The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Who Fought Against Who? (feat. Adam Carolla)

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

Broadcasting legend, Adam Carolla joins The Bonfire and the guys discuss alcohol problems and day jobsStream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com@AdamCarolla www.AdamCarolla.com

And now the bonfire with big J. Ocroson and Dan Soder Series XM Faction Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder. That's big J. Ocroson our guest. I mean, I'm so fucking pumped Broadcasting legend. He's got a new book. Everything reminds me of something advice answers but no apologies available now Adam Corolla Thank you. Yeah, I just want to get this off my chest because it's a stream of consciousness Sure, just hopped in with my mind years ago people say what do I look like? And Jimmy would say Pete Sanpress with Down Syndrome. And I couldn't argue with it.

You know what I mean? I just couldn't. And neither did anyone else. But Justin Bieber with a little bit of Down Syndrome, see, people don't add Down Syndrome. They instead they go, looks kind of cross between this guy and that, no, no, just a little down syndrome on the future beaver if he had downs. If he can live on his own. DJ Lou looks like his twin brother with down syndrome. No, no, wait, not was it beaver what I say, Justin Timberlake. Oh, I'll think down

Timberlake. Yeah, down Timberlake. It's fucking aake. Timberlake. Timberlake. Timberlake. Timberlake. Timberlake. Fucking hey. That's solid. Yeah. I was taking the Bieber one too. You ever see that guy's pig? It's nice. Hebrew's hot, but Timberlake. Okay. Yeah. Justin Timberlake with just the little. That is the spectrum. The nicest one.

Not full blown. Arty Lang is functioning. Yeah. Arty Lang used to say I look like the forgotten Manning Brother. Like even more than Cooper. like the one that they're Yeah, no, I think I think it's about like then fucking out like downs downs Justin Timberlake. Yeah Yeah, they're like dude. Yeah, he had to stop dating Brittany cuz he cut eating her hair He's fucking hoaxing the hairs in her hair Yeah, I don't know launch has Jessica Biel how she had to fight off his fucking iron man like

Yes, you could regulate I don't know I can't dance cuz I just fucking feel like Spatial awareness is bad too happy It would work. Yeah, I think downs is the one to have because it's always known as strength and happiness Yeah, yeah, and I was thinking about this the other day, or actually I just was on a podcast I was doing, but I was thinking of myself. That's the new 2020 DOS is thinking.

I was on a podcast, you never see a Downs Center. I was at a restaurant, had the family with the adult Downs Center son in there. They were ordering, dad's got a cocktail, mom's got a cocktail. You don't see those people drinking. And my feeling is, is who better to drink? You know, first of all, if you're not driving everyone home,

there's no designated driver. You're not going to enjoy the reruns of Peppa Pig when you get home way more. And you're not flying commercial airliners. There's no test. No responsibility. Society doesn't really ask much. Also you could correct it.

You don't know, maybe fucking seven strong cocktails, and you're up to like, you know, I saw an episode of Gilligan's Island where he got hit on the head of the coconut, and he lost his memory. And the only thing that brought it back was another hit on the head of the coconut. And maybe it would start correct in the syndrome.

You go, you put a half a bottle of a card in this kid. You actually start to make a sense. Or how do you become the greatest, funnest guy at the bar? What are the health deep in the medical science they got before they figured out the first in the trial wasn't like doing it again and see if it fixes anything? They go, a simple fump to the head. Should we react to this man's silly brain?

Yeah, it's like my TV set, girl, now. Like if it started walking on you, it just, you get on the side. They still electrocute your brain as part of a way to quote unquote, help people. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, electrocute. It's still happening.

But through alcohol, alcohol therapy for people with Down syndrome. I just don't see them drink. I think. Oh, I bet there's Christine Lookup drunk Down syndrome person. I bet it comes up. Easily find it. Also, I think we're, well, that's, this, the internet is unfair because there's always look up drunk Down Syndrome person. I bet it comes. Easily find it. I bet it comes.

I think we're, well, this, the internet is unfair because there's always a few examples of something. I would say by and large, as a group, they drink less than folks who are able body. I think it goes down syndrome right above them, Jews, and then everyone else. Yeah, Jews are in a pharmaceuticals. Everybody started American Indian. We go Irish and we dip a little too. You can even go like Japanese, they get down.

No, but watch it. But the Japanese have an enzyme where they're like intolerant. No, this isn't eugenics. Like they get flush. Like they're not, they have it with dairy, but they can drink through it. So you might just push through, is that why, but then they get pushed through to where they're just naked businessmen in a fairytale drink.

Carry out the carry out here. Yeah, so I think, and now we're seeing depictions of drunken down. There you go. There you go. Yeah, I would actually say, I would disagree. I think, I agree, I haven't seen it a lot, but I bet The Downs and people like drink a lot when they go home if they don't have like a highly functional life

They don't drink like detectives though. They don't have like sad. I feel like it's you who's It's a silly drinks. It's just like nine year old fly Oh, I don't give a kid with anyone on the spectrum a capri sun trying to get that straw That bag will fucking I don't think they're drinking IPAs That's not yummy. Yeah, that's bitter adult weird They probably want like a spicy water as they call it I think they're going like Dackerie or maybe some of snoops like Cotton Candy Flavor vodka or something.

You know, it's got flavor to it. I think the rule would be if you have it on a Mexican vacation, it's perfect. It's right in the palate of people with Down syndrome. Absolutely. Yeah. Remember the movie The Other Sister? Yeah. How hilarious and adorable it is when a mentally challenged person gets blasted. Oh, so they start singing, they start malting the words that don't exist to marching band music. Oh, that was so great. What was it going like, 15 cannons? But what if it happens? What if they go too far in?

And then you gotta have a sit down. I don't think they understand. Yeah. And they would probably love an intervention. Like all their family and all their friends show up. What are you doing? You're never having a yacht away from the best day of my life. Probably love an intervention like all their family and all their friends show up Away from the best day of my life because what are you doing here? And they're like sad with letters. It's the easiest it's the easiest Intervention to get the person who's being intervened on the sit down. Oh my god. I can't believe he goes

Yeah, there's a pie in there and he goes okay, right? Yeah, yeah, easy intervene easy to get out of hand Probably won't yeah, but then it's like fucking Hulk with Loki if they go mad. Oh Oh I'll see you through a wall so ripping a family Once a while like in the running of the bulls you see one hops over the fence and gets out and just starts mowing people down People getting hung by their pants on it. Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim.

And if you just hear the audio, it's like the end of Grizzly Man, where he's like, no, no. That's why I would always show up to a down syndrome intervention with a flask of like, you know, peppermint schnapps or something, you know, and I could hold it out like this is an offering. And I see where you're going with that, but I think at that point they're too riled up. You need road flares like T-Rex and Rehassa boat. You need to be like, over here.

I really get their attention. And they turn into kind of weird that road flares still exist in 2022. Like being electronic. There's been a horrible accident, the fuel tanks punctured, their six cars. Once you get a stick with fire and it makes your control, it can't be square. A wind has to knock it under the semi-truck. It's like, we'll take all these stick with fire and we'll just spread them around the accident. There's no edges at all on a

fair. Every time a car buzzes by, they roll another 18 feet towards the dried brush on the side of the freeway. And they're not like easy to put out. You can't just like turn it upside down and put it, it puts out, it's fucking holding that flare. Yeah. Oh man, he's rumming candles for flares.

So it really puts out a nice show. What is, I want to know statistically down syndrome with drinking. I feel like it's five. under five percent. No drinking problems I bet it's significantly higher than that Well, I first things first a lot of them aren't really in charge of their booze destiny You know that's like getting your little brother drunk. You're saying to like your mom as long as you're going for the You know snack wells could you pick me up a handle of vodka too?

And she's probably not gonna do it. Yeah, the shopping cart, shopping for an alcoholic Down syndrome. And they're like the plus size family packet gushers and the handle of barbers. That's right. I need a roll of styrofoam from the sharp edges of my furniture.

And, oh, a newborn. Yeah. And some Captain Morgan. I like the spaces. from the sharp edges of my furniture and Oh a newborn Captain Morgan Dude yeah, there's fueling up someone with downs and then being like this is either gonna be real fun or real dangerous But I bet Christina you have any statistics on that I'm looking I don't even think they keep stats on it I got a laminate my car, but it's back in LA It's like one of those it's like one of those black shirt black cars. I mean, it's it for tipping and that's your eyes.

You're gonna be surprised, because autism is all the way up here on the alcoholism thing, Down syndrome all the way down here. Mm. Yeah, you got nothing else going on. Like your nights are lonely, especially if you're mentally challenged

and also understand that you get horny and can't really satiate that in any way. I can see drinking away that pain on a daily basis for sure. I could see where the booze and the horny intersection was problematic. Oh, for a fucking hey parents. That's a road flare rolling into a tank of gas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably good. I thought sister in a down syndrome drunk brother downstairs. I'm just gonna tell you right now. That's not browsers. Well, you're a hot sister in a down syndrome drunk brother downstairs. I'm just gonna tell you right now. That's not browsers.

That's more of a nightmare. You see the taboo series. White lightning. Yeah, K Parker was like, it was never supposed to evolve to this. Siss, you're pretty. Yeah. Okay, get out of here. I'm taking a shower, goddamn it.

Goddamn it. Your hands are strong. I could gorilla. When I learned from the taboo porn series is You'd have a difficult time eating your sister's pussy if you just talk to her about it But if you snuck up on her About a five second sin and she looked down she kind of go like, oh, okay the first time I was already eating my pussy My as well finish were eating the shit for this anyway. Yeah, dude. Well, that's like now you start seeing Do you see the Ricky Martin shit that happened? Oh, yeah, he's facing up to 50 years in

Puerto Rico, Parker's fuzzy Pretty old Stats dude, he's just I know it's going on. This guy doesn't even enjoy it. Now Ricky Martin was having a relationship with his nephew and got into a domestic dispute. It's incest plus he's facing Tio Ricky. He's no right. Yeah, we can't do this. You are at my Tio Ricky. Hey, listen, Babito.

Your diet told me to combine this would be cool, but they're in like a relationship, I think. Yeah. So it's fine. And that's where I say the damage that tab who did. Yeah. It made this kind of thing Okay, oh this is like stepbrother stepbrother stepmother porn. He's not gonna last long in prison That's levita loco. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, he is he'll find his market and then he's gonna play to them

Oh my god, dude the Latin Kings are like we're getting the hottest bitch of the game You go be a nice smooth boy but for one gang you're theirs and and they will protect you. Oh my god, dude He should do license plate frames. Or I'm for stickers. Just because that's profound. He's just, he's my Jack Handy. He just comes up with things. He's like, that's all.

So he, all right, wait a minute. What's illegal? He had incest with his 21 year old nephew. It ended a seven month relationship Uh-huh two kids and apparently the nephew broke up with him old Uncle Ricky didn't take it well Uh-huh and beat him up. Wow that would happen. He's getting like domestic. Oh, what's this got caught? He got beating up. Yeah, he like His to abuse domestic abuse and now he's facing in Puerto Rico apparently like incest is they're not cool.

Really? They're not that kind of. Oh, look who stepped in the 21st century. Oh, well, yeah. Okay. Why don't you open up your mind? Yeah, so it's not celebrated like it is here in the States. Yeah. South of the Mason Dixon line really.

Is incest with the nephew though, like a little light, you know what I mean? It's not sisters, it's not a parker. Is it a sister's kid? I don't know. Or is it a brother's kid? No, that's a big question. It's your brother's kid, that means it's fighting words.

Do they, is it a Puerto Rico sort of adds a few years for gay? Yeah, yes. Like if it's a dude and a young chick, not so much. You probably have to so much, you probably have to do like, uh, you have to do a confession. Like they're still that. Like religious. Like no, no, no, no. Right. You've tainted the blood of Christ. I'm from LA. So we have Mexicans, but we don't have Puerto Rican. So I don't know a lot about the culture. We have, we have, you're doing stand, though. We just, we did find out though. If you just

switch in each coast to that thing, it'll play the same. Just say that thing. Yeah, it's really just like anything I would say Puerto Rican and when I go to LA, I just go Mexican and then fill in the boy. Right, everything sad. We got it. Oh, yeah. But it's good.

I lived in Arizona for five years and the Mexicans here for some reason much smaller than the Mexicans in Arizona in California. Oh, really? There's, yeah, there, when I worked in a restaurant, they were all tiny. And I was like, where's all the guys that are my size? Maintaining here? Yeah. And not in Arizona?

No, man, there's always a good time here where they have to hide from the sun. I don't have to be away from the sun. The smaller ones are more smuggable. So they can travel further from the border, right? The range you want. Yeah, they go,

we're dropping off at Phoenix. They can't get that far without being Yeah, right? You're right. You got New York ones. You can get a baker's dozen Pop them open their travel size Like tick-tacks That's all this you think that's how the coyotes look at them. I think it's based on like you know like a Disney Land My head Mickey's arms sticking out. It's like all right. You're going to these cuz

Stretch You know, like a Disney Land where the Mickey's arm sticking out. It's like, all right, you're going to these cause a stretch. You're sticking, you're staying in Texas. Do you think you have one guy that weighs people like a carny and he just picks them up and he's like, said it in a Vermont. I am told, but perhaps I was sitting in the front of the van and he goes, can't have you sitting the god damn front of the van? Smug one, you dude.

Come on. You're getting paid by the head. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's only so many that can fit in the steak-bed truck. I got a card of eggs in the head. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's only so many that can fit in the steak bed truck. I got a card of eggs in the back. It makes sense. Yeah, practically, practically. But when I moved here, I was like, they're all tiny. And then I went back to Arizona and I was like, man, it's, you know, now, you know, why? Yeah, that makes perfect sense. And it's also good here because you guys, I mean, I'm no sociologist, but I can't explain most things. Yeah.

So, A, it's about height and smuggleability. It's a word you're looking at. Second. There's just a coyote right now and his truck smoking a black cigarette. He's not wrong. He goes, finally, someone made was able to verbalize it. There's this guy. It's really putting a fucking, this guy's putting on a spit on it.

I wish I could put down a book. The second reason is LA Arizona, these guys working restaurants, Arizona, a lot of closed kitchens. New York's got an open floor style. We can see through into the pizza, the brick oven and stuff. We need the short Mexicans hiding back down to the tall white guy back there working the pre-tuff

and taking the credit. Right, because if it's a Scandinavian place, you don't want to sing in Harry's and populate with Mexican midgets out there, cooking all the sling and all the hash back there. You want the one sous chef that's actually from Oslo. Right. Who's like a major dish? It wasn't 20 Mexicans.

It was the funniest when I found out that like comedy clubs, particularly especially want to have a nice menu, some degree, they do that they hire a chef to make the menu and then teach 18 Mexicans how to do it. Right. So, you know, yeah. All right, I have to go make a gist module in there. Yeah. They know all these like gourmet recipes, but that's it. One of the greatest parts of waiting tables in New York is watching a struggling Broadway actress lose her shit on some four foot nine line cook that has no power at the end of the dimmer shift. Or she's like, I ordered it 45 minutes ago.

He's like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I need it for table 316 and he goes, that's no, I'm not gonna, I need my baby. And she's like, and Rekane won't make it. He won't fire the dish. And she's like, it really won't make it. He won't fire the dish. And you're like, this guy's been waiting for this power. Says he got fucking smuggled here. Whoever says that 29 hour fan ride.

Where they gave him two bottles of avion. And we're like, just hold on. And he's in La Blanca. Yeah, I don't have it. Watching struggling actors when you wait tables in New York, more than like LA, it's everyone's in the business. But New York, everyone's specifically, like I was a comic, and there's a couple of people

that did other stuff, but they were mostly Broadway. And that's a different kind of actor than LA. Cause LA, they're like car dealer. They're like, they wanna schmooze you and be like, let's work together. I gotta say though, yeah, most everyone I was at the ground links at me theater stand up whatever they're all waiters and waitresses because that was sort of the you know the job but I work construction and construction I

dug ditches demoed out stucco you know like really crawled under buildings and dug for the coffee can and shit like really dirty grimy stuff. But if there's three of them and me, they'll talk about how back breaking and difficult and grueling waiting tables is. And they'll go, oh you with your roto hammer, blustin' out your footings. Have you ever had a guy whose nachos were so specific that wasn't enough? You're going to a steno pad to get it all and we'll be starting on drink orders.

And I have the numbers on you. They would gang up. They'd tell you about how and I'd be like, I didn't work with a soul, I worked alone, you'd be up on a roof stripping the tar for nine hours and go, you didn't have to deal with people. Like that was their, they were an idiot. Oh man. and go, you didn't have to deal with people. Like, that was their, they were an idiot. No, man, you're a biggest argument was they had to deal with people who wanted shit from them.

That's kind of the job, you know, people show off. Oh, they're madty to get stuff. They're mad for having to wait on people. They didn't like people, they didn't like being like ordered around. They didn't like bossy people. It's a specific kind of shit you gotta learn how to eat. But I would say you have air conditioning.

Like that's the mason dicks in line. Like people who work in the South at chicken rendering plants and stuff. It's not a lot of cool air blown into that. Air conditioning, when you work outside and you work tough jobs, like the kind of whether it's out there now, you're in this road crew or whatever, just the air conditioning alone.

It's a reason enough to one-up head inside. One of my favorite things that Adam used to do on Loveline was when you had someone a guest on that kind of did some work or whatever, that would work with their hands, you would always test them in a funny way when they'd be like, they never knew.

They never knew. He'd be like, what kind of screw do you use on that? You're framing a door. What kind of screw you use on that? And they'd be like, they would come in and be like, I like tools and you'd go, watch Adam just walk them down. It was Thai penning tin from stream homemade. Yeah, Adam's like a guy who's done everything and see you're listening to him and you're like,

he knows what he's talking about. I knew that guy was a fraud like day one and and they, oh, what happened? Okay, the reason I was, you look like a singer for the Google Dolls. I mean, it never made sense to me that he was like the man's man. They were as bad blood because they called me in to like audition for it.

Like, you're gonna host this show because I legitimately was a journewing carpenter and then I was a comedian. So it's like, I was the only guy that had the, I heard you read your income, the social security Income thing on the air several times. It's one of my T. I think the least fucking jerks off to rascal flat. See oh my god. Do you still got a flavor saver in 20-22?

So he was So I went in there and they were like oh Man, we got this guy already leading but we want you to be part of his crew And I said oh, I thought I was auditioning to host the show. No, he needs a crew. His name is Ty Penney. He's the funniest guy. And he's a great car, he's an expert.

Can we, what is your, what is your take more offense to? The, he's hilarious or he's the expert carpenter? I was like, he may be one or he may be the other, but he's not both. Nobody has a real skill journeyman carpenter type skill, and is super funny, except for me. I'm the only guy who does that. And it's fair.

No, no, he's super funny. And I just passed on the show, and he came on Love Line like five years later. And I asked him a couple of questions. And the thing about carpentery is, people go, oh, it's handy, but it's really, you have to know code, like an it's handy, but it's really, you have to know code, like an ailing schedule on sheer wall, you know, I know what the schedule is

that in the field on the seams, you know, doing layout two by four, 16 on center, 24 on center, like it's just a bunch of codes that you're talking, you're talking to a thing that Jay and I know I know for sure, but explain it to Dan. Oh, we both grew up without dad Doorways in residential houses should be free or six eight eight oh 80 inches six eight So feel sorry for any guy six nine because he has the duck in every residential house But there's just a bunch of standard stuff. So I was saying to tie like Give you know just tell me layout just just tell me whatever, just height on a door. I think there's thickness doors, interior, exterior doors, hinges, four inches on the exterior,

three and a half on the interior. It's like, it's all stuff you would know if you did it for 10 minutes, you would have to know all of that. He knew none of it. He was just new none of it. Was he just like, oh, I don't. He, he, the only person that knew Les was Kelly Osborne, knew Les about World War II, the type anything. You knew about Carpenter. You said Carpenter, you're gonna say she knew Les about Carpenter, you never caught on it. He never taught me how to lay a door.

He's like, just, just Ozzy at home gone. If it's just six, eight, you don't know, you're scheduling know this scheduling of how you nailed to the wall. And all the off-boards are for perfection-carpenters. Now she, if I had to put it on, enjoy some of that.

They're doing that. There's no display, really? I said women know nothing about World War II, and she said, I know everything about World War II. And I said, how do you know everything about World War II? And she said my dad was born just after the blitz in London, I don't know 48 or something and and he watches World at Warren I watch every episode with him and I know everything about World War II and I said okay Who fought against who?

who fought against who? Like, who's allied and active. And by the way, I don't, we're not going into Australian and Taipei. We're not going to get into Swedish game neutral. Give me the top two, the top three, top two on each side. Good guys, bad guys. She goes, that's a trick question.

It's a trick question. It's the beginning question to know if we should ask any more questions. And she's like, that's a trick question. It's the all, it's the beginning question to know if we should ask any, any more questions. And she's like, that's a trick question. She stood by our guys. I'm like, you do not know anything about World War II. If you don't know who fought in World War II, and she said, I'm an expert in World War II, that was a trick question.

I was like, I'm taking crazy pills. This is insane that you don't know this. By the way, I would say I would absolutely, if you were like name anybody else involved in World War II besides Hitler by name. No, that's it. But I think it's a genius way to get out of anything where someone's like, you don't know about that

and then I'm like ask me a question and then you go, that's a trick question. You know what I like, what? That's not a trick question. Right. That's just frustration you can't get. Well, here's the question, you don't Right. That's just frustration you can't get. Well, here's the question.

You don't know. I guess. Fuck this show, man. Actually, but it's like going, I'm an expert on the NFL. Okay. Who's Walter Peyton? Oh, okay. You're going to go for some deep cut for some of your guy who never played it down in the

league. No one even knows who that is. It was cut from the practice spot. Yeah, that's a trick question. You don't want to. That's true. That's true. The funny thing is ever a friend of ours, and their girlfriend

been together for a while, and we were talking about, I was like saying how like, Christine's picking up football a little bit over the last few years, but like, I have to just kind of re-explain the sport almost every year. Like someone with downs and alcohol, is it? Slowly pin him it up.

And I'll wait in front of those numbers. Dude, maybe Laffel Hawkes, he wouldn't let it go. Our buddy's girlfriend goes, she goes, oh no, I actually know football quite well. And there's him going quite well. He just couldn't believe she said that. And I think the first thing was just, how many points is it touched down?

I think she's like seven. He's like, quite well. I'm saying you know. That's right. All right, you're already off. And then there's like, and also the fault thing is, oh no, it's six, because then there's like the kicky thing. Okay. All right. You're already off. Yeah. And also something that falls off thing is, oh no, it's six, because then there's like the kicky thing.

And you're like, that doesn't help. Yeah, that does not quite well. What would be great about that is if she like had a bone hit answer on that. And she's like, in the kicky thing and she goes, now you're talking a soft cover too. You're looking at corners. You're looking at corners dropping back.

You got a guy reading half the field. You got to look at the middle line back guys. If that mic is not hooked to curl, pull things off. Whole things off. Stud and bass are there. You have to field. You're going to look at the middle line back to your eyes. If that mic is not hooked, the curl, pull things off, pull things off. Stunned, bass, or there, and shut the wind down. Now, I don't know if you're looking at the fourth position, but if you have them stunting on the line, you're breaking through it. Now, with the kicky thing, it is worth one point. You know where you can kind of tell the Mason Dixon on, do we know football is calling the

center the hiker? Yeah, that's here hiker or anybody that's juiced about him touching his butt. We're going to have to touch his butt every play. Yeah, I don't follow this word. Or they think they've arrived with an original homophobic joke about him, you know, titan. Why receiver that's never been done. Somebody should maybe it's been though.

If someone should write like an explanation of football for chicks like cliff notes, because there's gotta be a better way. I'm so bad at trying to explain when you get beyond 10 yards, it's first and 10 there. Yeah, they should, but like if you get like 15, you know what I mean? And it's like, oh, it turns over again to a first.

It's just like, it's very hard to see like, it keeps resetting. That's what I seem to have a hard time explaining. They should come up with that for women and then for men explaining all the real housewives. Like that kind of like a, just a, yeah, like a printout sheet, like a printout sheet where you're like, okay, we don't like her

because she did this. And then this wife did this, got it? Yeah, the other tell is when you're watching male or female, and the stripe that's imposed on the field for the first down, they think it's painted on. And they're like, how do they know if it isn't 10 yards every time? How do they know from where to put the stripe in advance? Like there's always that. There should be some technology involved in that at this point,

to make a perfect, to make a first down, never have to be measured anymore. It's on, and well, well, I have a chance, I don't, I'm gonna take a turn for the racial here, but we, it's like fourth down, it's a yard and a half, there's a minute and a half left, they're gonna go for it,

because they're just outside of field goal range, if they don't convert it, game over, no playoff, so blah blah blah. And so we have to go back and look and slow motion, see if the guys move the pile or push the ball forward or whatever. The ball's the exact same colors of dudes forearm. And the guy's got a big forearm with the exact same color ball in it. And just showing it again, like it's in the scrum. I can't see the tip of the ball become subjective. Either make the ball a different color. These guys got to wear like some pretty high gloves.

All the players should be white. You heard it. You heard it. Adam Crowe wants it all white NFL. Yeah, did it. They want a lot of people go kicking on that. Yeah. Yeah.

Rowsing game of nine to three. Didn't Lamar Jackson do that recently on the Ravens? He wore like a white sleeve on his arm. And then they put it forward and they were like, oh, that's a good idea. He'll do it. Whoever said it was like, that's a good idea. It's hard to pick out.

I feel like there has to be a technology that can say if the ball is crossed that point of the field. Like a sensor? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're going to get there. I mean, it's got to be here. It's crazy. We don't have flying cars. Yeah. I mean, we're going to get there. I mean, it's got to be here. It's crazy.

We don't have flying cars. Yeah. I mean, for real. So I think we could at least have no, we could do it. Oh, we could do it. I mean, we could do it like we could do baseball, you know, we could do it like an actual stretch versus a build on pirate. Yeah.

Well, yeah, human are is part of what sports is. But not in the, not in the, uh, I always feel nothing like the referee. Oh, that sucks. The referee can like change a game. I mean, you look at that, uh, when was that NFC championship game a couple of years ago, that passenger appearance called it and yeah, that cost them the game and you're like, that's fucking insane. Yeah, that's a human error that you can just watch back and be like, oh, I was wrong. Yeah, the, my biggest beef with the NFL is the catch and the guy lands on both feet and he starts to tuck it

and then the safety blows him up and the balls in the air and then they're like the review and they're like no catch. Yeah. And they're like why? He didn't make a football move. Yeah. I was like the ball was thrown to any caught it. I'm gonna tell you this right now every movie is made on the field. It runs up 434. That was more of a dancers plie. You know what I like? The post corner was perfect. It was just that he didn't do a little extra.

My thing is, all right, so here's my experiment. If the corner back was never born, would the guy still be holding the ball? Would it be a catch? Yes, because he caught it Yeah, and then he got blown up which is the most exciting play in football now. It's a live ball Yeah He caught it and then the guy timed it and he blew him up the idea that you caught it

Put your feet on the ground started to tuck it but didn't strike the heisman pose Yeah, you have to find that if you go, I then started thinking about going left, which is pretty important. So we're gonna have to sit down with a deep interview. See what this guy was thinking at that moment that he lost half his brain cells because that hit was so hard. The ball was thrown at 40 miles an hour.

You reached up, you caught it with both hands. And now you started to tuck it in and got crushed. That is the ultimate illustration of a football move. Well, now they're doing it with all these rules to protect the quarterback and protect the wide receivers where you're getting guys that are, their whole life is trying to get past this fucking mountain of a man and tackle this quarterback.

And now they're having to stop and tackle him specifically in a way where they're like, he hit the quarterback too hard. Right. They hit like Nick Bosa had a couple of sacks last year where they're like he was too mean we're gonna fight yeah there's some bad you uh your favorite sport if I'm correct boxing I like you see I like box I was gonna say has UFC replay I used to really like boxing on the UFC just took it over for me I like UFC is better in that they're no real bad fights. You know, boxing have to kind of wait around. Like I've heard of this guy, I've heard of this guy,

there's bad blood. UFC could be deep undercut, whatever. It's undercut. It's undercut. And it's, oh it's like, you have to see it's like, chicks in front of a bar fighting. Like, is there a bad one? I'm not going anywhere.

I'm not getting into the Uber till tell somebody's extensions could pull down. My old roommate, if you want to get into boxing, live with an older Italian man. I lived with Mike Vecchione, and I would come home, and he would be watching. He was so into boxing, he'd be watching like, triple G's interviews from gyms. Right.

So he's on YouTube, so you walk in and you think he's being, he's watching like ISIS videos. Right. Because it's just like screaming in a language I don't understand and he's like, triple G's getting ready for this fight. He's pretty good and you're like, this isn't mainstream at all. Boxing used to be the thing.

And then now it's like you gotta go watch weird YouTube videos get caught up on who's good. I don't even know. Genetic, galovians. They're fighting. They're supposed to fight, he's fighting Canelo Alvarez again. Oh really? I think they're doing a third match. Yeah

Boxing runs ab juda time Yeah, he was he was it is it is kind of a thing where if you look at boxing versus martial arts or Mix martial arts at UFC or whatever. It's just it's just kind of more of the same It's like you like fries. Yeah You're like chili on your fries. Yeah, there's some cheese on that. I do. You want some jalapeno? Keep going.

We'll have more of what I like about fries. Joe List had this great joke that he did for a while where he was like, you have see, is like they watched the WWF and they're like, we're just gonna do that for real. And everyone's like, oh shit, they're actually doing this for real. Yeah. It's such a wild thing.

And I'm an interviewer talked to like those UFC guys. He said Mickey got Mickey go along. Oh, he's got his gang's last week. And like I see him is such a guy. He's a friend at this point. Yeah. I know him pretty well. Um, and you're still can't get my idea around the like, on my brain around the idea that at some point he walks down a thing like fight a guy who's as trained as him. not more or something. You know, I mean, like it's such a weird, uh, boxing was scary also, but like, uh, like with the gloves and everything, it's just not quite unless you're, you said you're getting like, there's a devastating like Mike Tyson, young Mike Tyson's where gloves met nothing. Right.

Almost before the most part, like, you know, it's not, uh, I mean, I know, I know, over the long term, it's like more damage because it goes longer. They say where that without that argument is, but like, but yeah, man, fucking UFC is so much more. Well, yeah, although I think the scientists then on UFC and the years are coming for that, because they're always like, it's not as dangerous in the long term, because maybe it is. I don't know, it's not good for you. UFC is a lot more exciting in that when you'd watch fights and You'd see the first couple of rounds and you'd be like oh, you know

Larry Holmes is on his game and his jabs working and this guy's got no answer for his jab You know text cops got no answer for Larry Holmes or whatever. It's like. It's gonna be a long night Yeah, text cops are gonna eat jabsabs and crosses for the rest of the night. And it usually kind of goes down that path, you know. It's almost like a football game or like when the Patriots were at the height of their powers and they're playing the cults and they score the first three times.

They get the ball and the cults kick a field goal or something like, there's nothing they're gonna do. So we're just gonna watch you turn down the clock. UFC is, that guy's eating jabs. Uh oh, that guy's on his back. Now, oh, he's now, he's got his legs up on, oh, he's doing an arm bar. Like, he's in so many ways to lose.

Yeah, and then somebody uses that. Also the female, like the female UFC is actually legitimately like a good watch and entertaining a lot of the times. And, like female boxing was, I mean, you're already putting those feather fists in now into a big glove. No one's going down ever. Right. Right. I'd rather watch a slap fight between children. It's insanely long and boring. Is there any girl boxing that wasn't the decision? Has it ever happened?

Also, just now with like, when you see fighters and you're just like, they know how to do so many things. Cause you have to see originally, it was like style versus style. And now everybody's just fucking shit up. Everybody could choke you out or beat the shit up. I do miss that. I mean, it is. I mean, Jvers is a sumo wrestler.

Yeah, it is the mix. Yeah, it used to be, it's that guy. It's kickboxing. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great.

It was great. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was He doesn't have the keys for every guy. You have C1 and he just has one glove on. You're like, that's so fucked up. This guy has to fight with a glove on. He doesn't have to. He chose to.

Yeah, everything of that time was you could chose to do it. You could wear a key. I don't think so. You could wear whatever you wanted. Yeah. He chose a boxing glove. There was a Canadian guy, possibly my favorite guy of all time, just white trash, were a cut off shirt and karate pants and just fought like a son of a bitch. That's the key for whatever guy, possibly my favorite guy of all time, just white trash, wore a cutoff shirt and karate pants,

and just fought like a son of a bitch. It's the Keith, whatever guy, right? You want to kick the sumo wrestler? No, that's a different guy. That way a guy had a shaved head. This guy was like, you know, I'm thinking of, I know you're talking, you know, you have C3. Yeah, and he would just fucking elbow,

and he would hit in a way like, you'd fight like a child, like a giant child. He was like your karate teacher, they would try to fuck your mom, and he's like, he's still with your dad. He could throw in a child like a giant child. He was like your karate teacher. They were trying to fuck your mom I think she's still here dead You can throw into toss toss in a couple of cents a robber. Why are you here this morning? I came off like payment for your mom for your karate lessons black belt waiting for you out in the car Check see if it fit

Hey, champ. I was bringing your black belt over. I was complimenting your your windmill style to your mom. She says you're really progressing. I was talking about the way you cry whenever you get hit slightly, is it actually pretty awesome. I got some technique for your mom called Jackson, Jackson. We're gonna go upstairs to Sensei Rob's dojo. Why don't you?

I ain't gonna leave your shoes on. That's fine. You can disrespect my house gonna leave your shoes on You can disrespect my house leave your shoes on The best thing I ever saw in the UFC is I hate guys with long straight hair and ponytails because I'm kind of jealous Like from junior high and there's a guy who had that long blonde look like G. Smith the band leader Blond, it looked like G.E. Smith, the band leader from the best of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. G. Smith and the Sarah Knight lot came out there with this big Blond ponytail, back for the Ed Rules, and the guy fought just

grabbed that thing like a fucking piece of Samsonite handle. You know, I just grabbed it one and he never let go. Like imagine, you're fighting with a handle on your head. That's every girl fight. A handle, and you just grabbed it one and just start throwing knees while he just took the ponytail And it's like I was like every bad day I ever had and junior high for be called a chufro or brillo head Or I

Wapped open like it's like so I have my champion I have my champion yeah, it's awesome. that's fucking hilarious. We got to take another break Adam Krola's new book everything reminds me of something advice answers, but no apologies available now at Adam Krola.com And now back to the bonfire with big J. O'Cerson and Dan Soder me welcome back to the bonfire serious XM facts to talk 103 I'm Dan Soder. That's big J. our guest Adam Corolla hanging out uh been awesome to have you on the show we're talking off here you know I had to bring up the fact that I boredop love line and that's got to be a point with with people where you're like do you get sick of it

ever you're like I can't it you boredop love line no I you know in a way when I do interviews or I talk to people and you know they go, he did this stock and that moving, he posted this and created crank anchors or whatever, I kind of sit and listen and go, oh that's cool. Yeah. That was me. Like, it all feels like a dream from a million years ago. Yeah. And in a way, it exists, but it doesn't exist because it's kind of on the ether.

You know, it's not reruns of friends or the office or something. It's just you talked, it went to the ether, went to someone's ears. So they only, yeah, real chance to like market in territory or in history. Is your young ears remembering it? Oh, do you know what I mean? You know, Jay was, Jay were both talking about how Jay would drive up to New York from Philly and catch the first half and then drive back and catch the second half of Loveline And I remember coming from open mics and Tucson being late to KfMA being like can you start Loveline for me?

I got up late at the open mic and I'm fucking hurrying back. Do you have a, do you have a guest that you hated the most on? I mean, it's gotta be someone. And you know, you know, like the whole back too. I mean, the show was like so well, if someone was a dick, you could tell them they were a dick, right? You like be holding to anybody? There were like bands like random bands, like blur and the cowboy junkies and some weird bands. Oh, what was it? The darkness?

I remember the darkness. Yeah, they're like one calling, they're like, we don't suit the thought to do. They should be the lead. They would get up and leave and stuff. And I was always hoping they would leave because it was just like more mic time for me and we were just in the stupid bands.

I hated the guests, you know? So like I would have things like, God, I'm thinking, oh, what's his name? The guy killed himself from like Sound Garden or a- Oh, Chris Cornell. Yeah, was it, no, it was before Chris Cornell, was it another- Like a park?

No, it was another one of those Seattle grunge era. Wayne Staley. Yeah. Yeah, Alesson Chains. Right. And so Alesson Chains, he kills himself, you know, he just stale just kills himself and then the lead guitarist can't think of his career. He can't control.

He comes on like a week later. He's like, I cannot talk about the suicide off the air. And I go, all right, but I can't guarantee someone's not gonna call in and ask about. And he goes, well, then I'm out. And I'm like, okay. And he's like, no, if somebody calls and brings it up, I go, well, I can't control that.

So if they do, then you're out. So why don't you just be out, you know? Yeah, also they're definitely going to. But I'm weak after. And I just want, I completely respect what you're saying. I can't control it. They're gonna say they have a question about, you know, breast milk and then they're gonna ask about

the suicide lead singer. So I can't control it. I respect you, you may leave. And he's like, okay, I'll do it. And he comes in and I was, I hated it. Because for me, it was just, I wanted all the mic time. I I could get it and I didn't want to share it with the bands. I think I'm also a guy who barely wanted to be there. There was a lot of, yeah, there was a fair amount of that.

I was doing press at that time. Um, I was a weird time to do press. He was working for 1-800 flowers at the time and forced him to go out. It's going to actually have life. It's fucking Valentine's Day in a week. And we got to pedal some roses, motherfucker. Yeah, get the fuck out there. I can't remember why he was there,

but he was there and he didn't want to talk about. So it's like, it goes on, but you know, don't ask me about it. Right, right. Anyways, I wrote that song. I'd rather not say. Yeah, just doing that, just curbing. He gave it to me.

I'll call you, not ask anything about Kim Kardashian. I can't talk about a big old bot if he goes, how big are you going to go out and go out and go out? I don't, I don't, I don't, and be like, I'll call you not ask anything about Kim Kardashian. I can't talk about a big old bot if you guys have me on your line. I don't. I don't. I don't. It was like it'd be like Monica Lewinsky can come on. But only if you talk about her handbag.

That's like, what are we going to do? What are you? Yeah. I you know what I say to be all of a time? It's more distracting. Yeah. No, no, what's the difference between a clutch and a hold on purse? Take your time. Be honest. Walk to be the best

thing. Really walk me through. Is the best example of that always that classic, the Billy Bob Thornton. Oh, he is, I got to want to talk about the acting. When you did the movie, whatever, he's like, what did I say, man? I said just about the shitty music, right? I, it's like I said, it's a bigger distraction. Yeah, not, you know, look, if I broke up with my girlfriend and we were friends and I went over to your house

and I was like, just don't bring her up. And you're like, you're molested by your uncle and it's Thanksgiving, you know, just, before the sal and comes out, you know. What did you put in the stuffing this year? You know, it's me, Ricky Martin. Please don't ask me about it. Having sex with my nephew, please.

I just want to be here for this king's in year. I do not want to talk about fucking my nephew for seven months. And being jealous when he broke up with me. VZ different. That's levita loco. I made sure I got two levita loco jokes in on Ricky Martin. We have to go, because you split up the commercial time.

52 year outs. Okay, hell yeah. So we used to be on Comedy Central Radio. They didn't give a shit about us. Which was bad, because they would never promote us. But it was good. But it was good. We can go an extra hour to the show if we want to. I mean, we go 15 over. But now we're on a real radio station and they're like, they dump you at 52. Oh really? So we have to find out when it is because sometimes we have a great conversation and then it just shuts off. Yeah, apathy's a double-edged sword. Yeah, really? On one hand.

Like, my parents were very apathetic. To me, growing up, and people go like, what was your curfew, or when did you have to? Or do you ever get in trouble, forget being a D-stune? I was like, no. But I never got driven anywhere. And I never got cooked any meals.

But it was a kind of two-way street. You know? You can learn how to deal with the fucking hungry man's that you're cooking up yourself. I didn't mind parental apathy. I really didn't. I really was like, okay, to be like, okay, cool. I can kind of go do my thing and like, my mom had focus. I didn't really necessarily want my mom to show up

for like school events or anything like that. No, no, I didn't really care that they weren't there at my like baseball. I really didn't, I was just thinking that I can kind of like, I'm not, there's no pressure to it. I know we don't have a lot of time, but Joe and my mom started dating my dad's ex-best friend. They were just, they were just booze up and complete parental apathy. At the point where one time I came home from playing in a football game and my mom's boyfriend was like, where were you?

And I was like, what? He's like, you look like you're in rough shape. I'm like, can we just lost 49 to nothing to mullin' And he goes, huh? And they just, they didn't even wonder. If you wonder why Dan needs therapy, though, it's because also in that same week, they'd have to wake up early on a Sunday to go watch his dad's best friend. Now, piping his mom go swim in a dope in over 50 swim. And the master's really, dude, and this guy was good. Really?

So I had to like, I was cheering against the white Mueller. I was cheering against the best guy, who was just cleaning the clocks of these other old men. And he's got the added thing of, he's fucking my mom and my dad's ex-best friend. It was like pure villain. He sliced through both, like echo the dolphin, by the way. Just cutting through water.

He was an alcoholic. Oh yeah. But yet he got a Berlin got his training in. And it's like one of those, yeah, like Mickey Mantle's an alcoholic. However, he would also, but they would, you said they would sometimes come to your games, but only if they had a thermos of this.

That was when I was in middle school. When I was in middle school, they'd go to my, my pop Warner games and they'd bring a thermos of rum and coax and they would just get tossed by like no. That makes me laugh. So I would walk home carrying my helmet with the pads and just having them drunk fight in an argument on the walk back to our house.

He's holding a glue cooler. That's the one. I picture the one you put and they have the spikin' on it. Are they really? They're really white spikin' on the top and then they're... Wow. Yeah. Yeah. the one where you put, they have the spiket on it. And they just point out, are they really? They're big white spiket on the top. And then they, wow. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't judge like they do now.

Like comes to like day drinking back then. No, alcohol running through the day. Yeah, dude. And it was also just the thing. It was like you had the friends who both parents smoked a lot. You had the boys. Yeah, the ones that were alcoholics. Like you had the ones that were religious and kind of weird.

Everyone picks that up pretty early because my friends in middle school knew like we can steal some of Soda's mom's booze and she didn't know. That's right. I did know. Because they saw my recycling bin. That's when recycling started. Oh right. And they would see the 175s of SoCo and they'd be like, oh yeah.

That's one lady. That's called a tell. Yeah. Call the tell. Call the tell. Call the business of a tell. You really tip in your hand here, Trish. We should bring this full circle by getting a bunch of Down syndrome folks

to do an intervention for your mom. Dude, watch her fucking clean their clocks, dude. Dude, that would be awesome. Just that would be so adorable. She couldn't leave. It's like leaving a fucking room full of teddy bears. Dude, Trish, you make Downs head. Yeah, yeah

What else is going on? I could tell you the weather from every day since I was born Hey, Trish, watch this. I'm going to use my head, so you can control electricity. Adam Corolla's new book, Everything Reminds me of something advice answers, but no apologies is available now at AdamCroole.com. You're a legend, Adam. I'm a huge fan. This was awesome to have you on the show.

Oh, man, it was fun. And he's only going to be on Legion of Skanks, just a recording episode of that. That'll be it on Monday. BigJComedy.com. He's going to be hosting the nasty show at just for laughs at the end of the month go to big J comedy dot com For tickets. Yeah, uh, Dan Soder gonna be at Tacoma this weekend check it out Dan Soder dot com We love you guys. See you. Oh Jacob thanks for the wrong count cool. Good job. Jacob now. We look like Jacob's

Three to one and over here. I'm over here bearing my soul to Adam and then we're like yeah It'd be a good hard out like an ass as a unit. You learn nothing from running the board Oh my god, you know I'm failed well you guys know as we always say seconds left Jacob now it's 10 Dancer dot com com I remember to always follow the light of Jesus Christ. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM! Thanks, Sam!