The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - When Will He Learn? (feat. Josh Adam Meyers)

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

Jay reviews a wacky Billboard Music Awards show with our homie, Josh Adam Meyers!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com@JoshAdamMeyers www.JoshAdamMeyers.com

And now the bonfire with big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. It's the bonfire, Faction Talk Series 6M103 on Big J. Ocarson. Dan Soder off this week, he's out in Mexico. Hopefully he gets back from there. This guy isn't learned from international travel, does he? He keeps getting stuck. Man, this guy does not learn. Dude, why are you going to Romania, Dan?

It's not. Sorry, Dracula Tour. Go on a Dracula Tour. It's, always Katie always one of the ghosts you Dracula We almost got bit three times it was so great, but then we couldn't get back into the country and had to stay in hotel for seven days I don't know what happens. I keep going to COVID everywhere I go We love you Dan. We miss you. We hope you're having fun Out there in Mexico, Wadala, Harrah We think he's that he's in Tijuana right now

Sex trade he's getting sex traffic. We don't even know we should call him He's with Benicio del Toro in the Suarez cartel They don't give a fuck they put dog the bounty hunter and jail down there. They don't give a shit They don't give a shit Sitting in for Dan today everybody you know him and you love him from the 500 podcasts. One of my best buddies in the world, the hilarious Josh Adam Myers. There it is. Snap.

Doodle. Snap. Doodle America's home. America's home. Fenoy was America's amigo. Your America's home. Come on, we all friends. Um, he said he was like Fenoy died. He's alive. He's still America's Amigo. Are you sure about that?

We used to call America's Amigo and We have Jacob a tot we have DJ little we got Kristen Evans our black tiger the black King Lewis Damn that was well timed he loves making this stallion too. I saw him rockin Black Lou oh hell yeah, is she one of your oh? I'm so happy to doing a run down because I'm forgetting all the things I hated last night The machine gun Kelly is a We can we also get I say something before you even dive into it So we we go to the death tone show last night and I said at the end, I go, what are you doing?

And you're like, oh, going home, I'm going to bed. I got to get my sleepy. You stayed up well past going right to bed and watched clips and did a bunch of, like I would have, me and John would have loved to have gotten high and watched the billboard awards with you. We went home and grabbed the dog, took the dog out.

We ate, watched you being in with gotten bed. I don't know, I said, We ate, washed your feet, and we got in bed. I don't know. I said, we'll give you a rundown of what was going down. I just wanted to hang, man. I had seen you in a minute. No, we went home, put on the billboards, calmed out. So it sounds like you were up on the couch.

Actually, Christine will tell you very much too. I did fast forward through a lot of things. I couldn't, a lot of performers that I couldn't have given a shit about. And a lot of presenters, but it was all over the fucking place. It was a wacky award show. First thing I want to say is thank you to San Antonio for this past weekend. Another fucking amazing weekend, man. That club, Rules, LOL comedy club down there.

It's improv, I think, now funny bone-owned, whatever that company levity. But whatever it is, man, the staff just fucking rules the place itself is in great rooms, high ceilings, but like, doesn't feel bad, like that at all. It looks like a big room. It's a big room, for sure. But it's like, it just fucking great. Really, really cool, man. Always a great time down there, so thank you everybody who showed out for that.

And then came home yesterday from the trip, exhausted. Exiled very early flight, took a little nap during the day, got ready, went to DevTones, feeling wobbly almost going, just like, not tired, but just like out of it. And damn, that show fucking ruled. Yeah, one show fucking ruled. One song for an hour and a half. Just trying to hate on it. Dude, I went, I'm a fan of. Yeah, one show fucking rule. One song for an hour and a half. Try and hate on it. I, dude, I went, I'm a fan of them.

It was great. We had a great time. No, I will say this. Their set list was solid. From top to bottom, they played old stuff, new stuff, but even the new stuff, they played fucking ruled. It was, there were so many people there that like I would have loved to like Hang out with there. It was a very cool eclectic group of people. It was a weird group. Yeah

It was a weird group. There was just a group of like middle-aged dads just watching the Rangers game There was the John was a hundred percent that one of the dudes was on mushrooms and he was a John's a John's bartender at the stand. Yeah, and a buddy of ours and what do you say he what and and he was he was He was certain that the this group of guys are all on mushrooms one in particular who was built like a he-man action Yeah, he looked like ran man. He looked like I caught him thumbhead PI He did he looked like a Private investigator for a hire. Ma'am, what do you want me to do?

Well, your husband around. All right. These are the documents I saw. All right. I got his rap sheet. Not good. Not good. Frank Tagliatelli.

That's my name. Thumbhead PI. I get I'm good with fingerprints. Go ahead. PI. Yeah. It was good people watching for sure. And it was a blood moon and it was on a rooftop. It was so cool.

Yeah, that venue rules, Pier 17. I'm going on Wednesday, because I was saying, divo, because it's such a cool venue. Christine keeps, as it bella wants to go see the offspring with her tomorrow there, but Christine's not sure for some reason why are you sure she's holding back about I don't know I'm just like when you said they were playing the next day you go

shut up I know three full albums by the all spring and I'm like man you should go on Tuesday I don't know it was an extra is why the what's the apprehension I don't know just I feel you feel like if you leave me alone for a night that I'm gonna have so much fun I'm like go ahead smiling I don't go do the thing. I'll just play video games or whatever instead of like watching movie or something I'll just do my own thing and chill. She's like I don't know. I'm like you can go I keep going. Why do you not know? You're like I love them so much. Oh, they're right there. She's like, yeah It's literally we have a free ticket for you like VIP everything Yeah, what's the apprehension? I don't know. I don't know why I'm so apprehensive

Like good radio You have no idea why you're feeling nervous to go I'm not nervous to go It'll we just do on Tuesdays like our only night off together Mm-hmm, and we do two episodes and I'm just wondering if after like I feel like I'm not gonna want to run downtown tomorrow Are you doing tomorrow's episodes in a treadmill or something? Listening to people be funny for two hours am I Christ? Do you do it while holding weights or something? I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be so gassed. Tuesday's the night that we get cheese steaks.

It's not. Sundays night we get cheese steaks. My bad, I fucked up. Cheese takes Sunday. Tuesday's isn't that at all. What's tonight? Sad sack. I don't know if intervention is back.

I don't think it's said sack. No, it's not. It's Monday's always legion of skanks. And for a while was that show at the seller that was, I've never been more than happy during a comedy show my life. You, it was being live streamed. You would be in the back back and maybe like, give it up for big J.

Oh yeah. He's gonna get sicker on the back. He's coming. He'll be here. He'll be here. Everyone relax. Oh, the camera's rolling. Let me get up there. Um, no, it was just exhaust. It wasn't like the shows were great. Yeah. And the audience was great. It was fun. It was a fun. It was like fun to do when doing it. It was just like all I was thinking about the whole time was like, man, and then tomorrow I wake up early and that's like basketball day and then two bonfires back to back then Christine's

gonna be there because she doesn't go see the offspring a lot. She doesn't know why she doesn't want to go see the offspring. She got my lesson into offspring. Yeah, you remember that? She said how much you love them? He goes, oh I know three full-arms because that's what I sunk into when my uncle had me. Oh God, I escaped into the albums. He used them to let me, he only left me once for three full albums on loop. Every time I hear a pretty five-year-old white guy,

I get tremors. I mean, she wasn't tomorrow, I wish I was like next week. Why? Why? Because we just saw a concert last night, the same place, and then if I go that, then it feels like it's going to cheapen the death tone somehow. I want to see Billy Joel for an hour on Saturday, just so I can keep the streak alive. Sunday, the fucking death tones. I was hoping there was a show tonight. You want to put a nanny cam in the house so you can see you're not having too much fun without you. It's just you sitting on a spot drinking PJ State. Yeah dude doing

dabs drinking PJ State maybe putting music on while I play NBA 2K I mean come on get mad at Dawkins from peeing. Dawkins is going to be next to me cuddling or in a crate. Two choices. No free roaming around for that dog for me. Fuck that shit. I mean, dog and Ted a good cuddle session this morning. What a turd. What a turd. What did he get?

Even when we kept falling back asleep for a few minutes together, I kept getting in poses that I thought Christine would come home and just be like, oh my god. At one point, dog and Ted was on top of my hand. I don't know. I won't point to all of it. It's like hand was on top of my hand. And I had my arm over gone, we were laying like that. You're just like a neckthrope. I'm like laying, drooping him.

Oh, you missed that, man. Like I got too big. I can't, she doesn't really lay on me that much. She put her head on my lap. Yeah, that's the best. She was never like much of a cuddler. Like Dawkins, you guys are lucky because you're already grooming him. She, she, I'm so sorry. He's very non-binary though. Yeah, he's very,

you know, asexual. How do you feel about them? I love them. And they? They are great. I, uh, but yeah, but you guys, you guys already have it where he is like, she, I'm so sorry. So, I'm so sick. sick. He making it's a dog But I feel it. No, I get it because I say the same thing about Leica, but yes, you you she's great. She nestles Perfectly. Thank you to all to all people that come to your house Not today. She was watching me twerk it out to that Megan the stallion song I keep you on her face. I keep grabbing her. I keep grabbing her extra face skin and go push He's the most expensive me look you'll get it for eight.

She's just, she just looks, she has no idea. She didn't think it was as cool as I did. That is what it is, what do you have to do? You know what I mean? I really wish I'd walked home and seen it. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I know I tried several different poses,

several different me and dog poses. When we were both laying on our backs, I had my hand let her tum tum. I was giving her fifth nipple each week. Oh, dude, and she's so soft right now. Like, it's got that puppy flesh that's just like, it's like you said, it's extra loose. Yeah, it's really like, it's almost like they have afro

sheen all over their bodies. Oh, not to, I don't want to jump around too much. Go back to the DevTone show yesterday. Two different girls on either side of us unrelated At one point for one song only each Decide to dance In the most like they knew the song they they were like, oh, I'm dancing because this is the fucking one You can tell they're a younger girls and was like this is the fucking this is the one. I know

Because my ex-boy friend or whatever played it for me whatever she's there for because no other songs did they didn't do like this for a whole concert one song each they would go and dance a dance that was It no rhythm to any and DevTelons for better or worse Their songs are rhythmic their songs you can just bob head to it's music. It's groove for strip clubs like it's strip club rock I used to play it all the time on a DJ This is a great example. This is like the earlier punch it. This wasn't what it was She was just on both sides was at separate times. I mean, the whitest white, I mean, talk about dance like no black people are watching.

She was doing that for sure. She was, I mean, going for it. Yeah, exactly. It's just groovy music. And this girl was like, she was doing the dance from camp by me love. Remember when the guy learned to hit a dance like an African person?

There you go. There you go. And you go, but... And the whole school was doing it back and forth. Shaking the... It's an African booty dance! It's literally dancing like that. Like she learned how to dance today by an African tribal dance. It didn't make any sense to what was happening.

I'm trying to do it.. That's what you are. This was the... She was being possessed. But... Bezuzu. Kali Daya. Yabbarayara. Sambalentaka. Somebody take a hug. Somebody take a hug.

Def tones. Do we only have three reads today? Yes, sir. And they love Dan. They hate me. Do you guys tell them the Dan was gonna be here? What happened? He said, yeah, good.

Guys, Dan's out in the sweet because I went these polls. God, Dan, it went these just polls. That show was, it was so fun. I really enjoyed it. Isabel and her friend enjoyed it a lot. I got recognized in front of her, which I know drives her nuts. She hates that she loves it.

There's, if there was ever a show that you would be recognized. The funniest thing is new metal. Oh yeah, new metal for sure. You get, you get, you get, you get, you get linked back together. I don't know if I'll be able to walk around. I have to be in a booth Dude we went to go see we went to go see corn Corn and slipknot and I mean it was you couldn't walk more than five feet then somebody was like

Fuck yeah Fuck you fucking love you big gay big crossover audience the new metal. Oh, yeah, baggy pants baggy pants on white people It's about new medals coming back and I love it is a bell is like Gen Z style is new metal. Yeah, it's what she picked new metal. She's a bunch of teardrops on her face Um, or those little jewel things so funny Yeah, I was just gonna ask Josh. Why did you only, what is an hour of Billie Joel? I was gonna have a hour. I've gone every month for the full concert,

but on Saturday, I didn't know if I was gonna go, and then I did a show, and then I was done by like 8.30, so I knew the show would start, so I just jetted over there, bought a ticket on the way, got in, watched a couple songs, did an Instagram video, like, I fucking did it the streaks alive And then I left and then I had to go to another show at 11 and then he was

Take this Jacob. This is wild. Well, it's nice. You like when I relay things people say they're nuts to me He was bummed out. He goes I got there late and I missed him do I don't know why I go to Lucky you dude I got there late and I missed him, dude. I don't know why I go to extremes. I was like lucky you, dude That song eats asshole dude, and I love Billy Joel. That song sucks nuts Just want to be your house inside of you. Oh, one, two, how one two people. Later, Joel. Oh, dude. This is the best hotdog.

You're a twilight, Joel. You're a joker. Call me a fool. Right after this moment, I'm totally cool. So much. Say what? Look, it's that jack-off horse. Wait, my god.

Cuck cuck! That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why.

That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why.

That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That's why. That dude this one blows I Better you what you're making me like it more than I did The song fucking slapped dude No it doesn't Dude, bodfire fans fucking campers dude tell Jay what the fuck is up dude One, a two, a one, two, three, four Boom, jank, dude he rules

What's- I heard a Bruce Springsteen song yesterday that I was like oh actually dude It's one of like the few Springsteen songs I like what the fuck was it? It's one of the older ones too. Do you remember what it was? It's not. No, it's not one of those ones where you get just using every instrument. You just like, you know, you once like a lot of

jazzy black people behind them. Oh, prove it all night. I'm hunking in and dunking in a fricking man of death. What? You know, this one is a movie all night. It was a movie all night. I have no one. Oh Billy Joe is a first concert everyone to see Bruce brings to you was the first concert I ever saw

Like right around that we did that double album thing and it was just all songs The mom and my ears get wet for him. No, dude. It was me and my buddy Greg and his dad brought you in Greg when no Greg's dad took us but he had other seats so he gave us you guys could look cool with Bruce brings to you Yeah, dude. There's no such thing as that. Yeah, we talking about Bruce I can't look cool Bruce 13 years old this fucking being like years old this fucking being like oh come take my own girls and that too. Reached down to Philly because I thought everybody from New Jersey was like obsessed with Bruce Spence. It's your dad's music though. No dude he's an American treasure.

Look Billy Joel's should be your dad's music too but I just like his hits more. My dad doesn't care about Bruce Springsteen or Billy Joel. Yeah he's a fucking beach. I think maybe he's a beach singer. I think maybe he's a beach nurse. He's an Armenian beach nurse. He looks men who wear floppy hats. He looks Peter ball and Mary.

Yeah, your dad's closet looks like fucking Johnny Debs closet right now. It's all ponchos and fucking. He's meeting Soda and Katie's family right now. Waxing go. Floppy hats with teeth around them or something. So as we're animal teeth. We're gonna make a trip down to Baja. Yeah.

Reservida. Ponche Vila. Pong Che. What can I see? Death Tens. You can come on though. Death Tens was such a good show. It really was.

Like even though I made fun of him and I said that every song sounded the same like, it's, when they played the songs that I knew, I mean, it was like, you could see the crowd, when he was playing the older shit, the crowd went fucking bananas, man. It was a good energy. Is there any video on YouTube from last night?

You usually find it. Yeah, they've been, if you look up, every once in a while I go back and just check like live shows I went to it's insane how many of them are recorded they're not great sounding obviously but you get to actually there was another was like I saw happened upon a Marilyn Manson at the electric factory in like 2004 or something or earlier maybe I was like I mean I'm definitely there for sure and then it's

a cool thing to watch. This is it, last night. Damn, Jacob, you could have been right there, dude. Did anybody you care about win a race? No. Was Thumbhead PI watching it with you? Was there heart-seltzer at your house? I'm trying to tell you all the things you missed. Could you see the blood moon while the death tones were playing in purple lights? Why didn't you come were you supposed to come?

I invited him to come. I couldn't make it last night. Did a bonfire field trip? Yeah, the watch erased. He had a race to watch. Did the person you want to win win? No. No, not at all.

He got his ass kicked. Seventeenth. Logano? Yeah. Seventeenth place. Damn dude. It sucks. That's the sign you should have came.

Instead you didn't go to pier 17 to watch the show with us It's a good point real nice You know Jake about what you did I would have dripped you out and fucking deaf tones gear Did I have to buy things for other people because I can't wear I bought merch for everybody but myself I bought his a bell emerge I bought Christine merch. I got Alex from his digital merch. I should have gotten some merch I didn't realize everybody was buying merch. I didn't buy merch. I'm not gonna go have that thing hug my tits

and feel bad about myself. And I'm sure that I want to wear so bad. That made me with Sixers merch the other week. I was like, I'm buying it, 2X, bring it on. I got it, I go, look at this, they held it against me. It's fine, it is, it's fine with. Front to back, it just was squeezing me down like fucking toothpaste I was so upset and now I got to give it to someone. I'm cool. I thought about you

So I'm giving you the time tonight. I was thinking about you man brothers for you We're all good friends. Yeah, dude. He fucking ruled last night. We there was a lot of stuff They did at this show that we need to do for the Skangfest Goddamn Comedy Gems. Not wrong, fans for sure. Fans blowing the hair. Fans blowing the hair, we definitely need lighting options. And I know we, I think we had them at the last venue, we didn't have them in Brooklyn.

We need smoke effects for sure. And I need to dress emo style like Chino. Oh yeah. And do my, do my, do my best. Some short pants, like little ankle showing pants. And I need to dress emo style like Chino Sure pants like like little ankle showing past man. He looks so cool. He does he came out like it was like He always does he he wears like tight gas station attendant jackets. Oh, he looked like he was in the army from the wall Chakir He's so hyped right now. Awesome girl, it was next to you dancing to a song in your head. I'm gonna get booty dancing.

The Jimbutu Warrior. Damn, dude, that was great. Well then, we go home. Who wants to build board music awards, which... Wow. And you watch the Tulu. Yeah, speaking of board music awards, which, wow. And you watch the Tulu. Yeah, speaking of two fat to fit into your shirts. Everybody?

Fuckin' P Diddy. Nobody told him that that shit looked horrible. He looked bad all night. He looks like he's wearing pleather most of the night, like plastic outfits. You see the host? He's wearing tight versions of what they used to basically do. You know, it's kinda what he would wear. wear in the nineties when everything was baggy like big

baggy leather outfits but now everyone wears tight shit so he's got he's got fucking dad bod in these goofy purple leather outfits he announces why this thing is gonna go haywire right out of the gates by coming out and announcing that I don't even know if they're gonna do billboard music awards anymore They might just got rid of them because there's enough award shows Maybe because he makes it seem like he saved it and Basically bought it and he's hosting and producing it this time himself They keep saying we're breaking all the rules tonight. I told them they told me the rules

I said we're breaking all the rules goes 30 or your rules It's your show completely He informs the maternoff the teleprompter there has to Christine be a montage on YouTube already of Also as the show goes on he's getting fucking tuned up He keeps promoting his own product storing it just like it took me back It took me back to bad boys at comedy when they made you wear Sean John clothes. That was part of the deal He's still making Sean John. No, it wasn't that he comes out and fuck I think he does. I think it's all dress clothes now though, but it's uh, no, he promotes all night like

Sirok and the new label Sirok and it's my new drink. It's the Diddy. It's you can make it at home. It's just uh, it's lemonade and Sirok called the Diddy y'all all right. And then he just pounds it and then everything he's got a different liquor in a cup And he starts dressing more and more bizarre as the night goes on And I'm gonna give you I'm gonna tell you all the things I remember off top of my head and we can watch them and we'll you hear them on on the air Um, and you'll see what I'm talking about on these but I want almost like recap the insanity of this night going it opens

Out of the gates. I think first award-given, right? It's the city girls come out. Oh yeah. The city girls do the twerkelator, right? That's their big song. I have no idea who they are. They're borderline talentless. Hang on, Christine. They're gonna. This is the city girls? Yeah. They're hot. They're hot for sure. And they're so hot, in fact, that the one girl's wearing a dress that shows her underwear. Okay? That's fine. Shows her underwear.

Somehow, this banged out coach is so numb to feeling and air and elements and whatever it is. This her underwear is cram- it's coming out of her pussy lips. I swear to God, all my life. It's inner pussy, her underwear. Now, don't play their, well, I mean, play the music. I mean, turn it, if we're gonna twerk a little, let's twerk a little.

I mean, what are we doing here? the Scenes have to work a lady They can't really dance well. There's no way to get Dancing right? I mean for like you know Yeah, they totally show it on YouTube. Is it that's total lift wait let me show it on YouTube Take it get up to I don't know if you can there's pictures you watch it real time and you can see perfect plus all right Let's see it Because I know I was really up on there. I was really looking last night.

I'm pussy. I mean, it's, that's, yeah, that's, yeah. It's insane. That's muff me. Left, the left, no, you can see even where it's like, it gets that little hook of whip. Dude, that's, that's crazy. That's total pus.

That's side pus. It's, it's one half for pussy is out. Why, I don't know why. How does she know why I know if my nuts were out of my underwear in my pants They just and they by the way they focus on it you can like see you see that you It's not you just see the side of the pussy meat you then see the lip get that little hook to it Jacob you see what I'm talking about I saw it yeah I see it she got I'm seeing it that's crazy she got that big land bad energy you can see her clip it's one

there in her clips out we need to get you a laser pointer Jay but I mean I see it it's impossible to miss everyone saw it I see it. It's impossible to miss. Everyone saw it. I mean, it's news now. But when last night, we watched it. I just watched the show and I was like, these girls and then they came out and I, I swear did I say, I'm like,

I mean, I'll take a look at them. Like before we fast forward. And then I was like, yo. And then I'm like, no, it's like too toned underwear. And I'm like, nope. No, that's lip. That's her pussy lip. Stinged up pussy.

So by the way, I think her response to it, if you could find, I think she was like, and? I don't give a shit. You know, that's what I'm saying. Is like, was it like, was it like, Trinidad on Twitter or anything? That's a great response.

Yeah. Yeah. What's this? Word. Oh, sorry, this was. Oh, you don't have you don't just go through randomly. Yeah, yeah, no But do you have a p-p-p-ditty? There's not a montage. I have his opening model. Bring it up. That's fine Oh, you see there's articles. Yeah, she excmoxposed who is this what is this billboard? Is this billboard? No, he popped in yes

Red-putable news source. Yeah It's the got two-ray. It's a guy from a Torrey. Torrey? Torrey and Monobag Yo. Fire everyone. Her pussy lip is presenting. Oh my gosh.

That's a great tweet. Her pussy lip sound. It's a funny. That's wrong. JT even city girl is flashing her whole pussy now. No, not a whole pussy. She must have known, and I mean, this was probably a strategic thing.

I bet she pulled that one. But she went back, I have on black paintings, I know it goes, and your brown snatch you're swallowing them. I'm aware of your black underwear. I see him crammed up your chanchor. I wonder if that can be. That's in which friend.

Damn, everyone's up. Oh, damn. I need her. I heard about Janet Jackson was a split second and it was a controversy. This is like, by the way, it was the middle, it was in all,

and mostly it was the middle of her nipple ball. That was it. That whole sun, fucking piercing thing around it. It wasn't all that big of a deal. It looked like a costume piece. Yeah, you missed it. If you blink, you missed it also in real time.

Absolutely. I mean, this girl had a full conversation. She struggled through reading a teleprompter while her pussy was out. She was next coming a country, all right, hang on. And everyone's just staring at her snatch. Yeah, dude, full monologue and push out. Next coming a country, all right hang on and everyone's just staring at her snatch. Yeah dude full monologue and push out. She goes my public speaking coach told me to picture the audience is looking at my pussy and it'll be easier to give her a second. She always makes sure to look at your pussy. Is there like other stuff of her online like she have an only fans

and things like that like only fans? No they're famous. No no no but I know but like other stuff of her online like she even only fans and things like that like only fans? No, they're famous. No, no, no, but I know but like is that like her thing that she's like over sexualized and she has like I mean, they're only some kind of the twerk later and they come out and shake their assholes. Yeah, it's for sure a sexualized rap but still Megan the stallion is All sexualized shit too for pussy lip was hanging out. It's news still. Yeah, Cardi B had a pussy slip I shit too for pussy lip was hanging out. It's news still yeah, Cardi B had a pussy slip The at the billboard awards years ago on the red carpet because I typed in pussy slip billboard awards It brought that up to and she

Her arguments so funny she goes y'all never seen big asses before you that's where my what my butt cheeks meet It's not my pussy, but it's sort of a pussy. It isn a pussy. But like, it's a great excuse for a bit, because by the way, the her pussy crack goes right into her buck. I mean, it goes, it's all one, it's all mushed in behind that butt, hulk, butchering that butch-y. So like, she's sort of right. So it's a pretty hilarious excuse. This is P. Diddy's opening.

Yeah. This is, first of all, he comes out, which no one asked for. And that's where I forgot he starts with the opening song him he does the opening song and it's just him dancing around and doing can't stop won't stop for people this gets bizarre you watch the whole thing right so you remember when he brings the girl out at the end too right that's another crazy moment okay yeah there's some wacky shit so he comes out first wearing MC Hammer pants is he wearing like an infant onesie no it's MC Hammer pants and

ill fitting shirt everything he's wearing tonight is extraordinarily ill fitting very ill fitting but uh he did a day he brought out Jack Harlow and somebody else who I didn't know to like rap over the song in the beginning there. Oh yeah, I didn't know the white guy. But then he just closed it and then he's exhausted also because he's 50 something years old. God play it. This is right after he did that. Oh my God, what an outfit.

Yeah, it all looks like bad leather. So I do these, I do these um... Who made your outfit's Bob's furniture? It's like a couch cover. It's Bob's to scale furniture. They say nobody sits on it and ruins the fabric. Yeah. I'm protecting the real suit underneath all this.

I made an outfit, Al Alow, Stephen Wheel covers. He's crazy. These crazy things like a multi-hyphen. So I like executive produce, I perform, I host. We know. But I didn't know I was gonna need some oxygen before I came out. Jack of all trade, messed up of none. Yo, getting struck up.

He informs you within the speech, because I don't know if we're going to hear the whole thing in the speech that this is not really the billboard music awards. In fact, this is a celebration of my return to music. And he's not lying. You're hanging out with his part. He. this is all about him, this whole award show. That said, and I want to give this compliment first, because I'm going to take a lot of shots of this thing. And Lewis, since you watch it, you didn't watch it, Black Lou.

So DJ Lou, you could support me in this, and I think Christine too. It was, though, in all the awards going on right now, all the music awards to come out. It was by far the most diverse Performers and categories. They should only a glass animals one like a rock. Oh, you know, I mean like Every other award show. It's almost a hundred percent rap I'm a randal amber in that other girl come out dude. Oh Black glue there's a there's a couple of thickies working in country music right now Dude that you want to check what's that girl's name something king right?

Damn this girl come that she is wearing a tight him and her Miranda Lambert wearing a tight thing dude and they look like fucking Venus statues dude just thick bitches Fat-tated country girls wearing one piece is dude it's L. King let me see here yeah take a peek at this and then we'll get back into ditty you either wearing like one piece and there's no fucking hot music. I suck your dick from my hand! Dude, Christine would die get with LK, for sure. You like her confidence.

I do like her confidence. I bet her butt crack is wet. She's some... some girls just have like great... Like, she has a great figure, even though she's big. Yeah, I bet her butt crack though is something else. It's got a glaze. I bet if she shits at any point of the day The sweat cracks gonna hold some of that Randall Amber she's probably fresher. Yes to do it. She's a dude of a day

Or she tries to freshen it up with like she puts a powder in her butt cheeks and then gets like fucking Just those white cakes those fucking powder cakes in her crack. You got a knock away. It's like fucking getting plaster off a nail hole. I'm good. Christine, leave me out of this one. By the way, they also both sing horrible. Oh my god. It's also one of those performances, right? Look at how they sing horrible.

I feel like having something drunk girls having fun. They look... There's no harmony or anything they look and sound like two fucking confident big girls at a honky-tonk bar they came with boyfriend so they don't care if they leave with them Miranda hold my jacket I'm getting on the fucking bowl ale you crazy bitch you gonna break your pussy on that thing Look at it. Oh Man what pigs I mean that in a good way

All right Christine get off their fucking oh man would be first just two chunky Damn dude Pick one you got to pick one more into Lambert I I think I'll do the other one stepfather to her kids Oh, well, what were we doing here? We spent in time with this person a lot I'm not bringing out a king around my friends. They're fucking weird attitudes. Squeeze their fat her fat little tits. Yic For all my friends being cocky guys want to see my things and I'm alright lady fucking relax I bet that girl though, Lou, that woman there would fucking love your casserole, for sure. Oh my god. That one would take down that casserole. Oh good, you put a regga know in it. Good!

Faith, I didn't know we're having fancy dinner. You might be watching the sweat stains out of the challenge in my one piece. Reagan. This is still on a Reagano. A regga, yes. Go back to P Diddy, please. There's only three of you today, yeah. Oh, we're good. We're good.

Things in. This is the best fitting-off he worked in that. Do you all like the performance? Yeah. Michael Booble, let's show him. He probably loved it. To the 2022 Billboard Music Awards, this is a full circle moment for me. I won my first Billboard Award 25 years ago, y'all.

And now, I'm executive producing a hosting the awards, because I hate award shows. Award shows are boring as boring. Okay, you know what I'm boring? Because of the people at the award shows are boring as boring okay you know what it boring because of the people at the award shows okay now we're not having that in here tonight no no no we make a new chance we're gonna tap into your inner child that seven year old we're gonna tap into before you had all the glitz and glam we're gonna tap into my child P. Diddy I don't know what kind of fucking rich you think you are. You might as well tap your child.

I'm alright. We're gonna get lit in this. Ah! He wants the curse so bad. I want you to act like y'all in a party. You know act like we shoot in a TV show. We're not shooting on TV show. But you are though.

I am not your host tonight though. I'm not your host. It's not wrong. I'm not even a human being. No. He's the drunk. I was parents' house it is. And he's letting you know all night.

Well, I'm a... Yo, my dad will get so pissed off you going his room. But he's got great guns in there. I am now a total frequency. I'm the vibe charater. The frequency elevator. He's definitely black brother thunder. He's start I'd say you argue I'd say he started this show drunk and he gets progressively

fucking torches. He's already there. Yeah, he is, for sure. Boy, what the fuck? He thinks it's going great. He does think it's going great. Check this out. I've been away from losing the max.

He's still relevant. He says things on this. Six, for like eight minutes. Yeah. I went through some of my hard times like we all did Hey mom, is that mom? Yeah her face looks like it hurts Well, Kim is mom These confused Asian girls face was like This being pulled everything always hurts baby you all the vibe articulate

This is being pulled. Everything always hurts, baby. You are the vibe, but take you later. You're the fuck man, Takaida. And the beat fucker trainer. Make sure you beat a love agent. I did. My face hurt. You the rap James Spader, the flat,

the map of later, the vibe curator, the player, the word overstater, Gator, Raider, the sexual masturbator, Cool, leader, a far-toothed Gator. I got away from my first love. Never get away from your first love. Biggest mistake.

Don't listen in the intro. None of that. Stick with your first love. And I'm back to making use She's they were Cheryl You think I should say was Cheryl I know you to Jake to make your music So this is my welcome back party you are all invited

This is my welcome back party. You are all invited. Performing in front of a group of Asian people. I mean, they look confused. Makes our only one. Only one Filipino. Well, they're in Vegas. Yeah, they're like, they let us get free ticket. Cause we work at hotel. Very very special because Because we all got a second chance at life That's the message I really

Came here to bring you on there's a lot going on in the world. Oh, he's gonna get there. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, out to Zalinsky. Oh, buddy. Oh, buddy. Oh, no, but he starts, it's, but he just, like, again, the Bill of Music Awards and it's his thing, it's great. But then, like, he also just gives out, he said this is on script, he said he told the place that he was gonna do this on his own. He just gives out awards for Black Excellence also, just in the middle of it, which is like fine, but

like why don't you just throw the black excellence awards. The weird thing in the middle, you know what I mean? All right, now our next black excellence award, this lady helps black old people at a nursing home and she gets an award and some girl goes on on a long speech back. It's pretty wild. Did you have statues? To Mary J. Blodger's speeches at a hand. It's pretty wild. Did he have statues? Did Mary J. Blodger speeches at a hand? It's crazy also. She has, she's like, they all want to be me. They don't want to be me. Everybody want to be me. They want

to dress like me and look like me. And that's cool. You could try. Why wouldn't you want to be the cleaner arm being hip hop? Like, all right. I mean, let other people say it. You know what I mean? like, all right. I mean, let other people say it, you know what I mean? I tend to run with P Diddy. We're all just open. Sometimes we take things for granted, you know? And so tonight, we're going to celebrate, like we got a second chance in life up in here.

And we're going to celebrate a chance to be able to do a big club owner that does comedy. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm gonna bring the billboards to wordbackers. Who's gonna host to this? You're gonna love it because best host's available. Who's that? Me. Oh, fucking vampire boy over here.

He's such a hand job. Machine gun Kelly. I like him. I'd fucking miss fastest I would fucking make in Fox though. They're both gorgeous women. He's like women plastic doll there Yeah, it's a bad look for but you know, it's you know, it's underneath all that much all that nonsense is a pretty spoken hot shit We up lab she's gonna tell his gorgeous

Yeah, he really is I'll tell you in Josh We're probably spend the second half of the hour doing impressions of what I hate about his voice And Josh, we're probably gonna spend the second half of the hour doing impressions of what I hate about his voice We sing. So stay tuned everyone. It's really gonna make you laugh because It's such a choice of anyway, keep playing B. Diddy. Now here we woke up this morning and that's the greatest miracle that you could ask for. And that means that I need you to get in your back, stay in your back. That means getting your godly, stay in your zone, be free. You know how you be dancing, you be like dancing stuff. Or you're not like, it's like, how you be dancing in a mirror home.

What the fuck is he talking about? I'm talking about. I tell you, it goes with the rails. Sometimes you see, by the way, he's still talking in his microphone and they cut his mic. Like, you can tell that sometimes. You like, when a performance ends, sometimes you can see like, like they took the wide shot and he got a runs and he's like Like they're gonna go voice the god will be like I'm coming out now do a leeper

He's up there doing it's like somebody you get your mashed potatoes You gotta let your backbone slid I got you big old pants. I'm gonna take a duke in my pants. Anywho, welcome out, I'm the producer. I'm wearing a giant huggy. That's the higher frequency. That's that God frequency.

That's when God is all in you. We got people here to have God all in them. Keep religion out of the awards shows. All right. That's yours. So before we get started, we gotta follow the rules of a Ditty party. Here to have got all of them keep religion at the award shows Is so before we get started we got to follow the rules of a ditty party There will be no everyone has a gun We do not talk about I did it First rule first. I'm talking about a ditty part. There's somebody get shot on my watch yet. Okay, say it rule

We do not talk about it in part. Third rule, everybody get a glass of syrup. I mean, this gets bizarre. Brazians allowed. Well, one of us wins, we all win. And so we're tapping into our winnigy, y'all. On the count of three, on the count of three, say winnigy y'all on the counter three on the counter three say winnigy one two three Okay, now say flip it in flying from flip it flew Now if you're gonna say oh

Oh Oh Hey Oh my god, he's a gibberish Stop these guys, but like I behind was like I ain't saying it And I told the producers I'm not listening to anything that they say in the back by the way I bet in the back throw this goes. Yeah So I'm in this through a clipboard yet I don't it doesn't matter. It's fine. It's gonna do everything. He's paid for it. It's his thing. So.

Guys, they say we can't take this boat in the National Water. I'm about to do it. I'm the cat. It's my boat. Cat says you can't go out. It's a storm coming. Steve fuck storm. Ain't no storm. It's a rock couldn't handle. Steve boat willy action. Doing any of that stuff because I'm the freest Nick. Good, good. Nice early end bomb. You're looking, take your time. Look at it.

That was faster than the rules for the set. And then it's fair to be at free. If you're feeling a little bit froggy tonight, don't feel froggy. But if you're off to a little bit froggy tonight. Don't feel froggy, but if you are feel a little bit froggy. It gives you nice threat. You decide to jump on the stage here tonight. I do suggest you have your fears in order. Okay, and I say that with love. I say that with the ultimate and utmost love because love wins you. I'll kill whoever tried. If you try to come if you try to come on the stage You'll be killed. I hope your life's no you goes, but it's all loving here

Notice but I got a samurai sword under my Say So nice, nice. Say yo. Say, come on. You're receiving that one video. It's like a world star hip hop video of the black security guard with the, with the like, he's got a leather jacket much like that outfit

and they're like, let me see all the weapons you got. He's like pulling out knives. That's what he's got right there. They're gonna stay on by the way is, I'm happy to say now that I love her and her music. Uh, that one song that I, her face really is going like, I think sound wrong if he did. Why is pants like that? Um, let's take a break.

We'll take our first break here and then we'll, uh, we'll come back and I got, there's more. Dude, machine gun Kelly. Oh, yeah, but yeah, you. Homajah. Oh yeah, but y'all. Humm, a j-ho. Uh, danthorough.com. He's not here this week, but he still performs everyone. He's gonna be at Side Splitters. Tampa. That's May 19th through 21st, that this weekend?

It is this weekend, isn't it? It is, everybody. This weekend, everybody. Side Splitters in Tampa. Dan Soder's coming to you Ooh, it's gonna be super down there after that Grand Rapids mission again Then of course he's going over to the UK London at the Soho Theatre from June 13th through the 19th For tickets and all the tour dates go to dansoder.com Josh Adam Myers on the 500 podcast and June 24th and the 25th he's gonna be the DC improv and

June 27th he'll be hosting the god damn comedy jam with a 930 club that in DC that's the DC improv's anniversary yeah come to that it's gonna be it's gonna be nuts man a lot of special guests it's gonna be a huge show we're almost sold out actually so hell yeah and then I am gonna be everyone in Phoenix this weekend stand-up live what so please come out and fucking support it's gonna be a lot of And then I am going to be everyone in Phoenix this weekend stand up live. What? So please come out and fucking support. It's going to be a lot of fun, fun, fun weekend. And then I'll be on Burke Crischer's fully loaded festival. It's going to be two weekends after that.

A bunch of different cities for tickets and all towards it. Of course, go to bigjcomedy.com. This is the Bonfire. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM. you