The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Where It All Started

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

The guys give Christine a hard time about her music listening habits & love of Ani DiFranco while giving context to the show. Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#RevolutionaryLove#CrackleCrackle

It's Dan Soder and Big J. Oakerson. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. If you want more Bonfire, you can always hear our full show every day on Series XM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three month offer. The Bonfire! One of the funniest things that's ever happened to me in a conversation happened with Christine while we were waiting to come on the show. And it is to this day the funniest reveal I've ever had in a conversation. I don't know how much of the conversation was

affected, but Christine was talking about how she found this awesome new place that you guys are considering and she was like, show me the place, set me a video, and I'm talking to her. And I'm like, I think, and then at the end of the conversation, Christine just goes, huh, I've had music on this whole time. It just pulls out her earbud. And I was like, dude, that is the funniest thing to have a conversation with someone to be like oh dude I was listening to music this entire time no no you you you misunderstood and what it was was actually far more Christine like annoying what happened was she had the headphones in she was she only heard you what happened was when I walked in the house I noticed that cranking in this room

was ony defranco for the 7 bazillionth time this fucking week. Now I'm gonna say it's only for me. It went from being the funniest thing to being genius to fucking for mental torture for J. And the list of octetities like this room. Why is it so loud? I know, I know at least three of the songs on this new album, because Christine just puts them on repeat over and over and over again. It's, it's a masterpiece. So when you go, if you, if you were to get her tickets to the concert, there would be a point where you'd be like, I know this one.

I wouldn't get to get to the concert. I would try to hit it from going to the concert. That's what she is owed for me If when I find out when I need a Franco's playing in New York and Christine wants to go I will book a bonfire show or an album recording Just to make sure Christine can't go. It's on you. Yeah, or or she has to make a real Sophie's choice Why does she just go with like a Dell or You know she has to make a real Sophie's choice. Why doesn't she just go with like a Dell or, you know, one of her friends? Go by myself. Last time I went and saw her, we went to her music called By Myself because

I'm like, fuck everybody, this is for me. Yeah, I'm gonna block that from happening. If humanly flexible. Why? Because, is it because you've been a get-mode buyer? Because she's been just playing it. Do I just play Metallica for terrorist suspects? And by the way, I'm fully aware This is probably a certain percentage over reaction by me But it's like you know when your significant other has traits that you're just like, you know

this is bonkers and I don't just I just don't fucking understand at all. She just Over and over again listens to the same three, so I mean, over, yeah. Over and over again. Like suicide hype, like the way that guy listened to Blink 182 before he killed himself. Yes, absolutely. It's like suicide hype, but it's not for suicide.

I don't know what the fuck it's for. It's like I'm autistic, guys. It's as I read more about stuff and I read more about my habits. I'm like, where is this? If we learn that Christine could count cards and she was like a rainman and we just go to Vegas and take out one of the major casinos, she's like, hit. It's just as laugh gives it away. By the way, a new album comes out.

I listen to the song a bunch, maybe even like a couple times a day, but this is full blown just over and over and over again, start the song over again, don't put it on. Nobody, no one wants to hear the song. Yeah, I don't know why you don't, we're trying to get on the show. You guys are very similar performers, she's great, she's brilliant, she's not in. What? The fuck did you just say? She's about a story teller, Jay.

She has a crowd or two. You're both storytellers and you both are prolific and you both need your performance every time. Jay, she does songs as Army Dangerfield. She goes, hey, man of mean. We're the similar type of performer. Why, because we both don't shave our armpits. Yeah, and I've modeled so much of like business, whether you guys realize I know I've seen your armpits. I've seen your armpits. You might

laugh. My fucking armpits. Thank you very much. I know. Be our median hair. Just punches through those pores by the big day. It's like one of those play-doh factories where you push down the strings. It's a fun factory. Fun factory Dude, ah man, but Jay what would you go with Christine if only you could get her in I was able to if I was able to height myself up enough to know that I would throw a rock at the stage I'd go but besides that I Don't want to hit I don't want to hit on a defraco. I want to hit it I don't want to hit her on a defraco. I just want to ding her fucking piano, you know, I mean She doesn't play piano at all

She's like a brilliant guitarist good. I'm gonna percussion instrument like that's our entire thing is like Actually like a brilliant guitar Christine Christine. I'm gonna Randy Johnson's on a rock right into the hole in the acoustic. I don't invite you. And I want to wear my headphones. Jay had me stop wearing my headphones because he was upset.

He couldn't yell for me. So, is that what is that? Does that make sense? Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, is that make sense? Or are you definitely not saying the right thing? So why shouldn't I wear my headphones in the house then? Because it's not because I can't yell for you. It's because I end up having the L for you because I'm looking at you two feet away

from you. And like I'm like Christine, and you're just like blank. You're just holding on. Hold on. You don't feel presence at all. You'd be great great rape victim guys Let's put that story in the autistic bin because that a blank stare not snapping does read autistic Yeah, so we're getting there. We're getting somewhere now dude I honestly Jacob Lune I were laughing because I was like dude Christine just hit me with my Night my fucking kryptonite where she was like that wasn't listening to you and I was like, dude, Christine just hit me with my, my fucking kryptonite where she was like, that wasn't listening to you and I was like,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then it turns out she was listening to me just blaring any defranco at you. She was doing that. I was like, when you're at. She was doing Ozark punishments. Yeah, just make it, that's like, that's flushing me out like Noriega.

Yeah, you're rushing, yeah, you're rushing for a frat. That's what they do. They make you stay up for 36 hours and just listen to the anti-Defranco. Jesus Christ. Onnie. Onnie. You know what? I'd be right there. I'd be right there with you. Whip in a rock. I'd rather listen to it alone in my headphones. Good. Quit the show and go marry Oni DeFranco. You... You think I wouldn't have attached myself to Oni DeFranco? Like, you're in the office, you know? Yeah, I wouldn't have got...

You know, her husband's her producer. Like, you think I wouldn't have been like, Hey, Oni, you're kind of jam with you. I'm sick on the Maracas. I would... I was wondering what direction Christine was going to go with it on that. And I'm proud of the maracas. I would, I was wondering what direction Christine was gonna go with it on that and I'm proud of the one she did go. She was like, I would marry Aani to Franco.

She and I are lost, sister sisters. Yeah, you guys can shave your heads together. I hope you trust her. I hope we get her on the show. I'm gonna look cost her. I like, no, I would, I'm a little scared. Why? You know the kind of person I am, would I do that?

Would I do that, you think? No, let's get her on. ASAP. No, I got some nice things I want to say to her. You hyping yourself up to bring rocks into a concert is gonna remain hilarious. Just see if you want to sing them. Oh, it's going. Don't.

Every time I listen to this, it just hits the wood. You going through security. You going through security. And I'm like, sir, why are there three good sized rocks in your pocket? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. For all the new listeners of you just joined us that sound effect was a guy getting his balls hit by a aluminum bat just a little backstory so when you

hear that thing it's a guy being hit by a aluminum bat it's off with the new guys guys it's time for a quick it's time for a quick bonfire context what you're hearing is nut torture What you're hearing is nut torture. I'm gonna have to say. Oh. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you very much. I want to get my nut slapped tonight.

Here in Indianapolis, the only place to get my balls slammed. That's called the old CBT metronome right there. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Hyper. The bonfire context breaks are gonna be great. Guys, guys a new channel time for a context break. I want to see Christine face when honey to Franco's on the show.

You know what? Christine did awesome when friend dresser was on the show. It's just set there and mocking we laughed at her. Yeah, it would appear to be mocking we laughed at her. Meanwhile, it's just you two hands crowed at each other. I just thought about it.

I've like cried. Like I get like Terry I'd even thinking about it. I'm like, it's a little scary to think about meeting your heroes, but I honestly, like, I love her as a performer obviously to my favorite musician the fact that you guys are willing to have her on when like you're not necessarily fans

of her but like you you know you know it means a lot to me means something to me and I think she did you guys like I've read her book I know her interviews I know what kind of person she is and like she's not like a Feminazi like she's a cool chick. She better not be she's not because I'meminazi, like she's a cool chick. She better not be, she better not be because I'm gonna call her a skirt and all kinds of shit. Also, Christine's going full Mark David Chapman on us right now. And she's like also I found out that she could live

at this apartment, I can meet her downstairs. Show you guys to a TikTok. Christine, why don't you just talk to Christine? I think Christine will. I'm so jealous. I swear to God. Why would I do that? I honestly, my favorite thing, like one of my favorite pastimes, is singing along to

her music. So it's like, she's just like, she's brought me so much joy. What the fuck does that mean to any of us? Joy. It's just joy. I said, by the way, I've said a thousand times to have her on this thing. I'm trying. Look, in fact, did you know that rewatching the show over and over again is actually a

sign of severe mental illness? That made me laugh. And I do think I'm autistic. She's, are you, are you, I think your full blown retarded for like TikTok as much as you do. Why are you, why are you going to learn that I don't wanna see tiktok? Christine told me this weekend at one thirty in the morning, she goes, I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed,

at three thirty in the morning she goes, you see it as tiktok. I go, I don't give a fuck about tiktok, Christine. You see this show, it's about samples. I'm gonna tell you what it shows, Christine. It shows you what samples are sampled from where? It's really cool actually. Christine, I'm gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell you what pretty soon. I'm gonna be in trouble for dating a slow person Oh, you'll be revered and it will like you like dating and our word is really hard if you don't think old Sethie Simon's won't slide in on that one and be like We are our word is super hard We are armored is super hard She's like I might not know what tick talk is but I might not be but I Not be a smart woman, but I know what tick talk is You know life is life can I different go album yeah, I'm sorry. What's that new video game you guys are all into where you pretend that you're like a

Camono or something Talking about if you bring up ghosts of Sushima and a negative light again. I'll fucking stab you a Camono You're an Asian robe is that you're talking about? You're an Asian robe. Is that you're talking about? I'm not a kimono. Samurai. Samurai.

Oh, you're a samurai sword. That's what it is. With you. Who is having that conversation with you? Oh, dear Christine. I'm going to be at my side. What's the one you guys love where you wear? Where you where you play a kimono?

What's the one where you guys are kissing each other you old gays Dacious what's that game with that video game when you and Jay come over and stick each other's cocks in your mouth going What's that called mr. Toad 69 ride you bring the disana to the samurai of sushima he only the only Baba sucked off that and jay you had to have told the Kim Kongdon story with you and Lewis with the guitars. I don't know if I told that on this, but it's my favorite. It's ever. I just lots on pack here. Kim Kongdon is a comedian for the new listeners.

Uh, Bonfire context break. Lewis Jay Gomez is part of the Legion of Skanks, which is a podcast that Jay also will often do. Yes. Uh, Lewis Jay Gomez, my old friend, when we a podcast that Jay also bull often do. Yes. Louis Jigoma's Mild Friend. When we met, we bought the replay guitar here together. Louis was with me over my house.

That sounds like a guitar hero. That sounds pretty familiar. Is that how you get all your friends? You can slot. Well, me and Dan, we did Metallica Mondays. Oh, yeah. So it's different. Oh, it's a different position.

So you have a, and you have milk and chicken for dinner. Got it right, I would. And I'm still drinking milk. I just ran out of milk and I'm a little upset by it. Chicken of milk. Chicken of milk is delicious. Well, Venus. Lasagna and milk.

What's up, man? Your back washes are mighty gross. Not yet. They're making me nauseously hungry. That is correct. So you and Lewis are playing guitar here, huh? You guys are playing Kom on oh kissy dragons We're playing come on oh kissy dragons

We're playing chopstick hair buns You're playing fucking bound feet nose kisses What's that game you play you guys are feet, nose kisses. Oh, what's that game you play? You guys are gaysha girls. Oh, yeah. It's a VR game. We wash feet. We jack people off.

We go with esteemed businessmen to their different positions. We give them the whole gaysha experience, you know? It's a real. It's a VR game of subservience. See, dude, whatever. Man, how much can you give in before you take some sort of a sword and go ham on that joint? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a mission loaded for Mr. Fung.

I'm supposed to go to one of his, one of his classy Tokyo dinners. Dude, um, what you call, so anyone me and Lucy's play guitar here all the time. one of his classy Tokyo dinners. What should we call it? So anyway, me and Lucy's play guitar here all the time. It's where the Legion Skank's name came from. That was the name of our band. There's a lot of people know that story, but which is weird because our band and when we played was bonfire, so it's just weird that that also happened. Guitar hero went away and I may have told this story over on our other station, but guys, if you're just joining, if you're tuning in just now, now dude. We get to read we get to redo. We get to reboot stories guys I love guitar hero

A lot of you might not know that because you're just joining us guys bonfire context break Jay had a father named Gary who wasn't really around. Oh, yeah, I had a father Maybe we just go to the beginning. Let's go to the beginning the Genesis a Oh, yeah, I had a father. Yeah, we just go to the beginning. Let's go to the beginning, the Genesis, a sweet heart of a man. This weekend, who I met in Salt Lake City, got teary eyed over the simple concept of sons of Gary, like he just, he just hit him at home. No, I just hit him home.

He had some, uh, now I love that shit. When you see that when you're like, when someone's like, uh, when someone will be like, dude, I had a Gary and they just use it as a descriptive. Yeah, dude, but I think what's great about is when you go through that shit You feel like oh shit you this sucks. You feel like weird about it You feel like everyone else is cool and you're the only one going through this thing. So that's what the cool part So anyways, that was a bonfire context break back to you and Lewis playing guitar hero and

Then the game kind of went to funk For years this is 15 years later and you and Christine together Got me a Xbox 360 and then or Christine got me the Xbox and you got me a bunch of the games The Christina the legwork she got you because I tried buying guitars for Katie and I will tell you right now that I'm I've had experience that Christine fucking produce those Impressively because I got I had to get a new one that doesn't work as well and to no fault and to no fault of Christine's by the way never had one that works great. Yeah, I mean

If you're sitting or five now, it's like really it's like they just they just shit the bed quick If you're sitting on one or know how to fix a guitar hero for Xbox 360 Let us know and we will rain down. We're trying to know what I'll tell you what make it out of Jacob right to your phone I would say that we would definitely promise you a full fucking Instagram live concert or something. Oh a private concert a bonfire concert and I'll tell you this I'm pretty sure with my booking ability. I can get Katie Nolan on the something. Oh, a private concert, a bonfire concert. And I'll tell you this, I'm pretty sure with my booking ability, I can get Katie Nolan on the bill. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what,

we're gonna have to go also if you're sitting on one of the microphones that worked for us. Because I will sing the part. We start getting to it and do it. And if you have a wall wall pedal for that son of a bitch, Dan, I'll tell you this, I'm gonna shred. I'm gonna shred on at least hard level and Sing at the same time that's crazy and I would tell you right now. I'm terrible at guitar hero Katie's really good at it. So it'd be It's a mean hurts me the one so mean hurts me the ones to go with our like ass to ass while we're

The Christine and I have to have our arms folded on the side being like they're getting a little too close Now Christine could be like that like the clown and slip nod just to wacky percussion shit We got our head button timpani's and can I be your can I be your thing? Dinging into some sleigh bells off her fucking autistic head Can I be the colonel for you guys and just wear a big 10 gallon hat and Can I be the colonel for you guys and just wear a big 10 gallon hat and still all that? Yeah. Damn, fuck this. I got way too hard.

You too are quite the property. Hot commodity. Selling right off the wreckies. Yeah, I'm down with all this. All right, so you and Lewis are ripping guitar here. Oh, we got it. The game goes to funk. And you guys got it for me. And so one day, when I first

got it, I set up and I was playing it. And it was so far, I played like just two songs already named the band Legion of Skanks again. And then I face timed Lewis. And I just when he answered the phone, I just unpaused the game on the song I was playing it was FaceTime. Just show me him just like fucking drill in it. And then I pause it again after like 20 seconds and he goes, I'm coming right over. He was over a guest digital.

He runs over to my place and he brings Kim Kong and his girlfriend. Guys, Kim Kong then for the new listeners, if you're just joining us is a hilarious female comedian. She was so kind that continued doing the shows the weekend I missed in Orlando. Yep. And she's fucking brilliant writer for impractical jokers and Lewis's ex girlfriend. But girlfriend at times she came over with him and we're playing the game and me and Lewis we were not joking. We just set it up. clicked on the band Legion of Skanks we both put our guitars straps like set up around our shoulders. Yeah it's the next each other and looked at each other. It was almost a goosebob goosebob moment for us because Legion of Skanks is a it's a show man it's like

people people know Legion of Skakes. And for better for worse. And, uh, and we looked at each other before the song started. Uh, Lewis just goes, this weren't all started, man. And, uh, I was, I was completely, I was like, fucking right. And then Kim Kongden breaking that moment with just the reality of going, like, did you guys just, uh, say this is where it all started while you're holding plastic, it's little plastic towing its arms? Because we said it with the reverence of Metallica

going back to their garage in San Fran. Look at us, man, look at all that. Here we are, dude, this is where it started, right? These five little buttons. That's really new, real new. Yeah, now do you wanna play hot hat? Or do you wanna to play hot hat or do you want to put a kiss 65? Shumdom dim dim dim dim. Also, uh, saying that to each other and not realizing there's another

person in the room is what set you up for all that. Damn. We really brought. Say what? We needed her there. That was right. She was right. She was right to take away the emotion from that silly moment Absolutely. What do you guys just say? No, it didn't I think you would have had an easier time if you just would have kissed Yeah, just a little memory kiss That's a bad thing. It's a bad thing, it's a bad thing, it's not getting. I think that's less jarring to Kim than watching what he guys go like.

All these years, over the years, man, look at this right here. By the way, it's complete subject change, but just before I forget, just a funny enough one-off thing, the episode of Jerry Springer that was just on in the background of my house today was called Your Dude's Gay. You know what? You know what? Those guys have to have the people that get to name Springer shows

have to be so entertaining. They're like, what dude's gay? Don't I go, what do you want to call this episode? Yo, your dude's gay. You know what? He did say that. He did say that. It was called Your Man's or Your Dude. Your man's or your dude's gay. I think it was your dude's gay. He did say that. He did say that. It was called your man's or your dude.

Your man's or your dude's gay. I think it was your dude's gay. You know what's so funny man is like the small amount of things I know about my dad. One of the things I know is he absolutely love Jerry Springer. Of course you do. Dan, I would have been everything.

I would have been everything I owned on that without you having to even give me that fucking big revelation. You think you just laid on us. I do us you've told us a lot about your father springer is just A dangle on several those things alcoholism Quarter Roy shorts Yeah, oh, shit Jimmy Buffett and the love of fast women Yeah roommates with guys of the names those guys were

Guy and well those gym was the guy that he lived with that had the gun under the couch and then guy You were too young to know it Dan, but I bet probably he pitched going on Springer with Cheryl or one of them people No, my dad did it to laugh at them. It wasn't like to be a part of it. He didn't see the correlation. No, not at all. I went, dad. Yeah. Yeah.

We're on borrowed time right now, bud. Trish is running the show. You know what they do with this thing? They just get you hammered for free and send you out on stage. He goes, hmm. Now, if my dad was still alive, 100%, he probably would have pitched me on going on springer right now with him. Yeah, he'd be like Come on, let's make up. Let's make up on springer. And you're like what? Come on, man. They'll torch me at the end. It's in Connecticut. You can roast me. Have some of your little gay friends roast me.

Yeah, I have a question for human liver damage over there. You don't know me, have some of your little gay friends roast me. Uh, yeah. I have a question for human liver damage over there. You don't know me, motherfucker. You don't know me. Oh, dance, dance, going off. Oh, it's like you're lucky. I don't give you John this on your face. For if you're just joining as Dan's father, I wasn't alcoholic.

Tragically passed away from cirrhosis in 1997. If you're coming, if you're hopping on, if you missed the first segment of the show or the other five years Dan's dead had it out. Guys if you've never listened guys if you're just joining us if you are just you thumb it through channels and you and you you just got to be an accident and you don't know what we're talking about because it's the channel that got left on after you got just T-bone Yeah Just know the dance of Father You've been listening to Syria 6M's bonfire new episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM.