The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Welcome To The Heroes Club

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Jay exhibits a small act of kindness that gains him entry into The Heroes Club. | Also, he lost so much weight that he went from a size XXXXL to just XL. | Jay mentions a certain comedian's social media and Bobby refuses to engage in the discussion because the of evil energy that might befall him. | TSA gets handsy with Jay and he doesn't seem to mind. | Bob visits Mike Calta in Florida where they eat too much and the hot women ignore him. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. There's going to be a lot of gay sex. Uh-huh. Uh-uh. Dancing in the sheets. That means sex, Bobby. Se-X. I know.

I like sex. You can't be afraid of that word. What movie was that from again? Dancing in the sheets? Yeah. Come on. Um. Opening.

scene opening scene of vacation chepa chase opening scene of mr mom no uh i got it there's a parking lot there's a parking lot of like a burger stand everyone's outside somebody comes over puts a little boombox in the ground hits play what's playing shallomar is dancing in the streets and just when everyone's feeling it it gets ruined Ready? Go on. Footloose. Footloose.

And the song gets stopped. They push stop, and who pushes stop? Ah, the lady who played Alice on the sitcom, Alice. No. Okay. Alice who played sitcom Alice wasn't in the movie. No. That was the...

Why do you always got to turn into a... Just go with it. It was a joke. Linda... I was picking somebody who wasn't in it. You really are a... Well, you know, why don't you make a reference from 1979? You mean when I was...

As a kid? Yes. Stop forgetting that I'm 10 years old and then you, you young whippersnapper. Not 10. How old are you? Five, like 48. Oh, no shit. You seem so younger.

You do. Your energy is young. Your energy is jovial and youthful. Look at it. Look at you, dude. Maybe it's the way you dress. Maybe it's your mittens. You have one pant leg up, even if it's cold out.

If you'll need to sweep you off of your feet, you and me. John Liff, John Lithgow. Come on, son. Yeah! Just give me a chance, Jay. Hey, Jay, give me a shot, coach. I get proud of you.

That's all, man. Just give me a shot. I'll hit it. I get proud of you big, I'll fucking hit it. You know I get fucking big, excited for you. I know, you get as big as you get. Grab your coat and wig, goodbye, your friend.

We've got a great show today. We have a very good guest coming in later. I know you're very excited about this. I'm excited to meet him, too. Well, people, you know, you look at certain points, you know, I love comedy, I love this show, and I'll just keep doing that. But there's a certain point where you got to look at other avenues, man. As you get older, as the world changes, you've got to look at other avenues.

And, you know. Well, I don't know if you know this very soon. People will find out. Jacob's going into very hardcore solo gay only fans. Yeah. It's for a good cause. It's for a great cause. Yeah.

So it's not, he's not gay, but it's for the gays. It's for the gay. Yeah. There's no women. I mean, the women, you will get women because you're Jacob. You know what I mean? They're going to be curiously, but as far as, like, whoever is going to be completing to this

is going to be men, for sure. And don't forget, a lot of women will be watching because of the animals. It's for a good call. Yeah, it's good for the... He's saving Buffalo's bats. You should get a bear, by the way, too. I was thinking of that. You should get a bear, a rescued bear,

like a rescued little baby grizzly that grows old and becomes big and bites the top of your head, but not too hard. I always love seeing those videos. Bear bear. bitch. Bear bear. Yeah, we got a very special guest coming to John.

It's not Bert. Bert's doing all the podcasts today. Is he? Stop it. Yep. Are you kidding me? Can I call him right now? Who?

Bert. And yell at him? I think he's podcasting. I'll call him during a fucking... I'm sorry. I don't want to swear. I'm going to call him right now. Be why aren't you here?

Straight to shit out. I'm going to straighten it out right now. Let me know if you need his number. Wow. Wow. That'd be funny if it does. Excuse me. After this.

Bobby, do I have a story for you? Okay. Oh, I'm excited about your story. We've got to get right into that after I yell at Bert. Am I going to voicemail or is you answering? Voice mail. 100%? Yeah.

He's not going to dead the call, though. He did dead the call. He dead at it. He did dead it. He did it. Gag-g-g-ee. He did it. Say, God bless me.

God bless you. God bless you. Because no, I want mine. God bless you. I don't want the Jewish one. Guzuntite is Jewish. Is it? I don't know.

Sounds Jewish. Guzumtite. Well, technically. Just say tactically on things and people just go. Oh, I wasn't going to, I will. Tactically. If you say tactually, people are just like, oh, okay. No argument.

Yeah. All right. I love no argument. I do have a story to tell. you. Dude, first of all, you called, you texted me. Try to call you. You tried to call me.

I didn't pick up because I was in the middle of crushing it in the gym. Yeah. Banging and banging. Crushing. First of all, I went, last week, I went to Mike Kaltes' house down there in Sarasota, and I stayed with Mike for one night, and he comes down with me and does the shows. It's great. But my watch, I was working out so much and eating so correctly.

My watch was literally, it was wiggling, turning around. Like, it was my wrist, you know? I could always tell when I lose weight by my watch. By the end of the weekend, I could barely get my. watch on hanging out with him. I can't move down there. And if I move down there, I have to move far. We can't be near each other because I will just be a tub

of shit. Don't you get sick, though? I get sick, but it's the salty food. It's the bad food. We're just eating bad. Breads. We got surgery, didn't he? Yeah, he got the surgery. He's winning. He's looking good. He's not going to let some surgery fucking defeat him. This weekend, we ate like shit. Yeah? You went for it hard?

Chicken fingers, egg rolls, fucking noodles, breads. I told Bobby, he was telling me this, we spoke yesterday. Why I look, Jacob? Huh? Oh, I look. You look great.

You look good. You do look good. And I saw it. This is a 1X shirt. Is it you ask me? Hey, congratulations, dude. Seriously. Everybody.

Come on. Jacob. Lose. That's amazing, dude. Let me tell you something. To go from a 4x to a 1x is fucking a... Is fucking a 4x. I mean, no, I bought 4X before.

Well, that was a joke. I'm sorry. Oh, no, it was. But I was just kidding around. But in the baggie times, you know what I mean? Like the late 90s. But I got four X's, yeah. My step hop wore him too, and he was skinny.

Yeah, I did it. You look great. I'm so, doesn't it feel good to be able to go anywhere and buy something? No, I still can't do that. XL? No, this is Excel and the merch thing that I get. It's not, it's not indicative of a full XL. I was more just trying to make Jacob laugh by asking if anybody asked me that.

No one did. Listen, Bobby, you're not going to, I can't be. knocked off my cloud today because I'm a, I'm a, I'm a pretty good. I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. Can I just be honest with you? Yes. Now that I'm, I'm, I'm kind of official. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of scrutiny that does go into the name that you're about, the thing you're about to talk to. I just want you, I'm going to be looking at it through a different set of eyes. I think we can give it to it what it is. So I, I, I, I informed you this weekend, I called you, and then I ended up texting you because you're like, I'm in a thing, but do you need me? You know,

I'll call you right now. I always do that. I go, no, no, no, no, I. I go, no, Don't worry about it because I'm going to save it for the show, but I don't do that to three people, by the way. I just wanted you to know. I say, do you need me? Because if you need me, I'm there. And I said, no, I just want you to know that I, you are now joined on the show. The bonfire is now a room with two heroes in it. Two heroes.

I'm excited to hear the story. And I want it. I want it more than anything to be true. but I'm looking through I'm not a civilian anymore so I have to look at it through a hero's eyes Yeah, I understand

Okay You're gonna think this is so heroic I mean this is beyond It's been everything for me To not tell people Did I tell me have told you Yeah I told you I'm excited

She's been in awe Since I told her She's like that's crazy like wow You're giving Bobby run for his money On the hero of the ward A hero of the award saving a little girl in the ocean. Ethnic girl.

I didn't want to say it because Blackwood had the camera on me, so I didn't want to say it. She's not as many points. No, no, no, no. This was, um, so yeah, me and Dylan, young Dylan was with me in Raleigh this weekend. And on Saturday, we said to go to a little lunch somewhere, walking distance to a lovely restaurant called Tupelo Honey.

It's a franchise. I love it. Right. Um, great southern food. We go in there, we ask right away when we're ordering some apps. What's the thing here? What's the eat you have to get? Fried green tomatoes.

Fried green tomatoes on goat cheese grits with like a pepper sauce underneath. Delightful. You should have your own food influencer channel, by the way. Thank you. Just the way you explained food is very sexy. Um, thank you. And then I slid it into my mouth and then back out and then back in. And then I looked around the head.

And then I bled. It all over my face. Papaya. Hashtag sexy papaya. Hashtag sexy papaya. Are you standing? Because we're videoing? No, I'll sit in a minute.

Okay. We, you know, I'm stoked about the story. This is, like, going to put me... You guys are going to think I'm, like, floating a little bit when I tell this. This is a lot. I know how it feels. This is a little beyond. Talk to them.

Don't talk to me. Because there's some... You had instincts. Yes. You had instincts kick in, which is beautiful. Right. This was chosen heroics, what I did. I could have sat back idly and done nothing here.

Bobby, you've gotten to acclimate for a month now to be a hero. I know, and this is his time, and I'm hoping that it is. This is new for him. I'm very excited. So, we eat, they give you an order of four slices of fried green tomatoes. Dylan took one, I took one, and I, uh, we, I keep thinking this is my gurgling throat, but it's just staticy things. That's why I keep coughing.

It sounds like I'm coughing by accident. It's on purpose. So a guy walks up when we have these two that we're not eating pieces of tomato left and looks like a homeless guy, almost, like seems like a little kind of out of it and comes over a table. I mean, touches like thighs to the table

and almost touches the tomatoes. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, what's that? and I was like fried green tomatoes and he goes okay and he starts to walk away at which point me and Dylan both have figured like oh fuck do they let some like a homeless lunatic or something walking around here that's pretty crazy I look at the table across from us which is these four women and one other and one guy sitting there and I look at them because they're looking over at me my area, my direction,

and I make the face of them of like, this fucking, they're letting in like some fucking weirdo lunatic walk around, I make this face at them. It's all conveyed with face, no words, but I give them like a... It's like Christine's comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all facie. Hands and face.

Very facie. I go, uh, I go, you know, making the phone, I go, this fucking go, what's going on here? And then that guy proceeds to go sit down at that table. And then just upon a light second look, I realize he's a retardant. The guy's mentally handicapped. Mentally challenged guy came over.

And I was mistaking him for a bum. A fucking bum. Yeah. I felt horrible. Felt terrible. Couldn't catch eyes with that table of the women again. He even, like, smile to give like a, no, I understand now. You couldn't catch eyes with the guy because his eyes were going different ways.

I don't know where the fuck his eyes were. Dude, that guy was all over the place. It's hard to catch those eyes of those guys. I thought he was napping. He was reading. Yeah. None of it made sense. So you have to grab their tongue

To get the attention Could you be nice I'm telling a story of horroics I apologize because you were so nice while I was telling my story But go ahead Well you did yell turd in the water I didn't it didn't happen To a black woman drowning in the ocean

Jacob It's oh turd in the punch bowl It's not as funny as you make it Jacob Jacob Let's get into your story Sorry My horroics I just have settled down.

Did you go to the table and yell Tarden the punchbow? No, no, no. That would have been good, though. That would have been funny, but not heroic. I'm devastated. I really feel terrible. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do at all.

And then I finally catch eyes. Five minutes of, I'm not eating. I'm not anything. I'm just sitting there going like, man, I feel like shit. You finally catch eye? Catch eye. with him and one of the couple other people over the table and I go

Guys you know what I go I'm not we're not eating any more of these tomatoes If you want to try them before you order them to see if you liked them at all And he went yeah And then he took them and he ate them And he went they're really good It's different than Bobby's Sure every hero story can't be the same

Right That's why there's more than one Spider-Man movie I don't know what to say I'm just you know what I do know what to say know what to say. I do know what to say. I'm proud to know you, Jay Ocason. I thought you're going to say welcome to the Heroes Club. And welcome. And sure, I know what you're thinking. He already touched it was a retarded fingers. I didn't want it anymore anyway. But number two, to hand them to go over that table, how afraid you must have been. I didn't go over.

I, uh, I yelled at them across the aisle and I reached out and handed it to him like this. Pretty sure he was going to drop it when I handed it to him, but then it wasn't my problem anymore. So you just stuck the plate out in his, his tongue flipped over like a, like one of. I gave him my table garbage. Table garbage to you, treasured tomatoes. He loved them. To a man who's never had a tomato. Do you want to know what I really did too?

That, I'm curious what you think. Because Dylan said, he's like, what are you doing? You got to get the kudos. When I left, I paid for the tables. lunch yeah yeah all of them but didn't get the kudos i didn't like wait to like you know hadn't tell them that or anything yeah you didn't get his wrist applause bobby what come on dude i saved this kid's life it's great man it's so fantastic dude i just saying i live with six retarded men for three years did you ever give me your

leftovers yeah so you know what i feel like yeah i gave him a couple fucking hits in my Puss. Go in there and jerk off Barry. He's going to come quick. He goes, yeah, hey, I came when you were blowing me, so go fuck one of the tards. Yeah, watch out. You might try to put it in his butt because he didn't know the difference. One of the goofballs, finger you hard, real hard.

Did he eat all the tomatoes? He did. He ate them all? How fast? So fast. And he held it like, you know, like fucking mess hall fork style where you're like, you're shoveling it sort of. And he cut it like that.

And it was on his face a little. You made him happy. I did make him happy. What does mom say? I don't know if his mom was there. One was Chinese. They were all over the place. Really?

I don't know how many were retarded or not retarded. So I paid for everybody. I would bet most of them had Down syndrome. And there was probably one counter there. It was probably a lunch date. Maybe. Yeah. And you know what?

You judged them. And then you found out. Then you made amends. I judge. I thought they let a crazy person wander in this place. And can I say this? Good heroics for how I handled that even thinking it was a crazy person. Yeah.

Because, hey, that's why I said maybe everybody at the table is sort of retarded a little bit. Because who lets him wander like that? Who lets him fucking bounce cock into my table and almost touched my fried green tomatoes? That's crazy behavior. Right. And he's crazy. But they're supposed to be like, hey, get over here, fucking weirdo. I don't know his name.

I don't think it was weirdo. Dude, you made the rest of his life. Which is probably a few months. Yep. But you made it. Mm-hmm. You made the rest of his... Which is probably only a few months.

You're right. I believe he has something where his brain's growing, but his head's not. I don't know how that ends. Sounds terrible. It's amazing. This is an amazing story.

And I don't know why you're not getting more from these people in here. They're not impressed. You ever give a retard your leftovers? Yeah. You ever give a retard your left over? Yeah. You probably wouldn't.

You probably wouldn't even. You know, scary it is... I admit it. You know, scary it is to walk. walk up to a table with tomatoes and hand tomatoes to a retarded man. And then he, yeah, he absolved his guilt. DJ Liu. You ever feed a retard that you weren't actively trying to fuck just to do the right thing?

Huh? No, but the guy bagging my groceries this weekend, I thought he was blind, but he was actually slow and I gave him a 10 spot. A 10 spot? That's two tomatoes. Oh, man. You know what's funny? Luckily, he couldn't count it either way.

I know it took me a while to figure that out he's blind or slow Maybe thought you'd give him a dollar Either way Yeah Yeah man Someone's gonna go How about you give me that stupid piece of paper

For this shiny nickel Yeah You can't eat the dollar But you can eat this nickel I'll trade you that $10 for a half A slice of tomato Yeah What if he ate those tomatoes

And then just like something He was allergic to them And maybe something terrible's happened to His tongue swelled up even more It's possible And he choked in his own tongue Yeah You might have killed them

You might be a hero killer. There's an outside shot I did murder him, huh? Yeah. Fuck. That's amazing. Did he say thank you? Yes, when I first gave it to him. How?

And then he ate it, huh? How did he say thank you? Do you want me to do it? Yeah. Do you really want me to do it? How do he say thank you? Cameras aren't on yet, right? No, there's no cameras on.

Thank you. No, not that. What? No, not that. Like, did he say thank you very much, or did he... I'm doing it. How he did it? Yeah, but don't you have to do the voice.

Don't do the voice. No, don't do it. Oh, he just said thank you. Okay. All right, now do the voice. Thank you. And he said it with goat cheese grits on his lips. He does.

He did the voice like Christine's act. Absolutely. Very sing-songy. Yeah, Christine's her actouts were top notch. Top notch. Her handouts were fucking, I mean, I've never seen a handout like that. Her handouts? Her handout.

Just one hand. She really should be working a puppet. Yeah. I think Jeff Dunham ready. What do you think jalapeno on a stick? Should we get drunk and laid? So what did the people at the table say? Good thing you didn't, because you were about to make fun of it, like to that table.

That energy was all there. They know I looked over at them. They know that I was like this fucking guy. And in my mind, for sure, think that they were like, oh, wow, he's being so mean. Doesn't he know this guy's handicapped? And I didn't. I thought he was just crazy. Right.

Because you're around a lot of retarded people. Right. I can't tell one retard from the next. Bob, you know that about me. No, you can. A lot of the shows you do are retarded people. Mostly retarded people. But it's, yeah, it felt heroic.

It was heroic, dude. You could have just went, ah, he's retarded. And ate your tomatoes. Really could have just taken it and left the laugh sitting in the idea that it's like, I basically shoot a guy away and looked at his own handlers to be like, this motherfucker, huh? But I didn't. I felt because I, um,

And you can look this up. Christine approves everybody. Not just a hero, Lou. But I'm starting to find out that I'm an empath. I'm a total empath. Yeah. I feel your feelings. Yeah.

And it affects me. Yeah, you're definitely an empath. I feel your feelings. Right now I can feel. I'm like, Jacob, wishes he was somewhere else. That's why he's texting. It's a person with the ability to perceive the mental and emotional state of a, Another individual.

Yeah. Even. Even retarded people. I could tell you. DJ Lou. Can I ask you a real question? It's horny. Black Lou is thinking,

damn-ass white people. Mm-hmm. You're thinking... I'm an empath, too, Jay. It's a weird combination of... Yum? Mm-hmm. And what's that smell?

Mm-hmm. That's right. That's what I'm getting from you. Yeah, I was thinking about cum. Mm-hmm. Jacob? You can't get anything from that face. No, I can't.

Here's my question, though. If you're going to be a real hero in this situation, the tomatoes that you gave him, and this matters, were you going to eat them, or did you have the will to eat those tomatoes, stopped yourself from meeting them to give them to him? I'm worried.

If I answer this, do I lose hero points? I could, couldn't I? Yeah. It's possible? And should I lie? Well, if you're going to just throw them out and then you gave them scraps. I was going to throw them out.

And also, I didn't like them at all. I thought they weren't delicious. So I couldn't wait to get them off of my table. I would have given them to any retard. You hated them. I did not enjoy them. A bite or two. They're okay.

You know, it's not that they don't taste good. It's just two months. Whatever it is, I don't like it that much. But like they, Yeah, I gave it over to the table. And then really, as I'm doing, I'm going like, am I giving my table scraps? Like, I'm making, by the way, when I did it,

I thought 180 degrees better. I was moping at the table one point. I was like, yo, that table thinks I'm a fucking asshole. They think, they for sure think I know he was retarded and looked at them like, handle your retard. Yeah. That's what they saw. 100%.

They didn't see that I thought it was a crazy person. They look, I was looking at them going like, yo, get your fucking doof away from my fried green tomatoes. Yeah. And then I talked about it for five minutes straight. And then I was like, I got to do something. Yeah, and giving them. Let me give them my trash.

Yeah, give them your table scraps. Not even good, not even like a filet. Yeah. Not even like good stuff. Hey, give them the tomatoes. Yeah. I want to go smash this bottle over his head in purple, Nerples handler. I got to do something.

You know, when they're retelling that story, this guy was a total dick. And then he walked over with fucking tomatoes. And then he thinks because he paid for our meal, all of a sudden he's right. with God again you're not right with God you paid for the meal that was great that was that's what makes you the tomato thing not so much I wanted him to know that I was actually I answered his question when he asked what are these but I said it in like a fried green tomatoes is there a problem dude energy you know what I mean like is there something going on and then he just walked away and I was like fucking jerk off yeah oh god he's a retard he's not a jerk off at all he doesn't know how to be social

Yeah, and he's never seen a tomato. He would have hugged me if I hugged him after that. He's also never seen a tomato. He would have hugged me. I couldn't hug him, though. I had to show that night. He may have killed me. I don't know if you know.

They've got powers. They're like lift cars strong. It's crazy. You should see what happens when they eat tomatoes. Fules them the fuck up, dude. It gets crazy. How much was the bill? Their bill, like a buck 50?

That's pretty good. Yeah. That's nice. I looked at their order. I thought it was actually a little bit low when I got it. I was like, oh, they're going to be like, thanks, I guess. It was like 30 bucks. Like, okay, well, I guess we should have got more than a basket of bread and water.

Yeah, they got four grilled cheeses. There's another, there's a comic. Again, Facebook, people just air out. Something about Facebook is it because it's unlimited, like, characters or something where you just, like, really air out your private business. And it's a comic asking, she's been doing comedy for like 30 plus years for sure. Black Circuit comic though.

He's the one I think I told you a while ago. He aired out his thing where he put like his monthly budget up on the thing. He's like, what am I not getting here? And he just shows all the money he makes. He's like, I drive Uber. I make $600 a month. This goes out here. This goes out here.

What's not happening? He puts out a thing the other day of like, yo, am I wrong about this? How do I handle this? And it shows a bill that's got like two filetmen. some sides, a Caesar salad, and something else. And he goes, my Caesar sales is $15. When the bill gets dropped, everyone at the table just goes,

why don't we just split it up three ways? And it's like, no, man, I had Caesar. It's just like a weird thing to be complaining about it, like, you know, 55 years old. What, he only got the Caesar salad and he had a split? He's just complaining that he had the, that they were saying the split the bill three years, but he's not complaint. He just, it's not that he's complaining about the idea of that.

Anyone can do that. I don't really eat anything. Why would I pay for the thing? The problem is he keeps telling you in the story It's like, and I don't got money like that I don't got money. It's just like, you know, again, it's not There's not turning my nose up at like

80 some bucks or 90 bucks, whatever it was. It's just the idea of like, I don't know if this is a postworthy thing, man. Why don't you call Keith and see what's going on with him? I don't know. I don't know. It's going to just bum me out. Kevin Hart doesn't give you fucking Caesar salad money, dude.

Oh, Kev's coming around. out my flamen yon allowance my flaming yon allowance yeah's helicopter and in my new car oh keith um yeah Facebook is uh I think Facebook is for older people

right is but older people still act like no one's looking like it they air it out yeah and you can go a long time on Facebook I know you can you can just go on put a live on Facebook and just go on. Oh, dude, I put a bookmark in Sue Costello post

to go take a shit, like when I'm done taking a shit. It lasts longer than my shit. I got out of the algorithm. What? I'm out. What? I'm out. Why?

I had to get out. It's our thing. I know it's our thing, but I was getting scared. Joe Matarice and Sue Costello's our whole friendship's based on that. Joe Matarise is in. I just watched something on Joe the other day. Yeah, good? Yeah.

You give him the biz? He's just, I don't know Poor guy, they just give him the biz There's no positive Joe Menorries talking about you, poor guy But I can't lose like, I mean, a suzica I don't know, it's got like evil leprechaun energy I don't want to I don't know, I'm scared

She's owed She is old She is And she's gonna take it out of all your Boston asses But she's not us, not me Now you were there I was not there You were there

I was there for a small amount of money I'm trying to inception her Where I'm making her think you were there Bobby was right there Bobby was the one saying, Hey, you're a really funny one. You're the funniest one I've ever met. I'm going to steal your idea.

And then they look to me in the fucking eye, and they said, we're going to steal your fucking idea. And Colin Quin said, I was funny. Hey, buttercup. Hey, fuckers. Hey, fuckers. Christine, why are you not bringing up her thing? You know I want to get juiced up with a Sue Costello post.

Dude, I'm so scared. We're all scared, Jay. Why? Let's have her on. Jay, you have fucking. you money we don't you think I fuck you money no not at all but you do have a nice I barely have fuck me money you have a nice house huh not as nice as your house that's not true it your house is your house is perfect what your house is perfect no you just want to say it again

I will no I don't your house is perfect that's not true I'll say it again if that you keep saying this not what it is your house is perfect I could tell you the imperfections go ahead there's some shoddy brickwork outside Christine's there Christine That's the only two things Yeah Christine and Shottie brickwork Yeah a little bit of shoddy brickwork And Christine's there

You can always get like a she shed in the back Put her in there She's from Usashi Oita Japan? No Oh it's where she's at right now Yeah Gotcha

She's there fighting a new war with Japan Oh see now We're wondering How much can you I'm saving the girls From pornographic movies in Japan. That's pink.

That's not Sue Costello. Yeah, but it looks like that. Hang on, wait. This is it. These are my favorites. December 5th. So we're coming up around on the holidays. I know we're doing this.

What? But it's dangerous what we're about to do. I'm just saying... We're going to talk about a strong woman fighting for herself? You're saying Beatlejoos three times. No, no, no. Castello, Costello. No!

No! Don't say it. You go to think if you throw the fucking metal over my mouth? What do you mean? What's the problem here? Here's what she says. December 5th, rounding up the holidays,

coming off Thanksgiving, which I'm sure she had a great one with her family. Yeah, absolutely. Hopefully. They beat me. They stole my career for eight years. And before, they badmouthed me. So what?

I'm still a rock star. And then she has a video from Pink. That's lighthearted. I'm a rock star. Rock star. Rock star. How did she spell it? I said it off Philly.

St.A. H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H all caps. Yeah, she spells in Boston accent. Which is hard to do. Okay, now look, here's the next one. Morning Sugar muffins. And let's see it. It's a click to what, a YouTube video.

It's probably just something good. Yeah. Just a song. Randy Travis. Randy Travis. He's from Boston? Randy Travis. Didn't he take a tomato off you this weekend?

Randy Trey Nice sweater fucking Dungerese shirt combo Get off this bullshit Why would she make me watch this She likes a song I'd rather hear a rant Oh I forgot

She's uh She's doing a play Yeah she's doing a one woman show No no no What It's a play Full play Oh with not hers

Hers or somebody else's Hers? Okay what's it called Let's see She just fixed the end of her play I've always been ballsy but just wait till you wait till you i guess see what a gangster i am now my whole body has goosebumps that's called chicken skin like the night after week of jim burrows directing me down because

penelope and miller was horrible only to have less moon vest scream in front of a live audience where the fuck is costello's personality i locked in went out killed it got costello from that tape that's all one sentence. I swear to God, that's one sentence. That's wild. Yeah, we were all out of breath when you From my body from my whole body as goosebumps that was all one sentence. What did Penelopee and Miller do here? I can't try to I just heard the word. It just sounded like it sounded like she was like type Penelopee and Miller chairs plates for is this a shopping list? Or when Candace Bergen tried to sabotage me from the second I showed up. That's true. She did. She did.

I went in my dressing room, pulled in on myself, and killed it in front of the network. Or in front of the press in Pasadena, they told me the press hated me, and I peaked out, and it was packed, and I turned the whole room around. I'm locked in, harder than all those times put together on the play. so you can imagine Jacob it's going to be something play we got to go Roll down is it in production Does she have a drinking problem?

No no she did you say that Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Some people were afraid of the truth Some people were afraid of the truth Afraid of the truth You had a truth once and you gave it up Oh here she goes

Now here's a little more light hard stuff My father was right I'm a real hard Macca I'm had to Mac The same way a diamond is hard to Mac everybody tries to scratch their name into me and I'm the diamond just laughing and stay flawless

I don't know God bless her for finding the perseverance to strict to push through in life because every day she wants you to know that everyone is beating her down and she climbs through it and rises above but every day she has to do that she's a diamond

you can't mack her no yeah you have to it's hard to mack it's hard to mack even when you attack it's hard to mack Yeah, you can't mac her because she's like a diamond, you can't mac her. Are you saying mark or mock? It's hard to mac her. Mark or Mark?

It's easy to mac her. It's hard to mark her. She's hard to mock. It's hard. I know you're thinking, like, you're mocking her right now by saying she's had to mock, but it's not the same mock. It's a different mac. It's a different, but it's probably both. It's hard to mark her and marker.

Like a diamond. It's hard to. Had to Mac. Even if you use the marker to marker to marker and marker. You can mack a diamond with a maca, by the way. You can maca diamond with a maca, but it has to be one of those shappy mackas. Shappy macker? A shabby maca.

So I'm had to mack and let's use a shappy maca. Are you macking me? By the way, just the day before. They tried to ruin my career. My career's getting bigger, silly rabbits. I mean, she's... Earlier that day, I'm living proof that the OG cannot be bought, bribed, dimmed, or broken. same day again scroll up

CBS spent millions on lawyers PR crisis fake investigations arbitration traps eight years of blacklisting to turn me into the dumb whore who didn't send her script so nobody would ever look at the fact that they stole it committed fraud with my IP and fucked shareholders and then tried to bury me alive with the New York Actors Guild

yeah New York SDNY WGA uh right EEOC in LRB. Get ready for the resurrection. It's awesome. Yeah. How have you gotten this?

Huh? All the same day. That's the same day. That's all the same day. Well, she has a lot in her. Yeah, well, it's a lot. She's, I mean, everyone, but I mean, like, I thought she gets to the bed and right away,

whoever's sitting next to her tries to, like, yank her down the ground and tell her she ain't going nowhere, and she has to, like, fight that person to get free. It's like a zombie apocalypse every day in her life. She has to break free of people who are just trying to slow and hurt, her and Macca, but you can't. It's hard to Macca. Unless you get a Shappy.

You got a Shappy. You got a fucking Maca out there. You got a fucking Maca Shappie. Yeah. I can see it on my cop-cock coming from a mile away. Let's get Jacob and her to fall in love. Jacob, he made this in your life, dude. Jacob, a strong woman that can't be mocked.

For the ranch. For the ranch. For the ranch. Can't Macca on the ranch though. She's like a diamond. It's a partnership. She's a diamond on the ranch alone. No, you can't run a ranch alone.

Are you going in the room to jerk your meat off again, kid? Yeah. All right, make that money and buy me some diamonds. She's pale. She's real pale. Jacob's pale. I like pale. Jacob, look at Jacob.

I didn't know he was wearing a white t-shirt. Let's get him. Sue, come on the show. One, we want to help you with this thing because I don't like that every day you're just getting the shippied out of you by people. Seems like a terrible way to live. Yeah.

Should have her on. We should absolutely have her on. And then we're going to set you up with Jacob. These cameras aren't rolling, right? No. Okay. Yeah, have her on. No, no, no.

We should have her on. We should have her on. And we'll set her up on a date with Jacob. I don't understand the face you're making, but we don't speak faces. I'm not making a face. Cameras aren't even on. What's this face about? First of all, Christine is a face expert, not me.

Christine, you're making faces over there? Hands and face about Sue Costello? I think we should have her on. We should have Jacob and her fall in love. Okay. Jacob, you're looking at her? Is that what you said? You bring her every piece of shit?

I don't know what she looks like, to be honest. She's a pretty woman. She's got like platinum blonde hair. Yeah. She's petite but strong. Yeah. Yeah. She's small, but do not take that for not strong.

She's your height. Yeah. She's tough. Very pretty. She shines bright like a diamond. But she's pretty on the inside, too. Hot to Mac like a diamond. Yeah.

There you go, Jacob. Look at her go. She has boots. You like boots on a girl? Yeah. She's a vagina. She's a pussy between your legs. It would be interesting to see, because you hear about all the stuff

that went on but you really don't know the details of it of what of what really happened with her with the the CBS yeah yeah you've never heard it uh no you're kidding right huh he goes you know the thing about this thing you never really hear about the CBS case unless you look at her Facebook every single day where she informs you less moon base tried the facker and the thing but she had the fact had it because she hotly fox and then she became stronger than anything and nothing can mark her oh james Jacob, is that the guy you have to kill for? Oh, wow. Is that it?

Nope, that's an actor. Really? Yeah. That looks like it's at my house. Maybe it's not the actor? Is it an actor? Family. That's family.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours. Yeah, but that could just be her. That looks like her and a boyfriend. Yeah, she probably heard her boyfriend. I think she moved back to Boston, too, right? Shut the fact app. I swear to God. No, you fucking cock-sucking.

No way she fucking cocked this. I swear to God, I'd never fucking lie to you. Oh, yeah. There you go. Oh, she looks happy. Well, that's AI. Oh, okay. You have to use the AI to make her happy.

But listen, she looks all right. Have her on. Let's have her on. Are these cameras on? No. No, the cameras are not on. Are they on? Yes.

The cameras are rolling? Yeah. No way, that's true. Oh, no. I've had my dick out of the whole show. Yeah. Why would you not tell me that? Do you see me half beating off?

Because you know I'm trying to stay semi-hard for our guest. We have a great guest coming. You know, I hate on Tuesdays when we're a lot. I've guessed because I'm wearing sweatpants and they're expecting to see my fucking flopper banging around down there. You know what I mean? I talk all that shit. Everyone's expecting my flopper.

Great. And now the camera's been on the whole time showing that I'm pre-gaming it. Nuts. Fuck. Give me where your secrets. Fuck. It's all right, Jay. We can just edit that out.

This place sucks. It's live. Is it live? Is it rolling live? I believe so. Oh, my God. Can you tell us that? Well, the cameras aren't rolling live.

There's no such thing as that. I mean, unless you're on the news. but they're rolling. We should definitely have her in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that face for? There's a Zen. I got this in.

Oh, I think we should definitely have her in. Yeah. What are you making faces? What do you mean? That's the face of excitement. That was me pensively wondering if you're going to say it's okay because you know I want her on that.

It's okay. I do want her on. I think it'd be great. I want to make Jacob and her fall in love. Yes. We're going to get rid of this boyfriend. Get rid of the boyfriend. The boyfriend, I bet, doesn't take

her raging against CBS and their conglomerates every day serious because I think you would, Jacob. I think you'd be right outside of Paramount watching. I feel like... You'll fuck you, except for Landman. At this stage in my life, I just kind of want low-key.

What? A chill person. No, no, no. That's not what you need, dude. You've had that your whole life, dog. You've had your whole life to chill. Yeah, it's time to jerk off, save the buff and the fats and fucking have a strong woman in your life.

Let's Sue Custle be a proud of problem for you on a ranch dude i hope that would be great we're gonna recreate landman on your ranch yeah dude every day all right we're doing a new fucking theme for dinner tonight the theme is order in motherfucker what i'll hit god damn betty crocker yo dude you could fall in love with her i do see it happening yeah yeah she's only two inches taller than you yeah oh is she no yeah she's five three and a half yeah um um So it was cute

I haven't seen her a long time In person I haven't seen her Last time I saw her was on Norton Chips podcast Yeah She was going on Chips Podcasts

A lot Really? Yeah back in the day He would have her On Chips podcast Oh he didn't fuck her No Norton has a lot of chicks

No I don't mean Fuck her I mean he didn't like Fuck her over She seems very Fucked over By the industry

I think she was Got fucked over by The industry But comics have never Fucked her over I don't think No No

No I'm not even sure CBS did. Well, it's interesting to find out you know, what really happened. We know that... Well, I've only heard one side of it, but I've heard all of that side.

I've heard that side from every side you can hear that side from. Well, if they did steal their script, that's pretty wild. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for that day. They tried to fucking put me in the mud, but I came out and washed myself off like an oil

cover duck from the ocean and I'm back baby hotter than ever come see my play. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Is that what this is? I'm fucking here. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm hard the fucking mark now. Hard the fucking mark now. I am hard to mock while you're mocking me. If you're mocking me, it won't stick because I'm hard to mock. Mocking Mocky Mocks. Hamburg is a great

Hot a Mac I say we have her on regular third mic Wait a minute now Sight unseen I said it off her position Wait a minute now I want to have a full-time position right out of the gates I wanted to feel welcome

This business has kicked her in the fucking muff Dude they have knocked her all around this place All the way up to Les Moon Ves Or I don't know I can't tell Les Moondves may have been her hero Or the worst person ever I don't remember I can't really pay attention to the minute I just read them

Now for context who Les Moombes Was the head of CBS The head of CBS. And did he do something just steal her script or was he's? I think they made the show and it went a few episodes and no one liked it so they got rid of it. But she isn't willing to accept that as a possible reality. She goes like, no, corporate espionage. Somebody came in, stole my good scripts and made a different sitcom with it called Cheese.

I did hear through back channels that the show that she had. Does this mean somebody yelled it in your asshole? Yeah. Your back channels? Yeah, no, I was getting fucked in the ass when they were whispering in my ear. That's back channels. That's back channels.

Guess what Sue Kostel was fucked over by Hollywood? What? Oh, I'm filling you. I'm filling you. No, no, don't come in me. Don't come in me. I'm filling you.

I said, don't come in me. You're completely full. You know how hard that is to get out? Anyway, Sukeastel got fucked over by West MoonVaz. I'm going to shit you jizz out like a drug. Yeah.

Disgusting. Not all men are bad. That's the message. Oh, I thought that was your message and your only fans. Not all men are bad, but this man's naughty. That's your tagline. That's your logline. We're working this out.

Not all men are bad, but this one's naughty. Yeah. And then a bat flies down. That's a shirt. Yeah. You have a bat over your junk feeding it a banana. Oh shit That's me sorry

I forgot to tell you Yeah buddy Have you I've never gotten I know it wasn't I've never gotten I've got scared I've never gotten

I wanted on the show I know I do do I've never gotten I've never gotten A pat down other than my arms At TSA I went to TSA Yesterday morning

And when I got I went through They were like Oh you got the random screening for the big machine where you put your arms up, like, sure, I've done that a zillion times. I do that picture. I come out, and this black dude, dreadlocks, young, goes, look at the screen, man, these are the places you hit.

There was a weird way to put it, and it's my wrists. Sure, I have, like, bracelets and shit on. And then, for some reason, inexplicable to this day, two red squares over my dick and balls area. I couldn't guess why that was. And then the guy goes, Cancer. He goes, I got a, he goes, I have to pat you down. And I was like, okay.

And he goes, do you want to go in private? Huh? Yeah, of course. That was weirder. Why? Just, yeah, I want. That's what I want. I didn't want that.

I want to get to my gate. There you do. And then he goes, okay, turn around. And then he, uh, I think he masturbated me. I think I have, like, I could bring up charges. Nah, I just take it and feel it. Just look at the eyes. I mean, I forgot about it.

until this moment, so I guess it wasn't that traumatizing. I already came to it, so. Yeah. Out of sight, out of mind, you know what I mean? Yeah, but the guy, I didn't realize how deep they got to go, and I'll tell you, he wanted to go to a private area. Yeah. Because his young, cool black dude doesn't want,

that's going to be the laugh all the time. Like, yo, goes, I was going to tell you we should go to lunch, but I saw you over there whacking off that fat white boy. And they all laughing him, like, damn. Dude, if I was a gay young black man at TSA and I saw you walking through, with sweatpants? This wasn't a gay guy. How do you know?

he was not excited about doing it but i'll tell you what he still did his job thoroughly maybe he was playing hard to get maybe maybe he's just playing hard to get like i don't want to do this man they grabbed your shit yeah he didn't stop me he didn't stop me when uh when he was grabbing my dick he didn't stop me i put them behind his ear gently he didn't stop me he doing that like headphones yes i don't know if this was like hey hey champ what are he doing down there see what's going on did you bounce a little bit No, but I was like, I know, it is, it is crazy, though, even a guy getting ready to do that, in my mind, I still think I wish I was harder or I wish my dick was like flopping around bigger so he could, like really get a grip on it. He's not going to touch my dick, and that's going to make him go, I wonder where that guy's dick was.

He was afraid of you and inside and it's cold. He just grabs your dick like Eddie Murphy. What is this? What is this? You remember the best, that's the classic body cam video of all time. Cop frisking the black dude. What is it right here? What is this right here?

He goes, my penis. He goes, and that's your penis. And he's just like jacking a guy off over this thing. So funny. You remember that? It's like a tank to. Oh, I don't remember. Oh, Christine, bring up cop grabs, uh, suspect's penis.

In defense of the cop, it did look like a kilo of cocaine. Well, it was more that his pants were like well below his ass, and his whole dick part of his underwear is like, you know, it's like under a tank top, but like his shorts are way low. So it's like, it just, I can see how this would happen. There's an optical loo. It is just funny that. When grabbing it, you don't realize that you're squeezing a fucking dick. Seems strange. You do when you fucking feel that texture.

You know for sure. You're squeezing it a little mushy but hard. You get that smell. You're just sad that the Menthall come. TSA cop didn't feel it on you. Yo, you got Eminem's down there, man. Used to listen to this song on the weekends and wish you were in love with somebody. That's not it.

That's not it. That's not it. Is it? I think he's got like a tank top on. Yeah. And that's my, and that's your penis. What a great line.

Yeah. That's my penis, sir. And that's your penis. Sarasota weekends. You just eat crappy foods? Did you see any girls in bikinis? Bucklews? No.

That one wearing booty shorts? We went to a rock club called the Gator. And there's so many, like a lot of drunk people, a lot of, you know, a lot of chicks. Who? It's like a nightclub upstairs and a live rock venue downstairs. It's kind of a cool club to go to.

Who all went? Me, Mike, Pete, Mike's friend, my friend, Pete. And then a bunch of women from the show, I should say, women. Went to this club. Yeah, not girls, women. Ladies. Ladies. Yeah.

And so I was talking about this. A couple old crows. Well, it's like. Just keep making them worse. I'm past, like, they were very complimentary at me. They were like, you know, they were kind of, you're so good looking, you're so cute. And I was like, ah, shit. You know, I was standing by the door, and a bunch of hot chicks were coming in.

I was standing there, these stairs that go up to the nightclub. I was standing there watching the live band. And these hot chicks came in, and the first chick gave me your license. Nice. Oh, my gosh, shit. I'm a bouncer face. They're like this stinks And the girls that would hit me on me

It's better than thinking you're there to pick up your daughter or something Yeah but it's just like I was like now just go And the girls that were hitting on me were my age And it's like luck dude I'm not cheating on my wife with my wife You know what I mean? Snooser

Yeah I'm gonna deal with your cancer freckles I mean I like him on my wife You cheat on your wife with somebody else's wife I wish you I was telling you I had asked Bobby because he said earlier in the show that he over ate.

And he posted this clip of him. I guess it wasn't Mike. It was some other guy. Yeah. He said, what did you eat? He goes, oh, man, I over ate. And he lists like I had chocolate cake, apple pie, cheesecake. He listed every dessert you could possibly come up with.

Bread Bandits is like an insane bakery down there. But they're fans of the bonfire. They're fans of skanks and you like it. They just love us. And it's these two dudes. They literally They brought a yeast in illegally from Canada It's like a hundred 140 year old yeast

From his great grandfather That they smuggled into the country To start this bakery They have to keep it alive Someone has to be with this yeast 24 hours a day every day If they go on a vacation someone has to stay with the yeast And the bread is just amazing

It's like having a dog and a baby So we went there Also Costello We went there We went there and they just We just got a ton of a fucking fattening food. I've never heard it.

It was crazy. A list like that at one person. Yeah, we're a bunch of, when I get around Mike, I turn into a tub of shit. I just, it's just all bets are off. I mean, thank God I can't eat a lot, but I know why, you know, I'm fat. You want to check off me and Bobby real quick? Yeah, we can't, we're producers of the show. We can't be in.

Nobody, I don't know if we have to perform. Yeah, we have to do it. We can take a break if you want and you can jack yourself then? Do that. You want, you're trying to practice for you. your show? Is that what you're trying? Yeah, yeah. Hey, everybody. What is this? Why do you have these plugs up? We've got a guest coming in. But Jay's going to be, uh, tonight he's going to be at the Madison Square Garden with Shane Gillis. Nope. Tomorrow night. Nope. Thursday night. I said it on the pre-record.

But tonight you're going to be thinking about it. Right. Tomorrow night, you're going to be like getting geared up for it. But I only said it on the Thursday show because it's too late for people. people to be surprised. Thursday night. This ruins the surprise. Ruins everything. I just ruin the show. Are they really going to be surprised?

Oh, my God. Anyways, Big Jay is going to be at the Chicago Improv in Schaumburg this weekend. After that, he's going to be a West Nyack, New York, Dania Beach, Florida, at the improv, Fort Worth, Texas, Nashville for tickets and other tour dates. Go to BigJ Comedy.com, and don't forget out his YouTube page. YouTube.com slash at Big Jay Okerson. Great to see App Air Live Tour Bobby Kelly

It's going to be a laugh-it-up In Poughkeepsie this weekend Friday and Saturday After that the comedy works south in Colorado Columbus, Ohio, Batavia Batavia, Illinois For tickets and all of his tour dates Go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly

Check out his YouTube page YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy and of course every Tuesday night 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the comedy seller You can catch him And you should. the best.

We're going to be right back with a very special guest, so stay tuned. Mow.