The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Wet Boys

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

The guys in the room compare nipples and tell stories of pooping in bodies of water. Jacob unearths a video of Michael Jackson screaming for Thriller. Jay goes through the Nick Carter allegations and adores images of the Backstreet Boys soaking wet. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly How's know what mood you're in by the song you pick I didn't pick this like I said I was talking to Lou first of all don't be so egotistical looking at you, but I was talking. I'm sorry I always knew what mood you're in. I should know you were side eyeing him. I side eye Lou I don't look them directly in the eye because I'm scared of them Lou You never looked me, but I don't like eye contact so I appreciate it. I know you don't look him directly in the eye because I'm scared of him. Lou. You do that. You never look me. But I don't like eye contact so I appreciate it. I know you don't.

You hate eye contact. Hate it. Nothing more. And Lou's most likely to shoot up the place. Most likely. Between Lou or Jacob. If I was going to pick who's going to shoot up the place. I express my feelings.

I get them out. You do. You get your feelings out a little bit more. He'd kill me over Pearl Jam. He would kill you over Pearl Jam. For laughing over Pearl Jam joke not not when I said. He'd kill us all over the temperature in the studio. It's true. I don't earn. It's okay you know what it is more even now. Okay. One Lou one Jacob. I don't like no hat Lou. No hat Lou scares me than more hat Lou.

Why? Because you know he was a prison peckerwood for a while? Because he did a few years in the joint? Those tattoos are just because he had to get them. That big eagle holding the swastika? No, it's just because the top of his head is a different color than the rest of his head. From the eyes down, he's tan. Oh, because he's a hat wearer.

That's why. He's a hat wearer. And he likes to spend time outside. Yeah. He's an outside cat. I And he likes to spend time outside. Yeah. He's an outside cat. I hate outside. Do you really hate outside? Yeah, well, I just get stuck outside.

The sun does not help me. Oh, you say you don't like it for that. Yeah. Be like being outside. I mean, you're a little baby seal, dude. When you got in the pool, you got in the pool first. Well, the sun was going down. But you really got in and doing a nice I got a nice picture of you shirtless just for that it was a great picture you look fantastic

in the pool well you got perfect nips dude you do you have nice nips I never noticed anyone's nips before except for women and then you guys all started comparing each other's at that pool party and I thought it was the gayest thing I think Lou has the best n thing I've ever been a part of. I think Lou has the best nips, right? He's got the, he's got good nips. The best, I don't know, it depends on what you're into. Lou has particularly small nips.

He's got little, so the good thing about those is they never get big and ugly. Mine don't get big and ugly, but they definitely go from soft to hard, and hard's the look, but they tend to stay hard. But me and you, we have the same nipple. Yeah. Me and you have the identical nipples.

We have very similar nipples. We're nipple bros. Yeah, it's like a nice dark pink. Yeah. The way you want it to be. I'm lost. It's not bright pink. Lou's got bright pinks too, I think, but they're small,

which is, his shape is fantastic. Yeah, but they're small like a little teat on a puppy. Yes, they're like little puppy nips for sure. Yeah, little puppy're small, like a little teat on a puppy. Yes, they're like little puppy nips for sure. Yeah, they're little puppy nips. I've never noticed it. I don't remember black loos. Jacob's insecure about his, but his nips are fine too.

I don't think. No, you saw them when they shrink in the water. But I have puffy nips in air. During the regular times. You have virgin girl nips? You have little volcano titty nips? It's plagued me my whole life. You know, they make these little chicken cutlet things.

You can put over them, or little stickers. Yeah. I want nipple surgery. You know what titty nips? It's plagued me my whole life. Really? They make these little chicken cutlet things. You can put over them, or little stickers. Yeah. I want nipple surgery. You know what we could do? We could sock on your tits before you come in the studio every day. Do you want us to empty them? If I pinched one side right now, this side,

this one would tighten up and look exactly like I want it. And this one would look like a puffy nip. Like a 70s porn chick? Yeah. The big old fat areola? You'd look like two different age women. Two different, yes. Can I see it?

Just let me see it. I'm out of shape. You're not out of shape, you're the best shape guy I've ever seen. No, I put in a little role here. I would not, dude, look who you're talking to. You're a son of a bitch even saying some shit like that. For me, I admit. Black Lou, I don't remember his nips there,

for meaning they're probably just, like they're just middle of the road, they're just good nips. I feel like his nips are good. Dark on dark always, it also doesn't show like much of a difference, you know what I mean? Like you'd have to have some, if you're a black dude, you have to have some pretty fucked up nips

to have bad nips. There's a lot, you know, black, you know, it's like clothes, black clothes. It solves a lot of problems. I feel like his nipples look like dog noses. Dog noses. Yeah, like a dog nose, you know what I mean? Yeah, I do know.

Can I, is there any way I can see a nipple? Come on, dude, look at that. It's not on tape, you're the only one filming. I'm really out of shape right now. We're not filming, it's radio. I got a solid V-cover. Dude, you're not gonna, we're not. We're not looking at the size of your nip.

We're not looking at the size of your nip. When we get to Vegas, I'm gonna be so I I'll pull up my nipple. Can you pull it down this way? I just need to see it. Bobby you're taking one for the team dude, so I gotta tell you what I know camera. Yeah, yeah, well you look great. Yep. That's it. That's yeah, that's your run-of-the-mill nip right there That's a perfect. Nip blue has a good nip. And then a guitar tightens up on you, right? Nice. And Lou, you're in shape, dude. Nah, dude, you're, I mean...

He hasn't got yelled at enough. He hasn't paid to get yelled at. Jake, let me see. Do you want me to, I'll shrink this side so you can see it before and after. Okay, perfect, yeah, I'd love to see that. You want Christina working for you? Christine get over there and crack his neck. I don't want Christine. Can you have produced the show?

Christine for production reasons Christine drink some water and then suck on his nipple. That was the first thing that ever made me Jealous or any interest in the theater is when I knew the theater troupe guys that all worked at stand-up New York years ago I went to one of their shows where there was full frontal male nudity and he had to come out with a boner and the girl, one of the girls in the show that's not his girlfriend would jack him off. Nice.

This one's maybe shrunk because it's cold in the room. It's a little cold in the room. Why are you filming? I said don't film. He's not, Jacob, your nips are great, dude. No, because I shrunk them. But I couldn't imagine it being big being much worse. Can I critique a little bit?

Please. This one shrunk. It's not working. I'm going to say they're a little low. No. They're low on outside. I know what you mean for sure. But that's a position of them.

It's not crazy. I knew it was going to happen. What? I get to critique. No, no. I'm not saying. These aren't bad things. It's just different places. Some people have them dead in the middle. Some people are a little to the critique. No, no. I'm not saying- Jacob, these aren't bad things. It's just different places.

Some people have them dead in the middle. Some people are a little to the outside. It's fine. Yeah, you're- Well, you need to do inclined bench press. To move your nips? No, you gotta build up the lower chest. Gotcha.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying they're a little low and outside. That's all. He keeps flexing for you. Yeah, he keeps flexing your chest. So weird. It's bothering me. Is it for Christine? I'm not flexing. I'm trying to show you.

Jacob, you've been constantly flexing. You've been tweaking your chest. What am I doing? Flexing your chest. I'm showing you my chest. You keep doing the thing. Jacob, you keep tweaking your chest like the rock. You do.

I don't know if it's instinctual because in your head you're shredded in a man, but you keep doing it. No, because you put down my chest, so I'm trying know if it's instinctual because you in your head you're shredded in a man. Yeah, but you keep doing it No, because I put down my chest Position not one person put down your chest you hear things bad. I'm gonna say something The placement is not I don't know if it's bad or good. It's just a little lower than I expected It's not bad at all. I'm telling you that as a fact. It's not bad It's a little listen if. If I was drawing. They're symmetrical, which is great too.

They are, they're on the same spot on both sides. Jacob, your nips are fine. Your nips are fine. Well, they shrunk. That's what I'm saying. No, no, I'm saying they're fine now, but I'm saying your nip. But the other one went on its own.

Yeah, but now you have a new problem worrying about your nipple placement, which is absolutely fine. Don't get a new, don't get a new fucking insecurity over it. Well, you know who has really bad nipple placement, which is absolutely fine. Don't get a new, don't get a new fucking insecurity over it. Well you know who has really bad nipple placement? Mike Cannon. Does he? His nipples are uncomfortably low.

Like where it looks like, it looks like the photo fucked up. Really? Is it like on the curve of the chest? It's, his nipples are just low. Like it's down, they're like a half a foot, maybe a quarter of a foot too low. Oh, really? Yeah, when we did some cruise,

a comedy cruise or something, and we were in the ocean, I was like, yo dude, your nipples are really low. And he was like, what? Just far from his chin? I was like, is it? Yeah, I got a picture of him. Please. You want to see it? I feel maybe I shouldn't bring this up.

Yeah. Your nipples aren't bad. You're not my cannon nipples, like where I was shocked. I don't know his. Well, I'll show you his. His are a fucking mess. And you have nice little tiny nipples. Yours are a little better than that.

Yeah, they're nice color too. Your nips are a nice color. The placement is fine. Have you ever seen the bodybuilders where their nips like point down? Yeah, that's, they're always right. Well, it's cause they get like, I think it's just on people's shape sometimes.

When someone gets like almost a triangle chest and the nips in the middle, it can just kind of point straight down. It's very weird looking. Feeding nipples. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Feeding nipples.

Here we go. Oh, and. Yeah, I wish I had DJ Lou's confidence to rip his shirt off. DJ Lou, when it's time to take it off, you take it off. Dude, he. You don't give a shit. I appreciate that. Do you ever do shirtless stuff?

Say it's people you're comfortable with, like family. You get out of a pool, say. I know we all went inside and ate, so you put on a shirt. If we were hanging outside the whole time, do you put something on? Oh yeah, no, I don't have that kind of comfortability. No way. Okay, yeah.

I'm tank top immediately. Out of the pool, dry, upper body, tank top on, towel around the waist. I wanted to go in the pool with a shirt on and you wouldn't let me. It's insane what you're gonna do. And I will say though, when me and Christine got in that hot tub

naked last night, so we didn't get our clothes, like none of our clothes were wet. I can't find it, yeah. I did, what I liked about it most, literally was getting out and drying off and then you're dry, do you know what I mean? Like there's something, I hate a bathing suit. Yeah, they had, they had,

Yeah, it was like two in the morning. They got Randy in the thing that last night Oh in LA in LA. Yeah, no in a public. Yeah. No LA Fitness It was we went in Nike and it was felt great It's not even that it felt it was great. Sure. Yes in its own right But that wasn't even more of the thing. It was getting out was so much less. And now it makes me understand. Christine said she doesn't really feel that same way about taking off a wet bathing suit afterwards,

but that said it because I'm starting to realize, this would, I'll never wear a Speedo ever, or skin tight bathing suit ever, but I bet that's way better. I understand now the allure of it is when you get out, it's not such a thing. Swimming trunks just, they stick to your leg and everything just stays wet. There's a whole new batch of wet that hits your legs after you think you're dry. Getting on a two piece is much better than a one piece.

I agree. I agree. I agree. Bird girl. You never swam naked? I haven't swam naked in a long time. That was my first time in your life Yeah When I'm in LA, I've been city my whole life. So like I never really grew up. What do you what are you making a face for? Absolutely

Just won't know Christine's swam with other people naked. I have, but last time we got the house. She lost her virginity in a river. I wasn't naked, though. What? Then you didn't lose your virginity. He fucked you through your swim trunks with his dick? He just went right through?

No, I had like a top on. Last time I swam naked at the house, you didn't. Okay, yes is what it was. You did it. Well now I know not to because There's always a Bobby and Jay looking for that sweet sweet muff across the way. Sweet sweet ass. You ever take a shit in water? I want to say I think I did when I was a little kid in the ocean I think I I think I pulled pants down and just floated the log and kept going but I mean maybe like seven years old I Shit in a lake Recently in the lake. No this when I was little this week

No, when I was a little kid, I just took a shit. Mm-hmm in the lake and it was I just remember how awesome it felt Just came out and then it went bloop It really I gotta be honest with you. I what the only reason I remember it at all Yeah, and how young I was it's such a weird memory to have from so long ago was remember feeling it felt like what I kind of can compare it to is and you haven't had this in a long time Bobby when Christine was drinking and I was drinking like more Christine, more often, and I would get pretty drunk on some nights, the next morning, shit, and Lou, you'll understand this,

it feels like somebody already wet it before it comes out, but it's not diarrhea. It's regular logs, but they just slide out very quick. It feels like an ice cream machine. And I gotta tell you, that's what I felt like. It was a full solid log, but I just remember dropping those trunks and it was like the water took it out of me.

I was like, get out of here. It's almost the natural way, like giving natural childbirth. It's like childbirth underwater, yes. But I remember. It feels great. I'm holding your hand, I'm putting ice chips on your lips. I was with my sister and it floated, and she went, blub blub.

You were right next to somebody. Like dead bodies on the Titanic. And then I remember my sister was screaming and I was howling, because whatever, it was just following her, like it was tracking her, like a submarine. And then the dude Billy, we were staying with a cousin, Billy, whatever, in some cabin, he got so mad at me,

he screamed at me, and he made me go in with a bag and pick up my own log. And I was just humiliated. with a cousin, Billy, whatever, at some cabin. He got so mad at me, he screamed at me, and he made me go in with a bag and pick up my own log. And I was just humiliated. In the ocean? A lake. There's a lake, so I had to go back out. I'm glad he did that to you.

I know, but still, it's just a log. You're not supposed to shit in the fucking lake. Hey, fish food. I'll tell you this, yeah, lake does seem worse. Ocean's gross too. Than ocean, but no, listen. They're both gross I'm not arguing. I haven't done it since I was seven. Yeah, I was around fucking seven or eight too I just I had a shit. I didn't know you come out

I just what I'm more impressed with Bobby was the niceness of you and the step forward of Taking the blame for it because when there's one thing I'd say about it, if you shit in a body of water like that, you're in a lake, it's murky, they're not seeing through. A shit just appears, everyone's a suspect. Well Jay, I appreciate you doing that, but my sister was screaming going,

he's shittin' a lake. And I would go, I would go, that's the first sign it's her, that's the whoever smelt it dealt it. That's like, oh okay, she's making a big production about it because she doesn that's the first sign it's her. That's the whoever smelt it dealt it. That's like, oh, she's making a big production about it because she doesn't want us to know it's her. And your sister would have taken the rap for that corny fucking, that corn-filled turd log. It was a nice hefty one.

Yeah? Yeah, it was a beautiful one. Do you think God had to break it up with a hanger before it went up in the... I remember trying to catch it. It was like trying to catch a fish. Really? Yeah, cause I had to break it up with a hanger before it went up in the uh... I remember trying to catch it. It was like trying to catch a fish. Really? Yeah. Trying to see what it was coming up? I had to get it, I had no, I had to get it with the bag.

Oh. And I had to like scoop it. Yeah. Then I scooped it and then it whipped off. It was just awful. So humiliating. At eight years old you didn't know you'd get out of the water to take a shit. I don't know. You're just in the thing. I just took a shit. I be silly. Oh you did it to be those four. I was like I had a tire I was in it was a dire so mine was not dire

I was doing it for shits and giggles get it nice. I did it just take a shit the leg you got with shits and screams Oh, dude, it's nothing better than shitting where I think you're Jacob. It's a memory from when I was seven I don't know anything else you can tell me how but I was maybe my tonsils But that was a I smiled but I'm telling you I don't remember many things except around that age I took a shit in the ocean and it was great. I also never shit not in an ocean, but One of my best emergencies nothing. This this is good to go around the room, because everyone's had one. One of my early memories too, in Jewish summer camp,

one of the things they had in the playground area. Mazatav. Thank you. These big monster truck tires almost, a bunch of them, and they were half buried in the ground, and you could climb up a side of them and go, and I, in a desperate moment, I went inside one of the tires,

like standing up, or squatting down rather, in one of the monster truck tires, and I shit on the floor in there and wiped my ass with leaves, yeah. Nobody else? Nope. Nobody? No.

There was no bathroom nearby? No. I love that you're so freaked out by kids shitting in weird places. Yeah. that's a kid. That's a boy thing. I guess yeah It's a boy thing boy shit Christine. You're acting like we did it yesterday Yo Christine had to hold her friends hands while she took a fucking shit in the subway platform Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?

We got off the train. I bet you didn't shit shame her. We got off the train in Brooklyn and it was like downtown and there was just no bathroom and she like had diarrhea and she had to shit on the grass. I'm sure when I was in the leg, ugh. Like a fucking German Shepherd. We should have used our work shirt. You told me somebody shut shit in the subway platform too. No, we were in the subway and we had to get off the...

We actually weren't on the subway together. We happened to run into each other on the subway and she was like, I have to shit. Ew! What an asshole your friend is. Oh my God. What a loser you are. Oh man. Your friends suck.

Your friends are the worst shitiest people. The worst people. What's wrong with you? You're adults. I would never hold my friend's hand to help him shit. Well, I obviously didn't hold's hand to help him shit like why Didn't hold her hand to help her shit. She's being funny. Oh, no it was to my understanding She needed balance it was to my understanding Jacob if you can come over here

Here's what I'm picturing I like this okay, you're gonna be the one taking a shit, all right? So, yeah, but I'm gonna... And then, yeah, I stand on his feet. Yeah, I think this makes sense. Like this. Human toilet. Yeah. Standing on his feet. Is Jacob shitting or are you shitting? Jacob's shitting. Why are you squatting?

Well, because I'm giving... He has to brace himself. I don't squat at all. Jacob's... Yeah, yeah, stop trying to get hit. Oh, you know, it looks like he's trying to blow me in the butt. Oh, there you go. So I'm going down, too. It looks like we're just two guys kissing. So it's not gay?

Yeah, so it's not gay. It's gay if you squat, if you don't squat. And maybe, honestly, I shit, too. No, I was laughing at her a safe distance away. You know, do you know what would be the funniest thing if there was two guys holding each other up with physics while they shit? Of course.

That'd be the greatest thing ever. That would win America's Got Talent. There's so many of those balance acts where a bunch of dudes balance on each other if the two tuck guys on top Could be touching bottoms of feet. Yes, and their hands Held up in the air somehow they get both shit and then they shit and then that's a gold button thing That's a golden buzzer from Terry Crews for sure 100% He's done that this season

Has been light on talent. They always say it's their best season, but there's only been two episodes. Jacob, I didn't bring any videos of it, relax. But I do say, if there's ever anything that's worth anything on that show, I'll bring it in, but it's been nothing this year. I mean, how much talent do we have in America? Well, they lean too much

and they're always excited about singing church choirs. Yeah dance. You know they love synchronized shit. Well that's sometimes the best thing. I know but I'm not into... did you see the... oh my god. They train in Japan. They train them for that. Did you see the India's Got Talent women dancing and the fucking chicks does an exorcist and her head spins around? Oh, oh, that's not India's Got Talent. That's America's Got Talent. She's from India. No, they're Indian judges, dude.

Are you sure? I think it's this girl, though. I bet. No. Because this girl's Indian. No, no, no. It's a bunch of Indian women doing it together. It's India's Got Talent.

It's like, it's synchronized dancing. Look at this little girl. But this chick, dude. Let me play it for you. This's India's Got Talent. It's like it's synchronized dancing. Look at this little girl. But this chick, dude. This girl does the same thing. It's nutty. I can't keep it in my stomach, so I'm so excited. Such a cute little kid.

Bobby, you're gonna have to show it. Well, he said your dance is different. Oh, Bobby, this one scare you. We look different around here, so we're very excited to see what you've got. Move forward, Christine. I just... What a little cutesy.

Go ahead. Right there is good. Yeah, oh, she stole this other, she stole the other people's shit. Ah, yeah! Dude! Ah! Why would...

Oh! Kill it She does something nutty at the end she's doing all kinds of crazy contortions, it's scaring Bobby She looks like she does look crazy At the very end of this, she does something impossible. She does a flip and doesn't use any hands. She just lands on her chest. Bobby? Here's what I... You know what Bobby was going to say?

It's not real, but it is real. Her mom just... Her sweet mother. Bobby? Bobby, are you having a stroke? Are you having a seizure? My little brother had a fear seizure. Oh, what's wrong with this?

I mean, just go to the end. She does the flip to visual to visual. Adding crunching bone sound effects in post. No, I think that's part of her music thing. No. She can't time that.

Go back. Let me ask you something. The whole point of the show is that if it's the best act, they get an hour. They get a show in Vegas? Well, not anymore. Look at this. Pretty nutty.

No, now it's not that. It used to be that. I think that failed miserably. I can do that. Except for the Terry, what, the not that. It used to be that. I think that failed miserably. I can do that. Except for the flip with no hands. I do that. I do it all the time. Go ahead.

I actually end my show in St. Louis this weekend. You got all your shows. I've been trying to find a new way to end my show. Thank you, good night. You guys are the best. Rock and roll. I've been working on this. At the end, I'm going to actually do a flip under my chest.

Nice. All the good ones are taken. I'm gonna grab my toe and go, tinkle, tinkle. And you'll be removed from stage by up top? No, they're gonna have to carry me off stage, so I'll probably snap my spine. But the thing is, dude, that... She took this. This must be an Indian thing.

Because it's the same exact stuff, but that's a little more creepy because it's the same exact stuff, but that's a little more creepy because it's a little girl. Well, the Indians do the horror dancing. The Asian girls also do like the weird, like robot or they're all like, uh, this girl turned her head completely around. Yeah. Go to the Indian. India's got talent. India's got talent and it's this chick. No, it's a bunch of girls together.

Christine. It's like, And it's, this chick. Is it this? No, it's a bunch of girls together. Christine, it's like you don't even know how to look up Indy's Got Talent zombie dancing. Your head turns around. Indian chick turns her head completely around, dancing, Indian has got talent. Indy's Got Talent. Fuckin'. Indian, thank you, come again.

Yeah. It's a bunch of, it's a bunch, ugh, gross. Slur, hang on, Do it again, Lou. I can do it for real, listen. Ready? Crack me up hot, Lou. Oh, that's... Wait, wait. Oh, there's more, come on.

I'd be so happy if you snapped your spine. And just die? No, you didn't die, you paralyzed. I'm just a head-talking head forever. Just leave me here in the studio you and Keith do a tour together Did you find it we're there Christine we vamped so we've hemmed so long for the While she's looking it up, I'll tell you I started watching or just started I finished the Nick Carter Aaron Carter documentary on HBO.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty crazy. Oh, can I say something before you say that? Uh-huh. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, AKA The Rooster. Scalalalalalala. I'm Big Jay Okerson.

I only have one AKA. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do you this is just half of the show That's right. It's the podcast version everybody So if you want to hear the whole thing go to serious xm.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment, too It's not just us you got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show You've got all kinds of other shows and And you know what, tell a friend.

But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show, just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. Your sizzle reel? Yes. I watched it. Oh, nice. Buddy, that was like as good as a standup set.

That was like, that was, I know it's crowd work, right? The whole thing's crowd work? Yeah. But it was as good as stand-up. Like the, I know you're great at stand-up too, but that was, usually when you watch crowd work stuff, it's pretty, you know, there's always those moments where it's like, okay, you gotta set up blah blah blah

and it goes all right, but that was, it was almost like set-up punch tag, tag. Yeah, they were great shows. Dude, you killed it up blah blah blah and it goes all right. But that was, it was almost like Set Up Punch tag. Tag. Yeah it worked, they were great shows. They were really good. You killed it. Thank you man. The guy at the end with the arm thing.

I'm missing half an arm. Dude, oh it was so good man. That whole set was great. What a great special. Is the whole special that good? Yeah, that's just a little sizzle thing. Yeah yeah. Wow, that's great man.

I hope, I mean, Christine watched him recently. Cause when people do crowd work, there's always that, there's minutes in between that it's like trying to get to something. They would take those out anyway, and I'm sure they did have to pull out some like, like down moments, but I do move pretty quick, at least from like, I know to keep talking,

so it's not so much like that. I would dare to say, I would take the crown from Rich Voss, and I would give Crowd Work King to you. Ow! Now I'm taking it back. Please take it back, that hurts so bad. You're a pussy. I'm taking it back. I would take the crown from Rich Voss and I would give crowd war king to you That hurts so bad pussy. Oh, I'm not Bobby. Look how sharp and metal this isn't it just jams my Donny Donny dust would be a shame to you. Oh, don't look I'm gonna cry in front of guys Donny don't look at me The Nick Carter Aaron Carter thing I was watching on Look at me.

The Nick Carter, Aaron Carter thing I was watching on Max, four parts, I didn't realize he was accused of so much stuff. Yeah, I didn't even know he was accused of anything, to be honest with you. I'm just so. It's all kinda happening now, I think, because one girl kinda came forward and then the floodgates opened and now

it's like people going back. But the thing I was gonna say about it. I think it's become a thing though, which sucks. I know that it's good, but I think this is, when they, now exposing people is content. Sure. It's content, it's like cops. It's Kevin Spacey, it's the thing, yeah.

Yeah, Kevin Spacey, I believe was just, except for the grabbing the kid shit was terrible, should be punished, but everything else in that documentary was just a gay old man trying to get sex, and he's being shamed out of it. Yeah, this guy let me blow him, and he didn't even produce my movie. Fuck you, and it's just content.

What a weird comp, what a weird complaint. Yeah, and that's too long. It's too long, it's just like, all right, so he's a gay guy that was in the closet, was scared of ruining his fucking, there's a lot of guys like that, and I feel bad for the guy that he got, he got dragged through the shit

and his career was taken away, cause he was a great actor, I liked the stuff he did. But now it's like it's become content, so now people are just digging for fucked up shit. Well these thoughts seem like good things, I mean that Carter family's all kinds of fucked up. I think really, I mean I knew Aaron was on drugs, but the other one seemed like he had his shit together

I know he was out the Nick Carter the older brother It's like you forget because they just kind of comes and goes and also you're not keeping your finger on the pulse of Backstreet Boys is none of us too. I am but what you do you get the newsletter, but you don't always read it I'm a lot of emails you get I'm in the fan club. Yeah Nick Carter As soon as Backstreet Boys like fame went down. completely was like, he was like DUIs multiple times. I forgot that they think he pretty much beat up Paris Hilton.

Dude, he owned, but after, he owned a speedboat team. He got into a whole nother, Nick Carter, the blonde guy, right? The blonde good looking one, right? Sure. He owned his own speedboat crew and got into all kinds of other shit, I thought. Oh, very possibly.

And then the Backstreet Boys started going back out again, the Nostalgia Act, and it's still filling arenas. So he had all that. And then this one girl came out and said when she was 15, she's autistic. Oh boy. And has cerebral palsy. Wow.

What is that? Which one's that? Cerebral palsy, that's funny walks. It's like... What? I'm sorry, what? It's like the funny walk. And you could also have...

Do you remember Jerry from Facts of Life, Cousin Jerry, who was a comedian? Yes. Cerebral palsy. And funny talk. Yes, yes, you could also have funny talk. Yeah, she's got a little bit of... Her talking's pretty good, though. Here she is.

Okay, talk's good, but Blair, the one in that, Jerry... Cousin Jerry. Kerry Jerry, she had funny talk and funny walk. Oh, yeah, because her whole head had the thing going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, very necky. Yeah. Like a very necky kind of, it's coming from the neck, all the talk.

Like she's turning into something. Yes, yes. She's telling, she's forever in the getaway portion of a transformation. Yeah. Getaway! Exactly. Like, they're still able to warn you because there's still enough humanity inside of them that they don't want to hurt you, but they know what they're about to become.

Exactly. That's what cerebral palsy is cerebral palsy is warning stage of a metamorphosis it's half and half it's it's almost before werewolf it's right before you have to look at your hand as it starts changing True D! You leave! Don't make me hurt you! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 001 You gotta go back to the get away. This is cerebral palsy defined right here.

Are you alright?bral Palsy? That's Cerebral Palsy. For people under 45, this is Thriller. Yeah, for people under 45, this is Michael Jackson's. Which is also just stolen from, it's just the American Werewolf in London footage repurposed. By the way, look, now that we're on it, can you just play the without vocal effects? Of course, it's the best thing ever.

This is my favorite thing of all time. You ever hear this before? Do you remember? My grandfather, we brought it up, got me the making of Thriller when I was young on VHS. And I used to watch it all the time. And one of the funny, that you never thought of when you were a kid too much,

because I just loved Michael Jackson, is when he's trying to do the, you know, that growl. Rawr, rawr! They just have the raw audio of him doing this. He can't. I love Michael Jackson, is when he's trying to do the, you know, that growl. Rawr, rawr! They just have the raw audio of him doing this. He can't do this one. He goes, he's going, ow, ow-wee! And listen.

Ow! Ow! Okay. You gotta bring the video of him doing it. Him doing it is the funniest. He's got the whole werewolf face on and the hand. It's going, ow! Ow!

That sounds like Jacob at the farm. And Justin's whispering in your ear, he goes, think about all that lush hair you're gonna have. Don't get your mind away from here and go into the lush hair. Jacob, Jacob, think about the hair. In the documentary, they do the before and after. They immediately cut the roar, the post production.

Oh my God. I think this is when I realized I have to do something with comedy. Cause I've never laughed so hard as a kid when I saw that. It's my favorite, I used to love this scene. It's just him in a t-shirt with a werewolf hand and a werewolf head on.

High water pants, his stupid glittery socks. Like everything else is Michael Jackson except a werewolf hand and a full werewolf face. Ow! Yowee, kizowee! That's Jacob at the farm when he got too much coffee. His whole head, his face is right the farm when he got too much coffee. His whole head, his face is like.

Hair's growing too much. Oh! That's the Twilight Zone episode. Jacob, you wanted hair. It starts growing everywhere. No, not like this! Ow! Yow, cheese!

Josh is still banging him in the ass. It's OK, Jacob. Bobby, as I recall, like, John Landis is like giving him directions. Yeah. Michael, you're transformed, you're in pain. Let me hear you. Ow! Ow!

He's trying to repeat what he heard from kids in his room. It's, I mean really. He's like, this is the only pain I know. These are the only pain sounds to know of. Ew! He actually says his own name. Michael, stop! It hurts.

What? Too much back there. That's where poopy comes from. This isn't worth the rides. Woo. Woo. Woo. Did you find it?

It's the funniest. I'm making a thriller. Yeah. Trying to find the part. My God. It's right here. There's a T-shirt. A werewolf face. A werewolf face.'s a T-shirt, werewolf face.

Yeah dude, T-shirt, werewolf face, high water pants. I love her outfit though in it. So Eddie Murphy. Olare? Yeah, her outfit is- Ended up doing full nudity. Where? Big ol' bush.

Wow, I didn't know that. Big ol' bush. She looks like, in her nude, she looks like the girl in the pictures in Scatman Crothers bedroom in the shining with just petting Panthers Just naked black woman from the bush Beautiful never paid for this by the way really ever they said in the dock. Let's start a go fund me and give her a money That's the only complaint she had he goes to, did Michael Jackson try to take advantage of you? No.

To inflate the bladders, we just use squeeze balms and just use hand pressure. Go 10 seconds. All right, now Michael, what I want you to do when I tell you to do is open your eyes, start shivering, and make noises. That's so good. All right, noises like it hurts. You ready? Action. Raise the hand a little bit more.

Oh! Oh! We're going down again, we're going down again. We're still rolling. You need more sprints. Okay? Oh, what was that? He's like, my eyes hurt. Which one was it?

They're making my eyes stingy. The bubble things are hurting my head. They're making my eyes a little bit stingy. That clip has such a profound effect on me. What is this? Oh, all the way. Oh, all the way, I was like. That was an automatic me. What is this? The Ray. Oh, all the Ray. I was like.

That was an automatic penis. She's got huge nips. She has big, big nips. But look at that beef, huh? She's pretty. She was pretty. I tell you what, I remember her tits being better. But I think I was just excited that the girl from Thriller

was showing box. It was crazy. When did she do? How far off the thrill did she do that? It may have been before Thriller. Oh, before Thriller. That's very possible Okay, so I love it. I love a little success story. So it was a little fun deviation. So speaking of

Partway through metamorphosis transformation this cerebral palsy girl comes out with her mom and dad Do we have Blair what Jerry talking? Can we hear how oh, yeah talks? No, I'll bring up Yeah, Jerry J Jerry I believe from facts of life please comedy a lot of people think I can't Jerry Warner a professional comedian has generously offered to perform for us tonight and now here's Jerry! Thank you! A lot of people have wondered about my childhood but I'll be honest with you I grew up in a special education atmosphere

with physically handicapped children. But what people don't realize is that we were the same as any other kids. We played baseball, only we'd have all the wheelchairs on one team and all the walkers on the other team. Okay, Jacob's in. I worked like about 70 to 5. That's fine. One game I even locked all the lights and hit a home run. Okay, Jacob's in. About 70 to five. That's fine. One game I even locked all the lights and hit a home run. Bobby, Bobby, she's not doing a voice.

That's just the thing, that's how she talks. You're enjoying it because you think she's doing a character. No, I love voices. You love voices, not a voice Bobby, it's just how she talks. Man, Blair was hot, huh? I think Blair's into her.

You see Blair? The facility there are for the handicapped. Blair was hot huh I think Blair's into her Blair was hot she went nowhere, huh? Yeah John Think for years, I just thought they were specially made toilets in case of an earthquake Christine love some on Christine loves it. Come on, Christine. Christine loves it. Tootie didn't get it. Tootie didn't get it at all. Tootie was like, a little soft for me.

She likes Def Jam. Yeah, Tootie was like, corny ass white boy, do Martin Lawrence shit. Tootie got in a fight with the waitress, where's my coke? Yeah, yeah. Where's my coke? It's been like 8 minutes. Tootie, did you put in for tip? Yes? No you didn't.

This is the autistic, uh. MS. What is it? CP. What is it again? I remember him calling me retarded bitch. And grabbing me and leaving bruises on my arm. Oh my god.

He thought they were both role playing. So the setup is, this is supposed to be like 2001 2001 he's at the height of his fame. This is Nick Carter pretty famous. Yes, 2001 still pretty famous He's a really he's the good-looking one of all One that could sing I was more into the rat face one The one that was saying was a shitty with the shitty bangs that look like he was wearing a hairpiece, right? Yeah, but he was my I thought he into the rat face one. The one that would sing was the shitty bangs that looked like he was wearing a hair piece, right? Yeah, but he was my... I thought he was the Looker.

I thought he was a Wahlberg or something. But his hair was always like a toupee. It was awful hair. Yeah, awful hair. You know what's really funny? They showed them. They were all so young when they came out. They were like 16, 17 when the Backstreet Boys pops. They are?

Yeah, it said that. They look 30. And their first video, is it as long as you love me? Whatever it Yeah, they are first. Yeah, it said that 30 and their first video Is it as long as you love me? Whatever it is? They're all I forgot You just didn't think of it at the time, but it's so over-the-top like Like they're all wet with their shirts open and they just like sticking their tongues out and opening their shirts up to show their little boy bodies Is this it? Yeah, get him wet.

Yeah, he was losing his hair. Christine, can you please get to the part where they're wet? I want these guys soaking. It probably isn't this video, I guess. Whatever their first big hit was, they said. Um, Lou, you know what it is. Rough top of your head. I want it that way.

No. Backstreet Boys. It's one that you wouldn't think was their first hit. It's not the one that jumps out to you, but it's a... As long as you love me. That's what that was, we just had up. It's not as long as you love me, it's... But they're dancing in the rain and just really showing off their boy bods.

Such a sis. You love it. You love like wet boy bodies. I like a good wet boy body. So what I? Long for that I never had man. I would have loved to have a just a string beanie body and That's the move you'd always be even be to even be in shape And everyone who was in shape in school was like an athlete so they just dressed like athlete you know, I mean they would just like, school t-shirts and like, too tight of jeans or whatever, where, you know,

they just didn't dress like... The string bean kids were always able to... They could adapt to anything that was happening. If it went hip-hop, if it went punk rock, if it went just rock and roll, anything. They could adapt to any... If you were string... If you were skinny, you could pull it off. You could pull off baggy, you could pull off tight. You could pull off baggy you could pull off tight You could pull off it to me. Is this it?

Now this is later This is when they're wet men, dude. Yeah, that's bullshit out of here. Yeah, that's wet men What am I fucking homo over here watching wet men? Christine find me some wet boys Well this The grander conversation here is gotta be funny. If you're gonna get these guys to admit it always comes,

if you're a sexual assault, which I can't get in the head space of. Why not? But, uh. I mean, why? I'm too insecure to possibly push somebody past anything they wanna, do you know what I mean? I'm already worried that they don't want to do it to begin with you know I mean, I'm like you're sure you're happy. I'm like a too much of a pain in the ass with it, so it's like I

Can't get my I can't get my space in the minds of that, but if that happens Too if that's what you're doing I'd love to ask them you get seems like you'd want to hope that they come, people come forward right away. Because what happens when these people come forward 25 years later, they're not what they were. So now it's like, heavy set moms up there going like, yeah, that's when Nick Carter held me down against my will

and said, you're getting it tonight. And you're like, why would he do? And then you got to see a picture and go, oh Christ. It was like a bikini model at one point. What the fuck happened? Yeah, but I think another reason. What's this cum made of, milkshakes? I think another reason they're doing it now

is back then, you couldn't do it. There was no Facebook, there was no. To come forward, you're saying. There was no social media. You'd have to come forward in the most big, grandiose way. You would have to come forward with a lawyer and a letter, and you'd have to type some shit out, and nobody would even hear of it.

I hope he goes to prison for the rest of his life if he did all these terrible things. I genuinely mean that. I'm saying, trying to get your head into his perspective, he's also gotta do the rounds of being like, no, no, I did do that, but she didn't look like that. Do you think that people- Like, no, no, I didn't rape that,

if that's what you're thinking. I raped her, she was hotter. You wanna make sure that they know that, no, I did, I raped her when she was smoking hot. I did do that, but I didn't, not this. Yeah, no, not this right here, no, this. 165 pound fat mom, I would never do this. This is what's taking me to court.

Yeah, that. I raped that. Yeah. The girl from Dream, one of them was a girl, but apparently he beat up Paris Hilton, friend of the show, Paris Hilton. Like years ago, she hit a bunch of stuff, they suspected he did that.

But he comes from a fucked up family, dude. The Carters are all whacked out. And then it goes past Nick Carter's accusations and goes into Aaron Carter. Wait, I got it. Yes. That was. Thank you.

Get him wet for me. Quit playing games with my heart. I love that they go from dry to wet. Oh yeah. No, you gotta watch him get soaked or it's not gonna do anything, dude. Bobby, you like a good porn story? That's the story. They were dry boys, now they're wet boys.

I- I bet they don't show that kid with the receipt yet. There he is. His bangs were so stupid. Who was a Howie girl? Not this guy. That guy, look at him. I thought he was the looker to me. He was going bald at fucking eight.

It's fair. Brian Luttrell. Yeah, who's your favorite, Lou? Rap boy, Brian Luttrell. Rap boy, right, yeah. I would have considered him the lead singer if you had to pick one. I thought your guy's the lead singer.

Who's my guy? Right here, that guy. Yes, Brian Luttrell. He's the guy. Now who's the guy, who's rapboy? That's who I call Ratboy. Oh, that's Ratboy. He's got a bit of a rat face, look. These guys also are not teenagers.

They're like 30-year-old men. No. Not now, not in this video. No, in this video. No. No way. Wow, they are wet, though. They're such wet boys.

I like him. This must have been a nightmare for the guy who was going bald, because now he's got to have his hair wet which Makes it look worse. Yeah. Oh absolutely. I was never a Nick. I'm not a blonde guy. I like a brunette A blonde boy is never gonna be my thing. No, I like a nice brunette with him and he's too pretty I don't like that three musketeer. Yeah, I would have said the three musketeer at some point if you're going I can't believe more girls didn't like him. He's like like AJ AJ. He went bald. It's the fastest. Yeah He went bald and he's just yeah, did you ever show you the shreds video of them on Oprah?

Where other people voice over it? Oh Christine bring that up for him. The audio on that is great. Have I ever showed you this Jacob? There's a there's a webs thing called shreds Where they do videos where they dub over things? Have I ever showed you this, Jacob? There's a Web's thing called Shreds, where they do videos where they dub over things. Yeah. But they do it, I mean, very, very well. Like, a different voice for everybody when they harmonize. It's all the fake voices they do.

You've seen them before, right? Yeah, we've shown some of these on the show, but put on the, it's I want it that way. It's just play the first verse of it. It's so worth it. It's so funny. Now, I'm more of an NSYNC guy than a Backstreet Boys. Well, I... I mean, NSYNC was a better band, had better songs. Maybe.

They cross over my head too much anyway, but I mean, they produced... Backstreet Boys didn't produce an individual star. So that's why the luck of Backstreet Boys, as long as all these guys had nothing to do, and they don't, they can keep going out as Backstreet Boys is as long as all these guys had nothing to do, and they don't, they can keep going as Backstreet Boys. You'll never get N'Sync together. Why would Justin Timberlake split the money five ways when he's going to make that much

on his own? Didn't they just do it? I think N'Sync just did it. No, they got together for a single performance. But Justin Timberlake is currently doing MSG solo. Joey Fatone's selling hot dogs in Florida again. Jesus Christ. Yeah, this is so funny, please. So Joey Fatone selling hot dogs in Florida again Jesus Christ

Yeah, this is so funny, please They all have hair now I love it. You just gotta hear the AJ part. Tell me why I don't wanna die Cause I'm with that wind and my Your fire and water Desires alone I know we'll be late I don't wanna die I'm The breakdown they do the voice of the tall neck guy I think it's right after this Yeah Yeah Yeah

They're so good there's a zillion of them. Dude his eyebrows are fucking insane I mean these guys somehow the shreds people somehow find a way to pick the voice that it should be They you could put that on for a second that's uh, it's not Harry Styles It's one direction do the shreds one direction get to the chorus. That's so good. Yeah If you have that one, it's great. But um. I mean, this guy, he aged the best. The alleged rapist of. Nick Carter. Handicapped people. Yeah, alleged hard rapist, Nick Carter.

The story of my life, I take her home. I travel light to keep her warm and mine. Yeah, oh, I'm getting so fed The story of my life is in your heart I'm getting the love of kids in broken sight Hang on, let him do the Nile Kid, and let's just go with, let's believe the accuser. Alleged.

Alleged rapist. How much of that is in you? Again, what was it when those people were like, here, Harvey Weinstein was an atrocious looking man. He had money to fuck any woman for money that he wanted to, but he wanted some power trip and he wanted to fucking do this, you know what I mean? This thing he did. Nick, with women who clearly were not interested

in him physically at all, Nick Carter would have had to be slapping tens away on a daily basis. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a case of probably getting sick of it. You know what I mean? Or just so much other, he's like, you know what, none of these girls have been retarded.

I think I'm gonna take me to a retarded girl. All these girls have a regular voice and they walk regular. Yeah, their necks are normal size. Yeah, this girl. It's size. Um, yeah, this girl... It's gotta be some type of weird. Like, I've had it all, I'm sick of it. Some type of closeted shit, maybe.

I guess, yeah, I mean, the family's so whacked out. The dead, like... Did this girl have that back then? Um... Can you catch it? It may have gotten worse, I'm sure. What did you say? Do you talk about, like, three of the five Carter kids are dead? Yeah.

Yeah, well, how'd they die? One drugs. Couple ODs. They're all ODs. All ODs. Yeah. So yeah, wow. One sister was so hot, died from an OD.

Was she hot? Yeah, I wish she was done porn first. Are the parents gone? No, the dad's not around much, I don't think. No, they're both. Yeah, the mom, when we were watching that show, that celebrity thing, the dad's not around much, I don't think. No, they're both like, yeah, the mom, when we were watching that show, that celebrity thing, the little side note, we were watching it for Corey Feldman with his brother and girlfriend.

The fun side thing we got to learn about, because Aaron Carter was on that with his mom. And it was a mess. It was real bad. Those two, he's got all kinds, she shoved him. They, Lou Pearlman, the guy, right? So Lou Pearlman was the guy who used to basically sign and molest

Boy bands was his move. That was his thing. Yeah, she absolutely the mom said she absolutely thought that uh that Lou Pearlman did inappropriate things with Nick Carter as soon as Nick Carter turned 18 He changed like we went behind his parents back and got rid of these They're not his managers anymore and he's gonna get with another management company and blah blah blah They're out of the business of Nick Carter. So she goes even though she had Feelings that he did something that she just sent Aaron Carter right to him She sent her next son cuz he was like, oh we need a meal ticket now and that guy made him famous

And God knows did what to his butt. But this thing did casually leave out Aaron Carter. They were like, yeah, he had such drug problems, and then he was helping and coming out against his brother, saying that he knows his brother's a rapist and sexually abused all his girls. Aaron said that. Yeah. Then he flipped, find some of those clips,

then he flip-flopped on that and started saying, like, now he thinks the girls are lying. Is that the mom right there? No. No, that's a sister that died. She died, too. She had a drug problem. Leslie was the pretty one that died. It's so funny, because these Carters all don't look like they would have drug problems.

They don't look like druggies, but they're probably just Florida trash. So the only ones alive are Nick and Angie. These three on the right are all dead. Nick and Angie. That's Nick Angie that's Nick that's Angie Angie is Aaron Carter's twin yeah pretty what if she was the one doing all the rapes they're a good-looking family what if she just put

on his wig and she was on raping all the possible dent and she got and she's been setting me up so she they're eight years apart, Aaron and Nick, and so Angie's his younger sister, and it was her friend who was 15 that Nick got. And then she was, he actually said she was kind of, the friend said she was kind of shitty, like, oh, you're going after my brother. Yeah. You know? Well, you watch what happens to you.

And now that girl is fat.