The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Who Wants Houseguests? (feat. Ricky Velez)

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Ricky Velez joins The Bonfire and helps Black Lou with his houseguest problem!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com@RickyVelez Ricky Velez: Here's Everything is streaming now on HBO Max!

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Series XM 103 Faction Talk, I have it. Joining us right now of course is the Larry's Ricky Velaz's new special here's everything streaming now in HBO Max stream it got so excited for you and proud of you when I

saw that they did in New York the fucking yeah the fucking the concert posters that's the dream. It's made me very happy. You go to New York and you just see or a bus side or something like that you had you had yours on the There's home booths. What's what's funny about mine is COVID hit and they didn't move it Sad for they're like in the phone booths and stuff. There's still some of my I went to the hospital to get my fucking When I got the vaccine I was like ordering a lift and I turned around and under spray paint

I was like that's my face that's weird so that they paint. I was like, that's my face. That's weird So that they leave it up HBO gives it shit. Yeah, no, they're great As far as promotion goes like Netflix Netflix will throw you up in time square for a day and be like they threw me on two billboards in L.A That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember in LA There's like anytime someone gets an HBO special you'll see it like wolf was the one I saw. I was like driving an LA and I looked up, I was like, oh, there's some show with this fucking billboard, which is awesome.

They gave me a Dan at billboard in LA once. Conno week. And they never talked to us again. Comedy Central, Comedy Central, when Comedy Central launched this show, they literally were like, back when we're on Comedy Central Radio, they were like, yeah, we got you a billboard and then they kept it up and then a week later

was for roast battle. You're fuck us I guess they needed space Yeah, they go guys Nikki might join the network But we started asking things like hey guys kill you less billboard and maybe I don't know working equipment and they were like Fuck you dude. Well, they like did shit for mine that like I've never even seen before like the they were like spray painting the floors It's awesome. That's awesome. That's like that's kind of like that smart They pay kids Everybody has bad like they pay kids posture everybody's looking down at their That's a fucking genius strategy. They pay kids the grill a market

It's not I started seeing that in history a years ago Someone would go at the bottom and do like on the bottom of the subway stairs when you're coming from the elevated platform, it would be like either comedy show or restaurant special and you're like that's fucking smart because I'm reading it. Yeah, HBO is good with their marketing. Yeah, they know what they're doing. They definitely know how to get you to work. I'm going to put a poster of mine above roadside memorials for deaths. That's pretty awesome.

What's that crucifix for? Oh, chase freedom. Why is there a bike with angel wings and a crucifix? Wow, why are all the why are all those teddy bears around that crucifix? Oh look a How many special I'm actually gonna pay to have people promote my next special at funerals And I was a good man. Oh, I thought you'd do it on the open part of that. Yeah, that's a shame. That was the most Latin thing Ricky's ever said. He's like, just put it in the casket.

You can just have it right there. Like, it's fucking serious. Everybody takes pictures with the body. Yeah, I would prop it up. Prop it up, have him watching the special. Then when you close the casket, it was a bunch of flyers for black shows. Yes.

Fucking nobody. Oh, no way. Stuffed in and went, it goes, all right, Matt. Oh no way. Stuffed into it and it goes, all right, Matt, come on. Oh, 2D the 2, it's gonna be up to him. True phrase, he's all your show. I love Cory Holtkamp. Yeah, Brooklyn Mike's here.

Yeah, well, we were talking to you in the commercial break because you're a father. You have a young child in the house. Black Lou. A big though times flying too. How old is he? He's three, man. He's in school. Really? Yeah. Does he come back telling you who he doesn't like in school? No, he's always really happy.

He really likes school. That's not it's private. He's not. Yeah, it's not just gruntled like us. Yeah. I don't know. I came home from school pretty sassy at five. It's like this bullshit. I was excited to be done school for sure. But Black Lou has, they just recently bought a home, they have a one year old at home. That one's Black Lou. Yeah, I don't think bottom right. I don't know if you thought bottom right was Black Lou. That's actually Jacob.

That's the one who doesn't respect your heritage. Black Lou, as a, Black Lou as his sister-in-law lives in the house, right? Pays rent. Wants to know if you're a marine boyfriend. She's 23. She's a 23 year old red, though. Yeah, so it's like starter, it's like starter kit.

I didn't know the age. Christine kind of ran the story by me, and now I'm... Blacklue, she ain't paying a third, that's for sure, right? No. Okay, then you're good. You better cover a third of that mortgage. Did he see anybody die at war? Well, that's a big great question. Fantastic question. Not not that I know I've seen as he seen action. Did your wife who loves this kid so much ask those kind of questions?

Yeah, hey, I'm sorry to bother you before you stay ever. Have you killed a man? Have you ever referred to it as greasing Hodges? refer to it as greasing Hodges. It's so I'm gonna need you to really tell me. He's like, what? I noticed in that picture you have a headband wrapped around your helmet that says die towel heads. Have you brought that energy? What have you been losing in this huge queue flag?

I'm living room the next day. Hey, Lewis, I want to let you know I think you got a lovely home and just in the time we're in when that election got stolen he's like oh shit Shit Ricky brings up a good point even think about this guy might go fucking full bone alt right on you man Dude, I didn't even think of that alright I was thinking of him having a PTSD nightmare and then that just becomes an action it becomes a horror movie I cannot wait is he a white guy? You come out of a shower with a towel on your head. Yeah, dude an action if you have to horror move. I cannot wait. Is he a white guy? You come out of a shower with a towel on your head.

Yeah, dude. It's just a little too humid in the living room. On a hot afternoon, bet his doc better, better not scream out lock bar. Is he a white guy? Super white. He wants to also become a military cop.

Oh. Well, they think they can move out your house and live cheaply on the military base. super white he wants to also become a military cop Well then they think they can move out your house and live cheaply on the military base Yeah, great proof and that's a problem. You don't want this problem in your house. Oh my god He's gonna bust your chop smoking weed in your own backyard Here's the issue though my wife and sister-in-law are very progressive Yeah, so when I asked him like oh, that's cool like you made him you met him that's great did you tell him I was black yeah like no he didn't think to mention it because what does it matter it what it matters that's crazy the black guy in the house goes yeah bring that up please fucking bring that up okay that's my favorite he goes any goes wait that wasn't your husband's

assistant he just comes in and he's like's like that was the handyman and you're like, no, that's that's Lewis And he's like well when I was a very young Never gets like teenage like late teen years. I had a buddy who was like Black friend and he was like yeah, I got these two girls coming to hang out I'm gonna have him come around and he goes all right these two girls are coming to hang and I go they're black girls And I go just tell him when I was white and he was like, what the hell is that man? And I go, buddy, it makes a difference.

It made a difference. Yeah, it was something like a thing. Yeah, he told them they were like, oh yeah, I don't know. It's not a good thing. He smells weird. Yeah, it did not turn out well. If you're a, I mean, you're a father.

Yeah. Do you shoot this down at the exception? I don't let people in my house. Like, I've let you in my house. I trust you. Yeah. Big J. I'm not going over.

I don't know. I was also, I do. It was actually pretty awesome. I was filming difficult people and then Ricky lived like a block away in a salon. He's like, come on, ring your high. And I was like, but it was really fucking cool because he was dressed like an old man. So I got to like, that high with old get high. And I was like, but it was really fucking cool because he was dressed like an old man.

So I got to like get high with old soda. Yeah, I was dressed. It was all buttoned up and they like you know made me look like an office asshole. It's just over there. This look like I was like, oh, this is a very nice place. So it's come over in a very stoned way. What are you filming? Difficult people that Billy Eigner, it was a show on.

Oh, okay. I don't know. Who was that thing you do with Alec Paul the one oh you mean my stone cold killer boy Don't talk shit won't get shot You don't give a fuck now as movie called drunk parents. This is all right. Yeah, this was like a I just did this one episode of this TV show And Ricky live right by there, but you say you know that people like to stay your house So it's but I mean like it's also just like your house.

Especially in my house, let alone strangers. So I think you're making a mistake, Lou. Well, he didn't say yes yet. He says. But your house, especially when you get it to where you want it. You know, I know your girl, your wife now. So it's like you guys, you're a family now. Everyone's like making, so your house is like you like your things

But also just like you like you like your couch. It's not just the couch you have you like your stuff So there's how big of a house are we talking about man? You got a nice house. You got a nice house now. How many bathrooms full? We've got we've got Three full bathrooms. Okay, so three full bathrooms. Okay, so there's room. There's rooms, room. We're not sharing a bathroom. Okay, so it's not the room's not the issue.

It's the sense of just like if you, he's already got her living there, kind of doing her the favor, the sister, the sister-in-law. You just gotta take this guy out to dinner and have a conversation with him and see if you're comfortable with it. Exactly. The comfort is gonna be,

if Luke wakes up at three in the morning and wants to have a bowl of cereal and is Fucking this guy's painting like a wall in his kitchen. Yeah, that's fucking great He's the thing you Luther's gonna light and you just see him open his eyes. Yeah, so he's painted. He's painted blue No, I'm saying more like it may be I'm being pit and it pick you on this I'm saying at three in the morning, you're doing just your own thing. You don't want some guy just walking through.

Lose two old to want that. You don't need my baggage of whatever he's bringing with him either. Yeah. And then you just wanted to sit there and play candy crush. Yeah. Well, it's a manager. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's what he, that's, no, we brought that story.

He said his manager. He's like, he's a manager. that's the reason why he's letting people My house black blue black. Blue use that story to his wife. He used that story to a show I was 100% agree with it. Yeah, he's like they've came with it. It's got fucking murdered murdered murdered by somebody That was a by the way who also go into his home who also was not trained to be a killing machine by our government All facts. Yeah Black blue trained to be a killing machine by our government. All facts. Yeah. Black lieu, this is what you've been waiting for all this time being an interracial relationship marriage

to put your black foot down right now. Yeah. Here we go. This is the dream of Frederick Douglass that a black lieu manager would kick a white bomb out of it. Either it's that or the new version of Get Out. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there's just an old white guy around here. And when they tip these, they get out of here. Get out of here. Yeah. Blackly, we find out it's just been his wife's grandfather for the last three years. Oh my god. Oh my god. I can lock the, I can lock the, what?

So I go ahead. No, I'm saying it. It isn't to live though. It's just a couple nights a week. I keep drinking it as it's to live twice a month. It's a twist. It's like can her boyfriend come spend the night for one or two nights twice a month?

You're making a concession. I will say this in her defense, we live on the top floor. She lives in the basement. I can lock that floor completely off if I want to. And they can't get to the kitchen, which would suck, but I would still go to sleep. Well, you have to make your shoes dick or food. Yeah. You go on flipping the switch and then you got to choose the chicken.

On Wednesday, she comes up and grabs her rations. And then like a squirrel. She goes and forages and this comes back and she's like, all right, this is enough protein to get me through locker In the basement like I like the seal slut that she is yeah also. I mean yeah this guy's coming off a base ramped up Oh for sure he's still gonna see he's gonna see such annoying things of mean sex. He's trying to get. I can't fuck. Get him. Fuck.

Get him. This is for your freedom. Get him. Get him. Hey, you guys have any rations that just ragged out your sister-in-law? You guys got to eat one of those calls. What are those army meals called? Like CPAC, they got like a name for it.

Oh, the one's the... You eat in space. Yeah, some water on. I forget what they're called. You guys got some beef. Oh, strogan off you. You pour some water and you're eating beef strogan off it of a bag. What did you do before this? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't for sure I don't know what their problems now maybe just loves this country you dealing with an abusive father and those army army meals are called MREs MRE is you say sorry what's going on I'm gonna grab some MREs from upstairs sir is a canteen yeah I got a little out of water sorry I took it to your sister in law sir everything sir sorry I fucked her brains out sir. I'll tell you why a bit military fucking it's a uniform clapping sound for the entire duration. That and a lot of ho- Yeah, ho-

Yeah, ho- Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. This leather neck, simplify, I'm about to pull out and fucking put my freedom all over your tits miss. Finishing. Miss is all, it's all stern directions. Miss, I'm about to fuck your pussy good Can I pull out I need you to look at me alpha omega delta Hotel yeah, I'm about to come

Side you do that dude, that's I don't know. I'm kind of on board with letting him in for the weekend if you can lock the basement Yeah, so you could tell me and come over but he has to stay in the basement that turns into something Yeah, that is like comfortable. Yeah, it just keeps coming over Then you let's you like them too much and then then and then you got then you got the whole airborne 82nd second just in your back. There goes. He's joining the military. It's cold this weekend. You can come up this weekend. We have a couple of frog men coming over for dinner.

You guys want to do some recon in the neighborhood? Oh, making your pasta sound. It's going to be the bomb. Oh, we're going to eat beans. Yeah. We're going to eat beans and some MREs. We're going to troll the neighborhood. See if we can find out. Yeah. We're going to sleepers else.

Don't open the can all the way, cause you need the bend back. And the militia, I mean, the guys are real cool. Yeah. Black loser's coming on the show with some different ideas. You guys, I don't know. I just think maybe, you know, the government's gonna come from my guns.

Yeah, he goes, if it's not Trump's gonna be the next guy. What? What's up? What'd you say? You guys better get ready to scrap. My new brother-in-law was telling me China's fucking itching for it. You guys have TikTok on your phone? You better all be better and fucking delete it, because they're stealing all your info.

Yeah, it just sucks. It sucks that she lives with you. Yeah, it just sucks. Anybody living with you that isn't in your direct family's tough. I grew up with my mom's sister living with us and she was a hippie and it fucking sucks. Is Lou here at home? He's at home. That's his own studio.

Oh, that would be cool to just have a marine here and there on the show though. Oh, that would be awesome. Just jumping in. We talked to you real quick and he's like, what's going on? What's it look like over in Kabul? It's like it's a fucking nightmare. Alright, thanks. You watch football. He goes, God damn right, it didn't. I stood for my anthem. Like what's going on? What's it look like over in Kabul? It's a fucking nightmare. Really? All right. Thanks. You watch football. He goes, got damn right.

It didn't. I stood for my anthem. He's like, all right. Khan Capernick. Sure, he's still being the NFL. That's the first question you asked him. That's how you you've met him. That is a good just go. Khan Capernick. What do you think?

And he goes, no touch on the ball. Got figured out by defensive coordinators in this third season. And you go, this guy's all right. Dude, take him to a local sporting event as a bonding, and then you just take a knee during the national season. And see you guys. Football is so military too.

Well, what's weird is it wasn't. I went to a Jets game and they like had power, always dropped down onto the. That's always been it, they love that. They never show that on TV though. That's just for the fans. The flyover they did. The flyover they'll show on the TV though. That's just for the fan the flyover. They did the flyover

They'll show on the Super Bowl the flyovers always fun because really I've noticed you're just cheering for the fact that they didn't bomb us They just flew right by us and they're like Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Well the fly by the 15 could have made things real and on the on the field I saw a guy miss at a Denver Broncos game when I was growing up He was coming in and the two guys it was windy and shifting and the two guys Corrected and went on to the field and then he fucking went up onto the sidelines and they're like It was fucking so funny to watch because you know they come in all big dick swinging like yeah Look at but the wind and Colorado fucking hit him and they're like

And the guy just went for I mean even mean, he didn't land in the stands, which I was hoping for. He just hit the sidelines fucking. That didn't great. By the way, I wasn't at a Jets game because I liked them. No, okay. Okay.

Hey, you can admit that. My friend was playing for the other team. Yeah, you're like, I know fucking I'm a Jets fan, whatever JET is. Just to the fly over, the fly over in Philly, they did for the first game of the year. It's the only stadium where the fans throw cans at the jets going over. No, it's not the same.

It's not the same. No, it's not the same. It's not the same. But the flyover was timed bad. They try to do it at the end of the national anthem. Yeah. So they end the whole of the break. And then it ends, the song ends completely.

And then about 20 seconds, easy of dead air. And then it was like, it was right over the state, they did like the little off and they were like, oh, I'm just gonna caught it going by. I got like, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down Can they, is there a kitchen, everything down there? We have a full bar down here. So there is water, there is a mini fridge.

Oh, but there's no kitchen though. It's not like a separated has an apartment. It's just like a bedroom she's down there. There's the bedroom, the main room. She has her own full bathroom. Can't just go living up. There's no stove, but there's a microwave. Tell they show. Tell him to start a fire. This is pretty nice. He goes, I'm burning some of

her clothes. I fucking pumped the hole inside of the wall. We got to air for the smoke to breathe. Yeah. He's got a pig cooking and he's eating it with a knife like Rambo. He just picking it off a knife. He's like, you ready for more loving? You're son three years old. Yes. You ever think as the older he gets, you're going to want to move out to have like a backyard more space. You guys thinking about that? We're staying in the city.

I don't know. I like my place a lot. You're plus awesome. But do you feel like as he grows up, he's going to be like, you know, as he gets bigger? Well, I think we're fine there as long as we don't have two kids. Because you're a city. You're a city kid. I'm from Queens, but I didn't live in Manhattan.

For a long time, I then believe people lived in Manhattan growing up. You thought just where businesses were. Yeah, you're like, no one's above the Dwayne Reed. And then now I'm like, a little boob Dwayne Reed. It's pretty awesome. I finally lived in Manhattan. I mean, in July, I finally moved to Manhattan. I was like, damn, all right.

This is what all the hubbubs about. He's just good. Nice. Dude, not having to carry a book bag is the best thing. It's amazing I leave what I don't think about that where you can just buy something and bring it home and then go back out It's crazy. I'll do that. You don't have to have every dollar. I'll go I'll go from my apartment here and just do the show And then be like feel naked when I leave. I'll be like where's my back? I don't need it I don't need it and and being stuck in the city doesn't. You have PTSD. Yeah, backpack.

Yeah, BTSD. I got backpack. Trauma. It was, yeah, but I feel like with a kid you'd wanna, I mean, you grew up pretty much in Queens. Yeah, but we travel enough. There's also a different kind of interesting life for a kid like in the city though too.

I get some experiences that like, you don't get the offer. Do you have any driver's license? I got rid of it. But you had it. Yeah. Were you growing Queens? I grew up far. I grew up so much further than a story.

Yeah, you grew up on Queens Village. Yeah, which I've been the Queen's Village. Yeah, which is like Hollis Hills, Queens Village. Final stop of the F-Train basically. Plus a bus. Yeah, damn. There was a bus boy that I worked with at Dos Caminos who lived in those own park.

You worked at Dos Caminos for five years, dog. We worked there together. Wow. Yeah, dude, there's a bus boy that I worked with at Dos Caminos who lived in Ozone Park. You worked at Dos Caminos for five years, dog. We worked there together. Wow. Yeah, dude, I always said it's like mediocre service and food. Hell yeah, it is. It's Mexican food brought to you by white people. Don't forget the guacamole God as Christy Maria Evans. Yeah, $14 walk.

Yeah, which crazy is when I got hired there in O7, Dos Caminos was kind of cool, which is weird. It went downhill as I worked out. Probably because of me. They're all shut down now, except for like one. There's one on Park Seal going. I'm not trying to impress Ricky on Hispanic heritage, but it means two Caminos.

So he's bilingual. If you can't tell, two comedos. But growing up out there, you got your license when you were 16. It was more. Oh, really? No, no, no, no, no, no. My parents didn't let me drive until I was over 18

because I couldn't be on their insurance. Oh, because they just, I was reckless. Yeah, just fucking. I wasn't allowed to drive till 21. I wasn't allowed to sleep outside the house until I was 18. Did you want to drive right away? Yeah, and I was driving without a license. It's like my friend's car's in shit.

Is it Bella? Yeah, it's Bella doesn't give a sh- No, I don't care at all. She doesn't care. You have friends that drive though, right? Yeah, but now I live in Brooklyn, I just take the train, but before that, I had friends who would drive.

Yeah, I had that for a while too. Damn, that's crazy. I mean, I was chomping at the bit. I had my weight to drive. 15 and a half, I already have my learners permit I was ready to do like I'm able to like get around my neighborhoods. Yeah, a lot different than you Yeah, I mean I grew up in the suburbs of Aurora. I was just in LA with no license. That was brutal. What's he's Ubering everywhere Right. Yeah, were you a bike around town kid? Yeah, you were young? Yeah

But I never came to a city and if I did it was like an event. Yeah That's always crazy to me Like the kids that grew up when you came in a man hat when you were young was it like a big event Were you like oh shit going into the city? Well, no, we had a lot of family in the city So we would visit them a lot. Okay, but they're all Hispanic family She won't misspell Ricky's name in the computer She won't miss Bell Ricky's name in the computer. No, she'll mail it.

Yeah, that's what we always think about that, because I remember growing up when you go to Denver, you'd be like, ooh, but my dad lived in San Francisco, so I'd go to San Francisco and be like, oh, this is a real city. And then I'd go back to Denver and be like, look at your little cow town. And by the time I was older, I was like, oh, we're going into Denver. That's funny. Dan would come back from, you'd be a sassy gay bitch coming over San Francisco is look at this little cow town

Sorry your little green belts aren't half as fun as the Castro district you hillbilly's don't understand the need to dance I was in the tenderloin just Dan being the culture of Colorado Zero culture of Colorado it is all over the gay player Everything come back for you dad's and Sam, just come back full of just little sass. Why don't you guys put a little more color in your outfits? Oh my god, who's dressing you?

Blosset, blosset, blosset. I am ready to get out of it. Mom, what's up with this cuisine? Just like every time you come back, you come back. It was good. How lucky. Ricky's already very cool in the stylish and then married a stylist yeah Ricky's wife styled me for my HBO special she said it was their most difficult job she's ever had I would do it she goes I

want to charge more if I knew the man hours is gonna take yeah what's funny is what I'm doing do I have like a green shirt and nice jeans and she was like this and I was like perfect. That's all it was. I tried on like three things. I was like, I like green. Do you have green? I just remembered this moment that last night on Legion of Skanks. One of Kim's Kim Conglins first big laughs was we were explaining. Ari has never seen Wizard of Oz. We never, Ari's never seen Wizard of Oz we never are he's never seen with us we explain it to him and we're showing a little snippets of the thing and we're asking you was it was that's a tone of thing but when they brought

the Wizard of Oz it was such like you know the Wizard of Oz the projection of him with a thing is a very big head and she was like at dance or is it a fault it's casual fucking kill that's funny you know as someone I live the big head life. So I know I'm gonna take it. Oh, yeah. Do you know where you could fit in? I live the big head growing up. Did you? There's always the same size.

It's same sizes as it is now. That's tough. Yeah, I grew into mine too. And I don't believe Ari hasn't seen Wizard of Oz. He just says things like that. He's just being a provocateur to me. Maybe he said at the end, he's like, you guys believed that I didn't ever saw the Wizard of Oz. Oh, really? Yeah, do believed that I didn't ever sell the Westerner's. Oh really? Yeah, I

didn't. So fun. Somebody that looks so similar to the flying monkeys. Yeah, you got it. You see where people are referencing. Hey, what when we, like me not seeing so I married an axe murderer. I know about the brother with the big head. When we broke down the Wizard of Oz, I will say it was pretty fucking crazy. That way we never overthought. Like again, you know, like,. They did the thing with karate kid where if you look at it from a certain angle like Actually Daniel LaRusso's kind of the asshole the situation comes videos. Yeah, where they do like a read they do it Storytelling from the bad guys perspective. Yeah Dorothy's house lands on the wicked which of the West's sister kills her kills her

Then takes her shoes so that was the way to pull up the door he's hooded she goes did you kill my sit did you take my sister shoes you know you're just telling me the plot of wicked yeah I was just thinking that is that what that's what it is you took her shoes no wicked's the whole story telling of the wicked wicket wicket witch of the east You just hear her story about how she hates Dorothy. Why she hates Dorothy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure, but she says about taking her shoes also. I mean, it's such a person move.

Yeah, they really listen. It's some hood shit. She goes, yeah, who's red shoes of these? Give me his best. Oh, sorry. Your sister shoes were my size. Yeah, my brother took her shoes. Yeah, you nice ass bitch.

Give me your sister shoes. Also said the idea that the wicket Which could just killed her right then and there when she met her and then she was like I'm gonna get you and kill you later Like first embark on this journey. Yeah, that's not kill you after that was always one of my favorite jokes in Austin powers is when Seth Green was like we've got him. Let's just get a gun and we'll shoot him He's like no, no, he'll be fine. The sharks are gonna get him.

And he's like, I got a gun in my room. Come down here, shoot him together. Father and son activity, he's dead. The guy, the dwarf hang, the midget hanging themselves in the background. It's pretty creepy. Wait, what? That's a big thing. It's old wives tell me, but it looks pretty weird.

It looks pretty like they say one of the midgets hangs themselves in the background of the Wizard of Oz and you can see it on One of the guys is hang cut them down. Oh, they were so much it's just scissors Much like Jacob's argument. it's like being number 87 and a 100 person human centipede. No one over thinks it. Dude, I don't know man. Saying, there's like guys, just one of the munchkins has died.

One. Guys, there's dozens upon. It's like eating a M&M. Yeah, there's plenty of. You're gonna lose a few good midges out here. There's a couple of M and I'm left in the bowl You're fine. I want to watch Vince Neil fall off stage. We're all performers. I want to see this video I've been waiting for this video to be not having enough time. It's Pablo Francisco. Ask

I can get out of this Dude Shane I can get out of that dude Shane makes me like what it's always that he keeps saying, I watched this morning, I was showing people, I was showing Dave Temple this morning at my house. When he keeps saying, what's that, what do you get? Shane does the best impression of it to me because he keeps going, okay, okay, you think I can't get it. I'm getting it. I bet you can get this. What's that, sir? There's always some guys saying, you suck. What's that, sir? Yeah. He's never stopped saying, what's that, sir? But remember when he falls off during that thing when he reaches over, he goes, Oh,

thank you, man. And he just falls off the stage. Vince Neil the same thing. It's just a complete erasing from the picture so fast. That's like Kelsey grammar when he walked off stage. Yeah. And he's like giving us speech. You're there, you're not, you can see that. When did this happen? Vince Neil recently, we could go maybe two or three people. We love to watch people fall 71. Okay, yeah, 71,000 views of him just eating shit.

It's the most exciting thing to do. It's always on a plane when somebody hit the ceiling because they're balanced. And they didn't have their seatbelt on. Didn't have that they were walking in the aisle. Oh, you've never seen somebody fall up before. I've always seen that on the movie, quite.

No, it was awesome. get back down and we like laugh I drink I drink on flights. Yeah, and I fucking couldn't hold it in I lost it I would have to see somebody go up I think I think if I would have hit and landed I would have to do the superhero landing when I get up hit and landed I would have to do the superhero landing when I get up. You stand out the one hand on the front. Well, the hit landing so that's the same. That's why those, you ever see when they do the prank, it's a shitty prank but air

bagging somebody under their seat to a low ceiling. That's why it's funny because the low ceiling also has to go, like they just fire up and straight down. Dude, it happened to me, it happened to one of my boys to the fact the masks off from this. Damn. Damn. Are you still not afraid of flying? No. I'm very afraid. I do it every week and I'm terrified. Still. I love it. I fall asleep.

That feeling of the plane knocks me out. I go to sleep. I'm not afraid like where I'm not like holding on. But like I still, every time I get on, I'm like, I do a thing where I'm like Terabillance whatever and then if it keeps going on more, okay Yeah, I said go like chill out. Mm-hmm, chill fuck out, but I don't mind flying I don't say let me take a little peek over it the flight attendants We're coming back from San Diego. We're coming in we're coming into the clouds and it was like

I was like oh I I'm doing a bit right now about how this guy, and this is true, I did this benefit in Boston and when he was gonna fly, you should take my jet back to New York with me. I was like, yeah, I showed up and he was the fucking pilot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll see if Delta's open.

I'll take a fucking Peter. You did? Hell yeah, you're like, I'll take a Peter Pan bus. Buddy, I was the newest episode of 2020 is about a guy who got his women by Say like hey, you want to fly around New York with me? He was like a long island guy Doctor and he would just take him on like fly. I know you can just do that Maybe there's an 80's thing. I don't think you can just do that today. Just like well. Hey, what a fly Now yeah, but that's how he would lower his chicks

and they'd all be in tones. He would just fly them around like some guy. Well, where Katie lives, like she's on, she's high up. And so you can see Manhattan. And there's, it's by a helicopter thing. So all day you just see helicopters going up and out. What's out there to see him all day? Yeah, on the east side.

Yeah, it's fucking crazy. On the west side though. Yeah, it's like a lot where you see it really like, who's all these people flying in fucking helicopters? Oh, on the, yeah, on the West Side. On the West Side, a lot of helicopters the other day. I think Sunday there was a lot of military looking helicopters.

Yeah, those green ones that come in, they fly like this. I saw that during the pandemic. And that's the only time it kind of, COVID scared me was when New York completely shut down. And then I would look out and everything was quiet except like three major military helicopters flying. And you're like,

those black trucks were scary. Yeah, they're like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. How much did it feel? The world just catch and move on from things like that. It was like a year ago. There was a black truck just wrapping. On me and Chris, all off the street. On me and Christine Street.

I mean, on me and Christine Street, Christine Street, we were on the police block to there was like, like, like, like aggressive protests going by constantly helicopter lights, like going on, like, every day, and like cars on fire. And you're like, I love because my building got looted. But how, but how funny is it that it just so quickly goes back to like now you walk them, you work in it, people get like laughing at an outdoor cafe Tech talk and just having a great time. Yeah, I just like biking around the city and stuff and who it's getting a little chilly You get like it's done that as a dude. We were like fucking Bay Root It felt like a year ago like everyone just accepted that too

It goes we're taking the streets to burn flip cop cars at that time. I would have moved to lose military man Like get in here flip-cop cars at that time I would have moved to lose military man it's a man fuck my sister he's not my wife you're on the top level all going on the basement you locked the door you let me know what it's safe and a key breaks out you wouldn't mind having a 23-year-old marine in your house underwater demolition take the shot take the shot

let's watch Vince Ne Neil fucking eat shit so fucking shot out Vince Neil guy. I waited on it does come in us city not very cool Not cool got very Very drunken didn't this well. This is the price you pay how lucky are you if you paid money to see a fucking Vince Neal solo show not Motley crew That's insane. Let go let go of go your past I mean he's doing a solo show so he's trying to get everybody to clap along it's probably not paying attention he's breaking his own wrist clapping trying to get him to clap along with song they don't know yeah come on you remember this is my third solo album

remember this is right when Jeanine Lyndon Mueller left me Yeah That's better than you off the front of a stage. Yeah Have you I was drunk enough at the seller one day where I took a like a whoo, okay I'll tell you what I have done. I've drank. I've gone on stage not even drunk I should say say like stone even enough where like if I'm on a stool on a stage, it's like not rickety, but not like a very stable stage and sit on a stool that's legs aren't thing like right away when you sit on the stool you get that like it just moves it all.

You put your feet up. You put your feet up. Yeah, you're like, am I zero earthquake happening right now? Why is this moving? Oh dude, I falling off stage. I've never fallen off for fucking tall stage. And then his guitarists come out and be like, seriously, he actually fell, that sucks. Like, can you help him? Guys, pick him up!

Can you play the volume on it? For the old guys, there should just be like a role-pins down there. Jesus. Woo! Down there. Jesus. Whoa! Oh, awesome. Right here, right here, you guys speak it. Whoa! We're back dudes. Bob and the fellas are truth. The truth is it's found and broke ribs when he fell.

Oh, shit. He can't believe it. Oh, shit. He can't believe it. Oh, shit. He can't believe it. That sucks for a ill-awesome and he's so excited to be here. And shit Do they really believe very progressive? Do they really really believe that Vince Neill was in the back begging to go like you broke

ribs you go I can get out there I know they want to hear stuff from animal magnetism my new EP that just came out. There's anything I know is they want to hear a guy who can't say saying. He gave a bunch of guys that have the same hair cut. As all the women, everybody has all the same haircuts. Vince Neal got victim of the, didn't cause as much of a problem, I guess, for Ozzy, but Vince Neal got wrapped up in the early reality stuff. Oh yeah. And just way too young of a man,

even though he's old for a rock star, way too young of a man to just like, he televised like his facelift operation. She's like, I was was on VH1. So I figured it was called, but it was like, they carved him, they fixed his nose, they did all this stuff. And like, so we had a plastic surgery

all done on his face. And it's like, right after that, you're like, I don't know if you could take, like Motley Kruehlig, you have to go see him on like a, you know, it was like a fun nostalgia thing. You know what I mean? It's like his days are being cool at all. You're like, hey, you showed us too much. Yeah, dude, trying to be cool, hold on to sexy and cool

when you're, when you're old. Tommy Lee still looks cool on stage though. He pulls it off. Yeah, who does it in comedy? Yeah, cool and old. Yeah. A tell. No, we're saying sexy and old.

That's the guy that's trying to still pull the sexy. Paul, sexy and old. That's a, that's trying to still pull the sexy. Pull off sexy and old. Just for the guy. That's a Christine question. Jeffrey Gurry. Yeah, the Gurry. It's just out there. Tommy Lee's finally starting to look old, huh?

Mm-hmm. There it is. Jeffrey Gurry. That's the best answer. Oh, that's the hottest. Dude, still my favorite thing, maybe ever in comedy, was when I, Jesus, when I was opening for a a tell I think the first time a Caroline's ever and I didn't know who Jeffrey fully was yet. Yeah, but a tell was that in the lobby with me for a minute and in Jeffrey

Works and he goes great dog the bounty hunter And it just made me laugh so I need to just walked off 100 year and it just made me laugh so he's he's walked off Fuck I tell rule so who pulls off sexy and old good in comedy? I don't think he can't a Sebastian He's not really old. Yes Russ Russ Maniv oh, maybe maybe Russ Maniv he is hot. He's gorgeous Dane Cook did before all this and he got surgery though. He went the way of the surgery, which... Yeah, he went the way of the blade. Yeah, he went the blade.

Did he? Yeah. That's facts. I don't know. I mean, bring up Dane Cook's face. If he did not be... Well, Dane Cook has like, pock marks, dude. No, that's not the issue.

I mean, you can see like, that's... That constant surprise look. There it is. Look at that. Yeah, his head's turning into a refrigerator. It's going squared. Yeah, you're... No, no ice, no ice trays either.

Oh, it's so weird you see the difference in that, yeah, from his age. That's fucking a lot. It's so young. I mean, it looks like father-daughter. So, who's gonna come off sexy? I'd like to nominate Greer Barnes. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah, I start thinking black or black dumb crack.

Kevin Hart? Kevin Hart? Yeah, he's in his 40s though. I mean, where he's like 41, maybe 42. Oh, I thought he was older than that. No, no, he's two years younger than, or he's a year younger than me. Because we were in 1918. Come on, answer the question.

Which comic would you bang, Jay? Oh, me first. Say it, Jay. Who would you let inside you? Um, there was, I don't see him around the comedy anymore, but there was my am's. Fuck was this the Andrew Kennedy? Remember Andrew Kennedy?

No, Andrew Kennedy. These are the guys that got the night at Gotham, the really pretty one. God damn. He's falling off completely. Josh, oh, Colin Kane. Yeah. Colin Kane. really pretty one god damn he's falling off completely con Josh oh con can yeah con can oh was he older now con can I don't know I don't think he's that old I've heard he's a road nightmare story yeah he's one of those guys you know when you go on the road do you always say I love asking the clubs who are the people every time on first I want to know I'm sure I'm listening. When I meet them.

No, no, no, no, no, no, I've never heard your name. When I'm hearing your name, what's these? I tip really well. Yeah, that's why. That's the biggest thing. If you're not, if you don't run the staff ragged and tip well, you'll always be loved by a club as long as you do your job.

I've heard that's my first question on Thursdays. Yeah, who do you get a lot? Honestly, Amanda Seals is the one that I hear the most. I've heard her. Harry Spears. Harry Spears, Eddie Griffin. I used to hear a lot. Now mostly it ends up being mostly as it's to YouTube people.

Yeah, I think YouTube people come in like, they're already on their high horse. They're not kind of like, they haven't been trying to get this level for years. And like you got there and you're like, I'm the headlight. When they're like, oh, if you want something that's not on the menu, we can order you from somewhere else. I'm like, you shouldn't do that for me. Who the fuck am I?

What are you saying? Do you know what I mean? Where are these things? When I was two people come in, they're just kind of like, did you guys get the rare tequila that I've had? Did it happen to me at the Arizona, what is it the comedy Not house a comedy not the other one the other one tempi improv other one stand up

Yeah, and I was following My Lee Cyrus's Sisters podcast oh And dude, so I just walk in the green room. It's my show now Yeah, they were supposed to be 5 p.m. To something and they went way over and they're not even done and I'm in my green room. I have nowhere to beat. My cr I have no where to beat. My cr I have nowhere to beat. My crouch outside. So I walk in and just start smoking a blunt. So I walk in and just start smoking a blunt. And then this guy, he's like, yo, can

I hit that? And it's like this guy. That's just so L.A. Like, like, like, like, beautiful man. He's like, what's up, bro? That blunt looks super cool. No, or not He didn't want to like dude. What was in this? He's like yeah, it's um because when you I think when you come up through the clubs, but they had a makeup artist in the room and everything Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy I always make the joke that like when I half sell a room I'll be like guys don't worry piff the magic dragon's coming next week. Yeah. Let me go for it. I feel like when they have someone coming on Sunday, because you know, we don't do Sundays.

Yeah. Come back. So like when they do have somebody, sometimes the book, those, I'll give those, if like the room was like, after you're in the back, I'm like, sorry, don't worry. Uh, fucking the juggling, whatever. It's going to be here on. But it's all, oh, shit, we we gotta go. Damn, that was fast. Make sure you check out Ricky's HBO special. So here's everything streaming now on HBO Max.

We love Ricky, make sure you check out Big J. This is good. She got his poster with that immortalized. Yeah, that body. Dude, I didn't realize Norton had done it already. I was so upset. He showed it to me, the minute I walked. Yeah, but you have a nice, you know, lean body.

Yeah, no one looks like that. you know, lean body. Yeah. No one looks like the, remember the thing that escaped from the bin in the revenge, not revenge. Night return to the living dead. Yeah, I know it's a guy. The naked little bald guy that came out of the thing. Well, make sure you check out Ricky's special. Here's everything on HBO streaming right now, HBO Max. Big J going to be in Cleveland this Thursday through Saturday.

Go get tickets at bigjcomedy.com, dancoder.com, I'll see you in Portland December 2nd through the fourth. We love you guys. Cockcrackle. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM.