The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - We Don't Need Another Hero

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

In the wake of Bobby's heroics in Costa Rico, campers flood the phone lines to tell their stories of when they saved the day. Jay and Bobby judge weather or not the callers deserve the title of hero. | Most NBA referees explain the fouls to the audience in a boring manner, but not Bill Kennedy. During the Philly 76ers games, he displays charisma for days. | Jay schools Bob on Star Wars-specifically about light sabers and how they are obtained. | Bob's gives an update on his comedian friend who was on his death bed. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah, my squad stay on point. These headphones are fucked. You've got to slap them in the work in both ears. So much to burn this place down. All right, don't. I take it back. Don't do that.

I bought my own headphones, but these headphones are welded into it. So I always have to have this guy's headphones in front of me. I'm getting any ears. I'm done with this shit. I got in ears. I like those. Well, I'm going to have to bring some here. I brought some a couple weeks ago here.

Yeah, our last week, and then I threw them in the garbage. Because they don't fit in your little baby ear canal. They don't fit my little ears, and they didn't make any sense the way they worked. It was supposed to bend the wire around your ear, but it goes the wrong way. Fuck those things. Ultimate ear, baby. That's what I got to do. Fucking ultimate ear.

I got ultimate ear. I got ones that say bam-bam. from when I was on Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll. Oh, I got you. Yeah. Makes sense. Your character.

It was my character. Yeah. It was my character. But you still have them. I still got them. I love them. And they function. They work.

They work the best. So why don't you bring them? I don't know. I didn't think about it until you brought it up. Because I, when I got the gig here, I looked up best radio headphones, and these Sony's came up. And then I customized them with a little Van Halen Eddie Van Halen

guitar theme. Oh, I thought that was Hawaiian shirt theme. Or that. Or that. The black and red, right? Yeah. Or Darth Mall? Art is what you perceive it. And I perceived Eddie Van Halen. And you might have perceived Don Ho or...

Eddie Van Halen's got a bunch of white and stuff going through it, though. Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's more Darth Mall's cheeks. Yeah. Darth Mall. Well, maybe you're right. It's a bonfire. You look at these. You got a little mall.

It's actually Darth Mall's cheeks. Darth Mall's cheeks. Yeah, look. I have Darth Mall headphones. I didn't know that. They're going to make a spin-off I heard of Darth Mall, which I would watch that, actually. What a cool character. He was cool.

It was so fucking weird that they just killed him. Well, he was the villain of the movie. They're going to get rid of him. But it feels like he could have had him last a couple of the movies. Yeah, like they did, you know, Darth Vader last a couple of the movies. But also, they were prequels. And so the problem is, like, he was such a cool character that they had to have him die fast because if he had any kind of a legendary status,

he would have been brought up nonstop in Star Wars. He goes, you guys here at Darth Mall? That guy's the coolest. Do you guys know he has a two-sided fucking lightsaber? Damn, Darth Mall ruled. Remember when he revealed that? Remember when he was fighting with just the sword and then he fucking let the other side come out?

If you could get a real lightsaber, would you? Yes. Who says no to that? Well, because I would fucking wind up cutting a lot of shit down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you'd have to buy. Theon's heads coming off.

Without that, just because you're just not going to know. She's going to call your name and you're going to turn around all willy-nilly with your lightsaber. We're not realizing everything it touches, it melts in the half. I'm over there watching a Patriots game at your house, and I cut down your little popola. I just swipe over the bit. Super dangerous. Oh, God, Bobby, my pergola. Your pergola's down.

Insanely dangerous weapon. I just stick it in the pool and heat it up. It's crazy. that you have this as a weapon in general. The laser as hot as the sun in your hand.

Someone did invent one though. One of those YouTube guys made a real working not, you know, but they made a real working lightsaber.

I saw that. That was pretty wild. And how do they get at the stop? Does it have like two ends on or? No, but where do you get it to the stop at the end? Yeah.

It's like, I think it's a flame or something. It was like some. Oh, it's like a very acute flame. Yes. Gotcha. Yeah, that's kind of cool. But it still look fucking bad.

Oh, I bet. Listen, it still looks cool when you hold the fucking filament tube ones you can buy and you push the button and it still when it rises up, you're still like, feels cool. Sal's got some good ones. Polcanoes, he's got some fucking goodies at his house. You can't help but fight somebody when you put them in your hand. So if you had a real one. Well, you start putting them on and you also, if you have the good ones like he had,

if you have the good ones like he has, when you make connection. it does like a and if you like slide them along it goes like they're good yeah if we had real ones you don't think we'd be in your backyard fighting no absolutely before one of us loses half our head

and a lightsaber is going to cut you in that weird like you're going to go well Bobby I lost control there if you're okay and then like the top of your body's going to fall off the bottom of your body in one piece and you're going to look like cartoon ham inside poor Christine comes out you guys want to shuck and fomph

turn around and get scared and she just slat her half her body's Lides down. Dog's going to be missing an ear and half a tail. Hedges are all fucked up. Are you in the car with a lightsaber in traffic? And I have to explain to Christine. And I have to go, Christine, I'm sorry about the house,

but like, this is how you train. All right? Luke Skywalker didn't nail it the first fucking day. Okay? So you got to fucking, sometimes we had to crack a few eggs and destroy a pergola and hurt the dog. You know, you got to crack a few eggs.

Cut a few heads off. Got a cut a few heads off if you want to get good at lightsaber. Oh, just go by a car in traffic I can just right through the door. Yeah, it's as crazy a weapon as I can think of. Because even a sword, which I think is another one of those, like, it's a little dangerous, like, if you could hurt yourself with a sword,

at least you know one side is supposed to be razor dangerously sharp. And the other side's supposed to be, like, flat, dull. Not even dull, like flat. So that shouldn't hurt you at all. This, like any minor mistake, if it just drops out of your hand while you're holding it and starts bouncing on the ground, You could just lop off your foot.

You just put a hole in your pool. Just destroy everything you own. So dangerous. In one drop. You have to have the force in you to use it. Oh, my God. Did anybody get a lightsaber without the force? You have to have the force to have a lightsaber.

There's not willy-nilly lifesavers out in Star Wars, right? If you pick up a dead Jedi's weapon, it's yours, I guess. I have a question. if somebody Edward 40 hands like just taped two fucking fully on lightsabers to your hands how many hours before you fucking kill yourself by accident

I mean it's impossible can you just never turn your wrists in any way ever in the wrong direction you can't even like touch your back nothing you can't touch any part of you though every swing has to be completely measured and calculated yeah

you need the force you know in the new Disney shows that they all suck. The women survive lightsabers to the chest. Really? Why? Is it just like a surface wound? No. It goes in the stomach

and out the other side and the next thing she's recovering in the hospital. What can I say? One, they have alien technology too. I will say also, if you're going to get through the body shot, if it's going to be, like if it's going to miss organs, you could do worse than have it be a lightsaber because it's going to cauterize the wound

right away. And they have tits. And they also have tits. I don't know. And they have that thing and they're between their legs. What do you call it? I'm no doctor. They're pussies. They're space pussies.

Also, don't forget about their space pussies. Well, I mean, it looked like the one girl took the same exact thing that Liam Neeson took to the stomach. And she's just, like, worked it off the next day. Liam Neeson what? Look at this fucking girl question, Christine, asked the computer. What? Do you have to have the force? to use a lightsaber?

No. That was actually my question that she re-asked. Yes. I'm sorry. I apologize, Christine. Are your headphones on? Do you need in ears?

I need any ears. No. But that's crazy you ask that question. Come on. Well, because you're saying that, you can't just go buy a lightsaber at the local Star Wars store.

You have to have the force because any mistakes, you're dead. No, no. If you have the force, like you get a lightsaber. Right. But anyone could use. it. Yeah, but you can't get one. Like, you can't go buy one. You've got to get a laser gun.

No, it's a GI. It's a government issue. Yeah, it's like a, it's a Jedi issued. It's council, counsel issued. Yeah, you have to, you have to have the force and be a Jedi to be able to use a lightsaber. To receive one. But you can't just get one. You can't just get one. But anyone could use one, but Chubaka couldn't go and get one. He doesn't have the force. No, but if Chubaca happens upon a light. It doesn't not turn on because he doesn't have the force. But you can't go to the lightsaber store and be like, yo, let me get a lightsaber. There's no lightsaber store.

You don't know that. If there was, I bet you could go in and say, can I get a lightsaber? It's a lightsaber store. You need like a permit, like you need when you have a gun. That's not a store then. They'd be like, yo, dude, are you a Jedi? Be like, no, I'm not. That's not a store.

It's a supply place. I think if you just know how to make one, then you can have one. Wait a minute. They had to make their own? Yeah, I believe they made their own weapons. I didn't know that. You have to make your own lightsaber? No.

I think Luke made one. He didn't make. What are he talking about? He was giving, it gave, what's his face name to? I know he got his fathers. Oh, I don't even remember that. I know he got, I thought he got Yoda's. No, he got, he got, um, he gave him Obi-1 Canobis.

No, Obi-1 gave him his father's lightsaber. Okay, well, his father gave it to Obi-1, but then it was Obi-1, so Obi-1 technically gave him his lightsaber. Okay. Right? Yeah, but I believe. Yota didn't give a lightsaber. Okay.

And I didn't like how good Yoda was with a lightsaber. Oh, come on. That was the one of the only exciting, hang on. Okay, I think I'm back. Somebody's got to punch the headphones. God forbid I touched the wire. These wires ain't made for touching, I suppose. Those prequels, everybody was like,

at the end of the day, a little underwhelmed by those, with the exception of Darth Maul. But that second one, is that second one when Yoda started fighting? Christopher Lee and he was bouncing all over the place That was the most exciting part That was stupid. Him bouncing all around What was stupid about it doesn't matter

What was stupid about it is Was that when they had him do It was like they almost did like the schick of it Like when he finished spinning around and flipping And slicing and jumping all over the place Then he Then he just got his cane back and started walking like all with a cane again Yeah

So what are you? Are you super healthy or you decrepit old? Yeah Are you pretending to be decrepresenter? and old because yeah. Yeah, and he's... But I mean, this was super excited. Can I say something?

This is very dangerous with that cape on using a lightsaber. The whole thing. The fact that there's so little damage within the area of fighting with a lightsaber fight is insane. You can't miss. Yeah, you can't make a mistake. The stakes are so high with every swing. Yeah. It's ridiculous.

And he's holding it. He's got three little fat fingers. Oh, yeah. Look at them bouncing around. Fuck, this stinks. Now, this was exciting, though, in the theater. This is the... My old bad run.

This is just the beginning. Isn't his name, Count Ducula or something, too? Look at his little fingers. I am Count Ducula. You know who love this scene? Brad Williams. Oh, yeah, dude. Whenever a little man wins.

Whenever a little man wins, dude. He gets so sad at the end of every... at the end of every Chucky movie, and then when they make a new one, he was like, he lived? What? Yeah!

Leprocon 8? Yeah! Didn't this guy quit acting? Hang on, Bobby, I'm almost had a midget movies that he would get excited by. Over the rainbow? That was the last one.

Over the rainbow? Oh, yeah. Wicked Part 1 and 2. Yeah! Damn, Natalie Porton was so hot in this movie, I forgot. E's up, dude. She's 12.

She was hot in the professional. What are you talking about? E's up, bro. She's 11 years old. that movie I hate that movie and Cape Fear they just

sitting in the theater like oh god this is I feel weird right now why you wanted to fucking fucking 12 year old Juliet Lewis when she stuck a thumb

in Robert De Niro's with mouth so you still think she saw it when he stuck his when he stuck his thumb in her mouth that was like I had to turn away I was like I don't like the feelings of this

it's a bizarre scene it's a weird scene yeah she puts the yeah he puts his finger in her mouth and she kind of gives it a suck She gives it a suck and then she faddles it. She actually wraps her hand around it.

Really? Yeah, and then pulls it away. We heard. The thing gives a little giggle like, he-he, like a little tee-he. I think you added that. I might have. I'm pretty sure you added that. I swear to God, dude.

Watch when she went like this. No, Bobby's right. She does a little teahee, right? Yeah. And she goes, he-he-he. Really? Yeah. How do you know, you shouldn't be hot at the scene?

You old creep? Come on. I mean, she fell off too. Have you seen her lately? Look at this. Ready? Fell off. Okay, ready?

Here we go. He's a little giggle. And she sucks on. Oh. And then she... I'll tell you this. What the? Ah, it did...

I got turned it off. Wait. She didn't giggle at all, Bob. You added it. She added... Go to the back. Go to the front. Go, wait, right there.

Little Teehee. Ready? No, that was a gasp. No, that was a T-He. Watch. Ready? He? Okay, yeah, that was a giggle.

Yeah, and then the gasp and then the suck and the hold. That's not. Probably isn't memorized. How many times have you not watched this? He looks like the fucking joker. Then he does it again. And he pushes it down further. Maybe it's not so much that you're not watching it as you are using this scene.

I prefer to watch it. What the, how do you film that? Was she when she, she must have been... How do you film it? Slow and sexually. 16, she wants it. Yeah. 16, how do you do that?

Shove your finger, 16-year-old's mouth? You could just do it. Ew, ew. Oh, I forgot that he kissed her. Me too. Is that legal? His tongue, too. Is that real?

I forgot that part. I came right before this part. Yeah, you turn it off always this point. What am I watching? Ew. She had to be older than 16. No, I think she was 16. How do you do that?

Did you just look it up? Did she just look it up? She turned 16 and she turned. She turned 16 and? in June, 1989. So she just turned 16 when she filmed that scene. Damn, good for her. Yeah, Jaylor, go, go, Eagle's Fly.

Whatever. Pat's going to close the Super Bowl. Fly Eagles Fly. Pat's in the Super Bowl. What time do you guys play next week? We have a bye week next week. Yeah, you don't. No, no, I know you don't.

I know you don't. I thought I got you. No, no, but I was saying, I thought you heard. But you don't have a pie. But what time do you play? We play at... Come on, dude, it's a playoffs. We play at noon.

What? Four o'clock, man. Eight o'clock game. Eagles, 4.30 p.m. Sunday. Goards. Against Dan Soters, 49ers. I like the 49ers in the uniform. Pretty hot.

Oh, good. Root for them. No. I won't root for them. Go ahead. Go with your regs partner. You know, I called Dan up. He got really mad at me because I called him up one year. I was doing bananas.

And I called them up, and they were in the playoffs. And I go, I'm doing voodoo to your team. Oh, shab, wow, one do ba, tunkab. And I was like, you lose, you lose. I'm back down. He got legitimately fucking angry at me. But he made me call him back and go, unchkabar, junta, punta, curse off. Buddy, he, I'll tell you what, you have to give him,

and you got to give him like a real day or two of, to come to his own rationalization that he has behaved like a lunatic over. or something that he is not a member of the team of and really reaps no financial or life benefits. Other than it's very exciting. It's very, very exciting. My team won the Super Bowl last year. Very, very fun night.

Man, was that a fun night? What a great end to his season. You know, the world keeps spinning either way, man. And, yeah, he gets very, like, I've had people, like, Justin, like, like, busted his balls one time about that thing, and how fast he gets, like, Justin, you don't even watch fucking sports, you fucking burke.

It's so amazing. Jay, I did voodoo. over the phone. No, it's bonkers. He called me it back and went, you've got to take the curse off, dude. In the middle of the game, because they started losing.

Like, it worked. And he called me, I was like, did he ask you remove the curse? He asked me to remove the curse, and I went, Unchkba, hunta, Hunta, he took it back for him.

Curse gone. Did they win? No, they lost. Oh, my Christ. Hey, sometimes you can't take the curse back. The initial curse worked. Dude, I couldn't believe how really legitimately,

violently angry he was at me because I did a voodoo curse from bananas buddy he's got an irate at people he's got an irate at people I see like like Verd making some kind of a fucking joke

I'm just bored at bananas dude watching the game I'm in the lobby of a holiday and half sold show I'm just fun dude you don't have to over explain to me Bobby you don't have powers yeah Jay

but Dan knows that too is my point I mean I am a hero I have regular human hero powers. Regular old hero. Not superhero voodoo powers. You're an analog hero. You know what I was thinking about what we should do? Because, you know, I am, we talked about this yesterday.

I am a hero, legitimate hero. I was thinking that I can't be the only hero, Jay. There's got to be other heroes out there. And maybe some of those heroes are listening. Maybe they're fans. Maybe other people of the bonfire. Maybe the fans of the show are a hero. And maybe they didn't have...

Well, you're probably going to meet a bunch of them at Hero HQ. First of all, how did you know about that? Is there a league... Is there a... Is there a Hall of Justice you have to go to? It's a place. It's a meeting place. And you're not supposed to know about it.

Is it underwater? Are you just guessing right now? Yes. Oh, okay. All right. If you... I just want to hear... Bob, you play at just for your own record

at 8 p.m. on Sunday. Damn, man. That's the fucking game I want to play. Los Angeles charges, boo. I'm going to be an hour behind my game. Let's make a bet right now. I bet the Pats make it to the Super Bowl. What do you want to bet?

You bet that the Eagles make it to the Super Bowl. Full release hand jobs? By, like, I have to jerk you off and you have to jerk me off. Fuck, is someone else going to be in the room? No, no. Can I put my thumb in your mouth like the Nero did? How about this? The loser has to masturbate in cold, harsh lighting in front of the other household.

So, like, you have to do that just in front of me and Christine while we laugh at you? Or I have to do it in front of you and Dawn. That's not a prize for either one of those girls. They lose. Yeah, yeah, they lose. They lose, but it's a stiff punishment to have to do it in front of, like, somebody. But why do they have to lose? I don't want to involve them.

You stand behind your household's decision. Do you think the last thing I want to hear is Christine's cackle while I'm jerking off? It's going to take you forever to come. It's going to take you a long time. All right, so that's off the table? That's off the table. Okay. Just the dogs, just in front of the dogs.

How about in the dogs? Yeah. You have to have sex. A loser has to have sex with the other one's dog. Or winner gets to have sex with the other one's dog, depending on how you word it. You'll love doodles. She's so soft right now.

Her hair's long. I know. I'm not going to have a bunch of her hair shedding into my dick hair the way it does with Dawkins. I'm going to suck. I'm going to lint brush my bush fat when I'm done with Dawkins. Every time I fuck Dawkins,

I feel like I was a belating up with a porcupine. Look, Christine, getting serious phase. That's like her with Dana with sports. Don't make fun of fucking my dog. Don't see you fuck my dog person. I think someone, if you have a hero story, I think you should call in. If you save the life, legitimately,

call in right now. 866-9-69, if you have a hero, if you're a hero, Hey, if you're out there, I'm sending the call out right now. If you have a hero story, call in. 866, 969, 1969. Just know that Jay is going to, me and Jay will evaluate your story and let you know if you're a true hero.

Oh, I don't think you're a hero. It's my dream. I start off with thinking you're not a hero when you call. Did you hear you convince me you're a hero? What? It's my dream. It's just to put some tufts in their place. Some what?

Some tufts. What's a tough? Some punks. That's not a hero. That's vigilante. I'm a hero. I'm a hero. You could be a hero.

You could save people from some tufts. That's vigilante, dude. That's death wish. That's like breaking the law. Christine, do me a favor. Can you look up if the Patriots played their starters last week? They didn't.

Sure? There was a bunch of people out last week. But did they play their starters? Did they sit their starters? Did they try to win the game? They tried to win the game. And they lost to the worst team in football. That's a bad thing going through.

They didn't lose. We won. I thought I just said. They just lost. No, we fucking won. Against the Raiders? We didn't play the Raiders Sunday? It was the Dolphins, wasn't it?

It was the dolphins. We smoked them. Can I tell you something? If you go back to that screen. And then the week before that was the Jets. We fucking, I mean, it was almost humiliating what we did to the Jets. Oh, but no, no. But go back to the other page with the Patriots thing, with their schedule.

If you see the way they put it up there, Bobby, I think they start from the game one. I bet game one of the season was against the Raiders. Probably because they just have it listed weird. We've won 13 and a row. row 13 out of the last 14 I think really yeah I think so let's take a peek that's week one let's go down go down to the schedule here it be to Dolphs yeah usually the dolphins focus in the then they lost then they want I see one two three three five six seven eight nine ten lost oh the bill one two three four five five lost

Would we lose so? Oh, that's pre-season. That's preseason. So we go back. We lost to the bills. Damn, dude. And we should have won that game. That was a great game.

Yeah. But yeah, but Bear Bear Bear had to win. You know what I mean? Bear Bear Bear. Bear had to, you know, I don't want to make Bear Bear Bear mad. Bear, speak girl. Speak girl. There's so many fun things I want to get into this week.

Yeah. We've been gone for so long that we realized that's that we completely forgot about Christine's stand-up comedy that we have. I felt that I can cry very easily at emotional dance routines You have empathy? Oh my God You cry? There's an NBA referee who I've fallen in love with Because he is bringing all the pizzazz

Back to NBA This got all the pizzazz back His name is Bill Kennedy And I was watching a game The other day And it's a national broadcast and, you know, the referees speak during the game. And basketball's rare, but when they do,

it's because somebody challenges the play. Whether it was a foul call or a no call, they challenge the play and they review it. And then the referee has to get on a microphone and say, after reviewing the play, here's why it stays. Or we're overturning it. It's a successful challenge. It's just the most bland fucking referee guys going,

Like after the play, there was contact on the ball. It was legal contact, no foul. The calls reverse, Sixers ball. This guy puts in the work. Watch this personality. Resulting in the defensive foul being upheld, and the coach's challenge is unsuccessful. Is that the guy who sang chocolate rain?

Buddy, he's got Cab Calloway hair. I love this guy. Hey, Jacob, I want you to do me a favor. Take notes right now. Is this the other one? This guy's energy is great. Give us one more. And you can't see it home, but he moves his hands with it.

He's really, which calls the foul being upheld with the hand, finger point up in the energy. He does, though. He looks right down the barrel. Most of these reps look around. They look. He looks at you, smiles, get you, and then proceeds. Hey, you guys. aren't going to like this.

He makes love to the camera. He does. He's like, don't worry, guys. I'll handle it. Right at the camera. This guy is fucking brilliant. He's the greatest guy in sports right now. He's so, we were like, we had to go back and record it.

I had to go back and go film this. I mean, this guy is fucking doing Meisner. This is great. Dude, the eye kind of, like he's disappointment. He goes, meaning the challenge. It's unsuccessful. He goes, he made contact. He touches the arm.

He goes, made contact on the upper arm and the lower arm, resulting in a foul. Damn. Look up, is there just stuff on YouTube of him? Give me another taste to that guy. I got to, I forgot to tell you something. I'll tell you later, but it's, I have news. Yeah?

I'm not going to interrupt this, but I have really great news. What? Let's watch another one of him. and then I'll tell you the great news. He's a treasure. I mean, why do they not hire every guy like this? Oh, we also. What?

Can we do? Can we talk up? You sent Christine the picture, right? The stuff going on that you showed a picture of earlier? Yeah, we should talk about that. But I got something I want to tell you that would be really cool. Are you allowed? I mean, I know we're allowed, but I mean.

I don't know. I don't want to sandbag your friend. No. The other. Referees must hate him. I bet. I bet no one that ever did I do. They never thought about it.

Because they're all going like, well, fuck, now we look like we don't give a shit because you're the guy. They're all duds. Yeah. I got something to tell you. By the way, a gazillion heroes have called it. Oh, we got to get to that. Dude, Jerry Rocha, out of the hospital.

Still alive. Out of the hospital. Uh-huh. Alive. Full remission. No. He's still got dead. He's going to die.

No. He has a shot. The pneumonia in his lungs from the cancer That was They were calling the quits because he couldn't breathe They got it under control And he's out of the hospital Nice back on the road

From Chris Chris fucking stupid What's his name? Make his say goodbye to him From Chris Italia telling him he was currently dead Dead died Out of the hospital He's out of the hospital

You've sent him two goodbyes now He just sent me a text sound stupid, but the most steps yet today in physical therapy. I'm hoping I can keep this up. Love you, miss you, man. You should write, buddy, I'm sorry, but I'm already grieving you, so lose my number. You said, buddy, I've already grieved you. Buddy, I've already grieved you, so lose this number.

Blame Chris. There you go. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. They'll talk to text. I like that. Should we take some of these hero calls? Oh, I can't wait.

and they say that a hero can save us who do you like lo you take a look at the board what do you got lo you pick it uh oh that's just someone calling to say american beauty also makes you feel weird because he's looking at young uh was it mina suvari yeah we're talking heroes right now no yeah minas suvara was the younger on that one yeah i haven't watched that since i was a teenager

the idea is jerk off to them when you're a teenager and then reflect on that positively as you become an adult, but don't whack off to it anymore. Don't be a Bobby Bowie. Don't be out there smacking your cock to fucking... I have never smacked my cock. Robert De Niro, French kissing and thumb-faced fucking Julia Lewis, who grew up to be a disgusting boy.

She really did turn into a Iggy Pop. What the fuck happened to Julia Lewis, dude? Son. Yeah, no shit. I mean, what happened? She got darned out. She got wet and somebody darned her out and let her wrinkle in the sun. You can't be that good-looking as a kid,

and get good-looking old. Bobby, stop calling a good-looking as a kid. No one thought that. As a young woman. You can't be pretty as a young woman. Let's try Cortland. Cortland. All right.

Cortland. What's his name? That's it. Cortland, you're on the air. Let us hear your hero story. Yeah, by the way, everyone called not for a safe story. Some people are just like, Bobby.

This one says, my phone's listening. Help. Bobby Help. Bobby help. I can't help with technology. I only help with physical emergencies. What do you got, Cortland? Hey, so I was in a halfway house

and a kid bought a bunch of computer duster. He went to a CVS and bought a bunch of computer duster. And I was basically ODing off of that. It was like freaking out. It was like foaming from the mouth. And the only thing I could think to do that was on hand was Narcan. So I hit him.

with an narcan. What happened? My phone connected to my Bluetooth. I thought they cut off your, I thought your hour of phone call at the rehab was up. I'm dooredice right now, so I can save my phone. Some would say I'm in,

I speak English and do DoorDash, so you can call me a hero for that. That is heroics. I think the DoorDash is more heroic. Bringing a fat guy, a steak and cheese, at 12 at night is very heroic. That is fucking perfect.

In this weather? I tried. I try. So when you hit him with the Narcan, was that, did you save him? Dude, he came back. I don't know what the hell in the Narcan, because that's for like opiates, Steve. Yeah. Not for computer duster.

About tell you what, Narcan probably just fucking get your heart fucking going either way. It just gets you, you, you know, it's like an adrenaline shot me. Yeah, he came back. He can't say our words anymore. because he would have been fine, but now he has minor brain problems from the fucking Narcan. You're only supposed to take him

when you're dead. No, it's the craziest shit ever. He was like foaming from the mouth. What did he do when he came back? Do you thank you? Yeah, he was like, what the fuck? He's just like, didn't even know where he was at. And he's like, have you seen my computer duster?

What if it wasn't Odeeing? What if the little fucking straw from the computer duster thing just went down his throat? He was just choking. Do you narcan them? He's like, ah, let's do a computer duster thing. Did you, did you find out after if that was bad or good?

If it was bad or good? Yeah, like Narcan. I mean, Narcan's for a specific thing, not really for computer dust or stuff. I mean, it has, I guess it's a multi-purpose thing, dude. It's kind of crazy. We should actually try that with Jacob when he comes in. Jacob, if you seem like you're in a bad move,

could we just narcan you? Just to wake me up? Yeah. just fucking get you moving, dude. Sometimes I see you nodding a little bit over there. I want to make sure you're up. Yeah, when you nod would just stick it right in his chest, like pulp fiction. How about that, dude?

Yeah, every time you start fucking getting asleep, you will fucking pulp fiction you back to awake. They go, the bitch is Odean, and then Bobby will take turns. They go, did you do last week? I'll do this week. I'm sure that guy went on, though, to turn his life around, right? And now he's running for local senate? Yeah, I mean, probably, dude, he's probably, you know,

probably doing great I would imagine That's nice I was gonna say he's doing computer duster With Jimmy Hendricks and Janice Jopold in heaven But okay And Charlie Kirk And Charlie Kirk Are you still sober

Uh I'm like California sober So no Fair enough I'll leave me alone I would have a potter It just means you smoke weed only right Yeah yeah

California sober do you drink I have a drink on occasions There you go That's California sober That's fucking Colorado sober Stupid. Dude, Stop doing meth.

Hey, call. Hey, look, I'm a hero in a bunch of different ways. So if you need help, get in touch with me. I'll help you. Bobby, he doesn't do meth anymore. Yeah, dude. No meth, no coke. It's a gateway drug.

No, E. Yeah, Christine's California sober. All right. If Bobby was my sponsor, I would drop everything in a heartbeat. Really? Yeah. What the fuck is that? That's cool.

What an honor. You're my hero. Bobby, you're my hero. Thank you, buddy. I'm a lot of people's hero, especially that girl from Costa Rica. Mainly only her. No, I'm his hero too. Well, not yet.

Lou, am I your hero? Many ways. Oh, shit. I'm a hero. Many ways. But I'm kind of a hero also. My catalyst was different than yours. Yours was sticking his face into the bottom.

Still a hero. A lot of ways, still a hero. You're right. You were a big factor in it. Oh, listen, someone had to say that stuff. You're either his hero or the guy who made him kill himself. Bobby, Bobby, you gave him the booby-booby stuff. Someone had to say the other stuff.

Good cop, bad cop. Really bad cop. I mean, wow. All right, any more heroes? Yeah, we have so... Scott, thank you, Coral, and you are. Thank you, buddy. I love you guys.

I love you guys. I fucking love you guys rule. One day at a time, dude. Call me for need me. He's going to call you. He will. I'll fucking help. Get him off everything.

That's my job. I hope that you do that and start a weird cult but like everyone we find out that you've been having gay sex with all of our fucking fans

that's what you hope over at hero camp yeah I'm like oh my god you have am I a part of this now am I complicit well that's what I do with the regs fans

hang on a second what are you got we're about to get robbed who's coming in oh shit dude oh shit Lou talk to them

oh god tell them we're cool dude tell those guys we're cool what if that's the girl's family you know tell these guys were cool we good

What did they stick on the door? What if they just grab Lou and dragged him down the hallway? They stuck something on the door. What was it? Lou comes back with a different-colored bandana on. Sorry, guys, I'm in the rolling 66s now. He's got a tear-drop tattoo. Guys, it's been crazy since I walked outside.

I had to kill an old lady for an initiation. Blood in, blood out. Shannon Glazer, you save somebody. You're so teeny. Yeah, I mean, I'm built. solid, you know. Yeah, look, I'm not going to gravity. I wasn't doubt

your density. You did a real cute. Hi, Shannon. How are you? Oh, thank you. Good. How are you, baby? I'm good, baby. But you're tiny.

Stop calling her tiny. Small people don't like tall people calling us names. Don't us. No, you know, I'm used to it. If I ask people to get things off high shelf at the same. Bobby's also teeny and dense also.

Stop calling me us tiny. The human cannonball. You know what? Well, we're both from us. Shut up. You're small, too. That's fun. Hang on, Shannon,

give me one second here. I just want to let Bobby to. Bobby, you're teensy and adorable. I'm not teensy. Don't call me fucking teensy. Don't stop calling me teensy. Isn't it funny when I do with pink fingernails too? I made me sick to my stomach.

Bobby's so teens. It finally comes out. Shut up. You're small than all of us. Shannon, go ahead. So somebody was stuck. Somebody was buried under a forklift, and what did you do?

Well, so I'll preface this with that at the time I was arranged safety officer at my gun club. So they offered free first aid training, which I needed a renewal on. And probably about three weeks later, I worked in a cube farm at work, and I heard someone screaming help. Wow. And ran around a corner like, I've never done that before. Shannon, real quick. Ran towards the danger. Shannon, real quick, I'm telling you right now.

as a hero when you hear help that is the people run towards it or they run away from it and you ran towards it I didn't know I was that kind of person but I am continue with the story you're running towards the person yelling help

thank you so I come around the corner I run towards help but when I get there I assess the situation before I actually help exactly that's not thank you for saying that's not a hero yes it is Bobby if a homeless bum is foaming at the mouth, are you going to give him CPR? No, I'm going to stick Narcan in his chest.

You don't have it. The only thing you can do is... Buddy, I'm a hero. We have a belt with Narcan. We have a grappling hook. When you... I go put him down like a stray dog who bit somebody. I just go over and I choke him to sleep and I say...

And I shush him the whole time. I go, shush to mouth is the only thing that can help a homeless guy. Yeah. You're going to let him die. Yeah, no. You are. I'll get my mouth right on that. No, you're not.

You're a hero now. Well, when I- Once you accept heroics, any time you don't show heroics, Bobby, you're back down to like regular person. It goes, oh, that was just one time. That was just one-time thing. Thank you.

Well, when I showed up with the girl, I had to assess the situation. And I did. Yeah, which, by the way, I don't like the way you did it. Remember when you said there was a sister? He goes, okay, so you're here, your dad's over there,

turd in the punch pole. I did not say that. Remember you said that? I didn't say that. Go ahead. Go ahead. fucked up that you said that but you did say that for sure Shannon I'm sorry no no it's fine so a coworker had heard strange noise and she went around the corner and found one of our co-workers sitting

in her chair with her head picking up like kind of looking towards the sky when she checked tapped her on the shoulder she just collapsed onto my other co-worker so that my coworker was yelling help I came and the woman was blue totally blue um so she Now, was she at the Willie Walker chocolate factory? And did she eat any of the wrong candy? She touched her shoulder and she collapsed, like fucking Spock? So she had, what happened was she was, she started having a seizure while she was sitting in her chair. And her head cocked back and she was choking on her own tongue.

Cocked. See, that's not the kind of hero. Hang on on. Hang on. What did her head do again? Cocked back. Yeah. Okay.

Thanks. She delivered that like the referee. Her head was how? Her head was hell, Shannon? How was her head? It was cocked back. No, no. Seriously, though.

How was her head when you showed up? So her head was pointing towards the sky. But what is that? What is that? He was choking on her own tongue. Right? Choking on her own tongue? Like it was a cock?

cocked. Yes, yes, exactly, which is why her head was cocked back. So what are you doing that case? I don't understand. So I had to help her. She was like falling on to my co-worker, so she was collapsing on the ground. So I grabbed her from my coworker and we set her down on the ground. And everyone at work was standing around me, like at least 20 people were standing around me doing, nothing. So I started yelling for someone to call public safety, someone to call 911. I got her, like, flat on the ground, covered her up because she was in the skirt and she was flailing. And I caught, I cocked her head back to clear her airway. And, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, and, uh, and,

And she went from being blue to color started coming back in her face. Like she, I think she was totally dead. Because I'd never seen someone that color. Her lips or face were blue. So when I moved her head in that direction, it cleared her tongue out of her airway. And she started breathing again. Jesus, course. So if you weren't there, she'd be dead.

front of my whole yeah because no one did anything everybody because they're not heroes like you they're not here yeah you know heroes do bobby heroes heroes step in and figure it out they assess the situation and then they figure it out if i needed help and a girl was came around the corner to help me in any situation i had and it was Shannon i'd be like oh it's gonna be okay yeah shen looks like she might know she might know like better like she has a good job like she's a lineman like like works on telephone poles or something like she said i would never be able to do and i'm afraid of? I'm still lifting. I think by next Skangfest I can pick up DJ Lou. Because I tried. I tried last Vegas Skangfest and was not successful, but I've been working

out. So I'm hoping for next year we can try. Well, I just want you to know, dude, that ass is coming down hard. You need help with this wagon. That's why I'm, that's why I'm working hard right now. Christine, is there any way that we could, is there any way we could have a hero tent at Schengen? The sober tent is the hero tent. No, but you have to, if you're able to provide proof of heroics you've created, there should be some sort of a VIP VIP tag. Yeah, like a VIP hero badge. Okay.

Okay. Shannon, we're going to work this out, but you're getting a hero something. Shannon, you might have good access to a hero. What do people say? What do I just say? You have to have proof. Yeah, we have proof. Shannon's got to bring us this blue-faced lady to fucking tell her.

Yeah, we got to lie to you guys. Well, unfortunately, that is how she found out she had a seizure disorder, and about four years ago, she died of that seizure disorder. Wait a minute. Wait, we got to, we got to. Does that cut her heroics? So she didn't know, she didn't know she had a seizure disorder until she had a seizure at well. How many years after you saved her did she live? Is it four?

Four? No, no, no. She said four years ago. She said she died, I think, four years ago. She said she died four years ago. I think it was probably five years before that, I think. You're a hero. Is when I was very involved with the gun club.

If she died like three months after that, we'd have to tip. So she died how many years after? Five years after she was saved? Yeah. Yeah, but we don't know what those years were. One of those years were just full of like in her household abuse. He was like, I thought you were dead, bitch. And he slaps her, the husband's mad because she's alive.

He's like, I was already spending that insurance money. And then he beats the shit of her every day for the next five years. But Shannon says, saved her for those are you yeah yeah but she saved her but like now it just opened up she could she could just died uh there not knowing what happened it was sudden she was gone fucking swallowing on her delicious tongue and then it might have been uh might have been suicide yeah yeah she might have just tried to choke her all the time why because her head was already cocked All right

Shannon You're in the hero tent Remember you say that woman You got a four Here's the five more years of beatings For that girl you got her Merciless beatings All right

What else we got? We got any more heroes Thanks Shannon Of course dude Let's see if I took a good one here I can't read them very good Christina on my glasses Here do you want to

Try Renee just because it's a woman And she has a lot of action All right let's go to Renee Renee, you're on the bonfire. Tell us your hero story. Oh, it's a boy from Denver. You thought I was a girl. That's definitely not a woman.

Oh, sorry. Well, you can really tell you. Yes, my name's Renee Marie Wilson. What's up, Renee? How much shit did you get in your life? Oh, I'm a Puerto Rican from the South Bronx, so I've been shut on my entire life. You sound like a redneck from Kentucky.

Yeah. You should have told us your... Oh, God, this... You should have told us your Tejano name. It's René Jose. Yeah. Yeah. There you go.

Renée Jose. Renée Jose. My best Costa Rican in that shit, man. Dude, I'm like a big Costa Rica right now. Hey, what's up, dude? I'm from Costa Rica, too, man. That's not Costa Rica. That's Mexico.

Hey, he's fucking Renee. I know my fellow Costa Ricans. That's not. That's fucking Renee from Costa Rica. He's from the other part where Malcolm Jamal Warner died. That's East L.A. guys. What are you talking about, dude? No, come on, what you talking about?

This is all my Puerto Rican battles. Hey, look, everybody, Bobby and his wife are falling in love again. Oh, Luke, it's fucking Rock Sutton. What's up, fucker? You've got to get that, hein, get her in check. All right, so tell us your story. Long story short, after, I was in the Army for 10 years, six years in the infantry. you for your service.

And then, me and Jacob really care about the soldiers. I do. I'm just trying to get in that hero tent, bro. You're already in it. You might be there. Yeah, after Hurricane Maria and the whole Trump throwing. Maria.

Maria. Yeah, yeah, that's my ex-roper. Hurricane Maria. It's just fun to do. Fucking Hurricane Maria came. Oh, man. That was El Dioz de la Mouerte. I knew it was coming because my rice and beans

were shaking on the table. Bobby, that's not Costa Rican. They're trying to be like us, Holmes. Bro, you're being racist with your accent, dude. Learn your dialects from which place they come from. I'm doing the same dialect are you doing. What are you talking about, dude? You're doing a Mexican.

You sound more Mexican. We're Costa Rican, bro. This is fucking Costa Rica. That's not Costa Rican. I'm a trans person from Costa Rica. My name is Renéo Z. I'm the main chief export of Costa Rica, trans people. All right.

So go ahead. This is the best call ever. But no, I got mad at the Trump thrown a paper towel, the Puerto Ricans thing. So I raised the Go-Fund me for like six grand. And I bought a one-way ticket to Puerto Rico and helped 11 families by myself. With paper towels? I mean, dude, I could do that. that.

Shut the fuck. You're a hero. I just in Vegas. I helped some families. I made the wife feel beautiful again. I put my thumb in the daughter's mouth. I mean, dude, it cost

8.50 to help six families in Puerto Rico. Greetings or Costa Rica. Where's your daughter? I'm going to put my fucking thumb in her mouth. That's incredibly vague. How did you, yeah, how did you help them? Oh, dude. You're fucking six grand, dude? You can buy the new houses down there.

Yeah, what did you get them? All Ferraris? I brought batteries, cash, water, rice. Because, like, the lines at Walmart's were six hours long, seven hours long just to get anything. But, yeah, I just brought, like, a whole, like,

Delta had dropped all the weight limits on suitcases. So I brought, like, three 80-pound suitcases full of just, you know, food and anything I can use. Did you let him have the suitcases and take them back to where you live? Of course I left him.

I'm saying this is a good Samaritan, but not a hero. Really? I mean, it's a good deed, but it's not heroic. Guys, before you huff-in-puff-up? What if those 11 families didn't have batteries? Then what, dickhead? Do you want me to be? Were the people dying that you saved, or were they going to be okay?

I mean, I don't know if you remember that whole incident, but, like, yeah, there was There's people who just couldn't afford, they weren't working. You know, like, so it was just, yeah, it had to be done. And I just, you know, I thought it was a selfless thing to do. I was, dude. Absolutely. We all can't be, you know, we all can't be woodsman like Jacob. It's true.

No, listen, you're a fucking hero, dude. That's the level I'm judging you on. Sorry. You're a hero, but I, listen, that's all so great. I wanted to, I got inspired with Katrina and wanted to help people. So I went to the Superdome, and I started giving everybody, like, dogs that I found. So I bird, but I thought it was being helpful because I'm like, oh, wouldn't they like a dog? But then they realized I just gave them a burden of, like, a responsibility.

Now they have no home, a family, and a dog. Yeah, and they have four miles of feet. Now, they have more miles of feet. So that's not heroic. But the good part about that is they cook the dogs and eat those dogs. Most of those dogs got eaten right in the bonfire in the middle of the Superdollary. That is good. Well, listen, dude, I think Jacob is not a hero.

I say hero tent. That would say hero tent for me. Listen, I'm going to say because you didn't have to do it, nobody asked you to do it, and you did. Okay, wait. This gets me bonus points. I'm the guy who gave you cigars at comedy worst last year. You're a hero.

You're a hero. Those cigars are fantastic. You're a hero. I'm coming back on a few months. You're a hero. We'll see you in the beginning of February. We'll see you out there. And bring those hero bats with you.

Someone just made his way into the hero, 10. Or at least a cigar. We're going to be represented. Costa Ricans in the house. Finally, the first two Costa Ricans in the fucking cigar. You can't talk like that. No talking like that in the hero tent. Can you only talk like that in the hero tent?

Everyone has to talk in a racist cholo accent. Hey, welcome everybody to the hero dance. But you have to just say wherever you're from. He goes, what do you mean? I'm from fucking Indianapolis, fucker. Where do I sound like I'm from? Why? Because I have a Costa Rican accent.

I'm from Moose Jaw, Canada, fucker. Simply because I sound Costa Rican, you think that? There's that cholo lady I follow. I want everybody dancing. I love the cello dance is my favorite dance. Fuck yeah. Thank you for your service. All right.

Thank you, buddy. Thank for your service, brother. I'll see you at... See you at... Cackle, crackle. Crackle. See you out of the hero. Who else do we got?

We got one more. We can do one more. We got no fucking commercials. I know. God damn it. What do you got? Dude, I want to dance like this. You can.

It's so easy. Can I tell you something? I got my favorite pair. I don't know why they're a big baggy pants to make you think of it. I got my favorite pants that ever had in my life yesterday. For the final, I don't know why I never bought these my entire life.

True classic? True classic? No. What? Not your company. This is it nothing I can do with you. Adidas, snapside pants. Adidas snapside pants?

Jesus Christ. Do you know? But I wear them like, I wear them like baggier than that. When me and Billy Burr lived together, I had a pair of those. We were on the couch one day and he's like, come on, dude, let's go. Let's go get lunch. I was just sitting there with just those on. And he was like, dude, come on.

And I finally just stood up. I ripped them off, bare ass, threw them out of my moment. Let's do it. Nice. Well, I tell you this, I'm pretty sure I'm right about this. They don't do that anymore. They're not, they don't tear completely apart anymore. This just snaps on the side.

I tear it right off. My fucking wing-wang was right in Billy's face. These are like I'm going to start breakdancing at any moment. Christine, do you feel yesterday there was any chance I was going to start breakdancing? I thought you might. Right? Like you didn't know. It would just be in you.

That's a wide side, though, I'd have to say. What? That pinstripe down the side is wide. It is, but it looks good. He does wear him a lot baggier than that. Yeah, these are a little straight-legged on these people. I go, I went baggy. Yeah, that's a statement.

I'm a B-boy in my B-boy stance. That's a statement. All right, who we got, Lou? I'm not a hero, but I am a B-boy. What do we got? Chris from New Jersey thinks he's a hero. Oh, okay. Geez, Lou.

Why are you going to shoot him down right out of the gate where you're tone? If he is, we'll hear it. All right, let's go. Chris, dirty jers. How you doing? Oh, God. So when I was a kid, my mom took me and my sister to her friend's house. We were playing with these two other kids.

They were wild. And my sister was laying on the ground. One of the girls was bigger, like bed. And she sat on my sister's chest. And I could, my sister, like, I could tell couldn't breathe. and I tried to push the girl off. She wouldn't get off. I tried to push her again.

She wouldn't get off. My sister started turning blue. Ran and grabbed my mom. My mom came and threw her to go off. Mother and never, I never seen those people ever again. But my mom, I mean, my sister was like blue. Like the other caller said, she was like blue-blue. All right, I just want to say this real quick, brother.

That's a hero. I'm going to, I'm going to ex-nay this hero way. What? Because, okay, in my... I think you understand. In my, in my, you don't know that. In my story, he is the little girl that said help. I'm the, your mom, why don't you have your mom call in?

Because she's the fucking hero. Yeah. Your mom is the fucking hero. You understand? I'm the hero. That's true. I saved the girl. Your mom came over and turned the punch pole.

Yeah. Oh, no. She did. Nobody said that. No, but that's, I'm saying it's the analogy. In this story, his mother came over and said, turned the punch ball and then knocked the fat lady off of her chest. Yeah, dude, you're not the hero.

Your mom is the hero. He was the middle, I mean, yeah. Someone, he. Yeah, dude, the little girl was like, help her, help her. And I was like, where? And I went and helped. She went in. Bobby?

Yeah. If you think your white ass is going to be remembered in that family, and the story is not always going to be that her sister saved her life because she got a, a finely trained athlete to go out there and get her sister. They're flying me out there to Atlanta to accept an award. I hope. It's happening. God, I hope that's true.

I really hope you spend the night in a fucking freaknik party just like black bitches with gold teeth. I'm on a street party. Hey, buddy. Tell your mom, she's a hero. She just hung up on. She was so upset. He goes, I'm out. Tell you mom, she's a hero.

She can go to the hero tennis, Gank Fest. Instead I'm punching out, boys. That story hits home for me, though, because when I was a kid, there was a super fat girl who would use her fat against people and would suffocate you with her fat. I can't believe you can kill somebody with your fat.

She would crush you. My grandma. She crushed a girl. My sweet, sweet grandmother. Sat on your chest? She never understood, no. She was tiny, my grandmother. But she would, that was her big,

she didn't understand how it was killing me when she would say because I come back in with, like, the kids are. making fun of me and calling me fat or calling me whatever. We know we were playing some game and then whatever kids said this. And she goes, will you tell him if he's going to keep saying that the next time you'll go out there and just sit on him?

And I go, it's not going to help the fight. Oh, God. It's not going to help the argument, my mom. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I know you mean well, but that's not. It's going to, it hurts me that you're now also saying, you're doubling down and saying, like, well, you are fat. So use it, Tubbs. Well, see, I think you're feeling sympathy for this girl.

She was bullied or something, so she just acted that way. She was a horrible person. Nobody bothered her. Her whole family was garbage. And she would just crush people on the bus. She would just sit. She sat on this one girl who had to stay home. You're still holding that grudge, Jacob.

I feel like... She used her fat as evil. I know, but as an adult now, you should feel that that was her. She was a fat, sad chick. No. That was Jay's grandma's advice. Maybe she had a grandma that gave her advice. That's what I was just...

When I heard that, I was like, maybe her grandma was like, if they're going to keep calling you fat, use it. Nobody called her fat. Nobody made fun of her. You just call her fat, big fat. Her and her brothers were terrors. They made everyone miserable. She does not deserve your sympathy. She was molested.

I think we got, we all were. I think, what's that? What? I wasn't. I was an unfuckable kid. But you think I would have been, dude. I was just juicy for the taken. I had little bobs.

I had little bobs. I was soft. Yeah, but you've got to have a van to get you. I would have sucked any adult's thumb. You can't just pick you up in a Honda. Until I was 15 years old, any man could have put a thumb on my mouth. I would have just sucked it for him. You have to have one of those little minivans to fucking molest you. Hey, kid, hey, get in this small car.

I can't. We can take a few more heroic stories when we get back. We do have to take a break. Hold on the line. The good news is there's no commercials, so. You got nothing. We got a couple. a couple heroes out of it.

Yeah, but we don't need another hero, but we're finding one. Bobby's going to be in McCurdy's Comedy Theater in Sarasota, January, 16th, and 17th. After that, Poughkeepsie, the Comedy Works South who's going to run into Renee, the hero, and then Batavia, Illinois,

for tickets and all of his tour dates. Go to punchup.org.com. That's right. And Big Jay, this weekend, not this weekend. The 16th through the 18th is going to be Good Nights in Raleigh. Fantastic Club.

then he's into Chicago Improbs, September 22nd, 24th. After that, he'll be in West Niac, New York, Deanna Beach. Donia, Donia Beach. Donia Beach. And then Fort Worth and Nashville for the tickets and tour dates. Go to Big J.comedy.com. And he's going to be doing his live show, so make sure you go to YouTube.com at slash EpicJ. Okerson. I'm doing the night.

Tonight, there you go. Doing tonight, 10 o'clock. 10 p.m. Eastern. I'm going to tune in. Tune in. Join in. There's got to be a way that can happen. collab YKWD in live. We got a collab.

We'll be right back. Hang on the phone. Bye. Bye.