. I thought I had the clip of her. I went to high school with Kimberly IMDB and she was a bit. If this isn't, is that her? We don't see anything on the screen. Classes in section 15. Oh. Oh.

That's what it would have ever blow up. Yeah, bad boy. What's the show called? What's the show called? Q's the show called? Q what? The story Something like that. How we do this? Into the story. Into the story. Yeah. You drink it up, bad boy. I think it's I think it's I think it's I think it's lia's croakin. Man, that was easy.

I that was I actually had it pulled up on HBO and it was a browser issue. I think on Christine. Christine hang on. I think I feel that production bone growing. Is it somewhere looking your lower back? Is that where it comes in? Exactly. Girl I had pulled up. Well, you look at that. Oh, producer off. Jane Christine producer off. Oh, never have seen it. No explanation. Other than why it was the same exact girl look at that fantastic explanation I gave you The wrong girl the first time is just the right one we should take a break yeah, but yeah, take a break because I need to put it on a different browser

Okay, I am a genius We will take a break and we'll be right back genius. It is the bonfire Also there is the bon is the bonfire. Also known as the bonfire. The bonfire. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM.