The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Work, Covergirl.

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

Jay relives a hell gig in Germany, then decides that he needs liposuction.

Hey, it's Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. You want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three-month offer. The Bonfire! We're hanging out with the best team in radio. Damn right dude, we're in a sales meeting with Jim and the sales people. Jimmy McClure, I call him Jim McClure. You call him Jimmy now, dude. Yeah, I call him Jim Jam, but that's what I text him. I mean, I see it.

Jimmy doesn't like that. I talk to him. Oh really? Yeah, we had drinks here and I did his place is for you trust me Jimbo Loves it. Oh Jim a limiting done. Yeah East Joe, but man, it's so crazy having support from a channel just knowing how comedy central didn't give two flying fucks about us They just see genuinely in the way Let me rephrase that. People at Comedy Central cared. Of course. Overall Comedy Central didn't care. It seems to be that Jim and the rat serious give a shit about it. Yeah. Jeremy West fall over Comedy Central

Steve Rayzies. Those guys were definitely cool. That is. but just when Anne Harris started to like us, they gave her a fat boot across the ocean. Thanks, Viacom. They had, we had the sales meeting today though, and it was a Zoom call, and it made me realize man, all you that have been doing these Zoom calls for a year, if you have not figured out a way to fake that you're there and not be there, what were you doing the whole time? The best part about zoom knows it does tell you when people just flat out check out.

So you see, it was always in the middle of like conversation so I didn't get to do it, but I wanted to call it every time. I was going, oh, someone's going to do so important. Yeah. Oh, why are you leaving? Why are they not on? Oh, I remember you had something so important going on there. Olivia, uh, uh, Tupel turn. What was, what was great was I did, uh, I filled in because, you know, I have the same agent as Chrissy D and Sal and they were doing a college gig together. And Sal had a bail because of jokers.

So they were like, listen, we can get you it was it was like money for me and Chris basically to do like To have a conversation a funny conversation for an hour, but then I if you could see the way that I changed my zoom when I stop video I changed my name to Sal and then had it with that picture and then was like, yeah, I'm just kidding, I'm another guy. I thought that was gonna be funny and they didn't think it was funny, so I just ended up interviewing Chris for an hour. You know him from, you know him from Impractical Jokers, a Jason, it's Dan Soder.

From the Impractical Jokers, cruise, it's Dan Soder. You know this guy from televisions in practical jokers cruise But and then it just became like me interviewing Chris, but I thought it was gonna be like This guy got I don't know why I thought that was gonna work, but it didn't it absolutely I would have thought I would I would have thought I would do that would break the tension They already knew he wasn't coming right or did you have to break the news then? I honestly Jay now that I'm thinking about it I don't know. They already knew he wasn't coming, right? Or did you have to break the news then? And I'm going, I honestly, Jay, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know if they knew that he can.

That's the worst. I think I've told him the show before, but it does bear repeating when I went to do pretty much all terrible shows. Me, Tony Roberts, and Marshall Brand, and I mean, 20 years ago in Germany. For troops. For troops.

For troops. And it was all black troops for the most part There's not that it was all black troops. It was like marketed to like, you know, it was like comics from Def Jam and BET's comic view, but I was one of the comics And Dominique also was with us great times in several of these things, but we One of the things we did in Germany was a comedy show. We were doing comedy at a pool party great and our germany pool party

germany well no black american soldiers in germany pool party got it got it and i i would think a germany was pool party is like uh... you know full suit with the kisswim cap yes actually we're actually doing laps via racing to see as fast as we can go. That's the pool. The chlorine is terrible on your nipples. So we have to wear shirts. The full body, if the mayor can show his nipples, he will want to watch the female poop. It's certain sex knowledge. It's jammer lower. But no, when we got there, all these people, the promoter guys were

all wearing laminates around their neck that had, is it a flesh of my flesh blood on my blood, a DMX album cover like art, you know, he's covered in the blood and he's like, yeah, yeah, that's a flesh of my blood. Everyone's got Dick has he fucked the corpse. Yeah. Everyone's wearing a laminate of that backstage. Excuse me. And we go, uh, yeah, there you go. I think it's, all right guys, we're gonna get started here pretty soon.

And I go, what's with the laminates? And they go, oh yeah, it goes, we, uh, it's promoted as like a DMX is gonna be performing at this party. And I was like, really goes, yeah, it goes, but he goes, but we're saying he couldn't make it. And I went, wait, what do you mean you're saying we couldn't make it? They go, oh, it goes, well, it gets everybody out. If you say we're having DMX come and then at the thing you say, there was travel problems,

because we're overseas. So they're, it's possible. They said we have travel problems with DMX. And then we just give them like the stuff that we have to do and he goes but there he goes it's okay he goes they're gonna be in a good mood because we're doing again. We're bringing back our annual butt naked butt naked booty dance contest. You did it. You have to work it. Yeah, that was the working of it. Yeah, the butt naked booty danceed booty dance contest. He goes, and they love that. He goes, it was so wild that like last year, like two female officers got like dishonorably discharged for like fucking like, I don't know,

like spreading their posse's open and shit. And I was like, even I, and what's funny, again, you took a 20 something me where I was like, that took away all the sting of like, oh, this comedy show is probably not, I didn't overthink what was gonna happen right there And I go, ooh button. They could be there. That's gonna be fun. Like I especially this is a show It's a show where I would have never gotten laid in a million years. You know, I mean so I just to say just to say the full thing

But naked booty dancers, but they can be dance contest. Oh, oh Dance contest. Oh, it's so fun to run downhill. That's a button. You're talking about the button. I could booty dance contest. Oh, the bunny booty dance contest. When was there? I'm trying to remember the story because I know I'll tell you is it's it's a quick ending. So I was just like, I handled it the way they were hoping people were going to handle it when they told them. They go that they were like, I'm like, Oh, no DMX. Like, yeah, well, that makes sense. We are in the middle of Germany. This was not a really big thing. So like, why?

I was like, why dogs? Gotta take care of those dogs. Yeah, they, I just, and they were like, but we already have a bunch of good, they could be dance contest. And I was like, oh, that's pretty fucking awesome. Never thinking in my mind where comedy's gonna fit into all this. All the shows were pretty bad so far.

So I'm like, what could be worse about this? So, sure enough, we were performing So I'm like, what could be worse about this? So, uh, sure enough, we were performing. I found that on a little balcony. It was indoors, but it was like a balcony thing that can hold maybe like five people. And Germany, you're on a balcony giving a speech in Germany. Oh, yeah. Over. Yes. Yes, dude. Like Hitler over a pool. Dude, Hitler pool party sounds so much more fun. He's like, you know, I was really thinking about it And this is a very fun time. Maybe we leave the Jews alone just cuz this pool is rocking Sorry DMX couldn't be here instead. It's eight off Hitler as you already fuzzy

You're but naked booty dance accente instead it's eight off Hitler. As you already, Fawzi, you're a botanical booty dancer contest. Everyone, how we rebuild the German economy is the botanical booty dance contest. So they go out there, we were finding out, it goes, yeah, this is the stage basically. I'm like, oh man, you're so far away from the people,

but like, just looming over them. It was such a bad place for it. And they go, of course I was gonna go first on all the shows. Yeah. Get the white dude out of the way. You're the white Ricky Henderson. I'm the white sacrifice.

Dude, you have to lead off. Just get on base, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not hitting for power. You're hitting for placement. They should have done it different. They should have put black person first to get them like lubed in for the comedy. And then I could have come in. Even if it wasn't worse for me, They should have done it different. They should have put black person first to get them like, like lubed in for the

comedy and then I could have come in. Even if it wasn't worse for me, they would have been more attentive. Like I didn't get their attention. But anyway, because your wife can shock them up front. But yeah, they were like, oh, and we got a bullshit white comedy show, which is what I'm sure they all felt. But here's the worst part of it. I was like, we're doing the show now.

And before the show stars, they go, All right, everybody has a couple things to announce and this is people in and around the indoor pool Everyone yeah, yeah, it's that smell for sure, but the yeah the Indoor pool dude, that's why I grew up with at the Y the Jewish Community Center head in door pool that smell dude That stays on you, that chlorine, old man balls. Dude, that's how I had to watch Joe swim. He didn't swim it outside pools. It was all too good to do, or high school.

Always indoors. Yep. So a guy goes up there first and he goes, all right, y'all, we're about to get the entertainment of the night started and the people. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah take it that far. He just goes, guys, goes first, I'm gonna start off and get the bad news out of the way. And the bad news is DM add due to some flight problems, some travel issues. DMX is not going to be able to join us tonight. I'm really sorry for that. And the place like it's, but I mean significantly bigger than that,

like very angry upset booze. And Pizzle, and they go, but guys goes, I don't know if y'all was here, remember what happened last year? He goes, remember them two officers got fired, or them two officers got discharged because of how crazy you got the button they could booty dance contest.

He goes, but I'll tell you, we about to do it again this year. But they can be dance contest is back this year and they go fucking not. They're so excited. Yeah. The girls start like shaking ass cheeks and stuff. Like, and I, and even I at that point, I'm still sort of like, I see him shaking their butts. And I'm like, oh, man, I'm excited to see these girls. It's just, it's just out of my zone. Like, I've only seen at that point live. Like, pretty much like my girlfriends naked naked you know what I mean? You rub

it you rub it your hands together like whole boil. Oh boy. I was like this is gonna be fun and and then he goes we're gonna get that button and they go nuts he goes but first he might as well have said he goes but first we're gonna drag this night out to get to what you want by having a comedy show and here's a fat white 21 yearyear-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what up dogs? Dude, I went out there and just, I just, they were trying to splash water at me

and it was the mess. I don't even know if we finished the show if everybody ended up doing like five, seven minutes or something. It was like, it was bad. And then we just immediately left, did not see the buttoning of the boot dance because they made us leave. made you leave so weird man

That's rude. That's rude so weird to lie I wonder if they can still lie throw us under the bus and then have the button to be a booted-dance I'm putting the good-dance contest without his present, but like they can't do that now with social media They can't be like y'all ready for the baby You're like, oh, nope. Sorry. He's not here. Here's Dan Soder. I'm all Hey guys, thanks for your service Sweet, what are you guys doing? Well, you're right. You're right with social media. You would do right now as you go the babies performing here next Friday

Go really because I'm looking at a Instagram here looks like the babies in Berlin or that doesn't make sense It would be Germany, but they also would be like I just DMed him and he said he had no idea about this show and they're like yeah, he said Standout soldier standout soldier. He said he would ever the opposite of supports the troops is he condemns the troops, but man, I think the Trying to think of the best way to handle that and Whatever the best way was it was not the way I did no no that yours was worst case scenario But I'm saying promoting the big booty dance the what is it the naked? It's big the big booty the but naked But naked booty dance contest, but naked booty dance. Yeah, yeah, it's a fun one but naked booty dance contest If you're gonna promote the but naked booty dance. Yeah, yeah, it's a fun one. But naked booty dance contest. If you're going to promote the butt naked booty dance contest, don't you got to let it die down and

then bring it back up for comedy. And you're right. Having the white comic on an all black lineup started off. Not you're setting the tone better buddy a better host. It's like the same level is like unfortunately like college hosting. Why that's so notorious, we always sucks. I'm sorry, last night at the seller, you're absolutely right. You need a legit host who knows how to introduce the thing at all, because exactly he could have said DMX is in coming. Hey, everybody, but here's the big news. I'm not saying the same. You could do the same order just differently.

And you go, but guys, remember last year we are getting the button they could put you in, then make an excuse like that Couldn't possibly be starting now because right now we're gonna start taking sign-ups and blah blah blah So it's like we're gonna start that in about an hour and a half he goes, but right now He goes right now. I want you to kick back. We brought these comedians. It was a better hype He was like we're gonna do the comedy he goes, but anybody dance got his happening They go nuts and it's while they're still was like, we're gonna do the comedy. He goes, blooding about your dance goddess is happening. They go nuts and then it's while they're still streaming. He goes, we're gonna do the comedy.

We're gonna do a comedy thing. First man, we got some people coming out. First one is Jay, you know, whatever, big Jay. And then like, they're just like, and then he's went back to doing their own thing. He's like, I didn't command their attention. I was just talking to people not caring or trying to splash water at me.

Also, you have flop sweat mix with chlorine in door-codedly sweat. Oh, fucking old man ball stench. We're trying to splash water at me also you have flop sweat mix with chlorine Oh, manball stench You're just blood you're just you're just soaring it fully dressed you're fully dressed in an indoor pool So I know I know it's not the smell of old man balls, but the reason I'd realize I keep saying that is because That's what I would it's the smell of the locker room at the JCC and the locker room at the JCC I'm gonna tell you something about old Jewish men, dude. They don't mind letting their marbles knock around. They will walk around with those things just juggling.

I'd probably say the most pair of peaches I've ever seen are just on an old man and athletic clubs just letting their gray, just all grayed out in their yeah, but I mean just a long grapes I mean just a swigging hanger just a lugie hang hey you're sucking back up yeah dude it's fucking gross but you're you're not wrong by saying it's old man ball smell because I associate indoor pool with Joe

swimming in the 50 and over masters league where it's all men over 50 in Speedo's to smelling like balls. Yes, that smell, that smell brings. No, that smell, but when I'm dream house, like just like fun wish list looking at houses on Zilloporn. Yeah, and I tell you, I see these things

where it's like they have indoor pools and houses that you're like, you know what dude? And I tell you, I see these things where it's like, they have indoor pools. And houses that you're like, you know what dude? And like two years, I could probably get this house. And indoor pool, and I'm like, oh, that'd be awesome. I have a pool all year round. And then all I do is think of that smell and I go, nah, I didn't pool supposed to be outside, dude.

You're only supposed to have the pool for a couple months. Can't you smell that smell? Bane-o-neel. You're in the pool,'t you you smell like balls It's like old he's like old Jewish man balls old Jew balls Jacob Jacob could you bring up Dr. Pimple Popper's Instagram please speaking of balls dude. I have the sound off On my Instagram, I guess that like naturally when you look at Hey, yeah, I think you have to turn it on.

You have to click the video. Yeah, you push the video and it sounds on. So she had a post maybe yesterday, the other day before. And I mean, you tell me with no volume what it looks like is happening. What is she popping? It's not popping anything. It doesn't pop a goddamn thing in this video.

Oh, it's weird about it. That's what's weird about it, Dan. The popping thing for me is always the fear that she is gonna pop too deep and. They wouldn't even air that, dude. They don't air mess ups. Well, I told you that Katie popped. That's why you could never mess up that shit.

I told you that Katie popped a cyst on my chest, right? Yeah. Did she get the sack out? No, that's why what I want. Yeah, because it got it got a infected and then I had to go to a dermatologist and it was like, he was like, when you when it fills back up, I got to pull the sack out. I was like, yeah, see your weight and for to fill back up. Yeah, I've been waiting for it's it's the waiting game

close to like nine months, dude, I'm served a little boss baby I home surgery that's just that's in my top of my butt crack by yourself blindfolded now dude Justin silver helps sometimes carl at a few times never surgery are that I went to an emergency room and they did they cut it but they cut in the wrong spot and then I just said and then they said actually you might want to let this like you know go for another like day and come back And then I was like actually what it was Yeah, so we shouldn't cut it We should let this like come back and like a day or two and then I was like yep

And then she went you're not gonna come back. Are you I go now come back and she goes? Just sit back down like I'm gonna try now because I can tell you're not going to come back, are you? I go, now I'll come back and she goes, just sit back down. Like, I'm going to try now because I can tell you're not going to come back. So she just cut in the wrong place because I guess it wasn't ready. But what's funny was, I still have a hole in the top of the crack of my ass. Possibly like a small one. Maybe it's closed back up. But like when it would, the beauty of what she did, though, is when that thing would like flare up, plane rides or long car rides or whatever,

when it would flare up, it would just kinda like, it would never become a thing, as it was kinda just come out that second hole. Yeah. But, do when I used to get a bat, that thing really hurt, but it's for some reason, again, I don't know about sack filling up or what, just haven't had to deal with it in like,

I mean, probably, fucking 10 years, I don't know what it is just a second ever came out No, sack sack out. I still got the sack in mind. I'm waiting for my sack to fill up so they could pop it out It's on it. It's on my tail doctor. Oh, yeah, I do I do I actually my doctor think so Doctor of veritology, so what's up? That me Damn lose Doctor of immortology. So what's up? You gonna do you come at me? Two sheds. Damn, Lucy. Yeah, go to that moment.

Now just go down slowly on the page. I'll tell you which one it is. Oh, God. Keep going. Go. Yeah, this is her. Then go down. It's a guy standing behind her. Is that how the video starts?

Because all these seem to be her heads. It's like her heads to the forefront of this picture. That's what I'm saying. Unless she's posting like 50 things a day. This was like the other day. I follow weird stuff. It'll be like Paris, and then a girl sucking a dildo.

Cool. Just trying to find. That's where the pimple poppers thing is. Do I G TV probably. Click that. Go down. Now. poppers thing is do IGTV probably click that go down now these either oh my god it looks like he's going to be so faster out of that go back to the other thing Jacob he's just Christ looks like a lobster clock oh god Jacob go back to the other thing please oh it is it's the one in the middle it's gonna be the one in the middle you got, it is. It's the one in the middle. It's gonna be the one in the middle. You gotta click it.

And then, yes, say the word adults. Dude, this is great. Yeah, if you click on see video down at the bottom. Yeah, down there at the bottom. Look at this. No volume. Don't play volume. Okay, that's his balls. That's his balls.

Looks like a guy just fucking hangs nut behind her right I was thrown by I thought she was hacked That in fact, I showed it again start from the beginning. I've actually seen that episode really did you really yeah that look like a ball sack It was just looks like I had it she not know that look at he was hanging bag over her head she also in superimposes her head Yeah, that's weird. That's a pimple poppers are free Freak. Yeah, look you just dangles nut weird Bones weird having pulls it out for you goes. Oh, hey, do you tell me did I sit in gum? Plop? That's what my friend That's really great. You have a nut hanging out dude. We found gum Dude the best is we found my friend.

My friend has a picture of his older brother and him when they're kids at the athletic center. And his brother is like on the edge. And they're like, you know, probably 7, 8, 9 him and his brothers. And they're like, ah, like doing those face of like, I'm sliding into the picture. And we were in high school and you're showing us this

picture. And on his brother's leg, you can just see his nut hanging out of the floor. And saying, dude, check Brian's balls. I saw it and Brian was like, take him in. Like, snap you out of there. And he's like, try to find out he was older than us. He's like, shut up, sonar. I was like, dude, you're fucking nuts. Are you writing this photo?

Beans are hanging out, dude. It's having a fucking bean day, dude That's so weird, but yeah, that's not Dan that is in fact not a nut It's a skin tag No, not even a tumor skin tag part of a lipoma, but Like things you get on your neck do you ever get a skin tag ever Dan? Yeah, I've gotten a skin tag before where One time we went armpit over here Like things you get on your neck. Do you ever get a skin tag ever Dan? Yeah, I've gotten a skin tag before where One time we went armpit over here and

Then behind my knee really Like over here Skin ropes together. It's where it happens. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I got in my arm right my well Or people I get the only ones I've ever gotten was from a Like necklaces or something like that my St. Christopher, though, you know, I can't not wait. Oh really? I never got it on my neck Thank God. I don't wear necklaces though My dad would get him on a neck also from like yeah, you don't wear any neck jewelry. I really don't either I mean, that's about the change in the summer of depth, but Dude, I forgot you're bringing back your new look that we talked about.

You guys teased me right out of my fucking glasses. I mean, I wasn't gonna let that happen. I wasn't letting that happen as your friend. I love you too much to let you think that those glasses are a thing that could take. I have a lot of give, but not that much. Me and glasses in general? No, just those glasses. I also don't need them yet and you don't need them yet when you need them Who knows dude? We're just fucking acid my eyes

I want a new accessory No, it's it's glasses for me like I didn't want to wear them No, I know But you also never picked like a pair that would make you Like look who you look really good in some glasses for sure. Oh, thanks. Well, I mean I was just for me I just it was weird to not see most of the time Jacob rock's glass is good Jacob looks I knew devilishly handsome in glasses. Yeah

Jacob looks to devilishly handsome in glasses. Yeah. Black, blue, rocks glasses. Brendan could have picked better glasses for himself. He's doing two, he's doing two hipster. He's doing two hipster. One day out the door and Jay is getting sassay. No, no, no. One day out the door and you're saying, Brendan says. No, don't say that.

I didn't say that at all. Brendan's gorgeous. Here's what I'm saying just man glasses on a guy that gorgeous Glasses there's glasses that will even enhance and make you go it's like son That's when he's one of those guys and you go son of a bitch is rocking glasses now And like like he wears glasses that take him that my stepfather would do that too when he was younger his glasses were just like ugly glasses, so It made a a good looking guy look like kind of goofy with his glasses on.

Yeah, he could have looked good. Also he also did have terrible eyes. That's funny. The funny thing my stepfather does, I don't know man, he'd be upset if I was making fun of him for it. What? We could I step off wears Contact lenses now. Yeah, but he's always worn colored contact lenses So he's got dark brown Italian eyes, but he gets like blue ones So he looks like a fucking cyborg or something Can I tell you thank you for telling me that because I was freaked out

Because I look at and I'm like what's up with Joe's eyes? Like I don't talk to him. I'm like Missed you Japanese hip-hop girl It's chill mystical like he seemed mystical with his eyes I know what's it? Yeah, he has an eye like it's like fucking his eyes look like The bad guy from Golden Child Yeah, dude. I'm almost like hey, Jay, can you tell me about your mystic stepfather? What is he, what is he, a flame eyes?

What is he of Jade eyes, whatever? He wears colored contacts is the funniest thing in the world. To the green or blue, and it's just like, why? Dude, it'd be cool if he came over it. What's that? I would never do that, but I get it, man, cause I have too many women just go on and on about this guy's blue eyes, they're gorgeous eyes, and you're like, yeah, if I could just get these contact lenses.

So I understand it. Buddy, it never goes away if your person never goes away for it. The same thing, it's the same thing is that why would I get a liposuction or something like that in my mid 40s now, but it's like why not dude? Like it's like what do you who you get a forgo just myself man? Honestly, not myself but so for myself that other people will think I look good, but that's for me for my ego. Can I ask a person? No one would give a shit what I did now. Sorry, Dan. No Jacob. What are you gonna say?

It's second to height. It's the thing I get annoyed with like what what do you want me to do about my goddamn eye color? I was born with the stupid like what I'll tell you what to do. I'm trash eyes Because I check last time I checked van Morrison didn't write a song about anyone blue eyes talk to Papa Joey Let's fucking straighten your shit out. I'm gonna nice read you in a fucking some violet eyes. You guys could look like you're gonna be the flag girls at a Tokyo gift race. That's really, you guys are like fucking,

you should be wearing female sailor suits and clapping with your knees together. I'm excited to see you in your Fila heel sneakers and then your, oh, he'll ease. I'm gonna be it. But Jay, what a, over here the conversation, they're going on about this guy's blue eyes.

He just got born with them. Yeah, it is. He's that guy and I don't even know him. Well, you know, I've always been in the girls with dark eyes weirdly enough. Me too. I love brown eyes. I love brown eyes. I Love brown eyes. I was always brunette brown eyes. Yep. What's up high five, but and then weirdly like for so long like my ultimate like you know

Girl when I was a kid was payam Anderson blonde hair blue eyes blonde hair blue eyes But you see the picture but next there are you got to you listen? Alon was obviously the salma high x. These are all dark hair dark before we go down this because I want to bring this up to you first name Uh If you get liposuction if you ever do it It has to be when we're in studio and you cannot tell us it's happening so that when you come in and look completely different We can react whoa Yeah, why you come in tight shirt. Oh, what's up guys? I'm all hey J you're wearing an under armor shirt. Yeah, whoa, whoa, oh yeah, yeah, why did you come in tight shirt? Oh, what's up guys?

I'm all hey Jay you're wearing an under armor shirt. Yeah, you know, why not I figure if you got a flaunt all right Yeah, I had it skanks logo put up here on the chest with next to the under armor. I get Lipo in my stomach Inner upper thigh and above my dick Okay, those are specific places not in that order uh inner upper thigh and above my dick. Okay. Those are specific places. Not in that order. I would do above dick thigh stomach, I think. Okay.

Yeah. Above dick will be my face. I'm starting to think I get some light bow above my dick. There's two more fucking inches hiding in there. Oh, I think if I get calf implants, everyone will respect me in the summer, just like that MTV True Life. Can I say about this, Dan? No one's ever thought about twice about your calves besides you in this world.

However, however, I bet a lot of people have been fucking eye to pecker with me and have said, I bet there's about two more inches in that gun. She goes, yeah, we can really, we can really open this unit up if we take this right here out. Oh, dude, you got fucking three more feet of room back there. You got to knock this wall down. It's hollow. You got to have no major pipes.

You got to have Christine love it or list it. You're, you're a dick where she comes in and she's like, I can, I can completely open this up and give you two more inches. Absolutely. I think yeah I would definitely get like how much is that cost Jacob look up how much Don't go if you're gonna do it gun like oh, but he'll hold on Fupa Fupa Fupa But Jay if you're going to do it, please don't do it in Brazil or Mexico. No, this is that was that happened like down the block.

Yeah, I need you to go to the upper east side with some guy that's for it. It's $1,500 dude. That's not so bad. What does that procedure start at? Dude, can we get butt implants? What I'd like to do here is actually, can we, Jacob, do we have capabilities to get them on the horn? Yeah. It's a call liposuction.

Yeah. You can look like this. But this is South Florida. Copy honestly, I'm willing to bet you could pull them a fat out of my gun. I'll look like that for surgery. Just cut a little hole in my gut and put a vacuum in there and just whatever comes out is fine. Man, what if we get super into plastic surgery in this show? I start getting fillers and stuff and then I've got that weird face.

Dude, I got the weird, the weird claymation faces. Absolutely. Jacob, can you please find one a little bit closer to us, South Florida? Come on. Yeah, it's... I'm not taking a vacation. I'm not taking a vacation because that's where I am. But you know, Boca Raton is where you want to fly Jay for the weekend to do this. Why? Because you know, because the best surgeons will be there. Yeah, that other ones that keep all the old.

You don't think New York is going to be the best? Yeah, but yes, that too. But I would stake, I would be very comfortable getting LIFO or any other plastic surgery. No, I don't want my followups down there. I just want to do followups. I'm about to go back and see this guy. Did it be funny if you just blew like $30,000 sculpting your body through fucking plastic surgery? And then you have like a weird one, you know,

like one goes sideways. And then you just have like a weird one you know like one goes sideways and then you just have like a weird raisin leg because you're getting a butt you're getting a butt put in liposuction cost here we go this is what we're looking for Jay Jacob Jacob do me favor go we'll we'll vamp and you call this place and ask a little come on into the air of the radio show looking into some costs because one of the hosts has a That's a long island office. That's man. Man has it. I'll go to man has it If that's the if that's a good doctor if that's ready. Oh, we got to find I mean look at that It's pricing from 3850 additional areas being treated at 2000

So this is a little more expensive, Jay. You're looking at around five to seven thousand. I want to ask what kind of results he thinks he can get. Oh, you want two more inches on your weiner. Oh, listen, he's not going to tell me that out of the gates. Although, you think he's going to do that? Well, you guys do that before he puts you under, and he goes, and by the way, bud,

you're coming out of the lodge of Rod. By the way, the way if he zooms in will you guys promise not to look if I have to show my weener Am I a bug? I'm gonna look at his what react. Do you guys promise not to look? Oh me? I'll plug I'll unplug my microphone Jacob promise you're my brother in arms promise me promise Jacob that you won't look at J's weener. We're blue consulted DJ. Lou. I want you to look I want you to look right at it. I don't want to look. I want you never take your eyes off it Stereo Dan. Dan. Don't don't look don't look. You're not gonna respect my comedy anymore. Stop it. I will always respect your comedy You won't think I'm good. I will. I I will you go I must have missed judge Jay. I mean could he be as funny as I think he is with that dick No way dude. Oh, I'll judge I'll judge your comedy when they knock off your fupa and it ends up

You got an extra large dog. I'll be like he's too confident now I will now the sitting down is just rubbing it in dude. You won't be able to stop me From finding reasons to pull that fucking monster out. If I get two more soft inches on it. Dude, we won't even be able to get back in studio. I mean, like, we did another business zoom in J-Polta's deck out, so. I'm gonna do it.

Dude, I'll streak. I'll be getting involved in much more Ari Shafir like, hey, look at my deck humor. Oh my. Yeah, dude, you're gonna be doing so many naked shows in New York when they come back. Hey guys, you know, this is a real challenge for me, you know, doing this naked. I wonder if I had, if I had a distracting sized soft dick, I wonder if I would

currently right now do it a naked show. What do you mean? Like I don't, I don't want to be naked. Like if you're dick, because I don't want to be distracting to the audience. Yes. I wonder if I would be like, you know what? My body's not going to look good naked walking out here. But what about if it means my dick's just so big, it's like everyone's going to be looking at the dick dude. No one cares about my fucking gut. But I don't think I don't think it dicks draw that kind of attention. Oh, the one I'm talking about what that i don't know exactly what's all about here yeah i think you're talking about like uh...

playboy cartoon big i'm talking about just i think normal people would be like got a pretty big piece and then look at your body and go back to you know what i mean i don't think people would just it i don't think you would transfix people

is what i'm saying i saw a rick and i do a niggas show once i couldn't tell you i couldn't think you would trans-fix people is what I'm telling you. I saw Eric Andre do a naked show once. I couldn't tell you a joke that he said, but I could currently right now draw you his dick from memory. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!