The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Vegas Tales w/Dave Attell & Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

Two comic legends Greg Fitzsimmons and Dave Attell tell stories of working in Sin City. Mike Finoia returns as co-host for the vacationing Robert Kelly. When the conversation turns to The Sphere, Jay educates the guys on Drew Carey's orgasmic comments about a Phish show there. Greg and Mike have their own Sphere experiences with The Grateful Dead. Jay used to see Vegas as a dark and depressing place. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly What a dope ass playlist I have today straight wham Welcome back to bonfire faction talk serious xm 103 I'm big Jay Okerson Robert Kelly off with the family on vacation sitting in form. It's poncho Mike Mike Fanoia We got Greg Fitzsimmons hanging out with us You know me his new special premieres next Tuesday August 27th on his YouTube channel youtube.com slash at Greg Fitzsimmons comedy and our next guest man. What a day What a fun one. He's gonna be the stress factory in New Brunswick

Hey August 31st and September 1st the Den Theatre in Chicago on September 15th and Wise Guys Vegas September 26th and 27th for tickets and all tour dates go to DavidTel.com it is the great legend David Tell everybody. You came at a perfect time of the conversation we were talking about well I was at the porn Awards recently AVN Greg was talking about his times hosting it and and you've hosted it before too. Yeah, it's our Oscars. You know what? My guy who did my special hot cross buns, he directs it. So like it's full circle. You know, it's not easy putting that all together and let's face it, it's probably, time for them to move it out of where is it now? I know, but like,

resorts world. Yeah. It's probably time for that to hit the sphere Everybody would love to see best in a Gotta be hard for your friend to direct because they have to use every girl's boyfriend as the camera guy Ma season Porn's like comedy now too, where everyone's doing it. There's way more porn stars and comics than ever before. Oh my God.

Only fans, correct? Is that what we're talking about? That's where the two meet. I don't follow this only fan scene as I should, but there always seems to be an Australian woman who decided to go into only fans and then has now regretted it. Somehow.

She didn't know it left the country. She just wanted to get out of Australia for a minute. Well it's so funny the energy shift, if you read the whole story from the headline, there was the one we followed that lady, Mrs. Poindexter her name was, because her story was, you might remember, her kids were kicked out of private school

because they found out in her neighborhood that she was doing OnlyFans and pretty hardcore. Solo stuff it seemed, but it was still like, you know, and her kids are in school. And there's a thing where you're like, that's fucked up. It's like, listen, I think it's fucked up of Mrs. Poindexter to do this while her kids are in school, generally speaking, because like you are asking them to answer for it if anyone finds out. And that sucks.

But you're like, almost defensive of like, that's fucked up though, the kids even got, they shouldn't have made a big deal about it. And then we went on, like we signed up for her OnlyFans Mrs. Point Dexter, and by the third thing down, it was like, my mom came over today while the kids were at school,

and it's just them sucking each other's tits and shit with her old fat mom and She's like no you're actually a piece of shit pig family Sorry, I know you're virgin happening here and not at the convention In Chicago when you were there Dave when you were there at the porn awards Did you was that still the time I said when I went there? It was everyone's doing content only. No one's like orgies in the rooms and everyone's coming up.

There was no frivolous sexual shit happening around at all. I didn't see any of that. Yeah, me either. I will say one thing is that they have that expo there, from what I remember. It's been years now. But where it's all the sex toys and it's like all this erotics. Consumer electronics? Yeah, but I assume at this point now it would be more AI. where it's all the sex toys and it's like all this erotics.

Yeah, but I assume at this point now it would be more AI, AI and robotic drone driven toy stuff. Well, I don't know if you heard this, but the reason that the porn awards exist at all, the person I believe was running it told me the idea was that they used to all come out for the Consumer Electronics Show. Right. Yeah.

And all the girls would go out there because rich guys are there, so they would go, the porn stars would prostitute, basically, and turn tricks for thousands of dollars to fuck these guys. And then they were like, well, everyone's out here, why don't we make it like a big night, like a big gala for porn?

And so it's always, 100% of the time, if they move the Consumer Electronics Show, they will move the date of the porn. Oh yeah, it's all nerds. You gotta follow the door. It's all nerds, yeah. It's right, but they are literally buildings right next to each other.

It's pretty wild. Yeah, it's like every girl that everybody wants to have sex and every guy that nobody wants to have sex with. Right, and that's where they meet, with money in the middle of the place. But where does Skankfest fit into that see what a great name That's when the season begins with the skank What happens in resorts?

Are you guys Noticing this summer has been a little I would just say Lethargic in terms of ticket sales, correct? Little light. Yeah, little light. I go to my home club in Atlantic City, of course. And I'll just say one thing, first of all. My crowd is a little older, a little wiser now, and just since you are talking about

porn, a woman in the crowd did Flash, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't an AC. Yeah. And she was, you know, 50 plus, you know, God bless her. And there's a guy up front, maybe early Biden, you know, probably eighties, nineties. And he, I'm like, dude, if he can turn around, now's the time. Like if you have it in you, like just turn them around. Get one last look. No, it's light out there. I say to my crowds now, come on out. It's not gonna be one of these Matt Rife shows where you're packed into an arena

and it takes an hour to leave. Come in easy, get out easy. What a great selling point. You can start your feet up on the chair. Landing and barking. Your jacket's on a chair. You can stay until the very end of the show and be on the highway in minutes. That is a great way to promote it.

You're not getting stuck. Oh, you know, it's funny. I want to say, while we have Paco here, it was funny when we were in Vegas for the porn awards. Paco, the only thing we were invited to, but it was because the lady who works with us, like the porn PR lady, Lainey, she was like, two of her clients were having a swingers party, they said, at this house. This big private house. So, and they're like, we're invited,

and Lainey's their PR, so she's like, and by the way, it's just like, we're going on a pure, like, let's just go watch this wild porn fucking sex party happen. And we get, first thing we get there, there's a keypad and a thing, like, that you have, we were just told an address. There was no information for keypad stuff or anything so Paco God bless his little ninja ass scales what I can only describe as a spike topped

cast iron fence scales it jumps over there I mean right about the time he's getting to the house to just by the way someone who they'd have no idea if he's invited just a little Filipino boy shows up like I'm here for the orgy and but we get that we find out the person we get the code we go in when we get to the door it's me Paco Laney who's like an older redheaded lady Ralph who's six foot five my podcast partner and who who else was with us? Was that it? Is that the group? And we walk into this thing. It's a big black security guard.

Big dude comes up, he's like, yeah. And we're like, we're here for the swingers party. And he's like, yeah. And then Laney starts giving all the, we know this person, this person's my client. And they're like, okay. We have gone through, man, do not go to a fucking party like that, an orgy or a swingers party early.

Because we were there before and it's sad looking. Somebody was asleep on the couch, a lady was putting out, like crudit. Yeah, she was putting out a little thing. And there was a DJ playing and everyone looked tired and leaning on each other. And there's nothing worse than people wearing slutty, like, swingers garb

that's just sitting and smoking a cigarette. You see everything's muffin topping overty, like, swinger's garb that's just sitting and, like, smoking a cigarette. You see everything's, like, muffin topping over there, like, weird thing. And just wait. And so we were there for, like, a half hour just milling. And then you said milling, and then we left. And then Paco was like, hey, am I able to go back later? By the way, we're talking about for content.

Like, go see if something's still happening there. Because he went to do the Dirty at 1230 show out in Vegas, and on his way back he said he stopped in there. He goes in there, and he just, the guy let him in, and he just, what did you say, he just stood around for like 10 minutes, right? They're eating Oreos around the table. No one's fucking at this thing at all. The most delicious orgy ever. That's amazing.

Orgios, they were, yeah. One year I went and they said there's gonna be a shoot and they invited us all to come see a shoot in one of the suites. And so we got there and it's very, you know, I don't know if you've been to a porn shoot, but it's the least sexy thing in the world. It's just very like academic, like the camera's here

and the light has to be, and so we're all watching. And then security showed up from the hotel because they heard that they were filming and I guess you need permits. And so the two big security guys come in and they're like, you can't do this here. And the director's like, you wanna, we're almost done, we got one scene left.

And they're like, yeah, that's cool. And they just stood and watched the whole thing for like 25 minutes. Yeah, and the person texted me, he goes, I'm giving them the riot act as we speak. They just didn't watch the whole thing for like 25 minutes. Yeah. And the person texted me, he goes, I'm giving them the riot act as we speak. Nice. Keep going. I assume it's like weird because I know it's like a lot of, Yoshi used to always say, when

he worked for a porn company, he was a comic, he is a comic, and he would say like, he would come to a set and I'm like, I bet it is just, it's gonna kill the whole, I don't really watch too much pro porn, I watch most of the amateur stuff anyway, but just the idea of that, like a girl giving like the, oh, God, oh, God, I'm gonna come, and they go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

like the camera's just messed up, we need to do that again, it's like, sure, and having a conversation with the guys dicking you, and the guy's like, is it possible to get a Diet Coke? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. Or you jump on her phone real quick while she's like holding her sore pussy a little bit.

She goes, god, my mom is just, and I know it's going to be for nothing. She's texting me 80 times, look guys, and I know it's for nothing. Can you give me five seconds? She's like, can I get a ginger ale and some Icy Hot real quick? Mom, it's an emergency because I'm having my fucking guts

blown out by Black big by blackzilla So when did it actually get off like that party you're talking no well I didn't it never started when I was funny with Paco you said you went in there for a second after about like 10 minutes of standing around Damn it Jacob, you know we try to have a fucking professional show So what happened oh, no it looked like they were either done or never started They're just eating Oreos in a circle. They were looking at me He goes who the fuck is this guy?

holding bags of food addiction intervention Food. It's like a sex addiction intervention. You thought it was gonna be a wild thing and it's just, sit down, have an Oreo. We wanna talk to you about your- Like a post sex Oreo session? Not only was it no wild thing,

Paco, he actually made genuine inroads with a porn star and then they went on like a lovely date when they came here. You still haven't fucked her, right? No. You had just beautiful times with her, you said. We did everything wrong there. Do you think it's because you're constantly carrying around that notebook? No, you just a beautiful times with her. He said we did everything wrong there

Because you're constantly carrying around that notebook Every time she talks you start going like that I'm gonna bring this young poet to lunch Yeah, you said you were talking you and Mike were talking off thing Greg about I go into the sphere To see you saw the dead. Did you see uh, Greg, about going to the Sphere to see. I saw the dead. You saw the dead. We showed it to you earlier in the week. I've still been blown away by it all week.

Drew Carey, I think, popped a stitch while he was there in his brain, and it's not back. Did you see that? Yeah, I saw it with the skanks we showed you. Oh, it skanks me. Yeah, we showed it on skanks. It's crazy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened?

Dave, Dave. Drew Carey went to see Fish at the Sphere. Yeah. And he said- Definitely took drugs. Definitely took drugs. Yeah. And he said he would rather, he was, he's ready to stick his dick in a blender.

Wow. And cut his dick off, and he said it's gotta feel like getting your pussy cummed in. Yeah, Drew Carey's somehow convinced- Drew Carey, door number two? Door number two, look. Holy shit. Come on down. Drew Carey is convinced that the feeling he felt that night

is only equaled by what it feels like to have a pussy and get fucked in it. Is that a good or a bad thing? What does he think? I think it's good feeling, but he's ready to do some drastic shit to achieve it. Dave, listen, I swear I just talked to God. I would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender,

and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this. Bro, I met God tonight for real. Wow. That's not the weird one. No, and then, what, four seconds later, when his wife didn't answer the phone. I'm still melted.

This is what it must feel like to Amazon. God, Ray. That was great. God damn it. That's fear. This is what it must feel like to come with a pussy. Because if it's even close, I'm flaying. Flying, yeah.

To whatever. I love that he's never been around a pussy that's coming. It's supposed to be what it's like, I mean. Good read. Whose jizz is it anyway? Good read. That's so great. He goes, because this must be what it's like to come. I don't know. I've

never seen it firsthand. I've seen fish well over 200 times. I've never said that once. This is it. That doesn't sound like him to me. No, that's what I mean. I think he took drugs. I'm saying, but that's a scary, like, has he come back since? Because two days later, on at midnight, he was on at midnight. Did we show that on the thing? He was on at midnight. And he goes, and Tyler Thomason goes, What would you say right now if you weren't being filmed? And he goes, oh, and he comes in front of the thing. He's like, I saw a fucking fish. I just feel it.

And it's like I was being fucked. It's like, must be being fucked what the cock feels like. And the crowd's almost like, CBS late nights like, okay, buddy. Yeah. She opened that door. That's coming off like Paul Mercurio asking them where they're from for a half hour. Where are you guys from, you fat Wisconsin pieces of shit? Joe DeVito's doing traffic jokes.

And Drew Carey comes in, goes, the Price is Right guy starts screaming at you about, you don't understand. This is like having a pussy and being fucked in it. This is why everybody can't go to the Sphere and can't go to Phish concerts. Yeah. But there hasn't been a big headliner comic there yet, right? No. Oh, no, no, no.

The only thing they have... There's only been Phish that one week or two weeks? Forty Nights of U2. Yeah, U2 and Grateful Dead are the only music acts that have played. Besides that, it's the experience where you go and like, Lewis just took his son there to do it, where they show you like the whole, you know, it's like going through space and nature stuff. And he said it's unbelievable.

Well, yeah. It's like every technology you've ever seen put together in one place. It's completely state of the art. So great. You literally, at the beginning, you don't realize that everything you're looking at, 360 degrees, that's scaffolding,

you think it's that scaffolding, you think it's really scaffolding. And then all of a sudden, like, a guy made out of bones flying on a spaceship comes at you and you're like, what the fuck just happened? And then it opens, and every single Dead Show starts and ends the same way where you take off

out of San Francisco and go into space, and then you land back at the end, remember? Oh wait, they showed a black woman there, that's not the Dead Show. No. That's definitely CGI. Christine, but it's cool that, you don't have to plug everything in the AI.

Just look for real stuff. It's cool when you're walking around Vegas and it's the eyeball, like wherever you are, like think of all the paranoia that must create. Yeah. Some guy like trying to just buy a joint. That's how the whole thing starts. Is you think it's the scaffolding

and then it opens up to San Francisco and hate Ashbury. That's so strange. Has anybody fallen yet? Yeah. Well you saw a video, you saw it. No, no, no, no, I mean. Oh dude, I saw a guy. I heard there's a couple of deadly falls

you could have in there. Not yet, I don't think that. It's pretty steep. I'll tell you what though, there was a guy that was getting like Triple Tito's and sodas right because he was bragging about it was triple Tito's and so and then when we're landing What a brag at one point he's sitting down eyes closed hand over his mouth, and he's puking through his hand And he's going tell me when we land How many seats is it?

18,000. Oh, okay, wow. It's just like, it's the garden size, essentially. Amazing. But it, Dave, it's so steep. Like, we were in section 200. When you turn around and look up, that was the one time that I got a little fucking guggles.

I thought I was gonna fall. There was a guy sitting next to me who was like, he looked like he had been following the dead since the 60s, but still had all the spirit. And he starts, there's this song, I Need a Miracle, and he starts screaming, I need a miracle! I need a miracle! And we're like, a job?

Yeah, this is where you take off out of San Fran. Oh, so cool. It would be great if they put all that work into it and the sound sucked. Like we can take you like into outer space and everything, but it's like, what? Huh? Oh, you gotta sit closer, man.

It sounds like you forgot. You gotta walk in and hear it. We forgot to put in the sound. People have, has it made anybody where they report like, no, I just get nauseous and sick or seizures? I mean, I watched it happen. Yeah, people go in very, yeah, so this is like, oh, God. It's gotta be Party Band. That's the best use of this, you know? Well, that's it. And I was like, I'll go see. It's like Back very. Yes, so this is like oh God, it's a party band. That's the best use of this

Well, that's it and I was like I'll take back to the future the ride the concert. It really is It's like a chair shake the chairs move. Yeah. Yeah, it's like so when you leave when you go into space here once you hit the atmosphere remember that Mike and I'm your Your guide remember when um that that satellite blows over your head and the whole fucking place shake yeah and like Mist comes out of places and yeah, oh, it's so if you piss hippie piss yeah Yeah, it's incredible a lot of people got vertigo and passing out a little bit But I don't see every day a lot of white people leaving San Francisco It feels like a mass suicide

Yeah, this is like It's not happening. It feels like a mass suicide, doesn't it? Yeah, this is like, what was that movie? You know, where they're hit 35 and they die. This is what it's like to be a Branch Davidian. It's Logan's run, basically. They're all gonna have to get jobs at the end of this. So fucking cool. The pressure to do that gig now though,

because everyone's like, my thing's always like, I wanna see Tool there. I bet that's because there have a big stage screen show and everything is so amazing. I know, but then you're like. Well, the Eagles are gonna do it next. And they're like, what? I swear to God.

Yeah, I know. I can't think of a more lame band to play there. That's what I said. I go, I'll see anybody at the Sphere. And then they're like the Eagles. I'm like, I'm gonna sit that one out, I think. It feels peaceful, easy feeling, which is just a video of wind.

Just on a dark desert highway. Yeah. Nothing crazy, nothing's blowing your hair back. We're just a video of wind. Just on a desert highway. Yeah. Nothing crazy, nothing's blowing your hair back, just a nice stiff wind. It's so funny, we were talking about what if Bruce did it and the whole sphere was just denim. It's like a guy wiping motor oil off his hands and shit. Yeah, there's people who, the technology means nothing, like oh you gotta get Billy Joel in there.

Oh fuck, I'm getting flashbacks. You don't? You have to do drugs here. I was tripping my fucking face off at this thing. It was so great. It's such a like a perfect firm. And then it goes like and then you end up in another planet. Did they do a Dark Star when you were at that? Yeah. How cool huh? Yeah and we took mushrooms but I realized we didn't need to. It was unnecessary to trip. Really?

It's so intense, you feel like you're tripping. You can't see everything. It's wild. Like I went six times to the dead and I saw a different shit every night. Really? You know what I mean? Yeah. But they have the same show.

They mix it up that much? Well, they mix it up. Yeah, but I mean, they also like, they would repeat things and they'd add new shit, but every time I saw a repeat thing, I'd see stuff that I didn't see the last time. Which is amazing because you think about the technology to create that for one song and that they would actually switch up the... because I know you two didn't switch up the playlist at all. Not once. Yeah. Not once. And Fish didn't repeat one thing. They played four nights, four completely different sets,

four completely different screen shows. That's why they only wanted to do four shows. Wow, the Richard Jenney of the Spheres. The Sinbad of the Spheres. So like on a Monday night, they're like open mic night, like whatever goes on there. You know, best of Vegas. They're just like black and white movies. It's like the olive tree. No, I bet you, you know how things like in Vegas turn over so quickly,

in two years it's like, get a colonoscopy at the Spheres. You got to repurpose it. Well, you you would tell me you said they're losing like you're hemorrhaging money. They're losing money on it. Which seems strange if everything they have there is sold out how could that be unless they're planning on it. The merchandise for the dead was insane. It was like you know 80 bucks for a hoodie and there was a line of people and there's like 10 different stores set up. I think Gathering of the Juggalos is the sphere next year. But I bet you they don't get the same kind of deal

they would at a regular venue because the venue has to get like 70, 80%. Because it really is like a promotion for the band. For the bands. Yeah, well and also it's that thing of like, where, what did they put? 2.5 billion into it or something like that?

Yeah. So it's like they just have to probably eat shit for the first couple years, right? I think it was also, he's gonna do it in Saudi Arabia, like there's like two other locations. They're building one in Dubai. They were gonna build one in London, and then London said no.

They did? Yeah, I'd like for them, there to be one over near Giant Stadium. Like I think that would be a great spot. Wow, that would be, dude. A big, a little Jersey sphere. Yeah. That would suck shit. Well, we can't have one in Manhattan, right? Where would you put one in the city? I live in Niyak. You know, I'm about 80 miles from the sphere,

but it's still, it's a problem. They got to do it in the town with a really bad power grid. So like in the middle of it, it just goes dark. Come on Houston. Why can't we get on the national grid? Flint, Michigan sphere? Take out your flashlight, we told you this in the beginning. Everybody buy your cell phones. Put your coal miner hat on. Your drinks are so fucking expensive. Everything is so expensive. But that is about a hundred yards away from BattleBots. Which builds wire. I was there with Ian for dance.

We had a great time, but you could see the sphere in the distance lurking, you know, it's like edging on us. It sure is weird. Like when you look at the sphere at night outside, it's just like, it's the moon. It's like the moon landing. Vegas has gotten a lot less intimidating for me. I used to be very intimidated by it just in general.

We've done the festival there so much now that like, that I kind of know the area, at least that old like downtown. The first gig I ever did there was like, I was nervous and it was like a nightmare. I did Steve Sharipa's club when it was at the- Trap? No, it was at the RIV, the old RIV.

And I went there and I was opening for a guy, it was definitely a boat act. And they didn't give me any parameters on what I had to do or not do. And I was having fun sets and the first night I went up it was fun I got off that guy went up the next day I was told that I had that he goes yeah he goes you know as you were wearing sneakers on stage and I was like right and they were like yeah they'd like you know if you were like a nicer shoe of some sort I was like why don't have they were like, yeah, if you wear a nicer shoe

of some sort, I was like, well, I don't have money to buy shoes, and this is what I brought. And they're like, okay. And the next one was like, could you clean it up a little bit? And I'm like, well, why? They didn't say it was a clean show. And then I found out it was just the headliner

was complaining about a new thing. And then he took me to free buffet lunch and we and we talked and he was like then the rest of the weekend there was no more complaints either being an Ari guy but that was my first but what I was so impressed by out there. But about your shoes that that's rare. It wasn't that he was just was making complaints about anything but what I loved there loved was right across the hall from the Comedy Club was crazy girls But it wasn't the girls the girls part of it was boring I tried to get done every night so I can go watch the host of that show

because that was my first time ever seeing like a Vegas act be a Vegas Vegas act and see him like behind the scenes first like the Here we go again, and then put on like a shiny glittery jacket and he would go out there and the way I still can't do it to this day and I've practiced a thousand times his timing on working the crowd between the lyrics of she's a lady was the most impressive thing I've ever seen like is she's all you ever want she's the kind you like to talk with you guys married here 40 years lady whoa whoa whoa. He would be back in the song wherever I went. Talking about my little... is this an anniversary? Shut up you guys. Wow 30 years I would say you guys weren't

even 30 years old. Lady is mine. At first time I did, I went out there with Keith Robinson, me, and Jimmy Fallon was the emcee. Really? It was at the Improv, so long ago. And so we get out there and Keith is losing everything gambling. He's getting money wired from his sister every few hours. He's just blowing it and we're shitting all over Jimmy because you know he's like a puppy.

He's just following what's around. He's like so excited that he's with like real comedians and you know and he's going up and he's trying to tell stories in the green room and we're just killing in the green room and then he would tell a story and it would bomb and then he'd go on stage and he had this little troll and he'd play his guitar to it and the crowd would like him.

He was super likable. And then, so it was fun. And then like six months later, Keith calls me. He's like, did you hear? I was like, SNL. He's like, fucking kid, Kid Vegas. We're calling Kid Vegas. Kid Vegas got SNL, went right past us.

Fuckin' wild. So funny, dude. Keith's getting money wired to him for this. Hardcore. No, it is the time. It's finding those, you know, I told you this story earlier about the Furries Convention places thing at that hotel. In that same hotel, I asked to change.

They couldn't put me in the Radisson blue. So they were like, we'll put you over in a country in suites or whatever, across the street. And I was like, okay, I'll go there. And I had to kill time before checking. So I went to an IHOP. Going to an IHOP, changing hotels from one shitty hotel to another hotel.

I remember that was the one. That's when I decided, actually, I'm not going to let stuff like this bother me ever, because it's just weird envy, jealousy for no reason. But it was reading an article. You remember this, Christine. I'm like, Michael Che and Pete Davidson, newest members of SNL, and you're like.

You're in an IHOP. I was like, literally four months ago, Lewis was trying to convince me why we should let this Pete Davidson kid on Legion of Skanks. And I'm like, why? He's like, his dad died, it's a pretty crazy story, he's a funny kid. And I was like, is he?

And then by the way, I like Pete a lot. I became friendly with him from that when he did skanks But I was definitely like and the next thing you know And he was always like the stories are the best with peak is he's like, yeah, I told Lauren I didn't even want it. I said I was too young but he said I'm not gonna hear that Doing the show Pancakes I know I was just beating myself for that to go I'm fat you know it's like a guy back there and he's like the cook and he's like hey

I open for you like another level of bitter Remember me? You said you were gonna get my tape to Esty? You know what's crazy about Jay? You tell these stories about being in shitty hotels and doing shows for beer and it was like a week ago. Like I keep thinking it was like fifteen years ago. Oh yeah, sometimes they're pretty close still for sure. I just say yes too much. Other than you're complimenting the storytelling, I could have been a week ago, could have been 100 years ago. It makes it seem so fresh.

I started opening for you when you started to go, like things got way better since you've known me. Oh yeah. So it was a laugh. Oh yeah, no, Mike was there for like some rough gigs, yeah. And I said, that's out. Oh yeah, Mike was there for like, some rough gigs, yeah. And I said, that's the worst part too, is when someone views you different than it is and then they get to see, you know what I mean?

They're like, Jay probably goes, no, I'm not even that bum, it's like Jay probably goes in there and like, you're not even factoring when someone who is headlining goes, hey, you wanna come open with me? You're like, oh good, I'll be performing in front of a packed comedy club now And then you get that person has to see the comedy club look at you and be like

We're gonna cancel if we don't get five more walk-ups I'm in the hotel like can I get a blanket so I could sleep on the couch? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I was still the phase where it was like hey, can I bring an opener? They'll stay in my room I wouldn't even dare ask to get the opener room like no They'll stay with me because why would I make that problem? Would you really have an open to sleep in my room I wouldn't even dare ask to get the opener room like no they'll stay with me because why would I make that problem did you really have an open to sleep in your room I mean we did not long ago Dave Smith forever my room empty and I just go in probably 12 years ago was maybe when I stopped doing that even like 10 10 years ago I'm like to Mike did you guys ever actually share a

room yeah oh yeah my god, Buffalo helium San Francisco when your back went out and you fucking saw girl over to me on the floor. I'm asleep When you check in and they asked for how many keys you like seven? Nine because his friend is coming and he's got a friend from my school might want to need a place nine keys. The cook from the IHOP. Four pots, nine keys. I've always tried to be so understanding of this because if I could go back and, I wouldn't take it back because like,

you gave such amazing opportunities to so many people, even on my behalf. But I- You always had a room? But I, no, for sure, I always had, you were so generous, but it's not even that, it was just more like, not realizing how ridiculous it is like Lewis had these reactions before We would share a room and he was opening for me how in the middle of the night he would turn Temperature up because he was freezing cold and it was like hey shit head

And how much Dave would call and hey you want to go here with me Hey, you want to go on the insomniac tour with me for a leg of it and my first quit I always yes Hey, do you need anybody else because a person that I'm gonna hang with anyway is gonna be around. And Dave was so quick to be like, sure. That's how we met DeRosa, came on Insomniac,

Dave Smith came, Mike I brought a couple times and stuff. But I mean, how quick I was, like in hindsight now of someone doing like, hey, can my friend come with us also, I'm like, what? No. Being invited on a failed tour is really not that big a deal. And when you think about it, hey, you wanna go to the North Pole?

I don't know if we're coming back. Extra food, I wouldn't. I think it'll be easy. That tour was wild. I just hate having to get rid of my opener once a year because I don't want them seeing that I'm doing the same ass. Fuck.

Sorry, I gotta get back to Roy. Have you ever stopped working with somebody ever that was going with you like a bunch? Oh yeah. And you're like, that's enough? Well, cause one guy I really liked and then he'd come on tour and you know, he'd sell t-shirts, that's fine.

I sell my stupid pins. And the next year he had like t-shirts and koozies and the next year, and then the spiel got longer. It turned into like an infomercial for his merch. So it was like 10 minutes of his show T-shirts and koozies and the next year and then the spiel got longer Infomercial for his merch so he was like 10 minutes of his show and I was like, I'm good I really what a skill it is to write jokes in t-shirt format Like that's like you could tell there's people I've had people open for you on the road and it's like by the way I tell them to sell all their stuff I don't give a shit

But if you're featuring and you have three t-shirt options, that's a lot of fucking t-shirt options Yeah That's when you go to that club and they still have the t-shirts from the last person They're wiping on the tables with a who farted t-shirt You have a people who just sell like a thing that's got nothing to do with like You make a joke about like quill pens and you just sell feathers at the end of your thing. Or scoops.

Oh yeah. Yeah, Dave, in your like late night running around, was Vegas, did you do the strip or would you go down to old seedy Vegas? You mean just being in town there doing like this? Like when you were out and about at night doing like, we would do all the, we would do the, you know because Vegas, you get like, there's no last call really, you know, like depending on where you go, like there's no last call.

Like you keep drinking all night and all that kind of stuff. So it's like everybody else, like you go to the strip clubs and then you go to the bars and then the after hour thing there. But I was never into that bottle service. Yeah. And like that seemed to be like Vegas, like for the last 10 years or something like that. It was all about like these like recreate LA and New York but in Vegas, I think that's over now.

I think people want just to keep it loose there. So, but you know, there's guys who grew up in Vegas and like, you know, when you look at them, they have that like look of like, you know, like, yeah, I've seen someone do heroin for breakfast. You know, like, you know, like, yeah, I've seen someone do heroin for breakfast. You know, like, you know, like, your mom, your, wait a minute, your mom can't hang upside down from a bowl. The suburbs are good out there. They're nice and stuff. But that is like, it is a, a, a dirty,

grimy feeling place. Just that desperation of like the gambling sounds is not like a warm sound to me. It always just seems like it just reminds me of a lady with like tubes like you know the oxygen hose in her nose like. You're just riding a jazzy. Throwing it all away. Yeah absolutely. What was we were saying before you came in Dave what about the what's like the craziest crowd did you ever perform in front of like nudists or shit like that?

Yeah I know. You said you performed at a swingers thing before? The swingers the swinger like but it was like one of those like where we set it up for their insomniac where like they're swingers and we would do like their karaoke thing so you know whatever. I think that all these niche things at the end they're kind of like introverted boring a little bit and this is like their chance to like you know it's like express themselves so that's about it you know. But I mean more like in the sense of like just when you were younger too,

like shit, like I said, like I got to ask to like a bachelorette party in a hotel room, just like the worst places where they'll ask you to fucking accompany party on one of those boats in the water was awful. Doing a, doing it on a pool table. You know what I'm saying? Like any kind of situation where it ends up like, where's the stage? Oh, that is the stage is, is, is bad. But I guess does, is there really any bragging rights

to that now anymore? You know, like when you talk to these people, you know, like, they're like, oh, okay. Well, you know, maybe it was your fault. Did you have a TikTok page? You talk to Young Comics now and it's like a hell gig was like they did a Zoom. They did like a Zoom call during the pandemic.

And it's like, dude, I grew up doing Zoom comedy. And it's like, wow, holy shit. That's like the Bush belt of fucking- There still comedy and it's like, wow, holy shit. That's like the Bush belt of fucking- There still has to be just like horrific rooms. Yeah, of course there are. Well, a good flashback was during the pandemic when we did the car shows.

And I think that was like a good example of like, you know, you really are like living a lie of like, without a crowd there and you're out, it was like all of the bad, like, comedy doesn't work outdoors, okay? People need to get out of their cars to enjoy comedy. Well, we're gonna take those two things away and now you're gonna go up there

with like a massive generator sound behind you. Like, it really did feel like in Red Dawn, like the internment camp, you know, like, remember me, avenge me, son. You know, like we had to like, you know. And you know it's not going good when you start hearing engine start. Yeah. In the middle of your jokes. Well, I never, I was never, that was the only one I did, We had to like, you know. And you know it's not going good when you start hearing engine start.

Yeah. In the middle of your jokes. Well I never, I was never, that was the only one I did, me and Dave did, and I'll just never forget that, because it was the reaction that they're honking is the reactions they're giving, which is already jarring and weird. But what's even weirder, I said,

I'm so reference-y on stage, so I remember just making, I think it was like a Roadhouse thing, I was like, the guy who got killed in Roadhouse, and you just hear but this is how like ego driven comedy is like even when you were up there and I've done like two or three of these you're like this guy hasn't figured it out I know how to do a card show and it's like okay get him down let me show him out it's like you it's like jumping into the quicksand like

That feeling in general throughout comedy is so funny when I chaps your ass You see everyone struggling they go this crowd sucks and you go. Yeah, they suck but inside of you You're just like you guys have no idea. I know adapt to And you just go in the next guy goes dude, they don't give a shit about nothing in there. And the worst is then the next guy goes up and kills. And you're both like, fuck. And then you're like, what a hack. Only a hack would kill in this moment. Oh, well, I guess I could have went up there

and did my mother-in-law so fat shit. I didn't know we were fucking hitting fungo bad out here. No, but I remember during the car phenomenon of comedy, the car show, I was like, I should learn more about cars and I can like bring it up like hey What's up, you know like Leno I'm like, this is Leno's moment Thrives Going and there's a click and I know what that is It's doing crowd work with the hood ornament the best goes. Oh, that sounds like aftermarket spark plugs

He goes, ooh, that sounds like aftermarket spark plugs. You using split fires? I got to see such an amazing thing during the pandemic comedy where Dave came up to Connecticut. Fairfield Comedy Club was doing a field behind a hotel that two of the 9-Eleven guys stayed in. That's like the claim to fame. And Dave. It's on the side.

The motor port. The motor port, yeah. Goodbye free HBO. Dude, what a fucking, during the pandemic, they're doing comedy out back. There's a raised ranch with a deck outside, and there's just like a dude and a wife beater grilling while like Bill Burr's working out an hour.

It was fucking weird, right? Dave. Hollowed ground, that's what we called it. Dave and his sister, I got to see Dave and his sister do recorder duets. Yeah. Oh, it was just the most beautiful moment. Not before the hijackers. That was for the crowd.

Yeah. Wasn't like we're like, you know, we miss you. Like there's crickets in the back. Yeah. It's that name because it's a Muslim song. Dave summoned an anaconda. Who brings them back? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

A leprechaun gave me this. I can only blow it three times. That was one of the best nights of the pandemic. Those were the fun pop-up shows, but in terms of regular hell gigs, I mean, like, you know, I started on Long Island, so like, you know, every other gig there was pretty tough. That's restaurant show city. That's the VFW world, I feel like is the Long Island. I feel like Long Island is probably, if I had 10 toughest gigs, I'd say four of them were the Long Island. I feel like Long Island is probably,

if I had 10 toughest gigs, I'd say four of them were in Long Island. At clubs really. They could go to all the top. Yeah, I mean, Governors is a good room and I like to be able to run it, but some of the crowds that come out, they just are so entitled that like,

that you're not in charge, I'm in charge, you perform for me. You're coming, that's what it is. It's the you're coming to play at our place. Yes. By the way, it's because Long Island gives that ownership to people. Like, you know, me. You're coming, that's what it is. It's the you're coming to play at our place. Yes. By the way, it's because Long Island gives that ownership to people. Like, you know, there's people who are like,

you're members of Jones Beach, like the beaches, the venue, like the Jones Beach Amphitheater, like you could be a member of it if you live there. Yeah. It's like a very like, yeah, this is our thing. It all goes back to R.R. Moses. But it's a lot like Boston, where it's like, you gotta prove it, you know, you're up there,

you gotta prove it, like why are you up there, you gotta make, you know, that kind of thing. Well I'll tell you two people who have proved it, Greg Fitzsimmons and David Tell, everybody, has a good segue. Greg's new special, Greg Fitzsimmons, You Know Me, premieres next Tuesday, August 27th on his YouTube channel, youtube.com, slash, at Greg Fitzsimmons Comedy. David Tell's gonna be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick August 31st September 1st the Den Theatre in Chicago on September 15th and wise guys in Las Vegas September 26 and 27th David Tell comm for tickets to those gigs and Oh Greg's also gonna be in Louisville Comedy Club in Kentucky August 23rd and 24th

Comedy works in Denver the best best. August 29th through the 31st. After that, Austin at the Comedy Mothership, Temecula, California. For tickets and all tour dates, gregfittsimmons.com. Mike Finoia, all new dates, merch, content up on PunchUp.live, Mike Finoia including Skankfest, Providence, Nashville, Indy, Hartford and much more. Follow Mike on socials at MikeFinoia.com. And of course you can see Bobby Kelly every Tuesday night 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge. The Comedy Seller for tickets to all Bobby shows PunchUp.live, slash Robert Kelly, Stand Up Phoenix, or Stand Up Live in Phoenix September 6th and 7th. Hilarities in Cleveland September 20th and 21st. After that it's

Gang Fest, Co-host New York, San Diego, and for me, go to Albany this weekend. We'll figure it out from there. BigJComedy.com. And Empire Comedy in Portland, August 30th and 31st. And after that, he'll be in Dallas, Omaha, and Skankfest for all of their tickets and tour dates. Go to BigJComedy.com. We'll be right back, maybe? We'll see. It's a bonfire.