The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - What Is It Exactly?

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

The gang tries to get a better understanding of the "Don't Say Gay" law in Florida and discuss Armpit air, puffy nips, and sh*tty bitches!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey everybody check out Big J this Thursday through Saturday at one of the best comedy clubs in the world the DC improv if you're in the Washington DC area Go get tickets at big J comedy dot com also New Jersey National in Austin on the way big J comedy dot com for more details. Dan Soder going to be in Rhode Island this weekend April 7th through the ninth that's Thursday through Saturday. And then of course, headlining the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. But it's also a standalone show. You can get tickets for just that show. You don't have to get a festival badge. So come show Dan your love.

We'll all be there hanging out. And that is going to be April 21st. Thursday, April 21st Paramount Theater, Austin, Texas. And for tickets and all the tour dates, of course, go to dansoder.com. and for tickets and all the tour dates of course go to dansoder.com and now the bonfire with big J. Ocarson and dansoder I'm big jokison dan soder hello the crew is all back together it does feel great yeah it does whole family's back little family's back in jazzy tune for the family we're moving into our new home we're figuring out the room's sitch

I have a quite something I heard today. Came up again about the don't say don't say gay rule in Florida. Yeah. What is it exactly? Because it can't be as like blind as what people are being angry about. No, my idea is that that teachers aren't allowed to talk about sexual orientation? Sexuality. Yeah. Is it sexuality or sexual orientation? Sexual orientation, whatever it is. Yeah. Whatever it is, I sort of agree.

Everyone's coming down so hard, and I'm like, yeah, how about with a bunch of kids, you just don't worry about who's gay or not gay and just teach a math. I think it's till only kindergarten through third grade or something. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if you're having defying sexual conversations with a, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I almost if they didn You haven't defined sexual conversations with a. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. I almost if they didn't make it a rule, it should be something that's like understood. Sometimes there's like the stuff where you're like, oh, that's how you join QAnon. There's this like one stuff where you're like, nah, let him. And let him be shirtless and hug.

But I just think it's certain. That's some, some colligialistic. Yeah. He goes, no, I want these kids to know their gay. Kiss kiss, kiss. Kiss boy little Kevin. Ram into each other. This week for the wrestling guys.

Restful time. Sign into a law and a measure that parental rights and education bill that don't say gay law. It certainly aims to limit LGBTQ discussion in schools. How much parents should have in their children's education. Oh, okay. This is a very large topic that seems to be why I mean, I could just seems like sure one girl or I think transitioned and asked to be called to leave them. I think the parents didn't like it, but the school

about the name it created all that he made this thing out of that one student. It bans instruction or classroom discussion about LGBTQ issues for kindergarten through third grade. Why is that a problem? This is just a state-chake. Why don't you defend it or don't? You love Florida. I just kindergarten through third. I defend it.

I don't think you should be talking about any of this and just do math and science. Yeah, science. I think Colin Coenhez, I don't want to do his new material on everybody's got really funny Bit about what they should teach in school like kindergarteners and stuff and it's like socializing. It's not yeah Which I don't think it wasn't a topic. I think it was if the teachers gay he can't even bring it I can't say the word

I don't ask me question He's out my sexuality. I don't remember Mr. Mr. Von being gay. I just remember arts class being phenomenal Fierce I don't know we worked. What did you do today in school? Yeah, you know mr. Set you know mr. Sagittall's gay goes that fierce bitch is gay. Yeah, that fucking sassy Shut right up. He goes oh Miss Queen That fucking sassy should write up he goes oh Miss queen They can't child let me tell you so That is that what it is. They're not allowed teachers aren't allowed to discuss their sexuality if they're not if they don't bang if they don't put dick to

Plus they can't talk about it that Teachers because it's not like a curriculum, but I think they don't even say I Guess if a gate teachers get I think they not even say, I guess if a teachers get, I don't think you could save my husband. I don't know. I don't know. I don't get to go back to the 50

styles or like my roommate. Yeah. Listen, that's my roommate. People think Vecchio and an air gate because we were roommates. Oh, okay. That guy Billy, is it Billy Preston? Yeah.

Is that the right name? The shitty bitch. The one I always call a shitty bitch? Billy Preston. What's the black gay guy? piano player. Okay, so not Billy Billy Porter. Is that I'm thinking of yeah, Billy Porter shitty bitch. But he's gay enough that they should be able to make two anti gay laws based off him running around award shows from one of his dresses. I mean, at the Grammys, he was like,

Fushas the thing. By the way, Billy Porter's bottom teeth are, I don't know what the color is, but it's gravely, and it's only highlighted by his purple lipstick. It's, so, and you're not allowed to, you have to go, that's awesome. You should go's you look ridiculous Yeah, you look ridiculous. It's got nothing to do with gay or straight

But I don't think they're teaching on damn ridiculous. I think they're teaching Billy Porter class like the second graders No, I moved on just to say yeah, but I'm sure you're gonna make two anti gay laws based on Billy Porter's outfit I get it. I think you have a weird crush on Billy Porter. He bring them up You're like you look hot and I always actually I don't remember his name. Yeah, or that other one whatever's name is I don't know. I don't know whoever that guy is Proceeding you were watching the Grammys and you grab your chest when he comes on the fuchsia was working You go Billy's talking show bitch You give her sass. Oh, hey Shut up bitch my man talk you go where that come from

These favorite personality organic personality at a dinner party, flamboyant gay, wouldn't you agree? That or, I was gonna say flamboyant gay. I was gonna say the ones that always get me are the two comfortable women. The women that like, will bust your balls, we're like, I don't know you, who are you? We're still new. Yeah, just trying to she ham early.

Dude, I went to a dinner party. I went to my cousins dinner party and It was in LA and I love my cousin, but it was like was there a shitty bitch there? There was so many shitty bitches and at one point I said that you know who else was there was Nick Novicki Nick Novicki and his wife Teal were there so I saw that man I was like hey guys. What's up? I had I was like forever here teensies wife teal were there so I saw them and I was like hey guys what's up I had I was like from over here tenses you picked them both up in your arms yeah and Nick does look like me he looks like little person me so I'm like come over here we can make up a good back story we can really sell some people awesome snake oil say that you drank it and then

came high size you go in the house all coming up we'll pull up some fucking mind hey guys I mean oh my god I was warmer up here I would immediately go to a carny work where I see I'm going to house all coming in. We'll pull up some fucking mind. Hey guys. Oh my God. It's so much warmer up here. I would immediately go to a carny work where I see Nick and I go, I got a friend. We can work these people for some money. No, but I sat down on the table

and I was like not feeling comfortable. And her friend, who wasn't a shitty bitch, she was a like a, this is we're having fun here, like I mean like too comfortable of a white lady. And she was like, guys, we're going to go around the table and everyone's going to say something that they're grateful that they've gone through. I hate this. Michelle does this kind of thing.

And I stood up and I told my cousin I was going to throw up and I need to go back to my hotel. And I left good. And I went, got chick-flagged. I'm a hotel brilliant move. Thank you. Brilliant, brilliant. I walked up to the making, I was like, hey, come on. You should've had Nick sit on his wife's shoulders

and put on a long jacket, and he was being the rest of the guy. We're going, I really like wrestling. You know what else I like? Hey, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, what's out, what's out? Did you have fun? Did you have fun?

I'm drinking again. Yes, no, I'm a little stumbling. I'm stumbling and drunk. Let's sit down, huh? What do you say these vegetables look good? I'm glad you didn't cook any meat. Is this a summer squash soup? Oh You've a lish your four glasses of sovignon block in here and these go give me some Yeah, shut up shut bitch. You brought it shut up. Shut up. We'll get some to go. Yeah, dude I can't dinner parties where people feel comfortable a dinner party of let's meet a bunch of other people.

Like there's one common denominator person. I'd rather fucking die. A brother swing. Another being naked and covered in oil. They'd have to sit there and be like, oh. Comfortable at parties to begin with. No, I'm not. Because of substances I was.

When I got out. When I got out. They became the comfortable girl and he got drunk right that's why I hate her so much what's up I'm just kidding I'm Dan what's up I'm Tina's cousin hey what's up what's up what are you grateful for say it before you walk in or I give you a Charlie horse you want a dead army what I'm grateful I'm all fucking a horse bite I'll grab a quad what are you grateful for yeah dude that was what I think your cousin just fucking dead armed me out there. He also wreaks like warm gin

Party I went to I felt like it was design party and I wasn't invited. Yeah, I don't belong here Yeah, they're all into this. Yeah, I never felt like I belonged to the party in my life But I think that's why alcohol is so popular because it just numbs you and then everyone's like I'm party It's like I said the comedy sores holiday. I don't know what holiday But their holiday party is next Tuesday. I'm like, oh, good. He's right. We the day to stay clear I'm gonna show up I'm gonna show up and pretend it's an Easter party. Yeah, he is risen. He's risen everybody Hey guys happy or happy Easter. He is died for your sins. Everybody's coming out. You guys, I don't know if you heard the good news. He

is risen. And they're like, now this is a, I don't know, it's weird to do it this time of year. I just like, I think again, like you said about like the comedy club hang and like the, like the showcase club hang, much like the parties. They're not for us, I don't think anymore. I also think it's... For young comics, I want to go get hammered on someone else's time, bunch of free food. But the placement of it being right now, doesn't make sense because Christmas parties,

you subconsciously give yourself a little bit more to talk to people, you're like nicer to people because it's the holiday season. So when a guy that you typically don't want to really talk to walks up to, you're like, how are you doing, man? That's a magnog. Yeah, hat married Christmas. What are you got going on?

What are you doing for the new year? You're like, you're, you're, so even if it's in January, you still kind of have that like thing. Now you're like, hey, what's up? Oh, it's up. What's, and then you're just like, yeah, what's up? Oh, it's up. What's, and then you're just like, yeah, the shows were weird on Thursday.

Yeah, anyway, I gotta run. I gotta spot over at New York comedy. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta 9.45. Oh, I was hoping to have comedy seller food that I have all the night in bulk. Oh my God, look. Cold wings. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it'll be fun if we get, the here's the thing is it's like, it's like a voter turnout. If you can get enough of our friends to turn out, it can be a good enough. Well, you're in the dodgy J demographic. You're a hard one to get to on a Tuesday night. You're only night off.

It's good about an unspecified holiday party. Yeah, dude. J. J's got Central American work ethic. You've got like six jobs, and your only break is to play a half a game of 2K. What holidays are surrounding this that we can give it to one of them?

Easter. Yeah, I guess it's just Easter. Pass over. I don't know. I don't know your guys. It's just a huge, huge I'm curious. I don't know your guys just crude holidays. Let's Passover Jacob. It's this month, right? Yeah, I think so. Passover is the 15th. You want to do a full satire at my house. You mean to get out of the, you don't want to do the party. You want to do a satire?

Instead. Well, if that's an option, you think I'm going to go, oh, yeah, you have to do the party, you want to do a satire? Instead. Well, if that's an option. You're three days early. You think I'm going to go, oh, yeah, you have to do it on the day, right? Eight days or something like that. Yeah, it ends. Unless you're my dad and you, this is his super bowl. Oh, is he like planning? Is he getting pumped for Passover?

Oh, he is. Passover season. Are you going to home for Passover? No. You don't know, you're staying here. Let's do something Jewish you dude I'm down on the Sunday Jews yeah, be on that Sunday all right all the rest of us get ready to wear white

We're gonna go to a river and then douse ourselves in the water clean Jake wishes fill myself reading a satire phonetically One time only I'm not religious at all Mm-hmm just to I love my dad, so I wanted to make him happy. So it's so important to him. He said, just go to this synagogue for the holiday in New York. You do it?

I went one time while it was up here. It was like two years ago. You guys were on the air, and I was depressed, because I was listening on earbuds. In the synagogue? In the synagogue. You were making fun of me for not being oh man, cuz you were synagogue, but also here's a thing as Soon as I get to a synagogue I check the exits Because you got to know one to wear one to take off. Yeah, this place was a kill box. There was one entrance only

One entrance that sounds like a fire hazard you couldn't get to a window to get out Yeah, that's why it's like Costco you can use them bulk. They do not plan on exit well guys Took them 40 years to get through a desert learn from your past you guys keep walking into it Yes, guys multiple eggs spread out In and out how about playing what do you have the Degos figure out how to escape all the time you fucking clump it up letting these crowds get to you telling you guys you gotta put it spread out funnily out everybody single file flank we never learned the concept of flanking run to the corners I couldn't plan this place worse you walk in yeah

immediately to the left is a little children's room. And then the kill box in a god right now. It's called the kill box. No, it's like, that's what I was saying. You don't know my daddy goes out. You gotta know, you hear a click or anything. I want to know where to take off. You've got John J. Rambo All right. There was nowhere to go

So you're just in this room and you're like I can't be in here. How deep in were you? Were you close to the back like toward the door door opened and then a one tunnel to the back room and one little children's room to the right Do you think I guess what you have to start planning it? You said there's a there's you said there's a tunnel like a hallway. I thought it was like Notre Dame stadium. Like a flat play like it was me getting good at faking dead. You have to go under a pile of dead Jews getting ready to pretend you're dead. Yeah, you're going to have to be ready for people on top of you.

The last time I was ever in one like a few years ago, I'm not. I can't do this. Yeah. Why? I cannot't do this. Yeah. Why? I cannot breathe. No, man, I got, I want, I'm going to go into combat mode, but you got to give me an option. I can't breathe.

I saw a world star. I can't remember which one it was. I saw a world star hip-hop fight recently, two black girls. And the one was just whooping the other girls ass like bad the whole time. Yeah. And then at the end, she's going to get off me. Go, she's, I can't breathe. I was just screaming, I can't breathe.

Go, you can't use that on other black people. It goes, that's the thing now. That's white person's winning. That's white kung fu. Yeah, that's, that's too. I can't breathe. No, but it's a quick way to listen, buddy, even if you're like enemy in the moment fighting you,

like get off of you, it goes, oh, okay. Come up with a historical phrase. Yeah, yeah. I have a dream down here. I have a dream that ones everyone's gonna be together Goes oh shit. All right stop. We are we are Marshall. Yeah, that was a pain crack. I can't hit you Stop hitting me black lives matter because you fucked my boyfriend Still though, I can't breathe any of these working. 9-11, never forget. Let's do it this. This is a fight because you stole money from me. Jacob, yeah, let's do a satire instead.

We'll do a Sunday Night Sater. This means so much to Liz. What? The party. You can go to the party. I'll do something. You guys are having your satire. I the party. I'll do something. You guys are having your say to I said Sunday. You guys are having your own little thing.

We're not allowed. And you guys just want to stress. Well, I mean, a long time. I said, we know that. Dude, if you know anything about me, you know, I've wanted to be Jewish my whole life. I wasn't a wigger when I was a kid. I wanted to be Jewish. He is.

Yeah. You were a jigger. I was a jigger. Yeah, I was a jigger. I was a jigger. Yeah, a jigger. Just walking around using Yiddish. That's the only one that called it a tukus. You know that's like a Colorado? Do you want to come over for a Sunday saturday? I would fucking love it.

Do it. I'll come over for a yom kippur. I'll come over for all of this. Listen, I'm going to all the high holidays. But listen, give me hollow bread dipped in honey when we celebrate a new year listen and give me a Passo I'll tell you what to do with some good white fish. I'm gonna get a crock pot to it I'm gonna make a brisket. Please. I'm gonna get you filled to fish Boy, they can we have some fun

Not the only one eating. Well, I mean the way you said it was like that. Yeah, I think it's like you were the grossest thing ever Hey, Jacob can I talk to you real quick on the side here? This is my first Passover that really means I'm gonna monster ball soup from a place that makes Dom as ball soup love it. I Love bread. I love bread clump soup. Yeah, we'll get some holla bread from somewhere. Love it, dude Will you try to get filled to fish? I've tried to felt to fish you like it You get to Annie when I moved here and Annie was my girlfriend, I went to several high holidays with her. Her grandfather died thinking I was Jewish.

Really? He was a comedian. He was like, well, he's a comedian. They didn't even ask me. They didn't realize I had a crucifix tattoo on my back. You said, uh-oh, your boy got dipped in the river of Jesus. Oh, time. A piss companion. Yeah, well, you know, the girl, I was my virgin, too. Her father believed I was equally a white supremacist.

Yeah, dude. So sometimes you got to do objects in the mirror, don't appear as Jewish as they see. Sometimes you got tell girls to have what he was to years, you could plow his daughter. You know what? That's the exact line of thinking ahead. She's how the world works though. Oh, hey, am I full? Well, I'm gonna go in there. I am for Clint. Yeah, I'm gonna have your daughter spin on my smack. Oh

And then oh look at a bubble Dude there was yeah, they were I love that family though. They were fun. They were fun to shit. Yeah, they were like, It's a good Felt's Fish and Horse radish. Yeah, Upper East Side, that's where I learned about dipping the hollabred into honey to represent a sweet new year. I didn't even know that. Have the fucking, it was great.

I worked at a, I told you this, I worked at a, why can't I think of it? My gory brain is locking up. Yeah, the bagel store I worked at was kosher. Yeah That's how I learned Threaten it cuz I almost walked in with Burger King cuz I was walking with a Whopper with cheese. Is there cheese on that burger? I didn't stop too. I went. Yeah, there is like they were like they were gonna be jealous

Yeah, you're like I know lucky me right you guys don't even do that here No, I'm thinking the whole time. Where's the cheese on these sandwiches? No, I had no Yeah, I didn't even think about cheese. I was just like I thought I was gonna be like yeah I got a waffle of cheese and they're like that sounds so good so delicious I love it. They're like do not fucking come in here Kick you in the chest. They spark you kicked you. This is the bagel's no shine! We have two k-chans! Yeah man, it was fucking crazy, but I learned about Holla bread there.

That's where I learned about Holla bread. It makes it every fron. It's great. It's like almost one of it, that in sourdough or my two favorites. I'll tell you what, when it's so annoying, when like the money thing of Judaism like comes into play play into the beliefs. Are you mean because they're ridiculous? I mean the ultimate, exactly.

I got you. Well, I'm saying more like the idea of, you wanna keep like a kosher, like a real kosher kitchen, it's insanely expensive. To just simply be able to refrigerate your cheeses and meats in different places. It's crazy. Yeah, not bad. And it's all rooted off of my places. It's crazy. Yeah, not bad.

And it's all rooted off of my belief. It's all rooted off of like, I say I think it's like refrigerations. It's like old things that came about when there was no way to preserve food at all. Yeah, they say that sometimes about like how pork is illegal in some religions? Cause it killed people, probably wouldn't pay.

Yeah, and it's just like, guys don't eat that. That'll give you the shits. And then it's like 200 years later. Yeah, it Satan's meat. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just like just refrigerated, you know, I mean, you'll be fine. And how to prepare it.

Did you grow kosher? Yeah. Yeah, so was it, are you, you're not still kosher? No, because that's gotta be like Jason, hard to keep. I don't, no, I don't keep it kosher now. Okay, you don't like your refrigerator. You don't have two refrigerators. Am I a cheese store?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah. If we walked in and I'm like, hey, Jacob, why is there a frigid air in your fucking bedroom? It's where my cheese is. It's the cheese store. Is this another one? No. It's my cheese freezer.

It's frigid air, a fucking air conditioner, not a fridge. It's also a fridge. It's just appliances in general, that. I just was looking for a generic term. We always call it fridge there Yeah, family just call it a fridge of fridge there. Yeah, that's funny Yeah, dude. I had no idea what being kosher was I did that to my TVs. Yeah fucking turn on the Samsung. Let's see what's up Really? That's what you all that be great. Yeah fire up the Sony. Here's slap up the LG. Let's see what's up really that's what you're all great. Yeah fire up the Sony. You're slap up the LG Let's see what's going on. Yeah, I mean cars I get doing that sometimes It's one Jeep want to get in the Jeep, you know, oh, yeah for a certain paper car

Yeah, or even for making fun of it when I had the stratas I'd like we ride in the stratas. Yeah, that shitty car I people shit out of that car. This is called the bitch bring the bitch around Oh, yeah, man. It's called the other bring around the bitch shitty car nicknames are always very fun. Oh, yeah grow enough I don't know if I ever name my shitty car every car had it was so happy to have and Found a way to believe it was cool for some reason, but I also never had money to soup anything up ever on a car A lot of my friends did all that shit tinting and and everything. I was just like, this is a pretty nice saturday. Yeah, but you see, I appreciated my cars, but I also kind of knew when they,

I mean, my car looked like a soccer mom car. Yeah. Because I got it, I got the 96 Stratus in like 2001 or whatever, so it was only like five years old, but it was, when I got it, I'm like, this is a, this is like a government vehicle. This is, this does look like a 16 year old kid, or 17 year old kid's car.

Oh, no dude, owning a car though is such like, it's like, when I first had a car, even when I was like, I think I got a like a thousand bucks made to something. That's why I was 15 hundred. I'm on the court. I got mine for 15. Maybe a little more than a thousand,

but whatever it was, it was fucking, you know, it was not a nice car, but in my mind, that's $1,000. It was a bazillion dollars to you. So I've always had a thing, I'm like this car, but big on keeping them clean, trying to keep up with like the stuff on it. So I never also never had a shitty car,

even though they were like ridiculous car. You know what I mean? Like they weren't shitty by like a, you've also remained a car owner while living in the city Well, I stopped for a while, but I'm saying you've had you've got you had that horrible incident with the Ford and then you come back You've had cars or whatever. I haven't owned a car in 16 years so I wonder how much different I would be because I was a mess When I had a car I was a mess when I had a car. There was a cigarette packs. I just would throw shit on the side and just smoke.

I beat the shit out of my car. I smoke. I smoke in every car of the brand. But I was also like a 21 year old alcoholic. Just boozing and throwing trash and shit and I didn't care. So I wonder now. You're looking for a daily planet because you're trying to find a girl, a lost girl. Where is it? Damn it,, so do I gotta hear somewhere? God damn it.

A bunch of empty Tylenol things. It's like a detective. I keep trying. I don't feel like that now. Yeah, I wonder. I'm a classy car now. But I feel like I would still be a little messy. I still feel like I would, because I haven't given shit.

I already one of those car becomes like more storage. Yeah. I would be afraid that I would slip into that. Yeah, maybe not so big as you know, it's chicken everything now. Like Chris, you probably even set out a bit. Yeah. But like, yeah, Ari, it'll be nice to you.

I feel like you're standing on a pile of like old hangers from dry cleaners and- I've done a lot of vapors. Let me clear this off for you. And I just move it and you're like, that's good. By the way, I often get taken home like from somebody from the comedy club, the manager, whoever it is, and they always give you right.

And I'm always blown away. Almost 100% of the cars I get into, someone goes, hang on, let me throw this shit in the back here. What are you doing? Yeah, I was shocked at the first time that happened to me in UBERO's in Portland. And the guy pulled up, he's like,

hold on real quick, I'm like, hold on real quick. You're taking rides. And the guy I up he's like hold on real quick I'm like hold on real quick you're taking rides and the guy had like stuff by the way didn't move all of it completely out there's still stuff behind the driver's seat in in between the back seat like a fleece and a couple things and I was like it feels like I'm getting a ride from a friend oh by the way I want Mikey McEwan in here and no I'm not talking he gave me right on this weekend. I'm not talking about him. He didn't send me the back seat. Mikey, he did say it was you. It did. No, but I would tell you that Mike's car was great because it was wrapped. I think it was using like I think it's father's car. Oh, yeah. I think it was wrapped in a great clips. Awesome. Love that. Yeah.

Great clips. A lot of money throughout my life. Love great clip. That's how Soul Joel used to be when he was my manager. He would, he would drive me home in the PT cruiser that was wrapped in a Soul Joel production. Oh. In the PT cruise, dude. I don't get my car wrapped so bad. I would go back. I would be so hammered.

You sure do, you're stupid. Stepping out of a PT cruiser that said Soul Joel's in front of Caprice, the European dance club, and the story around the corner of my street. I'll bag what's up, you Euro-Trash babes. Oh, speaking of Euro-Trash. Did you... Nicole Yokic, balling for Euro-Trash.

No, because see if you could find Cristina's dove. I think it's called dove ultimate commercial now. The two commercials I saw that really blew my mind recently, what they're doing. They have some for depends You know adult diapers. Yeah, and it's just like an in-shape black dude wear one and that's almost a little thing about it It goes see I'm cool and I'm wearing it I'll see if I get to the message and the dove ultimate

commercial is Just hairy armpit women. It's just like what if whether you're this or that is like now. Ew stop Don't encourage that be sexy be twins ride bikes. Yeah, look at that. I thought those magic Johnson son Yeah, Jacob look at this. Oh, it's a whole back. Me. This is a whole Female armpit hair. Oh, no, it's's not all of it, but they give you too much Suck our hairy arm Yeah, basically do you think that's gonna be a thing that changes in like Like a hundred years like women just have hairy armpits in a hundred years if you have a hairy armpit

I should be able to punch your armpit and see if I can stop your heart like Bruce Lee said he could do The armpit punch to try Jay's armpit punch. Yeah, if you show Harry armpits, I'm punching you in the arm. I'm punching you in the neck. Is there any woman that you'd have sex with if she had Harry armpits? I think I've had sex with women with Harry armpits before. And you knew before. I think, yeah, at least one of them I think, but it's not my choice at all.

Can you touch it? No. You know, you do know I think, but it's not my choice at all. You touched it? No. You didn't know. You didn't know I wouldn't touch it. He actually ran his e-ran, once she was laying in. And then he turned to one. Yeah, no.

When she, when they were finished, Jay laid on her chest and then played with it. He just guided his fingers through it. No, what are you thinking about? A pretty enough girl. She was like, I don't know. That's a stuff. a pretty enough girl? Pretty enough girl you can get over it for sure for the for the moment, but it's not awesome. Yeah, I've Harry cast I The one all the way to the right in the yellow is atrocious. There's some of them I could probably run through

That was not bad. That was not bad. I'm not bad Yes, What is the? Well, that can't be real. The athlete girl can't be real. I mean, that's not that fake. These are Photoshop. Yeah, it's fake. No one's got armpits. Men don't have armpits like that. Yeah, that's insane. Let's grow our armpit hair out for a satyr. Have you shaved? Wait, what do you mean?

Like armpit hair, do you shave your armpits? No. Have you ever? Yeah. I feel like that. I feel weird. Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, skin.

I get skin. I didn't mind it for a while, but then I started getting like when I was like a fat teenager when I was doing it. I would get like rub. Yeah. Shit. Irritation. it. I would get like rub. Yeah. Shit. Irritation.

Yeah, it would be really uncomfortable. So yeah, I don't do that anymore. Well, well, I mean, ladies, if you want to shot at this guy, shave your armpits. shave your armpits. Where do you, but you don't walk away if she's pretty enough do you want to fuck her but she has hairy armpits.

It depends how hairy I guess, right? What do you mean? Is there a level of hairy that make you walk away? She's in the bar, and she graces her arms. She's like a nine. No, no, she's come back with you. She's come back with you, and she's wearing a t-shirt. T-shirt.

Yeah, yeah, she had a cute little t-shirt on that said, like, go state. Just a cute little number. Yeah, jeans, you guys met. Yeah. And she takes an awful socks. She takes it off. She's got fucking armpits quite a hypothetical. Sure is. But guess what? She's so pretty. Everything else together. But she has just whoofin pits. Real bad. Like kind of like they're shooting out

the side of her arm is close. Oh, fuck that. Nope. Now I'm out. I'd elbow when her clavicle. You pull some shit like that. He's tucking away. Yeah. Jay would give three kiosk Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you could do that you could yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I would at the time because you know why you love Strong And someday you gotta put your head down and I mean it's true. Yeah, yeah, it's like hard work I'm sure the same woman's making concessions on me as well. So, yeah, dude, me with my shirt off,

I look like PT stretched out. It's not good. So I would definitely say, yeah, I would do a bait, not my preference by any stretch. Oh, I'm not seeking it. Hairy legs, Yuff, brutal. I think I can get over hair, I think it over hair in the armpit more than hairy legs.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I've never had to deal with this. Really? Oh well, I don't know why I'm saying that. I don't know what your story is. Well this is why you should only, you should only exclusive. I'm talking about stubble where you feel they're a little rough.

Yeah. That happens. That happens on a didn't know I was going to fuck today thing. But hair like full on hair hair grown out hair. Yeah I remember when I was I remember you never felt it you never like I remember not like in that when I went back That goes back to like high school and seeing like girls sometimes would wear Like white stockings and it looks like who come out. Yeah, it looked like an aerial shot of the Zion party So it was everything was just mixing and me

They're all mushed up. Oh So gross I'm party traumatized me I know really is this is sugar moment for you. It's very worked up about that party I do by the way nobody is nobody there's they had to cast that you should know that perfect people They cast that a woman sat there with a clipboard and people walked in and she said take your shirt off and dance around like an asshole and then they're on it yeah you're in you're in the movie so don't feel bad about that if the if we zion didn't hear it would just look like

fucking old mayonnaise and a to go container with fucking black glue being the sprinkle of pepper into it speaking of stupid outfits Lenny Kravitz is back kept his body super in shape. Yeah, red locks are long and he looks fantastic Yeah, I mean let's just like an asshole because he's too hot cut off gene jacket Not even that no at the Grammys. He showed up in a spaceman outfit. It was silver boots on Lenny Kravitz and at the Grammys It was him and her Performing I didn't realize that was so natural. Yeah, you think Zion's got a good bakery No, you think Zayon's got you think Zion's got a good place for stacks. You think Zion's got go-pull No, Jacob's getting uncomfortable the same way I understand too

It's like because they're not what they're not showing you is like the room in the cave where there's someone like me or Jacob sitting there like trying to like read or something we're like I don't know that part. There's me too. There's parties to intense. Me falling asleep waiting for sentinels and I know there isn't that fucking neo dies. Yeah go guys I'll go watch the perimeter if you want. And then I don't often they go. So do it. So do it. I don't show those. ball. You know, it's performing half of it, yeah. But you gotta get to the whole thing. He looked like a fucking dildo. I would just wear sheath metal. I would wear sheath metal as a shirt

and like tight, just tight, weird rubber pants. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I would dress like a pro wrestler every day if I had an amazing body. If I was a pro wrestler, I saw a picture, they showed like old school pictures, you know, it's like WrestleMania, so they put up like a 35 years ago today,

or like 25 years ago. They just had a picture of Stone Cold while they were building the ring. Like WrestleMania 17, he's just chilling in just gene shorts and work boots. Just work boots got a hat on no shirt and gene shorts, and I'm like, yeah dude, if I was jacked, I would dress like that too.

This is nothing to be with being jacked. He's dressed like a female wrestler from the 80s. He's got to blow out. He's got to blow out. That's trying to not be sexualized. Yeah he is. He looks like he's trying to guess what aliens dress like. Yeah, it's he's like more for more.

At the bonfire SXM we'll tweet out the picture of, she can't do anything wrong. Who her? That her comes out of it, const out her. Who's on about him or her? Her, her. Yeah, that was him. Who she? Her, yeah, they.

Her, they? Yeah, she rules. She rules so hard. It's a normal and crush right now. Yeah. And it's good, it looks very woke of me. Super in the black chicks now. She's also Filipino Yeah, it's pretty woke. I'm in the black broads now

J's j's 40s progressive. Oh, yeah totally What are you what are you what are you called fucking whatever? You then CW crush my number one What's she on Well, she's guest star on the flash Yeah, new season of the flash she's been on a few a few I mean dude your CW crushes is take have taken me down I've always that girl we used to follow that had the place in page house of page. I remember going through that

There is a flash movie coming out with that Fucking Jag off the blaze. I'm right. You gotta rest it. You got arrested in like Europe. Oh thank God Someone stop him. It was Hawaii. That's what it was somebody stop him that monster Dude the television show Is good you love it? Is what we're looking for, the flash. I watch it.

You don't love it though. Is it good, no. It's just fun to watch. So it's good. Yeah, super natural. Sure, yeah, yeah, it's on that level. Well, fucking, your boy Jensen Eccles about to be in the boys. We're interviewing also, well, it's supposed to be this week because that happening now,

but we're interviewing Chuck and Loki from Supernatural. Oh, I thought that's the R show. Chuck was God. Yep. And Loki, yes. What's the actress's name? Natalie Dreyfus. Natalie, Richard Dreyfus is his niece. It's Richard Dreyfus.

Nice. Jacob, you can't jerk off to my niece. I told you, I didn't want to wear this damn mask! That's always my favorite Darryl Hammond when he does Richard Drifestoo in the Star Wars screen test. Evaporators? So am I binary? I'm sorry. Is that her?

Oh yeah. You like the mean macy-ed thin, Jacob? Damn, dude. Wow, that's just that photo It's Natalie she's voluptuous another picture. No, well, yeah, I guess I do have a look Yeah, that is a much better picture dude I feel like in a if you were like in another life if you would have lived in like Ohio You would have married a lady like that zero problems. You would have walked into a relationship like that

You guys would have you know know, in high school, been in some club together. You know, you have the same, your type is very Midwestern girl, you girl next door you grow up with. Yeah, I think that's where, I think you're right about that. I think if you were to like have been born in, you know.

I wrote, doesn't want to be donkey punched. That's not your speech. That's not you. That's Jay. He's at the fringe She's on the coast dude. He's one of those coastal elites Yeah, lots of woman that's in the weird dungeon play right Christine you guys Get it all I got to worry about you getting bored to stuck on for her but hole. Yeah, dude She's just gonna know that you're in a lover casserole and that you're excited to watch your show together

Yeah, huh, let's get down and watch your show. Let's watch your show. Let's watch our show. Jigga, I think 2023 is your year to find true love. I think it's gonna happen. Thank you. 2023. You're off.

Yeah, you're prepping. You're about to blossom. Well, I think the quarantine changed a lot of things. You have to get acclimated to the New York lifestyle again. You're not a swamp smitten anymore. Mm-hmm. And You know all your wacky ideas of knife making and building put it on hold it's going hold They're on hold. Yeah, you have fond love here with a girl who wants to get out of New York though Yeah, you guys are both pulling your snake pliscans. You both want to escape from New York

You both want to get out of here because you both dream of your code, living in a swampy humid gator land. Or that won't even let your kids be gay. Yeah, you can't even, when your son realizes who he is, you can't be yourself. Not until third grade. Oh, he's either side of it to keep Jacob here. Oh, you want to go there? Well, they won't even let your kids be gay.

Real nice, Jacob. Oh, you're gonna let your kids, you're gonna let your kid miss out on the most important years of a gay man's life Kindergarten Third grade shirts and skins games getting all complicated. That's where all the hot gay action happens is kindergarten the third grade Yeah, everything I mean Gregor on the shirt of skins team together. He oh he passes me the ball We have to like touch shoulders. Is that weird? So weird that I get

When was that they must have outlawed shirts and skins. I remember that being... Oh, you're not before fucking, uh, yeah, not before my time. No, just like the deadbeat dad law and my dad dying right before it passed. It was, those of us who didn't get through didn't get through shirts or skins. Was not saying. And it would do, and adults would fucking organize that. Oh, yeah. Mean teenagers. Fuck you. By the way, punchline was always fat kid has to go skins. And then when they found out your boy had puffing nips, I mean, excuse me. I was mortified because of my nips. I mean, excuse me. I didn't know. Nip twins. Yeah, well, at least your nips weren't fucking Yeah, well, at least your nips weren't fucking for inches away from your chest. They were they were you're talking to puff boys

We a tight little put a tight little buttons. I would have been shirtless running around. I always had tight nips None wrong with that my nips are fine. All right, so don't bring your rats every problem's over here Dude, my friend was nips. It was tit. It was Dude, my friend was nips. It was tipped. It was Stomach and all that shit my little ass my no ass coming out when my little shorts would fall down We have city problems and you had rural problems. We were all the area around We were the the concentration of it all my problems. I had supple nipples Give me two I honestly feel like I have snips I was like rocker. I was like, around like, do I have bitch nips?

I was like, confident? I was like, yeah, you fuck you Instagram. I'll try and go first. I'll try and go. Here's the thing, and any of my friends will tell you this from growing up. I had a system where I could, I've told you this. I would tickle the side of my rig.

Tick them tighten up. And then I'd get them nice and tight. If I go like this, I still do it. I had to pinch the side of my rig and tighten up and then I'd get them nice and tight if I go like this I still do it. I have to pinch so when I started now Yeah, you pinch but you pinch is a dead giveaway I'm like taking off you take off your jersey and then just crank go let's do this boys Yeah, like suspenders Play but if I do a tickle and I'm like I don't know man. I think that shirts new and then they go down and all That's so funny

Dan it goes it goes all right guys. I'm on the skin see if you don't mind I'm gonna go turn myself on the bathroom a little bit Sorry guys. I got an edge before I can ball Crank it. Oh, you're a cracker. One of the worst is when I, one of my buddies, we went to football camp and we were like, up at a college. And it was like my high school team.

And we went swimming and one of my friends was like, you know, offensive lineman, big guy, just didn't want to be seen with the shirt off and I felt fucking horrid. That was the first time I was like, damn, that has to really suck. Cause like the way you got out of the pool and like- Oh, I know.

Yeah. I know get out of the pool. I said, when they would be like, all right, everybody out of the pool and you realize you're in the deep end, nowhere near a fucking ladder. And you see everyone just jumping out where they're at and then you see where the ladder is and you go,

it's good, I'm gonna be the last one of the pool and I'm gonna be treading water over to a ladder. I go, I gotta try to get to, I'm telling you, last one of the pool and I'm gonna be treading water over to a ladder. I go, I gotta try to get, I'm telling you, I bring half the pool water with me. It's like washing up. Yeah. It's like being squeezed up, you get your upper body up there

and just flip over like a seal. It's horrible. And then the whole side of the pool. And that's when I was like, I'll never wear a shirt and a thing ever. It's gotta be one of the, I can only, I can only limit my embarrassments. I always realized that wearing a shirt in the pool

drew more attention than just being shirt off. That's why I chose to. I'd rather be shirt, because here's the thing, you can go shirt off, by the way. I live still, live in deep-end water, or shallow water where my ass is genuinely on the ground. I, when I'm in a pool, neck rarely, I'll neck up, usually the only thing that's out of the water, I stay in pool. Last step on the shallow end of the pool, stairs.

Great. Sit down, go about clavicle height. Perfect. Just hanging out. Sit there, hang a friend, maybe hold a drink. Oh my God. You didn't even smoke a joint or something. You know, it's crazy is when you were a little and you'd see a little a skinny kid in a shirt. And you're like, what's going on? Yeah, he's like, I have melanomas. And you're like, God, you'll die if you're out here. Okay, God is. But my nipples would, if you pinch them,

they'll, they transform like it's a full moon. Yeah, but they don't last, that's the problem. That's why you have like a limited time. Yeah, once you get out of the water, you're back to being a puff have you have daddy have you it's like it's like It's like turning back from a werewolf a new person. Yeah, have you ever been having sex and you look down and notice that they're like they're soft again I'll tell you when I was notice oh no finished Downable

And you go see me for a second, huh? You gotta go I sit up in bed. I go, that's pretty crazy. Or if they're not looking, you just give a fucking, how you doing? It's weaker. How you doing? Not done that.

Yeah, I won't fucking. But when I, that's hilarious. And I have to do that in the locker room at gym because you have to change into your shirt. Yeah. Even for that split second. No, I'm doing my back. Towards the locker.

Face the locker and go like this, really fast. One time, in college, one time, this girl, Yeah, for that split second. I turn my back towards Delacor based Delacor and go like this really fast. What's in college one time this girl that we're friends with that was very attractive came over to buy weed from a mere and I just heard her in the living room and I was like, I caught out of the shower and I was cold and I was like, a good nip day

and I was like, put your jeans on. And my jeans on walked out and I was like, oh hey, you started talking and then the nip started out and I was like, oh hey, you started talking and then the nips started turning and I was like, shit, shit, I'm pretty gay like, I'm pretty gay like, I feel like a man. I'm firing a son. Excuse me for a second.

Oh yeah, what's the point? What am I doing? Let me grab one of my bill ofong shirts. My quick silver shirts. I learned how to change clothes in that way of like, when a girl's trying to not show anything Like I put behind one of those Not even it's like putting on I put on like my sweatshirt

Like over with no arms in it and then start taking out the arms of the underneath like t-shirt or whatever We able to be pulled out like I'm showing you how to take off a bra Yeah, first time I saw a girl take a bra for without taking her shirt off, I was like, that is fucking impressive. Yeah, they're gonna do things like that. That's to not show too much bod. Yeah, you learn tit movement. You're like, I have to learn how to tit navigate. Oh man, I forget with somebody made a thing one time,

like what I take, I don't know what the way my tank tops are made or anything, when I take off my sweatshirt, my tank, whatever reason, the exact motion it does. Well, I know exactly why because I'm belly and then chest. Sure. There's like a, you know, a line between basically, and it just rides up right there. So it looks like I'm wearing a sports bra underneath there and then I have to go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, they pull up that down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because in case you, unless you get one of those

things, for teams watching me struggle in front of a girl before, I've been like, hold it, don't say anything, just hold it down for me. Just hold it, move, look, my arms are up, you pull down, you pull down. I'm like, you know, I get ready to take off my sweatshirts, pull down a sweat, the tank,

you see what happens? Yeah, what about buying like super long ones that you tuck in? Tank tops? Yeah. Um, my tank's pretty long. It's not that it's just like the, just the way I sweatshirts,

you know, there's like a, the bottom of the sweatshirts have never elastic on them or the rim. So when I lift, when I'm taking it off, it just pulls up with it. Yeah, I try. It is what it is, not a big deal. I'm saying, when I take my shirt off,

when I take my sweatshirt off, if I'm trying to keep my t-shirt on, most of the time it gets pulled with it. But god damn it, it's so funny. It's just funny thing and it has to be like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's supposed to be of my belly. Let me count this back up for you.

He fixed this. Danny's lifted a dream boat up there. Dream boat. Christine knows what's up. She's trying to keep the nips hard. Yeah. She's trying to keep them nips. E-wrapped.

What if you met her and she was like, I'll date you, but you better not have weird nipples. Would you be like, I would like do a nipple surgery. If you could do, I would do a nipple surgery. You get your nipples fixed? If they're just permahired. I'm wondering if there's, I always wonder do a nipple surgery. If you could do, I would do a nipple surgery. You get your nipples fixed if they're just perma hard. I'm wondering if there's, I always wonder if there's a medical thing you could do to get, keep your nipples.

Well, because they always say that the rock had surgery on his pecs to make them less boob like between his like first and second year in the WWE. He did have weird, he had nips. Yeah, talk. He had those cone nips in the beginning. Maybeips. Maybe yeah, maybe I get the rock surgery Can you look that up Rocky just my nips not chat the chest just put you see what I'm saying But the rock used to have odd nips and they're different now. I don't know. He's also much much bigger That's not really that doesn't really look crazy different.

Yeah, it does. On the left, all the way to the left? Yeah, when he's rocking my IV, no, those were his nips then. But I say he might have just gotten more muscular and shit. Yeah, I mean, he's more muscular now than he was when he wrestled. That's what I'm saying. He's so jacked now that his nips might just look smaller. Yeah. That's what he is.

Dude, he's got a fucking go super into it. Before an Apple nipple surgery, so people got it shaved down Oh, they just get like when they have the inverse they try to turn them inside weird Have you do you have a nipple that's that one should be handled the one looks at the Bullroom not Those are gonna asshole on our tip Hey, you got asshole titties stop It's just a stop, I know. How does your titches shit your nipple out?

Yeah. Hey, do you need to, do you need to go nipple poop? That was crazy looking. That looked like an actual asshole. They may have been a Photoshop. Wait, this is a preference on nipples. Me? On like a girl, do you care at all?

That's not really a big deal. Also the fun's kind of like finding out what's kind of, I'm okay. That's not really a big deal. Also the fun's kind of like finding out what's kind of nipple it is. What's crazy is what sometimes when you see it, you're like, oh, that doesn't look right. And then you're like, oh yeah, it looks perfect. That's your boob. Your boob is like the nipple adds to the boob and you know what I mean? And how it looks.

I see some monster aeros. It's great. Yeah. The little teen tease. Fine. Even better. Even better. They're all great. The little teen tees. Fine. Even better. Even better.

They're all great. A giant nipple on a small tits weird. And a teen teet nipple on a big tits weird. Very, very, very weird. I saw a cup. I saw a wacky poop job recently. I said in the side. It always, it always looks like hollow man's like molesting them

Could you see like finger marks just permanently in from like the bag thing? It's pretty weird Yeah, just oh like the ripples on the bag. There's great boob jobs out there. They exist Man, there's some Yeah, was you being molested by a ghost? Yeah, with the I have on someone's already grabbing your titt it looks like. I noticed that's Hollow Man. I noticed those kind of marks, the Hollow Man, and vivid videos back in the 90s, when they're getting banged.

You saw the actual bag of titt inside their titt jiggling around, it's nutty looking. It's crazy. But that's from going from like an A cup titt to like a D cup titt. It's a horrific idea every time. Every time it always makes that like,

you're gonna be an old lady working at the bunny ranch where it looks like someone, yeah, like your rib cage is just trying to explode out of your chest. Which I, you know, oh man. What? The 90s tit jobs were rough. Cause they were giving, literally giving them away on the Howard Stern show.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, we'll do it. And then when they come back in and model for Howard, yeah, and then they always had big crazy basketball tits when they came back. There's nothing worse than a zany bitch. True to that.

Choke it. Choke the rose it gets it. What are we looking at here? I was trying to find the type of boob job you're talking about, but it's not really coming up. Type in 90s boob job. I bet it comes up. Hell yeah. It's like, it's like a 1970s ass ass in 80s tips.

He's still in Tribe Aksley's type of joke where he was like, my girlfriend wants a boob job. I was like, you make sandwiches at Walmart. That is a boob job. I was like you make sandwiches at Walmart. That is a boob job. Hello, is it this comic Troy backs? Oh, yeah, which I already tweet is Parkinson's that is a boob job Yes, you make sandwich is a Walmart. That is a boob job Yeah, that's what I was you see that yeah dude there it is right there on the right dude That fucking space, space between...

And then... You're wrong and right. But those are the tips that end up like with a dying old rich man. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Syria 6M!