The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Where's My Jacket? (feat. Joe DeRosa)

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Pennzoil representatives come in studio to give Jacob a gift which he is not thrilled about.

On Big J. Ocarson, I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two-hour long episodes of the Bond Fire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy, just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Hey, J.O.

That's right, everybody. We're back live. It's the Bonfire, Faction Talk, Series XM103. I'm Big J. Ocarson, back in New York. It's no different, though. Everywhere I went was rainy and cold. Blah. We lost Dan today to billions responsibilities. Correct? Is that what he's doing today? He's gonna come back with such a nice beard and hair. Dan those set things. Sitting in for Dan today of course you know him and love him. One of my favorite people in the world. That's hilarious Joe DeRosa. Hey bud. Hey bud. Hi everybody. How's it going? Gang's all here. Of course we got Jacob Batat. DJ Lou, Christine Evans, our black king, the black tiger Lewis. Like a like a jungle cat. Like a that's one of me and

Joe's favorite laughs about the movie Deep cover Jersey have four Larry Fishburn and I don't know why he feels like it's getting racist, but like he's arguing He says first he goes you were like like a magnificent beast. Yeah, and he's easy. What's his name? His newest I think is no David David David David is easy David goes like a like a jungle cat yeah I think because he's because he's comparing him to an animal and he's being like take it easy dude you know because he's already like we're praying the drug dealers are praying on our own out here like in the I know but there I say Larry Fish Burns characters me being a little taking

him to much there I think he's paying him compliments saying that he was awesome. Yeah, the gold blooms like Yeah, sorry, bro. I didn't see your dad get shot. Okay. I'm just trying to compliment you, dude It sounds weird when you take it out of that tone to I'm just saying you're magnificent beast, bro The man can't call him a magnificent beast without becoming all crazy Jesus Christ I can't I could say nothing right with you We have a full house in studio today the pens oil people have come to a knowing Jacob We have the see they said the CEOs husband was a big fan of the show and then I was like wow I didn't realize our CEO was gay. I thought it was a big fan of the show and then I was like, wow, I didn't realize our CEO was gay.

I thought it was a very progressive thing. Turns out our CEO is a woman. Oh. That's so funny that you thought gay before you thought woman. I didn't, Christine was a joke. No one laughed at it. Oh, I thought you were serious. I thought you were serious too.

I just thought it was a gay guy setting his husband in. Yeah. You think I don't know the CEO of the company? I'm wondering where we're going. Wait a minute. Wait a second. It's a thing. I got real confused here.

You said the head of Penzoil was, I think I missed the setup. Yeah, sorry. I'll do it again, ready? You're taking the top. We get into this in post. Are we live? Don't sass me. The Penzoil people are here to present you

with something. And the CEO of Sirius XM's. Got it. Hus husband is hanging out Gay I see because the husband was coming, but it was a woman. I know Thanks, thank you Joe I never heard that before I Thought I didn't hear the the serious serious part I thought you said the CEO of

Penn's I probably blew it I'll take I'll take a great you're beautiful bitch I know I texted you happy belated birthday yesterday you don't even respond I mean I'm saying it text responding you're yeah you're real bad at it you're this bad at it you have called me and then I have texted and called you back and then you've called me again and given me shit for not having called you back and I'm like the balls on me. I was spotted dude. You're like oh shit I didn't see it. The balls on this guy.

Me I mean this guy. The balls. It's a wide sack. A wide sack. Big big sack. Jacob should we do should we do your You getting your stuff now you think I don't know if I got anything That's true. It might not be official maybe I'm maybe I'm mistaken

I'm happy to have the people from Penn's oil here either way, but if you brought something I'd like to see it Yeah, well, they're here to present you some we have Anna Josh and Abigail in studio here from Penzoil a bag for me What do you want to are you gonna look at it first would you like to say hi to them at all? I mean you weird always said hi before but I'm gonna say hi again, and thank you all thank you to the three of you for coming Appreciate it. Jacob. Fuck Mary kill Fuck Mary kill Abigail Josh In Anna it's a beautiful pencil head. Thank you. Mm-hmm. You already have one right there. Yes, but that was for Josh That was for Jay and Dan okay

I always heard quality on this one. Yeah, it's cool. Oh Lordy that's a nice little nighty You wear that with no pants when you make eggs, dude. Yeah. No, hot, that's gonna look on you. With your tidy whiteies peeking out of the bottom. And that's gonna feel good right in your crack, dude. When that drips into your tussy crack, that's a little nice.

It's a nice smooth look at that. That's very sweet. I think Joey Lugano's wife wears that same thing in the bed. That's very sweet. Thank you. I don't know what you think Joey Laguna's wife was at the same thing, the bed. I'd take it as a compliment. You should. We don't know what to say. There's like weight in that bag.

There's something else in it. No, that's it. I appreciate that. I don't know what to say, but Jay, I did write a statement, which I would like to read. Wait a second. They didn't bring you a pens oil jacket? No.

No. I thought the whole thing was about the jacket. Well, I wrote a statement. Okay. Can we just all agree that this was this was as if I did get the jacket? Okay. But don't worry, I appreciate the hoodie nonetheless. It's not a hoodie. It's not a hoodie. It is a 90. No, dude. You call it what you know. No, no, that's a racing shirt. There's no hood. lady now dude you call it what you know that's a racing shirt there's no hood well not a hoodie it's a hoodie it's a it's a no pickroo shirt yeah a true shirt all right only drivers get the jackets

boom dude they said you're part of the crew dude change my tires bitch well I'm gonna read the statement please yeah I'll take that jacket off and change my tires. Stop wearing the big boys' jackets. Put your 90 back on. Check the oil levels. We're gonna pretend in theory,

because you wrote a statement, you prepared a statement thinking for sure a jacket was covered. Yes. And then no jacket. But that's fine. Now t-shirt was cool. I would like to thank Penn's oil for this official 22 Pit Crew jacket. Watching Joey win his second magnificent cup championship was one of the highlights of the year for me. Joey declared at the start of the season the 22 in 22.

His prophetic words not only came to be but it made me believe that Corey Feldman might actually be on to something with his numerology nonsense. Truly, the number 22 is magic. Yet, the moment was not perfect. I was forced to watch Joey's celebration without an official pit crew jacket, which was denied to me by Penn's oil. And, although I was extremely for happy for him, the moment seemed incomplete. I am glad that they have chosen to rectify their error, and I'm happy to say that I hold no animosity towards them for their slight. This jacket not only symbolizes the crowning achievement of the glorious 22 teams accomplishments, but it obviously symbolizes the start of a close friendship that I embarking on with

Joey himself. It most likely makes us best friends already. I imagine the two of us will be hanging out a lot from this time forward, probably going on fishing trips together or wreck diving in the Bahamas. Furthermore, isn't this a moment we can all learn from? If Penn's oil can make peace with this olive branch, can't the rest of the world do the same. Must nation, fight nation. Must Miley, fight Nikki. Must the rock, fight Vin. Must Kyle, fight Joey. Ha ha, well maybe some feuds can't be solved. In conclusion, I would like to think of this moment between Penzoil and I as how the movie first blood could have ended.

In the movie, Sheriff Teasel turns Rambo away on the bridge to his town and tells him that he is not welcome there. In turn, this causes Rambo to declare, don't push it, or I'll give you a war you won't believe. He is true to his word. What if instead of turning him away, Tisil met Rambo on the bridge and said, friend, you look tired and weary. Won't you come into our town where all are welcome and join me

for hamburgers and a beverage at the local diner. Now that is a world I would like to believe in. Thank you. Wow, it's fantastic. I know every time we picture himself saying it was wearing that jacket. It was. I was wearing it all weekend in my head. You are imaginary modeling in the mirror? I mean this is probably what it sort of looks like We'll get you that jacket Jacob. I can wash and dry this one. No, you sure? It's not the same you may just put it on your shoulder. I don't want your hand me down I could put it over your shoulders like Rambo at the end Is that the jacket over there? No, this is yes underneath that's chase jacket. Is it behind you? Does it one behind you? Yeah, there is. Yeah, that stands jacket. Yeah. Oh, okay. They're big fans.

Of the oil. Yeah. Oh, early am they make a killer synthetic who's Who's who's this Joey you guys keep talking Joey Lugano? Who's that? He's a racer. He's a NASCAR racer Cap the cup championship for the second time. And Jacob is a huge fan. Jacob happened to be a huge fan. Within this show, we've watched him win two championships, Joey Logano. And I, uh, that's Jacob. That's Jacob when he won the first time in his ass. Jesus. Really? Yeah. I wish you see the video. Can we show the video? I think it should be seen

I really want the gang from pencil. It'll feel bad. I'm not getting in this jacket I'll also jago I see I might be tough to get your hands on one of these things as they cost $59 That's clearly it It's the emotion behind it. Is it the right one? That's the right one. I don't know if that's the...

No, that's not exactly it either. It's a replica uniform jacket. Yeah, that one that Lou was on, or Christine, where you on it, where you could choose the sizes, that would seem suspect. No, the ones we got are the jam. Yeah, this looks pretty real over here, dude.

It's very real. It's the real deal. It's a kid from Penzoil. It came right from Penzo ones we got are the jam. Yeah, this looks pretty real over here, dude. It's very real. It's the real deal. It's a kid from Penzoil. It came right from Penzoil, team Penzoil, which is pretty great. So nice to have you. Do we have the video of Jacob Broider? Losing it. Yeah.

I don't know where that video is. It's on Instagram. It's on our Instagram. It's on our Instagram, okay. It's one of the best things ever. So wait, Sonoco is Penzoil or is that just two different logos on that shell you're thinking or shell I mean excuse me this is one of the other sponsors okay I got it I got it they have a bunch oh yeah there's triple A but we can move on forward okay you're gonna be fine dude they're

gonna get you a jacket they couldn't knock now with the eloquent letter? I mean it's... It's on its way. That's crazy. That's such a nice thing. I'm so happy to hear that. They're only doing it because of that letter you wrote. The cart was before the horse on this one, dude. Such a lovely gesture.

I appreciate it. Jacob wants it to be in so bad. Well you get it either way, right? What does it matter how you got it? I throw a buck 60 down this one if you want. No. Merry Christmas, buddy. Happy Hanukkah, I mean.

Fuck off! I want it from Joey. Do you think that may have been the problem your Judaism? Not really welcomed in NASCAR? No, NASCAR welcomes all. Are there any Jewish drivers? Well,. I wouldn't know maybe. I don't know. I'd like to think yes. You'd be rooting for that guy. Damn right. Yeah. Coming up on the outside is Leibowitz. What are you a lifelong driving fan? All right. my love of NASCAR started because I started working here because I was assigned to

Go to go to a NASCAR race with Mojo Nixon who was a Singer yeah, he also has a NASCAR show on the NASCAR channel but he took me the track to Taladega and He explained everything and yeah, it on Pit Road it was pretty damn cool. What's Mojo Nixon like? He seems like a fun guy. He's like, he's super intelligent, one of the smartest guys I know but wild man, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. He's a wild guy. That's great. Smart how? I mean, he's legit one of the smartest people I know. Play Jeopardy with the sky or something? He might win. He might win.

You don't even know for sure. Who's Mojo next? He's a sink. Or he was like, I guess he was part of the punk sort of seen in the 80s. Yeah, we had one hit Elvis's everywhere. Uh, it's stuff with a Jelebi offer and. Yeah, I mean, he's did all his own stuff too, but

I don't know if he's just one of those iconic Shorty underground guys, and then Jacob got into an ask car from that and you love it now. Yeah Yeah, that's why I'm gonna ask our radio When Joey wins I call in the mojo show Well, they let you do an hour guest DJ you can like introduce your favorite engine sounds or whatever This depends oil 620 heavy We'll be right back this is an ask our channel. Oh This is the greatest hits so what I

I just Joey the Gano live at the raceway 85. Oh listen to the purity and hit Oh, that sounds sweet. Oh, that's the good stuff right there how do you keep hanging like how do you even keep track of your car out there well there's the the ticker basically and that basically it tells you where your driver is on the side of the screen says you who but what if you're there alive how the hell do you keep the eyes on your car? The yellow car. What do you mean? You could see the track from- But isn't there like 30 cars on it?

There's 40. 40. So how would you- Is the yellow with the big pencil sign on it? You know your car, yeah, there. But that's what it goes around- The other side, it's far away. Wouldn't that be confusing?

Maybe. I don't know. I mean, the track, I don't know. All tracks are different, but- Well. Only the couple of those that you can't see, probably know all tracks are different well only the couple you can't see probably to the other side most of them you can oh okay oh was it all this is gonna make the penzoil gang feel so bad no one's joey legato's family wasn't as excited when this happens Feeling a dream? Stan, now we gotta call for a life. DJ Major's getting a dream?

No pressure at all. What pressure? Get the fucking away! Get the fucking away! The last turn! The last turn! It's too low! Get away!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! shirts. Yeah, now you have one for the weekends, though. Now you can trade off. You can never stop wearing it. So I'm not I'm not knocking any of it. Well, please don't the people here. No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm really trying to understand the what, how questions too. Yeah, I also don't want to be rough at Tisha. How do you also, it seems hard to invest in like a guy winning a car race than like say anything else? I agree. I agree. I can clearly can care. But it was when someone is into it and like so you, I think said you, the person who got you into it says,

you just got to pick a guy for For whatever reason, just pick a guy, and then you can kind of get invested, like rooting for that guy. And Jake could pick this Italian. Yeah. And said that's home going with. Yeah. And why was the reason? It's so difficult to win a race because you're not only.

I'm not saying it's not. Don't get these guys on my ass, Jacob. I'm not saying it's hard to do. I'm saying, in watching it, I feel like it's a little different than seeing like your team win, right? Sure. I don't know. Well, it feels just different to me.

I'm not saying it's worse. It's sort of like you have seen that way when you watch, you're watching for the event. If you have your investment behind somebody is great, but in sports, it's your team. Like there's always something like you're from there. Let's put it this way. Or I don't know.

Yeah, if I was to like the helmets and made a decision like that, like like like black glue in those cowboys. If I were to get excited about who was winning a car race, I would have to be the woman in the cutoff shorts that the first thing up at the beginning of it. It was fucking one of the drivers. I know. That was always my favorite thing. I know we've watched on the show before, but when like, you know, after Rob Halford came out of the closet from Judas Priest. Yes. And then the band shortly after was like, so it seemed like they were

like right away they were fine. No one cared. Yeah. And then they were like because he's the creative director of all things Judas Priest. Like, wait a second, we're all gay now too, because they're all wearing like, chaps also. But the best is the head now to the highway video. You know, that song? Crazy. Yeah, yeah. In the video is a drag race happening. And usually a lot of videos that have a drag race in them. Usually the people singing are the drivers or something and vape. He's the throw the scarf guy. He throws the scarf and then he dances

in the middle of the street while the cars go down. It's really gay. Yeah, it's interesting when you listen to Living After a Terrible Lover. Yeah, Living After Midnight. And you're like, you're like, oh, this whole song's about banging dudes. Yeah, all of it. Yeah. Yeah, all after midnight and you're like, you're like, oh, this whole song's about banging dudes. Yeah, all of it.

Yeah, all of it. Get to the race. It's the best. Let's try this. Yeah, how for? Yeah, never. Here we go. Here we go.

Come on, guys. Time to flip the flag. Damn. The signs were all there. These signs were all there. Winner gets this Juicy-S. And then hilarious in the cast yourself. She could chose anything. I'm gonna sing and dance in the middle of the street look at that set. What a hearted set Jesus God that is so bad look at that Look at that This was the crossover time era where journey and Judas Priest all looked alike Yeah, they all have the same shitty haircut the drummer in Judas Priest is something to write home about. That guy's whole vibe is wild.

I love it. I love it. You know the weirdest looking drummer I've ever seen. I watched live on YouTube, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Guilty Pledge, Love Toad the Wet Sprocket. Really?

You don't like Toad the Wet Sprocket? Fuck no, no. You're lying about that. No, you're saying it because you think you're not supposed to like Toad the Wet Sprocket, but you do. No, I do not like Toad the Wet Sprocket. There's like three songs that you really love name all right give me one of

them something's always wrong great to don't know it yes you do don't know it yes you do don't play this game it was playing in that movie fear you never saw Mark Wahlberg fear never saw it how dare you what I never saw that I never saw it what it's so heavy with the referee sorry I didn't run out to see What? I never saw that. I never saw it. What? It's so heavy with reference. Sorry, I didn't run out to see Marky Mark's first movie that he ever made. It would be awesome. So you don't know Nicole forever?

Like that means nothing to you? No, that's not true. Let me in the house. No, I remember that from the trailer. Okay. Which was not looked funny, we would all make fun of it. I'm sorry. Anyway, this is the trailer. Okay. Which was not looked funny. We would all make fun of it. That was that was a give me back my son from uh... Air Force one. No, no, no, give me my right son.

Let me in the house with fear and then yeah get the get the hell off my plane. Those were all we would do all those there was like three movies at the same time we did them with the lines from what okay sorry I'm talking over it okay this is towed the wet sprock sprocket it's a line from a forget they told me I saw how they got their name it was like an Eric idle thing or something I don't know this song Jay won't be long and this song sucks shit dude dude. What bro? This song sucks shit I guess you never sucked the boobs of a girl wearing friendship bracelets or something. You think I have it I think you have it to fucking man's music

No way dude a girl with a t-shirt tan come on never I did it to fucking lightning crashes Camp counselor pussy Is this thing wait give me another one. I swear to God. I swear to God, it's this faded in. I thought it was hoodie in the blowfish. I thought this was letter cry. You know this song now fall down. Put on fall down. This blows that's it Holy shit, I bet you like this one This sounds a little more familiar hold on Oh, yeah, I remember the song Toad this isn't that bad this one. It's great. Yeah, I like this toad rules

What's the one that's super famous? I always forget is them, but it's like what they're most famous song This is a pretty big one Hope what's the call wait wait don't spoil it. I want to be surprised We hear it Oh, yeah, all I want I want is to feel Yeah, I forget this one super popular and I forget that this was them. I like this song This is a good like this is kind of like that um that Smiths this reminds me that song by the Smiths

Yeah, this is a good the guys driving This is where you start going well. This is where you explore bodies with a girl wearing umbrose. Come on, dude. Were you even alive in the 90s? This is, this is I fucked a girl, the soccer team using, exactly. Her feet kind of smell, but she's hot. Shoulders are a little broad.

Yeah, you can work with it. She's always tan. That's the deal. Anyway, long story short, the drummer for Toad the West rocket, maybe the ugliest man I've ever seen in my life, disturbing looking almost. This is a fun game. Let's do weird drummers. Okay.

Well, first of all, Def Leopard takes a game. No one is beating that. Yeah, they really have to make those beats easy. But okay, let's see the Toad the Wet Sprocket drummer. Oh, dude, is that him? Yes. It does look like Woody Allen playing the drums. Do you see, what's the guy, the little person from Twin Peaks when they, Michael, I forget

his last name. But in the movie, Maholin Drive, the character he plays in that looks exactly like the drummer from. When he puts him in the full person suit, he puts him in like the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look how they, we'll say look like each other.

There he is, Maholin Drive. Maholin Drive. This man led the charge on me and Jay's biggest bonding show ever, Carnival. It's true. We watched it every week together. Watch from the beginning.

Yeah, go do them. They're one in the middle where there's five. It looks just like the drummer from the way it's brought. That's funny, man. All right. So that's so wait. Now let's see the Judas Priest drummer. He's a weird one.

The war on drugs. The band, the war on drugs that I love, drummer. He's a weird one. The war on drugs. The band, the war on drugs that I love, drummer, weirdo. I'm trying to guy who has to like live not near schools. So this guy started out just look the second row first day. Yeah, the first big second row first day. That's definitely the guy that convinced your dad to leave your mom. day of the guy that convinced your dad to leave your mom he's like dude we used to rage man Terry sucks

one of their drummers was a peto i think it might be him but really they're original one of their original drummers had some sort of peto problem didn't acdc's drummer have that problem too? no he tried to murder he tried to put out a contract a murder for hire. Well, but he also fucked one of the young brothers. He fucked their niece. I think when she was like 16, I think it was like,

it was like at a time where it was like, hey dude, that's cool if it's not my niece. You're like, I'll still be your friend. But if it's my niece, it's not cool. That famous groupie when she was on Howard Stern, Like I'll still be your friend But if it's my niece is not cool Famous groupie when she was on Howard Stern she was like yeah, I remember he's like what's your crazy? She goes like a gang banged by the almond brother different. I was 15 What god is it now it's totally ruled the drummer from a damn it might be the tin machine drummer This might be some take some calls in this one, Lou.

Goofy looking drummers. Oh shit. Well, that was even who I was thinking of, but that was a lucky fucking hit right there. It was like a Rob Zombie movie character. Oh, I know what I'm thinking of. Who's the guy that sang the song from singles? Is that Paul? That's a question for DJ Lou. Masterbug Paul Westberg drummer. Look that guy.

I think that's who I'm thinking. We'll watch a single so much to see young Eddie Vetter. Oh yeah. Better time. Paul Westberg's drummer. Now I'm sorry guys. No, there he the bald guy. Ah, forget it. This was a miss. uh... now i'm sorry guys i'm no there the bald guy

african this was a mess i forgot i can't remember who the fuck i'm thinking of right now it was a great game idea yeah no i know well we i don't think we're out show the war on drugs guy he's weird looking to he also plays and looks like like he's scared when he's playing live it's very odd look

drummers the toe the what Brock and drummer looks like they allow to make a wish kid to come out on stage and play the real drummers. He's probably afflicted with something for sure. Yeah. That's the same. That's the same. The worst picture of them.

You got to find he really like. If you bring a video of them playing live in the in the radio station that I watch all the time. You can really see he's like he's staring at something that's not there. Trumpers make weird faces sometimes. Like because they're in there like you know keeping rhythm. You know, personally, I would say all the 80s music videos there, all the worst actors like rock stars can't act now I agree painful I agree best example say rock Alfred did a pretty good he was in Sandra D. I think I would

but the good I'm so the video for a V.O.A. Sammy Heygars band is laughable it's the greatest watch it if when you get the chance. All right. V-O-A. V-O-A, voice of America. I can't drive 55s. It's a pretty hilariously bad acted video. Well, I think the worst acting in music is either rock and roll guys,

like Jacob sang in music videos in the 80s. Yeah. Or rappers on comedy skits on their records. I thought Axel roasted a pretty good job in the Vembrane. He didn't hit her. Sometimes his singer can pull it off, which is why I think they put so many singers in movies. Yeah, there you go.

There's a good look at him. This isn't the right video I'm talking about, but it doesn't matter. It's good. What a goofess. It's such a good man though. Philadelphia. The birds. go on drugs. Yeah. Isn't that a little fun too? Yeah, that guy's got a little weird. Yeah, I don't care for his bopping up in there. So horny for a camp counts are now. That's just me who's made for.

Yeah, you really like this fucking idea. Like meet me behind the rink music. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's not for me. I always respect it. This is like roller. This is like exactly like a like a teen hangout, like kind of music.

But I don't want to do the thing that everyone's doing. I'm fat and insecure. And then a pretty girl comes over and tells me It's gonna be alright. I was just gonna say no and then we kiss and then she never tells anybody and then lies and says that I'm lying. We all have our thing We all have our things I didn't make out you you're ugly What and I go listen to this again and I go, we did kiss that one, Tom. This is, we have our thing that makes us dream about

when I was that age. This is how I wish it had gone. Oh yeah. This is like yours. That's why I love gangster apps so much because it makes me think of like when I was that age, I wish I was like that guy. I wish I was tough.

I wish I was tough man. Yeah, yeah, I wish I wish I was tough and like, you know what I mean? I try to go with the flow in school so much. I wish I would tough. Yeah, yeah, I wish I wish I was tough and like you know, I'm trying to go with the flow in school so much I wish. I would have been like I was just sitting there making fun everybody else like that girl pierced her nose with a safety pin. You fucking freak. Yeah, I was like I want to pierce my nose with something.

That is funny you make in front of that specific thing. I'm like I'm over here wearing a Fubu sweatshirt, like real people, cool people, though. Oh man, I had a lot of starter jackets. Oh yeah. They were awesome, but I did not belong in them. You don't even care about sports. I didn't do it. I want it so bad to be tough.

Did you get the hornets one? Everybody did. I had no, I had the Raiders one, of course. I had a Chicago Bulls pullover one. Okay. And then I had the Raiders one, of course. I had a Chicago Bulls pull over one. Okay. And then I had the Eagles trench coat, the black and green Eagles trench coat, starting, that thing was no fucking joke.

Nothing wrong with that. No, I believe I got beat up in that one. That's a nice, yeah. Good time, buddy. Good time to jump back on the Eagles. I don't know if you're hearing it all, even for the people. Are they still on defeat?

Not on defeat, but 12 and one. And they're killing everybody. All right. It's going to be a fun scene. Fingers crossed for this. Yeah. Yeah. This music really is and they are war on drugs, particularly, is like throw back to that feeling of music. But yeah, for sure. To tow the wet sprocket, I put on a weird amount. Although my Spotify or whatever the year most played things are, but I played tow the wet sprocket a while. There's a specific specific there's a specific period of eighties music that takes me back to that like that takes me pop.

Well, I mentioned it earlier that Smith song 110% what's the you know, you know, how soon is now whatever you know, there's like certain. Oh, love song by the cure. I had a love with the cure for like the last week or two. I'm out there and I've just been dancing around my house to the cure. I think it's not crazy. I'm, I'm, I've been listening to the cure too. Are you dancing around in circles by yourself? Yeah, yeah, it is.

What I'm doing. I live alone. Yeah, maybe I'm painting to it. Maybe I'm not. I maybe I'm not more sense It's not I I don't dance alone, but I I am at a point of having full conversations with myself For that now this song is awesome. I was intrigued with this video for this song I just think it was the first time I really saw how

What a weird old lady he looks like dude now he looks like wild crazy looking You don't have to do the thing still. Yeah, so much. You tell me doesn't have to do the thing still He kind of has to do the thing. We doesn't and then you see a picture of him regular It's like just looks like your uncle like dude. It's fine. He's like oh hang on I have to walk to the store. Let me hand slap some make lipstick on my face Hold on damn I gotta do my Harley Quinn. We need no 65 is still has still gone with the look it is insane his neck and head are the same exact width yeah I have to see him. He's such a cock It's funny that he that he gain like it's he's a funny guy to have gotten like kind of thick

We're just old and generally yeah, yeah, it's funny But I'm Marilyn Manson should a thumb in Louise love a cliff when they were in their thirties But even even like Cooper when Cooper when he I was Cooper when he does the makeup still it doesn't look as good But he's at least like so like then it looks like scary exactly what you have to do him You say I'll say to thousand times and call me hippocritic effect guy You got to stay whatever the thing was you were in the beginning Do you know I mean whatever it was you can't get this way. So he's doing No, no, no, no, you mean he could you mean because he got a little chunk of a stay

He'd had to stay the weight he was then for this to work at all. Axel Rose looks so crazy. I know. And he was so beautiful. I know. He was such a gorgeous man. And he just looks like hell. Well, he's so bad. He's like, whatever he's doing, like with Botox or whatever is what's, what's making it weirder to me. Everyone was talking about Simon Cowell changed his face and it does look pretty weird. Oh, let me see. It's pretty weird. Let me see. He seems like a melting candle. I don't know if that's the right description, but it looks bizarre. It looks like someone drew a picture of him and then Shrinky dinked it. I remember what Shrinky dinks would do.

Oh yeah, yeah. I can see. No, that's not what the white background worry smiling looks weird. Like right next to that, Evans to the left of the one you just clicked on. No, no, no, no, don't stop looking at 22. Look at Simon, type in Simon cows new face. Okay. That's probably close to it right there. But his eyebrows. Yeah, there. The sun, go to the sun picture. Yeah, that's fucking wacky. Oh. Oh God, I thought the one on the left was the new face.

I was like, he doesn't look that, ah! Ah! Ah! God almighty. Oh, that's crazy looking. Looks like a different person. Yeah.

Yeah. It looks like a Madame T sards like melting wax thing It looks like someone didn't do a good job making a wax signing cow Now does he just have after you get work done you have to let your face settles You do Tom Cruise went out Everybody like a plot at Tom Cruise because he was brave enough to go out public before his face was He's at like a baseball game like

Oh, Waxie looking yeah, he's got a Simon cow went right back to work. Yeah, like maybe it just in settle yet Yeah, yeah, that looks so good. I just rewatched Behind the candle, Laura the liberal Fantastic, it's an awesome. It's so great. I love it. But God, damn, dude, if anything, I, not that I ever wanted plastic surgery, but if anything was going to scare me out of it, it's the scenes in that movie where they're getting the plastic. Like when they actually show you them, like cutting around the ear and lifting up like the face, I was like, oh my god. I got out of that idea when I saw, that was the Vince Neal TV show

that was just about Vince Neal getting his head pulled back. And it was so graphic. Like you see Vince Neal's goofy fat face. And then like they pull his like, you see his skulls, they pull his face over his face. And they put it back up and it looks like a mask of of Vince Neal. You know what I remember? They show them like hammering like a mask of Vincenia, you know, it was so

They showed they show like hammering like a chisel into his jaw and stuff Remember the video the one viral of them operating on the baby's head and like they like had the baby's face folded down It was really freaky man. It's hot. Yeah, getting your face Cranked back, please don't put that on the screen. Do not put that on the screen. It's gonna give me nightmares. Don't give it to a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. The baby one, I mean, don't do. Don't be that way. Yeah. Um, yeah. I, I, whoo, dude, and it takes like, you're so fucked up for so long after, dude. Like, your, your whole head is bandaged up and yeah, you got to really want it. You got to really want to like, Stern. have Stern confessed to when he first came here?

He was like that he got his nose I think right? That Stern absolutely has gotten better looking. He did something. He did something. He made it when he came here. What is Jal? Adam's apple. I think Adam's apple taken down and he got his nose.

That's why I get, I understand trans women that don't, people are like, oh they're not committed to it. I'm like, no, I'd be like, fuck that like, oh, they're not committed to it. I'm like, no, I'd be like, fuck that dude. Oh, lobbing off your ding dong, that's a real commitment. Anything, like the restructure, if I was a trans woman, I just put lipstick on, I'd be like, this is as far as it's going. I'm not doing all that.

Like all that surgery seems horrifying to me. I'd let you chisel my jaw before I let you chop my wiener off though. Yeah. So, think about it. Dude, there's something about having anything done to my face that is very, very scary to me. Yeah. It's, it's scarier than than you doing something to my penis.

What's your identity? Yeah. Look in the mirror and you're not the same person. It's that, but it's like the idea of like you take, I don't take it. It's not for ever. It's off. We really seem to have settled on the surgery being like you take, I don't take it. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better.

It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better.

It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better.

It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. to see it's a similar thing too. What makes the face though? Like Joan Rivers had it toward the end she had it and Lil Kim has it now. Like what is that thing that makes it look like a line? Like where it makes you like puffy. Like it's like filler. Like injections into, it's like filler in the line. It's like so you have not, you don't have this anymore

or anything you're hit. So you have a smoothest face possible. There was, that's what when I worked at comics and Joan Rivers came by, that was with the Vince Director said he was not a line on her face. That was weird saying her close up. I was like, she's porcelain. Was it weird looking? Yeah, I did zero close.

For two seasons. Was it weird? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she's just like, she looks like a character. And- But she was sort of the first famous one to come with that cat face So now everyone just seems like to get Joan Rivers face. Yeah, god damn That's does the audience know Gil our friend Gil. Does the bonfire?

Gil's comming year before you have a Gil was a he was a Bouncer at the comic. Yeah forever friend of ours. No, just not that he had surgery done But I just remember one time hanging out with him when he was the Bouncer at Stanton, New York Patrice. God damn, Gill is all face. It's very face-y. He is in fact very, very face-y. Yeah, it was very funny.

Should we take our first break? I got some fun things I want to get to. And I know we have to take some breaks before the hour. Do we have 700 reads today? Yep, all on you, buddy. Oh, look at him. Try to impress the CEOs husband and here. We're lousy with reads. Just let her know. We're hanging out with Joe DeRose at Dan Soder. We have the plugs up. Bring up Dan's plugs. Let me plug some of his stuff. He had to anybody go to the shows in Brooklyn. I When how was it? Phenomenal yeah, you go to the second show. I went to the second show. Yeah, nice. What shows did the Bellhouse Dan this last weekend?

Oh, that's nice. Me. I was trudging through the most gloomy rainy time in California ever. Yeah, I was a Florida Yeah, I believe in you I Was in San Jose not doing great Really you're having a hard time I don't know if it's that room or the way it's like a theater. It was the improv Yeah, I've never played that room. I opened there once for Jake Johansson But I've never had a big theater fun. It's a big theater. And like, I don't know, maybe it's one of those things like, it's what I would tell myself when I play a big room,

it doesn't go well, I go, I think the laughter gets lost in the space. It's like going to make yourself feel better. Yeah, it's just damn high ceiling. Yeah, well, there only eight feet. It's like I'm murdering up there. Up there, I'm killing. Instead of straight to heaven's, I say,

do you have the plugs? You know what I was like, I thought that you were reading them because I was staring at them at the wrong computer phenomenal Is this my Yeah, toad Yeah, sure put this bullshit under my plugs Hey, let me hold your hair wrap a dreadlock for the shore back while you suck my weiner. I don't want a bunch of goddamn pansies at my show. What?

Everybody put on your khaki shorts and long sleeve button down shirts and come out. Come see me. Talk that shirt into the shorts. Dan Sotar's gonna be in Philly everyone. December 15th to the 17th, after that Sacramento in Chicago, on the horizon for tickets and all, tour dates go to dansotor.com. Joe D'Rosa.

By website's wrong, just to let you know. On there. Out of this. Sorry to, it's Joe D'Rosa in file, but sorry Jay. I want it. Tom Aswell. Joe D'Rosa's gonna be at the Crane Theater in New York City Wednesday, December 14th

at 8.30pm, one show only. Yep. I'm doing the New Hour in New York again. Just running it. So come on out. I think there's only a handful of tickets. I never promised you a Rose Garden. That's right.

That's your thank you buddy for remembering that. That wasn't on the fact you. It wasn't on the prompter. I like the name of that. If that is going to be in Austin, Texas, January 13th and 14th, get tickets at Joe DeRosa info.com. And of course this weekend, I'll be at the stress factory, New Jersey, New Brunswick, December 15th to the 17th, that's this Thursday through Saturday. After that, I'm off for a week, finally.

And then I'll be in San Diego New Year's Eve weekend me and Kim Kong then along with Jason Ellis Gonna be there for that with Indianapolis and Chicago coming up soon after that Sacramento also I think me and Dan only there a few weeks apart for tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjcomedy.com Skankfest also Sold out in four minutes already Vegas return Yeah, pre sale sold out today, so Ready Vegas return? Pre-sale sold out. We did pre-sale today, so we haven't done it all until yet.

Pre-sale sold out in four minutes, everybody. That's great. Returning to the great state of Nevada. That's a Vegas. Oh, man. Oh, it's a lot. It's a lot of Vegas. It's a lot of Las Vegas.

We will be right back, everybody. It's the Bonfire. Thanks for listening. Don't forget that the Bonfire. you