The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - What's Love Got To Do With It

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

@thebonfiresxm

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. You know what? Today, dude, let's just mix it up and I see let's just go right to the phone lines Brendan who are we got? Brendan?

Brendan! Oh god. Let's go to the phone lines. Do we have anybody online one? Oh god. No Brendan today. What happened? Another paternity leave.

Do we lose another paternity leave? God what is it about our staff and just fucking. man pull out once in a while you fucking dirty dogs? God damn It is the bonfire Faction talk series XM 103 big jokerson dan soder how you doing? We have the rest of the crew here. Just we were watching Tina. Uh, oh you watch Tina Turner doc Yeah, then I trust you to two because you told me to watch it remember. Oh, you watched Tina Turner doc? Yeah, then I trust you to too, because you told me to watch it, remember? Oh, yeah, no, I watched it.

Okay, he's swear to God. Yes, swear to God, I watched it. Front the back. You know I'm a big eye-caterner guy. You know I'm a- I look at a lot of things in that documentary. I learned that simply the best is Mount Rushmore of Good versus Terrible Chorus.

Can we also please bring up the original English version of simply the best? Did you see that band? You're talking about what's love got to do with it? Oh shit yeah yeah what's love got to do with it? Yeah right? But what's love got to do with an original video? Oh yeah I watched it. What? Stop. I'm so excited to do. But they're just humping, but they're like, what? Love got to do. Got to do it. Yeah, this is it. Wildly talented woman.

Beautiful, very sexy woman. And also when I learned that episode, dumb is a bag of bricks. I mean, when she talked about turning it all over to fucking Buddhism, and then she's like, and that fucking Tina Turner voice going, ha la, shala bim, shala humba humba, shala bim, fuh, hey, I'm who ya. I had the rest of his life. She got my fight to smother fucker. Yeah dude, that fight that they got into

where she starts fighting back in the cab. That cab driver must have been like, oh, oh shit. Because in the documentary, Tina Turner explains, by the way, we're talking about the documentary. Tina, you can watch it on HBO Max, but she talks about, she found Buddhism, and then through chanting Buddhism, it gave her a way out of her and Ike Turner's relationship,

which was just, you know, she had a flip. She just went with him in a limousine. She had a flip. Yeah, but she's with him. That was the day she fought back, but Ike Turner hearing about anything with Buddhism the rest of his life. We go man fuck Buddha fuck that shit You fucked up a good thing for me that Buddha that fat motherfucker little fat man sitting on a pitta

Fuck man motherfucker. He scooped her up when she was 17 and then just like you know, that's the move, dude That's the fuck the sunny bount's the sunny bone. I'm moved, dude, moving early. We share 17 when she got that control. When they get out of control, you know, we're gonna be on back in. What was sunny, bono doing in Fresno? Who was he not doing in Fresno? I do.

Young Armenian girls, you shave a couple of them down, dude, you might find something nice underneath. Dude, he was like, they're like, what are you you doing here little man? And he goes I'm finding gold I'm gonna go find me a bride I'm sunny about a one day. I'm gonna run this place Now that documentary was, uh, was pretty bizarre. It was good. I thought it was very good, but it also wasn't much.

I guess I'm a Tina Turner fan, I suppose, because I completely, uh, like, knew the whole thing. I didn't realize I was surprised by anything because I was young. I didn't realize her peak was when, like, when, when it showed her in stadiums with, like, you know, like with like a mom jeans on and white and a white t-shirt, I always thought when I was younger that she had had that as a young woman, so I didn't realize that was actually her blowing up at that point. I didn't realize the mom jeans were... No, by the time it got to mom jeans, she was already many times around the world stadiums many times Okay, she kept it pretty sexy for pretty long And then she got it and then she went old woman sexy. I'll be honest with you

Up until they showed her that movie premiere being carried around like a fucking like a corpse on parade it really Like she she was pretty dude when she sing she's very she was an ugly singer she's when she sings she looks like she's 80 years old even when she was like in her 30s because like I don't have a stank face but Jay the one the one thing I want the one thing I wanted to talk to you about when I watch the whole documentary the thing that I kept thinking about after I watched it is you're right at the very end they show her going to the Broadway premiere of

the Tina Turner musical and she yeah they're walking around like Jake Lamata. She's just like going to like shaking hands. Hey champ, I got a picture real quick. She's a king. She does the leg thing. That's her boxing. You just got to squiggly autographs as like sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss by or a hilarious forger. Someone knows exactly how to forage him at this age. So that long time I forget with that was SNL joke maybe or something where they were like something about uh they know it was legal because I had a Michael J Foxes autograph and it was just like a bunch of like fucking lines all over the paper. Yeah. Well Tina when they bring Tina Turner out for the curtain call of the Broadway play. It's her and then it's a lady playing her like a young actress playing her but all physically toned and tight. Oh yeah. And then there's just an

Ike Turner actor there. That's the best. That's the best. Broadway actor that played a man that tormented her. This man, like tormented her and this guy's like, high Tina, how are you? She's like, get away from me. I'm like, sorry, my name is LaVarre. I'm actually playing Ike Turner. She, it's what's funny about the documentary also is it's yet again, another two-hour story of her dealing with Ike Turner and getting away from Ike Turner. Yeah. Like the movie was about that and her book. She released albums and was huge and towards stadiums. But man, anytime she wasn't singing, it didn't matter how much shit she got. They always want to go like, we should make a movie about your life. He goes, yeah, but like, just the like Turner. He goes, no, but what about all the success afterwards?

Like, yeah, that's the guy's Queen the guys from Queen were pissed off about the move. They didn't like the movie Bohemian Rhapsody because they were like why? Why did it stop when he died? Yeah, it's like you know, you guys know we went on to tour for six We mean really like you know, we still tour actively now because yeah Yeah, why don't we get Adam Lambert the play Adam Lambert and this one do you think they ever pitched Tina a movie a non-Ike Turner bio or do it or she ever pitched that and everyone's like just just her being a unpleasant

person at restaurants because she's so wealthy for so long yeah she really want to tell is the last 20 years with my husband who's 20 years younger than me, my little pool boy Spaniard that I got Does it have to be so cold in this restaurant we're paying good money? Oh, fuck you. The Turner's here again with a stupid British husband. I fucking... Oh, if there's the water room temperature, I can't fucking stand these two. Dude, that's always...

Lio, I spend a lot of money here, Lio. Please turn off the air conditioning. It's blowing right all my shoulders. I told you I don't need another hero. I do need a way to that pays attention. Follow me through the honors. Yeah, the that was the one thing you don't realize if you get if you get super famous enough for them to do a Broadway play. You have to watch some Broadway actor run over to you as a young version of you. I'd be like, hi, Dan Soder. Follow me. Do you like the Queens of the Stone Age shirt costumes? Had it made back there. Yeah.

Young Dan, the Danny Sode story, the musical. Deep voice, big heart. Anyway, it's been an honor to play you, Mr. Soder. Do you want to hear my song called Aurora? Oh, roo-roo. I thought you were... Cindy Loper has that a life story yet, right? She has that a life story. Has she? I think, I don't know.

Dude, it'd be so funny. What would the thing J1 be called? Dude, this Cindy Loper won't be great, because you get to young her with all the wacky colors in her hair. Then somehow they're going to have to incorporate a broadway something of her involvement in wrestling. Oh, dude. I do not like that.

I'm Captain Lou Albano and I am here to be a father figure in your life and your music videos. And then she's gonna be like, Why don't we bridge them both together? Why don't we have wrestling in Rock and Roll? Isn't that a good idea, Hulkster? That's a fantastic idea, brother. I gotta tell ya, brother. Brothers and sisters and brothers.

Oh, we're gonna wrestle. We're all brothers. Everyone is brothers. He would know we're from different mothers. You're my brothers. He would know we're from different mothers. You're my brothers. Now flex. Hey, I'm junkyard dog. The jizzle to the un-izzle, Kizzle.

Routing piper. Routing piper. I'm Routing and I'm Routing and I'm here to play my piper. I'm Super Fice, Nuka. And there's a strong chance I killed my wife. Smash your head like a coconut on my head, Roddy, pipe, or back again. I'm an ex-luger. I'm so down. I'm living here without the use of my legs.

I used to be super-rich. Yeah, well, that just, that just takes a dark turn. Now I'm Lex Luger. You sound more like Craig Glazer. Hey, it's me, Lex Luger. Me and my dog. Me and my dog. Well, I mean, the wheelchair. I watched it and, you know, you're right. It was a good documentary. And I could turn her at the end. There was a part where they were like,

you know, we got arrested for cocaine. As she was doing an interview, she's just like, oh no shit, that's such a weird part. Where the like, Tina super loved the new album. Did you hear I got pop for Coke in New York? And she's like, no, I didn't. Yeah, okay. Well, here's the part of it where I was saying,

Christine, I don't understand her perspectives or how many of these things in her life possibly had happened because I was like, at one point a documentary, Tina Turner goes, like, people are always gonna say, why'd you stay? Why'd you stay? So that horrible, vicious abuse. And she was like, why'd you stay? Why'd you stay through that horrible, vicious, vicious abuse?

And she was like, why'd you stay? And I just like, sit out loud. I was like, money, total fear, or it just wasn't as bad as you say it was. It's gonna be one of those three probably. And then I was like, yeah, it's so funny. Like, for all my things, I don't really know a friend or a couple or, I guess they do some girls

to say they weren't abusive, really. Shes, but I never, again, I know your buddies have never been like, hey dude, I'm pretty abusive to my chick. But I'm like, man, when I shut the door, it is a problem. But I feel like my close friends, this long, my close friends,

I would know if someone's like a viciously abusive, physical, for sure. But wait, what I like to do is, I like to test real quick. I like to test by flinchigin' all my friends' girlfriend. And if they flinching it on my friends girlfriend If they flinch I go what's going on? That's bitching word about nothing It's chicken word about nothing this dinner's gonna be cold

About the ending though Well hold on Jay was saying about is it you were saying about your abuse you would know at this point if any of your friends Well, yeah, if my other word very viciously physically abusive, you would know this, right? My assumption would be and With her going through and then Christine was like she goes, no, I was never like an abusive relationship But she was like, but I had friends. There were one of this one guy would do this to this girl Used to be this girl and I was like well hell with these people. I was like 15 and 19 I'm like it's getting physically abusive Like that's such a weird like, I definitely know there was no physical abusive relationships

in my high school. There was none for sure. Physical abuse and I like what girls like you, if you did, look at what guys beating a screw for a nice man. That what a what a angry men without mothers. Father. I guess.

I'm not saying it's an impossibility. I'm just saying not at all the fuck I'm probably sure I bet it would blow our mind how much more it is than we think because if you're in high school And you're just like why'd you freak out? What you freak out Corey? Well that geography test and then Ashley just wouldn't shut it So I had to shut it for and you're like 15. I was not from I was not from a secluded sheltered place where I grew up at all. And that's what I was saying. It's a Christine. I'm like, in this same age time, it's like, like, the guy was wildly abusive to her. She was 15. And I'm like, really? She was, yeah, well, is when they got involved with those Nazi guy, like the Nazi guys, the abusive relationships, like, oh, there was some kids in my

school that maybe robbed some stuff, like broke in and shop lifted and some cigarettes smokers not sure some pot smokers nobody was a Nazi or in abusive relationships with Nazis you remember that kid sophomore year that was into human trafficking yeah I mean Christine's always like she goes and then we go there and the guys laying down with a shotgun and the thing like what the fuck are you talking about? Christine went to a 21 jump street high school. Yeah, no shit. Me and Christine were talking about just like whatever is about buying houses in general or Not with us necessarily, but I was like yeah, I'm unlike you Christine's always talking about property and getting property and

Whatever and I'm like yeah, I only want to buy property that I'm gonna live in I don't want to be somebody else's land load or something like that. And she goes, no, I know, but there's, I just know it's like the best investment turnover for your thing. And she goes, and I'm fine with all these things she was saying until she goes, but she goes, yeah, no, I'm going to make a ton of money in real estate because it comes second nature to me. It's totally, it's totally second nature to me. And I went, oh, man, I go, I just knew at that point I was like this rest this night is gonna be good.

Jay has no respect for the fact that I grew up with Armenian reala tours in Los Angeles as my uncles and was wrestling bears in Russia. For one thing you were not doing good at while you were doing drugs and fucking with Nazis is learning the real estate game ins and outs. Well, I was for two years, what about the years before that after that i wasn't on drugs also jay i know for a fact that christine got a nazi a great deal on a two bedroom to bath at sunset market value right it's like way more black dick than nazi dick i can tell you that

don't tell my uncle's that do you do you and Lewis have it you and Lewis take on the same quality now there's no you're welcome this This means nothing to me. I'm saying to you It's such a bizarre thing to come in and be like yeah, I was around I was around weightlifting lot when I was younger If you were like yeah, Jane knows we Now I don't know the insi I know the six I know Jay's second nature is deadlifts and power Second nature dude. It's second nature to me. That's what I'm saying It's what I'm doing if I didn't move to New York to follow my dreams, I would be rich

off a real estate already in Los Angeles. And my hell yeah, you would for without a doubt. Dude, I'll turn it out. Jay, I'd be staging for all the men. They don't know how to decorate. I would have taken over that part of the business. Thankfully, you're the only girls ever thought of it, I guess. Alternative, alternativeative universe Christine being on every bench in real estate is great Christine Would you have been would you have started as a real estate agent because usually that's like that's pastures for now Dude, that's fucking that's that shit for peons dude. She's going right in dude high-powered real estate mogul If I had gone into working with my uncles

I imagine I would do like what Jerry does at the dentist office where she just kind of like runs the ship even though she's not an actual dentist she's the one that actually formed the business with her husband and handles that side of things even though her son and her husband run the actual mechanics of dentistry so I imagine I would have stepped into that type of role given the moms and grandmothers all dead come Come to Evans Hotel, like a casino, where everyone's like family. We're host. This is the Varian side, not the Evans side.

Where hospitality comes second nature. My friend, sit down with Christina, the most trusted real estate agent, and understand that what you are buying is not simply a house but an investment for years to come. Christine's ready man just get a yellow blazer and get at it yo. Dude I say just fucking get out there dude. Why not? I get a real try. I want to make money off of property. I understand I'll be your capital. I'll be your capital. Let's figure it out from there. Let's invest. I'll be your capital. I'll be your capital. Let's figure it out from there. Let's invest I'll be your capital and then you gonna make I have

Totally but I I need my investment back in less than a year hold it through How this works so never mind. I don't need your investment. I'll figure it out. Wow Cut and loose guys Christine is a free agent in the real estate game. One of these investment meetings start. Should I be home or should I not be home for them? You don't even, you don't even worry about it. Jay walks in and there's just seven strangers there. We are like, okay, so what are we investing in?

And she's like, the bonfire. It's just all Ponzi's game. You give me a hundred and then will buy property. I know what she does. Angel Rodriguez, Beard's husband said the sentence a couple weeks ago, like, you should invest in yourself. You should buy stock in in serious. And that has been Christine's mantra ever since, like it was something that was passed down to her from from the heavens one day. It's my super smart. I'm not arguing that. You know, it's business. I'm not arguing that.

That looks like there's one day she's going, mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. I think I don't want to learn the Tina Turner

Buddhist chant to get back with the oneness. That wasn't the Buddhist chant, because that was Wolf of Wall Street there, fucking real estate mogul. I think you should know the financier, huh? Yeah, also. Nice set. Jay, if she gets into Buddhist ch Buddhist chance just get ready for a brawl in a car Oh, no she can get in the Buddhist chance if she wants

And then on the way to the Moon Tower shows Again just you two scrappin in the back. I told you also. I'll be a real stay mogul Do you know the beauty of a chick? Is that my money has to be for the group situation and Christine is talking about all her future ventures that she's able to do now because I take care of everything. I said I'd split expenses down the middle before I started investing if that's what you want. Yeah. That's what I want. I'm for it. I'm for coming over. I know. When these investments going to start, I hope I don't slow it down too much.

Come over. I don't want to repeat your mobs. I just got a Bloomberg station and five screens going. You're going to shit. Jay, the market in China just ducked on me. So, I was like, fuck you. I'm leaving you. Sugar just went up. I'm really loving for you to understand that I'm not in love with you for your money at all So if I had like my own money and wasn't dependent on you in that way at all Maybe you'd like finally realize that like the lifestyle is not what I'm in this for well, baby That is an infinite that is imminent because this world is a real estate playground and you are getting ready to fucking dip your toes And that fucking sand pot. I'm so excited for you. I can't believe this is happening.

Yeah, the million dollar listing. Fast forward two years from now and we're pushing cameos on here to be like, so listen, we invested in Christine and some things that went south and. No, Dan, do not invest. Nobody here can invest. She's gonna get external investors, she said.

Unless DJ Loathe, DJ Loathe, you wanna dive in there? I said you could dive in there. Seems legit to me. Yeah, right. This is how we become this real estate second-rate workers team because she said it is. Yeah. You know what hospitality is more second nature than real estate. Real estate might be like fifth nature. What? What? You provided you with the investor and you just backpedal You were on his way to making Lou the kingpin of t-nek with all your financial buy-ups. I thought I was a real estate mobile turns out I'm a front desk girl Camper's get in ground level we are gonna Christine's gonna shark tank her idea and by the way the first shark tank here

They go what's the product you're trying to sell she goes me I want mark you been just give me money and let me do real estate stuff because that's um second nature to me I know basketball ownership is probably second-atured you let me handle do real estate stuff because that's um second nature to me. I know basketball ownership is probably second nature to you. Let me handle the real state because I've never bought anything in real estate. I got a surprisingly Christine bought the Minnesota Timberwalsh and took them to the top of the league. Two apartments ago I was sleeping on a floor behind a couch. Yeah. You're probably wondering how did it all start and the answer is easy. Here in my own head.

Welcome to second nature, the Christine Marie Evans biography. At any moment I expect Lewis Jay Gomez to walk from side camera with him a Donna Micah on. And like, thanks for bringing that up Christine. There's a lot of different examples where I could show you where you could put your capital with my 83 point plan I mean we love our own business together like we you know we have I guess you're going Fuck yeah, good Chris is gonna take an investment from a from a thousand person festival

She took that investment and now she is the owner of Mar-a-Lago But she's changing things a little bit There's gonna be every Instagrams and Wikenshade What is everything golden in this real estate mogul's life? We've recently interviewed a man who purchased Skankfest I was just a fan of this jay Gomez's and then I wanted to buy Skankfest. I was just a fan of this, J. Gomez's, and then I wanted to buy Skankfest, and it was just like three empty solo cups,

and then I had to pay the staff fare on a rented out venue. I don't have a job, but Christine just took me on a word that I'll pay her monthly for some reason. So I'm the owner. Titles me on. I'm the owner. No, it's Mark Skankfest.

And then Christine's gonna be home late for me, she goes, C.J. Salt Skankfest. And then Christine's gonna be home life. Me she goes C.J. Salt Skankfest. This guy's gonna give me, he promised me a million bajillion dollars a month. And I'm prepared to believe him. He was wearing a misfit t-shirt. I have a bajillion dollars. And now you don't, you feel stupid.

Now if you get to be favorite Jake, can you buy dinner tonight because my bajillion hasn't hit my account yet? It must be a Venmo thing. Turned my cajillion hasn't hit my account yet it must be a Venmo thing turned out my cajillion has gone liquid yet sorry it's the same like it looks like I go check it again real quick right now not cajillion hasn't come through yet it doesn't even say pending weirdly enough but uh this guy promises to Venmo me I gave my number and everything I think it's a weird Dutch bank no I think it has to I think it's coming from overseas so it might be like five to seven business I gave the right routing number that's for sure I said it twice so do you have money for

jewel cartridges because even though a bazillion bajillion there? I'm just not the second okay, but on spec I am. I'm still so front page. Front me. I don't think I should follow your lead on this. On real estate? Dude, this is finance and what? I didn't realize this episode was going to be our financial roast. Oh, damn son.

Oh, look at you see Jacob's here Jacob's idea of a good time as a 401k rolled into it Sitting around eating or ride a tater tots never invest in the company you dumbass my fuck you keep it Christine I would suggest yes, you know what that's the first smart real estate movie said so far do not take my lead on this That is good because I will not know what to tell you because I don't know P is and I don't know if that's only cars or if that's also houses. I think I don't know Is that horse power? I think it's glue strength and engine strength. Yeah, I only know a few It's glue strength and engine strength. Yeah, I only know a few acronyms. IUD, what's up, Dan?

Knock on me, Dan. What's up, boom, if you want to bear back. You know, IUD, you know, that little metal thing better not go in my deck home, right, Dan? And then also, I also know IED, God bless. Thank you for your service. God bless. God bless, thank you all for your service.

I also know about little BBW. Hmm. Are your service. Also know about a little BBW. Hmm. Are you pointing at me? I'm going to BBW. That was pointed to Jacob. We're in that group together, that Facebook group. But yeah, do not follow my lead and go go. I have added it.

Christine, I think you should put together a whole PowerPoint presentation to get Jay on board and invest in it. Christine, I think you should put together a whole PowerPoint presentation to get Jay on board and invest in it. Yeah, where's her dot? There's just conversations where I'm like, this is why it's important to have friends and not just being in a relationship because it's like people that are great

for these conversations, Louis J. Gomez, R.E. Schuffer. I can say it, we talk business, we talk investment, they go, they give a shit about it. Yeah, those kinds of agents don't care. He just doesn't care. Christine, those two people are fantastic with money. Do you mean jungle for six months with no making money while he runs a company,

are you sure? Or are you talking about Lewis seven vacations of fucking year and buys everyone their tickets? Multiple multiple businesses and multiple shows and brother, like I don't know why we're acting like these are people to be impressed by. No, you can be impressed with them for their thing. I'm just saying financial advice from these people. I'm just saying when it comes to investment vision and ideas, it's not you to have the conversation with. It's like, we have it and hope you come along for the ride. No investment, not investment in what you're saying. I think. I've been investing you for years,

buddy. You've put not one dollar into me. She's an NRP. What are those? It's called one of those. What's an NRP? Christine? No, it's not an idea. And what do you guys know? What's the impacture suggested retail price? Is that what you mean? No, it's a new thing. She looks like a young BD one. Exactly. It's a new form of currency that fucking the kids are talking about. Christine just read MSRP crypto Oh, crypto.

I did. Of course you did. You're sitting in front of a computer. You're the person who looks things up. But thanks for. I don't argue that part of my job is looking at Black Dick. Go back to that. Stick to Black Dick and stay away from skyscrapers.

I love that. Stick to Black Dick and stay away from skyscrapers on real estate. I love that. Yeah, if you talk about Black Dick, instead of boring this shit out of me with fucking your real estate promises. I'll talk about it. I can't even say what I was gonna say because there's a guy who pulled his a drop

and I'm glad I caught myself on that one. I mean, we already got through good drops. So we're all good. Have no fear. Every day you talk, you are good for radio. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire. New episodes, every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!