The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Wipe Your Own Bum

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

Bobby reveals a family fact that he should be embarrassed about but is not. Jay dives into the Kevin Spacey documentary that paints him as a monster. Jay revisits the time that authorities were called on him for disciplining his daughter. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. This is off the DJ Lou playlist. It's a nice, calm, cool groove to get us into it. You heard it in Vegas when you were off the Sea Pearl Jam. Where'd you hear it? We went to a club. Really? Yeah. Off the Strip. My friend lives in the desert, so he knew all it? We went to a club. Really? Yeah. Off the strip. My friend lives in the desert, so he knew all the places

where the locals hang out. It was like a dance club? No, it was like a lounge. Yeah. Yeah. You just kicked back, drank some drinks, and took in some De La Soul. Yeah.

On a little mushrooms, chocolate mushrooms. You took mushrooms at Pearl Jam? No, I didn't want my rhythm to be off. Oh. How was the Vegas show? It was unbelievable. It was really great. You liked the new songs?

I love them. Love them to death, yeah. Did they play predominant new songs? The first show, they did a bunch, but the second show was Greatest Hits. Oh, two shows? Yeah, yeah. Where were they at?

MGM Grand. Not the Sphere. Not the Sphere, because it's a makeup show because the whole band caught COVID in 2021 two shows. Yeah. Yeah. Where the sphere because it's a whole band caught covid in making up for it. Oh, okay. MGM. Did you already have one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Holi

flights first time. No, I Ooh, I never think to do t flight. Who does that? Do the hit. Yeah, I never think to do that. Insure a flight? Who does that? Do you? No, take the hit. Yeah, I've taken the hit. I think if you insure a flight, it takes away money from you. It sorta does.

It takes away, it's... How much is to insure a flight? It's not even that crazy. No, it's like 10, 20 bucks. It's like 18 bucks or something. Oh, shit, I'm gonna stop doing that. I fucked up. I know.

I feel like since COVID, they just kinda let you fuck around with flights though. Totally, not anymore. No. No, they're back. Just like landlords and people selling houses and everything after they are now, COVID's over, fuckin' pay us. And pay us what we didn't charge you then, by the way.

And the government's going after people. Are they? Yeah. For what? Because they gave out all those loans. Oh yeah, yeah. And people just took them. And the government's going after people. Are they? Yeah. For what? Because they gave out all those loans. Oh yeah, yeah. And people just took them. And you're supposed to pay. Oh yeah, they were loans.

Yeah, they were, yeah. You're supposed to pay your employees, supposed to do certain things with that money. And some people just bought yachts and shit and houses. Oh really? So yeah, they're going through. Because you know know yeah, I I'm I'm I'm the people on the smaller level that got like the PPE loans No, that's not you had to own a business for a PPE loan right you own a business

Yeah, yeah, you get it. I got a PPE loan. I think did you I did yeah, cuz I own a business pay it back Not you ink, baby. No cuz I got us. I didn't get I got a small loan. I got a little tiny love We got to turn off Christine's microphone. Yeah, perfect. The typing was through hard. Fucking with your ADHD. It really was. I can see your head, you look like a rat looking for cheese.

I didn't know who it was. So I tried to have a conversation with Max. Huh, huh, huh, huh? How's Max, still committing hate crimes this week? Did he stop? Yeah, he quit, quit. Okay, good. Yeah, he got through it, got through it Did he stop? Yeah, he quit. Quit, yeah, he got through it. Got through it.

Just a phase. He was doing his free Palestine. He was doing from the river to the sea shots with the golf clubs. Aiming. At a synagogue. Well, he wasn't aiming, he just. God guided his ball to the synagogue?

It was, yeah, it was Allah. Allah. Allah, he was doing synagogue. It was yes Allah Allah Trying to hit a free Palestine Wow Oi, oh you've a oh you my head Helen You live right by a synagogue. It's an interesting place to be. I love it. I love it. Why? I don't know.

I like that the, right behind us is the synagogue. You think it's gonna, I mean it's good or bad. It's good. That means you're- It could be drawing issues at some point, at some point keeping issues away. Well, it's better than a liquor store in a deli. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. By the way what a clever way to say better than black people to have Jewish people. Hey better than a tamale shop at a fucking check cashing

place am I right? Yeah. It's better than the OBT and Bargain Man bookers. Hey it's all better than that stuff, right? We're gonna have Jews and, oh, I don't know, better than screaming in the streets and protests. Yeah, it's better than getting really expensive cologne for really cheap from some dude on the street. It's fake cologne, though. No. Yeah. No, they steal it.

They steal it from Macy's and TJ. You know, they get the, dude, they're stealing everything. I think there's also like a bootlegging business too, where it's just garbage, it's just water in a fucking bottle. That's the other people. Who, which ones are we talking about there? Gunshots Liquor stores?

No, that's... Spears and Lion. No, no, no. Okay. No, that's the other ones with the nunchucks. Ah, the ninja. The ninjas. The ninja.

The Japanese. No, not the Japanese. Okay, that's the ninja. No, yeah, that's the ninja, I apologize. It's the, you know. Chinese. Mugugai Pan. That's Chinese, right?

Yeah, I don't know. Okay, yeah. Yeah, it's. Okay, yeah. Yeah. It's... The last dragon. Did you show this to Max yet? Not yet. You need to. You need to show him the power

of when black people learn karate. Yeah, I know. He needs to learn that. You gotta get the glow. You gotta get that glow. Listen, Max, if you weren't already afraid of the black kids in your school, some of them might be karate masters.

Ha ha ha ha. Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. If you weren't already afraid of the black kids in your school, some of them might be karate masters I had a thing today with his school. I shouldn't even have done it. They were voting To put in new people in the school and then I can't talk about it. Forget it. I shouldn't even talk about it I fucked up what I did I have nothing from what you just said Here's if you stop talking about right now if you really can't talk about it you stop right now I'll be honest with you. I'm not even. What? I have nothing from what you just said. If you stop talking about it right now, if you really can't talk about it and you stop right now, I'll be honest with you, I'm not even sure what the subject is. In the school when you have a kid, right?

Did you ever get involved with the school? No. Me neither. Oh yeah, one time they made child protective services come to the house, but that wasn't the right kind of involved. No, that's the bad involved. That was the bad involved.

They got involved in your life, you didn't get involved in their life. You didn't get involved in their life I really did get involved in my life unnecessarily and really kept their fucking finger right at my ass. It's strange What was that from again? Isabella I brought her outside by her arm like, you know under her armpit like walking her. You're a goon hander Yeah, yeah, take her outside because she was you P did it her. Yeah, she was hiding Were you in a robe? We were in a slew.

I was in a robe, I was in a towel, holding a towel up. Isabella, what the hell are you doing? No, she was lying about stuff and hiding in her school. It's a little bit of a convoluted story. She was supposed to be in this performance for band that was playing that night. And when we got there, she wasn't on the stage. We drove her, by the way, to the show. He dropped her off at the show and went into the building.

And we went in, yeah. We, uh... No, but she knew we were gonna be there, but she just wasn't on stage. She wasn't in the program. Like, her name was one of the people not in the program. And I remember that feeling was so funny, where me and Carla were like,

what the fuck is going on? Like, where... And then they go, oh by the way, like sorry, a couple names of students didn't make the program, so I'm gonna say them right now. We're like, here we go. And they just said like eight names that weren't her again. Like what the, now we can't find her in the school.

And then I eventually did find her. And yeah, I took, you know, by the upper. How did you, you went around the school looking for her? Yes. You went on like a quest? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, as we're finding out, actually in our quest, we're finding out like,

Missabella hasn't come to music class and whatever. I'm like, where does she go? And they're like, I don't know. And I was like, you don't know where she's at for an hour or something a day. And it was just crazy. And so I'm looking for her and I found her. I said I'd brought her outside to be like,

what the hell's going on, you know what I mean? Where did you find her? In the front of the auditorium. She was sitting in the front row trying to avoid being like, found. Like were you just looking around the auditorium and the performance or did you go? I went to the whole school.

That's how I saw other teachers and they were telling me. You went to to the janitor's office. No. Hey, have you seen this girl? Oh, yeah So no, yeah, was it called a goon arm yeah goon hand Yeah, and I walked her outside like, you know yell at her and ask her what's going on and when we Right on in route somewhere from there to the car, I got called into the school the next day and I was like, what's up? And they go, two little girls said that they saw you dragging her by her hair and punching and kicking her on the ground.

It was crazy, it was a crazy accusation. Are you sure that you didn't black out and rage and actually do that? Pretty sure. There was this video crazy accusation. Are you sure that you didn't black out and rage and actually do that? Pretty sure. There was this video, you're smashing her in the face. You forgot it because you're a shitty childhood. Isabella will tell you how it went. She better tell you how it went.

Exactly. Or it happens again. Or she gets the hoes again. No, I don't know, the two little girls, they saw me dragging her by her hair and punching and kicking her on the ground. so I went into the school and I was like They sat down. I mean I go that's I mean Insanity to say that is there like a camera would show that didn't happen and they're like now this is it was said

So I go, okay. Well, it didn't happen like I mean look at her and they were like, yeah. Well And it just didn't happen. I mean, look at her. And they were like, yeah, well. They were like, you have to send, whenever there's a claim like that, they have to send CHOP CPS to your house. CHOP Protective Services. So I went, they just basically checked

if the refrigerator's full, the house is like, you know. It was definitely, it was your house. It was Carla's house and she just nonstop cooks. It was actually kind of weird in the fridge. There was actually too much food in this house. Yeah. But that's almost my take on the whole thing. I was like, what are they gonna come see that,

you know, too many cool stuff in video games? Come see Joe DeRosa in his underwear playing video games, smoking weed. Dave Smith, Dave Smith. Oh, is it Dave Smith at the time? It would be Dave Smith in his underwear smoking weed. But no, nobody's smoking weed in front of Isabella. And so they said, yeah, they wanna just check,

and I said they'll talk to her and everything, and I was just like, oh, sure, okay. To me, it made sense. I'm like, if that's how they stop kids from like, that are coming with terrible situations at home, that's bad, you know? So I was like, yeah, sure. And then they came and they were like,

everything seems great, and they talked to Isabella, they're like, okay, we're gonna get out of here. And then they came and they were like, everything seems great and they talked to Isabelle. They're like, okay, we're gonna get out of here. And then they just sent a lady to keep giving me a piece of paper saying that I have to take this like $600 anger management course. And she's giving me a paper of like, the people I can choose to go to, which is obviously just a kickback system thing.

And it's just a fuck with you to get more. Once there was nothing, I go, yeah, but fuck with you to get more once there was nothing I go Yeah, but didn't you just say none of this was substantiated. So like why do I have to do anything? Like, you know, I mean like you guys were called because someone said I was kicking and punching her on the ground Which isn't true. So like why is there any kind of and they just would never answer and then they just said uh Yeah, I'd be on a list till Isabella was like 24,

I think it was. How old is she now? 21. Are you still on the list? Yeah, probably. I think you're both on the list, right? You guys are on a fucking. You and Carla.

No, it's just me, I think. But it was, yeah, you're on a list until she's like 24 that says like, not that you've done anything, it's like, I got the paper 24 that says like, not that you've done anything, it's like, I got the paper, it was like, that there's been a domestic, like a response to a domestic situation. Like, there wasn't, it was like a response to

a thing a kid made up, which even sounds like a weird story to me, that like, why would two girls have gone inside? I never thought about it. Maybe Isabella was trying to get me in trouble as a fellow went to him ago. Listen, do me a favor I give you a pack of cigarettes He was punching me pulling my hair kicking me, but it was wild. Yeah. Why did she not go? Why did she lie about band? Why she just did it was as simple as she just didn't want it. So I'm saying the whole situation

Wasn't even like a nightmare of a thing. She didn't want to go she didn't want to tell so she was just it's the I guess The band thing happens during recess, right? So she was choosing just to go to recess Instead of doing the band thing. It wasn't that great. It wasn't that crazy and there wasn't even like a big overreaction So I was just like where is my kid? You know, I meanaction to it. I was just like, where is my kid? You know what I mean? I was worried, I was scared. Yeah, when you get scared as a parent, you get angry. Right.

So it's like, but yeah, there was no thing. So that's just crazy if you don't give them money for coming out, that it's like, bum me out. Cause I was like, damn, man. I thought I was like, when they came in, I'm like, get in here, you guys, look around. I go yeah her thumbs might be a little sore from how much video games we play together we're

big on the Lego stuff maybe her tummy hurts from all the food I give her overselling it she's a little tired from all the fun I take her to Disney World every weekend I got a conditioner and not that purple shit that's both. Two separate canisters. I hope a video comes out of you, Hitner. We'll get a video from you under a tiki hut shirtless. Yo, I gotta go to rehab. What rules about Isabella is she would absolutely make that video with me. She would half star in that video with me.

She'd co-star in it. Yeah, Isabella about get over here me and you were gonna recreate the ditty beating Funny if she does it to me, but you're just in a hoodie with your ass knuckles hanging out. Yeah Just kick her in the ass. Is it fight Christine like you've known me as most relationship for a long time over a decade now Is it weird to think that like people were worried that if worried that she should check if she's afraid of me? Yes, it is weird. It's just I, you know, that whole situation was so crazy. By the way, it sounds like I'm covering my tracks.

No, it's not. Christine, right? Grabbing her by the arm at school and dragging her out to the car and yelling at her, it's like it got exaggerated. But it was a little bit of a scene because Isabella was made fun of for that for the rest of the year.

So there was definitely a thing that happened. It would have been nice if it hadn't happened at school at all, but kicking and all that, it was wildly exaggerated. We're gonna send one of your houses for Christine. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. People would believe that. Yeah, by the way, there's no food in the fridge.

They're gonna say she's malnourished. The oven's never been used. It's malnourished. Has she made eggs once? But it was just made scared. All her clothes are covered in hair. Are you making her roll around? Are you making her sleep with the dog?

It was being scared and angry and she also wouldn't fess up. She wasn't like, I just ditched Violin to go to recess. It was like she was not telling him anything. Oh yeah, she was just like saying, she's like, I don't know. I'm like, what do you mean you don't know what do you do for the hour a day you're supposed to because I didn't know it was reset

there's no one explained anything to me so I don't know his recess even yet I'm like she's going somewhere for an hour right something who knows yeah but uh yeah that was that. That was that. What age was that? 12. No, a little older. Like 11 or 12. No, because it was before I met her. And I met her at 11. It was like right before I met her. Now, Max is getting into that stuff now, too, where he came home.

We got a call yesterday. Max has got a stomach ache and a headache. And then Dom was like, what do I do? I go, just go get him. And he came back and he looks at me and I just stare at him. And then he just starts smiling. I'm like, you little motherfucker. He goes, don't tell mom.

I go, listen bro, you're a fucking idiot. I was gonna take him out of school today. I was gonna, cause we were gonna go look at the house. And I was like, you're gonna come with us today. Now you fucked it up. Now you have to go to school tomorrow. You don't get to see the house. I was like, you're gonna come with us today, now you fucked it up. Now you have to go to school tomorrow, you don't get to see the house. But he just played hooky yesterday,

but I don't give a fuck. Why? I don't... Here's the thing, every once in a while, as a kid, you're at school and you're like, I gotta get the fuck outta here. I remember those days. I remember the days where you're like,

I just can't do it. Right, but you did it. I let him out. No, no, no, you still just, you're supposed to, I just can't do it. Right, but you did it. I let him out. No, no, no, you're still just, you're supposed to go when you can't. Yeah. By the way, we all did it. I cut school a zillion times.

I'd rather have him be honest with me about cutting school with me, and I know. And then, you know, look, dude, you got four weeks left, no more of this shit. You got a day off, you did it. You, whatever high jinx you pull, but I know know and you know I know and he told me so good. So then he just went and hit ball golf balls in the backyard

What's gonna make you crack? What's gonna make Bobby crack? I'll tell you what's gonna make me crack when he sneaks out of the house at night Yeah, I mean, yeah that all kids do I mean just you're out to go as a teenager It's like I mean just do that just you know,'re setting him up for that by getting him his own basement apartment in your home at 10 years old. I literally said this today to Don, I go, we should probably put him upstairs because at least if he's gonna sneak out, I want the potential of him getting hurt. Like when I snuck out of the house, I was on the third floor.

I had to climb out a window on a ledge and then go over to the roof, like a pitched old Boston fucking three-decker family home roof, which is like a 90-degree angle, and then hang down onto a porch. It was... As it should be. Exactly. You should be...

Not walking out of your back door. Death should be, you know, a factor in sneaking out of the house door death death should be it, you know Could a factor in sneaking out of the house. Yes, you're right sneaking out of the house should be death defying Yeah, I went by the house that I used to sneak out of when we went back to Boston I'm afraid of heights dude. I can't believe dude three family house. I was on the top floor I used to go out on a little ledge and hang onto gutters and swing myself onto the other roof and then hang off of it. We didn't live with a teenage Isabella,

but I can't believe she said, of course she said, but I'm like, you never snuck out of the house? Like, I can't believe. I don't know if she did or not, but I'm like, I feel like everybody kind of snuck out at least once or twice. Sneaking out of the house. Where they live also is like, sneak like sneak out to do well getting picked up by your friend on the corner In a car and going to a party or whatever maybe maybe she did

I kind of believe that she did she would say she did at this point Yeah at this point like at this point. I would think she'd be like yeah, I snuck out. Yeah, Mike Hey, Max got an electric bike. It's basically a car Christ you know he's gonna walk out his window jump on his electric bike and go fucking hang out. I didn't have to sneak out, because my dad was at his girlfriend's 100 miles away. What are his punishments?

Apparently you haven't dealt with that. Jesus Christ, get over it. What are his punishments, Max? Because it feels like, he's like, Max, you're committing a hate crime. Here's an electric bike. That's not what he did. He didn't, he didn't,

he was hitting balls by accident. Max, you're yelling at your mom. Here's an iPad Power Pro. No, he's, I take, he, he's. I'm not gonna get you the Apple Pencil though because of your attitude. Yeah, you don't have no technology dickhead. The Apple Pencil, the Apple Pen, you need the pen

and it has to go with an iPad. Yeah, we just got on the iPad. I didn't get him the iPad. You're gonna. I'm not going to. You can't just use it. We just got on the iPad. I didn't get him the iPad. You're gonna. I'm not going to. You will. I will not. If he throws his dinner plate against the table tonight,

you will. I don't know, Don, something's making him unhappy. Maybe he needs an iPad Power Pro or the Apple Pencil. Didn't you just pull his phone from him for a while? He got everything taken away. The only thing he can use is YouTube. Everything's gone. The only, he can use YouTube to watch La Crosse,

any bushcrafting, camping stuff. Like on a laptop? No, he has his iPad. He has his iPad. His brand new iPad. No, he uses his mom's iPad. And like in the morning, but here's the thing, like in the morning, Dawn's a fucking pushover.

Mom's wanna be... I don't see the Dawn perspective, but it does not seem that way. She's a pushover, dude. It seems like he calls you and he goes, Mom's saying things that make sense. I have to do this before, I have to do homework before I do this or I have to do that

And you go I'll talk to mom. I'll talk to her letter notes sometimes dawn You don't want to do homework and sometimes you want to stay home from school and sometimes you want to give your mom the finger Give mom a finger you gotta explore kid. You gotta let him grow and be his own man He's the guy who gives middle finger to his mom dude He fucking the other day turned the heat down and He turned it up and I fucking punched him Temperature wars I punched him right to be a helpful vendor. No, you know temperature wars. Do you remember the thing from? That was the big deal with

Burke Chrysler and Bobby Lee. Do you remember that podcast where it kinda came out, I mean, who knows what's true of it or not, but it was the two guys, one guy that went to CAA and the other guy went to UTA, and Burt felt like they were holding back like CAA clients from doing Fully Loaded, which hurt, because I feel like no one even pays attention to I'm CAA. I've been on all the Fully Loadeds.

But they said that there was a good- I'm CAA, I'm not. They said there was a dispute there and it was over Thermostat. What? Over, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never saw that clip before? Let me see the second thing.

Bring up the thing, yeah, it's for sure. It's over, and you see Burke get puzzled. He's like, wait, what? It was because the two guys, the two main guys that are at UTA, and I don't know if they're main, but two guys that split and went, those two companies, when they were,

whatever other company, I forget. Paradigm. Who knows? They argued over. Thermostat. Thermostat. The show almost ended over it. No.

I'm kidding, it was a fucking joke, Jesus Christ. Turn the fucking heat up, enough of this shit. God damn it, Jacob, settle down. Like with, like the small,, like, with, when... I don't know how you raised Isabella, but this morning... She wakes up every day. He has breakfast ready. He's got, you know, food.

He's lying on the couch, slowly eating. Hurry up, eat your breakfast, eat your breakfast, blah, blah, blah. You gotta go get ready, you gotta go get ready. Come on, Max, we gotta go. I was like, enough. I woke up early this morning, and she's a fucking, she hits the snooze. I'm not a snooze person.

It goes off at six, I get up at six. I don't know if that's from Juve Hall or whatever it's from. She'll hit snooze three or four times. It's like you're teaching him how to just stay in bed, not get up. So I woke up this morning, I get up, Max, come hang out with me. Okay, you know what I mean?

Instead of get up, come hang out with me. Breakfast was ready, I go, get all your clothes on first, put all your stuff on, when you're ready, then you can come out, hang out with me, do whatever you want, you'll have... Then when we gotta go, you're ready to go. So we put all his clothes on, sat, we had breakfast, we shot the shit, we went out and hit golf clubs,

tried to hit Jewish people in the backyard. Okay. For the 20 minutes. I mean, Father Son Hate Crime does add another element where it is sweet. It's a little sweet to the salty. I mean, if you're gonna go away, you go away together, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, Sal. But it was, you know, he got up, it's like everything was great I had to make his own chocolate milk I had him butter his own bay do your own shit like do your own thing make I want him to set his alarm wake up make his breakfast come out sit down be dressed ready for school I'm not into this fucking doing shit or every, tie his shoe, go fuck yourself, tie your shoe. Bobby, until I think a month ago, you were chopping up his shits.

I'll chop his shit up. No, don't. I don't anymore, we stopped that. Okay. He actually wipes his own ass now. Everything is on his own now. For weeks? For months.

Oh. Since Shane gave me a nice talking to. He's been, you know, dude, wipe your own ass. If you can't, if you're not gonna wipe your ass, then you're just gonna stay in there with the dirty ass. And we're not going. Wait, that you're being serious? He wasn't wiping his own ass a few months ago?

Dude, he was wiping his own ass, but he'd go, Ma, can you help me finish? It's like, no, she's, mom's, I don't know if mom's, I'm not gonna generalize mom's, but Dawn does a, she does a lot for him. And it's like he's 10, let him do his own shit. Just a little boy at nine years old getting his butt wiped by his mom.

That's like royalty. Sounds bonkers to me. It's nuts, it's nuts. Why would he want that? Do you want this on the air? Ma! I honestly think you should cut this. No, absolutely not, dude. Why would he want that? Do you want this on the air? Ma! I honestly think you should cut this.

No, absolutely not dude. I don't give a fuck. Because I don't know what's... Dawn is just... She's such a... She's a caretaker. She loves... She does everything.

And she loves doing that shit. But it's like there's gotta be a point where it's like... You bitching him because he's not up. And he's taking his time. You serve him like a little fucking prince every morning. Get him up, have him wake himself up, have him make his own breakfast, sit down, like this morning, he wasn't eating.

I just took his, he was watching the thing and I took it away from him. I made him listen to Fox News. I can't wait until we have a barbecue. Oh my God, here's your bathroom, and after 10 minutes I'm gonna go, Dawn! I'm gonna go, Dawn! Please do that. Dawn!

She'll come in. No, I just need a little help in here. I don't wanna get any streaks. It's gonna be a long night, I think. Christine, I got it. I'll take care of it. Stay there. I got it, Bobby, don't worry.

Come on, Jay, bend over. Open your butt. Oh, Dawn, there's so much in there. What did you do? Did you even try to wipe? I think I got a little something nasty in my tum tum. I came in late on that because I was queuing, but I'm shocked. What?

That a nine-year-old would ask for help with that. Like an able-bodied nine-year-old. It aggravated me. It was some of our biggest fights. I'm like, knock it off. Because I don't remember. I don't know if you remember. I don't remember when I learned to wipe my own ass. I don't know what age I was.

Because I was too young to have memories yet. But I know that, I know that I was doing sleepovers and stuff, you know what I mean? I don't remember it to really, I don't know when I stopped, but I know it was, I wasn't in my, I was fucking, What would Max do when he was asleep? Would he ask somebody else's mother to go and wipe his ass? No, but I know it was, I wasn't in my, I was fucking, what would Max do when he was asleep? Would he ask somebody else's mother

to go and wipe his ass? No, he would do it, but here's the thing, he would, Hey James, you think B would come in here and wipe my ass? He does the baby wipe thing too, which I don't think is a, it's like, okay, you gotta learn how to wipe with toilet paper and then do the baby wipe at the end. Yeah.

He'll use a whole pack of baby wipes. Yeah, well I can't argue with him there. I know, but I don't like that either. Use the toilet paper and then use the baby wipes. Well I think you use a baby wipe or two and then toilet paper and then wrap it. No, it's toilet paper and then baby wipes. No, you go dry first, then baby wipes.

I do wet dry wet. Yeah, I don't want him to do wet dry wet. I want him dry wet, done. I'll be honest with you, you should be okay with however he does as long as he does it by himself. I don't care if he sticks a stick up his butt hole and cleans it out, just please don't call your parents in for that.

There has to be some sort of like bonding, like little kid thing. I feel like that's like something different than just like I can't wipe my own ass. Christine, that's what they would tell us in couples counseling, we need to start wiping each other's asses. Well, it's like one of our biggest fights

is I want him to be more independent and she is such a caretaker, such a great mom, it's like, knock it the fuck off. Because, you know, God forbid something happens to you. That's so growing up though, I mean, Carla and Isabella really attached at the hip and I feel like puberty just kind of naturally causes a bit of a divide in that department when somebody's like a mama's girl or,

you know. Yeah, he's gonna hit puberty and he's gonna be asking the neighbor's mom to come in and wipe his ass. Hey, hey toots. I don't wanna be a dick to the kid and I don't wanna be that guy. I don't wanna be like that fucking, fucking, you know. But even like in lacrosse, like I saw him,

he, the coach was like, run from here to the fence, touch the fence with your stick and run back. So Max ran, he saw that he, he just didn't wanna be last. So he ran halfway, saw that there was two kids slower than him, turned around and went back. And I saw him do it, I'm like, dude, you gotta fuckin', you gotta finish, you gotta do what you're supposed to do. And he got mad, he got a little mad, and I'm like.

Mad? Well because he was doing so good, he had all this stuff going, he got the honor roll and all this shit. And he's like, well, you're not proud of me? I'm proud of you, but you can't, I can't be a good dad if I'm gonna see you quit halfway through and do some sneaky shit.

I respect the manipulation, because he's kind of figuring the shit out. As long as I'm not as slow as these two fucking losers, I'm fine, you know what I mean? But for me, dude, here's the problem. I never had anybody teach me anything. I didn't have one fucking male figure. I mean, I guess I had uncles and certain people help me out along the way, but I didn't have a guy from day one until later. I mean, ever. It is weird because I'm a little younger than you, but you could always ask me for

advice. I'd say for the next thing you said, I for the net for the last thing you said max did I Personally would drag him by his hair and punch him and kick him on the ground But that's how we handle things That's the thing that I'm always on the verge of I'm always on the verge of fucking I'm always Banner, you know, I'm always angry. That's my trick always... Just gonna beat the shit out of him one day. I just worry that by the time you get to disciplining, it's gonna be like thunder because he's, it's like so permissive right now.

He's very, this is the thing, this morning, he's very, he listens. And he goes for it too. He goes for like the bad thing. Like he goes for it and then kind of feels out. It's a kid's move, I'm saying, but I think he's feeling out where's the boundary. That's the thing he's doing.

Well, yeah, but the thing that he's got is that he's got a heart, he's got a big heart. So he's really connected, he's emotional, which is a good thing because he always knows the right from the wrong, you understand? It's just a matter of, he loves, he's very, he's got ADHD, he's very creative, he's that type of kid.

He's like me, he's exactly like me. He's the same kid as me, except he has me there for him. All the time. So he can't have his mom wiping his ass when he's only about six months from getting pussy. He goes, she goes, do you want me to lick your butthole, Max? And he goes, yeah, go ahead.

My mom cleaned me today. I haven't cleaned a butthole in a while. I did. It's so weird that I had sex very soon. Like I can't. Christine said she felt that with Isabella, like as a girl, like seeing her at the ages where she started having sex. What age did she have sex at? No, with Isabella as a girl, seeing her at the ages where she started having...

What age did she have sex at? Not her. When Isabella turned 15, just because of where I went when I was 15, I was overwhelmed with sympathy for myself in a way that I never had been before, because I was like, oh, I was a kid and someone should have been taking care of me.

I let go of a lot of guilt I had and really felt just of like felt just, you know, empathy, sympathy for myself because I was like, oh my gosh, she's a little girl. Yeah, you know how ecstatic I am that I saw him play lacrosse, go to jujitsu, singing chorus, play the saxophone, and get an award for honor roll for the most improved student in his class, I never had any of that.

And to have two parents there watching it was fucking ballistic. I mean, I told you, I used to go to Little League by myself and I would walk home on a highway by myself in a little Indians outfit while all the other kids were just getting fucking, you know, families and stuff. I did that too.

I was a latchkey kid. My mom was a kid So like my mom worked my grandparents both work. They were good us. We're both fucking raw fucking wet dress like fucking teenagers Fuck it still telling dick jokes. Hey guys you like us. Hey bonfire fan My mom was sick, but she was always there and she was with it and that she had a caretaker So it's like there's always people at the house and I friends and I was in activities and you know piano dance all these different things Her death was really just like I mean it was like a cutoff where it went from kind of like having somebody There all the time to like nobody there. Yeah, and it was just there was such a switch at 15

She was only a mom death away from fucking nobody to everybody Well mom's gone time to start kicking up in a high gear with the old gash, huh? Yeah, I was like immediately It was like, you know pop booze coke sex like just all of a sudden being cook tours I don't have any millionaires trying to get in my pants booze, coke, sex, like just all of a sudden. Dane Cook tours. I didn't have any millionaires trying to get in my pants. You were hanging out in the wrong places. Getting so fat in your holes. You were hanging out in the wrong places, man. I was also fat, so I could have a black child.

P. Diddy would have had you at one of the freak-offs, I bet. You know what the freak-offs are, Bobby? I do. Do you? Yeah, I know what the freak-offs are. The freak-offs are Bobby I do do you yeah yeah freak off the freak offs are nice he would make girls do freak offs P Diddy he would have like celebrity not celebrities yes I guess right I thought he had male prostitutes fuck his chick in front of him there was that but it was also girls would have to come get involved in everything and Christine said she saw a rumor internet rumor yeah it's an it's popping up on like YouTube and

tik-tok Kim Kardashian Maybe part of the freak offs. That's pretty awesome the mom about the mom was that one of them what mom I bet she was Kardashians mom yeah, is it one of the freak offs dude this this shit is good I mean, it's so crazy that this stuff is all coming true and now I don't know now I don't know what to believe from anyone. I just want to call Kurt, Kurp, and talk to him. Because it's fucking not, I mean, when this all started coming out of it, it was all bullshit. And now he's just video, him admitting it.

Well, no, here's the thing. I was sure he beat the shit out of his chick. That didn't even blow my mind. You know, I mean there's so many videos now like someone like Viciously beating up a woman that you're like, I I did not believe that at all. It's the all like the You know the parties and then before you know, they all miss it. I would describe that illuminati shit Yeah, do you know I mean? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. It's crazy and it seems like that stuff's Real or that I thought it's I don't know dude

It's Hollywood's full perverts not this full part that I just assume even the Kevin Hart shit It was something that was said in the Mark Twain when Chris Rock Said yo, you have to stop hanging out with those guys said, yo, you have to stop hanging out with those guys. You're better than them. Who? Chris Rock said that on the Mark Twain, to Lil Kev.

About Kev, about who? He goes, I gave him a speech, to Lil Kev. Oh. He told, he goes, I remember telling Lil Kev, you gotta stop hanging out with that crew, those guys. You're better than them. FYI, that crew was us. And apparently he is.

And he was. And he was. Chris Rock nailed it. But it's, it's, it's just weird to me that there is a, a way to that thing. You know, like you have to become, you have to get into that club. And when you're in that club. But are you faced at some point with that door that you're like on the other side of this door, you're gonna fuck chicks, guys, freaky midgets, whatever we need, some kind of a goat sacrifice. So, or, you know, you could be, you know, William H. Macy. Or something, you know, just like someone like a side character, career character actor.

Because, like, it feels like the star stuff, man, they're always into some weird thing. Who's not? It's the Bonfire, everybody, and you're listening to the podcast version, which is free. Half of it's free. You get half the show.

Do you really want half? No, don't you feel like you missed the other parts? Right? It's like being half jacked off. Sign up right now at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire to subscribe for the full show. plus you get all the music channels You get Howard Stern you get all the other comedy channels sports and to get our full show sign up for a SiriusXM subscription at SiriusXM.com slash bonfire support our show subscribe

You said you did watch Kevin Spacey Jacob you didn you didn't get to see it, but it's, I didn't realize, again, you hear the stories, it always kind of comes and goes, I don't read Kevin Spacey, I don't give a shit, and then I was like, well, I'll watch the documentary thing, and I mean, horrible guy. I don't think so. I don't think so. You think he's fine. He if you reverse that right and make it Maybe maybe girls, you know what I mean? Oh back in that time

It's just it's a guy When it was fucking hot you couldn't be gay could be out You know it was really like that would fuck up your career being gay at that time right and it was just turning You know and he was uh he was trying to get trying to get dick trying to get I mean He didn't he grabbed somebody or did some weird shit the one guy who he held on the desk But the the marine guy really did no no what this is I mean half of the guy This is the problem with that kind of stuff stuff It's no and I mean Kevin space you just let me just say that the one guy they all had the same story They had they he had something that they wanted and they were willing the one guy was like look

I'm not gay, but I sucked his dick because I had a good script. It's like dude. You're out very the lead That's the big spoiler alert. Jacob, great news. Obviously, there's a Marine. He fought in Iraq. He's a fucking green beret. And Kevin Spacey made you... And then he started crying. It's like, dude, you've been to war. You don't know how to say, fuck you?

Yeah, well, nobody in war ever fucking touched his asshole against his will. Dude, the guy could fucking kill him, and all you have to say is, dude, I ain't into that shit. I mean, he's a monster in that the guy was perverted with power is what it was. They keep using the word power and I'm like, how much power did he have?

But in this stupid, like, you know, little, what do you call it, the bubble of Hollywood, it like, that's what's so hard to feel bad for so many of the victims in this documentary is because you know he would pull his again Kevin Spacey like unacceptable in any way would go like get him in a bathroom while they were shooting the shit he's guys excited as P did he he's a straight guy and then Kevin Spacey pulls his dick out starts trying to kiss him and jerking off in front of him

and sometimes they let him finish and all this shit. And then the guy was like, the one guy goes, is that the one, the one that ended up sucking his dick, is that the one that kissed him on the mouth and was like. No, that was another, that was actually another Marine. Yeah. So his whole thing was, this guy, he said, having a party, Bruce Willis is gonna be there,

he shows up, it's just him. Yeah. And he's like, what the fuck, oh, people come in and out, which is party, Bruce Willis is gonna be there. He shows up, it's just him. And he's like, what the fuck? Oh, people come in and out, which is bullshit, dude. I mean, you're at a parlor with a guy. So then he tried to make his move, and he blocked the door, which is bullshit, you're a guy, you're a Marine, fucking grab Kevin Spacey? It's not Arnold Schwarzenegger or fucking,

you know what I mean? And then he goes, I grabbed him by the face, and I put it I kissed him and said I'm not gay Yeah, which is fucking gay. I mean, I don't know if there's anything He was a panic movie said I didn't really have any issue with that as much as if I fucking did that to you You'd be like Bobby that was gay if I pulled my cock out and was beating off against your will? No, he wasn't. He was just trying to fucking make moves on him. And he was like, I'm out of here, and he blocked the door,

and the guy grabbed him, and he just grabbed his face and went, I'm not gay, which is the gayest thing ever. You know, why would you fucking, what the fuck? Can I ask you a question? Let's say you're gonna reject this either way. But before you reject it, what you end up finding as you turn around and surprise, surprise, someone's open mouth kissing you.

Would you prefer it's an ugly girl or a super attractive guy? Are you talking Brad Pitt attractive, Ryan Gosling, any of the Ryans? Whoever on your list of kissables is apparently you have. Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt. Yeah.

All three of them. Those three, yeah. Those three. So I turn around to any one of those. Or an ugly chick. Or an ugly chick. 100% Ryan Gosling.

But listen, the thing is. Just the one no, I mean, of course it would be I'd rather kiss an ugly chick than The dude I mean well, you're not into this either way I'm saying but you have to have like that you have to have the memory forever of this. No, I'm just French kiss Yeah, dude, I would but if I would never as a man. I would never I've been in those situations I've been in those situations. When I first... I still taste Lewis to this day. When I first got the job at the Department of Youth Services, I was in the jail that

I later became back to work at. In the interview, I'm up in the office and they had them in houses. It was called normalization. And they had houses in neighborhoods and they'd have juvenile delinquents stay there. Open door policy, you can run if you want, but they incentivized them not to leave. And that's what kind of helped me. I believed in this program because it gave you goals and it helped me, so I went back to work for them.

And in the interview, one of the guys that actually was a counselor when I was in Juvi, when I was there, was interviewing me. And we knew each other. And at the end of the interview, he literally came over and grabbed the side of my junk on both sides. You have side junk? I went- I think my junk should have sides. He grabbed, no he grabbed, he did like a V and grabbed and I just went what the fuck are you, are you out of your fucking mind?

How inappropriate is that? What the fuck is wrong with you? And I just, that was it. No because you're not blinded by an objective that guy had. That's what's great. So this story, Jacob to fill you in on the thing that we were saying with the guy, I forget what their initial thing, but whatever it was, the guy had a girlfriend, he was straight, he didn't want to,

and he sort of stayed away from him. And Kevin Spacey didn't really follow up with him. And then they bumped into each other again and he started talking. And this guy goes, this guy who's already been made uncomfortable by Kevin Spacey and didn't like it. the guy goes But I did I wrote this script and Kevin Spacey would be like the perfect producer for this So we hang out again we get in his car and he pulls his dick out and he goes and at that point

I'm just like I think this is how Hollywood works and I sucked his dick and then I started gagging because I didn't like it And then I sat back up and then he just jerked himself off. And came all over himself and his pants. And then he just hung out and started being... he started being just kind of like fun and whatever again. But every time I tried to bring up the script again, he would just brush it off and say he didn't care. They drove around for hours with just cum on his pants.

With jizz on his pants. Not talking about the script. And the guy's like, yeah, I don't care. And the guy goes, and that's when I realized what Hollywood was. Why did you suck this guy's dick? That's, the whole thing's so crazy. That's what I mean. Like, I can't believe a guy was like,

I'm gonna suck his dick so he looks at this script to maybe produce it. It's wild. I've sold three scripts. I've never sucked a dick. You don't have to suck a dick. These are desperate dumb people that don't wanna fuckin' do the work. It sounds like Kevin Spacey's just a dude.

It's a dude. I don't know what he did. I'd also suck a dick for, as we've all said in the oldest hack joke, but I'm saying like, we'd all suck a dick for the right price, like absolutely. If you said Here voila all your dreams have come true. I'll suck your dick. I don't care I don't want to suck your dick, but I'll do it for all of my dreams to come true. You got that little right Was it good does nobody else talking over it no no chewing no jewelry yeah, we all put our heads down

Oh, is it good? Does nobody else talking over it? No, no chewing. No, we all put our heads down Dude here's a here's a problem with this whole fucking documentary to get Bobby saying he wanted to kiss three different guys Or we just pick it on me today I haven't seen what is it? He's told me nothing damning that he shouldn't be working right now. No, it is It does there are things uh, what Anthony rap was underage the stuff he did with him, it's uh it's No, and it's like abuse. It's gonna be like abuse of power shit always he started working at the old Vic He became the director of the old Vic theater in London and then just used that as a good breed

Just taught classes every day and there's a Kevin Spacey who does not you know? gazillionaire at this point of his life is like teaching classes every day and it's just because it's like young boys and Aaron he's like we should do a little bit of a dialogue run me and you and then it would just like but here's the thing most of these people were like adults they were adults and he said he goes yeah and I was I was person supposed to have eyes on him all the time or something they said uh you know go up there and he starts any oh he'd kidnap he goes I'm kidnapping you to this guy and you're gonna come run lines

with me and we go up there we wouldn't run lines at all and he would jerk off in front of me and do all this stuff that's your fault and then the guy goes and then here's the thing when he tells a story you're like whoa what happened after this he goes and it pretty much just went like that every day for the rest of the shoot he would say say, I'm kidnapping you. He goes, don't go, man. No one ever sticks up for themselves ever. That's the thing is all you have to say is, I don't wanna do this and leave and he will fucking not do it.

Wait, is there, can you find, I don't know if you can find the exact moment, I'm sorry. But Bobby said, there's a bodybuilder type guy, Jacob Ines, like a big muscular guy. He's a green beret former Marine former Ray and he served the war overpowered by Kevin's body No, not just that not just that he goes he just does the thing and I know what he's saying I know what he say I told a story before on the thing when a fucking a trans prostitute

grabbed my wiener Down my pants and I said like you tell yourself all the things you're gonna do you're gonna knock them out Yeah, but I just ran away and made a weird noise like that's true. I didn't want to make make a weird noise I also It looked like a weird woman and if it was a guy, maybe I'd punch them Maybe I'd run away and make a weird noise What I wouldn't do is this guy's like you say you're're gonna do all these things and you kick their ass and you blah blah blah, he goes, no you wouldn't, I was there.

You'd sit there and let him stroke your cock for 15 minutes and smile and tell him you love it. Which is not exactly what he says at all, but it's just, you know what I mean? The idea of that, he's just like, you don't punch him in the face. You look deep into his eyes and kiss him. This guy, this Marine guy really bothered me

because at one point he started crying. It's like, dude, please, bro. Nothing happened. You just, you wanted that Hollywood dream. You thought some, you wanted somebody to go, I like you, kid, you got it. Like a malt shop, we're gonna make you a star. And you felt it and you were like, oh, I'm right there.

And then when you found out that it's all horse shit, and this business is full of fucking lizard people, you got all sad about it. Nothing happened to you. Nobody did anything to you. The guy who sucked his cock, you sucked his cock. But why are the gatekeepers always someone where it's like, and I went over and he said he would take a look at my script And then he said I had to watch him have sex with his bull mastiff dog. He's not a gatekeeper Jay He's not a gatekeeper. He's actually he's a shortcut sure

They're just he's not a there's a gate go to it wait in line like the rest of us Or you want the shortcut which is sucking something. Spacey's dick! Yeah that's it. I wonder, it's so funny, she's like maybe. What's going on? We're in here all day. Who is that? I don't know. It's the second time she came in.

She keeps coming in. Phyllis Diller? No it wasn't Phyllis Diller. It wasn't? I thought it was Scooby Doo featuring Phyllis Diller. It was Kevin Spacey's mom. Sorry everybody. Was that Josh?

I don't, I just think that it's, fuck it. I mean I'm watching this this going okay, that's bullshit That one's stupid you sucked his dick you kissed him and said I'm not gay There was one just gonna get one pack of these two agree the guy's very aggressive one kid at the Vic who is just chilling And then he came up behind him as rubbing his cock on him during the show Okay, but you all you have to do is go, hey, stop that. And he would stop.

And then go, and here's the thing. So the thing is, you don't, so you aren't responsible at all to take care of yourself and defend yourself at all. So anybody can just walk up to you and rub the, if someone rubbed a dick on me outside, I'd be like, get the fuck away from me. You know, Patrice said something very interesting years ago.

Patrice sucked a dick to make it famous? Sucked a dick to make him famous. No, he was talking about Todd Lynn. You remember Todd Lynn was on Hot 97, I believe it was, when they did the morning show bit where they made fun of the tsunami, I think it was, and all the people dying in the tsunami. They made some joke, think about that. Kids running, dead mom floating down the tsunami. They made some, like, joke. Yeah, I remember that.

The thing about that. Like, kids running, dead mom floating down the river or some kind of shit was in it. I used to have a joke about that, too. How all the skinny people were up in the trees, and the fat people were holding onto Honda bumpers just being dragged. Well, you didn't put it in song format on a morning show.

And the show got, like, in trouble, and they all got fired. Mm-hmm. And Todd Lynn, I remember coming one night, and Patrice, they were both at the Boston Comedy Club, And the show got in trouble and they all got fired. And Todd Lynn, I remember coming one night, and Patrice, they were both at the Boston Comedy Club, and Todd's going, he was like, I never liked, that's what happened, Todd came out afterwards and was like, I didn't like the bit anyway, and blah, blah, blah.

And then Patrice, when he was telling that to Patrice, Patrice was the first person to go like, so why did you do it? He's like, they said, which this is nonsense, I think, they said if I didn't do the song, they would fire me when I said I didn't want to do it, which is a lie. Bullshit. And then Patrice goes, so then why you let them fire you?

And he's like, cause he's like, cause if you didn't believe it that much, like, and then you see what happened now, now you'd be righteous. Now you'd be the hero. You were the guy who was like, I ain't doing that. Yeah. I'm not doing that.

It's distasteful or whatever. And then you're the hero. He goes, you were fine with doing it. And now you're not okay with doing it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, when all this stuff happened with Me Too and all this shit, I remember my mom, she called me up, she goes, Bobby, you know how many

fucking dicks I saw I didn't wanna see? That's a crazy thing for a mom to say, I like that. But it's true. It's like things happen in your life and those are your experiences and if you don't wanna do something, you say I'm out. Get the fuck away from me. I've had guys make-

Well certainly, like on something with the guy on guy thing. We're not talking in jail or something where there's like, I just mean the Kevin Spacey fallout from what you did. So the point I'm making with that is this kid, even in the thing, again, you know, hindsight, nice, 2020. The kid behind site, the site behind you. The kid in the balcony, the guy where he rubbed his dick on him and was really aggressive like that,

and he's worried about he's gonna get fired as a fucking usher at the old Vic like go Tell the news and then everyone's like you're afraid you won't be believed It's like I'm gonna believe if you fucking commit to it and bring the thing and then when this all goes like this Yeah, when you find out this is the kind of guy he is across the board Then you're one of the guys these guys all sound like these are the people not involved in the cases. These are all Sour grapes that are like, I let this guy fucking jack me off

and now I'm sitting here with nothing. And that's how it reads. But you're gonna let that one moment where some guy did some inappropriate shit and you could've been like, get the fuck off me, you fucking weird. If I turn around and Kevin Spacey was rubbing his cock at me, I would first FaceTime you.

I'd be like, yo, check it out, Kevin Spacey's rubbing his cock at me. I would first FaceTime you. I'd be like, yo, check it out. Kevin Spacey's rubbing his dick on me. Hi, Jay. Hi, Jay. Hi, Jay. I'd be like, get the fuck off me. I know somebody who had an experience with Kevin Spacey. No way.

You know Justin Silver? No. I know somebody who called me up and said, I think I just snuggled with Kevin Spacey. Dane Cook, how could he? No, it wasn't Dane Cook. But it was like a same type of thing. Earthquake, what?

It wasn't earthquake. But they called me, they're like, dude, I was hanging out, coolest dude ever. We wound up going, let's go, something was on, let's go to my room, we'll watch TV. We hung out, we'll. I ask that with all the people I go on the road with. Wanna come watch, wanna watch some stuff

on the computer in my room? And then I make them watch gay pornography. I go, this is weird, right? I did tummy time with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was weird at first, and then I eased into it. You eased into it, yeah. You start, you learn to love it.

But when you tell the story in the documentary, you go, and then he just made me touch side ass with him while we watched things for hours. I just had stomach surgery, and he made me show him my black cum. We watched three hours of Joe Maddaree's documentary, and he whittled me down in the suck of his cock. Yeah, but he told me, he was like,

but we were laughing hysterically. He was like, dude, I think I just cuddled with Kevin Spacey. Because at one point he kind of Moved in and he was like dude. I didn't know what to do and I understand the freezing part because it is sure oh my god, but You don't let him he didn't let him do anything. He just thought it was fucking hilarious That this thing happened that he watched the show and cuddled with Kevin Spacey, which is a fun, hilarious memory as opposed to if Kevin Spacey was like, dude, and I told

him I'm out of here, and first thing I would call everybody, like, dude, Kevin Spacey, I just fucking kissed him on the mouth and said I'm not gay and left. It would be a funny thing. It wouldn't define me for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be crying on a fucking documentary about it. I think they're crying. So I'm talking about the adults who had decisions they could have made. I'm not talking about anything underage or coerced into something.

I'm talking about these goofy adults having a thing. It's like the underlying thing of all of it is that you stuck around because you thought he was gonna do something for you in Hollywood. Yeah, that's when you lose me Yeah, I mean, it's like that's what they're hard to feel to feel bad for a lot of these people You're like a shitty situation for sure, but it's like Jacob look at the size of this guy play his thing real quick. This is the Marine this is a monster

I'll tell you what is Jacob. He's a man This is crazy, it looks like Jacob after the Captain America juice shot in him. Every single guy you tell this story to tells you... Doesn't look like Captain America and Jacob. Just a big gigantic tatted up guy. Every single guy you tell this story to tells you a whole story of what they would have done. Oh, I would have punched him in the face and I would have kicked him in the mouth. And I'm like, no. Actually, no, no you wouldn't have.

Guys like myself, like. Fungoff dude. You would've licked his under shaft until he pre-came and you would've used that to polish up his helmet. Cause that's what I did. I love that he says no you wouldn't. I'm gonna say this back to you, yes I would, Marine. I would've kicked it, yeah listen, I don't know if my

instinct is to kick somebody's ass in that so I mean I would have left I would have doesn't seem it's not to meet a guy grabbing my dick Or doing some shit like that especially Kevin spacey looking guy isn't doesn't seem Physically threatening it feels like he is catching the wrong idea or thinks I'm gonna go along with this So I don't think my thing is to start beating the shit out of them I don't have any inner emotions that he's like You know like like freaking out about that, but I mean very quickly to be what are you doing stop? You'd get going move the fuck away. Yeah, what are you crazy?

I would find it hilarious if somebody tried to make a move on me like that And I I would be like if I had the hopes of oh my god He's gonna take my script like if Dennis Leary was like made a move on I would fucking howl for days if he tried to Make me do some weird shit. Okay, Bobby. You have to go down there and suck my dick. Okay, okay This is this this is the one that really fucking got me this one in the other marine that is like dude fuck off just leave You're trying to you're trying to get an immediate shortcut into this business If I get you doesn't get the things you don't want him to not want to hang out with you again Yeah, so it's a weird reason to keep letting a guy touch your asshole. Yeah

What are you gonna do? You're gonna produce you think he's gonna produce a show with you and then you know pretty much every other Time we hung out he would whack off. But then we would like, you know, go to the movies, he would talk to me about acting, and then I guess it would get hard again, and then he would beat off on the back of my head. And then before you know it, then we would take a drive, and he'd, oh, and then I met Ellen Burstyn.

Ellen Burstyn. And Kevin Spacey isn't even like, I would understand this whole thing would make more sense to me if it was like Brad Pitt Because that's a choice But Brad was like look man. I want to do the script with you, and he took his dick. I'd like fuck This is first. No first thing you say as you go Let me see if it tastes the way I pictured.

Look at that. Like marzipan. Ah. Ah, that's gonna start right there. Fight Club Brad Pitt, are you out of your mind? With those abs, dude? Your fucking bald forehead just banging into them fucking... them dick abs? You look like a fucking weird-eyed Kevin Spacey with his stupid vamp-

He has vampire hair? That's the guy who you couldn't resist? Get the fuck out of here. them dick abs. He's got a fucking weird-eyed Kevin Spacey with his stupid vamp. He has vampire hair? That's the guy who you couldn't resist? Get the fuck out of here. And I don't wanna say all of them, because I really do. I don't remember every caseness for sure, but there is several of these.

That would be tempting. Fight club Brad Pitt, if he was like, yo man, I wanna make your script, and he took his dick out, I'd be like, all right, I'm in. I'd call Dawn and be like, yo, I'm gonna suck Brad's dick, I'd be like, all right, I'm in. I'd call Dawn, I'd be like, yo, Dawn, I'm gonna suck Brad's dick real quick.

She goes, all right, let me know when you're done, I'll start the cutlets. Yeah, that's like, that's like. I don't want to get cold while you're sucking off bat, Brad. That's like Roseanne Barr going, listen, I want you to, I want you to suck my nipples and I'm gonna make your show go. Go fuck yourself, you tub of shit.

But also you might do it. I'd 100% do it, Roseanne. Fucking Roseanne, for sure. Sucker, fucking goddamn stupid. Fuck Roseanne at her fattest for all the fucking marbles, man. Why not? Why not?

Tom did. I just don't wanna have to, listen, I'll get into all your weird sex stuff that's heterosexual but I do I don't want to be part of is like I won't be able to laughing not laugh getting through like a you know something we're like you know Patrick Stewart's wearing like a robe and then fucking Charlton Heston comes out with like a goat head on his thing and they take it off slow

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