The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Woman In Love

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

Big Jay is a woman in love with Andy Gibb and Barbra Streisand and he can't contain it. He sings and dances his way around the studio with glee for the first ten minutes. | Bobby and Jacob argue over a cultural aspect of the series Landman. | Christine tries to find the worst countries to vacation because of the violence. | Jay gets thrown out of his hotel in humiliating fashion. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Creson and Robert Kelly. The mittens, the pink nail polish, Christine. You're going to be mine. We're taking it away. It's going to be night and day just a matter of time. It's all coming together on the bonfire. That's it, guys. Mystery songs.

That's why we're so interested in that guy from Stern Show the other day. What's the name? Brent? We are devotion. He saw what he could be someday. You notice he was like, we should move somewhere warm so I can dress the way I want to dress. Oh, my God. I know what I'm getting him next year for Christmas.

A purse. here yo. We'll get you a Louis purse. Goodbye. I don't want to hear you. Oh, you're a falsetto queen. Pucko, come here, please. I need to go forehead to forehead with you.

And we got nothing. And we got nothing to be guilty. He knows the video. He knows the video. We'll climb any mountaineer or far. We are. We are. He's doing all the parts.

all all the drag queens and we got nothing to these for all love's on me a million I can't see that we

that we how much money do you make a year He makes $700,000 to be this free That's I don't have to worry about money. I can finally be me. Wow, dude, you are a,

you are right at the edge. You were just going to say it. You were consumed. Jim, I hope you appreciate my curtailing the word. You want to throw your job away for that. I did not. Almost worth it. Right at the edge.

Almost worth it. Man. God damn. I've never seen Christine look at you so lovingly. Black Little High trust you'll be putting that out. Oh, please. Please. We're going out immediately so people can see what I was bringing here in studio. But only the parts where the music was in the room, please. We recorded the whole thing.

No, perfect. But the thing is, once we go headphones, I'm going acapella. And that's like, pull the music on any fucking singer. It sounds like nonsense. Except Babs. Except Babs. You can go, she can go Acapella all day. Yeah.

Now, what do you got? You want me to do memories now from beginning and end? Nope. No, I don't. I actually don't. How about, what's the other one I love? Woman in Love. I am a woman in love.

Just come out. And I'll do anything to get you in. You know what? We'll come back the next commercial with it. Why don't you just come out and wear a bra and put on some Daisy Dukes and some high pink socks? And let's just do the show the way it's meant to be done. Because I don't get down like that, dude. You would.

I'm not going to not dance. It doesn't mean anything, dude. You're not going to shake that. But dunk-a-dunk. This doesn't mean anything, dude. That means a lot. You just want to be a 90s video home? Look at that little, look at that little tush.

Look at that little tiny tush. Ah. Ah. This means nothing, dude. That means everything. Dude, this doesn't mean anything in a hall, bro. What are you talking about? People are going to download this video for two reasons,

because they're fans of the show and to jerk off. I love him I love Bear Bear shaking his butt Popo over there Popo thinking about how he can use me in his dance crew Jacob really fucking annoys me sometimes

What do he do? I don't even know what happened yet Because he has wild stances on shit that don't make sense What is it? No, I'm right on this Most people agree with me But that's his thing too What are we agreeing on? He says I'm right on it and most people

My fucking you do you do a poll You do a poll that's never been taken A poll to nobody. Let's do the poll. Okay. He said, you watch Landman. You're a big fan of Landman. Sure.

Have you watched the latest episode? Yeah. You watch this whole season. I think it's one of the best shows. Do you not believe what I'm saying? No, I do. I just repeat myself. I'm Bobby Repeat.

You're Bobby Bowie. I think Jay's going to agree with me. Well, I know, because you're subliminally putting that in his fucking head now. He's his own man. Yeah, he is his own woman. Today. Is that what the show's become? You're the one dancing and singing.

Right. I'm trying to bring entertainment with the people. What kind? People out there working hard jobs. And they might want to hear me sing Barbers Trice and Barry give to each other. How much do you want to sing Babs' part? Yeah. Yeah, sing it.

Let me hear it. Shadow falling, baby. Where we are. Out on the street, anybody and me got a heartache of their own. Gotta be illegal. A what? Making a crime to be only or sad. It ought to be illegal.

The fact that you know the song, word for word, all the parts. Yeah. The part that really fucked me up is that you know the video. I don't know the video. Yeah, you did. At one point, you went, Paco, come here, I need to go forehead to forehead. No, I just noticed the part when they go at each other, they go, and we got nothing.

And we got nothing. So I wanted to make it dramatic for, we have cameras. I bet in the video they go forehead to forehead. I don't think there's a video, check it out. But I tell you, there's a live video. I don't think they go forward to forehead, but I'll tell you this. When Barry Gibbs comes out in this video, the place erupts as they should. No one thought he was going to be there.

In her backyard? Yeah. Come on. Huge head. Who? Gibbs. What do we? Gibb.

Barry Gibbs, huge head. Gibb. What do the fuck his name is? Gibb is a... Show a little respect. I'll show a respect for... Disco icons, dude. Come on.

What's wrong with you? I apologize. No. It's not that one. Oh, yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yeah, yeah. Apologies.

He's got a huge head. He's got an all-white suit on. Now, Babs. Babs is great. I love Babs. Jacob just hates her. Why? I don't know.

You don't hate Babs. You think she's sexy? No. You're out of your. Dude? Don't come over there. Jay, settle down. She's not, Jay.

Come on, dude. Right here. She's hot. Oh, my God. She makes a great fucking Motsam ball soup Look at her lips Oh such sexy lips

Oh I don't even mind that beak dude bring it on You know I love a big nose on a girl I love seeing the hair coming out the side Like a nice big beak on a chick You like a beak for sure I love a huge nose You feel it when it's like putting a fucking A book bind right in the middle of your fooper

Yeah What is your problem, Jacob? I like making out with a girl in her nose is in my eye. Dude, like the mighty Dane Cook, she said, come to my backyard. I'll do it. I'll pay for a bunch of people to come to my house. Her backyard can hold a thousand person audience. This is so disco because the stool is plexiglass, clear.

Remember when they had all that, all the furniture was clear? Oh, yeah. A little seet-through. like glass but it wasn't. And he got foggy. Oh. Look at if she's playing. She's having fun with the audience.

Fuck you, Jacob. Fuck you, Jacob. Oh. This song isn't, this doesn't challenge her this song? I'd have sex with her now. Oh, I don't know about that. I would. Like a Meet the Fokker's one?

No. I would. I'd go down on it until it's flowered. Oh, I bet it's all sun damaged. I bet it's always flowered. Oh. Whoa. What's that?

What's that? Look at it. She's got no bra on, dude. Buddy, I'm getting goosebumps, and I know what happens. Yeah. Oh, face, darling. That's where we are. Look at that outfit. They didn't go that nuts, by the way.

The only, what? The crowd didn't go that nuts. It's in her backyard. Well, they were just applauded. Making it brown to be out in the cold. Fuck, yeah. He dresses like Voss dresses now. He's dressed like a yacht captain.

You gotta be man Great hair though He's got great hair But take it away Damn Jacob What is your self-judish hating What's her?

What is that dude She's amazing She's been amazing for decades What do you like share Some Arab? Is that her fucking house? Yeah Monastito

Damn Damn It actually fell off the cliff It's not there anymore Where the fuck was the concert It was in the backyard Over to the right Here

Yeah it's over there Oh, she has land She doesn't have an acre of land I thought that was everything right there I'm pretty sure she has more than the fucking pool Jay, it's the amphitheater section of her property Yeah Go to the left

It's where her horses are And Jacob You think she got all this because she's not super talented No, she is Where's the amphitheater? Oh, there it is I see it next to it look right there It's a huge

Oh, it's a full stadium Okay, all right So great. She has an orchestra pit in a full stadium their backyard. I think this is still her house and that's her tennis.

Also probably the tennis courts and stuff. Also. I think this is all her house. I think she got into rodeoing and that's her rodeo backyard piece over there. She owns that whole beachfront. That's a guest house over there.

I mean, Bobby's right. There's definitely horses. Yeah, 100%. That's what you have when you get divorced. You get horses. Jay, you didn't notice the outdoor arena. Go back to the video because you're going to see

do they touch foreheads. You tell me. Go back. So cute That we I want to suck on her nose I know She's so pretty

Yeah she's got beautiful cans too by the way Big fat juey cans Big one Nothing better than a new chewy Chewy can Paco And you tell me if I mean You feel uncomfortable when I did this

My old Bobby I would argue They even stopped the song in the wrong time I would argue I put more into it Than Barry gave Barberstries Yeah you have more

passion in you than they do. It's possible. You have more, you have more choreography in you too. You know how to, you should have you should be a choreographer, is what you should be. Yeah? Yeah, Jacob said on the landman thing. Yes. Because I love the show. And

he said that the whole cast is great except for the son and the Spanish girl. I said it's the third weight of the show. I don't think it's... It's the slowest part. I'm going to just tell you my pitch. I think it's a necessity. It's young

love. It's the next generation. And the reason why he's not connecting to it is because he doesn't have love in his life. I think something... Listen. He doesn't know what love is. Sometimes Taylor, Tyler, Sheridan? Taylor. Taylor Sheridan, misses DeMarc a little bit. He misses DeMarc a little bit sometimes. And I will say,

I think the whole cast is great. I think everybody does their job well. I couldn't care less about this story of the thing. First of all, I'm judging the chick. She's a piece of shit a little bit because her husband got exploded in a fucking oil explosion and I think five minutes later she moved in the guy whose mistake it was

at his wake and they're in his house whoa whoa whoa whoa that's a cultural thing that's what they do buddy you don't know about the Indians and the Mexicans there's no Indians involved in this is Mexican the same thing they

I agree with you but we'll get in trouble for saying that culturally dude you watch the movie Apocalypse and they you know somebody dies, someone has to take care of that family. You're like the brother. Somebody has to step in, no. I call them Indikins. She picked him up. It's cultural, dude. You don't understand

culture. In your culture, you don't do that. In their culture, Paco, tell him. Like Latin women to call up. The baby is breastfeeding and he proposed. Yeah. The baby from another guy is actively still breastfeeding. Someone has to fucking take care of that kid. She doesn't want it. She wants to live next to her fucking a boy.

She was a fucking adobe. That means your grandmother? Yeah, and an adobe means a clay house. You're right. Another thing. She doesn't want to be a multimillionaire. She doesn't want to move out of that house. Because it's cultural.

Right. That's a white man's thing. That's a colonial. That's somebody... Wanting a better life. So he should take his money and go fuck his sister, dude. She wants to live... Family is more important to her than millions.

And if you look, the millions get people in trouble. with family. They're never really happy. And if you look at her, she wants to be happy and she needs somebody. And he stepped in. He was one of the reasons why he got blown up. He's missing the mark. Same thing with making a Casey spin-off. Don't care. It's not the idea. Casey's going to be great. Can I say something to? Who? Taylor didn't. Casey from Yellowstone spin-off. It's not going to be great. Taylor didn't write the second episode, the second season. He stepped out because he made a deal with, He made a deal with NBC, so he didn't write season two of Landman. Well, there's less of the sun, which is good, so obviously...

I'm just saying that the sun... It's a great season. I'm not saying the sun is the best character. Of course, Billy Bob is the best, right? Yep. But I'm saying it's a necessity to show love and their culture and what they do... I'm saying culture. It gives me power.

The more you say culture, it is driving me bananas. Not one Latin... That's a trigger word. Because you're a communist. Not one Latino is going to call up and say it's cultural to move on to another guy or their husbands. Jacob is a bit of a commie, but... He is a commie for sure. I love this country.

I'm a patriot. That's why you're a commie. I hate comics. I don't know if you watch the news. If you love this country, you're a communist. Oh, dude. You'd be blacklisted if this was a McCarthy era. Buddy, I'm just saying it's a necessity to have young love.

You're not going to get love with that bimbo daughter. You're not going to get real love with that bimbo. You'd rather watch the son's story arc than hers. Yeah, I don't want to see her do chairs by the pool in the backyard. You don't. Who's body? Look at me in the face. Listen, okay, I'm not going to look you in the face, but I'll look at Paco on the side of Paco's face.

And I'll say, no, I don't. The whole characters are falling apart. How is this girl still actively breastfeeding a brand newborn child? Her body is as tight as a fucking fitness model. It's cultural. It's nothing to do a culture, Bobby. They breastfeed till they're 13. They get the colloquium.

Foster him. Is that what it's called? I have never seen that in any show, written into any story where a wife, a widower of one day picks up the new guy at her dead husband. You only watch white people shows. I would come back from the dead just to kill her for that. No, you wouldn't because you wouldn't have, you didn't know what love is yet.

That's it. His family should have killed her and him. That's cultural. Bobby, that would have been cultural. I mean, you know what? They should have them on the side down and cut them on their necks like chickens and let them bleed out.

That's cultural. The hero of the show. Apocalypse. You make a valid point. No, they should have made them run through a yard and throw spears at them. And they zigzag. The hero of the show was last season

with the cousin that wanted to kill the son for shacking up with this. Yeah. Hey, are you taking care of my fucking brother's son four days old and fucking his wife? Listen. I'm just saying. Oh, her parents are even like, I like you, you're good.

He's, no, he had to go through the, he had to do blood and blood out. He had to go, he had to go, he had to go to the grandmother. He had to go, it was the aunt to the grandmother. You say blood in blood out for having conversations with people? Buddy, you don't know if you're making it out of that house. Did you see that pit bull on that guy? The father? Right away, he gave him a hug, he said, let's go talk.

Nah, he made him sweat it for a minute, and then the dog was there. That's terrifying. It's Costa Rican culture. Hey. Hey, you want to a little. Fuck my daughter, you better be nice to my pit bull. I just found out that Costa Rica is on the list for one of the places where the most tourists die. Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. It's where you go to as Black Lou said, drop some Cosby kids off of the pool. That's where God drops his Cosby kids off at the pool. Costa Rica. Yeah, it's the water. A lot of people drowned over there.

Not when I'm around, but, you know. I mean The death rate drops when you're there The death rate fucking drop by one When I was there Bobby Kelly I should I should just go there

And just be a lifeguard on that beach I should just quit everything You just go there If you told Bobby You would drown in But I just try to save people That don't need saving It's like, yo what are you doing?

Mexico number one I love everybody always wants to go there I think Costa Rica. Everybody's always dying to go to my God. You got to go to Cabo. Dude, fuck off. You know, you don't, there's not a water slide that takes you from my airplane to the resort. Yeah, Cabo's.

I have to go through fucking weird cartel shit. Yeah, you can't leave. They tell you not to leave your compound. And Jamaica, too, they tell you not to leave. And Lewis is like, I love Jamaica. That's why my vacations are drivable. Wow. I mean, there are some.

No, you're crazy. Aruba's great. You want to go get your wallet stolen by a fucking monkey that runs back up into a tree. Why do you want to have like Indiana Jones crimes committed on you? Next thing I know, me and Max are just trying to watch a movie. Barrel of snakes. Barrel of cobras. Calta.

Calta should have left two days before he left. You guys want to do what? Yeah. Well, he really made it in Tampa. Trust me, he finds a Starbucks. He's fine. A golf cart and Starbucks. What is next?

Philippine, your hometown. Thailand, Philippines. Philippines is dangerous. Chinese apocalypse, right? You're from the Philippines. Yeah, you're from the Philippines, bro. What do they die most of in the Philippines? In the Philippines?

Let's look. Road accidents. Fucking young Filipino girls. Water-related. Go back to the top. Let's see what the reasons are for all of these. It's all white men having heart attacks on the Philippines. All right.

Mexico is because massive visitor volume, because you could just run across. Road crashes are one of the leading causes. in Mexico drownings yeah cartels isn't number one alcohol use near water is a lot and violent crime is not

typically directed at tours some incidents have affected travelers and appear enough it so it's not like that's not even so much violence first of all I wouldn't trust whoever wrote that sure I mean they find heads they find heads

Backroadplanet.com well you don't trust Blackroad Planet dot com yeah I don't trust Howard he's from Central Florida I don't trust Howard he believes in taking scenic roots yeah by the way Scouting historical sites. Elias Siegelman did the actual report, and I'm prepared to believe that last name.

Go down? They own the media. So, Thailand. Motorcycle and scooter accidents, idiots. A lot of visitors rent motorbikes without understanding local driving habits or road layouts. Rainy seasons. Drownings occur. And alcohol use in nightlife may lead to poor decision-making that heightened safety issues.

Occasional violent incidents add to totals. Yeah, and hooking up with the hooker and finding that she has a penis and then getting a fight with her and then she kills you. And then she wins. We already do the Philippines as drownings and stuff. Keep going. D.R. Here we go. Now we're getting into knife fights. I think this is drugs.

They drug you and take your money. Here we go. Let's see. Drownings and traffic incidents are the most common. God damn it. All inclusive resorts often involve alcohol use which can reduce awareness and water risk. Get out of here. Costa Rica.

Here we go. Finally. high numbers of beach flim-flam jobs where they tell you someone's drowning and then go through your pockets and have sex with your wife Bobby, is that what happened to you? If I had my glasses, I would read that, but I can't. So I have to trust you. Mostly due to rip currents and adventure tourism accidents.

You were going for adventure. They left. Many beaches lack full-time lifeguard staffing. Thank you for Bobby. And many visitors underestimate. Ocean strength. Can I ask a question? Yes.

We are going to go back to Costa Rica. Should I bring my, should I get lifeguard pants to just wear all the time? Why are you going back? What do you mean? We loved it. You're just definitely going back? Yeah, she wants to go back and stay at another place. Why?

Why not, man? Oh, I know. Why? Not that place because I think of Tarantial owns it now. Remember? Remember you left it there with your family and just went to bed? It's psychotic. It was a fishing spider.

And I couldn't find it. I tried to find it. And you would know. help. I was on the texting you and you said leave. I was phenomenal help. You said leave. Yeah. I'll tell you what. If you were left, your survival rate was 100%. You stayed, and I don't know

what the percentage went down to, but you beat the odds. Shut up, though. Don't make the hear it. And a hero multiple times. What was that noise again? Was that you trying to get that spider? Oh. That was a sound of strength. There's a second one. Wasn't there another one too after it? Yes. It's coming. It's coming right.

That was me fighting it, by the way. The spider punched me in the stomach. I believe you. It seems like it. It hit me. I didn't know it could throw a shot. And that was, it got on top of me, and I was wrestling it. It was all off camera. I forgot. I did he have to take it.

But to be fair, it was just noises in a white wall. Well, I didn't know it was going to fucking get away. Do you think Don would want to go back if you told her about the spider? I showed her the spider. Oh, you did? I did show the spider. And she just said different place? Dawn, I, listen, Don hates bugs.

I took her fly fishing once up to Roscoe, New York, in the shitty motel. It was just garbage. And she, I, because I was like, I'm going up to Roscoe for a night to go flash it. You want you come with me? And we went to this, you know, one of those little cereal killer buffets, the little motels that you drive it right up to your door. And she brought all these essential oils and put them all around the bed. that like so bugs you know what you're fly fisherman you kind of want bugs to see what the fucking fish are eating and uh i came back she i left as she was in the middle of the bed reading a

book i came back in the middle of the bed reading the book she did not move out of her spot in the bed the whole night until i came back she was so like this place sucks yeah i bet yeah but this time she loved it she didn't give a shit dude that it was a dump no this place was the place we rented was a two million dollar brand new house that's the difference yeah Electric fence, had electric fence So the animals couldn't get in Oh nice That's nice

That's always a good sign Spiders figured it out When you have Giant killer spiders did somehow figure out of Breach But you know Who knows how they come in Dude, you know what

I guess when you fall from outer space Like that thing did It doesn't really matter if there's a fence If you land inside the fence walls I would love to defend it But it was a rather big spider Jamaica What if Jamaica's number one danger is Lewis

spreading AIDS or something around the town tourist tests involve Americans due to road crashes drowning's occasional crime and said okay this is the first one that threw a little crime in there early on Honduras is crime limited yeah let's go let's go up to Honduras Yeah Honduras is right above Costa Rica Jamaica is the one where they

An occasional crime now we're an occasional crime Yes Jacob Jamaica is the country where they actually did breach the the resort, one of them, right? I think that's the country where the crime entered the resort. Oh, good. Good. Jamaica does... I mean, if you like pot, I guess, and jerk chicken, I guess.

They figured out pot here. I would never go... Yeah, I would never go to Jamaica. They figured out when you're fine. Yeah, maybe in the 90s when you could go there and just get fucking basted and... Yeah, exactly. You want to, like, a guy would cut off shorts smoking a joint that no one could ever finish? Yeah.

If you're a big fan... laughing at you. If you're a big fan of Scotchbonnet peppers, maybe Jamaica's your place. You can get great jerk chicken here too. I hate I don't even like jerk chicken here. I don't like jerk chicken. I hate that spice. Yeah. I'd rather jerk beef if you know what I mean.

Yeah. Poco, you think the camera call me Winking and Jacob when I said that? I like the jerk beef. Namin. Thank you. Speed in Namin. Vietnam. Oh yeah, Vietnam mean. Motorcycle accidents

is the biggest thing. Many travelers rent motorcycles. This one does this one... There's none of this because of violent crime? I almost rented a motorcycle in Costa Rica. Yeah, you make awful decisions whenever you go anywhere. I have my motorcycle license. What do you mean?

Put your whole family on it. I was just going to put Don on it. We're going to go for a cruise. Yeah. You think you're doing that scene from Rocky 3 and then you're going to fucking flip over on each other and then Max is going to have to tell that story to everybody. Should he escape wherever fucking weird place you brought him to?

Should he not get it? turned into a fucking boy toy for some sultan Canada's hilarious Canada It's people like Bobby that go up there Nature, nature boy it Is Canada armed? They get killed

Yeah How is it? Well yeah, I almost did You go up there I have you brought a black friend that talked sense into you after a while I didn't I feel bad It too cold Yamaniga

If you can see Yamaniga run the way I saw her run She dies first even with the weight loss, maybe running's another thing. Oh, she didn't do it then. She was full Yamanika when we brought her up there. Oh, full Yamanika. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's definitely difficult.

But now she probably could. She could hoof it now. Yeah. I hope she'd dust you. Yeah. Man, we're definitely going back. Okay. I'm going to look at like, where's the most violent place for tourists.

You know, it's funny, Cuba. I was very scared to go there, but the crime is not that big in Cuba. Sure. Because the government will just throw you in jail for 10 years. I already said so. Because Ari said so. No, no, no. Because the government, the tourism for them is money for the people.

And if anybody does any bullshit, you go, there was one guy that, I think I told you this, there's a vlogger. He goes into dangerous places and he vlogs. And he was doing a cube of Havana blog. And he went and bought fake cigars, you know, from the people. And then when you exchange your money, you don't do it at the bank. There's guys that you do it with. So you get a better exchange rate when you do it with the hustlers on the street.

And then there's prostitutes there. But he was like, oh, the girls came up to him. He was like, oh, I'll meet you later. They got their number. He's like, oh, those are prostitutes. He went, this, how you get your money. Then he went and goes, oh, you can get cigars instead of buying them from the place. All of those people in the video when he posted it on YouTube, the government went and got them and they threw them in jail.

They all got fucking 10 years. Really? They just saw it, yeah, they don't fuck around in Cuba. Man, that poor guy probably feels like shit. He is not welcome back. He can't go back to Cuba. They hate him. Because you got people arrested.

Yeah, you know, they don't want, yeah. They got people arrested in his video. Fucking beautiful, beautiful prostitutes. Yeah, they were cute. What a son of a bitch. We didn't see any. I fear. We didn't see any.

Everybody, I fear we're going to get through the week and not ever go through. I didn't even know that she was able to find recoup and get to us. Christine's early and very few stand-up attempts. I can't believe we haven't gone through the week and we haven't heard your hotel story. Oh, yeah. I mean, what the fuck?

I was thinking about that. I was going to bed last night and I went, ding, and I was like, what the fuck happened? Yeah, probably should tell you that first. You probably should tell me that first, and then we can enjoy the second hour of all Christine comedy. Maybe.

Christine's, how long is the video? I don't know. Like five minutes? Yeah, something. Is it just one? Yeah. Yeah, the other one I don't have uploaded, but I had this one uploaded. I could probably get the other one.

Um, well... What happened to you? So, you know, as everyone knows, when I go into my hotel room, I put a wet towel underneath the door, and whether I have a room that's a living room and a bedroom, or a room that's just a fucking bed, five feet from the front door. I just aggressively smoke weed all day. It is a ballsy move.

Listen, four times maybe I got hit with the money. What's the cat? What is the cash you want to pay the $250? So you're just like, I'll pay the $250. Well, I'm not stoked to pay the $2. I'm just saying like, but in my mind, I'm like, for the few times that's happened.

If that was happening every week, I would just be like, yeah, their jig is up. Now, do you pay the $2. If they catch you on a Friday, and they charge you the 250, do you stop smoking weed on Saturday? Or you're like, you already got my 250? No.

Or is it another 250? No, no. I'm smoking still, then. I've given you the dough. For this fictitious, $250 cleaning you have to do. You don't. Here's what you have to do. Let nobody go in there for three hours.

I'm going to say this, dude. And I don't care about pot. If I could do any drug, again, it would probably be pot. I miss pot. I love being on pot. but the weed now stinks. It smells.

Shut up, Jacob. I fucking hate it. Did you used to love it? No, I never like that. The whole city fucking reeks. The new weed, it has a stink that lasts. Me and Dawn checked out of a hotel because there was a bunch of teenagers and they were smoking so much weed. Oh, what a bunch of old folks.

No, dude, it was. It was, it was bad. Like the weed now... Was it weed or was they were being loud and annoying kids? No, they weren't. Just the smell of weed? Buddy, it was so in our room. It was like, fuck, we have to smell it and not even get the benefits of it.

Smell it harder. Nah, you have to admit. You have to admit weed stinks now. Like it smells way worse than it's ever smelled. Well, I never thought it was a bad smell. That smell never bothered me. That's the thing. If you don't like the smell, it's very strong.

Yeah. weird how potent it is too and it lingers man it lingers for a while right yeah well so i spoke aggressively in my rooms and um i respect you and if i have a room of the bedroom generally in the bedroom because it should never make it to the door or hallways or anything so um i did that but in this room i had uh you know i dill and john carton josh with me so like um uh you know we smoked in the living room part of it once before we went out. Only once.

Everybody's smoking? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And then we... But I never did in there again, but then it was a Saturday, I guess, day, right? Saturday day.

I get a knock on the door. And I go over and they're like, it's this lady who I haven't seen. Now, I will say when we walked in, you know, it's four comedians. Like, everyone's... We didn't make a scene at all. We were like, but funny.

I mean, like you're charming with the staff and everything, and they were likeness and laughing and having a good time, and, you know, Josh came in with his dog and blah, blah, blah, blah. So we were good with these people. I'd never seen this lady outside my door, and I open it up, and I go, yes, and she goes, and then when she opens the door, she goes, you've been, ugh. She's just like the wave, like waves her hand in front of her face. You've been smoking marijuana in the room, and you're going to get a charge for. that and I was like oh okay I was like I and I just said I do the thing I go well I wasn't smoking in the room I go but I smoke and she goes now I smell it coming directly out of the room like you're smoking in the room and I went all right so it's like I mean I'll pay if there's a fee I got to

I'll pay the fee and she goes you're being removed from the hotel and I went no really and she's like yeah so I was like all right give you a second and then I like you know put on like shoes and went down to the front thing and I could see the staff now that we're friendly with us and kind of have like the heads down of like a because they got yelled at I don't know why they would get yelled at no but they were like a and she's just

and they go we'll go get her she wasn't done right and they go get her and she comes out and I was like I go hey I go I'm not gonna make an issue for you at all I was like I'm just wanna know I'm here as I'm performing at the club and I go I'm here for one more night we're leaving at like seven in the morning I was like so is it possible to just like

stay the one more night or whatever I could you know I know you're charging the fee and she was like absolutely not like absolutely not just like you broke a hotel policy and now you're being a trespass in the pro or no you're being asked to leave and I went no I understand it that's the final resolution I'll go I go but the other comedians are staying here too I go am I like I put my stuff in their room or something why I think and she was like absolutely not you're being removed from the and I go why is it so personal for you she was like well I go, is this your childhood bedroom that I did this? I go, I don't understand why you're so, I'm not, I'm not even giving you a problem.

I'm okay, if I have to go, I'll go. And she was just, like, irate. And so, she got to go. I was like, okay, I was like, I'm going to get my stuff. There's a hotel literally next door. So I just called that on, like, even the way to my room. And they were like, yeah, sure, we have a room, like, $100 or something. Like, yeah, I'll be over in, like, 10 minutes.

So I go, and I head over there. When I get in my room over there, I realize, I forgot my hat, my baseball hat. So I walk back over as I'm walking through the doors. Another lady who I've never seen before is standing next to the manager, and she looks over and I see her mouth the word. She goes, oh, my God, he's back. And when the door opened, I started laughing.

I was like, did you just say, oh, my God? I go, I forgot my baseball. What problem have I caused here? That's like, I get it. I did the thing. I'm leaving. I didn't give you. any trouble. I just like this is like a weird and then she like started almost kind of like

coming around and she was like yeah, it's like someone can walk you up and take you to get your hat or whatever and then one of the guys who liked us was taking something. He was just like, man, I don't know. She just wants to like make an example on her. She's like mad. I don't know what she's so mad about. Maybe she had a bad day or so. He's like feels bad and I'm like, buddy, it's no big deal. It's like I'm a cross street. But I will tell you, having my jacket, my luggage kind of thrown together quickly to get it and taking a, a sad walk on a snowy sidewalk. And it's next door, but it's across the highway.

So having to cross, like, a two island stop a highway at 48 years old. At 48 years old doing that walk, I was like, yo, for weed? I'm like, yo, I just got booted for weed. I'm fucking 50. You couldn't make the whole thing on the light. You could have to stop in the middle? Yeah, yeah, dude. It's only meant to go like half each time.

It's wild. You can't make the 22. seconds. Dude, they even told when we first got there, they said never go across that light for the club, go across the other light, because it's like playing Frogger over on that light, and boy was it, with all my belongings.

Except your hat. Except my hat. You can go back. Dude, that lady, she grabbed her, like, sweater and she was like, oh my God, he's back. And I go, what have I done in here that you're like, what do you think I'm coming back to? Exact revenge? Like, I'm already left.

You saw me take my stuff. Yeah, so I'm going to come and John Wick the plates. Relax, everyone. It's fine. I'm in a hoot there's a bed right there I'm in Jesus I'm like you guys must get no pushback ever I keep my first words ago I'm not making trouble for you if I have to go I understand I have to go I'm just asking I'm pleading almost can I stay because but now would you have not smoked weed if if she said all right I'll give you a shot you're getting fine you can stay tonight but no more weed would you have not smoke weed not the rest of that day and then that night again yes

yeah for sure that night Before I left, yeah, why not? They're not coming to kick you out in the middle of the night. She might. Famous last word. Yeah, exactly. This bitch would be out in your door. Guys, they just found out what's sadder than taking your luggage as the way I did last time.

Having to do it at 3 o'clock in the morning. Having to go to the airport at 3 in the morning. I have to go to the airport seven hours early because I was kicked out for smoking pot. Did they let the other guy stay? The other guy stayed, yeah. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. That sucks.

funny so they all had to cross the street to go see you to get to the other see you to get their weed yo we gotta go across the highway no it was Saturday so it was just like and then you know at the end of the night like they went to their hotel I said goodbye walk the extra block you want to go across the street again by myself yeah that's I go frogger did you smoke weed in the new hotel yes so by the way immediately and that hotel had no living room It just had like a door and then a bed. I was like, I go, I'm an extra wet the towel.

But actually, no, I'm sorry. I forgot I did it do a whole thing. I did smoke right away, but I was more nervous. It's such a weird. I smoke, so I probably forget what I've done. I got the toilet paper roll that was on. Yeah. So it wasn't full.

And I took a bunch of toilet paper off of it, stuffed it into the hole of the roller. and then took my Fabriz fabric and squirted the shit out of that and then I lit the joint and I held it like kind of in there so the smoke would go up to that and then I would smoke and blow through it.

You made a joint silencer? Yes. You make it with dryer sheets I've never heard of like, you made my own dryer sheets. No, it's a real thing. A dryer sheet under a paper towel. You blow-throw.

You blow through it. It's called a blowy? Yeah. Or a boof. But you throw, yeah, you put you blow through it. So I just squirted a bunch of Fabriz on it and blew through that. That's crazy. Guys, I was there all day and slept at that

hotel. So somebody ratied you out. Somebody was smelling it. They said tons of complaints coming through the walls. I'm like, relax. She was hyped. Well, the events do connect. She really wanted. The guy, even the people that worked there were kind of like, dude, I don't know why. I was like, is this the first time it's ever happened? He's like, no. It's a hotel. People smoke in the rooms all the time and they get fined or whatever. Or, or, or,

Or kicked out, he was like, but I've never seen her. Oh, my God. I just, I just. Oh, my God. She scared the shit out of me. Are you on the phone? I swear to God. Oh, you can't bunch.

We're on air. Jay's daughter walked in. I thought it was a lady from the hotel. I swear. She's here. I got kicked out of a hotel. I didn't even know Isabelle's coming. I forgot to tell you.

What the fuck? Will smoke pot. I'm going to get Christina out of the house the same way. I didn't forget the... I didn't even get it. His daughter's coming. Your daughter's coming. Good God.

Wow, that sucks. I was kicked out of a hotel. I mean, it was funny. I was kicked out of a hotel for my fucking, my attitude. About what? I was in line late at night, and I was going up to the front desk. And I was just, this, she was there. dealing with this person.

And I was just waiting to ask a question. I don't know what the question was, but it was a very simple thing. And I'm waiting and wait. I mean, dude, it was like a half hour. And finally, I was like, could I just ask you? And she was like, sir, you're going to have to wait until I'm done with this customer.

And I was like, I just have a question. She goes, I said wait or something like that. And I was like, don't talk to me. I'm not your kid. I'm actually paying customer. And I'm a grown fucking man. And she was like, You don't need to swear at me.

She said grown ass, man. That's, uh, it's blacker. And she, uh, we just got into it. Yeah. We got into it. And she was like, you're going to have to leave if you keep this up. I go, you don't need to tell me to leave because I'm the fuck out. And I, I just left.

But I didn't realize. I, well, she was going to throw me out. Um, because I wasn't stopping. And, uh. Oh, this isn't like me at all. I begged this lady to stay politely and she was angry at me. I, but this lady was the same thing. I don't know why you're investigating this.

I she was a cunt. That's what we do. You tell stories and then we go back and forth. She was a twat to me for no reason. Like I didn't, I just said politely, can I just please. It was a half hour. No joke. Was she the manager there?

She was the nighttime manager. I mean, I think they, doesn't like hotel workers make good money? Not, I don't know. I don't know, but I think they get so sick of people. Sure. That, you know, the one little thing triggers you. And the, it's just like, I just politely said, can I? just ask you a question real quick and she

you have to have a power trip making you wait yeah but you have to have the right temperament for all those jobs same thing yeah the difference between dealing with somebody who right whether they don't hate their job or act like they love their job at the airport versus somebody who's like fucking airport job is night and day how your day moves 100% yeah yeah I shouldn't I should have just went I should have been more like you and be like okay yep sure well I take the approach more like Like you said, you don't have to be like the okay. I'd have more of like a thing like, I was like, sure.

I understand. But like, why are you barking? Yeah. I get more like that. Like, what is the, why is this escalated to a thing? It's not unrealistic. I'm asking you if you could answer my question. As we know, I don't have that second gear that you have.

I went right to six gear. I was like, go fuck yourself. I'm leaving. And then I realized I wasn't near any hotels. There was no highway to walk across. I was in like some business sent. business community saying, you know, it was just all like, you know, Verizon. Office buildings.

Office building shit. And I had to find a hotel. It was a fucking nightmare. I almost at one point I was like, I'm just going to go in and apologize to go back to see if she'll take me back. Oh, it sucked. Dude, it's so pink. I mean, that walk, it hit me right in the middle of like, it was uphill also, which is funny. She's like slightly incline, but it just is the incline of the street.

Like, you have to go, like, up in the other. Yeah, but you have a big suitcase, too. You have a check-in. I have Timberland boots in there. Untied. Fucking big, heavy hoodies. Your shoes are slipping off in the snow. Your suitcase is huge.

No, I got, the suitcase has the boots in there, I'm saying. I'm wearing sneakers doing this walk. You have to. Getting fucking snow in my ankles. You have to hear the little wheels going over the salt on the road. So sad. What a sad walk. In gloomy Wisconsin, no sun came out.

What club were you at? Improv. Oh, the improv. Great club. Shows were fantastic. Did they know you got kicked out of your hotel? I told him. I told him I came back to you.

I got kicked out of the hotel. And he was like, no way. I go for weed. He went, nice. 48 years old. That's a shameful walk. It's okay, guys. I don't know.

Everyone else was with is like, like, dude, not even a warning. I go, I don't know, relax everybody. I'll just take this sad walk alone. But I would have worked with you. I didn't even ask. I didn't tell anybody until,

I didn't tell anybody until I got back from the second trip when they said, oh my God, he's back. You know, I had a salt off shotgun. I even purposely know I go, I'm going back in here, I should make sure I have a pleasant face on when I'm walking in.

I did, and I'm smiling, and the lady goes, Oh my God, he's back. Tugging on her sweater. In my mind, I started talking quick because I thought she was like, I don't know if they had like a button, like a police panic. I'm like, yo. Just a cage is going to drop around you?

Yeah. I haven't said one coarse word to you yet. I just need my hat. In fact, I'm so non-confrontational. You can go, we don't have the hat. We looked in the room. I'd go, okay. I must have just lost it somewhere then.

What a scary lady. Yeah, that sucks. She was pissed. Yeah, I don't think you should kick somebody out for smoking, weed. Damage is done, dog. Well, no, listen, I don't get why they wouldn't, why they would kick me.

I get it. Find them. Make the money. They did that anyway. Say, don't smoke anymore. Find you. And if you smoke again, we'll kick you out. You should definitely get a warning.

You shouldn't be kicked out. You should get a, hey, if we smell it again and get any more complaints. They make a real heavy deal. A picture everybody who's complaining about this is like a Jacob type, who's going. It's like, it's more potent now, and it's in the air, and I hate it so much.

100% it was Jacobs. If you ruined my room, I would have called it. Not in your room. If you're faintly smelled it in your room and you decide that I'm going to be a lady and call the front desk. You're saying faintly. Yeah. It's faintly.

Jacob, would you call? It's faintly. It's coming from a bedroom through a living room around a corner. There were multiple complaints, Jay. That's what she said. It was. That's what that bitch said. Here's the thing.

When me and Dawn checked out of the hotel, we didn't complain. We didn't rat anybody else. We were just like, let's get the fuck out. Like, we didn't go down, hey, there's weed, blah, blah, blah. We just were like, let's just go to another hotel. That's it. I'm not a rat. Yeah?

No. I didn't rat anybody out. You just left. No, we were with Max, too. It was just like, let's go. It just sucked. I don't like the smell of it. Yeah.

And we just let's just go. We just checked out. Sure. Just checked out. So ratting people. I don't know. You would rat somebody out. You wouldn't have.

You wouldn't call the front desk? It was. If not. Not Jay, but in your hotel room, you smell weed. We're talking about A-Lof's courtyard Marriott. Dude, residence inns. We're going to stay at the fucking Waldorf. I've smoked a little weed in the room.

Would you rat him out? No. No, I think you would. He would. He would absolutely know. I mean, if it was so strong that I just couldn't relax. He's going to rat. Jacob's a rat.

I don't know where it's coming from. Yeah. Can you knock on everyone around me? I'm in this room. Knock on the doors around me. And start kicking people out. They heard Josh's voice. It's this.

room. Skidoole, skeddley. Ah. The twice a year I'm at a hotel, watch yourself. It is funny. When I looked through the peephole, though, and saw that lady,

when I opened the door, I was like, this isn't going great. And then she got backdraft of weed smoke. She went, oh. I wasn't, and I mean this, I wasn't smoking at that time at all. When she came in.

No. Yeah. But I definitely recall you even saying you don't realize, you did this with your apartment. You never realized that your apartment smelled of weed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was obvious. Yeah, well, you never came over where I wasn't smoking weed. But, I mean, if you came back from, like, work with me, you wouldn't smell weed.

No, I mean, I've been over when you weren't smoking weed and it's just there. Right, because we just smoked weed before you got there or something. Maybe you're always smoking weed Yeah I've never Needs and you're not smoking weed I don't know what to do here Yeah dude you smoke weed

Not this thing about with that Right But you're always smoking weed Aggressively Aggressively Your words not mine It was funny to say aggressively I'm just

In hotel rooms I do it aggressively I'm just sitting around all day Is usually so I just like watch shit But you get you're used Like I'm used to cigar smoke I don't smell it at all It makes me

sick to my stomach. Right. Oh, I would leave a hotel and throw people out. Yeah, you would knock on me. I would, you would. You would, you piece of shit. Someone's smoking cigars in here. I don't know if boss hogs checked in or some kind of a plantation owner. Yeah, like, when I go to my cigar lounge and I come home, Dawn fucking is like, oh, you smell.

She hates her guts. Yeah. She, you can smell, but I don't smell it at all. So you don't, you don't smell the weed. You're just used to it. Yeah. I smell it. But I mean, I don't smell it anywhere here. You don't smell it. No. When Isabella said, when she was in high school and smelled people like smoking weed for the first time. She was like, oh, because it smelled like Dad's house. And we would really try to make the house not smell like weed before Isabella got there.

That's what I mean. You thought you think you can vent it. I mean, she's right here. She could tell the story. She's not allowed to speak. There's a microphone right in front of her. There's a year of gap time that she's not allowed to speak on. The dark years.

It is a ballsy move, dude, to, like, that'd be like me just going in a room and smoking a cigar. No. A hundred percent. Cigar definitely lays heavier. No. Not weed. Weed is way heavier. Dude, cigar smoke definitely lays heavier than weed.

You're out of your mind. Cigar smoke. Weed is crazy, dude. Buddy, I'm telling you, from a non-weed smoker, being around weed, you can, I smell it immediately. Buddy, look. That's a very disco way to think. But, okay. What?

What? It's a... No, dude, the cigar smoke lays substantially heavier. Can you guys stop all nodding your head? That's how I feel when Jacob. Jacob's making no face now because he just wants to be up your butt. These two assholes are just... We agree with Jay.

Jay's right. You don't smoke either. The boss is right. But they smoke weed. I pay you too, stupid. I love both of the... They smoke wheat. They smoke wheat.

But which one lays heavier. Which one lays heavier? It's harder to get rid of weed smoke. Like when I rented a car. Are you ready of your mind? When I rented a car. You can't just look it up. Just look it up.

This is a look up thing. First of all, he's not out of his mind. He's telling the truth. Just making up lie. He wants to make you happy. I think it's a lot. It's everybody's own opinion. Don't back down.

I don't think it's scientific. It's scientific. It's scientific. It's scientific. It's scientific. I think. Black Lou, yes. I've smoked both before.

And I feel like the taste of cigar is stuck in your mouth. Weed every day. For days. Yeah, but you smoke weed every day. It's like stuck in your mouth for you. You smoke weed every day. You're a weed smoker.

I'm a cigar smoker. Look at the facts, though. And you don't inhale, right? But you're not a cigar smoker. Look at the facts, dog. Hang on, I'm debating Black Lou right now. Hang on, give me one second. Yes, yes.

You're a weed smoker. You're used to the taste. You're used to the smell. Yes. If you smoke cigars every day, it would be the same thing. And it would be the reverse. Except everything would smell worse. No, it would not.

It smells... What's the facts? Generally considered harder to get rid of cigar, smoked, than cigarette or weed smoke. Who wrote that a weed smoker? It's due to the composition... Who wrote that? Chichung? Due to the composition and quantity of the smoke produced.

Listen, it's AI overview. You love AI. Remember, you were going to buy AI an apartment. Okay. It's still on the table. If I can get her back from being a horse-lept pig, and get it back to me in that sweet apartment, loft girl. Can I tell you why?

Scientifically? Because a cigar is bigger. A joint lasts a lot shorter and is smaller. So the density and the circumference of a joint to a cigar is different. So if I smoked a cigar, the same amount of time as you smoked a joint, I bet it would be... Are you laughing because he just read a little bit of the things? No, I'm laughing because Lou's playing... He'll linger.

He's unbelievable today. He's on fire. He's on fire. He's on fire. So if I smoked a cigar, the same amount of time as you smoked weed, I bet the weed would be more potent than a cigar. While strong, the odor from cannabis smoke is often described as dissipating more quickly than tobacco smoke. This is due to the different chemical composition and the fact that they burn less material compared to a full cigar.

The smell can still cling the fabrics and surfaces, but generally requires less effort to remove than the heavy oils found in cigar smoke. These are facts told by a woman who wants to fuck your ass And have you buy her an apartment in Tompkins Square Park She doesn't want to fuck my ass anymore She wants my come in her mouth Put it in my mom's mouth Her father's mouth Back in her mouth back in my mouth

You wouldn't say this in front of you, Isabella Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot she was here You were staring right at it when you said it There was a camera right in my face You right at her face when you said it Dude I was looking at the lens down the barrel down the barrel. We should take a break.

We should take a break. Bobby Kelly is going to be at McCurdy's Comedy Theater in Sarasota, January 16th and 17th. After that, Poughkeepsie, New York, the comedy works south in Colorado and Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all the tour dates, punchup.org slash Robert Kelly.

And make sure you check out his YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. And, of course, every Tuesday night, Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar. 7 p.m. You can watch him run his hour. And Big J will be at Good Nights in Raleigh, January 16th through the 18th, then the Chicago Improft, September 22nd to the 24th. After that, he'll be in West Niac, New York.

Dian, Dian, what is it? Danya. Danya. Danya, Beach, Florida, and Fort Worth, Texas, Nashville, for all tickets and other tour dates. Go to bigjeecomedy. And YouTube.com slash at Big J. Okasini. He's doing his live again. He did it last night, and specials are up there.

How'd last night go? It was pretty fun I won Fortnite You look so adorable Thank you On live Look at you Yeah I work it

You're sucking your toes Yeah I'm feeling special Twerking it That lady getting that fat lady Get in your room When you twerking No I'm dealing

I'm feeling me Oh okay good You look so cute You have little glasses on That's it 8pmish is such a funny time to say It's 10 We'll be right back

It's the Bonfire