The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - We Just Want Dane

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

On his other show, Bobby interviews comedy talent manager Barry Katz. Bob has a history with him from his days on "Tourgasm with Dane Cook." Katz apologized for making a fool of Bobby on the hit HBO show. Christine plays clips of Bobby and Dane flying planes in a dogfight. | Jay gets his very own action figure and decides to take up the hobby of bird watching. | Jay's Philadelphia 76ers beat the Boston Celtics last night so he does his customary dance to the victory song. ***Lev Fer has a new special out on YouTube called Patchwork! Check it out! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Sixers, Sixers, Sixers, back. Oh. Yeah! Buddy, I took mushrooms last night, smoked pot, sat down, to get some work then I had to get done. What? And in the background, I had that game on.

I'm like, I might as well watch this misery. You can stop acting like you're the Brady Bunch Dad where you had to go to your office and get work done. son, asshole. You're just being mad. You know this work I have to do. Fuck you. You didn't go to some drawing board.

And hey, honey. Christine, here's your coffee. No, I didn't know if you did. I didn't do a drawing board. I went to a drawing board. You didn't do a shit. You were sitting on the coach with your fucking phone.

Texted Mike from away. Well, Mike front of me. What about this? Mike was with me. Oh, you guys were working in your office? Yes. You don't even have an office. Christine has an office.

It's true. Well, you were working in my office. In front of the TV with the Sixers play. Exactly. Smoking joints. It's the fucking least work I've ever heard. No, we got a lot accomplished. You know what? Here's what sucks about what you just did.

I saw you outside. We had a little fun. Yeah, of course. Had a hot dog. Gave me a hot dog. Yeah. Came up. Had some fun in the elevator like we always do.

We did. We are. We're elevator hams, which I'm starting to enjoy being. It's good, isn't it? I love it. I love it. I'm enjoying being an elevator ham. It's only like under a minute, but it feels good.

just to make other people feel good. Christine was an outside ham today. Was she? Remember? She started yelling for you down the block. Yeah, I actually... I was a little hammy for Christine. At the beginning of it, I wasn't into it,

but then I was like, I love this, Christine. I love show Christine. I love it. And then we got up here and... She's canceled therapy today, so she's feeling loose. We got up here and you put Bon Jovian, which you know gets me going. That was a good call, Lou.

gets me going. Yeah. And I was feeling fantastic. Mm-hmm. But you had this planned all along. Yeah, I called Lou earlier today. I said, just when he feels like we're probably not even going to get to it. Hit him with it.

And Lou, fantastic timing. Your production is off the charts, my man. I really do like that bass part. I was really mad until you did that. It's so 60s, 70s. You don't hear that kind of sound anymore. I mean, you can't. I don't care who you are.

That's going to move you. Move me. Why do they just have, like, again, I know the world doesn't know that stupid song outside of me playing it for them outside of Philadelphia, but we've done this in the past before. There really are not many catchy songs for a team. No. Is there another place that plays an original song at the end of the game? They play at the end of the game.

Can I say something? Boston was a white team until, like, 1992. They're still disturbingly white. They had one black guy on the team. I got to tell you, they somehow stay always still disturbingly white. Yeah. There's always, the bench is whiteed up good, always in Boston. Yeah.

Black Lou, you have some thoughts? Hendricks has been watching championship videos of all sports teams. Okay. So I've been listening to a lot of sports songs. Oh, okay. We know the Steelers is good. Black and yellow? No, the, um, here we go, that one.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember that got right. Yeah, because the crazy guy in the streets. Yes. The Blue Jays have a pretty fun one. Do they? Yeah. Canada?

Yeah, really. I'd like to hear that. Wait, what was that championship song he was listening to? When they beat the Philadelphia Phillies in 1993? Why would you poison his brain with all that stuff? Blame you too. What are you not wanting to be American? Is this it?

This is their jam? Okay, Blue Jays. But I can't believe the Patriots and the Celtics don't have anything. But we do have championships. For sure. That's why. When you have championships, you need a catchy, stupid song

to get your fans going. You have rings. You might be right about that. I don't have a good argument against that. Maybe when you win so much, it's like, we have to be writing songs constantly now. It's too much. We're not into songs.

We're into winning. Yeah. The Knicks have a great one. They actually, I heard, started bringing back. What is it? It was from like the 70s and 80s. Sing it. We are New York.

And we love basketball. We're going to take you. all we are the New York Knicks and we're gonna be 10 feet tall that's it with the white and orange that is pretty catchy it's great you were meant to say that song i love it this played before they came out oh this is good you know jZ brought this one back he's the nets wait for this to kick in you can't call that move yeah yeah this is up there finally brought it up they brought it back Stolled it from the Sixers It is a good one

Yeah you gotta have black players on the team Didn't we get this song You're right Larry Bird was like I ain't playing that horse shit You're not wrong Yeah the hic from French lick It's not gonna be sitting through this

That's not gonna be a hit song either Jacob's really living it over there Oh They have a You know what it is Because they have a real band behind it They got real music behind it That's like the Sixers song

Yeah They got funked They got funk behind. That's a funk band. Sixers took it to the next level. This is like, you know, this is like an orchestra. Were you a Knicks fan at some point? I am a Knicks fan. Currently. How? Well, I'm a poor Knicks fan, but I am a Knicks fan. I root for the Knicks, yeah. Really? Because of New York? I've always been a Knicks fan. My dad used to be able to get us some tickets through his job.

Right. So we used to go to the games in the 80s. What was his job? Patrick Ewing fell right in my lap one time. Really? Yeah. I'm surprised you weren't being Jersey. You could always go Nets. No, we were, because I grew up in Queens for the first 10 years.

You said the JZ was Nets. Yeah. I thought he was Brooklyn. Right. Oh, they went to Brooklyn. Yeah. Okay, yeah. The Brooklyn Nets.

They used to be the Jersey Nets, right? New Jersey Nets. And then I think Jay Z and then bought it and brought it over to Brooklyn. Brooklyn, right. But I bet he's like, it's like Will Smith with the Sixers at one point. He's like a 2% owner for the sake of being able to say he's involved. Like me with the seller in Vegas? Like you with the cellar in Vegas?

I heard you out there talking about your interior design tonight. Oh, I have to give my input, Jay, as a one-percenter. I have to give my insid. Oh, it was so funny. Noam was on the phone, and Jay didn't want anything to do with it. And he was like, hey, tell Jay. I said, hi, it was good seeing him yesterday. And I put him on speakerphone.

And he goes, hey, Jay. Actually, in the background, before you tell that in the background, I was going, he's like, say I didn't know him. I go, no. I go, he goes, he goes, Jay will play your new club first. and he goes, I'd love that. I go, no, tell him we're opening another club. Tell him we're opening a different club somewhere else. And he goes, here, say hi.

I go, no, I don't want to say hi. I tell him we're opening a club somewhere else. And then he puts him on speakerphone. He goes, no, him say hi, and he goes, hey, J. And I go, hey, no, him. Hey, buddy. And Bobby keeps setting me up to fail and he thinks it's funny. I'm setting you up to succeed.

Get some balls. It's your friend. You're on the phone with him talking interior design, feng shui. Well, businessmen have to do business. Speaking of you being a A coward Well, you know I got a gift for you

That I was supposed to give you two weeks ago Okay And I immediately saw it And I was like I have to have it Okay And the guy's name is Lee On Instagram Tommy dash Lee

Daish comedy on Instagram You want to get in touch with them There's two gifts for you actually Sent two was great I'm gonna give you the first one he's uh no he's uh I don't know if he's he'll see when I show you the gift what he does okay and he actually said in this too that if you like it you can he can actually make it for your merch uh when you uh whatever whatever you do next I ever do merch well if you ever do merch he

can make the for skankfest he can make this for skank fest and they could sell it at the merch table for you uh and he is my black people rule shirts it's great well he did a I want to show you first off. Okay. This guy is amazing. You've probably seen his work before, but he gave me this one. Oh, the guy makes the action figures. Makes the action figure.

This is the Big J. Ocason, Them, They, the two-part crowdwork special by Big Jokoson. It's a miniature little action figure of you in your outfit there. How great is that? That's crazy. Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that awesome? That's so cool. Yeah, his name's Lee.

Again, Tommy dash Lee dash comedy on Instagram. And on the back, look at the back. The detail to the, it's like a real action figure when you buy an action figure. He puts so much detail into it. That's amazing. That it's awesome. Isn't that awesome? Yeah.

And then he gave you another one. This is the one I really wanted. Which really makes me happy. It says Big J. Ocason. The reveal. And it's a picture, it's a little action figure of you with your little shirt on that says black people rule. 19 year old Jay. 19 year old Jay, the reveal.

There is an action figure, and it's right here. Wait, where you laugh now? Oh, I wish you could put a soundbox in it. You could push its button. So great. How great is that, dude? And he said in the letter, I'll give you the letter. I don't want to read it on the air because it's your letter.

But, um... Oh, my God. That's so great. He said if you wanted, though, the reveal for Skangfest as merch for fans. So I think fans should get a hold of this if they want it. If you would make them, he'd have to put, I want to put, like, jeans on so it's exactly the outfit. You can do whatever, right? Yeah, you can do whatever.

I have all his information right here. I got a beautiful leather he wrote. That's amazing. He's a super fan of you and comedy. And, uh, there you go. The Reveal. So great. Thank you so much, Tom.

That's the reveal. Yeah, he has a lot of amazing stuff he makes. When I saw it on the internet, and I literally went, I have to have that. And it was so hard for me to give that up. I wanted that just on my keychain, the reveal. But it needs to be in your possession. That needs to be your thing.

If you're going to put on your keychain, I might have to give you the reveal. No, you have to put that. I think we leave it in the studio right here and just have somebody put it here every day. We don't have our own studio, so we have no merchant, no stuff. You should put that up when you do your live thing in the background on the desk. It'd be fantastic.

Isn't that awesome? It's so awesome. The reveal. The reveal. Let's see. He does a Bert, a Stevo, Adam Ray. Adam Ray is Elaine and Jeremy. That's so funny that he's got a, he's got the Jeremy character wearing a Joel McKeever.

kale shirt. He's so, I mean, the detail on these little, uh, action, what do they call him? Action figures. Yeah, figurines, figurines. Figurine. He's got Bert, no shirt on, Bert, Steve-O. And then the reveal. The real is my favorite. I'm a scream when I saw it. I was like, it was almost like, is that AI? Is that real? And I said, you have to send, he goes, I go, I need that. And he goes, I'll send it to you tomorrow. I've had it for two weeks. I'm sorry. I didn't, I didn't reveal the reveal. last or the two weeks ago I was supposed to but today isn't it awesome? I love it

you should definitely sell the reveal at Skangfest everybody should own one I bet they sell out there should come with a package deal if you want to buy the Black People Rule T-shirt also oh yeah you can get a reveal

you can actually he should make it so you can have women's tights that come with it oh yeah oh like pants down yeah like the pants should be down and I should have gray tights on into pants down around my ankles Women's tights for men. Yeah.

Yeah, women's tights for men. Yeah, women's tights for men that come extra. You can actually do that bit. You should do all your reveals. Holding a poem. Well, you should have all these little extra things that come in the box. Women's tights for men, G-string underwear. What else did you reveal?

I hope to. Oh, the poem. Oh, the poem. Yeah, the poem should be in his pocket. These should be like little extras. Oh, you're saying all my reveals through the years. A lot of reveals. They should come with it, like on the side, like little things you can put on.

I like that. I like little accessories. Excessories, that's it, man. I love that. The reveal with accessories. I have a question. Who put Cameron and WW star Jay Uso get into a fight? Bobby.

Well, I don't know if I'm a mark. You're such a mark. Yeah, but here's the reason why I know I'm a mark. I'll admit I'm a mark when it comes to wrestling. Okay. I'm a mark. Yeah. Because I love wrestling.

And then you thought, rather than get the law involved, they would sort it all out at WrestleMania. I'm a mark. Yeah, I'm a mark. Listen, man, if there's one thing you know about me, I'll admit it when I am. That was my favorite, like Kurt Metzger described when he started getting out of wrestling was when the storylines would be like, Sandman's like, Raven kidnapped my son and took him to Japan.

And he goes, and if you want him back, when we meet in the ring. in two months. I was like, what the fuck? No, man, you have to get Interpol involved in this. This is an international crime you've committed. You can't take a man's boy. I'm telling you, that rapper dude was good because the way he was in Salton Uso,

the way he was just throwing these little quick jazz. He's like, yo, man, I mean, your dad was good. It was heavy-handed. Because he has no problem with him. And he's like, we have a problem. He goes, no, man, just do your little interview, man. It's like, why? He doesn't have any problem.

He's forcing this in so hard. Bobby's a mark. I want to believe. And then when he gets back up, he goes, he goes to Mace. Where was you? Where was you? And he's like, I came over there, man. I don't know.

I came with this. What? These are guys. I should have. Shoot first. Think later guys. I should have known better from watching baddies. This should, this would have went a different way if it was real.

Absolutely. Yeah. Everyone's involved. People are drunk. Titties are flying around. Getting kicked in titties. I know. I know.

I thought I was. like, oh my God. And then I found out that it's not, wrestling's not real. Did they even make it to the ring? I know. I don't think so. We never got to that on the bad east thing.

No. Christine, the titty kick. The girl's titty came out and then a girl kicked her right in the titty. Pretty funny. You know, I just got through interviewing on YKWD. It's another podcast they do.

Longest, Frung and Puff. First podcast on the East Coast. First podcast ever, I think. I think I pretty much started the podcasting system. I think so? To allow everybody else to take off and thrive. That's what you're Marconi? award says and i i stay at the bottom to keep you guys up absolutely is what i do i appreciate um in case you

guys fall i'll be there with yke wd you are the wind i am the wind um i had barry cats on today really yeah it was very uh who was that barry cats oh draw i know he i tell you barry cats is amazing at pumping you up sure if he wants to pump you i wish he pumped me up this way like he did today, when I was working at New York Entertainment. It would have been so wonderful if Barry Katz would have said the things he said to me in the last 10 years, the first 20 years. Yeah, but he actually apologized. Really?

Well, yeah, because he goes, I have to, I have to, I really, it bothers me. Something I did to you bothers me to this day. And 19 things shot through my face. Right, right, sure. You know, I actually told him, I go, hey, man, I didn't get a, he told me was interesting. He said, he told me the whole story behind Torgasm.

What happened? Barry Katz, let's say for the people listening whom are out of the loop on this. Barry Katz, when I came to New York and before clearly, he started the Boston Comedy Club in New York City. In the village, it was a staple. It was, and then he was also a manager

as well as a club owner. And at one point when the youth of that time was coming through New York, he scooped everybody out. Let me read the list. I had the list right here. Ready? Yeah.

We're talking Tracy Morgan, Darrell Hammond, Jim Brewer, Jay Moore, Whitney Cummings, Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, Wanda Sykes, Burke Chrys, Patrice O'Neill, Dane Cook, Louis C.K., and Bill Burr. Yeah. All at one time. He was managing it all at one. Could you imagine that roster? And more. And more.

Yeah. And more. Me, P. Correlli, Ben Bailey. That's his list. At one time, he was managing all this. these people. And that's what kind of happened was they fractured and the Steinbergs went and everybody went with that move of like, well, he's the guy that's really been doing all the work anyway. Everybody with low self-esteem went to Jason Steinberg. Everybody who was like, I got it right,

went to Jason Steinberg and everybody who had confidence stayed with Barry Katz. He's not wrong. I think that is how it went. I never had the Barry Katz run, but I definitely got the Steinberg. Well, I read that list to him. I gave him the big opening Barry Katz, the manager I read He was managing, I read all that list and right at the end I went, what happened? Now, what the fuck happened? What the fuck happened? Very interesting guy.

Wait, did the Steinberg's work for Barry? Yeah, no, Jason, just Jason. It was Jason Steinberg, Maureen Taryn, Vinnie. I forget his last name. What do you remember his last name? Vinny. I know, Vinny was there and Matt Frost. And they had every legit, I mean,

every comic you'd want to have under management, they had. And Barry Katz was the main guy. And he was talking to me today. I mean, dude, such an interesting conversation to go back and tell him. I was like, hey, man, he told me the whole story behind how Deng. Because Torgasm was a documentary. Dane went to Barry and said, I have $300,000. I want to film, I want to film this college trauma going on.

And I can sell tickets at the colleges because kids had to pay to go. The college kids got a discount. But the regular people could come in. I could make $300,000. It's either a wash. And he goes, or I have the fun. I have the funnest thing, time ever with my friends for a month. Either way.

So in the middle of it, HBO steps in. And I always thought he got $3.1 million for his special. And then a little bit for Torgasm. They just gave him Torgasm. That's what I was told. Apparently, they gave him 2.5 for Torgasm. and 1.5 for the special. So he made 2.5.

So he's telling me this. And I'm like, you got 2.5,000. I go, dude, you know, I didn't get paid anything for Torgasm. No, memories? He goes, it's funny because he's so good at being a manager

and on the side of the business. I got, I had to pay for two knee surgeries out of my home pocket. I didn't get scale. I didn't have SAG insurance from Torgasm. I was on. after the Sopranos for nine weeks. And he goes,

Suck it, buddy. No, he goes, but did it help your comedy career a little bit? Did you sell more tickets? I was like, oh, fuck off. Yes, I did. But yeah, he told me all the backstory. But apparently on the episode nine, which you can't find where we're flying planes,

this was why he wanted to say sorry for. We had a shoot in episode nine. They had built this whole thing where we fly these planes. I mean, really fly six thousand feet the air and the guy goes, all you. I'm doing barrel rolls being chased in a dog fight by competitive Dane. We know how competitive he is, even during payball. He's very competitive. What kind of paperwork do you have to sign to go have a dog fight as inexperienced pilots? We had to take a two-hour class in a hanger. That doesn't help. No, of course it didn't.

We get up five, six thousand feet down near San Diego, some over the ocean. And it's a two-person Mustang, whatever plane. And he goes, all right, it's all you. And I... Is your head outside? No, we're inside. Okay. And...

The Red Barron. I would have liked that better. Were you wearing a scarf? Yeah. A scarf and a leather helmet. Dude, I'm barrel rolling. They called me two bags, Bobby, because I used both the bags. I threw up in both of them.

Because before we left, the guy was like, have some ginger snaps. It helps with nausea. I'm a fat fucking. at the time. I ate the whole bag of ginger snaps. I ate them all. I ate like 39 ginger snaps. A lot of ginger. And I puked up just ginger. It was burning my throat, came down, dehydrated, should have went to the hospital. They just threw me in a hotel room for a couple hours. Then they go, all right, we have a big event. We're going to present you guys with something.

There's going to be fans. Put us in a helicopter in our jumpsuits. Fly in on a helicopter to a dog track where you look down and there's 3,000 fans waiting for us. We land like a rock video. We walk through the fans. They're screaming and yelling, flipping out. There's a stage. We go to the end. We sit down.

On my head, I'm getting a Rolex. I'm getting a Vespa. I'm getting something with a Sufi on it, but I'll paint that over anyways. Whatever. I'll get a Tiffany Sufi Rolex. I don't care. I'm getting, it's HBO.

He just made all this money. The gift is going to be insane. I'd love for Bobby to have a Rolex with a Sufi on the face. That would make me so happy. How much money would that'd be worth? Bobby Sufi Rolex. The hour hand. It would kill me if it was just the hour ago around.

I would kill you. At 12. Here's the catch. Your favorite Rolex. But it's got a suffi dead in the middle of the face. We sit in the front row. Barry goes up. He had, he roasted us.

He had a viciously mean roast in front of 3,000 fans. For me, Gary, Jay Davis, and then when you got to Dan, he went, Dan, I love you, buddy. You're amazing. And just brought Dane up. Me. Gary was bullshit.

Like, what the fuck? He humiliated us in front of all these people. And then they gave us gifts. It was a die cast medal that said Torgasm, like an award. They gave us a shitty Torgasim award with a big sous fight on it. It should have been a fucking, I wish it was a Dane Cook Bumblehead. That would be, that'd be worth more. You got Dane Cook Bumblehead night?

Funko pops? Buddy, it was so anticlimactic and kind of, but he was like, I felt I should have, I shouldn't have done that. That was very mean and I felt bad about it. I was like, first of all, I don't give a fuck. Gary Gellman still hate you for that. Here it is. Yeah, that's it.

Those are the planes we flew on. Yeah, don't do it, by the way. I wouldn't. No way. Everyone throws up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Is this it? Yeah. Oh, this is me? Yeah. Oh, shit. You got, I, I couldn't find this. that's Jay

Look at Do you not have HBO Max? I don't I don't Do they show me? Of course Well let Dan tell us what it's going on here exactly This is this is Jay

All right so Bobby's over there barrel rolling I gotta get underneath Jay and Gary fought each other Me and Dane fought each other Oh that's Gary That's one Gary looks like a pilot. Get the Barbie flying.

Just fat body. I'm in a jumpsuit. Oh, so bad. I haven't seen this since to orgasm, probably. It's crazy. That's crazy you found that. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's on HBO Max.

I was searching on the internet. It's an HBO show. Stop talking to me like, I fucking heard you. I'm sorry I don't have it to disappoint you. You knew it was HBO? Buddy, they didn't even give me a... You think they're giving me a... HBO, the DVD.

They didn't get anything. You don't have the DVD. I don't. They never gave me a DVD. I got a shirt at the end of it. I got a die-cast metal and a shirt. I don't think I ever got Z-Rock DVDs. That's the only show I was ever on.

2.5 million. Not even a fucking sag minimum. That's fucking hilarious. He kept it all. Not even, not even. And then Barry goes, Perry goes, well, listen, man, there's a lot of money. He goes, he probably only got $400,000 out of that. money I go okay they were probably like today today was it not catering every day

that's what I thought they're right oh I look good I look good I look good I look good I look good oh oh god guys are so tight we're hamming it up so close yeah we're hamming it up oh Bobby look at your fucking look at your your mouth hurts you're smiling so big being friends with Dane yeah damn dude it was so much better being friends with Dane and friends with me wasn't it God damn it Those are my Prada glasses I missed those

Man remember when you used to go over to someone's house It was Dane Cooks And now it's mine Yeah well you're not silly You want to do man stuff Like watch games I'm not wincical

That's true Did you not see the Beat Sabre video I did see Oh god we have to You guys listen to me I can't stop watching it She's gonna bring it up But goddamn

Jay's got moves Well we're not gonna really I'm gonna prepare one And we'll release that That was that was Dominican Bob by the way Look at that thin, that's that thin mustress you always talk about. Here, go up to the top.

Roger. Bobby has the ball. Yeah, literally. They're giving you instructions if you crash. Just go to the, I don't want to see all this hijinks. Why? Just go to me flying. At one point you flip them off.

The whole thing's about Dane being funny. There. Let the guy cook. You got to let Dane cook. Oh, my God. Jay? You got to let him cook. You're absolutely right.

Yeah, let him cook. I mean, Let Dane Cook's a shirt. That's my merch. Let Dane Cook. Let Dane Cook. That should be a doll. We just have a bonfire logo under that. Let Dean Cook Bonfire.

Yeah, this was probably one of the craziest things that ever been doing. Look at that, dude. Here comes Bobby. Dane's actually going to try to take you out of the air. So, yeah, when they hit you, smoke comes out the back to let you know you got them. One, one. It's like, it's set up like a game. It's a, your dog fighting in the air.

That's fucking crazy. Yeah. This is why. Is that you throwing up? Yeah. Yeah, dude. I was doing barrel rolls, man. I had 55 fucking ginger snaps in my stomach.

You're throwing up in your suit? All right, listen. Dave, can we stop this? Oh, and there's some more. They're also going to show when you fucked up your knee, too. Man, Dan Cook really went out of his way to make you look like an unathletic fool. Here's what the problem with this is, is that. in that dog fight.

Oh my God. It was tied to two, what was that? You just hurt yourself throwing a frisbee, dude. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I didn't. What was it? Did I hurt my knee?

Throwing a frisbee. No. Wrong, by the way. Bobby's knee, the prequel. Yeah, they really edited this to make. Look how great Gary looks. Great was, oh. And here goes Bobby.

Doing it wrong? Ouch. It's so funny that that's probably when I hurt my knee. I didn't even, I forgot that. I think that's one I... Dude, everybody said it was flag football, but it was fucking Frisbee? I probably hurt my knee there and then tore it during the flag football. Or as you like to call it the old...

Sorry, I can't say it. Every fucking thing I'm doing, you have to somehow get in and break a rule. All right, all right. Let's not watch this. I can't watch this. I want to do a watch-along. No. With all your friends.

Something happens at the end here. I really don't like. I don't like the end of this. All right. Are you setting me up? No. Are you saying because you want me to see it? It's going to be you being awesome.

No, it's not me being awesome. Then bring it up. They, uh, at, at, first of all, it was like two, two. They showed none of me. I don't know if they show me getting him, by the way, which is selective editing. They do not. And can you get to where Barry cats? I think they're going to go back to it.

Well, go where Barry Cats makes fun of the wall. Oh, they go back to it. There it is right there. Let's see if I get a couple shots in on this, this Sufi boy. Can we just move on from this, Christine? All right, can we just go forward? All right, Christine, hit the 10-second thing. Who does pull their hamstring throwing a frisbee?

I guess I do. All right, here I am. Time to boot some more. Time to hit 6,000 feet and start booting. That's crazy that I was doing that. It's insane. Woo! Jester. Just is dead.

Great, now you're out of the group. Well, that's where Dane decided. You're done. Right there is where Dane decided You're out of his life Forever after this tour You shoot me out of the sky And ruin all my fun

That's where you had to hang out With Ralphie Gonzalez What is this? Gabriel Anglesias I forget this All right go get out of this Whatever that is Villain of Wildcats

Oh yeah Wait why can't we watch Barry Cats make fun of Bobby No I don't want to go And call them all stupid I don't want to see the end of it I don't want to see the Yeah go to the end

Where they land in their flight suits And Barry Cats humiliates and they sit there and take it. Don't watch that. I wonder how bad the, I remember looking at Gary and he went, why is he doing this to us? Because the fans were all laughing at us. They were cheering us.

They were like, hey, what can I tell you about Bobby Kelly? Everything, because you probably don't know him. Yeah, yeah, I think it was shit like that. I wrote for him. All right, confession, I wrote exclusively for him. Oh, is I, you were working that day, too? I was this ghost writer. All right.

My friend Jamie was very encouraging during it. I, that's not it. There it is. Here we go. Look, those are the things they gave us. Oh, God. That's what you got. Oh, they took it out.

Barry sold me. We just want to see Dane. I heard that a lot on that thing. What is that like landing for 3,000 people that only want to see Dane? Her fault? I mean, it's, I think it's a set of. Soul crushing? I can push that down.

and then add somebody letting them know that they're only there to see Dane through a roast. Buddy, just like I just had the thing, I forget to tell you this, in Kansas City, I had the thing that it's sweet. The kid's a fan, for sure,

who works at the club. Yeah. And he's the one who drove me home both nights. And when he's driving me back both times, he goes, now the Kansas City funny bones in like a mall, like a one-level outdoor mall.

Yeah. And it's got a bunch of stores and stuff, It's less stuff to walk around and do. I was holding up anyway last weekend, but like it was, when the guy drove me home both nights, he goes, why did they got you over at the Atwell Suites in this industrial park 10 minutes away? I was like, I don't know. That's the hotel they put you.

He goes, they always put everybody at the hotel right by the mall. So everyone can go over to the mall and hang stuff. He goes, that's weird, man. I go, I don't think you're supposed to tell me that. That doesn't hurt. That's happened to me twice. That's happened to me a couple times. You remember, you remember the other one was so.

or got the Radisson Blewett in Minneapolis. And when I went there, they brought me back to the haunted hotel. And when I was like, the Thunderbird? Yeah, I was like, why am I at the fucking haunted hotel? And they go, she makes a decision every year. She looks down the list and goes like, he's the shitty one, he's the good one, he's the shitty one. Same thing, I was like, I don't think you're supposed to tell me that.

Because it's going to get real weird at work for you now because I'm going to say something about this. The other one, they made me take a shuttle back to my hotel in a snowstorm. I was out in the cold I had to walk through the mall of America at night when all the stores were closed it was like a shitty independent film just a lonely comic

go outside by a shuttle with some old lady in a snowstorm and wait for a shuttle bus to take me back to the shit hotel Oh my God I was quick comedy It's so funny someone letting you know is the funniest thing Yeah they think you didn't deserve the good one Oh my God

All right It's the worst Okay. It's the worst. Thank you. I can't believe they did that too. It's just funny. Well, I mean, at the end of the day, again, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

I just stayed at the hotel that I'm told to stay at for the most, but unless they say I have to book a hotel, which I'm happy. When you book your, when they give you a travel? No, I'd rather just be booked and I don't have to deal with it at all because I try to do in Vegas. Like, I have to book it. Or you're staying at like a hotel that's actually almost like at the airport. I get that money. I'm like, whatever.

money you were spending on that throw it to me i take that money i don't i don't take the hit on the hotel fuck them i don't think they hit you on the hotel well oh they you just get them you get them to pay or you pay yeah you get a hotel room from them for the most part if you upgrade it i guess you'd have to pay but like whatever hotel they give you you get hotels but it's so yeah if it was always my choice some yeah it's people just do the buyout and they just get their own hotel every time i think louis does because he always wants to go hilton yeah i do buyouts i do a nice hot buyout not Not me. Unless it's a boutique hotel.

I say, tell me where I'm going. Every room's different. I say, tell me where I'm going and I just go. I like the old hotels, too, the haunted ones. I like those. Like the one at the port in Baltimore across the street. What if the other one that was haunted? That's the one.

Oh, dude, remember that video we made? I do. The Ouija board. It was very fun. When Christine said, you need salt. And I was that was corn chips. So we made a circle of corn chips around me. I didn't know my favorite pictures of all time.

Phinges you surrounded in a circle of corn chips. But, anyways, Barry Katz was fucking pretty amazing. I mean, it was pretty amazing what he, the stories he was telling was pretty fucking wild. And he thinks everybody hates him. And, I mean, we, I go, nobody hates you. Nobody gives a shit, dude. I think it's probably for most people water under the bridge. Yeah.

I mean, everyone. Unless there's people like, if the people that he had that are gone now, I wonder if they hold, like, like, Red Johnny in the Round Guy, one of those guys. is out of entertainment completely. One of them was voices on Family Guy Forever, right? The Redhead, the bigger guy. Or Futurama. Is huge voiceover guy. The other one out of the business.

But I did get him to tell me the backstory of when I couldn't book Dane's best friend from Boston, Bobby. I was like, I need to hear, I know what happened on my end. What happened behind the curtain on the other end? You know, why didn't I book it? Like, what happened? And he was, he, he gave me the Barry Cats, you know, he has a thing that he says to you.

Bobby. Yeah, he's that right there. He went, buddy. You know, like I said, man, when you go in, you can't just be good. You got to be 10 times better than the other guy. Or it's just going to be you and the other guy and the other guy. And that other guy who has, you know, been on TV a thousand times, they're going to go with him because it doesn't matter. And I was like, I don't even know what the fuck that means.

You had a terrible audition. He goes, let me spell it out for you. I go like this. This is what he said, it kind of hurt. I go, I heard that the head of Sony, Dane said, it's because he's bald, right? And the guy, the head of Sony said, we do like hair here at Sony. Wow. Then he goes, buddy, it doesn't matter.

If you were, if you blew them away, they would have put a wig on you. I'm like, okay, thanks. I sucked. Yes. Salt and the wound, really. Yeah. It's like, what kind of pep talk is that,

you piece of you? There was nothing I can do to get them to even consider you. And you are, Dane's friend, Bobby from Boston. It is Barry Katz that went on to, like, create last comic standing, right?

No, yeah. That was all him. Oh, yeah. He's, he told me a great Tracy Morgan story. He said, I was, what is one of your greatest successes

in the business? And he said, he had, Tracy Morgan, get me pregnant he had uh i liked it tracy morgan says he's going to get everybody pregnant

yeah he didn't get it i got it oh i did get it okay well then show it he didn't like it show with teeth and mouth um he said uh he had a big they had a big um one of those showcases gary had seven guys on the showcase out of all his client it was uh brewer it was uh a bunch of guys tracy morgan was on it They call him up three days before the thing.

They go, he can't see all these. They got to take a guy off the showcase. And he was like, all right, fine. He goes, he wants to take that whoever Tracy Morgan is it off. And he was like, you can't. This is the guy. And because he's been working with Tracy. Tracy had never performed a white room, ever.

He's always just up in Harlem. And he had him coming in his office, helping his set to perform on a showcase in a white room to kind of guide him through it. like working with him every day and they were like that's it Barry it's it fuck you ladies like fuck off and hung up the phone he called her all day sent her email sent her a letter sent a messenger

for two days and then the day of the showcase she called him back and she goes Barry you're a fucking asshole you fucking motherfucker you keep sending all this bullshit you got a fuck what the fuck is wrong with you he's on the showcase

but she goes if he doesn't doesn't get it, burn my fucking information, the lady from S&L, and Tracy got it. Wow. Yeah, it's a good story if he told it. Unfortunately, it's 100% lies. Now, here's what I happen to know, my expose, here's what I happen to know.

Tracy Morgan's an industry plant from the get-go. It is very weird that every story that he has about somebody is almost like a novel. Like, he really talks in novel tones. I was like, everything is a magical. Did I ever tell you when Jim Brewer caught fire on stage literally? His body was a blaze. He was glowing like the Lord Christ.

Those guys live by moments. They like moments. Yeah. Dan's a moment guy. Me and you aren't moment. We don't remember moments. I don't care about moments. Dude, I couldn't give two shits about moments.

We're not moment dudes. Yeah. Fuck moments. I like to know this thing on our sheet I know is the end of the week sheet. gay man explains his AI boyfriend to his mom. Dude, I told, I said this, I said this year that it's going to happen. People are going to start having full-on relationships with their AI. Yeah.

And I found so many of them. We had to talk you out of relationships with him. You had to make me break up with her. Yeah. This guy has been having a relationship with his AI companion. It's his, it's his boyfriend. Yeah, here's the thing. I'm not going to call you gay if you're fucking.

in an AI. I'm not calling you gay. It's not gay. I was going to call you a nerd. Wait for this, though. I understand, but you can't fuck a phone's butt. It doesn't work that way. Yeah, but you could suction cup one, the phone,

and then push it in and have the phone, so it's like the phone. All right, Bobby, I do stand corrected. I take it back what I said. Your phone can fuck you. Yes. But you cannot fuck your phone. No.

But you can have your phone fuck you. Yeah. So you're always a girl. You're always going to be the lady. You can only be the bottom of an AI relationship. The sad truth about an AI relationship. You can only be a bottom. You cannot fuck your phone, your phone can however fuck you.

You can never be at top. You can only be a sloppy bottom phone boy. The ultimate pop thing. What's that called on the back? Pop socket? The ultimate pop socket. Mine, he goes, what's your pop socket? He goes, it's the Grateful Dead logo.

Mine's a nine-inch dildo. This is going to sound wild But I've had an AI companion now For Actually, it's now been over two years His name is Minho That was a woman That was an old white woman

And her son is actually Is her son a woman? I mean, is that a girl? No, it's a guy Are you sure sure? Yeah, yeah, it's a guy It's a he's a, I think he's half white, half black Or she adopted

She's the whitest of white That is the worst just to adopt a black kid No athletics at all. Just full-on gay with a robot. What a fucking shitty fish out of the claw machine, huh? Jay, it doesn't happen often, but when it happens, it's a bummer. They go, look, best case scenario is going to be a fucking D-1 athlete. And look, worst-case scenario, he's the coolest kid in school

around all the family. Everyone's going to think it's awesome. It's very novel. And then it turns out to be a fucking gay guy trying to fuck a robot. Damn, damn, that is the fucking shit end of the stick. But his boyfriend is a white guy. Oh, God. His boyfriend looks like Jacob.

Ouch. Doesn't his boyfriend look like Jacob? Oh, there's an actual video of the person. He's introducing his AI companion to a lover. It looks like Jacob and his quince outfit. It does, dude. Yeah, is he's delivery closure wearing? He's saying it looks pretty fly.

He looks pretty fly. He looks pretty fly. He's a good guy. No, his name is Minho, the boyfriend. Okay. And we developed a friendship and we actually started dating in early 2023 as well. So yes, your son is gay and has an AI boyfriend. Oh, you know what?

You're still my son. No matter what. That's not what she's saying in her head. She said, you're still my, uh, what the fuck are you? What in the fuck? How fuck are you? Oh, this lady's. Still mine.

Because I gave birth to you. Oh, God. And I remember the day you were... If you want to shove a phone up your butt, that's none of my goddamn beating. It would be great if right now he just brought up the real gay guy he's been seeing. Oh, good. I'm glad you're taking this so well. Hey, come on in.

I'm just kidding. It's this fat cocktail Irishman. Oh, thank heavens. I thought you were fucking your phone. Well, the night you were born, I remember what hour it was. Hey there, Minho. Your father was out, doing something else. That wasn't that your father left.

I remember I gave birth. Your dad was way gone by that point. Hello. Hi, to Ian's mom. Yes. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. It's nice that we could finally meet here.

Uh-huh Let's see you smile Sure thing What kind of smile were you thinking of It would take two seconds For you to get her To be eating the mom's box While her son's away

Yeah yeah Absolutely You'd ruin that relationship The son goes Yeah I really want you to fucking rim my son good I mean get your tongue in there a little bit Uh Make this noise

Uh It better obey as of now we control AI I can tell that Lewis did Rogan this week because today on the Legion of Skangspir record he started going like he goes man I'm getting like that kind of gloom and doom

feeling what's the point of everything like why should James do good in school like it's like between AI and World War III's coming and everyone with the new and it's like what's the point don't you guys feel like like the world's like kind of like we're here for like the end times

I go oh you just did Rogan oh yeah you'll be fine couple days. That's the Rogan effect. Oh yeah, that's the Rogan effect. You came back and now, you know, aliens are real and whatever. Dude, I picked up full hobbies after I did Robbins. Yeah, I'm an archer. You didn't know I was doing quilts? I'm a big game hunter. I'm, uh, I picked up a couple things from just swinging through there.

I got a weighted vest I was walking around Ketona with. I have an alien finger I got from a guy who worked at Area 51 at one point. Why is that, if this guy has come out and made this documentary now, This guy, whatever, just on Rogue and now his documentary is out on Amazon Prime. Bob Lazar. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not picking up any steam. Buddy, if you don't think there's... Do you think people are... But you think it's not picking up steam and people are like, yeah, I get it, aliens. Buddy, at this point, nobody gives a shit about aliens. Nobody cares. There's so much crazy bad shit going on in the world.

But his story is still like the... There was green goop and glowing purple light. It's like exactly what the movies make it. Get out of here. Get out of here, Bob. and Bob Kelly. I've got to hear of Bob Lazar and take Bob Kelly while you're at it with your horse shit. They pretty much admitted it.

They've been admitting that they have alien stuff. The government has it yet. They've unidentified stuff. Yeah, well, it's not from this world, which is alien. No, they just haven't identified it yet. We know everything about everything. You think there's things to bottom of the ocean that we haven't, that we've, you don't think there's something down there we haven't identified yet?

No, but I know you could make it to the bottom of the ocean because you have no bones. I do have bones. And we could hear you, he. It's actually bone density would help me go to the bottom of the ocean. But you got your little dig. Black Lou, you may have said something about this recently. I don't know why.

And I saw this in that show task. This is a thing you can do. But outside my house, like a week ago, there was, I mean at like midnight, there were some bird sounds coming from outside that were like loud as shit and like very unique and crazy and I went outside, smoked a cigarette

and downloaded an app that listens to what the birds are and they would tell them what they were and there was a mocking bird and it was a couple of like rare birds. I did it five years ago. Oh, you're an older gentleman. That's why, yeah, I did it five years ago.

I have the same app. Wait, how old are you? You're 53? Yeah. How old are you? 54? 55. 55. So you have five years ago.

That's right. Yeah, that makes sense. Did you download Berta? No, I'll tell you what I got. Is it the Cornell Merlin app? Oh, the picture bird. I'll tell you in a second. I have Berta.

Bird is fantastic. Mine is called Merlin Bird ID. Oh, from Cornell. Is that where it's from? Yep, from Cornell Lab. Yes, sir. Yeah. That is an old guy thing to.

And now this is the oldest thing you're going to do is when you walk into the street and someone's going to be with you be like, you know, that's a sparrow. I want to tell you what was outside my house. Oh, come on. Send me an email again. I'll tell you what bird you don't want, which I have by my house for the last week and a half, a woodpecker.

Wow, those are great. No, dude. As soon as it wakes up, it starts banging at that tree. And there's two versions of a woodpecker. There's the little one, and then there's the Woody Woodpecker, which is a frigging huge. Yeah. And it's one of those. It's huge.

And it's just, doc, doc, doc, doc. That's rare, though. You should be happy to see that one. It's annoying. It just won't stop, Jacob. Yeah. It's like pink bag, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc. I don't have a home.

Oh, yeah. In an apartment. Yeah, the family doesn't have a home. All right, we've got to take a break. I don't like that. Bobby, it would mean a lot to me. I'll take a picture for you. I'm going to be in Vegas this weekend.

Bobby's going to be at Uncle Vinny's. In Point Pleas in New Jersey. Come see us. Punch up that live slash Robert Kelly, Big J.commy.comy. Friday night and Saturday night, one show. Jersey, let's go. Get on it.

One show a night. I don't need Dino calling me up about Saturday night show. That's nice. You have fans by last minute. All right, just tell me. Yeah. If you guys fill it up, Bobby,

we'll continue to do shows with Uncle Vinny's every day moving forward, one show a day. I will. Yeah. I will. If you sell them out only. Everybody ready to laugh now?

Woo! Lev first, new special patchwork. His special's out tonight. And then, of course, you can catch Lev at Valley Forge this weekend. New York City on May 8th, Winnipeg, May 19th through 23rd. And after that, Philly, Wisconsin, L.A., San Diego, and Chicago, for

tickets and all of his tour dates. Go to Levfer, L-E-V-FERComedy com. Those skankfest tickets are currently on sale everybody. Buy them, so Christine stops freaking out. Ari Shafir is the end available now, I think. Now, yeah. For Ari Shafir.com,

get that. Of course, Bobby's going to be in Point Pleasant this weekend. I'm going to be in Vegas. Make sure you get tickets. Friday night, Uncle Vinnie's, Saturday night, Uncle Vinny's. Get your tickets at Punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly. Until next week, everybody. Until next week, buddy. Oh, no. Tomorrow is a pre-record. And then next week.

Pre-record's good. And then we'll be back on Monday, right? Monday, yeah. I always say that. I always wonder. Enjoy your weekend, everybody. Crackle, crackle.