The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Wendingo

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Bob is filming a survival show with comedians that camp in the wilderness. He is struggling to find a survivalist to replace Donnie Dust because he is nowhere to be found. Jay is preparing for Skankfest this weekend where he has to sing Rob Zombie. He just returned from a Joe Rogan appearance in which he killed. Find out happens when you get clunked in the head and reemerge with an accent or special skill that you didn't have before. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. So this is what I'm going to be doing for the finale of Skank. What's up Jacob? Nice hood dude. He's got his hood on. I forgot to say during that thing Lewis will be organizing the wall of death and then when we come back in with the... It'll be the wall of death will close in,

and inevitably gay, blind, Michael dive in the wrong part of the crowd. Dive in flat on cement and maybe get his eyesight back. Maybe he'll hit his head and I don't know the science. It's still out. It's out, but he might get his eyesight back or speak fluent Japanese, which both delightful. I like thought about that. Why is it that when somebody gets brain

surgery yeah brain damage I just when you when you when you have the hood on yeah and you start to give philosophy or you're asking questions it's very I don't know Jake very middle-earth it's jacquardies jacquardies sometimes I just feel the urge yes give us give us your jacquard tease jacquard tease sometimes. I just feel the urge. Yes. Give us give us your jacquard tease simple, please Why is there never any good brain damage if somebody gets a concussion they they They murder people later on and bang dudes. Yeah, or Like Aaron Hernandez. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah Or like Aaron Hernandez. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, yeah There's never like I banged my head really bad and now I'm I'm happier than I've ever been. That's not true

It is true. No, I'm not talking about becoming like simple simple Jack No, but like like yeah, yeah, some people terrible life and you don't even remember Yeah, then you wake up ten years later in a hospital and then you beat the shit out of everybody because you know kung fu. I know, you never hear stories of people that- You realize eventually that you were an assassin that has been, tried to be exterminated, but you survived. Right, and the nurse that was taking care of you for the last 10 years is smoking hot

and fell in love with you somehow, and now you're awake and you find the woman of your dreams, but you have to protect her from all the people that are trying to kill you that were trying to kill you 10 years ago. What happened about that? I feel like this is a movie plot, and I'm saying real of your dreams, but you have to protect her from all the people that are trying to kill you that were trying to kill you 10 years ago. What happened about that? I feel like this is a movie plot, and I'm saying real life.

Oh, oh. Yeah, real life, you never hear. Okay, apologies. Yeah, I'm sorry. He fell out of a car. He fell off his motorcycle, hit his head like Gary Busey, but now he's brilliant and he's happier than he ever was before that.

Maybe not happiness necessarily, but is there any sign of someone like coming out of something with more knowledge? I feel like that has happened before. There's like a phenomenon, someone just like getting clunked and then woke up and then like knew all math. Well there's one girl that got clunked and had a Chinese accent. Oh yeah. Yeah, that happened when she. There's a lot of girls who get clunked and then live a fake life while they're unconscious

where they're much more attractive than they normally are and then realize that life's not so much better like that and then wake up and accept their fate as a fat, ugly person. I'm sure there's instances. Did I say that right? Instances. I don't think there is.

I think for some reason, every time there's brain damage, it's always bad. I think that. There's never good brain damage. I think there was a couple instances where somebody woke up and they knew math. Right. Yeah.

Is that noise? Is that it? What? I'm hearing a whole other track. Yeah. Is that noise? I'm hearing a whole other track. Yeah, maybe. There was some ladies talking. It's a girl talking. Did you hit your ass? Is that tab open, Lou? Oh, you guys can hear me in cue?

I can hear you. A little bit. Oh, really? It wasn't so, so bad. It wasn't bad. I just didn't know what it was. Let's try it. I'm telling you, for some reason, brain damage was...

Somebody in this room will hit you in the head real hard. I didn't know what it was. Let's try it. I'm telling you, for some reason, brain damage was. Somebody in this room will hit you in the head real hard. All right, let's draw straws, and the loser gets a shovel across the fucking head. I'm in, let's do it. It never like, cancels. Is there one in fucking Six Chance that it's not me? It just never cancels out the bad stuff.

Like, it never like damages your angry part, so now you're only happy. I don't know why, I guess if people only hit the part of their brain where you know all their happiness parts turn off. Are you looking this up Lou? I think there's I think there are instances I mean you think they'd wish I know another word circumstances um I I'm sure there was situations Where thank you Jay good to have you back? I'm sure I'm sure there was situations where it's happened and people have gotten some type of freakish

You know autistic Superhero power I've never heard of it There's no evidence that waking someone up with a concussion helps them get better faster and makes them smarter. It's never happened. In fact, waking someone up and not letting them sleep after a concussion can be counterproductive

to the healing process. Whereas there's a crucial part of the healing process for a concussion. I thought you're not supposed to go to sleep if you have a concussion. I say, are you? Is this terrible information? Yeah, I mean, it is the internet.

A person waking up from a concussion with a foreign accent could be experiencing foreign accent syndrome, a rare condition that causes a sudden shift in speech patterns. It's not real, is what that means. It's not real. Yeah, it's a rare condition, and by rare I mean it never happens, but some people say they do it.

You think the lady that was on the news that said it happened, that she's just faking it? That's not a real thing? And it's hilarious. If I was gonna say that I woke up with any fake accent, it would be fuckin' Asian. It would be Asian? Chinese, yes.

I'd pick southern black. Oh, just regional. You're not even going for a race. Yeah, I'd go southern. Yo, now I'll tell you this motherfucker, this motherfucker not be right in the head. Now Dawn, she don't give me no pussy at all. I've been looking for it and it ain't there.

I mean, just cause you pro-sale on it, don't make it a pancake is all I'm saying. I'd love to see that. Bobby Wilkins from Macomo. Woo, I whooped that ass. You say some of that shit again down here on the bayou. You done fucked up again. I don't mind mosquitoes, I mind people.

And the mosquito down here like crawfish. People have woken up from coma speaking a different language or with a different accent due to a number of possible conditions, including lies, bullshit, nonsense. That's not true. Read the rest of it, Jay. You are a glass half full man.

What does it say? You think glass half full is the positive one. Glass half empty man. See, you're being negative with that. But there's nothing in the glass when these are made up. Okay, Pharnexin Syndrome, the speech condition that occurs after a stroke, head trauma, migraines, or developmental problems.

Okay, now I understand that. Somebody who is mentally retarded, remember? Someone who's mentally retarded might just start speaking with a Pharnexin one day because they chose to and they do whatever makes them happy immediately. Stroke, head Trump man. That'd be so great if Keith just came back

speaking South Korean from his stroke. Or they'll just lose their native accent. For example, a woman who woke up from a coma after being hit by a van spoke French for two weeks. Spoke French or had a French accent? It says spoke French, which is, that's what I'm saying. She just knew French all of a sudden. It was rushed to the hospital.

She thought it was a migraine, woke up sounding Chinese after her local accent disappeared. This is nonsense. Scroll up, let me see what the other possible things it could be is. Oh, it's only one of two things. The other one is bilingual aphasia. It's a thing.

Well, it's got a name, but it's nothing. It's a condition that causes people to lose one of their languages after a brain injury. This can happen because different parts of the brain are involved in remembering each language. For example, a 13-year-old girl who had been studying German in school woke up from a coma speaking only German

while losing her native language. Horseshit. It's not horseshit. It's a thing that happens. Your brain is a magical place, Jay. And when the wires get crossed in there, crazy things can happen. Right, but you're not, if someone wakes up sounding Chinese, they don't mean they woke up.

German 101, she's all of a sudden speaking fluent German. Yeah, no, the whole thing's a lie. We only use 10% of our brains. Right. We only use 10% of our brains, which means that sometimes you can tap into something. Where is the lady speaking Chinese? Is there a video of the lady speaking Chinese? There is.

Because I want to see, because I'm telling you what she's doing already. No one goes and just picks up like a mild, do you know what I mean? Like, oh, I have to go to the store, and I have to go to watch a television. It's gonna be like, oh, it's gonna be. That's Japanese. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh.

It's still Japanese. Oh. Yeah, I actually saw this video. This lady woke up and she spoke in a Chinese accent. Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you go to some of her Chinese friends and get her eyebrows fixed? No.

You don't like her eyebrows? They're too thin? One's thin, one's thicker, and they're shaped differently. Oh, God, her lips are dry, too. I hate a dehydrated lip. Yeah, her dimples are too close I hate a dehydrated lip. Yeah. Her dimples are too close to her mouth. Everything's wrong with this bitch.

Her eyes are too far apart. A lot of real estate between them fucking peepers. Dehydrated lip and then they drink wine and the wine gets caught inside the little crevices. Oh, and it's darker purple in there than it is on the outside because they don't, because they're fucking dehydrated constantly. Yeah, because they're drinking wine instead of water.

Pigs. I hate this chick. Let's hear it. Why does she have a permanent? By the way, it says she has a permanent Chinese accent. How do you know it's permanent? Can't you ding her back into like fucking regular? Just get a spaded shovel and ding her on the back of the head?

What if she just went through accents? Like one of the, remember that little animal thing you spun as a kid and it gave you a. Yeah, see inside. Mwah. Mwah. And this is just a. Mwah.

She goes, today I'm speaking Chinese. Ching chong bing bong, ching chong bing bong. That's Chinese. Yeah, okay, thank you. This is just a regular British white lady talking. Name is Sarah Colwell. I am 40 years old I live in Plymouth and born and bred here and laws it

The accents not the big thing here. She also just said she's 14 years old. She's having a complete personality disorder Yeah, she and she's talking like a little kid. Yeah, I don't know any, I don't ever see a penis. If this is permanent. I love ramen with the little tiny shrimp cakes inside. And I love a little Pokemon dog. And then maybe fun fact inside a cookie. Ooh, I love a cookie. I love a cookie and it give me fun fact.

You know that that's American. That aren't even from our country, but I still like it. I don't know if from my country. I'm not from there. I'm from UK. We have beans and sausages for breakfast. Now here. I'm buying us a mash.

She's so ugly. She's also... She is. But I'm saying, why, if this is permanent. You know what I hate about British... So use the word permanent. I hate British houses They still have shitty

Wallpaper, it's because everybody loves their couches because everybody lives in their great-grandmother's house It is they really got to update their fucking what do they call them? generational smells There what do they call a loft of? flats flats They stink. Oh my God, I bet the best mansion has a big old fat radiator in it.

I hate London and I hate this bitch. Okay, I'm coming to the lot a little angry. I didn't sleep early. Why you make fun of my radiator? But I just real girl. I just real Chinese girl. You put peasants around on Christmas time, but I'm Jewish, I don't make sense. It's confusing because none of the people were here when I woke up from coma was Chinese girl. Put peasants around on Christmas time, but I'm Jewish, I don't make sense.

It's confusing because none of the people were here when I woke up from coma was Chinese people. Why are my eyebrows so thin and my lips so dry? Oh, it's my family must be all round eye because my eyebrows are messed up. My mama makes me open can with my teeth. Oh yeah, so yeah, if you're working for your British, take a look at them fucking chomp chomps.

Let's let this moron talk some more. In Plymouth, born and bred here in Plymouth. About five years ago now, I had a stroke. Five years ago. She's being a racist. That'd be funny if she was just a real racist. She is. And she figured out a way to just do it. No, this is what she's doing.

She's being a racist. Oh, you can't see it on the screen in front of you? I got it right here, I'm good. No, I can't see it on the screen. The stroke maker unable to prevent herself from being racist. Like she's always wanted to talk in a Chinese accent. It's just in the back of her head.

But can I just say something in her defense? We've all wanted to talk in a Chinese accent. It's just in the back of her head. But can I just say something in her defense? We've all wanted to do that. It's fun. Accents are fun. As this show knows, they can be real fun. Done right. I mean, the gay accent, that'd be a good one. If you got hit in the head, and all of a sudden you're like,

what the fuck is up? This is nuts, my balls are hot, I got a belly. Fuck you, are you gonna fucking not hire me because I have accent fakie syndromes, what is it called? Hey, stop coming up to me, I may talk gay, but I love pussy. I'm super into pussy. Pussy smells make me hard!

Cocks are the grossest, pusses are the most! I hate bum and so should you, Jesus is gonna kill you! Ew, little dookies live up there, that's not how I play it. I hate it, I hate my penis only when it's in a girl's mouth. I'm gonna go break some bitches back out right now. I love big fat titties. I have a huge cock that satisfies women. Women.

Look at her dumb Chinese face. Eww. So angry. She really is making that face. Sorry, immediate turd. I squint in my eyes. Passing a big one. Her head's uneven. What do you do if Christine hit her head and she just started talking Chinese?

Walk and leave forever. It says it's permanent. I don't know if you saw this headline on YouTube, Bobby, but once it happens, dude, it's permanent Chinese accent. You just try to keep hitting her in the head until she comes back. Yeah. Well, for a couple weeks I'll keep her around and I'll film a bunch of things just try to keep Hitler in the head until she comes back. Yeah, well for a couple weeks I'll keep around and I'll film a bunch of things

where every time she walks into a room, I bang a handheld gong that I'll carry with me at all times. Guys, Christine's coming in. Bzsh. We all bow. Yeah. Dun dun dun dun dun dun Christine. You make her walk 10 feet behind you.

Feet are all tied up. Damn. After Skankfest though. Christine's out at Skankfest now. I mean. She's there now. She's in Vegas now. They're setting everything up.

Setting it all up. You were gone yesterday? Exciting week, yeah I know. Yesterday when I did Rogan came out today. You did Rogan, you did. Killed Tony, we did two live Legion of skanks How was Greek? How was the Legion of skanks? Legion skanks was great. Yeah, the creek in the cave. It was so great

It was so cool to also be like, you know legion skanks live from the creek in the cave again We haven't said that in a long long time. That is why That's why I remember you guys just did there's like what ten people in the crowd at the creek in the game point We were upstairs they had in this black box theater and they'd be like six people. It was so bad I remember doing that but the six people that were they were like it grew weirdly in that regard like locally as a thing because people came and They'd be like five people and two of them were already fans Another three were just like people who lived in Long Island City were like fuck it

Mm-hmm And then they like those we'd keep like those five people and they would start coming every week Two of them were already fans, and the other three were just like people who lived in Long Island City who were like, fuck it. And then we'd keep those five people, and then they would start coming every week. It was weird, it's crazy how that went. Yeah, it built up. I think I did it, and then I came back, and you were downstairs, and it was just packed out.

Yeah. It was like a little party. And then you did the first Skank Fest at Creek in the Cave. At the Creek in the Cave, it was so wild how small it was. Yeah, I did. 300 people. We did the YKWD, and that girl in the Cave. At the Creek in the Cave, it was so wild how small it was. Yeah, I do. 300 people. We did the YKWD and that girl in the front row looked like a dude but hot. That was at a...

She took her top off. That wasn't at Skank Fest. Was it not? It wasn't at Skank, it was just a show we did out there. I think you came and did a skank, you did a legion of skanks with us there. No, that was a YKWD. Was it? Yeah, that was, yeah.

Okay, then you did it there for a live one for some reason, The Creek. I thought it was The Creek. I thought it was Skank. I thought it was the first one. I think you're right, it was YKWD, but it was at The Creek, and it was that girl, it wasn't Skank Fest, but...

She's a feminist. Raven Dove? Yes. Dove Raven or something like that? Yes. Something like that. Christine looks her up all the time. I think she's gotten full. She's full She's had her boobs taken off, I think.

No! I think so. No, she had great, I mean, dude, she... She showed us her cans and it wasn't confusing. It really was that scene from just one of the guys. Yeah, I hung myself. Where they pull him out and you go, boobs guy, boobs guy.

I actually have that photo of her boobs. Perfect, I mean, perfect. But mean Perfect, but guys a model model. She's a What is a trans or something? She's both she does. She was a model and she does men She does a man and then she does women's clothes in the same thing Really? My body was nuts. Oh, yeah, she was cool. I think she enjoyed the show. She's now hardcore feminist gay well, she's gays for Palestine and... Oh, she's Hannah Gatsby? Yeah, she's got a...

She turned into Hannah Gatsby? I still follow her. She's a... Who, Hannah Gatsby? I love her work. I don't. I thought she was all right. You follow Raven Dove? I follow Raven Dove. After that, you got to...

Whatever, Raven, something like that. Dovey Lips. But you guys did Rogan too, right? We did Rogan. How was that? Come on fucking fantastic, dude, I always go on there and murder I It's three hours in one minute. I saw it on YouTube today. It's three hours in one minute of I'd say if I had to give the elevator pitch wall-to-wall laughs, I am They are just digging what I'm saying

fucking three-hour full vibe session just four people lined up laughing Irreverent go viral nothing gets heavy. I think we solve trans shit And then yeah Yeah, good towers, huh? Do you get a pee break? You can go pee whenever you want. This was the I'll tell you what my next Rogan for sure is gonna be my best by far The next time I do it because when I sat there we went in there's a new

Something like the the governor of Austin or of Texas, I think is cracking down maybe on Austin or something with the, cause weed's so like prevalent there that they're kind of cracking down on weed down there now. So Joe was like, let's not, he goes, let's not smoke weed on, so we're not gonna smoke weed on the show. But we're getting ready to start.

And so everyone, like I lit up like weed real quick and I took two puffs and I gave it to Joe and Then he took two puffs and then he goes You go should I put this out and I went where he goes do any more of it and I was like, yeah Yeah, I'm gonna take more and he goes he goes. All right one more He just just the fact that he said the word one more put me in such a position There he goes. He goes. Oh, it goes one more and I was like I was right, one more? And just the fact that he said the word one more put me in such a position. There he goes, he goes, oh, he goes, you want one more? And I was like, I was gonna have a whole bunch more.

It's a whole thing I brought. And now we can't smoke it during the show. So I took one more and then put it down. And then, you know, the show's three hours, almost three and a half hours we did. And very fun, by the way. I'm joking, but stuff. But what was funny, we did three, over three hours, I think.

And then after that three hours, I said while the show was going, I go, hey, please keep going. We can keep going. I have to go smoke a cigarette. I'm going to lose my mind. And Joe was like, oh, we're actually just going to wrap it up. Anyway, we've been going for three and a half hours, so let's, you know, blah, blah, blah.

He said goodbye, we went outside, I went outside. And as soon as we ended the show, Jamie, his producer, goes, you could smoke in here. Yeah. Yeah, dude, everybody smokes in cars. He's looking at somebody in there, he goes, you could smoke cigarettes, and here I go. No, I, what?

Yeah, there's? on the table. What? I mean, you could watch me not smoking on that thing. If you were like, what's Jay doing on the entire episode of Joe Rogan? Not smoking is the first description you would give because I'm twirling things. I smoked a whole cigar with him.

I thought he smoked cigars. Yeah, everybody smokes cigars. I thought that he, I thought it was like cigars and weed. You didn't know he was cool. I didn't know it was super cool. Super cool. Yeah, you can smoke on that show if you want. Just nobody does, because I mean,

not a lot of people smoke anymore. I know. It's like a, it's a rare thing to see somebody on another set. Why did I know that? Man, if I could smoke cigarettes, you'd just see my feet up on the desk and everything. Joe, let's really break this trans shit down man's man woman's a woman am I right Trump 2024 and then throw a dart at an Osama

bin bin Laden poster no it was very good and then kill Tony was a fucking blast blast also what was really funny was just a going to Rogan was, I don't know why we put Dave Smith in charge of this, but Dave was staying at the same hotel as me. And he goes, I'll call an Uber to get us there. And he picked the Uber up, picked us up, and then went to pick up Lewis, and then dropped us off at, like, you know, they're always in an industrial park

kind of area. Nondescript. Yeah. And this guy was gonna leave us just down the road Like not pull into the industrial park and we're like no man You got to pull in there and he's a guy and then we see we're got to get in close to the dot And we're like we'll just jump out here dude. It's fine And he pulls off and then we're looking around for this number here And we're looking and look and then after about 10 minutes of walking in a circle around this entire industrial park

Like Dave, did you put the right address in? He's like, yeah, let me double check. And he didn't. He put us about 3 quarters of a mile away from it. So we're like walking. It's 97 degrees. It's so hot. Now everyone's sweating a ton and

Then we get in as a walking like a failed alt band. Yes, I find a gig and then we we call them and they go someone's coming to Get you guys in a truck or something. We're walking through this thing. We're probably about truck or something and we're walking through this thing. We're probably about a hundred yards away at this point from the location and an SUV pulls up to us and the guy turns around in front of us and he goes he goes it's just down here and just drives off without us. If he didn't come to pick us up he just came to turn around and go right where I'm parking down there is where you guys go he didn't want us all sweaty and shitting his car out, he was right. And then, yeah, we went in and did the show.

It was fun, very, very fun day. Fun day all around, fun trip for Legion of Skanks, it was great. And I missed a day, I missed another Monday. You missed a Monday. We have a crazy schedule coming up, we should tell people that we're doing a live show tomorrow and then it's gonna be a best of or a repeat on Thursday.

And then next week we'll be off completely. And then the following two weeks, we will be back, but I'll be running with guest host Bobby's gonna be filming something. I'll be filming Comedy Camp up in Canada with Norton and Yamanika. Oh, yeah. I bet she doesn't make it the whole time.

Somebody's not gonna make it the whole time. You know, I didn't really hit me until yesterday when Norton filled in for you yesterday. Shout out Jimmy J. Jimmy Norton, thank you so much for sitting there. Hey girl. Hey bitch, sword fight. He uh, I was explaining him the things

and he was kinda hitting him. Like he didn't understand that he's gonna shit in the woods for five days. And he has a whole process of pooping. Of course he does. And it's really funny to me that I said to you, when Bobby was so funny, I was saying this to Christine when we were going home,

when Bobby called me to say he's gonna need two weeks for comedy camp, and I'm just going like, sure, I got you buddy. Like do what you gotta do, you'll be fine. And we'll get coverage for it or something. And he's like, yeah, it's just, I mean I really wanted you to, I wanted you to be one of the people doing it. And he's trying to give me like the,

I'm sorry, you're not one of the people doing it. And I'm like, I don't, it's fine. Like I know exactly that, it was like two weeks. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not shitting in the woods for two weeks, I'll lose my mind. Well, I, when we were talking about the producers and people, All Things Comedy kinda stepped in and helped out cause it's self-funded type thing.

And they were like, we need this, we need that, we need this, and I was like, well, Big Jay, up in the woods, I mean, you can't. It'd be very funny. He paints his nails. He showers every day He makes his bed. He's very neat. Oh make no mistake I would do it to do that's would be with the fun I'm not an idiot to not know what the funny that is

I'm not Jacob who refuses to move in for one week with black Lou and DJ Lou the odd thropple to watch fireworks and sue I Will throw in. If you were like, Jay, I want you to do Comedy Camp, I'd go, I'm doing it for sure. But when you're like, you also understand that it's a part of me also when you go, I know it'll be fun also.

But when there's those factors that now I don't have to even think about at all, when you're like, so yeah, we don't have you doing this round at all. And I was like, whew. Yeah, dude, I hear you. It's gonna be tough. And I know how tough it's gonna be. Look, I've only got, I don't think she is.

And I don't think Jim knows what he's getting into either. But I've done three days. And three days, you don't sleep good. You sleep because you're exhausted Sure, you're not sleeping because it's it's not glamping at all. No and or you're sleeping because your blood's low from mosquitoes There's no bugs. There's gonna be no bugs, but there there are grizzly bears. Okay, there are other bugs I think No, no, not now. It's too cold. All the bugs are gone.

Now bug season is mud season in the spring, and during the summer it gets a little buggy. There's actually, in the spring, it's really buggy. Black flies, terrible. Can't even go five sec, like an inch without just a million flies around your face. So all that's gonna be gone, but a lot of animals are gonna be looking for food around now, the winter's coming. What happens when an aggressive bald man,

a trans enthusiast, and a big black mama take to the woods? Don't forget Bobby Lee. Oh, Bobby Lee's doing it. Bobby Lee's doing it. Really? Yeah, we got a pretty- And an old British lady who's pretending to be Asian, Bobby Lee's doing it. Bobby Lee's doing it. Really? Yeah, we got a pretty. And an old British lady who's pretending to be Asian,

Bobby Lee. It's gonna be wild. Do you think they did like a, it was like a vice versa? Like they touched a relic and Bobby Lee got her voice? Is that her supposed to be her voice that he has? And she got Bobby Lee's original voice? I just know that we don't have to worry about bears because Yamanique is gonna be up there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Now she'll draw them in though. She's always menstruating. That's her secret, like the Hulk. No, that's, hey, Yamanika, menstruate. That's my secret, Bobby. I'm always menstruating. I don't know if she knows she has to shit in the woods.

I think, I think she thinks that we're gonna have some type of set. She's thinking Bear Grylls. Like Cabin. She's thinking Bear Grylls. Like cabin. She's thinking cabin. With Burt. Yeah, like there's gonna be a. Yeah, but Burt was never even presented to be camping.

It was a log cabin. Like it was supposed to be like, you know, that. No, that's what I'm saying. This isn't that. If it was that, it's a no. If you guys were all going in RVs, or some kind of thing like that, and setting up an RV camp and shit,

right then, then I would have been a little like, oh, I hope it gets picked up so I can do one of these. When you're like, yeah, then you'll have your knees over a log hanging from a tree from some fucking rope, and then you shit. I go, well, how am I gonna hold my phone and laptop while I'm doing that, Bobby? There's no phone and laptop. Oh, then I can you shit. I go, well how am I gonna hold my phone and laptop while I'm doing that, Bobby? There's no phone and laptop.

Oh, then I can't shit. That's my coffee. You can bring a magazine. You can bring a magazine up there if you need to. You can hold it with one hand. Well the funny thing is they each have a solo night too where they have to go out 20 meters, because we're in Canada.

They have to go out, actually 200 meters from camp and build a shelter. They're gonna be learning all this stuff during the week to build shelters, to do things like that, and then they have to go out at the end and build their own shelter and stay in it for the night by themselves. And it's-

This is gonna be a huge explosive hit because the footage of Yamanika... Anybody want to take action when I say she doesn't stay the whole time? She leaves aggressively one day. She can't leave. She'll leave. I'll tell you why she can't leave. You're taking her passport? No.

No. We're gonna be hours into the woods and She's gonna it's gonna be a hysterical very fit a hysterical I will get a transport and they will get her back to civilization. We don't have a chance you gonna be Well, we don't have we have a very small crew we did that intentionally there's not like a there's a a camera We might have a B camera. And. Is that for the poop? No.

Are you gonna film. Get some B roll. Film. And every. Not obviously the duty coming out, but you're gonna film. The duty. Everybody has a camera on them at all times.

So. So from 24 hours a day you're being filmed. And you're, like the show alone, they film themselves. So you're gonna have to go the show alone, they film themselves. So you're gonna have to go out, they're gonna get a brief instruction on how to film themselves, and they'll have a camera attached to them

getting their perspective. So the way we have to get the footage is, is I'll get Jay, Jay will get you, we'll all get each other, and then you have so much footage at the end, you edit it together to make a show. So everybody's being filmed 24 hours a day from the second we go up that mountain,

and then from the second you get down. And there's cameras all around, trail cams everywhere, so while you're sleeping you're being, so if you get up in the middle of the night freaking out, it's filmed, like it's being filmed. Everything is gonna be caught. So when you go to take a poop, not that we're gonna film someone taking a shit, cause nobody wants to see that,

but you will have. You'll see a spot or something? We won't show it, but that film will be, that exists of her figuring out how to, you have to go to a tree, you have to dig a hole a foot deep, you have to have toilet paper, you're gonna have baby wipes, but the baby wipes have to go back in a bag, cause you have to have toilet paper. You can have baby wipes, but the baby wipes

have to go back in a bag, because you have to take those out. You can't leave them there. They're not biodegradable. But you can leave the toilet paper in the hole, and that's your hole to shit in for the week. You know what I mean? You're not putting bars over it.

Showing Yomenika shitting, but there's bars. There's actually another technique that you can build a little seat, which they're gonna learn how to build with branches, and you lean against the back of the tree, squat down, and hang your butt over the side of the branch, or the stick, yeah. Two questions.

Yes, two. Who are the guides there that are the experts, and when they are on their solo night, who's protecting? Let's say a bear is, let's say it's Jim Norton's solo night alone. They'll have bear spray. A can of spray, that's what you send them out with? What do you want to say, 45?

I can't give them guns. No, at least a nine millimeter. Do you think at Jim's Essentials, he packs a pocket pussy or a dildo? Ha ha ha. You know what? Jim's Essentials he packs a pocket pussy or a dildo? Ha ha ha. You know what? Both. I think he makes one.

Once we teach him the skills. Yeah dude. A lean to and an in to. Ha ha ha. Yeah dude, he's gonna get bear spray. Gonna be out there. And if something comes, I mean we're gonna have,

here's the thing, I got Donnie Dust, my man, blew me off. He's not doing the show. He was, I told him about it, he's, I'm in, ready to go, hasn't responded to a text in a month. Good, I like that because I was told by a fan that Donnie Dust is full of shit, his parents are rich, and all kinds of shit like that.

That's untrue, His parents are not rich. This guy said his whole guy's thing's a sham. Who said that? Some guy. His cave is a set. His cave's not a set, dude. His cave's a set. He did nine tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So he says. What do you mean, so he says? I don't know. Did you see him do his tours? Did I see him do tours of duty? I mean, technically, Bobby, you've done tours of Afghanistan and all that shit. I've done tours of Iraq, but not a tour. I told jokes.

Right. And then I had ice cream. Yeah, but he didn't say what he was on tour doing there. He said he was interrogating. He interrogated. That was what if he was like a like a bass player in a system of a down cover band He was not a bass player. He was you don't know you don't know anything about this guy. He's ghosted you He did go she thought he was a guy that wouldn't do that, buddy He I on Instagram phone text everything not one

Response he died from a bee sting that's what gets all those fucking big nature-y guys. One bee sting put him down. So now here's the problem. We have to replace the expert. I'll do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll be honest with you. No one's going to be ruining the show.

We'll probably just turn it over to Fennoy completely, Fennoy and the Jake Show. And you'll go there. What the fans really want. And I will walk you guys through. I'm bringing a Flint to start fires, just so you know. You're not bringing, a Flint? Yeah, and two of my items are gonna be cartons of cigarettes.

You know, I don't know, I mean I appreciate, thank you very much, I appreciate the offer. I'll do it, I'll bring a generator, we can watch TV. You can't bring a generator, there's watch TV. You can't bring a generator. There's no electricity. Well how are the cameras gonna work, Bobby? The cameras are gonna run on batteries. Yeah.

And we have batteries come up with us. You think there's not cords that can run the power from that camera into a small 47 inch screen television? Absolutely they can, but you can't. We're not allowing, there's no TVs. We should. No, there's gonna be a production. I'll bring the TV, I'm not asking you to bring it.

You're not carrying a TV up a mountain. Huh? You're not gonna carry a TV. I put it in my bag with the video games. You're not bringing video games. Well how are we gonna kill time, Bobby? You're gonna kill time by learning about nature. You don't even know how fast I'm gonna shit

when I know everyone's watching and I'm hanging from a tree. It's gonna be, it's not gonna be a real sit down sesh where my leg falls asleep. I'm trying to get it over with quick. You have to shit 200 yards away from the king. I'll tell you, is this the wrong way to wipe in the woods? I, before I did any kind of worrying about paper, I would take a stick and just like fuck my ass cheeks with it,

you know what I mean, like stripping down and just kind of like flick out. That's not good. And then I would get in there and wipe the leftover stuff. fuck my ass cheeks with it, you know what I mean? Like straight up and down and just kinda like flick out. That's not good. And then I would get in there and wipe the leftover stuff. I do that with Doodle's poop. When she shits and I forget a bag, I just get a stick and flick it in the woods.

Yeah, yeah, but I do it right out of my ass. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard. Well, it's for cleaning afterwards. No, no, no, you'll have toilet paper. Everybody's gonna have toilet paper. Putting a stick up your ass cracks, the gross thing. You're gonna eat bugs, you said.

There's no bugs, we're not eating bugs. You have to kill a moose and eat it raw. No, you can't kill it, we're not killing a moose. Well, what's the ceremony you're doing to pay homage to the gods? We're gonna make it through five days. What if you spot a wendingo? What's a wendingo?

Somebody go look up what a wendingo. It's for Bobby. I can't believe he's unaware of this going up to uncharted. Is that a kangaroo? No. Is that from Australia? It sounds like an Australia stupid animal. No. What is it? It's from the woods. It's not a wing dingo. Wendingo. A wendingo. A wendingo. That sounds like an Australian stupid thing. No, Bobby. It's a mythological creature or evil spirit from the Algonquin folklore that is often depicted as a cannibalistic monster. An image of a wendingo please.

There's no, there's no, I, it's a, it's from folklore. Comes from somewhere right? Someone saw it, told the story. I am a little nervous about Lou better picture of a wending. Oh, please if you could Christine what you think Christine's a wending. Oh, she could be the spirit of I thought that was Christina Just walk by but it's not in the Pet Cemetery Well, no just so insulting no dude no just the top I didn't see the bottom

Pet Cemetery has something to do with a wind dingo, somehow. I swear to God. Listen to me, there are animals up there. Can you type in animals? Do you know there's not wind dingoes? Can you look up wind dingoes in Canada? It just said it's a mythical creature. Right, but they said that about unicorns,

and I saw one of those once. Yeah, at Jim's house. Can I ask a question here? That's what all that glitter and cock was. Well, yes. How do you know Donnie Dust is not in the woods and out of touch that way? Well, that's what I'm thinking, that he's in some cave somewhere fucking making a knife.

Well, I hope he's not dead. He did have a heart attack. No. Let me say this, and let's be real for a second. You'd rather he be dead, and that's why he didn't get back to you, than be blowing you off. Yes. Thank you.

I'd rather it be something physical. Something absolutely terribly horrible is going wrong. Terribly, like I couldn't get back to you, the left side of my body doesn't work. What do you want, he goes, yeah, I'm just like, I'm not that excited about this, I don't want to do it. You'd rather find out that he was on his way

to respond to your text. He got your text, and when he looked at the thing, and it was like, oh, we got greenlit, yes! And then like a fucking car hit him. Yeah, or he fell off a cliff. He fell off a cliff and no one found him. Yeah, nobody found him yet. No one found him off the cliff.

Who is your expert then? Well, we're looking at two women. What? Christine and Louis? No. Why did your eyebrows go up? No, it's fine. What, no, it didn't seem fine.

I said women and you. Wait, you weren't. We're looking at. Your guide. There's two girls, we're bringing one of them, but we're looking at two women guides now. Bobby. Sure, it'll be fine. But think about this though, if you have women guides. What if anything happens?

Take my first concern. Let me give you a very specific concern. What if anything possibly happens that requires anything more than the skills and strength of a woman? Jay, women can do anything guys can do. Don't you read the news? Yes. They can do anything. No, they can't. Um, they come on their own chest. I bet they can't. No, they can't. You're right. They can't. Can they hold their own cock up while someone licks their balls? Some can.

No, they can't. Some can. No, that's a guy. Okay. No, they can't. Oh, no, you know, dude, that's a guy okay? No they get your time does oh? No, you know dude. He's my I like it. What was the last time he posted it's right here It says hey doing a comedy camping show Dane cook Get the fuck out of here dude yeah that seems personal yeah around the campfire getting Botox Oh my God look and then and then look his his newest post, it's him giving Sufis. Stop it. Stop.

I can't see the TV. Donnie Dust, dude. Yeah, he hasn't. He hasn't. He's connected to the world. Yeah, he hasn't responded. I'm very sad. Very sad.

Because he's perfect. Because if anything happened, I mean, this guy. There's a guy. That's. That you're going to invite women. I mean. It does make sense. There is. Not two women. We're picking between two. Because he's perfect because if anything happened, I mean this guy's a guy that's that you're gonna invite women

I mean it does make sense. There is not two women. We're picking between two is one of them Jane Goodall. I Know oh, it's a both. We're going. No, we're not we're not bringing only one woman two women And how are you gonna equal one man? We gotta bring there's a car you're gonna do all new wardrobe You gotta play these two girls stack and fucking wear Donnie dust clothes We're picking between two you thought we're gonna to compare to one Donnie dust that would be five women by the way Pick the fatter one in case you eat or I'd be five women in one gay guy to compare to Donnie dust I mean, it's it's a concern right now, cause I don't wanna, Donnie was perfect.

You would feel safe, I would feel safe, knowing that he was in camp with us. The only time it's gonna pay off having this girl around is when you inevitably have to watch her shit. But after that, I think it's all gonna fall to pieces. Yeah, and it's a white woman. What? Yeah. What if you have to climb anything? Oh my lord? my lord what my

Lord what Wow? What are we my lording? You think white women are really good climbers you've seen that in historic. I mean yeah I really anybody where why do we have to climb something huh? What are we climbing? You think white women are really good climbers. You've seen that historically. I mean, yeah. Really? Anybody can be. Where? Why do we have to climb something? Huh? Why are we climbing?

What if you have to? It's not the jungle. To get away from danger. No, look, the only danger is bears, wolverines, big cats, and other people. Oh yeah, or maybe fucking Yamanika or Jim going forest mad, fucking killing you in your sleep. I just hope I do. Yamanica came down with forest madness. Well the original cast was Russell Peters who's pretty chill

but a badass and you know now he dropped out and now Billy dropped out too. Billy was supposed to be in it. Bill Burr Burr got a couldn't find a landing pad for his Helicopter no He got a gig he got a movie so he's got a dropout. What's the movie? I don't know I didn't ask it was kind of a bummer because it would have been a it would have been a That scenario those two it better be everybody's everybody's kind of you know in the same circle at least this is Everybody knows each other but different circles, so it's good, but it could add from it could add for a could add for better I will say though for sure

Zero sexual tension on that trip no Bobby Lee and Bobby Lee and Norton might have some sexual maybe yeah day three Yeah, you know what you really do need need a will they won't they situation. And Yamanica, me and Yamanica have something. And I'll do it with Yamanica. Bobby, if you want me there that bad, it's settled, I'll do it. I'm gonna take shits, I'm gonna wave everybody

while I do it, I'm gonna get over my fears. I would love, I would really, me. And we're gonna conquer this. You up there would be so fun because you would try. You would try to overcome the things that you have to do. Sure, but I might get forest mad this. There's a strong chance you could. And I'm just looking straight, my eyes are like black underneath.

You're like, Jay, and I go, yeah, what's up? I am a little nervous about that. You're like, what are you doing? He goes, I'm writing help real big on the beach with these rocks Jay, we're not shipwrecks. We're in the forest I'll be over here shitting off this tree this tree branch and rope It's funny because Jay would use all the toilet paper on his first shit first shot. We'd have no toilet paper Jay you're wrapping your hand. You've got to wrap your hand. I don't know where the dookie goes out here. Bobby said I'm weird if I try to stick it out first.

It must be liberating just hearing your duty just drop on the ground. Shitting in the woods. Liberating. It's pretty good. I feel like it's something I would want to hear. Go do it. Because you love duty.

You do love duty. You're the duty king. Dude do it. Because you love duty. Yeah, you do love duty. You're the duty king. Dude, you're so hot for duty. It's the most, I guess that it's kind of like you're an animal in nature. That's what they do. No, you're shitting the way you're supposed to be shitting.

Here's the great part about it. When dogs shit, you never have to wipe a dog's asshole. Right? No. My dog, you do. What? Because it just leaves streaks. Jacob, you've got it bad, so bad. You're hot for duty.

Do, do, doodio. Buddy. Whoa. I couldn't do this because I'm not, knowing you're gonna be film shitting is a non-starter. No, you're not being film shitting. The camera's facing out. It's not like we're gonna be film shitting is a non-starter. But you're not being film shitting.

The camera's facing out. It's not like, we're not filming people taking, that's your private time. But we will have like audio and we won't use it, but if something happens while you're shitting, we will have, you know, if something crawls up somebody's ass while they're shitting and they start screaming and yelling,

we would want that audio, but you know, if something crawls up somebody's ass while they're shitting and they start screaming and yelling, we would want that audio, but you know, that video, but we're not gonna get anybody's genitals or their, we're not gonna hear plops coming out of Yamanica, we're not gonna. What if Yamanica just is not there one morning? Like Blair Witch. What do you mean? Yamanica's not there and just like a totem pole of wigs

is outside of her tent. Well, I don't know, man. I am looking, if you look on the internet at things that have happened in the woods, it does get, there are stupid things that get creepy. And I've been out there with the coyotes when we were out there. It gets scary sometimes.

That's why like having Donnie Dust there would be a kind of comforting, knowing that somebody. But before you think of anybody else, just go with a woman arbitrarily for some odd reason. Well, it's because the two women, the producers know them. And it's crunch time. Just a friend?

Just a friend. She's gonna talk the bear into fucking killing itself. What's that? Do you just have a friend that camps? No, no, no. They're actually survivalists. One is an Indian, an actual Native American Indian girl, and the other one is- They're survivalists?

They both had breast cancer? No, not that type of survivalists. I mean, not yet. Oh, like abusive relationships. No, not that type. I mean not yet, but uh, oh like Like for abusive relationship no not that type of day no, I mean they might have been the Beyonce card No, it's more of like they can live in nature make Make shelters and they can make weapons and they know how to still can't stop five coming at you from the right though Can you dumb bitch? Native American native with there's one of the girls, yeah.

Yep, so, I mean. You don't know, she has some resentment. Guys, I was hoping you guys, I hate to go backwards, but I thought you guys were gonna laugh more, don't hit women. I thought it was funny, I was laughing. I was really laughing. You guys, you gave a little chuckle, moved on,

like you were like, is this Jay preaching the word? Nope, don't hit women at all, that was me being funny. Yeah, the, yeah, well I don't know, dude. I don't know what's gonna happen. I hope, hopefully, if Donnie can get back to me, if you're out there, Donnie, if somebody sees Donnie. You'll still take him back. Yeah.

Yeah. Looks like it's simp o'clock over in Kellyville. Yeah. This guy heard you go, I mean, we could probably hang out one more time. Donnie Does is like, Bobby, why don't you let me swing through one more time before we break it off officially. I was, there's another guy that I'm thinking I want to pitch. His name is, uh, no, Nick.

Steven soot. No, Nick Radner. That doesn't have alliteration. Nick Radner. No, he's a, he's, he's on, he's on that show that's on Netflix. That doesn't have alliteration. Nick Radner? No. He's on that show that's on Netflix. I need somebody whose first name and last name are the same initial. You ever play Donnie Dust with something else?

Nick Nader. No? You're going to mess it up one time and it's going to be an editing nightmare. Yo, Nader! Oh God. Ha ha ha ha. He's such a, nah forget it. He goes, where is that Nader?

He goes, I think he's shitting from a tree. Oh God. All right, listen, listen. Here we go. I, ha ha ha. I know. That guy is actually a badass and he's on the show and he was just on a cultish show this morning

so I got his number. I'm gonna, I have a phone call with him later tonight I'm gonna buzz so hopefully hopefully we could do that we were supposed to have to a woman and a man Donnie and this other girl menu but one black one white no not a she's not black she's white and don't natives no well I don't know dude it's getting we should invite a mute native who only speaks through hand gestures, but smells everything. Yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what we need. And they just go like this, and you'll go, you're like, Tong Tong, what's wrong? And he'll be like. Is there what? Tong Tong? Yeah, Tong Tong, and he'll point, like, thing and then be like, and then give like a danger.

Yeah. A danger over there. He'll give the signs, her never shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yes. She scare all animals. Danger over there. He'll give the signs, her never shut the fuck up. Yeah, yes. She scare all animals. Yes. Black woman hair, fake, attracting ravens.

He tried to fuck deer. Are you going to put your ear to the ground? This man here has pocket pussy and dildo. This man take her shit put on his chest and then jerk off. That man eat. Bald guy is human lean to. Confused Tonk Tonk. Tonk Tonk confused. Why, why Asian man and bald cancer man sleep in same tent?

Who is British lady speaking Chinese? Tonk Tonk confused. It will take me three sons to realize what has happened.